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Noob Pyro (0)

1 .

Every repost is a repost repost. By Owl Tiem.

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Wow! I really did it! I really graduated! All done with school forever! And joining PHIRE this year was a really great move - they already found me a job! I am SO PUMPED! (Should I say fired up?)

7:55. I got sniped in the parking lot. I could see the smug bastard in that split second afterward; he gave a little "oops!" wave, but I could tell he wasn't actually sorry. Now I'm going to be late clocking in on my first day. If that's the kind of people I'll be fighting then good, I hope they like being on fire. Jerk.

I have to say, I had always expected my first time dying to be... special, somehow. But that was a clear headshot - I didn't feel a thing. I just locked my car, turned around, and boom! Dead, and stuck waiting to respawn. Geez, this could get boring. And I just realized how bloody my car must be now. Jerk.

8:20 Well, I'm not in trouble for being late. Apparently RED Sniper does that all the time, so everybody's just learned to park out of his line of fire. Besides, at least we're still in setup - I guess the real fighting won't start until after we grab a coffee break.

There doesn't seem to be a whole lot for me to do right now so I'm just doing laps of the base. So far I've figured out where the bathroom is but I can't seem to figure out where the bathroom /isn't/. All the hallways look the same!

9:15 The coffee here smells like burnt motor oil. I'm almost glad I can't drink it through the mask. I ran into Medic on his way out of the bathroom and followed him around to meet the rest of my new teammates. Everybody seems pretty nice so far, and Medic said I could tag along with him and Heavy until I get my bearings. I can do that! We covered 'How To Protect Your Medic' really well in school! I can set spies on fire and be useful!

9:50 It would have been a lot more useful if I'd set that spy on fire /before/ Medic got backstabbed, huh.

9:55 Ran into Medic in respawn. Apologised profusely. No hard feelings, he says. These things happen. A really understanding guy, our medic.

10:10 Getting beaten to death with a baseball bat hurts.

10:25 So does being blown up.

10:40 And again.

10:55 This is getting ridiculous.

11:10 It's that same Sentry every time!

11:25 FFFFFFFFF

11:40 I'm going to find RED Engineer and roast him over a slow fire.

12:00 THANK GOD FOR LUNCH BREAK. We got pizza delivered. Spy promised to make that Sentry his first priority when we're clocked back in, and Heavy and Medic want me to go back out with them. I'm glad they're not holding my rookie mistake against me!

//timestamps lost\\

Oh god I've somehow ended up with the intel oh god what do I do
Which way is our base oh god I'm lost with the intel
MEDIC
e e e e e
MEDIC oh thank GOD
Oh shit. OH SHIT HE UBERED ME.
OH SHIIIIIIIIIT FIRE EVERYWHERE AHAHA ALL SHALL BOW TO THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE INTEL PYRO FIIIIRE AHAHAHAHA SHIIIT
oh
oh it's over now
Ouch who's hitting me -

Guess I lost the intel, too. Scout is already becoming my least favourite person to be stuck in respawn with. He /paces/.

2:15 I thought if I got myself killed when I was lost I could find my way back out from respawn, but this time I respawned in a different place and I don't know where I am oh God

2:30 I still don't know where I am

2:50 I /still/ don't know where I am

3:20 Oh Medic thank God.

4:10 I caught a spy on fire before he backstabbed Medic this time! He got pissed off and shot me before he burned to death but I'm still sort of proud of myself.

4:45 I'm lost again.

5:00 The whistle just blew and I'm still lost. Oh god, am I in the RED base? I think I'm in the RED base. Oh god, what happens if you die off the clock?

5:15 A RED Scout walked me back to my side. I thought that was pretty nice of him, even if he did spend the whole walk making fun of me and saying I look like a lumpy sack of potatos.

5:30 I apparently room with Demo. That should be ok, unless he catches the DTs overnight or something. I've survived my first day of work! I can do this! I'll get better!

I hope.

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SUBSEQUENT CHAPTERS
2: http://danceflower.net/TF2chan/afic/res/577.html
3: http://danceflower.net/TF2chan/afic/res/892.html
4: http://danceflower.net/TF2chan/afic/res/1869.html

NON-CANONICAL LOLFIC: http://danceflower.net/TF2chan/afic/res/1078.html

(Spyro is the Spy and [as far as Noob knows] the Pyro on the RED team opposite Noob's BLU, so the Spyro stories are also in the Noobverse [which = Unionverse], but I've already gone archive-digging and I don't feel like reposting Meet the Spyro and stuff)
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