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File 130194658839.png - (556.64KB , 400x580 , X-HeadCannonDPKB-EN-C-1E.png )
4414 No. 4414
Spy has a nearly infinite 'bucket list' and is determined to try every experience he can before he dies. He believes that the world is many, many things, but never boring- if boredom is your problem, you are doing life wrong.
Expand all images
>> No. 4419
Medic got his Prussian Pickelhaube from his dad.
Because his dad wasn´t german, but prussian which lead for medic for a childhoood were he got picked on by others by this.

I know i´m horrible cliché with all this.

Oh and i believe medic wears his gloves all of the time because of his war experiments. Once as he was on the front, the watersupplies went out and it was so horrible, that the doctors couldn´t even wash their hands anymore. Sometimes he would wake up with from nightmares were he finds himself in a crowd of patients and his hands are all coated in blood and mud and just wouldn´t get clean.

All love to history channel and WWI. Documentations.
>> No. 4423
Small head cannon, but I always transpose the Scout from Brooklyn to London/Essex estuary area...and that his accent in the game is a horrid attempt to 'do an American accent.'

The Heavy isn't 'Russian' proper, but is instead from one of the Soviet satellite states- thus can speak Russian fluently- but had a slightly easier time of defecting, thus getting over to the US...That and he's worked as a landscaper/gardener sometime in the past between the USSR and the Companies.
>> No. 4424
I always thought Medic covered his wrists to hide his prison camp tattoo. He'd rather Soldier call him a Nazi than pity him.
>> No. 4429
>>4423
>a horrid attempt to 'do an American accent.'

I talk like the scout in real life :C
>> No. 4433
>>4429

Sorry...*hides in the corner for a bit.* 'pose it would have been better phrase it as 'a slightly stereotypical attempt for a Brit to do an American accent.'

(And honestly, the London/Essex Estuary accent isn't all that brilliant to listen to. At least the Boston/Brooklyn accent makes some sort of sense- no rhyming slang, etc. The London/Essex accent, if strong enough, confuses the hell outta most people who aren't used to the substitutions and dropped letters it contains...that and it makes you sound like you've got a head cold.)

*bans you into a corner*
>> No. 4468
RED and BLU are clones, and both teams are convinced that the other guys are clones of them.

BLU Scout's a DC fan, and RED Scout's a Marvel fan.
>> No. 4475
Some hunters use dogs, but not Sniper. Sniper has a pet falcon, fittingly named Talon because Sniper's horrible at naming things. I think he had it in his high school years, but his parents forced him to part with Talon when they learned he was getting paid to murder people. But Talon knows Sniper and finds him again, unbeknownst to his folks.

Bromance, man.
>> No. 4478
  >>4475
Instantly reminded of this.
>> No. 4480
>>4468
That first part is my headcanon, too.

>>4478
Sniper + Mann Co./Ellis Cap = Dale Gribble
>> No. 4481
File 130214519758.jpg - (89.86KB , 1280x720 , -1.jpg )
4481
>>4480
oops that is exactly what I am doing with my Sniper.
>> No. 4482
Sniper is secretly a huge Jane Austen fan. His favorite of hers is Pride & Prejudice.

Also, once every month, his mother sends over a package containing:
x1 tin of 20 home-baked anzac biscuits
x2 bottles of eucalyptus oil (it stops cloth from going moldy)
x2 jars of Vegemite (he reuses the empty jars)
x1 small tin of assorted barley sugars and eucalypt candies.
>> No. 4483
Not so much of headcanon as wondering out loud, but...

What do you think would be Demoman's response to the US Civil Rights Movement?
Would he be interested? Would he have supported major leaders like Martin Luther King jr or Malcolm X?
Would he have been as affected by racism in the first place seeing he is of noble heritage?
>> No. 4485
>>4483
I wondered about that too. Was racism a huge issue in Scotland at the time? Also wondered why the spy called the sniper convict sometime.
>> No. 4487
>>4485
I always assumed Spy called Sniper a convict because Australia was established as a British penal colony and many white Australians are descendants of criminals.
>> No. 4494
>>4487
Yeah, "convict" is a common slur for white Australians.
>> No. 4495
Okay. I know we’re all waiting on pins and needles for what very well may be the premier of Meet the Medic, so I’d like to take this time to let you in on my heacanon for the backstory of… Soldier. (I put this in a previous Headcanon thread but I've fleshed it out a little since then. It's funny what you'll do at a laundromat with nothing else to entertain yourself.)

