[ inception ] [ fanfic / afanfic ] [ dis / trade / srs / projects / 3d / fanart / afanart / oek / tits / rpg / dumps / cosplay ] [ offtopic / vg / zombies / gay / resources / upl ]
Return Entire Thread Last 50 posts First 100 posts

Request Thread (213)

1 .

Here's my request: Nothing in particular regarding material, but I want to see somebody any one, but just one, of these videos:
1.) http://www.youtube.com/user/BlahStudios2#p/u/20/RZZukfQA0xA
2.) http://www.youtube.com/user/wazgul#p/u/2/p5GluLF2d0E
3.) http://www.youtube.com/user/wazgul#p/u/44/ttxLdAANIh0
4.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn4k1ztZgc4
5.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogXCNpnCJSs&feature=related
6.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggwHUUPTVPE&feature=related
7.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkECqVKeEVM
8.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fI8daJSEtf8&feature=related
9.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgGNd-T4Z9c
10.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QiPqmu5gng

, then time themself for 5 minutes and see what they come up with.

Remember, this is adult fanfiction, so needs at least one sex scene.

2 .

fuck yes a cleaned out request thread. more of a kink meme really. now all those old requests are gone so can start over. this is nice.
requestingcorpse fucking. anyone can be involved, let's just have some necrophilia. also, extra points for woundfucking.

3 .

I like your list, and on a somewhat related note, as my own request I would do anything for the man or woman who writes a general fic of any Christian Brutal Sniper video (bonus points for afanfic, and bonus bonus if he derives sadistic sexual gratification from the slaughter).

Also interested in the idea of a Snyphurr fic. I am actually considering taking this up myself.

4 .

I would love to read some delicious Medic/Medic or Medic/Sniper porn. Something with scalpels and syringes (and other kind of stuff that doctors use).
Gore and corpsefucking are also really warm welcomed.

5 .

So, could we this time get a thread where people request kinks and not just shout out random pairings they like?

6 .

I'd do anything for the person who wrote about someone doing Demoman in the eye socket. Bonus points if it's consensual.
There, i said it. I feel like a sick fuck now.

7 .

Medic/Sniper or Engineer/Soldier, trust kink. I put this up on the old chan a while back d, wanting a realistic D/s relationship depicted, where the sub puts his trust in the Doms hands while the Dom puts all his concentration and effort into the needs of the sub.

Here's to hoping.

8 .

Um, I'd like to fill the Demo skullfucking request if I may. Is there a preference as to the pairing?

9 .

Ooh! I'd love some Engineer/Soldier, with lots and lots of dirty talk and a little bit of branding (preferably without any bondage)

10 .

I'm interested in Solly's major repression issues. Gimme someone pushing him until he gives up and begs for it. Maybe Spy or Engie? Someone with srs sexual prowess.

11 .

Thressome. Two Medics. One Heavy.
I don´t ask for more oh Tf´F2 Porn gods.

12 .

8 if you do i'll be yours forever. In a metaphorical, "i owe you everything" kind of way.
Hum... Maybe Solly or Engineer? Or Pyro... No idea, really...

13 .

Does anyone have that Respawn of the dead fic? I think that's what it was called, that and a link to the old peep story?

14 .

http://dotchan.com/?p=1634 It's hosted here along with some other Cat Bounty work.

15 .

I've always wanted to read a fic where Medic drugs up an injured, bedridden Spy and watches Heavy fuck him.

16 .

bumping to prove a point

17 .

This isn't a request per se, but it is a question. Heavy was given a lot of new lines in the new game Poker Night At The Inventory. Apparently, his favorite book is Tsar Hunger by Leonid Andreyev, his favorite movies are Dirty Dozen and the first twenty minutes of Rocky 4. He also has a PhD in Russian Literature, doesn't get along with goats, is scared of ghosts, was a boxer in school, has a sad story in camp involving a bird and a throwing knife, likes redheads, prefers peach bellini as a drink, listens to Huey Lewis, and Respawn gives him nightmares.

I can't figure out whether Valve wrote the lines or not; Heavy's voice actor is the same. Should I take this as canon or not?

18 .

I'm so stupid. I apologize for making a thread that already exists. Crossposting:

To get to the point ... When will we see strippoker stuff? Come on, we all know what Poker Night made us think. I'd love to see this done.
(Bonus points if Spy and/or Engie are involved because playing Poker Night against them would be so boss)

2 . Name: Melonjuice @ 2010-11-25 17:48

Heavy/Engineer. Just because it hasn't been done yet. Someone in the Circlejerk chat suggested having Engineer repair Sasha. Alternatively, Phd bros, since Poker Night says Heavy has one in Russian Literature.

3 . Name: Anonymous @ 2010-11-25 17:52

Because it is Turkey Day, and because I am still slightly drunk:
Heavy fucking a turkey.

4 . Name: Anonymous @ 2010-11-25 18:14

I thought there already was an Adult Fanfic request thread? Did it die?

Heavy fucking a turkey sounds hilarious and disturbing, so I'll second that request.

And if the other thread is really dead, reposting my request: Medic drugs up his own team's injured Spy, convinces Heavy to screw the Frenchman while he's helpless and confused, and happily watches.

5 . Name: Eva @ 2010-11-25 21:49

The other request thread is still alive, actually...

6 . Name: BluScoutMama @ 2010-11-25 22:22

If anybody remembers that picture humon did with the Heavy tied up to the Spy with Medic supervising and essentially making them have sex...Please write that. I've wanted it for so long, it hurts.

Also Graph, your question is already being discussed over in /dis/.

19 .

Oh god. I'm dying for more engie/soldier crap and idgaf about it's subject matter.
Also, I support Heavy fucking a Turkey.

20 .

Something involving hypnosis

21 .

10. Oh my god...I second this request. SO HARD do I second it. I'd like to read it even more if it was the Spy doing the pushing...but Engie sounds amazing too~!

22 .

Requesting Scout getting unwarranted bumming by whoever, going to someone else to be all 'What a fag, amirite?' and 'This doesn't make me gay, does it?'. What better way to prove he isn't gay than by proving he doesn't like it up the butt? And doesn't like putting it in other guys' butts?

Anyone/Scout, Scout/anyone

23 .


Setup here. I don't know why I can't do porn in more than two parts - setup and delivery but...eh, here we are. As promised - the kink is (literal!) squicking (Squick is the technical term which describes sexual intercourse with an eye socket.) The pairing - as will become apparent is Demo x Engineer. Engoy the setup, nonpron bit Eva.

In the end, no one on the RED team could remember whose idea it had been to hire the women, but one way or the other, Sniper with the unlikely and enthusiastic accomplice of Pyro had made their way into town with the intent to return in the company of what polite society would deem, perhaps with a few scowls and suppressed gag reflexes, escorts

"Hey! Why the hell ya takin' Mumbles!?" Scout shouted as the camper van backed up and began a steady and calculated three point turn towards the outside gates of Granary. "That freak'll just fuckin' scare the chicks off!"

"Because." Spy piped up, "Ze women enjoy ze mystery. Somezhing I assure you, you are lacking in spades, Petit."

"Then why didn't he take you, huh?"

"Because I find ze whole idea to be Philistine and I do not care to have any part in it." The Frenchman haughtily stubbed out his cigarette and promptly faded from view.

"What the hell's a Philistine?!" Scout demanded of the empty air.

"He means it's improper to pay a woman for sexual services." Engineer, ever the voice of reason sighed more audibly than he meant to. Personally he felt very much as though Spy might be correct in the matter, though he didn't elaborate further on his opinion.

"Fuck that, man. He's the one sleeping with the enemy." Scout gave the retreating camper van a one-fingered salute for good measure and bounded back inside.

The indiscretion (at least as far as Scout was concerned) was all but forgotten when the two returned with seven of the prettiest women any of them had ever seen in their lives. Even Engineer had to admit that the talkative, feminine members of the fairer sex were a nice change from eight men and a person whom they'd never seen outside of a formless suit and speech garbling mask. Nonetheless, he found himself sidling up to Heavy and Medic, the two people he'd not expected to stay for the spectacle, but also the two he felt would not be distracted by so much female flesh. His curiosity overtook him at last.

"Didn't expect you and the Doc t'be stayin' for this kind of a thing."

Heavy laughed. "Is not so surprising! American girls is very pretty. Is...what is phrase? Nothing wrong with the looking?" He paused. "Besides. Is funny to watch Doktor with ladies!"

Engineer followed Heavy's gaze to where a giggling brunette, already stripped to a lacy garter, panties and brassiere was indeed preening for Medic. At first glance, the doctor seemed to be ogling her certainly prodigious breasts and toned waist, but Engineer could just make out the gleam in the doctor's eye that meant he was going far deeper than merely mentally undressing her.

His disquiet must have showed because Heavy thumped him on the back with a booming laugh. "Do not worry. Will not let pretty girls get hurt. Take Doktor back to lab soon!"

Heavy's prediction soon came true as one by one the RED team dispersed. Heavy and Medic first, Heavy keeping his promise of guiding Medic away alone, leaving the brunette girl (who evidently was unaware of how lucky she was) to sidle up to Scout instead. Scout was only too happy to pick up the slack and the two disappeared for more private quarters soon afterwards.

Sniper, a redhead and a woman who looked suspiciously like her soon departed for the loft while Soldier and a girl in an American-flag festooned mini-dress found their way into the war room, where muffled yells and distant helmet clanging were soon heard emanating from the depths.

The remaining three ladies followed the firestarter to do God knew what. To prevent himself from thinking about it too much, Engineer sat himself down and picked up a copy of the New York Times. Three weeks late, but that was life on the RED front for you. The soft news captured his interest for all of half a minute, when he realized one of his teammates hadn't been accounted for. His gaze flicked around and sure enough, Demo was lying on the couch. At first, Engineer thought he had passed out.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Demo, Don't DO that to a fella!" he protested to the wide, white eye with it's brown iris that swivelled lazily towards him. Demo seemed pleased by the outburst of a reaction.

"Soory." Demo slurred. "'ey. How come yeh ain't in there with the rest' o 'em?"

Engineer frowned. "Could ask the same of y'all. But I don't really believe in takin' advantage of a lady that way. That just ain't right."

Demo didn't bother to face Engineer. "Ach, I got me some whiskey dick."

Engineer raised an eyebrow that suggested he didn't buy it.

"Well, t'aint a lie proper Engie, but yeh have a point that tis ne mah thing. Tis a difference between what a man does in Vegas with his mate and what he does in polite society."

Engineer started, as if Demo had read his mind. Not that he'd ever been to Vegas, but he did have standards as to what went on around his team mates. Sniper may presume that professionalism had room for prostitutes, but whores didn't figure into Engineer's definition. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Demo laughed. "Yeh cannae tell me yeh ain't affected by all o' that tender flesh!"

Engineer saw no practical reason to deny it. "Yeh, been real tough on me since Irene, but them ladies is real purty."

"Heard yeh talkin' bout her." Demo nodded sagely, his Scrumpy-addled brain working a story about a wife, a sister or daughter with a terminal disease. He'd seen what the man had been like when he'd started wailing about Irene. What Demo never would find out was that 'Irene' was the very first level 3 sentry Engineer had built and rebuilt from his time at 2Fort, down to the point where he could only get enough scrap metal from its demise for a level one, and finally even not enough for that. The scrap metal was carefully stored in a box under his closet, and God Forbid Soldier ever check there.

"What 'bout you?" Engineer was evidently hoping to change the subject.

"Ach, like I say, bit of a combo of too drunk and not the right time and place for the ladies , yeh know? I cannae say I'm ne hard up though. Looks like yeh are too!"

Out of instinct, Engineer covered his crotch but he immediately wished he had not. It was that action of paying attention to it that stirred up the desire. Demo smirked from his supine position on the sofa.

Engineer, his cheeks burning started to rise to leave.

"Yeh dinnae have t' go yeh know. There's no shame in using the tools available. Thought a man like yerself would know that aye?"

Engineer flushed considerably in response. "I ain't...I ain't...."

Demo shook his head. "I ain't movin'."

Engineer felt rather foolish and he could feel his cheeks heat. In spite of this, he could not help but ask the obvious question. "Now how am I supposed to do this, if you're only going to sit there?"

Demo's only response was a flash of blinding white teeth in the haze of penumbra he was seated in. "I thought you solved practical problems. I ain't movin' and I got a sight more orifices than most."

24 .

You've got my attention, especially with the vague and horrible suggestions of what our lads are going to do to those poor girls. Seriously, Pyro, THREE of them? Wow. OK. Do give us MOAR.

25 .


I should not be as excited as I am to realize how much of an idea you just gave me.

26 .

Holy shit this is looking ten different levels of glorious. No, really, it's looking awesome and i can't wait to see how it continues (quite obviously) must... draw... it...
You are the best Anon ever!

27 .

"a sight more orifices than most." pfpfpfpf I lol'd. Eagerly anticipating more, this set-up was exquisite!

28 .

I humbly request cuntboy fic with penis-in-vagina sex. Anyone with anyone is okay.

29 .

Demo/Engineer Squick Fic - Part 2/2

(And I really am not sure what Pyro did with his three chicks, but if anyone wants to write a guess, I'd get a kick out of it.) I hope this delivers.

Engineer had to think about that one for a moment. Surely the man couldn't be seriously suggesting he put his penis in...was that even [i[sanitary[/i]?

Evidently Demo was thinking exactly that as he'd lifted up the eyepatch that normally covered his left eye. In the dim light of the room, the hole looked cavernous and black, but a warm wet hole was a warm wet hole, moreover one Engineer was being openly invited to use. That was not the problem.

"Ah, I don't exactly mean to sound like ahm braggin' here Demo, but I'm not sure that your er, socket there is built to accommodate my equipment. I dare say it don't stretch quite the same."

"Ye kin call it a cock, Engie." Demo poked around the edges of the spot where the eyeball would normally rest and probed just along the inside with three fingers. "I'd say it's big enough, wouldn't you?"

"Just ain't never done a thing like this before."

"How about ye drop trou and learn."

In response, Engineer quickly divested himself of his coveralls, standard issue RED shirt and boxers. Demo, apparently quite serious about minimal movement was also wriggling out of his own uniform, barely raising his hips off of the couch in order to get his pants off. The act of undressing did help to eliminate some of the strangeness of the impending act and he could already feel precum cooling on the head of his cock as it responded eagerly to the potential of being pleasured in the near-future.

"Fuckin' Hell, Engie!" Demo paused in his rustling to stare at Engineer's penis in awe. "Yeh sure yeh weren't braggin!?"

The shorter man modestly shrugged, going as red as his uniform for at least the umpteenth time that night. In the relative silence a bark of "MAGGOT!" and a particularly loud clang accompanied by a female moan could be heard echoing from the war room. Engineer straddled Demo's lower half and bent his head rather quickly.

"That's not where I told ye."

"I'm working up to it!" Engineer protested and Demo could feel two hands grip both sides of his hips for leverage. One was warm and calloused, the chill of the other caused Demo's hip to twitch while the metal warmed up on his heating flesh. "Besides, sure ain't right t'just satisfy myself!"

Demo tucked both hands behind his head and could feel a long shudder of anticipation start in the base of his spine and spread all the way to the top of his head and the soles of his feet as Engineer bent his head and brushed his lips and the softer, non-stubble coated skin of his upper cheek against the head of Demo's cock. The action had the desired effect almost immediately as the semi-hard member began to stiffen into an outright erection.

"Ach, that's good." From his vantage point, Demo had only a view of the top of Engineer's shaved head, but he wanted more. "Look up, would yeh?" his voice came out with only the barest, but audible hitch in it.

"This better?" The Texan's voice was muffled as his blue-eyed gaze turned upwards. "Shit." Demo muttered, getting the full picture for the first time: Engineer's lust-clouded eyes, the tip of his own erection visible pressed up against his stomach as he hunched low over Demo with the latter's cock in his mouth.

"Works better if yeh do what ye say yer gonna do, lad." the Scot gently admonished but Engineer did not need to be told twice, pressing the cock against the roof of his mouth and laving the underside all the way from base to tip with his tongue, pulling almost all the way out before taking him back in, his right hand moving away to gently fondle Demo's balls.

"Oh hell, oh hell, Engie, always thought yeh were crazy fer that thing!" Demo arched into the Gunslinger, trying to get more of the sensation of the ridged metal fingers against himself.

"Careful!" Engineer deftly manoeuvred the hand, wearing the same look of concentration he wore when upgrading his sentries. "She feels good no doubt, but if yer not real careful..."

With effort, Demo managed to still his impulse to buck his hips and Engineer returned to his task, gauging Demo's reaction and massaging his balls for as long as he felt it was safe to do so, taking his hand away when the Scot was no longer able to control his reactions, jerking and thrusting into Engineer's mouth and panting erratically.

"Ach, I'm going to--"

Demo came violently into Engineer's mouth with an uninteligible moan, the tremors making the Texan's teeth vibrate. Engineer pulled away, rifling through his coveralls pockets for a rag to discreetly spit the semen into.

"Where'd yeh learn to do it like that?" When Demo had caught his breath again, he was gazing at his shorter team mate as if seeing him properly for the first time.

"Ain't no thing, I just do what I think I'd probably like."

"Thing with the gunslinger there was genius!" Demo shook his head. "Yeh planned fer it when yeh made it, didn't yeh? Never expected ye t'have this kind o' a side to ye!"

Engineer's silence was answer affirmative enough, though his partner soon realized that could possibly have something more to do with the fact that his erection had long gone unattended and looked painful.

"Now, do ye reckon yeh might see yer way up to working closer to me face?"

Engineer gave a crisp nod, neatly folding up the handkerchief and noticing that in light of his affirmative reaction, Demo was starting to get hard again.

"Y'all really go for this kind of a thing?" he asked, perhaps just to be a hundred percent sure he was understanding things correctly.

Demo nodded, struggling back up onto his elbows. "Sit." he commanded, swinging down his knees from the couch. "Was ne going to move, but I think yer performance back there deserves a bit of a reward."

Engineer could see the logic, not more than a little relieved that he wouldn't be sitting on someone's face. He arranged himself on the couch, looking for all the world like he intended to settle in for a casual night of watching television. Demo dropped to his knees, but instead of using his mouth, Engineer felt the edges of something which as he had predicted felt way tighter than it ought to be.

Demo gave a soft grunt and somehow against every logical synapse in his brain, Engineer could feel his cock slide into the hole, the sides of it clutching around him tight and warm. The Texan had never been so glad not to be Medic as he couldn't imagine what exactly a man's skull could produce that made those glorious slick sensations or the soft squooshing sound as Demo began - oh God, to move.

One of the man's arms snaked around Engineer's back to facilitate the thrusting motions he was making with his head, and both of Engineer's hands landed on the top of the skull cap that Demo had not taken off. He could feel the man's coarse hair and rapidly building body heat through the flimsy fabric.

Demo's spare hand, presently resting on Engineer's knee moved to grope around, not in his own clothing but in Engineer's, taking out a case of Vaseline gel he knew the other man usually kept around for temporarily waterproofing small cracks in his sentries and dispensers, but it served a much more interesting purpose now. With both hands wrapped around Engineer's hips, the thrusting increased in pace temporarily, both men making low moans as their capacity for speech dwindled.

The lubricated hand drifted lower, leaving a slightly cold trail as it moved to the cleft of his ass, working its way under and inside.

Engineer actually growled and Demo twisted the finger, suddenly very interested in wringing that same noise out of his normally calm and polite team mate.

He was rewarded with another throaty noise that approximated a growl and the fact that Engineer had began to thrust his hips in time with the movements of Demo's own head, the soft underside of his own cock rubbing hard against the ridge of the socket, the bone creating delicious friction on the underside of his cock. Demo removed the finger again, once more taking Engineer with both arms around his hips. He could feel the man's dick pressing deliciously somewhere in the back of his own skull and feel the short jerky thrusts that meant Engineer was close to coming.

