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No. 4448
It happened to a Scout, first. He flopped onto the floor of the BLU Respawn room at the same time as a Soldier and an Engineer, looking baffled and feeling vaguely seasick, as was usual with the technological reincarnation. He tried to hoist himself upright- and screamed when he discovered why he could not. The Soldier and the Engineer had already started running back into battle, but they turned, expecting a spy in their midst.

The seasoned fighters stopped in their tracks as they tried to make sense of what they were seeing. The Engineer recovered first and strode toward the whimpering Scout.

"Oh god oh god oh god where's my legs?" the boy babbled.

"I'm gonna shoot ya so ya respawn again, boy," the Engineer said calmly.

"Whatever, fine do it," the Scout's blue eyes were wide with terror.

The Engineer drew his shotgun and shot the Scout dead centre between those baby blues. "We should have a sentry in the Respawn, and a teleporter exit in the resupply room. I'll stay here 'til the boy respawns, then come out and build y'all a handy port entrance out on the front."

"Right," the Soldier agreed, and stormed back into battle.

The Engineer built his sentry, then the teleporter exit. He returned to the Respawn to upgrade the sentry, fidgeting with it until the whirr or charging power cells indicated that the Respawn was about to operate.

A Pyro respawned, apparently fine, insofar as it was possible to tell. When the Scout appeared again, though... his legs were still gone.

"Ahw- fuck, no, fuck, no, fuck, fuck, Hardhat, what the Hell?"

"I don't know, boy. You sit tight behind the sentry, and I'll come back with a Medic.

The Pyro looked down at the Scout, unreadable behind his mask as always. He and the Engineer charged toward the front.

As good as his word, the Engineer created a teleporter entrance and was just about to follow a Medic through it when an enemy Demoman obliterated them both. It was impossible to feel any real emotions while waiting to respawn, lacking glands and whatnot, but the Engineer wondered in a detached way whether he would show up missing parts and, if so, which ones.

Once he respawned and gave himself a quick pat-down, the Engineer established that he was fine. He turned his attention to the Scout, lying in a pathetic pile under the sentry.

"He came through Respawn like this, Doc. Came out the same way again after I put him down. Any thoughts?"

Overcoming his own respawn nausea, the Medic looked down.

"Shoot ze stump vhere ze leg should be."

The Engineer locked eyes with the Scout, who bit his lip and nodded. Once again, the Engineer fired on a teammate.

The Scout screamed and writhed, but the Medic had the medigun beam trained on him almost instantly. The boy sighed and squeezed his eyes shut under the soothing glow... but when he opened them, the smooth depression where his leg should grow had healed up the same as before. He burst into tears.

"His code is corrupted," the Medic told the Engineer.

"I reckon so." The Engineer nodded as the Medic readied his bonesaw.

Kicking the Scout onto his face, the Medic cracked his first thoracic vertebra with two quick hacks. Using one foot to pin the boy's twitching body in place, the Engineer dug out the chip implanted there and crushed it with his wrench before the Respawn system could pick up the corpse.

"I vill instruct a Pyro to dispose of ze corpse vhen ze fighting dies down for ze day," the Medic said. He and the Engineer returned to the fray.

Word of the incident spread like a plague through the base. The BLU team began fighting more cautiously, avoiding Respawn at the expense of intelligence-gathering, much to the Announcer's acid displeasure. Neither her cries of "Stalemate!" nor the Soldiers' ravings about Duty could dislodge the team from their turtle tactics. No-one liked to die anyway; if the safety system of the Respawn was flawed, no-one wanted to do it at all.

As time passed, though, members of the BLU team died despite their caution, and everyone respawned normally. At least, as normal as coming back to life after being blown to bloody hunks ever got. They shifted to more aggressive , began capturing intel again, to the Announcer's grudging satisfaction. The teammates told themseves that it had been a glitch, a one-time thing, maybe the Scout's own fault.

There were signs that not everything was right. A Sniper who died with a fresh wound respawned with a permanent scar. An Engineer came through with two thumbs on his left hand. They laughed it off, tried to ignore it. The scar was dashing, the extra thumb was useful.

However, the day came when a Pyro respawned and simply collapsed on the spot. The Soldier turned him face-up as he screamed behind the gasmask. When the Soldier unzipped the suit, he had to turn away retching. A new Scout tried not to look, couldn't help but see bone-white and organ purple as the Pyro made bubbling sounds. It was a relief when the Medic showed up with his bonesaw.

That wasn't all. An Engineer and a Sniper respawned at the same time, fused into a screaming, groaning lump. A Heavy came through with a huge, soft head- no skull. At his insistence, a Medic led him into battle to die like a man. The first rocket hit him in the face, and the Medic made sure to destroy his respawn hardware. If the RED Soldier was surprised to see the BLU Medic mutilating his teammate's corpse, he was astonished to see the man drop to his knees and stare at the rocket launcher once he was done. He was not too taken aback to fire. That Medic respawned perfectly, but kept throwing himself at the enemy, unarmed. Eventually, the other Medics had to put their colleague down for reasons of morale.

A Demoman showed up with no eyes. It wasn't uncommon for the explosives experts to be missing one eye or the other, but this man had just two smooth circles where his eyes should be. He touched the blind blank spots with his fingertips, and began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" snarled a Soldier, torn between revulsion and pity.

