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File 131794480758.jpg - (48.11KB , 336x450 , how are you feeling.jpg )
10085 US No. 10085
Holy shit, you guys are just FULL OF FEELINGS. So here's to another new thread since the last one filled to over the brim pretty damn fast.

My feelings? I'm feeling okay.jpg
Expand all images
>> US No. 10086
File 131794816816.gif - (33.39KB , 200x160 , EXCITED PLZ.gif )
My feelings right now?

"I TOTALLY called it!!!"
>> CA No. 10087
I don't wanna paaaaaint. Can't my masks just be done?

Just...go paint yourselves, masks. I have a hot date with my laptop.
>> US No. 10092
File 13179979748.gif - (408.31KB , 500x228 , tumblr_ls43a60vGS1qiba3d.gif )
no, just no. I have been tearing my hair out for about a week and a half now. dealing with stupid shit layered on stupid shit on a shit foundation. No more. I refuse to fucking care any more. There is nothing i can do anymore and I won't try. As of now, I give no fucks. I will sit down and sleep my ass off and play games. Fucks not given. fucks denied, and i feel so much better for it.
>> CA No. 10094
Trying to write.

Remembering how much I suck. Especially at openings.

Feels bad, man.
>> US No. 10095
File 131801464388.jpg - (7.49KB , 185x272 , images.jpg )
My boss wants me to give up my weekend internship so I can WORK WORK WORK more for her. I think she sees it also as a threat to keeping me on, I think.

Much as I like being full time employed, I had the internship long before I had the job, and I only need to put in 50 more hours to complete the internship.

Plus I'm totally leaving this job in about three more months to move to Kentucky
>> DE No. 10098
File 131802538527.jpg - (53.37KB , 1280x720 , Staring Soldier.jpg )
When will the therapy people call back.

>> GB No. 10099
File 131802565219.jpg - (108.77KB , 350x279 , no.jpg )
Lolita is officially the worst fandom I have ever been in. Never have I seen a bunch of adult women protesting SO VEHEMENTLY that they are not trying to be like 12-year-old girls while acting EXACTLY LIKE 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS. With the bitchiness and the pettiness and the Girl A said Girl B said something mean about me and someone else has been banned from Facebook and it must be Girl B and someone else posted a nasty secret about me and OH MY GOD HOW OLD ARE YOU.
I am seriously regretting getting into this fashion, and that makes me really, really sad. This would never happen in steampunk.
>> US No. 10101
Computer broke, had to get an older one out of storage. Can't do shit.

Feels bad man.
>> US No. 10102
>Never have I seen a bunch of adult women protesting SO VEHEMENTLY that they are not trying to be like 12-year-old girls while acting EXACTLY LIKE 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS

Ha ha ha, oh wow. I never paid much attention to that fandom, but it sounds insane. I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall during one of those ladies' psychotherapy sessions.
>> SG No. 10103
File 131804129011.jpg - (118.93KB , 529x786 , il_fullxfull_249214011.jpg )
I hate how my school/course of study has this unwritten standard that its students should look good. I'm one of the few (maybe less than 15 altogether) who aren't skinny, and I have the fashion sense of a doorknob. When I found out I had been accepted into the course (the best Mass Communications course in my country), I was happy but afraid of the peer pressure I'd be subjected to. Of course, I could just do my own thing and feel comfortable with myself, but I don't think I'm strong enough to bear with it for two and a half more years.

On a happier note, I received the pictured sewing pattern in the mail a few days ago. I want to learn how to sew, and having this in my possession sort of inspires me to do so.
>> US No. 10104
I will admit when I am dressing like an english twelve year old. Those girls sounds like this is srs bsns. It is money wise because fifty pounds of lace costs a ton. otherwise, it's a hobby people, loosen up and let the sticks out.
>> US No. 10105
I feel confused. My friend that I have had a crush on for years is back from far away college for a few days. I know she is probably going to want to spend this short time with her family. I can accept that. She said it would be better to spend time with her around Thanksgiving because she would be here longer then. We didn't really hangout outside of school anyway. I am feeling a mix of happiness that she is back, sadness from knowing that even if she suddenly did want to be more than friends it would have to be long distance, and she has already turned me down before due to "not being able to handle a relationship". I know that feeling, I would not have any idea how to have any kind of relationship, but for some reason that is all I want. Every year I tell myself "this will be the year you finally get a girlfriend" and it always turns out to be a lie. I don't like anyone here and they don't like me. And so I am always alone, communicating only with the previously mentioned friend and one other who is not relevant to this disscussion. My default mood is neutral with depression increasing throughout the day, so by now I am not feeling so great. I hate that I sound so whiney whenever I talk about this stuff.
>> US No. 10106
I always tell my friends I'll be there if they need moral support. I always listen to their problems and offer advice without complaint. I always help them the best to my ability.

But I mention being upset, and the only person that even asks me why is a friend that I've never seen open up in her entire life, much less be serious about anything.

I guess, on the bright side, it was good to see that her quietness doesn't mean she doesn't care.

My girlfriend is at a con, so we've been out of contact for a whopping twenty four hours, and I'm already missing her pretty bad. That feels kind of pathetic, but I guess I'm used to talking to her on a near constant basis, even just through text. But I'm glad she's having fun.
>> US No. 10108
I think the fact that the weather snapped really suddenly from blistering, sweltering summer to massive freezing rainstorms gave me an early burst of SAD or something. Spent a long time lying awake in bed not being able to keep a train of thought and not wanting to eat or do anything with myself...

Then I found out that D&D was indeed meeting and I had to get up and get prepared. I was still underprepared, but we had fun anyway, since we finally had the whole group back.

Need to be depressed less. Tomorrow night I go to the theatre to see Charley's Aunt, so I'm looking forward to that. And then Wednesday I'll be 27... so, ice cream will happen.
>> US No. 10111
Let's be nonstandard lolis together. I've been tired of the bitchiness since I got in. I mostly ignore it, and I'm lucky that my local comm isn't that bad save for a couple people.

Actually, there's a hanful of froo-froo girls on the chan altogether, we should make our own cattiness-free comm.
>> DE No. 10114

You know, i already played with the idea to open a thread. I mean not about Loli or so, but rather something along Off-Topics Hobby asking helping thread. Because i noticed we have much knitexperiences folks around here and i like to knit, too, but i´m rather still new to it and i really can´t get the hang out of it, how to knit a muster into a scarf.

I don´t even know how to knit a scarf in a other pattern than the gardner stitch.
And internet did disappoint me greatly.
>> GB No. 10117
>TF2 lolis
Is it time to admit I once did loli!Medic? It was actually sort of boss.

Tf2chan knitting circle would be amazing! I've just cast on my attempt at a stuffed Dalek. In the round, on dpns, with a lot of colourwork and shaping. It is probably going to be a disaster.
Also it's freezing in here, what is central heating?
(Captcha: "dashery, rlowwww". Whut. Now, I get excited about haberdashery, but I think that's a little too far.)
>> US No. 10119
File 131811001517.jpg - (12.97KB , 281x236 , okay.jpg )
Haven't heard from that cosplayer basically since I first talked to him. I would like to believe he's just really busy, but I'm not sure that's the case. Sucks too, we had a lot of fun talking.
>> US No. 10123
File 131811790823.gif - (243.05KB , 204x112 , tumblr_lp8hxmH1nA1qk63v8.gif )
I want to be with someone so bad even though part of me knows that it just won't work out, or at least isn't possible for a long time. They'll probably find someone better than me by then.

I feel upset when I think about it which is pretty much every day. Why do things have to be so complicated?
>> US No. 10124
I had a friend preach to me about how guys should never come in the way of friends. She finally got her first boyfriend and completely fucked with my emotions six ways from Sunday. I just got over a rejection, and I had to bear witness to the guy flirting with some chick for any entire evening while my friend fucked around with her boyfriend, completely ignoring me the entire night while I tried not to cry.

After all the emotional support I've fucking given her. Jesus Christ.
>> GB No. 10125
File 131812604452.jpg - (414.09KB , 900x1350 , tracks_ii_by_melancholy_cicero-d464z8z.jpg )
Jesus, where do I start?
It's been a while since I've been round because so much has happened to me. So I got married to an Englishman on August 2nd, and 22 days later he was diagnosed with a 95% probability of Testicular cancer. Because of the circumstances with his citizenship,my lack of money, and because of US charity organizations not wanting to treat fresh immigrants, he was forced to come back to his country to get the rapidly growing tumors removed. He could not get parole and made the woman at the immigration office cry when she told him he would not be allowed to come back because of the visa he was on, and now we have to start the immigration process over, and that it would take another 6 months before he could come and stay.
Because he couldn't stay in the States, I decided to go with him. I quit my job, packed my bags, missed a flight, and somehow managed to get to England.
Currently, I'm stuck in an English flat for 5 months unable to legally work, drive, or really do much of anything for myself.
I even had to borrow money from my parents to pay off my husbands ultra sound scans he got in the US before I left... I pride myself on being money wise, and on my ability to save and I haven't borrowed money since I was 18... It's weird how a disaster makes things change so quickly.

HE has had his surgery,and has recovered very well from it, and in 4 days will be told if he needs chemo treatments. He has about 2.5 feet of thick auburn hair that he's horrified of losing, and I'm not entirely sure how to give comfort for something like that.
But there it is. Now that I'm literally home-bound for the next 5 months, I will probably be allot more active.

This is easily the most life-changing and possibly the most tragic year of my short weird life.
>> CA No. 10128
If it helps, my friend was stuck in a similar situation, money-wise. She took the time collecting garbage, making sculptures of it, and sold it online.
I'm not saying you have to do that, but there are lots of online career options out there, or you might be able to even get local under-the-table work, like babysitting.
>> US No. 10136
knitting/sewing circles would be awesome. (I can't knit anything but a straight rectangle, myself... and I haven't done it in a while. I have been getting back into needlework, though)

There were three people I knew in the cast of the play I went to tonight, and they were all fabulous. So that's good. And getting out and going to the theatre helped alleviate my stress/depression that's been weighing me down the past couple days.
>> PL No. 10140
So I've decided to spend some of my earlier savings on clothes, bought a neat military styled coat, a few vests, a few black shirts, few pairs of pants and two pairs of shoes. This cost me roughly 800. And yet there were jackets which cost over 1k and that was in a regular store!
And I agree with >>10103, in this private school almost everyone is from upper middle class, and paying 4k for a set of Apple products is probably nothing for them.
I feel inadequate for wearing the same clothes for a few days in a month (although thank god, I'm not the only one and people are generally nice there, I've already made friends with some of them).
>> GB No. 10141
Dealing with a mother who's got manic depression and mild Asperger's day in day out is incredibly taxing.

Went to a university open day today with the whole family. Mistake. Before we even get there she's confrontational in the car, working the entire family into a rage during the hour and a half drive to the university. We try to be patient with her, but by the time we get to the university she storms off and we don't see her for another three hours. (She told us she was off to go "throw herself onto the train tracks". She has done this before, many a time, but it's still incredibly worrying every time it happens.) As soon as she comes back to us, I apologise for whatever it was I did that made her angry, which brings on a whole rant about "why the fuck are you so self-accusatory? Do you have some sort of inferiority complex or something? GAWD, I have no idea where you got that from, you little bitch" which is completely ridiculous because I know exactly where I got that inferiority complex from that's been debilitating me my whole life and it's you, and everyone around can see it, you fucking whore, and--

*deep breaths*

Well, needless to say, this kind of behaviour from her is completely normal, but it annoys me that she's allowed to have her mood swings and yell and shout at whoever the fuck she likes whether she knows them or not, while I (inheriting the manic-depressive goodness as well) have to stay prim and proper at all times. And they wonder why I don't talk to them. I've got a fucking tidal wave of words waiting for them behind a dam, about to fucking explode, except it's being held back because the last time I explained to them that I was depressed it made my mum angry at me for being so "weak-willed" which made my dad mad and looking at it from this perspective my family's actually quite fucked up.

I can't wait to get to uni.
>> US No. 10145
File 131818662534.jpg - (69.26KB , 800x644 , 1283129117617.jpg )
I'm the forever alone Swing Dancer from the last thread. I just wanted to tell you guys that your words helped, and I am in a better place now. Last weekend my parents visited me, and though the resulting talks were a bit painful they did help me a lot. I still have a lot of the insecurities and bad feelings, but I'm happier now.

So I'm going to talk about dancing, because it gives me so much joy and makes for fun storytimes.

So my college's swing dance club meets once a week. It's the beginning of the semester so we have a lot of new people, but have been getting a very good turnout and regulars (in the past people would show up for one session and not come back).
So because there's a lot of new people, I'm one of the more skilled members, but I'm patient with people in general. Besides we have fast learners and the club president has short lessons each time.
But then there's this ONE GUY. He takes the cake for the worst lead I've ever had. I don't know what it is, I try to instruct him and lead him in the right direction, but he can't even do the East Coast basic, let alone Lindy Hop. He's got the most stiff, awkward movements I've ever experienced in a dancer, and I've danced with awkward as fuck people. He's like a ball-jointed doll who's afraid his limbs might pop out of their sockets. Posture and proper tension in the arms is important, but there is no place for stiffness in swing (this isn't ballroom, after all).

I Tried telling this guy that he needs to place his weight on the balls of his feet so he has a bounce in his step (THIS IS SUPER GODDAMNED IMPORTANT HOLY SHIT). This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, so jump for me three times. Do you feel how the weight is on the balls of your feet? And how your knees are bent? That's how you want to be."

He stands on his toes "like this?"

"No, you don't want to stand on your toes, but you do want your weight shifted forward."

Still standing on his toes, bobbing up and down awkwardly. At this point I grab a really experienced dancer and ask for help, since he's helped me with my own shit in the past.

Awkward guy is still on his toes. "she told me to stand like this."

We ran out of time before the experienced dancer could explain everything (awkward guy didn't want help, kept saying he could do it on his own), because it was the last song of the evening. I have no idea how to even handle this situation. I generally like instructing people, but this guy man.

Also, fuck Buffalo's schizophrenic weather. It was in the 90s for the first few weeks, mild, then cold and dreary and rainy for another week, and now it's back to being hot again.
>> DE No. 10147
File 13181915335.gif - (497.55KB , 500x281 , tumblr_lrswmljLUU1qafrh6.gif )
If I could, I would send all of my friends who have problems the most courage and luck that there is in the world to go out there, kick those problems in their stupid faces, force them to watch Jersey Shore, kick them off a cliff, catch them in a bucket, kick them off a cliff again, dance around their corpse and then have a drink on their graves.

I can't, sadly. Aw man.

So, in all seriousness: Never forget that I'm willing to listen to your problems, give my advice and cheer you up, but I can't fix your problems for you. I'm not a professional, Jesus or Powdered Toast Man. So no matter how nicely I might be able to pat you on your shoulders, you gotta be tigers and face your issues. You can do it, guys. Face that bitch called life! Give it your most hardcore uppercut! And when you need a rest and some encouragement, I will be your coach at the ring corner, massaging your shoulders and giving you a drink.

There, had to get that out.
You can do it, guys.
>> US No. 10158
Dude's computer was just f'd up. I am feeling better about this now.

I am feeling much worse about other shit. I am starting to worry that I'm not going to be able to find a job here in the US that won't make me want to tear my own eyes out. I just finished an overly-long application to some fucking defense contractor and I feel totally drained. Ugh. All I want to do is make vidya. Is that so much to ask?

Once my thesis is done (which is a whole other source of pain), I'm going to start looking in Canada. I hear the economy is less fucked up there.
>> No. 10159
File 131824084692.gif - (4.48KB , 406x342 , 1286736228217.gif )
I miss my boy right now more than I think I've ever missed anyone, ever. Since I went off to university there've been 106 miles between us, and I feel like every one of them is crowded inside my head, sitting on the happy bit of my brain and kicking me mentally whenever I'm alone. I don't know how to deal with this, as I've never felt anything like it before, ever. We're not even that serious - sure, we're snuggly, and we fuck (a LOT), and we sit under a duvet and drink hot chocolate and watch Doctor Who (the phrase I came up with to describe our relationship was 'Partners Without Detriments', instead of 'Friends With Benefits' - geddit?) but I really don't feel comfortable admitting to people I know just how mind-numbingly much I miss him. Every time I think about him I get a surge of affection, then a boot to the throat about how out-of-arms-reach he is.


We both have our own lives, and I can't just ask him to take a two and a half hour coach ride every time I'm feeling lonely. But in this new city of mine, where I know so few people, hearing about his nights out and the fun he's having just cripples me inside.

I don't know what to do, really. I'm not seeing him for another 19 days.
>> US No. 10160
Sitting in a college class that I don't really hate but don't really want to be in. I'm in it for the hours really and I sit here board out of my skull most of the time.
What I really want is an RP partner. I lost my pc some months ago and lost touch with the few I had. I came back and one or two had moved on and the other dropped off the face of the earth.
The ones that had moved on, the interests between us had changed.
I've posted in the RP board here and am just waiting on someone to take a chance on me.
>> US No. 10161
File 131827326080.jpg - (18.29KB , 321x350 , 1170711124811.jpg )
Feeling pretty mad today. I'm mad, bro.
>> US No. 10166
File 131829667613.gif - (496.45KB , 500x281 , de702ec15a8d00f7c2108496629fabb5fa0ae49c.gif )

>get on the feelings thread to bitch about silly things
>see this post
>feel immensely better and tackle the last part of this essay

Thanks, Perry.
>> CA No. 10167
I realize I am shitty at Tf2, but when someone invites me to play for your little comp. team, last minute, when all I've ever done is derp around as a Pyro, you don't have to remind me how much I suck. I'm only there as a favor, because you need someone extra. I never claimed to be good. I never even asked to play. So stop telling me to spycheck every five seconds. I know I have to. I've been doing it. Right at this moment I can't. I just got mowed down by a Heavy. I'll do it when I come back. Calm your balls, pal.

The above. Why I will never play competitive gaming. Ever.

Put me in a bad fucking mood now. I was going to paint some more masks but now I can't, because I'm angry, and I'll just fuck them up, so I'll do it tomorrow, because it's late anyway.

Other feelings:
Masks. Fucking finish yourselves. I have to find $2500 worth of props. I don't have time for your shit.
And we still don't have a lead costumer, and there's nothing I can do, but it just makes me feel even more unprepared, and like everything is just spiralling out of control, and I can't find my fucking bilingual copy of Waiting For Godot, and it's my favourite, and I know it's SOMEWHERE, but I have no fucking clue where.

And I am sorely tempted to pop an Ativan, but no. I am better than that. (I'm not saying anyone that takes Ativan is lesser than me, of course) I can deal with my stress on my own. I know I can, and I know it is hard, but I will fucking do it because I need to have some goddamn control in my life.


And I'm on that last day of my period where my snatch feels like it's made of sandpaper.

I'm having a very bad day. Which is sad, because it was 20 degrees Celsius today, and that never happens at this time of year.
>> US No. 10168
File 131830138393.png - (639.22KB , 759x577 , 130428066426.png )
Feeling pretty bad man, pretty bad. Don't mind me as I just crawl under this couch n' hide.
>> DE No. 10169
File 131830177272.png - (169.03KB , 472x391 , Nicest little thang.png )
Just came on the chan at 5AM all sleepdeprived and depressed ... So I could find someone liking my feeble try at motivational writing and support?

Aw man ... That makes me so insanely happy I don't even.
You are awesome!
>> GB No. 10171
Im sorry some ass wipe kept blasting you in the game Iz, but before you start to tell people what an asshole said person is, make sure you get the person right. Telling someone close to me how much of a cunt I am is not cool, especially when I added you afterwards to apologise for the other person bein such a wide case, which you not only delete but then put me on your ignore list. Thanks for that.
>> US No. 10172
File 131830529683.jpg - (88.99KB , 720x720 , home-cookiedough.jpg )
If anyone deserves it, it's you. Here - and take a cookie to sooth you on your way.
>> CA No. 10173
I never put you on my ignore list. I just hit Deny on the invite. If it went to ignore list then something went wrong, because I never told it to do that.
And a very large part of me is still certain that it was you. If it wasn't, and I am wrong, and it genuinely was someone else, then I apologize to you, and I am sorry if I hurt you. I am in a very bad place right now, emotionally, and a part of me is trying to prevent me from feeling the sadness by making me feel the anger instead. I know I should just keep crying, and let it pass, and get the fuck over it, but it's hard for me.

I am sorry. If it helps, I'm not going back there (this whole experience has soured me against Tf2 almost entirely, now), and the chances of us ever interacting again are slim to nil, so there's that, at least.
>> GB No. 10174
Thats the thing though lass, I want to interact with you again because I do like ya, and yer a friend of my super awesome (who is also totally hot) acquaintance 2Ref. I added you to apologise cause the guy in question was such an ass to ya, and maybe ask if ye wanted me to coach ya a little bit, or jump in some games together so we could wreck shit and improve together. heck, I was one of the ones beggin ya to stay and tellin the other guy to get of yer case lass.

I'm also sorry though. Ye mentioned me by name to a few peeps and denied me a chance to say anythin to ya, and Ill admit, THAT got me a bit heated cause I felt I was bein buggered without the chance to correct ya. So Im sorry I got so peeved, though I assure ya, that screamer wasn't me.
>> CA No. 10175
I accept your apology, thank you for it, and offer my own. I don't recall anyone other than the two people who invited me there defending me, or asking me to stay, but then I was emotional, and upset, and overtired, so again, entirely possible I didn't hear you. Your mic is rather low, if I remember correctly, as well. I had to strain to hear you any time you talked.

It still bothers me, when people claim to like me when they don't know me at all, but whatever. If you want, I can add you to Steam, and we can converse sometime when I'm not upset to the point of vomiting (Oh well, I needed to shed a few pounds from Thanksgiving Dinner anyway), since you claim to be on my block list. That is a brain scratcher, though. I've never blocked anyone in my life. I'll deny requests, especially if I don't know the person, but I know I didn't block you, because I never do that. It's weird.

Again: I'm sorry, I'm an emotional wreck for the first time in my life, I can't find my fucking favourite copy of Godot, and you typing out your accent makes me smile a little everytime for some reason, so I can't really stay too TOO upset.

I still need an Ativan, though. FML.
>> GB No. 10176
We know each other a lil more than I think ye realise, I reply a decent amount to ya, and by yer attitude her on the chan and the odd game we end up sharin, yer a groovy chick to hang with, and I was meaning to add ye before tonight, but Im... lazy, ye ken?

Hope ye feel better soon though, don't worry, ye caught Microphone on a bad night I guess, he was a sub as well I believe, comp (especially Team Gee) isn't usually that ragey.
>> CA No. 10177
I honestly only vividly remember you from the camwhore thread, because of the kilt. Not it in itself, but just because for a moment, I thought we had the same family tartan (so for a moment, I was all 'OMG I'M RELATED TO SOMEONE ON THE CHAN'). When I zoomed, though, the colours were all different, so it was all for naught. (My clan is fucking huge, though, so it wouldn't have surprised me).

It pleases me that you consider me a groovy chick, though. I shall add you when my computer stops trying to tell me to update things I don't have.

New feeling: I hate it when my computer tries to tell me to update things I don't have.

ALSO. My captcha is 'Godot issedLi'. It's just mocking me now.
>> GB No. 10178
It ain't my family tartan, so there is still a chance, what's yer clan title?
Also, service with a smile?
>> CA No. 10180
Wrong Godot, but thank you for trying. Hehe.

UGH, though. I KNOW I had the book home from University, and it's not in any of my bookcases.
I'm probably going to go to the theatre company tomorrow, and find it stuck under a chair or something.

Clan's Murray. I've been told our Tartan's the Atholl one, which has green and blue like the one you wore in those pics, but they're brighter, and the pattern's more compacted.
>> GB No. 10188
I have Murray blood on my father's side, but Im mainly of the O'Donnell clan myself, and whilst I don't have the Atholl tartan, I do have a kilt with the Tullibardine Tartan.
>> US No. 10195
File 131835433083.png - (32.54KB , 989x564 , FOR KILO.png )
So I don't know if Kilo saw this or not. Welp, here it is again.

Funny how I originally made this for Kilo, but now it pretty much accurately portrays how I feel about most of the chan. Like, 95%.

Maybe I'm just feeling really lovey for no reason. IDK.

Drawn in Paint with my crappy laptop mouse. +4001 carpal tunnel
>> US No. 10196
Didn't you also say that 95% of the board was also Poontah?
>> US No. 10199
File 131835613332.jpg - (5.35KB , 251x251 , big o.jpg )
I sure did. That's the part of the chan I like most, obviously.
>> CA No. 10204
Neato. I should do some work on ancestry.com or whatever sometime. Find out more about my roots. I mean, it's neat that I know my clan and my tartan in Scotland and stuff (and I'd like to know more, honestly), but that's just my dad's Scottish side. I know nothing of his Irish side, and I know very little about my mom's side of the family, past the fact that we've been in Canada for over six generations. Some day I will learn things.

Oh yeah. Feelings.
I found some nice varnish for the masks, and it makes them pop just great. And I had a 50% off coupon, so it makes me feel even better.
And so far, my Orson the wild man mask hasn't completely fallen apart, so I'm wary, but still pleased. But dreading the feather work.

I really wish I could make a career out of this. Mask making is fun.
>> GB No. 10205

I'm a Morrison, but I'm unaware of any of our history. My family have lived in the Lowlands for generations and we're not too fond of the Highlanders/anyone north of Stirling/those fuckers on the islands, which are the only Scots people care about, ha.
>> US No. 10206
Went to class even though I'm sick, forget my wallet and return home to get it after my first class. I drive back to college then drive around for 20 minutes trying to find a parking space so I can get to my next class only to keep barely missing an open spot (One was stolen!). Finally get a compact space only to have a bump on the side of my car hit the brake light of the guy parked next to me, tearing it out. I put it back in, tape it, and leave my number. Then a friend texts me that my class had been canceled! I wish I woulda stayed home. I also forgot to take a picture dang it. Now I'm nervously awaiting their call.
>> US No. 10208
I feel miserable. Today started out pretty okay then just got worse and worse. I got a flat tire this morning so i couldn't get to work, and my mom was pissed at ME for some reason because of it and started lecturing the shit out of me about doing al of my responsibilities.

Then I found out that the college I was planning to go to for Spring suddenly withdrew my housing deposit (that was, like, $250) and slapped on a huge $450 fee for breaking my commitment or some shit and didn't even tell me or email me about this ahead of time. Not only did I lose my deposit and get stuck having to pay the huge-ass fee (and I don't even know what it's for!), I have to make ANOTHER deposit to secure my place in housing aagain.

And my fucking mom isn't helping a damn bit. She just sits there and berates me for all this like I wanted it to fucking happen, and is all, "Well, you got yourself into this, now get yourself out."

Fuck you. You said you'd help me with all this college bullshit, and you haven't done anything You can rot in a fucking ditch.

Fuck that. Fuck all of this. If I could ragequit on life I would.
>> US No. 10209
I'm... I want to say Stewart, through my dad's side, and I can't remember my mom's side... I just remember her side of the family has less Scottish heritage so it's distant/thin, which is probably why I don't remember. Her side's got a lot of everything, my dad was more straight up Scottish and German.

(Kind of contemplating getting into ancestry stuff, but it's a slippery slope... I already like researching stuff way too much, that could suck me in like crazy...)

All right. Tomorrow morning, by the time I wake up, I will be 27. Tonight my mom's taking me to buy ice cream and chocolate cereal (and I've got to deposit a check).

I have reached the point in my life where, on the one hand, I do feel trepidation about the passing of time and the inevitability of age and its ravages, but I'm still young (or at least immature) enough to really want cake and presents every year...

Have to write my grandma to tell her I spent the birthday money she sent on embroidery stuff-- I think she'd approve of that. If it's a book or something related to an 'industrious' hobby I feel like she would, whereas I'm probably too old for her to smile on my buying toys.

(Then again, she collects dolls, so... she probably wouldn't be too judge-y. She's not really a judgmental woman, but she lived through the great depression, single motherhood in the fifties, the death of her husband and one of her sons, and cancer, so I kind of always feel like I should be making choices she'd approve of... There are not many people I know who are smarter or tougher.)
>> GB No. 10212
I don't want to be here any more.
I'm so tired.
Stop leaving.
I can't think.
>> US No. 10214
I should not be failing quizzes in a class for no other reason than the fact that you can't use a wireless connection to connect to the college website. I have no other option (EVEN THE CAMPUS COMPUTERS ARE WIRELESS) so I keep getting locked out of the quizzes. That's absolute bullshit.
>> US No. 10216
The only reason I haven't gotten into the lolita fashion is because I get mistaken for a preteen on a regular basis, and I'm worried it'd make me look even younger.

I have no college classes tomorrow and my dad is calling bullshit (because apparently I can't have a teacher seminar day, I'm just trying to skip). He called me at nearly 3 am to scream at me about it. My boyfriend's also coming in to go shopping with me, presumably so we can get NYCC props. I've never had a "real" boyfriend before (and the person I did have hurt me badly), so I'm admittedly scared to fall in love with him, even though he's really nice.
>> GB No. 10218

Me and you should chat, bruv. My mum's a major history buff, so she's passed on a lot of stuff to me.

(ps scotland sucks you don't wanna visit)
>> US No. 10219
Same deal as a few days ago, sitting in a college class doing nothing. it's not that the teacher is a bad teacher, but it's one of those "teach yourself" class that she just sits in on...this is seriously the boring class I've ever taken.
I don't think I'll take one of these "teach yourself" ever again. Easy A but boring as hell >.<
>> GB No. 10220
No no, visit! So long as ye don't spend ALL yer time in the towns and that, Scotland is great.
>> US No. 10225
Lolita isn't so much looking younger as it is how you carry yourself. Yes, you'll be frilled out like a porcelain doll, but if you counteract that saccharine sweetness by holding yourself with grace, people won't assume you're younger just because of it. Trust me on this one, I get regularly mistaken for being up to six years younger than I actually am, but that's never happened to me in Lolita just because of bearing.

Of course, it applies to classic and bittersweet and nearly every other substyle, but if you're going for more OTT sweet then the regal bearing trick doesn't fly.
>> CA No. 10226
Fuck you, Mr. director. The masks are fucking shiny enough. They don't need goddamn glitter. And have you ever put glitter on paper mache? IT IS FUCKING HARD. FUCK YOU. I'M NOT DOING IT.

If he hadn't saddled me with these bitches AND the entire props responsibility, I could do it, but as it stands, I'm busy, so what you get is what you get. Suck it up, pal.

