Hey guys...I've been writing fan-fiction for quite sometime and felt like doing a fic with an OC in it for once...the only problem is that OC fics tend to receive lukewarm reviews at best...This is a really rough draft so please don't hate...IDK if I'll ever put it up...
Overall it seemed like quite the average day at the BLU base, everyone was doing what they’d normally be doing on their odd day off ceasefire; Demoman would be gulping down large quantities of rather expensive whiskey, Engineer would be working on his blueprints or tinkering with something, Spy would be reading his French newspaper while sipping on high quality coffee, Heavy and Medic would be playing chess or generally sharing in some sort of group activity, Soldier would be ranting about war regardless of whether any one was there to listen to him or not, nobody knew what Pyro did…not that they’d want to know…and Sniper was probably camping out in his van creepily watching his team-mates through the scope of his rifle.
Scout, as per usual, was running around the base bored out of his mind, looking for people to annoy while he bragged about his various accomplishments. As fate would have it Scout was mindlessly tossing his baseball around when he heard the sound of a bus pull up into the bases’ driveway.
While Scout jogged off in the general direction of the sound, Sniper had already focused his scope on the object, attempting to catch a glimpse of whoever or whatever the vehicle had brought with it.
Surely enough his patience was rewarded. Out of the large BLU bus stepped an unfamiliar figure, quite an unusually one too, so much so that that Australian had to re-adjust his scope’s focus to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.
He zoomed in for a second time, and almost jumped off his seat at what he saw; there was no mistaking it, whoever this was had to be a new type of class, though he wasn’t quite sure actually which class this new team member belonged to, even more shocking however, was the new addition’s unmistakably female appearance.
From what he could make out of her face, she was undeniably beautiful, full pouty red lips and sparkling green eyes with extremely pale skin, a damn nice body too, toned from what he could see, though she was quite short; her most notable features however, where her breasts, full and perky, about a large E-cup, they looked soft too…His body reacted without him releasing it.
Scout had long since caught up and was likewise enthralled by the appearance of his new companion. His eyes drifted over her uniform, a form-fitting bodysuit with an extremely low neckline, leaving much of her astounding cleavage on display.
“Was ist los?” she asked, unfazed by his gaping mouth. Scout shook his head and replied, “Um, I don’t understand what ya just said…but wow, um yeah, what’s a sweet looking babe like you doin’ out here?” She smiled, at least she knows English, Scout thought in relief.
“Silly American, you’re with the BLU team right? Then I’m your new teammate, the Ice Queen class if you will.” Scout laughed in disbelief, “Hahaha no way! There ain’t no way they’re gonna send a broad out here, not that I’m complaining or nothing.”
“Is dit reg? Heh I tend to forget that I’m a woman at times, don’t worry though, you’ll soon find out that I’m no different from you guys, other than my outward appearance of course; I can fight just as well and get along with guys just fine.” She slung a heavy looking suitcase over her shoulder and began to head towards the base. “I assume you have an extra room, I can room there right?”
Quite excited at the idea of having a woman in the mix, Scout replied energetically, trailing behind her, “I don’t think ya gonna have ta worry ‘bout that! Heck why not just sleep with me baby?” The woman laughed, “I’ll think about it, ok?”
“Yo guys check it! We got ourselves an extra team-mate, a real looker too!” Demoman roused from his sleep to see an overexcited Scout practically bounce in accompanied by a very attractive woman, “Eh I know I must be drunk now, I’m seeing things. Ain’t no way there’s a beautiful lassie here.”
“Naw check! For real! Do you have any idea how awesome this is?” Demoman slurred, “Ye must ‘av got hold of me scrumpy boy, there be no way that illusion is real.” Hearing the commotion, the rest of the team became curious. “Ja well first I need to put this stuff away, then you can perv over me as much as you want. Amerikaaner, could you show me the spare room?”
“Hehe sure thing sweet cheeks, just down the hall there, the dorm next to mine is completely free, or you could just bunk with me as it is, what ta ya say?” The woman sighed and muttered something in a Germanic language, walking straight past a very confused Engineer.
“So let me get this straight…” Spy began, rubbing his temple in annoyance at Scout disability to hardly ever cease in his episodes of spewing verbal nonsense, made ten times worse by the fact that he was extremely overexcited. “We have a new team member…not only that, but it’s a woman?!” The young man nodded vigorously, “Yeah! And she’s real hot too! Like Pyro set her on fire or somethin’!” The masked creation mumbled something unintelligible in response to the remark.