"I'm close! I'm going to come!" Engineer's voice rang out above him and the Texan made a Herculean effort to pull out and away before he came into Demo's head. The Scot however, being in a significant amount of further control hung on and Engineer remained buried in that tight hot heat as a burst of warmth deep inside Demo's head coupled with the low moan and Engineer's muscles tightening and shuddering before going limp told him exactly what had happened.

"Ahm awful...sorry!" Engineer gasped out, looking somehow both sated and horrified, shifting back against the couch and bending down to inspect the damage done to Demo's head. "Oh, dagnabbit, yer bleedin'!"

Demo chuckled at Engineer's disquiet. "Well yeh did just fuck me in me head, but I don't think me brains are any more addled than they usually are." he laughed, watching as Engineer cleaned himself up with his handkerchief. He got up and moved over to the nearby laundry sink, cleaning his eye out and inspecting the damage. "No harm done!" he pulled out his eyepatch and slipped it on, tugging on the remainder of his clothes and following the arc of Engineer's now thoroughly soiled hanky as it landed square in the laundry tub. As if to proove his point, he crashed on the couch next to Engineer and reached around to the opposite side of the couch where his bottle of Scrumpy had been carefully tucked away during their activities. He offered it to Engineer who courteously neglected to wipe the mouth of the bottle off with his hand before taking a drink.

For a moment they just sat there, passing the bottle back and forth between them and enjoying the afterglow.

"Yeh know." Engineer said at long last. "I sure wouldn't be too upset if we tried that again sometime!"

Demo grinned and was about to respond when a loud crash had both men sitting bolt upright. It was only with a considerable amount of fumbling and the fact that the gunslinger had one hell of a grip that Engineer didn't drop the bottle on the floor in shock.


A familiar snorting laugh and the sound of high-speed footsteps with no body attached to them came louder and louder before fading away. They were followed by a rather irate looking Australian in a state of dishabille and a very dazed looking redhead who stumbled from the room, her hair in a mess and clumsily smoking a familiar brand of thin white cigarette. She unashamedly crashed into the chair nearest Engineer, the only thing separating her modesty from the other two men was a thin blanket clutched around her torso.

Wordlessly, Engineer handed over the bottle of Scrumpy.

Presumably, the ladies who had stayed with Soldier and Scout left the next morning, but both Americans showed up to breakfast, the former with several welts and new dings in his helmet and the later with at least eight prodigious hickies standing out obviously red on his neck and collarbone. He was conspicuously shirtless in spite of the temperature and the look that he gave Spy was particularly significant.

"Yeah? Gettin' a good look? So whose the virgin now, fag?"

Engineer wasn't surprised that tales of the prank on Sniper had already filtered down through the ranks. Gossip spread like wildfire across the base. Spy apparently had overheard some of the BLU's taking a tip from their enemy and following suit with their own trip into town.

No one did ever find out precisely what Pyro and their harem had done during the night but in the weeks to come, all three ladies were spotted somewhere around Grainery to the point where Scout had started a popular betting pool as to what it was they were doing all night.

In all the excitement, everyone seemed to have forgotten that Engineer and Demo had been absent from the proceedings. It wasn't until a half day later, when Medic decided to check them all for STD's. After all, these were women who had decided to have sex with them for money. Demo and Engineer dutifully both showed up along with the rest of the team.

Engineer was one of the few mercenaries who generally didn't find Medic to be particularly creepy, but perhaps because he made his own means of medical attention on the battlefield he didn't deal with him as much as the others did. Perhaps it was the fact that the doctor, like himself had a PhD and communicated on his own level. Today however, the man was scrutinizing him like he was an open cadaver. Engineer didn't like it one bit.

"Geez Doc, what is it? Have I got gangrene on my face?"

"I vas vonderking." Medic turned to face him slowly, eyes glittering behind his glasses. "If you knew vhat sorts of delightful fluids are in an eyesocket."

Engineer's mouth fell open as he realized, along with the feeling of ice water that was beginning to start in his stomach that Demo had been in here for a check up just before him.

"It is truly an interesting experience zhat you must have had, and surely an educated man like yourself would vant to know just what you--"

Engineer fled.

30 .


I might be able to write something like that, if my schedule is not so busy. Funny, since I have been thinking about that kind of fic for awhile.

31 .


You know, Anon, i love you. I really do. Please, namefag and stay with me forever. Erm, i mean, in the chan. Please!
I really liked the first part and quite obviously i REALLY like this one. I really like the way you write and the actual sexual part in this was really, really hot and inspiring. Thank you for writing it! :)

i really wish i could word what i'm feeling a little better, but it would be easier only with the help of a million happy reaction images.

32 .

More "and Yous" please. Just, in general.

33 .


Can Anon be loved and remain anon? I really would prefer not to namefag.

I'm so glad you are happy with the finished product Eva. Most important thing in filling a request is that the person you wrote it for is happy!

34 .


i request more. you're so good at what you do.

35 .

This post has been deleted.

36 .

You, kind Anon, have made my day. This must be the best thing I've read all day, well done.

I now have new Canon Pairing. I request more, but a small citrus twist of Solly shenanigans.

37 .

I request a threesome between Scout, Spy and Scout's Ma in which Scout loses his virginity to Spy and his Ma AT THE SAME TIME.

38 .


Yes please. I would like to see this too.

39 .


I feel like trying my hand at writing some guro. Might be interesting to include a transition from woundfucking to corpsefucking.

40 .


Dear god, yes. Please write this. I love guro and am lonely as the lone guro-writing faggot. Hit me up if you want anatomical consultation and/or evil ideas.

41 .

Fantasic, you may well have got a second guro writer in here.

I should be ok on both aspects, I'm a biology and psychology student, but might be nice if you proofread.

42 .


I second this!

43 .

Okay, so. For awhile there, we had a couple requests threads going on, but now the other one has auto-saged, so I'm resurrecting this one. The last request on the old one was:

I know this is really old, but I have a request. I request a Female-class (any one), raping a male-class (preferably a Sniper). This prompt is sort of based off of a misreading of one of Cat Bountry's comments and that there seems to be a lot of stories with the classes raping each other or Female classes, but I haven't seen the reverse.
I saw this, and felt a Calling.

“You’re late, Mr Mundy,” the Administrator snapped as the Sniper sloped in.

“Sorry,” he shrugged, clearly not meaning it in the slightest.

“You should be, as we are here to discuss the terms of your contract.”

“Wot’s to discuss?” the Sniper cocked an eyebrow. “Five mil a year and I shoot every bugger out there.”

“Plus other duties as assigned.” The Administrator flicked her cigarette to the concrete floor and crushed it out under her stiletto heel. “I’m assigning you another duty.” She unbuttoned her suit jacket, showing a sharp collarbone and fleshless sternum.

“Oh, fer the love of-” the Sniper tried to keep a professional lid on his revulsion. “Sorry, but no.”

“Are you refusing me?”

“Yes, yes I am. I’m not a gigolo, I’m an assassin.”

“You are what I say you are,” the harpy retorted. “Right now, I say you’re passion’s plaything.”

“No, definitely not.” The Sniper tore the badge off of his sleeve. “You can take your five mil and put it where the sun don’t shine.”

“Oh dear.” The Administrator paused in removing her blouse, revealing a glimpse of a cruelly pointed conical brassiere. “What would your parents think of you? An unemployed assassin is just a crazed gunman. Tsk, tsk tsk,” she said with mocking pity. “Your poor mother.”

“Don’t you threaten my parents.” The Sniper’s eyes flashed wild blue over the rims of his shades.

“I’m shocked that you would even suspect such a thing.” The Administrator pressed a spidery hand to where her heart might once have been. “I would never hurt your dear, dear mother. I feel a feminine kinship,” she sneered, “and just want her to feel that her little boy is doing a job he enjoys.” She flicked open a folder and shoved a photograph across the desk toward him. The Polaroid showed the Sniper, his face contorted in an ecstatic rage as he hacked open a Spy’s skull like a cocoanut that happened to be full of brains.

“Don’t!” The Sniper sagged. “Don’t send it to her. I’ll throw yer a shag.” Head hung low, he reluctantly unbuckled his belt. He’d done worse things, many of them in New Zealand.

“You misunderstand, Mr Mundy.” The Administrator stepped out of her skirt, revealing a formidable black latex panty-girdle. “I am going to ‘shag’ you.” Opening her desk drawer, the terrifying woman pulled out an immense aubergine dildo, surrounded by the belts and buckles of a strap-on harness. “Assume the position.”

The Sniper blanched. He’d never been reduced to this, not even in Bombay. But his glance fell to the desk, landed on the picture of himself looking every inch the psychopath. He didn’t want to imagine the look on his white-haired mother’s sweet, round face as she noticed that his tongue was extended toward the blood spatter on his cheek. He turned his back on the Administrator and dropped trou.

“Yesss...” she hissed, running her skeletal hands over his flat, milk-pale ass. “Bend over the desk.” He heard buckles clinking behind him and leaned down, nose uncomfortably close to the overflowing ashtray.

He could make this work. The smell of cigarettes, bony hands on him, he could close his eyes and imagine that he was finally having it off with the Spy. He could-

But then something cold and slick drizzled on his ass and the gorgon behind him moaned and something happened that felt like the largest dump he’d ever taken only in reverse, and he couldn’t think of anything else. He was nauseated, a sensation compounded of the burning ache in his ass and the shame in his heart. He grit his teeth and gripped the edge of the desk, wishing he’d become an orthodontist like his father wanted.

After an interminable fifteen minutes of squidging and santorum, the Administrator shrieked “VICTORY!” and thrust deep inside him one final time. She pulled out, and he could tell that he was bleeding, a ghastly mess between his legs. He stayed bent over the desk, trying to hide the fact that the ordeal had forced tears from his eyes. He heard the woman light a cigarette behind him.

“Here. Now pull up your pants and get out.” A scrap of fabric landed on the desk next to him.

“Wot’s this?”

“A hat, Mr Mundy. That’s what you people like, isn’t it?” she sneered.

Leaving the hat where it was, the Sniper jerked his pants up and hobbled bowlegged back to his van. He promised himself a long, long hot bath at the nearest motel off base.

Meanwhile, the Administrator sat down in her high-backed leather chair and looked meditatively down at the filthy, greasy dildo, still strapped to her crotch. She pressed the intercom button on her phone and said, “Ms Pauling? Send in Saxton Hale to lick this clean.”

44 .

The words...fail me.

45 .


Damnit Marty.

46 .

"not even in Bombay"

I don't know why, but this made me laugh so fucking hard. Could not stop laughing at the hat thing, though. Kudos, Marty. Another gem.

47 .


I'm the requester, and this is way better than I could ever have imagined something based off of my request could be. Seriously, this one of the best things I've read on here. Thanks, Marty!

48 .

Marty, that was terrible and amazing, as your stories always are.

49 .

Might be a little late to the party, but Anon #23... http://www.ubersite.com/m/39845 Just that link. It'll probably make you laugh.

Marty, I was so aroused by that fic that I came blood. The Administrator is so underrated.

50 .

>>43 Marty. Everytime... every fucking single time. You did it again! I feel shame that i like this so much, but i still want more. Especially the part where he ripped of his badge made my heart bleed. This are the little details which gets me everytime.

51 .

I would totally love it if someone would include someone getting a hot curling iron up their ass as either torture or revenge or something.

52 .


You with the curling iron again, lol. Why don't you just write it?

53 .

Oh goody, a request thread.
I have had a terrible craving lately for some Sniper/Pyro.
But writers be warned, I am very picky about my Pyros. I'd prefer that when Pyro has sex, he only does what is necisary in clothing removal. (Meaning he probably only unzips the front of his suit and just barely lifts his mask above his mouth.)
Other than that, I grant full creative control! Extra points for anything kinky, thanks!

54 .

>>52 Because I'm trying to write something else, but almost failing miserably at it. ... wait... actually, I probably can incorporate it into the story somehow... it would just be a lot more awesome if someone else wrote it.

55 .

Please, something about the fact that Soldier just calls medic Sweetheart now and ever in TF2. I dunno. Maybe Heavy having some jealoussex with medic after he hears that. Or a threesome. Or anythings. Just based on this. Go wild.

56 .

I want a Saxton Hale/Charles Darling fic. I don't care how it's written I just want to read it. In case you don't know who Charles Darling is, he is in one of the Saxton Hale comics on Valves website.

57 .

Ya know what i thought would be interesting or funny? If one of the mdics went out in the battle and in his syringe gun is a more "spiced" mix of drugs.

58 .

That does sound funny. What did you have in mind?

59 .

“Curling Irons are for Wimps!”

Soldier made no attempt to hide his disapproval of Medic’s “alternative lifestyle choices”. If the burly psychopath went a single day without screaming something inane at Medic like, “KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE BATTLE FIELD INSTEAD OF MY ASS, FAGGOT!” or “DID THEY NOT TEACH YOU HOW TO DUCK IN NAZI SAUSAGE FACTORY, FRITZ?!” Medic would be forced to assume the man was gravely ill and would have him carted to the infirmary immediately.

Medic tried his best not to take it personally; it didn’t take much to figure out that the man was psychotically disturbed in many different ways. But a man’s patience only lasts so long.

This was the absolute last straw.

Medic was already in a bad mood – his “date” (read: a Danish male prostitute that could do things with a mascara brush that would make your head spin) had cancelled on him without warning the night before, at the call of a higher bidder. Scout had been in charge of laundry that week, and had ignored Medic’s strict cleaning regiment, so now Medic’s pants seemed to fit several sizes too small, and were scratchy and irritable to his sensitive skin, to boot.

The German doctor spent half the morning looking for his spectacles, only to find that he’d drifted asleep with them on, and they were now bent horrendously out of shape on his pillow.

And to make it even worse, he was having a bad hair day. As he fought and fussed and cursed under his breath in front of the mirror, trying to get his hair back under control before the mission started, his door suddenly burst open.

“Vun second, bitte schön!” the man snapped back, trying to get his hair to curl exactly as he wanted.

Soldier gaped, tilting up his oversized helmet to get a better look. “… MY LORD!” An incredulous cackle. “YOU’RE EVEN MORE OF A FAGGOT THAN I PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT! WELL DONE!”

Medic huffed, turning to face him. “I fail to see how zhis emasculates me, Herr Soldier. Curling tongs have been used for centuries to denote status und—”

If that had been all, Medic told himself, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this. But Soldier went off and told the entire team about it, and for the entire day, he had to suffer thinly veiled taunts from his own team, such as, “Get behind me, Doktor! Puny BLU team vill not touch hair on your head!” and, “Uh-oh, Doc! Watch out fuh dat Pyro ovah dere – I hear heat causes split ends!”

For someone as paranoid as Soldier, Medic thought he’d be more suspicious about his food and making sure it wasn’t poisoned. But when he’d shown up in front of Soldier’s room with a box of ribs in hand and a generally unconvincing friendly smile, Soldier had taken it without question.

It was now half an hour later. Medic dragged Soldier’s unconscious body through the halls by the foot, eyes gleaming.

If only it hadn’t have come to this.


The first thing Soldier became aware of was the horrible aftertaste in his mouth. The next thing was that his limbs felt like lead weights. Next, that he was freezing. Then, that he was freezing because he was stark naked. And lastly, that his limbs felt like lead weights partially because he was strapped down to a table like a lab experiment.

“What in the Sons of Liberty…” Soldier strained to look around, but he was strapped belly-down, and couldn’t see much of his surroundings without straining.
“Ah,” a voice sounded from behind him. “You are avake.”
“… Medic?”

Suddenly, Soldier became aware that he was bottom-up in front of a very-homosexual man and had no way of defending himself against the sexual onslaught he was sure was bound to happen.


Medic stopped him before he could continue on another ridiculous rant. “Ja, ja. Do not vorry, Herr Soldier. I haff no interest in sexually assaulting you—”
“Nein, I assure you. My intentions are pure. I don’t vant much out of you – in fact, my demands are quite zimple.” Medic strutted over so that he was in Soldier’s full view, and gave a predatory grin. “Vould you like to know vat it is?”
“I’ll tell you anyvay.”

Medic strolled away, out of Soldier’s line of vision. “All I vant, Herr Soldier, is a zimple apology. Das ist alles.”
A chuckle. “Very well, Herr Soldier. You have until the metal gets hot to change your mind.”

Medic didn’t answer him. Had he left? It was so dark – he could barely see… “GET BACK HERE AND TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS! AND UNTIE ME, TOO!”


Medic watched from the far side of his laboratory, checking the temperature his electric curling iron every few seconds. Not surprisingly, Soldier spent the entire time he COULD have been making amends screaming himself hoarse. Medic gave him ten minutes to be sure, but all Soldier would talk about was not having to apologize for being a man who fought for freedom or… some nonsense.

The German doctor sighed and stood, unplugging the curling iron and approaching Soldier once more. “Time is up. Haff you thought about vhat you’ve done at all?”
“Very vell. I haff made zee best attempt at reaching you as I could.”

The rest of Soldier’s enthusiastic response would never be known. Medic cut the man off by shoving the burning-hot iron up Soldier’s ass to the very hilt without so much as a warning.

There was a caustic hissing noise as the walls of Soldier’s rectum bubbled and blistered, finally shriveling up until nothing was left but a black scab cocooning the metal.

Soldier shrieked and thrashed about in his restraints, but Medic grunted and continued pressing it deeper into him. “You VILL apologize, Soldier!” he snapped, holding the man as still as he could. “I vill NOT be made a fool of!”

Medic grinned and yanked the burning hot metal out of Soldier, taking with it chunks of flesh and blood. Soldier howled again, but was quickly relieved from his pain by the soothing feel of the Medigun. It filled all the holes the chunks of flesh had left and repaired his rectum in full, all without a scratch to be seen.

Soldier wasn’t in any physical pain anymore, but he was shaking and whimpering, even as Medic undid his restraints. He’d broken out into a cold sweat, and his teeth were chattering. His cheeks were streaked with tears.
Medic just smiled, helped him stand up (he’d still be sore for a few days), returned his clothes, and draped a fluffy RED blanket around the man’s shoulders.

“I hope ve vill not haff to do zhis again, Herr Soldier.”
“N-N-No, D-Doc…”
“Gut. Show yourself out.”

The German doctor never brought it up again, but it was days before anyone could convince Soldier to come out of bed, and weeks more before he would even say Medic’s name.

When anyone asked Medic about what was going on, he’d just smile and say, “Da spielt er mit dem Feuer.”


The name of this fandom should be, "Let no fetish go unfapped". HERE YOU GO, YOU CRAZY BASTARD. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Usually, I'd go Anon for putting something like this up, but... eh. I have no shame anymore.

Also, proofreading is for ladies and women.

To Canadians everywhere: I'm sorry.

60 .

You wrote it. You actually wrote it and it makes some kind of twisted sense.

I am both horrified and amazed... but mostly horrified. Don't ever stop writing and posting here please.

61 .


Soldier getting curlingironed up the butt.

... Excuse me while I look for my jaw, it dropped here somewhere ...

62 .

Rae: Yeah, it randomly popped up in my head, and I was all, "That poor person is probably going to go fap-less forever unless I just... do it." So I did. Other than my shaky transitions (needs wooork), I think it's pretty okay. ...Yeh.

PerryJ: Thanks! I think!

63 .

>>59 I'm Canadian, and I ain't even mad. Laughed my ass off. Winced and flailed quite a bit around the 'bubbling rectum' bit. That's how real it felt to me. You're really good at making me feel like I had a curling iron shoved up MY ass.
...I don't know if that's a good thing, but it seems like it to me. Kudos.

64 .

