I have an internet crush, and have no idea what to do about it. Sadface, but at the same time, happyface, you know? It's an odd feeling.

My piece of shit computer finally gave up. I knew my screen was flickering and being generally retarded, but I never expected it to just suddenly go black one day. fml. Right now i'm on my mom's computer writing this. fun.

on the bright side, the computer itself still works. I'm hoping to get a monitor or some way to hook up the stupid thing to the TV, but my mom is threatening to not let me use any of my money for myself again. Come this pay day, I don't know if she's gonna take it all or what since I didn't let her take it all last time (because keeping food money is apparently too much to ask).

She keeps going on about how she wants me to be an adult or something, but I'm only 18, and I know good and well that if I were insisting I was an adult and able to take care of myself, she'd say the opposite.

Who says I have to be held to anyone else's standards but my own? I mean, I know I'm a weird kid with abandonment issues to the ceiling and an anxiety problem to match, but I'm a good kid. One day i'll be ready to move out on my own and I will. But with her trying to shove me out, it just makes me dread the day more and more. i'm not against helping her with the bills and whatnot, or even paying 350 bucks a month for rent - I just don't understand why she can't be flexible and stop treating me like a burden or a pest in my own house when all I want to do is please her. is it too much to ask that I pay rent at the end of the month instead of at the beginning so she won't take all my money so I don't have anything to eat at work? Or, hell, that she could even let me buy everything needed to hook my computer up to the tv so I have SOMETHING to do on my one week off?

i just don't even know, you guys. call it first world problems if you want - I certainly am, but there's nothing worse than feeling like your own mom doesn't want you around anymore.

>>11084
I would emote a hug, but it's against the rules.

I hope everything works out, buddy. I miss you. I figured it was something computer-related keeping you from steam, but I didn't know, so I worried.

I leave for Anime Los Angeles tomorrow and I still have shit to do. I am royally flipping my shit. I need to sew a couple things, cook food to bring, make sure I'm packed, dye my hair, go food shopping, and clean my room.

I am flipping every shit that could ever possibly be flipped.

>>11082
I have a boyfriend that lives South of the border, sadface-and-happyface indeed, so I've PRETTY MUCH got an internet man. Sigh. On the plus side, online interaction seriously isn't the worst thing. And who knows? Could end up as more than an internet crush!

My own feelin's: I have a boyfriend! We've been in a more-than-friends state for a long time, but last night on the phone the term 'dating' came up and now we're dating. He's the gentleman I had feelings for, but 'should not have feelings for' in the past feelings thread. Feels great man. So much happy I don't know what to do with it all!

>>11082
Tell them you goof! The worst they can say is no followed by a short time of awkwardness before returning to the norm!

>>11084
Damn it that blows, was wondering where ya had been the past couple of days. I know I keep pushing you to tell your mum, and I don't want to be a nag in all this, but a real, serious, sit down and explain your feelings, the situation, your fears and everything else will probably go a long way. Hope to hear from ya soon though, we all miss ya.

Brought up during my birthday dinner that I was having a good confidence week. When my mom asked me why, I said it was because I'd been passing as male really well.

She goes, "I don't get why at all."

Goodbye confidence.

I had the best masturbation session last night.

Spoiler'd for graphic details, for those who aren't interested in my methods.

I was just laying in bed, on my stomach, and I got really horny all of a sudden, so I kinda just started humping the mattress a little. Then I shifted my pillow around, so I wasn't smothering myself. Then I brought my fingers down, started having some fun, and actually penetrated a little- I don't always do that- and I actually ended up humping my own hand so hard that I wasn't even consciously moving myself anymore. I was just shaking and when I came it was really fucking awesome. Then I had another by just rubbing at my clit for a while, and I came four times harder than I ever have. It took me two solid minutes to roll over, and my legs were shaky, I was soaked in sweat, and my face was red, and I could hardly breathe.
It was incredible.

Feeling pretty fucking pissed.

The infamous sex toys company Bad Dragon is hiring, so several weeks ago I sent out an application in desperation for a job in this increasingly worrying economy. They asked for character references so I put down two old professors of mine.

I was looking through my sent emails this morning and found that, hilariously, my email system decided that because I copied and pasted those professor's emails to the clipboard, that meant I wanted to email them my cover letter too.

tl,dr;my favorite teachers now know that what I'm doing with my life is desperately vying for a job making horse dildos.

I just saw my breakfast again, because i didn´t ate lunch or dinner. This my increasing coughing and my maybe feverish feeling and horrendous use of tissues let me conclude it would be good to go to see a doctor.

...

Or i just do it like now. Ignore it and hope it will go away.

>>11097
Could be worse. Could have put your mom down as a reference?

Or your grandmother?

Or your priest?

Still sucks, but still.

Spent a good bit of time today crying over shit that's in the past. I danno. I think I'm over it all then some days I just remember shit and get so angry about it all.

Hopefully I can work through some of this when I go to fat camp.

crossing my fingers ad hoping the wires I'm planning to use to hook up my computer to the TV come in tomorrow!

GUESS WHO'S BACK

PACKIN TO MOVE AS I TYPE THIS FOUND OUT NO INTERNET FOR PROB TWO WHOLE WEEKS FUUUUUU- C U AL L8R HOPEFULLY BUH BYE!

Just had a dream where I saved a box full of French Bulldog and Poodle puppies from a zombie hoard. I have no idea what inspired that.

It's going to be a great day.

>>11105
DONNY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
WHATEVER IT IS I HOPE IT'S AWESOME

> Seeing brother today
> Fuck yes CHIRSTMAS MONEY! What i wished for
> Oh sure bro i gonna buy you this game as present for your new PS3 (i so damn hate you for that i want this thing for ages, but i love you so take my money.)
> Coming home
> I GOT MONEY!
> YES WE GOT BILLS!

Yes i pay bills here. I´m not that much of a leech. It would be nice if the rest of my family would stop joking about it. I mean i pay 80€ from the 100€ internetbill (Which is also the tv bill and fuck we have a flatrate. What the hell are they charging us?) and a monthly rent.

tl;dr: Money, it rins through your hands as it comes in.

>>11108
Cycle of life maaaaan. We make money just to cover the necessities most of the time, nothing left for (well, the expensive) hookers and blow.

Or if you're really bad, you're making money to pay back the money you spent when you didn't have money.

Money money money. Glad to hear you're making some, and being responsible et all.

As for myself, feelin' pretty fine. Kind of regretting not getting Killing Floor when it was on sale, but the only multi-player I've got patience for is TF2. Stupid sexy Mr Foster though.

That awkward moment in which an old aquaintance suddenly pops up drunk, via your (possibly brain damaged) Dad. The more awkward moment in which that girl apologizes for being drunk, puts her hands all over you, and is all around plastered. Some stranger just walked up and out their hand to my neck, I'm too tired to be pissing rage at these people. But seriously, Pa, A garage full of people being drunk? At 3 am? and you didn't even bring your key when yo left, you woke me up to open the door.

Well done brain. Can't I go a day without crippling social paranoia? I already feel like I've alienated myself from most of the people I look up to.

>>11114
I know exactly how you feel. Just try to remember that no matter how much you feel alone at times, you really aren't.

If you ever need someone to talk to about it then bug me on msn pickledance20 at the hotten mails.

Yeah yeah i cough pretty much very often. Yes it sounds like i´m dying. Yes it hurts, too. No i´m not ill, i just have a infect or what the heck i dunno i wasn´t by a doctor now.

Can´t we all just change the topic after over 10 minutes asking me what is wrong with my caughing? It´s not like i´m doing it on purpose.

I come home from Disneyland and what do I find? I came in second place for a contest I entered! In a few week or so, I'm going to get a custom-made plushie!

It feels awesome being reminded that you weren't good enough for someone. Despite the fact that I no longer want them at all because they completely disregard my feelings on these issues, it doesn't make it feel any less shitty when they talk to you about girls they'd rather do. It was a lot easier to get over it when I thought you just didn't find black girls attractive at all. Now that I've been told contrary, I get to deal with accepting the fact that I'm inadequate in all areas of my existance. I appreciate it, really.

Doesn't piss me off as much as the guy who fooled around with me when he had girlfriend who was my friend. I don't know why he doesn't get the hint when I ignore him outright that I'm not happy with his shit and nothing has been forgiven. You have no fucking right to continue to flirt with me or talk about me as if you hold any possession over me because that shit I reserve for guys who are actually interested in a relationship and not those who are already in one with my friend.

>>11128
Wow... That's...

Here. Have a hug.

/initiate long-ass time looking for hugging images in my reaction image folder

Or... something close.

>>11128

If the guy again talks about girls he rather do. Call TMfI. Too much fucking information. If there are others in the chat they will appreciate this, too. Just say straight you don´t wanna hear it. Believe me, the only way to deal with guys who are running around prancing with all their bedrooms stories.

>>11128
What a prick. You are too good for him, anon. Way too good. I know it sounds cliche, but there are other fish in the sea, and they aren't all bottom-feeders, I promise. Kick him out of the bowl for the cat to eat.

I don't wanna say I would ever wish an STD on anyone, but if I did, he'd get first dibs on Herpes or chlamydia, or something nasty like that. What an ASSHOLE.

Also, my own feelings on something I just remembered from the 'don't find black girls attractive' bit.
I am not attracted to black men. I don't know why. I just haven't happened to find one that I find sexually attractive.
My friend says this makes me racist. Does it? I don't consider them as somehow lesser to white men in terms of rights, or freedoms, or potential to be good people and do good things in the world, or anything like that. They just don't get my juices flowing, you know?
Thoughts?

Previous Anon from before. Thanks for your kind words, guys. I'm presently determined to cut this person out of my life since it seems like they keep using me for emotional support without doing the same for me.

>>11131

I never thought of not finding someone of a different race attractive as being racist, if that means anything coming from a person of color. I don't think there's any oppression involved by not dating a black person because no one is entitled to sex/relationship with another person. At least that's how I think about it.

Things start to get tricky when like for media, they portray white-standards of beauty onto non-whites. I don't really want to get into a discussion about it, but hopefully these nuggets help with some understanding.

>>11131
Generally not finding a race hot isn't racist.
Working with that logic, not finding something attractive = hate. Which is stupid.

It's like, I equate it to how I don't find brown eyes appealing. It's just not aesthetically pleasing to me.

>>11131

I always thought that people who 'didn't find black people attractive' were at the very least subconsciously biased. Which isn't necessarily BAD or uncommon whatsoever. There are a lot of factors in it, really. I don't think it's as clear cut as 'if you don't find black people attractive, you are racist'.

It's just...I dunno. The black men I have seen excite me about as much as the women I have seen, which is very little, if at all. I don't know if it's the skin colour itself, or just common traits that happen to be seen throughout the race, but there it is.

I've been feeling so... blank, lately. Not sad, not angry, not happy, just blank. I feel like my dreams have been so much nicer than reality, that things that actually make me happy only happen in my mind.

>>11146
I feel ya, bro.
I've been really depressed for the past two weeks, rarely leaving home, but when I did, I made sure I took a long walk. It's not as bad as before, at least I'm motivated to do stuff. sorta. kinda. I quit school, since my mom and sister lost their jobs, and I might as well lose the only hope of leaving this place - a flat that's currently rented. My sister forgot to pay some of the bills, and now this case is in court, and she needs to pay court charges. but since she's almost done with renovating the other flat where she's currently in idk if she has the money (renovation cost around 15k)? Even tho the bills for the rented flat were taken from the renting money???
I'm trying to find a job, something might work out soon, I need to lose 5-10kgs (even tho people are telling me that I don't look like I have to - I just... feel... heavy?).
Life is just one big mess right now.

Jumping on the blankwagon here. The past few days, I've just felt sleepy and unmotivated. I guess I'm blaming it on post-con depression, but it's been a week. You'd think I'd be over that by now.

I want to be productive, but I can't drag myself out of bed. Little things upset me. I'm whiny and clingy and it's probably annoying my boyfriend. I'm not depressed so much as just... a big blob of not-fun right now. I keep saying I'm gonna draw but I can't even get the motivation to find my tablet pen.

I can't bear to think about responsibilities right now. I just want to curl up under a rock and stop existing for a while.

Well, where do I start?

I moved in with my boyfriend of FOUR YEARS, only for him to spend his time chatting with other women online, ignoring me, crying on me every time I wanted to go for a walk alone, and being terrible in bed. (Seriously, his 'technique' is to lie there, squeal like some sort of male-to-female Japanese cartoon underage porn star, and refuse to touch me.) Not to mention he refuses to shower on a daily basis and brush his teeth.

So, I got over him. We're still living together, since we're both on the lease and I can't kick him out.

Anyways. I met someone else a year and a half ago. We started as friends, but then I realized that she was everything this man wasn't. She didn't go off on jealous rants about how she'd like to kill my male friends, like he did. She didn't call me eighty-five times over the course of an hour to accuse me of cheating while I was AT THE MOTHER FUCKING GROCERY STORE. She didn't ruin every song, movie, and book I like by trying to force the focus on her.

She's pretty much the gentle, kind-hearted person I thought my ex would be.

So I'm with her now. We've been together for about a month.

My mother threatened to 'come and get me,' as if the fact that I'm her daughter would make my unwilling removal from my house and job 'ethical.'

And, to make it worse, my ex has taken to crying and masturbating loudly late at night. If I could, I'd kick him out, but I am legally not allowed.

Meanwhile, all I want is to be left alone with my lady. She's everything my ex wasn't, and a genuinely good person, and yet, our relationship is 'evil.'

I don't get it. I'm just tired.

>>11157
I hope for you, that either your ex soon get´s out the apartment or that you find something new for you.

Either way, hope you and your gf don´t get to much trouble and wish you good luck.

>>11131 to >>11137
With regard to aesthetic appreciation (or lack thereof) for racial phenotypes, there is no shame in liking what you like, or not liking what you don't. Sexual imprinting is not a conscious process, and fetishes or preferences aren't things you can argue with.
If you go on to objectify specific looking sections of the population (like black people, for example) to the point of discrimination, that's when it counts as racism or other forms of -ism.

TL;DR = No shame in what you like or don't, it's what you do about it.

Personally, I am a nonwhite person who tends to prefer liaisons with white people. And my appreciation for the appearances of black people is solely aesthetic, as opposed to sexual. I chalk it up to where and how I grew up, but I wouldn't call it racism.

>>11159
It's probably owing to where I grew up. Never even met a black person until I was eleven. And to this day, I've seen maybe 20 in my whole life.
Ohhh, Caaaanadaaaaa.

But it's not a case of 'I WOULD NEVER FIND A BLACK PERSON ATTRACTIVE', just 'I have not yet found a black person attractive'.
At least sexually speaking. I've met lots of very pretty black women, but I'm not sexually attracted to women, and the black men I've seen just do nothing for me.

You know what I do find attractive for some reason? Skinny as fuck, nerdy white guys. Ever watch Criminal Minds? Slap a pair of glasses on Reid on that show and I would JUMP him.
I don't know why I find them hot, but I do.


Also, new feelings:
One more interview down, haven't heard back for a week. Gonna pump out some more resumes. Here we go again.

After actually thinking about it for a bit, I am certain I have insomnia or something like it. I just can't fall asleep untill I am practically passing out at around 5:30 in the morning. I still sleep about 7 hours (online classes are nice), but I feel tired all day, but even then, my sleep schedule has been screwed up for months.

My little sister is a cunt. I am preparing to permanently relocate all the way across the country to a place I have essentially never been to, and I am depressed and stressed out about it. I genuinely need my parents' help figuring out all the shit I have to take care of. So when I am talking to my parents about what I have to do about all my financial stuff, dealing with my car, finding temporary and permanent housing, getting all my shit moved, etc., my sister has to take over the whole conversation so that she can ask if some job listing she found is okay to apply to. She is also a programmer, so the answer is YES. My parents don't know and I frankly don't care if this or that PHP web shit position is good enough for her. She never bothers to figure her own shit out about ANYTHING. She can't even be bothered to figure out if the dishwasher is dirty or not. This is why she couldn't hack it in grad school. My parents always drop everything to attend to her bullshit too. I guess cause she had a lot of behavioral problems growing up, but just cause I generally appear to have my shit together (read: don't have a flagrant panic attack about every little fucking thing) doesn't mean I do. Maybe I sound like the cunty attention whore here, but I think my current problems are worthy of a little bit more parental attention than her usual bullshit is right now.

Okay, got a case of the emotional runs, so brace yourselves.

RP: My RP partner was having a shitty day, and I made it worse, and I feel like an ass and hate myself.