Also. Still can't find Godot. Feels bad, because I wanted to re-read it for the millionth time before French class tonight.
>> DE No. 10227
Pretty much everything which goes through my mind in the last days... (i just want to wrote them somewhere down)

I fail at life. Okay?
No, like really. I really doubt that i will EVER somehow be grown up and get all my shit together and all. Today was a PERFECT example. And sometimes such things can happan but i fell like i let someone down. Which is utter BULLSHIT, because this is my life. I don´t feel like i let myself down, but that i did disappoint OTHERS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

And i frigging know why i´m a bit besides me... and why are my thoughts spinning in circles and biting each others in the tail like two rabid dogs? And why i´m hundred percent sure that what everyone forecasted and what i deep down knew will happen? Why don´t i have some sense of SELFWORTH? Why do i, my WHOLE life see myself as someone who will...?

And i´m sad and angry, because i know the solution and i would do that anytime but...

I still have hope okay? I still have this glimmer of hope and this wish and ...
It is no ones fault, except mine. Because i let it happen in the first place. Because i´m goddamn stupid and i´m so fucking emotional. And i try to get it under control by not showing, but it all pools together and than it´s like a BOMB and it explodes and if it happens than i can´t say it why, because it´s showing WEAKNESS, which it is, because i should controll it better and...
I´m telling these things on the WRONG places like here. No one gets what i´m talking about, but i don´t want that someone knows, but to the same time i want that someone knows and...

I don´t want pity.

(And all the while this one songs plays in my head, which makes me not more sad but let´s me feel rather pathetic.)
>> US No. 10228
File 131844920759.jpg - (19.26KB , 400x300 , he-aint-even-mad.jpg )
Okay. This has officially just been a really bad week in the way of schoolwork. Bombed an exam, realized a big part of my sculpture project isn't going to work, got locked out of a quiz because of the stupid website but had to fail it because I got locked out about two hours from the due date.

But you know what? Both the exam and the quiz can be dropped - both of those classes let students drop their lowest grade. And I can figure something else out with the sculpture project.

And that research paper for theater class was beast.
>> CA No. 10231
> Write subtle satire
> Post it to the chan
> One person just sees the Mary-Sue fic
> One actually sees the satire

Feels INCREDIBLE, man.
>> US No. 10236
So I told her that I still have feelings for her, and while she still feels afriad to trust anyone, we have both opened up to eachother quite a bit. She is hesitant to try a long distance relationship because the last 2 guys cheated on her. I tried to get her to understand that I despise cheaters/cheating. So now I am just trying to get her to trust me gradually. But it is all going much better than I expected, we are closer than we have ever been (but not distance wise unfortunately), and now for the first time in quite a while I am starting to be actually happy.
>> US No. 10237

May I refer you to >>10195?
>> US No. 10238
I have this tendency to get really close to anyone who actually puts in time or effort to get to know me or treat me with respect,
>> US No. 10239
(hit reply too early)

without actually having romantic/sexual feelings for them, so if a fight breaks out, I'm always really scared to lose them, and a person I used to be friends with told a friend of ours that I was acting like we were a couple breaking up.

I said something stupid to her without realizing it was stupid, she was very deeply hurt, I apologized profusely, which may have unintentionally made it worse, and now it's been months and I'm terrified to talk to her again.
>> GB No. 10240
File 131849527433.jpg - (106.79KB , 800x600 , DSCF1576.jpg )

Lemme rephrase that. Everywhere outside of Edinburgh sucks.
>> US No. 10243
Birthday went better than expected-- my family took me to a new restaurant in town, and not only was it fabulous, it was surprisingly cheap. Our minds were boggled, we were expecting to pay twice what we did.

THEN, Penn and Teller Tell a Lie was on the TV, so I got my P&T fix while I started cross stitching a zombie.

Also, the cats go crazy if you throw a balled up piece of wrapping paper for them. I'll have to pick it all up later, though...

Re Scotland; Someday. Someday. (Someday I want to go just about everywhere, honestly, but Scotland's the place outside the US where I have the most roots...)

Re everything else: all my hugs for everyone.
>> GB No. 10245
Do eet. If she hasn't just removed ye from her friends list, it means that at least part of her still wants ye there, and if ye have nae talked in so long then what have ye got to lose? No need to talk about anything super serious, just ease the friendship back up to the point it used to be at.

If ye like, ye can add me as well if ye need someone to talk to. My steam id is Donstheman, just add me and Ill bell ye back.
>> US No. 10247
Haters gonna hate Iz. Haters gon hate.

Oh right. Current feelings. Uh..

Sort of feeling like a snarky bastard. If the boss asks me to work this weekend again* I'm just going to say no. Or if she canoodles me into saying yes, I'm going to break my own leg so I won't have to go in. The money, man, and all, but these seven day work weeks with sudden cancelations of weekend get togethers everywhere is draining as fuck.

*Ordinarily, I'd say FUCK YEAH OVERTIME, but my boss has hired me semi-illegally as an 'independent consultant" (read: I don't want to pay taxes for hiring an assistant.) Kids, when you go out into the real world to find a job, remember this isn't a raw deal if you're really hit up for cash, but you basically have no worker's rights; ie, a right to a break or a right to a day off, and you can kiss time and a half or whatever right the goodbye.

And if a ladder falls on you, your boss will drag you into the street and claim it happened out there, regardless of the amount of gore in the building.
>> US No. 10248
I've always wanted to visit my relatives in Ireland, myself. My grandmother went with her senior group a year or two ago, and she had the time of her life there, but I want to go from a more spiritual standpoint. I want to go to Newgrange, The Ring of Kerry and places like that.

But then I realize that I have no money and I'm becoming a teacher, so the only time I might get to go to Ireland would be somewhere around twenty years from now at the earliest, and even then I'd only get to go in the summer.
>> CA No. 10255
File 13185463825.jpg - (1.93KB , 125x95 , 131853232358s.jpg )
No good can come of posting this in a thread that has already been derailed, so let's allow this to hinge on my feelings.

I'm going to try and untangle my confusion by describing what I see.


Is it just me or is everyone misreading everyone else, taking things completely the wrong way, and getting progressively more panty-twisted about it?

And we wonder where everyone went. This may sound strange, but this little corner of the universe is one of the last places I would expect usually rational people to get so... dramatic. It's disheartening. I really don't understand where all of this is coming from; it's pretty much, to me, a mountain out of a molehill.
>> US No. 10256
>Implying TF2chan is any different than any place else on the internet.

Sorry, couldn't help pointing that out.

Everyone's gonna make me out to be the enemy by default since I'm a mod so I really don't have anything to say since someone, somewhere will take it wrong and get their feelings hurt. I'm apathetic at this point.
>> US No. 10262
>Use parent's PC since someone's on mine.
>Find out dad has a dA! account now.
>The word 'hentai' pops up on URL suggestions.
>Dad is the only one who looks for stuff like webcomics on this comp.

FML. I DO NOT NEED TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS KIND OF SHIT. Also, the reason why I have a second browser which always wipes the history when it's closed.
>> US No. 10263
Ugh, I know that feel. I set my dad up with Chrome a while ago. Went to use his computer because mine wasn't working, and his entire top eight most visited were various porn sites.
>> DE No. 10264
if people are starting to get pissy, because of someone different and let it out on me.

Because i´m used to it.

Today was a not so great day from the start. Family was stressed therefore trying to find one outlet for their aggression. Sometimes it´s me than. If i than get a BIT pissed on, you can understand why, don´t you?

But mostly i sit there and i´m all: Calm your nevers everything is going to be okay. To which i once heard: I don´t get you I DON`T CARE ATTITUDE BY THIS!

I need to ask you: would it be better if i would be angry like you? Would it help, if i run around angry? Would it help, if i start yelling at you, if i´m frustrated? No not at all.

So i did what i could do now against the german bureacracy and welp. I just can wait now.

Got a mail about this one Jobinterview. Missed the termin got a question if i want to have a other Interview. Said i´m not there around this time. Got the mail i don´t get the job.... after i had a interview (which i never had).
Nothing against my person, blah, blah. Oh please i know i was not the best model, but after running around for one hour in the rain getting completly lost and soaked through makes no one really happy to go smily face. Getting than confronted with my social awkardness... It was horrible. I fialed. COMPLETLY.

Well didn´t really like the firm either, still it stings.

I have now a cup of tea to calm down. And some liquor to make me a bit happy.

Depression ahoy.
>> US No. 10266
I feel so goddamn overwhelmed, and it's not anything but what I've done to myself. I'm half-way through a six-day work week (which isn't unusual), but I'm working all nights, which is unusual. Working nights isn't so bad, but then I have a tendency to sleep the day away and I have several assignments I would like to complete before the due date so I have time for other things.

The 17th I have to give a presentation a stranger wrote for me and I have to make it feel natural, and I also have an essay due, but I just finished it. The 19th I have to correct 20 press releases and make sure they are actually fit for press, the 21-23 I will be across the country while the corporation I work for thinks it would be great fun to demand all the photo labs host a free photo shoot for children's Halloween costumes (with what resources??? They didn't send us a bench or backdrop, and we must use our own personal cameras). On the 24th a stranger has to give a presentation that I wrote for them, as well as my advertising midterm, and my advertising campaign for is due for presentation on the 30th. November 4-5 I will be gone again for family time and the 11-12 I'm running guest liaisons at a convention and I'm hosting a panel, and I need to finish two cosplay because my current ones are not fit for winter.

So all the paperwork and nonsense I'm trying to get done tonight (I'm about 10% of the way through) and I'm already exhausted. But work is work and it must be done, so I'm going to cowgirl-up and do it.

I have a whole 'nother issue about job-work, but I'm even going to touch that one tonight. I just needed someplace to piss and moan and recoup.
>> US No. 10271
The pros about working at a haunted house: I can wear my own classic Lolita instead of old trailer costumes, I get to scare the ever loving crap out of people, and it's a lisence to be crazy around people.

The cons about working at a haunted house: people think it's the best idea ever to get totally piss-ass drunk and then go through and have to be followed by a techie, I'm no longer used to wearing my corset that long so my hips hurt when I take it off, I get home at ass o'clock in the morning because we all go out for food afterwards, and it's keeping me from seeing Scoutpapa on our normal times.

Not to mention that I like supporting my old school's arts, and tomorrow night is marching band homeshow, but I have to miss it because money is good.
>> CA No. 10273

The above is one of the many sounds I was making while molding today's mask. I fucking HATE making noses. I really, really do. Friday better turn out absolutely great when he's finished, or I will just be mad that I went to so much effort.

Also, I don't think people like my serious writing style. At all. I knew I should have just gone with the ridiculous derpy stuff I used to write in high school. It's godawful, and I hadn't even heard of subtext or satire, or anything even remotely literary, but it makes people laugh. No offense to chan members, of course (I know they aren't all like this, after all), but it seems like many of them just want to read, and not to think about what they read, and that makes me sad, because that's all I ever do, is think.
So yeah. Next fic will probably suck out loud in my eyes, but will make others ROFL. I'll want to stab myself in the brain with a pencil, but I may be accepted by my peers.

...I'm starting to see why so many writers are suicidal.
>> US No. 10277
She told me I am not her type and she does not share my feelings. Never before have I felt such crushing depression.
>> US No. 10283
Period starts day after birthday.

Start coming down with cold day after that.

Lovely. Guess I'll be miserable for a couple of days. I have so much crap to get done, too...

And having a cold plus asthma makes it really hard to breathe at night sometimes... guh. I have to have a fan on all the time or else I feel like I'm suffocating, which is fine when it's hot but annoying when it gets cold.
>> US No. 10284
I feel terrible that my brother's girlfriend is having car trouble, because they were supposed to head up to NYCC. I hope it cooperates today, so they can go and take lots of pictures for me .

In other news, the costume manager for the haunted house is a visiting nurse and has a live-in shift from tonight all the way through Monday. She left me in charge of costumes. Here's hoping I don't screw anything up.
>> US No. 10285
File 131869818076.jpg - (38.22KB , 276x214 , 1151 - fire pokemon Rapidash twilight_sparkle.jpg )







Spoiler tagged for baw-angst. I know, I know. Nobody cares.
>> US No. 10286
I understand, but remember everyone loves your thread too!
>> US No. 10287
Nothing more awkward than running into a friend I fell out of contact with. Don't want to be evil, but I have no idea how to talk to them anymore, and might not even want to out of sheer awkwardness. We've been out of contact for maybe 8 years. Fuck, I need to leave the city.
>> US No. 10288
Fuck yeah, new computer! Now to play all the game I want without worrying about loss of frame rate thanks to a good graphics card and 8 GB or RAM.
>> US No. 10291
Bad stuff first to get them out of the way:

I really, really hate it when blood gushes out of me every time I sneeze. That one's spoiler-tagged because it's kind of... kind of TMI in an unsavory way?

Haven't needed Ativan for so long that I don't know where the pill bottle is, but started having minor panic attacks the last couple days and would like to be able to take it again so that my chest doesn't hurt all the time. If I don't caffeinate myself, then I get asthma chest pains, but too much caffeine helps set off the physical symptoms that correspond to my panic attacks, so I'm also leery of that... ugh.

And of course I have weird unfounded guilt issues where I feel bad about things I logically know I have no business feeling guilt over because no rational person would ever blame me for them. But because I can't fix everything, I heap abuse on myself... sigh.


Sweeney Todd just opened over at the community theatre! Our season tickets are for the first Saturday, so my mom and I had a lovely time.

When she was in college, both her sisters went to see a performance, and then went back several times, and when they described the show to her, she was baffled as to why they liked it and why they thought she would, but of course, Sondheim, and every aspect of the show was excellent, so she did love it, if not as much as I did.

(Also, the Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett were a RL married couple, so for all the messed up-edness of the characters, it's quite cute seeing them together after the show, and they both have FANTASTIC voices. She was Marguerite when we went to see The Scarlet Pimpernel and decided we had to get season tickets. The actor playing Toby had been the same guy who played her brother in Pimpernel, which amused me. And then it turned out that a friend of mine was running the spot and was in charge of bringing the big red lights up at all the crucial moments. So it was nice seeing her again, and I found out she goes to my mom's church!)

And, while not perhaps so exciting as live theatre, Duck Soup was 50% off at Barnes and Noble's today (60% off, us being members...), so I got one of my all-time favourite movies. Haven't had it since we had it on VHS... and we got rid of most of our tapes so long ago.

And the cats have been quite sweet and silly lately. So all in all, I'm feeling like the good is balancing the bad out pretty well.
>> CA No. 10293
I hate when my mom wakes me up at quarter to eleven, thinking my production meeting is at 11:30, when it's at 12:30, and then INSISTS that I told her 11:30. NO I DIDN'T. WHY WOULD I? IT'S ALWAYS BEEN 12:30! RAH. GO MAKE ME A TACO, WOMAN.

Yeah, I'm a bit cranky from sleeping less than I hoped to, but because she's making steak for her and my dad tonight, and she knows I don't like steak, she's agreed to make me a taco for dinner. So things will be good.
>> SG No. 10294
File 131878149424.jpg - (357.71KB , 1000x1700 , team.jpg )
Just found out that school is starting on the 17th (tomorrow) instead of a week later. My body is not ready.

Picture unrelated, but I needed a laugh so I looked at that. I made it for a friend who told me the 'why did the spy cross the road?' joke. Note the marvelous copy-paste skills I'm displaying there.
>> US No. 10295
File 131878212266.jpg - (5.45KB , 225x224 , sollysad.jpg )
Feeling very sad today, my pet savannah monitor died.

Going to convert my sad feelings into the form of pugnacity and beat the living shit out of someone in TF2 with my Soldier.
>> DE No. 10296
There is nothing BETTER in the world than to have someone where you can write a SMS to and you know he CARES about you. (Even if it is just slighlty.)
Friday which was a bad day was a perfect example of this. (Streetrains coming to late, missing train, cranky athmosphere at home, not getting through to my mum despise me trying all three numbers, people who are just acting stupid and i don´t give a shit about other people and stupid guys which are talking to the side to me remembering me how much i despise them FOR FUCKS SAKE IT`S THE FRIGGING PAVEMENT! IT`S FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE WALKING! THERE WAS NO BIKEWAY THERE! I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO WALKED TOWARDS YOU! WELL I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAN THERE AT ALL! AND I NEED TO GO OUT YOUR WAY? YOU GODDAMN CAN DRIVE AROUND ME! AND FOR CHRISTSAKE AFTER THE TRAFFICRULES YOU NEED TO DRIVE ON THE FREEWAY, YOU STUPID MORON! YOU DIDN`T EVEN RANG YOUR STUPID BELL! Oh yeah, how much i love the bicycledrivers. They never ring the bell.

Well it all ended up that i did have one free hour. I couldn´t believe how much it lifts the spirit than to look for presents for someone and thinking about what he would like and what not.

It´s HARD and can be a bit frustrating.
>> US No. 10299
And now she has a new boyfriend. I can feel my sanity straining to keep from snapping.
>> US No. 10301
File 131880918076.jpg - (59.55KB , 500x526 , itsokaytobesadsometimes.jpg )
Kumori, I am so very sorry to hear that. There's few things worse than the death of a pet... If you ever wanna share feeling shit or whatever, feel free to email me any time.

I'm sorry about that, man. girl issues are always the worst. I know it's probably not going to do much to make you feel better right now, but love comes in all kinds of places, alright? Maybe that door closed, but it might have made another door open for you. There's no telling.

Also, it'd be really wise to stop telling yourself, "This year is the year I finally get a girlfriend!" because it's something that has a large amount of chance that you just can't control. The attitude is great, but I feel like you might be setting yourself up for disappointment, is all. What I think you should do is keep your eyes open, and your heart ready, but don't rush into anything too fast, because chances are, you'll regret it later on down the line.

I have no idea if this helped or not, but I felt like you needed SOMEONE to talk to. Good luck with everything, man - seriously.
>> US No. 10302
Thank you. I know it's not the best thing to tell myself that. I thnk I'm sort of back to my (admittedly not that great) normal emotional levels. It's just that no one outside of my family has ever loved me and for some reason I thought this might have been it. But it wasn't, so now I must carry on. Damn it.
>> CA No. 10306
> Put in tons and tons of effort
> Masks turn out GREAT

Feels SO FUCKING GOOD, MAN. The desire to post a big-ass smiley face is so fucking strong. That's how thrilled I am.

...but still four more to go.
>> US No. 10307
Dancefag again.

So I got in a car accident. And that shit was SCARY.

I wasn't driving, my friend was. He was going about 35 (picking up speed) on the road while we had the right of way (green light and everything), when some faggot decides he can't wait two seconds for us to pass and makes an illegal turn onto our side of the road. We T-Boned him as a result.

No one was seriously hurt (I was hurt the most and had very, very minor injuries). A cop car was passing as this happened (saw the whole thing likely) so we had help pretty much immediately. During the impact I was jerked forward and the seatbelt hurt my collarbone and chest, so I went to the hospital to get an xray (mostly just some bruising and pulled muscles). The front of the car we were in was trashed, and the assclown on the other end had his tire blown off and the side all messed up. He got a court summons.

While waiting in the ER (lol hospitals) I updated my Facebook status describing what happened, I called the driver of the other car a faggot, and as a result got this long winded reply from my step-sister about how that term is offensive and how I shouldn't use it.

Really? Girl, I was in a fucking car accident, in physical pain, and strung out and nervous. I'm going to be a bit upset and not concerned with what insults I'm throwing out. She's super into LGBT issues (which I respect), and I know why it's offensive, but come on. My lesbian friend of all people wasn't even offended (stepsister is straight).

Worst of all, we were on our way to a halloween-themed dance and didn't get to go as a result. I mad!
>> GB No. 10309
Remember my cat? The one we thought was dying and drove halfway across the country to be told she wasn't?

Yeah, she's dying again. For real.

My housemates tell me to go home and see her, but I don't think I want to. I said everything I needed to the first time around, I think it'd just make things worse. So I'm gonna stay here and soldier on. I'll be fine eventually but it's going to be hard work.
I'm really worried about my mum, actually. She's currently housebound following an op on her feet and I think it's going to be really hard on her. But there's not a damn thing I can do from here and I don't have time to go home and look after her.
I wish I could just curl up into a ball and hibernate for a couple of weeks.
>> US No. 10310

Hugs for you both.


And for you. Car accidents are pretty freaking scary and stressful even when everyone is fine.

Today I found a spider in what I thought was the last clean bowl in the house, so instead of having cereal, I had a small stress breakdown and couldn't eat breakfast at all. (arachnophobic)

Then tonight while I was drawing, one dropped down from the ceiling ONTO me. So, yeah, two spider day, not good. Panic attack turned into an asthma attack, and while I'd been getting pretty good about not screaming like a little girl when spiders appear near me, when this one dropped on me I couldn't help it, so then I felt bad about that kind of step backwards...

And a gnat landed in my nacho cheese at dinner rendering it inedible. So the spiders aren't even doing their job. At least my cat caught a moth... (also pretty freaked out by moths)

Then my 'net was out for a couple hours when I'd normally be writing/posting/looking at pictures of kittens to calm myself down post-spidering. But it's back now, so... better late than never.
>> US No. 10311
Playing Oblivion for...homework...is highly enjoyable.
>> No. 10312
Now I'm curious. please elaborate on this.
>> GB No. 10314
How does everyone love you.
Really. I don't understand.
>> US No. 10317
I applied for a job at Bethesda and one of their requirements is that you are familiar with their games. Since before now all I'd really done was play the very beginning of Oblivion like 5 years ago and watch someone else play Fallout 3, I figured I ought to actually play one of their games. So now I'm totally hooked on Oblivion.

I really, really hope I get this, they're literally 15 minutes away from my house.
>> US No. 10318
File 13189031414.jpg - (73.49KB , 411x369 , dfsdfdf.jpg )
You gotta be fucking kidding me. My fucking UGC Highlander team couldn't form up for tonight's match and had to DQ. Fuck fuck fuck. I am so fucking.. I don't know.
>> CA No. 10319
Five masks are completely done. Three more to go. Director saw them today, freaked, and showed them off to the entire cast. Oohs and Aahs abound.

Felt great.
>> PL No. 10321
I can sorta relate - it's nice to have Portal 2 clips shown as an example in the multimedia class.
Also our English teacher has Australian roots and is super handsome. Damn.
>> US No. 10322
As for trial-by-fire costume mistress this weekend:

Saturday went extremely well, everyone put their costumes back for once, aside from someone who had a "specialty" costume and forgot to put it on the specialty rack, instead put it back with the rest of the mens' costumes. Oh well, so I moved it, cleaned up the makeup areas, closed up the cast trailer really quick and we all went home.

Sunday was a little more trying. I decided I missed my corset, so another person laced me who isn't the one who usually does it and got me too tight, so I was lightheaded for a while until it loosened itself enough to a wearable tightness. We were shortstaffed so someone pulled twenty entirely new people out of the woodwork, so I got to outfit them all, and it wasn't hard at all. But of course the new people didn't put their costumes back where I pulled them from or clean up the makeup when they were done with it, so it took me an extra fifteen minutes to tidy the trailer before we went out afterwards. Going out was nice, I was on the quieter end of the giant table they gave us, and the techies sat with us for once. We decided to have cast get-togethers over the course of the year so we keep our cameraderie up and can introduce new people in before the season starts, and apparently I'm going to be doing a cake for all of them.

tl;dr For my first experience being a costume mistress for a theatrical company, I didn't suck.
>> CA No. 10324
The prisoner I wrote in KY wrote back to me. This time I won't tell my mom. She worries about me, understandably. But I need this right now. I need to find some good in someone who is like those who hurt me as a child. I know most people don't understand this need to befriend a child molester for my own growth and so I can stop being a victim about it on the inside.

He's a very lonely man, convicted on one count. He has 5 kids but now identifies as gay. He worries about his mother with cancer. There is good in this guy on some level and that makes me glad and on some level empowered.

My computer is broken for the time being and I'll be stuck with a smart phone for 7-10 business days.
>> CA No. 10330
For those of you on steam right now, you may have noticed some downtime. Planned, but it doesn't make it any less irritating. Every freaking five minutes. DAMNIT STEAM. STOP BEING A BUTT, I WANT TO ROLEPLAY.
>> CA No. 10332
Right now,my home life is a mess, homework is unrelenting, volunteering is exhausting, National Novel Writing Month is approaching a lot faster than I would like, and I still haven't finished the fixing the second chapter.

Just got home from getting a new tattoo which took 3.5 hours to do the outlining of. Feels good.
>> US No. 10339
I feel terrible for hoping my friend breaks up with her boyfriend. My other friends and I agree she has terrible taste in boyfriends, and every single one of her past boyfriends has cheated on her. But the main reason is I am insanely jealous of this guy. But she is my friend, I want her to be happy, and hoping for a relationship to end is just not a good thing.
>> DE No. 10344
File 131905382999.gif - (98.00KB , 400x300 , colormeexcitedWEE.gif )
All what will maybe happen probably happen in the next 10 days for me, expressed in this from me selfmade icon.

It will be sweet, something to play and surprising.
>> US No. 10345
It really sucks when you spend an all-nighter planning and working on a birthday gift for someone, proceed to get sick afterward, and then have that person you're making the gift for decide that they don't want shit to do with you because you put other things to the side for the time being. I'm tired of bending over backwards for nothing.
>> DE No. 10346
Aw man, that must suck hardcore. Consider yourself hugged, Kilo. Wish I could do more than giving you a virtual token of appreciation.
>> DE No. 10347
Color me still excited, but also color me light green, ´cause I AM SO DAMN NERVOUS RIGHT NOW AND I MY STOMACH CAN`T HANDLE THIS!

The tension is killing me. Gonna scream into my pillow now.
>> DE No. 10348
Color me still excited, but also color me light green, ´cause I AM SO DAMN NERVOUS RIGHT NOW AND I MY STOMACH CAN`T HANDLE THIS!

The tension is killing me. Gonna scream into my pillow now.
>> US No. 10349
File 131906476793.png - (714.85KB , 612x816 , Sniper_24thBDay.png )
Just got back from my 24th Birthday dinner. Ate out at the Outback Steakhouse. Course, I couldn't help but go dressed up as Sniper so have a picture of me taken by my little sis since my dinners usually is just me with my mom and sis (too many friends live out of state, on the other side of the state and don't care much to come visit, or live out of country).

But eh, whatever, I'm happy, I got to have a beer in eight months since I rarely, rarely drink.

Happy Birthday to ole' lonely me.
>> US No. 10350
I just want to be loved.
>> CA No. 10351
have an interview at the tea emporium on Friday.

Nervous as fuck.
>> US No. 10361
Today, at work, I learned that Steve Jobs was dead.

I win @ everything, plz.
>> US No. 10371
Only a few more days until the Halloween party I'm attending. The last time I went, I was too nervous to talk to anyone for almost the entire night, but hopefully since this is my second year attending, I'll be a lot better at socializing.

My Medic costume idea pretty much fell through after my brother reminded me that no one is going to recognize it, and I always go as video game or comic characters. So instead I'm going as Elton John.
>> PL No. 10374
That awkward moment when we have to render a room in Maya among other things, when I barely touched a 3D rendering program before. At least we get a full, free edition of Maya2012 to use.
>> US No. 10375
File 131912460711.jpg - (187.24KB , 763x513 , top.jpg )
My mother decided she wanted to be a geisha for halloween. Sure, mom, you can borrow my crappy-ass polyester tourist kimono, that's fine. Oh, and wear that pink silk robe under it, but we'll have to put some interfacing on the collar to get it stiff. But then you'll be more of a maiko than a geisha... oh well, it's not like you really know the difference. No, I'm not talking about Memoirs of a Geisha, that movie sucked, mom.

But no, mom, I am not letting you just throw your hair up into a bun, go whiteface and hope for the best, that's not how I roll. We are going out after dinner tonight, picking up a $10 wig I can style into a mostly-accurate maiko style, and going to AC Moore to get fake flowers for some kanzashi because I don't have the time to fold them out of scrap fabric. That, and I refuse to let her leave the house that morning until I do her makeup right and make sure the wig is on right.

You see, my mom was a geisha for Halloween one year when my brother was small. She made a terribly inaccurate (like, McCall's pattern inaccurate if anyone who's familiar with them is reading this) kimono out of garish fabric, matched the obi to the fabric, got a shitty-ass wig and went whiteface. It scared my brother.

Not this time, mom, you're getting as accurate as I can get you. Or at least I can bullshit accuracy.

tl;dr Mom is being a geisha for Halloween and I refuse to let her be anything more than 50% inaccurate.
>> CA No. 10377
Two feelings today.

One- These props are kicking my ass. I have to call around to all the high schools and the historical buildings and settlements around the province, to see if they have any props we can use. It should NOT be this hard to find an old-looking wooden stool. Seriously.

Two- Why is it that, when there are several people who enjoy my story, the ONE that repeatedly comments saying they dislike it and see nothing but problems makes me wanna just slit my wrists and jump into the falls? I keep having the same problem with this play. The director can praise me for a thousand things, but if he dislikes even ONE little teeny thing, it makes me hate myself all the more and want to crawl into a hole and die.

I don't understand. I had a perfectly normal childhood, and life, really. No abuse, no neglect, no nothing. By all accounts I should be a normal, mentally healthy adult. But here I am, a self-hating self-conscious sociophobe, who starts crying inside when people don't like things she puts effort into.
Feels bad, man. I'm gonna go make some more paper mache. Maybe if I finish another mask, I'll feel better.
>> US No. 10378
File 131912859523.jpg - (51.21KB , 430x645 , 1298158690200.jpg )
Maybe you have OCD hon? Doesn't mean you had a shitty childhood or anything, just the way you are, and we love the way you are. Try not to let it eat at you, and carry on. Rest of word is not as upset at mistakes as you are.

MonsterSpy is not feeling well; MonsterSpy just pulled two 13 hour days at the gallery moving shit, and hoped that the next few days would be quiet but she's been working from home (which is less pajamas and masturbation then one would have hoped) and running back and forth from Manhattan while the boss is away in another state. MonsterSpy apologizes for being too sleepy to be coherent at night, and is seriously considering running away to Alaska and becoming an ice fisherman for the rest of her life.

I love the arts, really I do, but arts administration is killer. I've seen some shit and I've only been doing this for about two months.

...MonsterSpy am going to sit with a bag of ice on head for a while.