Yeah, yeah. I can’t help it. He’s my favorite. Still, I tend to think on our mercs as real people with real issues caught in fantastic and absurd situations. So, when canon says ‘Soldier’s crazy’, I wonder, ‘why?’ Here’s what my noggin came up with.

It is DISTINCT in my head that Soldier’s dad was a) an unsung war hero and b) abusive towards his son, both physically and verbally. Alcoholism was a contributing factor to this.

What I’m not clear on is where Solly’s mom is. I’m not sure if she a) died in childbirth b) died sometime after, either by illness or accident, or c) just left, which is probably most likely. All I do know is that she’s not in the picture.

The sad part is that Solly had his dad on such a pedestal that he blamed himself for the abuse he got, positive that if he were only stronger, tougher, better, his father would treat him better. He really could’ve used the help of a therapist specializing in victims of abuse, but even if such a thing existed at the time he would either have been too proud or just plain not allowed to see one. The whole mess, instead, wound up being very damaging to his psyche (which is why he was rejected from the military- couldn’t pass the psych evaluation), and when he went to war with no support of any kind, it just damaged him further.
>> No. 4496
Blue Soldier always stands on Red Demo's left blind side and does not approve whenever anyone takes advantage of that blind spot AT ALL.
(perhaps this is part of the reason why they fought with the police?)

For Demo, letting Soldier stand on his blind side is a huge act of trust on his part, and Soldier takes this duty and honor with the utmost respect.
>> No. 4497
>>4496

I. LOVE THIS.
>> No. 4505
The Red Heavy, after studying Russian Literature at Moscow State University, went on to study philosophy at the Sorbonne.

His favourite film is (or will be) Doctor Zhivago.
It is one of the only films that ever made him cry.
>> No. 4588
Hey, where did the 'Sniper is really hairy' thing come from? Because I don't think the model even has arm hair.
>> No. 4589
>>4588
He's Australian
>> No. 4597
>>4589
Well, that still doesn't really explain it, cause he doesn't have a mustache like most Australians, so he might not be as hairy as the others, especially since there's none on his arms.
>> No. 4611
I'm sure some other enthusiast has compiled a star chart for the TF2 mercs, but here's my own personal version. The hardest one to place for me was the Medic, and a case could be made for him as a Virgo or even a Scorpio, but horoscopes as a rule are more about a person's fundament than every aspect of their personality.

Scout - Aries (Fire, Cardinal)
Aggressive, expressive, headstrong. Relentlessly pursues goals and fights for 'just' causes, even when it jeopardizes everything around him. Guileless and optimistic, he wears his heart on his sleeve and sees himself as the center of the universe.

Engineer- Taurus (Earth, Fixed)
Patient, practical and hard-working. A hospitable person with a bucolic disposition, he moves carefully and remains firm in his convictions, possessing great strength of will. He loves the material, and aspires to create his own space in the world.

Spy- Gemini (Air, Mutable)
Inquisitive, witty, duplicitous by nature. A mercurial character who is gifted and cursed by his own flexibility, he lives as quickly as he thinks; his convictions seem unclear because even he is unsure of who he really is, and his vast imagination drives him ever forward in search of himself and his dreams.

Soldier- Cancer (Water, Cardinal)
Emotional, sentimental, stalwart. Moody by nature, his cardinal qualities give him the strength and stubbornness he needs to manage the moon's overarching influence in his sign. He has a possessive heart, and will become guarded and recalcitrant when challenged.

Pyro- Hudda (Mrrf rrf, rm?)
No idea whatsoever.

Demoman- Sagittarius (Fire, Mutable)
Fearless, brash, compassionate. A natural born thrill-seeker, his love for life is matched only by the greatness of his heart. Has the unfortunate tendancy to shoot first and apologize later, he is unfailingly honest, but easily distracted by the next big excitement.

Heavy- Capricorn (Earth, Cardinal)
Ambitious, persistent, melancholic. A natural hard worker, like Taurus, he is deliberate and indefatigable in everything he does. His positive qualities- his grit, humour and capacity as a leader- are hidden within the towering, brooding prison of his body.

Sniper- Aquarius (Air, Fixed) (lol jarate)
Independant, observant, empathic. A pioneer who aspires to see and understand all, desiring solitude while possessing the most earnest love for his fellow men. He is devoted to the cult of the Individual, as evidenced by his defiant but aloof nature.

