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File 136476611452.jpg - (256.13KB , 853x937 , 9072_745e_853.jpg )
13162 US No. 13162
I was surprised the last thread held so many feelings.
Expand all images
>> AU No. 13163
I feel sad because it feels like this lovely gay-filled place is dying and I didn't do anything to contribute for years. And now it's too late.

>> BR No. 13165
I just wanted to make her happy.

I'm so useless and i'm tired of it.
>> US No. 13166
I don't want to be perfect, and I don't think it's possible to be, but I want to be good enough to be able to accomplish things. Get a job. Have a relationship that actually goes somewhere. Maybe have kids. Make my family and teachers happy enough just to not to always ask me why I'm not better. I just don't know how, or if there's a set way to know how.
>> US No. 13172
to my freinds sister: shut. up.

You know whats really fucking rude? Interrupting someone over and over again

this is not tumblr. quit repeating shit you read on there and form your own opinions


and quit getting worked up over nothing calm the fuck down

I hate you so fucking much i swear
>> US No. 13173
File 136523702414.jpg - (13.05KB , 300x200 , 126548120055.jpg )
It's really rare for me to dislike someone this much upon initially meeting them.

Don't get me wrong. I don't like people. But to take an instant dislike to someone I've never spoken to is always a bad sign. I generally...fuck, I don't know, sense? people fairly well upon meeting them--I am able to predict what they are like, if they are going to be a good friend, if they are a kind person. (The irony of this being if I think they're going to be a dick I give them a chance anyway, and when they shit on me and stab me in the back I get to look back and go 'well I guess I was right huh' BUT THAT'S FOR ANOTHER DAY)

This guy is an arrogant prick who's got his head so far up his own ass he can see his lunch. There's also something off about him that I can't place on top of that. So of course my friend likes him. Of course. And will she ever listen to me about anything? No. As usual. I've said my piece about him to her, and she doesn't want to listen. I won't push the matter any more, but I can't help but worry and be upset that even after all this time, she still tosses my opinions aside like they're shit. I understand it's her own life, but I'm the one who has to clean up the goddamn mess and watch her slog her way through shit. I understand that I can't change her, and if it's such a problem I should leave. I understand that ultimately, it's not my problem. I also understand that it pisses me off to no end and I'm really just looking to vent because fuck everyone.

God damn people and everything about them. God damn people like that guy, god damn people like my friend, and god damn people all over the world, because it's asshole o'clock somewhere, no matter where you are on the globe.

It's been a long week.
>> CA No. 13175
Theatre/film feels.

Okay, first off, I get to be in a production of 1984, and I get to play a hooker, so it's already shaping up to be a great month.

NOW I went to a casting call for a commercial, and I actually got cast as one of the background characters! AND I GET PAID.

I'm so ridiculously happy you can't even believe.

Also Sweeney Todd went great. I'll share some photos from it once I get the CD from our photo guy.
>> GB No. 13176
File 136527952765.gif - (937.52KB , 500x280 , 1359284032677.gif )
So pretty much my ex went super paranoid and started saying a lot of stuff about me that isn't true. Paranoia is such a bitch.
Have a puppy.
>> US No. 13177
You been screwing the milk man?
>> US No. 13179
File 13654487974.jpg - (38.57KB , 300x225 , 07.jpg )
Working 11 hour shifts at work starting at 4am really drains the fuck out of ya. Hopefully I am over the hill now. Follow up the shit from work with multiple let-downs from people you assumed were your friends in one night in your hour of need. Then follow that up with your projects not coming to fruitation.

No wonder why I am such a shitty person..

Learn from me. Don’t be like me and have unrealistic expectations of people. You know, things like honesty, trust, sincerity, humility. Those same basic things that all of humanity should have.. yet don’t.

Losing all the fucks left I could give, I broke my smoking virginity with a sweet cherry cigar. Hit rock bottom, baby. Rock-fucking-bottom.

I no longer have a heart left to give. What was left of it was destroyed a while ago. The best thing for me to do is just basic survival and turn into a monster. Maybe that'll make things more interesting.

If anyone would look inside me, they'll only find darkness.

I do still long for a man's touch, however, I've been doing well in keeping those feelings smothered. A little whiskey helps with that. Reminiscencing on my encounters which have all turned into shit also helps solidify my reasoning for staying single. There was one man whom I gave my heart out to the most, and despite the relationship being rocky, we still persevered and were happy. But at the tail end shit happened, with no one specific to blame, and we parted. But it still frightens me how fast the next day he let his feelings of love instantly die. Perhaps there is one person more of a monster than I am.

Feelings of love don't just die with time. People fall in and out of love all the time, but the people you truly care for, you'll always love them.

Enough talk. I resigned myself to drinking abhorrent amounts of caffienated beverages to help me deal with reality.
>> CA No. 13180
Finally settled in to the new place. I honestly cannot tell you how much better I feel. There are actually, you know, windows in this house. Light that isn't fluorescent. Space to move around. What the heck man.

I honestly want to study the psychology of what it does to a person to be stuck in a small space with no natural light. We had two windows in our apartment - one in the bedroom that had to constantly have the blinds closed because people would walk by and peek in, and one in the kitchen that faced our patio that had a seven food tall stone wall around it and a solid balcony above it.

The location of our new place is awesome, too. Right by the Orange Circle. Boyfriend and I walked to our favorite restaurant with our new dog the other day. Got a gluten free cookie for like $2 that had everything you could ever want in a cookie in it. I can also walk to a 100% gluten and dairy free market down the street. Could not be happier.

Parents moved about an hour a way over the weekend, too. I'm honestly glad to be much farther away from my mom. I don't hate her, but I need to be away from her toxic attitude. I found out during the move that she told ALL of her new church buddies about me being trans. She wants me to come up to LA and make friends with all of them sooo bad, but the fact that everyone knows makes me so uncomfortable that I don't even want to hear about them.

We are friends with one girl from that church, and she always tries to change the subject whenever my mom goes on one of her "I'm so supportive of my trans kid bla bla bla" rants. I also took her aside and asked if she would educate my mom a bit after I had to tell her that "tranny" is not an okay word to use and she tried to justify it by saying "Well, we're talking about tranny hookers!"

I keep trying to tell myself that I don't HATE her but whenever I think about all of this shit it starts to get hard to convince myself.
>> AU No. 13181
Life update:

i have accidently kids

2 of them
>> US No. 13182
You're not a shitty person, good people still exist if you know where to find them, and you will absolutely find love if you never stop looking.
>> US No. 13183
Don't give me that nonsensational hippy bullshit. Searching for love is a lot more work than what it's worth, and it's not worth my time and effort.
>> AU No. 13184
File 136547185662.gif - (676.46KB , 175x200 , big hat man looks on in a forlorn fashion.gif )
Where on earth did all these feels come from.

Grats on your new place

... twins?
>> US No. 13185
>unhealthy as hell habits even though it's the exact opposite of what you should be doing right now
swear to god Kumori if I could drive...
>> No. 13186
no, im just dating a single parent.

apparently i'm pretty good at this whole parenting dealio
>> No. 13190
Man, I hate people who thinks that "I like necrophilia" equals "I am a big supporter of the gay community".

It's as stupid as thinking that watching porn makes you a feminist.
>> US No. 13191
I am in no way a hippy. I'm merely trying to give you support. I know people who have been hurt and who have tried over and over and eventually find someone to be in love with who makes them happy.

I feel especially as someone who has done so much for this site I have liked for years that you deserve to be happy.
>> US No. 13193

I don't even know you, but now I want to march my frilly ass over there and pick you up from whatever's got a hold of you.

Feels related: bought a new dress, and my first lolita meetup is in two weeks. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.
>> US No. 13199
I just realized my romate has been stealing from me, and I have no idea what to do
>> US No. 13200
How major was the stealing? If it's just a little kleptomania over trival things, talking it out with them should be enough. If we're talking something like stealing money or expensive things from you every time they're left alone though, then it's time to find a new roommate and fast.
>> US No. 13202
I am so fucking sick of people using the Boston Bombing as part of the argument about white privilege.

People fucking DIED. This isn't the motherfucking time to sit there and bitch about the use of the word 'terrorism.'

"Oh, but if it was white people who bombed the place, it wouldn't have been called terrorism!"


Fuck Tumblr, and fuck those social justice assholes who have no fucking tact.

I am platinum mad right now, you just have no idea.
>> AU No. 13204
Welcome to tumblr. And people wonder why I don't really want to be a part of it.

To be honest, bombings everywhere are making me mad, especially since it seems the world isn't concerned with more than a few of them, and I can't do fuck-all to change anything. Everything sucks.
>> US No. 13205

Oh my God, really?

...So, the Oklahoma City Bombing was just a cute little muck-up then, was it?
>> US No. 13206
In a world where we already had Waco and Oklahoma City/Timothy McVeigh before 9/11 even happened, it honestly boggles my mind when people think all terrorists are Middle-Eastern. My dad was even trying to convince me McVeigh was an Al Quaida sympathizer, and that Oklahoma City was technically their fault.
>> US No. 13207

I know. People of all types are racist, and that's not right.

However, it doesn't give anyone a fucking excuse to use other people's suffering as a damn springboard.
>> CA No. 13208
So irritated with friends who don't make an effort right now.

Don't tell me you can't afford to bring food to the party and then show up with a bag of Carl's Jr for yourself. If you can spend at least six bucks on a large combo, you could have picked up a couple of sodas instead and just eaten the food here that was for everyone. But you'll probably eat that too anyway. Which I shouldn't let you.
>> CA No. 13209
... Not really feelings related, but for some reason the chan thinks I'm in Canada. wat.
>> DK No. 13210
Man, I'm so sick of the cosplay community.

Say something about fat girls cosplaying and people will be at you in an instant, telling you cosplaying is all about having fun and you shouldn't judge others.

But if you don't say something about people putting on makeup, to make an accurate cosplay of a character with another skincolor, and call them racist, then you are an asshole.


Also, how come it's always white ass girls scream about how something is racist, it's like they think they can just talk on behalf on everybody else.
>> US No. 13211

Okay, to be fair, I think theres a difference from making yourself a gray troll and putting on blackface to be demoman

blackface isn't cool guys. Lets use a little common sense here
>> CA No. 13212

Well, I'm kind of on the fence. Like... I've got the gut feeling that blackface is bad. But for cosplay, what shade does it become blackface? People wear darker foundation or tan themselves to be Hispanic/Asian/whatever characters, so where does it stop being okay???

I'm legitimately asking because I'm confused about my own opinion on it. Help.

And people better fucking call you out if you say something about a cosplayer's weight jfc don't be an asshole now
>> No. 13213
Why not? Who exactly are you offending? And why?

And if you're a white girl, without any black friends, now going "well, you are offending black people", how the fuck do you know?

I didn't mean to imply I make fun of overweight cosplayers, I would never.

It's just wired to me that in one case, cosplay is all about having fun, and in the other case it's not.

If you don't like what you see, turn your head.
>> US No. 13214

blackface feels like its making fun of someones race. Thats what it is, actually. It was invented specifically to make racist caricatures for vaudeville shows.


dude, you shouldn't make yourself look Asian or latino ether.

Guys, a white person making themselves look like a different race is really condescending and comes off like your making there race a costume.

You can make yourself a troll or whatever all you want cause they don't really exist and then it really is for accuracy but if your gonna be Demoman or Korra or something just leave your skin alone.
>> AU No. 13215
Sigh... and so the hipstr drama makes its way here.

Can we please not continue the race debate? I'm really sick of it.
>> US No. 13216
Tumblr, please GTFO. I love TF2chan, I don't want it to be ruined.
>> US No. 13217

Oh my god tf2chan

oh my god
>> US No. 13218
I'm considering wordfiltering "tumblr" back to "hipstr" again. Tumblr is full of nothing but poetic social justice fucktards. You can't say anything on tumblr without offending someone somewhere. It gets to the point where you have to cross-check what you're about to say to make sure it's politically correct, so you don't end up pissing off the wrong person.
>> US No. 13219

I just hate how condescending the social justice scene is to all involved. White people are evil and apparently minorities are babies that need their hands held.

You know, I actually talked to all of my coworkers about it (I'm the only white person in my workplace), and they all called it racist. Ironic, huh?
>> US No. 13220
File 136684524971.jpg - (50.77KB , 500x281 , 1562058778523.jpg )

I'm not gonna lie, I always snicker whenever I run across a social justice blog. The level hypocrisy is just too funny to anger me.

In actual feelings news, I am sad because I was rather horribly used by someone I trusted and thought was a good friend.
>> US No. 13221

I almost forgot this is a feels thread. Related:

Why, why, why is Sweetheart's dress taking so long to get here? Please don't be a scam. Please tell me I wasn't scammed.
>> US No. 13222
It's a shame that politics = Tumblr SJ stuff to a lot of people now, or that some think Tumblr is exclusively SJ blogs, which it's not. Many never mention politics at all. There is a point in which bringing up politics is valid, and which asking someone not to do something isn't being an uptight PC asshole.
>> US No. 13223

This is my two cents, and then I'm dropping the subject.

I don't think doing your makeup to match the skintone of a character is racist, whether you're making yourself darker or lighter, and here's why.

When people do that, they aren't saying: "THIS IS WHAT (race here) PEOPLE LOOK LIKE!"

They're saying: "This is what (specific character) looks like."

Obviously this doesn't apply to shit like blackface or greasepaint that looks nothing like human skin being slapped on, so don't even go there.

I've seen it done beautifully, and I hate seeing people who spend hours of time on professional-grade makeup jobs being screamed at for racism when racism isn't even there.

Even Disney face characters have to lighten or darken their makeup to match the character they're assigned to for the day.

Call me a racist, call me an asshole, I don't care. That's my view on it, and I'm sticking to it.
>> US No. 13224

See, this is kind of what I'm getting at. I honestly don't think its a tumblr thing, its just a basic social etiquette thing.

I see less tumblr social justice stuff here and more being angry cause I kind of reminded you of tumblr


but then people will figure out what your word filter means and then it wont matter
>> US No. 13226
My parents act like they're divorced, even though they're not. They don't speak to each other about anything, they constantly give me conflicting orders and advice, and they constantly call or text me behind each others' back to tell me things they don't want the other to know. In my dad's case, he constantly calls me while he's working.

Sometimes this works out in my benefit. My dad was always under the impression that I should never play comic books or video games, but my mom would take me out and buy me one every once in awhile if it was inexpensive. My mom's the one who trusts me enough to let me go to a comic book convention with friends in a big city, and who knows I've done well living on my own at college, while my dad treats me like I can't take care of myself or make any sort of decision, so he's forced to control me. Getting wildly different feedback on the same subject results in me being too stuck to make any decision at all.

I know someone I have added on Steam put it on himself to fix this, but he keeps asking a ton of questions I don't feel comfortable about, he keeps asking over and over, and nothing I've tried works so far.
>> US No. 13227
File 136728691070.jpg - (51.75KB , 613x736 , Mr_Cage_tho.jpg )
Sweetheart's dress is almost here.
>> CA No. 13229
Feelings: So close, yet so far. HHHUUUURGH.

Asking this here, because it's the only place anyone seems to go now.
I've managed to find the boatman, church guy, etc. files from Left4Dead2, but they're all in VCD format. Anyone know a way I can convert them to wav or MP3 or something? I've googled tons of shit, but so far none of it works.
>> US No. 13235
This 'chan is not a home~
This is not the board I know~
>> US No. 13236
What's wrong?
>> US No. 13237

Maybe my computer's fucking up, but I think the format changed.
>> US No. 13238
Format changed for me too.
>> US No. 13239
Kumori changed the wallpaper,so to speak.you can change it back to old-school tf2chan through the styles menu, upper right.
>> US No. 13241

Sweet, thanks.
>> CA No. 13242
Well, our run of 1984 is over.

