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Farewell Blues (9)

1 .

Every repost is a repost repost. By Gardina.


Farewell Blues
Part one: They told me it would rain

I stared at the discarded helmet, dented and faded. Cast away weeks ago and untouched since. I felt something tighten in the back of my throat. It sat on a chair in the corner of Medic’s office; his coat was slung over the back of the chair. Burned and torn. I stared at the still life on the chair because I didn’t have the heart to look back at him. I should say something. But I don’t have the words.

Weeks ago in the heat of battle after I took out the Blu’s Demoman with my scatter gun, all I remember was Soldier screaming at me to move and feeling him shove me out of the way. I remember the sound of the sniper’s shot and the blaze of the Pyro’s flame. By the time Heavy finished off the Pyro and our Sniper got theirs I could hear Soldier’s painful groaning. The dust settled and I looked on in horror of what was our Soldier.

The Blu Sniper’s bullet hit him in his left temple, enough to rip through the side of his skull and expose what made him tick. The Pyro’s flames left his left arm and a good amount of his chest up to his left cheek charred and singed. Our Medic did what he could in a panic, his brow furrowed in worry. His cursing was drowned out by the sound of the poor man’s painful cries and moans. I remember Heavy lifting him and heading back towards the base with Medic close behind.

I don’t remember how I got back to base. I was fine physically. I remember trying to see how he was and getting yelled at by Medic whom was still frantically operating, he had recruited Engy to help. I sat for what felt like days outside the office.

I stood up quickly when Medic finally opened the door. His eyes cast downward, he looked exhausted. Medic finally told us that he was going to be ok, to an extent. The Sniper’s bullet did a great amount of damage to his motor skills and the burns would leave pretty extensive scarring, leaving a good amount of his digits useless.

I leaned against the wall and sank to the floor.

“It’s all my fault…”

I covered my face feeling tears well up in my eyes. Fuck. Don’t cry you sniveling coward. I felt Medic’s gloved hand on my shoulder. He tried to reassure me no one blamed me. But I knew.

I hear him cough, and hear his labored breathing on the other side of the room. He is still in pain. I haven't had the balls to talk to him yet. It has been three weeks now. He asks if I am ok, and Medic says he thinks I won’t come see him because of the burns. That isn't true... I am just a coward. Medic send me in here today and told me not to leave until I spoke to him. He said he was depressed, and seeing me would make him feel better. He wanted the company.

I hear the rustle of sheets and hear him clear his throat. I turned to see him looking at me with a soft pained smile on his face. His head heavily bandaged and left eye mostly shut. I tried no to shake.

"Hey kid."

For that moment I had no words. I just smiled as hard as I could force myself. It hurt, it hurt to look at him. The proudest military nut I knew in shambles.

I knew it was my fault.

I should have listened.

Don't cry. You asshole.
Marked for deletion (old)

2 .

Part Two: And it poured.

It took me a while but I walked the room to sit next to him. He smiled. The terrible sting in my chest came back full force. This was the first time I ever got a good look at him without his helmet. It was strange. I didn’t feel like I was looking at Soldier. His eyes were dark blue with a gray cast to them. I wasn’t use to seeing them, normally if you were staring him in the face… you were pretty much dead.

He seemed so different. His smile was warm, even if pained. It deepened the lines on his face, around his eyes and mouth but it was handsome. Wait, what? Did I just think that? Handsome? Soldier? What in the world is wrong with me? Just me not getting enough sleep is all.

“I-I am glad you are ok kid.” He said softly, his deep voice cracking a bit as he winced.

I looked at my feet. Fuck. I’m not, that should be me.

“I am so sorry. This is my fault. You shouldn’t be hurt, I should be. I am the one that stood still. It’s my stupid mistake!” I blurted and tried to bolt for the door. Before I could reach for the knob I heard him.

“Wait, i-it isn’t your fault.” He tried to sit up, only falling back against the mattress hard with a painful groan.

I froze, no more running away. Heading back I dragged the chair a bit closer to the bed and sat. I stared at my filthy cleats. I really need new shoes. I looked up enough to see him from under the brim of my hat. He looked at me weakly.

”I-I am g-glad you are ok,” He winced and rolled his head to look at scout. “I don’t b-blame you. This is… w-war.”