> 58 well, i believe this thought was born as i read again a good fanfiction involving seI AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMPrugs. But not the "Uh i want ya now, sugar" but the more "Ow, ow, ow IT HURTS SO MUCH" kind. I just thought, yes. Why shouldn´t medic once run out with his syringe gun full of drugs? Why does we everytime see him experiment in his room with them? He is a man of SCIENCE! He surely as heck would want to made some test results under different circumstates. And than my thought went to things like: How many syringe could soldier take until he cracks and tries to get the rocket in the launcher? Or heavy? Oh scout surely just needs one needle... Would even a opposite teammeber stupidly hump someone he hates, if he gets enough of them?
Would medic "accidently" shot one of his comrades with the needles just to see what happens? And, and, and...

This or just a big kumbajaparty suddendly in the fight, because everyone is all peace and no war during medics drugadventure, if someone doesn´t want to take the whole seI AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMPrug drive.

I´m sorry if i wrote to much now.

65 .

Iz: That's good - I have lots of friends that are Canadian, watch an online show that's run in Vancouver, and just have tons of respect for Canada in general. But Soldier strikes me as the type that thinks Canada is just a maple-guzzling, tree-chopping, bear-humping, peace-negotiating version of America and doesn't approve. But that's Soldier. Whatcha gonna do.

Karnickle: Welp, that's it. I'm officially interested. No promises yet, but I've started mulling over ideas, which is usually the warning sign before I begin my decent into madness. God DAMN this fandom and it's beautiful, beautiful ideas. But if I can write curling-iron erotica, I can most certainly write this.

66 .

I debated this before as to what drugs medic could use in battle. My friends and I came up with an aphrodisiac, LSD, or Estrogen.

67 .

Nothing to stop me from trying to utilize all three. Though Medic would probably do them separately so that he wouldn't muddle the test results.

68 .

I'm much more unsure about this start than I was for the curling iron one, so I'll just slap up what I have after a day of staring at a blank Word Document, and spend more time thinking about how I want things to play out. Since the first few paragraphs usually sets the tone for the rest of the story, I guess I'm going for lulzy on this one.

Also, huge points to whoever gets the reference of who this Medic was inspired by. Hint: It has something to do... WITH SCIENCE!


Pleasure Plague

None of the BLU team could hear the shrill, gleeful laughter echoing from the laboratory under the team’s headquarters. It was late, and they’d had a busy week. The war was basically at a standstill for the barren land of Dustbowl.

Things had been surprisingly uneventful for Dr. Professor Doctor, he mused to himself. It’d mostly been hiding behind a dispenser, healing anyone who came by, and hoping to build an Über before the rain of stickies showered upon the poor sentry.

All that time just sitting around and waiting for something to happen gave a Dr. Professor Doctor a lot of time to do something that he shouldn’t have been doing – no, something he’d been given express orders NOT to do.

He began thinking.

“Zee fools…” the goggled maniac giggled, swirling his serum around in his gloved hand. “Zee absence of thought does not stop zee progression of SCIENCE!”

The man threw back his head, and let loose another unrestrained cackled, marveling at his own genius. He’d been wanting to do this for weeks, now – to test the effects of various drugs on his fellow combatants while they were on the field. He could barely contain his excitement! How lucky that younger Medic of his was always busy doing… Whatever he always did. It gave Dr. Professor the much-needed time to work on perfecting his majesty.

He loaded his syringe gun, grinning, after having filled all of the needles with his special serum. He’d have to make sure not to waste a single dart.

Tomorrow, the testing would begin. He had to sedate himself in order to sleep that night because of his anticipation.

69 .

>>59 OH. MY. GOD. YOU, SIR, MADE MY DAY. I honestly didn't think that anyone would write it, but by god this is beautiful. I am forever in your debt, and really sad that I didn't see this sooner.

70 .

>>68 I know it. Even if i never saw a show of it. I´m already in your debt Two Refined.

71 .

Will there be an update?

72 .

>>69 I was worried you wouldn't see it! I'm glad you liked - it was unusual, but once I got a direction of where to go, it became tones of fun to write. I figured I'd do something nice for you since you support my stupid torture fic in which I had to deny you your humble request, BUT I LOOK OUT FOR MAH BROS. Love ya, bitch.

>>70 You have no idea how happy that makes me. I'll try my best not to let you down!

>>71 Yes, there will! Eventually. I've been writing avidly for almost 5 years now, and I've been glued to a computer for 7, and have played videogames since I was old enough to hold a PlayStation (or maybe I started out with a Genesis?) controller.
So, yeah. I got carpal tunnel. Bad. And while I love how unusually productive I've been this summer, it's really taken a toll on me, and I can't type for more than 30 minutes at a time without seizing up. I'll try my damn hardest to find SOME way to deliver you guys some porny lulz, but for now, I gotta take a huge break of fail and awful.

73 .

I'd really love something - anything with EngineerxSniper.
Bit of an odd pairing I know but still, it's a real shame that it doesn't come up often enough.

74 .

>>73 Can I add a kink to this mix?

I'd love to see some Engie getting off to some really kinky shit with Sniper. Bondage, humiliation, orgasm denial (but eventual orgasm for Sniper, please.), but no guro, please. Not a fan. A little whipping or spanking is fine, though.
And I'd love to see either Sniper utterly humiliated and threaten to do very creatively painful things to Engie, or fucking love every second of it. Dealer's choice.

75 .

68 Doctor Insano, by any chance?
if so... then, god, I love you.

76 .

>>59 ...one word... ow.

77 .


>>53 :
>>73 :
>>74 :
I'm on it! (As best as I can - idk. I'll try not to screw up your requests.)

> 75 : YES, IT IS. If you guys don't know who Doctor Insano is, LOOK HIM UP, because... I don't know, you just should, so there.

>>76 : Yup.



Engineer wiped his brow, looking about the sun-baked red clay that was being kicked up as explosions rocked Dustbowl to its very core. The teams were at yet another standstill – well, not a standstill, exactly – BLU had finally captured that damned control point building, but progress to capture the second control point had been slow, to say the least.

A groan warbled in the short man’s throat as he wiped his sweat-soaked brow with his gloved hand and peered up at the unforgiving noon sun. He’d built a sentry and a dispenser just inside of the control point building, and had a teleporter operating from the maintenance building just a little ways off, since it would save his team precious seconds to storm through RED’s unshakable defenses. Pyro was with him, as always, humming a muffled little tune from behind his gas mask. Sniper was with him as well, observing the double exits in case a Heavy came barreling through. They’d been stationed there for an hour at the very least, and, needless to say, they were getting antsy.

“Doesn’t get no better than this, huh, fellas?” Engineer sighed, giving the two an exhausted, yet ruthlessly good-natured smile.
“Mrrrmphrr hrrrnn mmmph…” Pyro muttered, setting fire to an innocent butterfly that’d made the mistake of straying too close.
“Gotta say I agree wit’ Mumbles, Engie,” Sniper said gruffly as he took a swig from a bottle of water distributed by the dispenser. “Ain’t nothin’ good about it to talk about.”
“Just tryin’ t’make some conversation…” Engineer muttered, sparing a whack for his beeping baby.

Sniper sighed, removing his hat and wiping his brow as well. “Ah, don’t read much innit, mate. Just startin’ to wish somethin’d bloody happen.”
“Ah, shoot – no hard feelin’s, pardner. Cain’t say I don’t feel th’same. But the Docs are buildin’ up a charge, so no worries – somethin’ll happen eventually.”
“Should bloody hope so…” Sniper muttered with a snort.
Pyro mumbled his agreement.

As if on cue, one of the BLU Heavies dashed out of the maintenance building with a trail of sparks flying behind him. He was singing heartily with Sasha by his side. “HERE I COME, COWARDS!!!” Doc – the older one with the goggles that didn’t do anything – was trailing behind him, Medigun in hand. The barrel was cracking – they were going to go in with a full charge! Finally!

The crew on the control point building whooped with excitement, making the Medic falter. He said something to his burly counterpart, and scampered back to them, scrutinizing them all carefully. Sniper blinked. “Uh—”

And, suddenly, there was a rain of darts. The tiny group screamed and tried to shield themselves, cursing at the doc. He managed to unload an entire round and was reloading when Sniper finally fired off into the distance to bring him to attention.

“Th’bloo’y ‘hell was THAT for?!” he snapped, teeth bared like a feral animal.
The Heavy was watching this all from where Medic had left him, looking on curiously.
Medic paused, and adjusted his goggles with a grin. “Ah, my mistake, ja? I vas zhinking I had seen a Schpy.”
“Hrrrmphrrr nghrrrrm nhhmmmrrrhhmmm!” Pyro cried indignantly.
Engineer gave an uncomfortable smile. “Eh… What Pyro means is… Thanks for yer concern n’ everything, but… He’s got it covered.”
“Oh, yes, of course.” Medic fought to stop grinning – he was supposed to look sincere. “Sorry, Pyro.”
A mutter and Pyro busied himself with burning his emblem in the floorboards.
Medic and his Heavy left.

It wasn’t long before the battle began heating up again. BLU’s Über had failed, and it wasn’t long before RED retaliated with an Über of their own. Engineer found himself crouched down behind his sentry, hammering away at it with Sniper behind him, trying to keep any Heavies away, and Pyro constantly spy-checking.

For whatever reason, though, Engineer couldn’t focus. Maybe it was the heat. Yeah, it was most definitely the heat. For some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about how loud Sniper’s breathing sounded beside his ear – how close he was – the tingle of every slight breeze produced when Sniper shifted his stance or reloaded a bullet.


He couldn’t focus. The wrench clutched in his sweaty, grimy hand felt like it weighed a ton. His fingers itched for something else. He couldn’t move.

Sniper felt himself becoming unprofessionally distracted, as well. Why was everything so hot suddenly? He leaned on the dispenser, panting and fanning himself with his hat. God, his clothes felt like they’d shrunk several sizes. It was constricting him tighter than a boa. He was so hot. He wanted – needed – air. God, that dispenser felt good. A lot of things felt good now.

“Mrrrhhhrrrrrffrrckrrrr…” Pyro mumbled softly, tugging at his collar. Spy checking suddenly just made him so tired. Not to mention he hadn’t run into one for half an hour. His thoughts began to wander, and he noticed that Engineer was no longer repairing his sentry, and Sniper wasn’t shooting anyone. And they both looked how he felt.

Engineer blinked and glanced behind him. For whatever reason his and Sniper’s eyes met, then the two glanced up at Pyro.

“I… I don’t suppose you blokes are thinkin’ what I’m—”

The two immediately fell upon Sniper, Engineer ripping off his shirt and vest as Pyro began yanking off his pants.

78 .

>>77WHY U STOP? Why?

Please tell me there will be more. Fuck my Sniper-Engie request- a threesome trumps that any day.
And there's not nearly enough Pyrosmut out there.

79 .

GAH. I forgot to add onto the end.

I wanted to finish the scene, but my wrist was becoming unbearable, so I had to call it quits for now. But I'll get back to it as soon as possible - promise.

And I figured I'd combine the requests into one because... well, I'm kind of an opportunist. Glad you approve, tho.

80 .


My only critique is that I feel like there are a couple of sentences that could use some rewriting.

>"And, suddenly, there was a rain of darts." I don't know if you've heard this one before, but it's often considered improper to start a sentence with 'and' or 'but'. This is mostly because conjunctions are used mainly to connect two clauses-- placing them at the beginning of a sentence feels somewhat awkward and out-of-place.

Your dialogue and accent-writing is rather awkward as well, but I hesitate to criticize that because it's just plain hard to write dialogue. I was reading Stephen King's memoir the other day and he commented that he absolutely agonizes over his dialogue. People's preferences for accent-writing varies as well, especially on this chan, from the comments I've read, but I will make a few suggestions:
>"Th’bloo’y ‘hell was THAT for?!” he snapped, teeth bared like a feral animal. The Heavy was watching this all from where Medic had left him, looking on curiously. Really, Aussies don't drop that many letters when they're saying "the bloody hell". At the most, they might drop the 'h' in "hell". The capitalization of 'that' is also somewhat unnecessary: we already know he's being emphatic with his words because he's swearing, so we really don't need another emphasis on a single word. If you have to, italicize it-- it reads better. Last but not least, don't make the Heavy's description a new paragraph-- that makes it look even more awkwardly placed than it was to begin with. That's a formatting issue though, and is tricky to get right on a chan.

>The tiny group screamed and tried to shield themselves, cursing at the doc. "Doc" is slang. Try not to use that in description unless you're writing it from the point of view of a character. Save it for when someone is speaking.

Feel free to take this advice or leave it. I know I haven't written a lot for the chan, but I lurk a ton and I'm the daughter of two English teachers so I've had this nitpicky habit instilled in me from childhood. I LOVE a lot of your descriptions, though-- Sniper getting distracted, trying to make himself focus, but losing the battle for control? Super-hot. Crazed mad-scientist Medic creating the serum in his hideout? I can picture him giggling insanely in my head. You're a really great writer. There's just a couple of things that I think could be improved. If you want, I could beta-read it for you!

81 .

This post has been deleted.

82 .

I forgot to mention-- thanks for updating even with your wrist! I've never had carpal tunnel but I have juvenile arthritis, and man that must hurt to type when you're tired and sore. Seriously appreciate it!

83 .

I think I have not seen pet!spy.
It can be quite fapulous you know.
He can satisfy others' fetish by acting, I think. Like acting as Ms.Pauling for someone who has imagined doing her when having sex with him.

84 .


This. Oh man. Give me five. No let me hug you. But please don´t kill yourself just for the sake of my prompt.

(Is it wrong of me, that whenever i read old and young medic i need to think on the normal medic as the old one and my OC as the young one? I believe yes.)

Anyway i hope i can pay you one day for the debt i am now in.

85 .

>>80 Oh, wow! Thanks for the crit, mang! No, seriously. I love crit to bits and pieces because it shows that, not only did the person like my work, but they liked it enough to tell me what they liked about it and how to get better and, call me a nerd, but that is SO EXCITING TO ME, OMGGG.
Anyways, I'll try to respond to what you said in the order you said it... if that makes sense.

~~~ I know that, technically you aren't supposed to start with "And" or "But", but it's one of those rules I basically ignored just because. WELL, NO MORE. I'll stop doing that, outside of maybe dialogue or sum shit.
~~~ Dude, you're right. Dialogue is tough, but I love writing it, because I feel that's where stories come alive the most. I appreciate the tips for sniper, though - I'm a girl from the hardcore American South, so outside of Engie's (and Medic's, too... I took German for four years) accent, I can't really seem to get them right. Tips are always appreciated!
~~~ No capitalization for emphasis, got it. I'll admit - that's mostly laziness on my part. I end up capitalizing things a lot because I don't want to format friggin' italics, but if it's an eyesore, I guess I have no real choice. And that thing about the Heavy paragraph was just one of those moments where it seems awkward no matter how you place it, and I eventually just gave up and went, "BUMP IT." and moved on. Hopefully that won't happen again in the future, but who knows, LUL.
~~~ I don't know why I did that. Maybe I was trying to mix up terms - I have this thing where I don't like using certain phrases to describe someone twice. Like, if I say "The Scout said <hurp>" at the beginning of a paragraph, I'll refer to him as "the boy" or "the young man" the next time to avoid repetition. I'm not sure if that's a good habit or just something born of my own OCD, but I'll look into it late, FO SHO HOLMES.

You are mad good at proofing, and I'd be psyched if you could beta-read it for me! Thanks for liking my story despite all the minor flaws, and I'm hoping we can work something out eventually!

Oh, and also, I'm not going to continue this story on this thread because I am pretty certain that it's going to get reeeeally long. So I'll just make another totally different thread for it, so that this place doesn't get cluttered with my nonsense. I mean, three updates in a row from one person? Kinda redonkalous. Hoo, I'm tired - I'll see you guys late.

86 .

I totally get what you mean about avoiding repetition. Sometimes I wonder if I should just memorize the whole thesaurus so I don't have to keep flipping through it every time I want to find a different word for something. I hope I didn't sound too pretentious in my last post, by the way D:

Also, pfft. Keep updating in this thread! It is full of love and awesomeness.

87 .

So. Meet the Medic.

I hate to say it, but... I cried. Manteared, of course - I wasn't bawling, but.. I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE THAT BEAUTIMOUS. I REALLY DIDN'T. Valve, you never fail in blowing my very panties off with sheer awesome.

So, anyways, I was really surprised to see how much this Medic - basically a rehashed version of Dr. Insano - was canonically correct. COLOR ME SURPRISED, PARDNER. I seriously just did this for the lolz.


Frack, now I have to girl-jizz Medic everywhere. HOPE EVERYONE'S OKAY WITH THAT. Got any Medic-central requests? ASK 'EM NOW, I'M FUELED BY THE POWER OF FANGASM.

So, um. Yeah. I know I can totally keep updating in this thread, but it's likely to get confusing and crud, and I just don't wanna put you guys through that. Make it a one-shot, if you please! I'm already starting to make a habit of piling fanfictions on top of each other, and that's something I was hoping I'd get over after I left my last fandom. TOO MANY IDEAS, NOT ENOUGH TIME TO GET 'EM DOWN, HURP DURP.

88 .

mmmm possibly some interaction between this medic and the spy head in his fridge?

89 .

No pr0n involved? If so, check the regular fanfiction. I think fucking a severed head is a little bit beyond my reach. HURP

90 .

Oh dear GOD yes. I saw the video I practically came in my shorts. It was disgusting, how much I squee'd over it. I've always had a secret love for the Medic but MAANNNNN ALIVE this made it a serious crush.

Okay...um...drugs. Please? Sedatives would be great. Or sex drugs, or tranquilizers/hypnotics.

Alternatively, bondage. It could even have a little bit of guro if you want.

Thanks loads!

91 .

I'm probably horrible for asking this, but I just need to see this happen.

Basically, the Engineer gets captured by the enemy base and, for some sadistic reason, they bury him alive. Que someone coming in and saving him in the nick of time (preferable Spy because there is not enough Spy/Engineer in my life). Can end in sex if desired but I'd mostly like to see poor Engie freaking out and being comforted after the ordeal.

92 .

I need pornography! Pornography of Medic!
Engineer cut his hand off to build himself a new one, you know who'd get off on that? MEDIC!
Heavy seems worried but amiable for being a test subject, you know who could make something kinky out of that? MEDIC!
I'm just saying everyone takes a turn through that waiting room and they seem to hear every sound coming out of the infirmary/laboratory...
I know that the Meet the Medic video might have made our Doktor a little more light-hearted than most interpretations, but the best sex is sometimes the funniest. Oh chan, don't fail me now!

93 .

Bros, I would be in anon's debt if someone wrote spy/engineer/sniper.

Especially if bondage (Spy tying Engineer up, making him watch shenanigans with Sniper, eventually all three). Especially if knife play (nothing deep/no guro). As long as there's no non-con/watersports, I'm a happy fella.

Bonus points/internets for subtle suggestions of actual serious attachment between the three of them, because I'm terrible.

Thanks guize.

94 .

Guys, we need Medic porn involving the birds.

No, not like...Ugh. Wait.

OKAY. Medic-Heavy smut. The birds watch. Medic doesn't notice, but Heavy feels really fucking awkward with them just....staring at him. Tries to have a good time, but in the end, Medic's the only one really enjoying himself.

95 .

Okay, glad to know I'm far from being the only one who jizzed to "Meet the Medic".

The one question that comes up is "How do you ubercharge a Medic if there was nobody else to implant an uber device in /him/?"

Being enough of a nutjob for it, he'd take a page right out of the first Iron Man movie: he takes his Bonesaw to himself and performs self-surgery to implant the device.

He'd need two extra hands of course, so pick whichever class you want to be the "assistant". Squick on their end is a must (the level of such depends on the class you pick), while the Medic is disturbingly casual about the whole thing. (even being annoyed if they freak out too much)

96 .