Snipers are not adorable stop that what are you doing also Happy Birthday, we'll discuss this later.
>> CA No. 10381
And on a conscious level I realize that (and thank you, by the way), but for some reason, that nagging 'You're no good, you fail at life' feeling is always in the back of my mind, and any sort of criticism just brings it out more. And it's weird because I'm not OCD about ANYTHING else. Literally. Washing my hands, cleaning, making lists- nothing in my behaviour would suggest OCD, aside from this one little thing, and even it makes me sound more schizotypal than anything.

>> US No. 10382
File 131913115043.jpg - (90.50KB , 600x1000 , Haters_gonna_hate____Pyro_by_ggabl1.jpg )
Bitch you ain't crazy. Perhaps you just have a need to be validated by the praise of others, which is pretty damn common. Praise validates you, therefore outright criticism deconstructs you. Again, this is not indicative of any sort of abnormal mental state or upbringing, it just sort of happens.

I can dig that, I was like that for a long time until I realized I could not please all the people all the time; it took the better part of two decades to realize this thanks to my wildly abusive mother, but that's another ball of wax.

Swear to god this is seriously the best attitude to approach shit with. Otherwise the world will kill you.

Go make some masks, you'll feel better I swear.
>> CA No. 10383
I can't even make em today. The humidity is making my paper mache all crappy, and peeling it back from the mask. HURG.

And it's weird, you know, about the whole validation thing. People can praise me till they're blue in the face, and I feel nothing, but any sort of crit sticks in my heart like a railroad spike, and I just don't know why.

Maybe my parents praised me too much as a kid or something (I am an only child, and I was horribly spoiled, so it would make sense), and now that it's gone away, something in me just doesn't feel right anymore. Something misses the constant fawning.

Need to get me a man or a goldfish or something.

Also, the fact that you used a Pyro image makes me doubly happy.
>> US No. 10390
File 131914970822.jpg - (11.87KB , 241x230 , 1296376178830.jpg )
I want to give up, but giving up is very hard and goes against my nature. Nothing I do, give, or sacrifice is damn good enough for anything. I gave everything I got and took great pride in doing so. I'm a very selfless person, but still people decide they no longer want shit to do with me and get rid of me at the drop of a hat, even after showing them nothing but upmost loyalty and respect. It took me long enough to realize that some things, sadly, aren't worth it, and that my own loyalty was causing me great grief.
>> US No. 10399
Dad goes to community college < I go to university a few hours away < Heard from room mate who head from her mom who heard from her coworker that my dad made a comment in class she found funny < comment was about drug dosing < Room mate teases about confronting dad about drug dealer < Doesn't tell her he had drug problems in the past < awkwardly sit there < I hate how word travels that fast.
>> No. 10402
I lost my self confidence after failing out of one of my courses. I don't want to sound like a selfish bitch so I don't say anything to my friends. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything of any worth for months.

I feel okay.

I feel cold. I miss having someone who I can talk to about anything. I hate myself for having to settle with something I'm not happy with and not fighting for something better.
>> US No. 10411
Last night: Freaking out and on the verge of hyperventilation and tears after attempting to insert SD card into camera in the dark ended in me getting it jammed after putting it in wrong. Note to self: Don't do things in the dark, idiot.

Today: Spend all day baking cupcakes. (Our oven has been broken for ages, so all we have is a toaster oven. I can't use a cupcake tray, I have to put a few separateable silicon baking cups on the tiny cookie sheet that comes with said toaster oven and bake them four at a time. So one batch takes for-freaking-ever, but... then cupcakes.

Tonight, watched 'Duck Soup', and my brother fixed my camera. Also, you know, the fruits of my cupcake labor. So, doing much better tonight than I was last night.
>> US No. 10413
I am an idiot.

This will not end well, but I am doing it anyway.

I am an idiot.
>> US No. 10417
Spent some time with my mom today, I'm off at college and she drove to spend the weekend over here. Went to the mall, it was a good day.
>> NL No. 10426
File 131936597029.jpg - (100.33KB , 1280x1024 , GRANDIOOS.jpg )
I found some old games I used to play when I was but a wee lass, let's hope they work.
>> US No. 10428
File 131938890480.jpg - (18.96KB , 540x405 , Eiko.jpg )
Self-imposed solitude where comfort comes in the form of fictional characters is only somewhat better than the naturally-occuring solitude that comes with real people not wanting to be within ten metaphorical feet of you.
>> CA No. 10429
I am going to punch my director in the face with a fistful of glitter.
>> No. 10431
So, my boyfriend and I are breaking up. Not because our relationship is bad or anything; it's because he can't make a commitment to me, says that he can't love me as much as I deserve. I'm not sure if I understand. I'm numb, because he's one of the few reasons I have for surviving as well as I have the last couple of months.

I kind of feel like dying now. I'm unemployed, living at home in a city where I have no friends, and the man I was convinced was the love of my life is leaving me because he feels he can't support me. Wat do?
>> US No. 10433
I'm in one of those situations right now that is so infuriating that I don't even want to write about it. I just want to tell everyone that I'm angry and hurt and betrayed.
>> US No. 10434
Reading some of these makes me angry. There are a lot of good-hearted people on here and Cupid is just doing them wrong.

I want to take you guys on a real date. I mean to a nice dinner or something where you've got to get dressed up. And not because I feel sorry for you, but because you deserve to be treated right.

It actually makes me feel guilty that I've finally got things going okay for me now.
>> US No. 10436
File 131944661818.png - (9.78KB , 481x362 , This is stupid - MLP - Rarity.png )
That cosplayer guy wants to voice chat with me. I'm way more excited about this than I should be.

I am totally falling for this guy. He barely knows English, lives over 4000 miles away on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, and for all I know could still be a loser. This is definitely a recipe for success.

I am a fucking idiot, why am I doing this.
>> US No. 10437
Today my mom's church had their second anniversary of being a reconciling congregation-- one which makes it their mission to be not just tolerant of but openly welcoming and caring to LGBT members.

I felt this was a worthwhile thing, so while I normally cannot wake up early enough to go with her, I dragged myself up, had a lot of caffeine, and went, because crap, if more churches were like that, world would be a better place.

Everyone there, genuinely nice. Plus, I have friends from theatre in the congregation, and got to chat with one of them a little.

Downside? Massive amount of people, which leads to me coming over all shaky and panicky. I mean, great that they're all warm sweet people, but when I get to that point... So yeah, I had a bit of an over-socialization anxiety attack, but there was a nice mediation garden-type area where I could cool down.

I am looking forward to their Hallowe'en carnival, because even though it will no doubt be very full of people, I will be wearing a costume, which makes me instantly a million times better at dealing with other human beings. And, since I'll be Harpo, if I go pre-verbal from social stress, I can just play up the 'can't talk, in character' thing, I guess. It's better than getting all dressed up and then sitting in my living room being depressed because I have no place to be...

Hopefully at least one of my theatre friends will be there. I mean, ideally, both of them.

Keeping my fingers crossed for the costume contest. Trying not to get sick tonight because I have a dental appointment tomorrow. One of my old fillings fell out (figured I'd put that under a spoiler tag for other people who are triggery about tooth stuff. I'm a bit nervous about it because I don't handle dental visits all that well. I can't get work done without being gassed up)
>> US No. 10439
I take one night off of work to go to a banquet and of course, everything goes wrong. I get there last night, and the list of troubles includes:
>one person threw up for three hours
>people who are NEVER tired are exhausted
>Half the cast is sick
>The other half lost their voices
>So many drunk people came through and were disruptive, one of them destroyed the effect in one of our rooms, I hope he has to pay for it even though it's already fixed, that's a $4,000 effect

Last night was OK, I was in a behind-the-scenes spot where I didn't have to talk to anyone (which, in hindsight, they probably should've given it to someone who lost their voice, but I guess it's just because I'm quick with it and they know that I've worked nearly every room in the house over the years) but now for some reason I've got a scratchy frog in my throat. Can't tell if voice is gone or just sick... either way, tea tea tea all day.
>> US No. 10441
So I decide to ride my bike to a nearby deli, instead of driving there) because it's a nice day. As I'm riding out of my neigborhood, I pass what takes me two glances to realize is a dead armadillo. First armadillo I've seen in person and it's dead. I manage to forget about it by the time I get to aformentioned deli and eat my lunch. On the way home, I notice the carcass again, as well as what-appears-to-be-a-chicken strutting away from it; only, upon closer inspection do I realize holy-failed-bladder-retention, it's a goddamned BUZZARD.
tl;dr: see two animals for the first time ever, combined horrifyingly to great effect.
>> US No. 10442
Sorry about the weird typos in my last post. I'm still a bit jittery, but I'll try not to make it so obvious next time.
>> US No. 10443
Okay, again, spoiler tagging dental work stuff: Turns out it wasn't my filling coming out, it was my wisdom tooth chipping. Means going to an oral surgeon, because I cannot do the extraction if I'm not conscious.

So I got all jittery over-- well, not nothing, but I didn't need to get work done today.
>> US No. 10444
Why don't all my dress patterns use princess seams? They're so much easier than darts, in my opinion.

My pattern didn't go up to my size though, so I had to add in an extra panel in the back. Oh well, I'm just adding ruffles to make it bustle-y. I also plan on shirring it, but I've also never done that before, so it's a work in progress.

I'm excited to see it done soon though, because I feel like the fabric is really cool, and the dress as a whole is gonna kick ass.
>> US No. 10450
Oh man, Hansel und Gretyl is playing down in Fresno on my birthday, but I don't have the money, transportation or time to go see them. I am a sad metalhead.

At least it's not like I'm missing Laibach or something.
>> US No. 10451
I just finished making a dress, my best one to date with two things that I've never done before, so I was excited to post about it on Facebook.

I log on to see that my friend posted a status about my aunt. She's only been fighting cancer for a couple years, they took out a tumor a little more than a month ago but the cancer spread to her organs. They gave her five months to live, and she just passed away.

I'm not sure whether I'm angry at the gods for taking her away so early or thankful for cutting her fight short.
>> US No. 10452
Just filled out job application #20.

Guess how many interviews I've had?


I need to work, I don't know how to do anything else. I'm competing with a bunch of other college students like me, it's getting stressful.
>> US No. 10455
  I don't play Minecraft, I don't even know what the problem is with 'dying the wool', but this sums up my everything right about now.


>> CA No. 10459
I haven't posted in this new thread yet, I don't think, mainly because I've been too exhausted to conjure anything other than misery and an unwillingness to type it out.
But I'm fucking bored tonight, so here goes.
My best friend and I got into a stupid argument over facebook. Namely, her deleting her account because all her friends deleted theirs and she's decided she's too cool for facebook because she's a sheep and all her other friends did it first. It's hard for me to get ahold of her in the first place because of my work schedule (which isn't all that complicated, since during the week I work straight days, 8-4:30. Don't see what's so difficult about that, but for whatever reason she always calls when I'm at work.) and her school/homework load, and then she doesn't understand why I'm upset when she cuts off one more mode of communication between us. For whatever reason, msn never sends offline messages from my account and she never checks her email, so what else am I supposed to do? Facebook was the only place I had when I needed to shoot her a quick 'hey brabe - call me at 5 tonight if you're free' message. She also won't admit that since she deleted it, we've spoken less and less to eachother.
On top of that, she expressed irritance in the fact that I've got a negative attitude towards everything and she says she tired of hearing about how bored and depressed and angry I am with my life. So I stopped. Just stopped. Didn't stop being mad or sad like she expected me to, just stopped telling her about it. Meanwhile, whenever she's mad or sad or whatever, she'll ramble at me about it and I'm not allowed to do the same in return.
Whatever. So now she's fine, whatever, having the time of her life in a big city, making all her dreams come true, spending all the time with people far cooler than me, but I'm here, festering in my own depression and just wishing I didn't have to wake up another morning and go to work. Or just not wake up entirely, that could work, too.
I don't think I'm suicidal, but I do wish I was dead sometimes. Like while I'm alive no-one gives a fuck, and no one appreciates the things I do that are a burden to me but make their lives easier. But maybe if I was dead, people would? Like maybe there'd be a gap in peoples' lives, less laundry getting done at my house, one empty spot on the line at work, one less person online on msn.
It wouldn't do me any good, but I don't know, just seems like it's all I can think about.
>> US No. 10460
FRESNO? Pardon my flailing about in caps lock mode there, but I'm in Merced, so... I'm used to never seeing anyone from remotely near me anywhere.

I'm so sorry.

I wish I had useful things to say, I'm terribly awkward about everything, but man. I know what crushing depression gets like, and I just really, really hope that you feel better. Ugh, and I know that sounds awful, because yeah, every time I'm on the depression side and someone says that, I feel like there's no such thing as 'feeling better', but...

Anyway, accept my fumbling attempts at moral support.
>> US No. 10461
Feeling a bit frustrated and disgusted with myself. After getting a lecture from my dad about how difficult it'd be to live in the real world, because the situation at home is going to change "a lot sooner than you think" (this started because of my mediocre performance in college thus far). So after searching for local jobs, I find a part-time job as a library assistant that pays $11/hr; I find out almost immediatly after that it conflicts with ONE day of ONE of my inflexible college classes. I'm lying in bed (I have a habit of procrastinating/getting so overwhelmed I just shut down) when I decide "fuck feeling sorry for myself. I'm doing to do some math shit, then feel sorry for myself". Failed the first attempt on a math quiz (as in, answered nothing because I could not figure out how to work through the particular problems). My math notes do jack shit to help, because I'm terrible about taking notes.
...Eh, I'll stick with homework for a while... Free redos, you can ask for help (and the program is, surprisingly, very helpful) and the highest grade is the one that's accepted. However, I'm pretty sure I've got a history test today and a debate group to get in contact with, and I'm just done. I'm not even feeling that well today, fucking sinus infection and whatever-the-hell's-going-on-with-my-stomach. On top of all that, I can't talk to any of my friends; they've actually got bigger issues on their plates, some of which they might not be able to fix (but they've stopped talking to me about problems anyway, so I feel... useless. Like I always do, and now, whenever we all get together, it's like this bubble of denial and sunshine where no one acknowleges that there are any problems ever and it's just wasting time none of us really have anymore).

Sorry for whining so much, by the way. This really is shit I can sort out myself, I just needed to vent somewhere.
>> GB No. 10462
Well, if you need someone ye can unload on, you can add me on steam or skype with the id Donstheman (both) and ye can talk to me. Wether ye need advice, a friendly chat or just someone there to listen, Ill be there. I know how important it can be just to have someone there.
>> PL No. 10464
So apparently my back hurts like hell because of stress. I've had a panic attack this morning, and depression struck again (for the last four days, I had trouble motivating myself to even go out, it's rarely happened in the past 10 years, I thought that I was over it), and my parents didn't help by sending me on a guilt trip. I really want to study, but I doubt that I'll be able to keep up. I want to quit, take a break, or few courses to prepare myself, but I've gotten this far, and a lot of money goes in for these studies, and aghhh.

Idk anymore, I'm gonna meet with dean's assistant tomorrow and talk about it. And I thought that I was finally getting somewhere...
>> CA No. 10467
I'm pissed and lost feeling.

For 8 years I've been told I had a brain tumor. None of my doctors bothered to tell me that the symptoms vanished after 2 years and have since been linked to a previous medications.

Over the last 6 years when I had no symptoms my doctors have sent me for MRIs and put me on meds for a tumor I apparently never had and that no one told me I never had.

I'm pissed, I structured my life for 8 years on what I was told I wouldn't be able to do, on possibly dying pretty young. I structured who I am on a lie and I am pissed.

I want to know why, out of 3 doctors, no one bothered to look at the fucking blood work and tell me why they continued to book scans. I'm just so fucking pissed and so fucking lost.
>> US No. 10469
Well at least you don't have a brain tumor. Yes 8 years of your life have been messed up, but now you have the rest of your life to make up for it.
>> CA No. 10473
Thanks for the kind words. I apprecaite them more than you probabvly think.
Relating to last night, I cut myself for the first time ever. I didn't want to die, I was just overwhelmed with hatred for my life and myself. Everyone I tried to get ahold of to talk about it with was unresponsive and I felt hopeless.
I felt immense guilt about it afterwards, and it was a generally awkward experience and I hope never to do it again. I'm embarrassed to tell anyone irl about it, because it's so stupid and angsty-teenager, so I just say my dog ripped my arm up.
If only small, a lesson was still learned.
>> CA No. 10474
I haven't drawn anything proper in a long time and whenever my family talks to me about it I feel like giving up drawing for good and just working where ever.

But I can't and I won't because it's something I want and I know it'll be hard and I'm not going to just throw in the towel because people are better than me at something, I have to keep trying or else I won't get better.
>> US No. 10475
Hey mom & dad, I just got a screening interview for a really nice paid internship for the summer. What's that? You're unhappy I didn't read up on it more? Ok I see your point, but the university wouldn't let scammers in like this if they weren't legit. Yes, address on the business card is for Los Angeles, but I could make $6000 and they let us pick areas in California to work in. No? You're just going to rag on about my irresponsibility more? Well fine then you miserable fucks, maybe I won't send in the rest of the form and miss out on a great opportunity to become a good manager.
>> US No. 10476
I've been struggling with a situation that pretty much pulled the rug out from under my feet and it's taking a toll on my emotions and health. I'll be okay one second, but reading or seeing something just triggers all these negative emotions. I've been doing a lot better, but realizing that this situation has hurt another a lot has just reignited all of my frustration and anger. These people have been so careless and inconsiderate and, after their poor decisions, I'm wondering if I can honestly regard them with the same respect I had given them prior to this.
>> DE No. 10479
File 131969943943.jpg - (53.47KB , 495x700 , Mental health.jpg )
Okay, even though I'm currently staying away from the feelings thread, I have to comment on this. Stubs, you are a bro and a really cool person. Never forget that. Life loves to throw shit at us and challenge us all the time, but the key is not to give up. Vent, cry, seek help, whatever. But don't give up. You are awesome and life can be awesome as well.

I'm going through the same shit currently, I know where you're coming from. It blows hardcore. But we can do this, I tell you. You and me both.
Try to do something with your energy, even if it's just going out for a powerwalk or some situps. Do stuff in the household. Draw or write something silly without any kind of quality level.

You and all the other depressed people on here should refer to some of the ideas on the attached picture. As hard as it is to muster up some energy to do these things, they are worth the try, believe me. They obviously won't magically fix your issues, but they could make you feel better about your situation and yourself and that alone is worth the shot because ALL of you deserve to feel good!

Here's hoping you feel better soon. You're in my thoughts, man.
>> US No. 10480
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I have a really huge crush on one of my guy friends. He's gay, but biromantic, but he says bodies don't matter to him and that it's all in the mindset (i.e. he's dated transguys and is one himself.) I'm genderqueer but I associate a bit more heavily with females so I don't know what to take from that.

I also have a wonderful girlfriend that I love more than anything, but she's in another country. We fully admit to each other when we have crushes on someone else (we're open to the idea of threeway relationships, and have liked the same person a few times). But she's completely cisgendered female, so there's no way he'd date both of us.

I don't even know what I want. I don't want to break up with my girlfriend, I couldn't. I love her. But I want him. But he likes someone else and I don't think he'd ever like me anyway. I just.. really really like him. I'd never cheat on my girl, not ever, but I just... WANT him, I want to kiss him and cuddle him and all these things that I can't do because I have a girlfriend and I can't do those things to her either and it all just kind of really hurts.
>> US No. 10481
File 131971418713.png - (115.48KB , 313x311 , 131625391270.png )

Dear AnneTheCatDetective:



Please note that this is not entirely serious. I will admit that you have been the subject of many a breakdown in the past, but it's not like I'm going to hate you for being popular, lol, i mean who does that who's that shallow, lololol.

brb crying in a corner
>> DE No. 10482
File 131971768912.jpg - (17.85KB , 515x335 , Bro grabs.jpg )
Okay, take a breather and calm down.

We all want positive responses from our peers for what we do and put our heart into. Recognition is what makes the world go 'round. But the question is: Do you rely on recognition from others? Are you not able to feel happy about your accomplishments without it? If you can answer this with yes, you should take a step back and think your situation over.

Writing is something all of us fanfic people do for a hobby - It's something fun to pass the time with, it's creative and lets us fulfill fantasies and ideas we can't easily experience in real life. You seem to be taking it way more seriously than is healthy if you consider it to be a contest rather than a nice passtime.

Look, man. First and foremost, you should learn to be happy with your work yourself. Appreciate your talents, embrace your strenghts! You have them, believe me. Make sure writing is actually a progress you enjoy, not just something you do to get pats on the shoulder. Once it becomes a chore, something that emotionally taxes you for whatever reason, you should maybe take a break.

Enjoyment can't be measured in the amount of comments someone gets. People love what you write, plain and simple. That's amazing and you should feel amazing! You make people's days brighter with your story updates. It doesn't matter if you have one story or twelve or if you have one fan or hundreds. You should enjoy what you do and if someone on top of that enjoys it as well, you can already be goddamn proud of yourself - Rightfully so!

TwoRefined, both you and Anne are great writers that entertain the chan with kickass writing. Stop thinking in quantity and think in fun! Keep writing because you love it and because you are a hardcore, awesome, badass, brotastic writer. You are great and should feel great. Don't let your talent go to waste by holding yourself up with jealousy and selfloathing.
>> US No. 10483
Awww, Perry you didn't need to do that. Like I said, it wasn't completely serious - I don't want people to think their comments don't matter to me unless I have more than so-and-so.

It's just that I've been going through a major slump and I wish I could get back on track and Anne has kind of become the best example of what I wish I could be accomplishing right now instead of sitting on my ass and feeling sorry for myself.

Truth be told, I don't think writing will ever just be a "fun past time" for me. The sad truth is that I take it uber-4-srs. I obsess over it. I'm always thinking about how I could write this better or organize that sentence structure better, etc etc. It really does mean a LOT to me, and since Breaking Point is kind of my current "I'M SO PROUD OF THIS - IT IS MY BABY" project, a lot of how I feel I'm growing as a writer will be linked to how well I perceive I'm doing on it.

But for right now, I'm kind of being plagued by lack of motivation, and it literally HURTS. I'll spend all day on the freaking thing only to delete most, if not all of what I've done, and then I'll get migraines and my bones will start to ache, and I just feel so SAD because I can't stop THINKING about it and I have a STORY and I want to share that story with the WORLD, but I CAN'T FUCKING PUT IT ON PAPER WRYYY.


But, breaking off of that tangent, I want to make it clear again that I have no feelings of ill will towards Anne. I see her more as friendly competition and I really admire her productivity (admittedly sometimes to the point of jealousy), but that's about it. I don't think I'm any lower than her - it's just sometimes I wish I had certain qualities of her or that I could just do SOMETHING, fuuuuck.

I know I sound like a crazy person - I probably am - I FEEL crazy, but no one's really at fault for that than my own psycho-brain. I do love what I write and I love writing - it's just that when I CAN'T write and I REALLY GODDAMN WANT TO that I start falling apart and crap.

Buuuh, now I'm crying and shit like a real frickin' moron. Brb as I take a nap. Maybe that'll hhelp me be less crazy who knows.
>> DE No. 10484
File 131972242971.jpg - (21.96KB , 500x290 , Thumbs up David.jpg )
Oh, I didn't think you were being a drama queen or something of the sort! No worries.
But it's fact that you posted something like this more than once on the feelings thread and it seemed to bother you in some way, and since I'm one of those people who can't stop trying to help and making people happy (hence why I should actually stay away from this thread at the moment, got too much stuff on my plate - silly Perry!) I wanted to comment. Sorry if it wasn't appropriate!

Oooh, writer's block. We've all been there, hoo boy. Here are some helpful ideas that might improve your situation: http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2011/07/19/25-ways-to-defeat-the-dreaded-writers-block/

Writing is your passion, and that's awesome! But as you said yourself: You obsess over it. Your own insecurites are your biggest weakness! You got talent, you got ideas, you have it all. It's your own fear of doing wrong and your own pressuring that causes the issues, it seems. Try to have something else, a different hobby or whatever, that you can blow energy on without any kind of expectations. Something that cleans your mind and gives you some focus without needing to fulfill standards. I for one have found workout, household duties and simple videogames to be helpful, but those are just some of the possibilities.

My point still stands: Your selfloathing and stressing is what holds back your talents! Try to gradually develop a better attitude with taking up ways to vent and let out your frustrations, do things that make you feel accomplished easily, remind yourself that you are awesome and should feel awesome. You deserve a healthier attitude towards yourself and your work.

Keep going, bro!
>> GB No. 10485

50,000 words of TF2 derp. My friends convinced me to do it. I have no plot and half of it will probably be smut. Friend says it will be majestic.

I think I'm going to go insane.
>> US No. 10486
>>>"Oh, I have an old Skype!"
>>>>Uninstalled it and doesn't remember the username/password
So, I just reinstalled it today. I've sent a contact request to you and I'd like to thank you for at least tryting to be sympathetic. I'll try not to be a bother, though.
>> CA No. 10487
My hands are covered in paper mache goop, and it feels great. Whole turkey torso is molded, and so is the Ali Baba mask. After he's painted and glazed, there's only ONE mask to go! ...and a tiny goose, but that's super simple.
My props team is finally getting together and getting stuff. 3 weeks till the show, and we've got a LOT of stuff. It feels great.
Still can't find the desks we need, though, but we'll manage.
>> PL No. 10488
Jesus fucking Christ, I need to move out, I hate this district.

When I was walking from the tram today I saw a bunch of 4th(-5th?) graders kicking the fence. I thought that they were trying to scare a dog or a cat or something like that, and I was too far away to do anything yet, and people were passing by them and ignoring that, and finally some old man told them to scram.

When I got there, there was a dead cat near the other side of the fence, probably got hit by a car and was moved there by someone, and they were kicking it and grinning then and after they were scolded, stuffing their stupid faces with chips.

I had to restrain myself both from crying over the cat and their behavior, and from thinking how neat their brains (doubt they have any tho, not literally of course) would look like, all beaten to a pulp on the sidewalk. If only I had more strength, I wouldn’t hesitate to at least beat them.

I’m really worried for the future of our civilization.
>> CA No. 10489
Self - stop getting scramble-brain during your exams. That exam was 25% of your course mark and you lost out on at least 19% because you couldn't focus enough to even get to the written portion.

I had better have a 3.0 or above when you're done here
>> No. 10490
i haven't played tf2 in like a year, i haven't been to tf2chan for just as long, what the fuck am i doing here why am i writing fics again why am i doing anything what is going on; i feel so out of place and also stupid

also on a more emotional level i guess sometimes i feel like i throw my friendships away and that sucks or something, whatever, guess i'll just get over it because who cares!!!!

>> CA No. 10491
perry i am crying tears of happiness, you always know just the right thing to say. things are substantially better than they were thanks to couple of people who've helped me through my problems. so at least, for now, i'm doing okay.

thank you so much, perry. you're an absolute doll.
>> US No. 10493
File 131977473682.jpg - (30.68KB , 448x284 , CatHugsPuppy.jpg )

I think we just need a Perry appreciation post or two.

Perry, you're always so helpful and sweet and you give really great advice and words. You've made me feel better a few times, even if you weren't talking to me specifically. Basically, you're cool.
>> US No. 10495
Yeah, Perry, you're the fucking best. Thanks for cheering my emo ass up - I really should take a breather and relax or something, and hopefully by the end of this, I'll come out a stronger person and writer! Thanks again for being so selfless and encouraging!
>> DE No. 10496
File 131978688161.jpg - (88.88KB , 430x482 , Happiest tears Heavy.jpg )

Awww shucks, you guys ... Aw man you make me all giddy inside! You are the best absolute best, seriously, sniff.
>> US No. 10497
I voice chatted with him earlier tonight. He seems like a sweetheart and I think he likes me, but he has 15 exes, one of whom was a fiancee, which is EXTREMELY FUCKING TROUBLING to me. I am unsure how to proceed. That many ex girlfriends is a really bad sign, but it seems like a lot of them just wanted in his pants not beeg surprise.

I am very conflicted. pls advise
>> AU No. 10498
I was just watching Prince of Egypt after a long-ass Stargate binge, and I'm finding everything about this movie 150% cooler by thinking of all the Pharaohs/Gods/royalty as Goa'ulds.
All except for Moses who's obvs a Tok'ra
>> US No. 10499
Work got canceled last night because of inclement weather (god forbid we have a little rain, right? Although I don't suppose people want to slosh around in the mud at a haunted attraction). Here's hoping that the 1-3 inches of snow (snow, really?) misses us entirely tomorrow night so we don't have to lose our busiest night of the year. I'll be knocking on wood all day today.
>> US No. 10500
You know that feeling when you really start to dislike the immature behavior of someone, but it's of no use to call them out on it because other people will just continue to encourage that person to behave that way while simultaneously demonizing you for trying to change that person's behavior?

Yeah, I hate that shit too.
>> US No. 10501

Kilo when did you become me.
>> US No. 10502
Uh oh. Is it someone on Hipstr?
>> US No. 10503
Stepped on a scale for the first time in about over a month, and discovered that I've lost six pounds. I've been going to the gym, but not as often as I should, and that moment was total encouragement to go more often.
>> US No. 10504

I know that feel, bro.
Best to just remove involvement with said person, although I know that's always easier said than done.
I had a friend who'd get on my case if I didn't approve of this one guy friend randomly groping me. I'm sorry, but just because another TRUSTED friend of mine is allowed to do that sort of stuff does not mean every guy who I am remotely friends with can pull that shit. But, um, I digress.
>> US No. 10507
Woo! High-five!

Tomorrow I do my weekly weigh in... Never look forward to it the day after potluck night... I mean, I don't need to be thin, but my dad died too young from what was likely a heart attack, so I really just want to get healthy.

Spent evening being awkward. Realized way too late what day it was after sleeping in with a killer headache, did not have time to both shower and get all the stats ready for D&D. Chose stats because the guys were looking forward to getting to the actual battle. So, felt gross and unpretty around crushworthy D&D group guy.

I feel so high school over him, it's ridiculous. I'm not 'in love' with him, but it is kind of nice to know somebody I would date, but don't totally destroy myself over... and I don't know that nothing can ever happen with him, so...

I don't know, though. As I've said, we're both so socially awkward that it is kind of impossible to know whether or not we're flirting at any given moment. But he's a straight guy who is not totally put off by my slash habit...

Okay, okay, done talking about my weird not-a-love-life.