"I'm ruined," giggled the Demoman. "Useless. I can go home!"

The Engineer shook his head sadly as the Soldier advanced, split the Demoman's spine with his shovel, and crushed the respawn chip. No-one goes home.

Meanwhile, the REDs noticed that there weren't as many BLUs around: some of their kills were permanent. Unaware of what was happening, or how, they stepped up their efforts to kill BLUs whenever possible. The more cautious BLU got, the more savage RED became. The BLUs were under siege.

In the midst of this chaos, the Spies were determined to remain unruffled. They were invisibly good at their jobs- what RED couldn't see, RED couldn't kill. The unspoken addendum: what doesn't die, won't respawn with no internal organs. The Spies made elaborate shows of nonchalance- leaving cigarette butts in the RED Intel room, bringing small but elegant picnic lunches to eat while camping the RED Respawn. One BLU Spy was doing just that- he had a crusty baguette and a tin of insalata di polpo imported from Italy, and was delicately enjoying his snack in the shade of a RED dispenser. He had slain three Scouts as they came through Respawn- to his annoyance, killing the last quick-moving brat had made him get olive oil on his gloves.

Suddenly, he was surrounded by flame. The RED Pyro must have noticed the absence of loudmouthed runners. The Spy briefly prayed that the Pyro would neglect to flame behind the dispenser, and then he was on fire. An Axtinguisher split his skull before he had time to drop his lunch.

The BLU Spy cursed his overconfidence as he waited to respawn. Just let him survive the process, and he'd never be so careless again. He had no way of knowing, though, whether his bargain would come to anything. Even if a misfire didn't kill him outright, if he wasn't in a fit state to fight, his own teammates would put him down without batting an eye. In the emotionless void before respawn, the Spy was nonetheless chilled to the depths of his soul.

When the Spy re-materialised, the initial feeling of seasickness was too strong for him to take stock of himself. The room was heaving and pulsing. He retched, his stomach empty even though he had just eaten. He couldn't stay upright, so he let himself fall forward, gratefully pressing his cheek to the cold, bloodstained concrete floor.

Eventually, the nausea passed, and the Spy realised that it was not the room that was moving. Above the waist, he was whole, his arms, shoulders, face all present and correct. Below his waist, he could feel something pulsatile, fluctuant, inhuman. He could scarcely bear to look down, but he had to know how bad the damage was. The jellied mass that he could feel where his hips should have been did not bode well. Under the horror, he felt rage. He had given up his life, his liberty, every opportunity, for BLU. To have it end like this- He gritted his teeth and looked down.

"... Fuck zees boolshit," the new-made TentaSpy said to himself. "I need to get laid." He lit a cigarette and organised his tentacles enough to slither off toward the sewers.

[Author's note: at this juncture, you should cue up this YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hZrI AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMPJ-ibo .

Sorry guys. Had to happen.]
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 4449
Although the first ones were sad, Spys' made me crack a grin.
>> No. 4450
GAH dammit wordfilter... THIS video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hZrI AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMPJ-ibo
>> No. 4451
>>3

Still not working.

Loved this quite a bit, I must say. I DID NOT SEE TENTASPY COMING.
>> No. 4452
I like this.
(Also that URL just killed me, unexpected bonus)
>> No. 4454
Aahhhgh. Man, I was cringing the whole time. Respawn glitches always hit that 'creepy' button for me, pretty hard.
>> No. 4455
At first I was aghast.. horrified... sad, and intrigued...


then I LOL'd. Great job, Terato, two thumbs up.
>> No. 4456
>>4

I sandbagged Cat Bountry! This feels AMAZING.

Also, how about THIS fucking URL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33snxM-RmL8
>> No. 4457
Try embedding it?
>> No. 4458
This is both horrible and great. Cringe-inducing, but the payoff is so worth it.
>> No. 4459
Deliciously twisted and awesome!

Though the ending made me lol like no other. Bravo, good play!
>> No. 4460
Oh man, that was the best
>> No. 4461
At first I was sad, but then I loled.
>> No. 4465
Oh, God, that's awful... but the ending positively had me in tears. You magnificent beast, you.
>> No. 4467
hahaha, oh man. the ending is perfect as well as the music choice (i love that song)
>> No. 4473
Agh, yes yes YES. That was simply glorious.
>> No. 4476
Beginning: ...Mmngh..not sure if want?
Middle: Aww, don't do it, Medic! *sadface*
End: I LOL'D LONG TIEM

Soh.
Ees zere moar?
>> No. 4479
I love you. ;_;

(And I love seeing others that write respawn as a chip process. <3 )

Haha, I have to say, Tentaspy caught me off-guard. I lol'd like a madman (woman?).
>> No. 4480
oh god this disturbed me.

then the merry go round broke down made me laugh...

but then it creeped me out.
>> No. 4488
part two part two part two part two please
>> No. 4516
I must stand to applaud you, TeratoMarty. Always bringing the grippingly bizarre.
>> No. 4517
holy shit, somebody else uses respawn as a device/chip? i love you.

also LOL TENTASPY. you get mad love for the tentaspy. also for boolshit. i think that's my favorite word now.


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