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No. 2037
This is part two that was written about like a year ago. SO ENJOY YOUR BAD GRAMMAR AND TERRIBLE SENTENCE STRUCTURE.
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Chapter 2: Cupcakes and Axewounds
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The second day within RED base was going fairly smoothly for Nubs. Well... Except that he couldn't have matches without permission from Medic. Yesterday's ‘magic trick’ incident had resulted in a charred courtyard that was in desperate need of repairs. Medic reasoned that it was essential for the safety of the team that Nubs' match consumption should be monitored closely. Engineer didn't approve of this and snuck Nubs a few matches from Spy's locker. Engineer smiled broadly as he handed them over, "Now how could they expect my lil spah checker ta check fer spahs without fire?" he mused to himself, rubbing Nubs' head affectionately. Nubs places the matches in a small holster on his side and pats it down, making sure it's nice and safe. Engineer beams down at Nubs and begins to walk to his worksite. Engineer had been ordered to rebuild the steps in the courtyard that had been reduced to ash. According to Soldier, engineering and carpentry is the same thing anyway, Engineer didn't mind the extra work though. He happily got a hammer from his toolbox and began to work on the top steps whistling some nameless tune.
~
BLU base was on edge with the prospect of having a Pyro to deal with. They hadn't caught sight of the bastard yet but the height and intensity of the flames coming from RED base previous night had made it clear. RED had a Pyro and he was dangerous.
The BLU sniper sighs, scratching the back of his head, "You're gonna try to get that Pyro and Engineer NOW?" he asks with an incredulous look.
BLU Spy nods, "Why not? Better now than never." he says simply. He applies a red spy disguise and makes his way to the sewers. He passes a sleeping Demoman guard with ease; the urge to 'practice' his knife skills on him was strong but there were more pressing matters at hand. He makes it up into the lower part of the RED base, cloaking as soon as he hears the smack of the Engineer's hammer against wood and metal... however it was mixed with a strange sound.
Nubs watches Engineer place the wooden planks down and hammer them into place with tiny sliver pieces of metal. He looks around on the ground before spotting his axe. Nubs swings it up as high as he can and with a loud clank, the axe bounces against a rock in time with Engineer's hits.
Bang
Clank
Bang
Clank
Bang
THUNK
Wait... Thunk? Nubs tilts his head in confusion, looking at the edge of his axe. It oozed with a deep red liquid, and a pain filled groan emerged out of nowhere making Nubs jump. Nubs removed his axe as a Spy appears, grabbing his foot and hopping on the other.
"YOU LITTLE... Pyro???" he growls, confused out of his mind. Nubs gets up quickly. He's hurt the magician! He lets out muffled cries of despair, stopping as a paper mask lands on his head. He takes it off and looks at the paper in awe for a moment before looking up at the BLU Spy. This wasn't their magician...
Engineer gasps and his eyes widen, "'EY BOYS, ITS A SPAH!!!" He shouts as loud as he can. Almost instantly, the RED base was alive with the stamping of boots and the shouts of "SPPPPYYY CHECK". Engineer grabs his wrench quickly and runs at the enemy spy, "GET AWAY FROM MAH SPAHCHECKER, SPAH!" he yells. The BLU Spy cloaks quickly, managing to duck away from a downward slam, but gets hit hard on the side from a swipe. Broken and agitated, the spy limps as fast as he can out of the RED base and into the water, a trail of blood is the only evidence of his failed assassination attempt.
~
The bunkers buzz with excitement. Engineer has Nubs in is arms, praising the little leather ball, "Y'all shoulda seen it! Ah'm sure that spah would've got us both if'n Nubs hadn't lodged that there axe of his into the bastard's foot!" he booms, rubbing Nubs' head. Nubs is beginning to like this attention, even though he was extremely puzzled as to why everyone was acting this way. Was it really a good thing that he'd made the blue magician give off red stuff? Yellow Hat seemed to be really happy about it... Well, if he was happy, Nubs was happy.
The chatter stops abruptly, making Nubs snap out of his daydream and look up at everyone. His team mates heads are tilted up, noses in the air and eyes wide; how strange Nubs thinks. Medic strides into the bunker, in place of his gloves are oven mitts and he is carrying a tray filled with small cupcakes. They are carefully decorated, tall pink frosting on top with a red icing cross on each. Nubs' teammates try to get at them but Heavy is a hard blockade to get through, "Cupcakes not for you, little men! Is for tiny man!"
Engineer sets Nubs down gently, who immediately waddles to Medic, staring up at him confused. Medic kneels down, holding out the tray for him, "They are yours, mein small friend. You've earned them". Nubs stares at the cupcakes and takes the tray. He attempts to copy Medic's proud stride and holds the tray up to the Engineer. Engineer smiles, "fer me?". Nubs nods enthusiastically. The Engineer chuckles, "aww, why thank you Nubs." He picks up a cupcake from the tray and takes a bite.
Thinking that this is what the Medic wanted, Nubs walks around the room giving cupcakes to everyone in the same fashion. Two cupcakes are left as he places the tray down. He scans the room. There's one missing... He had given one to Bonk-Bonk, Smelly Man, Magician, Yellow Hat, Grumpy, Medicine and Big Bear... But where was Helmet? He didn't think he had given him one. It was always safe to check.
Nubs looks throughout the base, checking each room as he passes. Eventually he gets to the intelligence room. Inside the Soldier was placing marks on a map of 2fort. Circling, drawing, scribbling mumbling deep in thought. Nubs waddles over, puts one cupcake down on the table and tugs on the soldier's trouser leg. Soldier yelps in surprise then growls down at Nubs, "THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT PRIVATE!".
Nubs holds up the cupcake for him, "Mmrph?".
Soldier blinks stupidly at Nubs for a moment then returns to his stone cold glare. He snatches the cupcake from the small pyro and holds it in front of his face to inspect it. Soldier then tips his helmet back a little in order to glare at the foodstuff and Nubs properly. "And just what is this?! MEN don't eat little cupcakes with PINK frosting! We eat meat! RAW MEAT! Get out of my sight, PRIVATE!" he shouts.
Nubs backs up slightly. Feeling defeated he picks up his last cupcake and leaves quickly. The Soldier begins to rant about how baking and giving your superiors tiny cakes would get you court marshalled back in the day. When he is satisfied that the walls know just how disgusted he is he decides to dispose of the cupcake properly. He wolfs it down. "AND THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE!" He goes back to his work. Nubs, who had been peeking from the doorway the whole time, waddles away merrily.
No one really knew what Nubs did with his last cupcake. He seemed to have eaten it but the REDs doubted he could actually eat.
~
BLU Spy winces as the BLU Medic applies an alcohol soaked cotton ball onto BLU Spy's foot. He starts to wrap the foot slowly, pulling tightly at each word, "...So, you mean to tell me, you vent into their base to try and stab ze Engineer and Pyro, when zis... Little tiny Pyro lodged its axe into your foot?" he says disdainfully.
Blu Spy bites his lip and nods, "Precisely."
"...I zink you're full of it. There's no such zing as a 'Tiny Pyro!"
"But it was! It only came to my--"
"Enough, Spy!" The medic snaps. "I don't vant to hear anymore of zis tiny Pyro business! Just get out of mein sight and some rest..."
Blu Spy stands up and limps from the infirmary. BLU Sniper steps out of the shadow of the hallway grinning, "So, how'd the Pyro hunt go, mate?" He snickers.
A swift kick with his good foot to the Sniper's groin shuts him up quickly. "That... Pyro, would pay dearly for this humiliation..."
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