Leaving on Saturday to go see relatives in Connecticut... there's no wifi at my grandad's house in or around the neighborhood. I am not amused as I have a feeling Meet the Medic is going to come out on the 19th after the Saxxy awards while I'm still gone (won't be back till the 21st) and I am going to miss out on a lot of TF2 related material. Fml in the realm of timing. I hope I am proven wrong and Meet the Medic isn't getting released on the 19th, I don't want to miss it.

TWO DAYS UNTIL I GET THE KEYS FOR MY APPARTMENT

EXCITE

Got this phone call last week:
"Hello there, could I possibly speak to Stubs McRealname?"
"Uh, yeah, speaking?"
"Oh, hello there. I'm just calling on the behalf of the liaison office at Trent University. Congratulations, you've received a-"
"FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEAH!"

Then later that night, I go online to check my offers. Under the little Nipissing University box there is 'OFFER: Accept/Decline' And I started crying and dancing and it was fucking awesome.

AND THEN. In the mail. I get this big package, from the University of Waterloo. I'm like 'okay, whatever, they want me to have an 80 average to even get accepted, so this is prolly then 'we regret to inform you...' letter.' Then I open it and read 'Congratulations, Stubs McRealname!'

So uh. Yeah. Got accepted to all the universities I applied to. NOW to decide which to go to...

-Ride arranged
-Hotel booked
-Table payed for
-Con passes bought

Calgary 17-19 Comic and Entertainment Expo GO!

Mood: Sadfaic

I'm gonna have to leave the Chan for a while, as well as pretty much all other points of contact I have with all my online friends and social groups. And by a while, I'm expecting not to be back for a few months.
The reason being is that shit is getting real in my household, and despite having gotten two jobs, I still can't pay for my right to live at home (one job can't afford to pay me, and the other job, which I've just acquired, hasn't given me a roster yet). So my father is making a very real threat to kick me out. Once everything's okay again, I'll make my way back.

For now, hooroo. I'm gonna miss you guys.

People think that my gender requires me to either dress a certain way and fill some preset model, or I dress the opposite and fill that other model at the other end of the spectrum. I don't want to have sex or reproduce, ever. Deal with it.

>>7345
That's the spirit, pal. Be yourself, do as you please. Society's expectations got nothing on ya.

>>7344
Man, I'm gonna miss you a lot. I hope you can find your place as soon as humanly possible and get rid of all this asspull drama.
Take care, okay?

My sneakers seem to have been conspiring with terra firma today.
Ran to catch train to school, tripped and fell down a bunch of stairs in front of a bunch of people.
Keep wobbling when I walk, even on flat surfaces. I catch myself but my ankles are dying.
Almost fell again due to a pothole I couldn't see.
Ow.

I'm kinda down because hanging out with friends is great, but then college must come first.
Also suspecting there's something wrong with my head when I do judo. The look on someone's face when they realize I won't stop choking until they tap out or break my grip? Priceless.

I'm seriously beginning to think that I won't graduate at all. How did I let myself fail three classes and potential a 4th?

Dear Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec,
I´m sorry that i couldn´t do you justice today in my scribble for my final in Typografie.
I know that my color pencils didn´t catch youor energetic choice of color and quite honestly i didn´t match her face good. Anyway i just wanted to apologies to you for it and say that i really was under stress and almost shouted as i saw a mistake by me of my final print. Which brought me to print it all again.
I hope you are well and just that you know i love your work. Rock on, Henry.
Greetings K

PS: Could you please get me a sign of your friend Vincent? He surely as hell has suc great skills like you.

I am excited that this finally came.
This means I can make dorky printed fabrics.
If the cotton sateen ever comes back in stock, I'm gonna make medic printed boxer shorts to lounge about it.
Also, Sage-kun, LOOK. LOOK AT IT.

You are a terrible roleplayer and your incessant need to comment on most of your posts with your thoughts is getting amazingly annoying. Your character is whiny and annoying and I don't know how to block you without you realising it because you're always online at the same time I am dammit!

  One of the weirdest, borderline scariest things happened to me last night.

Okay so I was going about my normal routine before heading to bed, brushing my teeth, when all of the sudden my right eye gets like this slightly blurry feeling. I blink and dismiss it as something insignificant. Another minute passes, and that's when I notice a tiny little spot in my vision that is flashing rainbows like fucking Vegas lights. At that point I was like, "Heh, trippy."

Then the spot started getting bigger, enveloping more and more of my right eye's vision. When I leaned in to the mirror, I saw that my pupil was dilating and contracting like crazy, even though the lighting was dim and constant.

Then, out of nowhere I start getting a headache. I was pretty shaken up at that point and just decided to lay down and hope for the best. But it seemed that with every passing minute it only got worse, and after a half an hour it had reached the point where I was lying in a ball in the middle of my bed. Out of desperation, I took 3 ibuprofen and tried not to think about the next 20 minutes or so of torture until the meds kicked in.