Tired: I'm finally over my period, but it's left me absolutely exhausted. I just want to sleep, and do nothing but. And, of course, my mother thinks I'm just being dramatic. But I really am fucking wiped.

TF2: My Highlander team has scrim after scrim scheduled, and as a sub, it kind of sucks, because that means our regular practices we just sit there on SourceTV and watch the starting line players play.

Jobs: Went to the local college for information on Medic Admin courses. Costs $11k, but I'd be done in less than a year, and they have 90% employment rate. My mother says she'll pay, but at the same time, I'm not sure it's what I want to do. I really want to get into Stage Management, but I'd almost certainly have to go to school in Ontario, and moving is scary.
Plus, interview after interview after audition, and still nothing in the way of employment.

WUV: I have a crush on someone online, but now I feel like I've missed the boat, and that he doesn't like me anymore. Now I wonder if I really liked him in that way, or if it was just infatuation because of ovulation (you laugh, but women are statistically more likely to fall in love when they're ovulating).

Art: I've been working on a TF2 comic for about a year, and I can't get the work done on it that I want, because I suck ass at drawing and writing, and it feels bad, because I used to be good at those things.

Costco: A box of chips fell on my head and scared me today. And then embarrassed me because I made a very undignified shriek in the middle of Costco.

Summary: I'm not having the best day.

Preparing myself for a great loss. My pet rat of two years, Cookie, has gone ill, and I just noticed today. I don't know how long she's been sick - probably not more that a few days - but it doesn't look good.

I noticed because of her
1)failure to groom herself like a normal, healthy rat should be doing
2) weight loss (she's usually really really fat, but I could feel bones today. She's still about at the weight for a healthy rat her age, but weight loss of any kind is cause for concern.)
3)lethargy

I feel so guilty for not being around to notice sooner. Usually, I would have her sleeping on my chest while I'm on the computer, but ever since the screen broke and I've been using the livingroom TV as a replacement screen, that has hasn't been an option. I feel like I've neglected her.

Every bone in my body is telling me to get it over with and just euthanize her right away. The last rat I had contracted pneumonia, and lived with it for months, with me giving her medication and food-paste before I finally pulled the plug. She was a strong fighter, but it just wasn't fair to her. I haven't even seen how bad Cookie's case is, though, and I already want to put her down because I just CANNOT deal with that again.

Fuck, you guys. What do I do?

So guys...I've started writing again! I might never get around to finishing or starting anymore fanfics, but I've found a new passion and inspiration. That inspiration is world peace.

I've recently gotten over my depression, and have been helping it along by communicating everything that ever made me depressed. As I do this, I'll try to be sensitive and rational, and not try to scare anyone off. I don't care if people hate me anymore, either. I love myself, and want other people to love themselves, too. I promise never to be vain, though. Vanity is never okay, but I can't help but feel a little more respect for myself, especially if I change some world and internet views in the process.

I'm loving people even more, even some of the hard-to-love ones, and I hope to help them, too. I'm not trying to troll or anything, and will never bring some of the things I like to TF2chan, if they're against the rules...so don't worry. If you like what I'm writing though, let me know. If not, help me to make my words stronger, just as long as you're constructive, and positive.

I hope you'll continue to be my friends, even if you don't like what I have to say. If you don't, then that's fine. It only means you're not worth my time, and I thank you for helping me to realize that...

>>11168
My works are on my Deviant Art page, if you're interested in reading.

http://fluffycatz.deviantart.com/gallery/34786315

Work was shitty today. Glad to be home. Feeling pretty okay.

If you place a spoiler tag on something that's already hidden, does it simple disappear?

>>11171
█ ███ ████ █████ ███

Yeeeeaaaaaaah.

I know I gotta get my shit together and stop relying on other people's help because whenever I get comfortable I don't do jack shit and I get stuck there until I'm kicked out.
Every time this happens should be a wake-up call to say HEY I NEED TO KNUCKLE DOWN AND SORT MY SHIT!.. but it ends up repeating over and over and over ad nauseum.
I WANT A JOB AND A HOUSE AND A HEALTHY NON-DEPENDANT LIFESTYLE WHERE I'M NOT SUCKING MONEY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S POCKETS. I feel like utter and complete shit. I can't even get my ass over to the psychiatrist's office to get this shit diagnosed. Fuck, I can't even get out of bed without two caffeine pills and a cup of coffee. Weed/kronic ain't the problem, I haven't had any for about a month and a half now.
I just wish someone could drag me to the mental ward and prescribe me with fucking ritalin or something and say "Okay, I understand you've been kind of a dick. Here, have a comprehensive how-to manual on how to not be a dick."

Pic related; it's everyone else's (probable) opinion of me.

>>11166
Where you by a doctor with her already? Maybe it is just a little infect and nothing serious.
But if it is something serious than in my opinion it is the best for your rat if you put her down right away. This is the most mercifull thing for her than letting her suffer more. And she seems to me even if she is not that old, old enough to have lived a nice long rat live. What can i offer on advise for dealing with the death of a beloved pet? Because i recently dealt with my brother and his loose of one of his guinea pigs which he treatens like his children the following:
1. Take your time. Take a day off from anything which may stress you. This day is the day for grief and you should just let out this emotion than. If it is all out, it is easier to let go.
2. Friends help or family. Just be with your friends or with your family and get under people afterwards. If they see you are not good, they help you. It can be also a nice distraction of bad feelings.
3. Funeral service. I made one for my brother. Okay it was just us two meeting up drinking one glass met (his favourite drink) and eating his favourite cake, which i bought for him, but it did help. We said together goodbye to his pet and he knew he wasn´t alone.
4. Pack away everything which may remind you of her. Because you still have the memory of her in your head it wouldn´t help you to see everytime you come in your room her favourite toy as example. I don´t say trow it away, but you should just avoid to get a flick quick reminder of her if you see a certain object.
There will be enough memories of her around your home than.
5. Death is the natural end of life. Your rat wasn´t the youngest anymore and she certainly was a happy one. It is okay to cry for her. It is okay to be shacken up. But never blame yourself for not noticing sooner or anything else. Sometimes it can´t be helped even if it is discovered sooner. Mostly it just prolongs the process of dying.

You gave your rat a good life and you did what was possible to make it so. It will be hard to let go of her, but hang through it. Still i hope for you, it is just a little infect and nothing serious for her.

Oh hey, I've got my period back after 3 months. Woooo.

This a little difficult to talk about. You may have read in the Christmas thread where I dreaded going to my grandmother's house due to an ongoing rift between her and my pregnant cousin. I stated the opinion that she was not fit to be a mother, and it would probably benefit her to give the child up, whether through adoption or abortion.

This week, she had a miscarriage. She was about to her second trimester.

I regret what I have thought and said to others. I've never said anything to my family on the subject because my previous opinion was harsh and cold. I still doubt she would have been any decent as a mother, but perhaps she would have changed or tried to be a better person for this kid. Hell, it deserved a chance with a loving family, even if its mother couldn't provide that.

There is this nasty perspective common in my neck of the woods. You're probably familiar with it. Do good, good things are more likely to happen. Do bad, bad things. I had previously considered the possibility that she would have a miscarriage, and it did not bother me then. After all, she was not taking care of herself. She was also continuing to smoke during her pregnancy. To me, something bad was bound to happen. I thought it was going to be a birth defect, like brain damage or low birth weight. Still, it seemed logical that something bad was bound to happen.

This is what I'm trying to say: she did a lot of bad, awful things. One of them may have caused this miscarriage, but it's not my place to assign one attribute or another as the reason for it. Just because she's a wretch doesn't mean her child had to die.

I don't know what to do now, outside of keeping my head buried in my work and writing. Any action of grieving or sympathy may be considered an offense. I realize how callous I have been, and I feel awful. If I think I'm supposed to be a decent, open-minded Christian, you'd think I'd have a little more mercy and compassion, particularly towards my family. I discovered a nasty part of myself, and I am ashamed.

What happens now? What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

I'm shitting myself. I just checked my phone messages. "Hi there. This is the place where you had an interview back in September. We're wondering if you still are looking for employment?"
So, after spazzing for a few minutes, I called them back, and I'm going in tomorrow to fill out paperwork for a background check and such.

FUCKING. FINALLY. After almost a solid year of searching, I finally have a job.
I'm assuming I'll get it because there's nothing in my background that would tarnish my application. Clean as a whistle I am.

Ok, Im on for about two minutes so hi everyone! Im sorry I haven't been on for a few of ya but I hope ta be on sooner rather than later. Missin you all, and all my love to those of ya that already have it, you know who ye are.

Thinkin of ye all, love, hugs and kisses, hope to be on soon.

>>11180
You owe me a big thank you hug. Al was on the war path for a bit there, with you not telling us where you went, and the whole highlander thing coming up, but I told him you told the chan, and for some reason, this pacified him.

That aside, hope to see you again! Our mutual friend who is rather Refined is worried, too.

I don't want to worry my friends with my problems, but psychiatry's out of the question (nobody around here will take our insurance) and my parents are of no help at all. Every conversation I try to have with my dad ends with him changing the subject and telling me my grades are never good enough, and my mom just tells me I'm overreacting or sarcastically suggests that I kill myself.

What do?

My boyfriend's stuck between a rock and a hard place and I can't help him, and it's really upsetting to us both.

He doesn't have a state ID, nor does he have any money. When he asks his mom to borrow the money for the fee, she tells him to get a job. Which you can't do without a state ID. His mother also "lost" his social security card. He has his birth certificate, but there's a fee for getting a new SS card as well, which... he doesn't have.

He also suffers from anxiety. I drove him to the psychiatrist (which she only let him do because the insurance covered it - and then I drove him) and he was given a prescription which should really help him... but she won't get it for him. She keeps telling him he has to pay for it and go get it himself. Without money, a job or a car.

He's completely willing to get a job, but he can't because she's holding so much from him. Even if he wasn't suffering from panic attacks so bad that he can't even leave his room to pee at night, he can't even get the legal shit together. How do you even "lose" your son's social security card?

I'm helping him the best I can, but I can't afford the fees any more than he can. I'm moving out soon and I'm going to let him stay with me for (mostly) free for a while to get away from his mother (gonna say it - she's a lot of his problems) but he still needs to be able to get a job to pay for his prescription and food and such.

I'm really worried about him. I know getting away from his mother and getting his prescription will really really help him, but she's making it impossible for him, and probably on purpose.

I´m down. Fucking down. I´m down for days now. It isn´t anymore the nice rollercoaster high and down drive. It is just drowing in a goddamn sea of thoughts and feelings and sometimes coming up to get some breaths of air called i don´t feel anything.

I ask myself who i am. If i don´t have any pride anymore. I was ever carefull with which people i talk. Which i tell my true thoughts and share my feelings too. It´s hard for me to open my mouth once and to say to someone: You know i don´t like that. Because usual i just swallow it and bury it, but i´m tired of doing so. I know i hurt people by telling them how i feel. But you know what? If they want truly to know what´s up with me, they shouldn´t later be angry if i tell them the truth. And they deserve the truth. Even if the truth hurts or is ugly or soemthing else. I prefer it over beeing lied to just to get comforted.

I just told two weeks ago the person i tried to please over half of my life that i love them, i´m gratefull for my home and all. But in fact i´m not happy there anymore. I told them all my worries, sorrows and what is going on. Again the theme about: Why did you fear me? came up. because yes i was afraid of them to tell them something very important. Because they judge. Because i want to uphold this image of beeing the good child which never did anything bad or nasty up. Because i grew up under a lot of expectations for me, putting me secretly under pressure. Because it is unfair in so many ways, to be the one who is expected to behave ever good and to hear how others where allowed to make mistakes.

I wasn´t understood as i said i´m not happy anymore. But i didn´t want to be understood, if i myself can barely make out what i feel or how i feel. I just wanted them to know and acknowledge I am not happy at home and it doesn´t feel anymore like home.

We talked, we came to a agrement and now it is better here. Still i´m not eternaly happy here, but i got the feeling like i have control again about my situation.

One point i´m proud of. I did it myself. I myself said: You know what? Fuck the whole i just don´t say what i feel number. No one gave me advise to open my mouth and to say it. Neither friends or family even if they knew how bad i feel here.

Bottomline: You wanna improve your life? Take the lemons and BITE in them. It´s not nice, but it surely is good later.

Bad:
-My ex is making me feel like shit and I probably deserve it, but godammit I was happy for like a month and then he had to start guilt-tripping me all over the place. Bleh.
-My bff is making me feel like shit because she's jealous that I pay attention to my new man like I never did to my ex. She wants me to give her my undivided attention all the time, yet she'd never ever do the same for me.
-My lappy was out of comission for a couple weeks because I somehow managed to pick up a malware virus on a motherfucking dialup connection. There was so much shit I needed to do, too.
-Mom's nagging at me to get my university app shit in, but I've been without a decent computer for two weeks and haven't been able to. Leave me the fuck alone, I'm capable of getting things done without you harping and on on to me about it every day.
-Said bff is planning on moving to Toronto for an internship for the summer, which completely ruins my last summer before I go off to school. She lives in Ottawa for school already (six hour drive away from me) and if she lives in T.O. (two hours drive, but I don't have a car or parents willing to drive me, so it's equally problematic) in the summer, I'll be miserable. She number of fucks she gives about this is in the negatives.
-My damn phone's speaker is broken.
-I can't go to the MSI concert I wanted to go to in March.
-My grandfather has prostate cancer and might die.
-I don't think I'll have enough money for university by the time I want to go, fffff.

Good:
-Next month my boyfriend is coming up to visit me, and I honestly could not be more excited. The notion that I'll be seeing him soon brightens up the darker parts of my mind.
-Got my lappy back today! I missed it sooo much, so glad to have my baby returned to me.
-Made some biggish progress on my Pyro costume today. Dug out two possible suits and bought a couple bottles of red dye. The con's not till May, fff.
-Just need to fix my Gunslinger and I'll be good for my smaller con in March.
-Get to travel to the U.S. to visit my man after the March con. Really really excited, I've only been out of Canada to fly to Florida. Gotta get some Amurrican money. How can I tell what bills are which if they're not colour-coded?!
-Ordered con passes and booked the hotel room for it a week ago and got the room super cheap. $21 per person, for both nights? Yes, I am a boss. And if bitches complain about the twenty-minute walk, maybe they can book the fucking room next year. They'd wait till April and be even further away/pay five times as much.

All the bad stuff is really big and overwhelming, but I try to make the good things (small as they may be) count for as much as I can. I know I'd be a wreck if I didn't have a boyfriend as amazing as I do.

I just feel unwanted lately. Family doesn't help, but it's mostly from my friends.

My parents are clearly getting annoyed with my still living in the house, despite being being in my first year of college, just to start. I can't drive yet (since they refused to let me have lessons until now) and I haven't managed to get any form of job yet, so I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to do about it.

Every time I come downstairs after waking up my parents are already yelling at me to do chores or to just spout off about how much I fail at life. My mom is even starting to blame me for the fact that she texts and drives or does PAPERWORK while driving ON THE HIGHWAY.

Not to mention threats of getting kicked out in the snow are becoming weekly occurrences.

My friends, on the other hand, tend to always have hang out sessions with everybody but me included. I used to ask if I could come over, but everybody always gave off the impression they didn't enjoy having me around, so that sucks.

Sometimes they have these hangouts while streaming games, so I can see and hear everybody but me being there, which pretty much rubs salt in the wound. If I comment nobody notices or seems to care, and when they do they always think what I'm saying is unrelated (not calculating that the stream lags). I've even had a friend threaten to permaban me if I say unrelated stuff any more. It hurts.

On NYE I also had a pair cosplay planned with a friend, and I thought we were driving up together for our costume ball. Apparently there were four other people she'd decided were going in her car instead, and thank GOD two of them were sick or I wouldn't have had a ride! Even after having this pair cosplay planned since September!

And when I do hang out with these people I feel like I can't talk to any of them without bugging them. I even feel bad asking, "Hey, it's been five months since you replied to the RP, could you... do that?" "Ugh I'm so busy though *replies to other people's RPs anyways*", or even just asking "How was your day?" So then I just stay silent, and nobody seems to notice at all.

Honestly, if I didn't have panic attacks thinking about death or the idea of dying I might have tried just ending my life by now. I know people would be sad about it, but at this point it feels like it would be out of guilt and not because they've lost a friend or a child.

I've tried to bring myself to just make myself scarce for a week or so to see if they actually care, but I'm afraid of what will happen if they don't even notice.

I feel like such a child, but I just can't stop being upset about this lately.