I've never understood something.

Sunday: Load-in day. Ehh.


Wednesday: Dress/Student show. AHHHHHH. NERVES NERVES NERVES.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday: Run the show.


Jesus, no wonder non-theatre people think we're crazy. We fucking are!
>> US No. 13243
Lucky duck. Always wanted to do theatre, didn't get much of a chance.

Been wondering recently if there was a way to somehow contribute to stuff in the theatre scene, painting stuff or learning how to sew and fix costumes, it'd come in handy if I get to cosplay somehow.
>> CA No. 13245
Oh, we always have people come into our theatre company with no experience. Some act, some go into tech, and everybody seems to have fun.

If you're interested in costumes, I'd suggest going to help out with quickchanges, or just organizing them, at first, unless you actually know how to sew some. Then alterations, creating costumes- even small pieces like hats are a big help. A lot of costumes work is just finding the stuff, too, in thrift stores, or online, or by word of mouth from people's closets.

Props is ridiculously easy to get into, because nobody wants to do it. I will tell you this because I made the mistake:
If you have no experience in props, and someone asks you to head props, say FUCK NOOOOO. Seriously. So much stress.
Usually there's a props crew, though, and they always need lots of help, with finding things, building things- and depending on the show, it could be anything. I can personally say that I've had to decorate Christmas trees, build giant foam sandwiches, find an inflatable Loch Ness Monster, and learn how to make a rat vibrate, all for props.

Sets are fun to get into, too, but wouldn't do you much good for cosplay. Things always need to be painted and built, though, and as long as you can hold a brush or a hammer, they'll usually take you on.

Then there's the tech run side of things, like lighting, sound, and stage management, but I don't recommend jumping into those until you have more experience.

Best place to start, in my opinion, though, is running crew. One of the actors not on deck? Running crew goes to get them. Champagne bottle needs to be filled for the second act? Running crew fills it. Actress's flashlight needs to be on the other side of the stage? Running crew takes it there.
Simplest jobs, but absolutely essential, and a great place to start. You get to watch everything going on around you, and still be a part of it.
>> US No. 13246

Dude, I was a volunteer for the local high school for two years, and being in the running crew was the best. Dat feel when everything goes smoothly.
>> US No. 13250

Augh no I'm jealous too. I used to be in shows, but I just don't have the free time to dedicate myself to it anymore. And it makes me really sad because I absolutely LOVED doing it, but y'know, I can't just jump back into it with no free time and no social life within the theater. I have dreams almost constantly about getting into musicals again though.
>> CA No. 13251
I do like the feel when everything goes smoothly, but can I just say? Dat feel when something goes OH SHIT THIS IS TERRIBLE THE PLAY IS RUINED wrong, and you somehow pull a solution out of your ass in half a second and completely save the show... better than sex. Adrenaliiiine.

We're doing Annie next, and part of me is excited for auditions, but the other part of me is like 'Fuck this', because I hate the song they gave us. Easy Street. Fun ass song, don't get me wrong, but not much fun for an alto, the way it's written.
>> US No. 13253
File 136925676697.jpg - (35.34KB , 404x299 , workaholic.jpg )
I don't usually post feels, but screw it this time. Going to be vague on purpose because I think posting like this is very cheesy.

The end of my recent month-long bout of workaholicism has brought me to the revelation that I may have wasted a portion of my life trying to please others. I beleve all the time I have spent, my efforts and migraines involved may have all gone in vain. Although, it's a bit early to tell, we'll see what happens.
>> US No. 13254

Nothing like holding a mic backstage for someone who's singing back-up because the singer onstage fucked up their voice, while the backstage singer is changing. Good times.
>> US No. 13255
I'm just worried if I go, "Uh, sorry to bother you, I'd like to apply for a job backstage? I have zero experience sewing, building things, or really any job experience whatsoever-- would you please let me work on a play or two," they'll just laugh.

The cosplay comment was re: this video of a cosplayer who takes commissions using some kind of belt sander or something to smooth down a prop staff she'd made. I'd like to do that. I'm going to NYCC, and I'd like to cosplay, and I'm not sure how to start.
>> US No. 13260
File 136944942267.jpg - (87.55KB , 984x594 , manly_snow.jpg )
Odd weather today.

Feels related: for how long it's taking, these dresses better be the frilliest, fluffiest, most damn elegant clothes Sweetheart and I have ever worn, or so help me, I'll choke a bitch.
>> US No. 13262
File 136946741044.jpg - (14.22KB , 264x211 , 134827041161.jpg )
>>check l4d board
>>nothing but red text saying YOU ARE DEAD on black background

Jesus. I did NOT need that at 3 am. Does this mean the board will be deleted? I was always hoping it'd be updated more.

(Captcha: Gravesend Hadempu. No, hopefully nothing's being gravesent right now.)
>> SE No. 13263
>>13262 It's an overlay. Just click it.
>> No. 13265
(For the record, I actually live in the US.)
>> No. 13267
Why are you using Tor?
>> No. 13268
File 136953330554.png - (52.35KB , 500x411 , sus.png )
Toon, I noticed you have a different IP each time you post. Can you explain that and why you are doing so? For our peace of mind.
>> No. 13269
>>13268 >>13267
Absolutely, and I understand. I actually would really like to talk about this, because I would love to be able to use my normal browser on my normal network again.

I am indeed using Tor browser because that is the only thing that allows me to post on TF2chan with my own computer right now. It changes exit nodes pretty regularly, hence the IP address changes. I don't know if it's possible to choose and stay with a particular IP with it. I assure you I wouldn't be using it in the first place if I could load this site without it.

The last time I was able to connect and post normally was in this thread: http://tf2chan.net/cosplay/res/2646.html
Sometime after that (maybe a couple months later?), I tried revisiting TF2chan but couldn't connect. I assumed the site was down, so I waited a while before checking back every now and again when I remembered. By around December I wondered what was going on, so I checked the asktf2chanmods blog. The mods said the site was up, yet I still couldn't connect.

No matter what browser I use, if I try connecting directly to tf2chan.net, it will always time out. Nothing hosted on tf2chan.net will ever load, period - I just get an error message saying it timed out. Pinging tf2chan.net in the Windows command prompt gives timeouts every time as well. 100% packet loss. I think I tried doing a traceroute and a Wireshark capture and those pretty much told me the same thing: I can't reach the server at all. My computer knows TF2chan's IP address ( but that's about it. This is the only site I have this problem with - everything else works fine. And TF2chan worked fine for me before, as I've said. For some reason, I just cannot connect to TF2chan's server anymore from this specific computer...yet it works on other hosts on my network! (Let me say that using TF2chan via one of the other devices on my network isn't feasible for me, as I can't do crap with my phone, and I'm not going to commandeer someone else's computer to have DICKS EVERYWHERE.) I tried searching for answers and troubleshooting, but it got really frustrating, and nothing I tried worked. Until I found someone suggestion to use a proxy to reach the website, and lo and behold, it worked! So I ended up using that as a workaround so I can participate here at all.

(I told Cat about this stuff in Steam chat back in February. She said it was strange.)

Recently, I've started taking another crack at figuring out this underlying problem so that I might be able to use my normal config again. The most promising answer I found, so far, to the "specific website not working on specific computer" problem suggests the computer's IP was put on an IP band list which is blocking that address from connecting to the server. This appears to be server-side from what I can gather. They say this can be caused by connecting to the site via multiple computers on the same network or via different applications at the same time for an extended period of time, which activates a feature in the server to put the IP on the list and block it. I...guess this is some kind of DoS-type defense? As for me, I wasn't doing anything unusual in my TF2chan browsing habits or anything different than I do elsewhere, so I really don't understand what would cause me to be band listed by TF2chan's server. Also I'm not sure if this is the right answer because, if that's the case, I would think the other computers on my network would be blocked too, since everything going through my router has the same public IP. Additionally, I think I would have had dynamic IP reassignment(s) in the many months I've been cut off from TF2chan. (Yet I still can't get through.) I don't know. Someone on a forum somewhere said to try contacting the site owner to remove the computer's address from the list, but the OP gave up and left, so I have no idea how that goes.

Kumori, if you (or anyone else around here) have any idea about this, it would be wonderful. The only responses I've gotten from talking to real people so far were pretty much "that's weird," "I dunno," or "your computer has AIDS" (actual answer. How helpful, my dear friend). I'll keep trying to hack away at this as best as I can. It's just...really confusing and tiring.

I hope that you can believe I don't intend to cause trouble. I just want to be able to visit this site.
>> AU No. 13270
Do you have Hamachi installed? It can cause problems with routing the network
>> AU No. 13271
that was originally the intention

as far as im concerned theres no reason to keep it, buit on the other hand theres no real reason to get rid of it
>> US No. 13272
Can we meet in IRC or add me on Steam so I can help you out?
>> CA No. 13273
If we do get rid of the board, can we at least make sure the threads in there get moved to Video Games or something? I'd hate to see them all get deleted, especially when I got some decent art from there.
>> US No. 13275
I feel a bit frustrated because I can't give myself a break. I've set such an unrealistically high expectation for myself that i can't stop and pat myself on the back for the achievements I've already accomplished because I'm worried that I'll fall behind some imaginary timeline. I keep working myself until complete burnout and then berate myself when I can't work up my motivation.
>> US No. 13276
Yes, actually. I installed it once, couldn't get it to do what I wanted, uninstalled it, and then right after I uninstalled it, a different friend wanted me to reinstall it. We couldn't get it to do what we wanted that time either, but I just left it installed despite not wanting/needing it anymore because I had the stupid feeling that as soon as I uninstalled it, I would have to reinstall it again. I'll gladly uninstall it right now.

Sure thing. I've never used IRC before, but I definitely know how to use Steam!
>> US No. 13277
File 13697470955.png - (5.14KB , 457x189 , SUCCESS.png )

I looked up the info on Hamachi's 5.x.x.x issues and everything makes sense now. Hamachi routed 5.x.x.x stuff to itself back in the day when 5.x.x.x wasn't being used, but it is now. TF2chan moves to a 5.x.x.x server, Hamachi eats the connection henceforth.

I first tried simply changing the one setting to "IPv6 only" like Hamachi's forums suggested, but that didn't affect anything. I tried updating Hamachi, but my installation was all borked up (the updater msi package was missing) so it would neither uninstall nor update. I used a cleanup utility which removed...part of it. Then I installed a new version of Hamachi in the hopes I could use that to uninstall it the lazy way. ...It still didn't actually uninstall (and the new installation doesn't work right either), but TF2chan works now! This is great! Thanks so much!

I wonder how many other users this affects. I've seen some other people in the ask blog and elsewhere say they couldn't get TF2chan to work lately like me, and I wonder if they have the same problem. Could we get word out that this might be a common problem?
>> US No. 13278
File 136976840350.jpg - (37.81KB , 400x295 , tumblr_comment_low-400x0.jpg )
We've removed the Ask blog because it's stupid to have people inquire there, so the hipstr tumor was cut off.

If users have a problem or want to talk about something, they ought to talk about it on TF2chan where it belongs instead of a third party application (we can't help people outside TF2chan). What's on the Chan stays on the Chan. I do not support third party applications attached to the site as they also direct traffic AWAY from the site and make people even LESS connected to each other, so removing the Ask blog was the right thing to do in order to keep traffic and inquiries where they belong - on TF2chan.
>> CA No. 13280
What do we do if the chan goes down and we want to ask a question about why the chan is down?

Also feelings: I just discovered Lucky Star. Holy crap. It's like my life, if I were a Japanese schoolgirl with blue hair.
>> US No. 13281
Oh. Well...that was the only way I was able to get any sort of news from the chan when I couldn't connect to the site, and how I learned it was some problem on my end I had to figure out. I meant that if other people have this problem, they wouldn't be able to see anything written here because they can't load the site in the first place.

Does this mean you're going to delete the ask blog / stop using it? Or are you just not linking to it from here? Because I do think it has its uses, especially in cases the site is down.
>> No. 13283
any news when the site's down,one of us mods will post something in the tf2chan tag on hipstr. I know I've done so before the ask blog...
>> US No. 13284
For news about the site being down, use IRC or visit the Steam group (what do you think we have them for?). I would like to refrain totally from using the Ask blog. If I could delete it, I would.
>> No. 13287
Someone should explain IRC to me, because I have no idea what it is.

Also, don't you need to be invited to join the Steam group? I think I tried to join a while ago (long while, though) and I couldn't.
>> No. 13288
The Steam group is open to the public. :)
>> US No. 13289
I seriously have no problem with people who smoke weed. However, if you do, please don't pile your fucking dogs into your bed and light op a bowl.

We had to take Sweetheart's ma's dog to the vet. She has a tumor in her throat that has to be biopsied, and it might be cancer.
>> US No. 13290
After about a year, I've started kicking my art block to the curb. It feels pretty good.
It's also nice to have my drawings lumped into the actual fanart boards instead of workshop, even if it's just because of the latter's deletion, haha.
In other news, I have a co-worker who's a stand-up person. However, they're either slow to learn, never do learn or forget what they have learned and it generally feels like I'm working for two just fixing their mistakes; that's assuming that they don't call out do to personal illness or their children being ill.
In other-other news, I seem to be making friends as well as being able to hang out with my old buddies more often. Feels good.
>> CA No. 13291
That moment when you think 'Hey, I like Supernatural, and I would like to do 1 on 1 roleplays with it! That could be fun!' and it turns out that everyone in the visible fandom is a fangirling moron.

Plus RPing would involve me having to interact with people, and talk to them.

Why haven't we invented roleplay robots yet?
>> DK No. 13292
About 4 years ago I started playing TF2.
I was a big noob back then, with no online gaming experience at all.
On a random server I met this really nice English guy, who added me as a friend and thought me how to play the game.

In the following 2 years, we would play together almost everyday. We had lots of fun, And I got pretty good at the game.
Then one day, he didn't log on.
For a whole month he was gone, and when he finally logged back on, I asked him why he had been gone for so long.
He told me that he was terminally ill, and had been in the hospital, he then confessed to me about a lot of personal problems he had been having in the past few years.

From then on, we never really played, we just talked. He would always say that it made him feel so much batter, having a friend like me to talk to.
I never really wanted to leave him, but whenever I had to, he would say "ok, bye, you be good now".

Sometimes he wouldn't be on for days, and I would hold my breath, thinking he was gone. But he always came back on, and we would talk about everything and nothing.
It was like that for more than a year, and everyday I wished I could just pack my bags and go to England to help my friend, but he would always tell me to stay where I am, and don't go.

Then one day, he didn't log on.
Today his account says "last online: 364 days ago".

