Same deal as the other request threads - Request stuff you'd like to see done, be nice and patient, the works.
To get to the point ... When will we see strippoker stuff? Come on, we all know what Poker Night made us think. I'd love to see this done.
(Bonus points if Spy and/or Engie are involved because playing Poker Night against them would be so boss)
Heavy/Engineer. Just because it hasn't been done yet. Someone in the Circlejerk chat suggested having Engineer repair Sasha. Alternatively, Phd bros, since Poker Night says Heavy has one in Russian Literature.
Because it is Turkey Day, and because I am still slightly drunk:
Heavy fucking a turkey.
I thought there already was an Adult Fanfic request thread? Did it die?
Heavy fucking a turkey sounds hilarious and disturbing, so I'll second that request.
And if the other thread is really dead, reposting my request: Medic drugs up his own team's injured Spy, convinces Heavy to screw the Frenchman while he's helpless and confused, and happily watches.
The other request thread is still alive, actually...
If anybody remembers that picture humon did with the Heavy tied up to the Spy with Medic supervising and essentially making them have sex...Please write that. I've wanted it for so long, it hurts.
I am having a severe lack fresh Sniper/Spy fics. I'm up for anything really.
Scout has a close relations ship with his oldest brother.
Really, REALLY close.
I'm freaking out with the lack of Pyro! I'll be happy with any pairing, too... But I do love me some Dom!Pyro/Spy!
Poker Night At The Inventory got me in a Heavy mood, and the fact that he has a PhD in Russian literature got me thinking. Medic isn't a licensed professional, so Heavy is actually the one who should be called Doctor!
Long story short, requesting Heavy/Medic with Medic calling Heavy "Doctor".
I haven't seen Demo around here in awhile.
Requesting Bottom!Tavish/Jane shenanigans please.
Requesting opposite personality. A respawn malfunction or something makes everyone act the exact opposite of the regular. EX: Solider wants to grow his hair out, and spread love everywhere.
With Sniper blowing his load on the shield.
May I humbly and awkwardly request sexfic between your choice of the TF2 cast genderbent, with one of the ladies on her period?
it's like gore but not
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Personality Swap: Part 1 of ? - Medic
AN: When I'm not writing eyesocket sex or lesbian ScoutMa, this is relevant to my interests. I bring up the 'ScoutMa/You' fic as one of mine since the BLU team featured here is the BLU team from that fic (sans the 'You' natch.). I've screwed with the timeline a little bit so it's played for convenience. As with all my various /afic/ fics, some parts will be more porny than others, but there will be personality swaps affecting every team member and this will result in varying degrees of results. (At the risk of having this note go on too long, I am looking forward to what I intend to do to Pyro.)
Dell Conagher sometimes thought of giving it all up and buying a nice little ranch somewhere in Bee Cave. Sometimes these fantasies figured in a wife and a son to whom he would teach everything he knew about farming. Other times he had a full twenty head of horses, grew his own vegetables and kept rabbits and chickens enough to be totally self-sufficient. Never would he worry about Australium or bizzare old men again.
It was a nice dream but Dell couldn't bring himself to do that to the rest of the BLU's. He said as much to the RED Sniper, with whom he had long shared a tentative cease-fire friendship.
"Now, I ain't sayin' you RED's are better or that we don't have our problems." Dell punctuated his statement by jamming his finger into the table top. "Them kids got themselves hired on pretty young and I can't go anywhere until I teach 'em a thing or three about fightin'. Fact is that if I train 'em up a bit you lot'll be losing your winning streak."
One of the things that Dell liked about Red was the fact that when he was off the battlefield he retained a professional approach and remembered a few things about manners. He also was smart enough to realize that Dell's words were not about bragging rights. "It is a bit funny y'know mate. Makes me wonder what you're hiding."
Dell started at the unusual change of topic but recovered himself well. "Well, y'all know we're still RED and BLU respectively. Can't be givin' away the trade secrets!"
"Not that, mate." Sniper leaned forward and pushed the brim of his hat upward. "I can't help but notice that our teams are practically identical. Both us Snipers are Australian. Both Demomen are Scottish. Our Engineer is an American, from Texas just like yerself is what I hear. Only, in your case mate, you're a few years older aren't you? You`re the only one I know of that acts like it isn`t bizzare."
Dell rocked back in his chair and sighed. Sniper was right that on the BLU team he was the exception to the rule "Well, you sure do have that right. My Pa and my Gramps been workin' fer that Blutarch Mann before I was even a twinkle in my Daddy's eye. Heard a fair bit about Redmond too. Whatever th' one brother did, the other copied it." He left out the part about his own personal hand in constructing Respawn. He wasn't that close with the RED Sniper. "So nears I can tell, whichever one started puttin' together the team first, the other one watched and tried to make an identical team. Seems to me that it's a bit dim, but I got some faith in mah boys just the same."
The Sniper shook his head. "What family won't do for a little recognition."
Dell pursed his lips together and gave the Sniper a light, friendly touch on the back. "Understood. Now, I think our Medic is back from Respawn so if y'all will be so polite as to excuse me, we're going to go back to the base and lick our wounds some."
Sniper gave a light smirk, standing up himself. "You do that Mr. Conagher." He waved his empty mug and tipped his hat. "Can't say it's always a pleasant chat but I promise you I'll keep the coffee coming when we're off the clock so long as you bring that some Blue Streak beer."
He waved and Dell ducked out of the RED common room through the sewers and back to his own base, a bag of coffee grounds tucked under his arm, which he promptly hid in the kitchen before entering his workshop.
It was no surprise that the three least experienced members of BLU were right where Engineer had left them, propped against a dispenser in his workshop. Scout, Heavy and Spy were all very young and all too often let their foolhardiness cause them a problem or two on the battlefield. However all three were nothing if not tenacious and no matter how many times they found themselves in this situation, they would get up, dust themselves off and head out for a fresh attempt.
"How're ya feelin?" Dell asked Heavy, who was always by far the easiest of the three to deal with. The big man rotated his wrists and popped a few joints as he stretched his back.
"Am pretty good. Dispenser is working well, da? Got separated from Doktor, but not make same mistake again. Where is Doktor?
"Probably back from Respawn by now. I imagine he is giving Sniper his post-spawn check up."
"Oh right. Leftover scar!" Heavy heaved himself up and went to go see if his precious doctor needed any help. Scout and Spy were also preparing to leave, Spy hurrying out before anything more was said. Dell was privy to some of the story but not all, he only knew that Spy was in disgrace and it had something to do with the RED Spy, their own Scout's mother and a girlfriend back home. Whatever it was, Spy had been avoiding the rest of the team like plague rats since then and Scout had not missed a single opportunity to declaim on the many horrible qualities of Spies in general.
Heavy had returned, a deep frown on his face.
The BLU Sniper's head appeared as well. "Ah, I think you'd better come see this mate."
"What is this huffing Engineer? Is not word I know. Makes Doktor act funny." Heavy ignored Sniper.
Abandoning his Sentry repairs for the present, Dell followed his two teammates down to the sickbay. He could smell what was wrong before he arrived. There was the thick scent of medicine hanging in the air. It was almost pleasant for awhile like menthol or the Eucalyptus soap that Sniper sometimes used. It quickly became oppressive but of most concern was the thin, bluish haze drifting lazily around the lights. The doors opened with some resistance as their seams had been packed with towels. The effect was something of a Medigun greenhouse and Medic himself was sitting smack in the middle of it, sweat rolling down into his collar and vapours from the Kritzkrieg drifting lazily out of the still running weapon. A thick anatomy text was sitting on the lever of the gun, depressing it consistantly down.
"Ach, I had just hotboxed ze place!" Medic would have sounded like his usual irritable self had his words not come out in a jumbled slur.
"Medic! What the hell's come over y'all!?" Dell gave the physician a light slap across the cheek which had no effect save for eliciting a giggle.
Medic did not giggle. Nor did Medic behave like a teenager in a college hall of residence, use his medicine for anything besides intended professional purposes or try to climb Heavy like a tree.
To be fair, he probably did do that last one, just not in the company of others.
"Doktor, this is not...get off me please! Team is watching!"
"Das ist sehr gut!" Medic seemed to just have noticed Sniper and Engineer in spite of Engineer's previous physical contact with him. "Maybe ve can use Dispensers instead of Kritzkrieg!"
Snipers' fingers coiled around the Medigun, preparing to accept it from the Doctor.
"What? It's creeping me out, mate!" he protested as Engineer took the instrument away. "I could use a mellow."
"The last thing we need is for anymore of us to be incapacitated. This is only the mid-day respawn in case you've forgotten! We have another match today! I'm going to go have a look at Respawn computer. Heavy, please keep an eye on the Doc!"
"Is not problem, I am thinking." Heavy's blush was so red he could have defected to the other team. Medic was openly nuzzling the front of his pants. Engineer averted his eyes.
"Alright. We can still make an effort for the match. Heavy, try to secure the Doc. Turn off the gun and try to talk some sense into him. Sniper, see if you can find Scout, Spy and Soldier, tell them what's going on. I'll join you soon as I can. Pyro will lead our prime offence and Demo can back them up. We've gotta get some of our boys into the RED Base. In fact, anyone sees Pyro, y'all can tell them to use the common room entrance through the sewers. It's a weak spot."
The group nodded and dispersed, but not before the entire lot of them got a good look at Heavy's Y-fronts.
The first person the BLU Sniper came across was Scout whose eyebrows disappeared into his hat when he heard the tale.
"You are certain ah...ya sure?!"