Medic- Pisces (Water, Mutable)
Creative, introspective, adaptable. Seemingly dualistic like Gemini, he hides his inscrutable passions beneath a calm, cold surface; unlike Gemini, his heart possesses great fidelity, but his ability to see in two directions at once and his need to insinuate himself makes him seem wavering and inconsistent.
>> No. 4612
>>4611
I'm going to say that Pyro is both Leo and Scorpio since he's actually two midgets in a suit.
>> No. 4613
Demomen just drinks so much, because he get´s not really much love on TF2chan.

...

Naw, just kidding.
>> No. 4616
>>4611
Gonna have to argue. The Medic is a Virgo- cold, clinical, bitchy, detail-oriented. He can't stand things being out of place or dirty. He knows better than you, about everything.

Full disclosure: I am also a Virgo.
>> No. 4617
>>4616

While some of the matches I came up with were very easy, (Scout, Engi and Spy foremost) I considered the Medic's horoscope to be kind of iffy- as the Mutable Earth sign, Virgo is definitely a viable sign for the character- but went with Pisces because even though he is a tedious perfectionist, he also comes across as being very inscrutible and good at subterfuge, which a frank Virgo would avoid or just be incapable of. He also has a bit of a theatrical flair, and seems like a drama queen. A lot if it may depend on which "Medic" we're thinking of, as fans, as his personality isn't nearly as blatant as some of the other characters'.
>> No. 4618
I have something like four different headcanons for Medic running around in my skull, but my favorite is one I came up with after reading through Lovecraft's "Herbert West":

Medic had been in medical school during WW2, but was drafted. He also had a girlfriend/wife before the draft, but she was killed in the bombing of Stuttgart. Relieved of duty after the war, he was indescribably heartbroken and became obsessed with reanimation and bringing people back to life. Working at a private practice, he built the medigun and experimented on the recently dead with help from a friend in the mortician business. This came close to landing him in jail a few times, so progress was slow.

Later on (-years- down the road) struck a deal with RED and BLU, who would fund his reanimation project if he worked as a ‘mercenary’ for them in their skirmishes using the medigun he’d already created. He wasn’t planning on befriending any of the other mercs, but he works closely with Engineer, as Medic is fascinated by the respawn technology and how it could benefit his own projects.
>> No. 4619
>>4618
I love this idea! It's got the right mixture of morbid and tragic.
>> No. 4627
Pyro is the ghost of a giant mouse out for revenge.
http://exp777.cs.land.to/dexgen/?p=Pyro&l=en
Nothing will convince me otherwise.
>> No. 4633
In my horrible crackheadcanon where Engie and Scout are together they get a child(I´m still 100%for Helmetparty, but this is crackfic canon. And you don´t know what Bonk! has for sideeffects).
This child becomes a mechanic, has a southern accent and has slightly maniac but still polite behaviour. They call him Ellis.

Really in my headcanon, Valve just trow together Engie and Scout and you got Ellis. The best of both of them.
>> No. 4637
>>4633
I just can't see Scout in a relationship with any of the others except pyro if he/she is near his age. It just seems like everyone is too old/mature for him. I wish I could get L4D2 to play on my laptop so I can see the engi/scout mix of Ellis!
>> No. 4642
  this is why i belive Sniper is a semi-competent pilot. he could probably fly manage-to-not-crash if he had to

god damn i wish there was red/blu helicopter model out there somewhere
>> No. 4765
File 130300021390.jpg - (21.99KB , 200x256 , 200px-Ac_whiteaustralia.jpg )
4765
>>4642
I am very, very, very okay with this.

Also, I think I figured out the reason we haven't seen any Aborigines anywhere in TF2 yet- or any non-white Australians, either.
History lesson imminent: In real life history, the Australian gold rush started in around the 1850's, where an influx of immigrants from around the world came to cash in. This caused a lot of riots between them and the white settlers, and basically, the Australian Government (who were, y'know, all white) passed a policy that vastly restricted non-white immigration, a policy that lasted in some form or another all the way to 1973. This could be part of the reason why white Australians of that time period were so goddamn racist.

Now replace the discovery of gold in that context, with the discovery of australium. A transformative element which could, in time, turn any man or woman into a mass of violent, beer-drinking, moustachioed muscles. The whites wouldn't just limit the non-white immigrants; they'd actively challenge their right to be there, most likely deport them, they'd throw them onto the boats themselves if they had to. Assuming that australium affects people of all races, this could have led to an honest-to-goodness Civil War, with the white Australians eventually coming out on top, and the losers either killed or deported. This would go for the Aborigines as well, whether they were affected by Australium or were immune to it.

