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File 13515919135.png - (174.43KB , 416x582 , 1348714151808.png )
13316 No. 13316
i watched Léon, The Proffesional the other day.

theres a part where he says that the better the assasin, the closer he can get to his target and how you start at the sniper rifle and work your way down to the knife.

because of that i now believe that Spy is actually a better sniper than Sniper is
56 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>> No. 13619

... What's your friend on?

Because it sounds like some quality shit.
>> No. 13622
Goddammit since I had a dream last night where Medic sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables I have this headcanon that most of the money he gets from work goes toward an illegitimate child. And one day he and Heavy will leave and take the child back. I clearly am low on sleep.
>> No. 13633
>> No. 13636
Didn't think so.
>> No. 13666
The pyro's an illegal immigrant. They can't deport you if they can't see your ethnicity.
>> No. 13667
Fancy that, I'm exploring that in my fic right now - how far can a person go when they're only allowed to get so close, and all that jazz.

Damn it, your headcanon on Meet the Pyro is now my headcanon. Can't see it any other way.
>> No. 13668
Soldier music headcanon time.

I think that the guy loves country, blues, and jazz, solely because those are all music styles that originated in America. He does have a secret love for rock and roll, too, but as soon as it went mainstream with the Beatles in the 1960s and all the hippies jumped on the bandwagon, well, he couldn't like it anymore. In fact, Soldier hates the Beatles with a passion not because they play rock and roll but because they ruined his hipster cred took the good sound out of the genre. American rock bands, though, he will tolerate, if, you know, someone happens to have a record and happens to be playing it and he's not humming along what are you talking about?

I can see him particularly taking an interest in artists like Steely Dan (later on, in the mid-70s) and because of their weird lyrics and half-jazz, half-rock sound.

The dude has more soul than any of the honkies on his team.
>> No. 13740
Every so often the Engineer intentionally builds his teleporter exists facing the wrong direction, just so that he can watch Soldier charge off the exit into a wall.
>> No. 13748
I burst out laughing. I rarely do that. Feel special.

My humble offering:

Soldier is part of a knitting club.
He didn't intend to, it just sort of... happened. Despite all his badarsery, he has a soft spot for old ladies trying to cross the road (mostly because their slow pace pisses him off). After helping a particular old lady on a particular day, one thing led to another and he started helping out at their knitting club. And, of course, seeing how "wrong" they were casting on, he just had to train these ladies how a real man knits. And how to make a correct cup of tea.

All the ladies giggle and blush about how sweet he as he helps them and he doesn't have a clue.
>> No. 13750
So I finally got around to reading Silent Pardner today, and I saw soldier mention his knitting club. Having read this post first and knowing that it's legit headcanon made me laugh that much harder.
>> No. 13751
has anyone ever played around with the idea of soldier being aware he's stupid and crazy?

I have this headcanon that soldier is aware (or starts to become aware) of the fact that somethings wrong with him but he doesn't really understand what it is or why. It hurts, regardless.

He's always wanted to fly, hence, rocket launching.

Soldier is forced to live with a shitty wizard roommate, because 1) he's terrible with money because he doesn't understand math and it's all he can afford 2) he actually gets lonely and likes having someone around. In fact, he's always preferred having a roommate.

He's a pretty lonely guy actually. He doesn't understand why people don't like him, however he very aware that they don't like him. Again, he knows he's different.

it wasn't until he met demo that he finally found someone he related to

he spent a lot of time as a little kid being terrified and confused and crazy but his parents found him so exhausting to deal with they literally just ignored it and it just got worse and worse and worse. That's partially why he's so crazy now. He would be a lot less crazy if they actually took care of him. It got to the point where his mom would sometimes leave him places "on accident". He always managed to find his way home though.

soldier has stupid pansy lovey dovey feelings for engie that he sometimes talks about with demo. Demo asked soldier about it first because one day he was just going on and on about how great engie is that it was really friggin obvious. He denied it at first though

soldier is an extremely passionate and dedicated man. He gives his all to everything and always tries his best. Sure building a sentry is extremely complicated, but god dammit this potato battery is a good start!

