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No. 1240
It gets tough even for medics-

When they said it was the military or jail I figured they’d ship me off to Korea or something.

Far from it, I was in some dustbowl of countryside. The drive so far had been at least an hour if not more, the guy who picked me up from the train station; boy was he a character.

Australian, and dressed like it too. He picked me up in a rickety winabego, a type of RV/Truck for those who don’t know. Bush hat, aviator sunglasses, a brown leather vest and cowboy boots, with of course a red shirt.

He greeted me and we got in the car and drove off. He didn’t seem uneasy around me like a lot of people do, and I’m sure they’ve told him I’m a crazy doctor who likes the blood and that healing people is an unintended side affect.

“so mate what your name?” the silence was broken…

“Christof, Christof Greune”

“Quite a mouthful”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“Samuel, that’s it. You can call me sniper”

“Okay, why the tittles?”

“Just something we’ve been doing since new guys are always coming in. they get replaced faster than we can get to know them. So don’t be surprised if everyone calls you doc or Medic”
I really could understand that, When I was practicing; interns would leave the day I hired them didn’t like what I was doing.

We finally pulled up to the base, god was that a long trip. The sniper showed me to my office or the med bay and my bunk was in there. The facilities were extremely clean, my new instruments were on the gleaming steel table on the far wall. The room had the table against the wall and on in the middle and a 8 bed ward in the adjoined room.

Just as I put my bag on my desk a sound came from the hall thumping as if a herd of elephants were charging in my direction. Just as I turn to my door to see what’s going to hit me I was picked up by humongous arms and hugged against a bear of a man! He also started laughing and yelling in a very heavy Russian accent “New Doktor is here!”

I felt several things in my spine and shoulders pop from whatever position they were before he picked me up and gave me the bear hug of my life. At last he put me down on my own feet, swaying a bit I sat in my chair looking up at my almost murder.

“Zis doctor iz small” he said, But he was at least 6 ft 5 if not more.

“Uh, hi. I’m-“ before I finished my sentence A red blur passed between me and the other man going “WOOHOO”

Another voice yelled from the hall “ALRIGHT WHO GAVE SCOUT COFFEE?”

Another “PYRO DID IT!”

A muffled reply “MPHM!”

Another sounding official “ATTENTION MEN!”

At this point in time I put my face in my hands “I presume this is what I have to work with” I lift my head up again only to have a masked face nearly touching my own “PEEKABOO!”

I promptly fell out of my chair. The Russian caught me in one massive hand “Doktor need to be carefull!”

He carried me by my collar to the mess hall outside and down the hall from my office and set me down in a chair. Sitting there were 4 men. One with a gas mask on and in a hazmat suit, another with a soldiers helmet over his eyes and looking stern, one cleaning a wrench with googles on and a yellow hard hat turned backwards, last one holding a bottle with an eye patch looking drunken as a human could be.

The Russian patted me on the back saying in a loud booming voice “Zi new doctor haz arrived”

“Yeah I’m your new medic names-“ the red blur passed again this time stopping at the end of the table, it was a young man in his yearly 20s with a red shirt, black pants and shoes, with black cap and headset on.

“Is this all of you or are there more waiting to ambush me?” a laugh echoed from a corner. It was the Man who had scared me earlier. He was in a red suit with what looked like a red ski mask on.

The Russian took up intros…

“Zis is the demoman” he pointed at the eye patch drunkard

“Zis is soldier” the soldier guy

“Ze pyro” Hazmat suit and gas mask

“Zi engineer” Hardhat and goggles

“Zi little scout” The hyper kid

“Ze spy” guy in the suit

“And I’m Da heavy” he point at himself

I can tell these people are just as crazy or a little more than me. This is going to be an interesting but maybe agonizing experience.
Well week one is going smoothly, I’ve already discovered what to do around here and gotten to know the guys better.

Rule 1 around the base is: don’t give scout coffee UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. He goes bat shit bonkers when you do. Last time we tied him to a chair till the caffeine wore off, but the chair was badly mangled afterward from all of scouts twitching and etc.

I was getting along fine, and the soldier who was our team leader checked on me often. I suppose it was an order from the bastards who dropped me in this god forsaken place.
Strangly enough my alone time wasn’t limited since I am now living with 8 other guys. I stay in my office a lot in down time.

One thing I feel weird about is that the shower is all in one room. AKA a big room covered in till with 9 shower head sticking out off the walls, it’s like a locker room in high school. I’m in there by myself most of the time, apparently hygiene isn’t a priority around here. But I tell them if I’m going to follow them around on the battlefield they better not smell like a mountain of turds, it’s also easy to track someone if they reek badly.

One thing I do in there that most wouldn’t, being held up in a war zone 24/7 can get lonely. Yes I jack off, I’m not ashamed.

My imagination isn’t bad for times like that. I had the same problem outside too, women were scared I’d rip there lungs out. I talked about work too much, being a doctor who rips apart people even if they live is bad apparently….I’ll never understand that sex.

Well moving on, even being a homicidal doctor becomes the norm. Right now I feel like the parent of these guys, I heal their booboos (can’t believe I used that term) I cook most nights because I don’t burn stuff to crisp (don’t ask) needless to say we were becoming your average dysfunctional family that dealt with each other.

A few weeks go by and I need to have engy look at the Blutsauger, It had been having some misfires lately.