>>11188
Hey, I think I can relate with how you're feeling. I am in a pretty similar situation, and my so-called "best friend" is slowly pushing me away. How about you send me an e-mail? Or better yet, add me on steam (http://steamcommunity.com/id/kuhzka)? We could have ourselves a good ol' pity party, how about that? Maybe even RP sometime? I haven't done that in a long while. Either way, I love a good conversation, no matter what it's about; I'd love to hear from you.

>>11192
I'm not on steam much lately since my mouse disappeared (which makes it quite difficult to play games), but I'll definitely be sure to send you a mail.

You know you've got problems, when...
>Your friend jokingly brings up the fact that they're writing a clop fic
>You lose your shit so hard you break out into hives

>>11200
I'M STILL SO VERY SORRY.

If I'd have known you'd get this upset, I would have kept my big, fucking stupid mouth shut.

I'll just go into the corner and smash my head off the wall for a bit, until the dirty thoughts about ponies go away.

ALSO. Feelings.
I don't know if it's SOPA's fault, but it is so fucking hard to find the episode of Walking Dead that I wanna watch online. And on top of that, I spent fucking ten minutes getting 1/26th of an achievement in Portal. I was raging pretty bad.
Plus I accidentally slept until three today, so I hate that I did that.

The fact that I was just a huge fucking troll without meaning to be is just the icing on this not-so-awesome-day cake.

And we all love cake.

I hate being alone. Only one of my friends is still talking to me on a regular basis. But at least some of the others are inviting me to things after realizing that the reason I have not been showing up is that no one bothered to tell me about it. Meeting new people is difficult because I don't really do anything. I have 1 class 2 days a week. And I there's not really anything I want to do that is likely to somehow involve other people, at least not that I can afford to do on a regular basis. The main thing is though, I just can't talk to people. I always feel that if I try to say anything to anyone, I would be bothering them. And so I wind up hoping someone will talk to me and start a friendship, or relationship. I know I shouldn't just wait for things to come to me. Even when I did have friends, we only interacted at school, and that's essentially over. And it's not like my track record for relationships is good in the slightest, every single attempt at a decent one ending horribly. I'm not terribly worried about any of this, I am young, there is still much time for things to get better. It's just frustrating, and I am a bit delerious from tired. And lonely, always just me, myself, and I.

Feels good to help a friend of mine who has some psychological problems and physical ones which prevent him of taking every job he may have a qualification for. Not to speak of other things.

Even if it is just an adress for a school where they are specific for people who don´t have the best opportunity to get into the joblife. It is still a bit hope for him. They even have some programms there in which he may be interested.

Still told him he needs to informate himself about it. I can´t do more than give him the adress.

Now i just wait for a other friend of mine to come online so that i can give him a adress where he can applicate too...

I'm glad my parents can laugh at the dog going behind my back and eating the cat's food and chide me for disciplining him accordingly. They aren't the one's who keep the dog in the middle of the night, so who cares if he gives himself the shits and he shits all over the carpet. No, no. Go ahead. Keep laughing. I just feel sorry for you and the animals when you are forced to deal with them by themselves.

Going to see The Game of Shadows with two friends of mine on Wednesday, can't wait! Especially when the last movie I saw in the cinema was X-Men First Class.
I'm just going to cling to the happy things since I can't stand living with my father anymore (mom's usually alright), and I can't wait to move out in a few months. Finally!

Chronic migraines, go away, please.

Otherwise, feeling pretty good. Finally hunkering down into my competitive Soldier bench training with a high div Soldier. Not doing as bad as I thought, in fact, I'm doing pretty damn well. Going to whoop some ass this season.

>>11207
I too have frequent migraines, and so I now carry around a small box with migraine pills and instant cold packs almost everywhere I go.

I know it. I´m fully aware of it. I mean i wake up every morning with myself and need to listen to me on a daily basis so i don´t have the illusion that i´m NICE or something like that.

The newest proof is, that the friend i burned evey bridge down with now said he will soon marry in July. And all i think is that he is one of the last persons i know who deserves it.

He is the most arrogant narcisstic (he even says he is it) twaddler i know.

I don´t get it. I don´t even know where this girl came all of a sudden.

Just showing that you can be the biggest jerk in history, but you seem to find `love` if you just play nice and charming to a unkowing girl.

Karma, why do you disappoint me so much? Damn it i´m counting on you!

I'm going to try and articulate this bullshit instead of beating my face bloody against the wall or self medicating for once.
LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
I had a dream a few nights ago in which I destroyed my enemies in a highly exaggerated Viking fashion and when I woke up I felt at peace for once.
THEN I got into a really fucking stupid argument on the Tumblr and allowed a handful of hipster cunts chase me off the damn thing.
I'm having a lot of trouble focusing on my work because of this 'defeat'.
I keep telling myself that if the argument took place in a tactile, person to person setting, it would have ended differently (with me pounding the living shit out of them and taking their stuff as I have done in my younger days).
I want to start over, but I can't help but think that I'll just end up doing the same stupid shit over again.
I also hate myself for allowing this bullshit to become a problem.

I feel great and I don't know why. I'm a bit concerned about my emotional stability.

On a wireless connection the now, which I hate, but the move is finally winding down and steam is reinstalling as I type. This has been a rough one ladies and gents, make no mistake. Now I gotta catch up with peeps, about my tickets, about my trip to Germany and everything in between. Much more desk flipping to come Im sure.

>>11218
I'm just really damn happy you are back! HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

Annoyed, annoyed, annoyed. I´m annoyed.
God is the world ever so... loud? I mean i dunno if it is because of the lack of sleep or if this strange phenomen which appears if you don´t talk for hours. Everything just seems loud and annoying. Especially if someone stands besides you helping a other person with a programm and the voice is like booming through half the room. Okay soon lunch pause. Outside is a nice slight fog and a bit SUNSHINE. Goddang sunshine. I missed you all these weeks.

>Read fanfic on DA
>Fanfic has several spelling, grammar, etc. errors
>Say author needs a better beta
>Beta gets pissy, and says it's not her fault

....it's your assigned position to catch the errors before this thing is posted. How in the fuck is it NOT your fault?

Jesus, some people are dumb.

Ffffffffffffucking GET OUT OF MY LIFE. Why, why do you get all the attention?! End childish hissy fit.

My portfolio was accepted too the art school of my choice! Now all I have to do is take my test on Tuesday and have my interview and I'll be in art school all next year!

Fucking. Finally. Got a job. 3 month contract, 40 hours a week, minimum wage, but it's a job.

After a year of searching, it's nice to finally have something.

Birthday tomorrow, yee! Boyfriend and his family took me out to my favorite sushi place last night, which was super sweet (and fuckin' delicious.) Parents are taking me out for more sushi tomorrow. Thank god I'm a dude, cause if I ever got pregnant, there's no way I could resist a regular diet of raw fish for nine months.

Relationship has been going really well. He finally got his anti-anxiety meds going, and besides a few minor side effects (and common ones at that; headaches, mostly), they've really been helping him a lot. He hasn't even had that whole 'reduced sex drive' thing, uhuhu.
He used to get panicky just having to order from a restaurant, but now he's striking up conversations with waiters like it's nothing. We've been communicating more, too. Only a week in to his meds! So proud of him.

School's been going well so far, despite me being randomly panicky about it. I have no real reason to be. Just a lot going on all of a sudden. I need to go in for an orientation tomorrow morning (on my birthday, yuck) and go buy art supplies.

On a random note, Ruby's Diner has gluten free hamburger buns. GOD THEY'RE SO FUCKING GOOD. I haven't been that happy with a burger in years. I'm trying to eat better but damn, I can't wait to go back.

tl;dr, I am a happy, loved, well-fed motherfucker. Life is good.

Got my hotel for Momocon for 40% off. Expedia Rewards awwwwww yeaaahhhh! Now I just have to finish the cosplay.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Time to find a new friend group.

>>11235
Sorry to hear it, butI'm stealing that emoticon btw.

I just got took to the side and asked by a friend how i am, because i seemed to him like i´m awfully quite in the last time, if we all chat.

I feel guilty making him worry about me. I feel strange that someone did notice it. I feel slapped in the face, because he told me something i never told anyone and i ever put to the side, which let´s me feel small and pathetic and exposed.

Not a feeling you want to share.

For some reason I am seriously considering trying to get back together with a girlfriend I broke up with about 3 years ago. I feel very conflicted and confused about this.

>>11236
Than good Sir, we need to fight for it, because i set eyes on it the first time i saw it´s glorious face on Perry´s Birthday Party.

>>11231
Are they still hiring? Or perhaps looking to hire someone from another country that wants to move up so they can be closer to their girlfriend? You could tell your bosses that it would help promote cultural diversity, or some shit like that.
It's kinda sad that I've worked at my semi-seasonal job of a road construction worked for 5 years and still don't make as much as what your minimum wage is...

>>11243
Yeah, Min wage here is $9.50 an hour. Was supposed to go up to $9.75 a while ago, but for whatever reason it got pushed back.
Where is your girlfriend at? Because unless she's in Atlantic Canada, you're not much closer to her, I'm afraid.

Lots of places around here hiring construction jobs, though. Try http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/intro-eng.aspx if you wanna check out stuff in particular areas.

>>11245
Still better than the $9 an hour I'm making.

Oh, and I'm >>11187 's boyfriend. So basically anywhere in Canada that's not Vancouver is closer than living in New York.

>>11246
Doesn't stubs live in like, Ontario? I'm about a 14 hour drive away from there. Not much closer than New York would be.

I'd try looking on the jobbank for jobs in Toronto, or Ottawa. They'd have tons.

Pissed.Off.

And tired.

>>11234

You're going to Momocon? Now I feel bad for quit going now with them changing from being a free con to pay weekend con. Aw well.. AWA will always be on.

>>11248
REPLY YOU SILLY MOO!

Usually my cold, tiny heart doesn't allow me to shed tears when shit officially goes down the tubes, but when I do..

So, my ex moved out, and I'm alone. This is good in the respect that I can can finally spend time with my sweetheart. I also am lavishing as much attention on Snuggletooth, my baby turtle, as much as I can. The upshot of this is that my depression is gone.

>>11253
What is troubling you so much?

Weird shit's been goin' on.
But no matter what, I haven't stopped lurking the chan.

Met an old friend today, nice to see her, other friend got her boyfriend to threaten me with murder for harassing her after messaging her twice in a month enquiring to how she is. I'm such a dick like that I suppose, how dare I worry about an old, dear, currently ex friend. My lesson learnt.

So I have an online boyfriend.

No idea how this is going to work, or what we can do together, but I am thrilled to teeny weeny little lovey-dovey bits of confetti.

I would post ALL of the emoticons.

For the first time in recent memory, I don't have so much as a crush on anyone at all. Mostly because there is no one to be attracted to. It is a strange feeling. It used to be that when I would fantasize about having a loving relationship, my mental image of the other person was of the current target of affection. Now it is just a vaguely humanoid blob of static, which totally kills the happy thoughts.

After i looked for a gif which describes my feelings i went through utter despair of the sheer stupidy of the system of the state to I so don´t want to deal with this shit, gonna drink to this. Yes, pretty much what i feel now.

I don´t wonder anymore why such things happen there.

>>11249
Aww man, really? I was looking forward to seeing your face again. AWA it is! Judging from the Facebook posts we'll still have a pretty good crowd.

>help friends with shit
>can't go to them with my stuff because everyone has stuff on their plate anyway
>still feel like terrible friend

I have been hanging out online with a really cool gal. We've been innocently flirting back and forth because it makes us both feel good, and I think she likes me.
As in, likes me.

The problem? I'm straight. And attached.
No idea what to do now.

>>11265

First of all: DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSION BEFORE YOU DID TALK ABOUT THE SUBJECT!

Second: Tell your in a relationship. Make clear you love your guy. And that you are straight.

Third: If she really likes you turn the whole flirting thing down and get space between the two of you. If she just likes you a bit more than normal it will get over soon without leaving scars.

Don´t: Tell her she will find someone better, she shouldn´t waste her time and so on.

Just say you like her as friend nothing more, you are straight and you are in a relationship.
She may be disappointed about it like the normal disappointed which comes with such things, but it will go over soon and there will be no bad feelings left than.

I was up late the other night, talking to my sweetheart about everything and anything, and she told me she loved me in the softest voice anyone's ever used towards me.

I almost cried, I was so happy.

Post ALL the mushy feelings!

Questioned my status as an animation/illustration yet again today. Not only is it a very competitive field, I've felt like my work could be 100 times better than what it is now, I just keep getting down where I feel like giving up. But it's not like there's anything else I could do at this point, and I really did work hard to get myself to where I am right now... I'm just very scared of my future.

I'm officially accepted to art school!
Out of 20+ applicants so far I'm the first to be accepted.

The troll bait Christianity post below makes me sad and angry and a little bit embarrassed to be a Christian. I hate that that's how everyone sees us. Then again, I wonder if I'm really still considered to be part of them. I write teh gays, after all.

I hate it when crap like that pops up. It makes me start doubting myself, doubting my beliefs, and doubting if there's any hope for anyone I love to be interested and maybe ask me about everything themselves. (Wouldn't bring it up otherwise.) I mean, when that's the main face of Christianity - bursting in when no one wants them to and lecturing about how everything you do is wrong and what they're doing is right... Who WOULD want to be a part of that?

I just hope that everyone understands that... well, it's easy to pick out the crazies and extremists of any group, and Christianity is no exception. Just please don't hate all of us or think all our beliefs are ridiculous because someone who doesn't know what they're talking about or years of bad experiences (overly religious parents, bad churches, bad things that might have happened from someone who was, on the outside, the very picture of all things Christian and godly, etc.) convince you that we're all idiots or all terrible people. Rule #1 of being a Christian (other than accepting Jesus, etc), is to love everyone despite differences or their beliefs.

BTW I had to put down my beloved Cookie yesterday. More on that later - I'm still a bit too shell shocked to talk about what happened in full.

>>11275

I think folks should adopt a policy of judging individuals that are part of a larger group on an individual basis.

I've met many Christians who are rather tolerant and reasonable folk. And I've met others who were very ignorant and hypocritical.

And that just goes for all groups of people, really. One should never assume that an individuals or a collection of nutjobs represent their group as a whole.

Considering that you would rather people ask you about your beliefs rather than jumping into a group and imposing them on others in an attempt to "convert" folks says a lot about you as a person, so it's all cool, bro.

>>11275

First of all let me express my sincer sorry to hear of the lose of your beloved pet. I hope that youa re okay.

I know this may a highly risky theme about religion, but i grew up in a environment which says Hey so long you don´t hurt people...
If you believe in it, believe in it.

In my opinion is the religion is part of the integrity of a personscharacter. People died for their religion. People do good in the name of their religion. Religion can be the compass to lead a better live and to be a better person in society.

That you don´t want to have to do something with closedminded christians who force their opinion on others just speaks for you as person.
I mean i don´t want to have something to do with people who run around telling other people: Hey god is just a ficlet of your imagination, stop believing see the true things! Because this isn´t any better than someone who forces their believes on you.
This is the same just in a different color.
Which really get´s me riled up against such peole are that sometimes they didn´t even read the bible. And it is a interesting (if so a strange) book.

I could now rant about it here more, but this is seriously a post which requires a OFFTOPIC thread about a theologic discussion somewhere, which would maybe end in a huge trollfest.

Hey someone up on that?

>>11275
I know how it is to lose a beloved companion. He will always be in your thoughts and I'm certain you gave him the best life he could have asked for.

My condolences.

I was not serious about a Zombie Romance. Please tell me, someone, please tell me this is a lie

>>11275

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. Take your time. I've heard tales of people being unable to talk about putting pets down for months or years. Do what you need to do.

I'd love to read/engage in an extended conversation on people's relationships with various religious individuals. Personally, I have not had a good experience with Christian leaders, but I still consider myself Christian.

More or less, my faith and studies boils down to how fascinating I find Jesus. The guy paid taxes via fish. Not only is that awesome, but pretty funny, too. Love the man; hate his wife.

>>11275
I understand that entirely. I've known awesome people from different belief groups and dicks from each. It's just sad that people will jump to major conclusions because of one single belief instead of as individuals.

>>11281

No it is not a joke. It is based on a book with the same titel. Personally i liked the start of the book but to the end it became to mushy and all. Still nice reading. But damn the guy there is young. In the book i imaginated him like around 30 or so. Wrong actor for me. Why is it ever by supernatural and romance trimmed like twilight in the last days?

>>11243
...so you're kind of the sweetest ever. Just saying.

