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No. 3566
I can't believe I'm posting this, but I am. I must be too giddy from having tf2chan back. It hasn't been beta'd, but it's no excuse for any and all mistakes here. Concrit appreciated with open arms and legs.

***

Three months after Scout arrived to the House, he hardly ever saw Papa in the mansion aside from the semi-regular after-dark visits. The physical absence was not irregular to Papa's personality. The masked man was a mystery to all in the House. Even the most senior girl was clueless when it came to even the most mundane facts about him.

Ever since the enigmatic man had appeared seemingly from nowhere and monopolized the escort business in the city, all the escorts had and has continued to wondered where-- if at all-- in France Papa came from, and why he always kept the balaclava on even in the most sweltering heats of summer. And, more recently, the series of unanswered questions was lengthened by yet one more question: why exactly Papa bedded the uncouth 16-year-old boy when he had more beautiful women at his command. Papa had occasionally slept with the few chosen women of the House, yes, but never more than once. The girls who, despite fervent, secret desire and equally fervent open efforts, had never been embraced by Papa once again were naturally hurt, but they had always had shrugged it off, resignedly saying, "Papa is a man after all." But after the young Bostonian nicknamed Scout arrived to the House abruptly and scowling, Papa chose the boy again and again, despite not otherwise paying the young man any attention outside the bedroom.

And, as it was with all questions involving the masked man, no-one found a satisfactory answer save for far-fetched and sensational rumors. Everyone knew better than to try to pry secrets away from Papa, so the curious women tried to prod and manipulate the boy instead. But the teenager merely scowled and shuffled away to put even more distance between himself and the women whenever they asked about what went on behind the locked door of the master bedroom, leaving the puzzle just as confounding as it had been before.

After a week of implementing varying techniques of secret extracting of varying shades of moral grays, the escorts of the House gave up and left Scout alone. Martha, who had been the most zealous in attempting to pry the answer out of the boy, jokingly and a bit bitterly declared that Papa and the boy were almost father and son when it came to obstinately guarding their secrets. She didn't know how close her off-hand remark had hit home, but one look at Scout's twisted grimace made the topic suddenly a very difficult one indeed, and it was never again mentioned in front of either Papa or the boy.
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 3567
Yeah, I dont like this.
>> No. 3568
No-o-o-o, I kinda like it. It seems fairly interesting.
>> No. 3569
Anon likes. Keep going!
>> No. 3570
This isn't written badly at all, but I have to admit that the concept makes me scratch my head.

I'm not sure exactly where you're going with this.
>> No. 3572
I am confused. But intrigued. Don't know if want.
>> No. 3573
>>2
...;-;

>>5
It's a part of my AU I've got going on in my head. I didn't think it would make sense unless you knew what I was on about, but the AU's summary is as follows: The nine classes never went to the war at all but instead are involved in the underworld. Some are shadowy gang politicians with a high-class brothel business in the side, some are highly prized assassins, some just do what they like to do without an agenda in mind, and Scout just wants to figure out why that creepy fag in balaclava picked him up from the streets. Scout has a history of hustling (but that doesn't mean he's a queer, nuh-huh) before he was found by Spy, and has no idea why Spy would take interest in him. Spy himself is a bit baffled by why he picked that dirty boy up in impulse, but keeps him around because... he's Spy and he doesn't explain himself to anyone, including himself? Under one condition that the Bostonian works in the House and earns his stay. And Scout accepts, since at least there aren't any bedbugs in the mattresses of Papa's House. As story progresses, Scout learns of the mystery behind Spy, his business, and ~*~himself~*~.

And yes, that means Spy's technically a pimp. Hence the title "Papa Spy".

Am I making sense? It's late and I slowly revert to my native language when it's after 11 AM. I've double-checked my post, though, so it should make sense.
>> No. 3574
>>7

It's an interesting idea, but I feel like this should have been explained to the reader going into it. On it's own, it's just a little "wait, /what?/"

I'm not saying you should have bogged the narrative down with a bunch of exposition in the beginning, but this definitely needed the clarification.
>> No. 3579
I take it back. I thought it was just a poorly planned incest fic.

MY BAD ILU.
>> No. 3587
>>8

I agree with you. I shouldn't have released it out to the public so early but I didn't think I would finish it anyway, so I posted it for the heck of posting it.

>>9

It actually is poorly planned and it actually is incest fic. ._.
>> No. 3844
You have a unique style of writing, but it's like trying to read a picture rather than a story because of the flourished writing, which means you'll need a lot of clarification so the reader can separate the details from your elaborate style.

I did understand that Scout's working in a brothel, Spy's a pimp, and incest is involved, so technically, you're not exactly doing anything wrong in terms of how you want to convey the plot, but just, you know- tone it down.

And please, do go on...
>> No. 5063
BAMPING TO REMIND YOU TO CONTINUE. don't give up on this. even if you have to rework it, the concept is still good.
>> No. 5064
>>3844
You shouldn't have saged the concirt, Syn. I almost never saw it! Thanks for the comment, though. I do get a bit carried away with details sometimes. I envy those with minimalist prose.

>>5063
...aw, thanks, Anon. This is actually a pleasing but very, very embarrassing reminder that I actually posted something up online. And that someone thinks it's worth their time to check for an update. Thanks for giving my ego a healthy scratch.

I don't think I'll finish this anytime soon, though. Entrance exams are a bitch, and so is life. Only if I could live inside a sort of void between real life and cyberspace where there's no time but internet access is aplenty. That would be better than heaven, I think, though it has a bit of a purgatory style feeling into it, in that it's in between two extremes of life. But if that's purgatory, I would convert to Catholicism and commit non-mortal sins any day.

..Yeah, see what I mean by getting carried away?

Sage because.
>> No. 5066
Actually, may I request the mods to move this to /workshop/? I obviously need more work and practice and practice.

And jesus, I need a better name. What was I thinking, "thedude"?
>> No. 5067
>>5066
I want to call you "Pippin".

And I love this story, the concept is awesome. Just a little more author-reader clarification will be needed in an AU fic, since your audience won't be familiar with your own world.

Like I say, this is a really interesting concept and I hope that you continue it = )
>> No. 5068
>>5067

And so Pippin I shall be. Thanks, Scrunchy!

I'll try to work on a continuation of this. I'll probably write in bits and pieces because I'm horrible at connecting my writings. And probably get a beta from /help/.
>> No. 5099
>>5064
Haha, sorry. I tend to think "no sage-ing" is reserved to the original author(s) or when the post is already at the top of the board. I find it more polite (personal preference, really). Anyway, glad to have you back.


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