Pic related.
>> No. 4766
>>4765
>turn any man or woman into a mass of violent, beer-drinking, moustachioed muscles

No, that's just how white Australians in TF2 are portrayed. If that were the case, then the BLU Engineer and his grandfather wouldn't have been so short and lacking in bodyhair. Australium either makes you really, really smart or just gives you the ability to make really nice things.

The one possible Aborigine we've seen in TF2 was the old man from the Australian Christmas update ad thing, anyway, and he was scrawny.
>> No. 4769
File 130303183976.jpg - (177.84KB , 659x358 , BeforeAfter.jpg )
4769
>>4766

http://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/NPC#Radigan_Conagher
>> No. 4772
>>4769
By that logic, shouldn't Helen's ancestor, who gave him the Australium that she had been hording, have grown a mustache?
>> No. 4775
>>4772
If Helen is exactly who she looks like she is, then I don't think she was actually out there herself. She probably had other people beneath her doing the dirty work. Her workers get muscles, moustaches, and brains, and Helen gets possession of the Australium. Or something like that.
>> No. 4776
>>4775
Great point!
>> No. 5689
File 130766400491.jpg - (101.60KB , 700x466 , fairy-penguins.jpg )
5689
Bumping for this little bit of silliness.

So a while back, I read that, in Sydney in 2009, a colony of Little Penguins (a.k.a. fairy penguins, Little Blue Penguins) was being mysteriously picked off, and snipers were actually deployed to the protect them.

I know the game takes place several decades before this, and Sydney's probably nowhere near where he lives, but, since then, I just can't get the image of Sniper having a soft spot for these little guys out of my head.
>> No. 5690
While BLU Engie went on one of his Australium induced rampages from the radiation emitting from the Golden Wrench, he got into a wrench duel with RED Engie.
Somehow, when both wrenched clanked together, the Golden Wrench turned RED Engie's wrench into Australium as well.
That is why RED Engies can have Golden Wrenches.
>> No. 5691
I like to think that the respawn works using teleportation to pick up (most) of the remaining bits of body and rebuild from there, like how if you cut up a starfish, every piece will become a new starfish (but don't test that, it's mean to starfish).

I'd like to hear someone's take on how the Dead Ringer works. Or things like the blutsauger or the other illogical items. I like explaining things.
>> No. 5693
>>5691

what if all the characters have a fluid in them, that had been injected into them when they first signed up? It would be a regenerative drug that is most likely lethal in really high amounts. This liquid, gonna refer to it as RGS from now on, is what powers the respawn machines, possibly working with austrailium.

the medics have a higher concentration of RGS as it probably also powers the medi gun as i assume that it runs off the same technology as the respawn system. This is also the reason why they heal over time.

the blutsauge, when used, forces the subject to expel a vapor form of RGS, which is attracted to the nearest high concentration of the liquid form of RGS, which would be the nearest medic.
>> No. 5695
>>5693
Wow...that's deep. I like that.
>> No. 5709
>>5693

Well this would explain the revenge kills of the Frontiers Justice. I ever asked myself where the energy came from. I mean the more you kill/hurt, the more revengekills do you have after your sentry is destroyed. So when a sentry kills someone, the sentry takes the vapour of a RSG and transforms it into energy to store it up. After the sentry is destroyed it sends the RGS via waves (because of the antenn on the Frontier) to the engineer where it gets transformed into energy again to get revengekills.

I don´t need to say i was never good in physic?
>> No. 5720
>>5709
Well, if the mini sentries also run on RGS, and they convert it into a energy source, any extra energy made from its kills gets sent to the engineer makes sense. I rather like this explanation
>> No. 5721
Ok another question. How is it that no one (excluding soldier) has gone crazy from repeatedly dying in horrible ways? PTSD or nightmares or something. How many times can you slowly burn to death before your brain cracks? I like the think the respawn erases the last minute or two of your memory or something.
>> No. 5727
>>5721
Actually, I'm of the belief that most if not all the mercs are insane or unstable in their own ways. They're all sadists of varying degrees, they all laugh maniacally, they all have strange idiosyncrasies (Snipes throwing piss, Heavy personifying Sasha), et cetera...
>> No. 5728
>>5727
I always thought that predated them becoming mercenaries, though. Like they were already unstable, so they'd have no guilt about killing.

