Dearest TF2chanlings, whilst working on a t-shirt design, I found this gem of a "wtf-fic" on the Steam forums.
"The TF2's have dinner" by Bobby Road.
They go to TGIF.
Scout orders a pepsi and a chicken nugget.
Soldier has a beer and steak.
Pyro just drink.
Demoman has pasta and alcohol drink.
Heavy orders two things cause he is fat.
Engineer a briskit.
Medic is eat fried steak.
Sniper has fried steak too, its good. And coffee cause he's tired.
Spy has oyster and French drink.
Then they eat all the food and pay the bill. They decode to go home.
When be gets home soldier says "today was a good day".
Get it? Because that's a TF2 quote and ebbs was good day donors funny!
Some comments/questions that followed were things such as,
"But why is the Sniper tired? Did he stay up all night?"
"He work a lot "
"I imagine pyro has a tube running into it's gas mask."
"That why it's just drink"
which brought upon the finest post,
"HOW IS TF2'S DINRAR
HOW IS TF2S DINRAR
HOW ENGINEER BRISKIT"
>Scout orders a pepsi and a chicken nugget.
>a chicken nugget.
I have this vision of storage shelves in the TGIF kitchen now, with six-packs of aluminum cans, white, with FRENCH DRINK in black block caps.
Good lord, after reading this I started laughing hysterically. All others present gave me an odd look.
And perhaps matching shelves of yellow cans, labelled "ALCOHOL DRINK".
And Scout's chicken nugget is an entire boneless pressed and breaded chicken, the size of his head.
Can't you just see Spy carving up a single oyster (the size of a soup bowl) with fork and knife, into neat grey slices?
..While Engie tries to 'engineer a briskit' in the corner. Leading to a gravy-dripping, steam-powered beef automaton marching down the length of the table...
Okay, complete hysterics. Off chair, on floor, cats thoroughly alarmed and vacating room with all haste, repeat, all haste.
Writing a fanfiction right now based around these absurd ideas. Thank you.
> They decode to go home.
OMG IT'S A SECRET MESSAGE! Valve made a fake account and put this here and if we can decode it we will find out when Half-Life 3 comes out!
Holy crap, imagine if it was, though.
I'm still trying to comprehend the last part of the last sentence.
"and ebbs was good day donors funny"
Seriously, what does that mean?
Lo, I can't wait! This idea is priceless..
By the way, if anyone wants to read it, the original Steam forum thread is here: http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2529667
What was for dessert? Honestly, I'm only left with questions after reading this.
"Demo has pasta and alcohol drink"
Is that, like, flammable ravioli?
>>15 I think it might be penne ala vodka? You can't get drunk off vodka sauce unless it's not completely cooked off, though.
My question is... what's Heavy eating that requires double order? Could it be because Medic and Sniper are both eating fried steaks that Heavy is jealous or something!? Oh gawd, I can't breathe this is some funny crap right here!
>>7 Lo do it! Do it your glorious person! For SCIENCE!
>>17 It might just be "Heavy eats a lot because he is the fat guy and his entire character is that he is fat and also dumb because English is his second language and he can't possibly be intelligent".
Which is a characterization that always got on my nerves.
Necrobump but I ain't even mad. How the fuck did I miss this the first time.
Still trying to wrap my head around the final sentence which I am positive contains the most profound nugget of wisdom when decoded; one that will surely lead us all to enlightenment and serenity.
Honestly I could just imagine Engineer's a briskit. It's just so damn funny I'll laugh myself to Half-Life 3
This is not even english.
necrobumped but thank you for doing that so I could be reminded this enlightened idiomatic masterpiece exists.
The writers back in the old tf2 fandom days were truly superior.