“Well…it’s good to know we’ve got another pair of hands ‘round here, regardless of gender…” Engineer stated briefly, his face reasonably flushed. “So where is this saucy sally then? Even if she can’t fight, she’ll at least be good for other things,” Soldier crackled creepily.
“She’s with the doctor, presumably being shown the ropes.” Demoman giggled, “Eh ‘presumably’? That lucky bastard is probably having first go at her!” The large Russian man across the table glared, “Doctor is not that type of person,” he said defensively, “besides, didn’t little man here say she spoke German when he first saw her, if so then she’s probably from same place as Doctor, even more reason for them to speak.”
Sniper shook his head, “Not quite mate, that accent is quite familiar to me, though it is a bit off. I recon though she’s probably from similar place, she wasn’t originally born there.”
“Ja you’re right there, mate.” Sniper jumped up at bit, standing next to the Doctor, was the new member of the team, smiling playfully at him.
“Now listen here, this frau is a member of zis team und I von’t have her treated any different just because of her gender and possession of mammary glands,” she smiled at the doctor, who reddened somewhat, before taking a seat next to Sniper.
“Um I suppose I should introduce myself then? I’m the Ice Queen class, as the name suggests it is a class which is both uniquely female and uses ice as a weapon, its primary being an ice-gun which works in a similar way to Pyro’s flame thrower, dealing damage over time, secondly, I have an icicle-gun, which is actually what it sounds like, for my melee I have an ice-pick, pretty corny but I think it does the job well enough. Are there any questions?”
Scout raised his hand, “What’s your favorite position?” Spy smacked the boy for his insolence, “Please forgive the little virgin runt, he has no experience when it comes to dealing with women. Where are you from, if I might ask?”
Ice Queen’s face lit up, she secretly preyed on male virgins, not that she’d ever mention that fact to her teammates…”No problem. Hmm well I’ve just graduation from an honors class in Linguistics in Amsterdam, so my family and I have been living there for about 4 to 5 years, originally though; I was born in South Africa though…one of Australia’s cousins if you will…”
“You’re far too pale to be from there Sheila, lots of folk from that place came to Australia, none nearly as light-skinned as you, I’m not implying that I’d expect you to be African either, I’m not as stupid as these American wankas here.”
“I’m used to being told that,” she smiled, her face flushing somewhat.
The rest of the team, or at least the majority of them, saw the chemistry right away and felt their hearts sink a bit, whether either one of them was aware of it though remained to be seen, though Sniper unconsciously shifted closer towards her.
“Ah well it’s a pleasure to have you, mam” Engineer blushed, tipping his hat, “If ya need anything, just let me know, I suspect you’ll want to return to organize your room?” She nodded, “Danke, I hope I can get to know you all far better.”
“Aw no way!” Scout protested, “there’s no way you’re going to have the first swing at her! I totally claim dibs!” Medic grunted, “she’s no-one’s possession, so they’ll be no fighting over her. Honestly, I hope you Dummköpfe don’t get too distracted by her external appearance.”
That wasn’t going to stop anyone however; from now on everyday would be a challenge to see who could impress the new team member the most. Eventually, everyone headed off to their respective rooms, Medic having to check to make sure no-one tried to break into her room and force themselves upon her.
The next morning, while the Ice Queen was performing a stereotypically womanly duty, making pancakes for the rest of the group, Engineer raised a point which was of valid concern, “She don’t have her own bathroom do she, where’s she gonna shower?” Scout gave a naturally juvenile answer, “I don’t see a problem with her showering with the rest of us.”
Spy faced palmed himself, “Non, that simply won’t do. I doubt she’d feel comfortable with that anyway, honestly, you know nothing about women do you?” Soldier giggled childishly, obviously thinking something obscene.
“Well,” Engineer blushed, “We’ll just have to give her set time to use them then…ask her before we shower, ya know, that kind of thing?”
Spy nodded, quickly shushing the group as the woman in particular came towards them carrying a stack of pancakes, many of the team ogled her selflessly, since she was wearing a short satin nightgown with no sign of a bra underneath, apparently not having bothered to change before setting off to work, she honestly didn’t seem to notice, let alone mind, the intense stares she was receiving.
They ate in silence for the most part, aside from the occasional comment about how much better food tasted when prepared by a woman, aside from Pyro, who Ice Queen knew liked to eat alone, so that no-one could see under the mask, everyone was present…well, almost everyone….