Alrighty, I'll try my hardest with the requests already given! If I happen to not do your request or just take FOREVER, I'm sorry, I really am. Might've bit off more than I could chew there, BUT I REGRET NOTHING.

97 .

I'm sorry for bugging you guys, but I'm looking for 2 fics.
The first is heavy/engineer with heavy strapped down. It appeared before the site got rebooted.
The second has Spy and Sniper singing 'anything you an do I can do better'
If you can find either of these I'd be very happy.

98 .

>>97 Gotcha covered on the Eng-Heavy fic front. Don't know the title, but I'm pretty sure it's one of Marty's fics.


“Okay, big guy, bend down so I can buckle this...” sweat glistened on the Engineer’s forehead as he cinched the collar around the Heavy’s neck. The big man leaned over and kissed his shorter teammate on the forehead as the buckle clinked closed.

“You look very happy,” the Russian smiled.

“You best believe it, partner.” The Texan threaded a rope through the ring on the collar and hauled on it- the pulley effect yanked the Heavy down toward the end of the rope that was tied to a ring in the floor. “Great big fella like you, at my mercy.”

The Heavy growled in pleasure and went down on his knees. Next, the Engineer bound up his wrists and put the end of that rope up through a ring on the ceiling. Pulled in two directions, the Heavy was immobilised. Grinning like a maniac, the Engineer adjusted the tension on the ropes until the Russian’s mouth was exactly level with the crotch of his overalls.

“Now, ain’t that a picture.” The Engineer walked around the kneeling giant. “You want this?” He positioned himself in front of the Heavy and unzipped his fly.

“Da,” the Heavy smiled. “Give to me.”

Panting slightly, the Engineer fed his thick cock between the Heavy’s lips. The Russian strained against his bonds, trying to take in more than the Texan was giving him.

“Be patient, big fella,” the Engineer chuckled, caressing the other man’s bald scalp. “Yer gonna get it all... when’n’as I want to give it.”

The Heavy did as he was told, lapping and sucking at the tip of the Engineer’s cock until the man eased more in. The Russian used his tongue skillfully, coaxing and teasing, trying to make the Texan desperate. It seemed to be working; soon, the Engineer was all but fucking his throat. His thick cock almost filled the Heavy’s wide mouth, and the Russian had to breathe carefully to avoid choking.

“Shoot, that’s nice,” the Engineer grinned as he pushed back on the Heavy’s forehead, pulling his cock out of the big man’s mouth. The Heavy groaned with frustration as the Engineer patted his cock dry on a corner of his shirttail and tucked it back in his overalls.

“Didn’t I say, hold your horses?” The Engineer loosened the knot that held the Heavy to the floor, leaving the rope trailing from his collar. Then, he reeled in the rope to the ceiling, dragging the Heavy to his feet and twisting his arms up at an uncomfortable angle. “That’s right.”

The Engineer unbuckled the Heavy’s flak jacket and stripped it away, then ran his hands over the fat-padded muscle of the Russian’s torso. “You are built like a brick shithouse, if I may say.”

“What means this?”

“Solid. Big and tough. Impervious to all forces of man an’ nature.” The Engineer smiled, and undid the Heavy’s belt. “I can’t believe how goddamn big you are.”

“Is good day to be giant man,” the Heavy leered as the Engineer pulled out his cock and stroked it. The tension of the rope forced the Heavy to either stand on his toes or strain his shoulders- he couldn’t thrust into the Engineer’s callused hand, no matter how much he wanted to. His wide face went red wit frustration, and he moaned.

“Oh, yeah.” The Engineer wrapped his arms around the Heavy, pressing their solid bodies together. “You’re quite a sight like this.” He nuzzled against the larger man’s chest, inhaling the warm scent of his skin.

The Heavy bent his neck to kiss the top of the Engineer’s head. “But please, let me down now? The shoulder creaks.”

“I’ll let ya down, all right,” the Engineer smirked and grabbed another hank of rope. He tied an amazingly complicated figure-eight knot around the Heavy’s balls and tugged. “I reckon I got your full attention?”

The Heavy roared, unable to provide an articulate answer as the Engineer untied his hands.

“Get over toward the bed,” the Texan directed. “Yah, mule,” he laughed as he playfully whipped the big man’s ass with the loose end of the rope.

Their shared bed was a tempered-steel testament to the Engineer’s genius. Its legs had rigid spring shocks like the legs of a sentry gun, there were cleats for ropes and hooks for chain, it was rated to two thousand pounds, and there was a beer cooler built into the underside. Moreover, there was a pressure switch under the mattress- when the bed was occupied, it automatically locked the bedroom door and charged the handle with a thousand volts- enough to dissuade any nosy Scouts or prying Spies. When the Heavy laid down spread-eagle in the centre, it framed him perfectly.

“Oh, darlin’,” the Engineer panted as he stripped off the Heavy’s clothing and tied him down. “I love to see you on this bed.”

“Bed is good,” the Heavy smiled, tugging experimentally at his bonds. “With you in, is better.” The Engineer’s knots were sound, as always.

The Engineer hastily shucked his clothing and threw himself across the larger man. Groaning with pleasure, he crawled up along the Heavy to lie on top of him, barrel-chest to barrel-chest, erections pressed together. They kissed deeply before the Engineer drew back to look into the Heavy’s eyes.

“I love havin’ you like this. A genuine giant, under my complete command. It’s amazin’.”

“I love to be like this. Is so safe.” The Heavy flexed his shoulders.

“How do you figure?” The Engineer cocked his head.

“I am too big, always have to be careful, hold back. With this,” he tensed is arm, making the muscles stand out but otherwise achieving nothing, “I can give all, but still no danger.”

“That’s a dang good point,” the Engineer kissed the Heavy’s collarbone. “I never thought of it that way before. I just figured you were bein’ accomodatin’.”

“Is good for me, too,” the Heavy assured him.

“Oh, I’ll make sure it’s good fer ya.” The Engineer slid his hands down the Heavy’s body, stroking his chest, belly and thighs before reaching his cock. “You look dang eager,” he remarked, tugging on the rope around the larger man’s balls.

“Da,” the Heavy panted.

The Engineer huffed a hot breath on the Heavy’s erection, the followed it with his tongue. The big man groaned, and the Texan wrapped his lips around his lover and blew him to the point of desperation before stopping.

The Heavy swore and pleaded in Russian, but the Engineer ignored him to dig into his particular bedroom toolbox. He came out with a custom-made, hand-tooled buttplug, fitted with a compact Australium-powered vibrator. The Heavy moaned at the distinctive sound as the Engineer fired it up, and his cock shuddered.

“That’s right, you like this’un, don’t ya?” The Engineer cooed as he slicked the toy with lube. “Wait for it...” he pressed the blunt tip against the Heavy’ ass. Groaning, the Russian relaxed and let the Engineer slide it into place.

“That’s what I like to see.” The Engineer leaned back, surveying the scene with satisfaction- his steel, his rope, his toys- his Heavy. “Is this what you like to see?” He straddled the Russian’s hips and began fingering his own ass.

The Heavy huffed and struggled, but couldn’t get the leverage to push up into the Engineer. He was forced to wait as the Texan prepared himself, luxuriating in the feeling of his fingers inside his own body, teasing his own cock and balls with his fingertips. Only when the Texan was flushed and moaning did he pause to undo the rope around the Heavy’s balls. Then, he took hold of the big man’s cock again, propping it upright and positioning it to penetrate him.

The Heavy groaned at the sensation of the Engineer’s tender flesh against his own, groaned in anticipation of pleasure. He tried to buck again, and this time, the Engineer held still to let him push in. He grunted and slid carefully down onto the big man’s cock, an inch at a time. “Oh, oh Jesus, Heavy.”

When the Engineer had taken the Heavy’s cock all the way, he leaned forward to kiss the big man, stroking his stubbled cheeks. “Okay, big fella, turn loose.”

“Ride them, cowboy,” the Heavy rumbled, grinning broadly. He snapped his hips up, and the Engineer did ride him, gripping the Heavy’s hips with his knees, holding onto the massive man’s shoulders with one hand. The other hand wrapped around his cock, stroking in time with the Heavy’s forceful thrusts.

“God, lord Jesus, yes,” the Engineer swore. In the throes of pleasure, he tightened his legs, squeezing the Heavy inside himself.

The big man had no words, not in English, not in Russian, for what he was feeling. He threw it all into the motions of his body, bucking and writhing under the smaller man. Any lesser bed would have been cantering all over the floor. As it was, the springs screamed in protest, adding to the symphony of the Heavy’s bellowing and the Engineer’s whoops.

The Texan rode the larger man like a rodeo bull, letting his body follow of his muscular lover. “Auh-” he panted. “Oh, lord, Heavy, so close- tell me when yer gonna-”

“Please!” the Heavy roared. “Please- now- please!”

The Engineer jerked himself hard and fast, and ejaculated with a hair-raising yodel that could be heard over in the enemy Intel room. The Heavy followed suit, with a roar that shook the foundations of the base. The Engineer collapsed on top of him, smearing semen between their bellies. “Oh- that was- that was-” he babbled.

“Sh, shh,” the Heavy soothed. “Is good.”

“Lemme untie ya-” the Texan loosened the knots at the Heavy’s wrists.

“Da,” the Russian wrapped his arms around his smaller lover. “Is good time for hug. You are okay?”

“Nnf-” the Engineer winced as he pulled himself off the Heavy’s softening cock. “Never better, darlin’, never better.”

“Please to turn off vibrator now?”

“Oh, sorry, o’course.”

99 .

I think this is the 'anything you an do I can do better' fic you're thinking of.



"Monsieur Engineer! Set up a range for ze Sniper and myself!" Spy demanded as he stormed into the community room of the base. Sniper was quick to follow with a sour look on his face.

"Lover's quarrel?" Medic asked from his place at the chess board with Heavy. This elicited a derisive snort from Sniper.

"There's no lovin' a Spy, mate. He wouldn't be able to figure out his place in the relationship..." he gave Spy a sidelong look before continuing, "the woman's place. He'd be out taking down targets instead of getting me dinner ready for when I get back from 'work'." Sniper pointed out, crossing his arms.

"Oui, and you would be missing your targets." Spy stated, eyes flashing dangerously as he stepped up closer as if to confront the slightly taller man.

"Ah... this is no way to start workin' together, y'children." Engineer stated, taking a sip of his beer pointedly.

"We ain't gonna be workin' t'gether!" Sniper exclaimed, his voice ringing a bit more harshly than the situation warranted.

"You guys are still on the same team, fags," Scout said, frowning at them in annoyance from his place lounging across the couch.

"That does not mean that we will be working together... ever," Spy growled adamantly, shooting the Bostonian a subtle glare that made him go back to his television watching with little more than another 'fag' comment.

Spy saw that Engineer wasn't going to comply with his request and turned to brush past Sniper with a firm frown. "Zat does not mean zat you win merely from your job title." Spy stated when he saw Sniper's winning smirk as he passed the man.

"Oh? That suit sure had me fooled, I thought I was dealing with a gentleman." Sniper shot after the Frenchman. Spy stopped and they were suddenly chest to chest again, neither backing down from their testosterone-filled anger match. "It's gonna be a pleasure giving you a lesson in marksmanship once I convince Truckie to do it." After all, they needed Engineer’s precious metal to set up targets.

"Bah! My dear Sniper, you could not even give me a lesson in long-distance spitting!" Spy sneered, back ramrod-straight and chest puffed out in an effort to seem more formidable than the other man. "Anyzing you can do, I can do better! I can do anyzing better zan you!" Spy scoffed in his face, giving him a light shove with his chest before turning on his heel and walking to lean against the couch.

"No you can't." Sniper shot back, following him with his long strides and placing his hands on the back of the couch, trapping Spy within the confines as he leant against the sofa with about a foot or more of space between their bodies.

Spy smirked. "Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can." The lord-of-espionage's voice was almost sing-song, so very satisfied that he was annoying his co-worker.

"No you can't!" Sniper's eyes narrowed in a glare behind his shades.

"Yes I can, yes I can!" Spy came chest to chest with the man again and smirked up at him triumphantly.

"Anything you can be, I can be greater." Sniper sneered, eyes dangerous behind his glasses as the masked man before him looked affronted at their closeness and turned away to cross his arms, side facing Sniper. Neither were aware that the whole team was watching them. "Sooner or later... I'm greater than you!" He boasted lowly into Spy's ear with a short laugh.

"No you are not." Spy sneered, rolling his eyes at the supposedly ludicrous statement.

"Yes I am." Sniper countered with a smirk, seeing Spy's nerves tense

"You are not," Spy said a bit more firmly, eyes narrowing dangerously. He was offended that the Sniper might ever think himself superior to the masked man.

"Oh, yes I am." They were chest to chest again, noses scant centimeters from each other. "Yes I am, mate," he repeated with a snarky grin. “I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge!” He bragged as he strolled away from the tense man with his hands casually in his pockets.

“Oh? Well, I can shoot a sparrow with a bow and arrow.” Spy smirked, playing on the fact that Sniper was very poor at using his Huntsman. Sniper’s ears turned red and Spy thought he had won their little spat until Sniper’s expression became a bit more determined and he burst out with a desperate:

“I can live on bread and cheese!”

“And only on that?” Spy questioned, knowing the man’s great love for Kangaroo jerky.

“Yes!” Sniper answered confidently, his broad chest puffing out proudly.

“So can a rat.” Spy scoffed, his witticism taking the man by surprise as he strode to the man’s other side as if he were walking away from the fight. Sniper’s hand caught Spy’s shoulder and whirled him around with yet another glare as Spy’s hand raised with his knife flicked out and glinting.

Sniper paid the weapon no heed and merely boasted: “Any note you can reach, I can go higher,” with a smirk ghosting his lips.

Spy paused for a second, blank faced before realizing what he was talking about. “You mean singing?” he raised a curious brow as he looked over the man. Sniper suddenly felt less confident and nodded a bit. “You really are a ‘fag,’ zen.” Spy laughed derisively before flicking his knife back into his pocket and heading back toward the door that they came in. He paused at the door and looked back at the blushing Australian with a small smirk. “ ‘Anyzing you can be, I can be better.’ ” He reminded Sniper with a wink before walking out.

Sniper felt his blush grow a bit before yelling after the man. “I’ll always be better than you!” He stormed out of the room, boots echoing down the hall long after they had moved away from the room.

“So... they’re going to see who can be gayer?” Scout asked, confused. “How’s that go?”

“Well, lad... first one gets on-” Demo’s explanation was cut off by Engineer tapping him on the head with his wrench warningly.

“They’re going to see who can yell louder...” Engineer explained simply, going back to whatever he was working on. Sometimes it was more soothing to work in a room of people rather than his shop. “Don’t go botherin’ 'em.” He warned, glancing up at the innocent boy as he stood.

“Aw... but I wanna see who wins.” Scout pouted, sinking back to the couch and turning the volume up on Annie Get Your Gun.

“You vill know by who is more... content... at dinner.” Medic assured him as he watched Heavy capture his pawn and took the man’s knight before his queen was soon lost. “Sheisse...” he murmured, scratching the back of his head with a small frown. “You are getting better, Heavy.”

“Thank you, doktor.” Heavy grinned, practically wiggling at his praise.

“Fags...” Scout mumbled, trying to block the two out as he watched Betty Hutton and Howard Keel start singing. “Wait a sec...”


"Thought you said I couldn't teach you 'bout long-distance spitting." Sniper chuckled, motioning to the two white spots on the wooden floor a good distance from the edge of the bed.

"Shut up, you had the advantage of being first." Spy stated, breathing out a lungful of smoke as he lay next to the man. Their clothes lay across the floor in a frenzied mess that the two utterly lacked now.

"Pft, how much d'those cigs cost, mate?" Sniper asked, stealing the cigarette for inspection before taking a puff and twisting his lips a bit as he tested the smoke's flavor and the way it sat in his lungs. He let it trail out his nostrils with a shake of his head, handing the cancer stick back to the Frenchman with a look of distaste.

"Why?" Spy asked with a raised brow. If he didn't like the taste of the man's cigarettes, did he not like the taste of Spy's mouth that he so enjoyed only a few minutes before?

"They're just nothin' like mine... I don't like 'em." Sniper stated, moving to rest his head on the man's stomach idly with his body turned so that his legs were hanging off of the edge.

"Hm... they are fifty cents a pack." Spy stated, taking a drag.

"The most expensive I've bought were forty." Sniper informed him, shaking his head.

"They used to be thirty..."

"I get mine for twenty." Sniper smirked, moving to get one of his own from the pack in his pants that were sprawled across the floor near the bed and lighting it. He then settled next to Spy again on his back with his arm touching the Frenchman's lightly.

"Liar." Spy accused with a snort of his expensive smoke in Sniper's direction.

"Yes I can." Sniper stated with a frown, returning the favor and scooting closer to the man.

"No you cannot..." Spy rolled his eyes as if he was tired of hearing the man lie.

"Yes. I. Can." Sniper stated, bumping Spy closer to the edge of the bed with each emphasized word. He gave a satisfied laugh when the man's arm wrapped around him to avoid falling off.

"Merde... you are very funny, Sniper... you would be even funnier with my knife in your back, eh?" He gave the man a slight glare before putting out the finished butt of his cigarette on the man's shoulder.

"If you said that any softer, mate, it might be a turn-on." Sniper returned in a low, rough voice. He had barely winced at the burn; it wasn't anything major, just another scar for Spy to kiss.

"Bah, I can say anything softer than you." Spy scoffed as he flicked the butt away.

"No, y'can't." Sniper said in a soothingly soft voice that he had rarely used before. Maybe when he thought he hurt Spy only to find that the man had a pain kink.

"Yes I can." Spy countered ever so softly.

"No, you can't." Sniper's voice was barely discernable from his breath as his face moved closer to Spy's.

"Yes I can..." was the whisper along Sniper's lips and, before the Aussie's negation could flicker forth, their lips were connected. Spy winced when Sniper's cigarette got too close to his cheek and Sniper grumbled, pulling back once he realized he'd been tricked into not responding for two seconds. It was a universal rule that a reply was confined within two seconds or it was invalid.

"I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker." Spy chuckled, placing a last peck against Sniper's lips and carefully avoiding the cigarette.

"I c'n drink it quicker and get even sicker." Sniper smirked, knowing how Spy's stomach reacted to large and quickly ingested amounts of alcohol.

"I can open any safe," Spy said pointedly.

"Without gettin' caught?" Sniper asked, raising a brow.


"That's what I thought, y'crook." Sniper snorted, hitting him lightly in the chest before turning onto his back and tapping his cigarette over the ashtray next to Spy's bed.

"Any note you can hold, I can hold longer." Spy sing-songed into his ear with a sultry smirk on his lips.

"Fag." Sniper countered as he blew smoke rings at the ceiling, watching them puff into nothingness against the white spackle.

"You are one to talk, mon ami..." was Spy's reminder with a gentle laugh at the man's ineffective counter before closing his eyes and relaxing back.

A few minutes later, once Sniper had finished his cigarette, the man slipped up to Spy's ear and waited for the man to crack an eye open at the hot, moist breath in his ear.

"Anything you can wear, I can wear better." He murmured lowly against the man's ear, tongue ghosting over the shell and getting an interesting reaction from Spy's throat before he finished his taunt, "in what you wear, I'd look better than you..."

"In my jacket?" Spy questioned with a raised brow and nodded to the chair it hung from.

"And your vest." Sniper nodded, slipping away and scooping up the article to pull it on before donning the jacket as well.

"In my pants?" Spy suggested, watching the man comply and pull them on before smirking and also taking up the discarded mask.

"In your mask..." the Australian grinned as he pulled the fabric over his head and looked at Spy with the best approximation he could get of the condescending look that Spy usually had.