Later, Sniper would kick himself for not recognizing the rare lapse on the part of the RED Spy's charades, but to be fair the day had been weird enough already. "Yeah, fuck, sure man, I'll tell everyone!"
That taken care of, Sniper turned on his heel and headed up to his loft, unaware he was being tailed until it was too late and 20/20 hindsight kicked in in full force.
The last thing he heard before the pain in his ribs gave way to a blackout was the Anouncer's angry scream informing him of what he already knew: the RED Spy was in the base. He didn't hear Soldier's echoing response.
Oh, this is getting interesting. I like the Medigun hotboxing; can't go wrong with a good drugged scene.
Although I can't imagine Opposite Scout doing anything but sitting down and very gravely applying to various colleges. Or acquiring a monocle.
I was going to do this request myself, but then I realised it was you from the eyesocket fic and suddenly all is right in the world.
Um...I think I am utterly and immensely flattered in ways I should not be.
Ah...what I really want to do from this thread is...ah...anon here is a PhDFag and...Heavy/Engineer PhD Faggotry is relevant to anon's interests in great spades.
"Hey. Heavy. Why don't Literature majors look out the window in the morning?"
"We does not do that? Why is this?"
"Because then they won't have anything to do in the middle of the day!"
Unfortunately the humour was slightly lost on the Russian.
something like that (And yes, Anon is making horrid fun of anon's own self here because anon isn't exactly a lit litPhDfag but is getting pretty close.)
Oh, very nice. You've got a lovely way with words, Anon, and a good grasp of the characters as well. Really looking forward to more of this. (I'm so very excited about whatever you have planned for Pyro...)
Can I request a RED/BLU Scout pairing, with RED topping? You can run wild with that idea, I love surprizes!
oh man, 12. here and when I saw this was on here, I could not stop smiling.
I'd love to see a Medic & You fic that's not all kinky. Like, actual love-making. Not just fingering and dildos and buttsecks and crap.
Preferably tailored to a female reader...?
Check the <Class> and You thread, post 50. I whipped up a lil somethin'.
Alright guys, so i've gotten desperate. I need this fic. It's old, and its twinscout. dunno the author. Now I will try to explain the storyline.
Okay, so a scout is running away from (opposite teams) another scout, and then they fall into some sort of pit/hole/whatever and they get to know eachother. Then they start to experiment with some sexual games (one was who could shoot cum the farthest). Then they fall in love ect. They get rescued, and meet up at a barn in part two. One scout wanted the other to wear something sexy, so he stole spy's underwear (bow chika wow wow). Then they met up and fucked. Then a sad ending happened which I cried at which i won't spoil.
You can stop laughing now. I seriously need this. Please TF2chan, i believe in you! Please repost this. I will be eternally grateful.
How's dis? Probably not as hardcore as it could have been.
Picnic - Scout v. Scout
The job paid well, there was no doubting it. It didn't keep him from complaining, though, because that was a god-given talent he wasn't keen on wasting. On that note, the job was okay, all things considered, because it let him really capitalize on his other talents: runnin' around, talkin' smack, and hurtin' people. He was a pretty simple guy, after all. Before he'd been recruited, he'd never even had the need for a bank account. After the first month's paycheck came, and it was just a lousy scrap of paper, the Engineer was kind enough to drive him to the next town in his busted-up truck to open a savings account. A hundred thousand bucks didn't look like much written on a piece of paper, but the look they'd gave him when he asked for it in tens and twenties...well, it was priceless.
While the pay was great, it didn't do shit to curb his boredom during ceasefires. When it came right down to the day to day grind, he got to shoot people, but they often shot back, but he could deal with that. It was the life he had to live before the battle, and after it, that bugged him. The food was crap, and the bed was hard, and all the records were old, and the TV got real bad reception, and he missed his ma, and on ceasefire days, there was nothing to do but think about all of that, and how damned boring it was.
He didn't even have enough stuff in his room to warrant cleaning it, and as a general rule he stayed away from the Soldier on ceasefire days because the guy had a weird yen for assigning clean-up duty if he caught you in the hallway. Demoman and the Heavy were probably still hogging the rec room, watching TV and playing chess. Engineer was cleaning his shop and helping the Pyro tinker with a weapons upgrade. Medic was in the basement medical ward doing whatever the hell creepy thing Medics did on their day off, and ditto that for the Spy. He'd been staring out the window earlier and seen Sniper's campervan putter off the property towards town. The big jackass hadn't even asked if anybody wanted to go with him.
His stomach rumbled. The RED Scout stood in front of his very spartan closet and sniffed his pits. He tossed the shirt and pulled on a clean one. He tugged on his trusty cap and let his headset rest around his neck. He peeked out into the barracks hallway and looked both ways cautiously. He couldn't hear the Soldier's bootfalls or any psychotic, demanding screaming anywhere nearby. He made a run for the mess hall, like he was being chased by raptors. He slid to a stop at the door and slipped in, tip-toeing past the empty tables on his way to the pantry. The kitchen larder was pretty sparse these days. There was a resupply train on the way with fresh rations, ammunition, and raw materials in the next day or two, thus the ceasefire.
"Damn," he grunted, one hand on his stomach and the other shoving jars of pickled eggs and cans of beans out of the way. "Ain't shit in here to eat."
There were a lot of jarred and canned things, all the junk left at the end of the period that nobody else wanted to eat. Sauerkraut, beets, hominy, weird stuff that sure as hell couldn't be paired up together. There was a fuck-ton of beans, all colors and shapes, and canned meat, and field rations. They'd gone through all the fresh stuff a long time ago, and after that, it seemed like the canned peaches were the next thing to go, and then the candy eventually ran out, and the smoked meats, and... Just thinking about all the stuff they didn't have any more of, it made him want to sob. He continued his search, climbing up on the lowest shelf to reach up to the highest one, rifling amongst empty boxes until he felt a plastic package crinkle under his hand.
It was a moon pie. He clutched it to his chest, hopping up and down and laughing to himself. "That's what I'm talkin' about! Whoo-hoo-hoo!"
And then, it became a mission. He would protect this treat with his life. He squinted, looking around at the other food items in the larder as he crammed the moon pie into his pocket. He backed out, turning quickly, as if the ceasefire had suddenly been canceled. He ran to the fridge, slinging it open and scanning the contents quickly. He grabbed a can of RC Cola and dashed for the door, and kept on trucking until he hit dirt under the glaring sun, and even then, he sped off for the relative peace and quiet of the fields adjacent to the base.
He legged it, vaulting over the rustic wooden fence, and made his way into timothy grass, some of it as tall as his hips. There was one little lonely tree out there, and he made his way toward the base. The Scout flopped down onto the dry ground, facing back towards home, already far enough out that he could see the two bases in their entirety. He breathed in and out a few times, closing his eyes and enjoying the semi-sweet smell of the hay grass and the onion weed. The tree was old, looked like hell, but it had a little bit of a canopy, just enough to shade him down to his knees in the midday sunlight.
He hadn't noticed that he was intruding on someone until a voice broke through his momentary calm with a sudden, loud, "AHEM!" For a split second it sounded like there was a Spy around.
"Huh?" The Scout sat up quickly and looked to his right. Just around the other side of the tree was the other Scout. "Woah! Uh...hey, brother. You mind if I hang out here?"
The BLU Scout regarded the RED with some distaste, checking him over for weapons. It was really remarkable how similar they looked, and RED Scout was pretty good looking, and he had a mouth on him too, a real wise ass. The BLU Scout shrugged. "Nah. You cool?"
"Yeah. I'm cool."
So, it was all good. It was a ceasefire, nobody was gonna try anything. The Scout had never felt the urge to buddy up to his enemy on their day off, but it didn't seem so odd to just...chill with the guy. They were recruited to the same class, so they ought to have a lot in common. It'd be nice to get away from those other lunatics for a little bit.
The RED Scout nodded and sort of shimmied a little closer towards his enemy. "What you got there?"
"Oh," the BLU Scout moved a little closer, too, so there was about two feet between them, both sharing the relative cool comfort of the tree's shade. He held up a plastic-wrapped sandwich, not altogether unlike the Heavy's version. "Lunch. Took the last slice of bread. Ruski's gonna be pissed when he finds out."
The two of them shared a laugh. The RED Scout held up the slim can of cola. "You wanna share?"
"Oh man, you guys still got pop over there?" The BLU was already unwrapping the sandwich and pulling one side, sliced on the diagonal, out to hand over to the RED. "Damn lucky bastards."
"Eh, this one ain't my favorite. Tryin' to save what's left of the crit-a-cola," the RED said, and accepted the sandwich. He cracked open the soda and took a sip before setting it in the grass between them.
They were both noisy eaters, but they managed not to talk with their mouths open. They both finished their sandwiches and handed off the soda, back and forth, a few times, before everything was managed and the two of them belched loudly. They leaned their backs against the trunk of the tree and stretched out their long legs, gazing lazily back towards the battlements.
The BLU Scout interrupted their daydreaming, "Sure would be nice if we had a twinkie or something. We ain't had sweets in a long time, though."
"Shit," spat the RED Scout, jolting his hand into his pocket to fetch the moon pie. He fished it out of his pocket, a little softer than it had been, and held it out. "I forgot I had this!"
The BLU Scout squirmed closer without really meaning to do so, he was so excited. "Holy crap."
"It's the very last one," said the other. "This is gonna be good."