Kinda hard to clear my mind when I've got a fucking laser show going on in most of my right vision and the worst headache of my life.

Jeez...long story short, the damn pills didn't work like they were supposed to and I laid there for several hours until I fell asleep. Here I am now, with no headache whatsoever and my eyes rainbow-fuckin-less. Anybody have any clue what the hell went on? Never want to experience that again. In fact, I never even want to see any bright, multi-colored abomination as long as I live.

I finally understand, Scout...

Aw, man, sounds like an ocular migraine. No fun; your doc can toss some better pills at it, and it's always good to get it worked up, especially if it was your first occurrence of anything like that.
((notadoctor))

>>7371
Hello, and welcome to Classic Migraine Symptoms! It sucks, it hurts. The best thing you can do is at first notice of any of your visual precursors, take 3-4 ibuprofen, down a bunch of water, then go lay in a quiet, dark place and try to sleep the pain off. Better yet, invest in some Excedrin. If you're of the lucky variety of migraine-affected, you'll get one every so often. Some people get them monthly (this is usually hormone related), and in some people they can be caused by foods consumed (example: I know of someone who has migraines triggered by chocolate). If it becomes severe and/or constant - one a week or more, or the pain lasting more than a day - talk to a doctor about what you can do. Basically, shit sucks, but it's normal, so don't be freaked out.


News for me: It was the last lab of the semester today. And I got free food. It was tasty. On the way home a county vehicle was driving erratically so I called in once I got home and reported it. Yay, good citizen!

I hate when my friend needs to work and she just sits there and trolls through this thread. GAWD.

I just checked my email, and the college I applied to sent me an acceptance email. I've been accepted for enrollment in the Bachelors of Fine Arts Animation program. My official acceptance letter is on its way. I'm so excited! FUCK YEAH!

Good news: I got a string of days off due to dentist appointments and end of the year outings.

Bad news: I have a ton of backed up work because I missed my most hated classes and college decision time is breathing down my friggin throat. I know I should do something about it but the procrastinator in me won't accept it. Also, Dad made me walk home in the rain And I'm getting sick again.
PSN is still not back online so no TF2 for me to distract me from the throbbing in my jaw.

It feels like I was tricked into eating the pie of a giant with a big gun and a short temper. More like I tricked my self really.

And then Ginger got a little closer to having her first boyfriend. Go me!

Last night was fun, celebrating with classmates from judo on the last day of class. Ate lots of sushi and drank my way to a good buzz. Lost a dollar betting on darts though I was close to winning $3.

I saw an ad on Kijiji last night for a $200 male chihuahua so I contact the seller thinking I could breed him with my dog afew times then keep them both. She agrees to meet me in a place we both know (the parking lot of future shop) and promises to keep the dog for me until I get there. So, I drive for 1.5 hours to the city and then wait for her in the parking lot for another hour. After calling her multiple times she finnaly answers and says "Oh sorry I already sold the dog to this lady who came by with the money I was just so overwhelmed and my car broke down I'm sorry." and I'm to disapointed to be angry so I just say "ok" and hang up.
My friend asked me if I was mad.
My face.

I'm feeling sort of useless because everyone else is feeling down and I can't cheer them up and I'm oddly horny and I want consensual tentacle porn but I don't even know if it exists because most other people are okay with rape and I'm not.

>>7410
I've written consensual tentacles, if you don't mind written.

As for feelings, it's far too early and I don't get why I'm being dragged over my Nan's when the only one that likes her is my dad.

>>7410
Oh it exists

nothin sasy lovoin' like a tentacle in the oven

>>7411
Totally okay with that.

>>7412
I found a whole club for it on another site, though there's not much art. Been thinking of submitting some myself

German bureaucracy.

I'm excited for the Calgary Comic Expo, but also am failing to draw anything of value.

Augh so frustrated.
Best friend's grandfather died this past Thursday and she won't talk to me. Like I know through facebook that she gets online, she hasn't got a lack of computer, she's just not talking to me. I'm not gonna like grill her about it and make her sadder or anything so idk why she's avoiding me. I know it's not as bad as it could be but I haven't talked to her since Thursday and I'm really really upset about it. I really want to talk to her but I don't want to be a pest when she's mourning or whatever.
My mother also told me I was a social retard who couldn't understand what to do in most situations. She seems to think I expect the best friend to be over it by now, since I got over my grandfather's death right quick. But I haven't been like bugging the best friend and like calling her house all the fucking time or anything. I just miss her and wish she'd talk to me and my mother thinks I'm fucking retarded.
tl;dr: i am a girl and have too many feelings