He looked so sad. The pain in my chest was overwhelming. War was his life. He lived to fight for his country. I felt sick. Tears welled up in my eyes, I lowered my head again. It seemed so hard for him to speak; I wonder if that is from his head injury. I looked up again to meet his eyes, my vision is blurry. His left eye is hazy and heavily lidded, I wonder if he can see out of it.

I felt his hand cover mine. I stood up and moved to sit on the side of his bed. I took off my hat and looked him straight in the eye. He just smiled.

Fuck it, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms gently around his bandaged torso. I leaned my head on his unburned shoulder and let myself cry. I don’t care if it is weak.

“I’m so sorry…” I whispered. I am not sure if he heard. I felt his good arm wrap around my shoulders. I can hear his pulse in his neck, he is alive. Be happy.

But how?

When he is so sad.

3 .

Farewell Blues
Part three: I can keep you dry

I groaned and winced at the light pouring in through the large slatted blinds in the clinic. I rubbed my eyes with a balled fist and shifted a bit under the thin white sheets, it is too early. I kept my eyes shut in hope that I would fall back asleep. I was quite content thank you. I curled closer to the warmth I shared the bed with. I felt a rumbling chuckle in the warm chest I was laying against.

My eyes flew opened. Oh crap. I FELL ASLEEP!

I looked up to see Soldier smiling warmly at me. “Mor-ornin’ cadet. S-sleep well?”

In shock I sat up too quickly and my leg, which was still in sleep mode I guess, gave way and I tumbled to the floor, taking most of the sheets with me. I cracked my head against the small night stand next to the bed in the process. Fuck that hurt! I heard his rumbling laughter and looked up to see him sitting up, hand extended down towards me.

“Ahaha C-c’mer boy.” His smile was large and genuine. His good eye seemed bright today, maybe in comparison to his clouded left eye. I like that color.

I stood up slowly, rubbing the back of my head. Damn that’s smarts. Well, he is smiling and laughing this morning. But that lingering feeling of sadness is still plays across his face when the laughter fades. He still winces and grunts a bit as he shifts, it is still real.

“Good, you are avake.” Medic chimed walking into the clinic, shoulders back, boots clipping along the tiled floors in solid stride. He set his clipboard on his desk on the far end of the pretty expansive room. There were at least six beds plus two metal operating tables in a conjoined room, separated by a curtain. The one good thing about the clinic was the large bay windows along the back walls. Ok so it wasn’t great when you were trying to sleep in, but if the power went out during the day Medic had plenty of light.

Medic immediately started to unwrap Soldier’s head and neck bandaging to check the wounds. I sat on the bed next to his watching. Each removed bandage from his head slowly unveiled a monstrous looking partially opened wound. Soldier winced as cold air came in contact with his still tender wound. Bloodied torn skin surrounded the new metallic piece of Soldier’s skull, which was quite still visible. Medic used some sort of metal plate to fix the shattered side of his skull. Medic sighed, but looked content enough. I guess that is a good thing. I felt my stomach lurch. It was pretty hard to look at.

The scar tissue from the burns on his cheek and neck were still inflamed and looked irritated, but not infected. Medic stated to tell Soldier he needed more bed rest and started to detail what he was going to do to help the healing. I stopped listening, Soldier’s eyes were fixed on the bandaged arm in his lap and barely responded to Medic as he went on. A few grunts and listless nods were all the response he gave.

Medic redressed his wounds and gave him a handful of shots, taking his sweet time with each one; sometimes Doc was weird when it came to needles. He said some were to fight infection and some for pain, he would come back later with some pills for him too. Great, just what he needs.

“SCOUT!” I nearly jumped out of my fucking skin when Medic yelled at me. Apparently lost in my own thoughts he had been talking to me for a good while.

“Ya, Doc. What is it? I dozed off, gimme a break it’s early!”

“I vant you to go do your laps, eat, then Engineer needs your help moving some things in ze shop.” I nodded; I didn’t really want to leave Soldier here alone. He looked depressed. “I vill be here. You can come back ven you are done.”

“Er, ok Doc. Ill see ya Solly… ok?”

He looked up from his arm and smiled weakly. “I’d-d like t-that kid.”

I grabbed my hat, waved, and turned for the door on my heels, I couldn’t say anymore. I jogged out to the hallway and stopped. Why did it hurt so much to see him like that? Fuck, I won’t cry. I can’t, I just can’t.