“Where’s Sniper? Shouldn’t be eating with us?” Clearly no-one had told her that Sniper liked to camp off-base, very rarely entering it at all. “In his van, nasty place…jarate all over the place I reckon, no-one ever goes in there.”
The busty brunette raised an eyebrow,” Was die fick ist ‘jarate’? Ag never mind…I ought to bring him this…he can’t really complain when I look like this,” Alarm bells sounded in pretty much everyone’s mind, “Ah that’s NOT a good idea!” The woman smirked, “You’re just jealous that I’m not being you breakfast in bed, though all you need to do is ask.” Her breasts bounced as she rose from the table and began to walk off, carrying a plate of pancakes in her hands.
Sniper heard someone approach his van; moving cautiously, he picked up his rifle and steadied his scope, nothing. Nervous now, he picked up his machete, and headed towards the door, when a knock sounded. Truly in awe, the Aussie slowly swung it open, revealing a sight which almost made him double over from the sudden blood rush to a certain area. “Oie, whatcha doing out here Shelia?”
Not saying anything, the scantily-clad woman handed over the plate of pancakes, “Brought you this. Mind if I come in?” Sniper stared blankly, at a complete loss for words. He nodded, embarrassed at the state of his van, the last person he expected to come visit him was a woman, bringing him breakfast, was this some kind of strange dream?
She flopped down on his bed, not paying any attention to the mess surrounding her. “Eh, thanks…” Not wanting to offend her, he took a bite, quite pleased at the way it tasted. He turned around, wanting to thank her but she seemed to have fallen asleep. He gulped, here he was, alone in his camper van with a satin night gown clad woman who’d just given him breakfast.
Oh God! He reacted over, completely unsure of what to do, did he really want to take advantage of a sleeping woman, one who’d only been here for a day?
“Yo sweetcheeks, you in there?!”It was that bloody Scout. “What the bloody hell do you want you bloody wanka!” The young man seemed disappointed to hear a male voice, even more so when a realization dawned upon him. “Aw no way! You scoring in there? I told you I had dibs!” The Australian growled, sitting in an awkward position due to the reaction that had increased as a result of the stupid American runt suggesting ‘that’.
“No! She’s sleeping for gravy’s sake!” He blinked, realizing what he had just said. “No way! You’ve already done it! OMG I’m tell the others!” Scout sped off, “No you’ve got the wrong idea you bloody wanka! Come back here!” But it was already too late, Scout was halfway to the base.
Oh God that was incredibly lame...this really was written very hastily I assure you...(Banned: Underage Behavior)
If she's supposed to be an Afrikaner, then she wouldn't be speaking German- and indeed, her patois would be very different from it. The non-British white ranchers who settled in South Africa were from the Netherlands, and Afrikaans is sort of a pidgin Dutch. Additionally, I very much doubt that they would see themselves as cousins to the Australians, considering the conflicted history of their nation; I might suggest that you at least look up South Africa on Wikipedia, as you have clearly not studied anything about it or even heard of the Boer War.
That, said, first question. How is this 10th class, aside from being an impossibly perfect woman, any different than the Pyro as far as what she is capable of? You seem to want to focus on her loadout, but a short-range offensive class that incapacitates enemies with a spray weapon already exists on the team. Another question. If you think that your story is lame and hastily-written, why did you post it here, rather than asking for the help of a beta reader?
I don’t possess Yang’s tact and diplomacy and this story is downright stupid.
A tenth class OC who is a perfectly beautiful woman, in a game setting where everyone else is obviously not chosen for their looks. And whose class moniker is ‘Ice Queen’, when everyone else is titled according to function. The Scout scouts, the Sniper snipes, but what the hell does the ‘Ice Queen’ do? ‘Ice queening’?
I tend to forget that I’m a woman at times
What the hell?
she secretly preyed on male virgins
Is she a praying mantis in disguise? This would actually make this story a lot better. Is that why she sometimes forgets she’s a woman? Because she’s secretly a giant insectoid mutant infiltrating BLU team in order to mate with the men and eat them? Dare I hope? Seriously, I’d read that story.
I’ve just graduation from an honors class in Linguistics in Amsterdam, so my family and I have been living there for about 4 to 5 years, originally though; I was born in South Africa though…one of Australia’s cousins if you will…
This sentence is so idiotic it makes me stupid. How is a degree in linguistics relevant on a battlefield? I’m sure her teammates would be a lot more interested in her past experiences at ‘ice queening’. Why does she speak German when she’s Dutch? The languages are completely different! How is South Africa a cousin to Australia, when one was a Dutch colony and the other a British colony? Boer War? Apartheid?