I'm having a severe mood swing- like I do every night- in which I feel that there is no benefit to my existence, nor feeling love nor accomplishing anything. It doesn't matter whether I choose to benefit humanity, myself, animals or nothing. Everything seems small and insignificant in the face of eternity. I may be completely free, but knowing that the computer that is my brain will someday be irrevocably wiped is enough to shatter any comfort held in self-satisfaction.
Immortality, while nearly unattainable, also holds no solution for me because I don't want to exist for forever and become bored and dull while everything I love rots away. So I'm utterly melancholic and, without a solution, my answer-loving brain is so conflicted as to be beyond confusion.

tl;dr I can't handle death and don't know what I'm feeling

>>7423
I know how you feel, I get like that sometimes too. In fact I think everyone does at some point. I find it helps for have little goals to focus on, and not look so much as the whole of eternity. For example: right now I'm taking a skin pack I like and making all of the brighter because I'm having trouble telling the colors part in battle. It's a nice small goal to amuse myself with. It beats just sitting here feeling useless. Also, remember sometimes small impacts on the world can be very important. My mom sent a woman from our church a get well card when she was sick and she later told our pastor how thrilled she was to get it, and it was the only one she'd gotten.

GOIN ON A ROAD TRIP :D

NO WAIT HAVE TO CANCEL THE ROAD TRIP :C

WAIT NO GOIN ON A ROAD TRIP AFTER ALL :D

SPOKE TOO SOON HAVE TO CANCEL THE ROAD TRIP AGAIN :C

WAAAAAAIT WAIT WAIT STILL GOING ON THE ROAD TRIP -

fffffffffffffff this is fucking exhausting, I'm either going or I'm not and I'd like to know whether it's happening BEFORE IT HAPPENS. There's only three days to go! It's not cool getting jerked around like this!

Captcha: thejok
I wish I could see what is funny :(

An arthritis flare-up. Just what I needed. Thanks, immune system.

As fun and awesome as this weekend was, it just wasn't enough to take my mind off more pressing matters at hand.
The expo's about 7 or so weeks away, I've promised to do so much and I don't know when I'll get any of it done. I haven't heard word back on any job and I have no idea where I'll get the funds for any of this.
Ohh, anxiety, please go away and stop turning me into a shaking and quivering mess. I can't eat, it's hard to sleep at night, and I can't enjoy anything without worrying. I need to think but having you come around and muddle up my thoughts is not helping in the least.

I've paid $1189 of the $1200 I get for being disabled. A whopping $35 of which was for entertainment.

FML.

Posting anonymously though I doubt my friend goes on this site.

My friend has been depressed for a lot longer than I've known her. She is only in her early 20's and already she's ready to give up on her dreams of getting a job that pays better than a clerk at a grocery store and I don't know how to cheer her up.

I've already called her bluff once on suicide (thankfully she didn't mean it) but how do I provide her support when we live across the country from each other and her family hates me for calling said bluff and we have to be friends in secret?

Herp derp. First day of my twoday finale in GMP is over! Anyway i´m sitting now here and try to do something for tommorow part 2. Better than to go to my classmates who like to learn in groups... to the end we just sit together and talk about anything but class. I CAN`T LEARN LIKE THAT! So please stop to ask me that i come out to your apartment so that we don´t really learn there. So that i can later drive with the streettrain (?) through half of the city to get back home. I don´t like your home. And i don´t like you so much either.
Feeling anxious, happy and tired to the same time. And i want to hug someone.

>>7435
Sounds like her family might be coddling her, I know that can cause depression because you just don't have any choices so nothing matters anyway. If she's still at home with them then encourage her to move out. A little independence can do a lot for self esteem and just generally not feeling stuck under someone's thumb.

It looks like my friend is gonna get a table at Fanime after all! Now to finish my shit up so he can sell it for me.

>>7437
She can't afford to move out by herself, she, her dad and her uncle combine incomes to pay bills, mortgage, etc, while her brother provides some financial support. She says she'd move out if she find a roommate, but she can't, so she's stuck.

I have the bestest friends in the world. Just throwing that out there - You guys know who you are, and I'm eternally thankful for every single thing you do or say for me. Never change, please!

>finally admit to a close friend that I'm being treated for PTSD and major depression and that I've been on medication and seeing a therapist for over a year
>I'm forced to listen to a huge speech about how pills are for weak people
>he accuses me of lying/faking my symptoms because he doesn't think I seem depressed/messed up at all
>"I cured my own depression by getting out there in the world and experiencing life and that's what you should do too!"
>he won't stop talking about his childhood and how he manned up over his traumas

HOLY FUCK, WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY FRIEND

I AM NOT A FAN OF THIS IGNORANT BUTTLICKER

Meh, since I can't post my feelings on Tumblutts without a bitch fest so guess this is as good of a place to vent as any.