I feel sad. :(
>> US No. 13293
File 13704974409.png - (84.43KB , 288x321 , Screen shot 2011-02-12 at 4_09_00 PM.png )
"yo it's 1 am I must be lonely lol"
>>wait, who is this
"YO MAMA no this is jay"
>>wrong number
"are you high"
>>no, I don't know you, you have the wrong number
"if you're trippin', seriously, I'll tell so-and-so you don't remember him"
>>no, I don't know you, who do you think this is
>>I've had this number for three years
"aw shit sorry, have a good night"
>>have a good night

at least he (?) was polite at the end

other things other people have said after accidentally calling me: repeatedly calling back and asking if I was the same person I already said I wasn't/had never met (this was mostly bill collectors, which worried me the first time), asking me to put person I said I wasn't/don't know on the line, calling our house and asking my mother if she was the cleaning lady for person she said she/I/nobody we knew wasn't

it's nearly 2 am and I am way too tired for this shit
>> AU No. 13296
File 13705891202.gif - (391.13KB , 245x278 , feels.gif )
I know these feels.
Had a really great friend, who lived further south in the country. She disappeared from the internet after I'd known her for about 8 months. A year or two later, remembering the good times we shared, I did a Google search to see if I could find anything about her. Her dA page was updated with a journal entry about "something terrible" that had happened, signed off by a family member of hers. Not sure if a troll hacked her account or what, I did some more Googling and found an article dated around the time she disappeared. Apparently she was in a boating accident and went missing. No idea if she's been found or if she's even alive... and if she is, does she still remember me and our little group.

...Aaaand that's why I like to get to know people beyond just Steam or whatever - if something happens to either of us, how would we know?
>> CA No. 13298
I am happy.

I auditioned for a voiceover project for the first time in 4 years (I think. Might be 3, might be 5), and I actually landed the part, and it's one I'm excited about.

I'm not getting paid, but still, it's gonna be fun!

And now angry feels:

Okay, first, quick pre-bit for those without medical backgrounds. Human beings have blood. Sometimes, that blood comes out of our body, in a process called bleeding. To stop the bleeding, tiny little cells (named thrombocytes) in our blood clump together, to form clots. This is called coagulation, and the cells that do it are called coagulants. Any substance that stops this process is called an Anti-coagulant.

My teachers are dumbasses. On our final exam review, they have an answer written out for us. "Know the anticoagulants in the blood: Heparin, Thrombocytes, and platelets."
Now, Heparin IS one, but Thrombocytes and Platelets (which are the same thing, with different names) are COAGULANTS.

When I tried to tell my teacher this, she told me I was wrong. When I told her that this information is in our textbooks, then she told me it was wrong. When I told her I asked my mother, who has worked as a medical labtechnologist in the blood bank for more than 20 years, and SHE said it was wrong, she called my mother wrong.

UM, if my mother didn't know the clotting agents of the blood, I'm pretty sure someone would have corrected her by now, otherwise we'd have a lot more dead people in that hospital.


She keeps calling it 'SITE-oh-lo-ghee'. 4/10 words are mispronounced in this class because of her. Things get called Atrial 'fiber-lation', Myocardial 'infraction', etc.

Seriously, my teacher wouldn't know a vulva from a Volvo. How she got this job is beyond me.
>> IT No. 13299
File 137065124670.gif - (494.83KB , 500x271 , robin-llorando.gif )
To the feels train.
I knew this girl form a site, we talk a lot for like 5 months. Then an night i said: "don't drink at the disco ;)". Where she lived appeared an incident which caused the death of 10 people. close to the disco.
After 5 years i still get the message "i'll be fine ;)" on last conversations on MSN.

I should really need some IRL friends.
>> AU No. 13303
After a two hour long traffic jam on the highway coming home today, we finally passed the cause of the jam - a 4-way fatal car accident. One of the vehicles was squashed in half, sideways. The driver most certainly died from such an impact.

That was the third car accident/aftermath I witnessed up close this trip.

All I can think about are the self-obsessed fuckwits trying to squeeze past the incident, breaking away from the jam well above the speed limit to make up for "lost time". Or how one of the earlier accidents I witnessed happened because someone threw a bottle of glass at a passing car. Or the completely disinterested woman standing by her virtually unscathed 4WD as her husband talked to the poor owner of the half-squashed car the 4WD's bullbar completely wrecked.

I don't even know why I'm reporting this here. Completely insignificant drivel in the grand scheme of things.

I.. just... fuck, I need to do some yoga or something.
>> US No. 13305
File 137134958447.jpg - (15.68KB , 380x300 , smug.jpg )
When you have no more fucks left to give. You are left with nothing but absolute calm, jimmies can never be rustled.
>> US No. 13306
Well, Sweetheart's ma's dog has cancer.

And she refuses to get her treatment, and she's also refusing to have her put down.

It's fucking CANCER. In her Goddamn motherfucking THROAT.

Obviously, I can't do anything, because I'm almost broke what with trying to save up to get out of this smelly, cluttered hellhole, so my hands are tied.

Fuck, I just hate this bitch so much.
>> US No. 13307
Time to put matters into your own hands and give the dog a bullet to the forehead. It's better than letting it suffer for the rest of its life.
>> US No. 13308

I'm seriously considering taking her to the vet to have her put down. Unfortunately, laws where I live wouldn't let me do that, since she isn't my dog.

This woman freaks out when I clean around the house, so you can bet your ass she'd have me arrested if I were to shoot her dog.
>> US No. 13309
Having the dog put down should then be her job, not yours since it's her animal. You could have the woman arrested for letting the animal deteriorate and suffer. Depending on laws where you live.
>> US No. 13310
I hate every single time I get asked why I don't have a car (Bikes, walking, and public transportation work much better for me, thank you very much), I hate every time I have a conversation with my parents how it turns to "What's your major gonna be?" Maybe I don't want to go straight to college? But of course I don't have enough spine to tell them that, or to get my ass out of the closet, because then I'll get my ass kicked out.
>> US No. 13311
Lately I have been bothered by another bout of something that has been a recurring issue for as long as I can remember. At the risk of seeming like one of "those people", the best way I can think to describe it is that I just keep feeling like I am not human. I know I am human, I do not believe I am really some kind of animal or anything, I just feel wrong, like nothing fits. I always have felt this way, and I could never understand why. That's a big part of what bothers me, not understanding myself. Maybe I am just a bit crazy, that would be an acceptable reason if I could prove it. I do not like feeling like I am not what I am.
>> US No. 13313
I feel that way too, Anon. I live in America, but I've never felt ties to it in particular, nor do I feel ties to the lands my great-grandparents grew up in, because I've never been there. I feel too gay to be straight, too straight to be gay. My interests are too scattered to be 100% devoted to anything. I don't want to be human, but I don't want to be any other species, either. Most people feel like this at some point.
>> CA No. 13316
Yessssss. Got my period today, so I won't have to deal with it at the convention next week.

Thank you, uterus. Keep on rockin' dat cycle.

Also, yeah, going to my first ever convention (on my birthday, no less), and I'm super pumped.
>> US No. 13317
I feel nervous because I want to post my own fan art and porn here but I'm so used to drawing in a rather odd art style (in my own way) that it's going be hard for me to break out of that habit.

See, one of my favorite artist is a Japanese artist called Junko Mizuno who is known for an art style that's considered "Powerpuff Girls on Acid" and ever since I found a copy of her Hansel & Gretal comic (which i own) I wanted to do some fan art in her style of some of my favorite characters (video game or otherwise).

Mind you, I'm still a big fan of her work, but there's a time and a place for everything, right? So yeah, It may be a while until I have something I can post here that isn't manga related (I'll save that stuff for Sparkledog Central).
>> AU No. 13318
Frak yeah Junko Mizuno. I have her Hell Babies and Princess Mermaid, they're great.

There is no problem with developing a strong style. Not everyone has to do classical renditions of the mercs in excruciating detail. However, you'll have to know the rules before you break them. Using 'style' as an excuse to not learn anatomy, believable exaggeration, colour theory, lighting, gestalt, etc. is under no circumstances acceptable.

With Mizuno, she has clearly abandoned anatomical accuracy and realism in search of perfecting her work's gestalt. That is, she doesn't just have an iconic way of drawing people, but also works everything on the page into a unified design (look at how she uses decorative elements to lead your eye around the page).

The lesson here is: Don't go developing a super-deformed style of art unless you know how to make everything work for you. Otherwise it does make you look lazy and like you're hiding behind your 'style'. Learn the basics, then pare them back to what makes you happy. Keep trying, and get feedback as much as possible.
>> US No. 13319

Are you going to cosplay?
>> CA No. 13320
I am! I'll be cosplaying fem!Nick from Left4Dead2. Had lots of fun dirtying it up. First time cosplaying, technically, but I've been in theatre for 10 years, so walking around in blood-covered costumes isn't too new to me. Should be fun. I'll be sure to post pictures of me in costume when we get back.
>> US No. 13321

FFFF, that sounds awesome. I hope you have a good time. :)
>> US No. 13322
Found a roach in the silverware drawer. Not a happy camper. I'm hoping they're just coming in because it's hot as hell and our house isn't too well "sealed up" from the outside, because I really thought we were being very clean in this house. The sink never gets full of dishes and the trash never sits around so who the hell knows why they're in here. I just hope a few roach motels will take care of them.

Things have been going pretty swimmingly besides that though. We're currently living entirely off of the interest from my inheritance. I don't care that my boyfriend isn't helping me with bills at all right now, because the money we're using for them is literally just spawning right in front of me. I thought for sure it would be going down, but it actually went UP $40k in the last year even spending $2~3k a month on rent and bills.

... I also feel really terrible bragging about that at times, because it could be so useful to so many more deserving people. But I guess I should also point out that when I gain full control of it (not until I'm 21 - I'm currently getting whatever smallish amounts I ask for from my uncle), a lot of it is going into charities. I'd honestly really like to offer some sort of LGBT shelter or pharmacy in Orange County... I know so many people that have to travel up to LA (myself included) for their LGBT services, and for some, it's just not possible. I'd really love to be able to make something helpful and more accessible. People don't seem to think that the LGBT population in OC is very big, when in reality it's freaking huge.
>> CA No. 13326
Went to my first convention on my birthday weekend, and had the best time. Struggling not to spam a million smiley faces right now.

And I got to meet and hug the guy who was Light on Death Note. And he gives good hugs. I was very happy.
>> CA No. 13327
And I got my job placement and it doesn't suck! In fact, it's great! Woohoo!

I've been happy dancing all day.
>> US No. 13328
I often worry that there's nobody enough like me for me to be able to make close friends. I've been getting a lot of "Oh my God, shut up about [x], Anon, nobody knows what you're talking about, or cares", or people who won't even acknowledge me because I've never seen/read/watched [y], or something like that.

It feels really childish and stupid, but it scares me.
>> US No. 13330
Well if they were too much like you, that would be boring, no? Do not need another person to talk to yourself. Just be ever vigilant for anyone that does anything remotely interesting around you and do not be afraid to talk to them.
>> CA No. 13331
>Go picking strawberries last summer
>Get hives all over my legs
>Go picking strawberries today
>Think I'm smart by wearing long socks, so I won't get hives
>Get hives all over my arms instead.

>> US No. 13332
File 137322055728.jpg - (65.68KB , 800x1155 , oyasumi-punpun.jpg )
It's a really weird feeling when you go back to places that you aren't a part of anymore. It's weird, seeing names you haven't seen in months, years.

I have a big melancholy for this place, and for a lot of the memories I've had here. I don't know how to describe it, but it makes me happy and sad.

I think I just miss people, miss having more friends. That's all.
>> US No. 13334
Finally sent my mom a letter about her behavior. Told her I'm not tolerating her outing me to strangers or treating me and my boyfriend like shit anymore.

I'm not looking forward to her response, but y'know, I've gotten it off my chest now and out in the open, so I've done all I can do. How she chooses to respond will decide whether or not I choose to speak to her anymore.
>> US No. 13335

Hey, sometimes you just have to cut toxic people out. I don't mean throw her to the curb, but for God's sake, you're an adult, and just because someone's your family doesn't mean you have to let them treat you badly.

My dad's birthday's the day before mine. I'm going to get shitfaced so I don't think about it.
>> US No. 13336

I just got a response from her. The first paragraph was this seemingly sincere thing about how she loves me, and then... went straight into blaming me and my boyfriend for a bunch of shit. She never really apologized for anything she did and turned everything around on me to tell me how things I did hurt her instead.

A lot of "that never happened," or "I don't understand why you feel that way" or "I'm confused by this," and a lot of "Yeah I did do that" with no apology.

She wants us to all go to therapy as a family, which is something we've already done. Therapists have told us that my parents each need to come in separately for their problems and that I don't need to be involved.

I don't even really know how to respond at this point. Like should I just cut her out completely or what??
>> US No. 13338

I couldn't tell you. If it were me, I'd just up and not talk to her anymore, but then, I've never had a healthy relationship with my mother. Sorry I can't be more help.

Maybe one day she'll realize she's being shitty to you, but until then, it might be best to at least cut her out of your life to where what she does or says doesn't effect you.
>> US No. 13342
File 13735871561.jpg - (124.75KB , 455x453 , solly-tragic.jpg )
I went through a lot of stress and harassment when I was younger, and it's been really hard coming out and talking about what happened. Most of what I've been getting in response is claiming I'm a liar or attention whore, or people saying "Child abuse doesn't exist! My parents are awesome! If your parents beat you up, you must be a selfish, whiny piece of shit!"

It makes me never want to say anything to anyone ever again.
>> AU No. 13343
I feel ya. Gotta love being told "It's all in your head", or better yet "At least you had a roof over your head/food on your plate/and money in your pocket/you can't complain because there were so many people worse off than you." Surprise surprise, abuse can come in all kinds of sugary-sprinkle-coated combinations! In my case, it was emotional and verbal

Your situation might be different, but I quickly found out that the best and only people who need to hear that stuff are my psychologist and fiancé. 'Friends', people I otherwise trusted, or even acquaintances whom I thought telling my story to might help with the current conversation... ehhh, never again.

It's not a matter of hiding oneself, but asking yourself "Will letting them know really bring us closer together? What is the probability they won't understand and do I want to deal with that?"
>> US No. 13344

I know that feel, anon. "Oh, just be grateful your mother even let you stay with her!" Yeah, the beatings and constant verbal abuse, as well as the destruction of shit that I worked my ass off to buy, was really something to be grateful for.
>> US No. 13346
Thank you, both of you. I'm sorry you dealt with that, you deserve better. Stay strong, okay?
>> CA No. 13347
Question for the doctors out there.

Okay, so I have GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease), and I've been on a variety of Proton pump inhibitors for about 15 years now, most of my life. Since my GERD's been getting better, my doctor told me to start weaning myself off my meds. So far so good, get a little heartburn now and then, but nothing too bad.

HOWEVER, I've all of a sudden gained like 15-20 pounds in just a few months. I haven't been eating any more than I normally do, or exercising any differently (not that I exercise much in the first place). My weight's normally been crazy-steady, only gaining and losing 2 pounds once a month, right before my period. And honestly, I eat like a bird. Rarely eat breakfast, and I eat healthy shit like salad, rice, fresh veggies, etc.

Now, I'm also hungry all the time, I'm guessing because my stomach now realizes how empty it is, even after I've eaten plenty of food.

So, has my metabolism gotten fucked up or something now, because of going off my meds?
>> IT No. 13348
I'm not a doctor but i gotta say a word of mine.
Probability of an side effect of medicine is pretty high but there is also a chance that your stomach is becomed better at digest food (Which means more energy and pounds from food and don't waste iy to the toilet)
it's probably a bullshit of mine
>> No. 13350
From my brother, nursing student:
"From some research studies have associated long-term use of PPIs with weight gain. But nothing about sudden weight gain when stopping. She should see a doctor and ask them (this could be the onset of some kind of thyroid problem or something, or 1 million other things)."
>> CA No. 13351
I've got an appointment to see my doctor soon anyway, for a prescription refill (I'm not full-out stopping my meds, just sort of staggering them, taking them every third day, on his advice), so I'll ask him then. My mom has hypothyroidism, so that is a concern, but I have literally no other symptoms, except weight gain. No sluggishness, no depression, no anything. I just got a little bit fatter.
>> AU No. 13352
I, too, know your plight. Though my reflux mostly triggered by my anxiety disorder. I feel for you, bro

I haven't suffered any weight gain, but I can tell you about the hunger feeling! I use PPIs when my reflux is especially bad, often for a few days straight, but there have been times I went on for over a month. Every time I have come off them, I have felt hungry/like there is too much acid in my tum and not enough food. After it happened the second time, I got the hunch this feeling is because my stomach isn't used to having as much acid in it, and it would be exponentially worse when I had been on the PPIs for longer/gone longer with less acid and grown more used to feeling that way. 