>>11259
I was cheering for you, and fuck the rules, here's an emoticon: :D

Applying for student loans this week. I know they'll go through, but I'm still nervous.

I'm also so excited for September. ART SCHOOL! Diploma in design with a specialty in sequentials and comics! And my school is taking with Bioware to set up the students of my class to get in as interns after the school year. And mother fucking Nat Jones is a teacher I get!

With that and/or Andrew Foley asking for samples for his next book I'm bordering my first publishing at a real comic studio with in the next 2 years.

I've also dropped 3 dress sizes in the last couple months.

Shit's finally coming together it feels like.

>>11266
Thanks Karnickel
I'd say there's a little bit of me being lonely, and her being lonely.
But I think I've managed to manouevre things so that I've been squarely stuck into the friend zone. So that's that and done.

I am too easily influenced by my dreams. It seems like my whole day has been messed up because of some half-remembered thing in my mind.

And I'm still not sure where this twitch came from.

Happy birthday to meeee
happy birthday to meee
I'm old enough to drink and gamble now
happy birthday to meeee~

I'm sad I couldn't find an appropriate gif for it.

I love how I can politely challenge racism and privilege and STILL get people to unfollow me in a huff. Even though I tag my posts to block the topic if they wish. Nope, still not enough for some people. Can't deal with me being open about my status as a WoC after I've been shamed to hide it for so long.

This is exactly why I'm not too concerned anymore with being nice or apologetic. Every time I ever brought up the topic it makes some person uncomfortable. And unlike a lot of Tumblrats, I have better understanding of what the issues are, so I'm not needlessly attacking anyone, just the ideas. I've had to deal with those issues for most of my life, and if folks can't deal with me expressing concerns non-aggressively for a couple of posts on the internet, well then, sucks to be them obviously.

>>11295
I love you for this kind of stuff Kilo.

I really kinda wish 20+ people hadn't ignored my invitation to my birthday. I don't really get it. To my knowledge, no one's mad at me or anything... just a bunch of people are suddenly ignoring me and I have five people tops coming to celebrate my birthday out of thirty plus I invited.

A close friend of mine told me that he overheard someone I knew at a con saying "Oh, yeah, I love [my legal name], but I wish she wouldn't play trans." Not sure who it was, besides who they were cosplaying at the time.

My boyfriend is here but I can barely touch him because my parents don't know we're dating.

I feel kinda yucky.

I just called an ambulance to check up on me. No worries, it's not an emergency, but my health problems are spiraling down into god knows what kinda shit and my mom agreed I should better be safe than sorry. I mean, today, I couldn't even eat a small, dry breadroll without feeling sick. My lady parts also hurt and my back and something in my side but I don't know what it is.
The prospect of maybe having to go to the hospital for examination and stuff makes me very nervous, but I really want this health bullshit to be done with, so I'll rather take the scary hospital over the possibly threatening health issues.

Wish me luck, guys!

Picture is something random from my cute TF2 stuff folder. Cheers me up for sure.

>>11303
Oh shit. I hope everything is alright and that you feel better really soon.

>>11303

Perry! I hope you getting better soon and that there is nothing seriously threatening you.
Anything else... All of my hugs to you. ALL OF THEM!

>>11303
Get well soon, Perry. We all love you.

>>11305
>>11307
>>11308

Awww you are all made of lovely! Have another cutesy TF2 picture because you are, you guessed it, 100% lovely.

The doc gave me some suitable medication and wrote me a receipt with the meds' names and my symptoms that I will show to my usual doctor as soon as possible. The meds, as far as I can tell, definitely helped a bit, and with a subscription I'll see how it goes. I'll also get an appointment with the gyno to check on my ladybits.

Right now, I'm feeling okay - Here's hoping it stays that way!

My birthday turned around a lot, but pretty much mostly because of my boyfriend. My party was at the beach, and the weather was actually really nice. Not too hot or cold or windy.

Are birthday presents not a thing people do anymore, though? I mean, I never want to tell people that presents are required, that's a super dick move. And I don't care too much about material possessions. But out of about ten people, only one person gave me something (some REALLY yummy smelling candles), and was also the only person to give me a card. I mean, it's a fair exchange, right? I give you cake and food, is it so much to ask for even a card back? I hate to be that whiny asshole who bitches about not getting enough presents, but it makes me feel a little unappreciated to not even get a card from ten of my friends, y'know?

My boyfriend didn't have the money to buy me anything and was really really apologetic, which was silly since he took me out to dinner the day before my actual birthday last week! But made me a little friendship bracelet in my favorite colors and gave me an owl ring that he already had, because he knows I love birds. At the party, he walked me out to watch the sunset by the water, even though he can't see it himself. He's mildly red-green colorblind, so he can't see the color orange, so he asked me to describe it to him and he seemed happy with how it sounded. We walked along the pier and watched the sun go all the way down, and it was honestly the most gorgeous sunset I've ever seen. We even saw dolphins. It was the most cliche romance movie bullshit ever, and I loved it so much. I always have loved cliche stuff like that, heh.

All in all, a pretty great weekend, thanks to him and a couple of other friends. No matter how unappreciated I feel by other people sometimes, he makes me feel more appreciated than any of them ever would combined.

I've just been angry at a lot of things and I don't know why. Everything annoys me. EVERYTHING. For some reason, it's like I feel like everyone who does something irritating does so SPECIFICALLY to get on my nerves. Usually, I just ignore the feeling until I'm feeling more pleasant, but tonight, I even got a little snippy with my friend.

She was being dumb and using the letter "w" as a sign of laughter for some reason (she does stuff like that all the time), and I was like ODSFJGNOI FD JUST STOP OKAY NO ONE DOES THAT -GOD- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO -WEIRD-."

Thankfully, she took it as a joke, so no feelings were hurt, but I said I was sorry anyways. I feel like such a douchenozzle I just can't euuurgh.

I thought depression was supposed to make you feel sad - not bitchy.

>>11309
Glad to hear everything checked out okay man! It sucks for bad shit to happen to anyone, but such an awesome bro like you deserves it the least!

Uncle passed away. Got really drunk and planned lots of terribly spelt fanfic ideas with Mam. Here have an excerpt that pretty much sums up how drunk I was.

Hybrid:Lol what's a dtaight line
Miss Mammon:?
Hybrid:drujjk
aybe
just a bit
Miss Mammon:LOL oohh drunl
Hybrid:yeah
Miss Mammon:ahahah silly
Hybrid:ehhh
vodka tastes nice
Miss Mammon:PThaha
Hybrid:it doesss
so does cider
and that orangey thing i ahd lst meet
Miss Mammon:I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP

Hybrid:it was red and orange and tasted good
can't remember who voueht it for me though
might bee a guy called Amerthyst
stuid name
fuck furries
how fo they wordk

Okay so a friend of mine who will visit me soon (summer lol) will come and i love her that much that i went with a scissor on my beloved and high holdedup hibiscus. I have that thing for years and i´m so goddamn proud how beautifull it became with a bit care in the last summer. Dark strong green leaves, where lush slightly yellow where there. Hundred of leaves and branches where in the past was just two strong out build with a few on top. Really it was a sad example for his kind. But alas what some controlled sun for the days and a regular therapy with a spray bottle filled with camille tea can do (Because some insects where on it, too. Needed to wash them away with a soft cloth).

I love that plant and therefore i planed to make a little scion for her, because we love both love plants and flowers. Now i´m a bit worried because usually they say i need to do that later in the year to get a good result, but i´m staying positive, because my hibiscus ever blossoms early.

Wish me luck on my little project.

>>11270
>australian flag

i bet you are or know the douchenozzels i used to laugh at in rundle mall every friday night i went in there

I've been feeling confused all day. like my thinking has gone fuzzy. I don't like it.

Yesterday was really good, it's all I can say.

> realizing you are just a tool for someone who is interested in a other person
> but you are okay with it
> lean back and try to carefull encourage it
> still trying to be a nice person. assuming that is what good people do (patting backs encouraging and so on)

Besides today i donated some blood and i feel like i did something for my karma.
Still i feel like i´m more cynical and sarcastic in the last months, making me a bad person.

But damn if i don´t amuse people still.

While it's nice getting paid (which I have yet to, actually), I miss having my days to myself. There are dozens of voice projects I wanted to get working on (A French version of the Fem Spy, a Female Ellis, various acapella things), and I can't do them when my parents are home on the weekends, because I need silence. Plus they make fun of me.

Also, I fear I suck at roleplaying. I don't know why. I just feel like I'm unusually bad today. Maybe it's because I'm pooped from the whole new 40 hours a week deal.

my man is coming to visit me tomorrow. less than 24 hours and we'll be together. i haven't seen him since early december, so i am super fucking excited. we're going on dates and doing awesome stuff. more excited than i've been in weeks. will post cheesy picture in a couple days lol.

>>11327

In addition to the above because things are changing:
I´m horrible i know that. I really can see you want something of him. But i´m sorry i can´t play matchmaker here, because i don´t know if this guy even WANTS something from you in that way. And like hell i will ask him, because no chance he will answer me that. And in all honesty it is none of my business what he is doing and i respect not to ask after such things by him. Because this is a unspoken rule by us. It is nice of you to try to socialate with me, because you know me and that guy are friends and i can keep tabs why he ain´t online and all. But by the love of god... i don´t know you girl. So just get the hint and leave me alone.

Fuck i wish i could delete you out my friendslist, but than he will be megapissed off, if ya both to the end come together. A drama i don´t want.

I find myself yearning over a guy. I am obvious. I ask to hug him, I lean on his shoulder when we’re programming together. But he’s just “Eh, and he complains about it” Then he’ll hug me out of the blue, or put his head on my lap, or sleep on me during road trips.

I really like him but I don’t want a boyfriend, so I’ve been trying to ignore him. My marks are down and my last relationship was kinda crap, and he’s really immature so I just have no idea what I’m doing.

And yet I find myself baking more often and giving him cookies.

tl;dr- I am frustrated by a guy but it’s my own damn fault. Excuse me while I bash my head against the computer.

My ex's family, then:

"Oh, if you don't love him, then leave him! You're good person, and we'd still love you!"

And now:

"Why should we care, you're no longer with Matt!"

HE WAS A FUCKING PEDOPHILE, YOU ASSFUCKERS. I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to let a pervert live with me.

>>11336
Man, if he touches a real kid or looks at cp you better report his ass. I know there are people who can't help being attracted to that, but the way his parents are sheltering the shit out of a fetish is pretty fucking gross.

>>11337

I've got no proof other than the shit he used to say to me, and his family doesn't know yet. I'm terrified of either A.) being 'that bitch' who ripped his family to pieces, or B.) telling them and being accused of making it up to make myself look better in their eyes.

So someone on my highlander team got pissy with me for asking how they did in the last match. "Ooh, what do you care? Not like you've shown up at all."
Um, asshole, I've been working for 40 hours a week, the past two weeks, trying to earn money so I can get into the medical transcription program, and do something other than sit on my ass watching porn all day. Like you. I've told everyone this. Everyone else is okay with it. Once I stop being in training and having to work 6 AM shifts and thus go to bed at the time our scrims start, then I can rejoin you, but until then, stop being such an asshole.

Motherfucker.

Also, I have some cake from Costco, and it is fucking delicious, and I'm gonna watch WALL-E with the bf online when he gets home from work, so day is not all bad.

>>11339
Glad to hear yer lookin at the bright moments Izzy :D

Ill be honest with you Channy baby, Donny ain't feelin too hot right now, you can tell Donny don't feel too good when he speaks in third person, dead give away.

Its just... I feel done, gone even, people I cared for don't care, old friends never talk, close friends don't either, I have some close people I can still talk to and tell them how much I care and feel happy that they understand but they are so far away sometimes, and even the ones a short journey away are hardly ever there.

Then when I think of them I get upset, thinking of the old times and how so easily people drifted away and just stopped caring, and its getting to the point where I just don't want to be here, or there, or any where, I just want to be no where and feel nothing.Its the same fucking cycle over and over and I just can't keep making new friends each time, I can't force myself to keep caring for these new friends only to see them fuck off again with out a care for me. It makes me want to break everything around me and shout for someone here to look at me, just for once fucking see how much trouble I am in. Im drowning, Im falling off a cliff, Ive got a gun to my fucking head but Im trying to cover it up with a smile and a "How are you?"

Notice the fucking signs, the undeliberate ones as well as deliberate. Four nights without any sleep isn't normal! I could pack my room into the bags under my eyes, are they ignoring me? Am I invisible?

I just want to stop everything.

>>11340
This post made me feel so very sorry. I love you Donny, you know that, and I wish my damndest I could be there more for you. Alas, my life is tough as nails at the moment and I constantly worry about how my friends are doing. Please Donny, never forget that you are in my thoughts.

However, this just reinforces my opinion about your mental situation. You know this opinion and I'm not going to repeat myself in detail, just saying this once more:
Please, for the love of everything and first and foremost your personal wellbeing, seek psychological help.

Because something like

>It makes me want to break everything around me and shout for someone here to look at me, just for once fucking see how much trouble I am in. Im drowning, Im falling off a cliff, Ive got a gun to my fucking head but Im trying to cover it up with a smile and a "How are you?"

is a red flashy sign to me that says "I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP". If you take the step to get a real, proper psychologist into the situation, you don't need to worry or be afraid. You can count on me being there for you as much as my energy allows me to. I'll support you all the way. Just please, goddamnit, DO IT.

Here, have an Optimus Prime hug. Optimus Prime has got you, bro.

I've been working so hard the last 2 months. Since I was told I was misdiagnosed with the tumor I've been angry but also driven. If I can deal with my feelings of mortality I can now deal with how I dealt with those feelings and others since I was 8.

I'm done hiding and sneaking food, I'm done feeling so ashamed that I couldn't eat in front of others. And I'm done binging and hating myself.

In October I was a size 30 and struggled to stand while doing basic things like dishes. Now as of today I'm down over 16 inches, eating a very balanced diet and exercising 6 days a week and have gotten down to a loose size 24.

And I have no plans of stopping this loss. I know I can do this because I don't need it as a crutch. And it's a crutch I needed for my past, but the past is done and I'm done.

I also got accepted into an exclusive art school for next September. And I don't think I'd have even tried to get in in October because it was a pain enough to get up the stairs let alone out to get my artwork judged.

I can say honestly I'm happier than I've been since I was 5. And I'm so grateful to have a boyfriend who loves me fat or thin and always makes me feel beautiful.

>>11341
I'm with Perry, Donny. You sound like you're in a lot of pain, and it hurts me to see you like that. I care about you, and there are a lot of other people here who do, and know that we'll love and support you as best we can through this.
We're there for you, Donny. We love you. Hang in there.

>>11340
I would like to hug you until i smoother you.
Get it in your head, people care for you, people fear for you, people love you and you are something worth.

I know we both can barely talk about such things, because it is like standing to close and to step on each others toes by trying to get a step forward.

Mostly i say something wrong which piss us both off.

But i will again say it for everyone here to read and hear. Start caring more for yourself. Just do it. And for once forget other people and try to fix yourself first. Don´t let down this great person, which you are!

>>11341
>>11343
>>11344
Thank you gals, I am trying to get help but again, it just ain't happening, your support means a lot though... now if only I could collect all these hugs in person damn it!

Just spent the evening with a couple of dear friends of mine, after 5 months of social isolation. What makes it even sweeter is that I thought I had lost these friends years ago when I wasn't in the best of minds, but to have them both welcome me with loving arms like it never happened is just...amazing. I don't deserve their kindness.

It just feels so good to be in the company of likeminded folks. Where your weird artist habits aren't weird at all. And you can bond over your love of drawing beefy men.

If I can't make it down to LA at least two more times before I go, I'm gonna explode with feels.

SHIIIIT. I think my flashdrive that I kept all of my shit on is dead! ALL OF MY SHIT, YOU GUYS. All of my stories and everything! I just checked it today and it's acting really weeeird. It keeps talking about how it's nearly full, but I don't see why that would mean I can't even access my stuff on it!

I'm panicking. I'm panicking.

What am I gonna dooo - why is it acting so weeeird. Did I break it? I broke it didn't I...

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

I had a dream about the girl I used to love. I am sad now.

>>11345
Keep trying. You will get help eventually. We are here to back you up!

>>11349

We know that feeling

My partner is moving away and as such I'm living with my parents for a few weeks until the new flat opens up. Usually, I get on very well with my family. My friends are often envious about how chummy we are.

But deep down I think something horrible is going to happen. My mother will find my ADHD medication and bin it, or dismiss me as 'making it up'. My problem drinking will come back now no one is there to be angry at me for it, and I'll start to self-harm again out of frustration. And I'll become more and more aggressive to anyone who tries to help, which is why I never tell anyone about my problems. I become a pretty nasty piece of work when someone digs that deep.