Still really ticked off about just having the knowledge of an article justifying the view point of black women being less attractive than other women. I don't know what the arguments were or anything so I can't talk there, but still as a black girl who grew up wishing I were white so the guys that I liked would actually look at me, I can't help but be troubled by knowing it exists. That perhaps that it justifies my fears that all people see when they look at me is that I'm black when I don't even fucking identify with that culture. I'm a freak according to black folk too because I don't fit into their societal norms so where does that leave me? Oh, that's right. All by myself.

Fuck me for continually trying to be hopeful that this shit was on its way out only to find that nope, people are still racist as hell. Thanks for nothing.

Does anybody here know how to use or at least know someone who knows how to use nParticles and Fields in Maya?...cause I could really use some help. I'm trying to do this assignment where I had to create a model and then use that model to displace particles to write my name. I made the particles and the model, and I applied a uniform field like the lectures said, but it's not doing anything. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I could really use some help. It was suppose to have been done today, but I'm gonna have to sit back and wait for my professor to help unless someone helps me...so please, somebody help?

I'm panicking here!

>>7444
>>7445

Oh man, fuck those people. Nobody is allowed to make preassumptions about you just based on your past/your background/your color/what have you.

All of these closedminded people don't know what they're missing out on. They miss out on so many things to experience in life, but they also miss out on your sympathies. Screw that shit, guys, you are awesome in your own way, no matter who out there is trying to make you feel bad about it!

Sending lots of brohugs your way, you two. Lots!

Pic is a summary of my post, basically.

>>7445
I don't know if SA's where you saw the article, but the thread it was posted in (can't find it right now, sorry) is a good read if only to show how fucking subjective and unscientific the "study" actually was. The guy who wrote up the article is an ultra-conservative and known racist with dubious credentials at best, and the surveys were conducted by asking the same small group of people which race they thought was the most attractive, three times over the course of seven years.
The thing wasn't even peer-reviewed, it was just published on a blog. And for god's sake, the article's author used AFRICAN AMERICANS ARE THE LEAST INTELLIGENT RACE as the only fact with which to back up his "findings".

It's horribly biased psuedo-science intended to justify racism, and it blows. And it blows that people believe it, too. But not everyone does- just remember that. And if those few staunch bigots are so determined to justify themselves that they have to resort to these idiotic little "studies", I think it's a sign that rationality's winning out, slowly but surely. Just think of it that way. <3

>>7445
>>7448
Found it! http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3412493

>>7444
Oh god i know how it feels if a friend of you seems to be such a close minded as*biep*. It´s diaappointing and hurting everytime. (It surely helps not that i readed this lines with PILLS ARE FOR THE WEAK! In soldiers voice... Non? I did think so.)

>>7445
I know how this feels. I really know. Especially with the non identify to a culture thing. My dad comes from peru, so i have a slight asian look. (Thanks to my eyes and oh wasn´t there something like people wandering from asian to south american before like hundred of years as viking soldiers still rode dinosoaurs?) Ayway, i never had REALLY the feeling to identify myself with the cultur of my dad. (Personal reasons.) And it was like a shock as one day i looked at myself and thought: Frag! I´m not really white! But don´t be depressed! One days one guuy will come to you and ask you out, because he likes you. It happened even to me. (haha i´m so fat ;_;)
And so long as you have friends who don´t give a shit about others and even help you against such ignorants everything is okay.

tl;dr: Doesn´t matter which skincolor you have. Every human is different and it´s GOOD so.


Oh yes and today was the second part of my last final! Yeaaaah... i still have to make the defence of my project. Harharahar. (I have the last frigging termin on the day for this! Thanks school?)

Oh and tommorrow my mother will come. So i´m suppossed to tidy up my room. Meh i just close the door.

So I had a close friend whom I kept in touch with often via texting, internet, random encounters. We would RP occasionally and I drew stuff for her on occasion. Some of these things were smutty in nature, mind you.

So over spring break I didn't go online as much, as I tend to do with every break, and she went ballistic thinking that I was "deliberately ignoring her". I tried to explain myself, but she was basically like "DON'T EVEN APOLOGIZE I'M ALREADY MAD" despite my best efforts. She then texted me saying that "since [I] obviously wasn't interested in talking to [her], that was the end of this friendship" and continued to block me from any means of contact with her.

I never felt any kind of resentment towards her, but I'm the kind of person who won't engage in social activity with someone who is /quite clearly/ not fond of my company and I'll quietly let them be unless something changes, and in this case it seemed to be for the better.

Flash forward to a few days ago, a friend of mine (who is also friends with the one mentioned above) tells me that my "ex-friend" (I can't think of anything better to refer to her as, is there correct terminology for this?) was talking about zipping up all of the smut I ever drew for her and anonymously sending it to my parents...?