(unrelated, saw a little black cat outside Taco Bell. Total cutie, and it seems like a good place to hang out if you're a stray cat... you can eat thrown out half-eaten tacos and any vermin that are attracted to thrown out half-eaten tacos... We were in the drive through, and I had to fight the temptation to climb out of the car and try to chase him...)
>> US No. 10514
Little update before I head off to work (ugh). I'm feeling a little better now - finally got SOMETHING done for my next chapter, and even though it isn't pretty and even halfway finished, I'm kind of proud of it. So there's that. It's hard not pressuring myself to HURRY UP AND GET IT DONE EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOU'RE TAKING SO LONG OMG WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING, etc etc. In fact, I'm pretty sure it won't go away until I finally DO update. But I feel like I'm on the right track, which is good... Now if only my heart would chill the fuck out and stop making me feel like my blood is frozen, that'd be nice.
>> No. 10520
Been playing on the Eyeaduct map and finding a lot of gifts, but I've been giving away most of the Halloween stuff to friends. I just can't explain how happy I feel when others are happy, even when it's just giving them a silly virtual item. It's also been a welcome distraction from my own feelings of hopelessness. It feels like I'll never just go back to normal sometimes.
>> US No. 10525
It is me again.

I keep shifting between depression and relative normalcy. In the normalcy, I keep reminding myself how my mother worked for 5 years to get my father to see her as more than just a friend, so that is acting as my motivation. I can be patient and take my time. I waited 2 years before telling her how I felt, as a combination of 3 of her boyfriends, my own cowardace, and waiting to confirm that it was not a fleeting crush, prevented earlier action. I will wait for her to break up with this new guy. If she does not, then I will be happy for her. If she does, hopefully she will take me. But in the meantime, every time she mentions him, it is like a stab in the heart. I am not saying I am not open to the possibility of someone new coming into my life, but so far everyone else has been boring. There are currently 2 people that I actually enjoy spending prolonged amounts of time with, one is her, and the other is a guy and I am not gay. For the most part, I think I am handling the situation better than I originally was, but it is still painful.
>> US No. 10527
I miss going to potlucks. D:

I love those small, encouraging moments about my health. I'm so used to everyone else in my family being better or worse than I am, so i'm usually beating myself up/worrying about outcomes. I donated blood (hate needles, never again), and they told me that I have great blood pressure/iron levels. I'm only 20, but my dad has always had horrible cholesterol (just a genetic thing), so I was feeling scared about it.
>> AU No. 10529
It's raining, it's pouring. The Queensland summer storms are here!
>> AU No. 10530
Went outside to make sure the garage door hadn't swung open in the wind. Turned the outside light on. The switch was wet; I received a 44v shock and now my arm still feels funny.
>> No. 10531
Miss my Teddz already. Did not realize that i will not see him for a long time until i his hand left mine. Sitting on the window to the deck hoping to see him even if i know he went already. I am a mess and full with tears and snot. I am sorry Teddy for not crying before you and showing how much i will miss you. Trying to concentrte now and it is HARD and i want my Teddy, because with him everything seems easier.
>> CA No. 10532
Forgive me for the emoticon I am about to post, but I feel, given what is wrong, it is warranted.

It's snowing. ;_;

The day before Halloween, and it's snowing.

WTF Canada. I haven't even put on my fluffy Brunswick sheets yet. GO AWAY SNOW. NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE YET.
>> US No. 10533
I know that feel, bro.

What part of Canada? Because here in Buffalo, we just had some snow earlier in the week. I mad
And this is the same city that was having 100 degree heat waves in mid-September.
>> CA No. 10534
Atlantic. Had the same heat wave in Sept. too.
>> US No. 10536
Considering getting a tumbutt account. One hand, place to put random shit that comes into my head without people knowing it's me. Other hand, feel like a needy attention freak.
>> US No. 10540
Don't worry, we just got it two days ago down here in Pennsey, and it screwed everything up. I had to take three days' paycut this weekend because my haunted house couldn't open due to weather.

So, as for dressing my mom up as a maiko this morning:
>wig is badass and will hopefully stay on her head
>kimono is inaccurate, but nobody at her job will notice just how inaccurate because they're all ignorant
>obi is too short to tie a real darari knot, so quick bullshitting to the rescue

Is it wrong that I felt terrible every time I threw a safety pin in that mess to make sure it stayed up on her? My mom is a very curvaceous woman, and the obi wanted to buckle instead of stay up.

So now all I have to do today is shower, trim my wig, babysit, paint Big Macintosh's cutie mark on a Tshirt for my brother, make fiance's Link hat, and babysit.

Come at me, bro.
>> US No. 10541
Ich bin so sauer, ich könnte silbernen Kugeln spucken. Bitte teilen Sie meine Internet-Leiden zu beenden. Ich habe als Teufel gebrandmarkt worden. Laufen TF2chan ist nicht wert, das Leiden habe ich oben zu setzen mit anderen Menschen. Es tut mir leid.
>> DE No. 10542

Sorry that i just can now answer you now, but i didn´t checked the chan for the last days.

Anyway, i´m glad that you don´t have the tumor and that you now finaly can start to create your life like you want. That doctors do sometimes mistakes, which can fuck up your life is sadly known already in my family so you have all my sympathy. Anyway i wish you luck now and that you soon will forget the anger and feel the joy by finaly making the things you ever wanted to do but thought you can´t. Your a nice person so far i know and i was really sad to hear about your problem as we once did "meet" and couldn´t do anything about it. Wish you luck for all future projects.

Oh what´s that? People asking me how i am? well after i had yesterday a .. weird encounter on the Mancaboose were i had a rather childish fit (seems like i´m not that great by handling a really emotional day and a coming flu with noting fever now.) and left the server i feel rather better after some sleep.


Just let me sit here for a while and still be in this weird thing between happy and sad.
>> CA No. 10543
Thank you, but I'm just feeling really lost and depressed right now. I'm glad there is no tumor but at the same time I'm almost sad there isn't cause now the only reason I have for my failures is myself.
>> DE No. 10544

Don´t think like this. These failures you had until now were, because you BELIEVED for years you had a tumor therefore that you can´t make it.

It is said that believing in something can move mountains, so why shouldn´t be the opposite be possible, too?

You were told all these years you couldn´t make it and you believed it yourself because the odds were just to big. Which did need to lead that you failed in so many things by this thinking.

I don´t say it´s like a sudden change and that you will from one day to a other have sudden success in everything. All i say is that now you can look in the mirror and tell yourself: I can make it and there is nothing which can stop me, except myself!

Come on. There is surely something which you thought you can never make, because of the tumor, which now you can start slowly to realize. Work on it, baby, because now the world can buckle up if you decide to get full speed into life and to tackle it down.

If you want to talk with someone Kumori, who has a neutral opinion about you and would like to listen to you and to hear your side of the things, just you know i´m ever open to listen.
>> DE No. 10545
Urg, my back is killing me. Can't game, can't stand, can only sit at the PC table for brief periods of time. Goddamn. It comes and goes, but it's really REALLY annoying in any case. Grrrrr.

Thank goodness I got a doc appointment on Wednesday.
>> US No. 10547
Good! Can't have our favorite person going around being all hurt and stuff. Just no.

I've been feeling a little depressed lately, still. It started with writing, and bled over into other things, such as my relationship with my parents and how I'm doing at work.

I'm a little concerned about work, actually. Maybe you guys can give me some advice. This is my first job, of course, but I never expected it to be so exhausting - physically, and, strangely enough, emotionally. I'm a cashier, so I have to talk to a lot of people and be THE FUCKING PEPPIEST THING OUT OF EVER.

I do it pretty well, and customers really seem to like me, and I like the job, but it seems like I'm... using up all my spare happiness. I know it's weird to say, but after work, I just feel so drained and grumpy or depressed and I don't know why.

That, plus the number of hours I have to work (33 a week on aveerage, even though I'm a part-time hire... Is that unusual? I wasn't expecting that much, tbh), plus the fact that my mom's gotten me to pay some of the more minimal bills around the house (fair, but still more pressure) led to me actually kind of dreading work. I've ended up being late to work once and missing two days due to panic attacks I've had right before my 45 minute drive there.

I told my mom I was thinking about asking for less hours, but she gave me a huge long speech about how I have no other responsibilities and how this is the grown up world and stuff. I get that, but I never said I wanted to be an adult. I actually got this job mostly so that I could save up for a new, gaming-capable computer. I didn't mind helping pay some of the bills, I mean, it was only fair, but she's acting like this is what I'm going to be using to support myself for the rest of my life.

She then called my stepfather (who she's separated from) behind my back, and he sent me a text saying "What happened? I thought you said you were going to make me proud," which really sent me off the edge.

I don't understand why it's such a big deal for me to get up every morning and go to work. I'm not NOT doing it because i'm "lazy" or "bored with the job". I'm doing it because... somehow, I'm scared. I don't even know what of. I love my job, and I want to keep it, but I don't know what's happening, but I don't want to fail any more than I have already. I'd rather take less hours than to miss hours they've already scheduled me for, but is it a bad idea to ask my managers for that?

I don't know what do, u guys.
>> DE No. 10548

Okay, just you know my mum is kinda in that business too and it´s a HARD JOB with much hours for NOT MUCH MONEY sometimes. It really drains and can put people under much pressure. She even got a burn out from her job and didn´t recognize it until she went to the doctor who recognized her symptoms and her depression. She jsut went to him, because she thought she got kinda a flu.
So it´s not a unusual thing to feel so tired after work, because it´s called work for a reason, dear. Don´t feel bad about it.

No, average 33 hours isn´t unusual for parttime job. Sounds good to me even But what shall i know? I worked ever so long outta my free will that i worked out one day of holiyday for me duo all my overhours. I have the tendencie to be a workaholic

About the manager thing. I can´t say much about this. If he is nice and the work clima is rather relaxed where you work you should approach him and ask him. If not, let it be.

If you want to see in a funny way how the life of a cashier is read Checkout girl : a life behind the register from Anna Sam. My mother loved it.
>> US No. 10549
It used to be that part-time was 15-25 hours a week, but nowadays they give part-timers 30-38 on a regular basis because there are no full-timers. I see by your location flag that you are a fellow American - there are laws that apply to full-time employees that do not apply to part-time employees, so most retail locations ONLY hire part-timers and give them the maximum number of hours they possibly can without having to give them the benefits etc that are federally mandated for full-time employees.

If you're considered a good employee and you aren't in any trouble with the management it shouldn't hurt to ask for fewer hours. You might not actually be able to GET fewer hours, because retail places are usually understaffed and there's a pretty good chance they wouldn't be able to cut your hours without shuffling them onto other employees in such a way that it would put them over 40 hours a week, which must not in any case ever be done because then they'd be federally protected as full-time employees.

>> CA No. 10551
I've got feelings for some I really shouldn't. There's a million reasons my brain tells me not to keep interacting with him like I do, but there's an ache in my chest everytime I think about breaking it off with him.
What do?
>> US No. 10552
Well what are some of the reasons to avoid this person?
>> CA No. 10553

I recently cut ties with one of my most dearest friends because of my own jealousy and stupidity. I feel guilt and pain for what I did and wish for anything to go back and undo what I did. Don't be bitter like I was young one, don't live in this pain like I am!!

I would recommend talking to this person and clear the air.... I wish I did.
>> US No. 10554
File 132013417354.jpg - (120.44KB , 500x500 , HPLwithKitty.jpg )
So, I know this is old business or whatever, but it was just in looking over the thread as a whole that I came up with something to say. Not so much a reply to the poster, but to anybody struggling with the same kind of feelings.

Bear with me, because I realize I'm about to sound stupid for a minute, but... You know the episode of the Simpsons where Homer wants to become an inventor, and he has a poster where he doesn't measure up against Thomas Edison, and then he sees Edison's poster of not-being-as-good-as-DaVinci?

It just occured to me that everybody's got a DaVinci. So if you (general you, since I guess the original post is a resolved thing) ever feel like you can't keep up with anybody, I don't know, imagine them wistfully trying to measure up to their hero and feel a sense of kinship, I guess.

It works for me sometimes.
>> CA No. 10556
File 13201479233.jpg - (9.27KB , 240x320 , 380993_10150426391960091_716125090_10455741_193109.jpg )
Rei, why do you have to do this shit. You try to buy my friendship with shit I don't need, namely action figures. I do you a solid and draw you some thing and all you do is complain about how it's not up to your standards cause it doesn't have lesbians. I put up with you showing up to my art events when you don't draw and end up making the comic jam pages look like a 5 year old was there. I put up with you pissing of my 2 friends that drive when you follow me after said events and jump in their cars assuming you're getting a ride.

But really. FFS, you have no fucking right to be passive aggressive with me cause I don't want to see the Halloween screening of Ghostbusters with you. I told you I was busy, not that I wanted to go so stop bringing it up and while you're at it stop bringing up your comic script. I gave you 6 months to provide me ANYTHING to show you were serious about this and you did shit so go find some one else to draw it (good luck with that).

By the way, I did go to Ghostbusters, in the same theater, but I avoided you like the plague and spent the pre-movie adds listening to my BF tell me how they used to call you dumb-fuck behind your back for the exact same bull shit.

And yeah Rei, I get that you're trans and that's fine. I've no issue with it, but what I do take issue with is you thinking you're superior to me as a female because I subscribe to equality over feminism. Just because a male comic character says he's going to "pay your loved one a visit" when threatening another character does not mean he's alluding to rape and adding to "rape culture".

Fuck you Rei.
Also, picture very related.
>> US No. 10557
File 132016392449.jpg - (15.81KB , 400x267 , regretnothing.jpg )
I will never be too old for trick-or-treating. I feel no remorse about being a college student and dressing up as a child to take free candy from strangers on their doorsteps. When I have children, the first couple of years of their life will be driving them around in the stroller on Halloween night and exploiting them for candy.

Breakfast this morning is a Caramello bar. Life is good.
>> CA No. 10558
So long as you actually dress up, I see no problem with this.

Had a bunch of older kids (like 15, 16, when most of the other T or T'ers on my street are under the age of 10) come to my door last night, asking for candy. No costume, not even a bag, and they practically broke my door down knocking.
Plus it was quarter to ten, and my front porch lights were off. THAT MEANS GO AWAY, BOZOS.
Some people, honestly.

But I had some older ones come to the door, all dressed up, and they were very polite. I had no problems with them. In fact, I gave them the rest of my mini-sips.
>> US No. 10559
File 132017195061.gif - (214.86KB , 246x185 , tumblr_ll7yphn9Ss1qa1zvj.gif )
Mom: You should try transferring to the local UC. They do intercampus transfers, you could keep all your credits and still graduate in less than a year.

UC Website: We don't accept intercampus transfers over 120 quarter credits.

> My face when...
>> US No. 10563
I found something that made me completely lose respect for someone.
>> US No. 10564
File 132019506087.jpg - (23.24KB , 230x226 , 130533513357.jpg )
Homemade porn?

Happens to the best of us.

In all seriousness, I'm sorry to hear about that, Kumori. I wish the Mods and Admins of this place were less stressed.
>> US No. 10565
I always dress up, it's hard for a cosplayer to not dress up. My fiance and I were Link and Zelda.
>> US No. 10566
File 132020402038.jpg - (157.71KB , 490x700 , yesplease.jpg )
Caramello? Hot Damn. Breakfast was pizza and a crunch bar. I would totally trade for some 100grand s right now. I got super dressed up and met a new friend. Just moved in and dressed up like a ghostie in a sheet. We complained about middle schoolers without costumes and proceeded to go back to my place and trade candy. Also Simply Caramel Milkyways are delicious.
picture relavant but not us
>> US No. 10569
Well that was an interesting night indeed.

Now what.
>> DE No. 10570
I just found this short speech on TVTropes and I figured I should share. Whoever wrote this, thank you.

"You. I don't care who you are, what you look like, how old you are, where you're from, what you do for a living, what religion you are, your sexuality, your opinions, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE loves you and cares about you. Be it your friends, your family, or some random person on the street, there's always someone that wants to see you smile, even if it doesn't seem like it. Love and affection are present everywhere you look, and if you're considering hurting yourself, for the love of God, think about this before you do it. Even if nobody you know or met cares (and I guarantee that they do), there's a million people you've never met who don't want you to hurt yourself. I know I certainly don't. So go hug a kitten, pet a puppy, give someone flowers, tell a joke, be happy. Because you will never, ever be alone."
>> US No. 10571
File 132026447034.gif - (193.41KB , 320x180 , 1369680_o.gif )
After constantly taking a beating, made an ass out of by immature assholes and their posse, and treated like shit.. I just feel like flipping the table over. This is all I can say, or post, rather. Pic is how I feel. Time to make some fucking chocolate pudding.
>> CA No. 10572
I did just this... had a chat with him, the air is cleared, and surprisingly we interact in exactly the same way as we did before. Nothing's awkward, he's still the sweetest ever, and I still love every bit of attention he gives me as much as I did pre-discussion.
Thanks Anon, you rock.

This made m e super happy Perry. You always know how to make me super happy. Things are a lot better, thanks for the support.
>> CA No. 10573
File 132027477584.jpg - (8.63KB , 205x150 , 1_123125_122985_2059959_2073484_2073734_2073817_02.jpg )
No, you rock.

In other news, the dog we saved from traffic finally got reunited with her real family. I almost broke into tears seeing her barking, smiling and jumping around when her owner and her mom came to pick her up.
>> CA No. 10575
Why can't my freaking paper mache dry already?

Hate waiting. So close to finishing all these props.
>> US No. 10576
I think this is the part of unemployment where there is the onset of depression. Not only do I feel useless, but I feel as though my past has shot me in the foot and there's no second chances to fix it. Patience from my family is wearing thin, having less than two months to get out of their hair or end up homeless. The anxiety is going to kill me.
>> US No. 10581
Okay... okay, wow...

I just kind of had my feelings stomped on (don't anybody worry, it didn't happen over here!) and I thought I had a thicker skin these days, but I guess I don't.

I'm just feeling really... my chest is tight and I can feel tears trying to happen and I have no idea what I did to deserve that-- I mean, logically, I know I didn't, and sometimes people just say hurtful things, and it's entirely possible that the person in question didn't mean to make me feel like this. Maybe they have a thicker skin and talk like that to everybody just casually, but I...

I suddenly feel really useless and crappy and I was going to get things done, but now I'm not because I'm crying and hyperventilating and shaking, and I haven't felt like this in years. Nobody's made me feel this way since sometime in high school, that's nearly a decade ago.

I'm going to go eat some cake and... probably feel worse about myself, I guess.

Sorry, everybody. I'm not having a productive night in any capacity. I just feel really sick right now.
>> CA No. 10583
Final mask is finished, and it looks fucking beautiful.

Still have a million other things to do, but still.
>> US No. 10586
Care to show us these masks you've been working so hard on?
>> CA No. 10588
I shall, once I figure out how to upload things from my mom's camera.

Can't find the stinkin' transfer cord.
>> US No. 10589
About to take another programming test for a job. I'm freaking out.
>> GB No. 10590
I actually think I've lost it with this stupid challenge. I don't even know what I'm writing anymore. It's like I've gone off the deep end finally.
>> US No. 10591
It's alright - I don't worry, bro. I'm hugely impressed you got as far as you did.
>> CA No. 10592

Same thing happened to me.
Been alone for so long, I thought I could take the pain of rejection. All it took was one person finding a date with someone else to make me go off. I've never had so many panic attacks this month then I had all summer combined. Just the thought of it, the embarrassment of the way I'm feeling over some man is enough to make me depressed, and simply establish the fact that I am really lonely. But this time, I have no one to help get through but my bitter, cynical attitude and my loneliness.
I want to give everyone a big hug if I could.
>> US No. 10593
I probably fucked up that test. Thankfully I got a call from someone else and I have an interview on Monday, so at least my mood isn't shot for the night.
>> No. 10595
im at my parents place, sitting in my old room. i do miss my bf but not as much as i missed my parents until i arrived here yesterday. i hate that never ending train ride and i hate being together with so many strange people. i hate it that it costs so much money to travel from my own flat to my parents.

but im still feeling like im really home here and nowhere else.
>> US No. 10597
File 132044185621.jpg - (283.55KB , 956x648 , 129184050922.jpg )
Oh yeah, it's snowing! Won't be enough to play in (just yet) but being able to sit down with a cup of hot chocolate and watch it fall is enough for me until Thanksgiving has passed.
>> US No. 10598
Just realized, I haven't seen Ze Doctor lately. He still around?
>> US No. 10600
Dealing with a breakup and coming out to yourself as transgender in the same day hour is... really shitty.

Guess I need a new namefag now.
>> US No. 10601
Not sure if he's doing stuff on the chan, but he's still around. I talk to him on Google+ every now and again. He's pretty busy with work, tho.

Current feelings: dun wan go to wooork
>> US No. 10603
I had one of those weird moments as an adult where I went and did something without my parents' input. I filed for a passport, and I'm now in the process of planning a trip to Japan to visit my former college roommate. (She's a JET teacher in Okinoshima, Shimane.) What really weirded me out was that they weren't freaking out about it. Not like I haven't visited a foreign country before, but it was Canada.

Weirder yet, my mom got all excited and filed for a passport, too. Not that she'll be traveling with me, but she'd like to go to the UK, Ireland or Australia sometime. And hell, I'd go with her!
>> CA No. 10604
Kay, so, we've been looking for candelabras for this play, to no avail.

Guess whose mother just called the florist down the street and got us the FREE rental of not TWO, but FOUR FREAKING CANDELABRAS.

>> GB No. 10605
File 132054248433.gif - (460.15KB , 220x132 , tumblr_lkc7scAREc1qeq1cg.gif )
I need to get off the internet before I actually table flip my laptop. I really hate people sometimes. Good thing my internet is being cut off next week EH?
>> US No. 10606
Oh yes. Free prop rentals is the best feeling in the world.

I miss being involved in theatre... However, next weekend, the community theatre is putting on Frost/Nixon at the multicultural centre, which I guess has its own performance space.

But every time I see the name of the show written out, years of reading fanfiction on the Internet makes me think horrible things...
>> CA No. 10608

Oddly enough, our theatre company did Frost/Nixon two years ago. I remember, because I went to go see it for my Page and the Stage class.

The guy playing our Bob Cratchit actually played Frost, and our Scrooge played Nixon.
It's a winning combo, it really is.
>> US No. 10612
I want to rip out my lady parts and string them up like Christmas lights. A whole week of my entire torso being sore, bleeding like an elevator at the Overlook Hotel, and taking enough meds to kill a bull elephant. It's times like these, more than any other times, that I wish I had been born male. And why does it always make my kidneys hurt the most? I thought the blood came from a completely different area!
>> US No. 10617
Went out for the first time yesterday as a male. It was, quite honestly, the best I have ever felt. I mean... it was scary, sure. Being around people I've known for a while and who are trying their hardest to start seeing me as a boy. But there was only one name slip-up out of like ten people, and I just felt really accepted for what I am. I already knew these friends accepted me, but... to have that validated was a wonderful feeling.

Didn't really have the guts to go into the men's public restroom yet, but it's a process. My friend is going to take me to Kohl's to get some more masculine clothes and such, which I'm excited for. I honestly... probably would've never come out, had it not been for him.

Getting a Rarity toy and some hot makeouts were also nice touches to the evening.
>> US No. 10618
Good for you, anon. I'm glad that you're getting along well with it!
>> DE No. 10619
Was at the fitness center for the first time today. My back already feels better, and if it's just the placebo effect of having started with the right thing. My supervisor is doing his best to get in touch with therapists and stuff. It's hard, but we're slowly making progress.

Oh man, here's hoping this glimmer of hope turns out to be the real deal.
>> GB No. 10620
YA PERRY! Glad to hear things are movin along, get on soon :D
>> DE No. 10621
*thinks longingly back to doing something* I want to go to sport, but i have a thight termin calendar again this week and i was sometimes so dizzy of the cold i catched i had a hard time not to go in zigzag lines. (No Sir, this time i tried to avoid every Aspirin so long as i could.)

Do him and all of us the favor and come back online soon, Perry. I can´t hear this whinning anymore of all these guys missing you Let´s just have s nice little chat again sometimes, ja?
>> CA No. 10624
Dear director and cast who join him at the bar,


I know they won't make me drink, but even the smell of alcohol makes me queasy.
And they claim, 'Oh, but we wanna talk and hang out with you!'
You're 40. I'm 22. WTF are we going to talk about?

Why can't people just accept that I don't like going out to bars? WHY?
>> US No. 10625
File 132073097754.png - (217.10KB , 500x375 , 1303774283662.png )
This still sums up how I have been feeling for the past 22 days.
>> US No. 10629
hi five, that's great!

I still don't go in the men's rooms if they're the kind with stalls. If it's a single bathroom with a locking door, I'll use the men's room, but I'm afraid to go in the multiple-stall kind. I know logically nobody's going to say anything or "out" me for having to sit down to piss (I ain't have one of them pissdick things yet) but I just ain't want to deal with it at all, you know? I'll just hold it or something.
>> PL No. 10632
I'm not fishing for pity or anything like that, I just bawled my eyes out today after a while and need to vent s bit more, since I don't think that I can cope with some situations on the level some people expect me to.

I haven't felt so strong about committing suicide in a long time.
It's like everything is against me again, the school I wanted to go so bad is, well, bad.
The only course that I'm interested in is 2D/3D animation, but it's not worth paying 1,2k, when everything else falls apart, simply because I have never worked with the programs they used before.

I mean, it can be good if you have tons of cash that you can spend on a 5 years program, but we currently don't have it. And we have to pay for this month even if I want to break the contract. Mother isn't helpful, saying that no one would hire me with 'that' attitude.

It's like, when we were living with my sister and now, this family was nothing but one big mess full of misunderstandings and constant quarrels. Well, I can't say that we didn't 'love' each other or support each other, but... idk, it's still feels flat especially now when I'm closer to the point when my parents can legally throw me out on the street.
And I can't imagine myself living on social money.
>> US No. 10634
I wonder how long it takes to organize a raid. Because it only takes me 5 seconds to delete it all.
>> DE No. 10635
cinema was actually pretty nice - but omg, its so late and i need to read that fucking book. epistemology ftw
>> DE No. 10636
File 132079120055.jpg - (36.11KB , 420x361 , 127675171053.jpg )
My school took my school money from the wrong account, the one I pay my living with, which means I got a big minus now. Damn. Of course both people responsbile for my bank stuff are currently not avaible and their replacement for the time being doesn't understand the way my bank stuff is handled. Wat.
Also, the customs office is pushing me around and my landlord is visiting soon to check things and (hopefully!) acknowledging that we need a proper air vent in the bathroom.

Goddamn, ALL THIS FUCKING STRESS. Only redeeming factor is that I got workout tomorrow again so I can blow off some steam there. Oh man.
>> CA No. 10640
VonHelton, a blogtv lolcow, recently scammed a cancer patient out of $1600. She heard he was with ought a job and with 3 kids so tried to do some good and hire him the only thing he said he'd do.

After 4 weeks he not finished the computer, the motherboard (cost $70 in a computer someone paid $1600 for) will not work and he won't replace it (even though all it needs is a BIOS flash) and he claims to have shipped it today via standard mail.

Now this to me is disgusting, He did this because she inquired about things like specs and his attitude withe her.

If I get her blessing I'm going to set up an auction via e-bay to try and raise this woman's money back/fund an attorney. Because this is just sick, what he's done to the one person who stepped up and tried to help him.

Feels good trying to right this and I hope she will allow me to sell my art and give the funds to her.
>> US No. 10643
File 132082231311.jpg - (84.51KB , 525x700 , 463214%20-%20Jack%20MadSpike%20Mass_effect%20subje.jpg )
I am not used to this sadness. It just won't go away. I can't be happy for any significant amount of time anymore. All it takes is one song, one picture, one thought, one name, and it feels like there is a cold nothingness inside me. I don't like this. I can not function like this. I don't know what to do.
>> US No. 10644
That "significant amount of time" is a bit exaggerated. I am not normally very happy anyway, but I am slipping into extreme sadness the likes of which I have rarely felt more and more often. It's like there is a very thin bubble surrounding these intense emotions that can be broken by one simple errant thought. And when it happens, it hits me like a frieght train. I keep sliding in and out of this sadness. This is all very confusing to me. I wish it would stop.
>> US No. 10645
I have two tricks for you that have helped me when I was fighting awful thoughts. The first could be seen as a little self-inflicting, but I eventually altered the process. I would wear a rubber band and when ever I thought of something I wanted to forget, I would snap it. Eventually I began to associate that thought with the rubber band and once I quit wearing it, I quit being reminded of the thought and I was over it. The second is more of a meditation technique. I picture myself in a room or other safe place and I look out a window. I imagine whatever my problem is as a cloud and I watch it float on by. It helps to remind me that no matter what I'm going through, it won't last forever and I'm able to take it day by day.

In other news I just came out to friends and family tonight. I pussied out and did it over Facebook though. My boyfriend is supportive of me, even if it more or less means I'm not attracted to guys. I had been struggling with it for a few years and I'm glad my boyfriend has been there and he's for real my best friend in the world. Yay self-acceptance!
>> DE No. 10646
I just saw some old Animated Series from my childhoood.
One scene let me sit here with my mouth agape in shock. Jebus Robin shoot Joker! Good to knoe that after all the slasher and horrormovies and PG 18 Games i still can be shocked by such a harmless scene...
I have a soul, yeah!

And i´m worried about a silly guy who just went offline in the middle of a chat. Hope nothing bad happened to him.
>> CA No. 10647

Kay. Think I'm good. In other news, we've got like, five props left to get, and then we are DONE. Wicked.

Still have to finish painting this fucking turkey, though.
>> US No. 10649
Hey mom, I know I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but you're not exactly helping my self esteem when you A) treat me like a 5 year old, B) call me mentally retarded, and C) threaten to put me in a home because I'm 24 and having difficulties getting a job. I realize you don't enjoy my company or like me living at home, and I know I screwed up college (you don't need to remind me every day about that, I'm well aware of my ruined chances at a better life), but I am doing the best I can, despite what you think.

I don't complain. I'm grateful you're letting me stay here rent-free. I do everything you ask without questioning you, and I'm happy to do it. I take care of your house and your pets without being asked. So please stop saying things like "you don't DO anything" or "why don't you pull your weight around here". Or you could just, you know, treat me like an adult. That's all I want.
>> US No. 10650
The economy sucks, it's hard for a lot of people to get jobs. Could be worse, you could have a shit ton of loans from college and be too over qualified for half the jobs, not enough experience for the other half. Tell her a lot of people are having these problems. Also remind her of everything you HAVE done when she says you don't do anything. It's normal for a parents to have trouble seeing their kids as adults but a good mother would call their kids retarded or threaten to put them in a home. Which I doubt she would be able to do anyway.
>> DE No. 10651
Okay, i just heard now that i did with my comments, which i meant jokingly and playfull hurt a nice person. In no means i wanted to offend this person and i want to apologies to this person now RIGHT HERE. This person is a great person and a cool cat in generell. It may came to a misunderstanding, because i refered sometimes not to this person, but to a other one on the server (Deploying Kritz). In fact i like this person, because this person was the only one taking the thankless job as beeing a medic for the team. I even apologise once to this person, because i couldn´t protect this person before a spy. (I fail as Soldier.) And i need to say i was ever very happy that this person healed me and once was my pocket medic.
Yes, i´m a unsensible thoughtless person and my jokes aren´t funny.
So sorry for acting like a bitch and my fuckin snarky remarks.
So i want to apologise to TwoRefined.