When someone is hurt and hopeless, how do you fix it?

It’s ok Soldier.

I’ll take care of you.

4 .

Part Four: But who will let me soar

The walk back to the base was long. Engy's workshop was a good walk away from the main base. Hardhat had a LOT more work to be done than I thought. It wasn't hard or anything, I mean I am strong so it was a breeze. It just took forever.

By the time I got back, the sun was low in the horizon, and as it set, the dusty terrain became a wild burnt orange--kind of like it was on fire (I bet Pyro likes that color?). Oh! I thought, I need to go see Soldier, as I wondered if he’s doing alright. I headed in the direction of the Clinic. This time of day is always pretty quiet. It's kinda nice.

When I walked in, Medic was giving Soldier his medication for the evening. As Soldier choked down a rather large-looking, dry pill, in a slight panic he grabbed a random cup on Medic's tray for what he was expecting to be water. Downing it quickly to his dismay he found it was a thick purple syrupy medicine.

Medic couldn't help but chuckle at the Soldier's disgusted face and handed him a glass of water as an apology. As Medic took a step away, Soldier smiled at the sight of Scout.

"Hey! Welco-" his sentence was cut off by a string of hard coughs that made the Medic cringe in worry, handing him another glass of water quickly.

Watching the poor man try not to wretch up pills, I rushed over to pat his back gently. "You OK, big guy?" Soldier waived that he was fine, just a tad choked. I was slightly skeptical. "Sorry I was gone all day. OH, hey, Doc! You didn't tell me that Hardhat was gonna use me as a SLAVE." I shot Medic a dagger of a sideways glance, only to get one in return that sent a chill up my spine.

"Heh, aw Doc, you know I'm just kidding… right?" My string of nervous laughter made Soldier chuckle a bit. I sat down on the bed next to Soldier’s, pulling my feet up to sit indian-style. "So, how ya feelin’? You don’t look too awful! ...I mean.. ."

Soldier sat up against a few pillows. His bandages looked fresh, meaning I missed the show.

"I know I don't look up to par, Private!" Trying to keep his ‘military face’ in check but he couldn't help but chuckle and smile, completely taking the edge off his usual style of intimidation.

"But I'm feeling better. G-glad you were able to make it, tru-sst ya did a good job helpin' Engin-neer." Soldier looked much better than he had yesterday, somehow I couldn’t shake something was wrong.

It was nice to see him look like he felt better. "I did my best, Sarge!" I replied, giving a half-assed salute and grinning widely. I looked around the clinic, fidgeting a bit in my seat. I cleared my throat a bit in a attempt to relax. Wonder why I am so anxious… Must be the clinic… or Medic. They both spook me sometimes, especially Medic.

Soldier lay back against the pillows, slowly sinking into them. He attempted to pat me on the shoulder, but missed completely, frowning for only a moment. He was glad to see me, I could tell, and Medic wasn't much for small talk.

"At ease soldier…" I looked away from him and smiled a little. I messed with the bandages on my left hand. "So, I was thinkin' you’re gonna be here for a few days, so you need somethin' to do right?" I looked down at my feet, noticing how raggedy the laces on my shoes looked. "I, um, get some packages from my momma and one had some model kits. If you want one to keep ya busy, I could bring one. I think she sent me a cool-looking tank last time."

Soldier rubbed the stubble on his chin slightly. He probably hadn't done a model since he was around my age, and he smiled a little bigger as he nodded to me.

"Sounds good."

As the sun started to disappear further beyond the horizon, the room began to dim. Medic cleared his throat. "It iz time for Soldier to sleep, you can visit him tomorrow, Scout." Medic was already out from behind his desk to shoo me away.

I was excited and wanted to run and get the kit to start now, but Medic became Dr. Killjoy once again. "Aw... Ok Doc, I'll see you tomorrow Sarge! I will make sure Engy doesn't keep me all day." I jogged off before the angry doctor came to get me with a needle or some shit. I had to remember to drop off the kit in the morning so he could have something to do.

There is nothing worse than being hurt AND bored.


