SO. Inspired by a post in the last thread about whether or not it's weird to be a virgin at 20 years old.

My question: what do and don't y'all consider 'losing your virginity'?
By the logic of most people I've asked irl, it's 'penis penetrates vagina' but by the logic lesbians and gay men could potentially be considered virgins forever. Is it the puncture of the hymen, 'popping' of the 'cherry'?
I know that some of my irl friends say certain things like anal and oral sex count towards that, but I think those two things are in catergories of their own.
What do you think, tf2chan?

>>12413
If I were lord of the Earth I would do away with the word 'sex' because it's so subjective. Traditionalist would believe that it involves penetration, but human sexuality is a little more complicated than that. There should be less emphasis on 'having sex' and more focus on having fun and being close with another person. Or multiple persons if you're into that.

Anyways, that's my two cents.

Hi, I was the virgin anon.

I'm gonna spill some major feelings cause I'd really like some discussion on this, and to see if anyone feels the same I guess.

I don't know, being a virgin really bothers me. It makes me feel like a kid. I guess it kind of stems from this need to rebel from my parents. My parents are kind of overprotective

I feel really uncomftorble (sp?) with it and I just want to have casual sex. I don't really need emotional intimacy at the moment, I just kind of want to fuck some people in a nice consensual friends with benefits way. Fuck they could be one night stands, as long as we're not raving dicks to each other.

But how the hell does someone go about that? Is it even wise too? I'm actually turning 21 in november, so is it just like on tv, do I go to a bar, and just be like "casual sex?" and someone responds? How the hell does this work?

I don't know, it's not like i've never gotten looks before. It's not like guys have ever hit on me. But thats my problem, I like ladies. I am a lady attracted to ladies of the female persuasion. But I'm super feminine so I run into the classic lesbian problem of "are you faking, your not butch enough to be a lesbian" so even though I tell people, it kind of feels like they don't believe me, or they have no idea. So ladies don't hit on me.

Out of all the guys who have ever hit on me, part of me wishes i would have just faked reciprocation to get fucked. I don't mean in the leading on sort of way, but in the sort of "lets both have meaningless sex" sort of way.

I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm more on the whole sliding scale of gay and straight. Like if maybe I mostly like girls, but I like guys too. I don't know, it's all really confusing.

>>12413

Sorry to throw everything off topic! oaky, ummm, I guess I'd say (for me personally) something involving the anus or vagina beyond fingering. I think of fingering as foreplay. I consider anal, vaginal sex, scissoring, eating out, and blow jobs on the same level I guess.

>>12413
To me, sex is genital-on-genital/mouth/anus interaction. Simple enough.

As for the ~20 year old virgin thing, I am 19 and more troubled by the fact that I have never been close enough to anyone else to seriously consider having sex with them. The idea of meaningless sex has no appeal to me. And people don't really like me much, so there's that too. People put too much importance on sex anyway, it's kind of annoying. I'm sure it's nice, but so are tacos, and you don't see those crammed into everything.

>>12413

I personally consider there to be different degrees of virginity. Oral virginity (giving oral sex), getting head (don't really have a word for it), fingering, vaginal penetration, anal, etc.
Hell, I consider there to be a cyber-sex virginity, too.

>>12415
I would honestly try using a casual dating site to get to know someone first, rather than just picking someone up at the bar. It can still be casual, but with a little more security.
My friend used plentyoffish to find a guy to take her virginity. Sketchy as hell site, but she managed to find someone decent, at least (In character. I don't know how he was in bed.)
She's a lesbian now, but that's beside the point.

>>12422

thats a good idea. Does anyone know a dating site thats private, I kind of don't want people at my college knowing about it. It's embarrassing.

>>12423

Plenty of Fish.com My siblings use that site, they like the people they met through there.

>>12415
Basically what Iz said. I need to say as a person who just lost her virginity (in these areas too) around 21 i think the following: Just because you had sex doesn´t let you feel less like a kid. I´m in a household where my family is overprotective too and in all honesty it didn´t change much as i had sex. I didn´t feel all of a sudden less than a kid. I didn´t feel suddendly like: I have my life under controll and this is my life so everyone who tries to talk into my life please go and fuck off. If you are looking for something like that than having sex is the wrong way.

But i also know that you want to experience it, because heck i wanted to experience it too and the frustration not to find a guy who i can trust enough to do so was hard. And to be honest it does kind of change you after you had a person that close to you.

Just some tips for you: Don´t expect too much. I mean in the direction orgasm like hurricans and all that jazz by the first time which are so popular in bad stories.
Sex isn´t about having orgasm, but about feeling good. If you had good sex which let´s you feel great but hadn´t a orgams. It is completly okay. So don´t press it there and relax.

This is your first time and it is totally okay, that if it comes to the practical part to be nervous and unsure of some things. But don´t let this nervouseness let you make mute or overly shy. Say what you want! Having sex is really more satisfying if your partner cares than for you in that moment and if the partner knows what you like. As example: You know you like to get kissed on the neck tell your partner. You know this doesn´t feel quite good now: Tell your partner. I don´t mean like controlling every bit of the act now, but it is your first time and therefor if you feel something is good than go along, if it doesn´t feel good do something different. Don´t push it, enjoy it.

Also i would say don´t over experiment by the first time with what you ever wanted to do. If just one position/motion feels good in that moment than stick with it. Later if you get more used to the aspect sex you still can do the things you wanted to do.

Last words are, even if you don´t feel the storming boiling heat of love for your partner, you should make sure you feel comfortable enough with this person. Don´t go and pick someone at random for a one night stand as your first time, because as far as i heard nothing good comes out of it.

>>12425

That was super helpful. Thank you! It's nice to know someone was in the same boat I was in.

I'm in the same boat. I'm 21, have really overbearing, overprotective parents, and I've gotten as far as second base, but my ex and I broke it off because he's a very sexual person, and I'm really...not. I definitely liked him, and I had originally planned on having sex with him eventually, but something just felt off when we were fooling around, and I asked him to stop and hold on, perhaps we could try again in the future, but he told me no, this was a deal-breaker for him. I realized eventually that anyone who acted like that was someone I didn't need in my romantic/sexual life.

I do look at smut and think about sex frequently, but I very rarely get aroused or feel the need to shlick, and when I do, my clit throbs and hurts quite a bit, which makes me even less interested in touching myself. I think we all have sex at our own pace, and it's not indicative of being "grown up", per se. Just take your time with it.

>>12413

Now, the way I view it...
For a straight couple to lose their virginity, vaginal or anal penetration must occur.
For a gay couple to lose their virginity, anal penetration must occur.
For a lesbian couple to lose their virginity, I'd probably just keep it at oral.

Not so sure why but when asked, that's kind of the list I have in mind.
Regardless, why not just... have a scale level of experience or something instead? Even then, I think instead of 'are you a virgin' it should be 'are you experienced/do you have experience'.

I have been having an unusually strong desire to have sex lately, but I refuse to do it with anyone I do not know and trust, but everyone I know is either in a relationship or does not want to have sex before marriage. Even if they weren't, I doubt I would do anything with them anyway. It is really anoying and makes it difficult to concentrate. Sometimes I really hate the human body and all its chemicals.

ladies, lets talk about vibrators

and where can I get a relatively quiet one that doesn't cost an arm and a leg because my roommates do not need to know what I'm doing at 1:00 am.

Also, I'm rather fond of dildos, if anyone has any recommendations

>>12497
This right here has become my new best friend:
http://www.tootimid.com/moby-silicone-vibe.html

I actually asked for advice about in the previous thread (http://tf2chan.net/offtopic/res/10041.html#12224), and the thing is pretty damn big, but ohhh man having five different vibration modes is awesome and the motor is shockingly quiet. Quieter than my smaller (and more expensive IIRC) clit vibe, actually, especially underneath covers/pillows. With shipping it's only $20, so if you can handle the size, I say it's worth it.

>>12498

WHOA

UH

thats like 1 and a half freaking inchies wide.

Anybody have any recommendations for anything smaller? I'm really not ready for anything larger than an inch. Also, I'd like something relatively quiet please, as god vibrators seem to be kind of loud.

>>12501
I've heard good things about this site, simply for browsing products (no idea how they are on delivery or quality, or anything)- their rating system explains how loud the product is, how powerful, and even has a way to view their objects against a ruler.

I usually look for ones with key words like 'small' or 'virgin'. That's how you'll usually find the tiniest.

>>12505
Um, derp.

http://www.edenfantasys.com/

Would kinda help to add that, huh?

>>12506

Thaaaaank you thaaaaank you thaaaaaank you

There's been a couple times recently where I wasn't schlicking or really thinking about sex, but I suddenly came everywhere, and it hurt- both the entryway and my hips were sore. I can't explain it.

>>12556

Were you doing anything stimulating at the time?

>>12560
The closest I can think of was shaving my genitals, but none of the times involved me touching myself in a really stimulating manner. It was weird. I don't really get aroused often, but when I do, it's very sudden and all at once.

>>12562

Maybe you were doing something that stimulated you and you didn't realize it. I would try to recreate the events and see what they have in common.

Lets talk about personal kinks and erroneous zones okay? OKAY.

today, the girlfriend told me she likes to hold it in when she has to "go" because the pressure gets her off. She says she'll masturbate for at least an hour holding it in sometimes.

I've never heard of this before, thoughts?

>>12572
Not that uncommon, actually. Bladder's located pretty close to some sweet spots, so the pressure can feel rather nice.

I find sometimes it's pretty erotic to just push down around where my bladder is. And I've heard that some girls out there get really turned on by rubbing around their urethra.

My friend told me that she gets headaches whenever she looks at porn. I have never heard of anyone having a reaction like that before. I always assumed she avoided it because she thought it was immoral or something. Anyone have any ideas why this happens?

>>12593
Hmm. Does she have sinus issues at all? I do, and sometimes when I masturbate, or do any sort of activity that gets my heart racing, I just feel every throb right in my temples.
It might just that she's getting excited by it all, and it makes her head hurt.

Or it could be something deeper that happened to her and traumatized her or something. I don't know, since I don't know her, but it's a possibility, too.

>>12594
I don't know about the sinuses, and she's never said anything about anything traumatizing. I was just curious about what could cause such a reaction.

This is something I picked up recently, and it confuses me a little. See, certain fandoms cater to certain fetishes, intentionally or otherwise, but I see more fetish art catering to fandoms where they don't appear than when they do. For example, drawing certain characters who are very thin in canon as very chubby, but ignoring canonically chubby characters. Why is that?