I´m truly sorry.
>> US No. 10652
File 132089079714.jpg - (63.15KB , 524x584 , GASP 2.jpg )

Basically, that means I have barely any recollection of said events, so consider yourself forgiven in full, lol.

Also, thanks for the compliments, been a tad down lately ("WRITE, SELF. WRIIITE. I HATE YOU FOREVER. /sob"), and it's nice to know some people still consider me a "cool cat".

Last but not least, don't worry about the Spy. I fail at protecting MYSELF, and you saw that heavy duty lag I was carting around. I probably would always blame myself for getting back-stabbed as a Medic, unless you were a Pyro and staring right at me as I was getting face-stabbed repeatedly. So don't sweat it. The only thing that's really a pet peeve of mine is when I'm healing a Soldier and they pull out the Equalizer / Rocket-Jump away. I MEAN SERIOUSLY GOOOD. Same for you, too, Sticky-jumping Demomen!

I'll stop ranting now.

In other news, I'm feeling a tad useless and just TIRED all the time. Work is really taking it out of me, AND I still haven't updated my story in a while, AND I never do anything - even hang out with my friends, AND my mom brought this dude into out house who I really am not fond of, and he's going to be staying for more than a week! (A few days have passed already.)

Maybe she sees him as the "son she wish she had" or whatever. Well, no, she's told me that he is. Jeez, thanks, mom. I won't get into what he's done in the past, but let's just say he disrespected my parents when they were trying to take care of him and he ended up getting kicked to the curb. My mom tried to get him out of Foster Care, and he was a total dick to her!

But she practically fucking OBSESSES over him and brought him into the house against my wishes, and I just feel like she doesn't care about what I say at all. I've taken to holing myself up in my room with granola bars, soda, and poptarts and only ever leave the room to take a whiz. Sometimes I wonder what it would take to have her love and appreciate me as much as she does him.

/emo rant
>> GB No. 10653
Mood - WTF-ish.

There are about twenty ducks losing their shit at my window, quacking and flapping their wings and pecking the glass. What the hell is this? The Birds by Hitchcock?
>> CA No. 10654
I had starlings going crazy outside mine today.

All forty of them tried to get into one birdhouse. Not gonna happen, birdies. Not ever.
>> US No. 10655
She thinks that I'm not getting a job because I'm fat (her exact words were "only Wal-Mart hires people of 'your size' ") and I don't wear a dress when I go to look for job applications. Also, my hair is too long. So basically she's stuck in the 50's.

I know she couldn't actually do anything to me other than kick me out, but it hurts to hear those kinds of things from your mom, you know?
>> CA No. 10656
I am fucking great right now. I've got a new man in my life that I'm absolutely smitten with and I don't have to feel guilty about it.
This next month needs to pass so I can see him at my next con! I'm such a girl, I'm actually counting down the days till I get to see him and have his arms around me.
If I wasn't so happy I'd be embarrassed with myself.
>> DE No. 10659
I need to say in my embarrasement that i was this Soldier rocket jumping over a train to knock this mini sentry away. (You could recognize me, because i have the best hat ever. Cowboy up.) So i apologise again that i let you down. (I did need to made this pun.) Would like to chat with you later.

Oh here in germany there are tits like ...everywhere. And a merl which is strange. Nothing more unsettling than a wild bird who looks at you and he is closer than one meter away. I´m happy the door is between me and him.

Congratulation and don´t be embarrased for this... But why i´m talking like that? I am embarrassed with myself, if i start acting like that. Or thinking like that. And the excuse, i´m a girl so i can act like that sounds lame in my ears if i applicate it to me. But you´re a girl, you can act like that.
>> US No. 10662
Buy something from Hobby Lobby, can't find it when we get home, naturally it's all my fault. It doesn't help my self esteem when I already feel bad to have someone rub it in like they're disappointed.
>> AU No. 10663
File 132093890561.jpg - (154.55KB , 450x429 , loadsamoney.jpg )
i snagged myself a job. not the most glamourous in the world but my god does it pay
>> US No. 10664
File 132094497581.png - (111.59KB , 400x284 , f51200hidive.png )
Good job!
>> CA No. 10665

> tits everywhere

I lol'd.

My turkey is all painted, except for the stuffing. Gonna finish that, then glaze it, stick to the platter, and I am DONE.

Six days till the show! Eeep!
>> DE No. 10667
File 132096875632.png - (65.16KB , 181x172 , FUCKsaur.png )

Had a bluescreen just now that could mean two things:

1) The new ATI driver update is shit and I simply need to revert back to an older version
2) My hardware is even more fucked than I thought

Going to Steam now to test this. (Sorry to anyone who thought I was back, I just need to see if it happens again and all my recent enough games are on Steam) If it turns out it's 2), I will flip my shit SO FUCKING HARD GODDAMNIT
>> US No. 10668
File 132099367279.jpg - (34.60KB , 500x500 , tumblr_lo515sMiwU1qbgsnt.jpg )
Good luck, Perry! you really do deserve the best, and I hope that your computer recovers!
>> US No. 10670
File 132099952415.jpg - (29.84KB , 640x480 , YES - dinosaur and insector.jpg )
I fixed a bug that has been plaguing my engine for MONTHS today.

>> DE No. 10671
You know this one person? This person who is the Yin to your Yang, the Yang to your Yin but not in this loveway thing, but more Best Friend? This one perso who ever has shit coming at and still´s offers you a shoulder to cry on even if they have a bad time? This person who instantly knows something is wrong with you or is in generell ever very caring about you and listens ever to the trivial little problems you have? This one person who for once picked up the goddang phone and answered you for once in the most important time?

Seriously, if i should die and be reborn i want to meet this person again and become friends again. Because this is true friendship. We may argue a lot, we may shout at each other, but there are never bad feelings for long if we part. Or bad felings at all. Because we are friends. BEST FUCKING FRIENDS FOREVER! If i die i´m gonna look in heaven (okay he says we all got to hell but whatever it´s just warmer there) for him around. Cloud 8 Gaming and eating Junkfood that´s our place.
>> DE No. 10672
File 132104433761.jpg - (15.29KB , 400x343 , Sad Batman.jpg )
Friendship in its finest form. Awesome. I'm always happy to hear people found themselves some real companions. I hope everyone can experience a friendship like this!

Regarding my computer, my graphics are seriously fucked up now. Getting bluescreens and/or severe graphic bugs whenever I play something with hardware acceleration. Fuckfuckedifuckfuckfuck. Thank God that computer service I got recommended to check has time for me next week. There's definitely more wrong with my hardware than first assumed and it's definitely beyond my skill. Jesus Christ, just when I was starting to save up for Christmas gifts ... I guess selfmade cards have to do this year. Shit.
>> CA No. 10673
I finally finished the fucking turkey.

Jesus Christ that took a while. But I feel good that it's done, and that it's beautiful.
>> AU No. 10674
I misread that and though you said "I finally finished fucking the turkey."

It's good that you can get into that thanksgiving spirit.
>> CA No. 10675
Christmas, actually. It's a prop for A Christmas Carol.

And if it helps, I misread my friend the other night. We were talking about boats in our roleplay, and my friend's character said "I jacked one off my uncle once."

I read "I jacked off one of my uncles once."
>> US No. 10676
I want to support the Occupy movement, but not only do I have no clue where to find any of the protest groups, but I also have no clue if there even are any in my state. I really want to help out though, because it's such a good cause and for once I'll actually be able to stand up for something important that I believe in.
>> US No. 10677
For months, I've been shaky and insecure and tempted to say things I don't actually mean, or things I know aren't...part of my personality, if that makes sense? Afraid of losing everyone I love, or worried all of my affection is one-sided. I want it to just go away.
>> DE No. 10678
Google it. I did so and found out they even have support stuff for it in Hamburg, which is not even in America. You can already help a lot by going to a protest nearby or donating some money to the responsible people.
>> US No. 10680
So I did not get the job I applied to. Oh well. I don't really need a job right now, and retail isn't exactly my thing anyway.
>> US No. 10682
Boot camp anon back! Finally! Graduated November 4th as a early birthday present for myself :-)
I'm so happy to be back to the real world with electronics and nice people!

On a more aggravating note, Battlefield 3 refuses to play on my laptop. I updated my video drivers only to get a GSoD. Did some research and learned there's a new vBIOS version out for my graphics card and flashing it is the only way to get the new drivers to work on my card...which is the only way I can play Battlefield 3 until I build a new computer. I'm trying to gather my courage and smarts to fix this issue altogether.
>> CA No. 10683
>Ghost of Christmas Present has gold Chalice
>Gold Chalice is fucking beautiful
>Ghost of Christmas Present has sweaty hands
>Sweats off some of the paint
>Spraypaint it again
>Try to put a sealer paint on it
>Globs up and turns the fucker blue.

>Ruined forever.

All of my tears.
>> US No. 10684
Oh, man, that's the worst feeling...

Have a hug.

(Captcha says 'arethou partial'... Captcha knows I'm partial to theatre people...)
>> CA No. 10685
And the cue-to-cue is tomorrow night, and then tech, and then dress rehearsal/the student show, so I don't have time, nor the budget to make another one.

Pardon my emoticon, but, ;___; .
>> US No. 10688
Maybe you could find a Halloween store that hasn't reopened as a xmas toystore that you could snag one from?
>> DE No. 10690
Today could be a nice day. I mean i got positive E-mail, did something for my dearest friend which i hope makes him happy, did finished a good book and so on. It´s dark outside and a wonderfull night were i took a stroll around the neighboorhood, because there is nothing better for me than a walk through the night.
I just love how different things seem to be than at night in the city. It´s more adventurous.

Than i find out something very important and quite troubeling about my best friend which makes me sad, because he never told me about it.
I wish i could be a better friend for him who can help him.

And i have a nagging fear deep inside me for weeks now and i hope to god i just panic for nothing, because i couldn´t emotional withstand it, if my fear comes true. Because i know what i should do than, but in all honesty it will break my heart.

All in all from a happy state of mind, where i thought i´m okay and quite happy i became now instantly sorrowed and outright SAD. I don´t know if you can call it depression, i just feel really sad, tired and nauseas.
>> AU No. 10693
File 132132833153.png - (64.12KB , 303x256 , smilefgsfds.png )
>> CA No. 10694
Nah. It all worked out. Managed to find some spray paint on sale.

Cue-to-cue went well. Only got home half an hour ago. Was there until nearly midnight. I am so fucking EXHAUSTED.
>> DE No. 10695
File 132133330963.gif - (498.27KB , 500x274 , tumblr_lt6qtnRsgy1qafrh6.gif )
Before I start my morning chores, let me say something real quick:

I know the feeling of helplessness all too well. But believe me when I say that friendship and support isn't just about being able to give good advice or fix the issue at hand. Nobody is perfect, so your friend can't expect you to be a magic-fix-it-all. What he can expect however is your personal support and that's not worth ANY less than problemfixing help. It's always great to be able to lend a hand, but if you can't, you can still lend a shoulder. Your friend will appreciate it all the same.

Have a hug and keep truckin'! Be there for your friend if you can. Don't sweat it, just be a great friend. I know you are one.
>> US No. 10696
File 13213394063.png - (107.47KB , 480x640 , sad.png )
I could only figure out how to summarize my feelings right now in a scribble.

Pardon my handwriting, it's not the best.
>> DE No. 10697
Thanks Perry for the hug, but really i´m not a good friend in reality. He told me im a good friend and all and i know i can´t fix anything, but it´s like i seem never be able to fix anything for him. It´s frustrating, if i consider how much he was there for me in my worst times (The really bad ones) and just listened.

On a other subject of matter. Got a sms, have no fucking clue how old this sms is and i just woke up now to this. Me not morning person and concerned as fuck now went online to see if person is online and therefore... well.

UINSHINE. BUT NOW I`M FORCED TO ALREADY START THIS GODDAMN DAY! Yeah need to do some calls and other stuff.

I wanna go back to sleeeep, but i can´t.
>> DE No. 10698
tehehe, went to the hairdresser yesterday. she cut my hair TO DAMN SHORT on the right side but i hope i can live with this.
when she finished i consulted a watch.
1.34 pm.
we all wanted to meet up at the train station. yesterday was educational strike (?) Bildungsstreik. and i forgot it. uug
>> US No. 10700
How do you convince someone that your feelings are more than just a crush?
>> US No. 10702
Feelin' alright.
>> US No. 10703
One day, I'm going to go out of the house and make some friends. I'm going to go to where the people meet, get past my extreme fear of talking to strangers, and make some friends. I'm going to have best friends too, and maybe even get a boyfriend like my mother always wanted. One day, I'm going to do that.Sorry, I just feel like if I write it down some place more concrete than my mind, I'll be able to act on it better, hopefully it'll become a more reachable goal and I will get friends who aren't only hanging out with me because they feel sorry for me.
>> US No. 10704
You go, Anon. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I think I know exactly how you feel, so more power to you!
>> US No. 10705
One day, I won't fuck up enough to the point I have to run away from it. Today isn't that day. Not yet. But I'm bound to get it right eventually, right? It gets a bit better every time.

Things will be lonely for a while, but then things have always been lonely for while. Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for.
>> US No. 10706
File 132142835499.gif - (229.07KB , 250x138 , tumblr_ls70cqG31Q1qkhw4o.gif )
I wish I could just teleport through the internet and give you a big ol' hug every time you post here, Kilo. I've already said it before, but don't hesitate to shoot me an email if you want to talk about anything in depth or whatever. Only comfort I can offer.

Picture to emphasize my utmost sincerity. Well it was, but now it kinda looks like a trollface wtfff
>> US No. 10707
I can't decide if my friends are awful people and I'm their punching bag or if they're really trying to help me but going about it in fucktarded ways.

I have cried four days in a row now because of things they said.

First instance was when a friend was having ab birthday. Nobody had been online and I thought they were all mad at me because I skipped a friend's birthday because he was turning 21 and I don't feel like being around drunk people. turns out the party was the day I asked and "Wow I am dumb"s were said and then I was asked why I skipped. I mentioned the not wanting to be around drunk people thing and threw in that the guy who was turning 21 had been nothing but a dickhole to me since he, another friend, and myself started working on costumes for a convention. He basically would make fun of me the way friends do every now and again. But it has persisted and is so constant that it no longer feels like joking.

Not even kidding, whenever I see this guy at school it's always: Hi, something mean that didn't need to be said, walk away. It gets old.

Now, I get why the friend I was talking to about this said "grow a pair and talk to him about it" because I do plan on doing so, but the fact that they said they didn't understand why I was getting upset at all and that I basically need to stop acting like a 6th grader is what really set me off. Maybe I am acting like a 6th grader, but the disregard for my feelings in this situation is what really irks me.

Now the next thing happened with regards to my friend's gaming channel. There's four "regular" people part of the team who record and stuff. I had asked (back when it was /announced/) if I could play the new Assassin's Creed when it came out for the channel. I was told yes, I got excited, moved on.

So I somehow got the game in the mail two days early. I don't know how, I'm not complaining. So I asked the friend who does most of the uploading, "When did you want me to record?" He then proceeded to tell me he did not feel like carting an Xbox around, how everybody has been asking him to record lately and it's getting annoying and no I don't want to deal with it.

He said this on a livestream, by the way, in front of two of our friends. One didn't really make any comments for a while and the other messaged me saying I should start my own channel if that's how it was going to be.

His gf talked to him later since, obviously if it pissed off two of our friends, it must be bad. He apparently said if anybody but the main four (keeping in mind he has let two other friends dick around in games and was just fine with it) wanted to record they'd have to pay him, plain and simple.

Now, this doesn't bother me because I didn't get to show off how bad I am at Assassin's Creed, it bothered me because I was excited to finally be included in something my friends were doing. I mean, nobody invites me over, nobody talks to me because nobody knows how to talk to each other and I literally spend my days holed up on my computer reading fics on here and laughing at stupid shit on youtube because I am just waiting for somebody to want to interact with me.

So the fact that I am being cut out once again is kind of sucky.

Girlfriend of gamer friend (who, by the way, was the first friend I mentioned) then proceeds to tell me everybody has been trying to be delicate with me lately because I seem so high strung, and because I am just so full of rage (which is joking about 90% of the time but nobody seems to get that).

What do you want me to fucking do? When have I seemed high strung or made lately? I'm mad right now, but that's because nobody is telling me anything other than what sounds like "Nobody wants to deal with you."

Then yesterday I spent most of the day in bed, crying of course, because I thought of how inconvenient I was to my friends and how much I just suck, and how if I didn't have a fear of death so bad I have panic attacks about it, I might have just tried something stupid. Because I am just sick of feeling like a useless sack of shit to everybody I know.

Then today, not even ten minutes ago, a friend told me this, out of the blue: "Listen Anon, I like you, and I consider you a pal. But lately, I've been worried. You are starting to remind me of [insert friend who fucked us all over here]. I don't want to see that happen. Lets kick it and have a chat sometime soon, eh?"

And now I'm sitting her crying and whining about it on tf2chan because I have spent all five of my years of being friends with these people trying my hardest to not turn into somebody to bitch and complain about or avoid, and especially not the one who made us all miserable.

And my own birthday party is in three days. Debating on cancelling it, because I don't want to potentially deal with them all pulling me aside and giving me a lecture on why I suck or why I need to fix myself.
>> PL No. 10709
So my mother basically gave me these options to think over:

- get over myself and my issues, though she damn well knows that I've been struggling with a lot of shit for the past 10 years, I'm just good at hiding it when around other people, and study (tho I'm 3 years apart when it comes to knowledge of some programs that I don't think I'll be able to include in the individual program)

- take meds (I've seen what antidepressants did to my friends, and I can't let myself get that overweight, it'll just worsen the situation) and go to the shrink, even tho I've tried a few of them before and it did jackshit, it's just a waste of money and time, because these are issues that I have to work out myself

- if I won't do anything about it, she's ready to throw me out of the flat. Thing is, we have two other flats, but the other one is currently being rented and the contract lasts for one more year, and the other flat which is technically mine, is now owned by my sister who's taking care of it and putting a lot of money to renovate it. So that'll make me homeless in less than a year.

- Get a job. Which is not easy, not with my state of mind and current economy.

Wat do.
>> US No. 10710
I wish I knew how to help everyone on here. It makes me feel so useless not having anything to say other than "Wow, that sucks".
>> CA No. 10711
Dress Rehearsal/Student show tonight. I need to not fuck up, and it took me two hours last night to fall asleep. I felt so sick, and so nervous. I didn't take an Ativan, though. I'm proud of myself for that.
>> US No. 10712
I had a very pleasant day. Weather is quite nice.
>> DE No. 10713
> Don´t do anything stupid, while i´m gone.

Please don´t go. I know we don´t see each other this much. And i know that over the years it should have come different. Even if i said I´m angry on him, i didn´t mean it, because i can understand him. Even i don´t feel anymore like i´m welcomed here, so why should he? When did we forget to speak to each other? Did we ever know how to in the first place? I don´t know anymore what i should believe. I want to see everything in grey, but all i hear is black and white. I´m sick to my stomach of all this.
>> US No. 10714
Wow, my day completely flipped around on me.

Woke up with what I thought was a billion things to do, plus five boxes of inventory to count showing up tomorrow even though I'd planned to go to spend the night at a friend's house. Was all grumpy over stupid stuff and just said, "Fuck it, lets get to work."

Got almost everything I needed to do done in a couple of hours, and the boxes showed up today, so I can go straight to my friend's house after school tomorrow. Now I just need to study for my anthropology final and all will be peachy.

Finishing a class early, getting In-N-Out and getting laid in the same day? Fuck yes.
>> US No. 10715
File 132149298449.gif - (470.59KB , 280x223 , noreallyouareinterestingp1.gif )
Wanted to RP today, but I'm full and sleepy and it's raining soothingly outside and it's dark and quiet. Sleep wins.

Sorry, [insert name here]. Maybe tomorrow (But I kinda doubt it because I'll be working really late, buuuh. QQ)

Night, everyone.
>> US No. 10716
File 132150267580.gif - (13.01KB , 106x200 , dcp.gif )
Okay, my addiction. I went fourteen hours without having one of you. I'm not happy that I gave into you again. I shouldn't have to rely on you to keep me awake. I should be able to run fine on eight hours of sleep and not be tired. I don't need your caffeine, and more importantly, I don't need your sodium. Probably not your aspartame, either.

Rest assured, I will defeat you. I've already knocked one of you out of my diet per day. The trick will be to remove the other two.
>> CA No. 10717
Dress rehearsal/student night went well. Our prologue jumped like, an entire page, but other than that, almost no line flubs.

A few issues with doors not getting closed, but nothing too major.

And Scrooge's last quickchange was fucking SPOT ON. Felt great to see that.
>> CA No. 10718
File 132150705785.jpg - (226.48KB , 643x493 , homer6.jpg )
I'm in an existential rut at the moment. Things have got worse since the beginning of the year and I'm sick of it. Everything bothers me too. Extinction of rhino, half hour of crying. Watching the end of Thumbelina, song makes me cry another half hour. Guy I want to reunite with not talking to me for months without a reason, 3 hours of crying in bed. I have no motivation like I want to, no passion for art like I want, all I want to do is watch TV and surf Reddit all day and night. I hate feeling like this.

Not expecting a pity party, just need to vent. Good night.
>> US No. 10719

I'll have to take you up on that, sometime.

Ever since I could remember, I would have one good friend at a time. I'd know and talk to other people, of course, but this one person I would be the one I would confide in my deepest secrets, share my ideas with, spend most of my time being around, look out for, and fight tooth and nail for. This pattern has gone on through the entirety of the two decades of my life I remember. I would lose these friends initially due to the frequent moving in my childhood, but even now with the internet, now it seems like I gain that friend due to fandom, and as soon as interest in that fandom wanes, so does the friendship. There's the overwhelming feeling one-sidedness. They say it's an Aries thing to wanting to be a friend's number one friend, and for me at least this is true. I go through the effort to make someone number one in my life but it seems like everyone I choose to do this with doesn't return the gesture, and it tears me apart. Why am I not getting what I give?

I'm getting tired of this cycle. I want to be able to have my one true friend. I'm tired of feeling worthless because a friendship is based around mutual interest and not geninue enjoyment of each others company for just being ourselves.

I know I'm a monster and all, but there's more to me than that. But since no one else can see it, maybe I'm just being delusional.
>> DE No. 10720
File 132151236693.gif - (183.29KB , 125x87 , tumblr_lqe7t3rm4h1qafrh6.gif )
I wish I had more time to be a pal, Kilo. Posts like these show me that friendship is so important and yet so few people seem to be willing to provide it. I know I'm just a random Perry coming by to say this, but heh ... I'd like to be your friend. Not sure if I'm worthy of being the number one special friend, but you are cool, Kilo, seriously, and you deserve the bestest friends. (And hey, maybe I'm at least a semidecent friend, haha)

You are a good person, Kilo. I hope you find friends because dayum, you deserve them.
>> US No. 10721
File 132151478538.gif - (914.43KB , 350x260 , my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-omg.gif )
Aw, man. You're really breaking my hear now, man.

I can't promise that I'll be your number one friend forever and always (because who knows, right?), but I have a pretty good track record with keeping up with my friends, even if our interests have parted. One of my friends I've had since the beginning of 6th grade (about seven years ago), and even though we don't hang out like we used to, whenever we do, it's always a blast for the both of us.

In the meanwhile, though, back to you. You seem like you need someone to vent with and I'm you're man(?). Give me a call whenever you're ready.

On another not, WOWEE I REALLY NEED TO TAKE IT EASY ON THE CASH. Ever sense I've started my job, I've been spending a ton. ~$200 (mostly on food - beef jerky is hella 'spensive. need to stop eating it...) in a WEEK. I SPENT $30 ON HATS ALONE ON STEAM, TOO.

I hate the word alone, but... I need to make a budget for myself. Nothing elaborate, but I need guidelines if I ever want to get dat sweet-ass gaming computer of my dreams.

Pic because Kilo said he(she?) liked ponies, so... eee-yup.
>> DE No. 10722
things went even worse than i expected

tuesday night i invited some friends to come over and have some nice dinner, some nice talk and some nice wine afterwards. i actually surpassed myself and did a very nice entrée and baked apple for everyone for dessert. delicious stuff, i say. it was wonderful.
even the cheap wine tasted wonderful. time went by and we drank more and more wine and then i brought three bottles of wheat beer... and after that wine again.
i need to say im not used to drink wine and one bottle knocks me out already.
in the end we emptied 6 bottles of wine and 3 of beer. (there were three of us...) and i was so drunk. my friends left around 4am in the morning and i just wanted to sleep but i couldnt until it was 8am because of my incredible dry throat. my condition wasnt getting better during the day, i felt like i was overrun by a train (and was still drunk)
when i did the dishes i cut my left thumb with a knife, so deep, so fucking deep, it didnt stop bleeding for half an hour.
and today morning, while im writing this, i have no voice anymore, cough my lungs out and have little fever.

just uugh.
>> DE No. 10723
Wow, hold yourself on the old wisdom: Wenn man durcheinander drinkt, wird man schneller betrunken. (If you drink through different kinds you´re gonna be drunk sooner.) So don´t do it (especially if it involves cheap wine. Even good tasting cheap wine.) Best thing to do than is to drink juices afterwards to provide the body with the minerals and vitamins which he lost through the alcohol. Hope you feel better soon.
>> CA No. 10724
So....stepped on the scale today, on a whim.

Guess who accidentally lost four pounds since Monday?
>> US No. 10725
>>10676 Here. Apparently there was an Occupy in a city near where I live, but it was over by the time I heard about it. They seriously need to organize this stuff better so that more people can support it.
>> DE No. 10726
File 132159340788.gif - (499.72KB , 500x256 , tumblr_lncry25IDV1qclt3z.gif )
I have the bestest pals in the world.

I just needed to get that out there. You guys make me have so many wonderful feelings that I can't hold them all, abububu-
Each and everyone of you is amazing.
>> DE No. 10727
wuuhuu, im really sick now.
cannot even walk properly anymore, neither i can talk.
but thank god its weekend.
>> DE No. 10728
File 132162647791.jpg - (45.86KB , 500x375 , tumblr_ll92coVgaO1qafrh6.jpg )
Oh dear, that sucks. Get well soon, eh? My best wishes for you and your health!
>> US No. 10732
File 132166978611.jpg - (43.95KB , 498x599 , 48bfffe8-cc30-4fd8-a358-f7fac74cc7fa.jpg )
So I've come to realize something.

I'm turning into a really bitter, horrible person.

Or maybe it's just today. Yeah, I think that's it. I think I'm just having one of those days where the littlest thing can send you into throes of a class 5 bitchfit. Yanno? Yeah.

I am so friggin' grumpy.
>> CA No. 10733
Spazzed tonight.

Tombstone didn't come off when it was supposed to, and no one was around to grab it, and I'm like OH GOD SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE IT AHHHH

And then one of our actors speeds in there and snatches it off LIKE A BOSS.

Gave him about a million high fives after that. Pretty sure I quoted scripture or something.

Was quite a night.
>> US No. 10736
File 132168238014.jpg - (4.22KB , 149x155 , yes.jpg )
>>Friend complains J. Edgar Hoover biography was just two hours of old gay man sex
>>Suddenly have interest in seeing it
>>Even if it's apparently very dramatized and plays up unconfirmed rumors about his life
>> US No. 10737
Ugh. Prepare for a big tl,dr dump of emotions.

So, everyone in the house has been sick. My mother (she of the still-supporting two-and-a-half of her three disabled adult children) never gets sick, so of course it hit her the worst. My brother doesn't have the flu, but he's got chronic fatigue, so I'm trying not to come down with the flu because if I get sick, he'll run himself into the ground taking care of everyone. I kind of had half a cold for a couple days, but I didn't get sick-sick.

Still, the stress, coupled with worrying about other people/the whole world has been getting to be a problem. Luckily, my mom had a friend who could drive her over to urgent care, and she doesn't have pneumonia as it turns out, but they gave her the full antibiotics course anyway so she's on the mend and we've been able to get out and buy groceries, and she's finally able to eat normal meals and nobody's vomiting in the living room anymore, but...

Yeah, I've had kind of a rough week. We had to cancel a trip into San Francisco that I was looking forward to (which is fine, I guess, because I spent my tourist money buying food and stuff for sick people, but it's still kind of disappointing), and I'm going to miss Frost/Nixon.

My mom wants me to call up a friend and take our season tickets without her. Partly because she doesn't want the tickets going to waste, partly because she really wants me to get out socially, but I am in such a poor place that I can't even email one of the friends I do have who still live in town to ask if they want to go see a play with me. I really hate being afraid to talk to my own friends, it's a crappy feeling, and I can't properly explain it to my mom. She knows as much about my social anxiety as anyone who's never experienced it can, it's just... I am way too stressed to talk to anyone or go anywhere on my own. I hate missing Frost/Nixon because I haven't seen it (I guess we can rent the movie, it's just not the same...), and because it'll be the second non-musical that a friend of ours is in.

Okay, short version- I feel like crap, and I feel like crap for feeling like crap, and I'm bad at verbalizing how crap-like I feel, but at least I haven't been as sick as anyone else in the house.
>> GB No. 10738
I'm sorry to hear the shit pile has landed squarely in front of you like this, and I hope it turns out well in the end, but I think I should pressure you into emailing a friend because it sounds like it may help you a bit in the long run, so...

You should email your friend and take the chance to have some fun time outside. I worry about a lot of people as well, and sometimes, we just need to be able to step out without thinking of them. They will be ok without yer thoughts on them for a while lass, so take advantage of this as best ya can.

Don't think about the email, just makie it short if need be "I have a ticket to this here at this time" and wing it out to the people you would like to take, first to reply goes with you. Do it quickly as ye can so you don't get second thoughts as you type it out, then when ye go ye can come back and tell us "Fuck that was great, woot woot!"
>> US No. 10739
Feeling pretty shitty today.
>> CA No. 10741
Play is done, and I am sad that it's done.