"Hmm... no you can't." Spy smirked, shaking his head and standing himself with a yawn and a smooth stretch as he paced over to Sniper and straightened the suit on him a bit.

"Yes I can, can, can." Sniper pointed out, noticing the Frenchman's gaze lingering on the way that the pants fit him and the way that his, though quite lanky, form easily filled the thinner man's vest and jacket with his slightly more muscular figure.

"Anything you can say, I can say faster." Spy changed the subject quickly, looping the tie around Sniper's neck and skillfully tying it before pulling him back over to the bed.

"Oi! I c'n say anything faster'n you!" Sniper growled, pushing the man down onto the bed and following when he didn't relinquish the tie.

"No, you cannot." Spy shook his head, pulling Sniper a bit closer.

"Yeah I can!" Sniper answered quickly. They went on like that for a few seconds with Spy giving Sniper a little tug to bring him closer with each of his ever-quicker denials that Sniper could speak faster than him. Sniper's lips cut him off in much the same manner as Spy's had when they were on the topic of who could speak more softly, effectively winning the argument by late response.

"I can jump a hurdle..." Spy breathed, his eyes furious that his own tactic had been used against him. His hand on the tie pulled Sniper closer so that their foreheads rested against each other.

"I can wear a girdle," Sniper taunted, hands resting on either side of Spy's hips.

"Do you even know what that is?" Spy raised a brow, suddenly amused at the thought.

" 'Course, it's a hat, right?"

"Stop being a brat." Spy rolled his eyes and let the tie go so that Sniper could sit up on him.

"Well... your turn, mate." Sniper goaded, brushing a hand across the smooth skin of Spy's chest.

Spy thought for a second before shrugging and continuing with, "I can knit a sweater."

"We both know I c'n fill it better," Sniper pointed out with a chuckle, shrugging the jacket off and looking down to undo the buttons on the vest.

"I can do most anything." Spy smirked up at the man, his hands arresting Sniper's from their unbuttoning and continuing it themselves.

"Can you bake a pie?" Sniper asked curiously, suddenly hungry.

"No..." Spy answered softly with a small frown and a quirk of his brow.

"Neither can I," Sniper sighed before shrugging the vest off as well.

"Anything you can say, I can say sweeter," Spy offered, trying to pull the man's mind from his stomach.

"Fag." Sniper accused with a snort.

"Hm... yes, but so are you." Spy chuckled, playing with the waistband of his slacks around the other man's waist.

"Too right, mate... too right..." Sniper agreed as he lowered himself onto the man and proceeded to start their next competition-- who had the better stamina.

100 .


That was a thing of beauty, and Sniper/Spy, (and songfic, do ho ho) isn't even a pairing that strongly appeals to me.... Kudos to you!

101 .


This is glorious! Sniper in spy's attire whilst they sing!? Someone must draw this, I beg of you!

102 .


Oh, hurp. I was just looking back over this stupid little thing, and I found I mistranslated Medic's last sentence horribly. So, yeah. Here's a mini-German lesson for all those that care, and also for those that don't, but are too lazy to skip ahead.

I wanted Medic to say, "He played with the fire," which is a German phrase just like it's an English one. The site I went to for German idioms ( http://www.mscd.edu/mdl/gerresources/sayings2.htm for anyone interested, but you can find better ones just by Googling "German idioms" ) had the phrase "Da spielen Sie mit dem Feuer!" YOU'RE playing with fire.

So I replace "Sie" (formal you) with "Er" (he), and conjugated the verb. So it read, "Da spielt er mit dem Feuer."


Instead of Medic saying, "He played with fire," he said, "He IS playing with fire."

So I change it into present-perfect tense (the one Germans use when speaking, but usually not writing), and the phrase becomes, "Da hat er mit dem Feuer gespielt."

Or maybe it's, "Da hat er mit dem Feuer gespielen." I can never remember, HURP. If I had to warrant a guess, though, I'd say "gespielt" is the most likely to be correct.

For anyone wondering, I took four years of German in high school, and Medic is awesome for helping me remember my lessons, since this is probably the only place I'm going to use them. Unless I go to Germany. Which I wouldn't mind doing.

103 .

While having his ass pounded by Sniper, Spy happens to spot an odd mark on Sniper's shoulder blade. That mark is actually Sniper's pet scorpion. Spy is terrified of scorpions, and freaks out (grabbing the nearest object and trying to smash the scorpion, kicking Sniper off of him, screeching like a little girl, etc)

104 .


You're right with the "Da hat er mit dem Feuer gespielt". You could have also used imperfekt, in which case it could have been "Da spielte er mit dem Feuer"?

(Yay! for highschool German. :D)

105 .

I had my first idea for a request yesterday; respawn messes up to cause a bodyswap between Spy and Engineer. My immediate thought was that Engineer would spend the day bumping into things, unused to long gangly legs, and Spy would spend the day in his room masturbating with his new body.

I imagine anyone else might think of variations on the theme; I'd still like to see some very awkward Spy/Engineer bodyswap sex.

106 .


Well, I will certainly have to second this request.

Just more Spy x Engie in general would be lovely.

107 .


team mate is jealous of Sniper's idol worship and masturbating to Saxton Hale, so Sniper sets out to rectify this with glorious, gratuitous sex.

108 .

Thirded so hard.

109 .


Oh, hurp. Forgot about past imperfekt completely. It was one of the later lessons were learned, and it didn't stick very well because my entire last year was a hell-torrent of pain and sickness and personal life BS. I MISSED ALMOST 30 DAYS OF SCHOOL IN ONE SEMESTER, FFFF.

Anyways. Thanks for the tip! It's nice to see there's another sorta-kinda German speaker on here! Makes me think we can work together with LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP to make Medic speak like he's still in gradeschool without the use of a translator!


(I should go to sleep much, much earlier.)

Fouthededed. I'd do it myself, but I'm a little swamped when it comes to requests, LOL. Probably won't stop me from actually doing it, but whatever.I'm on board for anyone to do it, be it myself or someone else.

110 .

I've had this kink swiming around for a bit, so here goes:
Sniper decides to go out and buy new shoes because his old ones are too old. (It'd be funny to hear exactly what made him finaly break down and buy new shoes.)
After he buys his shoes, he finds that the teams schedualed break is a bit shorter than previously stated, so he has to go back into the thick of battle without even the chance of breaking his new shoes in. Needless to say he gets very sore feet. Heavy stumbles upon Sniper moaning in pain on the couch. Heavy starts to rub Sniper's feet and it goes from there.
Please and thank you.

111 .


Good lord, the bodyswap thing sounds so fun. I don't know whether I'll like the idea or the execution more, but I'll try my hand at it. Unless of course you get to it first, Tworefined. (You're amazing, by the way.)

Haven't submitted anything here anyways, might as well de-lurk with something interesting.

112 .

Hmm. So. I'll just leave this here, I guess.
First time poster, so critique would be great. Straight up gonna apologize for any butchering of the French language. Also I lack a beta, so any mistakes are solely mine and Ah'm sorry for that, too.

>>105 , here we go. Part 1 of 3, if all goes well. Porn comes later.


RED Engineer sighed, a weary, lung-deflating exhale of carbon dioxide, and drew a handkerchief out of his back pocket to dab at the sweat beading relentlessly on his forehead. You would think that after weeks--months, even--at this God-forsaken base, he'd be used to the heat. Not so. Even little ole Beecave hadn't been this hot, and that was goddamn TEXAS. The temperature simply soared here as if it would never reach a climax, but simply continue climbing until every living thing in no-man's-land just up and shriveled away. Well, at least he was in the shade. The Engineer put the kerchief away and took a swig of water from a small canteen before returning his thoughts to more pressing matters.

Today's battle wasn't going exceedingly well. After an entire morning of an unsuccessful offensive, the RED team had finally captured one of the BLU control points, allowing them to advance further into the war zone and get a stronger foothold to build up a better offense. Engie, practical-minded as ever, had immediately set up a dispenser near the newly-taken point, and was in the process of setting up a turret as his more gung-ho teammates charged onward. The stout Texan finished up the turret and leaned heavily on the thing before removing his goggles and wiping at the sweat that had begun to sting his eyes.

"Whoo-ee, this heat'll git us all before the dang BLUs even get a chance." He mused quietly, again dabbing at his face with the damp kerchief.

"Oui, only if I do not keel zem all first, Laborer." A plume of smoke hit the back of the Engineer's neck, sending an unpleasant chill down his spine.

Engie spun on his heel at the sudden sound, tripping over himself and his sentry before falling in an ungraceful heap on his backside. Despite his tumble, his pistol was out in a lick, aimed directly at the head of the Spy now chortling softly in front of him, looking down at the shorter man with a look of amused pity and condescension.

"Dag nabbit, Spah! How many times Ah gotta tell you to stop sneakin' up on me! You dern nearly got a bullet to the brain just now." The shorter man huffed and stood, dusting off his backside a bit and taking a step away from the Spy…only to trip once again on the leg of the sentry, and send himself reeling backward for a second time. "Dag-nabbit-daggit…" Engie simmered under the amused, snorting laughter of his teammate, his cheeks taking on a reddish tinge as he rose again. Of course, there was no telling whether it was from the heat, the impatient anger generated by said heat, or the embarrassment of the situation in general.

In an effort to save face, Engie occupied his hands by upgrading the sentry. It was still hot as hell, and every swing of his wrench seemed to take a heftier toll on the man, but he couldn't resist a proud, satisfied smile as he completed the upgrade and surveyed his handiwork. After a while he turned back to Spy, who was still standing there like a bump on a log, leaning languidly against the dispenser as if they weren't in the middle of a battle in goddamn hundred and twenty degree weather. The Texan gave the man a hard stare.

"Ain't you got somewhere to be, Spah? If'n ya haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a war." Engie gestured vaguely in the direction of the BLU base, hoping the Frenchman would take the hint and go. It wasn't that he disliked the man, per-say, he just didn't particularly like him either. Spy was always making lewd, completely inappropriate comments and queries toward the Engineer, and it made him uncomfortable. This was mostly due to the fact that Engie was never able to tell whether he was serious with his flirting or…well, he just hoped that the other man wasn't serious.

"Oui, I 'ave plenty of places to be, but as you said, zis heat, it may just 'git' us all," He smiled. "So zis is simply a momentary reprieve from ze hellish weather." The Frenchman took a long drag from his cigarette, leaning even more lazily against the dispenser and giving the Engineer a look that playfully dared him to try and make him leave.

"Well, now, I can definitely see where yer comin' from there. But Ah still don't see why you feel the need to sneak up on a body like that, specially not someone on yer own dang team." Engie huffed and went back to work on the sentry, tightening a few bolts here and there to keep her in perfect working condition. Spy chuckled and sidled silently up to the other man, observing his work over his shoulder.

"Apologies, monsieur. It eez a force of habit," Engie jumped at the low voice that'd gotten even closer to him. "Perhaps you are simply too excitable, oui?" The Spy was breathing in his ear now, setting off a prickle under Engie's skin.

"Now, Spah, I ain't gonna tell ya again-"


"Ah, ze ever-overzealous Soldat. We were simply 'aving a chat." The Spy looked unfazed by the arrival of the Soldier, still arching his lean frame over the Engineer and smiling into his neck.

"A CHAT? CHATTING IS FOR CIVILIANS! AND COMMUNISTS! LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN THAT WE. ARE. AT. WAR." He glared at the both of them from under his helmet, eyes narrowing at their close proximity. "I would expect this kind of lazy behavior from the Frenchie bastard, but you, Truckie?" Soldier gave the smaller man a hard stare, prompting an even deeper blush than before to spread across the Engineer's face. He stood up abruptly, pushing the Spy away and tightening a bolt that didn't really need it. The taller man simply smiled and cloaked, leaving the Engineer to deal with the angry American. Engie felt the a ghostly touch of fingertips against the nape of his neck, and heard a slight chuckle, before the Spy moved away completely. Creep.

"Sorry bout that, Solly. It's just so dern hot out here. Spah stopped at the dispenser and I guess I got a little distracted." He rubbed the back of his neck absently, giving the slightly older man a sheepish grin. "Won't happen again." Solly marched up to the shorter man and puffed himself up to his full height, getting right into Engie's face.

"It better not, maggot, or we'll be calling in for a new Truckie and you'll be OUT ON YOUR ASS. DO I MAKE MY SELF CLEAR, PRIVATE COWBOY?"

Engie nodded, which, had he been anyone else, would have thrown Soldier into a tirade about addressing him as SIR, LOUDLY, AT ALL TIMES. But the RED Soldier and Engineer had long since broken the awkward state of acquaintanceship, and Solly let him slide with a few more things than anyone else could. Engie honestly thought it was only because Soldier was partial to his cooking. But who knows.

The Soldier gave him one last, hard stare, then nodded brusquely and charged off with the team's Pyro, who was on his way back from respawn to give the guy that killed him the what-for. Engie simply watched the two of them go, thinking nothing in particular. Until, of course, he felt a hand creeping slowly down his backside.

Spy got a wrench to the face, but came out laughing.

"Ah, mon petit ingénieur, you never fail to bring a smile to my face." Spy lurched backwards a bit, holding the swelling side of his face as the dispenser slowly released a healing agent into his body, taking the sting out of his wound. For a man with such a small stature, Engie was no pushover. A hit from his burly, toned arms was like taking a punch to the head from heavy. Still, Spy found the southerner's apprehension and hair-trigger to be…endearing, in a way.

"A smile? I 'bout took her head of--again! Dangit, Spah!" Engie fretted over his somewhat-friend/nuisance, gingerly touching the Spy's face with his hand to make sure he hadn't broken his jaw. Spy relished the feel of the cool glove against his cheek, and held it there with his own hand, letting out a little sigh. Engie balked at this, but didn't take his hand away. Wasn't as if it were harmful, anyhow. After a moment the Spy smirked a little and stood, sighing a bit at the loss of the cool hand on his face.

"Well, I zuppose I should really get back to my work, zen." He straightened his tie in a business-like manner, dropping his previous playfulness and looking for all the world like the professional killer that he really was. A slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, however, at the look on the Engineer's face. It was a mix of concern and annoyance, as if he were struggling with some inner conflict of the Spy's presence. Ah, the many faces of the Texan were refreshing. Unlike the Spy, who had but brief lapses in his cold exterior, the shorter man was an open book at all times. "Unless you will miss me? After all, I could not imagine you would 'ave nearly as much fun wiz me gone." He gave the other man a cheeky smile that was reserved specifically for the purpose of bothering the Engineer, and winked.

Engie snorted and turned his head. The momentary spell of the Spy's odd display was broken, and now he was just annoyed.

"Ah think Ah'll manage." He said gruffly, preparing to ignore any further comment by the man in the suit, which he was expecting.

What he wasn't expecting, was for a BLU Demoman to come barreling around the corner, screaming obscenities and laughing like a maniac as he launched off some sticky bombs at the sentry, completely annihilating the poor thing. Engie reacted quickly, drawing his shotgun so fast it'd make any Texan proud and taking aim at the charging Demo, but he couldn't get a shot in as he dodged the Scot's bombs.

Spy reacted also, immediately whipping out his formidable pistol and popping a bullet expertly into the Demoman's skull. Engie turned to smile at the man and thank him, but before he could there was an explosion to his left--the Demo had gotten two more bombs out before toppling--and he watched as the Spy exploded into pulpy red pieces in front of him, before he, too was sent crashing into the darkness.


Engie gasped. Taking a trip through respawn, no matter how often they did it, was never a pleasant experience, and it always left him with a bone-deep chill that can only come from being broken down to the molecular level.

This trip, however, had seemed far worse than any other time. It was hot, so very, very hot. Engie could barely breathe, his lungs seemed to struggle in vain to pump enough oxygen through his bloodstream, and of all the things, he felt a craving for nicotine. That in itself made little sense, considering he hadn't even touched a cigarette since college. A muttering to his left caused the man to crack one eye open, which quickly became two very wide eyes as he tried to process the information in front of him.

The RED Engineer was staring at himself. Lying there in the respawn room, pressing a hand to his head, was him. The other him was muttering under his breath, and hadn't seemed to get his bearings yet, but it was definitely, unmistakably himself.

"What in tarnation-" Engie clapped a hand over his mouth comically mid-sentence, realizing that that was NOT his voice. Sure, it had the Texan twang, but it was most definitely not his. As his head reeled, the Texan hastily stood, and regretted it. Why on God's green earth was he so far off the ground? The height was dizzying in itself, but coupled with the effort it was taking to breathe, the threat of toppling to the ground was even greater. And why was he… Engie patted his pockets. Or where they would have been. He looked down at his hand. His gloved, very real, most certainly NOT mechanical hand. His petite, thinly veiled hand, with a distinct lack of working callouses. He tried to speak, but there were no words. This whole situation was starting to seem like some crazy dream where nothing made a lick of sense.

As the distraught Engineer tried to gain his bearings, the man on the floor finally gained his, and realized quite rapidly what had happened, if not exactly how. He was actually taking it fairly well.

"Mon Dieu," came a strange, French-accented-yet-distinctly-Engineer voice, "Everyzing is so tall from down here!" Despite the situation, he guffawed.

Engie was not amused.

113 .

what an oddly charming little idea! i will admit, im quite taken with this and will defiantly keep an eye out for more!

114 .

>>112 Original requester here, this is awesome!!! :) I'm so happy to see a response so quickly, I thoroughly enjoyed this and look forward to the rest. :)

115 .

Anyone have the link to James and Bond? It was about James the engineer building a time machine and fun stuff happens. Remember there were a few porny bits in there so I'm posting here..?

116 .


Ach! Vier Jahre hab ich auch in der Schule Deutsch gelernt. Wollte auch es in der Universitat weitermachen, aber leider (leider? Was meine ich den mit 'leider'? lal) hab ich Medizin gewaellt. Kein Deutsch mehr. D:

Yeah- I don't have much contact with anyone in Germany, or any of my German speaking friends, so TF2 and APH are my only real German spazzing outlets. SO YES. LET US DEUTSCH-MEDIZIN SPAZZ TOGETHER. FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

I'm new to the chan, but just thought I'd let you know I love the things that you do. ^^ An I may have been inspired by your comment and MtMedic enough to possibly steal one of the prompt made to you. Is that ok?

117 .

>>105 request part 2.

Not gonna lie, I don't like this one. But I'm also tired of trying to fix it. So here goes, 2 of 3.
Part 3 is all sex, I think.


Before either could comment further on the matter at hand, their team's Soldier made a reappearance, falling into existence as if out of thin air as respawn reconstructed him. The sheer rage seeping out of the man was tangible.

"I THOUGHT WE HAD ADDRESSED THIS PROBLEM, MAGGOTS. GET OFF OF YOUR ASSES AND JOIN THE FIGHT!" Soldier bared his teeth at the duo, probably about ready to start beating them with that damn riding crop of his to get them going. Engie held up his hands in a pose of surrender, and tried to calm the man down.

"Now, Solly, just wait a darned minute-"

"DON'T YOU TALK DOWN AT ME, YOU YELLOW-BELLIED FRENCHIE. AND YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS SIR! LOUDLY! AT ALL TIMES!" He held up his shotgun threateningly at the taller man, the sneer on his face turning into more of a rabid snarl.

"Solly, wha? It's me! Engie? Me and Spah, we-"

"PLAYING MIND GAMES NOW, WISE GUY? I'LL SHOW YOU A MIND GAME," He cocked his gun and took aim at the suited man's head, "HERE'S THE GAME: You get out there and do your job, I don't pop your head like a fourth-of-July watermelon." His voice grew dangerously quiet towards the end of the sentence, a sight more terrifying than his yelling, in Engie's opinion.

"Wait, er, Monsieur Soldat, 'e iz not ze Spy," Spy coughed and cleared his throat. His accent sounded very, very strange with the Engineer's voice, and simply speaking was enough to grate on the man's ears, but he would have to make due. Solly paused briefly and gave the two a disbelieving look, but lowered the gun.