Eating carefully and cutting out acid-triggering foods (garlic, onion, tomatoes, anything spicy, meat and dairy which I don't eat anyway etc), plus managing my anxiety, helped me get through those times. (To this day, I still can't have those foods except on occasion, and even then I'll be paying for it afterwards)

My dad also suffers from reflux - I think it might be actual GERD - and after seeing him stay on PPIs most of my life, I didn't want to be the same. He told me the reason he stayed on them was that he couldn't be arsed making the effort to watch his food... Oh, dad.

Anyhow, best of luck seeing your doc! And just know it's fine to fall back on PPIs or chewable antacids when it gets really bad, just long enough to control it
>> US No. 13353
Posting from my 3DS.

It is really REALLY hot. Sheltering in the basement. There was a blackout at work today and fire in town from the heat.

On another note. Sometimes I am even amazed by my moderators.
>> US No. 13354
Sweetheart's parents listened to us and had the oldest dog put down yesterday; his tumor broke open and there was nothing they could do. It's sad, but at least he isn't in pain anymore.
>> US No. 13355
I have reflux from time to time too, but it's doing the opposite-- preventing me from eating. I think it's a combination of the reflux and my anxiety. My throat clamps up, and I get nervous and feel nauseous. I've lost too much weight, and I feel sick on a daily basis. I'm seeing a psychologist, but my dad's gotten furious of late because she hasn't "fixed" it yet.
>> <html>
        <ti No. 13360
File 137488915342.png - (118.44KB , 292x252 , tumblr_inline_mhy3jccWFJ1qz4rgp.png )
>> if I call my parents and siblings out on intentionally trying to make me feel guilty, idiotic, clumsy, like a black sheep, etc. every time they talk to me, I'm the villain, not them
>> if I defend myself or get angry I'm apparently psychotic
>> if I tell them I don't feel well I'm apparently a liar
>> if I have friends they tell me they're all drug addicts and sluts and manipulators and I shouldn't talk to them
>> if I try to apply for a job I'm told I'll just fail and get fired

I wish I knew what to do, and how.
>> <html>
        <ti No. 13361
I am so ready to just be done with my mother and cut contact completely. Even after calling her out on everything, she's still making passive aggressive facebook posts and bugging the shit out of me to come visit her and talk to her every five minutes like some obsessive ex. I honestly just don't feel like she's ever going to be anything but toxic to me. But how the fuck does one just cut their parents out of their life entirely? She said she'd try to get better but so far I'm seeing zero attempt and every time she texts me or messages me on facebook I'm just overcome with a wave of stress.

And it's also been drilled into my head since I was tiny that I'll be an idiot up until I have kids so I have this lingering, nagging feeling that I'm just "being 21" and if I cut her off now I'll regret it in the future for some reason.
>> AU No. 13369
File 137603107462.png - (191.86KB , 500x375 , my scoob sense is tingling.png )
Lost one friend recently, and watching all my other friends drift away without looking back is kinda making me wonder if I'm the common denominator here. Though for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is that I've done.

How does I people again?
>> US No. 13370
File 137603135555.png - (134.51KB , 639x350 , bravoman.png )
Same here. Apparently I scared someone off because I was "too nice" to them. Why do people assume everyone who acts friendly either has ulterior motives, or wants something from them? Maybe all I wanted was a friend.
>> CA No. 13373
I'm torn on whether or not to post my new TF2 fic on here once I'm done with it.

On the one hand, I think it's pretty good, and I'm usually a fairly decent judge of my own work.

On the other hand, vaginas. Lots of vaginas. Vaginas everywhere.

The chan does not have the best reputation for accepting fanfic vaginas. I worry that the vaginas will overshadow the fact that it is a decent piece of fiction.


And in case anyone's wondering, I'm not talking about 1 or 2 vaginas. I'm talking about... 83, I think, in total.
It's a long fic.

Also, when I first tried to post this, I got an error, and the dicks were flying across my screen. The irony was not lost on me.
>> US No. 13374
As long as it's clear what the readers are getting into from the get-go, perhaps in a foreword or something, I don't think there should be much of an issue, if any. Just don't tease for five chapters at possible man/man rumprustlin' and then surprise everyone with the straight stuff, y'know? (On second thought, that'd be kind of amusing to see.)
>> US No. 13375
I'm bi, so I'm always up for ladyfic or bisexual threesome fic. (I'm still waiting on one with Medic/Heavy/Makani's Fem!Medic. Anyone? Beuller?)
>> CA No. 13376
Nah, this is pretty straightforward 'there will be lots of vaginas' within the story itself, but I'll be sure to mention it in an author's note at the beginning, too, just in case people don't wanna read straight porn. It'll be a good place to mention that it's basically porn held together by a plot thinner than a twizzler, too.

Still well written, too. Just well written PWP.

Welp, if I end up getting tarred and feathered for it, I'll be sure to hide behind your skirts, Ashe.
>> DK No. 13378
First world cosplayer problems - Demoman is my favourite class, but I can't make a good cosplay because I'm a white underweight girl.

Also, speaking of cosplaying, a small complain.

A few weeks ago, I went to a convention with one of my friends. He was cosplaying Red Sniper.

Unfortunately we had to leaver after only a few hours, because a group of girls would not leave him alone and made him rather uncomfortable with their clingy fangirl-ish behaviour.

A few days later I find this post on LOOK AT THIS FUCKING HIPSTR about how a girl would merry/rape/kiss/freak out/jump any guy that can pull off an accurate looking TF2 cosplay.

One of the notes to the post, was clearly one of the girls that had bothered my friend at the convention, she had even attached a picture of him (the he had taken with her, before she started bothering him) and wrote "this guy right here, I would so do him".
I made a comment about how their behaviour was really bothersome, and that it was not okay, because basically they had been acting like rapists waiting to jump my friend.
Most of the girls replied with "then he shouldn't dress up as something we like so much", like it somehow jusitified their behavior.

The irony in all of this, is that most of the girls had post upon post about "rape culture" and how it needed to be stopped on their LOOK AT THIS FUCKING HIPSTR.
>> US No. 13379
Sexual harassment is wrong regardless of who it happens to. I've seen some con guests actually refuse to go to a con unless they print their harassment policies on their website (there's an article on The Mary Sue about it). Troublingly, a lot of them are refusing to. It's not right.
>> VE No. 13383
I don't know why but I laughed very hard...
>> CA No. 13385
Proud of myself. Finished 3 chapters of the story I'm filling for the promptfest.

YAY headway.
>> US No. 13386
I keep seeing "this is for the promptfest" and I cannot seem to be able to find the actual promptfest. I don't usually write fanfiction, but I'm not feeling well emotionally, and I need something to distract me.
>> CA No. 13387
It's a blog on tee-you-em-bee-ell-arr. tf2promptfest dot it dot com.
>> US No. 13388
Holy shit, this cosplay is going to be the death of me. How do I armsocks. How do I wig. How do I facepaint. How do I Boo.

Feels related...am I the only mother cuntwad here who gets a little upset when a balanced, non-attractive, normal, old character gets fucked over in an RP in favor of someone younger, sexier, and generally better at everything?

I RP to escape from reality, not be shafted by it on two levels.
>> US No. 13389
I was RP'ing Heavy x Medic with someone, and their Medic ditched me for a younger, prettier, soft, affectionate, snuggly (i.e. completely OoC) Soldier. I still sort of get grumpy when I see Soldier x Medic, or really OoC Soldiers, but I've gotten over it for the most part. I don't hate Soldier at all (he's fun to play, hilarious, and yeah, he is a good pocket buddy depending on the player).

I think I have to ditch my cosplay for this year. I only go to NYCC because it's the local con, and my parents can't take me, I am without a car, and everyone who is going is full up on their method of transportation.
>> GB No. 13390
File 137895697759.jpg - (7.01KB , 184x184 , 96b4c837cd8a3e41c7f156b4665399a2b09dd896_full.jpg )
So its been a while, how the heck are you all?
So yes, whats happened since I've been gone? Weeeeell lost a gf, who then proceed to go... Sunday morning cartoon villian on me, complete with maniacal laugh (No literally, she typed an evil laugh at some point) all because after we broke up I... told her she could always talk to me and answered a question she thought was about her but actually had nothing to do with her.

Now though, I have a new lass! Couldn't be happier to be honest, she's sweet, gorgeous and a bit of a spit fire attitude wise, gorgeous lass to be sure. I just had to get that out some where, cheers for reading.
>> US No. 13397
Had enough of people being douches on the Tumbles. Deleting them off my following list feels really good. I'm very meek, so this feels like a huge step for me.
>> No. 13398
Got a four star feedback on Etsy today. It didn't affect my overall five star rating, but I'm just floored by how stupid people are.

"Earrings are cute, but I don't expect them to last several years. Also, they are shown on a card in the picture, but they arrived stuck into some sort of black foam. My daughter is happy but I thought they could have been a little better crafted and shipped in more attractive packaging."

Let me note that I sell fandom earrings for $6 a pair (she bought Tardis earrings). Six dollars. They are indeed pictured on a display card, but I received complaints about them bending around the card in shipping, so I stopped. Which it says in the description. I ship them pressed into foam so that the posts don't bend in shipping. She's complaining because I shipped them in protective packaging, but fuck that, it wasn't pretty enough.

I still don't understand what the fuck "don't expect them to last several years" means. Are they going to turn into dust? Fly away? They're earrings. What is going to happen to them.

Etsy doesn't allow you to leave feedback for buyers anymore so I can't even leave her feedback for being an idiot. All I can do is contact her and try to convince her to change it to five stars, but I also risk her changing it to less than four stars. Hurgh.
>> US No. 13399

Link me to that shit. I'll buy a pair right now and leave a five-star rating.

I'm not joking.
>> US No. 13400

Never mind, found it. Placing an order now, because I love me some Dr. Who.
>> US No. 13401

Ahahaha oh my god how did you even find that what the hecky heck. I'm laughing too because I saw the orders before I saw these posts and I was like "OH MY GOD ROOMMATEBOYFRIEND LOOK. LOOK. KIT JUST BOUGHT THINGS FROM MY ETSY. HAHA I SHOULD GO POST ABOUT IT."
>> US No. 13402

I just looked for Tardis earrings and looked at the reviews. God, that 'Michelle' woman is such a snarky bitch.
>> US No. 13403

Damn, you're crafty, hahah. Right? "Could've been a little better crafted" like what the fuck do you want? I literally don't understand what her problem could've been.

Still debating contacting her, but I'd have to crank up the sweetness factor to eleven to get her to change it, and I'm not sure it's worth it.
>> US No. 13404
Earrings, necklaces, etc. for me very rarely last long before they get tangled or broken, so I stopped buying them entirely for awhile. But I have a feeling fan-made stuff might fare better.
>> CA No. 13417
Okay, so I'm part of an audio play, just a small role, but important. I'm proud of how I did.

But the director cast their friends in the main roles, and they're JUST SO BAD. Ugggghh.

And it's frustrating, because literally all of the actors in the smaller roles are really good, but the leads are SO BAD.
>> US No. 13428
I swear I cannot rely on anyone. Even friends who have been amazing for years and who I was sure would never be a dick to me have started doing selfish, shitty things. An old friend pulled out of a camping trip we'd planned, and subsequently so did her boyfriend, which didn't leave enough people to still go. Might I add she cancelled the day before and we didn't get our campsite fee back.

When I finally messaged her tonight and told her that I felt like her excuses were sort of selfish (her three different excuses that didn't match up), I got a really snappy, attitude-y response that didn't address anything I said. She just told me what she thought I wanted to hear. Really disappointed with how she's acting considering she was a great, great friend for a lot of years.

Feeling this way about another good friend lately, too - I really feel like her tumblies fame has gone to her head and she hasn't been paying attention to her friends anymore. I tried really hard to help her promote her work and then, when given the opportunity, she didn't return the favor - didn't even reblog posts about it. I feel sort of selfish expecting her to return the favor, but it just would've been nice, you know?
>> US No. 13429
I can't interact with anyone without thinking it's too much, too little, too late, unintentionally creepy, or being an idiot.

I can't read people. At all. I feel like a person who's never interacted with people at all, to be honest.
>> US No. 13430
Realmscon is literally next weekend. I'm honestly contemplating trying to cobble together a pair of overalls that would fit our Baloonicorn and slapping a Luigi hat on him.
>> US No. 13433
File 138092728671.png - (55.47KB , 265x220 , seethinginternetrage.png )
I feel like an asshole posting this, but here goes.

My dad feels in many ways like a deadbeat. He's said many times that his only goal in the family is to provide money. He is not there for emotional support, to listen to problems (all of which he cuts us off with as bullshit anyways), or anything else. His priority is to make sure everything he has spent money on is secure, and that he never has to spend any more than he wants to on anything.

I asked him if he could give me respect, listen to me without cutting me off, and to trust me when I've proven to be responsible. I've made sure to avoid every vice I can (no smoking weed, no having sex even though I'm almost out of college, no drinking unless I'm with them), I only spend money on groceries and schoolbooks, etc., study, do all my homework, get good grades. He still doesn't believe me.

I've tried hinting that I'm agnostic and pansexual. He told me I'm not. He told me I'm not attracted to anyone except specific men who he approves of and have a lot of money. I told him I was depressed and suicidal. He told me he was going to throw me in an asylum and leave me there. Standing up for myself always gets me punished. I don't know why I even try anymore.

I tried telling my friend this, the one who ended up agreeing with him, and she called me a selfish rich shit who didn't respect their parents, and that nothing they were doing was wrong. We're nowhere near fucking rich.

It doesn't help that the manga I started reading to distract myself from my anxiety ended up being extremely depressing.
>> AU No. 13435
I'm pretty sure when she said "if i ever get pregnant you can just break up with me and i'll make up some bullshit excuse and raise the kid by myself" it was an empty threat because she thinks that i'm too nice to ever do such a horrible thing.

but hey ho here we are and i'm keeping at vacant jobs and rentals in other cities
>> US No. 13439
Avoiding someone on the tumblers.
While I've known them for two years and they seem nice, we met only because they used to be a fan of skullgirls, we haven't spoken about that basically since our first three or so (on site) conversations and ever since our relationship has been them occasionally *hug*ing me in the inbox and venting about their seriously suicidal state of mind (which they have for good reason).
I feel like a broken record everytime I say "I'm sorry, I wish I could help, what's the matter" and the like. I really wish I could help them but I know that's unrealistic and I've never been very good at helping people emotionally.
This certainly isn't helping, of course.
>> US No. 13440
I feel like that myself. Heck, I'm seriously depressed and anxious a lot of the time, and yet I don't have the slightest idea what to tell other depression sufferers to cheer them up, or to let them know I'm on their side.
>> CA No. 13441
I had to end up doing the same thing, with several people, actually. I can't hand the 'Ohh my life is awful tonight I might end it' posts, and one of them would literally make one every other day. Sent me into panic attacks, and eventually, I had to get outta those relationships. It's a shame, because I really liked them, but I can't handle the drama.