WTF do I do with all my free time now?
>> US No. 10742
File 132176484550.png - (340.86KB , 500x500 , kilo-bubble.png )
A little faith in friendship was restored today. An old friend let me know they still cared in their own special way. New friends offering an ear, a shoulder, and a laugh. And even a friend I had a falling out with due to my own stupidity and recklessness has both offered their help and extended a hand to help rebuild that bridge.

Not quite as alone as I thought I was.
>> DE No. 10743
File 132178672655.jpg - (13.02KB , 211x257 , happy hamster.jpg )
Whee! Have a happy hamster.
>> CA No. 10744
I went to Pure Spec this year, got to listen to the Pop Cap co-owner/creator, Jason Kapalka, in a panel. Since it was about indie games I was able to show a few local developers my work and give out my contacts.

I think I might have given a good impression since I asked Jason about his feelings on the mini version of Plants Vs. Zombies in WoW. Pop Cap apparently helped them do the programming on it and lent them a voice actor.

I won a silent auction for a print of the Tin Man from Wizard of OZ as Iron Man.

But I think my highlight for the day was manning the table. I out sold everyone else in my group by doing $10 sketches, and near the end of the day, when things had slowed down. The artist across the way came over and looked through my stuff and said I had real talent. That artist was Mike Sass, former head of Bioware's commercial art, who now does work for Magic the Gathering and WoW.

I jizzed.
>> US No. 10745
File 132180896482.gif - (486.56KB , 500x250 , tumblr_lsxdpnVzFI1qkcg6q.gif )
I got a class I failed to get last semester. It fits into my schedule perfectly and it was the last available seat. Feels good man
>> GB No. 10746
File 132180991170.jpg - (49.17KB , 395x445 , painis is sad.jpg )
Remember my cat? The one who was dying and then wasn't, and then was dying again and then wasn't again?

Yup, she died.

I frankly don't have a reaction image even remotely appropriate but this one will do for now. And now I'm going to go cook dinner because it seems to be some sort of tradition that whenever someone dies, I cook dinner.
>> US No. 10747
File 132181052878.gif - (247.60KB , 600x607 , tf2___sandvich_hat_animated_by_thelombax51-d3axtk1.gif )
Feeling a lot better today, perhaps I can get some things accomplished. Though in the back of my mind, I am worried about a friend, but I hope things will turn out alright in the end, and by my own tenacity and the strength within me, I will make sure everything will be alright.

Leading is what I was born to do. Thoughout my entire life I've always been the one to stand up, lead, take challenges and make sacrifices. I've had my fair share of downs as well, but they have always strengthened me and forged a stronger heart in my chest. Though on the Internet, it's a very cruel and unforgiving place, and it has helped turn my heart into stone. On the Internet, even if you screw up once, you'll never be forgiven and people will always hang that screw up over your head like it's something that defines you. And thanks to a few certain people, that screw up still gets dangled over my head even after over eight months since it happened. To those people, I'm only going to them the all-American double middle-finger salute.

And no, asshole, I ain't going to stop administrating TF2chan simply because you're my friend and you disagree with it. Being my friend doesn't give you the right to try to force me out of my position like I have an obligation to do so. As far as I'm concerned, you're no longer my friend from all the bullshit you've been saying and stirring up.

“Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.” -Harold S. Geneen
>> US No. 10748
File 132181803366.png - (77.44KB , 142x200 , SS_boxart.png )
>>10746 Rough going, Annie. I always take the deaths of pets worse than humans, probably because I like more animals than humans. Hope you're doing okay. Not sure I can say anything without sounding clumsy, but you fought hard to give that cat the best life possible. You did what you could, and you made that cat's life better for it, even as it struggled in its last year.

On a different subject, I got my sister Skyward Sword for Christmas. I really, really, really want to give it to her while she's home for Thanksgiving. She's had a rough semester with classes run by chauvinistic professors (who are actively encouraging men in the classroom to "take [accounting] back from women") and drunken roommates. Zelda games are one of the few things she consistently enjoys, and I like seeing her happy.

Plus, it is super shiny. Oh, the shininess. Must share the shiny.
>> CA No. 10749
I feel like I'm getting shittier and shittier as a roleplayer. Five regular partners, and only one still contacts me to roleplay, and I feel like even they think it's a chore to do so now. The others, when I message them, always make some sort of excuse (and in some cases, they're legitimate ones, but when they say 'I'm tired, and I'm gonna go to bed soon', and they're online for another four hours, I get suspicious).

I love roleplaying, but I've always been self-conscious about my work, so anytime my partner starts to lack in enthusiasm, I feel like they don't wanna RP with me anymore.

Feel sad.
>> US No. 10751
File 132184742560.jpg - (39.82KB , 400x300 , tumblr_lgoiuxXtZp1qcqjlf.jpg )
When I see people being a dick, I ask them politely to stop.

And then I get yelled at and the server admin threatens to ban me/teacher yells at me for getting upset, while the dick gets to continue being an asshole.

Between this and my you-must-do-two-weeks-of-homework-in-two-days father, I feel like I'm going to burst a blood vessel in my brain. I don't know how to relax.
>> AU No. 10752
why hello depths of misery i never thought possible

someone just kill me already
>> DE No. 10753
File 132186839182.jpg - (95.24KB , 640x480 , post-2-1085370204.jpg )
Gonna visit my mom today. Here's hoping that will help me replenish some much needed energy.
>> US No. 10754
I wanted to get it for my fiance so badly, but he said that getting him season eight of DBZ is more important. (And this is saying something, because he's a lifelong Zelda fan. I mainly want it for the art, the soundtrack and the Zelink everywhere.)

In other news, busy week ahead. Cleaning today, babysitting tomorrow, thrift store massacre on Wednesday with my mother, Thanksgiving over my aunt's on Thursday (looking forward to Scoutpapa's first legitimate family holiday meal, he never had them growing up and my family's accepting him in, yes!), and then a big group of cosplayer friends that I seldom see are coming over on Friday for a retro game marathon.

Feels good man.
>> DE No. 10756
learning this language maybe wasnt the best idea i guess. struggling so much with tranlations and grammar, ide. but i managed to translate the first 8 lines of the Lord's Prayer(at least vaguely). so homeworks almost done.
and, oh my god
i seem to be surrounded by idiots, seriously. she needs much time for herself so she doesnt have a job/apprenticeship. sleeps until 1,2pm every days. another one moans for waiting 5 more minutes at the busstop "why cant i start working later.OH WORLD U SO UNFAIR TO ME!" - both still live at their parents and are older than me. and both insult me every time i tell them they shouldnt be so grumpy about their life. they annoy me soo much, uugh.

i should go back reading my books.
>> US No. 10758
Out of curiosity, which language? English?
>> GB No. 10761
File 132192767780.gif - (448.46KB , 500x275 , tumblr_ljzo82SMeS1qc0dm5.gif )
I want to play on the *chan's servers but because I live in Bumfuck Nowhere, UK I can't actually connect.


Going back to Skyrim now.
>> US No. 10762
I had an onsite interview today with a defense contractor that went pretty well. I should be happy about this, but I'm not.

I still have a huge crush on that foreign cosplayer, but I'm starting to think he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He gave me a time he'd be around on Friday and then never came online and hasn't said anything since.

My mom also gave my email address to one of her friends who's son is looking for a girlfriend. Here's hoping I never hear from him.

And, of course, thesis crunch time.

I really want to die.
>> US No. 10765
So she broke up with her boyfriend. The relatively small excitement I am feeling that there may be hope for me is being crushed under a huge wave of sympathetic sadness for her. She is the most important person outside my family in my life, and so her sadness is my sadness. I hate knowing she is suffering and I am so inept at offering emotional support that there is not much I can do for her. And no, I'm not going to just immediately go back to trying to get her love me. I may be akward, but I am not a complete idiot.
>> US No. 10766
Well this weekend sucked.

Saturday night, my dad was screaming in my mom's face louder than I've ever heard anyone scream in my life. She was crying and trying to talk to him and he just kept screaming. I can't get that sound out of my head. And, of course, now they're back to pretending it never happened, like they always do. I know my mom wants out of this but I don't really know what to do for her.

My ex-girlfriend came online the same night, and I went to say hi, since I hadn't seen her online all day and had been a little worried. Things didn't end badly between us; distance-related problems, and we'd agreed to stay friends. But when I said hi to her, her friend was on her account and started telling me off. In the middle of me already having a mini panic attack. I would've just gotten mad, but she started taking stabs at my gender, so I just sort of broke down.

My best friend/almost-boyfriend texted my ex girlfriend to see if she knew about someone else being on her account. Turns out she pretty much sent her friend after me, and then goes off on my best friend for asking nicely about it out of concern for her account. Apparently she blames him for "stealing me from her" or something. It's been a few weeks, and I admit that I have probably found a potential someone else a bit quickly, but it's not as if I'm bragging to her directly about it - which is what she's telling people I'm doing. In reality? She found out and now asks me extremely personal questions about the relationship. She asked if we had sex, and just told me to be honest with her, and all I said was "Do you really want to know the answer to that question right now, either way?" She then assumed the worst and lost her shit. And is now telling her friends that I bragged to her about getting laid.

So I spent the night at said almost-boyfriend's house last night to get away from my parents. It was the only highlight of my weekend. We get along incredibly; in some way that I can't even describe. I've never gotten along with anyone the way I get along with him, though, and I mean that on a friendship level as well.

Of course, when I left, I found that I'd gotten a parking ticket. The dork forgot to remind me that Monday is street sweeping day, on his street. Granted, he doesn't have a car, so I don't blame him for forgetting. Trying to dispute it, but I'll probably end up having to pay the $63.

All in all, besides him, I am feeling pretty lonely right now.
>> US No. 10767
Well that didn't last long. At least she's on the market?

I really don't know what to say that wouldn't just make everything 800 times more awkward, but I'm rooting for you dude, and I'm sure several other people are too.
>> DE No. 10768

nope, not English. i always thought my english is acceptable and not that bad, mhh...
no, im actually learning Gothic / the Gothic language. kinda interesting but also difficult concerning pronunciation and grammar.
>> US No. 10779
Thank you, but I am feeling like I am just being a stubborn idiot. First she says I am not her type, now she says "you're nice and all, but you're not what I'm looking for". I know I can't change how she thinks. I am just her friend, and it is killing me.
>> DE No. 10784
File 132207553743.png - (92.12KB , 255x373 , i-want-to-believe.png )
You, good Sir, are in my humble opinion a goddamn ASSHOLE. Yes. You are a selfloving arrogant PRICK.
You are not a FRIEND, you are more the guy everyone talks to just because you can buy their sympathy with presents. (Okay you gave me some games too, but i never asked for them and well they were free. I´m not better than everyone else.) If you have a problem and you come to one of us to talk it from your soul, we are there listen to it and try to help. What do you do? Comparing a big psychological serious problem to a tiny winy escapade from you with other friends.
I don´t like to be the badguy. I try to be all: Okay, guys. Yeah you are men don´t mind me if you are talking about your conquests in the bedroom. But this yesterday disgusted me greatly. Not even did you take out a situation which i tried to explain to you, not really serious, but you also insulted a nice friend of ours. A friend which you did hurt. She may be over it now that she got a nice boyfriend, but still back than it did hurt her. I thank god that you both didn´t became a couple and i hope you never get the chance to get your future-girlfriend/ex-girlfriend how you ever say. She deserves better than you. Even if you may said it in joke it was just the lowest of low for me. It didn´t help that all others in the chat seemed to agree with you, what good work you did than. I´m offended, disgusted and ashamed that i even considered once you as a nice guy. You are a absolutly slimy backstabbing bastard with no backbone on a high horse. And i know i´m going straight to hell for this, but i wish you get one bump in this road of live, so that you finaly realize that nothing is ever sugarcoated candyland.

Here chan have this picture. You don´t know what you find on old screenshots.
>> AU No. 10789
Hey Teapot, there are two neuroactives that you can take that have been shown to be weight-neutral. One is duloxetine (Cymbalta) and the other is bupropion (Welbutrin). You don't have to put on the oodles of weight.

How am I feeling? Here we go. Three months ago I took a leap of faith and changed my life. New career, new mindset, new sleep patterns. All because if I didn't change things my health was going to keep going downhill in a big way. I miss being competent. I miss knowing what I'm doing. All those years of study, training, everything, now gone and wasted.

Another leap of faith. I tried writing something ficlike for the very first time in my life. And it was sketchy and disjointed and crap. And it stung to be condescended to as a know-nothing n00b. But some people liked it. I got lots of concrit, and started people thinking
ideas and treatments. And I think that's a win for me. At least, I'm holding on to that feeling of, "Yay! I made something interesting!"

A hot mug of tea makes everything better.
>> US No. 10792
Even still, I can't give up my love for her. I don't know if she will ever love me, but I will always hope that she will. "Never give up, never surrender", that has somehow become my motto for a lot of things recently.

I think I might have some form of manic-depression.
>> CA No. 10793
So I'm dealing with some minor psychological issues regarding my identity and self-worth, and I feel like the one person who still converses with me is all 'WOW. Okay. See ya later, crazy lady', because I'm self-conscious as fuck.

Bright side, stage managing tonight for the semi-improv show Twisted Dickens. Should be fun.

And I finished another cross-stitch ornament, so I'm feeling pretty good, even though there's about 2 feet of snow in my driveway I have to shovel. Thank god we have a ditch I can just shove it all in.
Winter can still go fuck itself, though.
>> DE No. 10806
File 132230979884.gif - (408.17KB , 500x281 , Bitch what.gif )
If all goes well, I can get my PC back from the repair guy tomorrow ... I'm leaving for a week on Monday, so no gaming yet, but once I'm back I'm gonna GAME SO HARD WITH EVERYONE OH GOD YESSSSSS

But you know what was actually the problem? Yeah, none of the hardware, not Windows either.
... It was my printer driver.
Yeah, not even kidding.
Stupid thing caused some incompatibilities with something and made everything go nuts.

I mean, I'm thankful I'm getting off the hook cheap and without having to buy new hardware, but ...


Oh well. Looking forward to my vacation week in England and then GAMING AW YEAAAAAH
>> CA No. 10807
My theatre company gave me a bottle of wine as a thank you for ASMing Christmas Carol.

I don't drink, but I'm tempted to crack it open and down the whole thing myself right now.

I fail as an RPer. I can just hear my partners, on the other side of the screen going 'OH GOD, SHE SIGNED ON AGAIN. QUICK. SET MY STATUS TO AWAY SO SHE DOESN'T SEE ME'.

On a cheerier note, I found the Disney version of Christmas Carol (not the Mickey Mouse one, though that is my favourite) on youtube, and I'm going to watch it for the first time, to help cheer me up a bit.
>> US No. 10808
File 132239024480.png - (18.00KB , 247x373 , 131422299161.png )
Iz, are you me? I can't keep regular RP partners to save my life. I don't know if it's me or if it's my characters or what. Feels bad man.

We should totally become RP friends. I mean, if you want to.
>> DE No. 10810
First Advent. Now i´m justified to wear my christmas hat. EVEN IF IT IS NOT DECEMBER!
Dohohoho. I´m so crazy.
>> No. 10811
I warn you, I'm a bit of a trainwreck.

But hey, if you want, my contact info and the style I prefer is in the sticked RP thread. I'm always up for new peeps, if you don't mind how I do things.
>> No. 10814
File 132241820056.png - (93.59KB , 401x263 , XxL7h.png )
Done packing, can't wait for my vacation!

See you lovelies again on 6th! Stay as ridiculously awesome as you all are.
>> No. 10817
I´m tired that my monsters are getting ignored and patted. They are still there and just wait any moment to come out again. All i do is to ignore them for the sake to comfort other people. I don´t want anymore. I´m drifting slowly back to my former self and i´m scared. The only person who maybe able to do help me, left me alone. Loneliness is so hard to bear, i don´t want to be again someone who can do this.
>> US No. 10819
File 132245092748.jpg - (64.66KB , 770x513 , cat-and-parrot.jpg )
What's wrong? Do you see a therapist or a help group? You're not alone, no matter what the problem is.
>> CA No. 10820
I wish I could stop fucking things up. Really I do.

Just...can someone please take my brain, and kick it around a few times, until it starts spitting out the things people want me to say instead of the things I am saying?

And then stick it in another body. One with fewer digestive issues. My colon and I are in a heated feud right now, and it's winning. It always wins.
>> US No. 10821
What do you do when none of your friends talk to you anymore?
>> DE No. 10824
skipping university the whole week.
taking antibiotics. feeling even more awful, damn you side effects
>> DE No. 10825
Nothing weirder than to meet up with a former teacher.

Well evreything for the sake of Vitamin B.
>> US No. 10827
Preparing to move out within the next few months! I'm really excited. This'll be my first time out on my own, save for a few long stays with friends and such. Moving out with my boyfriend to the area where I'm going to school. We both love the area, and he has nothing really tying him down, so we're headed out ASAP.

The original plan was to wait until the summer, so we wouldn't be moving in the middle of my winter semester or the holidays, but... Our home lives are getting increasingly worse. He lives with his parents and his ex. His parents are okay most of the time, save for his dad getting high in the house a lot. His ex is... not abusive, but kind of a jerk. He doesn't want to kick him out, because it'd leave him homeless. But it is hard on him.
My parents scream at each other far too often for my tastes. Last week they screamed at each other while standing in my room. Two feet away from me. They're forcing me to go to some family therapist on Wednesday (didn't check to see if I had plans first, by the way - I had to cancel a date). I really don't want to go but I've been kind of guilt tripped into it.

Pretty sure my parents think I'm moving out solely because of them fucking up. Albeit they were kind of the final blow, but I've wanted to move out for a lot of reasons for a while. They don't think I'm ready, even though I've been trying to move out for a couple of years and have done my research. Sure, I'll probably still fuck up something, but who doesn't when they move out for the first time? I gotta do it eventually.

All in all, really looking forward to it. Just gotta get a job. Thankfully I have a big inheritance to help with rent. My uncle is in charge of it for a couple more years, but he's willing to pay my rent from it since it's... "for my education", somehow. He hates my parents, so he's willing to safely get me out of the house however he can.
>> PL No. 10828
Thanks, I'll look them up, hopefully they're available here.
On topic: received results of my latest test for the number of thyroid hormones. It was ridiculously high, without any good explanation for that.

Guess that's one of the reasons why I was feeling so crappy lately.
>> CA No. 10829
it just HAD to pour down today just had to.

I don't mind going out in the rain, its rather nice. but my basment apartment is flooding. I can't even set a large bowl down becasue it is leaking in through the floor.

I have used up 5 large towels in the lat hour. fucking 5. I am almost out of towls and it is not slowing down and I cannot dry the ones I have fast enough and my hands are numb from ringing freezing water

fuck. I have shit to do today.
>> DE No. 10830
I have the slight suspection Steam is planning something against me and my friends because it dies on the WORST possible times ever.
The WORST ones. STEAM WHY?! One day you get it back steam. One day.
>> US No. 10831
File 13226573787.jpg - (168.18KB , 610x420 , pyro.jpg )
If I'm posting here its more of a public service announcement to all the poor fucks who have had the misfortune of talking to me: guess what? I need a fucking breather. I don't feel like talking to you and don't take it personally. If you still have some bizarre desire to contact me you all have my email. I'm still going to do my Secret Santa so at least that'll be one goddamn thing in my life I don't flake out on.

On to unmitigated, undeserved whining.

My mother dragged me out of bed today at 630 in the AM to let me have it. Over a half and hour of screaming that culminated in her calling me a fat, disgusting pig as I finally disgorged in the nearest trashcan.

The thing that cuts deepest is everything she had to say is absolutely correct. I get to be a fat, stupid failure while staring down the barrel of getting kicked out of the fucking house. I'm the most inconsiderate person she knows! Whoopee, we both win the prize!

Thank god at least she didn't see my solid gig of hairy mercenaries fucking each other in the ass.

Fuck. I need to get my shit together. Or just shoot myself in the head, but that's pussy shit. Really.
>> GB No. 10834
File 132267179420.png - (311.09KB , 629x352 , medicMPforsomerset.png )
Is this guy Medic
or am I just high
>> US No. 10837
I'm imagining Medic as the most hilariously shitty Prime Minister of [insert country here] ever.

We've never spoken, but please, don't shoot yourself or think that about yourself, alright? If you need a breather, by all means, take one, but please come back alright.
>> US No. 10839
Had a bit of a scare this evening. I was taking the dog out to go to the bathroom, and when I came back to the apartment, there was a guy creeping around the stairs. Scared the shit out of me, and I gave that bastard the biggest glare I could muster and he slinked off somewhere. My dad went out afterward and found that the guy was rummaging around the vacant apartment right across from us. Ever since the firefighters busted into it last week the door has been wide open and it was only a matter of time before unsavory folk started poking around in it.

I'm really not liking this neighborhood much. I will be glad to leave it, for sure.
>> CA No. 10840
Just strated getting over some weird sickness that had to do with me drinking too much water or something, was starting to feel pretty good. I've been a bit stressed,though, because I missed about 5 days being brought down by this thing, and I have a bunch of work to catch up on, as well as some new stuff that popped up.

And now it seems I'm having an allergic reaction to nothing. I'm just sitting here, staring at the antihistamine because I know it will fuck me up for the next 24 hours, but the hives aren't allowing me to sleep and are spreading. Sometimes it feels like my body doesn't want me to be happy.
>> US No. 10841
I really hate lying to my mother, but I sort of have to until I move out. She keeps asking if my boy and I are dating, and technically speaking, we're not official, but... if she knew, she'd barely let me see him. I'm fuckin' twenty and she doesn't want me kissing boys. It kind of astounds me.

Told her about the rent situation and all today. She flipped and threatened to tell my uncle not to give me the rent money [from my inheritance.] My dad told her it was bullshit and just gave me some advice. He has his crazy moments, but he's always been supportive.

Can't wait to get out of here and stop dealing with this.
>> DE No. 10843
Okay, today went again to the big horse called burocracy and tried to ride it. Almost knocked me off. I´m no racist i´m far from that. But if someone of a other country with a accent needs to sit behind the counter. PLEASE SPEAK UP! It doesn´t need to be very loud, but if you can´t speak clear and than you trow me hundred different words around my ears were i just understand every second one, because i´m just a mortal woman it is really hard to keep up with you.
>> CA No. 10846
I am a cunt.

That is all.
>> US No. 10847
Fuck yeah, payday! Guuurl, lemme tell ya, I've been needing new shoes all year!
>> US No. 10848
File 132281248953.jpg - (60.51KB , 600x478 , tumblr_lpw76skVn11qkpphb.jpg )
Might lay off RPing for a while. Maybe (don't count on it) the chan in general. I need to work on things for Demo December and my Secret Santa. Maybe even get some work done on Breaking Point! That'd be nice. Or even make up for some of the days of work I've missed. Yup.

A break from the internet would be nice.

Pic not related, but awesome.
>> CA No. 10849
Yay. I'm a trainwreck who drives people away.

Eh. Can't blame 'em.

But auditions for the next play cannot come soon enough. Because now I have literally nothing to do during the day. At least learning lines would help take my mind off how freaking inert my life is.

Goddamn I wish I had enough money to go back to school. No fucking idea where I'd go, but I can't even look at schools now, because I'll just get more depressed when I can't afford them. Plus I want to get my bilinguality before I apply, because I might go to a French theatre school I've been told about in Montreal.

In other news, my Secret Santa project is going quite well. Six pages already. No title, but some very interesting concepts. I think they will enjoy it. Hope they do. Hehe.

And finally I have a name for what's been plaguing me lately. Raynaud's syndrome. See, I've been sitting around at night, and all of a sudden, one or two of my toes will suddenly go all numb. Look down at them, and they're wax white. Turns out it's been this syndrome for a while, and it's likely come about from Magnesium deficiency, because that's what causes my muscle spasms too.
So at least now I know I haven't had a stroke or a pinched nerved, or anything like that. Common syndrome that happens to people in cold climates. Relief.

And my city is putting on a theatre festival like they do every year, and I might write up a short script and submit it. I feel good about this.

I'm full of feelings today.
>> US No. 10850
File 132284911960.jpg - (13.87KB , 390x365 , tumblr_leqoo4RTsX1qec9dh.jpg )
Feeling pretty good today. Nothing like hot tea and treats to help ya get over a cold day.
>> US No. 10851
And now she says she doesn't want me to love her. She won't even talk to me except to say that she doesn't want to talk or for me to love her. I can't help if I love her or not.
>> US No. 10852
If she doesn't want to reciprocate your feelings, get over it. That's it. End of discussion.
>> US No. 10853
File 132285932028.jpg - (30.68KB , 495x442 , 14b53f9d-6797-4373-bc8b-dee1458545ce.jpg )
Yeah, man. I know it's tough, but eventually, you really do just have to move on with your life. At some point, you start sounding and acting like a creepy stalker (probably why she told you to leave her alone in the first place), and you really don't want that. At this point, it's best to quit while you're ahead (and before she decides the legal system might need to be involved).

I'm not trying to be mean, it's just facts. You're kinda scaring me, dude.
>> US No. 10854
Right now I just want her to stay my friend.
>> DE No. 10855

Than say it to her. Say, I´m okay if you don´t want to talk with me in the moment and all i want is to stay friends with you because your important to me as friend. And than leave her alone and in piece. Stop telling her you love her, stop telling her you may have still this hope, if she doesn´t want to hear it. And if you can´t really live without talking to her for a few days make out a date when you both will talk to each other again like... one month later. But really, don´t ever be the first to approach her. Look for some outside activities. Meet up with friends, go to a party, in the dicso ect., ect. TAKE A HUGE STEP BACK AWAY FROM HER and look around. Try to casual flirt with other girls. Try to be open.

No, you don´t have manic-depression it´s called HEARTBREAK. Enjoy it. Wallow in it. Imaginate yourself as the hero in a movie who got rejected of the "love of his life" and maybe will find a other girl who suits him better. Hear your favourite sad lovesongs and sing with it. Curse the day you meet her. Be a selfloving prick telling yourself: She will never know what she missed (don´t tell her that just tell it yourself). Cherrish the short time you both were together as pair. (Yes, i can remember me that you both tried it and she found out you aren´t this what she looks for)

Personally i need to ask you. What do you have except her? I mean you say never give up, never surrender became the motto of your life. It sounds like you made her the ONLY support you have.
Do you have other problems? Try to talk to someone. A other good friend of yours who maybe just knows you and not her. Try to get your thoughts together. Don´t be ashamed to feel weak. Just don´t give in to the dark thought and try to punch you through it (not literatly).

tl;dr: Man up. Have your pride. Don´t crawl ever to her. Relationship doesn´t mean to have a partner as only support in life or as purpose. It means that two persons share their lives as equals and to make it a bit better. And sometimes it happens that they make their lives better for the rest of their lives or just a short time.
>> US No. 10856
Thank you. I told her she is still an important friend and that I won't tell her I love her anymore. I only really have one other friend, and he is friends with her, we were all our best friends. I know I am weak. I just can't stand this feeling. I'm trying to not have any feelings of affection for her, but it's so hard. No one has ever really liked me. I feel like such a fucking desperate loser.
>> DE No. 10857

Okay did you TRY to have other friends? Like interacting with people from work, school, ect. To just sometimes not to say later, if you got a invitation but to say`: Okay i will TRY to interact with them. Or even internet friends? A person which you like to once in a while to talk to? Try to speak to this person more often! Go out (or not in case of internet) and try to learn people to know better.
Why do people not seem to like you? Is it really you or is it just the impression you make? No one likes to hang out with a person who never makes the first step and is passive, acting like they don´t belong there.
Make a joke, smile, be polite and if you don´t feel like to go with these people to a party than make suggestions for something different. Invite people to hang out with you. Be it to go to the cinema or to have coffee together.
Everyone has friends and good friends. You should look for more friends.

Just a note: I said Don´t be ashamed to feel weak. Not in any circumstates ARE YOU WEAK! Just because you feel like it doesn´t mean you are it. It is ever hard to go through something like that. Just you know even if you feel like it, you aren´t the only one this happened before. And it´s okay to still have feelings for her. But try to get them weaker. This will need time, but ask yourself: Would it really work out? Would she really appreciate me like i appreciat her? Do i really love her? (See all the advices regarding selfloving prick i´m too good to waste my love on her, lovesongs, ect.)

For me it sounds more like you don´t get your life in the right order and just try to cling depseratly on this one person who was ever there, because you are afraid to try something new/think everything will magical become right through her. Did you ever try to approach a other girl? Be honest with you wasn´t there once a girl you started to like a bit, but never had the guts to talk to?

Jump over your shadow. See this as new beginning. Kiss your old self goodbye. We all just have this one live and do you want to waste it? What are your dreams and wishes? What do you want to TRY once ALONE? Life your life!
And if you really feel desperate than there are ever hotlines to call to. Don´t eat it up, talk to someone (it even can be a relative of yours with which you are really on a good side.)

tl;dr: You are not weak. You can feel whatever the fuck you want. No one is allowed to say: You are not supposed to feel like this, now.
Because it is YOUR life and your heart. But think on yourself and what would be good for you. And no, not that she would fall in love with you, but how you can feel good on your own again.
>> US No. 10858
I am no good with other people. I talk to people, I am nice to people, I try to make friends, but still everyone ignores me. Oh sure people talk to me when I say something, but no one ever cares about me. Just once it would be nice for someone to go "Oh hi there, it's nice to see you. How is your day?" But no! No one cares. I have had minor attraction for a few girls, but never anything strong enough to act on. I can't even think about asking someone out that I am not friends with, I just can't comprehend it. I loved her because we were great friends. We got along so well, had so many common interests, I honestly thought it would work out between us. I spent so long trying to decide if it was worth trying, I guess I built up my expectations too much. I just hate being alone. I've always been alone and I can't take it anymore. I want someone to care about me as much as I care about them. Thank you for trying to help Karnickel.
>> CA No. 10859
> I want someone to care about me as much as I care about them

There's no shame in wanting that. I think, deep down, it's what everyone wants. I know I do. But they're out there, I promise. Everyone in this world has someone that will love each other absolutely. Not everyone finds it. I know I haven't, but you can't give up hope.
>> US No. 10861
You're not a cunt Iz, at least not that I can tell.
>> CA No. 10862
Nah, I kinda am. Keep driving people away and all that. Don't do it intentionally, of course. They just sort of leave when they realize 'wow, this chick's a nutjob'.

Slowly starting to realize though, that said friend was trying to 'shrink' me, and it made me look and feel like an even bigger nutcase than I really am. And in all likelihood, they were only focusing on my problems to forget about their own.