Or none of that will happen and I'll be fine! Hopefully me and my mother will get drunk and if I cry I can blame it on the gin.

So yesterday was... okay i don´t know what it was.
I don´t think i catched a illness but i don´t know what it was.
In the last time i wasn´t quite myself and it nagged at me so how does my body react to it?

It goes into a day of suicidal drive.

I just say waking up with a cramping stomach, neither keeping water or tea by you. Let alone a bit of food and all and not getting sleep, because of a headache which came from the dehydration let me feel as i stood up today like i would die or at least fall over.
The last tme i felt that bad i had a heavy bronchitis where i had around 42°C fever. Here i didn´t have anything of it. Tipp: Nothing which could negatory influent your circulatoury system, should be done than like sport or bathing. Especially bathing. Horrible new experience which i made.

I was by my doctor than, beause i decided in generell of a problem which became almost chronic to go there. She said maybe it is stress or someting else. Now i will get x-ray and they took already a bloodsample of me.

But surprisingly i feel a lot better today. No fever feeling, no stomach cramps or sickness or anything else. I feel peachy. The wonder of the ability to drink water and to eat something again.

All in all: Yesterday wasn´t a fun day. Today looks brigther.

Work was awesome, parents got me nice Valentine's day stuff, and new boyfriend (my first V-day with a boyfriend, ever, online or otherwise) is being super super sweet.

Today is a good day.

Valentine's Day is just a holiday that takes advantage of women's insecurities and gives men a dopey reason to be nice to their mates and so they can make up for the bullshit they pull out of their asses.

On another note, one of my loyal pets died today.

Losing friends.

I don't like these feels, but at the same I am too apathetic to care.

I should carry around a bit of paper or something with my tripcode on it so when I want to post on the chan on another computer I can put my tripcode in my name BUT ANYWAY

Some serious shit went down in one of the YWCA's on Monday. I was just making myself a coffee, came out and sat down in the main 'living room' area, and suddenly everyone heard a load of unholy screaming. A minute later one of the staff members was like "OKAY everyone outside please, now, right now get out right fucking now"
And later on we were told that a girl had been seriously beaten up by her sister/friend/gang-sister because she couldn't supply her with drugs (dunno what drugs, but I doubt it was aspirin. Or even pot. Something like cocaine I'm guessing). Like I mean, seriously injured. Compound fracture to her leg, head split open (you could stick your finger in there, you could see her brain), broken ribs, the whole shebang. About five minutes later four ambos and three cop cars pulled up, and the channel 9 news crew (which we were NOT happy about, if this incident goes to the general media, the YWCA runs risk of getting permanently shut down).
So that was my Monday afternoon.

Yesterday was Valentine's day though, and I went over to Ryojin's place and bought him some chocolates and candies :3 and then we fucked and it was good.

>that feeling when your crush most likely has an incompatible orientation and a sex drive opposite yours and is far away.

It's been a week and a half at my new job now. It's been a comedy of errors and everyone's pretty cool, but it's starting to sink in how utterly alone I am out here. All of my closest friends are on the other side of the country and/or too busy with their significant others to talk to me. Time differences are ruining absolutely everything.

I still have a crush on that cosplayer from the other side of the world because I am an idiot. The time zones fucking everything up is no exception here. But maybe I can leverage this to stay single while I'm here. I don't want to get tied down. California is a great place to visit, but I want to go home eventually.

I don't have time for this feelings shit.

Spent the last two days throwing my guts up, turns out my girlfriend has been grounded for a month so I won't be able to see her. Didn't even get to spend Valentine's with her. Last time I spoke to her I had to run off to go throw up every five minutes.

I feel like I''m going out of my way to distract myself. I have two large projects I'm supposed to be working on, a quiz due in 4 hours, and a lecture I'm supposed to be listening to now, but I can't make myself do it. I've buried myself in cosplay, planning parties, and baking an unusual amount of cakes and other pastries. This is probably my defining semester in school and I can't focus at all. And with my boyfriend just now discovering a show from my childhood, I'm not getting shit done.

Seriously was considering committing suicide tonight. But it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Who's it going to help? No one. More than that, I'd be taking the easy way out. Life is hard. We go through tough things a lot of the time. Suicide would just hurt those near to me, plus I have my religious views to think about.

I'm not a very strong person. But I'm strong enough to resist. At least for now, I guess.

>>11365
Oh my god. Fuck the chan rules.

*hug*

I know I'm at work and shit, so while I'm not technically always there, know that I am always there for you, okay? I know I'm shit at comforting people, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Please don't ever kill yourself. You are a beautiful person, and I know things are hard, but they will get better. It may take a while, and it may hurt until they do, but they will get better.

It's like I said to Donny. We all love, and support you, and are here for you, so please hang in there. Don't deprive the world of the wonderful person that you are.

>>11365

TwpRefined. If you think like that and it doesn´´t stop. Please go see a dcotor. Don´t take it on the light shoulder. You are a nice girl. You are great and you are funny. Would be a shame if the world would miss you.

Besides: Good thinking way. The right on!

>>11365
What I said to Donny also counts for you, every single word.
We back you up, girl, and you should only care for yourself right now. Seek professional help. Don't be afraid, we got you. Just please, get proper care and treatment from a proper therapist. You deserve all the best in the world!

>>11365
Awe, TwoRefined. I don't even know you, I haven't been about the chan very long, but I still want to say that I'm certain you'll pull through. I won't tell you that I know how you feel because no two situations are ever identical. Just... don't give up. When you don't feel strong enough there are people you can lean on. Do whatever you need to do to get better, but don't ever give up. From what I can tell you've got a lot of support in this place alone, and there's bound to be a lot more where that came from in many other places. We're rooting for you, TwoRefined.

At the risk of being chased away forever - been feeling uninspired, unmotivated, and greatly ashamed for it. FUCK LIFE.
I come here and I find that many of the people I know (barely) and care about (as much as is convenient, truthfully) are also going through some shit as well.
Looks like it's time to escape into TF2-land again.

Feeling useless and almost suicidal until -

Step one - Play TF2 as heavy and inexplicably start a medic daisy chain that lasts for two whole rounds.
Step 2 - ???
Step 3 - Profit.

If I get get my hands on my sweetheart abusive soon-to-be-ex, he's a dead man.

She's crying, right now, because she "didn't play TF2 right" (his words) and he's threatening to beat her. AGAIN.

It's a fucking game. He completely loses his shit if she does ANYTHING in-game that isn't to his expectations.

Not to mention the fact that he's turned all of her RP characters into sexy, 'kawii-desu NE~" Mary-Sues, or the fact that he has a habit of taking her in public, just so he can tell her how ugly, stupid, and worthless she is and have an audience around to hear it.

I keep telling her just to leave him; he's a loser with no money, no job, he lives with his grandmother, and he lacks the ability to tell fiction from reality and keep a grip on his temper.

She's too afraid, though. I can understand; when you've been under someone's thumb for so long, it's terrifying to be free, and it's also terrifying to think of the consequences. I mean, if this is what he does when he claims he loves her, what would he do when he hates her?

TL:DR; She wants to leave him, she's too afraid, and I want to kick his ass for being such an arrogant fucktard.

(Sorry for the rant.)

>>11372
>> Should have said "sweetheart's."
>> Can't fix it.
>> Rage forever.

>>11372
CALL THE COPS.

Seriously - do it! Leave it as an anonymous tip if you have to - maybe tell them to say you were just a person who heard him speaking abusively to her in public and you wanted them to investigate. But please do SOMETHING! They have woman shelters for that all over the country! Pleeease get your friend help - that is DANGEROUS! Get her protection, and get her some counseling!

>>11366
>>11367
>>11368
>>11369
Thank all of you guys for your support - and I'm really sorry that I scared you guys. I'm feeling a little better tonight after having an encouraging talk with my sister and finally being able to get Pops his birthday gift (a 3 foot tall Teddy Bear that I named Sweetheart! He collects bears and out of the 20-30 something bears he has, all of them have names.)

I also told work about my issue with depression since it's created attendance problems to the extreme. I didn't ask for an accommodation because I don't want one - I just want them to understand that my panic attacks are very real and can have physical repercussions.

I still need to talk to mom about my feelings. Tried to talk with her in the car about it on my way to work, but it didn't quite work out. But she did say she loved and cared for me, so it was a start. I'm feeling just a little bit more hopeful for my future.

In other news, I'm still sick, and feel even worse than yesterday. Might have to call out AGAIN. Mom better not give me crap about it.

>>11370
>>11371
I know that feel, bro. I drown myself in Minecraft when I'm feeling down. The people on my server are so generous, helpful, and silly, it's hard for me not to get a smile on my face.

>>11372
Dear lord, please call the police. It will get worse. You may risk seeing her angry or even more frightened when he gets taken away, but it will be worth it to see her safe. Make sure to explain to her exactly why you called the police on him-- she may not see eye to eye with you if he winds up being investigated or getting arrested. My mother sure didn't after I had her boyfriend arrested for beating her face in and choking her. She disowned me, and now has a child with him. I still get angry when I think of it.

>>11374
>I just want them to understand that my panic attacks are very real and can have physical repercussions.
I've lost jobs because of the same condition. It is what it is-- if it's bad enough to qualify as "clinically recognized" anxiety or depression, you should think of looking into SSI/disability. It sounds demeaning, but it will put food on the proverbial table until you can find something that's less stressful for you.

>In other news, I'm still sick, and feel even worse than yesterday. Might have to call out AGAIN. Mom better not give me crap about it.
If you're sick, you're sick. I hope you feel better soon.

I'd like to rant about some of the things I reflected on today but it'd be tl;dr

For the first time, I came home from work, and my back wasn't sore.

But my ass was asleep.

...what? It's a feeling!
Well, technically a lack of feeling, but still.

My boyfriend bought me a lovely, brand new, bound sketchbook today, trying to encourage me to pick up drawing again. Only thing is, every time I try to draw I end up angry and on the verge of tears because I'm so abysmally terrible at it. I've tried classes, books, online tutorials, practice, practice, and practice, but I never improve. I haven't improved in almost seven years. I want to be able to express myself visually, and being unable to drives me straight up the wall and makes me want to cry. I'm probably making a really fucking big deal of it though for it being so small.

>>11381

I believe it was Mel Blanc who said you have 10,000 bad drawings in you, no matter who you are, and the sooner you get them out of you, the better.

Look at it this way- your boyfriend knows you like to draw, and the only person you should worry about impressing with your art is yourself. Once you can make yourself happy, you can start worrying about others.

>>11375

I have to deal with anxiety attacks too- it makes me shaky, miserable, and restricts me from eating almost anything because of stomach cramps. I want to go on medication for it, but I can't get my parents to treat it like a legitimate issue.

I now have meds that help me with my stomach problems. Yay!
Downside is though that they bring in a whole chain of side effects. Aw.
But I got meds against the side effects. Yay!
But those have side effects too.

GODDMANIT

>>11386
We have to go deeper.

MEDCEPTION

I was talking with my mother earlier. She said something about how I have trained myself to not love anyone and be aloof all the time. She sounded like she was joking, but I feel she may have been closer to the truth than she realized. I feel like I have inadvertantly trained myself to not let anyone get close to me, to not let myself care about anyone. To not be able to even comprehend what it means for someone to be important to me. There has only been one person that has ever gotten truely close to me, who has ever dominated my thoughts so fully, and that ended in complete disaster. I don't understand people. I don't even understand myself. I can't let myself trust anyone enough. I can't have anyone be special to me. I don't know how. All I know is being alone. And I hate it.

I feel like I'm sounding like one of those emo kids who complain about how no one understands them and thinks they're so dark and mysterious. Maybe I need a therapist.

>>11387
I´m not the only one here who thought that.

Just saw a friend in a 9v9 vid on youtube.
YAY!
Go to congratulate her on a good match, turns out she removed me for no reason.
BOO!

What the hell? I just talked to her a couple days ago, nothing was up, or so it seemed. Heck, she originally added me cause she needed someone to talk to and I helped with my words as best I could. What the hell man. What. The. Hell.

Fuckin desks, how do they flip?

>>11391
Maybe it was a case of accidental removal? Like she misclicked, or thought you were someone else, or something like that.

I did that with Al once.

...Okay, that wasn't an accident. He just pissed me the fuck off. LOL. But seriously, I have accidentally unadded people before, and others have too. It's not hard to do.

Don't know if it's the case, because I don't know this person, and what's in their head, but just saying it's a possibility.

So excited for school that I've noticed I've kind of started a school based hope chest. Picture related, it's the lunch supplies I just got. And no, I'm no weeaboo, just hate waste and when my food gets mashed by loose tupperware.

Ok, maybe I'm a weeaboo for pandas.

Today i lost a friend. Again.
So i get a phonecall assuming in all my not knowing it may something of a jobinterview. After a confusing time on the phone i hear this nickname of me. And just one person on this whole wide world calls me this. Fully knowing how much it riles me up. Anyway so i said hello and he asks me why i don´t reply to him anymore. Uhm, because i like quited our friendship? <- My exact answer. The answer was a rather angry oh and this was the end of the call.

I went through a I´m kinda sad and now lay here in fetal postion and oh it would have nice to at least after 6 years of friendship and a bit flirting to shake his hand and finaly drink the beer together we ever wanted to do. But know what?
I tried. I tried to say it in the good. I told him that. He ignored it. I have no energy anymore. I really have it not. And if you don´t feel HAPPY anymore if you talk to someone and it gets on your psyche... than you have the right to say: I´m sorry and you are a nice person but i can´t be friends anymore.
I don´t need these persons in my lfe right now. I don´t need such persons ever.

Now i went through the lose of a friend again, and i´m not quite okay by it, but it is better than last time. I don´t feel anger by all this anymore. I don´t even feel sad but more in the space of regret. But i will not back down. I´m not a toy.

>>11394
Wait, so you didn't want to be friends, and yet you're upset that you've lost him as a friend?

I'm just confused. I think I'm misreading something.

>>11395

I think she meant she had to go through removing him from her life all over again.

>>11393
Everyone likes pandas

>>11397
Ah. I see. That makes sense.

>>11388
Sometimes it's an inadvertant defence mechanism you work into your thought process after being hurt. I've said some of the same things you have in that post word for word. Last year I was involved in a breakup with my boyfriend of 6 years because of my inability to really understand myself, much less other people, and now I don't really deal with anyone anymore. Functioning romantically or even letting people close to me is out of the question anymore. Emo as it sounds I can't bring myself to feel for anyone anymore. I'm more shocked when other people provoke an emotional response in me than anything.

Therapy might help, but there's only so much it can do. Sometimes you gotta break down the walls yourself.

Still continuing my Soldier training with the same guy that has 500 hours above me. Benchmarking myself and working to get on his level.. Just gotta keep at it. I've noticed a lot of improvement in my rocket jumping skills. My DM skills are already great and have only made a small improvement. I'm really enjoying this and the challenge it brings upon myself.

Spies remain my kryptonite, though. Those dang Spies.

>>11405
I find Pyroing for a few dozen hours makes it easier to avoid Spies. You get used to whipping around every so often. The guy who plays our Heavy most of the time got used to doing that, too. Pissed off the enemy Spy to no end. It was great.
Honestly, it worked too well for me. I whip around in real life.

I feel sad.
My mom didn't let me date. I actually didn't get a boyfriend until two years ago and it sucked. I'm still kinda sore. It gets to you when your friends are off screwing and you haven't kissed once.

I manage to torment myself. Happy ending fluffy Fanfiction makes me feel so happy yet so sad because, I've never had anything like that before. Ever.

I love it, yet I hate it because it makes me feel so sad. Stupid sexy fluffy perfect fan fiction. Why can't I have a love life like I was in some sort of romantic comedy.

Ahem. Whine whine whine. Bitch Bitch Bitch. I have a computer, Internet, electricity, and food. Why can't I be satisfied with my life? Now watch as I proceed to smash my head through my keyboard!

Tonight was a good night. Steamrolled the opposing Highlander team 4-0. Followed by an after match party with gifts, crafts and unboxing. Was a good night. Practice makes perfect.

If I have to spend another second in the middle of bumfuck nowhere next door to my crack-smoking, loud-mouthed neighbours who play their shitty music as I'm trying to sleep for hours and then act like I'm the one being rude when I go tell them to shut the fuck up I'm going to go over there with a knife next time. I can't do this anymore.

That is all.