"Why're you talking like a Frenchie, Truckie?" He turned his attention to the man on the floor, who coolly held his gaze.

"Well, zat is a good question. A question I cannot answer. But it seems as zough ze Engineer and I 'ave…swapped bodies." He shrugged, as if it were an everyday occurrence, and Soldier gave them both a stiff, skeptical look. He glanced between the two a few times, the wheels in his head turning and clanking, before reaching a decision.

"I ain't buying it." Soldier raised the gun again and prepared to put the Spy (he was nearly convinced that it was not their Spy, anyways) out of his misery, and send him and his mind games back to his dirty BLU base.

"Now, hold yer horses, Solly, just, hold yer horses. He ain't sellin' ya nothin'. It's me. Ah, dangit." Engie ran a hand over the top of his mask, trying to think of a way to make this situation sound plausible to the hot-blooded Soldier. "Er…remember when Ah had to give you advice on how ta treat a lady? When ya really wanted ta go after that purty Scout we had at base a few months back, but then she got transferred?" He paused for emphasis. "Ya came and cried on mah shoulder, Solly." The Engineer smiled softly, trying in vain to get the sharp features of the Frenchman's face to be open and disarming.

"THOSE WERE NOT TEARS, THEY WERE CONDENSED LIQUID PAIN LEAVING MY BODY. AND YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER RELAY THAT INFORMATION TO ANYONE, MAGGO-" Soldier stopped. He scrutinized the man, looking him up and down with narrowed eyes. "Truckie?"

Engie nodded back at the man before breaking into a grin.

Seconds later he lacked a head to grin with.

"YEAH, thought you could fool me, ya damned commie BLU? I DON'T THINK SO!" Soldier snarled and laughed triumphantly at the red splatter on the wall. The Engie-Spy on the floor simply stared at the man as one would stare at an inbred dog with a brain tumor; his lack of cognitive ability was just plain sad.

Moments later, respawn picked up the headless Spy body and he was standing in front of them once again, clutching a hand to his chest and wheezing in oxygen.

"DAGNABBIT, SOLLY." The Engineer braced himself on a nearby counter, panting and attempting to get enough air. "Augh, Spah, how d'you," he took a deep breath, "how d'you even breathe in this damned suit? And that smoking habit of yers is gonna kill ya. Or kill me, one." The not-Spy wheezed a bit more, before finally catching his breath. He loosened his tie and thought about removing the balaclava, but it wasn't technically his to remove, so he refrained. Soldier, at this point, was sporting a confused, angry expression, but at least he wasn't aiming a gun at anyone. He opened his mouth to speak, then clamped it shut again, still peering at the two from beneath his helmet.

They were all saved from further misfortune by the siren sounding the end of the day's battle. Spy stood up, scowling a little at his stature, and looked himself over. After a brief check of his parts, he concluded that the little body was not so bad. He could breathe more easily, for one thing. Sure, he was a bit short, but it could be worse. He could be the Demoman, or--God-forbid--that dirty bushman. He shuddered. Thankfully, the sound of respawn grinding to a halt for the day pulled him away from that particular train of thought, and saved the man from any severe mental trauma from his own imagination.

"Well zen," He said casually, "I zuppose we will 'ave find out how zis happened, oui?" As much as he hated to state the obvious, his two teammates seemed as if they needed to hear it. Engie nodded mutely, not trusting his newly-acquired voice box any more, and stepped past the Soldier, making his way out of the respawn room and towards the kitchen;the team needed to hear about this. Spy stood, watching the body--his body--walk away awkwardly, the thin limbs bumping and catching on various objects and doorways. It was cute, in a way. And merde, did he have a nice ass. He grinned and followed the other man, leaving the dumbstruck Soldier to ponder alone.


"So what you're sayin' is that Hardhat," the young man pointed at the suited man, "is in Spy's body. And Spy," he paused again to point at the man who looked like Engie,"Is stuck in Hardhat's body?" Scout stopped for a moment and stared at the two, then burst into a fit of loud, obnoxious laughter.

"It ain't funny, string bean! Ah ain't even got my Gunslinger anymore." Engie unconsciously stroked his arm, lamenting the loss of his familiar robotic parts.

"Pft, it's freakin' HILARIOUS!" The Scout glanced down at the Spy, standing quietly while the rest of the team thought about just what to do. "How ya feel, Spy-boy? Not so tough now that you're four feet tall, are ya?" The younger man guffawed loudly and clutched his sides, then shook his head and wiped away a tear of mirth.

Spy, already growing accustomed to his new body, sauntered over to the taller kid and smiled up sweetly at him, then punched him hard in the gut. The blow knocked Scout back onto his ass, and effectively stifled his laughter.

"Agghhh, the fuck, man..." Scout wheezed and clutched his stomach. His tears were no longer tears of mirth.

"Spah, dadgummit, don’t go around punchin' people while yer wearin' mah face!"

"You would razzer I shoot 'im and wait for respawn to pick 'im up in ze morning?" The Frenchman raised an eyebrow at the now-taller man.

"Well, naw, but-"

"Schweigen! Both of you, just stop. Be quiet." Medic intervened in a voice that dared anyone in the room to argue. When no one did, the German sighed and ran a hand through his greying hair, looking blankly at the floor. "...I do not know vat is ze problem. It is so hot I cannot zink, and zis barn we live in iz not helping. Perhaps respawn simply overheated, ja? Zat would explain ze…" He glanced up at the Spy and Engineer, considering. "Side effects."

Engie thought about it for a minute, but couldn't seem to focus. All eyes in the room were trained on them, and he wanted a cigarette bad, so he cut his losses and lit one up. After a deep inhale of the cancerous stick, his mind felt clear, more at ease. No wonder Spy was so hooked on these danged things; his body couldn't go ten minutes without one. Addiction was an ugly thing.

At least his mind was considerably less clouded now. He thought about Medic's theory. Yes, it was possible that respawn had suffered some fatal error in this blasted heat, but why had it only affected the two of them? Soldier had gone through again after they did, and was completely fine. Well, as fine as Solly ever was, anyways. Maybe it was because they were killed together? Maybe something had gone wrong with the molecular stabilization system in the heat, and had mixed up their particles a bit? He pondered the possibilities. It would be a hell of a lot easier to figure out if he had access to the actual respawn system, of course, but the Administration would never allow it. So there was that.

"Well… honestly Doc, I ain't got a clue as to what 'xactly caused this pickle, but what we really need ta thank about here is how ta fix it. Ah'm ready ta be back in mah own skin." Engie's face twisted into an expression of discomfort as he looked around the room. "Ah just don't like bein…like this. Don't feel natural." He gestured to his body.

Spy could have taken offense, of course, were he paying attention. But he was much too fascinated with his own new body. He stared at his arms, shorter now, and how the muscles rippled beneath the skin from years of toil and labor. His hands were large and warm, and quite soft despite the callouses that riddled the skin where tools had rubbed them the wrong way. Oh, rubbing the wrong way, now there was an idea.

"Ahem," He spoke up at last, getting the silent group's attention save for Scout, who was still rolling about on the floor. "It is obvious zat we are not going to figure zis out tonight, so I propose we all retire and try our hand at ze problem tomorrow, oui?" Medic was about to protest, but Heavy put a calming hand on his shoulder and led the ragged-looking doctor away, nodding a silent thanks to the shorter man as they went. Everyone seemed to agree then, if hesitantly, and the group dispersed to their own private residences, leaving only the Engineer, Spy, and a still very winded Scout.

"So d'we… d'we just go to our own rooms, then?" Engie gave Spy a searching look, and Spy couldn't help but smile. Seeing his face shift into so many different expressions was a treat for the Spy, as he couldn't even dream of creating such genuine expressions in his own body. Regardless of the new accommodations of his person, the Engineer was still an open book, and each subtle shift of his face was visible beneath the balaclava.

"Oui, I would zink so. I will return to my room, and you to yours. Just be careful not to break anyzing wiz your limbs, mon ami maladroit." Spy smirked, a small, quirky thing that looked out of place on his new face, and sauntered away toward his own room. Engie looked on a bit enviously at how he carried his figure, slow and methodical and secure in a way that the Engineer could never pull off. As he started off for his own workshop/room, however, he couldn't resist at least attempting to mimick the strut. He tried to walk as Spy had walked, cool and self-aware. The end result was an awkward, half-swagger that he imagined looked simply ridiculous in this long body. Ah, well.

Upon entering his room, Engie noticed one slight problem with his sleeping arrangements; his bed was too small. Being a man of simple, practical tastes, the RED Engineer had only a single, twin-sized mattress, plenty large enough for him, but Spy… well that remained to be seen. He stripped down to Spy's dark red, cotton underwear, and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Good lord, the man was gorgeous. He walked over to the thing and stared, in an act that was as new as this body. He'd only gotten the mirror for the occasional day off, and barely even noted the thing's existence. Now, though, his eyes were riveted on the figure staring back through the glass.

Spy was long and lanky, but with a solid frame of muscle supporting his limbs that took away from the gangly appearance and gave him a more structured, lethal look. He was hard in all the places Engie was soft, and his chest was only lightly dusted with fine, soft hairs. It almost felt like an invasion of privacy, staring covetously at his new body like this. But if they never found a way to reverse it, this would be his body from now on anyways. Might as well get to know it now. Slowly, carefully, the Engineer worked the balaclava off of his face, keeping his eyes firmly locked on their mirrored counterparts.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

If he had thought Spy was a looker with the mask on--and nobody was saying he did, but if he had--it was nothing compared to the face he looked into now. The man didn't have any right keepin' this covered up, it was just a crime.

His face was sharply angled, with high cheek bones and a bit of five-o-clock shadow covering his jaw and neck--just enough to be appealing, but not so much as to call it a beard. An easy way to describe him would simply be to say that he was...well, French. Lithe, sharp, a bit effeminate, and yet distinctly male. He had neatly-plucked eyebrows, and a suave cut of dark brown hair, a bit flat due to the constriction of the mask. Engie felt a tug in his stomach, a tug he thought he'd dispatched many years ago, and forced himself to look away from the mirror.

With a sigh he slipped on one of his own shirts to sleep in, though it hung loosely around the Spy's smaller frame and was a bit too short. It wasn't enough to bother him, though, so he laid down and curled up a bit, trying to get comfortable with his feet dangling off the end of the bed.

It was gonna be a long night.


Spy was thoroughly enjoying this new body.

He was quite certain that they'd be able to fix this mess somehow--his Engineer could fix anything, after all-- so he was determined to get as much out of it as he possibly could before it was over. After entering his room he had locked the door, stripped nude, and stared at himself in his mirror in a manner similar to the Engineer's own actions. But where the Texan's observations were things of relative innocence, Spy had much more devious activities in mind for this new form.

He let his hands travel lightly around himself, watching in the mirror as they grazed over his skin, touching and finding all of the body's sensitive spots. He was pleasantly surprised to learn that the Engineer had a ticklish streak that ran up both sides of his torso, and continued down over his hip bones. Thick, light hair covered the majority of the Engineer's chest, but it suited him. He was hard, and yet soft, and despite his stature, the man was definitely Texan-sized where it counted. The surplus of contrasts made this body all the more appealing in the Spy's eyes.

His stomach had a bit of a pooch, but not in an unpleasant way. Rather it was as if the majority of the Engineer's muscles had pooled into his arms and thighs, leaving the remaining areas of his body not so much fat as a just a bit soft in comparison. The Spy relished the feel of the hands caressing himself, and shivered at the cold touch of the Gunslinger's glove on his flesh.

Curiously, he let his other hand travel down the length of his torso, pausing for a moment to tug at the coarse hairs of a happy trail that ran down from his belly button, before caressing the familiar, yet completely alien length, teasing it to life as he had done to himself many times before. Merde, these hands. For as long as he could remember, the red Spy had had this obsession with hands, and the Engineer's were perfect. Large, warm, rough and soft in all the right places… Spy kept stroking himself, panting a bit as he explored his body and sighing in pleasure when he found a particularly sensitive area.

He continued to watch in the mirror, watch the Engineer's face contort in pleasure and excitement, watch the Engineer's body clench and spasm as he stroked harder, faster. God, how he'd wished to see this for so long. Perhaps not in this way, of course, but to see the Engineer, that gruff, pleasant face open up to him as he touched him all over…

"Ah, qui se sent belle..." Spy moaned as his large hand moved faster and his mind supplied such lovely images to go along with the one he was currently viewing in the mirror. His mind was swimming as he stroked himself harder, rubbing the tip with his thumb and sighing heavily, leaning further against the mirror and…there was a knock at the door.

The Spy paused, hand still clutching his throbbing member, and listened. He thought it might have been his imagination, but no, there it was again, a soft, yet definite knock at the door. Spy scowled and stayed still, hoping that whoever it was would just go the hell away. Why one earth was anyone bothering him at this hour, anyways?

"Ah, Spah? You awake partner?" The sound of his own voice drifted through the door's thin wood, and Spy relaxed. So it was only the Engineer.

"Oui…yes. What is it zat you want?" He quickly pulled on the Engineer's boxers, as they were the only ones that would fit him right now, and made his way over to the door. Opening it a crack revealed the other man standing there, looking like a bit worse for wear and wringing his hands together anxiously. He had put the balaclava back on, but it was a quick, lopsided job. Spy had to stifle a snort of laughter at the sight he made.

"Well, ta be honest, mah bed ain't long enough. Ah can't sleep a wink and mah back is achin' somethin fierce from tryin ta curl up. Ah," He paused and gave the Spy a bashful look, then continued, "Well, Ah was wonderin if'n ya might have a little extra space fer the night?" Spy noted the strain in his voice, and watched as the Engineer's face--well, his face--flickered through different emotions like a radio changing stations. He smiled. Well this would definitely make the night more interesting.

"Of course, of course. Zat is to say, if you do not mind sharing a bed wiz one such as me?" He gave the taller body a smile and held the door open a bit more, inviting him in and at the same time shielding his slowly-fading erection.

"Naw, Ah ain't got no problems with it." The Engineer pulled off his oversized shirt and sat down on the bed, his hands still keeping themselves occupied, as if he didn't know what to do with all of this new length. "Juss no funny business, ya hear?" He gave the man in his body a fierce stare and pointed a finger at him.

Spy chuckled and closed the door, then discreetly turned the lock. He made his way over to the bed, sat next to the suspicious Engineer and gave him a winning smile.

"Funny business? You wound me! I would never participate in zis 'funny business' you speak of." He smiled sweetly and scooted towards the wall on his significantly larger bed, and held open the blankets in invitation. Engineer hesitated, just for a moment, then removed that damned itchy mask and got into bed with the other man, fully intent on getting a good night's sleep so they could fix this mess in the morning.

Spy was having none of that.

118 .

I have to say, Dogmattic, if this chapter isn't up to your personal standards, then I'd be very excited to read something you're super proud of, because I thought it was great. I loved this installment, and you've definitely got me eager for the next (last?) bit. Bodyswapping has always been a kink of mine, and you're hitting all the right spots.

119 .

>>105 request, last part!

'S just straight up porn, really. And to the original requester, I hope I did your prompt justice.

Part 3 of 3:


Engie had to admit, this bed was simply made for this body. It was perfectly soft, perfectly long, perfectly comfortable and so cool. Spy's room had it's own personal AC unit, so it was deliciously cool here, despite the heat raging just outside the thin walls. Engie sighed. His eyes drifted shut for the first time in this new body, and he felt himself relax all over. Sleep was coming on fast, his breathing just barely beginning to level out…when he felt a hand groping about under the covers.

Agitated and half-asleep, Engie simply grumbled and scooted further away, but the hand was persistent. It trailed down his back, setting the skin there into goosebumps, and continued downward to massage at his lower back. It actually felt kinda nice, if Engie was being honest with himself. One hand soon became two, but the Texan was so lost in the unexpected bliss of it all that he hardly noticed, or cared.

The Engineer sighed, positively loving the feel of the hands on him, of the fingers digging gently yet firmly into his lower back muscles and trailing downward still. From his back they traveled lower, and groped lightly at his ass, kneading the flesh there and causing Engie to squirm as a scarlet blush spread across his face. He noted a deep, throaty chuckle from behind him, and it was then that the gravity of the situation came crashing down on the man. He cracked both eyes open and made a noise of discomfort.

"Spah, what in tarnation are you doin?" He tried to retreat, to get some distance between him and the other man, but a pair of strong arms had hooked around his waist, and the Spy buried his face in his back.

"Only enjoying myzelf. Come now, ma pomme de terre peu" He chuckled. "'Ave you never been curious about your own body? Or mine, for zat matter?" He smiled into the muscled back and trailed a hand down the front of the lankier body, grasping a familiar object and stroking it in a way that he knew would warrant a reaction.

"Ah, hah, dag nabbit, Spah, no! This…it ain't right. We ain't even ourselves!" Eloquence escaped the Engineer as the Spy's hand--well, his own hand, actually--stroked him just right, applying pressure in all the right places and sending a soft moan through his lips.

"Oui, I 'ear ze words coming out of your mouth, and yet I do not zink you mean zem." Spy chuckled darkly, sending shivers rippling down the other man's spine, and caressed the shoulder blade before him with a hot, devious tongue. His hand continued to stroke the Engineer, and his other hand ran a cool, gloved fingertip down his thin side, pausing to rest on a sharp hip bone.

Engie was torn. He had known, on some subconscious level, that Spy hadn't been kidding with all that flirting and nonsense , and he figured the man had been wanting him for a while, but this? This was strange, and wrong, and God he shouldn't like it but those hands and that tongue on this body were driving him absolutely mad with want.

Spy tugged at his shoulder, and the Engineer let himself be rolled onto his back, immediately locking eyes with the other man as he did so. He looked into the eyes, his eyes, and saw the plain, honest lust there. God, and it was intoxicating. A moment's hesitation. Then, probably against his better judgment, the Engineer reached up to loop a lanky arm around the other man's neck, and pulled him down into a tentative, searching kiss.

Spy groaned into the mouth below him, deep and throaty and needy, as his body responded in kind to the Engineer's compliance. He ran both hands up and down those slender sides that were once his, feeling the layout of the musculature from a new perspective as their tongues battled for dominance. He broke the kiss first, breathing hard against the man below him, and bent down further to lick and suck at that delicate neck--so strange, so familiar. His ministrations were having the desired effect on his partner; the man could barely suppress his moans from all the attention. Spy propped himself up a bit with the Gunslinger, allowing his free hand to travel down, down…and finally coming into contact with his goal. He gently skirted the straining point, reaching lower instead to cup at the Texan's balls, stroking and pulling at them languidly as he continued to nip at the neck before him.

"D-dangit, Spah," Engie was having trouble breathing again. All of this was so hot and fast and real, and he felt like this new heart might burst with anticipation. The Spy knew his body well, so well that every touch was deliberate, every movement was perfected for this body. He worked the Engineer's boxers off and continued to plague said body with nips and caresses in all the right places.

It was so hot now Engie thought he might melt, yet felt as if this would be a good thing compared to anymore of this delicious torture. So delicious. But danged if he was just gonna lie down and take it. The Engineer quickly devised his own plan, a plan centering around the fact that he knew his own body just as well as the Spy knew his. He smiled. It was a bit awkward at first, controlling these long, thin things that the Spy passed as limbs, but he'd gotten better at it. His slender fingers, well-equipped with muscle memory and force of habit, were as skilled at pleasure as his own hands were with a wrench. He drew one hand down to grasp at what was once his, and was rewarded with a pleased gasp from the Spy, who paused in his assault of his neck to enjoy the sensation.