>>12613

I've noticed alot of chubby scouts

They're kind of cute

>>12619
I like the chubby Scouts and chubby Spies.

But I also see people who like chubby characters but who aren't interested in, say, Heavy at all. Even though he's canon chubby.

Damn it there is one of my friends I would really like to have sex with, but they are in a relationship with one of my other friends. I would not mind a threesome, but I doubt they would share my willingness. The desire is really annoying.

>>12620

Heavy's more muscular than chubby though maybe they want completely chubby. Or maybe they want to see skinny to chubby. Or maybe it's because of the irony.

would it be completely insane if I tried to get a date on craigslist?

Can we talk about online dating for a bit?

I would like to talk about online dating and just how someone is supposed to do that.

Online dating can be done to varying degrees. My boyfriend and I have been online dating for 6 months now. We chat all the time, and we'll watch movies online together, and play video games, and that sort of thing. Other couples I know use skype to chat face-to-face, and often to do 'other things'. Some I know will engage in things like cybersex, or sending nude photos, but it's not like there's a rule you have to.

>>12627

How does one go about it safely? I feel like an individual would be putting themselves in danger in something as sketchy as craigslist and it seems like the not completely insane dating sites cost boatloads of money

>>12628

I should elaborate more

I mean like, I feel like the anon going on craigslist is going to get themselves killed or something.

hang out with people at school or work? I met my last boyfriend at school and it was fine. Maybe it's just harder for you to meet people in your area?

lets make sure anon doesn't die okay guys that would be weird

>>12628
Well, it depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking to meet someone online that you can meet in your area, then I'd recommend plentyoffish. It's sketchy, but not quite AS sketchy as craigslist.
My boyfriend and I just met playing TF2. One convo led to another, you know? Other people I know met on places like tumblr, or through common interests on facebook.
I think the ultimate way to safety is through anonymity, though. No pictures of yourself, no identifying information- that sort of thing. BF and I didn't start sharing names and pictures until we felt safe with each other. Hell, he knows how to get to my house, now. But he'd have to walk for...I think it was 82 days, according to google.

>>12631

Anon follow this advice.

don't die

don't die anon

why is craigslist automatically a place that's going to get you murdered?

ive met roommates, bandmates, friends, and weed dealers through craigslist, haven't been murdered yet

it's called being an adult who knows how to act like one and doesnt do stupid shit? like you know. talk to them before you meet them in person and make sure you meet them in a public place during busy hours ??? same as when you meet a stranger any other way ???

>>12637
True, but ever since the craigslist killer, people have been wary of it, and rightly so, as they should be of any meeting site on the internet.

Found out last night that sweetheart's got the same fetishes I do, including one that I'm not inclined to talk about.

Me-mother-fucking-gusta.

>>12640

Wow! Thats awesome, good for you two!

I noticed that everyone I've dated has either been uninterested in ever having sex, or wants to constantly have sex.

I can't see myself as either. I want to have sex someday, but I need to get over my issues with it first. I can't explain why, but it makes me uncomfortable (but so do a lot of things). When I do, I see myself maybe having it a couple times a week when I'm in a good mood. I'm not really focused on sex to begin with, it's just annoying when you do get the rare urge and can't.

I wonder if I'm somewhere between asexual and heterosexual. I like imagining sex, but I never actually want to do it.

>>12682
Sounds like me. I haven't met anyone yet who I've actually wanted to legit sleep with. I don't think that makes you asexual. Not EVERYONE has a pressing urge or desire to have sex, contrary to what the media likes to tell you, and not being a constant horndog is perfectly normal.

>>12687
I find the suggestion that I just haven't found the 'right one' yet a little patronising. It implies that my feelings aren't genuine. Sexuality has a very broad spectrum and asexuality is a part of it. I don't really think I fit the exact definition of asexuality, but I know that physical sex is not a very big desire in my life.

I just remembered adding this to my tumblr queue yesterday, too.

Thoughts?

>>12690
I like the idea of a "squish", although I know a couple of people that got really pissed off and confused when I tried to explain I had a strong aromantic/asexual crush on them. They kept trying to tell me I shouldn't like them that much unless I was in love with them/wanted to sleep with them, and they thought it was creepy and I felt terrible.

I do feel sexual and romantic attraction to other people, but it remains at a tactile level until I decide what and how I want to deal with sex. It may not be for years, but I definitely want at least a relationship.

How long is too long to be sore after having sex?

Someone on a forum I go to had a question that really worried me, and I didn't know how to answer it, so I'm wondering if anyone here could help. Spoilering it because it might make someone uncomfortable.

The OP mentioned he was cleaning out someone's computer for them, and came across porn, which isn't surprising-- but it didn't look like rough sex or even play-rape (which I really don't like either), but actual unprovoked rape. Could you alert a site to ask them to take it down if you found something like that?

>>12792
Seems like exactly what a report function would be for.

>>12796
The person who made the original forum thread said they had been saved to his grandfather's computer and he wasn't sure of the original source (or whether or not it was intentionally saved, could have been a virus)

>>12798
Wait, did they upload this stuff to the actual forum, or just say they found it?

>>12802
They found it on their grandfather's computer and then asked the forum what to do, the videos themselves were thankfully never posted.

>>12806
So why would youu need to contact the website to take anything down if there is nothing to take down?

>>12809
Just the fact that there's some porn site somewhere where instead of a consensual, staged sex scene, there's a video of someone being attacked and raped really bothers me.

I'm having a tough time explaining to my girlfriend why she climaxes and I roll in for a cuddle. She insists it's some fault of hers I don't orgasm and doesn't believe me when I say I honestly don't like to. Last night she gave me oral for a good hour while we watched porn and it was uncomfortable for me for at least 45 minutes of that.

I have a good sense of humour about the situation but good lord how do I get her to relax? Do any of y'all have a problem like this? Does *anybody*? The media and porn tell me orgasms are pretty important to a sexual relationship but I would honestly rather stop halfway through/after seeing her to the end. In fact as I said, I got uncomfortable and it turned from fun to urrrrrghplsstop so I'm not sure I *could* finish up if I tried.

I guess I could subject her to some kinda orgasm denial and just equate that to how I work but I'm not very smooth at being kinky. (Cripes I sound like such a boring lover.)

>>12831
It's just as you said: the media and porn tell you orgasms are important. They aren't. There's nothing saying that not having an orgasm is detrimental to the sex act or to your body. I don't orgasm whenever my boyfriend and I have sex and I don't want to. He used to think it was his lack of skill or some BS like that, and it took some time, but he eventually came around. I can't say that works for everyone, but sometimes all it takes is time.

>>12837
Well said. I had two exes who put such importance on orgasms that one convinced me (I was young and stupid at the time) that a man's penis was in pain until he orgasmed, and that it was imperative he do so or his partner was a selfish asshole. (He also tried to convince me that you don't need lubricant for anal sex because the anus is connected to the vagina somehow and therefore self-lubricates. It doesn't.) The other broke up with me because he wanted to have sex every time he had an erection, and I turned him down because I wasn't comfortable with it, and then insisted I "didn't love him". Eugh.

>>12831, you sound like you're very caring and courteous to what your partner wants, which is all that should really matter. And don't worry about being vanilla, there's nothing wrong with it.

>>12831

Sorry, but the people above me don't know what they're talking about. Not being able to orgasm from sex IS a problem that stems from something from your past most likely, like sexual abuse. It presents itself in mistrust in your partner, or results in you not being fully comfortable with your lover, which in turn results in you not being able to have an orgasm.

I think you should see a therapist to find out if you have any sort of repressed memories, and maybe a couples' therapist to see if there are any issues with the relationship (although that seems unlikely).

>>12847
That's not very nice. Why must not wanting an orgasm mean you have a problem, especially past sexual abuse? That's the same idea >>12831 and I and everyone else hears from people who do nothing but sell sex and people who find orgasming appealing.

Physiologically, the majority of women can't orgasm from sex for lack of clitoral stimulation and if a man doesn't want to orgasm from sex (not that he can't), why is that a problem? My boyfriend is the only person I trust 100% and I've never been sexually abused. I just don't care for orgasms. So what? Also, I think you should know that "repressed memories" is a difficult concept as it's been found in experiments over and over again that a 'memory' can be planted.

If everyone's going to be so accepting of the millions of kinks others have, why can't they be accepting of people who don't have them, don't want to orgasm from sex, and/or don't like sex? I sometimes feel that with all the sex-hype out there, being a person who doesn't care for sex, or even part of it, makes you a freak.

In short, if this 'problem' it bothered >>12831, that'd be one thing, but it didn't. They were posting for their girlfriend's sake.

Don't make judgements or suggestions without doing some research. Sex is not one-size-fits-all.

I've been abused, to be honest, but never sexually abused, but my exes tried to convince me to have sex when I wasn't comfortable and my saying "no, not yet" was what caused them to break up with me. I just have a low interest in sex for some reason, or I haven't met the person I'm that interested in yet. I agree that being vanilla is totally alright, as long as you're having consensual +18 sex with a human, everything should be alright.

>>12849
Where to start...?

Why must not wanting an orgasm mean you have a problem?
Well even if he doesn't feel that it's a problem, I'm sure his girflriend does. It's a problem because it makes his gf believe that she isn't 'cutting it' or that she isn't good enough to get him off, which will no doubt lead to fighting and a possible break up.

Majority of women can't orgasm...
Yes, this is true. However, a female orgasm isn't like a male orgasm. At all. The main reason this is a problem is because orgasms and ejaculation are a vital part to maintaining existance. To not want to go through with that means there is something wrong. I'm not saying he has a deep rooted desire to end humanity or anything, but it is instinctual.

You know what else is instinctual? Eating when you're hungry. That's also vital to maintaining existance. Are you saying that anorexic people have no issues and that it's all perfect with them? Because the situation is comparable to only a few points. Anorexia stems from poor self image which is caused by some sort of abuse, be it past or present, and leads people to being uncomfortable about themselves.

Anyway, I'm not trying to stir up drama. The user above me posted because obviously it was bothering his girlfriend enough that he wanted to find a solution. I suggested therapy, and I stick by that. They can assess the situation much better than anyone could over the internet, and will help you with a solution.

Whether that be rooting out the reason you don't feel fully comfortable in the most intimate moment with your lover, or helping your girlfriend understand that you just don't.