I like the Poker Night idea that Heavy's convinced he's simply immortal.

Maybe they're all asylum inmates or something, so Helen figures if they die "for real", it's no big loss.
>> No. 5737
>>5728

If we go after Poker Night already. (Which i think is 100% canon... in my head) Than come we again to one of my favourite lines of the game. The one with Heavy Nightmares with DEATH DOCTORS EVERYWHERE! (One medic per day prompt?)
In my head Heavy has them regulary and needs to cuddle with Sasha (which is now mine *evil laugh*) afterwards. Sasha is something like his security blanket than. And because i´m in the mood i think he shares his sandviches with medic with the reason: Doctor is so tiny. Doctor needs to grow strong, so he needs food.
It´s natural that medic is slightly annoyed by this.
>> No. 5858
Medic is just as much of a professional as everyone else, so his lack of a medical degree or something similar isn't due to stupidity. Or he had one, but he went insane and it was revoked.

That, and the idea that he's not a random guy off the street with a labcoat, but a guy who knows what he's doing and does it deliberately is a lot scarier to me. And more practical. If they only have one doctor per team, they're not gonna trust the health of a guy they pay $5 million to some random guy.
>> No. 5902
File 130848072263.png - (673.73KB , 1280x720 , scout_sandvich.png )
5902
>>5896
I think you are wrong.
>> No. 5903
>>5902
Wow, that's some grade-A fail there, self. Lesson learned. No more coming up with stupid theories after days of no sleep.
>> No. 5904
>>5903
It happens. I was gonna suggest that maybe he ate the cheese first!
>> No. 6493
Soo after the Meet the Medic, i have a new headcanon. I believe that the whole Meet Video was made AT the beginning of his medical career in RED. Because of the Quickfix which should be the very first Medi Gun ever invented. Oh yes, medic was so ENTHUSIASTM about working again after he lost his medical license and all.
And it was great and he could do all the cool stuff he never came to do, because of something called the Hypocrite Oath (harhar), like inventing the Ãœber than. He was all his goofy crazy doctor self with his little lab and his doves.

And than reality came crushing upon him in from of MEDIC calls everywhere, getting killed by ALMOST building up a Ãœber and and and... which wore him down, so that he is the "slightly" angry doctor we all know and love on the battlefield.
>> No. 6513
>>6493
Related to Meet the Medic: Meet the Sandvich was done from the point of view of the Spy head in the fridge.
>> No. 6552
Oh and one crackheadcanon. Medic is a hobby magican. His shows contains attractions like: Now i will saw right through your bones, but look dear audience he is still alive! The doves are part of his show.
>> No. 6563
The Spy's head who was in Medic's fridge is the same Spy's head from Meet the Soldier that was on the fence. Soldier gave the head to Medic as a sort of gift for some odd as fuck Soldier reason. Like how your cat brings you dead birds and half eaten rodents. Soldier also says in Meet the Director "where are the other seven [heads]?" (I am assuming Soldier is smart enough to count to nine). Medic reanimated it as a side project because he's just that batshit insane.
>> No. 6653
Tonight on the Daily Show's segment on Republican crypto-racism, their Muppet McCain ranted: "Mexicans start fires! They are fire-starters! I saw one eat a plate of habanero peppers and fart blue flame! Took off like the Space Shuttle!"

New headcanon for the Pyro: he's Mexican, and draws his Hadouken powers from spicy food. The suit isn't to protect him from the fire, it's to protect the rest of the team from the aforementioned blue flame.
>> No. 6694
>>6552
His VA played a magician in Stroker and Hoop, so I was going to draw that anyways.

Maybe Medic's good-natured, but easily pissed off by failure. Like his whole team's being dumb when he's seen better of them, and he's disappointed. Give him some beer and time off with Archimedes and some SCIENCE and he bounces right back.
>> No. 6756
The unkillable dove on Well was Archimedes.

