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Cookies (3)

1 .

This was a fun snippet I wrote for an ongoing roleplay I have with a friend of mine. TF2, basically, in Half-Life verse, with the Combine behind the scenes, pulling the strings, having fun as they watched the humans kill each other.
But that's not important right now.
Anyway, the named characters. Arsene is crazy RED spy. Simone is timid RED spy. Lucielle is busty, whorish RED spy.
Hope you like it.


“GUTENTAG SIRS AND MISSES,” The RED Medic cried out with a flourish that was common to him. He held, above his head, a red plate that smelled of pecans, almonds, and chocolate. “I haff made a treet vith zee rations ve haff received!”
“Vhat is zis, Doktor? Have you vasted all our food, zen?” Heavy grunted, his face falling at the idea.
“Perish ze thought! I vould neffer put my teammates in danger.”
Shifting from around the table thought differently.
“Well then, my friend? What have you prepared for us?” The corners of Arsene’s mouth were turned up into a smooth smile. “Show us!”
And with this prompting, Medic dropped the plate on the table. Everyone leaned in then out again, eyes wide.
“Wonderful!” Arsene crooned. “Wonderful!”
“Cookies?” Soldier hissed. “Why are you baking cookies at a time like th—”
“COOKIES!” The Heavy bellowed his appreciation and grabbed a handful, pulling them to his wide mouth and chewing and chomping loudly. “Nom nom nom! Om nom nom nom!”
No one spoke against the huge, gun toting behemoth. The Scout slowly reached out to the plate and calmly picked up a cookie for himself and brought it too his mouth. The Engineer elbowed his side. “Do not eat it!” she hissed.
“Why not?”
“It’s something the Medic made. That should be reason enough.”
“Oh come now! It cannot be that bad!” Lucielle took a cookie in her hand and nibbled on the edge. She seemed to consider for a moment, then her face turned to shock and disgust. She stood- a fake smile on her face, bit of cookie still in her mouth- and excused herself to the bathroom.
The general mood in the room was one of apprehension. However, the Heavy kept nomming away, oblivious to the trepidation around him.
Under the Medic’s watchful eye, each RED member (excluding Arsene, of course) took a few cookies with words of thanks on their lips.
Afterwards, the two nut jobs left the kitchen, speaking joyously of psychological torture, physical experiments, dismemberment, rape, and everything in between.


The Heavy became sick later that night. He had a fever and was vomiting and dizzy, tripping over his own feet, his own gun.
As the Medic ‘treated’ the Heavy, and Arsene looked on in glee, the remaining members of the team gathered outside, whispering conspiratorially to each other.
“’E’s gonna kill us!” Engineer hissed.
“Oh come now! He’s… he’s having a bit of fun,” Lucielle reasoned.
“’Is idea o’ fun is poisonin’ ‘is teammates wit’ arsenic!” Sniper hissed.
“And how are you so sure it’s arsenic?” Lucielle asked, turning her nose up.
“Rat poison! I saw him with it,” Scout said.
“Where in the world did he get that?”
“W-with the last supply train.” Everyone stared at Simone as she spoke. It made her already timid voice even quieter. “There have been rats. Have you not seen them? They are huge! This big!” She held her arms out as far as they would go.
Incredulous looks from her comrades.
“… Ok, well, this big.” Half that size now.
More disbelief.
“… This big.” She moved her hands close together, the size of an average rat. “Alright, so they are not big! I do not like rats!”
“The point is, these things’re dangerous,” Sniper put in during the silence. “I suggest we dump ‘em.”
“But dump ‘em where?” Scout asked, standing by Simone. He hazarded a glance down at her and smiled as he watched her play with her hair.
There was silence as they all thought. Birds chirped somewhere not far off, a turbine turned under them, and next to them the river gurgled.
…. The river.
Almost simultaneously, they all turned to look at the running water next to them. After staring at it for a moment, they all looked at one another.
Seconds later, loud ‘PLUNKS’ were heard as the cookies were tossed in.


“Now ‘ere, what’s all this?” Jackson stood before Scout and Heavy as they entered the base, their arms full of dead fish.
“Look! Engie, lookit all these damn fish! We’ll eat for days with all this!” The Scout was practically jumping, his smooth face turned into a smile.
“Where’d ya find these things?” Jackson question, picking a fish from the top of the pile.
“In da river,” Heavy smiled.
“An’ you caught ‘em all?”
Heavy and Scout looked at each other, debating, and then smiled. “Da!” “Duh!”
Jackson frowned and then nodded slowly. It was food and they needed food.
Scout almost jumped and Heavy nodded his thanks. Jackson lead the two inside, playing with his hat, thinking silently about fish sticks and filets.
They would eat good tonight.


“BLU team’s gone!” Scout gasped as he returned to the RED base.
“Gone?” Soldier repeated.
“He does not mean gone, per se,” said a voice from nowhere. Simone materialized next to him, fingers twisting nervously. “They are simply… absent.”
“They ain’t fightin’,” Sniper called from his nest. “They’re all huddled in their rooms. I can see ‘em from ‘ere.” Everyone could hear his short, dry chuckle. “BLU Sniper’s puking his Goddamn brains out. Bloody piker.”
“So, they are all incapacitated, then?” Arsene questioned. He smiled and shook out his cigarette. “Then we have won they day! Let us celebrate. Medic! The experiments!”
“Ja! Ve need zwei test subjects…”
“Here is one!” Arsene called as he grabbed Simone’s hand.
“Vundebar, ve can use her for ze psychological examination.”
“Now wait just one moment!” Lucielle protested, grabbing Simone’s other hand.
“Oh, come off it. Don’t worry!” Arsene yanked Simone from Lucielle’s grasp and picked her up like a bride. Simone was frozen with fear. “We won’t hurt her.” The unspoken ‘much’ hung in the air like a very large flying elephant in a very small room.
Before Lucielle could get a word out, Arsene was gone. As was Medic.
“Well,” Demoman said slowly. “At least we won.”
Yes, Soldier thought. We won. He looked out to the battle field with a sigh. But only for now. Only for now.
Marked for deletion (old)

2 .

Ahh. I forgot. Jackson is BLU Engie.

3 .

Oh, dear. Had you lurked more, you'd know that you're in for it for using names alone. Not only that, but I picked out several errors in spelling and grammar from a quick once-over. Pick up a beta next time, and ditch the OCs for the next fic, unless you can make your characters different and truly worthy of being named.

4 .


Right. Sorry about that. I'll keep that in mind. Forgive a newfag a few mistakes.
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