>>12857
Yes, his girlfriend clearly seems to be the one with a problem. Therefore, it's between them to settle with a therapist, not between this person and a therapist - unless this person thinks they have an issue, which they said they don't. This does not have to be a psychological thing. Again, why can't a person, male or female or other, just not want to orgasm?

I'm well aware orgasm/ejaculation are tied, but it is not a vital part of one's life. There is an instinct to have sex for most people, but a person does not "have to" have an orgasm. Their body will make them have one if they don't do it themselves in the form of nocturnal emissions, but, consciously, they don't "have to". There is no "instinct" to orgasm, it's all physiological. Also, I never said anything about anorexia. I feel that comparison is poor at best.

My boyfriend says this whole thing sounds like chocolate, which affects the brain much like an orgasm: Some people like it, some people don't. Are the ones who don't, and therefore don't try to achieve an orgasmic response, wrong?

I'm not trying to stir up drama either, I'm trying to point out that the people who say things like you have are often sex/orgasm-liking folks. People ought to learn to tolerate those who don't like it or care for it the way sex/orgasm-disliking folks have learned to tolerate them, and to stop saying they must have something wrong with them.

>>12861

I get the comparable points between this an anorexica. It's not okay to just not want to orgasm, for the same reason it's not okay to just not want to eat.

There are SOME people who are perfectly happy not being able to reach orgasm in sex. If they don't want to find out WHY they don't want that, that's on them, and on them to find someone who respects that decision.

But you don't just pop out of the womb thinking 'oh i don't like orgasms.'

Something happened to make this person not want to orgasm, and one possible solution would be figuring out what that is. The other, of course, ignoring it and trying to convince his girlfriend that it isn't a problem.

>>12871
That's because society says as much. No one thinks twice if someone has never like eating vegetables or heights or dogs, but god forbid they don't want to orgasm. There doesn't have to be a "reason" for it just like there doesn't have to be a reason to be gay or straight or anything. No one has ever died from not having an orgasm or sex. That anorexia comparison is just plain bad.

Once again, this attitude is coming from a sex-driven world - one that has a thousand and one problems with people who don't like sex. Orgasms are not instinctual or innate, eating is. The way I see it, many people who like sex are never going to understand that some people just don't like it or orgasming. It doesn't make that person a freak, or mentally ill, or anything, but some people say it does anyway because that's their opinion on sex - if you don't like it, you've got issues. I, for one, am perfectly happy and healthy, mentally and physically, without sex and my boyfriend doesn't give a shit. People can have strong, serious, romantic, non-sexual relationships, believe it or not.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with this person seeking therapy if they think something's wrong, but they don't. I don't know why I have to keep pointing that out. If their girlfriend thinks there's something wrong, and she does, then this person can talk with them as they apparently already have to no avail. If their girlfriend can't come to understand it, as many people apparently can't, then they should seek therapy together. Or she could seek it herself.

Try browsing AVEN sometime, it might give you a little insight into asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org

I'm done trying to get this point through to you. As I've been told several times, some people will never get it.

Peace.

>>12874

http://infohost.nmt.edu/~klathrop/7characterisitcs_of_life.htm

Maybe you're missing my point. Reproduction is a characteristic of life. Sex itself, sure, some people don't like it. But orgasm/ejaculate and reproduction are as important a characteristic of life as getting/using energy, or being made up of cells.

I'm not saying that it's a physical illness, or an illness at all. I'm not saying some people aren't okay with it. I'm saying that something happened to make you not want to like it. Just like I believe homosexuality is a result of your environment. Or that you liking rice and beans, or pepsi over coke, that's all a result of the way you were brought up, your experiences, and your parents.

>>12877
Nice picture, I think I saw something like it in my freshman year as a Biology student.

>Just like I believe homosexuality is a result of your environment.
And that right there makes me glad to be done trying to argue my point about asexuality. If you think a sexual identity of any sort is due to how a person is raised or a choice, you'll never understand anything but the hetero norm even though, by your belief, people can't be "born" heterosexual either - it's their environment. Unless heterosexual is the only "natural" sexuality and all other sexual identities are environmental... millions of different environments leading to non-heterosexuality, hurm...

>Orgasm/ejaculate and reproduction are as important a characteristic of life as getting/using energy, or being made up of cells.
The ability to reproduce is an important characteristic of what we classify as living things. Just because an organism doesn't reproduce or orgasm/ejaculate in its lifetime doesn't mean it's non-living.
Did you know that reproduction in the the New Mexico whiptail (Cnemidophorus neomexicanus) doesn't involve a male? Not much ejaculation or orgasm going on there.
Or that the males of many species of cephalopods, newts, and salamanders deliver sperm packets to the female? Techinically ejaculatory, as they have to push/pull them out, but not very orgasmic.
Still reproducing, but without ejaculation/orgasm. Neat.

And is this not-liking-to-orgasm thing only unnatural in males, or females too? I've been thinking that, if this were a girl posting about not liking orgasms, not that she couldn't have an orgasm (and this person never said they couldn't), there would never have been much of an argument because at least she cares so much about her partner's needs. That is, as long as she didn't have a history of abuse/bad sexual experiences/physical problems/etc. But, because it's been assumed this person is a guy, that somehow makes it different since a male ejaculates during orgasm (unless you believe in the whole tantric sex thing) and that ties into reproduction??? I feel double standards.

There are many "unnatural" things humans do, and no one says a thing or thinks twice. But oh those orgasms! You either like them or you need help. To me, it's a 'meh' sort of thing. I've had them, plenty, but they aren't my slice of pie and never have been. So what? Human society is not like any other animal society, it is not driven purely by nature or instinct. It is okay to not want to orgasm or reproduce or eat your veggies, male or female, gay, bi, straight, whatever. Live and let live and, at the very least, tolerate.

I don't think homosexuality is a choice at all, but it's a choice for you whether to accept and go along with who you really are or to lie and try to change what cannot be changed.

And it's sad that people still think it needs to be changed or that it's an issue at all.

>>12880
In defense of that 'homosexuality is a product of environment' argument, I do believe that it is PARTLY owing to that. Part genetic, part environment. It has to be, otherwise identical twins would always have matching sexualities, and that's not always the case.

Nature and Nurture are intertwined things. No concept or thought in your mind can be 100% said that it was solely implanted from birth, nor can we say anything you think or want was entirely because of how you were raised. Please stop arguing psychology in the Sex Talk thread, as I see this only leading to bad feelings all around if it continues, as well as that I've already had to delete one post for being wholly unconstructive.

I've become completely uninterested in thinking about sex because I've had several people, all who were rejected by several other people already, come to me with the belief that I was "easy" and "desperate" and get me to have sex with them. My self-esteem has tanked and it's gotten to the point where I worry I'll never lose my virginity because I'm convinced I'm everyone's last choice and I'm only being asked because they think I owe them a sympathy fuck.

My psychologist really wants me to start masturbating because she thinks it's the source of my stress and because she thinks a girl my age should have started years ago, let alone had sex at least once.

>>12892
I think you should have sex when you're ready, but don't let the thought that you'll never have sex get to you. The only reason to have sex is because you want to. And I don't really get the masturbation thing. That's something you should come to your own decision about. No one "ought to have" started to masturbate at any point in time. It's a personal choice.

>>12892
I'm 23 and still a virgin, and I have no problems with this. There's a key for every hole, and yours is out there somewhere, don't worry.

Have you tried masturbation, though? I'm not saying to do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you haven't, you don't really know what you're missing. You might like it after all, and it doesn't really hurt to give it a try. If you like it, fine, if you don't, that's fine, too.

>>12894
I can't get more than a couple seconds into it without imagining my parents walking in, or my partner laughing at me, and my stomach turns and I have to abandon it.

Hey tf2chan I need some assistance

So, I often find myself wondering if I might be asexual. I have no desire for sex and the idea of sex bothers me. Which, by straight definition would make sense right?

I enjoyed the two relationships I have had, but I never wanted to go very far with either of these people.

My dilemma then comes in with the fact that I enjoy sexUAL things, just not... sex? Like. Looking at porn, masturbating, it's all good fun to me. I even jacked off the boys I've been with. But anything past that has been bothersome.

So. Any ideas if I might be, or if I'm just plain straight and have issues with going very far? It's been legitimately bothering me for a while, so...

>>12901
Maybe you just have intimacy issues?

>>12901
Ace Here, thought I'd reply to this.
One can still have a sex "drive" and be asexual as well. This can be caused by hormones n' shit and can be unrelated to your sexual preference.Some aces will either wait until it passes, take care of it themselves,or if they are the "don't give a shit" asexual, may have sexual relations with their partner.
Asexual=lack of attraction to either gender. Some asexuals are repulsed/"prudish", and some just don't give a shit either way.
Think of sex like a type of dessert. non-aces will all love and crave this one dessert, and may prefer different flavors of it.
"repulsed" aces won't eat it under any circumstances, but may enjoy what it looks like.
Indifferent asexuals will eat it if it's the only thing in the house and they have a sweet tooth,but probably wouldn't otherwise. It's ok, not great, but whatever.It just doesn't really do anything for them.it'll kill a sweet tooth.
however, on the non-ace side of the coin, if there is a reason WHY you are disgusted with sex, then you should see a psychologist/therapist.I'm talkin' like as the anon above stated, possible intimacy issues resulting from abuse, and so on. if there really isn't a reason, then you could be Ace. It's one of those things you kinda have to figure out for yourself.

Was on another board discussing virginity, and I mentioned I'm almost 22 and still have mine, partially due to physical abuse as a kid resulting in me being nervous around people, especially in being touched, and not yet finding someone patient enough to help me relax. Was informed I will never have sex because I didn't lose it at 13, and that I'm a freak.

I know the guys on this other board are totally wrong, but I'm still really angry as a result.

>>12929
It's really quite sad how ridiculous society today seems to be about the "proper" age to lose a person's virginity. What happened to the days of abstinence until marriage, where people would wait almost until 18+ as a general rule, some waiting even longer? Nowadays it's just assumed that all the kids are fucking each other left and right, and it sickens me. I've still never had sex as well, and I don't give a fuck about it yet. There are far more important things in life than screwing, as well as far too many dangers involved with it to risk ruining yourself over some genitalia.

>>12929
>>12930

You're not wrong for not losing your virginity at 13, but neither are those who lose it before marriage wrong. I'm not thrilled with the prospect of middle school kids getting it on, but we shouldn't shame people for when they lose their virginity. I'm 23, and still have mine, by choice, but it doesn't mean I have to think less of my friends that lost theirs earlier.