I sat on the floor of my small room, rifling through my few boxes of things I brought with me and things momma had sent. Baseball cards, comics, news clippings, a few model kits, pictures of family, and some hidden candy ‘for a rainy day’ (as momma always said). I wondered if Soldier liked chocolate. I hopped into bed, head full of questions racing miles a minute, and slowly drifted to sleep…


Soldier had woken up almost automatically a few minutes before the sun started to rise. The whole world was a cold grey-blue before dawn. For the first time in two or three days he had something to look forward too do. Medic was already up doing paper work across the large, sterile room.

The German sighed as he pushed himself up and away from his desk as he picked up a silver tray, and with a brisk stride sat the tray on Soldier’s nightstand. He handed the pills to Soldier, making sure he got a glass of water before he put the pills in his mouth. Making sure all of the medicine was taken in the right order he prepped his shot. He waited, quietly for that faint knock on the door…


I made sure to get up extra early to be at the clinic in time to drop off the kit. I put all the supplies in a small box that my mom sent who-knows-what in. I looked in the box one more time; I’d already forgotten the epoxy at least twice, having to run back to my quarters to get it. Clippers, glue, epoxy, sand paper, exacto knife, paints, brushes, a small cup, paint thinner and extra decals. Check and check!

It sucked that I didn’t have the awesome airbrush my brother Lucas gave me a long time ago before he went off to college. That thing made models look amazing! Can't do any of that with a brush… Oh well, this would have to do for now. I peeked into the clinic quietly, checking to see if it was ok for me to be there yet. Not seeing an angry German I walked in towards Soldier's bed.

"Heya! I got somethin for ya!”

Medic was just coming around the corner and looked over his glasses at me and cringed. He hadn't gotten much sleep and it seemed to show. Soldier, on the other hand, had a large grin on his face. The waiting paid off.

"You're here early aren’t ya, private?"

"Yep!" I responded. "I made sure to wake up before Hardhat notices I’m late. He said today's stuff won't take as long. So don't finish without me, ok?" I grinned as wildly as I could placing the model box and the supplies down on the side of Soldier's bed gently. "Sorry if this is just kids’ stuff for ya," I said as an afterthought, looking away and feeling a little childish.

Soldier scratched at the bandages over his chest, which was starting to heal finally, the burned flesh much less tender than days before. "Alright then, I'll be sure not to rush." Soldier used his good arm to tip the box as he peeked in. "This is good. Thanks Scout." Soldier's words sounded so sincere.

I felt the burden lift slightly. "Great! I will be back soon! This will be fun! ...I mean, it should keep us busy." I straightened up and puffed out my chest a bit. Trying to shake the child-like glee from the back of my mind. Such a little kid! "Off to work then! Don’t wanna make hardhat mad." I stood up, and with a quick wave I headed out of the clinic and down the hallway.


Soldier sat in his bed as he watched the Scout leave, his eyes returning to the box that he had left behind. He picked it up and sat it on his lap with a smile and poked around in it with his good hand. Before long the smile faded as he realized that he wouldn't be able to do it, his eyes moved up from the box and toward Medic. He had a knowing look, he already knew.

Soldier, in a fit of stubborn aggravation plucked the instructions out from the box and started to read, trying to not think about it. The Medic, on the other hand was frowning in pity and general concern. Soldier laid the instructions on the bed next to him and picked up a larger piece of green resin, he tossed it in the air and attempted to catch it in his good hand..

It fell next to him, being missed completely. Soldier tried again, miss. Before long Soldier gave up on his makeshift test and just sat back, the fear and severity sinking in slowly. Medic decided to go pick up breakfast and give the Soldier some time to himself. Leaving him alone, lost in a sea of thoughts, trying not to drown…


I clipped along the hallway, only skipping a beat when I dodged carefully around Demo, who cursed in return. I ran with two covered plates of food. It was noon and I was starved from all of Engy's slave work. I hoped Soldier was hungry too. Practically skidding to a stop I fought to balance both plates and open the door to the clinic with one hand.

Finally getting the door opened I peeked in quietly to see the light next to Soldier's bed turned off and the model kit gently laid untouched on the nightstand next to the lamp. Soldier seemed to be asleep. Maybe he didn’t feel well enough to work on it? My heart sank. I walked in quietly and sat the food down on the night stand.

I gathered the discarded pieces of the model on the floor and placed them into the box, putting the top back on it and placing it in the small drawer of the nightstand. I sat on the bed adjacent to Soldier's, making sure to be quiet and calm. Even asleep he looked distressed. It was unsettling. I wasn't hungry anymore, just sad.