>>11395
>>11397

Kinda yes. I´m more upset that he again went over this line i drew for myself. This line was firstly: I´m not okay with your behaviour you show to me please change that. And he ignored it. Forcing me to say: I wish you everything good, thank you for your friendship, but this does not work for me anymore. Ignoring that, too. Letting me lose controll of me to blantly tell him i did quite our friendship, while he thought... i dunno. That i joke?
I don´t joke about that. Because it is hurting. I also don´t remove friends for a short time from my friendslist if we are in a twist and i need space, beause this is hurting and degrading too. You don´t do that to people you like, don´t you? Because if you do you could also say: You did something which i don´t like. You are not my friend anymore. Kindergarten for me and wrong behaviour. If people read this now and think this is okay and correct for the internet. I want to say no. Would you like that if someone does that to you which you consider a good friend? No. You tell him: I don´t want to talk to you for a moment until i get myself together and i´m sure i can handle this and we can talk again about it like two adults. So if i remove someone i do this, because i want never to have anything to do with this person again or i just don´t see them as my friends. Irony: Just the previous day i removed him from my friendlist of a old account of mine where our friendship started. It just stings that it again showed that our friendship of 6 long years doesn´t seem to be more worth for him. And i don´t like that i feel like the baddy for doing something where people tell me it is right to do so. Also i kinda got reminded that i seem to lose friends somehow from my past. Which let me slip into a: I´m so lonely state and asking myself what i do wrong. But i also won some over the course of the last year, which are far more better than he was.

To all my bros out there. You are awesome guys!

I was giggling like a fool at work today. I thought of Spy's voiceover actor, Dennis Bateman.

I imagine it would be interesting, if he had really rich upbringing, with a snooty butler, who called him 'Master Bateman'.

My supervisor thought I was having a stroke, because of the way I kept biting back my smile.

What's this bullshit. Cold-hearted bitch Kumori developing warm fuzzy feelings for someone that she thought were dead and buried long ago? WHAT. FUCK. NO. FUCK. NO. FUCK. dafdaf;lsf KUMORI NO. NOOOOO. THIS IS A MONUMENTOUS DAY.

I just found out that the boyfriend of one of my best friends is going to prison for a year for statutory rape.

I am so worried for my friend, and she's avoiding talking to anyone about it. I don't blame her, but I wish there was something I could do to help her.

And here I was whining earlier about missing my own boyfriend. I have no right to complain about anything. Ever.

I think I'm going to invite her to go see a movie and get pedicures on Sunday. I'll treat her. It's the least I can do.

My friend is going through a lot of shit right now and I can't help from 3000 miles away- Family stuff. I listen when she talks but I'm not that good at comforting people or motivating them to be happy again. What do I do?

>>11415
>Master Bateman
I laughed more than I probably should have.

>>11422
It is good that you listen to her. I don´t know what you mean with family stuff if it is a lot of stress there or something else. To comfort people or to make them happy there are several ways. It ever depends. You can try to make some jokes or to distract her by talking to her about your favourite themes. Even a little game which you gift can bring spirits up. Good is to show someone the bright side of life or to ask him about plans he made which he can soon realize e.g.: concert of favourite band or else. Basically: To bring up the spirit of someone be their friend and remind them WHY you are friends. But sometimes people just need other people to LISTEN to them. They need someone where you can utterly complain about something to get off steam and than to continue with your life. If you still don´t know what to do or it doesn´t get better, maybe you aren´t the right person and she needs to look for professional help to help herself. Like a therapy. It doesn´t even need to be a therapy. There are even in some cities information centers or family counselling centre. Sometimes even in churches are social workers which doesn´t look at what you believe but want to help. She could try to go there to get some advise. If she goes there than she should look out for someone who has already some years under his belt of this profession and a degree in psychologic. The people there have their experience and can really help, because they saw many things already. This is just a tipp of mine.

My feelings: I don´t wanna be waked up again of bad news and people letting me feel like i´m a bad and horrible person. This just brings me to turn around in my bed and to wish the world would disappear. I know i´m a horrible daughter so let me be.

>>11425
>My feelings: I don´t wanna be waked up again of bad news and people letting me feel like i´m a bad and horrible person. This just brings me to turn around in my bed and to wish the world would disappear. I know i´m a horrible daughter so let me be.

I know that feel, bro.

BUT, GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE. MY SISTER IS ENGAGED

SO MUCH HAPPY

My supervisor has no clue about what her job entails. She refused to train me, or answer my questions. She then scolded me for giving 'wrong information,' while my OTHER supervisor stood there, stopping her and saying "No, no, she has it right. That's the info our client gave us."

And all Bitchface McAcidpants did was say: "Well, this isn't the info she was trained on!"

It's like, bitch, you didn't even train me. My coworker's trained me. Shut your idiot mouth.

How do these people get into positions of power?

Furthermore, my scanner is broken, resulting in all of my pics having some weird wave quality to them. Blaaaaaghhh....

I am suddenly finding myself having to deal with my deeply ingrained, childhood fears all in one month.
At first I cried a lot and got ridiculously anxious.
Now?
Well, I've realized how good this is, actually. It either has the potential to completely and utterly damage me forever or it'll force me to cast them aside and grow as a person.
I think I'm ready to just say fuck it and take a chance. I'm already feeling as low as I possibly can. The worst this can do to me is prolong the hurt.

>>11427
Congratulations to her! I wish her all good things and that she will become happy.

Anyway i´m aware i´m not a bad daughter, but i need to say i get subtle hints to be one by one of my parents over years. And i´m sick of it.

And i don´t think you are a bad daughter either TR. All i read here in your posts is that you are a nice independent person which family has sometimes just to high expectations at you, which brings you in spiral of stress and anxiety. Just keep your heads up and look out for yourself.

My MSN is down and my RP partner posted and I can't get the post nor I can reply and goddamnit Hotmail Y U do this to me.

I have been working on a thing to get to go on a "scholastic opportunity" to NASA. The assignment was to design a Mars rover. If I did well enough, I get to go. Nervous anticipation.

>>11441

Good luck!!

Nothing can describe the feeling if you eat the cold reamins of your favourite food which you cooked by yourself and tastes like heaven.
You got it all right and even if it is cold you can eat it. Filling you with pride and joy. And food. Considering that you ate maybe like me in the last 3 days just 3 meals, than this is even better. Pure joy. God it is so good. I never felt over a meal like that before. Pure heaven on my tongue.

Pic related, because i sat there listening to music which wretched my heart, not trying to cry. I want to stop hurting.

I think one of my friends is attracted to me. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I'm not entirely against it.

KGBoyfreind is doing everything in his power to make the idea of marriage less terrifying for me - including me in ring shopping, talking to metal bands and trying to arrange the thing as nothing more than a big party.
I fucked that up really bad by just sitting there and saying nothing while he explained all this to me and asked for feedback. He got the idea that I didn't want to marry him.
It took four hours of crying and hugging to patch things up.
I just want to be with him and no one else. I want him to be happy. I am scared to death because I just don't feel worthy of all his love. But if I lost him I would probably end my own life.

>>11454
I know how scary the thought of marriage can be, but its obvious you do care a lot for yer special guy, and the best way to help yerself through that is just to think of not just how much he means to you, but how much you mean to him. Marriage is his and your way of showing just how much you mean to each other, its a promise and a vow that you will always feel as you do now, and that you'll always be there for one and other.
Think of it as one, big "I love you" if it helps. A celebration of your love. A disco of devotion. A hoe down of hugs. Maybe trying to calm down isn't the best trip, maybe its best to just turn said terror into excitement?

>>11454
I need to ask why you are scared of marriage. Don´t get me wrong, i believe you if you say it is not the idea of beeing together with your beloved and to make this big promise and sign of love with him. But mostly there is a reason behind that "terror". Are you scared of something, do things change to fast for you (organisation stress?) or is it something else? Does he know that you have a problem of the concept of marriage and not him? You should get down with your problems and try to find some solutions. Possibly without involving him much, because it is just the concept which seems to scare you and not him. You should try to talk to someone else who can relate to you or this theme to sort it out. Sometimes to talk with someone about your problems helps to see it all in a different light. Besides there is no shame of beeing scared of this. Every person deals differently with it and while some persons never even find a person they can seriously consider this, others are already engaged after one year. And want to marry in four years. Guys i still wish for both for you just rainbows and sunshine. Or are together for decades and don´t marry, but would do so if they think it would change anything big. Maybe to start things small to get into the wedding organisation waltz you should think on something for your wedding you want. Something which let´s you think: Okay, this is my wedding and to make it my wedding i need that. Like *insert something really cool and not boring right here*. It is his day and yours. So try to find something enjoyable for both of you.

>>11457
My cousin's husband found that really worked for him. He was scared as shit to get married, especially because, since her family was paying for it, and she'd basically been planning the wedding since she was twelve, he felt very uninvolved.
Then her mother talked to him, and let him pick out the entire menu. He loves to cook, so it was right up his alley. It made him feel much better about the whole thing, and the wedding was absolutely beautiful.
And damn, that chicken was gooooood.

Until recently I've been pretty much a complete and total shut-in. I'd go to work and come straight home after I'm done without really hanging out with people or talking to them outside of work. But now that I've got a new job and will be moving somewhere new I kind of want to change that. I've tried getting back in touch with old sort-of friends to start.

I also kind of want to start dating too, but I have absolutely no romantic experience whatsoever, and have no idea how to go about doing that. I don't want hookups, and in all honesty even if I do get a boyfriend I probably won't even be interested in anything physical until really late in the game. So cruising for guys trying to get my number at a party or a bar most likely wouldn't do me much good. Probably not the best place to ask since this is a feelings thread more than an advice thread but does anyone have any pointers for that kind of stuff?

Got word back from my uncle, and it turns out he's willing to send me money from my inheritance for rent every month. However, I still have to pay utilities and such, so I need to find a way to make around $500 a month. I work for my mom, but I don't make anywhere near that with her. On the other hand, I'm her only employee and I know a lot of things that would take a new employee ages to learn, so she kind of needs me.

She's going to try to get me more hours, but if she can't come up with stuff for me to do, I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do. I can't handle working for her, going to college, and working a second job. Looking into selling stuff on etsy and such, but I'm definitely gonna have to scrape it together.

Excited, though. Not having to worry about rent is a huge load off.

Roflstomped tonight's match on Gullywash as the home team 5-0. Feels good man.

>>11463
Been there so many times you wouldn't believe it, still am in many ways. Keep talking to people, there are decent peeps out there and ye find em in time.

> beeing over the weekend and into this week down like now where
> i resist the urge to do something incredible stupid
> try still to be happy face and making jokes
> my heatlh insurence is still extremly complicated, which sets me on some serious stress levels
> but alas my doctor gave me some herbal magic stuff to keep my stomach calm, it helps and it is herbal making me feel better, because i don´t need to take some fabricated stuff
> missed appointment of jobcenter today
> tried to get something from my doctor today they just open twice monday and wednesday
> my mom will come soon and than i can prepare again for a serious talk about my life
> which we have since i´m 14, sick about it
> betting 100% this one theme which i don´t like to talk about will come up again
> i can´t never ever say no to them, because they are blood and family. They will ever be there for me. I can´t turn my back to them how i wish sometimes and say they should leave me alone because they mean it good
> The road to hell is paved with good intentions
> still a shitload to do
> there is still tomorrow, where i will deal with all this
> gif says it all

I get visitors in April and I'm already stressing out about it because I want everyone to have an awesome time and not feel sad or depressed or something like that and aaaaah

I also worry about my health and all that junk and that it might not be up to snuff yet in April. Oh man.

At least, on the good side, I'm making decent progress healthwise. I'm doing my damndest to keep it up!

>>11465
Come here you and have a hug. Also this silly gif that I found.

i am fairly certain that this year i've already drunk more than i did all last year.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I had to paint some hunks of rubber/clay to look like fish fillets, for a play. For the longest time, they looked like ABSOLUTE shit. But thank god, on the last two coats, they actually look good, and on the final coat, they look WONDERFUL.

I am still amazed. I would call myself a good artist, but I'm not. I'm just really REALLY good at going 'Oh shit. I fucked up. Better put more of this colour on. OH! It looks great now! Happy accident!'

>>11466
Don't forget, the visit is as much for you as it is them :P Its not just about having German adventures, its also about being there for you and showing you that.

>>11465
I shall now talk to you through the miracle of wires!

STEAM! Goddamn it steam what ya doing there over by your servers? And why, oh why again ever in the middle of something important! WHY?! Is it just me or does steam really fuck up more in the last times? Even my friends noticed now.

And hello there .gif of favourite show. I know it seems like i have to all negatory emotions a gif from you. You load of angsty emotions, from hurt until love. But really my fav show had to much angsty in the last seasons. Maybe if steam behaves sometimes again i will be so nice to get out the good positive gifs. Which are few.

A client managed to push ALL the 'make Kit cry' buttons today.

My job is half customer-support, half sales. I called to make sure everything was going alright with one of the clients on our website (TripAdvisor), and next thing I know, I'm being screamed at because some New Jersey bitch and her dumpy shithole of a motel didn't know they were on the site.

It's the WORLD'S FUCKING LARGEST travel review site. I've never found a hotel or B&B that isn't on there.

Bear in mind, she was screaming about the FREE listing she had. This cock-eyed dingus was convinced that the entire website was a scam, and I, personally, was trying to take her money and rape her daughter, or whatever morons from Jersey think travel review sites do.

She then proceeded to tell me that I was lying, that she had never signed up for it (I had her listing pulled up on Chrome before I called her), then spam-called me, my co-workers, my supervisor, and all else involved for THREE HOURS.

So I boo-hoo'ed at my desk for a minute before I decided to file a complaint against the BBB because she was making some pretty nasty personal threats, from her work phone, while at her property, in front of guests.

Job's gonna kill me, yo.

I'd be lying if I didn't expect anyone to read my rantings, but getting a response still brings some psychological validation.
Donny, Karnickle; I feel like you guys should be compensated for the number of hours that you put into letting random internet strangers cry on your shoulders.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD ELABORATE?
I have always associated marriage with subjugation for one reason or another. It's difficult to overcome, but KGBoyfriend's infinite patience and compassion has helped me overcome many things including this.
We've been an item for NINE YEARS. NINE fucking years of saving up for some kind of formal affirmation of our relationship. Now we have the funds and I'm still having fucking problems. I still feel like I'm being tricked into climbing into a guilded cage - religated to the role of housekeeper and brood mare.
I know it is wholly irrational, but that is how I feel.
KGBoyfriend knows that I have had issues with trust since he met me (since my dad killed my mom and I had to take a crash course in self-reliance in order to take care of my kid brother. :V) And I have known that he has issues with abandonment/rejection. (PTS from his service in the military aside, His parents are just seriously fucked up people and he also raised his kid siblings) Needless to say, we are both very emotionally scarred people, but we have trained eachother to approach our ISSUES with stone cold logic. SO...
The Problem:
I hate feeling like I've been dooped, roped, bridled and exposed.
KGBoyfriend panics if I keep ANYTHING from him.
I would rather eat glass than hurt his feelings by telling him that HE is causing me pain in any way.
I go against my irrational instincts and trust in him. I tell him that I'm feeling that way because of this trigger or that trigger.
As I expected, he cries and assumes that it's all his fault and he's a terrible person.
I cry and apologize and do everything I can to assure him that I know he's not trying to trick me. But I can't explain why I still feel like he is. This in turn makes me hate myself and I apologize for making him put up with my bullshit.
We console each other in a pitiful, saccarine display for a few hours.
Once that's done and over with, we can only assume that even though our relationship may be based on some kind of childish co-dependance, we should make the best of it and be happy that we have each other.
Then we have sex and all is forgiven.
The end.

Having a really bad today. Really bad day.

>>11472
Once again, ye ever wanna chat to someone, steam is donstheman. I have so much to say but I gotta dash D: Ill defo reply later though, promise!

I finally checked the TF2 statues at gamingheads's site. I had been seriously considering getting the Medic statue, but from the images on the site Medic's face looks...off. I'm really disappointed in it.

>>11441
I have been accepted.

>>11464
Funny how I've been told that again and again and nothing's changed in over 15 years. So much for that lie. I've given up.

So we have our first piece of French homework.

Now, keep in mind, this is a higher-level course. It's the 8th level out of ten.

Our homework is to write how we feel about global warming, in French.
One page.
And it's due in two weeks.

All of my laughs.

I've been feeling quite stressed for a number of reasons. I fear that it's (at least part of) the reason I've been slipping up at work and is the reason I cannot perform any of my hobbies (I want to do them, but I cannot quite muster up the... energy or gusto to do so). It's kind of gotten to the point where I've sort of stopped caring about pretty much everything to any appreciable extent and; I think I really should see if I have depression or something. Any thoughts?