The RED Scout hastily broke open the package and began to gently shear the cake down the middle. The BLU Scout was actually on his hands and knees alongside him, salivating, staring hard at the RED Scout's hands. The chocolate gave way to white, stretchy fluff, and then the graham crackers crumbled, and the whole thing came apart into two mushy, molten halves of heaven on earth. The RED Scout offered one half to his enemy, who eagerly took it. Chocolate and marshmallow clung onto the RED's fingers as the other took it from him. The two of them might look pretty similar, but they each had very different ways of approaching the moon pie.
The RED Scout was impulsive and jammed half the thing in his mouth immediately, resting his right hand on his knee, closer to the BLU Scout. The BLU Scout took his damn sweet time, taking smaller mouthfuls, chewing, his eyes screwing up to the top of his sockets, his face in sheer ecstasy. The RED Scout had everything in his mouth as the BLU Spy was just swallowing his first bite. The RED's mouth was working overtime to chomp through the sticky mass, but it tasted so good, he hadn't had chocolate since the Heavy took the last box of Dalokohs bars and hid them in his room. His cheeks bulged and he moaned through closed lips and turned to look at the BLU Scout, who was also groaning in delight, his gaze focused as he pulled the cake apart and ate it bit by bit. The thin film of chocolate melted into sweet, gooey marshmallow, and there was the crunchy, cakey graham, and all of it wound up sticking to the roof of their mouths.
The RED Scout managed to swallow first, but couldn't manage to take his eyes off of the BLU Scout, intrigued at the guy's complete surrender to the experience. Sure it had been a while since either team had enjoyed any snack treats, but damn, this guy was into it. He was pressing the last piece into his mouth, and sucked his finger slowly as he retracted it, eyes closed, remembering this, focusing on the flavor. He gulped, and opened his eyes to the intense stare of the RED, who blinked at him stupidly, masked in a fog of gastronomic bliss.
"That was friggin awesome," said the BLU Scout, watching the RED now, as he lifted his fingers towards his mouth.
"Yeah." He licked his fingers clean and flicked his eyes over to his counterpart. "You got some right here," he said, pointing at his cheek to show the other where there was a smear of chocolate on his face.
The BLU's eyebrows rose as he rubbed the back of his wrist over his cheek, the opposite of where the RED had shown him. The BLU Scout scowled a little. "Did I get it?" He rubbed at his mouth with the crook of his elbow. The more he tried to clean himself up the more the other Scout shook his head, and the more he felt like he was covered with the stuff. "What the crap?!"
"Jeez, man." He leaned over and rubbed off the mark with his own knuckles, sighing. "What a disaster."
The BLU lad cleared his throat and turned his face, feeling his ears burn a little. "Thanks."
Of course the RED Scout could see his enemy's blush, and smirked at it. "Lemme ask you something."
"What is it?" The BLU felt a little twitchy, and folded his legs up indian style, crossing his arms. Now that their stomachs were full, there was an uneasy truce between them. He tried to stay on edge just in case something happened.
The RED Scout seemed a bit more at ease. "You ever...mess around with another guy?"
The other Scout was silent for a while. His face was placid as he tried not to let his mortification show. As the thought it over, the hamster running full tilt in the wheel in his head, he scowled. "Hey, what's your deal?" He opted for the butch route to defend his masculinity. "I share my sandwich with your dumb ass and now you're callin' me a faggot?"
Laughter wasn't the response he was expecting.
The BLU held up a fist and shook it lightly. "You lookin' for a bruisin' or somethin'?"
"Aha-ha-ha," the RED Scout waved off the BLU's aggressive gesture, "put that away, I ain't tryin' to start nothin'."
"What're you gettin' at, then?"
The RED Scout sobered and looked down towards his feet, and farther off at the tall grass, which swayed a bit in the stifling sunlight, in the faintest of breezes. "Well, I mean..." He shrugged. "A couple weeks ago I sorta caught our Spy...you know...with the Engineer."
"Ugh," groaned the other, "always thought that guy was light in the loafers."
Thinking about some of the pictures he'd seen of the RED Spy's extracurricular activities, he figured the BLU Scout wasn't aware of them, and decided not to say anything. "I dunno, I don't think it counts."
"What do you mean, it don't count?"
"Well," he turned up his palms and shrugged, rolling his eyes, "sometimes a lay is just lay, man." He laughed, nervous but bold. "Maybe it don't count unless you're, like, in love with the guy or somethin'."
"In that case, our Heavy and Medic are queer as a three dollar bill." The two of them shared a laugh. The BLU Scout found that the RED Scout was still looking at him intently, and their shared brevity evaporated. He was cold in his response, "To answer you question, no, I ain't ever messed around with another guy." He turned and looked off to his right, into the fields. His mouth twitched. "What about you?"
"No," he said, and it was true.
When he'd caught the Spy and the Engineer together it'd been late in the day, he was heading out for a run to let off some steam. As he warmed up, he'd jogged over to the Engineer's shop, just being nosy, and accidentally saw them together through the window. He hadn't participated in anything, but he'd run off to the other side of the battlements and jerked off thinking about what he'd seen. Ever since then he'd been thinking about it. Running and fighting had been pretty good methods for keeping his frustration under control up to then, but seeing the look on the Engineer's face, the sheen of sweat on their bodies, and hearing the noise of their passion had been etched in his brain, leaving him feeling lonely for touch, for intimacy. He'd beat off to it several times, feeling ashamed when it was over, but for some reason, not really because it was wrong, but because he'd been fantasizing about his coworkers.
It had taken a while for him to be able to look at the Engineer again. Of course the Engineer and the Spy behaved the same way they always had, and not knowing if their nighttime activity had been a one-time thing or a regular fling made the Scout's confusion fester into anger and confusion. He'd been such a little prick about the whole thing that after a few days the Engineer had taken him aside for a personal chat to clear things up. The RED Scout liked his Engineer, respected him, and never wanted him to know about what he'd seen, but he asked questions and dropped a few hateful statements that led the Engineer to a pretty certain conclusion of what was the matter.
It had been the Engineer, calming in his slow, methodical way, who'd given him some insight on how to deal with his body's urges. In his smooth, lulling, Southern drawl, he'd given the Scout some advice. Whatever you do, he'd said, as long as it wasn't hurting you or anybody else, it was okay, no matter what other people thought. The Texan was a lot more intuitive and smart than he seemed. He'd told the Scout that sometimes the body wanted strange things. The Engineer had told him that he shouldn't treat any sexual desires he had as any different from a weird food craving, as long as he fulfilled it in a way that was safe, sane, and discreet. With a final, hearty slap on the shoulder, the Engineer had rather knowingly told the Scout to keep his mind open to learning new things, but to mind his own damned business while he was at it. He figured the Engineer knew what he was talking about, and got over what he'd seen...mostly.
"It ain't gay," he said, confidently.
The BLU Scout was suddenly very, very nervous. "You're freakin' me out, man."
"You can't say you've never been curious."
The RED gave him a skeptical glare. "How many times a week do you beat off?"
The BLU Scout fidgeted. "I dunno. A couple times."
"You sick of your hand yet?"
"Ain't got no other option," said the BLU, staring at his groin and the growing sensation of arousal he felt, daring himself to get a stiffy in front of his enemy. The BLU Scout put his hands in his lap, clenching them into fists.
"Don't be a dense motherfucker," the RED sighed, scooting closer. "You wanna try this or not?"
The BLU Scout felt fine hairs raise all over his body. He couldn't exactly say no. He'd never felt attracted to another man, but he couldn't say he ever felt overwhelmingly attracted to a woman, either. He'd never felt much of anything, but at that given moment, he felt interested in what the other Scout was offering. He didn't want to admit that he'd never had sex before. He'd gone as far as to kiss a girl, once, and he'd touched a pair of tits once. He'd been able to feel her up a little before she'd slapped him. He wasn't sure about what he wanted, he was just horny most of the time. Hell, after a month of being trapped on base with so little privacy, too embarrassed to rub one off for the fear of being discovered, even inanimate objects had become sexy. When the BLU Scout had finally snapped, he'd locked himself in a broom closet and didn't come out for twenty minutes.
He stood up and looked down at the other. "Why are you askin' ME?"
"Fuck it, man, I'm horny."
The BLU Scout was nonplussed, and looked like he was going to throw a haymaker at any second.
"You seem cool. We got a lot in common, I bet." The RED Scout was obviously eager to experiment, but not with his teammates. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Plus, you ain't all hairy and shit."
It seemed like a brilliant idea. He hadn't really thought it through when he'd asked, but he was glad he did.
Unfortunately, the other man wasn't so open-minded. He bolted. The BLU Scout took off running, not really towards the bases, but off towards the tall grass. It hadn't even been a decision to do so, he'd just felt a spike of anxiety, and not knowing how else to deal with it, he ran. Bewildered, the RED Scout felt a flutter of predatory instinct and took off running after him. He didn't even know why, he just did. It was only a couple meters out before he caught up with the BLU and tackled him to the ground, arms around the other man's slim hips. They struggled, rolling around in the dirt, flattening the grass around them as they tussled.
"Hey!" The RED Scout pinned the BLU down by his wrists. He imagined himself being as fat and massive as the Heavy, bearing down on the other with all his might as he wriggled and freaked out bodily. "Why you runnin'?!"
"Get offa me, man, I don't like where this is headed!"
The RED Scout smirked. "Yeah right. How come I can feel your hard-on, genius? You're just as bad off as I am. It'll feel good."
"So what!" said the BLU, jerking his hips and struggling more, trying to buck the other Scout off of him.
"I don't wanna date you, dipshit, I just wanna get off!"
