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Sniper’s Lovely Lady (16)

1 .

From the author of 'See You Next Week', mia6363, this time with something...entirely different. Yet hopefully still enjoyable.
One day I'll get her to post her own stuff on here without me.

PS. If i screw up the italics, I apologize. Try to just, ignore them.

Team Fortress 2/Portal Crossover

- - -

Sniper’s Lovely Lady

The Sniper kicked off this boots, cracking some sore bones in his shoulder. The center was dark, the upper levels usually were, but he knew where all the debris was so he didn’t trip as he made his way to the lift.

“You’re filthy.”

Sniper smiled as the lift lowered, some lights flashing across his face. He leaned against the doors, knowing she’d scold him for smudging the glass. He kissed the white siding.

“You like it.”

It was not conventional… not that Sniper considered himself to be a conventional sort of man, but there was nonconventional and then there was this. The doors hissed open and he came face-to-face with two robots (the missus insisted on calling them AI bodies. They were bleedin’ robots). The Sniper clapped his hands on their shoulders.

“’Lo, chaps.”

They chirped at him—chirp wasn’t the right word, but Sniper’s vocabulary couldn’t come close to describing his private life accurately. He sauntered past them, into the main atrium until he came to a stop in front of what others, in the past, have ominously just referred to as “her.”

“I don’t approve of you spoiling them.”

Her voice made Sniper shiver a bit as he took off his hat politely. The floor panel moved beneath him and lifted him higher until he was, in a sense, eye-to-eye. Eye-to-optic, she would say. Sniper felt his lips curl and he reached out to run his calloused index finger down the side of her main apparatus.

“Won’t do them much harm, darlin’.” He smiled, laughing a little despite himself. “I promise.”

If a super AI could roll her eyes, she would have, Sniper just knew. However, even with the annoyed noise that made the floor panel quiver beneath him, she never pulled away from his hand.

“You don’t know that. You’re hardly a scientist.”

Sniper snickered, his thumb tracing a small circle into the cool but warming metal.

“Damn right, I’m not.” He leaned closer, his breath fanning over her side. “If I was, you’d get mighty bored of me.”

His lips pressed against the metal gently, but firm nonetheless. She’d always insist that she never… ever needed to be coddled in any sense. The metal hummed beneath his lips, a small, barely visible spark dancing across his lips and making him chuckle.

“You’re lucky that you are correct.”

Even though she tried her best to sound cross, Sniper could hear her amusement. She lowered him to the floor, the panel steadying itself into the floor a bit more abrupt than usual, making the Sniper sway just a bit on his feet. He looked up at her, still smiling as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Was that really necessary?”

Her yellow optic brightened.

“Perhaps.”Sniper smirked. [/i]“Clean yourself up.”[/i]

The far wall moved away to reveal a familiar corridor. The Sniper sniffed.

“Only if you watch.”

There was a pause, and the walls of the entire atrium hummed. It made the little hairs on the back of Sniper’s neck stand on end.

“I plan to do more than that.”


The bathtub was big, like most things in the facility. Sniper stripped off his clothes, shaking the dirt and flakes of dried blood off them. Next he toed off his socks, flexing his feet and shimmying off his pants, kicking them to the corner as the bath filled up with warm, steaming water. He hung his hat on a nearby hook on the wall, and then he turned around to see the two robots from before, blue and yellow optics trained on his naked body.

Sniper wished he could say he was surprised. Or embarrassed. Instead, he just waved his hands at them, wrinkling his noise.

“Oi. Bugger off, you two!”

They emitted an electric chatter that sounded suspiciously like curious laughter. He rolled his eyes and tossed one of his socks at them, and they finally left. Perverted ‘bots.

He sank into the water with a moan that he didn’t bother hiding. It had been a long day of fighting, dying and respawning. He tilted his head back, his aviators sliding down his nose and fogging due to the hot water. When the days were long, he just thought of his home, the lovely lady (he didn’t care if she hated being called that, she was a lady all the same) waiting for him. He cracked one of his eyes open in time to see the camera on the wall activate and turn toward him.

“You look cleaner already.”

Sniper snorted. It had taken a while to get used to the way she spoke—to her hidden compliments that didn’t seem like bedroom talk to most folks. Then again, Sniper wasn’t like most folks. He smiled crookedly at the camera.

“Your friends were peepin’ on me.”

A frustrated sigh burst over the speakers.

“Morons…they’ll have to be punished.”

Sniper shook his head lazily.

“Nah. They’re just kids.”His smile widened. “Besides, I think you should be paying attention to me right now, love.”

He didn’t call her that often, but he wasn’t about to take it back. Not when the camera’s light brightened and the walls hummed, even the water seemed to ripple. The drain activated, some of the water spiraling down so that more of his body was visible.