>>11479
If you feel like your situation is bad, you should seek help.

>>11479
Welcome to my world.
Believe it or not it's actually NORMAL to not be completely stoked about everything 24/7.
Everyone has good days and bad days. Sometimes things roll off our backs and sometimes they stick in deep like daggers.
It takes some trial and error to find the right way to deal with problems; just think really hard about what is REALLY on your mind and why it's bothering you. You may or may not have actual physical control over the problem, but you DO for sure have control over how you handle it.
This may or may not require professional help. That's totally up to you. Just do what you think is right.

Had to skip a day of class, the only class I have that I actually give a fuck about, because my mom nagged me into staying behind and helping out my sisters with their community play.
My best friend is pissed at me because she hates that I let my mom walk all over me, while I'm bitching to her in my head how she and her family don't even like each other, who's she to judge what my family does?
I'm pissed that I haven't slept properly in the last 3 days, I can't properly express and explain myself how much supporting the family means to my mom, even if it means having to stick through and help a children's musical for my sisters, and I smile and laugh as a defensive reflex because I absolutely HATE speaking my thoughts and getting dragged into long drawn out arguments.
The frustration I feel is not the one that goes "Grah! Fuck this!" and flips tables, but it's the kind that settles in your stomach and kills you slowly from the inside.
I'm aware that somewhere along the line, this is mostly my fault, but dammit all, I just don't have the energy to give a shit.

Oh hey thanks mom for making me feel shittier after a week of feeling pretty shitty already.

>>11476
You can't see me, but I did a happy dance just for you.

>>11477
Yer also welcome to add me and chat any time ye like.

Ugh. Laptop cord died. Stuck on my iPod. Anyone trying to reach me for RP, etc., I should have my lappie back within the weekend.
Feelings: we ran out of coupons at the coupon clearinghouse, so four- day weekend! Woo!

Going to my buddy's place on the 9th, then a con on the 10th-11th, then I embark on my American expedition to my boyfriend's place from the 12th to the 15th. :D So much excite. This next work week just needs to pass quickly and I can get to having all the fun ever.
Also my man made me super nervous to meet his parents earlier. I am afraid they will deem me a horrible Canadian harlot who is an awful influence on their son and never let me into their house again. Sigh.

>>11472
I´m sorry my answer comes so late, but i felt this was very serious, therefore i tried to take my time to think about all this.

I wouldn't call it a childish codependance. You both seemed to have gone through a lot and found someone who can deal with what the other got and support each other than. It seems
that you don´t know exactly where this fear and feelings are coming from but considering what you already told - it doesn't come out of nowhere and may have its source way back in your life (wild guess your family). One possibility could be to consult someone with a psychological degree to be able to cope with this issue for the time being or as i already said try to find someone you can trust and can help you to deal with this feelings by telling you how marriage is. The other way is to be tough. Pull yourself together, face your feelings, tell them: I may feel like that now, but i don´t need to act like that. Maybe sit down and write down WHY your marriage will never be like your horror scenario marriage of being determined to just this typical 50´s housewife. Firstly, because you aren't the character for that. Secondly, from what you told already about your bf and your relationship, that you both seem to be pretty much equal in it, open-minded about so much things. So if you explain calmly to him what you think may happen after you got this piece of paper which declares you both are together, he can understand.

Asked my friend B. he said: "I understand her fear, but it seems like the problems of the past are trying now to manifest in the present. What she went through is really hard and she may now connect emotional wounds subconsciously to some things for example: marriage. What she would need is someone who she can talk to, to decrease her fears and before they might take a life on their own, the fear of marriage. But in the long run she should look forward to try to work on this problems and not just with her husband, because over the time it can maybe negatively influence their relationship. But most important was that she talks with her husband and tries to make clear that it is neither his fault nor hers that she feels so.
There was nothing to feel guilty for, no reason to be ashamed of because feelings would be neither true or wrong - just be.
Hiding feelings would never be a prosperous start of a marriage and could result in an everlasting shadow lying on your partnership which could grow but was never meant to exist. Whenever a leap of faith was necessary then now and it would not become any safer than with a partner who is willingly to become a part of your life.”

And here have this gif. It makes me ever smile a little bit if i look at it.

I made everyone at rehearsal laugh. Not just a chuckle, either. HUGE laughs. Sandra laughed so hard she cried. Vince couldn't talk.

See, I was on book today (reading the script as they rehearse, and taking note of errors), and the director had me ringing a bell everytime they made a textual error- which, after a while, drove everyone crazy.

So there's this one part in the script, where the actor has to give a little speech intentionally super quiet, and intentionally unintelligible. You can't understand a word he says.

So he's just speaking for a bit, this little speech, and I get a flash of inspiration. I warred with myself, briefly, on whether or not to do it. Eventually, I did. I rang the bell.

Everyone burst out laughing, and I was so pleased.

>Wait for someone to get on just to see them.
"Hmm, they might not be on for a while, Ill play a little until they do"
>Play a game, check to see if they are on yet at some point.
>Last online: 2 minutes ago.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFF"

I was walking around in the shopping centre yesterday, walked past the ABC shop, glanced over, and then died of heart palpitations.

>>11492
>Also my man made me super nervous to meet his parents earlier. I am afraid they will deem me a horrible Canadian harlot who is an awful influence on their son and never let me into their house again. Sigh.

Aww, they aren't that bad. They're excited to meet you. Honestly, I thought your parents would be very unsure of me, since I'm all almost 7 years older than you and such...

>>11506
I thought the whole 'creepy pervert you met a convention' thing might be worse, actually.

I want to give everyone i like just sunshines and rainbows an teddy bears and ect.
But i´m far to oft sometimes it seems someone with a big needle who destroys little bubbles of hope.
But why i am the one who need to tell someone. Well than if nothing changes and she doesn´t want to see than maybe you need to break up? I don´t want to tell people such things. I feel bad if i say such things. I feel like a horrible cold hearted monster, who doesn´t want to see other people happy. I don´t want to say: If she says your relationship, isn´t real than if you start working in a 4-days-work and 4-days-home rhytm, than maybe your engagement will not last and she isn´t sure about it.

...

Crazy people, crazy people everywhere and i am one of them.

Just spend about $250 on a hobby, but I'm excited. I wasn't going to because I'm working on moving out, but then I remembered that my uncle is sending me anything and everything I need for that because he has some wacky idea that my parents abuse me or something.

Skipping my first class tomorrow because I'm done with my project early, and all my homework was done by 1pm today. Aw yiss.

I need to be awake in 5 hours, but I seem to be haunted by memories of nonexistent relationships past. So pardon me while I vent a little to try to get this off my mind.

The first boy, I rejected. It was high school. I had seen him with a new girlfriend every week, I wasn't gonna play that game. I have no regrets about that one. Second guy I also rejected, just cause I knew I wasn't feeling anything more than friendship. I was in college by then. The third one was where things started getting sticky.

He was an acquaintance I had known for a while. I knew he was a social butterfly. Lots of friends. Blah, blah, blah. We actually started playing a game together and that's when I noticed he'd kinda flirt with me. Of course I don't know what to make of it, 'cause I'm pretty sure he flirted with everyone and he has a lot of company with other girls so, y'know, I couldn't really think much off it. Then he gave me a valentine gift in the game we played together, and that's when I started to believe it might have been a serious gesture rather than casual. I blame my hormones, frankly, 'cause as soon as I got it in my head that he might actually like me, I became obsessed with the possibility. The guy talks about visiting me at my school, I remember my excitement and how I dolled myself up for the occasion. I remember sitting and waiting by my phone all day waiting for his arrival. He calls, but to tell me that he won't be making it down. I was crushed and it sparked an anger in me that would continue to haunt me. I realized I had wasted a day waiting on this guy to show up for nothing. A few months down the line, he talks about coming down again, this time enticing him to actually come by offering couch space. Then he tells me he's bringing along another friend who was another girl. That dashed any notions I may of had of actually getting to have a date with this guy. It was a fun visit, but still, I quickly gave up on him and put an end to that friendship.

The fourth was set up to go no where either, but was probably far more devastating. I meet this guy sort of randomly at a convention with a friend of mine. He was charming, cute, and super helpful. My friend and I agreed on this. My friend would lament that she already had a boyfriend of a couple years. It was a long distance relationship, though, so she must have been craving intimacy because she was all over this guy when we were around him. The guy seemed have some kind of interest in me though, as in, he was a fan of my artwork. I was really infatiated with this guy, but my friend's aggressive advances despite the fact that she was taken, really turned me off of displaying any affection toward this guy. And what really got me is that my friend would tell me "Oh, he likes you're kind of body type. I'm too fat, blah blah blah". But I didn't believe for a second my friend was actually looking out for my interests on this matter. It got to the point where she was cuddling and kissing him at the next convention we all went to. I couldn't stand it, and started acting out chaotically the whole con. Any thing that may have made me attractive to him at that point was gone as soon as I earned the label of "crazy bitch". Eventually my friend cut out that crap with the guy, and I thought enough time would have passed to maybe forgive my past actions, but by that point he had already met another girl, which I unfortunately found out about when I playfully presented a valentine card to him. God I felt like such a tool. I don't think anything hurt quite as much as this guy, maybe because I felt he was stolen from me by someone I called my friend WHO ALREADY HAD A BOYFRIEND. That just never sat right with me.

>>11511

The fifth guy, oh, I loathe this man, and he doesn't even understand it. Sure, I handled this one so fucking stupidly that I deserved it, but y'know, I'm allowed to be mad at someone who should no better than to take advantage of that. We met while participating in a contest online, he seemed to be a fan of mine, and I thought he was a clever cartoonist too. This guy was overtly affectionate and would just gush all over me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the attention. But as soon as I found out that he had a girlfriend, it should have been clear that this wasn't something I wanted to be messing with, but I was hopeless, stupid, and desperate. I mean, upon finding out that he had a girlfriend, I backed off. I would shut down his displays of affection because it felt wrong to me. But he would bitch and moan about how his girlfriend wasn't showing him as much attention as he used to, and some how that got my sympathy. But then a curious thing happened, he began displaying affections toward another girl who was my friend. Things were happening out of my view and suddenly it seems like this guy, my friend and another guy friend are caught up in this love triangle. And that's just drama all around. My friend ends up rejecting the both of them. Here's the thing though, the guy I was interested in wasn't officially broke up with his girlfriend, so he was essentially cheating. This is how I know I was a fucking idiot because I forgave that shit. Eventually he does make it official, and that's when in my deluded state decide that I'm going to go across the fucking country to see this guy. And of course he doesn't say no. He actively encourages me, and convinces me to fool around with him, and that didn't even feel good. We go to a convention together and meet up with a few of our other friends and of course he's crazy affectionate with them too. It wasn't until after that whole thing that I learned that he decided to start dating my other friend, presumably BEFORE we fooled around, so I felt even shitter being an accessory for adultery. I stopped talking to him as soon as I found out. I left that group of friends, and involved myself with TF2 fandom of all things.

That's where I met the sixth guy. I shouldn't really talk about this guy since he still comes around here, but fair to say that it was a slow burn because he couldn't just shut me down from the beginning before I invested that much more of my heart to him. I didn't help that there was another third party in this thing that just seemed to throw a proverbial wrench into things. I'm fairly determined to not do to the whole three's a crowd thing again.

I've been emotionally detached ever since. I have little desire to go looking for an actual relationship with anyone anymore. I've been at this for 7 years and I fuck up every single time. 3 of those guys have steady girlfriends, so that there's no going back to try to patch anything up, even if I wanted to. I've accepted that I don't think I'm supposed to be a person in a relationship, and my personality disorder makes sure of that.

And yet I'm still so fucking lonely. I hate having to hide behind steel walls in order to not hurt anymore. I want to know what it's like to have an actual loving mutual relationship. But it's going to continue to take years to unfuck myself up, and it feels like by then, there won't be any healthy options for me left out there.

>>11512
Kilo, even supposed people who are, i may now just quote you fucked up find persons who love them. Because really what the heck is normal? The thing is as you already said, if a relationship is a mutual loving one than. You give love and you get love. I work on that what we have and you work on what we have. And if there is really love, than no matter what your problems are. So long as you try to work on it and show your love, the other one will ever be there for you. I know how you feel. I believe a good percent of the channers here know how you feel. And i wish i just could pat you on the back and say: If the right one comes along. But in all honesty this is such crap i hear since i´m in the age of starting dating, that i despise it to say it to others. And it is cheesy in a bad way. And i know the feeling of thinking: Well, maybe i´m not good enough for anyone. Maybe it´s not meant to be and i will end up alone beeing the crazy cat lady. Fuck wait, i´m allergic to cats so even that isn´t there for me. But than i look around and even if on some points it hurts, i see all the happy relationships of my friends and get all the nice funny building up chats with them, and see all the happy relationships of others in generell and think: Hey, maybe one day... And than i get hope up again. It also may be that i make merciless fun of my situation. So much fun that it is almost aggressive. But than i think i´m already the bitter cynical human beeing for others, so i just can play up to this role. This is all i can offer to you Kilo. Maybe one day. Until than try babysteps and start to realise all single things you can do to make yourself happy on your own. And who knows? Hey i already saw pensioners fall in love.
...
And than themes came up with TMI.

>>11505
why did you uploada blank image?

So I just had to spend $100 on a new power cord.

Fun.

>>11515

It seems a lot of us have relationship issues. Though I think I have finally gotten over the whole "super sad because I don't like being alone" thing. Nowadays I just feel kinda apathetic about the whole thing. Yeah it would be nice, I think, but I am having a hard time imagining someone being super important to me. Kilo's stuff up there made me think about past failed and non-existant relationships. I never let most of them get past crushes. One that became an actual relationship kind of fizzled out, and another one never became a relationship, but caused great amounts of emotional distress. Those are the "highlights" of my non-existant love life. Though I do still feel bad about the one time I actually rejected someone. I was unneccesarily rude about it. I don't like being mean to people that have done nothing wrong. And now I have to discuss things with a friend who has been unusually affectionate the past few times I have seen her, but I have not been able to get in contact with in several days.

Talking to strangers about things I won't tell people I know. Such is life.

I´m a spineless worm who can be easy manipulated.
I have no pride and i have all regrets.
I feel bad for once saying what is on my mind.
I feel bad because i know i just said it because i kinda snapped by the words: And if you do this than you can look out for yourself how you come out again. Because yes, i like to make my life troublesome. I love it.

Got it. Not the first time, i get told this. Good to know my family is ever there for me.

Also i´m away over the weekend visiting a person which i don´t recognize anymore.

My last regret is that i made myself a fun evening once with Mojito and DVD, while i knitted. Now my Mojito stash is low.

>>11527
Also not talking with friends where i looked forward to to talk. Life is crazy and complicated.
Well all i can hope is that they get the messages i left them on their account. I really hope they check it, because they are important to me and i wasn´t showing my best side to them recently. Shitty feeling to know you disappoint people who seem to care for you.

Also: One mojito is like drinking sugarwater. If you put enough liquid sugar in it. It is also interesting to play than Alan Wake.
Now i´m just a teeny bit creeped out. But also in love with this game and it´s story. (No Sir, not because i wanted it like FOREVER, even before it came out on XBox.)

>>11527
>>I´m a spineless worm who can be easy manipulated.
>>I have no pride and i have all regrets.
>>I feel bad for once saying what is on my mind.

Are you me?

my face tright nwo

There's an Anon spam messaging me with questions about bacon on my Tumblr...
I'm tired with the bacanon now. It was funny at first but now I'd just like to asdfghjkl

I am in a committed relationship. I love my boyfriend very much, and he loves me. Everything is golden.

Except I think I'm bi. And I think I'm in love with two female friends I met online.

Help.

>>11533
Not that I'm one to give relationship advice, but I think you should just snap out of it and stop convincing yourself to ruin a sure thing. I think you have a fear of commitment, tbh.

>>11533
Are you sure you're in love with your female friends, or that you're just attracted to them and like them? A lot of people seem to confuse that for love.

Im starting to play TF2 like I used to, and Im startin to get back into my killing ways.
This calls for a sexy party.

As of today, for my own personal record, I can safely say that I made it through the entire winter without slipping on the ice. Not even once.

<-- how I feel right now.

>>11538
And I can play TF2 again because my PC works again and so you can dominate me again.

Good times, too!

