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No. 4305
Just a little quick one that I wrote based on my own experiences, on the side of my current project. I’d imagine that oodles of chocolate and candy corn plus a lot of strenuous activity equals a rather uncomfortable morning after.


Pumpkin candies were a bad idea.
Well, to be fair, on their own, the two qualities that comprised them weren’t too bad. Halloween candy was a fine treat, on occasion, in moderation. Critical hits were just dandy, everyone loved critical hits.

But putting them together? Requiring the former to get the latter?

Probably should have been reconsidered, really, because now the whole team was suffering for it.

Almost the whole team, anyway, (thank god) as their Medic was still standing. The man abstained from sweets on the usual and, having little use for critical hits, nibbled his way around the buckets of candy, only enough to technically receive the achievement. But he was the only one. Everyone else was far worse off.

Heavy liked candy. He liked eating. This whole event was a treat for him. But the next day he was on the couch, sprawled, begging the Doctor to help him somehow.

Up against the foot of the couch was the Scout, in a similarly pitiful state. Apparently he was used to block Halloween parties back at Boston. Plus he had a sweet tooth and an enjoyment for critical hits with his bat. After the battle, however, he had continued eating the candy.
Now he was surrounded in candy wrappers, aching, chocolate still on his lips, and much regretting his candy binge.

Demoman just smelt horrible. Alcohol, chocolate, candy corn, bile… Though the food in his belly had helped lessen his hangover, the amount had definitely increased the quantity and quality of his vomiting. There was now candy coated sick in the corner of nearly every room in the facility. Though everyone would agree that the glowing red stickybombs had helped secure victory in yesterday’s match, the team would soon be fighting over who had the task of cleaning up after the Scotsman.

The Engineer and Sniper weren’t too bad, being less likely to be wandering about the field looking for the little buckets of goodies. But eventually they gathered enough of them to receive the Candy Coroner, and twenty was just too much. They were both laying limply together in the big recliner, their groans becoming harmonized with the agonized sounds coming from the Heavy and the Scout.

Spy was nowhere to be found. The last the team had seen him was after he had downed his twentieth at the end of the match. He had been complaining about the quality of ‘cheap, American chocolate’ while finishing the last bar. In front of him, the Demoman had curled up for his first hurl. Looking a little green in the face himself, the Spy retreated to his room and had not been seen since.

But by far the worse of the team was Soldier.
Soldier relished critical hits. Absolutely, positively, loved critical hits. He loved the First Blood charge and often rushed just to get it. He enjoyed Medic’s kritzkrieg more than any other team member (Heavy preferred the standard Medigun) and the Humiliation crits were nothing more than a joy for him.
He didn’t like sweets that much, admittedly. He preferred army rations and canned vegetables than the fresh fruit supply would sometimes bring and teased Scout for his consumption of sugary drinks.
But for the sake of the criticals, he ate the pumpkin candy.
He pushed his teammates out of the way to get them.
He wouldn’t stop eating the goddamn pumpkin candy.
After the battle was over, he was left with two accomplishments. First, a killstreak nineteen deaths long, which had more than doubled his last record. Second, he had eaten thirty more buckets of candy than the scarechievement required.

Now he was looking comatose, lying still on top of the kitchen table.
Medic had actually considered pumping the man’s stomach, but admitted he did not have the proper equipment for such a task.

The only thing that could be done for everyone was to wait it out, hoping that the sickness would pass before the next round tomorrow.

“Never… again,” the Engineer declared.
There was no one in the base who disagreed.
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 4306
What about Pyro?
>> No. 4307
Hee, what a perfect little thing to read after Halloween!
>> No. 4309
I've got the greatest mental image of Heavy on the couch, limply reaching out every time Medic walks by and making whiny-groany noises.
>> No. 4310

Pyro just set all his candy on fire...then hurled the tiny flaming bits of sugar at the enemy team.
I'm pretty sure he took out Demoman's other eye...
>> No. 4311
Haha, this is a nice little post-holiday treat. Very cute and funny, though I do feel sorry for the poor team.
>> No. 4313
Dear gods, I did the same thing with liquorice bats when I was about eight. Very accurately observed, and hilarious cos it WASN'T ME.
>> No. 4316
I find this funny because as a Soldier player, even after getting the candy achievement, I kept going after the candy for the crit boost. Poor Solly.
>> No. 4317
Sugar hangover! Poor team. Poor numpty team.

And I love that Spy doesn't like American chocolate - it seems so typical of him to not like it, yet eat it anyway (Although, I would do the same with an achievement on the line). Bravo!
>> No. 4367
I feel bad for them but I can't help from laughing at their plight. I feel particularly sorry for soldier though. Poor poor soldier.

(And somewhere Pyro's laughing at them all I'm guessing)

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