God, it made perfect sense. They were on opposing teams and never, ever saw each other. They'd shoot each other if they so much as looked at one another during the regular work week, and nobody on their teams would be any wiser. And besides, they were both strapping, good looking young lads, and horny as hell. This could be really convenient.
"Don't you wanna get off?"
That seemed to do it. The BLU Scout kept on scowling, but he stopped fighting, and after a few beats, the RED Scout let him go, climbing off and kneeling alongside him. In all honesty, he couldn't find a reason to say no. It was clearly just for fun, wasn't it?
"I guess," he muttered. "I mean...I ain't gotten off in a while."
"Right. Me neither." The RED Scout pulled off his cap and headset, and tugged off his shirt, throwing it in a pile nearby. "This'll be our little secret."
The two of them stared at each other. The BLU Scout took the hint and awkwardly pulled his things off, too. They both sat shirtless with their dog tags dangling over their bare chests.
"How do we do this?"
"It ain't rocket science, you dummy." The RED Scout got up to his knees and moved even closer to the BLU. "Just say stop if you don't like it."
Closing his eyes, the BLU Scout waited, and eventually felt the lips of his counterpart brush against his. He breathed through his nose, nervous, ready to bolt again at any second, but soon after the first pass, the other man kissed him again. He relaxed into it, letting his lips part, allowing the RED Scout to explore him. The RED Scout's lips were soft, and pressed into the BLU Scout gently, not caring so much that he wasn't exactly reciprocating. The RED Scout pushed him down to the ground, on his back, and deepened the kiss. His hands wandered over the lean frame of his sometime enemy, feeling soft hairs on his chest, and toned abdominal muscles, tensing under his touch.
Turns out, it felt good to kiss. The BLU Scout felt the RED Scout's tongue enter his mouth, sliding over his own, prodding, tangling playfully. He tested his mettle. He kissed back, and darted his tongue into the RED Scout's mouth. He let his hands glide over the other man's shoulders. Their groins pressed together as the RED Scout lay partially on top. The RED shifted his hips against the other, their mutual erections grinding together through their pants, now becoming tighter with need. The BLU Scout gasped breathlessly when the RED Scout sat up, straddling him. He watched as the other man jerked at his belt, loosening his pants and brazenly freeing his cock. The RED began to reach for the BLU's belt, too, but the man batted his hands away.
"I got it, I got it," he hissed, his cheeks darkening when the RED Scout started stroking his erection lazily, watching as he fiddled with his belt. He nervously pulled his dick out and the two of them sized one another up, utterly wordless.
Overall, they looked almost the same, from their lithe, skinny frames and lanky legs, down to their slim, rigid cocks, rimmed with a dusting of dark hair. The RED Scout bent forward, bracing his weight on his left arm. He captured both their dicks in his right hand and began stroking while assaulting the BLU Scout's neck with kisses, licking and sucking as he went.
"Don't...leave a mark...asshole," grunted the BLU. His eyes squeezed shut as he focused on the RED's firm grip on his junk.
The RED Scout did his best to oblige, and moved his ministrations to the BLU Scout's prominent collarbone. He slid his fingers over the tips of their cocks, smearing their pre-cum together. The BLU Scout grunted, tipping his head back, flexing into the RED Scout's body, urgently forcing his dick into the other man's hand. The RED Scout liked the blissed-out look on the BLU Scout's face, a lot.
"I wanna try somethin'," said the RED Scout, sliding down, leaving the BLU Scout looking perturbed at the sudden loss of contact.
His eyes bulged when he saw the RED Scout close his eyes and open his mouth. He watched with increasing curiosity and amazement as he saw the pink tongue emerge and disappear, only to reappear as it lapped up over the head of his dick. He almost screamed in utter pleasure and clamped his hand over his mouth. The RED Scout sucked on the head, accepting as much as he could into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down. The skin was soft, and the texture of the hardness and the veins was interesting against this palate. He released the man, slurping as he went, and took a few seconds to swirl his tongue around the head. He looked up over the BLU's hips at his quick breathing and sweat and remembered the pained look of intense pleasure he'd seen on the Engineer. He tried to remember what else he'd seen, and spit on his hand to wet it before pumping the BLU's shaft a few times.
"What, never had your dick sucked?"
"Shut up," barked the BLU Scout.
The RED Scout grinned suggestively as he wiped his mouth. "You wanna try?"
The BLU Scout's hungry eyes belied the stern, unfriendly line of his mouth. He sat up and shoved the RED Scout so that he rested on his ass, legs sprawled with his pants loose around his hips. The BLU Scout gripped the RED's thighs as he climbed over his legs towards his waist. The RED stayed sitting up, looking down at the BLU Scout as his fingers curled around the base of his dick. The BLU Scout inspected his member, swallowing down a wad of anxiety. It wasn't so different from his own. He thought about what had felt good to him, and palmed the RED Scout's balls as he gingerly stuck out his tongue and tasted the pre-cum on the head of the other man's dick. He snapped his eyes shut and licked, like the thing in his hand was just a warm, fleshy ice cream cone. The RED Scout sighed and led his fingers roam over the BLU Scout's back, his neck, and into his hair, moaning softly.
"Yeah, that's it," he said, encouraging the BLU Scout. "Feels good."
He allowed the shaft into his mouth and sucked on the RED Scout for a few more moments, humming, and allowing the head of the man's cock to graze the back of his throat. He pursed his lips and drew his head back, letting go so that he could make his way up the RED Scout's abdomen. He nipped and sucked on his jaw, and then claimed his lips in a fast, forceful kiss. The two of them pressed their sweat-laced bodies together, rolling around in the dry grass, moaning and pawing at one another with a fair amount of good-natured scratching and competition passing between them. They each grasped one another, their hips bucking and crashing against one another, waves breaking insistently, faster and faster. The RED Scout pulled one arm tight around the BLU Scout, and clasped his hand, along with the BLU's, around both of their erections. He humped against their combined effort, letting his body do what it needed to do, eyes closed. The BLU Scout threw his arm around the other's shoulders, breathing hot and hard into his ear, moaning, thrusting up into the RED's hand, against his cock, lips quivering.
"Shit, I'm gonna come," he hissed.
"Oh yeah, do it."
The BLU Scout came first, his body going still and muscles tightening as the sensation overwhelmed him. He saw sparks behind his eyelids as he threw back his head and groaned as the RED continued to milk him. The RED Scout groaned, feeling the other's ejaculate spurt up between them, further lubricating his hand. He jerked himself to finishing within seconds, further aided in his orgasm when he felt the BLU Scout's teeth graze against his ear. He came violently, jerking and moaning loudly, shooting his semen onto the BLU Scout's stomach. He collapsed into a heap, trapping both their hands between their bodies.
"Christ, man," he murmured, letting his cheek rest on the BLU's shoulder.
"You're crushin' me, dude," said the BLU Scout, only after allowing them both to enjoy the unraveling of their orgasms, when their breath returned to them.
The RED Scout blushed a little, regardless of their intimacy, and moved off of his...enemy. "Sorry."
He laid back in the grass and crossed his arms behind his head, looking up at the clear, cloudless sky. The sun had been beating down on them the whole time. He was dripping wet, shaking with exhaustion, but it felt good. He took a deep breath and let the darkness of his closed eyes consume him for a while, enjoying the relaxation of release and the cooling sensation of sweat drying on his skin. He could just barely feel the BLU Scout's arm brushing against his. Without their shirts on, it was hard to remember that either of them were on opposing sides of a global war for what amounted to corporate sponsorship. He'd been paid five hundred thousand dollars in the last few months for all the killing he'd done, with bonuses for every time he captured the other side's intel. He was sure he'd be sending more money back home to ma soon, and some of it, he knew, had been earned from shooting at, and probably killing the man beside him, more than a few times. Thanks to the respawn system, no matter how weird it was, nobody ever really seemed to die, but the intention was the same. He tried not to dwell on it.
"I ought to get back," said the BLU Scout, sitting up and reaching for his shirt.
The RED opened his eyes to a fine slit as he regarded the other man looking down at his chest. He cracked a smile. The BLU Scout was peering down at the sticky fluid coating his stomach with a look on his face like he smelled something real bad. The RED Scout snickered, trying to hide it, and got a fairly hard love tap for it, a backhand right to the floating ribs. He choked and sat up, wincing and covering his soft spot with his arms.
"Easy, easy," he said, grimacing. "It's funny!"
The BLU Scout grabbed the RED's shirt and used it to wipe up his mess, eliciting an irritated groan out of him when he tossed the shirt back at him. "How's that for funny, chucklehead?"
The RED Scout frowned, but used the soiled shirt to clean himself up, too. "Not cool. Definitely not cool."
"Whatever." The BLU Scout stood up, hiding his face when he smiled. He adjusted his briefs, zipped up, and buckled his belt. He dusted his ass for good measure.
"Aw, shit," yelped the RED Scout.
The BLU Scout looked down at him, startled.
"I got some on my pants."
The BLU laughed at that, and covered his eyes to look back towards home base. "Shit, there's the Soldier." He ducked down to grab his headset, smoothing down his hair before slapping his cap down over it.
The tall grass hid their position pretty well, but the RED Scout knew if they both got up at the same time to head back, it'd look hell of suspicious. "You go on first, I'll wait a while." He balled his dirty shirt up into a wad and set it aside. He put on his hat but left his headset off.
The BLU Scout nodded and cautiously stole one last, self conscious glance at the RED Scout. "Uh, thanks."
"I told you it'd feel good," he said, smirking, completely full of himself. He let his chest puff up in pride. "You seemed to enjoy yourself, anyway."