He's still alive somehow, if only due to how much the fandom really likes him.
>> No. 6761
Scout actually gets along pretty well with his teammates outside of battle, if the comics and "meet the" videos are anything to go by. I mean, if he gave everyone on the team else the crap he taunts the other side with, he'd probably be thrown out of RED or BLU by now.
>> No. 6778
I figure the medigun and dispensers are based on Australium and they only work on those who are in the respawn system (which also runs from australium). A copy of the people (and their clothing and weapons) are stored in the ore somehow, and that's why you don't respawn naked and how you can get healed by a medic and your clothing comes back (or there'd be a lot of spies running around with remnants of burnt clothing on them and nothing else). That also somehow prevents multiple copies of living people. The Australium knows, or something, if someone is really dead. So the Blu Spy in the fridge won't respawn yet. I can't explain how you can heal the enemy disguised spy though... I also like the idea that respawn works on a teleportation basis. You die, it teleports as much of your body as it can back, fixes it, maybe rebuilds it from the tiniest of pieces, and puts life and memory back in you.
>> No. 6823
Meet the Medic seems to imply that was the first time Medic did an ubercharge, so when you see the woman in the window when a dove was hurt that is presumably Mrs.Pauling I'm guessing that she was reporting the Medic's development of the Ubercharge to Helen the Announcer so she could have the BLU team replicate it?

(Sorry if this doesn't make any sense)
>> No. 6833
>>6823
Yeah so BLU medic could 'somehow' find out how to uber too
>> No. 7476
Wow, old thread. Here's the stuff I like to fall back on when writing my own stories:

- The teams have a weird fixation with hats. To them, showing off their latest headgear is like trading baseball cards.

- Sniper was a big game hunter before becoming a merc. Ol' Snaggletooth is one of - if not the - most prized trophies he owns.

- Medic is Jewish.

- Whereas BLU Scout hates RED Spy with a passion, RED Scout gets along pretty well with him.

- Jane Doe isn't really Soldier's name. His real name is much, much more embarrassing because it's so mundane.
>> No. 7479
>>7476
>Whereas BLU Scout hates RED Spy with a passion, RED Scout gets along pretty well with him.

By "him", do you mean with scout or with spy?
Because, while I can see the two scouts having a bit of a camaraderie/rivalry like teen boys often do, I can't really see anyone getting along with Spy, since by his nature he's untrustworthy
>> No. 7487
Spy is technically French, but his family moved around Europe a lot when he was a kid, explaining why his accent is kind of weird and why he speaks in gratuitous Spanish and Italian in addition to his native language and English. He was also a chubby, dorky kid, though he strongly denies it. (I based this off I dream that I might have mentioned in the TF2 dreams thread)

Medic does have a wife, but their marriage was more out of convenience than anything - he didn't want the Nazis finding out he was gay, she couldn't support herself financially, and they were already good friends. She knows he's been sleeping with Heavy and he knows she's sleeping with Demo, but they're both pretty cool with it. I see them amicably divorcing fairly soon after the war.

Medic is the only completely gay member of the team. Heavy is bisexual (fitting in with Poker Night canon, he likes his women redheaded), Spy's mostly straight with occasional bi-curious tendencies, and everyone else is straight.

My headcanon for Pyro changes a lot, and I admit some of my theories have come from the rare moments I read the Wild Mass Guessing page for TF2 on TV Tropes (nothing against WMG, I just don't read it much). Ever since I started playing TF2, I've pictured the firebug as a Spy-killing robot made by Engie, Abe Lincoln with a portable life extender machine, a serial arsonist who just broke out of prison, British, Minnesotan, a failed actor/actress who just snapped one day, Medic's wife, and, most frequently, an alien (specifically, one responsible for what really happened at Roswell). I've also tended to lean more towards the "Pyro is female" camp these days, and I sometimes ship her with Engie. Yes, even on "Pyro is an alien" days.
>> No. 7502
Headcanon for not maincharacters in TF2

Snipers Dad and Mom have a small farm in the outback of Australien where they farm sheeperpigs.

But these aren´t normal sheeperpigs. They are almost like boars. They are big and can send every dingo or wild dog who tries to eat a sheep to hell.

Yes, in my crackheadcanon Sniper Dad is Arthur Hogget.

Sniper is a bit embarrassed, but proud on the subject what his parents farm. Because to normal people who never heard of sheeperppigs it will sound strange if he just says they farm pigs. But tell it a sheeper and they will be impressed, because the sheeperpig is there common and well know there.

Even Demo and Engineer knew naturally of sheeperpigs and talk with Sniper about sheeps.