Just remember: Your first priority is to YOURSELF. You have to do what is best for your own mental health and wellbeing, first and foremost.
>> US No. 13443
I tried to double check on a friend I knew had self-harmed and been suicidal. I hadn't been able to get a hold on him in awhile.

All he told me is "I'm taking medication because there's a bleeding hole in my neck" and when I asked him if he was okay and whether it was self-inflicted, because I was terrified, he went to "be fucked silly by [his] boyfriend" and wouldn't give me an answer.
>> US No. 13445
Had a really awesome Halloween party today. We were worried we wouldn't have anything fun to do, but we always seem to forget we have Rock Band which goes over really well for parties. It was a good reminder of how many great friends we have.

Right after everyone left we went over to the boyfriend's mom's house (who has cable and we don't) to watch Metalocalypse: The Doomstar Requiem. I have too many feelings about a fictional metal band.

Overall it was a pretty rad day.
>> CA No. 13446
I was digging through my kitchen cupboards the other day, and found an old recipe book I'd bought a while ago. Saw a picture of a really yummy dish on the back, it claimed to be on page 45. So I turned to page 45.

There was no page 45. In fact, there were four whole pages missing. Not ripped out - just never there.

So I emailed the company, told them, got no response.

Today I opened my mail box, and there was a big thick envelope with a new copy of the recipe book inside, with ALL of its pages!

>> US No. 13448
When I was younger, people had a tendency to gaslight me, punishing me for either things that didn't happen, punishing me for small things I did do, like staying up late on a weekend, or for stuff like...ratting on a bully instead of punching them in the face.

So this has partially developed into an intense need to avoid any situation where I might get high, partially because I don't want to be arrested, and partially because I don't trust my brain enough when I'm completely sober. I still don't know what really happened and what I'm being lied to about. I've never been to a party, and I avoid a lot of concerts. Socially, I've suffered for it. I don't know what to do.
>> AU No. 13449
Story of my life, bro. Having been in the same boat, I can tell you that moving out of home and seeing a psychologist was the best thing I ever did for myself. Turns out I'm not a crazy person, and 99% of the times I've shouldered the blame actually weren't my fault at all. Crazy what years of projection and gaslighting will do to a person.

As for drugs and whatnot, they are definitely safe if you do them in a welcoming, friendly environment and only when you feel grounded in yourself. Don't mess with that shit if you have anxieties about even your sober connection with reality. For me, I had to avoid "simple" things like alcohol and caffeine for years because even those slight disconnects from reality were terrifying to me. It was only after taking care of my mental health that I could start dabbling in them, unfettered by anxieties.

Whatever you do, I hope you come to terms with your own issues one day, and see there's so much more to life once you truly start living for yourself.
>> US No. 13450
I don't know if I ever could. They'd have to be legalized for me to ever consider it, and my parents withholding money from me as a kid (and still now), I feel guilty whenever I buy things. I'm seeing a psychologist, but I don't know if any of it will ever stop until at least my dad starts seeing one as well. Because he's the source of most of my problems and anxiety. It's good to have support, though. I really appreciate the help, mawaru.
>> CA No. 13451
Today when I went to Subway, I noticed that the Subway girl had hundreds of little scars up and down one arm, and some were fresh.

Now I'm worried about the Subway girl.

I think I might be overly sensitive sometimes. It's a problem.
>> AU No. 13452
Sure you're not my sibling or something? Haha.
Thankfully, the guilty feeling should dissipate once you move out of home and talk yourself through why you're feeling guilty. Hopefully you'll come to realise that when you make money for yourself, it is up to you to do with it what you will. No-one else can tell you otherwise, nor should they be allowed to guilt trip you for your choices.
On the downside, parents are very difficult to convince to seek help. Part generational issues, part personal (it's often seen as an insult to be told you need to seek help, intentions kind or otherwise). The best you can do is gently suggest it when the time is right, and just try to explain your point on the matter - how it would really help your relationship and make you happy, or whatever your feelings sare - and hopefully they'll take that on board. Didn't work for my parents, though I have tried for years. In the end, moving out and learning to put the right amount of space between us is the best I can do.

I never know what to say when I see people with self-inflicted injuries. As someone who used to self-harm, I remember the mix of wanting people to see the manifestation of my pain, but also being terrified of anyone noticing. If they're someone you see regularly, you could always gently introduce yourself and just... show you're interested in their existence? Sometimes even that's enough to lift one's spirits.

And after all that... hrm. I'm off to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Whoop!
>> CA No. 13453
Have a good honeymoon!

As for Subway girl, though, it's the Subway on the west side, and I live on the east side, so I'll go to that one maybe twice in a year, so it's doubtful I'll see her again. Still.

I really do think I'm oversensitive, though, to some things. Any time I hear someone on the internet, whether I know them or not, is planning on committing suicide or anything, then I shoot straight into a panic attack. Can't help it. Don't even know the person, and I end up crying over them, half the time.

In additional feelings: I can't figure out this fucking cypher. DAMN YOU MAWARUUUUU.
>> US No. 13454
Well, an artist I like is being attacked over making Demo poor in her comic. Yanno, because she OBVIOUSLY only did it because he's black, and TOTALLY NOT because it makes for a feel-good sappy love story. TOTALLY.

I fucking hate Fumblr.
>> US No. 13455
Stealing that as a new wordfilter for tumbler, much better than the previous one. Enjoy~ :V
>> US No. 13460
I recently found out that because the cost for my family's health insurance plan is actually doubling, there's a lot of things we just can't afford to keep anymore. We were never in the most financially stable situation to begin with, especially with my mother's back problems and my step dad getting injured after being rear-ended coming home from work. Most of what we're losing, I don't really mind, but the two biggest things just... tear at me.

On December 1st, we'll be dropping both our internet and my sister's and my lines from our phone plan.

This is... actually really scary to me. The internet alone would be bad enough, because there are a good number of people that I really care about that I can't keep in contact with if not for the internet. I would be able to deal with only getting internet every couple of weeks when I visit my dad, though, if I wasn't also losing my phone. That just completely cuts off my contact with just about everyone I know outside of my household. There is even a friend of mine who can only call me about once a month or so, and because of his situation I can't call him back. He will have no way of knowing why my number suddenly stops working, or if it gets given to someone else. Not to mention the kind of impact this is going to have on my job hunting efforts. I went to a trade school and learned how to make models, animate them, and various visual effects abilities, but I live in an area where there really is not much demand at all for those kind of skills. Now I won't even be able to try to freelance, since all that would require an internet connection to be able to send the data at the very least.

The impact on my sister is just as, if not even more, harsh than it is on me. She's still in college, and a decent chunk of her work has to be done online, and I don't know how we're going to work around that. Maybe there will have to be days where she visits our grandparents with the sole purpose of doing her school work, because at least they don't live too far away.

I know this probably seems like an overreaction. There's plenty of people in the world, and hell, in the United States itself, that for one reason or another don't have internet. I'm just... afraid, I suppose. Afraid of losing people I care about, afraid of losing a chance to turn this around and make it better... afraid of ever getting the ability to ever have a job that isn't in retail or food service. Afraid of what else we might have to give up. Afraid of what kind of impact this increasing lack of everything might have on my 10-year-old brother as he grows up.

I'm going to go out tomorrow and just go to every single store, business, whatever, and see if there isn't a place within walking distance that will hire me. I don't even care if I get minimum wadge and shit hours, just... anything to help out. I really hope I can get a paycheck before December 1st, and if nothing else, I hope it'll be enough for my sis and I to keep our phones. I'll feel so much better about losing internet if I can at least text the people I care about once in a while, if I can keep a line of connection to any potential employers so they won't have to go through my mother first...

I'm scared it won't be enough.

Sorry, I probably sound like some whiny little high school brat, but I just needed to rant a little. It helped me get my thoughts in order.
>> US No. 13465
The worst thing about fucking up this bad is that no one is around for you to talk to about how shitty and stupid you feel for it. All you can do is apologize and get no response back and feel worse.

maybe i had bad intentions but i never meant for it to turn out like this.
>> US No. 13466
Taking a long shot at contacting someone who could give me a dream job and not getting even a response back, after waiting anxiously all day and knowing they're actively online and responding to things. Huge bummer.
>> US No. 13467
I know that feel. I'm afraid to even look for a job, because I feel useless and defeatist and unsure what to do or where to look. I fuck up even the simplest of social interactions, I have bouts of nausea and pain on a daily basis, I feel like I deserve to feel guilty about everything, even things I know weren't my fault. People don't respond when I message them, and I'm scared that they hate me.
>> US No. 13479

* I will always say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person.
* Apologizing and berating myself does not make them feel better.
* I can never be forgiven. Even if it was an accident.
* Even if someone does something douchey to me, it will always be my fault. 100%. No matter what happened.
>> CA No. 13482
File 138695641575.gif - (1.24MB , 250x250 , 7M30q.gif )

Who ever you're hanging out with, are assholes.
If someone makes you feel like crap on a constant basis, they do not deserve your company. It may seem easy to say then do, but seriously, they need to get culled. If it is your family, you need to be assertive and let them know how you feel.
I'm not telling you to create a new "I don't give a fuck" attitude, I want you to feel better about yourself. This is abuse, you need to stop letting others dictate you how to feel. I don't know who you are, but I know you are a awesome person. Why? Because Freddie Mercury.
>> US No. 13483
Feels are a weird mix of warm and fuzzy and sort of miffed?

I worked really hard this year on getting all of my friends nice gifts and cards. I feel like I've been given a ton of good this year and I wanted to pay it forward by being as generous as I could. It was actually really fun picking things out for everyone, and fortunately financially easy since I made a couple grand selling my old car. I'm full of warm fuzzies because I've been getting so many happy thank you notes, cards, and even gifts back. It's actually the first year I've gotten so much holiday cheer and I don't even know how to handle it.

But then there's that one friend that you work really hard to get something for, throw in a ton of extra goodies, pay to ship it across state, and they crap out and don't get you anything back. I don't care about the material things, but the fact that the rest of the group worked so hard on handmade gifts and scraped together money for shipping, and one person didn't do anything in return when you know they have the capability... idk, feeling sort of irritated about that one.

Oh well. Merry Christmas eve, all who celebrate it! White elephant with the boyfriend's family tonight. Giving a blue furby and a Britney Spears wall clock.
>> US No. 13484
I'm just so used to being told everything's my fault, y'know? I can't be nice without being accused of having ulterior motives or wanting art or favors from people, or telling anyone my problems without being told "you're whining about nothing", and I've grown to hate the season, because as someone who grew up Jewish, people demanded I apologize to them for murdering Jesus, telling me I should feel guilty about how I'm going to Hell as a result.

I did start deleting people off my friendslist who refused to learn to trust me in any way. I don't need this kind of stress, you're right. Thank you so much.
>> CA No. 13492
File 138907316510.gif - (0.96MB , 245x179 , tumblr_m5g3gv4OUG1qm15teo10_r2_250.gif )

People are weirdos. Those people you gave examples of deserve nothing from you, and not another moments thought. There is nothing wrong with kindness, so keep being yourself. Sounds cliche, but never let others dictate who you are and want to be. Believe me, it does get better. Infinitely so.
>> AU No. 13496
2013. What a year! Where do I begin...

- Gained a lot of awesome people in my life, lost just as many (if not more). Also had a wave of friendships fall apart, simultaneously but for different/unknown reasons (planets must have aligned in a malignant way or something). Only one of these survived and flourished.

- Psychologist discharged me from our ongoing sessions in late November, saying I look and sound happy. And I guess I am, compared to where I was 2 years ago. But I'm still a mess - within the week I was back to having anxiety attacks all because someone I admired wanted to talk to me. To be fair, I was terrified they'd find out I'm not all that and dump me like everyone else, after getting my hopes up. And it seems they are already in the process of doing so. HAH fucking called it

- On the bright side I can actually control the severity of my attacks/avoid them happening altogether thanks to what I learnt in my sessions. And I no longer contemplate offing myself once a month. There are things I still want to live for, after all.

- Fandom side has been pretty swell for the most part. My resolution for 2014 is to finish Silent Pardner fuckingasdfasfd (top lel, sorry for the wait for anyone who cares). Also encourage more people to pchat. And moar community projects. I love the people I've come to meet through this site, and while it sucks I didn't get heavily involved earlier, I will cherish what I've gained while it lasts.

- On that note, I got over my twoish-year-long total art slump thanks to this place. Thanks again, TF2chan. Stay sexy.

- Got married to my best friend late last year. I count my lucky stars every day.

- This year we plan to move out of this overgrown suburbia town (I ain't calling this shitheap a "city") and to Sydney, but instead of being cheered on we're constantly met with "You're going to get a culture shock" and "It's not going to be what you're expecting, you're going to hate it" and "Yeah right good luck cracking the housing market as if you can afford a million dollar house lolol." Thank you, friends and family, for the fucking support - you have been a delight.

I will try to make 2014 a nicer year for myself.
Going to give less fucks about people until they extend a hand first.
Going to invest less in friendships until they stand the test of time.
Going to try and find more things to like about myself, because I'm sick of these past 24 years of self-loathing and destruction from the inside.
Going to move out of here and get a job that doesn't suck my soul and.. I dunno. Try and live the life I've always wanted to live?

Now I'm going to play Journey and marvel at how perfect an analogy for life that game is. hilarious that I keep losing people right at the end, after having such a rollickingly great time until the final level. Why. Where do you people keep going. Won't anyone see it through to the end with me
>> CA No. 13499
There is something that I don't understand.

Okay, there are artists out there that draw things, and people will pay money for them. That much I understand. One of my irl friends (using the term loosely) is one of these people (and honestly, I don't think she's as good as what she's charging, but whatever).
Now, the other day, someone asked on her fumblr if she would draw what would have been a fairly simple, black-and-white sketch, for free. Well holy shit, you might as well have asked her to chop off a limb for the way she reacted.
I get it, yeah, they work hard to become good artists, and if they choose to only sell their work, that's their choice. I don't think it was quite right to pretty much rip the requester's head off, but anyway.
Now, here's the kicker. I write fanfiction. I like to think I'm good at it, and I work hard at what I do, and have a degree in English that also helped.
My friend asked me once to write this fic she had in mind, and I joked and told her what my rates are, and she looked at me like I had two heads. And she said to me, "Who the hell would pay for fanfiction?"

Now, I realize that they are two separate fields, and it's easier to pass a shitty fic off as good than it is to pass off a shitty drawing as good, but they are both areas that require work, talent, and some degree of dedication.
So why is it that you never see fanfiction writers getting paid? And why is the idea of it so ludicrious to some people?
>> US No. 13500

You don't see fanfic writers getting paid for the same reason that a lot of good authors are ignored. Reading is harder than seeing. I'm not lambasting visual art, or artists in any way by saying that drawing is easier/less of a challenge than writing--it's not--but visual art is...easier for the audience. When you read a story or a written work, you have to take the words and picture what is happening in your own head. Sometimes you have to stop, think about the scene, then go back and keep reading. If you don't have a good visual imagination, that takes a hell of a lot more work than just looking at a picture and saying 'yup, that's a bowl of fruit.'

Basically, if someone wants to pay to read something versus seeing it immediately, they will most likely take the visual choice, even if the visual choice is 'worse'.