"I was talkin' about the moon pie," the BLU Scout retorted, running off in a half-crouch through the grass, gradually disappearing. "Moron!"
He'd found a pretty good way to spend most of his day off, and he didn't regret it. He'd just let his libido do its thing, and it admittedly felt good to be rid of that tough knot of unfulfilled desire that had been squatting inside of him for weeks. He was pretty sure he'd see the BLU Scout again. He knew it for sure, actually, because ceasefire was over in another day. He figured it didn't matter what happened then, or on the next ceasefire day. The job paid well, and he'd be sticking around, even though the food was lame, the pillows were hard as rocks, and he had to do his own laundry. The few pros definitely outweighed the cons, in his mind.
Holy fuck. More picnics for everyone!
Anon, that was hot as hell (and surprisingly sweet too), and I demand more just because I can.
Requesting Scout/Scout, but set in a 'universe' where the teams know that they're all just clones of one-another.
Something like, sexually-pent-up Scout is scared as hell of doing anything gay, but really needs/wants something other than his right hand. Goes to ask himself on the other team about shagging, his logic being that if he's fucking himself then he isn't gay, just seriously narcissistic.
Please and thank you!
Request for Trap on Trap.
Detatched Sniper having sex with a female member of the team who happens to have a dick. You can honestly go crazy with how it goes about happening. I would like a little bit of plot, but other than that...
Thanks so much!!!
Doing it. Now I've got to get back in the swing of writing Scout goddamnit.
I´m ever happy to read some fics involving the same teamclass having sex. Like Medic/Medic. But i would be really happy to see a threesome like Demo/Solly/Scout. (Or just more Solly/Demo).
On the subject of threesomes... Can this anon have some Team USA please? Preferably of the fluffy kind?
(but more Solly/Demo is always good)
I'd really like some fluffy Engineer / Soldier.
I love a Solly with a hint of emotions; it makes me melt.
I want someone to write engie porn in the back of his truck, please tell me why this hasn't been done yet. I'm mortified.
>>35 Christ yes. Seconded.
>>35 oh god yes please.
There a pairing with that or am I on my own here Ms/Mr. >>35 ?
I'm sorry for the double post, but I actually have a request. And yes, I AM working on the Engineer-back-of-the-truck sex. I'm writing it with a Spah, but if >>35 still has a thought, I'd be willing to do it. It's just...I have a request too.
I want Heavy/Spy. With a very smart Heavy and a Spy that underestimates what he's getting himself into. And, want it to be HOT ...but this is the adult fic thread so I think that's a little implied.
I would like to see someone write RED Demo and BLU Engineer compete-courting BLU Soldier's affections while Soldier remains oblivious about it.
Anyone ever realize that there's a tentacle on a tentaclespy for every member of the team? at the same time?
I'd love to see that.
Dammnit. Welp, that'll be in my thread in a few days then.
(I'm sorry, I have no idea how to do the code so it links to the post... fail)
I would definitely like to see this as well!
Frotteurism. Nonconsensual dry humping.
enginer/demo. Over a dispenser.
make it happen
The set up for that Engie-truck porn. this is taking me WAY longer than it ought to but I'm plugging away at everything. I probably could have waited a little longer, but why break the tradition of doing all my porn in two parts?
Engineer didn't mind very much being a little bit of a stereotype.
They all were in small ways and with very little to do but fight, it was those cultural stereotypes that entertained them. The Demoman told them about Nessie and made them all try Haggis. Even Spy had dropped his jaw when he caught Scout dutifully filling in the Boston Times crossword his mother had clipped for him, wedged between two sports sections. Soldier knew all there was to know about World War I, II and knew more about the Alamo than Engineer himself. Heavy had blushingly admitted to having been related to the last Russian Tsar. Medic loved sauerkraut more than Heavy loved 'sandviches' and the RED team could be assured of boiled cabbage once a week. Sniper had once been punched by a Kangaroo and bitten by a koala. Even the Pyro had shocked them all by plunking down a mysterious bottle and raising the gas mask long enough to tell them without mumbles all about Scandinavian liquor.
So, no, Engineer didn't really mind being a Texan with a Southern drawl and a big pickup truck.
There was one member of the team however who seemed to hate all the stereotypes. Engineer was a polite man but he always was proud of his heritage and his state and being American.
Spy turned his nose up at the foreign food and liquor, wouldn't listen to Heavy's stories and just laughed when Scout asked about word clues.
"So what is it that bugs y'all so much about us. Alright we all pick on each other a lil' Spy, but I sure know you dish out just as much as we give you. So what makes us, your team, so doggone contemptible."
Spy paused. He paused for a long time. "I am not...I am not so adverse to you." His words were deliberate.
Engineer thumped his hand on the table. "No that ain't a good answer Spah. Not a good one at all. You're downright rude! Ahm beginnin' to think you're a rude big ol' stereotype Frenchman."
Spy's expression was stricken and Engineer was beginning to think he went too far. "Alright Spah, I was mad, but y'all gotta see...even Solly is polite to Medic and goodness knows what...what'm sayin' is..."
"Secrets, Labourer are a Spy's most precious commodity." Spy gestured to his mask, his suit. If, I am rude, perhaps you do not realize that I am rude because I am trying to keep a secret."
"Alright Spah. I'm listening." It was somewhat difficult to tell what expression Spy was wearing behind the mask. However his voice was sincere and it was that that kept Engineer in the chair.
"Perhaps I tell you a story. It's about a man and a woman who are...from different families and the woman loves the man and vice versa only their parents don't approve. You have a PhD. Several sir. I think you know it."
"...Romeo and Juliet?"
"So...y'all are in love with someone?"
"Think a little harder Laboureur."
Engineer considered. "You are...in love with someone you are not supposed to be in love with?"
Spy smacked his head into his hand. "Do you know how maddening it is? Being on a team! With 9 men! And it is wrong! Wrong! I l...I might love anyone of you and it's sick and wrong!"
"I don't think that's so wrong Spah. Yeh shouldn't be stoppin' having good friends just cause y'all might like a man instead of a lady. Heck, if it helps, I'd be your gentleman friend if you thought of me like that."
Spy's head raised slightly. "You would now."
Engineer recognized the tone and stuttered. "Ah....Ah, Spah....well I did say..."
Spy was Spy again. Gone was the frightened man who had confessed his greatest secret to Engineer. "Hold still Labourer. You did say."
Spy grinned. "You know what I like about you Monseiur? Zhat you are a, ahem, big ol' Texan Stereotype. But almost only because you are interested in me. And I happen to be interested in big ol' Texan stereotypes. You have a truck mon cher?"
Gulping, Engineer could only nod.
"Well, I hear what stereotypical southern people do is make love in ze back of them. Would that be something you are interested in?"
"My Truck." Engineer repeated.
"Oui. Ze truck."
Figuring the day couldn't get any stranger, Engineer nodded. "Alright."
For some reason, the way this ends reminds me of the first scene in Caryl Churchill's 'Cloud Nine'.
Harry: Shall we go in a barn and fuck? It's not an order.
Joseph: That'd be alright, yes.
And I'm not sure if it's the parallels that I love, or if it's merely that this is a well-written fic, but I will be anxiously awaiting an update. :)
I'm itching for some submissive/pet fic.
I'd like to see some Scout/Female!Sniper.
With vast amounts of sexual inexperience on Scout's side.
Seconding. So hard.
Oh, God yes. You, Sir Anon, have made my forever.
Eagerly awaiting update, yes?
Your wish is my command. Let's see what I can cook up with Medic and his 'pet'. I'll treat it like I did with my secret santa fic in that giving myself a time limit to work with, I think it helps greatly with my attention span.
Also, Captcha "welust". Why, yes captcha we do lust for some lovely Medic.
Best idea ever!!
Thank you, we wait eagerly.
*Giggles like a schoolgirl*(*BANS WITHOUT PREJUDICE*)
Oh god needs to continue. NOW. [no pressure, no pressure.]
Alrighty, making a new fic request. Recently discovered a kink of mine is handjob from behind. One character sitting, other one behind them, jerking them off.
Anyone can be involved except for Heavy, Demo, or Pyro. Well, MAYBE Demo, if he's not all 'IMACREEPYPERVYDRUNKSCOTSMANYARRR'. But otherwise, fair game. Don't care how said characters get into scenario, or how far you take it after this point, just so long as this particular kink of mine occurs and is the central point.
CHALLENGE TIME! Think of the most creepy/Fucked up scenario you can come up with.
And I'll attempt to write it.
demoman/scout rape with a ullapool caber.
best I can come up with.
Soldier 'punishing' Scout after finding out he's been sleeping around. Soldier doesn't know Scout's a machoist and gets off on the pain.
So... Scout forced to have sex with his mother, her vagina full of glass, then again when she's dead, and then his spine is snapped, he's paralyzed, and he lays on her rotting corpse and eats her in desperation?
No bestiality in there though, and the set-up sounds impossible to do.
Are you happy now
You know how the bodies kind of disappear from the field after a while? That doesn't seem "realistic" to me, even by TF2 standards. I always pictured some kind of neutral support company coming by after the battle to mop up the place, repair the buildings, and drag the bodies away.
Your story would star an OC who relishes his job a bit too much. Rolling around in a sea of dead Scouts, much? Mashing them all together like massive Ken dolls? The sweetly limp embrace of all those quickly cooling limbs - yeah, I think you get the picture.
swap.avi, but involving TF2 characters.
Bestiality is always alright with me, but the rest... huh.