>>12930
>>12931
I'm not shaming them, I was just angry that people were setting a "do it then or you never will" time limit for me. Heck, I probably would have lost it then myself had my boyfriend at the time lived in the same state. I'm glad I never ended up fucking him after all, though, he turned out to be a stalker and then cheated on me when I told him asking my parents to drive me several states away just to have sex was unrealistic.

It might be because of him that I've gotten so nervous about sex, I don't want to devote myself to someone only to get hurt again.

>>12929
I lose mine at 19, way after high school when all my friends lost theirs and I'm not ashamed or unhappy with myself. On the flip side of it, I know people who are older than me who haven't had sex yet and I don't think they're losers. Sounds to me like the peeps on that forum are sort of assholes :T To be honest with ya. Sex and the way people feel about having sex is so complex you can't really pass judgement on people just because they didn't do it the way you did it, if at all.
I remember a girl I used to work with was astonished that I had had anal sex before I'd had vaginal sex, and I remember asking myself why I was so fucking weird. When I thought about it I realized that I really didn't want lose my actual virginity, the one that really counts, to the guy I was dating at the time so I came up with alternatives.
Got a little rambly there but the point is like many have stated before me, it doesn't really matter when you lose your virginity (though like Izzy mentioned, middle schoolers having sex is weird to me, the age of consent is sorta there for a reason) and you're not a loser for still having it at whatever age you are, be it 16 or 26.

Hey, is it weird to be female and to not like penetration? I mean, I'm a virgin so maybe that has something to do with it (and maybe it's different when you're having actual sex?), but for me it either just does do anything for me or it hurts.

>>12938
*doesn't do anything for me

>>12938
It could be one of two things. Either you're just not into it, or you're not aroused enough to be comfortable with it yet. A friend of mine told me she needed several orgasms to ease into it.

This was being discussed in the feels thread, but it's been mentioned before in other places, and now I'm really curious: what fetishes and depictions in porn should I avoid because they are bad and hateful to a certain group?

For example, are people who look at futanari porn transphobic? Can you get off on effeminate bottoms in gay porn and not be a homophobe? I don't want to offend anyone if I write/draw porn.

>>12962
I think, so long as you can make the disconnect between porn and real life, you should be okay.

Enjoy the shemales, and effeminate bottoms, but just keep in mind that, in real life, not all of the people of their particular sexual groups are like that. The people you are watching (assuming it's not a rape video) have filmed this piece of pornography because it's their choice to flaunt whatever it is that they have. They're already fetishizing themselves, so there's not really any harm to adding to it, so long as you realize that not everyone like them wants to be fetishized.

>>12964
It's all drawn stuff, I've always been too cowardly to look at much real person porn. Does that change anything?

I understand not everyone enjoys being fetishized, and I never look at rape videos. I get slightly ill thinking that that even exists.

>>12965
Ditto. Real rape is never okay to me. Not ever. I mean, if they want to roleplay something like that, hey, it's their choice, but it still kinda feels weird to me.

Anyway, my point still stands. So long as you understand that the way these people are portrayed in porn isn't how they necessarily are in real life, then you should be alright.

>>12967
i disagree. i think "dickgirl" and "pussyboy" art produced by cis people for cis people is inherently disrespectful of trans* individuals' bodies and identity because it literally reduces the struggle faced by real people with "THIS SHIT IS WEIRD BUT SEXY LOOK AT THIS SEXY SEXY WEIRDNESS"

and trans* people ALREADY FACE this overwhelming force of society assuming their entire identity is based around sex

(try being a gay trans person! "why didn't you just stay $ASSIGNED_GENDER if you wanted to sleep with $OPPOSITE_OF_ASSIGNED_GENDER" - cissexism AND heterosexism at the same time, what joyous glee)

therefore the production of that kind of thing is supporting an incredibly harmful preexisting societal expectation

>>12975
Like I said: If you can separate porn from reality, you're fine. Porn's detrimental to everyone, in terms of stereotyping. All women are sluts who want every hole filled, all men are impossibly well-endowed and skilled, and don't get me started on the ways that minorities are fetishized.

Yes, some people do watch it and think that it's realistic, and those people screw things up more. But not everyone is like that. I'm personally a big fan of futa porn, but I see it as completely separate from the real situation that trans people face.

Hell, half the futa shit I look at comes about because of a genie, or alien experimentation. You wanna talk disconnect from realism...

>>12977
I see it the same way. The protagonists in futa manga are generally not suffering from dysphoria, and the penis is usually temporary and magic-induced. I can understand it being problematic, because depending on the comic, the character can suddenly become interested in women where they weren't before. I don't see it as "it's gross or weird but I fetishize it," I like people regardless of what they identify as, and I don't think it's gross or weird. I have no problem abandoning it if people have an issue with that fetish, though.

I only look at porn on the basis I do because I have no way of being sexually active myself, even though a lot of porn is inaccurate and I can tell when something is fishy in it.

ftr i'm an actual real life trans person who thinks the futa shit is seriously problematic

this doesn't make me automatically correct but i thought my perspective was relevant to consider my point of view here

>>12982
Again, I have no problem not looking at it ever again because nothing bothers me more than potentially offending someone.

>>12982
>>12984

Also actual real life trans person here. I don't really have a problem with it, but I understand both sides of the argument.

On one hand, as >>12981 said, futa isn't usually actually supposed to be MtF women, whether it's magic-induced or what have you. Therefore, I don't have a problem with the porn itself, but what I DO have a problem with is the people who compare MtF transwomen to their futa porn. It really does end up hurting people, but it's not about the porn itself, it's about stupid people.

Basically, if you can differentiate between futa characters and actual trans people, and you don't fetishize people who actually suffer from gender dysphoria and such, you're fine.

>>12988
I understand. I know there's a definite difference. I have trans* friends, and I can't claim to be an expert on LGBTQ stuff yet, but I'm learning. I couldn't fetishize being trapped in the body of someone you're not, and I know futa and trans are two totally different things.

The characters in futa porn often have temporary penises that go away when they're not aroused, or two sets of working genitalia. And I know people who want to have a fully functional penis and vagina at the same time, or who want a lack of any genitals at all, but I don't know if that's possible. I know the thought of both goes through my head a lot, honestly. I don't know what the hell I think about my personal gender and sexuality yet. I'll figure it out someday tho.

Any advice for buying a first fleshlight, or maybe something similar? Preferably something that I would be likely to find somewhere without needing to order it. I don't exactly know what I'm doing when it comes to this.

>>12997
Advice? Don't do it.

fleshlights are pieces of crap. Just go down to an adult novelty store (even spencer's) and buy something twenty times cheaper that does the exact same thing.

or you can order online. Super discrete shipping.

http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/male-masturbators-c-1006.aspx

>>12998
Well I meant more just general advice. I'm not sure what the differences between all the different things are.

>>12999

well i can tell you now that it'll probably ruin sex for you if you use it too often, too fast.

use it nice and slow, like the speed you would fuck an actual woman (or man).

I've been tempted to get my first toy myself, but I've run into a conundrum. I can't get off with just my fingers, but I've come (heh) to the conclusion that I'm not all that interested in having sex with something synthetic, I'd prefer flesh, specifically a certain person's flesh, but that isn't an option right now. Sex just isn't a thing I crave unless it's with specific people.

>>13001
Maybe get a sexy picture of the certain someone, or try camsexing with them if that is not hindered by whatever is preventing actual sex.

Sorry to keep the futa/trans porn discussion going, but 12988 here and I felt the need to add on to the topic due to a phenomenon in a fandom I recently looked into.

For some reason, this fandom really really enjoys turning all of the male characters FtM and drawing porn of them as such. And as an FtM dude, it really, really, REALLY bothers me. It's never even like "trans positive" stuff - it's just full on porn plus binders/strap-ons/top surgery scars, etc. And honestly, I don't know what does and does not wander into "cuntboy" territory because I know there is a male counterpart to futa, but I've never seen a magically-induced vagina or the like - and honestly, if I did, I don't think it would bother me any less.

So I suppose my previous answer about futa wasn't really looking at it from an MtF point of view - in which case, yeah, I can see where it would be really, really bothersome.

I'd kind of like some thoughts on this though, because I think this is the only site where I haven't just gotten automatically called transphobic for thinking this way. Because apparently being uncomfortable with body dysphoria being a fetish makes me transphobic?

>>13000
Well my girlfriend is into the waiting until marriage for sex thing. I personally don't get it, but it is important to her and I love her, so rather than forcing her or cheating on her, I figured something like this would be good.
Plus I'm a virgin, so I don't really have any way to know if it feels realistic or not.

>>13002
It's not possible. Rarely am I ever in the mood, and right now, my partner NEVER wants to have sex with anyone. She's not abstinent and she's not asexual, she's just not interested, although she's said her opinion might change somewhere down the line, hopefully if we stay together that long. I'm similar, only that once in a blue moon I unexpectedly get insatiably turned on, and I don't know what to do because the feeling is THAT uncommon. I still sometimes get a bit shocked if I get remotely wet in any way because it's so unexpected. I just figured I'd buy something for the once in a blue moon I do get aroused, because I refuse to goad the person I love for sexy times if she isn't willing.

>>13003
It's alright, I want to see this conversation continued. If anything, they're the transphobic ones and you're the one being rational, because they're fetishizing dysphoria, which isn't a fun, sexy thing at all.

I'm tempted to ask which fandom it is and what brought this on, if it's supported by canon or not.

>>13005

Considering it's a children's cartoon, no, it's really not. The only thing I can imagine anyone would get this from is the fact that you never see the character without his shirt on (they go swimming at one point and he wears a swim shirt or something). Oh, and I think like one character says he screams like a lady.

Fortunately over the weekend I found out at a con that this isn't the majority of the fandom, but it still bugs.

it's motorcity by the way

>>13015
I just entered the fandom, and I think I know which character you're talking about. I don't think those necessarily mean a person is trans*. I noticed other several people doing the same thing in other fandoms, unfortunately-- one person was biologically male and liked a show that was stereotypically feminine, and someone else was urging them to start taking estrogen because they thought that was a sign of dysphoria. Doing things not marketed towards your gender and actually feeling dysphoria are two different things.

>>12962
avoid everything

dont write anything

as you clearly see everything offends somebody

Part of me wonders if it's possible to half transition so I could be 50% male and 50% female. I've never really felt like either, and I have this nagging feeling something is wrong with my body, but I can't figure out what it is.