Again, I'm not ragging on visual artists, just the audience that sits between the two mediums. And of course, this is all just my opinion.
>> US No. 13501
Those who do make money on their art have been doing so for years and are charging $50-$100 for an illustration, but I don't know how the hell people get into others paying them for commissions in the first place. I understand your friend's anger, sort of, because I've met people who say "I'm not paying you for art. I don't care how much schooling you went to for it, I don't care how talented you are, all art should be free." The kind of people who have a hissyfit over being asked to pay $5 for a sketch. This is why I don't draw as much anymore. I'd like to take commissions, I just can't.

As for fanfiction? I'd pay for it if I had the money. I've just only ever heard of a couple people actually doing it. I don't know if I'd ask people to pay me for mine, though. Art is my main passion, writing is just a thing I dick around with.
>> AU No. 13502
All creatives should be paid for their work. But, of course, no-one wants to pay for anything these days. Hell, you'd be lucky to find a paid internship...

Pretty much what I was going to say, these guys said far better.

Honestly, I would like to see more creatives taking a stand and charging proper rates for their commissioned work. Artists, authors, musicians, animators... everyone. I would also like to see an end to the $1/free commissions thing, because that just reinforces we should be working for nothing, spurs on the eternal under-bidding war between artists, makes it impossible to charge a fair rate that actually pays for materials and time and education, etc. (An international minimum rate standard would be really nice for this, sigh) Of course, there's always the "keep fanworks free" argument...

So many grey areas. My brain can't deal with the monochrome.
>> US No. 13503
For me, it's also an overall stress thing that people potentially only keep me around because I'm a doormat, and if I were to learn how to be assertive, I'd find I had far fewer friends than I thought I did.
>> US No. 13504
File 138998644249.png - (68.68KB , 400x469 , mrsalt_iwavemyingredientsintheairsometimes.png )
>>"Sorry about my English, I'm ESL."

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. What's your native language? Spanish? Chinese? Russian...?"

>>"Dragon. I'm also part Fluttershy from My Little Pony, and part Combusken. My ethnicity is currently Australian, but I was Japanese a couple of months ago. My age was 16 yesterday, today, I'm five."


I'm done here. And they give me this whole "if you don't believe me it's equivalent to being transphobic," garbage, when gender dysmorphia is a real thing, but what they have is not.
>> US No. 13509

Was this on fumblr? I'm sorry but I am so sick of their bullshit on what makes someone x-phobic. This is the only site I actually acknowledge being FtM on because it's the only one with a mature enough community to not either treat me like some magical unicorn anomaly or accuse me of faking because I didn't stop collecting dolls after my transition.

Speaking of which, top surgery in three weeks. I have to pay for it in a week which SHOULDN'T be a problem if all of my bank things work out. Hyperventilating a little.
>> US No. 13510
Actually, no. I always see people complaining about this and associating it with fumblr, but I see it way more on Facebook. I wanted to talk to more people, and someone I had admin-ed on another site with dragged me into this group with 20+ total strangers who all only spoke in roleplay, had a minimum of one headmate each, and were all otherkin/"agekin"/country-of-origin-kin. And the head of the group was a transwoman who seemed to think these were all as legitimate and serious as gender was. And I wasn't sure how to respond.

I'm sorry they've been crap to you, Iz. Congrats on the surgery, at least that's some good news.
>> CA No. 13511
What? I'm not getting surgery...

At least not that I'm aware of.
>> US No. 13512

Ahaha, I think that congrats was aimed at my response maybe? If so, thank you!

Birthday lunch with my parents today, which will hopefully go okay. Apparently I have some surprises in store, but they also want to talk to me about my inheritance and my will and power of attorney before surgery. I can't see any way that conversation will be pleasant.

But when they leave, we get dinner with the boyfriend's parents and then Monster Truck Jam tonight. Gettin' in touch with my redneck roots, woop.
>> US No. 13514
It was eels, apologies. I'm bad with names. And I don't have really a good explanation for my friends, because two of them are trans* (one is a transwoman and the other is a transman) and of all my trans* friends, these two are also otherkin, and believe very firmly that trans* and otherkin are the same issue, and that you can't support one without the other, and I can't adequately explain to them why that's not the case. So as a trans* ally, I feel stuck.
>> US No. 13515
Believe me, I totally feel you. I am trans* and I don't get it either. I have some friends that identify as otherkin/therian, and I'm not going to dismiss anyone's opinions or their identity or how they feel, but it's a totally different ball park. There is no being misgendered as otherkin, there is no being harassed/beaten/killed for being openly/outwardly otherkin (that I have ever heard of), etc. I'm sure there is some body issues if they really feel that way, but they don't have to go through even a fraction of what transsexuals have to go through to fully transition. I kind of really despise the comparison, but at the same time, they're just ignorant. You have no idea what trans* people go through until you have to go through it.
And believe me, I'm not trying to play the "boo hoo poor me" card right now - I'm financially stable and live in California so it could have been harder for me too. Still am expensive pain in the ass though.

Sorry, I rambled. Long story short, I agree that it's not the same struggle at all and I definitely don't think it makes you any less of an ally or good person.

Other feels: 21st birthday today! Too busy to do anything really extravagant, but boyfriend's parents took me to Shabu Shabu, got me a nice tablet, and then boyfriend and I walked to the Irish pub down the street and had a drink. A STRONG drink.
Going to Vegas in March, but until then, surgery and paperwork. Wooooooooo.

Oh, and dealing with my credit card company, considering something got royally fucked up (or someone stole my credit card number) and I had three $100 charges for Starbucks card refills. Uh.
>> AU No. 13516
I know a Starbucks cards is totally what I'd spend a stolen credit card on.
Seriously though, that sucks, hope they sort it out for you quickly. Grats on everything else though! Welcome to the adult world. (Protip: nothing really changes, except more freedom)

My feels are good feels. Bought an easel so now I have less back problems when painting, plus I feel like a Real Artistâ„¢.

Also, obsessing over a new show which continually blows my mind, not just as a source of madcap and deep entertainment, but because the fandom is so supported by the creators. Getting my work shared on the official FB page was pretty amazing, and seeing staff come down to interact with their fans/keep a close eye on our opinions makes me smile like an idiot. Why can't Valve be cool like that

tl;dr - maw's pretty happy all over
>> CA No. 13517
File 139103521998.jpg - (0.96MB , 4000x3000 , IMG_1388.jpg )
Everyone praise my lovely cake that I made all by myself.

Feeling very proud of myself.
>> CA No. 13518
An old friend from highschool is pregnant, and she keeps posting pictures of what she's eating every day.
Today's breakfast: Coffee, an ice cap, a donut, a biscuit, and two cookies from Tim Hortons, and from McDonalds 3 pancakes,, 3 hashbrowns, two of those sausage breakfast sandwich things, and an orange juice.

Ever just want to shake someone? This baby is going to come out as just one giant ball of lard if she keeps this up.
>> US No. 13519
Mm, yeah. I think that works when explaining it to cis otherkin, but with trans* otherkin, I'm stuck. "You supported me when I transitioned gender, you told me it was legitimate and real, now you're backing out on me when I announced I was also a five-year old Asian horse?! You backstabber!" I don't even know. It pains me to potentially insult anyone. Thanks for the warm compliment, and 'grats on the birthday! Mine is on the first.

Maw you are a fantastic artist what the fuck are you talking about.
>> AU No. 13520
>Maw you are a fantastic artist what the fuck are you talking about
You mean the easel thing, or the Rick & Morty's-creators-treating-fans-real-good-and-proper thing?

If it's the easel thing; I say I feel like a Real Artistâ„¢ because I've always wanted an easel, but it just seemed like something only an accomplished, published/exhibiting artist would have... so I feel really pro, even if I'm not really either.

And no more of that doubled-over on the lounge, scribbling on my clipboard bullshit! I can stand and draw and... I dunno, it's probably such a small thing for most people, but for someone who wasn't really supported in their art their whole life, it's a dream come true.
>> AU No. 13521
Oooop, forgot to add: that is a damn fine cake! For any occasion in particular?
>> US No. 13522
Damn, those flowers look fantastic! I attempted to learn how to decorate cakes once, but I realized looking at them is a lot more fun than trying to get all of those petals right, ahaha. I don't know what you did but congrats!

Surgery is all paid for, thank god. Just have to actually get through having it now, which is only a tiny fraction as stressful as making sure I had the money for it.
>> CA No. 13523
Nope. Taking a cake decorating course. This was the final assignment.

They actually weren't hard, once I got the hang of them. All you need is a crusting buttercream (the kind that air dries), a piping bag, and Wilton tip 2D. Pipe with the top close to the surface, and twist your wrist slowly as you squeeze. Then just take a small tip for the centers, and let them air dry, then carefully put them on the cake.

Then spend an hour of frustrated screaming when they break apart as you try to put them on the cake.
You can also pipe them directly, but if I did, I would end up with a mess of icing on my wrists.
It was all worth it, though. That cake was awesome.

And congrats on the surgery!
>> US No. 13526
Nothing pisses me off more than fan art of male character(s) wearing binders for no fucking reason. They're always accompanied by some text about shipping or something that basically implies that they think it's cute or romantic to struggle with a binder (with or without your significant other).

Both myself and my boyfriend struggle with binders daily and let me tell you it's not fucking cute or romantic. It's dehumanizing and humiliating. I don't want anyone to say "boo hoo poor you," I just want people to stop fucking thinking it's cute and tacking it onto their ships. That goes for mental disorders, too - fucking sick of seeing people apply serious mental issues to fictional characters for their ~shipping feels.~

In other slightly related feelings, boyfriend's top surgery was supposed to be today. He got the flu and they cancelled it until (probably) the day after my surgery, so now we have to find someone to drive him and take care of us since we'll be recovering at the same time. I'm trying to stick with the idea that everything happens for a reason, and postponing a surgery probably was for a really good reason, but it's still really aggravating.
>> US No. 13528
I don't know how to feel about this myself. I know a lot of trans* headcanons (in various fandoms) come from people who are trans* themselves, and it makes them feel more comfortable, but others (some who are trans* and some who aren't) don't like it, because they're attaching their own dysphoria to a character who doesn't canonically have it, or doesn't have evidence of possibly having it. But then again, I can't think of any characters in anything that are explicitly, canonically non-binary anything.

I don't think I'm the best to state what's appropriate. I don't identify as either trans* or cis. I have no idea what I am.
>> US No. 13529

I guess it's maybe a coping mechanism to some? Personally I find attaching dysphoria to fictional characters kind of belittles the seriousness of it. That being said, I don't mind the headcanons, really. Some are handled well. I'm just sick of the "oh look how cute boys binding!!!" pictures and fics from people who clearly have no idea how painful it really is. I once read a fic where someone took two male characters from a show, made them both FtM, and described one going through severe dysphoria. When the other one came to comfort him, they... ended up... having sex??? When I brought it up with the author, they claimed I "clearly had no idea what dysphoria felt like." Sure, okay.
>> US No. 13534
Surgery in two hours. Wooooooo.

It's really cold at 5am.
>> US No. 13535

You're like the kick-ass older bro I never had and I love you, and good luck.
>> US No. 13536
What what I don't even know who you are and I'm like about to cry. I love you too anon, come into my arms.

Everything went well! I slept literally all day yesterday after surgery. Today I'm nothing worse than sore. I have an appetite, not too tired, only took two pain pills today. I thought the pain meds were making me loopy, because I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness and relief... and then I realized, oh, no, it's just because this is finally over.

Boyfriend got home from his surgery a couple of hours ago and has been asleep ever since. He's soooo pale, it's a little scary, but apparently that's how I was too. I can't tell how his chest looks yet because they padded him up with a lot more foam than they did with me.

Really excited to see both of our chests without bandages, but not for another week. Then we have to wear compression vests for six weeks... yuck. I'm half hoping we can cheat on the last week, because we're going to Vegas for my birthday in five weeks!

So glad this is finally done. Phew. I feel like I've started a whole new life.
>> US No. 13539
I lost my only lolita friend because her boyfriend is convinced that Sweetheart and I are going to fuck her.

You know, because she's bi and we're gay. We obviously have to fuck, there is no other way.


Also, that was me, and I dropped my trip, and I'm sorry, and I'm glad you're recovering, and I'm glad your boyfriend is too.

>> US No. 13540
One week in and things are going well. Boyfriend felt ultra crappy yesterday, but today we remembered that we're idiots and he's anemic and got him some iron supplements. He feels much better now. But DAMN are we ready to get these stupid bandages off. Three more days!


Heh, honestly, I was hoping. You are my favorite in the universe Kit. Sending all of the hugs your way.

>> US No. 13543
I've been thinking about getting into lolita, but I look ~10 years younger usually, so I don't know if it would be a wise idea.

So glad you dudes are doing well! I'm on your side too, man.
>> US No. 13546
Bandages are finally off! Everything looks AMAZING. I have no idea why more FtM dudes don't go to this surgeon.

I looked at my slightly gorey nipple grafts and was like, "Wow, cool!" and then almost passed out. They didn't consciously bother me but apparently it's a normal subconscious reaction to get woozy after seeing part of your body missing/reattached/stitched up/etc. Neat.

On a side note: I love you guys. This is one of the only places I feel comfortable talking about my recovery besides to my closest friends.
>> US No. 13547

Dude, that's awesome. Well, not the almost passing out part (please don't fall and hurt yourself or something), but I'm glad you like how you look!
>> AU No. 13549
Grats buddy!

It's interesting that the sight made you feel woozy, though. Not sure if on the same level, but some people have told me they've felt woozy/passed out when cleaning or inspecting their fresh nipple piercings, which piques my interest. Could it be something to do with that area maybe?
I know I'd feel light headed and break out in a sweat the first few times I'd catch sight of my tattoo, back when it was new, but then I felt perfectly fine when inspecting my stitches after my appendectomy... Weird.
>> US No. 13552

It was pretty weird - the surgeon was really surprised that something that small did it to me. I figure it was mostly anticipation, since I had to go a week without knowing if it would look good or totally wrecked. On top of seeing a part of your body gone - which of course, I'm ecstatic about, but it's still a shock in some sense to suddenly have something that's been on your body since puberty be gone.
>> US No. 13553
fumblr is probably a really bad place for me to be

growing up, I wanted to please everyone, because I felt if I didn't, they'd react with violence or reject me (and sometimes they did)

so on fumblr, whenever someone has a differing opinion to mine, they rant about how everyone else is insensitive and cruel and mean and I don't understand them or care, and the idea of hurting anyone sort of makes me ill

so I apologize profusely even if their opinion is shitty and stupid and they're an awful person, or if I like one thing and they like another, and they take it extremely personally

idk why I always see myself as the villain in my head, even if I know damn well I'm not
>> US No. 13555

Fumblr is the kind of place where people will get angry at you for fucking eating food.

I try to stay away from all the shit, but it leaks into everything ("You wear x? RACIST!"). The best advice I can give you is use the ignore button to your advantage.
>> US No. 13558

Yeah, honestly I've come to the conclusion that I only want to be on fumblr for posts that I enjoy. Meaning I'm not there to follow my friends. I've made that clear that that's what facebook is for, so no one really cares, but it took a long time of getting past my habit of being 'too nice' to unfollow a lot of people I'm friends with because I couldn't take the "social justice" shit anymore.
>> CA No. 13569
I left TF2chan for a year or so and returned to realize that I somehow purged all memories of my time here from my brain.
I... normally do this sort of thing with schooling, as I can barely remember my time in school prior to the tenth grade? But I didn't think it'd happen with TF2chan. I don't remember why I would do such a thing either.
A lot of usernames here seem so familiar... but I can't remember why. Was I friends with them? Enemies? Should I avoid them or reconnect?
All in all I am feeling very confused and stressed about the whole situation. Yeesh.
If you're someone who recognizes the name 'Honhonhon' could you let me know? Perhaps let me know where we stood last so I can apologize, or something? I have no idea at this point.
>> US No. 13570
I just got a call from my mom that a family friend of ours apparently had some kind of heart attack or blood clot or something, and last I heard they've been trying to resuscitate him for over thirty minutes. So it's not sounding good.