Doesn't matter now. Apparently I'm in for 'the talk'. I should savor it. This is probably the closest I'll ever get to getting dumped.

In other feelings, I'm watching Finding Nemo in French, and I just have this wonderful fluffy feeling inside me. Of course this message alone took ten minutes to write because I realized I'd written half the damn thing in French, and had to go back and fix it.

C'est la vie.
>> DE No. 10869
Hey. We all know here how it is to be alone. And especially if the christmas time is approaching. (Oh, hey there Glühwein. Yes, we both will be together under the christmas tree. Joking comment.)
But really how long did you try to be friends with someone? I mean i have a few good ones over the internet and it took me over half of a year to consider them as these good friends and not just as guys i know. (Okay i need to say i came over a good guy to them and well, they are so crazy and buddies with each other you don´t believe it.) But i also did things like talking about problems of me with them (be it finding work, politics, other things which they can realte too). Trying to find things which i can relate to them outside of games. I showed them: hey i can trust you, can´t i? So i´m going to talk with you about serious stuff! Not just goof of. But i also was there if they needed someone to talk to. And to the same interest thing: Find a person who has maybe as example the same musictaste, gametaste and try to talk with this person more. You may be surprised how sometimes more interest can come out. Again it all comes down to: Talk to new people, try to know them better, become friends, find maybe love.
And if you have a attraction ACT on it! Find out more about this girl. Try to meet up with her in a group of other friends. Than suggest a date, maybe.
I don´t say it all will come suddendly, because this what i tell you this changing of your ways needs time. But ask yourself: I am really this person i want to be in the moment? What can i do myself to LIKE me more. Don´t sit around, buddy. You seem like a fellow who just needs a bit encourage in some things. If you want i can give you my steamID so that if it happens we both are online i can lend a ear to you.

Feelings of me in the moment: I don´t have any clue what´s up with me. If the world would come down now i would look up smile and say I don´t care! I believe i finally snapped. (And if i did i never want to be normal anymore.)
>> US No. 10870
File 132291473734.jpg - (60.31KB , 392x500 , depressed-man-in-door.jpg )
>Slowly starting to realize though, that said friend was trying to 'shrink' me, and it made me look and feel like an even bigger nutcase than I really am. And in all likelihood, they were only focusing on my problems to forget about their own.

>Doesn't matter now. Apparently I'm in for 'the talk'. I should savor it. This is probably the closest I'll ever get to getting dumped.

Wow, that friend really sounds like a huge dick. Personally, I think you should stop talking to them and find someone else who will actually listen to your problems and try to work things out without coming off as harsh or judgmental. Someone who really cares about you. Someone who would try to work things out instead of leaving you to dry.

Meanwhile, I think I will, too.
>> CA No. 10871
Don't you ever say I didn't listen to your problems. The few you were willing to talk to me about I listened to. It's YOU who kept going on and on, making me feel like these small teeny minor problems I had were big massive deals when they weren't.
But fine. Don't interact with me anymore if that's what you want.
Anybody looking for a new RP partner? I'm very very available right now, evidently.
>> US No. 10872
File 132292153043.jpg - (12.99KB , 200x156 , 131582892211.jpg )
Congratulations for completely missing the point.

The thing is, Izzy, is that I just wanted to talk. Apparently, we weren't synched up right when it came to RPing, and I wanted to solve the issue. I would have thought that her OOONLY thing to do during the day would be worth fighting to save. Sure, it's easy to just give up and pout and sit in your corner and go, "Nobody like me..." but I was giving her a chance to iron things out. Even if we DID eventually decide to not be RPing partners anymore, we still could have been friends.

Instead, you basically slap me in the face by making a very transparent snark towards me on the chan, and won't even get on Steam so that we couldn't resolve our issue without everyone knowing our business.

And about trying to play "therapist" with you? Okay. I will freely admit that I got a little overly concerned, especially over certain body image issues for you. I went straight down the, "LOVE YOURSELF YOU'RE PERFECT SKDVNSRNVNKIH DON'T EVER SAY YOU'RE UGLY" route because that was YEARS of my life spent and I was hoping you wouldn't get stuck in the same loop I did. Apparently that makes me a bad friend now? Well sorry if I care about someone who's supposed to be my friend and try to relate her own troubles with things that I've struggled through. Silly me, I thought that was what was expected of a friend.

I guess there's not much to salvage from our supposed friendship. I'll be honest, I feel incredibly used, disrespected, and even emotionally blackmailed after all of this. I enjoyed RPing with you, all apart from a few aspects, and was willing to work things out with you, but it seems you were more willing to just give up than to go the distance and find a middle ground we could both agree on. More than that, it seems our friendship was based solely on RPing, and if we decide not to RP anymore, then there's no reason to talk.

I can't even begin to describe the overwhelming feeling of disappointment right now. I shared things with you that were very near and dear to me and told you things I was too panic-stricken or afraid to tell anyone else. I'll be more careful when sharing such sensitive knowledge from now on.
>> CA No. 10873
Again, I am a cunt, and I apologize for it. I would like to continue RPing with you, but I genuinely feel like you can't stand me (again, don't blame you), so I don't want to inconvenience you. You are a good person, and I don't mind you playing therapist when I ASK for it. But I would make a comment about hating my breasts or something and you go off on the shrink route when it really doesn't require it.
While I understand that you may have gone through some body issues yourself (again, don't know for sure, you've never seen fit to really tell me much about it), but you have to realize that mine are not the same as yours. I am not the same as you. Yes, there are some people out there who are all 'I hate my body' and proceed to cut themselves. But I am not that type of person, and after talking and roleplaying with me for this long, I would hope that you could see that, but apparently it doesn't come across that I just don't like certain body parts on certain days.
For the record, the particular organic system we discussed was currently rendered in twain as it is once a month, thus my displeasure with it.

I'm sorry things ended up like this, and I blame myself entirely. I am sorry.

And for the record, I went to bed at 2 in the morning because my family took me out to breakfast this morning. I was able to check the chan on my ipod at the restaurant, but so far one cannot log into steam on the same device, as far as I am aware. Otherwise I would have just said this to your face...well, your avatar. Whatever.

Again, I apologize for being a shitty person. If you want the transcripts, just let me know and I'll email them.
>> CA No. 10874
So focused on this, and I forgot to post what I was feeling. Silly Izzy.

Went out to breakfast with the fam. Ate 3 pieces of bacon, a strawberry, a wedge of pineapple, 2 grapes, and a hashbrown.
How the fuck am I so full that I am sick? What is wrong with my intestines?

Anyways, sick, have to stage manage tonight. Not looking forward to this.
>> GB No. 10879
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me~

Well okay not for another five-ish hours but the last of the party guests just left and I'm still drunk!
>> CA No. 10880
Happy Birthday Hybrid
>> AU No. 10882
File 132306073799.jpg - (19.00KB , 618x451 , 384689_314571661905627_205344452828349_1200600_312.jpg )
Hai you guis.
I haven't been on Steam for a short while- the reason being I actually don't have a home anymore.
Right now I'm hopping all over the city to find any YWCA or Youth Hostel that will take me in while I can find a job. I've got two backpacks full of clothes and toiletries with me that I have to cart around bloody everywhere (they're bloody heavy!). And I have my android phone too, so I can keep in touch with family. I've just taken the opportunity at this Youth Centre to use the computers to post this. I've also swapped out some of my clothes for what they had in their free-to-take wardrobe.
All in all, it's actually kind of an exciting experience.
Pic very related.
>> GB No. 10883
Oh God Sparky, I hope things will turn out alright! Lots of hugs and best wishes for you!
>> US No. 10884
File 132309886543.jpg - (48.18KB , 525x594 , Obama-Feels-Good-man.jpg )
Woke up with a terrible migraine.
Took Excedrin.
Less than 30 minutes later.
Feels like I never had a migraine at all.
Feels good man.

Excedrin is a godsend for the worst migraines ever.
>> DE No. 10885
Ahahaha. This pic. It is like my life just in ARTFORM! Well, the best things aren´t for low...
Anyway. I hope you find something soon Sparky!
Best wishes to you.
>> CA No. 10886
Back from visiting my family for the weekend. My little cousin has gotten SO FREAKING BIG! He's adorable, and almost walking all by himself.

Just...squee. All the bad feelings I felt are eclipsed by the laughter of a 16-month old baby. I love him so much.
>> US No. 10888
File 13231455874.gif - (64.92KB , 256x256 , 132156385956.gif )


Also, I'm happy. Got my fwiend back.
>> CA No. 10889
What a coincidence! So did I! Yuk yuk.

And yes, I know. The snow's what cut my family visit short. Didn't wanna drive home in flurries. It's a shame I couldn't stay up another day, but I'd rather come home early then, well, come home in a hearse. So...yeah.

But yeah, fuck you, snow. Go away until December 24th, and then leave on December 26th. Those are my feelings toward you. Especially since you shit two feet all over my deck last time. Not fun. Still haven't found the birdfeeders.
>> US No. 10890
Man, a bunch of my friends are getting snow, and we just get that cold fine mist that gets in your face even if you have an umbrella.
>> US No. 10891
File 132315442988.jpg - (8.32KB , 271x271 , 161.jpg )
Jesus. Finals this week, then one more final last week, then more Christmas shopping, then Christmas, then finishing up a stupid amount of cosplay stuff before Anime LA, and relationships, and money, and getting a job, and losing weight, and moving out, and AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
>> DE No. 10892
Humming kind of depressing songand so on and so on. So damn catchy.

I have a bad case of a earworm. I believe i´ve got a cold, i am riding on a rollercoaster called life and hang on thight, because this may be the only drive. I´m annoyed of myself. GREATLY annoyed by myself. For no apparant reason. I feel replacable and very sober and just think deep philoshic thoughts of life, death and holiday season and their great influence of individuals.

Guys do me a favor: If your not alone on christmas hug this person beside you and smile.
For me: Just continue with the thing i did the last few days, hoping it will become better. Oh please god, i am again the exception of a goddang rule? And humming this other damn song.
>> US No. 10893
File 132320373610.jpg - (22.38KB , 455x355 , 35bd0ds.jpg )
Had fun playing TF2 today. I went battle engie with mini turrets EVERYWHERE and killed, like, 7 people that way. Was fun. Now I am ordering pizza. Fuck yeah. And my bed is just so dang COMFYYYY.
>> DE No. 10894
Back home, headfirst into Christmas stress. COME AT ME BRO
>> CA No. 10899
So I've been looking at graphics tablets and stuff, because I'd like to get into that kind of thing. Last night, I was playing TF2 with friends, and I couldn't hear mom call me up for supper, because I was on a micspam server, and thus it was very loud.
So she went with the assumption that later, when I had my headphones on, I couldn't hear her right beside me.
So I heard her tell my nan, on the phone, how she and my dad are going out to buy me a graphics tablet for Christmas.


But now I also feel bad because so far I've gotten them nothing because A: No money, and B: No means of transportation to the mall.

I might paint mom something, but dad? He's got about every piece of hardware equipment and golf knickknack know to man. He literally needs nothing. Except underwear, apparently, but mom already bought him some.
>> PL No. 10901
Thanks to Mus I've checked every info available for Welburtin (it works like a placebo in the beginning, but there were a lot of positive reviews of it after few months of using it, and it's pretty cheap too), since my state for the past week was unacceptable. I couldn't force myself to get out of bed or go to school even though I know that we're spending a lot of money on it and it's understandable that my parents would be pissed, especially since there won't be a steady income since January and both of them are close to the retirement age. It was the worst week of the past 5 years, I went out maybe three times to pick groceries and retrieve post from the post office.
Sure, I skipped classes before, but that's because we have like, 1-3 classes per day and I need to catch up on a lot of stuff. But this?

I've never felt so crappy, and hearing my mother say today: then kill yourself, you'll be doing everyone a favor and won't drag them with you was the final blow. Tho it's the worst possible thing to hear for someone in my state of mind, it helped me to think about few other important things. I'm going to attend classes for the rest of the month and finally see the dean, something I should've done a month ago.
>> CA No. 10902

I've don't know your specific situation, but I've been taking Magnesium for my depression. It takes a few months for majour change, but I'm already feeling better. You can the pills or tablets at the health store, or eat certain vegetables.

And don't listen to that sort of tosh your mom is telling you, no one deserves that. Keep strong.
>> CA No. 10903
Magnesium is a magical little thing, ain't it? I have to take it for my anxiety, my muscle spasms, and my newly-developed Raynaud syndrome.

And apparently 70% of Americans are lacking in that wonderful lil' mineral.

But yeah, don't listen to that crap, Teapot. No one should ever say that to their kid, in jest or otherwise. Good parents love and support their kids, no matter what.
>> US No. 10904
Had some crazy relationship drama over the weekend, but it's settled now. Some really bad misunderstandings and hurt feelings somehow turned into a new relationship. I think we're still a bit shaken up by the whole experience, but things are calm and settling now. I'm pretty excited to see what comes of it.

On a sidenote, I am so not studying for this theater final anymore.

p.s. Schistosoma = eels. Namefag change again.
>> GB No. 10906
>Tell someone my opinion.
>They don't like it.
>Tell people about it whilst lying, then run and hide when I start to question them about it.

Very mature my friend, very mature.
>> GB No. 10907
Ah, but it seems to be more than that now.
You see Kumori, when you ranted and raved to me above various people, groups and things you didn't like, I didn't then post them when you took a shot at me a few times or fell out with me, because I understood those were things between us and it would be low of me to be so childish, because I have no interest in trying to make you look like a jerk.

So when you took what I told you in confidence and posted it for all to see, it was a rather low move on your part. I'm not going to deny that what I said was harsh or deny that I came of like an asshole in it, heck, Ill admit I was in full asshole flow when I said it all.

However, when you took what I said and made it public, posted to people you knew it would hurt and effect and even to some close, personal friends, you hit a low. The fact that you wanted to hurt someone that has been there for you and listened many times, offered advice, have ranted to, insulted at times, consoled you even when you lash out, that is what hurts the most.

Now to what I said. First of, yes it was supposed to be private between myself and Kumori, but as I said I was harsh and an asshole, but only in regards to the team. I do enjoy the company of Team Mantrain's players, and I do have fun playing with them in random, fun games, and even though I stand by my opinion, I apologise if I hurt anyone's feelings or offended, I just feel that the team as a whole doesn't gel as well as it could and that we need more experienced players to help boost our play style and the team.

Am I gonna do what Kumori did and post what she thinks of everyone and the chan? No, Im not that sort of person and would take no pleasure from doing so, nor would I enjoy betraying her trust simply in the name of an eye for an eye.

All in all, Im sorry if what I say offended or hurt anyone, but it is simply how I see things, and frankly, Im hurt that I can tell someone I trusted those things without them spreading it as far as they can.
>> No. 10908

I don't know what is going on here but does your team drama really need to be here out in the open on the whole chan when this issue only concerns a few members? In fact, it seems directed at Kumori specifically. Is there something preventing you from sending her an e-mail?

Generally the stuff people post in the feelings thread does not pertain to members of the chan. Things that do otherwise is generally considered starting drama, which is no bueno. And it's really odd that earlier you were withholding information from me to protect Kumori, but now you bring this out into the open on the feelings thread where you know other channers will see seems really... I dunno. I can understand you being upset about her bringing up private stuff with members of the team. That's not cool in any circumstance, but to, what looks like, retaliate against her by bringing up your stuff with the chan isn't any better honestly. If you wanted to apologize with your teammates, why couldn't you have just said your last sentence and left it vague so those parties who knew what was going on would know what you meant but left the rest of the chan in the dark?

What is your intention of bringing this up here, is what I'm after. If you are attempting to start public drama in retaliation, I will have to take action against you for legitimately breaking a chan rule. And I don't think you can say it would be unfair of me to do so on this specific instance.
>> No. 10909
I actually asked for a few opinions on this post before I posted, and they all saw it as fine and all, and just about every member of the team is on the chan, it is Team Mantrain after all.

The reason I mention Kumori is because it was her, nothing more than that, and feelings is intended to get feelings out and typing it all was getting every feeling out, nothing more, nothing less, and in all honesty, all Ive received is support in all this and have been telling people not to take sides in it all.

I posted to apologise, but I also posted to tell Kumori that I wasn't happy with her actions, and since many people already know its her Im talking about, I felt it more fitting to address her directly rather than just keep saying "This person, this friend" so on and so forth.

No drama here boss, just feelings.
>> No. 10910

No. You need to tell me why everyone else on this thread, that isn't on your team, needs to know that it is Kumori you are talking about. Seriously. The whole chan is not on your team. Do you understand what I'm saying? Did you need to tell Kumori you weren't happy with her publically, when she isn't even online, probably having gone to bed to even address it. What is keeping you from taking up that part with her in private. That part is drama. Not feelings.
>> No. 10911
File 132332392749.jpg - (9.82KB , 397x277 , 130887486273.jpg )
Also, if you don't mind me interjecting, people have squabbled in the feelings thread before. I mean, just look at that bitter exchange between me and Iz a few days ago. I personally felt Donny was being quite civil, and I also think his message DOES have a place here on the Chan since what happened involved other people (the people Kumori shared with). Just my two cents.
>> No. 10912
When I tried to talk to her before she left, she ignored me, she wouldn't listen and in all honesty, I think she has blocked me so I don't know how else I would have contacted her. It isn't drama, its me telling someone I don't appreciate them airing something I shared with them in confidence, or that they are trying to cause drama by doing so.
>> No. 10914
Hold on guys. OH SHIT.

>> US No. 10915
File 132332664875.gif - (175.10KB , 320x174 , Superjail hop.gif )
>> GB No. 10916
>> CA No. 10917
Why does my mind immediately jump to sex?

Anyways, ego boost.
>Have RP character.
>Partner actually hates character.
>One teeny info drop about character.
>Partner has instant guilt over feelings of dislike.
>Grin like a moron.
>> US No. 10918
File 132333389559.jpg - (27.04KB , 434x371 , 13088756221.jpg )
Shut up u HORE. You blackmailed my feelings with CANCER. QQ
>> US No. 10919
File 132333420437.jpg - (5.47KB , 184x184 , Colonel Bat Guano.jpg )
Because you're a prevert.
>> DE No. 10920
*looks out window* OH FUCK A RAINBOW AND DANG IS THAT THING HUGE! *cries a bit*

Anyway. I´m in school. In ground school it seems. Again i have the urge to stand up and just punch this self loving prick right in the kissers and to start a fight. Hello, ground school self. Yes, good times.

Socialing is cool. Socialing is the natural behaviour of a human beeing. Beeing a outright ignorant JERK not. She has a boyfriend, she doesn´t like to talk to you, so why the heck are yo still insisting she shall pay attention to you? Playing stupid like a 16 years old doesn´t help here pal and if i´m beeing a bitch to tell you, this. SO BE IT! All i try here is to damn programm this goddamn tabell into a other one and you asking for the simplest thing of using a PC doesn´t just annoys me, but others too. Oh, yes congratulations for beein to good to sit with all the others here. Yes, just continue about your dogs, your rock collection and whatever the heck you like to do.
Come on stand up, say it in my face. Don´t mumble it into your nonexistence beard. I´m so ready to get into a fight. And brother, i would fight mean.

Why can´t school NEVER end? Why do i still meet guys who are twenthysomething and act like a spoiled 16 years old brat? Why i am beeing accused of having a bad day and beein bitchy if i say the TRUTH!

Anyway later going to the christmas market, looking around there and trying somehow to keep up connections which may help me for my future part in life.
>> PL No. 10923
File 132335115114.gif - (489.70KB , 250x140 , hug.gif )
Thanks, guys.
I talked it out with her and although it was a rather cold and mostly one sided conversation, we managed to come to an agreement, even tho she didn't take it back.
It's a bit tiring, when we're jumping to our throats one day and talking and acting like a civilized people and functional family the next.
Tho when my older sister was around, we were constantly fighting, but when she moved out we're all on better terms now. I can't wait for the renting contract to be over so I can move out to my own place.

And I managed to talk about the possible bad situation with the dean, and he said that it's possible, but in order to take said break, I'd have to continue the rest of the classes with new students after one year. He told me to think it over and wished me good luck.
Also got a good crit from one of our drawing assistants, and I know more about my drawings (good and bad sides), and how to make them more dynamic and appealing.
>> GB No. 10924
Scotland is being hit with 90 mph winds as I speak, but here in the valley, the wind piles down the mountains so its easily notching up to 100-120 in my area. Went for a walk through the fields, and Im sure everyone has heard wind howl before. This was more like screaming, hundreds of voices screaming constantly and I have to say, it was quite invigorating and some what mind clearing.

Kinda wish there was a song called "Scream at the Wind" now, heavy rock/metal I imagine, Judas Priest could perform it.
>> CA No. 10925
So yesterday I finally got over a nasty little cold, so what happens next? This morning I wake up to my eye a reddish colour..now instead of enjoying my day and going out to finally see my friends after a week, I get to miss another day of work (which I really can't afford to miss) and visit the doctors who will probably tell me its just from the cold and not pink eye.
I doubt its pink eye myself, but its better safe than sorry.
>> CA No. 10926
Better than a post-vert?

Yuk yuk.

>> GB No. 10927
File 132337331923.png - (234.26KB , 400x302 , 1312040781891.png )
Said yer piece, done the right thing, slight mood, but Disney songs make it all better, Im feelin super right now, thanks for all the support guys and gals (You know who you are)
>> US No. 10928
My job is slowly draining the life out of me. I never felt this sore or broken in my life before. Every muscle in my body burns, and my mentality is slowly being chipped away. It doesn't pay for me to go on vacation, since I have to come back having to play mother hen, and pick up after my co-workers and fix what was messed up. I am desperate for a new job, I don't care if I take a pay cut or end up pitchforking cow plop for a farmer. Just get me out of here.
>> US No. 10929
File 132339022682.png - (11.42KB , 484x360 , 2q3c30l_jpg.png )
I just want to get this out here and clear the air with someone, and perhaps everyone. I'm sorry for how I reacted last night and the events that unfolded when I signed off. I acted because I was tired and confused and not thinking straight, and in doing so, betrayed your trust, for which I am sorry. I just hope we can move on and forget it ever happened.

I didn't mean to cause harm. However, I made a fuck up anyways and I'm sincerely sorry I hurt your feelings and probably put a chink in the trust of various people. It was wrong for me and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I apologize for everything I have ever done to anybody. I did it not because I'm a malicious person, but because I am overworked, stressed, and enduring certain hardships; and as a result I wasn't thinking straight. I'm an idiot.
>> AU No. 10930
Kumori, as someone who recently had a complete change of career for health reasons, I have one thing to say, with all due respect.

Do it. Do it for you, and for all those around you that you love.

I've been there. I was in a situation and a workplace that was, quite frankly, toxic. Workmates and bosses were incompetent, cliquey and negative, every week brought new unwelcome developments from the moneygrubbing new owners of the company, etcetera. Over six years I developed a whole host of chronic conditions, lost a lot of friends, and averaged 5 hours' sleep a night. That advice I gave Teapot upthread about medication? First hand experience.

I actually hung on for two more years out of guilt before my doctor put his foot down and said if I didn't get out, I was going to go faaar downhill, and a hell of a lot faster.

It's not worth it. Get out while you are still you. <:/
>> US No. 10931
File 132339507815.jpg - (26.63KB , 960x720 , vicious_circle_en.jpg )
>I've been there. I was in a situation and a workplace that was, quite frankly, toxic. Workmates and bosses were incompetent, cliquey and negative, every week brought new unwelcome developments from the moneygrubbing new owners of the company, etcetera. Over six years I developed a whole host of chronic conditions, lost a lot of friends, and averaged 5 hours' sleep a night.

Are you me? You definately nailed everything on the head and close to every detail.

I want to desperately get out, but I feel like I'm stuck in a catch 22. The economy and job market is piss-poor, so it makes it hard actually trying to find another job and secure it. However at my current job that I've been shedding blood, sweat, and tears for for over five years, my job and title is secure..but the pay is bad. I know for a fact I can't keep this up much longer and it's been eroding my health, mentality and costing me my friends over the years. I've developed stress-picking and skin infections that take forever to heal, my body is sore.

I'm looking forward to pulling myself out of my workplace, RIP, shit or bust by the end of March, so that way I can live off of my income tax returns until I secure something, anything. But, I am strongly doubtful anything will occur.
>> DE No. 10932
File 132340086597.png - (249.06KB , 617x679 , Taunt_HighFive.png )
>> AU No. 10933
Kumori, I'm so glad you're not just firm on the decision to get out, but have a deadline. If you could get out earlier than March, that would be even better.

I think you'll find that there's a lot of people out there in the same sort of fix. Do you have any sort of access to a counsellor or some such thing? One thing I found that really helped me while I was trying to find the right time (and to be honest, the courage) to get out, was to talk to a caring listener. It doesn't have to be a trained professional, it could just be some sort of phone line or a good friend or relative. It is immensely soothing to talk to someone who doesn't just understand, but will listen, not dismiss it as whining, and (most importantly) not add to the stress of the other demands being made on you.

Failing that, I could give you my email if you want to vent. Just my two cents worth of an offer..?
>> DE No. 10934
File 132342076564.jpg - (23.15KB , 400x400 , and than i laugh a sad laugh.jpg )
Yesterday i considered it.
Than i did remember this.
I think it is a bit sad, that this is mostly my
opinion about my life now and how feel currently. But really i don´t care anymore.
>> DE No. 10935
File 132344297468.jpg - (79.54KB , 960x540 , 46594 - confused gilda griffon happy hug let_go_of.jpg )
Lemme just hug you.
And allow me to remind you that you are wonderful. Yes, you.
>> US No. 10938
>or a good friend or relative. It is immensely soothing to talk to someone who doesn't just understand, but will listen, not dismiss it as whining, and (most importantly) not add to the stress of the other demands being made on you.

I would normally confide in my closest friends. However, usually whenever I have tried to talk with a select few of them, everything I had to say was indeed dismissed as whining. I am not allowed to talk about my problems as a normal human being, or hell, even be allowed to make a mistake every now and then without someone jumping down my throat or spreading shit about me, how I am a bitch n' all. I guess it comes with the territory and my titles. The higher up on the ladder you are, the more shit gets talked about you behind your back. I received this treatment both at my job and on the Internet from managing this site. However, it's more common and painful on the Internet. I can't seem to find any peace or more or less try to talk to someone. It's been a never-ending vicious cycle and I've completely given up for the most part in trying to speak with a friend about anything after a recent event.

It's either I'm bad and selfish for talking to a friend about things (because everybody has their own problems and don't want to hear yours), or when you do talk to them, you are dismissed as a whining crybaby and attention whore.

I am however really glad to have a few friends that will sit and listen to me, it's only that the number of other people I've mentioned earlier far outnumber them and make things really difficult.
>> CA No. 10939
Dear entire feelings thread: I love everyone here and I want everyone to feel better about things that are upsetting them! And to everyone who's doing well: KEEP DAT SHIT UP.
I am, for once, feeling great about myself and my situation. Getting my hair done tomorrow, then partying with my mom in the evening. Then it's con time on Sunday, and I get to spend the day and the night and most of the next day with my favourite man. I also get to visit one of my very good friends who I haven't seen since May! The urge to emote all over the place is very strong. Basically the best weekend ever is ahead of me.

But yeah. Keep on rockin' tf2chan, I think you're amazing and you should FEEL amazing!
>> US No. 10941
I'm officially property of the U.S. Government for the next 6 (possibly 8) years. At least it comes with some decent benefits.

Unfortunately that means somewhere down the line, I'll be dead silent here and elsewhere. I'm betting someone throws a party upon my temporary departure.
>> DE No. 10942
File 132353118860.gif - (432.83KB , 396x275 , tumblr_lqe9iz8O0k1qafrh6.gif )
I wish you the best possible luck and success, Kilo, and damn, I hope we will see you around sometimes. I'd lie if I said I won't miss you, but I believe that you are going in the right direction. All the best for you!
>> US No. 10943
File 132353196313.gif - (110.77KB , 180x180 , jibblies.gif )
God-speed, you honorable monster. I will miss you when you're gone and I will be sure to keep in contact with you.

My feelings: Unsure and cautious. I feel like I have to double-check everything I do. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
>> US No. 10944
I swear, not a single person I know wants to go see The Muppets with me. My mom is terrified of them (although she was fine with Labyrinth for some reason), and my brother thinks they're dumb. I hate going to the movies alone, but it's starting to look like my only option other than waiting for it to come out on DVD.
>> US No. 10945
File 132358264866.gif - (408.42KB , 500x333 , this one.gif )
One of my professors totally just offered me a real grown-up job at his agency. The only catch is it pays less than my slave labor job, but it's in my field! This is so exciting!
>> US No. 10948
My mom is so desperate for me to keep working for her, that she's willing to pay me enough that I wouldn't have to get a retail job.

Ten bucks an hour, flexible hours, working for family I don't hate and not having to deal with the legalities of my gender and name? Fuck. Yes.
>> US No. 10950
File 132369774695.png - (86.44KB , 764x796 , 1321826877869.png )
That feel when you haven't even thought about tf2chan since 2009ish, then decide to check it out. I see all the mods are different people (either that or I simply forgot their names, quite possible), that makes me happy as I can't say I cared much for the old ones, they were the reason I left in the first place.

I am kinda excited to see if there is less silly drama and catty behavior now, maybe I will even throw up my old name!
Can't wait to check out all the new stuff that has been posted, if there is anything really neat that has changed since then be sure to let me in on it.
>> US No. 10953
(possibly) Welcome back! I have a feeling I probably have you on FB.though I'm not sure which one of y'all it is! Feel free to hit me up and ask questions if it is so!
>> US No. 10954
Finals in roughly 20 minutes. Should I be worried because I didn't study for any more than an hour? I really don't think it's healthy to be this not nervous... I guess it's because I'm taking a class that I took in high school; too bad i was too depressed to actually do the homework. I'm not sure. The idea that I'm taking classes that I know I could have skipped is making me more upset with myself than the whole "not studying very much" thing.
>> US No. 10957
I like to think of the class itself as studying for the final. That said, actually studying is still a good idea.
>> US No. 10961
Done with finals, done with my dumb ex and her bullshit, and Disneyland and drinking with my boy tomorrow.