Engie licked his lips, continuing to stroke the other man the way that he knew would be most effective, touching and pleasing all the spots that he'd touched so many times before, yet from a different angle. Spy squirmed above him, giving the Engineer enough space to effectively flip the two of them, ending in a position that allowed him to straddle the shorter man and continue his assault of the body below him.

Spy didn't mind the change in position. Every one of his nerve endings were on fire with pleasure, his hips were bucking up to meet the hand pleasuring him, his head tossed to the side in ecstasy. This body was unbelievably sensitive. Each and every move made by the other man was rewarded with some sort of euphoric response from the Spy. Spy didn't know how much more he could take. Watching his own body and face shift and flux as it touched him put him on a whole new plane of existence. His shorter arms rested on Engie's hips, his body's hips, and he moved the man to grind against him just so…

"W-wait, Spah," The Engineer groaned at the friction and caught his breath, making the man below him stop for moment, an annoyed look plastered on his face. "You got any…y'know?" The tips of the Engineer's ears turned scarlet, and he looked pointedly away. Spy understood, however, and nodded, reaching into the first drawer of his nightstand and pulling out a small plastic tube, then pouring a generous amount into his hands and rubbed them together. "What're you…" He gasped loudly as the Spy's hand stroked his throbbing dick, squeezing just right and throwing his usually-practical mind into a blissful state of ignorance.

Spy's fingers were talented--even with his new, meaty fingers--and soon he had flipped them again, leaving the Engineer on his back as Spy tugged and rubbed relentlessly at his member. Spy poured another pool of the lube into his hand, running it liberally over his fingers before trailing it slowly down to the puckered entrance of the body beneath him. It had been a long time for Spy, before the body swap, and he was sure that if he didn't do this right, it might hurt the Engineer. (And consequently, himself.) So he worked gently, pressing a single digit into the man and worming it around a bit to get him accustomed.

Engie grunted as the first finger entered, it stung quite a bit. He gripped the sheets beneath them, clenching and unclenching his hands, and focused on the promise of pleasure after the pain. Another finger soon joined the first, and Spy scissored him easily, taking care to get him good and ready for something much bigger. Spy slowly, meticulously worked those thick fingers in and out of the Engineer's ass, and after a while met little to no resistance in the action. He curled his fingers just right, and the man beneath him gasped, arching his slender new back off of the bed and moaning at the pressure being applied to his prostate.

"Ah…zere it is." Spy smiled and continued to rub his fingers along the side of the sensitive bundle of nerves, his mind simply drowning in the hard moans and sighs he was eliciting from the other male. He finally deemed it time, and removed his fingers before positioning himself at the other man's entrance.

There was a brief pause, a moment of hesitation as the two regarded each other. Engie, on his back and panting, his eyes pleading with the Spy to just do it, already. His own face stared down at him, eyes clouded with lust and his jaw hanging slightly open, as if he were struck dumb by the face below him. Engie imagined that that would be exactly what he would look like, in his own body, if he were to have this kind of experience with the drop-dead gorgeous Spy. He wondered if the Spy in question were only doing this out of some sick curiosity to be with himself, or if he was doing justice to this extremely attractive face, but his thoughts were cut short as said Spy pushed into him, sinking his cock halfway into the thin body beneath him before pushing slowly in to the hilt.

"Merdeeee…" Spy moaned, reveling in the feeling of those hot walls surrounding him, and lingering for a moment to give the body time to adjust. Engie was practically writhing beneath him, his long limbs catching and twisting in the sheets as pain ripped through his lower half. It hurt, good God above, it hurt, but slowly, slowly it melted into a pleasurable hurt.

"M-move, dagnabbit," Engie rasped, his impatience getting the better of him. Spy hesitantly moved his hips, testing the waters, and was rewarded with a gasp from the slender man and a lusty glance upward. Engie's eyes--rightfully Spy's-- were clouded and distant, though from pain or pleasure the Spy couldn’t tell. Whichever the case, he was determined to ensure that it was purely pleasure on the Engie's part, so he started a slow, rhythmic thrusting into the other man.

Engie moaned and arched against the strong chest above him, not willing to take his eyes off of his face as the man fucked him with his own body. While the Engineer had known that he was Texas-sized, he had not been expecting this. Pain and pleasure meshed into one as the other man bore down on him, their sweat-slicked bodies grinding together desperately as both sought their own release. After a moment of thought, the Engineer pushed the Spy away, laying his body onto his back again as he climbed on top. He slowly lowered himself onto the stout body's dick, and proceeded to grind against it, riding the Spy like a horny cowboy. Though it'd been a while, this wasn't his first rodeo.

Spy couldn't believe his eyes. It was like watching himself. A more open, honest version of himself, of course, but the concept was the same. His own face twisted and moaned in ecstasy, his own hips twisted and curved and drew him in. Despite the oddity of the situation, he couldn't look away. His eyes remained riveted on the sweaty, bucking figure above him as the Engineer rode him with reckless abandon. He couldn't take it anymore. The Spy clutched the hips above him, almost hard enough to bruise, and pounded into the other man as he drew closer and closer to his orgasm, their sweat-slicked bodies sliding easily against each other, creating glorious friction.

Their rhythm became spastic, each man grinding and rubbing into each other wildly, and when Spy grabbed Engie's dick and stroked him fiercely, it was over. Engie moaned again and leaned over the other man, pushing his mouth against his former mouth and locking tongues as he came hard against their stomachs. Spy grabbed the back of the other man's head, keeping him pressed against his chest as his own release approached. He pounded once, twice, thrice back into the Texan's tight passage and finally spilled his seed deep into the other body. Into his own body.

They collapsed that way, Engineer in his lanky new form on top of Spy in his stout one, and simply breathed deep. After a while the Engineer rolled off, his legs shaking a bit from the exertion, and tilted his face to look over at the other man. Spy smiled in return, lacing his fingers loosely with the other man's and giving him a tired smile, which he imagined would look quite good on the Engineer's face. Engie resisted the urge to smile back, and instead turned his face to the ceiling, pondering. After a moment of companionable silence, the Engineer spoke.

"So. Ya thank we'll git our bodies back tomorrah, Spah?" He asked softly, tracing patterns along the ceiling with his eyes.

"…Oui, I believe so. Zhe respawn will be cooler in ze morning, and will most likely return us to our normal states."

"Hmm. Well what if it don't?"

"Well, I suppose we will 'ave to find anozzer way."

"And, what then, partner?"

Spy smiled wider, and turned to flop his body heavily on top of the thinner man, again burying his face in his neck.

"Well, I suppose we will just 'ave to do zis again, and make sure it feels as good ze other way around, oui?" He chuckled and inhaled the scent of sex on his own body, imagining it to smell twice as sweet on the other man. Engie's lips curled into a small smile at the thought.

"Yeah. Ah'd like that. Now, Spah?"

"Oui, mon ingénieur belle?" Spy sighed contentedly and nuzzled his neck.

"Git offa me please, it's hot as hell in here."

"Hm, non."



Well, 's it. Critique is always welcome, as I'm not so good at writing sex and I'd like to improve.

120 .

I like this very much.

121 .

>>119 I also like this very much. Absolutely nothing about it that I didn't like.

122 .


I'm glad you both enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to say so, that makes my day.

123 .

>>119 firstly, homg yesyesyes. First fix of this pairing I've read and already I approve. Well done.

Secondly, I didn't overlook any fics or requests on drunk! fortress. Basically, everyone gets hammered. Except for Demoman. Cuz he's late to the party or for whatever reason and instead of joining in, he observes his teamates and the types of drunkedness they display (e.g happy drunk, angry drunk, uber awesome Kung Fu drunk)

hilarity ensues.

Brownie points if Demoman narrates like on one of those nature documentaries.

124 .


125 .

>>123 Also want.

Also, can have request for someone being a horny drunk?

126 .

Hey could I bother one of youse guys to write je up a lil' story about Truckie not having eyes behind his goggles

And I've currently got a huge crush on Dejojank and he's jissing an eye

Syjpathy blindness perhaps

I like a little Texjex on jy haggis

127 .


Is replacing m with j part of some dialect I'm not familiar with, or did you just misstype it and didn't bother to reread what you wrote?

128 .


129 .

Alright, I requested this a long while ago back on the old request thread, but it never did get filled so... Hope I'm not steppin' on any toes if I re-request it. I mean, it's not as if I'm expecting it to be filled, but since there's been a recent resurge of interest in Medic, thought I'd try again.

Okay, so. I would really love to see a fic where Medic develops an interest in Engineer's diabolical side. Medic initially appreciates Engineer's intelligence and mangrit, but when he recognizes that streak of mad genius within Engineer that comes out during battle, he finds himself really attracted to him. So then Medic is making all these attempts to draw out Engie's dark side and Engie's totally clueless. At first. If it's Villain!Engie, (you guys remember that, right?) I am totally down with that, too. Either way though, I'd like Engie written gentlemanly. And Medic maybe a little obsessed and masochistic. I just want some mad scientist on mad doctor action.

130 .

Been craving some Spy/Engineer lately and this is an idea that's been floating around in my head for some time but I just can't get it on paper. So help me, kink meme, you're my only hope.

So Spy and Engineer have an established relationship and everything is all well and good (well, about as well and good as those two can be). But then, poor Engie gets captured, raped and tormented mentally by the enemy Spy. He's eventually rescued but, due to trauma, can barely look his Spy in the eye. Now, since I'm a sucker for happy endings, I would prefer if it ended with Spy helping Engie get through, but if the author wants the ending to be darker, then so be it.

Basically, I want Spy/Engie good times, then Spy/Engie dark times, and maybe some Spy/Engie hurt/comfort times.

131 .


Would this work if we reversed the Spies? That is to say, it was the enemy Spy that romanced him and his teammate that raped him?
It's okay to say no.

132 .


That would actually be pretty interesting. Go for it, Anon.

133 .

Sniper hunting stuff (like an actual dangerous predator) and Scout getting turned on by it. Or Engie. Or Spy. IDC.

134 .

We can still request "Class and You" fics, right? If so, I'd love to see a Medic one that has you attracted to his casual morbidity. And what luck, he has your chest cut open to install an Ubercharge device.

Does it hurt? Absolutely. But it's worth it to bask in his infectious personality.

135 .


Mmm yes, Medic and You is always nice. I can't decide whether I prefer the new happy, bloodthirsty doc or a sort of sexually frustrated and overworked one.

136 .

Crossfaction Spy/Engie disguise sex. Engie either fucks himself or another member of their team that he perhaps has a crush on. I'm certain it's been done before, but I've never seen it with any pairing besides Sniper and Spy.

Alternatively, femSpy/Femgie. Bondage. Yep.

137 .

Gonna be a huge fag and update the thread without any contributing content, but jus' sayin', I'm gonna be takin' a handful of these requests and workin' on 'em.

Something for:

And while I work on these, lemme request somethin' myself.
^ Every time I hear this song, it's extremely Solly / Someone in my head. I can't pinpoint who I prefer it to be, so you can have your freedom with it. [ I guess my favorite would be Scout or Medic ? ]
Watch the video and listen to the lyrics of the song. Write whatever comes to mind.
I will love you guys.

138 .

Hope this is satisfactory. Mind not any typos or anything.
It's now 4.3O in the AM, and I have work in a few hours. I'mma go crash.
Will work on some Medic / Snoipah medical mishaps and possibly some more necrophilia -- that actually ends up maybe a little more, uh, necrophiliac? -- in the later hours of the day.
Enjoy my shitty writing, gaiz. Sorry for repetitiveness and lack of graphic sexual scenes.
It didn't take a genius to realize the Spy had infiltrated their headquarters. He didn't need to ask Dell to know that the fucker was cloaked, and that his goal wasn't the Intelligence. He knew all too well that the twisted Frenchman's target was none other than him himself. Bring it on, knucklehead. Wanna piece a me, we'll see if ya can handle dis stick a dynamite. Cracking his knuckles, he looked over his choices. He had to choose wisely, of course. He seized one of his weapons from his locker in the Respawn, then rushed out full - speed, wondering where the bastard would be crouched in waiting.

The Scout stared down at the bloody mess at his feet, panting hard. He was dripping a generous amount of blood from a gaping wound in his abdomen, and the sanguine liquid was pooling in his mouth faster than he could swallow. Such was the setbacks of dragging the Boston Basher out onto the battle field. He gathered a ball of blood - swirled saliva, and spat it on the bastard. " I will never. Stop. Killin' you, " he muttered a little less punctually and a little more quietly than he usually did. His lips curled up into a sneer when the man coughed up a all of coagulated blood. Musta already been Fuckin' around with someone before he got here.

" Christ, " he muttered, swinging his bat over his shoulder. He stepped over an outstretched arm, readjusting his grip to throttle the wood, wishing -- oh how he wished -- that it was the stupid Frog's neck in his hands. He spun around after pacing down to the man's feet, and crashed the bat down into his stomach. " You really this stupid, you fuckin' ... Worthless ... Shape - shiftin' rat? " He moved to step down on the blood - stained red suit, wrenching the bat free with a sickening cracking as the RED Spy's ribcage caved under the weight and pressure the Scout had to exert to yank his weapon free. There was a short pause before the BLU member burst out into a fit of laughter. Dry, sardonic laughter as he ground the spiked heel of his cleats into the gory mess.

The pained whimpers and groans were choked and punctuated with sloppy coughing fits. Whatever the fuck the man was trying to spit out sure didn't involve any coherent words. But, then again, if they did, Scout imagined them something along the lines of, ' is dzat all jou got? ' or, ' et jou 'ave dze nerve to 'ug jour mo'zer at dze end of dze day? ' Anything to get that temper flaring. Stupid fucking Frenchies.

He pulled his foot away, and stepped down toward his feet again, then flipped the bloody bat around -- getting a splash of crimson across his face in the process, then buried the top spike down into the dirt before moving to crouch on his heels, letting his bandaged hand glide effortlessly down the dirtied, grooved wood, stopping at the first row of spikes. " So, tell me some'in' good, here, fuckhead. " He dropped his weight forward onto his knees, effectively settling himself over the man's shins. He let the bat go, counting the seconds that the ground held it up before it clattered over. He grinned. " This is the seventh time ya been 'round tuhday, an' ... The seventh time I've buried yuh ass. Ain't yuh gettin' tired uh me dominatin' yuh sorry ass? "

There was a long silence that followed while the Spy tried his best to make a coherent sentence. His eyes were unfocused and he found it hard to keep them settled on any one thing for more than half a second. But even he could see how badly the Scout was bleeding. And he could tell that despite that ridiculous energy and moronic persistence that he was in little better condition. But he wasn't exactly essentially breathing blood, either. " ... Shouldn't jou ... Just keell me, et ... Go find jour Medeec? Jou are really een ... " He trailed off, going into another coughing fit. It took him a long moment and a few spits of gritty looking blood to try speaking again. " ... Very good condeetion ... Jourself. "

" Heh. " The Scout's hands found their way to the wound in the Spy's abdomen, and he plunged one inside, getting a gurgled yelp from the man. " Oh hoo hoo ... Do yuh like that, Boyo? " He dug his hand further through the pile of bloody guts, reveling in the squelching and squishing.

" St ... ... Augh! "

" Oh, shit ... " There was a pause, then another bone - chilling chuckle. " Found yuh ribs, Chucklehead. How d'yuh like that? " A loud crunch, followed by another choked groan of pain produced a fragment of bone -- what used to be one of the Spy's lower ribs on the right side. " Wonder if yuh gonna get this back in the Respawn'r not. " He tossed it almost carelessly over his shoulder, bringing his hand up to suck the blood off his fingers as the Spy twisted and writhed underneath him.

The blonde shot a deadpan stare at the masked figure, and dropped his free hand from his knee and drove it back into the warm, blood caked opening. " A'right, a'right, I getcha. Yuh like my hand up in here, don'cha? Damn, an' I thought I was fucked up. " He sniggered pleasantly at the pained response. " Wait, no, I got it. " He pulled his hand back out, and rocked his weight back to seat himself on the man's legs, and worked at the belt as best he could.

Fingers and metal were slicked with blood, but he still made rather quick work of the little restriction, and tossed it carelessly aside, pointedly ignoring the spark of fear that started to get the man squirming again.

" Ah, yeah. Yuh see dat? " He didn't bother further with his pants, and simply lifted himself to his knees again, forcing them and the fabric of his boxers down. A wide grin spread over his features as the Spy began to sputter and cough again. " You seein' dis? " He set his hands against the dirt, crawling further up the thin body, until he settled himself firmly against the man's groin.

" Nngh. ... Vhat ... " His eyes rolled back into his head involuntarily, so he quickly shut them, taking a deep, rattling breath. Damn, with the rate of blood loss, and the fact the damn rabbit had buried that bat in his back should have killed him by now. He was breathing blood right now. He coughed again, and turned his head to let the blood in his mouth trail out onto the dirt, hoping for a proper breath of air despite how much it hurt to do so.

" ' What ' ... Am I gonna do? " Blue eyes trailed over the rocky terrain, finally settling back on the man after a few rounds. " How hard's that ta figure out, moron? " He snickered, snaking an arm around his own abdomen. He really wasn't feeling so hot, but his blood was rushing and his adrenaline was racing, and, fact was his dick wasn't getting enough attention right now.

He shifted his weight off of the RED Spy's crotch, scotching forward, then dropped his hand from his own stomach and once more into the masked man's, pulling out an abundant length of the coiled intestines, ignoring the whine of protest, and the trembling hands grabbing at his own in attempt to move it away.

" Nuh uh uh. Sit yuh ass back, Boyo. Heh. " He dropped them in a heap between them, then reached back, grabbing the bat to bring it back into his reach, but keeping it out of the Spy's, naturally. " ... Yuh read-- Oh, wait. Fuhgot. Don't need yuh answer here, do I? " He laughed to himself, though it seemed a little lifeless in comparison to the past times.

Returning an arm around himself, he freed his other hand of his weight, and wiped the dirt off on his pants before grabbing the convolved, bloody organ, draping it luxuriously around his half - hard penis.

" Ah, yeah ... Yeah, see, this ... Fuckin' ... Warm an' ... " He curled his fingers into his blood soaked shirt, and eagerly rubbed the loops of intestine up and down, letting his head lull forward. " ... That's nice, real nice. " His voice was practically purr. So lost in his ecstasy that he didn't even notice the way the gloved fingers dug into the bloody mud, clawing and scraping at the ground. He didn't even hear the whimpers and grunts. Nor did he notice when they stopped.

" Oh, fuck ... " He swallowed hard, rolling his hips up into his hand as his climax swiftly crashed down over him. In a few quick, jerky spurts, his seed was spilt over the blood - crusted jacket and the exposed organs of the corpse he was sat atop. He took a moment to gather himself again, and catch his breath before he searched the ground for his Basher. His fingers curled around it quickly enough, and he dragged it up to take another swing at the Spy -- this time, at his face. The cracking of his skull was delicious. Almost enough to get him hard again. But, now really wasn't the time. If he stayed here any longer, he'd end up in the Respawn. Leaving the spikes buried in the body's head, he tried to wipe as much of the blood off of his cock as he could, then tucked it away in his boxers.

Getting up on shaky legs, he ripped his bat out, and swung it over his shoulder again, and spared one glance back to the body. " See ya 'round, fuckhead. " With his departing words, he turned away, heading for the front lines -- where he knew the rest of his team would be -- at a slow jog. " Medic! Doc! Come on, man! "

139 .

I wish it was a new cool thing to do

But it's just jy broken keyboard

140 .

Looking for some Sniper masturbation or gore (or both)... ummm... ^///^ okbye

141 .

Self or assisted? I'm working on some Sniper / Medic for >>4 at the moment.

142 .

Self, but hey if you can kill two birds with one stone I'm cool with that.

143 .

Got caught up with some work. If you want solo, I'll start it off with a little solo Sniper, and get to some Medic/Sniper afterward.

144 .