Kind of afraid to call her back.
>> US No. 13571

Well, depending on how long ago you were here, you can go into the archives and search for your posts, if you really want. I don't remember you, but I haven't been around here for that long.
>> US No. 13574
I don't remember you, but I only recently came out of lurking after being here a few years.

Honestly, I feel the same, I'm quiet because I assume a lot of people hate me, I was the one nobody liked at school or home for years, so I still don't...can't wrap my head around being liked. But I still want to make friends with people.
>> AU No. 13575
Pretty much my feels, too. I've gone back to lurking lately because herp derp not like I make a fucking difference

Honhon, I remember your posts from around the chan, mostly on /offtopic/. You wouldn't know me because I was a lurker back then, and only started piping up in the time you were gone. Welcome back
>> US No. 13579

Holy shit. Best of luck...
>> US No. 13580

He didn't make it. I didn't know the guy terribly well personally, but his wife is like an aunt to me and I'm so upset she's suffering. I used to be pretty good friends with one of his four sons. He was only 64.

To top it all off, I have food poisoning or the stomach flu or something and can't sleep. I'm exhausted but trying to sleep with my stomach feeling like this is torture.
>> US No. 13592
I have these weird thoughts about death, where I always feel really bad for the family, even if I never knew the deceased, or if they weren't a nice person, or something like that. At the end of the day, death always means someone loses a child, or a spouse, or a co-worker, or a friend. I'm sorry for her loss.

I think you're super cool, and you've tolerated my shit ever since we met, and I think that means a lot.
>> US No. 13605
File 139897773717.png - (13.35KB , 655x176 , booty-bothered.png )
It's DA all over again, guys.

Jesus take the wheel.
>> US No. 13606

What in the world is a bun/bunself?
>> US No. 13607

Oh Christ. I actually saw someone refer to a fictional character by those "pronouns" (it was Toki from Metalocalypse, go figure) but I didn't think anyone actually attempted to identify as that. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
>> US No. 13608
Reminds me of when someone got upset at me on fumblr because I referred to an animal with binary, cisgender pronouns. Not a furry, or a MLP-esque talking animal. Someone's pet. Gender is, as far as we know, a human construct. Other species don't give a shit.
>> US No. 13610
File 139979570261.gif - (461B , 24x25 , emot-toot.gif )
It's my birthday!

And it's also Mother's Day. Sigh. Being born within this area of May generally sucks due to the oft occurrence of the two coinciding. As such, my party is going to a comedy club while being treated by Mum, to attempt to enjoy alcoholic drinks for the first time, and listen to some amateur comedians make Mother's Day related jokes. All in all, I am wholeheartedly expecting the day to go poorly.

At least I'll have a tabletop game beforehand, and maybe some fun afterwards when I get home and back online, to nag people about drawing me fanart as is traditional on every birthday of mine. :V
>> CA No. 13611

Happy Birthday
>> US No. 13612

Happy birthday!
>> US No. 13614
sometimes I act really negatively towards myself because I'm depressed and I've been raised to feel like I'm dumb, annoying and clumsy, and thus the guilt is justified

and I've had people get upset towards me for it, even people who have depression and anxiety themselves, and claim it's manipulative and I'm just trying to get pity from them by putting myself down so much

I'm not

I'm just trying to explain how I feel and maybe get some advice about how to deal with it, or how to get people to respect me more and stop treating me like I should feel badly unless I deserve it
>> CA No. 13615

First and foremost, forget about everyone else thinks and acts for a moment. Let's focus on you.
Why do you feel this way? I get the impression from what you wrote that you feel like you do deserve to be put down. I don't know, but it's what I feel from your description.
>> US No. 13616
Well, tbh, it's a lot of things.

* My parents blame me for a lot of stuff. If they get into a fight with each other, they always consider me somewhat responsible.

* They punish me preemptively, under the assumption that I might do something bad if given the option. I cite things I've done correctly (never gotten in trouble, don't do drugs, didn't drink till I was 21, have a Bachelor's degree) and it means nothing to them.

* They'll make up rules that restrict me to being treated like a middle schooler, and when I object, it's my fault. Because they start claiming they never said that, and I'm intentionally trying to make them look bad.

* I've had other people online and off try to make me apologize when I told them this (because they claimed I was lying), or tell me it's not that bad, or my parents are totally normal, or that "parents are wonderful, you only get one pair, so stop being a spoiled, rich brat". (Note: We're not rich.)

* I've also had a string of cruddy relationships where, because I was too depressed/sheltered to really be interested in sex just yet, I was broken up wih.
>> US No. 13617
File 140022360981.jpg - (18.39KB , 220x218 , 1368413881785.jpg )

Man this post feels pretty relevant right about now.

You try and do the right thing, point out a pretty awful person behaving terribly, and shit goes nuclear.

Pretty sure people who used to like me or at least were cool with me now hate me. I've alienated folks and because I'm the type of person who deep down wants people to like me, I feel like I've fucked up.

I'm tired and exhausted and I miss when this site was the hub of the fandom because even when it sucked and was terrible, it felt better than this.

At least people weren't getting strongarmed by fucking otherkin.
>> US No. 13621
Oh my god I am so fucking mad. A bit over a week ago I put up an open trade offer, offering a $60 collection and $30 worth of other games to mix-and-match in trading for some games I actually want. So of course, Valve decides to specifically target ME to kill my value with sales, or at least it damn well feels that way with how specific the sales were. First they put my main mid-range item, Dragon Age: Origins, on 75% sale, so I lose my $30 item to being bargain bin level. And now they've put Red Faction Collection, my $60 item, down to $15. THAT'S LESS THAN THE FUCKING COST OF THE ONE GAME I WANTED TO TRADE FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE!

After more than a week of getting nothing but scammers and lowballing bullshit (3 tf2 keys for your $60 collection!), I am pretty much ready to never buy anything from Steam ever again, even during a 90% sale or some bullshit, unless I want to play it immediately. The two 75% off sales happening in a single week making my items worthless is too much to handle. If anyone is interested, the now-trimmed down and mangled trade (due to most of my shit not being worth putting up any more) is at http://www.steamtrades.com/forum/Vy9FN/ .
>> DK No. 13626
Man, I love TF2, but god-dammit I hate the fandom and the people in it.

There's always some sort of dumb drama going on, and even if you're not part of it, and/or don't want to be part of it, a few people always managed to pull you in somehow.

How the fuck come people think they're entitled to speak on behalf of you or pull you into something, when they don't even know you.
And it's always like, the same 10 people, stirring up drama and adding fuel to it, getting butthurt and feeling like they're destined to save the day from whatever, or whoever, they deem "bad".

I feel like, everytime I coe across a fellow TF2 fan, I just have the urge to scream "IT'S A GAME! LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!"

//rant over
>> US No. 13627
That's why I didn't get involved in the recent fumblr Social Justice drama. I have friends on both sides of the conflict, and refused to say anything publicly to anyone, but I did voice to some of my close friends that the person at the center of the issue was giving me flashbacks to another super creepy, demanding person I had been in conflict with around 2010, who was clearly insecure and covering it up with demands that random people envy them, treat them as a king, that anyone who didn't agree with them completely was against them, lied to get sympathy, etc. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the two people were the same person under a different username.

The difference being that the jerk I knew back then at least was a fanfic writer and artist. This other person was neither. Fandoms don't have gods, but if they did, I don't think a person who submits nothing artistically to a fandom has a right to claim that place.
>> US No. 13628
File 140152529528.jpg - (1.20MB , 1440x900 , Bioshock_2009-01-09_04-43-59-78.jpg )

I guess if their definition of "fandom god" is that people are terrified of them and will offer up anybody who doesn't fall in line up as a sacrifice to be subject to their wrath, then yeah, I guess they are a god.

But of course, nothing good ever comes to those who would play God.
>> AU No. 13629
File 140153349976.jpg - (22.22KB , 476x356 , constipated banana.jpg )
I love you people and it gives me so much relief knowing I'm not the one sane person in the middle of a sea of crazy.*

How the fuck an over-the-top, completely un-PC, rude, violent, canonically misogynistic game like TF2 can attract this much drama, I don't think I will ever comprehend...

I'm glad my few fandom friends are awesome enough to either not care about drama themselves, or respectful enough of my wishes to leave me out of it. And after stupidly having stuck up for someone in the past and getting pounced on for (lawd forbid) voicing a different opinion, I've learnt my lesson to never again dabble with shit-stirring, well meaning or not.

*OH NO DID I JUST USE THAT WORD? Fuck look out kids the SJW crowd is gonna be all over my arse in a second, screaming that my breathing offends them and that I should go kill myself.
>> US No. 13631
I remember this Soldier fan who got really upset at WritingCyan for pointing out everything Solly does canonically that's un-PC (like how misogynist he is, and how calling Medic "Sweetheart," "Sister," and "Sally" isn't flirting with him, it's essentially implying he thinks Medic's a wuss. There's also Engie's "thanks, m'am" meant as an insult, Medic referring to classes as fraüleins a couple times, and Demo's "If I wasn't the man I was, I'd kiss ye.") The fan shot back with "well, what about the polyamorous bisexual relationship headcanon I have that he's dating Demo, Merasmus, and Zhanna all at once? That proves he's not closed-minded." Keyword: their headcanon. I mean, heck, I'd be all up for one of the classes being gay, or all of them, but sadly, nothing's set in canon yet. Except practically Heavy and Medic.

TL;DR: Soldier's fumblr fanbase is weird. They love him for being this sweet, young, gentle, open-minded friend to all who is very sane and rational and built like a thin, hairless underwear model I have no idea where they're getting this from.

Also, Maw: I love you too.

I love you too, Cat. Never stop being a voice of reason.
>> US No. 13633
File 140159649061.jpg - (81.09KB , 624x759 , tumblr_mn6mkosa6O1qj33bmo1_1280.jpg )

It's really funny to me that these kids seem to have formed an idea of Soldier that's anything but an ultra-patriotic, hard right hippie-puncher who's dumb and unstable and murdered The Beatles and Tom Jones in cold blood.

I mean obviously he has a sweet side because he cares about his teammates and considers them his friends but good lord, he'd be screaming at all of them to get a haircut and a real job and eat some goddamned ribs like a REAL AMERICAN instead of participating in this sissy frou-frou crap.

Also, aw, thanks. <3
>> US No. 13637
I like that that's how they characterize him. Because you have the other set of the fandom, who thinks he's this cold, emotionless, heartless murder machine, and the truth is, neither is quite correct.

<3, Cat.
>> US No. 13655
is this the appropriate thread for this? if not ill delete the post. but i was just wondering maybe anyone can give me advice on this.
my boyfriend and i live together, downtown really close to a park. basically we can just walk out the door and start jogging, its perfect. im really interested in jogging every day and being fit, and my boyfriend constantly expresses that he wants to lose weight. he almost obsessively reblogs pictures of fit gay guys and says how he wishes he could be that small.
BUT!! every time i ask him if he wants to walk or jog with me he declines. then i started being no-nonsense about it and told him if he doesnt jog with me he's never going to lose weight. he still doesnt want to work out with me.
im wondering if there any way im not thinking of that will get him off the couch ogling at gay twinks on fumblr and instead onto the street jogging regularly? youd think the constant thinspo would encourage him but no.
>> CA No. 13656
Sometimes people just get depressed over that kind of thing, and end up not wanting to do it. For example, I biked on my stationary bike for a solid hour last night, with no breaks. I weighed myself this morning (because it's my day to, I do it twice a week), and I'd lost a whopping half a pound. I sweated through my bra, my shirt, and my shorts, to lose half a pound. Now, that's a bit depressing. I know, now, that it's not going to be simple to lose weight, and I'm not going to lose it that fast, but when I was first starting out, I didn't want to do it at all because I wasn't seeing any results, and I didn't think I was going to. Hell, I'm still not sure if I will, but I'm trying to focus on being healthier, first, but that's me.
I wouldn't try to guilt him into it, though. It might just make him feel worse about the whole thing. You go, you jog, and you get yourself in shape. Eventually he might join you on his own terms, but it's one of those things where, if he's nagged into it (even if it's gentle nudging) he might not want to do it at all.
>> US No. 13657
I know some of these feels. I have hypertonia, which means that the nerve endings in my body are very short, so I get very easily exhausted. I used to be so awful in gym class, I couldn't do anything properly, and I was very easily winded. My classmates made fun of me a lot about it. I've never been heavy, but I could stand to be more toned, and I'm just...absolutely terrified to start going to the gym.
>> US No. 13658
It's possible that he's just really embarrassed to jog outside or if front of you, especially if he's noticeably overweight at all. I really want to lose some weight too, and my boyfriend suggests jogging, but the thought of people watching me jiggle down the street makes me want to hurl. I finally ended up buying a treadmill because it's the only thing that I can do in the privacy of my own home that works.

Maybe suggest he stays at home and does some work out videos or something while you jog?
>> US No. 13659
It's possible they also need to sort out some personal issues, because Anon's BF may have it in his head that Anon thinks Anon's BF fat, when Anon doesn't actually think that.

I've dealt with BFs who insisted, for example, that I thought they had a ridiculously small penis, when I'd never said or inferred such a thing. No matter how many times I said "No. No. I like it. It's legitimately fine. Stop worrying." they told me I did, I was just lying about it. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves when we're in a relationship.
>> CA No. 13660
A lot of people often project their insecurities onto other people. A friend of mine is ginger and has freckles pretty much covering her from head to toe, and she's always been self-conscious of them, and she was convinced for a while that her boyfriend hated them. He actually loves them, though, and has never said anything negative about them. But she's hated them her whole life, so she assumes they must be the first flaw he would see in her.
>> US No. 13661
Dealt with this last night - was super convinced my BF was upset about something, and kept trying to find out what he was upset about. He wasn't actually upset but my prying then made him upset. Then we just bounced back and forth and it was shitty. Whoops.
>> No. 13664
I feel like this, too. But from both sides of the table.

People give me vague hints as to how they feel about me. And I don't know how to read them. I give them what I feel are blatant hints from my end. They act confused, or ignore them. I don't know if I am autistic, sheltered, or if they are just being too vague.
>> No. 13667
My dad is dead.

It took me almost a whole day to finally just bawl my eyes out.

It's not fair.

I want my Dad back. I love him so much.
>> No. 13669
My dad is dead.

It took me almost a whole day to finally just bawl my eyes out.

It's not fair.

I want my Dad back. I love him so much.
>> No. 13670
Hang in there.
>> No. 13671
Whoa Cat, what? We're here for you.

So, I finally made it. I'm not the book illustrator I wanted to be, but I nabbed the position of Leasing Agent back in my home town. However, because of that good luck (last time I posted in a feels thread I was super depressed because I was in Florida and no one gave a single shit I was unhappy), I wrecked my car in that snowhell last winter on my way home from a con, I got a 7mm kidney stone which made itself know after a con in June, and my new car is derping like crazy, holy damm.