“I control this whole facility.” Her smooth, perfectly smooth voice made goose bumps spring up on Sniper’s skin. “Every operation, every light, every circuit is controlled by me.” She paused, the camera still trained on him. “My time is not something to be wasted.”

Sniper bit back a moan at the rush that gave him. His knees parted and he licked his bottom lip, already a bit breathless.

“Darlin…” His heart was already pounding loudly in his ears. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

The lights flickered and Sniper waited. He always waited, his fingers twitching on his knees. He was already hard, aching and leaking. He could hear the air being ventilated into the room, being pumped in from the surface. He heard the hum of the heaters… and then the light of that camera, her eye, on him. All her attention…. All her focus and energy… on him.

“You’re already fairly aroused.”

Sniper tried to laugh but it came out too breathy and shallow.

“A bit more than fairly, I’d say.”

She laughed, a low, throaty sound that never failed to make Sniper tilt his head back, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he scrambled for the already frayed threads of his self-control. He licked his lips again, and the camera’s optic got darker.

“How expressive.” She paused, and Sniper’s skin prickled. “You will take your time or else I will go back to my duties.” The next pause was long, long enough to make the flush spread from Sniper’s face down to his chest. “You may use your left hand.”

By now it was something Sniper was used to, his left hand didn’t so much as hesitate before it went up to his chest, his calloused, rough fingers circling his nipples until they were hard. When he pinched them a whimper escaped from his lips. The lights brightened for a short moment. His breath caught in his chest when he shakily moved his hand to his other nipple, pinching and rolling it—

The walls groaned, like they were being squeezed. They quivered when his lips parted and he arched his back, his knees falling open. He knew his face was scarlet, his aviators completely fogged.

“Stop.”Sniper’s eyes shot open. He obeyed, but his hands shook. His entire body felt hypersensitive, throbbing in time with his heart. “Right hand only. Bring your fingers to your mouth.” Sniper’s right hand leapt up to his lips, but he stopped, waiting to hear the next step. “Suck.”

A tingling shudder ran through Sniper’s body and he sucked his fingers into his mouth without a moment’s hesitation. His left hand clenched itself into a fist, his knuckles white as he swirled tongue around his fingers, his eyes fluttering shut behind his aviators as he got his fingers wet and—

“Enough.”Sniper’s breaths were so loud, his heartbeat roared in his ears, and her voice was still smooth around the edges, though lower. He withdrew his fingers, a thin line of saliva following before breaking. “Prepare yourself with your right hand. Do not rush or this is over.”

Sweat ran down his temples as he shakily brought his right hand between his legs, opening his knees wider and—

The first finger slid right in, but he didn’t dare add the second yet. He bit his lip, almost hard enough to break the skin as he opened himself up for a good thirty seconds before adding the second. His exhale shuddered out of his lungs as he spread his fingers. He added the third, the last one… and he crooked his fingers to hit that spot and—

Stars burst before his eyes, white-hot pleasure dancing up his spine. He cried out, no longer able to smother them down in his throat. He felt like he was melting, like his sanity was slipping through his fingers like sand. He forced his eyes open to look at that camera. It was practically glowing.

“Darlin—” Sniper’s voice was so rough, so cracked that he almost didn’t recognize it. “Darlin, please.”

The low hum that pulsed in the walls made Sniper moan.

“Patience.” He could hear the bloody smirk in her voice. “Don’t hurt yourself.” Sniper growled, glaring without any heat at the camera, but he stilled his fingers. After an agonizing while, she spoke. “Good. Your left hand… lick your palm.”

Fighting to keep his right hand still, the Sniper brought his left hand up to his mouth. He ran his tongue over his palm, tracing the lines in his hand and making sure it was wet, more than enough or else he’d be punished. His tongue ran over each finger, each crevice. He spoke, never taking his hand away.

“Is it—” His aviators slid down his nose. “Is this—?”

“Yes.” The lights were dimming and brightening erratically now. “Take yourself into your hand. Gently, place each finger carefully.” Sniper did as he was told, palm first before each individual finger settled around his erection. He waited, his vision blurry and everything so hot and wet as he gazed up at the camera. “You may begin until satisfied.”

The sound that left Sniper’s mouth was so bare, so raw, that it might have made him flush if he wasn’t so far gone. He twisted his fingers inside of himself, stroking himself once, twice—three times until he was coming, his thighs twitching and his head falling back, his back arching like a bow. He came, milky-white threads shooting up onto his chest and stomach. He shivered, whimpers falling from his mouth until he slumped back against the tub, fingers falling out of himself and his hand going limp.

He had time to barely catch his breath before the shower turned on, cleaning away the mess. Sniper sighed, his voice a ruined, rough growl.