Uh, what do?

I THOUGHT HIGHSCHOOL WAS OVER, WHAT IS THIS DRAMA

>>7446
I finally figured the assignment out, and I was able to get it done. It's late, but it's better than not being able to do it at all. I'm glad that's over...Now I just have to survive the rest of the 6 weeks I have in the class...

Well, worst shit of the month and some just happened. My uncle's girl friend just brought over her ignorant and useless spawn of a five year old daughter again. Shit will be fucked up. I already know.

Working at the polls all day reminds me of how I never want to be a government worker full-time.

>first voter attempts a write-in, screws it up, his entire vote isn't counted
>bitches got donuts instead of danishes, wtf, where is my chocolate chip danish that I haul my ass out of bed for
>fuck you, nonfunctioning calculator
>construction work being done on the school we were in
>less than 20% turnout
>what part of "if you don't live on these streets, you're not in this ward" don't you understand?
>no shit, if you emailed your registration out a week ago you haven't been processed yet, this is the government we're talking about
>bitches from other wards be stealin' my food
>Judge of Elections trying to groom me into taking her job next time her seat is up, like fuck I want your job, it's shitty
>didn't get to see Scoutpapa ALL FUCKING DAY and I NEED CUDDLES

One of my closest friends is having a miserable year and says she wants to die, again. I feel so fucking useless right now.

>>7463
I wish I could send you more than hugs and this little guide I found to be very helpful and comforting: http://32time.Hipstr.com/post/4771928521

My sincerely best wishes for you and your friend.

Meh.

Dumb people in classes obviously way past their level constantly ask me for help and tutoring, and then not only insist I do it for free, but I compensate them for having to take time away from partying to study. The I get painted as the bad guy when they complain that I turn down their requests for help.

I'm going to have a breakdown sometime, I swear.

There's a lot of drama surrounding my boyfriend's family ever since his house caught fire a few weeks ago. I feel terrible because I want to try to reach out to his sister (who lost everything in the fire since it started in her room), but at the same time, the fire was technically her fault and she has a lot of issues (manic depression that is currently untreated, drug addiction, and now PTSD) that make it hard to approach her in a way that would help the family.

It's difficult because I've only really been dating my boyfriend for two and a half months now, and I just met his family a month ago. His family knows that I mean a lot to him, that I'm part of his life, and that I deserve to know what the deal is with family stuff, but right now no one really has answers and I don't quite know where I belong in this stage of the relationship given all the setbacks with his family.

Complicated "in-law" family things are complicated.

My best friend is the king of mixed messages. Sign me up for a broken heart no matter how this ends! Hooray.

I just found out my local theatre company is putting on The Rocky Horror Picture Show this year.

Pissed myself with joy. Not my favourite musical, but the last one they did was Chicago, which I hate and sucked at, so this might work out better for me.

Worst part of being sick? Missing classes I have with Scoutpapa.

Again, one final away from freedom. Oh, and I need to finish my diploma asap. This is going to be one hell of a week.

Sigh.

>attempt to send wire transfer to pay for school all at once
>exceeds max limit, send less instead
>school receives money no problem
>two days later, attempt to log in and pay the rest of the money
>account inactive
>oh god what
>call phone number provided
>lady says she needs to do a high risk check
>thinking this will be no problem, because I haven't had the damn account long enough to have any problems pop up
>told that finding nothing is a problem, and that I'd need to go to one of the bank's branches in person
>don't have the god damn time, even if I did have a car
>try to explain that I haven't even had the account a full month, that of course nothing at all would come up, that I've never had any bank account from any company before, and that I'm in such an intensive program that I wouldn't be able to get away during their business hours like they were asking
>get brushed off
>be frustrated, let time pass, can't get shit done because don't have the time
>call back today, talk to a different lady that actually fucking listened
>because so much time has passed, I need to go in with two forms of ID to get my account unlocked
>I only have two forms of ID
>my first name is spelled wrong on one of them

Dear god, I just want to be a good person and fucking pay the school the money I owe them! Why must they make it so hard to do that!?

GOT 86% ON MY FINAL. SHIT FEELS GOOD.

>>7478

Congratulation and good job.

>dress code implemented at work
>we are now forced to wear socks with every type of footwear
SOCKS AND SANDALS.

I'm so glad I'm done at this fucking office in August. SO GLAD.

>>7429
ROAD TRIP CONFIRMED

fuck yeahhhhhhhhh

now I just have to get up at ass o'clock and drive for 30 hours

My friend is much happier now that she knows things weren't as bad as she thought, and I feel so much better.