The next morning, while the Ice Queen was performing a stereotypically womanly duty
Wait, I change my mind! This sentence is even more stupid than the last one.
she was wearing a short satin nightgown with no sign of a bra underneath, apparently not having bothered to change before setting off to work
The idiocy won’t stop!
I stopped reading there, it was just too painful to go on. Everything is wrong with this story. Unless you write a sequel with your OC as a giant praying mantis lady mating with and devouring the team one by one, then brooding huge slimy eggs in the empty base in order to take out RED team next, just... don’t bother, okay. This can’t be fixed by any amount of betaing.(This idiotic comment won't stop!)
a giant praying mantis lady mating with and devouring the team one by one, then brooding huge slimy eggs in the empty base in order to take out RED team next
Hey I like that! Seconded. It sounds terrifying but amazing.
where her breasts, full and perky, about a large E-cup, they looked soft too
Damn that bitch got tig ole' bitties.
Absolutely a horrid story. Kill it with fire!!
Exactly what are you trying to accomplish with this? Murder of originality? I bet next chapter, she'll be a fucking vampire-werewolf-unicornic psuedo phsycho mantis fairy queen princess sailor prostitute for G-man's sake! Oooooooh, perfect woman comes and makes the team all squishy and OOC--lolfail.
Want inception? You were captaining the failboat when it sank. This story began already beached.(Pyro says only you can prevent thread fires.)
I can't get past the boob size. If she's got E-cups, she's either quite overweight, or she's going to look like a porn star. If it's the former, I applaud you for not having a skinnymini OC, but somehow I feel like you don't realize just how fucking big E-cups are. Especially given the sixties, people were much smaller back then, overall. C cups were seen as massive.
You must be a troll. You just have to be. And I applaud you, because this was hilarious.
And whose class moniker is ‘Ice Queen’, when everyone else is titled according to function. The Scout scouts, the Sniper snipes, but what the hell does the ‘Ice Queen’ do? ‘Ice queening’?
Well, to be fair, the Heavy's title doesn't make immediate sense, but I've always figured it's a language barrier thing and his English was even worse when he picked it, so he couldn't come up with a one-word title that would sum up "human tank". Honestly, I can't think of anything better for him...
I also can't really think of anything better for this OC, but it sure is hard to come up with a title that sums up someone's role when they haven't got one.
And now for something completely different, "His body reacted without him releasing it." "Releasing"? So he didn't go have a wank, you're trying to tell us? If you're going to write boring self-indulgent crap, can't it at least be proofread crap?
"Heavy" is short for "Heavy Weapons Guy". He is called "Heavy Weapons Guy" because he carries heavy. Fucking. Weapons. And by "heavy weapons", they mean intense firepower, not just sheer weight.
Exactly how does this not make sense?
Whoa, why you mad, bro? You sound like you've been slinging around a 150 kg gun all day and it's made you crabby.
The point is that no one else's title is a short and less-sense-making version of a title that makes sense.
Oh, man. When I get back from Japan, I might have to think about this. Might leave the character from this story alone, but that plot does sound interesting...
Wait, wasn't that a Buffy episode?
Oh my. So much flocking to this story.
Please, everyone, continue commenting. This is so much fun to read through.
I have no idea how I missed this comment. I'm laughing so hard.
[strike]How did I not see this thread, it's been over a week.[/strike]
I want to play reverse devil's advocate and encourage you, but... honestly this wasn't going to be decent just on the premise. Trying to insert a 10th class into TF2 is a toughie because of the rock-paper-scissors dynamic, and trying to insert a woman is ten times harder. There's a fem!Soldier over on /afanfic/ that seems to be getting it right, and it's the shining gem among a lot of failures.
Basically, I think the premise was too ambitious. Dont' get me wrong though, there were quite a few problems past that. (TBH I had to grab my own chest when I heard "E-cup", out of imagined ache.)
It was a 0/10 but I wouldn't let that discourage writing again.
Maybe I'm on the wrong side of Poe's Law here, but I thought it was hilarious in a silly 'sue-skewering kind of way. I can't wait for further adventures of the sparkly-eyed, satin-clad beauty (also Sniper's dangerous-sounding erections).
I hope this is a troll post. If not...mother of God.
Here I was thinking, troll or not, the author had updated.
Sage in the email field, please.