He's not homophobic, frankly he doesn't really care . In fact he thinks Heavy and medic are married. One time, they had a fight and he asked "are you guys gonna get a divorce?" He thinks they're a nice married couple that do mercenary work together.

he's bisexual, and both embarrassed and ashamed of the part of him that likes men. He spend his life just ignoring that part of him and focusing on ladies, and it worked, mostly. But then he had to go and fall in love with engie
>> No. 13752
Oh man, the feels
>> No. 13754
I think I remember seeing this as someone else's headcanon, but I liked it enough to yoink it:

The Spies of both teams ship all of their teammates in all sorts of wacky configurations. They write pages upon pages of the most florid, purple-prose filled erotic fanfiction you can imagine in their little black books. Fortunately, nobody else on the team can read French.
>> No. 13755
Technically, this isn't my headcanon, but someone on another site offered the idea that Scout's name actually is Scout. It amused me.
>> No. 13785
So do they... collaborate on these?
Either way, I am liking this, d'ohohoho
>> No. 13789
Engineer is a Mondrian fan, which is why the front of his overalls has a Mondrian pattern.
>> No. 13790
As a graduated student of design, I feel ashamed I never made that connection.
>> No. 13808
anybody got helmet party headcanons?
>> No. 13868
Soldier isn't the mad scientist type, but he's much more comfortable with Engie's tinkering than Medic's wonton flaying of organs. Of everyone, Soldier gets along best with Demo and Engie.

Engie's also the dom, while Solly's his whipping boy attimes.
>> No. 13899

When Soldier was a boy, he had a crush on Rosie the Riveter.

Soldier helps the Engineer to stage dangerous rescue missions for buildings that get left behind enemy lines.

Engineer’s failed sentry prototypes are currently guarding the trench that Soldier has been digging in Merasmus’ back yard. Engineer would have just scrapped them, but he understands how important it is to Soldier that everything gets to be useful, even if it’s flawed.

Soldier doesn’t have a problem with the fact that his sweetheart isn’t a woman. He does have a problem with the fact that his sweetheart isn’t FREEDOM, LIBERTY, AND WAR.

After a few too many hours watching Soldier roll around the floor with his kitten, giggling and tickling it and telling it how cute it is, Engineer has developed a deep, murderous resentment for his own cat.

Every night the Soldier rings up the Demoman to recount every single thing that Engineer said or did to him that day and explain why it means he’s well on his way to becoming Engineer’s “best friend forever.” Demoman used to listen carefully and try to give Soldier meaningful advice, but that was too much work so now he usually just sets the receiver down on the table and does his laundry.

Nobody is allowed to peek at Engineer’s blueprints without his permission, because if they do, they’ll see doodles of combat helmets and bare, heaving manchests all over his drafts.
>> No. 13969
Before 1999 year, all of the mercenaries except engineer and pyro die because soldier opened the crates in Robotic Boogaloo.
>> No. 13975
I dunno if we've had headcanons pertaining to this: merc's living quarters. Do they sleep altogether, have separate rooms, or is it different from base to base? Do they only stay at one base and just travel to the others for fights? What about their real homes?

I can imagine Scout living in an apartment before joining one of the teams. Even if the apartment is descent size, the ceilings are low to the point where Sniper and Heavy would probably need to duck under doorways or not stand to full height if they were invited over.
>> No. 13976
I've always thought that they have 2 different states of living depending on how far out their base is and if they feel like partying and not driving home that night. One in or near the bases, one elsewhere. The Sniper's home away from work is his van, the Demoman's is his mansion, and so on. Before that one glordbort update I considered pyro to be the only one who didn't get a 2nd home, but now I guess he apparently sleeps at Engie's place.
>> No. 13977
I say that because the bases appear in very different, presumably distant environments, and because Engineer can mysteriously only build one teleporter at a time, the teams will indeed have to stay at the bases when they’re not on furlough.

I always imagined really shoddy accommodations: Tiny rooms with no wall or floor coverings; spare furnishings; tiny, stiff little beds; you’re lucky if you get a window, unless your name is Soldier, which case no windows makes it feel like a real live bunker.
Medic’s bedroom is the restricted sextion I mean sex I mean the place in the infirmary with the locked door where normally all the dangerous drugs would be kept—and half of them still are there, just, you know. Inside Medic’s bloodstream.
Sniper sleeps in his van, of course, and his assigned bunk has been appropriated for Sasha’s use.
Engineer has a bunk in his workshop, but more often than not he’ll end up slumped over a half finished project. Most of his teammates tend to avoid going into his workshop late at night to avoid seeing him like that, and falling victim very unmanly desires to tuck him into bed and bring him his teddy—but not Soldier. He’s too stupid. Sometimes the mercs wake up to see him keeping guard outside of Engineer’s workshop, making sure that nobody wakes him before “oh-ten-o’clock-hours-a.m.”
Demoman sleeps arse over teakettle on the floor of the hallway. He's not as cute when he's passed out as Engineer is, so nobody ever tucks him into bed.