Holy shit you guys

In the space of a week I've gotten myself TWO jobs, my application for an apartment was almost instantly granted, and I just met an old friend from school who I haven't seen in years, and over the past month I lost about 10kg and I look goddamn awesome in my fucking leather jackets and black skinny jeans WHICH AREN'T EVEN THAT SKINNY BEFORE and black kickass shades and
EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AT ONCE



Now all I need is Meet the Medic

>>7486
And I'm not even going to fuck around with editing that gibberish

>>implying that people who disagree that [insert character here] is fucking his brother in [insert fandom here] are homophobic
>>or thinking that character in particular isn't gay because there's zero canon evidence but other characters in the fandom are

>>7490
*Or because I think

>>7490

I love a nice slash-fic every now and then but sometimes, with the way some people act, I feel so ashamed at liking it.

Then you try to argue that these two chracters wouldn't be in a relationship because of conflicts in attitude, factional alignment and attachment to an already established significant other, logical thought goes out the window and suddenly you're a homophobe.

Slash. Hate to love it; love to hate it.

Pic very related.

>>7505
My thoughts exactly. I love pairings (gay, lesbian, straight, otherwise) in general, but I can't ship what I don't see evidence for in canon. And then people say "fuck canon" and I want to point out that canon is what made them like a character in the first place.

I finaly got portal 2!......but I cant play, it keeps crashing my entire pc... ok I'm gonnaplay gmod... BUT I CANT GET RID OF THOSE ERROS MESSAGE... geez now that I finaly have free time to do useless things...

>>7509
Is Portal killing your computer with graphics? If it's not that, then I dunno.

>>7519
yep, and now gmod gave me too the same black screen of doom with looping audio. I'm claning my pc and reinstalling drivers now..

MOVING IS HARD.

I have pacing issues. It's pissing me off.

Huh. The end of the world is kind of boring, if you ask me.

>>7520
Black screen with looping audio is most likely a video driver crash. I know in TF2 this is commonly caused by having multicore rendering enabled. Not sure if it would carry over to other Source games.


Going to the Maker Faire today for a few hours. Then tonight we might have dinner with his coworker and a female-friend. And next week I'm going home for the weekend and then to Fort Bragg (CA) with my mom and sister. Should be awesome.

> have finally enough metal to craft a hat
> torn between medic and engie
> think back to a chat with a friend
> he prophieces me a mining light to craft
> hopes the best
> craft mining light
> damn he CURSED ME
> play some more and i am disappointment about hat
> die
> you found EXQUISITE RACK
> my secret soldier fantasies about this hat came true

tl;dr: It gives something like higher up powers in TF2. Not like in L4D, but still existens.

i clean up the tons of dust of my pc and video board, not it works! can play portal dois and gmod again!

... I have no words for it.

Just because NO ONE before made a prompt with this it´s suddendly taboo? But we made prompts before with OTHER characters and we KNEW they don´t get a nice happy ending.

I could shout hypocrite to them all, but i´m just to cool and say: Uhu. Nice to know.

Unecessary drama belongs into rl and not internet. I can deal with it.

IRC is down, so I have to post this here.

I just got dumped by someone I loved more than anyone else before. He dumped me via phone, and told me that I needed to "man up and move on" because I asked why he broke up with me.

Apparently, he didn't have the "time or patience" for a relationship.

This is the guy that still has a thing for his ex, and when he goes back to North Carolina he plans on dating him again. So, I can only hope my now-ex screams my name in ecstasy on accident when they're banging in hell.


I'm a bit drunk, by the way.

>>7538
I'm sorry to hear that, but man, if he's going back to his ex then he doesn't even deserve such a loving guy like you.

I'm Still plaing portal2 since my last post, I' gonna die.

>>7539
He just told me he's through with his ex and has no idea what to do, but he doesn't think he can handle a relationship.


I've spent the past three hours bawling into my pillowcase, staring at my phone, waiting for him to call.

I want to die, right now.

oh god oh god oh god why does this happen every time i'm drunk?

Next week is gonna be the apocalypse of moving, with three furniture stores to go to, tons of shit to pack and unpack, and lotsa German bureaucracy.

I'm ready.

The desire to have everyone I know just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE FOR A FEW DAYS is rising.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be by myself.
All I want is to be left alone, with no interruptions, only for the sake of having some peace and quiet.

Teacher tells us the prompt for the final essay, something along the lines of "Write about how a novel you read this year has illuminated some aspect of your life." She asks what novel we will use, I say that this is the only thing I read. She takes one look at the cover, mutters the title and says that she thinks I could get away with it. She is in for a surprise.

>>7547
Good for you! I'm glad you're happy.

I'm excited about the prospect of being able to meet an online friend whom I've had my eye on for sometime now, but I'm also nervous that the meeting could it could the "make or break" moment for any chance I may have to eventually be with them beyond just friends. My mannerisms aren't overt as they are online, so I worry that I'll flop as far as physical chemistry goes, coming off as super shy since this is the first time being face to face though we've known each other for years. I don't know why, but it never feels right to me to flirt face to face, maybe because I feel it would send the wrong message on our "first" meeting, like that's all I'm interested in when in fact it isn't like that at all. I've still got time to better gauge how my friend feels, but I doubt it will be very explicit.