My expression exudes joy *happy face*

145 .

What I'd like to ask for is Medic/Scout, with the latter being scared almost out of his wits by the former. Medic is naturally being his sophisticatedly insane self and Scout still remaining typically brash and obnoxious. Just use whatever excuse you feel like utilising to get the two going at it.

Bonus points for Scout having a somewhat confused infatuation towards the Medic. Even more bonus points for more or less gratuitous Scout abuse.

146 .

> 140
Hey, I'm currently working on a mostly BLU Scout/RED Sniper fic (with some RED Sniper/RED Spy, BLU Scout's Mom/RED Spy, and BLU Scout/BLU Soldier) that has some self and assisted masturbation involving our lovely Sniper. Basically, EVERYONE'S at least starting off with gay virginity and there will be a lot of fluff and voyeurism for most of it. I'm going to see how far I can go without any anal sex (which I like, don't get me wrong, but I'm trying to make the whole story mildly unconventional.)

Sorry, no gore from me. Though I might consider dicking around with some another time just because I never really have before.

147 .

I'm kinda hankering for some Heavy/Spy!Medic smut. Maybe Spy thinks he can outsmart Heavy. But can he outsmart Heavy's cock?

148 .

Yes! I approve this idea. I especially like the idea if Heavy knew from the beginning but decided to play along because he was curious to see how long Spy!Medic could keep up the disguise and because it's not every day you get to fuck a Spy from the opposing team. Maybe Spy didn't even intend for sex but Heavy strings him along with the notion that it's perfectly normal between them (which it probably is but you never know.)

149 .

Oh, shit. Perfect captcha, gotta use it. "lifewo current"

I think I'll mention a bug-fuck crazy idea that I had and let it out into the rest of the world. It will probably not live on past these fingertips but oh well!

I came up with the idea of a Portal/Half-Life and Team Fortress 2 Crossover recently, partially inspired by some of the other fics already here. The reason I mention it is because my plans were for some subsequent Chell/Soldier but really Chell/anyone would be hot.

I considered ways to make it work with an honest plot. My idea was that she appears out of nowhere, thanks to the G-man, in the middle of a battle-in-progress. She uses the Portal gun to NOT DIE but she landed right between a Scout and a Soldier, who promptly give chase because WTFISTHIS and in Scout's case HOLYSHITTHATISALSOAGIRL! Of course she eludes them for awhile before the Soldier's team (I was thinking of BLU but it ultimately doesn't matter, just thought it'd work if she eventually gave her name) captures her.

Medic is delighted with her knees and half-embarrassed/half-elated to realize she's been experimented on (since her legs appear to be completely healthy.) Engineer is awed by the mechanical aspects of the shoes and gun. Everyone else, especially Spy, is angered by her complete and utter refusal to respond to anything said to her, even though stabbing her just enough for a pain response proves she is capable of sound.

Soldier is in the latter camp but quickly comes to admire the fact that she is persistently struggling to escape against all odds and him yelling in her face. He quickly realizes she also has no real concept of what rape is (he straddles her back as she crawls towards the door, unable to walk properly without proper support for her replacement knees, and she keeps crawling with his weight in spite of the fact he is too fucking heavy but he's not trying to crush her so she inches along like a proper little caterpillar. No panics from her of OMG WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING ON TOP OF ME, that is how he guesses.)

My theory for the plot being she had only had her freedom from GladOS for a short period of time, after Portal 2, and that there was a fresh Portal Gun tucked into her partially incinerated Companion Cube, which GladOS gave as a parting gift of sorts. Companion Cube is truth, Portal Gun is so she has one for sake of story. So, yeah, she spent half her life in the Enrichment Center, where she went in as a kid, and she hasn't been properly acquainted with a lot of things since then, even after getting away finally. But Solly becomes protective and from there I realized how much I would suck at trying to develop that into anything.

Not to mention, I considered what made her crack was finding out she was IN 1968! So she thinks she went back in time and has to find Cave Johnson. But then I considered, uh oh, nope, our two favorite teams have simply been in Stasis for a long fucking time and didn't realize it because it only happened after they went to sleep! So Scout and Sniper think they haven't talked to their parents in several months (for differing reasons) but in truth they haven't talked to them in decades and they're, um, dead now. And basically the bases they were at were rediscovered and the Resistance movement wanted the Respawn technology. Chell actually didn't get a debriefing so she is piecing this all together out of common sense.

So the plot pretty much fizzled to shit for me. I think that, probably with better rethinking than mine too, it could be made into a truly bad-ass crossover. I'm not one for actually reading or writing crossovers, since they're rarely sensible, but I thought something could be done with it. Maybe even sex!

I have determined that I suck at doing anything with it past a certain point and am letting it run wild and free in plot bunny farms, with the hope it'll grow up big and strong someday. I have two other stories I'm working on anyhow.

If it dies, that's okay. The idea is a bit wobbly but isn't purely stupid, IMHO. That's the only reason I'm mentioning it. I would love to see it executed properly with the removal of any pointless or self-destructing plot-elements I may have inadvertently added.

150 .

Hey, you know that Medic has an ambulance, right? It's an alternate resupply on Hoodoo. Why have I never seen it in any fics? People always mention Sniper's van and Engie's truck, but never the ambulance.
I don't care what you do- sexy times, drama, medic having to patch up some serious gore WHILE DRIVING... I just want to see that ambulance in use.

151 .


I actualy want this so bad it hurts.

152 .

Scout's mom pegging red spy please. Doesn't have to be their first time.

Bonus if blu spy is taking photos of them and getting off on it.

153 .

Ahahaha holy shit. Want so bad.

154 .


Sounds really interesting, actually. Heavy would probably know Medic the best, and could tell if it were him or not.

155 .

We've all seen Spy come into Engineers workshop when he's busy and bothering him to no end. But I'm sure that Spy has a important role with the upkeep of certain documents.
Perhaps we could see Engineer getting some revenge and bothering Spy while he tries to work? His bothersome traits could be him frustrating Spy sexually.

156 .

For some reason I really want to see Engie being really flirty/a cock tease, like, if he was getting ignored by a certain class and he got upset and went out of hi sway to get their attention back. You can use whatever kinks you want, but I think that I would prefer the class to be Sniper, Spy, or Medic.

157 .


Speaking of Spy shenanigans, how about some Engie/Spy!Pyro? Spy's just finished fighting the real Pyro and the smell of gasoline and blood is thick in the air. Engie thinks the Pyro won, but little does he know, it's actually our favorite Frenchman in disguise.


RED!Sniper gets off on watching BLU!Scout because Sniper is a voyeur and also maybe Scout is a bit of an exibitionist?

158 .

For some reason trying to quote post numbers isn't working for me and I have no idea why. Very annoying.

Anyway, I am happy someone likes the crossover idea. I don't know who you are but maybe it'll get written some day? I hope?

I think the ambulance isn't well-known because it wasn't in Meet the Medic and probably a lot of people here don't play or maybe never played that map or just never noticed it before. I'm really glad you brought it up because that actually solves a small problem I had previously with one of the fics I'm working on. I shall use it and for something semi-important but it's only going to be a cameo of sorts, I'm afraid.

I highly support its use in other requests on this thread as an ambulance could be very useful for a number of interesting things.

I also HIGHLY support the Scout's ma pegging RED Spy idea. I might try my hand at it in another fic but not right now.

As for the voyeur RED!Sniper watching BLU!Scout... oooh. I had something of that ilk in mind (oddly enough not long-distance voyeur directed at Scout anyway) but I hadn't considered making Scout an exhibitionist of sorts. I think I'm going to have to add some sneaky scoping and intentional strip-tease, which will actually make the second meet-up make more sense.

Thank you for the suggestions! *must write more* Sorry I haven't shared yet but I don't feel it's at the right stopping point before I can actually post it. Plus, I am leery of my current working title and haven't found a better one yet.

It's called Hunting the Hunter so far. Starts off that BLU Scout and BLU Spy are arguing about dangerous beasts, BLU Sniper is pissed off at them, and the conversation devolves into a bet that BLU Scout and BLU Spy can't catch the RED Sniper and bring him back alive. Which turns into porn but I'm being weird and NONE of it involves rape! For serious. Not the "suddenly liking it, therefore not rape" stuff. Not even Stockholm Syndrome. Wish me luck!

(The other story I'm working on is RED Sniper/Miss Pauling.)

Also, before I forget, I also strongly approve the idea of cocktease Engie getting revenge on Spy involving distractions from paperwork.

So many ideas here and so little time... why do I keep taking simple PWP ideas and turning them into long, gangly plots with emotions and awkward relationships built on trust and confusion?

159 .

I will write it at some point also but I just have to throw it out there because we need more Soldier/Demoman in general.

I need some Jane Doe and Tavish DeGroot. Preferably making up, after things blow over, and I want Jane being seduced, maybe his first time. At least his first time with Tavish. Maybe he considered it but then WAR happened to ruin everything and this is sometime later. I want angry sex and then potentially sappy forgiveness. Tav's mom can show up too. It's all good.

160 .

I'd love to see some Miss pauling! Maybe with Sniper or Scout.

161 .

You are in luck then. I have some on the way with Sniper (Mr. Mundy) and Miss Pauling. I have about a chapter so far, though I don't know if it's any good. Not sure when I'll post any of it. Might today, if I at least finish the scene I'm on.

162 .

i´d love to see more Medic X anyone, maybe including some seductive german phrases.
may sound weird, but i like the fact that the Medic is actually german - unfortunately he doesnt use his first language often.

163 .

Demoman X Medic drunken sex, please.

Also craving Medic crossdressing...and loving it. Maybe he's forced to originally?

One last request for this post: everyone wants Medic.

164 .


I always imagined that the Medic would be into things like role-play and other weirdness, at least in the bedroom with his special someone. Unfortunately, I don't write fanfic... I just draw and hope that other people will be keen on the scenarios I put to paper in my own way.

Also, yes to anything involving Demoman/Medic drunken shenanigans.

165 .

If you want to draw it, that's fine with me.

Have you guys read the story wear Medic took LSD? He wanted to try the drug out on himself first so he could see what it was like, or something like that. What if he took an aphrodisiac instead?

166 .

Jogging, wet scout notices dot from sniper rifle's laser dot following him.

167 .

I'm always up for voyeur!Sniper and exhibitionist!Scout

168 .

Have there been any fics using domination lines sexually? Here are some ideas, just in case:

"Ain't so hard now, are ya, fat-cakes?" Scout X Heavy

"Don't feel bad; you did a fine job tossing your little balls around!" Spy X Demoman

169 .

Something i thought about today and was curious about. i dont think i have ever seen Heavy/spy stuff written or even drawn?! least non that i can recall...if anyone is up to writing the task do try! or if anyone knows where some might be lemme know!

170 .

I've definitely seen one Heavy/Spy fic (and it was much more awesome than expected) from back before the last crash, it might be in the archives?

171 .

>>169 There was at least ONE Heavy/Spy fic in a past request thread, though I am unsure as to whether it survived the various chan crashes. It won't come up on the search for me. I might be able repost if you like, I am certain I have it somewhere.

As for art, I KNOW yang has drawn Spy/Heavy (that sadly was lost in the recent crash). It is still over on y!gallery.

172 .


If you wanna get technical, I've also drawn a picture of Heavy sticking it to the Spy, too, but it was more of a gag comic. Both can be found on y! or on my Dumblr. ( http://yangpuppy.dumblr.com/ , just replace the 'd' with a 't')

173 .

Silly late night commercials;

Scout calls a phone sex line and his mom picks up.
Captcha: relation alcorn...

174 .

Uh. Since I love Scout / Momma, I'm gonna ask for your clarification. Which situation would you like to see?

Scout freaks the Hell out when he recognizes her name and hangs up Momma recognizes his voice and confronts him / hangs up Both realize who it is, but they pretend they don't and go with it Both realize it and revel in it ( ? )
So many possibilities, but I don't wanna ruin a lulzy request.

175 .

... oops. * recognizes her voice
My bad.

176 .

174 forgive my newbishness to chan coding
I was thinking they (Or just scout) don't realize it until the deed has been done and then Scout freaking out. I dunno, i really didn't think about it too much (it literally popped into my head after three different phone sex commercials in a row)

177 .

Here's a suggestion you're free to run with;

On one of the more remote bases, funds are tight. TF Industries didn't even bother with the pretense of RED and BLU being two separate companies, and as a result the two teams in this remote, underfunded and underrepaired base share the same common room.

They share breakfast, dinner, and the television.

For some classes this is an opportunity to make friends. The Medics have medicine as their higher calling and trade knowledge; The Snipers reminisce about their home country and treat battle as a game (a quick headshot isn't quite as nasty as burning to death after all)

Other classes are suspicious as fuck. The Demomen aren't allowed in the same room as one more explosion will probably bring the place down. Soldiers are horribly competitive. The Engineers are paranoid as all hell about the other one stealing his inventions, and are paranoid as hell of both Spies as surely the other Engineer would engage one of the Spies to Spy for him.

I guess I'd like to see the mixed-up sexy subterfuge that might be employed by the Engineers and Spies alike, comedic or dark. If something else strikes your fancy, go for it; secret scandalous inter-team liasons? Passive aggressive notes all over the fridge? Did they all kill eachother the day of discovering they had a shared common room?

178 .

I miss some good ol' predator/prey Sniper/Spy filled with hate sex! Something like the Meet the Spy fight ending up in hot smut

179 .


As promised, here's my take on 'drunken shenanigans'. http://tf2chan.net/afanart/res/1816.html#i2386

180 .

I guess I'll try that.

181 .

There's few fics with virgin!Scout's* first time with Sniper (Fluffmania, Overshare, Child Molestee etc?). What if Spy would visit Sniper's trailer at wrong time? Would he a)stab everyone b) have threesome?

*virgin as first time with male

182 .

After seeing this ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXioaWuX974 ), I want to see some Heavy/Medic...with abuse.

183 .

Drunk demo: Alright! lassie!! I just finished drink me scotch! And i aint done!! So i want fom you lassies is---!
Sniper: oh come on mate! Its a good idea!
Other sniper:(still the same team) yeah mate! It aint that bad!
Me: anyway ill just say... I would like spy getting ganged raped by two snipers... And here is the story, the bluspy like playing around with redsniper messing around with his head... What he doesnt know is that there are two redsniper.... So... Yeah... And an other idea.... I hate it but there might be people who like it.... Top,scoutxbottom,spy here is the story... Okay no story... But an idea... Scout shoves a bat up spy's ass---!!
Spy: WHAT!?!!?.....
Scout: hahaha!!
Sniper:.... Please,mate... Continue...
Other sniper: hehehe...
Ofcourse drunk demo:Thank-fully i already dont remember this...
Cloaked spy: does anyone have toilite paper??....
Everyone:....GET HIM!!!!!.....
Me: sigh... How long do i have to stay here??... And... I wonder if the cloaked spy is naked....

184 .

I request that no one respond to >>183.

185 .

I would disagree with >>184 if i could understand what 183 was.

186 .

I would agree with >>185 if I hadn't read >>183 for myself.

187 .

I agree with >>184 because I don't think underage people like >>183 should be on this site.

188 .

Perv lurker now a perv poster with a prompt for everyones favorite German/Russian duo.

How about a little power bottom Heavy and a submissive Medic? With Heavy aggressively telling Medic what to do? With a leash thrown in there for good measure?

189 .

That sounds wonderful and I second it wholeheartedly.

190 .

Ah, sorry... was seconding >>177 . Oops

191 .

Someone on the red team, catching the Blu Spy sneaking around their base, forces him into his Red Medic disguise and leaves him in the Heavy's room.

192 .

You know in the heavy/medic fanfictions where it's from Medic's pov, where he likes heavy but doesn't say anything because of the whole persecution (how do i spel) of homosexuals and "Oh, sigh, Heavy's above that."? Do it from Heavy's pov, where he likes Medic but doesn't say anything because he is insecure about his weight.

193 .

(I am going to hell.)

Medic, Spy or Sniper(Or any combination)/Fem!Scout abuse. Do what you will


194 .

I'd like to see Sniper using tranq guns, cages and collars with someone...

195 .

Spy and Demoman, because that pairing is fatally malnourished.

A rare moment in which Demoman is sober and Spy is drunk. Any team colors, contrasting or identical.

196 .

Seconded so hard! I would pay anything to see sloppy-drunk Spy.

Also inspired by this post: Scout's 21st birthday party, which inevitably leads into a sloppy-drunk orgy?

197 .


I know the Engineer's a smart guy and all, but I thought it would be funny if he was all :D? When someone had an interest in him(Flirtations and innuendo fly over his head). whoever it is that's interested is up to you(*cough*medic*cough*)

198 .

Scout/Soldier? Scout somehow managing to tie Soldier down and make him submit?

guhhh that would just be marvelous...

199 .

I'd like to see Spy seducing an unwilling Sniper into having sex with him. Perhaps Sniper gets raped? Either way, I want Spy to be very charming.

200 .


Because THAT'S never been done before...:P

201 .


Seconded! Some insecure Heavy is desperately needed!

202 .


Just as a note, you two might want to hold off on the emoticons.

Anyway, I have a prompt to request. A little while ago, Rama wrote a fic called Sewer Dreams and, in it, Tentaspy considers keeping Engineer in the sewer with him, taking care of him, catching him fish pleasuring him etc...

Well, I'd kinda like to see an actual fic of that. Perhaps it's a purely domestic kind of thing where Engineer willingly went with him for some reason or maybe Tentaspy kidnapped him and maybe Stockholm syndrome is involved.

203 .


Heartily seconded.

Sage because I am a voyeuristic lurker that contributes nothing.

204 .


Thirded. There's too much Tentaspy rape and not enough Tentaspy romance.

keeping Engineer in the sewer with him, taking care of him, catching him fish pleasuring him catching him fish pleasuring him fish pleasuring him Oh dear.

205 .


adfsaf Oops. Damn my lack of grammar skills.

206 .


Engineer, the great private eye/inventor, has received a visit from a beautiful yet mysterious woman (Scout's mom) asking him to find out who killed her son. He tracks down the killer, finding many suspects: the untrustworthy French nightclub singer (Spy), who is the woman's ex-lover; the local drunkard millionaire, who the son would throw stones at as he passed on his way to school (Demoman); a local gang leader (Heavy), his second-in-command and rumored lover (Medic), and his various grunts (Sniper, Pyro, & Soldier), to whom Scout apparently owed money; and, of course, Scout's mom herself.

Bonus points for twist ending, gloomy narration, romantic subplots (any pairing), etc. Basically making it like a film noir would make it a full score.

207 .

oh my god I was just thinking about the exact same plot this afternoon-- something like those noir detective novel/movies, with engineer being all private-eye and crap

Oh god this is creepy
And seconded, of course.

208 .


The pyro doesn't like to shower/swim with the other team mates for personal reasons(Covered in burn scars, female, just plain insecure, or a combination.) and someone else just happens to see the pyro unmasked for the first time and... Whatever happens is up to you.

Curious scout, sneaky spy? Accidental peeping Sniper? Surprise me!

209 .


I need this in my life.

210 .

Ahh I was thinking along EXACTLY these lines earlier, with Pyro being maybe a transexual or a hermaphrodite? Which is something I don't think I've seen before.

211 .

I have never seen a Heavy/Sniper pairing. And trust me, I have seen a lot of things on this site.
Please someone do this.

212 .

Speaking of which, can someone repost that one?

213 .

Requesting fem Pyro fucking any other class with a strapon. (Doesn't matter, but Medic, Solly and Scout are my favorites). Oh, and the guy is really into it, too.

Bonus points if she never takes the mask off and/or is burnt a little under the suit, and if there's some sort of bondage involved.

214 .

Engie/Sniper, please? Also, I would like some biting and scratching with that order, if you don't mind.
Delete Post:  
Report Post: