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No. 367
Every repost is a repost repost. By Mazzaroo.


First time posting in fanfic so hopefully I won't cock anything up. This was written by a friend of mine (take a bow, I know you lurk) and I added bits and whatnot so it’s a team effort. Anyways I'm rambling, ignore any mistakes and enjoy the cute!


Chapter 1: Meet the Munchkin


It had been an average day at RED base until something... peculiar was recruited into the team. Almost everyone had been complaining about the missing component. None more than the Engineer. He'd complain about how many times the opposing Spy would destroy all of his hard work, allowing a whole barrage of BLUs at the intelligence. No one could ever tell the Spy was there, and with no one to spy check this was becoming a problem. Engineer's complaints, along with a few other angry teammates who had had just one too many backstabs, made them conclude the fact that they wanted, no NEEDED a Pyro. Though, what HQ sent them wasn't... expected.

Jaws were agape as they stared at the small, round Pyro who stood in the doorway. He was carrying his axe, which was nearly twice his size. He seemed to stare right through them, looking at his surroundings. Medic, who had escorted the small Pyro, smiled nervously.

"It seems HQ vas a bit... low on Pyros" He said, rubbing the small Pyro's head affectionately, the Pyro looked up at him curiously.

There was a snort from the Demoman, who was partially drunk today, "Aye, you can say that again!" he joked, elbowing the already snickering Soldier in the ribs.

The Pyro stared at them before wobbling over, gazing up at them, "mmph?".

Demoman kneeled down to its height. It was so small! Hardly reaching the Demoman's knees! He laughed, poking the muzzle of the Pyro's mask with the mouthpiece of his bottle of homemade ‘whiskey’, "He's so small! How could this wee thing defend anything?!".

The small Pyro recoiled from the Demoman, rubbing at it's mask where the bottle had been put. Engineer pushed past everyone, stopping to kneel in front on the small Pyro, after musing to himself he announced "Anythin' that can find ah spah faster than ah jackrabbit can run, is ah friend o' mine." Engineer grinned at the Pyro then turned around to the rest of the team "And I don't think any of ya'll wanna make fun of me and Rebecca's best lil spah detector." He pulled out his wrench and gripped it firmly. Engineer was right, a spy checker is a spy checker, even if it was a little on the small side. The others backed up slightly, whispers and grumbles emitted from the group. Scout, who was now getting a bit impatient from the sudden house meeting, tapped his foot, "SO, what's the firebug's name? Ain't 'e got one?" he asked, looking to the Medic.

Medic shrugged, "Ze Pyro vas simply dropped off! No name, no nothzing!".

Engineer jumped as Spy suddenly uncloaked behind the small Pyro, examining him. Pyro looked back at him, his axe making a loud thud as it hit the wood flooring of the base. Spy stared down at him, his cigarette glowing lightly between his lips. He took away his cigarette, flicking it to the ground and stomping out the crimson flickers of flame, "Nubs." he said calmly.

The room went silent.

"Nubs?" Engineer asked in a sceptical tone.

"Nubs. Because of these." Spy said, picking up the small Pyro's hand and pointing to the fingers, "Unless you have a better suggestion, labourer."

Engineer opened his mouth to protest the strange nickname placed on his new spy checker, but truthfully couldn't find a good reason to.

The Medic smiled softly, walking over and patting the small Pyro on the head, who was still staring right at Spy, "Nubs it is den." he said.


Nubs. What a strange, yet fitting name to the small Pyro. He seemed to be nothing BUT nubs. Stubby little fingers, small feet... If his limbs were any shorter than they were to him, he would simply look like a small, leathery, red pillow.

Nubs sat silently in one of the many hallways of the RED base, staring at the small fire, dying in the little pile of hay he'd gathered together for it. There was a sudden crash, probably only one floor up. By the sounds of cursing and slurring, it must've been that man from earlier. He smelled so odd, and not the good kind of odd either. Nubs didn't like the smell at all, which made him try to avoid the smelly old man at all costs.

Through the floorboards that made up the ceiling above Nubs began to drip with a clear liquid. It splattered onto the small fire, causing it to roar up in a fantastic display of colours and brightness. Nubs got up quickly, looking at the spot where the liquid began to stain the ceiling, forming even more droplets that began to fall faster, making the fire grow rapidly. He waddled upstairs to where the smelly old man had fallen. On the floor in a glittering heap laid the remains of one of the Demoman's many liquor bottles, the liquid soaking the floor and dripping down onto the small fire. Nubs stared at the glass for just a moment before looking to the refrigerator.


That night was a rare night indeed. Luckily, with the little Pyro, HQ had sent in some ACTUAL food. A little bit of chicken, a large amount of beef and minor ingredients for baking and such like milk, flour, sauces and the usual tins. Engineer immediately volunteered to cook dinner, saying he would treat everyone to a good old fashioned Texan Barbeque. It was all set up in the Courtyard. Most getting drunk, some already. Spy, on the other hand, was more interested in making sure his devices were completely functional. Although, when Sniper offered him a drink, who was he to refuse? He sipped at the bottle, fumbling slightly with his cloak watch. Nubs wandered into the courtyard, covered in scorch marks from his fire that he decided would be fun to play in. That is, before Medic had stopped him, saying words that Nubs couldn't even understand and putting out his little fire.

Nubs looked around, dragging his axe behind him as a child would their heavy stuffed animal. He noticed Spy, immediately wobbles towards him and promptly sits down right in front of him. Spy looked up from his watch for a moment, staring at the little Pyro before going back to his watch. Nubs tilted his head, reaching towards the watch. He knew he'd seen the watch before, his memory blurred slightly. It had something to do with strange people... strange people and marshmallows. Spy retracted his hand, glaring slightly at him.

He sighed, "You simply wish to see what it is this does, yes?" he asked, not at all expecting a reply.

Nubs simply stared at the watch, head tilted. Spy sighed, clicking a few buttons on the watch and cloaking. Nubs jumped to his feet, waving his hands where Spy was, latching onto his leg. Spy uncloaked, prying the Pyro from his leg," I guess you liked that. If you like disappearing things, you might like magic. Am I right?".

Nubs, although never exactly processing what people said to him, heard THAT. Magic... He loved magic! For as long as he could remember, Nubs had loved the idea of magic. He dreamed of one day becoming a great magician like the one he'd seen so long ago. The one who could make those strange people and his home disappear with fire! It was such a great trick, but the magician never did show him how to bring all the people out of their sleep and how to make the house reappear, he'd left too soon.

Nubs held up a finger to Spy, wobbling over to one of the large cases of liquor. He dragged it to a sort of open area, away from everyone else.

"Mmmph mrrr mppmrrrmph!" Nubs shouted. Everyone looked to him, confused. Demoman pointed at him accusingly, "'Ey! What're ye doin' with me booze!?".

Nubs waved his hands, as a magician would when introducing an act or trick. He smashed the bottles open, making the Demoman scream a long stream of curses at him.

"Mrrrrrrh!" Nubs lit a match, holding it high.

Medic gasped, "Everyone get down!" he exclaimed as the match dropped from Nubs fingertips and onto the liquid soaked ground.


The entire BLU team stood outside in awe, watching the colourful flames rise high and flicker, with the sounds of shouting REDs filling the air. The BLU Sniper laughed," Well well, looks like they got themselves a Pyro. Bad news fer you ain't it, Spy?".

The BLU Spy laughed coldly," A Pyro who is willing to do something like THAT? I doubt I will. A simple swipe of the knife can get rid of that pest. No matter how long it takes for him to come back, it'll be all the time I need."
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 1727
I d'awwwwed. HARD.
>> No. 1728
This is going to give me diabetes.

....I need more
>> No. 1729
I think all my teeth just rotted out, but I can't help but ask for more.
>> No. 1741
Epic way to Break the ice.

You must continue this. it's Awesome.
>> No. 1749
I missed this.
>> No. 1958
brb d'awwwwwwwing forever. You have to continue this.
>> No. 1960

Don't get people's hopes up. SAGE, for the love of god.
>> No. 1963
>> No. 2006
Less saging, OP, and moar updating. Plz? Pretty plz?
>> No. 2007
That was so many kinds of cute. And interesting! I poclaim henceforth that you simply must write more.

>> No. 2023
>> No. 2037
This is part two that was written about like a year ago. SO ENJOY YOUR BAD GRAMMAR AND TERRIBLE SENTENCE STRUCTURE.

Chapter 2: Cupcakes and Axewounds

The second day within RED base was going fairly smoothly for Nubs. Well... Except that he couldn't have matches without permission from Medic. Yesterday's ‘magic trick’ incident had resulted in a charred courtyard that was in desperate need of repairs. Medic reasoned that it was essential for the safety of the team that Nubs' match consumption should be monitored closely. Engineer didn't approve of this and snuck Nubs a few matches from Spy's locker. Engineer smiled broadly as he handed them over, "Now how could they expect my lil spah checker ta check fer spahs without fire?" he mused to himself, rubbing Nubs' head affectionately. Nubs places the matches in a small holster on his side and pats it down, making sure it's nice and safe. Engineer beams down at Nubs and begins to walk to his worksite. Engineer had been ordered to rebuild the steps in the courtyard that had been reduced to ash. According to Soldier, engineering and carpentry is the same thing anyway, Engineer didn't mind the extra work though. He happily got a hammer from his toolbox and began to work on the top steps whistling some nameless tune.


BLU base was on edge with the prospect of having a Pyro to deal with. They hadn't caught sight of the bastard yet but the height and intensity of the flames coming from RED base previous night had made it clear. RED had a Pyro and he was dangerous.

The BLU sniper sighs, scratching the back of his head, "You're gonna try to get that Pyro and Engineer NOW?" he asks with an incredulous look.

BLU Spy nods, "Why not? Better now than never." he says simply. He applies a red spy disguise and makes his way to the sewers. He passes a sleeping Demoman guard with ease; the urge to 'practice' his knife skills on him was strong but there were more pressing matters at hand. He makes it up into the lower part of the RED base, cloaking as soon as he hears the smack of the Engineer's hammer against wood and metal... however it was mixed with a strange sound.

Nubs watches Engineer place the wooden planks down and hammer them into place with tiny sliver pieces of metal. He looks around on the ground before spotting his axe. Nubs swings it up as high as he can and with a loud clank, the axe bounces against a rock in time with Engineer's hits.
Wait... Thunk? Nubs tilts his head in confusion, looking at the edge of his axe. It oozed with a deep red liquid, and a pain filled groan emerged out of nowhere making Nubs jump. Nubs removed his axe as a Spy appears, grabbing his foot and hopping on the other.

"YOU LITTLE... Pyro???" he growls, confused out of his mind. Nubs gets up quickly. He's hurt the magician! He lets out muffled cries of despair, stopping as a paper mask lands on his head. He takes it off and looks at the paper in awe for a moment before looking up at the BLU Spy. This wasn't their magician...
Engineer gasps and his eyes widen, "'EY BOYS, ITS A SPAH!!!" He shouts as loud as he can. Almost instantly, the RED base was alive with the stamping of boots and the shouts of "SPPPPYYY CHECK". Engineer grabs his wrench quickly and runs at the enemy spy, "GET AWAY FROM MAH SPAHCHECKER, SPAH!" he yells. The BLU Spy cloaks quickly, managing to duck away from a downward slam, but gets hit hard on the side from a swipe. Broken and agitated, the spy limps as fast as he can out of the RED base and into the water, a trail of blood is the only evidence of his failed assassination attempt.


The bunkers buzz with excitement. Engineer has Nubs in is arms, praising the little leather ball, "Y'all shoulda seen it! Ah'm sure that spah would've got us both if'n Nubs hadn't lodged that there axe of his into the bastard's foot!" he booms, rubbing Nubs' head. Nubs is beginning to like this attention, even though he was extremely puzzled as to why everyone was acting this way. Was it really a good thing that he'd made the blue magician give off red stuff? Yellow Hat seemed to be really happy about it... Well, if he was happy, Nubs was happy.

The chatter stops abruptly, making Nubs snap out of his daydream and look up at everyone. His team mates heads are tilted up, noses in the air and eyes wide; how strange Nubs thinks. Medic strides into the bunker, in place of his gloves are oven mitts and he is carrying a tray filled with small cupcakes. They are carefully decorated, tall pink frosting on top with a red icing cross on each. Nubs' teammates try to get at them but Heavy is a hard blockade to get through, "Cupcakes not for you, little men! Is for tiny man!"

Engineer sets Nubs down gently, who immediately waddles to Medic, staring up at him confused. Medic kneels down, holding out the tray for him, "They are yours, mein small friend. You've earned them". Nubs stares at the cupcakes and takes the tray. He attempts to copy Medic's proud stride and holds the tray up to the Engineer. Engineer smiles, "fer me?". Nubs nods enthusiastically. The Engineer chuckles, "aww, why thank you Nubs." He picks up a cupcake from the tray and takes a bite.

Thinking that this is what the Medic wanted, Nubs walks around the room giving cupcakes to everyone in the same fashion. Two cupcakes are left as he places the tray down. He scans the room. There's one missing... He had given one to Bonk-Bonk, Smelly Man, Magician, Yellow Hat, Grumpy, Medicine and Big Bear... But where was Helmet? He didn't think he had given him one. It was always safe to check.

Nubs looks throughout the base, checking each room as he passes. Eventually he gets to the intelligence room. Inside the Soldier was placing marks on a map of 2fort. Circling, drawing, scribbling mumbling deep in thought. Nubs waddles over, puts one cupcake down on the table and tugs on the soldier's trouser leg. Soldier yelps in surprise then growls down at Nubs, "THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT PRIVATE!".

Nubs holds up the cupcake for him, "Mmrph?".

Soldier blinks stupidly at Nubs for a moment then returns to his stone cold glare. He snatches the cupcake from the small pyro and holds it in front of his face to inspect it. Soldier then tips his helmet back a little in order to glare at the foodstuff and Nubs properly. "And just what is this?! MEN don't eat little cupcakes with PINK frosting! We eat meat! RAW MEAT! Get out of my sight, PRIVATE!" he shouts.

Nubs backs up slightly. Feeling defeated he picks up his last cupcake and leaves quickly. The Soldier begins to rant about how baking and giving your superiors tiny cakes would get you court marshalled back in the day. When he is satisfied that the walls know just how disgusted he is he decides to dispose of the cupcake properly. He wolfs it down. "AND THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE!" He goes back to his work. Nubs, who had been peeking from the doorway the whole time, waddles away merrily.

No one really knew what Nubs did with his last cupcake. He seemed to have eaten it but the REDs doubted he could actually eat.


BLU Spy winces as the BLU Medic applies an alcohol soaked cotton ball onto BLU Spy's foot. He starts to wrap the foot slowly, pulling tightly at each word, "...So, you mean to tell me, you vent into their base to try and stab ze Engineer and Pyro, when zis... Little tiny Pyro lodged its axe into your foot?" he says disdainfully.
Blu Spy bites his lip and nods, "Precisely."
"...I zink you're full of it. There's no such zing as a 'Tiny Pyro!"
"But it was! It only came to my--"
"Enough, Spy!" The medic snaps. "I don't vant to hear anymore of zis tiny Pyro business! Just get out of mein sight and some rest..."
Blu Spy stands up and limps from the infirmary. BLU Sniper steps out of the shadow of the hallway grinning, "So, how'd the Pyro hunt go, mate?" He snickers.
A swift kick with his good foot to the Sniper's groin shuts him up quickly. "That... Pyro, would pay dearly for this humiliation..."
>> No. 2039

I really think you should edit these so that they're easier to read, because god damn they are cute.
>> No. 2040
To be honest I can't be arsed. These are a year old and there won't be anymore updates anyway. Why do you think I didn't repost these when the new chan came up? I AM SICK OF HIM.
>> No. 2041

Fair enough.
>> No. 2145
>>15 Oh, so sorry to hear that.
>> No. 3032
wait so is there going to be more Nubs?
>> No. 3034
>> No. 3046
Awww, but he's so cute....D:
>> No. 3051
Now you are just being a prick, etile.
>> No. 3052
but hey, at least no emoticons, right?
>> No. 3124
how am I the prick?
>> No. 3131
Because apparently you couldn't be bothered to read the other comments.

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