More gloves and leather and boots. Please. I'd prefer Spy/Medic, but yeah.
Still wishing for Heavy/Spy. Preferably one based on the picture that Humon drew in which Medic tied Heavy and Spy together, whipped them with a riding crop, and made them have sex while still tied up.
And because we all know that merely putting a pairing up is not a proper request by many, but fully supporting the pairing, I volunteer a kink: consensual and fluffy cuddling! Now, I know it's crazy (and might even be a mite disturbing for those of a delicate nature around here), but variety is the spice of life, and I think it would make for a nice change of pace.
Or hell, maybe even Scout topping, if we're going to go completely nuts.
Demo/Pyro -> something silly involving a kilt, a pair of spare socks, and liberal amounts of jello. Bonus points if a flyswatter, limp celery, and flight goggles are involved.
Non-con Heavy/Pyro (switch top and bottom to suit tastes)-> One is injured far behind lines and 'their' medic is nowhere within hearing range.
Tentaspy/Soldier or Spy/Soldier
Oblivious Soldier who has no idea he's being flirted with is a plus.
Engie/Medic. Because they are buddies of science.
(And they are doing it for SCIENCE! Yeah i know lame pun. lame.)
Thought I'd say I really enjoyed your fic [even if 'another one bites the dust' by queen is now stuck in my head!]
Aw jeez, I posted this in the wrong thread. Just ignore it, I didn't give the post a password so I can't delete it.
After playing Sims 2 ... I HAVE to request this. Just for the sheer lulz and crazy imagery.
Sniper gets abducted by aliens and of course probed in all possible ways. He enjoys this like crazy. Go crazy with this idea!
Oh jesus. I was literally JUST playing the sims. I want this prompt filled so hard.
If anyone's curious, male sims, after they are abducted, are almost always impregnated with an alien baby. Use that information however you wish.
I know this is going to be tough... but I would love to see hatesex between a BLU Quebecois Spy and a RED French Spy.
Aand have some random taunting:
"Perhaps you should 'ave enrolled into a real Spy academy, EH? What did they teach you over there? 'ow to backstab POLITELY?"
"You call THAT a French accent? Sounds more like a speech disorder."
I'm just cruising along on y-gal, and for some reason this pops into my head:
A scout gangbang.
Like a scout rush, only, you know, sex. As many scouts as you wanna write in, so long as it's somewhere between 3 and 50. Otherwise we're just getting ridiculous. But I mean, if you've got a good one with 51, post it anyway. It's close enough. hehe.
My captcha is 'Fohedd', and I find that absolutely hilarious. I do not know why...
50.... 50 scouts at once. Imagine how loud that room would be... I really want to see this done now
Let's get some Ye Olde Medic on Demoman. In all Ye Olde text, In Ye Olde degroot keep. In his Ye Olde chambers. Ye olde please?
Hmmm... I don't think i've ever seen it, but has anyone ever come across any heavyXengie? It's a guilty pleasure of mine.
I don´t know either how this should work. v(._.)v
Spy/Sniper, with bondage and tickle torture, preferably non-consensual and opposite teams.
Anything you want to add is welcome, but I'm mostly into tickling and I find the lack of this kink in the TF2 fandom highly frustrating.
Since we were allowed to request someone to repost a fic in /fanfic/ I figured this would apply here.
Requesting that fic where Sniper mentioned he was homosexual and Scout wonders why Sniper is. He goes and asks Medic what makes people gay and Medic mentions 3 possible reasons and one of them was being distant from a father. Scout tells Sniper that's why he's gay. Then they fuck in Sniper's van.
The fic was up to this part when I read it so I can't add anymore to this.
I believe the story you are talking about is TeratoMarty's "Child Molestee". You can find it on his Y!Gal, or ask if he can repost it up.
I am looking for a certain (amazingly hot) tentaspy fic... featuring dirty, topping Sniper. All I remember is that he caught tentaspy down in the sewers and then had his way with him. From what I recall, I don't think it was finished. A darn shame. Anyways, thanks in advance!
Has this idea ever been done before? If so, do share.
I want to see Spy raping any character while disguised as his victim. That means same team color and everything. The poor man would essentially be getting fucked by himself.
Although if the idea of consensual or dubcon sex tickles your fancy moreso than rape and misery, I would not complain.
Why aren't there that many orgy fics? I wanna see as many of the guys getting off together as possible.
Demo and Medic. I don't care what setting, it just needs to be done.
Valentines day is coming up.
I would very much like a valentine fic.
Every-one on the team gets Valentines. Scout from his mom, Demoman from work friends from other jobs, Engineer from old college buddies/ex-girlfriends, Pyro is lonely enoughe (or crazy enoughe) to make his own valentines and send them to himself. The list goes on and on.
Problem- Sniper=Lonely manly man. No valentines. He is very sad this time of year.
He gets a poetic card from a secret admirer. The person likes to call him/herself a special nickname/codename/whatever. Sniper is happy- but wonders who it is. (I love detail on the smells, the feeling, possibly a fap to the card.)
Can realy turn out to be any person, I prefer Pyro or Heavy. I will be forever gratefull to any-one that does this. (I'm very sorry if it is too much trouble.) Thank You!
Oh man, Pyro writes himself
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS RED HOT.
Want so much, it's giving me a stomachache.
Want. So. Badly.
Working on it. Will be posted on the 14th.
what happend to this?
I will keep going. I just had a lot of computer issues (read crashing) recently
Clamouring for some Heavy/Medic fanfiction (OTP, yesyes)! It is nearing Valentine's Day, after all, and this pairing should be an excuse to write some hardcore fluff/slash.
<.< If anyone writes this I will love them forever.
Wow! That was so fast!
I'm so greatfull... I... I...
Thank you Mr. Anon
God dommit, why do I have to be such a slow writer? I had started working on it. A little bit.
I started before 94 said they were and I'm still going to write it. What if his/her's isn't what the requester wants per say? I say continue writing it.
Didn't mean to step on anyone's toes. Given that this is a holiday fic, I think it deserves multiple fills, and I'd be super excited if you guys were to post something too.
Also, this fic has really gotten away from me! Technically it fulfills everything that >>89 specified, but I've become worried that it won't be what s/he pictured. For example, I have also included >>99 in my version. If a couple other anons took a stab at the Vday fic, I wouldn't feel so bad about doin' my own thing with it.
I would like to see all team gets genderbended for Valentine's day event, and all of them feel like they're in heaven since they have been in hell where there're full of man but no girl. Girls everywhere. And all of them become flirty.
Yess, Precisely. Since I'm prone to write my fills the way 'I' would want them and not the person who requested would.
Plus, It gives me something to read since I really love this request.
Okay, I'm considering writing this myself, but a 2000-word essay is currently fucking me up the ass, so I doubt I'd get it done even before Canada Day.
A few years ago, my friends and I did a modified version of Secret Santa for Valentine's Day. We each picked each other's names out of a hat, and whoever we got was the person we pursued. Some gave each other teddy bears, or chocolates. Some took the person out to dinner, or on a picnic. One ended up with a restraining order (I wish I was joking).
My fanfic request? The TF2 characters do this. Secret-Santa-Valentine's thing. Bonus points for at least one character getting WAY too into it, and further bonus for some sort of weird three-way-jealousy triangle thing going on. And please, at least one couple ending up in the boudoir. It's not really Valentine's Day unless someone gets laid.
Doesn't have to be done by V-day. I'm fairly patient. Honestly, it's such a lame prompt, I don't expect it'll be done at all. But at least there's always hope.
Oh man, want so fucking much.
Ah shit. That's another prompt that I'm half way through.
May I request Gunslinger!EngiexScout fluff sex?
Really would love if it included Scout reacting to the cold metal of the Gunslinger along the lines of "shit, that's cold" and being a bit ticklish.
There needs to be more Pyro love. Preferably a <Class> and you, but anything is fine really.
Something I havent seen at all yet ... I mean, kinky wild Helmetparty is delicious and all, but I cant I imagine things were like that from the getgo. Given it is 1968 and I feel like neither Soldier nor Engie are the lovemachine type, their first time must have been all kinds of hilariously awkward, clumsy and screwed up. (Not like you can just ask your teammates or look online, you know)
I crave this like mad so if someone would give it a spin, I would be incredibly happy.
Hate to butt-in, in the middle of your work (Because I am very exited to see the outcome.)
You shouldn't worry about my needs, so much as your own. I just requested this, a simple prompt. Whoever's hands this falls into is theirs by write- pun intended. Make it however you want, I'm not complaining.
Oh god, SaberTooth, you're too kind. I said I would post it on the 14th, but although I have been working on it literally every day since then, I still haven't gotten the fic to a point where I'm ready to post it. This is a combination of me starting a new job last week and being very emotionally drained at the end of each day, and me bouncing around five different fanfictions at the same time. I promise I will finish it, but that won't be for at least another couple of days. Thank you so much for putting up with my tardiness. Hopefully the end product is worth your wait.
Hell, I know how all that feels. Go get yourself a bowl of chocolate ice-cream, and try to relax a bit. I've got all the patience in the world- take your time.
Oh god. Wanting so much.
I want this too! Please someone do it!
Requesting something involving Medic, romantic night (with dinner, candle light and all that jazz), and an SS uniform.
This will greatly please me.
Side note: Please no Heavy. I can imagen a Spy would fit here, but please no Heavy.
Oh yes. Uniform!Medic
Oh yes, please. Uniform kink is good.
Requesting fic based on this: http://tf2chan.net/tits/src/129134759593.jpg
Because you have to love a romantic Spy.