Sometimes if they’re stationed near a teammate’s real house, the whole pile of them will truck over for a slumber party. There will be pillow fights and manicures.
>> No. 13993
The blurb for Mecha-Archimedes mentions that Archimedes has his own comic book series. I propose the idea that Medic writes it himself, in an effort to make a little extra dosh on the side for his mad scientist endeavors (not that he needs extra money anymore, but at this point, he actually just enjoys doing it for the hell of it.

Dr. Nigel Burke of Surgeon Simulator is an admirer of Medic, provided Nigel isn't just a floating disembodied left hand.

PC Gamer suggested that the Surgeon Simulator DLC is a sequel to the Joe Danger crossover DLC. So Heavy did a motorcycle stunt all super-deformed, got hurt, and ended up needing surgery, or something.
>> No. 14028
Possibly my only Pyro headcanon is that they have some degree (heh) of kleptomania. Among many other things, what has been recognized as missing so far is Engie's other glove, one of Solly's boots, a birdcage from Medic, and a broken Gunslinger.
>> No. 14029
Yesterday I decided that Scout's mom named him 'Casey' after the poem 'Casey at the Bat' because goddamn that would be adorable.
>> No. 14045
I think I figured out why shipping is so difficult to pinpoint. Not just in TF2, but in general.

I believe everyone on the team cares about each other professionally at the bare minimum. "Lives are at stake here, I'm not a shitty enough human being that I lack any shred of empathy, we're friends." While I think it's a good chance that at least two people on the team are fucking, it makes me want to pull my hair out and scream when I see how serious business people get at trying to disprove every pairing that isn't their own. Do I have pairings I dislike or think are illogical? Oh hell yeah. But I keep my mouth shut, because people did the same to me and I fucking hated it and thought it was rude.
>> No. 14060
I can ship almost every class with their respective Femclass, with the exception of Scout/Femscout. Femscout to me is always Scout's half-sister on his dad's side, or something, and his dad never told him about her because she was born after Scoutma and Scoutdad divorced, or something.

Sometimes Femheavy is Heavy's cousin, too. I blame Makani for that headcanon.
>> No. 14108
Soldier is Kilroy.
>> No. 14126
In a rare night of drunken mateship, Soldier and Merasmus decide to get tattoos in honour of each other.

Mer awakens to a killer hangover, confusion about his bandaged arm, and a slow sinking feeling. Peeling the bandage back confirms this. Conjuring of a design more symbolic of his feelings towards his roomie commences.

Solly remembers the whole night. And sports a likeness of Merasmus' face on his left butt cheek.

Naturally, the charge for the two tattoos falls upon Merasmus' credit card.
>> No. 14166
I wanted to write a whole thing about how Medic isn't a Nazi and why not, but I couldn't think of a way that wasn't too "On a very special episode of TF2...", which is why I guess they've never touched upon it in canon, either. They said he wasn't and never expounded on why. I hope they will, eventually.
>> No. 14167
Additionally...people have told me (or at least implied) that if he isn't a Nazi, he's not scary, which doesn't make sense.

I think even if a person abstains from stuff like rape, murder, homophobia, anti-Semitism, whatever, but they still murder for fun, they're still a murderer. That doesn't mean they're not scary, or not evil. I always end up citing "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" for this-- I know a lot of people really dislike that comic, but it's still (at least in my opinion) a good example of someone who finds rape and child abuse abhorrent, but is still an incredibly fucked-up and shitty person and a murderer.
>> No. 14170
I always assumed it was because TF takes place in an entirely different universe, and it either didn't happen or it happened differently from our time-line or something.

I generally don't understand why people keep trying to match up the mercs wit our universe, when it has been made clear, on numeral occasions, that the TF2 world is not supposed to be the real world, or at least not our world.
>> No. 14172
Just on the basis that I can't separate "WWII never happened in this universe" with Holocaust-denying, and for me, it's worse to make an alt-universe where I'm pretending millions didn't die, than try to come up with a not-hamfisted way to explain why a character known for sociopathy didn't participate in it.
>> No. 14179
Soldier's backstory implied that WWII happened.

My general Medic headcanons tend to be one of the following:
1) He was too young to do anything of significance (except maybe be in the Hitler Youth).
2) He found the Nazi Party to not mesh with what he wanted to do. (Not enough Science!) He was probably still conscripted to serve in the armed forced to some capacity.
3) The Nazi's thought him too insane, even for them.
4) He was just Jewish enough to be nervous about what was going on and fled the country.
>> No. 14234
Medic adopts a squeaky voice and utters nonsensical sweet nothings to his birds when alone.