“Hey engy I’m having a problem with the-” I was cut off by an unusual sight before my eyes as I walked into his work shop.
There was engy sitting in his chair, jacking off. But more than that, he was watching a video on the wall projected by a sentry beaten up and repurposed as a projector. What was playing was…Oh… my... god…

“Ah, ah” was the sound the sound of pleasure, it was my voice.

This what I heard in the seconds I listened…


“Do you like that? Do ya?”

“Yes! Oh fuck yes!”

“I’m gonna beat like rented mule boi”

“Yes! HahaHA ffffuck”

He had taken samples of my voice and generated a porno with me and him. The voice was flawless even though I had not recorded it. Under my shock I was impressed with his graphic designing skills, he got my anatomy down to the scar above my dick from my early days of med school.

I stood there mouth hung open; the worst part was I was getting a boner. Something about watching the entire scene was arousing.
Shit, if I try to leave now the door creaking will give me away, but I can’t just stand here. Then Engy shook his head in pleasure in my direction, he stopped to stare at me mouth open. Oh Jesus H. Christ on stick, he noticed me.

It was an awkward silence for a second, and then he paused the movie.

“Well hello doc, how long have you been standing there?”

“I..I” words failed me

He zipped up and wiped his hand on his pants, getting out of his chair he walked over to me.

“How much did you see?” he asked calmly

I opened my mouth try and speak, but I felt a big pair of hands on my shoulders. Oh shit….

Skipping a long story it turns out I am the unofficial porn for the rest of the team, they had all gone to engy’s workshop to watch the porn he made of me, only to find the real thing first at the door to the premier. They all said I was the sexiest thing to come to the base yet.

At one point my senses returned and I tried to make a break for it, me against 8 others were the odds and I ended up not only losing but being blindfolded, gagged, hand cuffed with my feet tied together on what I can only assume was a huge bed.

“so who get’s em’ first?” the demoman asked

As I lay there I can hear them arguing back and forth till a voice asks next to my ear…

“Who would you like first my mon’ Cherie?” it was spy. I’ve never been a praying man but I found myself asking god have mercy on me…

I am going to continue this but I would like people's opinion on who they want to go first.

in case you didn't pick it up the medic is American (I didn't want to embarrass my German teacher with the little I know or with a bad German accent)
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 1241
>> No. 1250
I think this story is in need of a beta. Badly.

Basically, it's a POV piece where the narrator, Medic, doesn't sound anything like Medic. And I don't mean "write in accent" sounding like him. I mean that the speech patterns and inflections and personality of Medic are simply not evident in this narration. This doesn't read like it's being written by a middle-aged German doctor; it reads like it's written by a much younger person who isn't German at all and is probably female.

There are other problems evident in this too, but I'm just going to focus on how you're writing Medic here. I'm trying to help you out, here.

First off, Medic would probably not use slang, at all, if ever. The only way I can imagine him doing so would be in a very mocking manner, probably spitting back an expression Scout uses to make fun of him. Even if you're going for a Draco in Leather Pants treatment for Medic here, he would still come off as a jerk. A very prim and proper jerk who can be a classy motherfucker when he wants to be, mind you, but still a jerk.

Since Medic has kind of gotten the least characterization of any class outside of Pyro, he's very open-ended to write, and you can take him in multiple directions given what little characterization is given. Personally, I'm a fan of split-personality Medic; certainly capable of being caring and mother-hennish, like how a lot of people tend to play him, but he's also got a very nasty sadistic streak. He likes to carve people up. FOR SCIENCE. He likes blood and hurting and he's a creeper and this should be evident, even if you're trying to show a more sympathetic side to him. Being a Heavy/Medic shipper (hurrrr), I kind of use his relationship with Heavy to show his softer side, while writing him with some contempt for the rest of his teammates, who he sees as being idiots. There's always plenty of room for CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!, but that's something your have to build up to.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself "I know all this about Medic, jeez, you fag," and you probably do. But the problem is that it's simply not being reflected in the way you write Medic. Read the lines in Medic's voice. Not your voice. Medic's. Does it sound natural coming out of his mouth? Would he choose that wording? Would he talk to the other characters that way? This isn't just dialog, either, this includes actions as well. To be fair, as I said, Medic's probably the hardest to write, since there's a lot less to work with than the other classes. But what little there is, you should hang on and use as much as you can.

I would suggest re-writing this, and getting a beta. If you want, I could do that for you. I've included my email. Drop me a line.

I'm here to help.
>> No. 1253
I agree with now that I go back and reread it. but the point is it's not the medic from the game.

But I can see where your coming from. I admit I didn't really develop the character before spewing this out. It had been sitting for a few weeks before I picked it up and finished it in hyper kind of rush. I will probably rewrite it.
>> No. 1259

I've seen a couple different writers on this chan that make their Medic "not the Medic from the game" and still make it close enough to Medic that it still works.

I'm just trying to help you avoid turning him into a Canon Sue.
>> No. 1263
To add to all this, one of the best Medics I've seen written that alters quite heavily from the Canon Medic would be Dr. Tanner's from 'The Lessons'. I haven't read all the stories on here (Respawn of the Dead is one I probably should read asap) granted, but his(hers?) had real character - background and a developed personality, opened up over the story.

I'd really reccomend checking it out, since it's written in a similar style to what you're trying to achieve here. It may be in the Scouts POV but it'll help you get an idea of how to write from a characters perspective.

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