>>7541
sup. I sobered up and we talked all night and I went to bed after hearing him say "I don't want to break up with you. I'm not breaking up with you." and today we went out for 6 hours and wandered around town.

I'm happy. If it happens again, though, fuck it all

Irregular period strikes back with a vengeance,
Roommate did laundry that I had to do myself, (delicates) and ruined the fabric one of my nicer shirts.
Threw a passive aggressive bitchflip and in a fit of hormones I proceeded to further ruin the shirt by warping it beyond salvation and throwing in in the garbage, just to vex myself.
Now I want to cry.

I fucking hate the crimson tide.

> wanted to go to bed
> Zombie on my Lawn Ringtone around 23
> Yeah what´s up? (this classmate again)
> We all should meet around 8 tomorrow
> WTF? I´m meant to be there around 15 for my consultation!
> Yeah, but she said in her blog on facebook that this teacher blah, blah, blah (i have no facebook. I´m a rebel.)
> Classmate: Did you really wanted to just show up 15? This tone. It begs to slap her.
> I need to be here 6 hours earlier than planned
> Well, shit
> standing up TO FRIGGING EARLY AND GOT WAY TO LESS SLEEP
> I wanna kill someone
> On the meeting place in time and have a nice chat with others... ("Did ya know about this?" "No i ddin´t." No one REALLY knew.)
> False Information
> Wanna kill someone

To list everything what happened now there, panic, because i needed to drive back home to change clothes (Teacher i met at morning today: You have enough time to change clothes. If this isn´t a decend advice.) Well this weren´t my best clothes and shoes.
Annoyance because now projectplanning on the last bit of time again.
My brothers wants to visits me, because he has today a meeting for his may future career in the german Bundeswehr.
This classmate. Which i still don´t like. I said several times: Please, don´t touch me. She touches me everytime FROM behind on my shoulder. Or tips on it. (Which is worser.)

I`M NO TOCUHING PERSON, BECAUSE I HAVE ISSUES!
(Now i said it.) SO STOP FRIGGING TOUCHING ME, IF I DON´T EXPECT IT! (Only persons who may touch me unexpected: Family, future boyfriend. Except if i just stood up, but than i say nothing, but die a bit inside if someone touches my face than.)

And i want to sleep, but can`t because if i wake up again i would feel like shit. Which i prefer not to feel like before i need to go in and be all happy smile. Well, at least i can drink now GOOD coffee here.

What's with all the bestiality porn spam on the site? It's disgusting, and I though the captchas would prevent that sort of stuff.

>Cousin from Mexico randomly starts talking to me
>Brags about how great her life is
>Belittles and mocks me every chance she gets
>"Turn on your webcam - Oh. You still look like that?"

Yep. She's still a cunt.
I'm assuming my mom must've told them about some of the shit that has been going on with me and my cousin just saw it as a perfect opportunity to boost her ego.
I'm way past taking her shit seriously, but just hearing her voice infuriates me to no end. I only wish she was here so I could punch her in the face a second time.

>>7559
We even got CP once. some are just actually good at doing capchas.

>>7561
What is it about this site that makes spam programs want to post that sort of stuff on here? I mean, that's just awful!

>>7563
Probably all the somewhat weird fan porn. No offense or anything. They're probably lumping it all together in their mind.

>>7559
Christ, I do not need to see this kind of shit this early in the morning.

>>7565
but I won't object to it.

Okay i did it. And i rocked... for my standards. I spoke free, looked in the group and i got 7/10 points. Positiv surprise for the teachers.
So.
Happy time, shouldn´t it be? WRONG. Because just this classmate again. As i prepared myself for the final i got suddendly a SMS. I should for the pictures tomorrow bring this : Woll, pink hairband, a wooden chair...
A what? So after the FINAL, i called her.
>Hey uhm... why should i bring a wooden chair? >Well, because no one of us had one so we thought you have this.
Calm, down.
>No sorry i don´t have it.
>Oh. Really?
><Yes, really.
>Well than think on something. But you gave the paper to the secretary.
>Which paper?
>The one where we get free for tomorrow. We talked about this BUT YOU weren´t THERE.
> Sorry, but my brother...
> I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH MY FAMILY TOO (buhuuu. You have no other frigging topic as your problem with the hell of family you have. And you don´t live with them anymore. Why do you still cry about this?) And blah, blah, blah and blah. IT`S YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU WEREN`T THERE AND TRIED TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR YOUR FINAL!
WE WORKED THE WHOLE DAY ON IT!
(To look at different picture we already selected and write down what we need for them. Hard work. Really hard work.)
>It´s your fault if you have stayed from 8am until 4pm and did THAN your final we may have forgive you.