They even jokingly consider to do a shearcontest, if they would find a herd of sheeps.
>> No. 7520
Pyro is a sentient bag of potatoes.
GLaDoS becomes a sentient potato. Therefore GLaDoS = Pyro.
>> No. 7521
File 13108865407.jpg - (425.37KB , 1600x1200 , TF2__Reaction_by_lkhrizl.jpg )
7521
>>7520
......
>> No. 7524
>>7520
...
Engineer builds a potato clock and wonders if he could give it proper sentience. So, he makes the Pyro out of potato clock based technology. Many years later, there is a young woman by the name of Caroline born into the Conagher blooline.

She is then put in charge of the facility, and is the one to give the scientists' daughters the idea of making potato clock science projects, which in turn gives the I.D.S. his idea for POTaDOS.

Or, one of the potato clocks from Pyro was saved and transferred into GLaDOS as a sort of "tradition" or something. Oror, it was the base of GLaDOS' mainframe.
>> No. 7589
From a friend of mine:
"I got a theory about the pyro. You gotta see all the facts first.
1) very effeminate
2) garbled talking
3) possibly British (due to KF)
4) a lovable sociopath
5) doesn't seem to age as tf2 takes in 60's and killing floor later on.
...I think its Mr Bean. Dude doesn't really age, I can hardly understand him anyway. I think I got a good argument."
>> No. 7591
>>7589
This is my new favourite Pyro backstory.
>> No. 7592
>>7589
Cannot unsee. EVER.
>> No. 7600
>>7589
I think I love your friend.
>> No. 7613
File 131116235359.png - (8.39KB , 630x592 , 1310217805472.png )
7613
>>7589
>> No. 7615
  This is what the Spy looks like under the Balaclava. Let's face it, Rollin Hand has the same disguise skill, if a much less tech-y version. He even disguises himself as the people he does away with. And he has the blue eyes.

Also, I know it's due to the character models, but, blue eyes are very common in TF2's world. Whereas here, you tend to see far more people with brown eyes than blue, in TF2, blue eyes are genetically dominant. Meeting someone with Brown eyes is damned rare, unless, like the Demoman, they are black, to the point where if you are white and have brown eyes, it gets you attention.
>> No. 7624
My Pyro headcanon is perhaps a bit obvious and/or cliche'... Pyro's female. The baggy suit is both to hide her figure and because close-to-the-skin rubbery attire is a bad thing around open flames. The gasmask serves double-duty as voice distorter and as air-filter to keep from inhaling any fumes from unburnt fuel should the flamethrower leak.

Why does she do it? Well, for reasons I've not yet worked out how, she caught wind of the RED vs BLU thing, and petitioned the Administrator to allow her to join to prove she could be just as good as the men, as a kind of "women's rights" thingy - whether the disguise was her idea or the Admin's, I dunno yet.

She may or may not actually be Scout's mother.
>> No. 7629
>>7615

Sort of an odd way of putting it, and an odd thing to have as headcanon.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_color#Distribution

Blue eyes are pretty darn common in the areas of the world most of the Team would be from, and they used to be much more common in the United States than they are now. It's not so much "a bizarre world where the majority of people have blue eyes" as "the Team members happen to be from places and a time period where blue happens to be common (also Valve is lazy)".
>> No. 7633
>>7629

Thing is. it doesn't appear to be just the team, so that's why the headcanon for me. Interesting wiki link, though. I know someone whose sister had heterochromic eyes, to the point that her eyecolor as listed on her license was "bluebrown" because they were blue with large brown spots.
>> No. 7658
My headcanon has a female Pyro as well. As long as she keeps her gender a secret, her being there never needs to be an issue.

I see her as being insane, for starters. Not that she's never lucid, just that her love of fire is beyond the pale by any standards you choose to apply. My headcanon Pyro has burn scars up her left side from an early foray into her future profession-- I find it hard to imagine a Pyro who hasn't had a less-than-successful run-in with fire.

I also imagine Pyro as being a sci-fi geek (maybe 'cause of the brain slug hat?). And I think she's got a bit of a crush on Engie. Because Engie is crushworthy, of course, but also because in actual gameplay it works well to have a Pyro spychecking around your buildings, and I kind of like it when I can 'ship things based on gameplay...
>> No. 7682
What do you guys think the rest of the world knows about the mercenaries little wars? Do they know about the fights? Do they know about the tech they use like mediguns and respawn?

Also, I bet there's more than 1 team each by this point. I mean, Blu invades a place right? Red is there. So why not invade a place where Red's team isn't?
>> No. 7696
>>7682
Because the Administrator seems to want a stalemate for however long she likes it.
>> No. 7697
>>7682
If there was only one team, that would be very sad. After all, RED and BLU each control half of the world. Nine people for the fate of one hemisphere.