>>13039
Probably not physically. It sounds a bit dangerous to use hormones only to the point of androgyny and then stop, but that would be something a doctor could tell you more about. And I know there is no surgery to give you both male and female parts. Not sure what you would be looking for in the chest area.

But other than that, absolutely. It's all in how you present yourself.

If I may ask, how long have you been thinking this? I went through a phase of feeling like neither gender before ending up deciding on identifying as the opposite of my biological gender. This tends to be common in trans* folk from those I know personally - it's sort of like testing the waters before really jumping into your full identity, because it can be really scary to suddenly switch your identity from one to the other.

On the other hand, there are some people who just stay neither gender or both or what have you. It just all takes a bit of soul searching I suppose.

>>13044
I'm not really sure, to be honest, but probably since at least middle school. I remember there was this group of boys who told me "You'll never give anyone an erection" or "You're not a C-cup, therefore, you're not a real woman, you're a hermaphrodite" and really dug it into me that I didn't look attractive, and I hated leaving the house and I hated everything about the way I looked because I felt constantly scrutinized, like I'd never make it with anyone because I'd be prejudged solely on my looks or because I'd say one stupid thing and butcher it. I wasn't sure if I wished I was male or wished I was "more female".

I hate wearing feminine or revealing clothing, which my family rags on me for, I feel weird in a skirt, I feel uncomfortable and gross if I ejaculate or when I get my period, and sexuality in general makes me skeevy, though the only reason I can think of for this is my parents meddling in my past relationships so I couldn't even consider sex.

I just feel happier and more confident at the idea of having a penis or not having to deal with the stigma of being fully female, though I don't know if that's dysphoria or me trying to find a reason for being disliked and blaming my femininity partially for it.

FUCK YOU GUYS I'M ON MY PERIOD AND I JUST PULLED YM TAMPON OUT AND IT WAS ENTIRELY BLACK (NOT DARK RED, PITCH FUCKING BLACK) AND I TOOK A Q-TIP AND PUT IT IN MY VAGINA AND THE BLOOD ON IT WAS BLACK WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MY VAGINA GUYS I'M SCARED

>>13046
The internet says this is normal. The blood on your tampon will darken the longer it's exposed to air. The longer you leave it in, the darker it can be.
The internet also says that some types of birth control can make your periods appear black, as well.

Unless you have any other symptoms besides black menstrual blood, I'd say you're fine.

So I've got the lady parts and I CANNOT for the life of me get off without clit involved. It goes a lot faster and feels a lot better if I'm being penetrated, and I can get CLOSE that way, but I can just never manage to orgasm on penetration alone. Am I just doing it wrong or what?

>>13046
I get that if I haven't been drinking enough water lately. I find staying very hydrated the days preceding my period results in a happier, less painful week.

But hey... I'm just a random on the Internet. Get yourself to a doctor if you're really worried.


>>13064
I'm the same, so no worries there. I've found there are some positions that really hit the right spots - perhaps it's just a matter of amplifying what works for you?
Cowgirl mixed with lots of grinding always does the trick, I've found

>>13045
Sorry if I went too personal there. I'm just frustrated and confused about what I want. I alternate between wanting a sex life and being sort of repulsed by the idea of having sex, but I'm not entirely sure what the hangup is and whether I need to change something about myself or not.

Any tips on having LESS stamina? My boyfriend gives amazing blowjobs, and I'm shaking and moaning the whole time, but for some reason it takes me forever to finish and his poor jaw nearly falls off.

>>13081

I have the same issue. I usually end up having to finish myself off.

okay guys so i'm the horrible black blood vagina girl from earlier and i was masturbating with a frozen hotdog and it got sucked in and i tried to find it by putting a pencil in my vagina and the pencil went all the way in but it wasn't there
what happened to the hot dog?

>>13087
Unless it's a high-quality dildo, a tampon, or a penis, it doesn't belong up there.

>>13087
I suspect a troll. but if you're serious get to a doctor asap

>>13087
Seek medical attention

Sorry about black vagina blood girl, but if that's real, you need to get to a hospital.

>>13081

I'd like to hear what people have to say about this. It's so much work for me to reach orgasm during sex. I love my partner, and I'm totally comfortable around him, but I just can't reach orgasm. I've never once had an orgasm entirely brought on by someone else and I usually end up finishing myself off (which takes a while AFTER the sex even)

When I masturbate on my own, I can finish rather quickly. But during sex... it just doesn't happen.

>>13102
Maybe masterbate for a while before sex?

I came to the conclusion recently that I don't like myself, value my own safety, or have the respect for my own body that I should, so even though I have had people ask me for sex, I've always said no, because I know I'd allow myself to get into a really dangerous decision and not care about the outcome, so I'd rather remain a virgin and risk being broken up with repeatedly than the alternative.

> eat Sweetheart out with gutso
> follow her directions when she wants to be touched a certain way
> act out every fantasy she wants

> SHE WON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME

I want to cry. I literally fucking want to cry.

>>13121

Typo. Dammit.

Really though, what do.

>>13122
Talk it out? Figure out what her problem is with touching you in a reciprocal manner, and how you can resolve that issue. She needs to know why you're not comfortable about how things are going, and it will help you to know why she's uncomfortable with making it work for you too.

>>13126

I tried that. All she did was avoid the subject.

I mean, when I mentioned it, she kind of...fluped my boobs around for a second, but shit.

>>13121
From experience, I know I'm uncomfortable with touching people, even people I like, in any way, even platonically for anxiety reasons, so maybe Sweetheart has the same problem, but I don't know her, so I can't say for sure.

>>13134

Still, it seems unusual to want to be touched, but not to touch someone... especially not letting someone know that before they touch you. I understand stuff like that being difficult to talk about, but not when it comes down to potentially REALLY hurting your significant other's feelings in the process. I know I'd be really hurt by that if I couldn't get an explanation...

Kit, have you tried telling her it really is upsetting you and that you'd like to clear it up? You shouldn't let those bad feelings brew into something worse.

>>13135
At least for me, it's a little more complicated than that, and it goes beyond sex. I don't want to touch anyone because I'm convinced I'd hurt them, and I don't want them to be hurt. I'm ambivalent when it comes to being touched, because of weird complicated reasons where I feel I deserve to be bossed around and bruised, and I don't care anymore, because I feel I'm a shitty person and I deserve it. Or something.

>>13135

It's getting better. We got some double-sided toys, so maybe that'll help.

Some of my friends are very open about their sex lives and like to send me pictures of their boyfriend's penis or whatever porn they're currently watching, and I always refuse them because these offers come out of nowhere and I don't particularly want to talk about sex at the moment, particularly the sex lives of people I'm not attracted to.

It makes people very angry apparently when you don't want to talk about sex, but then again any time I say anything is inappropriate to the current conversation/not something I want to talk about right now, I get yelled at. Am I being rude, or are they?

>>13164
I would find that more weird than anything. I mean, if you're not involved in the relationship, why do you need to be included in that kind of thing...?
(It just occurred to me that I just might be old-fashioned and/or getting old. I-Is this something young people do in their relationships these days?)

But no, you're not being rude if you're asking for friends to respect your boundaries.

>>13167
Alright. Thank you. I don't know, honestly. These tend to be people who just post pictures of themselves topless or nude online, and then post "message me if you fapped to my nudes". Sex is a big part of their life, and a person like me who's really apprehensive about sex asking them not to bring it up, they react as if insulted. Even if they were out of line (as these are all friends I'm not dating, even my SO's have asked first before sending me porn), I feel guilty whenever they get mad.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while now, and we have been close friends for years before that. We make out and stuff, and she frequently talks about sex stuff that she wants to do, but she also insists on only having sex after marriage. She won't even let me see her without a shirt on, or get too touchy. I love her very much, and I am not going to break up with her over this or try to pressure her into anything, but it is frustrating. Even she says it is frustrating to wait, but she says she would only have sex with the person she would be with her whole life, after she tells me she wants to be with me forever just minutes before she brings it up, which kind of makes me feel like she doesn't actually want to be with me forever. I try to respect her boundaries, and I would marry her if we could support ourselves, and not just for the sex, but I just feel frustrated.

I have a size kink, and someone once told me they really didn't like that kink because it could get kind of squicky. And now I understand what they meant.

I find that on a regular basis, the smaller person in the couple is usually shrunken down, smaller than they are in canon, to the point where it looks like pedophilia, even when both characters are adults. And anything that intersects with kiddy porn or resembling it is a huge no for me. I don't know why it happens, I just wish it didn't.

I actually find that most of my fetishes intersect a lot with fetishes I don't like, and it's frustrating and confusing.

Is it narcissistic to fap to the porn you've written?

>>people who think when a male gets molested/raped it's hilarious

No. No. I don't care how prudish or like a "grandma" you think I am, you don't go up to anyone's genitals and start touching them without their permission. Regardless of gender.

>>13228
No. There's not enough people who like their own work, and honestly, sometimes the only person writing the porn you want to fap to is you.

I should do that. There's one or two fetishes I have that for the most part, literally don't exist at all (in part because they're kinda specific), and I figure if you're able to make content, you should write/draw it yourself.

>>13228

I don't see it as much different than thinking up a fantasy and fapping to it, except for the fact you actually put forth the effort to get it down on paper. Which I think is commendable, because frankly I can rarely get myself to create erotic materials because I always seem to be lazy/impatient/too horny/not horny enough...or just plain self-conscious. Besides fantasies restricted to my own head, I'm always consuming other people's pornographic material, which they (excluding pros ofc) probably made foremost to tickle their fancy (sexually or otherwise), but also to share and thereby spread the faps around. God bless.

It's frustrating having to explain sex-related habits to people who insist it's not a real/valid thing or "not normal" just because that's not how their own brain/sex drive/whatever functions.

I'm not a very sexual person. I'm not always (in fact rarely, if ever) attracted to people physically when I first meet them. I don't go into a relationship even assuming there will be sex at all. So someone was hounding me on another site when I said this, insisting even psychopaths are physically attracted to people when they first meet them.

I had to explain this to my ex too, because he frequently wanted me to skip class to have sex with him. I said no, I wasn't ready, and I had priorities, and he insisted I didn't love him, and he hasn't wanted to talk to me since. I haven't been interested in dating since, because I worry everyone either wants to have sex way more than I am willing, or not at all, and I don't fit into either.

>>13141

Well, it's not getting better. I really don't understand what could be, unless she really just isn't attracted to me. She insists she is, though, so I don't really understand.

Fuck my life, maybe I'm just fucking unlovable.

>>13304
No one is unloveable.

