Oh, yeah. I was wondering.
Anyways. Confession time. Was going to anonfag, but i had a feeling anyone I was trying to hide from would figure out this was me, anyways. Man, sometimes I hate being a Christian. Or, rather, a Christian who has a body that REEEEALLY wants some action.
I always feel guilty for watching or writing porn and sometimes starting to masturbate, and usually just can't even finish. I end up just sitting in bed with blue balls and a headache and a huge load of guilt and shame.
I wish I could chose one or the other, but I don't WANT to. I LIKE being a Christian. It's just that I also really, REALLY want to get off sometimes, too, and it seems like there's no way I get both to coincide, and I just end up feeling really depressed for not being a "better" Christian or being okay where I am spiritually... Which isn't a great place.
I guess it's one of those things where you really want to commit, but don't have the chops, or even the desire, to do the right thing. Like going on a month-long diet, then deciding, "But I REEEEEALLY like steak..." and then wasting a week's worth of money at the nearest burger joint.
Sometimes I wonder why I even lurk here, since it's obviously not a very "spiritual" place, but I've kind of grown attached to the people here, and the art, and everything... I don't WANT to give it up, even though all things are pointing to the fact that I should. Sometimes I just don't even know what to do sometimes, guys.
I'm not here to discuss giving up my religion, because that's just not an option. Believe it or not, I actually do legitimately like it and it's helped me through a lot of tough times in life. It's just... I have no idea about the rest of my life.