After an hour or so the Soldier's eyes opened, and he saw me sitting quietly on the bed across from him. A smile instantly spread across his face. He’d already forgotten about his dream, but he didn't forget about what he had thought of before passing out form the exhaustion of being upset. He straightened up.

This war was his life. I’d heard that he never had a family back home other then his mother, who died promptly after he left. I migh’vet been the only source of companionship he’s had lately, and, well… the first in a while? He didn't mind being alone to much his first few weeks but everyone needs interaction right?


Pulling his eyes my worried face, his eye caught the appetizing plates on the night stand, "Glad to see you thought of me, p-private!" He used his good hand to pick up the plate and set it on his lap. Medic's 'clinical' food that he fed to the people in the infirmary tasted horrible, most likely to get them up and out of there. He gratefully smiled towards me.

"I'm glad you’re hungry! Had to fight that crazed-gunman Aussie for that second plate. He even called me fat!" I said, laughing a bit. I nervously looked at my feet. Something was wrong. "S-so, erm... You feeling ok? Doc's meds makin' ya feel better I hope..." I couldn't shake the feeling I was making something worse. Maybe he wanted to be alone?

I fidgeted with the wrappings on my hands for a bit before I got the flighty urge to run away. Who wants a kid botherin' em when they are trying to get better anyway, right? I stood up and fixed the brim of my hat. "I... em... I think Engy could use more help. If you want I can leave you alone. Ya know, if Im botherin’ ya."

Soldier sat up as straight as he could, wincing a bit. "N-No, Your not bothering me!" He gave me a genuine smile, "--Was jus’ takin' a nap." Soldier managed to get himself back in his spot and started to take another bite out of his dinner. "So, ah… Sniper called you fat for a second helping?"

Maybe he did want company after all. He’d warmed up to me rather quickly, being the only one who cared enough to visit him. Then again, most people avoided him anyway. I sat back down, shifting a bit to get comfortable.

"Yeah, that crazy bastard called me fat! If ya ask me, he’s getting chubby from Spy's fancy frenchie cooking. Doing nothin all day but starin’ through a scope!! I can run circles around all of ‘em! He musta thought I was Heavy through those big ass sunglasses of his." I said, puffing up, realizing I probably looked like a little child who had been scolded.

"Whaddoes he know anyway?!" I swung his legs up to sit Indian style on the bed, tossing my shoes onto the floor, for fear of Medic's obsessive cleanliness. I flexed my socked toes, enjoying the freedom. I looked at my plate, and grabbed the roll. I still wasn't very hungry. "Ya want my food? I'm not that hungry."

Soldier laughed at my kitchen antics. It was good to hear him laugh. "Well, I'm sure he’s just jealous of you, and sure, if you don’t want it. You really should eat though." Soldier had already eaten more then half of his plate.

"I'm goin' to need help on that model, Private. You up for the job?"

Just the words I wanted to hear. "Sure! I’ll help!" I opened up the drawer and started laying out pieces, completely discarding the instructions. Who needs those anyway?! I looked at one of the bigger pieces, and back at the picture on the box, then back at the piece. "Whaddya think this is?"

Soldier couldn't help but laugh at my complete disregard of the instructions and shrugged as he attempted to humor me. "Ya know they got instructions?" he said with a chuckle, his mouth slightly full as he continued to finish his lunch.

But before I could respond, a large blaring came out of the intercom, declaring an attack.

Soldier went pale. Medic had already strapped on his Medi-gun and rushed out the door. Soldier was helpless, still not allowed out of his bed.

I snapped out of my thought and sat up quickly, shifting from left to right. I got my shoes on, lacing tightly and grabbed my bat. "Don't worry Sarge, I’ll be back soon." I heard Medic call me, already in the hallway. I saluted and fixed the brim of my hat before rushing out the door, shutting it tightly behind me. After I heard the door shut, I stopped and looked back feeling wary.

Don’t worry Soldier.

I will fight for you.

5 .


6 .

Oh, I'm liking this.

7 .

Why this stop?

Not stop!

Continue! Now!

8 .

Do want more. ;_; This is so sweet and sad at the same time. I've never really been into stories about Soldier, but this one is too good to pass up.

9 .


Someone saved it!! I didn't realize anyone wanted the rest!
I will send the rest to my beta then.

thanks guys,

10 .

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