Fuck yeah.
>> CA No. 10962
File 132383428950.jpg - (67.99KB , 640x960 , 379949_2818244333667_1185650701_3192755_615859583_.jpg )
I did sexy things with a boy who is not my boyfriend but it felt so right, more right than I've felt for months.
I'm horrible, but I don't feel guilty at all.
In other news, another successful con was had! Pic related, I'm the mighty gingineer.
>> CA No. 10964
>> CA No. 10966
>> DE No. 10967
>> DE No. 10968
It is okay to slowly and lightly fall in love with CSS, isn´t it? Holey doley, just this morning talked with some guys i know about Dürrenmann and his theaterworks and now talking about CSS and KNOWING what i´m talking about. My inner nerd is more than pleased.
>> CA No. 10972
Steam's been down for me for at least 3 hours. Urgh.

And I have to present my French project tonight. Kind of psyched for that, though. Reading an excerpt from Beckett's 'Fin du Partie'. I just have to remember to read slowly and clearly. I have a tendency to talk at super speed when I'm presenting. 'tis a problem.
>> US No. 10973

I've been having issues on Steam as well, going down and returning almost constantly. Did they updated something stupid and it's messed up login configurations!?
>> CA No. 10974
I do not know.

It is fixed now, for the time being, at least.

Also, ego boost. Finished my French test, and presentation, and my professor was insanely emphatic about how good my accent is.
Feels good, man.

But I have such a good plan for my RP, and my partner's busy doing other stuff (and I understand, and am not angry at them in any way for this), so we can't, but dear lord. It's like mental blueballs. I swear, I can feel the idea swelling up in my brain, screaming LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT.
>> PL No. 10975
Ok, seriously, I need some motherfucking miracle to happen in order to keep me sane.
>> US No. 10976
I flew out to Sacramento earlier this week for an interview at Intel. I find out tomorrow if I get the job. I'm kind of scared, but kind of excited.
>> US No. 10978
File 13240010524.jpg - (90.30KB , 720x540 , myPuppy.jpg )
So, I got a phone call from my mom tonight. Our family dog had emergency surgery done to remove six kidney stones. Not an easy on a little fellow like him, especially since he's 14 years old. This is the dog that my family has raised since he was born, mind you. My mom even bottle fed him.

He's doing great. I know there's going to be a time when he passes on, but I'm glad that day's not today.
>> US No. 10979
Got in a car accident last night. It was raining, and the dumbass in front of me slammed on the brakes. I went to stop but skidded into her. I barely bumped her, and SOMEHOW my airbags went off, which crushed my windshield from the inside. The person in front of me literally had a six inch gray scuff on the paint of her bumper. Though, it was a fucking Lexus, of course.

I was really lucky though. The airbags barely touched me, I have a bruise on my hand and one will more than likely pop up on my chest, but it doesn't even really hurt. The insurance company made it sound like no big deal, the cop didn't give me a ticket since the road was wet, and I haven't heard from the other person. The damage doesn't sound like it's going to be enough to have to report it to the DMV, AND my dad is a Toyota tech and can fix my car for way cheaper than anyone else could. It's a '95 Celica, so I'm having to get the airbags second hand and so far I've only found the drivers side, but things could be a HELL of a lot worse. All I have to be upset about is that I won't have a car for about a week, tops.

For the most part I'm just upset that I won't be able to go out on Saturday. I promised my boyfriend I'd come over and help his ex is coming over to get the last of his stuff. His ex is really aggressive and they'll probably end up fighting. Only verbally, but still, he really needs the support and I hate not being able to give it to him. Once all of his ex's shit is gone, I'm going to help him clean up his room and start getting things organized. He went to therapy yesterday, which went well, but he needs to see a psychiatrist for anxiety and some memory problems. Except he has no way to pay for it, and his mom is guilting him so bad about paying for it that he gets - go figure, anxious about it - and shutting it out. I keep reminding him to call but he doesn't think his parents will pay for therapy and the psychiatrist. Hopefully once we get moved out and settled, we'll be able to find a way to make some extra cash that he can put towards getting more help, but for the most part his issues are triggered by the stress of his ex and his parents, so things will hopefully get better soon.

I honestly think the new year is going to iron out a lot of our problems. The Christmas season is depressingly... depressing, for some, unfortunately including us.

Then again, things could be much worse! All things considered, I'm pretty happy.
>> US No. 10981
How do you stop loving someone you have loved for years?
>> US No. 10982
File 132410063883.gif - (569.93KB , 448x332 , 565a0648-d591-4b55-b05f-2cc8d7163a91.gif )
Fucking raging right now. That was the worst time I've had playing TF2 in ages. Three hours and not one single fucking win. It wasn't that anyone was being an ass or that anyone was playing unfairly. No, the teams were unstacked and got scrambled frequently. No. It was just ME who couldn't score a single fucking win no matter how hard I fucking tried. And it pissed me off.

I felt like a huge douche being all snarly and bitter on the server, because, even though I'm competitive as all gets out, I like to think of myself as a good sport. But after fucking THREE HOURS?! Even a random hat drop (I got Scout's backwards cap) couldn't cheer me up.

You KNOW it's big when not even the power of hats can make something better.

I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't started playing for the sole reason of trying to relax and then some shit like that happens.

>> PL No. 10984
I know what you mean, I've been neglecting TF2 as of late, and gotten rusty. But then I went Gunslinger/Frontier Justice Engie for the first time and it was brilliant.

Regarding irl: I need to get back in shape asap. Winter is not the best season to do that, but I've planned some workout sessions. Let's see how it goes.
>> US No. 10986
The moment I get a job and enough money, I'm out of here and I'm taking my dog with me.
I can't stand it and I can't stand this economy.
>> US No. 10987
Brief hiatus because my laptop screen died, and I've been on shared computers for the past few weeks. Ordered a VGA adapter so I could go back to using my laptop, and now I'm back.

And it's SNOWING. What awesomeness have I missed?!
>> GB No. 10988
Suffering from a case of sour grapes right now, mainly because of Unusual hats. I just feel a bit jilted because I give a lot to people and today, I saw a few people get Unusual hats, some of which are the greediest, most self absorbed people imaginable, some I would go as far as saying that they are the biggest assholes I have ever had the misfortune of meeting, the sort that try to guilt trip others into giving them things for cheap or free (One told me all about her shit life and how she hates her family who are bullies with the intent making me feel bad so she could get my Teddy Roosevelt) and yet they get such luck.

Im just being a sour puss I know but damn it, just a lil luck would be nice.
>> DE No. 10989
I want a fucking drinking buddy.

Someone where i can drink not until i fall down, but where i can drink listen to my favourite songs, tell him about my current situation and fucking damn sing to this sad song until i cry my eyes out. I want to have the whole self pittying case with this person. And on the next morning we part, having our own lives until we come again together to "whoo".

You know a person who doesn´t give a fuck about you, but says Hey buddy. *plays song* Let´s sing to it. And than we sing to it, cry and are miserable. Now i´m going to listen to this fucking song again and again and again until i´m so sour from my feelings that i don´t give a shit anymore.
>> US No. 10990
Karnickel, you don't know me, but I've been reading your posts for awhile, and my heart goes out to you every time. If you leave me your email, I'm willing to talk to you and hopefully make you feel better. You deserve to be happy.
>> DE No. 10991

Naw you may misunderstood me here pal. It is not i´m depressed about drinking alone, but rather it is more fun to drink in company and to complain about life. My best "drinking" friend is outta the country and i miss us both sitting together telling us what is currently wrong make a snarky joke and to watch tv. It is a bit hard to explain... we both indulge into not serious sadness than. Which means we make jokes like: Ahaha yes i´m just a few breakdowns away from suicide! But i don´t give a damn. And suddendly bloodbath on the TV, isn´t that funny? And drunkely telling us: You are the best. It is nice to have company while drinking. I maybe just really wish to have a friend where i can go out with drink and make karaoke knowing than for every embarrassing thing i do i can later blame alcohol. (yes i once did sing in a karaokecontest after i had one beer. Yes i sucked greatly. Yes it was song of the german Band ECHT- Du trägst keine Liebe in dir. But hey i got a Sims2 IKEA accessoirs add on.)
>> US No. 10993
My best friend now officially hates me and never wants to see me again. I feel... I have no words to describe my sadness.
>> US No. 10994
Mind telling what happened?
>> US No. 10995
I'm not entirely sure what happened, but for the last two weeks she had been getting progressively angrier at me, and my attempts to get her to like me again simply made her angrier.
>> US No. 10996
(Sorry for the double post.) We had been friends for years, then suddenly she says I'm smothering her (I talk to her even less than most of my other friends), that I'm annoying, that she doesn't want me to be nice to her. I called her out on treating me like shit lately, despite that I just try to make her happy, and she says she wants me to leave her alone.
>> DE No. 10997
File 132427522394.jpg - (66.15KB , 500x293 , Broooos.jpg )
No worries, man. I'm sure you'll get the unusual of your dreams sometime.
... What WOULD be the unusual of your dreams, anyway?

Eh, I don't drink alcohol, but if Malzbier counts, I'd love to be there for ya. And sing karaoke! I do some mean karaoke.

Attached pic goes out to the both of you!
>> DE No. 10998
weeeeeeee, just 3 days of university left !

i gotta few things to rant about.
well, i feel kind of relieved how this year is going to end. christmas at my parents place, im gonna see my sister again (finally, after one long year - and yep, i did miss her; she is going to marry in June, so im even more excited !), gonna see my best friend again, gonna FINALLY meet one of my best internet acquaintances (we know each other for over 5 years, right ? and until this christmas we never had the chance to meet up althought we do live nearby... heh.); too, im gonna have the best New Years Eve-party ive ever had in my life, i know this. Its gonna be so fucking chilly, with games and drinks, and Skyrim and Assasins Creed and such. itll be terrific, im certain.
the only thing that i need atm is snow. much amounts of it. when i remember last years december, what huuuge amounts of snow we had here, i feel almost mournful. it was so much snow, guys, so much ! and this year ? nothing, not even rain !!! and for fucks sake, im living near the mountains, and we break all records of snowfall every year !

im so glad how the last weeks passed by. it wasnt exhausting anymore, not annoying anymore, not dreadful anymore (at least not as bad as october-november times). i have to say, im happy ?
yes, i am happy with everything right now.
and thats good, aye ?
>> CA No. 10999
My friend gave me jingle bells today. I am so fucking pleased. You can hear my Pyro coming from miles away, but I don't care! I'm so jingly! Teehee!
>> US No. 11000
File 132428490819.jpg - (121.78KB , 800x655 , 12629129532.jpg )
Ahhh. I apologize. I'm old-fashioned and waiting until I can drink legally to start. Still, I wish you the best- don't hurt yourself, please?

I know how that feel, bro. My best friend gets angry at me because I want to know why she's upset all the time, and I worry I was annoying her because I was scared if I left her alone, she'd start cutting again. But honestly, you tried your best, and if they don't talk to you again, know it's their fault, their stubbornness that killed the relationship. Not you. I hope in both our cases, they'll bounce back and realize what they did, though. It's heartbreaking when someone's in trouble and just refuses to be helped, or seems to think everyone's filled in on things they've told nobody else.
>> DE No. 11001
A thing my mom told me once:
[b]No one can help you, we just can stand there to give you support but to the end you need to fix yourself. But we all love you fo r who you are.[/b]

Did i start to fix myself? Yes, yes i fucking did something against some of my issues. Do i want to completly change? I saw in the mirror. I saw someone who can be nice, is mean in a jokingly way to friends and loved ones, someone who likes to derp around, but doesn´t feel like it every time, someone moody who can be outlashing against friends (for gods sake if i tell people to please stop and they don´t stop, to annoy because they need to be funny and all, they shouldn´t wonder.) Someone who doesn´t want to pretend to be different. Tried it, saw that it brought me NOTHING, that my so called friends abandon me quite quickly than telling me they are sorry, but somehow.. i don´t fit.
That being said i like to help people, i like to listen to them give them advise how i see it with my cold german logic and i try to say the truth. The truth is hurtfull, the truth can be changed through feelings and my judgement can be negatory influenced through them, if my logic fails me and my inner leading voice is silented by my inner demons. I learned to tell them to fuck off and to listen to my voice more. My opinion isn´t a holy sacral thing. It is my opinion, it can be changed, morphed and beeing doubted on. I can live with that if people are doing so. Because everyone has the right on a own opinion.
Still i´m a egoistical bastard. I don´t give a fuck who said what about who, which child went where, what my neighboors are doing. All i care are my friends.

That beeing all said about me i wouldn´t want to be friends with ymself. I mean not good friends. Maybe a good aquaintance, but to the end i´m just that much cocky, moody and ignorant that i don´t consider myself a good person. So do i want to completly change? No, because i like to be like that, which just makes me a even worser person.
Still i can make compromises if people would tell me so.

Current feelings: Sour, self-doubting because it seems no matter what i try people expect me ever to be a better person than i want to be.
>> US No. 11002
Me and my best friend are not on speaking terms right now. Like, a friendship testing fight at the moment.

But I just had a most terrible nightmare, and I just want to hug her and forget everything I'm mad at her for. I dreamt that she went to a party, and was drugged and date raped. She called me multiple times about how uncomfortable she was, and I ignored all of them. And when she woke up delirious in the early morning, she made an effort to get to my house and kept saying to the police how she needed to see me.

Oh my god I was so happy to wake up.
>> DE No. 11003
File 132429177652.jpg - (124.84KB , 500x500 , scoutreact.jpg )
Well, man, I like you. I really don't know how much that counts or if I am even saying something helpful, but ... I dunno, I felt compelled to say it.
I appreciate that each and everyone of my friends is an individual with strengths and flaws. As long as they aren't overall dickwads, but instead know how to be a friend, I don't care how they are compared to others. I like them for reasons I personally find to be right and you are definitely one of those people I like, Karnickel. I hope it cheers you up, ya know?

... I probably sound like a stupid rambler. I don't even know anymore. Have a derpy Scout.
>> DE No. 11004
Such a derpy scout! His derpiness is outright scary. Oh and i´m a bit sad, because i forgot my pencils today, so i can´t oocupy myself while doing boring things. (Can´t use neighbour pencils. 7b and a too soft eraser.)
>> CA No. 11005
I have a job interview. At the local theatre no less. A day job, so I can still act in the evenings. And an office job, which is great for me. I like filing and typing.

God I hope I get it.
>> US No. 11006
File 13243422166.gif - (549.76KB , 278x227 , awwright.gif )
I got the job at Intel and I'm moving to Sacramento!
>> DE No. 11008
File 132435909959.jpg - (41.58KB , 328x272 , 128125721873.jpg )
Congratulations! You rock!
>> US No. 11010
I feel like a wuss, lately anytime something in my life chnages I get nervous like I can't handle it. I got a stomach bug and got sick about 10 days ago. My stomach hasn't been quite right ever since and I haven't been eating much but Instant Breakfast. I have a job interview coming up and I should be really excited but I kinda dread it at the same time. It would require me to move in with Grandma for awhile. I love Grandma and it's only 20 miles from home, but I'd have to leave my cats and fish and hope mom and dad take care of them. And it's at a bank! I don't think I'm that responsible. I don't know why. Anyone else feel like that? Like they have to be careful all the time so they don't give themselves an anxiety spell? It's a stupid loop, I'm worried I'll be worried.
>> US No. 11011
Thanks, Perry! <:3c

Any of you channers live out in the Sacramento area?
>> GB No. 11013
I am so close to something, I'm having this moment of clarity as I type this, and my mind is too awesome to translate into words right now.
>> US No. 11017
Happy Solstice to all of you who celebrate it.

And yes, life, I absolutely LOVE it when you throw not only an argument but a crazy nightmare at me. As if I didn't already feel bad enough. That's definitely not how I'd liked to have spent my birthday.

Oh well, time to go eat leftover cake and work on some presents.
>> PL No. 11019
My mum lost her well paying job (paid until January), my sister is unsure about hers, my dad is writing a book that’s already delayed and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to finish this school at all and find any job at this rate.

Merry fucking Christmas.
>> US No. 11020
Just got a call telling me my nana's in hospital with congestive heart failure.

Just in time for Christmas and I live too far away to visit her.
>> US No. 11024
Chronic headache, y u no go away?
>> DE No. 11025
File 132463724131.jpg - (26.28KB , 310x451 , Son of a bitch.jpg )
Back problems getting worse. I would work out, but I also caught a nasty cold.
Damn you, body, why do you sabotage me so?
>> US No. 11026
I don't understand how any of the fans could be displeased with the new Tintin film. Even though it wasn't a direct adaptation from the comics I still enjoyed myself immensely. They got the spirit of it just right.
>> US No. 11027
The person I hit in the car accident (>>10979) is claiming injury. A week later. Even though both myself and the cop asked if either of us were injured and we both said no, offered an ambulance multiple times and we both said no, and there was no damage to her car besides a scuff in the bumper.

The insurance company keeps asking me fishy sounding questions, like if I noticed any damage to her trunk. A rep came out and took pictures of the damage, and seemed really surprised and confused by how the car looked, so something is definitely up.

This is apparently at a level that they could get in some serious shit for. I seriously doubt they're getting a dime out of me, either way.

This month has been depressing. I'm so ready for the New Year.
>> DE No. 11029
File 132465944235.jpg - (1.65KB , 88x88 , o_o.jpg )
I personally was so ready to watch it, but when I saw the graphic style of the movie, I was freaked out like you wouldn't believe.
I'm sorry, maybe I'm just too sensitive, but the extremely creepy uncanny valley vibes I got from the movie turned me off immensely from watching it.
Shame, I'm sure it's a good movie and I ADORE Tintin, but even the posters freak me out. They should have either made it an animated feature or a real life adaption, not both. It just looks ... WRONG.
>> US No. 11030
Completely agreeing. I'm sure some people are fine with it and that's okay, but to me it just... AUGH, no. It gives me the jibblies.
>> US No. 11031
As a sufferer of the occassional chronic migraine, I found out through first-hand experience that an easy way to calm your head pains is to drink a ton of water. I believe it helps to replenish and flush out your spinal fluid.
>> DE No. 11034
File 132473230066.png - (73.98KB , 500x500 , Botogeeeel.png )
I'm leaving for the holidays now.

I wish you all the very best time, no matter how you celebrate the holidays - You are all awesome and should feel awesome. Delibird got a little heart for all of you and I hope you have use for it.

Hugs and love for you all and have a good time.
>> DE No. 11038
  Sometimes a songs says everything you want to say.
Fröhliche Weihnachten an alle!
>> No. 11040
File 132476407075.jpg - (108.60KB , 640x480 , 111224-145116.jpg )
Going to a dinner party. Bringing 2 of these for the hosts. The package says Disney and the dolls use Ariel's and Snow White's heads but I'm pretty sure Disney doesn't know that someone's making amazing knock offs that have jiggly, solar powered boobs.

P.S. For those who want one.
>> No. 11041
File 132476666035.jpg - (97.65KB , 500x469 , Picture0149.jpg )
i dont feel good.
i dont like this years christmas

Merry Christmas to you all
>> No. 11042
I got into a car accident today. A woman hit me in the bumper--I was heading north, and she was going east at around 45 mph. I went 180 degrees before the car stopped. The bumper's got to be replaced, but at least my insurance should cover a good chunk of it.

I'm frustrated and embarrassed. I should be more pissed, but this is the second time I've had a car accident on a Christmas Eve. Oddly enough, both cars were also white. Go figure. I just wish my parents could understand that I'm upset because I feel like an irresponsible teenager.

I hope you're having a better Christmas than I am.
>> CA No. 11043
My friend is a butthead, and I love him for it.

He's been on me about what I want for Christmas, and I told him nothing. I don't like my online friends giving me gifts. It just feels like I'm unable to glomp them and love them and freak out for it.

But I went, and added a whole bunch of like, 2-dollar games on Steam to my wishlist, so he could buy one of them.

Fucker goes and buys Portal 1 and 2 for me.

Thrilled to bits, but JESUS I wish he weren't in California so I could give him the biggest hug he's ever had.
>> US No. 11044
That awkward moment when you know someone is an asshole, but then they do something that just really takes the anus cake.

A friend of mine is giving me some serious grief over my name and I just want to punch him for it. I came out as trans maybe two months ago and I've been struggling to find a first name I like. I'd only changed it once previously to something androgynous, and made a post mentioning that I wanted to change it to something more distinctly masculine but I was afraid of how people would react.

I then got a message from this guy bitching that he was just going to start calling me by my legal name if I "couldn't figure it out for myself." I knew this guy was kind of close minded, but he usually at least tries. I didn't expect him to be THAT much of a prick.

God, as if I didn't feel bad enough for asking people to call me something else than they're used to? It's not like I ever blamed anyone for slipping up or making a mistake as long as they're trying. I don't see what his problem is.

The kicker is that he doesn't go by his legal name either.
>> GB No. 11045
Sat here consumed with anticipation until the rest of the house wakes up and we can begin the appointed Gift-Giving Bonanza.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, TF2CHAN! We fight sometimes but I love you all!
>> GB No. 11046
I got a motherfucking almost-Sniper's hat. You have no idea my glee.

And also a teapot and sexy Sennheiser headphones so yeah I'm pretty ecstatic.

Merry Christmas you guys!
>> US No. 11047
Got a Snowy plush.
Sure it's the Spielberg version BUT I DON'T CARE.

Also dresses and feather jewelry everywhere.
>> DE No. 11048
I got DVDs and music and a Twilight Sparkle pillow and useful stuff for the household and the sixth Harry Potter book and the expansion for Munchkin Quest. That, together with all the games and items I got on Steam from my badass friends early makes me the happiest I could be. So many awesome goods!

Merry Christmas, guys, and take care. I hope you can enjoy some peace and a nice present or two.
Now excuse me while I run around all excitedly some more!
>> US No. 11049
I got a huge box of my favorite candy and glow in the dark fabric paint. Time to paint the town red!
Merry Christmas all! Enjoy your winter holiday season.
>> US No. 11050
Secret Santa stuff was more of a hassle than I would have liked. And my parents being childish dicks to me toward the end of the evening really soured anything good to come out of that Christmas.

Really, they might have given me most of the stuff I put on my wishlist, but if they just give me that shit just so they don't have to actually respect me and treat me like the adult I am, then they can take it all back for all I care.

Here's a protip: If you want someone to do something for you, even if it's your child, have the decency to ask nicely. Don't make snide passive-aggressive comments and harass someone to the point were they are forced to comply. That only makes them resent you, and add as another reason to never speak to you once they leave the nest for good.
>> US No. 11051
How much do those go for? Been looking for one myself, but the only ones I've been able to find were either not shippable to the US, or $40+.

I admit the movie looks a little uncanny valley, but I heard you do get used to it. I'm hopefully seeing it today.
>> US No. 11053
If all goes well, I may have a new girlfriend soon. Happy times maybe. Unrelated, but I think I am getting a migraine again. Painful times certainly.
>> DE No. 11054
> Stand up a bit later, so no breakfast can be made
> Get yourself full to thr brim with the heavy christmasmeal leftovers (lunch/breakfast)
> Continue to eat maybe later a few cookies (like 5) (dinner)

And this is how you try not to gain weight until New Year. Love christmas leftovers. And dayum New Years carp ain´t far away, too.
>> US No. 11056
File 132501820775.jpg - (77.18KB , 650x374 , tf2_christmas_soldier_thumb.jpg )
This year's Christmas has been really well and kind. I can say that I found that my heart has started to grow back a little. Just when I thought I lost faith in humanity, people will come up when you least expect it and do the darnest things to make you happy and other people happy. Certain someones have been really nice and sweet to me, and I am really thankful for them. I wish I could really return the nice favors and kind gestures.

This year's Secret Santa has been really great. Having been watching from the outside, I can really say that I'm proud of all the people that have participated and have made sacrifices to make other people's Christmas really special. I'm also proud in KiloMonster's handling and organization of the event, she deserves a round of applause and praise to her. All of this really warms my heart and makes me proud to manage this site and its community.
>> US No. 11060
My Christmas was good, finally got skyrim and have hardly let go of the hiking stick my bro got me (not sure why, I just like sticks)

However, I say FUCK YOU to the Secret Santa system: this is the third year in a row I've been stood up, the first two were in a TF2 rp group, and this time it was in an OC group. I put my heart into the pictures I gave, why can't anybody be bothered? Just about everyone else got theirs!
>> CA No. 11061
I do believe I am in love.
>> AU No. 11063
If it's a gen art prompt, I could draw it for you?
>> US No. 11064
File 132518319711.jpg - (32.18KB , 444x500 , tumblr_leeqpz3wRJ1qbjrdeo1_500.jpg )
I know you're my Dad, and your relationships are not my business. They shouldn't be. But they become my business every time you two wake me up screaming at each other. You two make a really good case for why dating and marriage are futile activities. You also make a very good case for why they Nuclear Holocaust is an impending thing. In my head, I don't want to hurt people. Hurting people makes them sad. It's kindergarten stuff. In my heart, however...
I become more and more fond of incineration as a MOD.

The cops made another appearance today.

captcha: ughthor wouldn't, no he wouldn't
>> US No. 11065
File 132518921977.png - (172.43KB , 466x645 , loose amaury ref.png )
I very much appreciate it, and would be willing to draw for you in turn. I asked them to draw my character in the group (it's kind of a merfolk art group) but if you would rather draw another character from something else, I'm okay with that.
>> US No. 11066
All I want for New Year's is remote shell access.. remote shell access.. remote shell access.
>> AU No. 11067
Ooo, a merfolk character! Interesting, I've not seen this kind of thing before. I'm not sure if I can get it done very promptly due to real-life stuff, but I'm sure I can do it in the next few weeks. Don't worry about a return drawing.

Just two questions: 1) Is there anything else I can read or look at to get a better idea of Amaury's personality, habits, etc, and 2) What kind of setting/prompt would you like for the picture?
>> US No. 11068
File 132527569559.gif - (422.26KB , 464x260 , 1317328111456.gif )
Before I start spewing shit, I just want to say that's fucking adorable. a merfolk group you say?

I'll give you all a brief run down of my job drama. Got a full time job that unexpectedly turned into a work-from-home-run-errands-when-I-need-you with no defined hours and more importantly, no defined pay. I am literally making no money, and my boss is an idiot. Think the Devil Wears Prada, but stupid. We're spending more money then we're bringing in and frankly the entire business is circling the drain.

I responded to an ad for a full time job in my field and got a call back from them, only to find out that the owner of the company is a close personal friend of my boss. He asked if my boss knew I was looking for work. I said, YES. He signed me up for an interview.

My boss, who hasn't called or emailed me in over a week, emailed me last night passive aggressively wishing that everything goes well for me. I think she's a little hurt that I've been looking for employment behind her back, and its obvious that I won't be able to work for her if I get hired full time.

Her business may even fail entirely if I leave.

I probably won't get paid for my last few weeks of work.

But for once in my life.

I simply




this is an amazing feeling and I want to feel it every day.

I am a douche-bag and I am proud.
>> US No. 11069
Holidays were pretty good. I didn't know what I wanted, but that's okay, I got everything I wanted anyway (as in I got nothing but awesome gifts). On the other hand, I'm just waiting for "after the holidays" for a painful but much needed talk. I'm sure this wont be the end of anything, but I've been ill since they told me about it and the end of the holidays can't seem to come soon enough.
>> US No. 11070
File 132531505643.png - (245.04KB , 504x576 , 2nd Wife Grenda.png )
I don't mind if it takes you time to get it done, take what time you need to do your own thing. If I have to elaborate on his character (since this is the only 'expressive' drawing I have of him other than a crack-ish drawing where he's on steroids) I'd say he loves to salvage old shops (the world sank under the ocean in the group) and loves anything with seaweed in it for food, but dislikes jellyfish and hides his slight lisp. Also he twitches when you make a short joke.
This pic is of his wife and child, adding them is optional.

Infinitus-mare on DA, if you're feelin' nosy. I'm the only non-anime artist at the moment.Don't let that feeling go anytime soon, bro. It's a good feeling. Sure, what you're doing does sound douche-baggy, but it's for your future, which in your current position, is kind of in an iffy and unreliable spot.
>> PL No. 11072
Thanks, mother, for making me hate you and myself more in the last hours of this lousy year. I'm actually fucking crying. Well done.
>> US No. 11073
Supposed to go to a NYE cosplay ball with a friend tonight.

Saw friend yesterday, told her my wig never shipped and I was freaking out; her mother had made our dresses for us (though I would have been fine with making them ourselves). She told me that if anything else, somebody else could wear the dress.

Implying I don't matter.

Then I asked her when she wanted to meet up to get ready together, and she told me this: "Idc I just need the bracers and you need the dress. Whenever you can get down here I guess."

It took me a minute or two to process that and I asked her, "Wait are we not going down together?"

"I hadn't planned on it."

Now, I know tf2chan hates ponies, but forgive me for a moment. We're going as gijinka Luna and Celestia, aka the princesses. Who are sister. As in, a pair cosplay.

Why are we not going up together, or getting ready together? That makes no sense to me. Tell her, "Well, it's a pair cosplay so I kind of figured we would be..."

"I know but we are going to have [friend] and [other friend] in the car too. I figured [other other friend] or someone would take you. And we are leaving at 9 btb"

Now, I have to get there at 6 or 7 for safety precautions because I didn't manage to get a pre-reg ticket in time, so I'll probably be alone for several hours since my friend and two other people (who I had no idea were going) aren't coming until way later.

So is it wrong of me to feel like she just doesn't care about me and is being a shitty friend right now? Because this is genuinely upsetting me.
>> DE No. 11074
A good slid to everyone here in the New Year! May everthing you want to do come true!
>> US No. 11075
Damn it, every time I like someone, they always have a boyfriend (And it's not just them letting me down easy, I find out before saying anything about liking them). Every. Single. Time. It's a danged conspiracy I tell ya what.
>> US No. 11076
What a way to start the New Year, I lost me credit card and I'm afraid it's somewhere in the laundry. Now I'm afraid of getting chewed out by my parents about how I should keep track of my things, especially things as important as a credit card
>> US No. 11078
File 132555485425.png - (582.54KB , 480x700 , amaury ss.png )
Well I'll be damned, the person only turned theirs in late. I think it's cute, but I really don't know what to say; from the start I wasn't expecting to get one after all, you know? Guess it doesn't need to be made up for.

In other news, I really really wanna meet with a friend in Connecticut sometime, but her family hates me after I tried saving her life by calling the police (they don't like police, long story) and she can't stand my family because of the excessive noise they make while I'm on skype calls, as well as a conflict in interests that leads her to believe my family's a bunch of assholes. That and neither of us have plane ticket money. Maaan, my sister gets to have friends over from other states, why can't I meet with my long-distance friends too?
>> CA No. 11080
Already a year out of high school, no job, everytime I try to draw something it turns out like shit and I just want to give up.
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