“You, darlin,” he smiled lazily at the camera, “are the best.”

The water stopped, and Sniper stood on shaking legs. He gripped wall and managed to weakly grab the towel and wrap it loosely around his waist.

“Of course I am.” Sniper chuckled and stumbled, tripping over his pants. A floor panel shot up to catch him, and he grinned, raising his eyebrow at the camera. He blew a kiss to her, and she sighed. “You’re insatiable.”

He winked.

“So are you.”

Sniper might have let his towel slip down a little, just enough for her to see the small trails of water running down his chest and back. A sound went through the entire facility. Sniper would call it a growl, and she would insist that she would never do something as barbaric as growl… but it was a growl all the same.

“I am not done with you.”

The floor panel lowered once she was sure he wasn’t going to fall. He smiled, lazy but ready.

“Better not be.”

The door opened and the lights went back up in the corridors leading to a bedroom. Sniper left his clothes and clutched the towel around his waist as he made his way down the hall.

All the cameras turned to follow his journey. He grinned.

The End

2 .

The end? THE END?!
But, but this is so good, and so sexy, and it is heavily implied that MORE good and sexy reading will follow, and yet you say it's over so soon?
Well, I'm happy for this much. Awesome story.

3 .

I'm staring at the screen, trying to think of a coherent response, and all I can come up is some variant of "What is this I can't even." In the best way possible, I assure you. This hit kinks I don't even know the names for, and hit them hard.

It's actually quite sweet to see the two of them so at-ease with these arrangements. There's a lot of comfort and intimacy, unconventional as that is, and that makes the porn all that much better.

Hopefully she'll get around to posting her own stuff herself. Until then, thanks for sharing.

4 .

Sweet jesus I love everything about this story.

I actually SQUEALED when I reaslied what this was.

5 .

Cannot. Stop. Smiling. I even said "HOLY SHIT, YES." out loud the second I realized where things were going. Just the pairing alone would have been satisfying, but then it went and pushed every last one of my buttons. Absolutely amazing.

So many thanks to your friend for writing this and you for posting it. Would fan art encourage her to write more? Because I will draw anything for more, anything.

6 .

Author here! I had a blast writing this... and I'm writing the prequel as we speak. Fan art would be lovely but don't feel like you have to... though that would be amazing! Thanks so much for reading!

7 .

This is perfect since their voice actors are married. Bravo.

8 .

My first thoughts were 'it's going to be Chell and Sniper and I'm going to quit because I hate crossovers' and then I realised.

And it is good. Also highly arousing, crumbs.

9 .

The fuck is this, why did I wake up covered in cum.

I don't know what you would call this sort of fetish but I liked it A LOT.

I thought GLaDoS was somehow going to do something to our unwashed bushman somehow with...robot arms, or something, but what did wind up happening was about a million times more teasing and sensual.

Goddamn it TF2chan, how many different fetishes have you given me, I can't even say.

10 .

My first thought was Chell and Sniper as well, which I didn't mind, but I'm much happier it's GLADOS and Sniper. It's perfect, considering the voice actors. Not to mention, I love the way this was portrayed. GLADOS telling Sniper what to do and Sniper getting off on it as much as getting off on touching himself and simply being watched. And GLADOS enjoying it as well! Plus the inclusion of the two-player robots, which I thought was adorable. And just how GLADOS shows her emotions at all is inventive and interesting since it has to be non-conventional by the very nature of what she is.

I hope there will be more with this pairing. I'm especially intrigued to find out how GLADOS came to want him in the first place, since this kind of relationship is and would be extraordinarily special to both of them. She treats most humans like crap after all, as far as we know anyway, so I'd love to see how Sniper won her over. (Of course, I imagine learning of and coming to terms with her origins in Portal 2 helped but only so much.)

In general, please do write more, Mia6363.

11 .

Well, that's a novel type of testing.

I'm very impressed by this. The author has clearly thought through the dynamics of both het and robosex, and figured out how to make it work in a way that I won't hate. The liberal application of kink is good, too.

12 .

Dammit dammit dammit
why'd I read this when I have 3 illustrations to be doing?

I want to do fanart of this. JUTS BE PAYSHUNT

13 .

Again, guys, thank you so much for all the feedback. A prequel showing how these two get together is in the works, I promise. Fan art is lovely if you so desire, but really, thanks for reading!

14 .

Took me fucking long enough but I did some half-assed fanart.

15 .

if youre going to bump, please at least provide a link

16 .

Ah, I do apologize.

17 .


Oh my god.
I fangasmed. and then orgasmed. But mostly fangasmed.
Ah, GLADoS, you are one very lucky lady.

Seriously, though, I am squealing like a teenage girl.
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