>3) The Nazi's thought him too insane, even for them.
Ahahaha yes!
>> No. 14235
I like the idea that the things that don't make sense in TF2 intentionally don't make sense, to prove a point. I mean, it started out with the exact same plot as every 90's first person shooter. "Two teams, both identical, keep fighting over the same land for eternity." So this is an extreme version of that idea. Two teams, both identical, identical backstories, identical family members, bosses who are essentially identical, etc. I just figure everything happens in duplicate, everything that happens to RED Soldier also happens to BLU Soldier, etc.
>> No. 14236
File 139017687798.jpg - (159.53KB , 500x466 , man with bad ski tan sings song of his people.jpg )
This headcanon + WAR update = brb crying 5eva
>> No. 14275
I realized something. Not just about TF2, but in fiction in general. Y'see, a lot of series have a main male character with a wife and kids. We only ever get to see the wife and kids once in person, or maybe in a photograph. Or maybe not at all. We just know they exist, and because they exist, we (theoretically) have sympathy for them. We don't want them to die, because they have a family to protect. It's their motivation.

I rarely see canonical gay couples as it is, but every time I do, they have to be a main cast member, or a side character that shows up a lot, at the very least. Nobody has an offscreen boyfriend that's just sort of mentioned from time to time whenever it's relevant. But if they pulled that with TF2, I can see it working. Maybe just one merc is gay, and he has a boyfriend who isn't a mercenary, doesn't work for either RED or BLU, just stays out of it.
>> No. 14289
File 140022252661.jpg - (19.68KB , 268x265 , 1285096582633.jpg )

Not shipping amerc with another merc? With some kind of... civilian?

That's just crazy talk.

JK actually that's a very nice idea.
>> No. 14329
I am new to this fandom, and after some researching, I have not found my answers.

Can someone tell me what the difference is between the RED and BLU teams? Personality-wise, not Blutarch vs Redmond, not the companies. I mean. These teams have the exact same models on either side, so are... they the same people? Does RED Soldier and BLU Soldier have the same background and name, for example?

Also, what's the explanation when you have multiples of a class?

What's the head canon on this?

Background, I am looking to get into roleplaying/writefagging.
>> No. 14330
Canonically, it's a bit hazy. RED Scout's recanted events that happened in previous comics to BLU Scout, both Soldiers are apparently 'Mr. Doe,' both Soldiers lived with Merasmus, etc. So some people think both teams are identical, usually going with the clone approach as a theory. Or they assume there's only nine mercs.

The other theory is the "Cuanta Vida" approach, named after the fancomic that started the idea that BLU was a bunch of sweethearts, and RED were bloodthirsty mongrels, and different classes were sleeping with different people on each team. But there's never been an official statement on which is correct, and many people really dislike this approach, because CV was really disliked by a lot of people. But it's easier for roleplay, or cross-faction classcest.
>> No. 14331
Canonically, RED and BLU characters are used interchangeably, as if they were the exact same person, even down to their recent history, but on a different team. The current canon explanation for this is who cares stop being such a nerd.

In fanfiction, most authors explain it as one of the following:
a) The mercs are clones or
b) RED and BLU deliberately seek out employees similar to their rival's employees or
c) Wat a coinicidence, lol

I've also noticed that there's a trend in fanfiction and roleplay to making the RED team a bit more deranged and animalistic and the BLU team less so. I think part of that is because somebody started doing that a long time ago and it stuck. I also think that cultural associations with the colours themselves (Red Angry, Blue Serene) have something to do with it. If you're trying to be a canontard, though, it should probably go the other way around, since BLU is offensive/aggressor team and RED is the defensive/passive team.

Personally, I like to treat the two teams as eerily similar but separate individuals, and use their differences to explore various extrapolations of the same character. It helps me because I write short stories and 5,000 words is nowhere near enough to cover the Many Moods of Medic. Individual variation between RED and BLU classes is a convenient excuse to focus on the character's more relevant qualities without feeling like shutting out other possibilities--because there's always the other team's Soldier. It's basically two chronologies for the price of one. What a value.
>> No. 14332
I like the idea of them being eerily similar but unrelated, because that makes it into meta commentary on multiplayer gaming in general. I mean, TF2 was far from the only game to ever have two identical teams of people. It's just only weird in TF2, because TF2 had a story, and some of these other games didn't. I think it's why Medic joined the TFC team, because the TF2 and TFC Medics don't work at all the same way, in both combat and personality. They could never survive on each others' teams.
>> No. 14333
I had a headcanon for years that Scout was under 18, and the fact that a certain subset of people found him sexy precisely because they thought he was underaged was always really icky to me. For some reason, even when I look at him (and some 19-25 year olds in real life), my brain still goes, "Nope, they're like, 14, you can't find them hot."
>> No. 14335
So this place is dead?
>> No. 14336
I come on every couple of days to check things out, I can't speak for what anyone else is doing.
>> No. 14739
Scout has a really fluffy blanket that he's had for as long as he can remember. Every night he cuddles up to it and strokes it and whispers to himself "I am a great fighter" over and over again until he falls asleep. He's done it since he was like 2, and he hasn't lost a fight yet, so that makes it scientifically proven (in his mind) that it WORKS.