In Toronto, ready for the con. I had a taxing day of getting lost and almost crying and seeing a homeless man keel over and then get picked up by an ambulance. But now I'm okay because I am at a bro's place and I'm ready for tomorrow. Said bro is making me dinner (at 10:45 at night) since I haven't eaten since 2:45 and I'm stressed out and hungry and atm, a little drunk.
Also. He's making me poutine with ground beef in it. Emotionally tacing day erased by glorious fatty foods. Om nom nom.

I believe I have a fear of commitment/relationships/something. I mean, I want to be in a loving relationship, but at the same time, the idea of it terrifies me. It feels like too much of a change to go from relative isolation to actually caring about someone. Like the last time I had a girlfriend, I really did like her, but almost immediately after we got together, I felt like I had to find some way out of it. Very panic-y, very conflicted. Constant arguing within the mind, one side wanting to embrace having another person in life, the other side wanting to push them away and remain alone. Always alone

So yesterday I had to sit and listen to one of the stagehands prattle on about his terrible script that he's writing. I acted like I liked it, but inside I was screaming 'DEAR GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON'T CARE'.
But today we're doing a walkthrough of the theatre, so that's exciting. Haven't been in there since before Christmas. It'll be nice to be back.

I´m back! The past days where very emotional. Booze and tears flow in rivers. I had a constant alcohol level about the normal one to not be such a bummer to be around. It was shouting involved. Old wounds where opened up and some new where made. There was also laughter and "schunkeln" (Randfichten. Randfichten. I´m not proud that i can sing some songs of them.) New deals where made. If they are some Faustische, just the future will show. All in all: Typical weekend.
Bobby sums up how i felt about the whole alcohol consum going on.
And my liver now begs for mercy, even if i never had a hungover at all i don´t want to drink now for some time.

Check dat little flag! I'm in Amurrica till Thursday!

Team Mantrain still rollin' rollin' rollin'. Cow-plowing everything in its way~ Won 2-0 last night on Swiftwater. Making this our perfect 4 win streak.

>>11534
It is human to ask questions, even in a good relationship. It is okay to ask yourself, is this the real thing? Natural.
Than again i need to say. There are far to less informations here, to give something like a real advise. Why do you think you are in love? Why do you feel like that? Maybe you think you are in love, because you feel attracted to them, because you feel understood by them more, which ever makes a huge + in female attraction scale. And maybe you are bi! But than again... where would be the difference than? Do you feel less understood by your boyfriend? Don´t you feel that secure with him? Where would be the problem with it?

Only advise i can give is that beeing close to a friend and beeing excited about him beeing there doesn´t mean there is love involved. You just hang out with him and have a good time, cause it let´s you feel good to have a good time.

>>11568
Shouldn't you be posting these in the comp play area? Not really feelings, no offence.

>>11571
Go eat a million dicks. I'm fucking happy we're rollin'. There's my feelings for ya. And it's not appropriate to post it in /srs/ because lolnoteamadvertises.

>>11572
I can see Donny's point, though. All you initially posted was 'We won and here was the score'. No feelings. I mean, we can surmise that you're happy, but still.

My own feelings: Dress Rehearsal is this time next week. HOLY SHIT HOLD ME I'M SCARED. SOMETHING WILL BREAK. I KNOW IT.

>>11572
No offense, but I feel like if anyone else said something like that to a civil response, we'd be jumping down their throat. I love you, Kumori, but don't be a jerk, kay? You could have ignored him or responded to him in a resonable manner instead of jumping to insults.

But then again I'm an ass fag for Donny so weh.

All of ya assfags and assclowns need to grow some skin, especially when it comes to playful ribbing. If I was to insult somebody, you'd /know/ it.

Feeling decent today, but not decent enough. Just got over the hump of a debilitating migraine.

somehow I reached a new low - haven't drawn anything in what feels like an eternity. Since the onset of spring it's just been day in and day out chores and fucking unforgiving sunshine. Its weird - the weather is lovely and the flowers are coming back with a vengeance, but I feel morbidly depressed and angry at the same time.
My old crotch of a neighbor isn't really helping - 'When are you gonna get around to fixing your driveway? I'm getting water in my basement' FUCK YOU ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE A SHITTY FOUNDATION. 'why don't you just get rid of those roses? They're gettin' out of your control, don't you think?' he sounds like the penguin and looks like a hairless, wrinkly 4-foot-tall monkey.
FUCK YOU OLD MAN. GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN.
I really should just shut up and go do something with a pencil instead of sitting here staring at a screen and typing anonymous complaints on a message-board that I have mixed opinions about at best.

Tell me I'm a good artist and I deserve to draw whatever the hell I want.

this is probably more appropriate for my previous post.

I might just have a rule where Donny, Iz, Two Refined, and Kumori are not allowed to even look at each others posts from this point on. 'Cause it seems like anytime there's a little whiff of disorder in this thread, at least two of you are there.

You all are decent folk, but good gravy, don't think I've forgotten how you all behave in a drama situation. Just stop. Breathe. And go kill shit in TF2 before you see fit to add anything else to the discussion. Or just take up your greiveness OFF THE FUCKING CHAN.

I and others would surely appreciate the more positive environment. And if y'all can't do that, I'm outtie. Those are my fucking feelings.

>>11581
It was mostly ordered, kinda, most was just saying "Eh, don't think game scores should really be here" and ye've just blown it outta proportion here, I wasn't even upset, was just sayin.

>>11582
You, I don't have much problem with here. My problem comes from Iz and TwoRefined chiming in. TwoRefine specifically seems to mention coming specifically to your defense. We ain't gonna play this game.

We're not gonna sit here an police what qualifies as feelings or not. I see nothing different between someone talking about their competitive game scores and someone talking about how they got a job, or they had a great show performance or shit like that.

>>11583
True, but getting a job and having a good show are much rarer, life experience stuff, where as a game happens all the time and is hardly big event stuff, heck, I play a competitive match 3-4 times a week sometimes, winning most, and I feel good about it sure, but Id rather post about more serious or bigger things, and also, they were agreeing with me, as well as saying "I didn't like how you came of there" which is perfectly reasonable to do if you don't like something.

>>11581
I don't see why you should get bent out of shape with my defense of Donny. It was more of a '*shrug* He has a point' sort of mindset, more than anything.
I never said 'OMG KUMORI YOU ATTENTION WHORE DONNY IS INFALLIBLE'. And never would. Because that's ridiculous. Also loud.

Whatevs.

Feelings: I got a Happy Meal for dinner, and got Pinkie Pie in it. I'm thrilled, and a little bit ashamed at the same time.

>>11584

You wanna post about big life events, you do that. However important life events is not a rule of this thread. If I posted about how I had a bowl of cereal this morning, and then posted about how I had waffles the next day, would you say "hey, is this really the place for you talking about your eating habits? Its not like you don't eat cereal everyday. Why post even post about it?"

Who are you to determine what is important enough to be in this thread? WHO? You guys really need to start checking yourselves. There's expressing your opinions, and then there's trying to oppose your opinions onto other people, and the latter don't fly. And I just have this BIG feeling that if it weren't Kumori making those posts, no one would have said shit.

And before any of you say shit about me not going after Kumori, remember I don't have any authority over her on these boards and can only discuss her behavior in private. So don't even go there.

Im just sayin, the way it was posted wasn't very feelingy... ish-y. Thing. Eh, not that bothered, I'ma lie down.

Before that though, actual feelings and shit. I has them, just a minor thing. People that post smug reaction images, I know they are trying to make it seem like they are above it, but am I the only one that imagines them looking like my pic when they do? I just picture them like that and all off a sudden, I just can't take em serious any more.

P.S God bless Chris Jericho just for that face.

>>11587
I don't think his beef is so much the scale of the event, but using the feelings thread like a facebook status update/twitter account. We're here to post about feelings, and just saying things like 'I ate cereal' is not a feeling, so I think we should avoid stuff like that.
In short, feelings or GTFO, I guess.

New feelings. Just sitting here, thinking about nothing, and then start thinking about the essay I passed into French class last night. Suddenly remember I was supposed to use examples of verbs conjugated in the subjonctif form, and I didn't.
Fuck. Goddamn. Shit.
But now I remember that I don't give a shit about the class because it's basically kindergarten French and I've been speaking it for 16 years. So I feel okay.
But now I'm feeling frustrated that I've wasted $200 on this fucking class.

>>11581
>I might just have a rule where Donny, Iz, Two Refined, and Kumori are not allowed to even look at each others posts from this point on. 'Cause it seems like anytime there's a little whiff of disorder in this thread, at least two of you are there.

Wat? Waaaat? Really?

You cut me deep, Kilo. Sad forever.

>>11589

Just because you guys use this thread a lot does not mean you get to regulate how other people use it. This is what I am tell you guys. There is no defending this. How is this a hard concept to understand? I'm not going to say this again. I mean seriously. The post that started all this had a fucking reaction image to illustrate the feelings in the text. I'm not going to let you guys make it so you must EXPLICITLY STATE YOUR FEELINGS IN TEXT in order to be considered a valid post. It is not your job. If you feel a post violates some rule, you report it and leave it to the mods to handle. If they don't do anything about it, then it's been deemed okay or we'll keep an eye on it to see if subsequent posts are more problematic.

Do I need to lock and forbid any new feelings threads? No? Okay, let's focus on YOUR INDIVIDUAL FEELINGS and not talk about whether OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS, NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE OR HOW THEY ARE EXPRESSED, should be here or not. Failure to do so will result in a hefty ban. Last warning.

>>11592
I was just defending Donny in the way Kumori responded to him - nothing else. And I admitted that I was biased because I'm his mate. Kumori saying, "Oh lol I was joking" was more than enough to get me to settle down. I think we could have handled this without you threatening to lock the thread / ban EVERYONE. Spats like this always sort themselves out.

In any case, that's all from me - no more trying to get a last word in. Just gonna levitate on my own wtf.

>>11592
Alright, alright. I'm not saying 'This is what it is and you have to listen to me'. I'm just stating that it's a feelings thread, and should be used as such. That is all. Not passing judgement. Not exercising any degree of authority. Just stating fact.

(And in my defense, when I defended Donny, I was on my iPod, and it didn't display the mentioned picture, therefore I was under the assumption it was nothing but a text post.)

Slowly realizing that this time next week our play will be onstage, and that I will be online, like, never. Feeling sad, now. And anxious over OH MY GOD WHERE ARE ALL THE PROPS SOMEONE HELP situations impending.

CHANGING THE TOPIC ENTITELY, I am back in Canada, and I have returned to my tired-all-the-time, working-all-the-time life. Is it bad that the only time I can imagine myself being happy are times spent with my man, who lives in another country? Makes things seem a little bleak, but I am trying really really hard to look at the bright side.

GUYS! GUYS! STOP FIGHTING! YOU'RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART!

Me: Hey, babe? When is our anniversary?
Donny: Uh... tbh, I forgot...
Me: Same here. All I remember is that it was around the end of summer... Hey, I have an idea! Can we say our anniversary is on September 19th?
Donny: Why the 19th?
Me: It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Donny: lol sure
Me: AWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEAH.

True story.

>>11598
Oh god, one of our actors did that bit during his scene last night. We all laughed so hard, and I just laughed again, thinking of it, so thank you.

Can't say today sucked, but it was hugely disappointing. It's one of those days where you have EVERYTHING all planned out, and then, one by one, all your plans fall into the toilet. I expected mom to be out til late today doing her teacher stuff, but I was hardly online for 15 minutes before she got home, was hovering around the the livingroom so I couldn't RP with mah bff Izzy (something I'd been looking forward to ALL DAAAY and yesterday, too), and disapproved at me while played TF2 to vent.

Speaking of TF2, I hate my computer SO MUCH. I was scraping along with a lousy 1-5ish fps while I was playing, making me pretty much a sitting duck. Not to mention my teammates couldn't figure out how to be a good medic-buddy for their lives (or maybe they were frustrated with how slow my framerate made me - idk). Not only that, but we only played maps I HATE. Hightower being one because the huge, open space makes my computer flip out even MORE because it has to render all that crap.

Welp, now I'm being shooed away because mom wants to watch TV, aaand I'm ULTRA frustrated because I wanted to wait for Izzy to get back, but dskfnmigvnerr

TL;DR
SO ANGRY. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

>>11601
I missed you by 32 stinking minutes, too. Play ran long.

Speaking of the play, my feelings:
If you are ever working backstage crew, don't come to rehearsal in 6-inch heels, let alone come to EVERY rehearsal in them. Goddamn bimbo doesn't even know how to pick up a chair. JESUS.

But I'm gonna have movie night with the boyfriend, so that should be nice.

I just went out to try and fine a cute dress I could wear places...and found one that was PERFECT.

I couldn't wear it, though, because the store that makes it has 12 as a 'large' size, and that's the biggest they carry. THEN the sales chick told me "Well, maybe someone should lose some weight..."

Ow...

Captcha: And Dreywin. Nah, fuck you Dreywin.

>>11603
What a bitch. Karma will kick her ass. Just wait and see. She'll probably end up weighing like 600 pounds some day, and deserve it if that's the way she treats people. Even if she thinks you're fat, it's her job as a retail associate to be approachable and helpful, and not a bitch.

Mah feelings.
Load-in today is tomorrow. Gotta set up props and whatnot for the show's cue to cue on Monday.
And also, I finally found the FUCKING MARACAS we needed. FINALLY. AT THE DOLLAR STORE NO LESS. FUCK YES.
So damn pleased.

>>11604
What show is it? It must be badass if it requires maracas.

>>11605
39 Steps.

Nowhere in the script does it actually call for maracas, but we're doing the Margaret-Hannay scene, and the sound guys are like 'Hey, I know this is in Scotland, but we're gonna play some flamenco music to show just how romantic this scene is.', and then the two clowns were like 'Hey, we're gonna maraca our way onto the stage for our entrance k bye'.

And then we needed maracas. And got maracas. And I bought extras, because they will be broken, if I know those two.

I think I'm finally starting to see theatre like a job. I can see the end of it in sight, and, while I'm not relieved for it, I'm relieved for the lack of anxiety the end will bring.
Thank god for Ativan, that's all I can say. 's gonna be a rough few days when we do cue to cue.

Is it possible to be outgoing, but also terrified to talk to people?

I'm also in this...really frustrating, stupid situation right now where I hate being single (especially since I've been under the impression all of my friends are abandoning me, and I feel vulnerable and alone), but the only guy who's into me is this guy I barely know, who won't tell me anything about his life or who he is as a person who thinks just repeating "You're so fascinating and pretty" will get me to take my clothes off. I feel like such an asshole rejecting him, especially since he hasn't really done anything wrong, but...fuck.

I'm usually cheerful to a fault, but I've been so fucking angry as of late. I don't feel like myself anymore.

Bluh. So much shit to do and I can't do most of it because my mom "doesn't know when we'll have work this week." Apparently every day this week is a "maybe" so I can't schedule any apartment viewings or anything.

I should at least start looking into an insurance policy. Fortunately, the one I'm on now didn't pay any money to the person whose bumper I tapped last month for injury, so I'm not stuck with this company for three years. I'm giving myself a high estimate right now so hopefully I can find something in my price range and still be able to protect my inheritance.

My mom is going to pay me to clean the house AFTER I move out, so it's hard to tell if I'm making enough money to get by right now. I'm pretty sure I am, considering I'm making my current goal with really high estimates, but it's still stressing me out a bit.

Moving out is hard. But damnit, I gotta get outta here! Being at home just drains me of motivation.

>>11606
Oh lord. I'm grinning and wincing at the same time.

Wow, I know that feel. I had to once be a stage manager while doing 4 small roles, because our class was so tiny, and there was one girl who dropped her role last second because her lines were 'too long to remember, lyke OMG!'

I never had to deal with something to the scale of what you're doing, though, so kudos to you for NOT killing your sound guys. :D

BAN TESTAN GAMES

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(KUMORI IS DOMINATING EUDEVIE)

>>11615
>(KUMORI IS DOMINATING EUDEVIE)
oh my~

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(THIS HAD BETTER FUCKING WORK)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

I bought some feeder fish for my baby, thinking he'd handle them like he does his pellets; one 'nom' and they're gone.

Nope!

Fish parts everywhere. He's chasing them, ripping them to bits, eating them, then moving right along to the next one. Oh God, I've made a monster you guys...

>>11617
What are you raising?
Cause I kind of what to see.

So I called in sick for work today. Cue to cue went till midnight, so I was in NO mood to got to work at six. Fuck that.

That said, holy shit cue to cue was exhausting. And we didn't even get all the way through Act 1! Jesus this is gonna be one long tech night. I feel tired just thinking of it.