>>13304
Man, if she seriously still won't tell you what the problem is, you really need to sit her down and get her to communicate. I understand not wanting to pry, but this is a big, big thing that I know is hurting your feelings, and she really needs to open up and freaking tell you what's going on, because otherwise, your relationship is going to deteriorate. If you both have doubts and issues with trust (which, issues with trust, at this point, are completely justified on your end), this won't last long, so if you want it to, you guys really need to have a serious heart to heart about it. It's way less about the sex and waaay more about the fact that she just won't talk to you.

>>13304
Again, I still think it might be anxiety. She loves you, but something happened in the past where she might not want to do anything sexual, or she's tired and anxious over something unrelated, and her sex drive isn't running. It's not your fault. She does love you.

Is it bad to want to see two of my friends who are in a relationship having sex? Not join in or anything, just watch.

>>13323
Not in the slightest, that's a pretty common voyeurism fetish to have. If you really want to see it, why not just ask one or both of them when a good time arrives and explain that you're a bit of a voyeur? Worth a shot, after all.

>>13324
>>13323

I don't think it's bad to want to see it at all. But as far as asking goes? I would probably avoid it unless you know them REALLY well and know that you could either pass it off as a joke or they wouldn't judge you. I'd be really uncomfortable if a friend asked my boyfriend and I that, just because of how we view sex, but your friends may view it differently. Just tread very cautiously I suppose.

I rarely look at porn anymore. It doesn't excite me.

I'm much more interested in sex when I'm in love with someone. And I haven't been for quite some time. Every time I'm ready to lose my virginity, I find out that my boyfriend has already cheated on me, or isn't willing to wear a condom, or expects sex all the time.

And on the porn side, people either shove it in my face when I'm not interested, or tell me I have to have every kink under the sun or I'm a prude (particularly incest, rape, underaged stuff and yiffing, all which people know I hate, and have still insisted on defending/shoving in my face). I just feel nauseous thinking about sex at all now. Which sucks, because I want to be sexually active, but can't.

how do I date and porn and have sex

I've prolly asked this before on here, but I've never had the chance to do so before, and having freedom in college is a scary thing

I wasn't allowed to before and my brain is so used to my family jumping out of nowhere that I don't know how to relax

>>13365
>(particularly incest, rape, underaged stuff and yiffing, all which people know I hate, and have still insisted on defending/shoving in my face)

All of the people doing that clearly need to hear that they're being self-centered assholes, by forcing their fetishes on you when you haven't asked for it and don't want it. Whether that's from you or someone else, they need to hear it, or they're likely going to keep being so self-centered and believing they're perfectly fine for doing something that is not at all socially acceptable to be talking about publicly. Fetishes are not something you have to accept and support, but they're also not something to hate on in the face of someone who likes it. Tolerance is the key.

As to the boyfriend problems, here's hoping you find one that isn't a jerk in those respects. Goodness knows it feels like there's next to none out there like that at times, but there are. Don't get so hung up on the concept of virginity that you do it with someone just to have it gone, it'll only lead to what is likely a bad decision down the road. In addition, I'd avoid even mentioning it until you're absolutely sure the guy's right for you. It's not something to flaunt, lest you attract creepers who only care about being the first, rather than a real relationship.

>>13405
If I knew the practicalities of it, I'd definitely give advice, but having done none of the first and third, I can't really suggest much there. As to "how to porn", it definitely depends on what you're looking for. The internet of porn is a big place (It's pretty much the #1 internet market), but it's a dangerous one at times if you don't have a decent antivirus or go trawling sites. Since I don't quite know what your preference is, I'd say the best bet is to do the mildly embarassing thing and ask a friend you know/think is into the same sort of thing(s) as you where they would suggest looking for your pornographic needs.

As a 2d person myself though, I'd suggest paheal (for characters in media: tv shows, cartoons, websites, etc.), e621 (for furries), or gelbooru (for anime/japanese stuff) as safe sites with simple search systems to find things you're interested in, which you can then use the source sections to find more by the artist or sometimes even a website devoted to the kink if you're lucky. If 3d's more your thing, I guess myfreepaysite would do, but it's kind of old and may not be safe virus-wise beyond its referral pages, so be wary there.

>>13407
There's also Fakku.net for all your doujin needs, if anime prons are your thing

>>13407
I've looked at a little drawn stuff, but I'm still too chicken to watch porn (or buy a sex toy), and I worry I'm "not a real adult" if I haven't.

I'm still in the phase where I don't know how to really touch myself either where it doesn't feel weird or hurt or gross after a minute or so.

>>13405
Well, as others have said, make sure your antivirus rocks, because otherwise your computer can get some nasty STDs.

As for finding what you like, luckily the bigger porn sites like redtube and such have different categories, so if you want to look at lesbians, gay men, Asians, redheads, etc. then you can filter it, and even search for stuff.
If your preference is more for written smut, though, I would recommend Literotica. Again, great search and filter feature, and they have forums there, too, where people talk about all things sex.

Basically, what I would do is start with one site like redtube, for example (simply because it was the one I started out on), browse around for a bit, find what you like, and then search for it on other sites.

>>13410
I just...I dunno. I've always been socially awkward, the kind of person who couldn't even look at people in the eye. Bullying and overprotective parents makes me always very hesitant, walking in on people making out, or my roommate flirting and snuggling with her boyfriend when I'm in the room makes me so nervous (and she doesn't seem to understand that). Masturbation and dating hasn't even been an option until now, and when I was able to, I bungled it.

But I feel I need to know what sex sounds like and looks like in motion, I need to make up for being a shaky ass.

>>13409
There is no need to be afraid of watching porn. It is understandable to be nervous of buying a sex toy, but it is perfectly fine to porn.

>>13411
If it makes you feel better, I'm reasonably sure that a large amount of the people who are in the porn are well aware that people are going to watch it. So it's not like 'Oops I walked in on them', really.

I mean, if watching porn makes you uncomfortable, then obviously don't do it. You're not going to hurt anybody by not watching porn. Likewise, you're not going to hurt anybody by watching it, though. It's your decision, ultimately.

Although if you're watching porn to learn about sex, I wouldn't take it at face value. A lot of porn is ridiculously over-exaggerated.

If you're looking more for realism, I would search on some sites for 'amateur' porn. It's usually done by people who aren't getting paid for it, are only doing it for fun, etc. It's probably the closest to real sex you'll find out there, for the most part.

>>13413
>>13414
It's a big deal because for me, being around people making out or snuggling or mentioning sex at all is waaaay way too personal for me. Like my roommate just drags her boyfriend here on a daily basis and all they do is snuggle for hours or talk until 2 am and she KNOWS it makes me uncomfortable and it makes me so damn claustrophobic for a reason I can't explain.

I feel like I'm required to watch porn, it's not my choice, because I won't have a relationship if I can't have sex. My one ex broke up with me because he wanted to fuck like a rabbit, and I couldn't even touch him. But the idea of the noises and watching someone ejaculate feels too personal.

>>13415
If your ex broke up with you because you wouldn't put out, then fuck him.

Wait. That's a poor way to word things.

He's an asshole, is what I'm saying. Don't feel like you need to do something, simply because it's what's expected of you. If you watch porn, watch it because you WANT to watch it, not because you feel like you should.

Also, it's really hard to type with the floating bobbing dicks in my way. Can we install an off button for those sometime?

>>13416
>floating, bobbing dicks
It's currently set to be a 1% chance on page load that it happens. Refreshing once (or twice if you're super lucky to get it again) should clear them out.

>>13418
I refreshed four times and they were still there. Eventually I closed the page, and then they disappeared, finally.
And I definitely see them more than 1% of the time - more like 10%- which means some poor bastard out there probably hasn't seen them at all.

>>13407
Thank you. I'm relieved to hear that. I was getting really fed up with people (even best friends) defending it to me.

"But loli manga curbs real-life pedophilia!"
"If you can draw kids holding hands and having first kisses, why not porn?"
"But incest is wincest!"
"But you're not a real fan of [fandom starring anthropomorphic characters] if you don't yiff, so deal with it and shut up."

All real things I've heard multiple times from multiple people.

I learned the "don't mention you're a virgin" thing the hard way recently. Merely mentioning I'm a girl in any respect online gets some guys to start begging me for nudes. Even guys who have never seen what I look like, and don't even know my name. Or "let me help you lose your virginity, camwhore for me." I don't live anywhere near you, and I'm not interested, so the point is moot.

>>13416
It's alright, Iz.

I just feel like...the part of me that wants to have sex/watch porn/buy a sex toy can't figure out why the part of me that doesn't want to is so scared. I've never been raped or molested, and while my parents were strict, I was never told I'd go to hell or anything for having sex, just that I was a slut for even thinking about it. I guess I'm still reacting as if my parents are here, even though they're not? I'm also sort of timid about being screwed over. I don't want to get in over my head over a person, only for them to fuck me and leave me.

>>guy tries to hand me a pamphlet explaining why abortion is wrong and why God loves unborn babies
>>tell him I'm not interested
>>sit there wondering why he even bothered, as I'm not pregnant or sexually active (and currently interested in a woman)

I like BDSM and crossdressing in my porn, but I hate when it's used to reinforce negative sexual stereotypes.

Stuff like "the smaller person in the relationship is always the submissive one", "all crossdressers are secretly transgender or gay", "crossdressers are always submissive," "one of them is always 'the woman' in a gay male relationship," "crossdressing alters your personality so you become sparkly and effeminate and pepper your sentences with 'teehee' even if you usually don't," "super-manly men never crossdress", etc. And it pisses me off, even when artists i love do it.

>>13456

Oh my god, I FEEL YOU. Not only are they negative stereotypes, but they're just so overdone that I'm bored by them. I've seen it all so often that I just don't even try, because I know it's all going to be the same stereotypes. Find me some BDSM with some switched up roles and we'll talk.

>>13457
Absolutely. Glad there's two of us out there. That's why I love Bottom!Heavy, especially when cross-dressing, because it's such a role-reversal. I think the only person who couldn't play switch in a BDSM relationship would be someone too meek to dom (but then again, maybe someone could train them? That'd actually be a cute smut comic idea.)

Someone needs to tell me why masturbating relieves my congested sinuses, because that makes absolutely no sense to me.

On the bright side, I may have found the cure for the common cold. And I had fun doing it.