Soldier's mom always wanted a girl and always tells him that she thought he was going to be a girl and how DISAPPOINTED she is that he wasn't. Of course, that doesn't make her love him any less, but it never feels that way to him. He probably would have always had mental issues, but his upbringing didn't help none.

Pyro goes apeshit when they see magic tricks. Like they fucking LOSE it. No one can tell if they're really fooled into thinking the trick is real or if they just REEEEALLY love magic, but it's a surefire way to get the little firebug hyped af.

Demoman actually gets laid fairly often compared to the rest of his team. I mean, he's not that bad looking, and most women would find a guy who takes care of his blind, elderly widowed mom charming. He doesn't tend to have STABLE relationships because yanno... alcoholism is a bitch, and while he might be able to hide his addiction for a night, I doubt he'd be able to for much longer than that, but yanno. It's somethin. Enough to make Scout jealous, anyways.

Heavy is actually the second youngest member on the team, after Scout (and not counting Pyro because who the fuck knows). It's hard for most to tell because he's so... big. And intimidating. And... Russian. Also, he's used to being the oldest sibling so he naturally tends to "act" older. But he's not even in his 30s yet, surprisingly.

Engineer takes rediculously good care of his teeth. He brushes after every meal, flosses, all the good stuff. He also doesn't bleach (unlike Medic - but don't tell anyone), so his teeth are legitimately healthy, not just blindingly white. He's proud to say he's never had a cavity in his entire life.

Sniper smokes, but he smokes fancy herbal cigarettes. It's embarrassing to admit, but he's really sensitive to stimulants like nicotine and caffeine. That's why he always drinks decaf.

Medic is asexual. He thinks sex is amusing to watch, but finds it barbaric, distasteful, and a complete waste of time. He's devoted to finding a way to preserve his genes without having to deal with icky, non-blood bodily fluids. Perhaps by budding. (Note: I said asexual, not aromantic. Do with that what you will.)

BLU Spy is indeed the captain of RED Spy's fanclub. To be honest, RED Spy is what made him decide to try his hand in espionage. He finds the man an inspiration and it's always been his dream to surpass his senpai rival.

Merasmus enjoys making prank calls, but he's pretty shitty at it. What's more, he's totally unable to distinguish what's a prank call when he's on the receiving end, no matter how absurd the premise. Perhaps because, as someone who dabbles in the occult, he's seen much, MUCH more bizarre shit. Also he was a roommate with Solly. God help him.
>> No. 14749
Despite saying she only gets one day off a year, Miss Pauling has a surprising amount of free time (provided the mercs don't do something stupid).

Soldier cares the most about the team after Spy and Heavy, but between the lead poisoning and various degrees of crazy he has, he doesn't know how to show it and resorts to tough love and terrible jokes.

The entire team watches Star Trek. Engie was banned from talking during episodes after criticizing the science too much and making Pyro upset. He secretly writes to the producers and fan magazines about how it could be done better. Medic has tried to replicate several of the alien creatures including Tribbles. It did not end well.

Miss Pauling roller skates and is an avid roller derby fan. She could have been on a team before working for TF Industries but was considered too plain and non-aggressive for it at the time.

Heavy only pretends to be bad at chess because Medic is a sore loser and would whine about it to no end if he lost. Most of the team is in on it and gets a good laugh out of watching Medic get frustrated.

Spy is a swiss army knife of skills and hobbies. He has the money to get his clothes tailored but prefers to do it himself. Besides sewing, he knows basic carpentry, calligraphy, oil painting, bar-tending, cooking, and a list of other things. He sees himself as a Renaissance man and finds the various trades to be useful when creating covers for himself.

Animals naturally gather around Sniper due to his quiet, relaxed demeanor. Lizards and snakes are particularly fond of draping on him and hiding in his pockets. He takes it in stride and leaves bowls of water in the shade of his camper for the critters. He has yet to tame Lieutenant Bites.

Scouts brothers were all skirt chasers at some point and it rubbed off on him. His ma made very sure they knew how to treat a girl right in bed, but he never learned how to properly court women. This makes him nervous around anyone who is more than a potential quickie, but at least he can eat them out like a champ.

Heavy, Sniper, and Demo all know how to knit.
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