>>121 I second this, simply because I DO love a romantic Spy...and I nearly creamed myself at the Beauty and the Beast reference in that photo.
He's French. A charming romantic Spy practically writes itself.
I think I've never seen sniper getting raped fic.
Mostly what I've seen were not-rape fics.
So much Sniper rape.
Oh,There really is so much sniper rape.
I must have been so fool that I didn't remember that fic.
Can I mention Rapist!soldier/sniper on here??
Is it wrong to sugest another fic when you already have one in progress?
Just throwing this out there but... what if Engie sudenly decides to try an online dating site after the untimely death of his wife, or something along those lines he could just be lonely.
He talks with somebody (suposedly a beautiful women) and they keep this up for weeks. Bonus for online typing porn. Eventualy they decide to meet, and it ends out that Engineer's "Soul Mate" is one of his own MALE team members. (Awkard date/meal, or suprise at how 'linked' they are) The writer can figure out the rest.
On the flipside, I want to apologise for a second request- it feels like a taboo. And I'm very thankfull for the one that is already in progress.
Holy fucking Christ. I don't know why, but I want this so fucking hard. It's just...a beautiful prompt.
Damnit. I might do this. If it's not done by the end of April (end of school for me) then I call dibs.
...how would online dating work in the TF2 Universe? I don't think 1968 had Lavalife...or home internet connections, you know?
Maybe some sorta pen pal thing? Like a dating service?
>>129 Eh. Maybe Engie invented eHarmony? He can make teleporters, why not an online dating service?....and internet.
>>130 Considering Spy's fanon handwriting, it could very easily pass for a woman's. And I do love Spy-Engie fics.
Wait wait wait. I thought there is INTERNET in TF2 Universe. I mean Saxton Hale found it(after his employes tried to keep it a secret from him)... and he bought than England.
Hey why don´t i find here a fic with the theme: Saxton Hale bought England!
If that's the same comic as the OSX promo comic, that's been declared non-canonical.
Nope i don´t mean the comic. I mean he said this in the (christmas? or was it as the Itemstore was explained?) Update.
Anyway it was not in the comic, but rather in a Update and i believe we all agreed silently that Update Information of Mr. Hale are canon.
I'm a sucker for (can't get enough off) pet!Solly with Dom!Engineer.
Found "Superior Orders" by DuskZephyr in the archives. Shame it wasn't completed.
If DuskZephyr is still around... /nudge
Oh god if its a pyro and he doesn't know.
I wanna see Soldier develop an all-consuming obsession with Medic, who he thinks is a Nazi, or Heavy, who he thinks is a commie. What would win out, his intense, unquestioning patriotism or his uncontrollable lust for his teammate?
I second that hard; as a medic, I have actually ended up healing (whoo kritz!) soldiers more than heavies somehow, so it makes me sad there's not more of the two.
Okay so. Digging through the archives, I encountered this little chestnut;
BLU team, irritated with their Scout, strips him naked, oils him up like a greased pig, and tosses him into the enemy base.
I might tackle this because the mental images I get are HI-LARIOUS. It wouldn't be porny, though, just. Weird.
Scout tries to be all "manly" and rape Tentaspy for a change. I immagine it failing spectacularly
I am definitely going to do this :D
Heavy/Medic. Fisting, with medic taking it. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT.
If someone does this, I will try my best to complete the prompt of your choice in /afanart/.
Scoutxsniper cuz it's hawt, nuff said
>>142 Oh, god. All I can think is "My fists! They are made of steeeeel!"
And it terrifies me...
But I will marry anyone who somehow puts that line or a parody of it in this story.
Don't mess with my prompt, wo/man! I NEED THIS TO HAPPEN.
>>145 Oh, I'm all for this prompt to occur. Just stating what it makes me think of, and what I will do to anyone that writes that line in there.
And I have lady parts, for the record.
If I had a working laptop and wasn't swamped with requests I'd totally do this, but as it it...
Classy SS Medic with a Spy, Sniper or You (don't give a damn about gender), bitte.
And I need >>121 to happen, s'il vous plaît.
Requesting a fic to go with:
..unless there already is one that I didn't see..
Or basically any Spy raping Sniper would be wonderful.
We've already had SS!Medic/You, but I second the Spy or Sniper.
Spy translating between Medic and Heavy while they confess their love/lust for each other, because neither speak very good english. Perhaps near the start of RED/BLU, before they get to know each other very well.
Ends in sex obviously, perhaps threesome?
>>151 Can I tack on a request for Spy taking some liberties in the translating?
But still ending in awesome happy sex times, bien sûr.
Also fourthing uniform!medic
I cannot second this enough. There definitely needs to be stuff for this pairing, they're such opposites, but still very similar.
I know this is a weird request, but I would love a YouxHeavy request having to do with Poker Night at the Inventory!!!
If its easier for the awesome writer to participate in this, just make the "someone" to be female, but if you can somehow make this fic enjoyable for either gender that would be pretty damn fantastic. :)
I'd be quite happy to accept trade offers, but I honestly write about as well as a chimp's poop smeared on a keyboard to my own judgement 8D
Scout engages in autofellatio while a team member (or several) watches. We all know he's flexible enough. I'd prefer that in the context of the story, he had done this before but never with an audience.
Actually, I needed an idea for my upcoming Heavy & You fic, and this sounds just about perfect. I might utilize this.
A tied up, consenting, submissive heavy. I don't really care who the other character is, but it being the engineer would be awesome
Mask kink, Spy/Pyro. Hell, anything with Pyro.
you have seriously made me the happiest person ever. ಥvಥ OMFG.
-rolls on the floor happily-
Threesome with medic and heavy being all lovey dovey and someone else somehow getting roped in P:<
I'm on another adult fic site, and I discovered a prompt that gave me a good tf2 prompt.
One character having phone sex with his wife, girlfriend, whatever. Another character comes in and sucks them off.
I envision Engie and Spy, respectively, but if you've got other ideas, go right ahead. Hell, have someone call one of those phone sex lines if you want.
Funny you mention that, because I feel a great degree of deja vu with the concept of Engie and phone sex. Has this been done before?
Yes. In the <Class> And You thread there's an phonesex with Engie story, and it's fitted for female readers.
>>165 Yes, actually. That's what made me make the connection between this other site and this one. Was all 'Oh! Here is a concept I recognize. I think I would like more.'
Thus, the prompt.
I have an idea for this, but would you care if it's in "and you" format or do you want another class?
No love for the human sextipede?
omg that sounds even better, please do that!!
oh shit, sorry, the last post was for 168.
Engie wires Scout's mic into the base's PA system.
And everyone else gets an earful of what Scout sounds like when he's getting a good hard fuck.
I second this.
Someone write this now.
Does Scout know? I don't think he should know.
Is it possible to fourth something?
Anyways, my question is why Engie decides to do that. Does he know what'll happen or is he innocent...
same anon as >>172 here. Didn't think it'd be popular.
Scout doesn't know he's being broadcast. And does Engie need an excuse besides "I think it would be kinky"?
Scout's pissed Engie off by blurting out a bedroom/workbench secret? Revenge!
... Tell your Unca Marty more about what you want out of this.
Are we allowed to request based off of pictures/request crossovers? Because this picture has plagued me for a week.
Stare on its awe striking glory and say you don't feel the same need.
It probably wouldn't go here, IMO, but maybe Dr. Freeman counts as an OC in the sense that it probably would fit better in "Roleplay and Original Characters".
Nah, we've had Engie/Bob the Builder before.
I am bored. Mein test subjects have escaped again, and I haf nozzing to do until zey are captured and returned.
I haf a longer story zat I am losing interest in. It contains Heavy/Medic, Sniper/Spy, drugs affecting ze team, und possibly nervous breakdowns.
If someone vill suggest ein scene or kink or ozzer request, I vill try to add it to zis story and finish it.
Hmm, sounds interesting, Doc! I would suggest something, but it's not in my nature to be anything other than a shy little thing.
I just leave requesting to the other channers.
Regardless, I would love to take a gander at what you have with you're story when you get around to posting it. I particularly like your 'Scout Shuts Up' fic, so you posting a new one will be a treat.
Going to suggest.... sleep sex? I don't think I've seen it in a fic before.
Doktor! I just wanted to thank you again for filling my 'Scout's voice broadcast to everyone' suggestion, and thought you might be a little interested in something else that's been bugging me.
Sniper playing dentist with Medic helping. They drug and abuse another team member.
I don't even care who the victim is, I love the idea of Medic taking orders from someone he deems competent, and if the guys are playing into stereotypes, Sniper has to know something about dental treatment, right?
And Sniper's dad wanted him to be a doctor, so there must be a few forced years of Medical School knowledge rattling around in his head somewhere, yeah?
Did this idea have anything to do with the Youtube video "SNIPER IS DENTIST"?
I second this request, this could be interesting.
A little AN: I know some folks wanted me to continue this. I am...kind of here. I feel really bad that I'm not entirely giving people what they want out of this fic, but I had an epic computer crash and everything died. On top of re-writing 90+ pages of my thesis, I lost a lot of fic as well.
Please enjoy some of what I was able to restore while I gather my thoughts.
Respawn Error 1.5
“Fine. I know yeh did right by us today but I’m awful tired and shure not in the mood to hear another re-tellin’ of the billion greatest accomplishments of the RED Spah.” Engineer’s goggles were pushed up onto his forehead and his helmet was sitting on the table as he massaged a great headache out of his temples.