Personally, I feel Pyro is either Latino or from South Asia. No racism, it just feels like s/he should be from those places.
>> No. 7717
>>7658
Agree on the scars and the engie-shipping. Dunno about the insanity, though... While having Pyro have a love of fire is a given, making them psychotically obsessed with it seems a bit counterproductive to teamwork - hard to work with someone if you live in fear of them immolating you for laughs. To me, it just seems there oughta be someone other than Spy (the dirty selfserving bastard) who has something resembling a voice of reason on the team. The fact said voice is unintelligible is just amusing irony.
>> No. 7739
>>7717

The idea of a garbled voice of reason makes me grin.

I don't see her as being psychotically obsessed, per se-- more like a compulsion you can either fight against or give into. Having a job that involves using fire in a specific ways would make her less likely to feel the need to burn things aimlessly, and unlike the rampant crazies of Soldier, Pyro is at least aware that the fire compulsion thing is neither normal nor ideal.

Then I give myself a hard look and say 'that's altogether too reasonable and realistic a look at compulsive disorders for this universe, young lady', and feel awkward.

But yeah, I can see Pyro as being anywhere on the sanity scale, my personal headcanon just grew to be at an in-between place. Not sane, loves fire, but not cartoonishly cavalier about setting the couch alight or anything...
>> No. 7741
>>7739
logical pyro makes me think of this:
http://xanykaos.devian-tart.com/art/TF2-Gunslinger-171739718?q=boost%3Apopular%20by%3Axanykaos%20tf2&qo=0
>> No. 7783
Copy-pasta from last time...

Religion headcanon:
Scout - (lapsed) Roman Catholic
Solder - Methodist
Pyro - Pastafarianist (i.e. worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster)
Engineer - Southern Baptist
Demoman - Presbyterian
Heavy - Russian Orthodox
Medic - (culturally, non-practicing) Jewish
Sniper - Universalist (though not officially, he just believes a mish-mash of stuff, including the existence of Dream Time)
Spy - Nihilist

Underwear headcanon:
Scout - jock strap
Soldier - commando (because he was discovered to be wearing superhero underwear and the team never let him live that down)
Pyro - potatoes
Engineer - tighty-whiteys
Heavy - girdle
Demoman - kilt
Medic - boxers
Sniper - briefs (and he tucks left when dressing)
Spy - silk thong

Pyro's identity headcanon:
Sentient hiveminded potatoes.
>> No. 7806
File 131145249937.jpg - (36.69KB , 505x384 , onlyPyroknows.jpg )
7806
>>7783

Slight adjustment to this.
>> No. 7812
>>7806
I freaking bit my lip trying not to laugh out loud and wake my parents at that.
>> No. 7813
File 131148698483.jpg - (39.20KB , 480x480 , fae0ebfc3b4dba3dacd07a910833b4dff74c3a38_m.jpg )
7813
>>7783

Your underwear headcanon just reminded me of something I thought of the other day. I wouldn't call it headcanon... more of a crack theory if there were female classes, but I picture a female spy using a pair of panties as an equivalent of a balaclava.
>> No. 7814
>>7813
Unused, I hope. This is not Japan.
>> No. 7815
>>7783
Im beginning to believe more and more with each passing day that Pyro is potatos.

Meet the Pyro is just going to be the Administrator buying a sack of potatos, dumping it in the Pyro suit, and tossing in a bar or two of Australium.
>> No. 7818
Pyro, to me, is definitely a human being. You can kill it, it screams, and it bleeds.
>> No. 7823
Oh, yeah, something that I've decided as an excuse for fanfiction fodder:

There are Civilians working on base keeping the place clean, restocking the lockers/ammo/health packs, restoring the maps to their original configurations at the end of the round, etc. We don't see them in-game because, as Civilians, the mercs consider them complete non-entities and therefore they're "invisible".
>> No. 7845
File 131157705096.jpg - (15.81KB , 359x258 , ngbbs4a84e87eadc62.jpg )
7845
my headcanon?
one of them: spy resembles niko bellic from GTA IV under his balaclava.
>> No. 7847
>>7845
side-by-side, I can definitely see the resemblance.
>> No. 7849
>>7818
So do animals. Im sure a potato would scream, too, if it hat a mouth. They bleed... potato... juice... blood..
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