I'm slowly bringing myself out of my art block, but between work, actually needing sleep, cosplay work, and making sure my friend isn't suicidal, I don't have the time for it.

I am slowly losing money though... I save up about 3k before this car and kidney stone bullshit, and with rent, car payments, an increased car insurance, and my 83296194 medical bills (I had to get the shock wave shit for the stone), I'm super stressed about my finances. Which in turn cranks my anxiety... so, good job, hells of stress, what is money.
>> No. 13673
>>no one gave a single shit that I was unhappy

Whoa, whoa, wait, what makes you think we don't care?! I didn't even know this had happened until now. You okay?
>> No. 13675

cat bountry forget any personal bitterness if it wasn't even present (not sure) if you need someone to talk to my steam is nyathekitty and my icon is a drawing of medic. i'm NEVER busy literally any time of the day or night just message me okay and i know you can get through this
>> No. 13676
*was (not wasn't)
>> No. 13677
File 141185418337.png - (201.25KB , 400x884 , STUPIDBABYSHITCOMPLAINING.png )
wishing i could just do some mindless complaining without receiving backlash or advice for it. that is the harsh reality of internet though.
>> No. 13680
I sort of know the feel. I've tried broaching the topic of being anything other than cis, religious, and straight to several of the people closest to me, and they've either laughed or told me that there's no other option than believing in God, marrying the opposite binary, and accepting that nothing about you is changeable. It'd be easier if I could figure out what the hell I even wanted...I figure I can't just go into a plastic surgeon or hormone therapy doctor and say, "hey, is there any way I can get both breast implants and a penis?"

I feel bad just letting people vent, like I should say something, but I can't. I'm not good at advice, even when it comes to people in situations I've also been in. But I want people to feel better, you know?
>> No. 13682
thank you, it feels good to read that people can relate to how i feel sometimes. that's all i really needed.
>> No. 13684
>"hey, is there any way I can get both breast implants and a penis?"
You probably could just go up to a plastic surgeon and get something like that done, actually. (if you had the money/insurance/whatever other prerequisites are needed to cover the procedure, medication, and other parts of sex reassignment surgery stuff) The part that wouldn't likely be feasible (if this is what you intended) would be to have both sets of genitals, but it might be that I simply have never heard of people actually doing it, in spite of all the futa-lovers out there on the more porny sections of the internet.
>> No. 13685
Futa manga is where I discovered my desire for it, honestly. I used to go on 4chan and look for hentai manga scans and cyber with my long-distance boyfriend during middle school, but my mother gave me such a lecture about how girls shouldn't think about sex, and how I was disgusting and creepy and perverted, so I've hated having a vagina ever since. If I had a penis, thinking about sex and masturbation wouldn't be frowned upon.

The boob thing I just wanted done because I was always the friend everyone has who just wasn't hot or well-endowed enough to go out with.
>> No. 13686
I lost my job, have no aspirations in life and I wish this place wasn't dying/dead.

Everyone I know and liked on here in the past either moved on entirely or only posts on fumblr.

One of my favourite authors just up and quit writing for this fandom because of stupid drama.
>> No. 13687
I lost my job, have no aspirations in life and I wish this place wasn't dying/dead.

Everyone I know and liked on here in the past either moved on entirely or only posts on fumblr.

One of my favourite authors just up and quit writing because she didn't like the drama and went to a fandom with nothing but drama and PC shit. It makes no sense.
>> No. 13690
I'll hang out with you, if you'd like.
>> No. 13691
I'm also sad that everyone has migrated to fumblr. (Not just from here - from everywhere) I've started getting really fed up with its shit but there's just...nowhere else to go right now, it seems. To me it looks like forums in general are dying because of the likes of fumblr and Instagram or whatever the kiddies are into these days. Social media junk where everyone is princess of their own personal kingdom in an eternal game of telephone instead of a town square where everyone can meet and have a normal conversation. Can't say this place is or was perfect but it would be nice to have a viable alternative to underage SJW land of the reposts.
>> No. 13693
While it's not the best place to have a discussion, I do think some social justice has its place, as do personal blogs where you can vent and display your personal style, as it were.
>> No. 13694
i do very much enjoy the idea of messageboard rather than the 'yelling into the crowd and see who perks their ears' that is fumblr.com
>> No. 13697

Sorry I responded so late. I don't come on the chan as much anymore.

I wasn't even really bitter towards you, Erichm, I thought you hated me. But I do appreciate your offer. You seemed pretty cool when you came into the Circlejerk drunk that one time I was there last.

Thank you. It's been a tough past few weeks.
>> No. 13698
i just need someone to tell me that it's okay to be upset and angry about my boyfriend suddenly telling me he's asexual 10 months into the relationship.
i'm not asexual, i want sex. i show my love by fucking, and i'm extremely attracted to him and i love him, so i want to fuck him.
he told me he thinks he's asexual the day after my birthday. so he doesn't want sex, he doesn't even like the idea of sex (apparently?)
we used to kiss and cuddle and hug all the time but now i find it so hard to show him any physical affection whatsoever. i love him and i just want our relationship to go how its been going for the last 10 months, but now its different. i don't want to leave him and i dont want him to leave me.
this is a big deal to me. if its a big deal for an asexual to not want sex, then it can be a big deal for me to want sex. not that im afraid of being shamed for it on the chan.
i just dont think its going to work out if it stays this way.
he's getting older, and he's overweight, i think he's simply lost libido, but he's also on fumblr a lot and he's very influential so i think the whole asexual thing is just the only way of him saying he's getting old and his libido is bad without feeling bad about himself. it's a label he can be proud of instead of admitting that he needs to start working out and lose some weight.
this is lengthy, sorry.
>> No. 13699
So here are my thoughts on this:

1. Sexuality to some people is fluid. While a lot of people would say they've always been gay/straight/ace, some switch from year to year, or how much/little their preference is.

2. I do think some people confuse asexuality with celibacy, which is more of a conscious decision not to have sex, despite maybe having a libido after all. Sometimes it's "I'm not consistently horny enough to have a sex life" or "I don't like myself enough to give myself nice things, like sex", or "I can't trust anyone enough to have a relationship", or something. And then there's demisexuals, although I know some of fumblr disbelieves in them.

3. I would weigh positives and negatives, and see which comes out stronger. Sometimes you still love someone, but that doesn't change that you need to break up. And this is coming from someone who was in a position similar to your boyfriend's.
>> No. 13700
I've been depressed for the greater part of the last two years. My dad's death in September merely compounded on it. I haven't written anything in ages. I don't get the feedback I want. I feel like I'm washed up as a fic writer and my characterizations are so outdated that I'm no longer relevant. I have to be pushed to draw anything. I find myself avoiding even playing the game anymore for various reasons.

I've started new medications. I'm looking into acquiring a dog, since this feeling of malaise started when my dog and grandmother both died in the space of 24 hours. My motivation is gone and I just want to spend all of my time in my apartment, away from people.

I'm slowly trying to get out of this rut but it's like pulling myself out of quicksand, especially since I can't stop thinking about my dad and how much I miss him. I feel so tired.

I want my dad back. I want my dog back. I want to be 10 years old again before everything went to shit.

Just... goddammit.
>> No. 13705
I remembered this website existed. I miss it.
>> No. 13707
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I'm new here and actually very nervous, but I hope I'll be able to help revive this site as it's not as lively as I remember it. I've been lurking here since just before the uber update. I wanted to post here then, but I was afraid to because I had a feeling you guys could smell underageb&.
>> No. 13708
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And now for actual feelings. I'm going to put this in a spoiler thingy because shitty moods are contagious, apparently. Plus, it's dumb as hell, I'm sure.

Maybe it's because I'm friends with sensitive/emotional people, maybe it's because I really am a heartless piece of shit, but either way I honestly think it would've been better for everyone if I didn't go through the therapy and stayed a friendless little monster. A lot less people would've gotten hurt and maybe my current friends might be better off.

Even worse, when I do shit like this and feel generally repentant, I then take the feeling and stretch it over my existence in general. For example: "If I wasn't born, my mom probably would've had a chance to realize my dad was an abusive prick and would've been able to get away." Stupid, I know, but the feeling's still there. It's getting to the point where it's immensely tiring.

Maybe being around people in general isn't a good idea for me but whatever.

TL;DR, I'm being a whiny lil' shit and need to go to bed, because this is fucking ridiculous.

>> No. 13711
Feeling jealous of someone my platonic brain-crush-person may be dating.
Feeling stupid for this crush turning out to be 1) not so platonic, and 2) I thought I didn't swing that way, and 3)I was pretty sure they didn't swing that way either.

Whatever. Mopey sulky lovesick. Not like I had any chance anyway - I don't live in the same hemisphere, let alone the same continent.
>> No. 13712
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a similar boat. I start spending time with people, and I develop crushes on them if they act friendly and interested in what I'm doing. Sometimes there's no other reason. But I never chase after them, or tell them how I feel, because 9/10ths of the time, they're either in a relationship, or I firmly convince myself they're probably dating someone else.

This is partially because the last several times I was either in a relationship, or told someone I had a crush on them, they were either totally ambivalent, were completely disgusted, or said that they'd only go for me if I was much hotter.

I know I'll find someone eventually, I just wish I knew how to gain the courage to deal with more rejection before I find them.
>> No. 13713
I fantasize about self-harming almost constantly, partially because I don't have the balls to do it myself, and partially because I don't want to have to explain it to my family/have them use it as a justification to continue belittling me over everything.

I just feel nauseous. I can't eat, I wake up frequently during the night, I want the fantasies about being dismembered and raped to stop being so therapeutic. I even actively prevent nice things from happening to me, because I don't feel like I've earned them.

>> No. 13720
To clarify, I haven't actually self-harmed, I just don't feel sometimes like I have any other way out of my current situation. My parents don't want me to move out, and they're actively infantilizing me, and discouraging any kind of self-discovery, because I'm not turning into the kind of person they want. They don't want me to leave and embrace the fact that I'm pro-diversity. I'm genderqueer. I'm pansexual. But they think if I don't get the chance to date a girl, or to spend time around people outside my ethnicity, I'll lose interest in it. But I don't intend to.
>> US No. 13723
Mental health patients do not get to go up to Psychology students and actual, licensed psychologists and tell them "I have this disorder, you are wrong, your definition of this disorder is wrong". Especially if the person is self-diagnosed.

Don't get me wrong. You probably know better than anyone when something is wrong in your body. But saying your roleplay OC's are alternate Dissociative Personality Disorder personas? Do you realize DID (aka schizophrenia) is extremely rare? As in, less than 1% of people in the Western world have it? That it only seems to exist in Western countries, and studies have been done to see whether it even exists at all? I didn't work my ass off to get a degree, just for you to tell me "oh, I've never taken a Psych class, but I know more than you do". Shut the fuck up.
>> US No. 13728
>Another fanfic poster got permabanned automatically by the board because their fic contained the word "specialist"
Good news everyone, I killed the spamfilter for cialis so it stops being a problem. Now I'm just hoping the ficwriter comes back and tries again, since I removed the ban.
>> No. 13735
I don't know if that's hilarious, or irritating in the way where I want to slap the spam filter.
>> US No. 13737
>>Come downstairs later than I should have, but still early enough that I'll be a few minutes early for work.
>>Dad yells at me, asks why I screw up on everything.
>>Tell him I'm tense and nervous because he tells me I screw up on everything. It discourages me from trying harder on doing anything, or doing certain things at all.
>>"You need a psychiatrist."

You think, Dad? I actually went into a therapy session with you last year, remember? You talked over me the entire time, ranted about work, and we only discussed my school situation towards the end, where you ranted about a teacher I no longer even had.
>> US No. 13740
Mental illness sucks, especially if it's partially caused by abuse. It tells you that every little thing is incredibly personal, nothing is a joke, everything is worth getting defensive over. And then you sit brooding over your computer, trying not to cry, and getting angrier and angrier by not letting it go, by not eating or sleeping and letting your lack of resources get lower and lower.
>> US No. 13764
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holy shit. hello again everyone.
>> US No. 13765
Hello friend! I like your picture.
>> US No. 13767
File 144150965657.gif - (622.06KB , 160x160 , tumblr_m8ssm88EYp1qdqm2i.gif )
> mfw someone who's almost a total stranger adds you on steam just to start complaining about how your friend doesn't like them
>> US No. 13774
>Go into work
>Find that the computer now prohibits me from doing something I used to do all the time without permission/a passcode from the Assistant Manager
>Go get the Assistant Manager
>She laughs and rolls her eyes, asks "What do you need now?"
>Need her again later for same reason
>Go get Manager
>"Oh, [name], [name], [name], what is it now?"
>Privately confront other Assistant Manager about this
>"Oh lol, he's just sarcastic, it's so funny."
>Other Manager asks why I look stressed
>"To be honest, I don't think they think I'm good at my job."
>Other Manager: "I have no idea why you'd think that."
>> US No. 13778
This is why I hate asking for help on anything. I know it's inevitable, because I don't know 100% of anything I'm supposed to know on any subject, but I wish people didn't make you feel so shitty and stupid about it. They come to work, and people ask them to actually do work, or anything that doesn't involve them spending their whole shift talking to their friends, and it's so irritating to them.
>> US No. 13791
It seems like most Christmas seasons, I run into at least one person who gets really genuinely hurt and offended that I don't celebrate Christmas, and I get it. There's a lot of Christians that stopped celebrating due to bad Christmas memories, lack of family to celebrate with, the over-commercialization of the holiday, the fact that it's an appropriation of a Pagan holiday, etc.

But I'm not Christian. I never have been, and I can't reaffirm my faith in someone I didn't believe in to begin with. I remember learning in elementary school that every religion believes in something different-- did a lot of people not learn that?
>> US No. 13800

Christmas in January amirite

Anyway, Maybe not? I don't know, I think that someone not celebrating Christmas is a stupid thing to get mad over. Why give someone a hard time for not spending the 25th of December the way YOU want them to?

Having gone to a private elementary/middle school, I can't really say what they taught in public middle/elementary schools, but I know we learned a LOT about Christianity and had maybe a week or two on other religions. We just didn't talk about them I guess much beyond that? Can't remember too well.
>> US No. 13801
I posted that right after Christmas, but yeah. We did a big unit on Christianity, then brief ones on Islam and Judaism, and then learned it more in-depth in college. I can't vouch for everyone else-- they either forgot, or learned differently.

I know I've met a bunch of people who think Judaism, for instance, is identical to Christianity. They sincerely believe Jews believe Jesus Christ is their savior (or that they have their own version of Christ), that Chanukkah involves a tree and a wreath and its own version of Santa. It doesn't.
>> US No. 13813
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I really really REALLY just can't wait until I'm out of Job Corps with a REEL JAWB because you guys don't even knoooow how much I'm tired of this high school drama bullshit.

Great program, but I am 100% ready to move on with my life already hopy shiet.

Also can't wait til I can start writing again.

Fuck I wish my life was like Adam Sandler's "Click". I just want to fast forward all the bullshit already fuuuuck.
>> US No. 13816
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Why am I so affected by other fanfics when I've probably done so much worse to other people. It's dumb but some of the stuff I read here legit haunts me.
>> US No. 13821
Dude, come the fuck on. I asked you about a date a year ago, and you haven't done shit. I make sure my time is free to visit you since you never want to come here (which I understand), but when I do invite you down, you cancel last minute or never pick a day to visit.

I'm kind of tired of fucking driving up there all the time just to be fucking ignored because you wanna Hearth or something. If you're not interested, just say so. Stop saying that it'll happen and you're interested and then never mention shit again.

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