“I assure you, I would never lower myself to bragging. I am telling you, Gentlemen! It was too easy!” Spy chain-lit a second cigarette and stubbed the first out vehemently under his loafer. The rest of the RED team barely looked up from their respective meals. Undaunted and thoroughly determined to plead his case, Spy pressed on doggedly. “Zheir Engineer had only one sentry up, Zheir Medic seemed so drugged zhat he went down with a single blow and zheir Sniper may be an imbecile at ze best of times but he completely missed what was an overconfident and frankly stupid mistake on my part!”
Engineer shrugged and pushed himself up from the table with a groan and a stretch, the joints in his back popping audibly. “Well I guess it is a little strange t’see y’all come back with that briefcase Spah. Why don’t you go explain it to Scout. He’s kind of pissed that you took his job. If y’all will excuse me now, I need to go and see about fortifyin’ that common room entrance.”
At the other end of the table, Sniper had the grace to look slightly abashed, but he drained his coffee mug and headed outside. Intrigued, Spy cloaked, doubled back and followed the gunman.
Predictably, Sniper found Dell Conagher as the sole tender to a campfire in the middle of no-man’s land, plucking idly at his guitar strings. A 2-4 of Blue Streak sat at his side, but as Sniper approached he noticed only one sat open and it was barely touched.
“I take it what you experienced today was no mere loss, mate.”
Dell stopped playing and set his guitar to one side, picking up the beer and meticulously peeling the label off. “No, pardner, it surely was not.”
“Our Spy was going on and on about how strange you lot were acting.” Sniper pushed up the brim of his hat just high enough to look Dell square in the goggles. “Truckie thought he was just bragging, but this wasn’t the usual rot Spoi spews about how great he is.”
The BLU Engineer said nothing to that.
“Somethin’ happen t’day, mate?”
Dell gave him a measured look that suggested he was about to politely tell Sniper to piss off out of affairs that were none of his business, but a loud yell from the general direction of the BLU base caught the attention of both men.
BLU’s scout was just as loud as RED’s, Sniper soon found. “Oh MAN! WE HAVE TITTIES ON BASE MAN! TITTIES ON BASE!”
Surprised that the whole RED base didn’t come barreling full speed across the field then and there, Sniper actually followed Dell into the BLU base at the shout, tailed unbeknownst to both of them by the invisible RED Spy.
The BLU Spy had long known that their Pyro was a woman. He’d never managed to catch a glimpse of her outside of her hazmat suit but he’d once gotten a peek inside he locker, which happened to contain a purse that was stuffed full of ladies’ hygene items. He’d never actually revealed that he knew because, well: Hey, I found a tampon, our Pyro’s a girl isn’t exactly the smoothest Spy line in the world.
Following Scout’s hoots and hollers, Dell with his two RED interlopers following on his heels came barreling down the hall to find the rest of the team clustered around Pyro, who on their mission to hold the front lines of BLU while the Medic issue was dealt with, had been sent to respawn at least twenty times more than any of the other team members.
It was a well-known fact that the BLU Pyro kept to themselves when off the battlefield. Perhaps it was the gender issue, perhaps just an innate anti-social nature. Whatever the reason, no one on the team, Medic included had ever seen the Pyro out of that suit.
However, right there in full view of BLU and about a third of the RED team, down came the zipper and off came the suit, followed by the boots and mask.
“Take it off!” hollered Scout, who had a very obvious boner he was absolutely not bothering to hide.
Zank you, I do my best. Zis story vill be posted in full once I am happy vith it.
Sleep sex? You are not talking about dreams, nein? One participant is asleep, perhaps? Elaborate, bitte.
I am not sure vhere to begin vith something like zis. Possibly I am not the right person to ask.
If TeratoMarty and OtherHazards update ze Coldfront story, however, I promise I vill write vhatever request is most desired here, so zis could still be done.
Oh, I meant is as sex while one participant is asleep, yes. Probably should've explained better...
Herr, Coldfront is going quite slowly while I am working on my Masters' internship and Haz is in engineering school. Is there... something else... you would like from me? E-mail me.
No, no, I am content to wait. I understand, of course - although I must say zat I believe both your talents are wasted in academia.
I am quite accustomed to making my own amusements, so zere is no need for me to ask you for anozzer story.
Actually I'm recovering from having a tooth pulled and one of the dentists at my practise looks a hell of a lot like Sniper.
That and aforementioned Medic taking orders from another professional kink. I do believe Medic is a whizz at surgery, but dental treatment might be 'barbaric' for his tastes.
Spy is trying to infiltrate the opposing base, but Sniper is making it rather difficult for him by messing around with the remote to the wireless vibrator.
Seconded. OR have the medic cause the genderbending
Is there any Medic/Engineer anything whatsoever anywhere? Because frankly I would totally love to see a fic where Medic develops an interest and admiration for Engineer's intelligence and mangrit, but then finds that he's extremely turned on by Engie's darker side, like when he's laughing like a crazy fucker on the battlefeild. I would also not object to Medic/Villian!Engie. Either way though, I'd like Engie written gentlemanly. And Medic maybe a little obsessed and masochistic.
There will be a bit of a lack of eloquence and specifics in my request, but I would love to see some Medic/Heavy or Medic/You assplay. This could be spanking, anilingus, DP, enema, toys, a vegetable from your local grocer involved...etc etc. All, some, or one.
You and/or Heavy decide to be polite and give a reach around, in any case.
The "sub-genre" doesn't matter. Go nuts!
Threesome would be neat-o if you feel inclined.
Role reversal is a-ok as well.
I'm really trying not to imply any sort of strict rules whatsoever, actually; I would simply love to see this idea...tossed...about.
Oh, that was bad. I'm really sorry for that pun.
Poker Night @ the Inventory fic? I think yes.
Medic fic. Kink? Well playing Doctor. Wait don´t go away!
I want a role reverse. Where medic is the "patient" and a other is the doctor in the case.
>>201 Ooh! I like this one. I second desire for this prompt. Just so long as it's not Scout. Love him and Medic, but I can't see Scout playing doctor and still take it seriously.
Engie develops an anxiety of some kind: maybe of being naked in front of other people, a shy bladder, or the inability to perform sexually, for some reason. Idk. Some kind of emotional trauma, maybe. Post-traumatic stress... writer can decided.
Tries to solve it on his own, but can't, so he goes to Medic (reluctantly/embarrassedly) for help. Slashiness ensues.
BONUS: If Medic starts off with the intention to be sadistic and exploiting Engie's awkward/shame feelings, but then can't bring himself to be too awful to him, since Engie's, well... Engie. And therefore adorable.
I'd like to see someone confessing their feelings to someone else, and for the other person to return them, and for them to sleep together, only for it to turn out the person they confessed to was in fact a spy from the other team, who decided to take advantage of the situation. Then, drama!
Doesn't matter who, really, although Sniper trying to confess to Engineer was what originally made me think of it.
Heavy and Sniper. I'd love to see someone do it at least once. Maybe Heavy has a crush on him, maybe Heavy just feels bad about Sniper's seclusion, thinking that Sniper feels he's unwelcome. Heavy feels bad. I just want it to be sweet, but not sappy, y'know?
Everyone on the team needs release because of how long they've been out there.
So solider puts everyones name in a hat and they all draw names.
Between who ever you want.
Heavy/Heavy would be my dream...
Okay, got a new prompt for y'all.
Female Engineer. A sentry. She sits on top of the sentry one day, and by mistake discovers that, when it fires at an enemy, the vibrations feel good in her doggone lady parts. Continues to lure enemies into her path, solely so she can get off.
And yeah, I know, realistically, she'd probably get third-degree burns on her thighs, but let's forget about that for now, shall we?
I think I could do this. I have an inkling of an idea.
I'll do it when I'm done with my current story, so if someone else wants to claim it before then, go ahead.
Medic/ Medic. Make it dirty. No not like kinky dirty more like they are covered in moood/oil/ whatever while they fight. I love a good Medic fight.
All the times Scout had sex with someone he didn't want to [ex. The other being drunk and mindlessly raping him] and the time he actually liked it.
Ohay... Does any one remember this? Just asking, I think that it has become old news...
oh good I found it. I thought the request thread long lost. So, weird request ahead. A soldier/spy- could be a one shot, could be a longer piece, whatever you happen to choose. The stipulation is that at some point, Soldier macks on Spy, narrating each step of the process as if he's slowly taking towns in the Dday invasion, ending (of course) with the 'liberation of Paris'. I prefer team RED but it doesn't really matter.
I know this is really old, but I have a request. I request a Female-class (any one), raping a male-class (preferably a Sniper). This prompt is sort of based off of a misreading of one of Cat Bountry's comments and that there seems to be a lot of stories with the classes raping each other or Female classes, but I haven't seen the reverse.
Scout with a tail and ears of a fox, like this http://wizard.gamebanana.com/img/ss/srends/85383a.jpg
He acts like damn cat, and enjoys the nice rubs Spy's giving him
Okay, don't shoot me for this now:
I've been thinking: In the Meet the Medic video: He had to cut the Heavy open to put in the uber, and has to cut open everyone's chest to put in the uber, right? So doesn't that mean that he sees he has to do the same to Pyro's chest, and is in for a surprise? Pyro's the last one to get the uber, and
Do what you will. Does she want him to keep quiet about her secret? What happens!? (I mean, the medic has to know at least the Pyro's gender) If there is Non-con, dub, or purely smut, it doesn't matter to me *cloaks and runs*
I know it's an old request, but I'd love to write it if no one else is.
was that an 'Allo, 'Allo reference
I swear to god
seconding this so hard rn
sick burns is great I swear