>>when there is blood in your underwear and it is not your period

what do

>>13470
A quick google search tells me that this could be as minor as stress or changing hormones, or as serious as cancer. Not exactly helpful, I know, but if it were me, I wouldn't stress out over it without waiting to see if it was just a one time thing or not.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003156.htm
That's the website I checked, if you want to do some reading for yourself. There's plenty more harmless reasons for this to happen than serious ones.

>>13471
Thankfully, it turned out to be my period, but I'll check the link anyways just in case it does happen for real.

I should finally visit a gynecologist, I sometimes have long (several-hour) stretches where I don't bleed, and then I bleed a ton at once. Or intense cramps, but no bleeding. It's mysterious.

>>13472
Like, cramping when you're not on your period? That might be something to look into. I usually get cramps a few days before mine, though, so if it's like that, I'm sure you're fine.
The long stretches of no bleeding aren't unusual, though, especially if you sit in certain positions. My chair leans back particularly far, and I usually cross my legs when I sit, so often I'll have a pad on and virtually nothing will be on it, and then when I stand up, MAN THE FLOODGATES.
Still, if you're concerned about anything, it doesn't hurt to see a gynecologist and ask them. They'd know better than random people on the internet, in all likelihood.

>>13473
Yeah. Might be anxiety, too. That, at least, I'm getting checked out. The whole "never been to a gynecologist" thing is only because my mom honestly thinks gynecologists are for women who are currently pregnant. She doesn't go, to my knowledge, and she's preventing my sister and I from going.

>>13474
No offense, but your mother's an idiot, at least in regards to this particular topic. Gynecologists are often the only way that a woman can find out about certain cancers, regardless of whether or not they're pregnant. Obstetricians are for when a woman is pregnant. Often, a Gynecologist will double as a Obstetrician, but they're not mutually exclusive.

>>13475
No offense taken. I honestly didn't know myself until recently, but I think regardless of what, if anything a person does with their vagina, they should have it checked out.

I understand she's a very closed-minded person and doesn't like the idea of anyone poking anything up there, at least not until I'm married, but it's for health reasons.

>>13472
Glad it turned out to be your menses. As for this part:

>...intense cramps, but no bleeding.
Could be ovulation pains/mittelschmerz, maybe..? If you do find the pain happens approximately halfway between your periods, it could be that. Maybe.

Also echoing what Iz said about bodily positions affecting blood flow. It happens to me when sleeping, which makes me second-guess the "end" of my period in the mornings... lel

Buuuttttt you're going to see a doc so what I have to say about mysterious pains is probably moot

>>13477
Thanks for always being a sweetie, Mawaru. It'll probably take forever to convince her, I've been trying to for over a year already. Unfortunately. My periods have been really intense and painful since I first got them, and some of the women I know who I've told just said "oh, relax, you're just fertile, you don't need to see anybody". Which isn't comforting when you're not sexually active anyways and in pain.

It could also be anxiety, but anxiety's supposed to make your periods shorter, right? If anything, they've gotten worse.

>>13480
It depends. Anxiety does different things for different people. For me, I go through a period of basically clenching (everything feels tight and constricted- my lungs, my stomach, everything), and then a period of bodily relaxation, and then the floodgates open. Seriously, this is kinda TMI, but after every panic attack, I have like, diarrhea. Not fun.

>>13481
Pretty much this. I have diarrhea and constipation sometimes simultaneously. Or I feel like someone's sitting on my torso and I can't eat or breathe properly. Like I'm out of breath, but I've done nothing all day.

Reading reviews of stuff where the author explicitly showed or described a sex scene and people rated it negatively for the mere existence of porn

I understand there's people who don't want to see sex, and heck, there's a lot of time where I'm not in the mood for it either, and maybe books should have a warning for that kind of thing, but saying "how dare it exist, period" is really stupid

Even in my "I want nothing to do with sex right now" moods I still accept that it's a human thing people do and can be talked about in the right context with adult humans. Or something. IDK.

>>13498
There's a French film based on a comic book called "Blue Is The Warmest Color". It was slightly polarizing to some-- some didn't like how long the sex scenes were, some lesbians didn't relate to some of the lesbian sex in the film. Valid points, but there were others who said it was bad simply for having sex scenes in it period.

As much as I dislike 50 Shades, I've heard that same argument leveled against it. "It's not bad because it's bad porn, it's bad because there's porn in it, period. People should not be writing pornography."

Is there something wrong with disliking porn? No. Not at all. As I said before, I'm not always a fan of it myself. But I don't think its existence is a valid reason to dislike a work of fiction.

>>13505
I'll say this much, though: I have seen people on fanfic sites like AO3 that have put porn in their stories, solely so more people will read them (and yes, I know the people I refer to, and they have admitted doing this). The porn didn't belong, or came out of nowhere, or was just poorly written next to the rest, and they only put it in so more people would be drawn in. I think THAT is wrong. Not in the 'let's stop these people' kind of way, because everyone should be allowed to do what they want, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Just wrong in the 'this is not the right thing to think about when you are writing a story'. I think putting porn in is fine, so long as it fits in your story appropriately.

>>13506
Oh, definitely. I think that's why some people don't read porn, they think all fanfiction is porn (and porn they can't see the subtext for, but that's another issue). And there's definitely bad porn, "this wouldn't be seen as a healthy relationship irl" porn, porn randomly inserted into a story where it doesn't make sense, or when the author thinks they're mandated to have it. And none of those are a good thing. But it gets my goat, so to speak, when one of the commenters says porn as a whole, even consensual, safe, vanilla porn, is deplorable and has no place anywhere, in any context.

So, I just got my first girlfriend a few days ago. We've been friends for about three-four years and we always tell each other everything. Even before we were officially dating, we'd talk sex and I even helped her buy her first sex toys. The thing is, we're in a long distance relationship, which isn't a problem, but she's coming to visit during her spring break, March 15-22, and we may have sex. As a woman myself, I have no idea what to do. I mean, I've seen a lot of porn, but I know it's unrealistic. I also wanted to possibly try a strap on, but when I told her she said if I buy one to make it a small one, because she hasn't really used penatrative toys and is a little afraid.

>>13530
Just start out with kissing and work your way up to wherever feels natural. Giving head, fingering, scissoring, shared sex toys - you don't have to necessarily have penetrative sex to have sex. Lots of ways to scratch an itch.
And keep in mind that most people's first time together is usually pretty awkward and sometimes even awful. That's why second and third times exist! Because once that first time is out of the way, it can only get better.

All I want in life right now is to either jack off or eat some really greasy fried food and I can't do either.

I can't do the former for two more weeks. I hate surgery.

I've been getting a hard time about a couple of things lately:

* People share their sex lives very candidly with me, and get annoyed when I tell them it's TMI, I never asked for this information, I'm only interested in what me and my girlfriend will be doing in bed (which I will not be discussing with the third party). I keep getting dragged into convos with people and their seven significant others, and I feel uncomfortable and out of place, and the person who dragged me in just doesn't understand why. I've been called prudish because I get angry when people also send me porn out of nowhere.

* People trying to break me and my girlfriend-they've-never-met up, insisting she's done things wrong that she hasn't, and hook me up with a male friend I'm mutually platonic with.

* Citing my interest in comic books and wearing pants all the time as proof they need to help me come out of the closet and openly discuss being transgender-- I'm not. I've had transmale friends who love pink and flowers, and transfemale friends who love stereotypically masculine things. Hobbies do not say a goddamn thing about what you prefer to be in your pants.

* Having to explain why I don't like non-con, incest, pedophilia, and beastiality, and why this doesn't make me (in the other person's words) "delusional and out-of-touch with reality, because only someone who thinks fictional characters are real would care about their livelihood".

>>13530 here again. It's getting closer to the day my gf will be here. Anyone know of a good free how-to oral tutorial or something? I just don't wanna screw up too badly when/if anything happens while she's here.

>>13562
Don't:
Recite the alphabet
Try to do something different every 30 seconds
Forget the clit

Do:
Find a rhythm/spot that works and STAY ON IT.

>>13563
Not speaking from experience (well not this sort, anyway), and this may sound ridiculous, but do some tongue/lip stretches beforehand. You wouldn't run a race without warming up, right?

I should write some porn. Even if it's only because I have some atypical or semi-specific kinks I have literally never seen a single example of in any of my fandoms.

>>13594
Do it maget

>>get a lot of date offers
>>all from super skeevy, lonely strangers who live 5,000 miles away and only know/care that I have a vagina, nothing else
>>sister has a hot, wonderful boyfriend
>>she actively discourages a lot of his hobbies, the same hobbies she discourages me from having (comics, gaming)

I'm not going to mack on him, or tell him (or her) about this. It's dumb, and I want these feelings to go away. I think I only have feeling for him out of frustration for her bitchiness, anyways. Not a good reason to date someone.

Can I just say, thank god I have two boobs?

Okay, I'm at that age in my life (mid-twenties) where my boobs are kind of starting to suck. They're goddamn huge, for starters, and the past few years, they've gotten so damn lumpy (which I'm told runs in our family), that it gave me so many unfounded breast cancer scares at first, and generally, they are not fun, at all.

Now, tonight, I happened to peek down at my shirt, and proceeded to flip out, because my nipple looks like it's in a different spot. I panic about this, go to WebMD and google it for about ten minutes, and then I calm myself down, and look at my other boob.
Thank god, it looks exactly the same as the other, weird new nipple and all.

From what I can gather, the two pounds I gain every period are going straight to my boobs, and that's what's making them look weird.

So, yeah. Thank you god, for symmetry. If I had only one boob, I would be convinced I'd need chemo in the near future. But now anytime I think I have a weird lump, I just feel around on my other boob, and so far have always found the exact same kind of lump in the exact same place, so I know it's just fatty tissue. Hallelujah.

>>13641

Ugh, I'm nowhere near as bad as yours (I'm 22 with small and mostly painless boobs), but I've just developed a painful lump. Got it imaged and everyone's pretty much sure it's basically just one of those stupid nondangerous but obnoxious boob things (fibroadenoma + cyst. Getting a followup later this year just to be sure). And my mom had so many of those for her whole childbearing life to the point they stopped tracking them as they would freaking migrate all over the place. So it looks like I'll have many fun decades of painful lumpy boobs ahead of me. Ugh.

I read that boobs go through something similar to the uterus in how they all grow crap to prepare for a potential kid that almost never happens and then have to get rid of that crap, over and over. While the uterus straight up dumps that crap, boobs have to, like...kill off the cells and reabsorb their remains, and crap goes wrong and that's why they develop lumps/cancer.

why
why does this have to be a thing that happens
why does it have to be so stupid

Pic extremely related. Bread is boobs, Scout is me, Medic is my gyno (I wish), and tumors are literally tumors.

I hate looking in the mirror and not liking what I see, but I don't know what I want to change about myself. I don't even know if what I have is gender dysphoria, or going through a transition would make me feel any better about myself. Because I know a lot of what I'm angry about is internal, and transitioning wouldn't fix it. That, and I believe both binaries have awful, annoying things to deal with. Sometimes I wish I was just biologically agender.

I also feel stuck between being incredibly horny, and the prospect of actually having sex making me nauseous and frigid. So I know I'm not ace. I just don't know what I am. I used to identify as demisexual, but enough people complained that it "wasn't a thing", or "stop making up words for something most people do anyways," that I stopped. I just would feel so comfortable, so relieved if I could figure out what the hell I am.

>>13643
i had a friend who had the same feelings youre describing. they were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. you could look into that as a possibility.

>>13649
I really hope I don't, but I'll ask my psychiatrist. She's never mentioned anything more severe than anxiety and depression to me, though.

I think it may be more of an identity crisis, because I unfortunately have a lot of people trying to tell me who I am, and how they know me and what I want and need better than I know myself. For example, I haven't dated very often partially because I keep having male friends who go, "You know, I'd totally go out with you, but you're so flat-chested. You'd feel better about yourself if you got implants." And before they'd said that, I'd never even felt bad about being an A cup. And now I worry constantly about it. I have family encouraging me to be more feminine, classmates urging me to abhor makeup, lace, and cleavage-bearing tops because I'm "too masculine", etc. I don't feel like I have a choice other than trying to please everyone.

>>13650
I think the sex thing is an extension of that. I don't want to have sex until I feel I look and act adequate to what others desire. Otherwise I'm being haughty in desiring it. Being a victim of physical abuse doesn't help.

>>13650
Can I just say, if a guy flat-out says that he would date you if you weren't so flat, then that guy is a piece of shit and you can do better. Hell, you could literally throw a rock into the air and have it land on somebody better, in all likelihood.
I mean, people are allowed to have their preferences regarding boob size, but to actually say that, and to actually have it be the deciding factor in whether or not to have a relationship? Asshole. No other word for it.
If you are uncomfortable with your breast size, then it is completely within your rights to change it, but don't change for assholes like that, because someday someone who is an actual decent human being will come along and like you for you, regardless of your chest size, or your degree of femininity or whatever.

As for the sex thing, it's normal to be horny but not want to have sex. Myself, I'm a virgin, so there's that whole first-time anxiety thing to contend with, along with many other factors, both emotional and physical, and a lot of people are the same way. Sex is complicated, and messy, and, while it can feel really nice (I'm told), sometimes it's just not completely appealing. Now, if you were super horny but never wanted to fap, then THAT might be a bit of a conundrum, but it's perfectly normal to have sexual desires and not feel like acting on them with anyone.

>>13652
I don't fap, either, but it's partially because of low self-esteem, being unable to feel justified in getting aroused, and partially because part of the abuse was extremely sex-negative. I was instructed never to even think about sex until my wedding night, that premarital sex, or enjoying sex at all was gross and shameful, that if I watched porn, bought a sex toy, or even THOUGHT about sex, my mother would know, and that sex would be painful, that my virginity was extremely important, that the person who took it would most likely go on to manipulate or leave me, etc. Even if I sit in my room naked, trying to get used to it, I always get barged in on and told how disgusting I am.

It was weird, because I didn't even like the guys who said those things, at least not romantically, but they told me anyways. I don't even know how it came up. I think we were discussing what we were attracted to, and three different guys just said "You, but hotter." And when people do find me hot, I get uncomfortable, because it's for reasons like "You're so shy, and you've never flirted with me, you must totally want me." I won't lower myself to their standards, I promise.

I'm starting to have a problem where if I see a common subject or theme in fanart porn, and I never see the opposite (roles reversed), I get grumpy, and I can't get into it. Even if it requires a character to be slightly OoC for it to work that way.

A couple times, I've actually had someone write something based on my ideas, and it makes me feel worse, in some respects, because as nice as it is for them to do that, and as much as I appreciate it, it makes me feel like I'm being rewarded for whining that there's not enough big, submissive dudes taking it up the ass from men or women half their size and strength.

well, sex is pretty cool

So I've been carrying this shit for a while, may as well offload in the one place I feel safe enough to:

For the past couple of years now (wow, that long, huh) I've been made to feel guilty/bad/wrong for my interest and casual attitude towards sex and porn. Especially creating it myself. This comes from friends who claim to be asexual, and others who are just so fucking bitter about not getting any that they lash out at me. Or make rude/snide comments about my interest in it, always done in a roundabout way (eg: "I don't get why people are so obsessed with making characters fuck. I mean, why can't they just be friends. Friends who kiss a little, maybe"). Or state that porn is something only sellouts would do (even though they have later gone on to start porn collabs with other friends)

Congratulations, your bitching worked. I am now so nervous and feel so guilty whenever I have a good idea for a porn scene or risque image, that I am paralysed into inaction. No amount of self-counselling and trying to ignore these people has fixed it so far, but maybe time away from them will... It just sucks because they're good friends, but I'm not sure they realise what they're doing.

Maybe I just need more like-minded friends who also aren't creepy about it 'cause that's a whoooole other bag o' worms

>>13717
I did kind of notice that attitude from my ace friends. I love them to death, but when I'm trying to overcome a childhood with an intensely slut-shamey mother, and a simultaneous revulsion towards and intense desire to have sex, the last thing I need is someone who thinks no one should ever have sex, ever, including non-ace people, or worrying I'll lose their friendship if I even casually bring it up.

I refuse to believe Venture Bros. and Metalocalypse are about a decade old already.

No. Just...no. Stop making me feel so old.

>>13724
...I meant to put this in the media thread, shit.

I've been in several relationships, but I haven't slept with any of the people I've dated. I was either cheated on, stalked (not only by an ex, but also by a few people I turned down before dating), or broken up with because we had incompatible sexualities, or because they didn't get that I didn't enjoy being screamed at and told I was a fuckup constantly. I keep feeling like I was only being asked out because the person was lonely, and needed anyone willing to offer them companionship. It just made me really disgruntled.

I used to think I had a bara fetish, but I realize it's more that I was used to finding cute male characters who ended up being only 15-16 or so (see: anime, Japanese video games) and getting immediately turned off by their lack of legal age. With a 250-lb. bara with a huge lumberjack beard and rippling muscles, no way that guy hasn't gone through puberty eons ago.

I've heard a lot of people say recently that "sexuality is fluid," and "it's okay not to know what you identify as," but also that "sexuality isn't a phase".

But there are people who decide they're "no longer gay" or "no longer trans" (or alternately, "no longer straight"), and not in a "the church forced me into gay conversion therapy" kind of way. More in a "I just stopped being interested in this, or decided it wasn't for me" kind of way. Can someone even "stop being gay/straight" to begin with?

>>13730
Sexuality is fluid. Most people are going to experience basically the same sexual orientation for most of their adult life, but it's still very possible for people to experience changes (both long term and short term) in their sexuality at any point in their lives.

The aversion to calling sexual orientation a 'phase' is that more often than not the term is used by heterosexual cisgendered people to invalidate the coming-out experience of queer people (meanwhile heterosexual teenagers are almost never told that they'll "get over" their heterosexuality.)
Setting aside the hurtful double standard, though, the idea that somebody's sexuality should not be taken seriously because it might be temporary is in itself problematic. Yes, temporary changes to a person's sexuality can happen. So can long-term changes to a person's sexuality. It's kind of shitty to assume that you know which is which without actually experiencing it. It's really super-duper asswipe shitty to act like somebody's experiences doesn't matter unless it lasts their entire lifetime. From a psychological standpoint, if it feels real enough, it is real enough--always--and everything you experience, even if it's temporary, has potential to shape you in some way. I mean, that's kind of what life is about, yeah?


I don't know why I got off on that tangent. What I meant to say is, yes it's possible for your sexual orientation or gender to change, and that's okay.

>>13732
(I don't know if you're calling me shitty, or the people who say these things shitty.)

I don't think people "grow out of it", and I agree it's insulting to say that it is, or that people inevitably will, I was just curious to hear whether people who claim to "suddenly be straight" after years of only same-sex dating were dealing with internalized homophobia, or being disgruntled with same-sex dating, or something. Or whether that just sometimes biologically happens, without something triggering it.

>>13733
(I was calling people who say that shitty; you are a wonderful anon and I love you)

Probably best not to look for a one-size-fits-all answer. I've heard a lot of different 'reasons' from a lot of different people--some of which I believe and some of which I don't believe (but who am I to judge.) It makes sense because sexuality is such a complicated thing with all sorts of biological and psychological factors.

And remember there's a difference between -sexuality (wanting the D) and -romanticism (wanting to be in a relationship with somebody with the D.) For a lot of people, what they want in a relationship is different from what they want in sex, which sometimes puts their orientation up in the air if, for example, they like to touch penises but they want a relationship that they believe they could only have with a woman (or a particular person who happens to be a woman, hence the "I'd totally go gay for...")
Then there are also people who have sex for different reasons entirely, like, say, out of curiosity or because they have attachment issues or prejudices or any number of other hangups. Eventually those issues may subside or redirect and they end up converting.
And then there's plain biological changes.
And fetishes.
And religious extremists shocking your genitals every time you look at a picture of the opposite sex.
And Hugh Jackman.

But whatever their reasons are, its' their wee-wee and they can rub it wherever they choose, preferably without third parties discrediting them \o/

>>13734
I think what it is is this: Some people know what they are from Day 1. There are people who swear they were never once attracted to the opposite binary, romantically or sexually, everything is consistent.

And then there are people who are consistently one or the other or both in terms of sexuality and/or romance, but society, family, their own hangups, something's preventing them, and they identify differently than how they feel inside.

I don't know where to place those who just flip-flop, and claim they weren't influenced by anyone.

Is it true that you can be aroused by anything, regardless of your orientation? I was looking at some porn the other day (all kinds of gender combinations), and I think the fact that I was looking at sexual things was turning me on, not necessarily who was involved.

>>13738
You might just be bi or pansexual. Or the kink could be so strong for you that you're attracted to it being present, regardless of gender.

Heaven forbid I dislike a kink because it was forced on me by someone I had zero sexual or romantic interest in.

The fact that someone else likes it is more important than me politely asking them to tag it in a way that I don't have to see it.

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