It doesn´t matter that i spoke to them 5 minutes before my final began and asked about all important things. The paper wasn´t named than.

I need to go now 8am to my school to do so.

I so don´t like her. I so don´t like her...
You are 23 years old. Grow up. Sometimes other people have different termins so we can´t meet each other to see videos. So GET OVER IT AND DEAL WITH IT! AND DON`T LET INERFERE THIS FEELINGS WITH YOUR SCHOOLLIFE/JOB!

And like hell i will carry a chair through half the city.

I was gifted Portal2 by my Pa, best day!

-Sister gifted copy of portal 2 upon launch (DSHFHSDKJGHASH)
-was playin dragon age ALL of my free time
-WILL BE PLAYING LA NOIR EVERY FUCKING DAY AT LUNCH HHHNNNNNNNGHHHH

-RANKED UP TODAY, FROCKED IN 2 WEEKS OR LESS, PAYRAISE IN APPX 6 MONTHS, CURRENTLY HEATING UP OVEN FOR SOME NOT QUITE ACCURATE BUT SLIGHTLY HEALTHIER LUMPIA, GOT SOME BIRCH BEER.

TODAY IS THE BEST OF DAYS

Ugh, I am so over this flu.

Or rather, I'm so over not getting over this flu. If that makes any kind of sense.

And I'm so sick of getting to work half an hour early and no-one else getting in until late (It's quarter past nine now; we open at nine o'clock. I'm the only one here). I mean, yes, it's a small office, and we don't have any appointments until about two o'clock, but a girl gets lonely, y'know?

I'm also a bit fidgety with the chat being down; I usually just sit in there when no-one else is in, and now I don't know quite what to do with this downtime.

>>7573
I know how you feel, I got food poisoning last Wednesday and now I've got a cough, swollen lymph nodes and it hurts to swallow. Absolutely great, amirite?

captcha: quizaq. Congrats, Captcha, you've learned how to follow the q-u rule!

>>7573
Also, an additional feeling - an addendum emotion, if you will:

I feel QUITE SILLY, and also a little RESENTFUL of my years of graphic design (N.B. lololol I then did Science in uni, dropped out, and am doing what is basically accounting for people with social skills). The reason for this is that I was looking at a very sexy picture of Sniper, and was so busy admiring use of form, line and colour that I didn't notice his pants were undone. Silly Ablubluh. Think with your crotch first, THEN analyse the picture.
>>7575
I don't know about food poisoning, but I think I've food-od'd in the last couple of days. Mother of Boyfriend keeps feeding me SO MUCH DINNER and getting all offended if I don't finish it. Stupid Maltese foodphilia.

>high school ends
>have been having nightmares ever since
>depressed as fuck
>can't seem to do anything, have clothes piled up in my room in a mess and can't get the motivation to put them away
>just sit in my room all day sleeping or playing videogames
>why.jpg

I don't know where I'm going.
Why I'm going.
And when I'll get there.

I hate this, and I can't find someone to be with me whilst I'm going through this.

>shitsuxbro

>>7573
You can always join us in the Circlejerk. We are always happy to see peeps coming in!

My feelings right now: Moving is hard, but shit is at least getting done. Aw yeah.

>>7579
The person just drops into your lap sometimes. You might meet them doing something that's insignificant in the grand scheme of things, or something that doesn't seem significant but will end up being that was in the end. I met my fiancee after both of us signed up to do one single year of marching band, and I doubt I would've met him the same way if I hadn't done it. Just don't tell yourself that it's never gonna happen, it will, when you least expect it.

>>7582
You are very sweet to extend the invite, and I would in a heartbeat, but that's Steam chat and I, cough, I can't really do that at work, which is mostly when I'm in IRC.

(everyone loves run-on sentences, right?)

Also, while I think of it, is getting our own chan IRC server going a matter of funding? Because I'd be more than willing to donate again; you guys remember that ChipIn thingie that was on the front page a little while back? I mean, if it's basically any other issue I don't know how to help. But if it's that, well, I like to support this chan. I really like the people here and occasionally feel bad for mostly lurking. Apparently I'm the sort of person who replaces actual affection/support with fiscal reward. Who'da thunk?

>>7585
That's very kind of you to offer, dear, but there's no additional funding required for our own IRC server. I'm hoping it will be up by the weekend though!

>>7586
Awesome!

>>7585
Disregard my refusal. I make bad snap decisions. Sometimes I wonder how I'm still employed

TL;DR POST AHEAD I DON'T EVEN CARE.

So, I'm graduated, and I'm ready to begin my job hunt and my apartment hunt at the same time. My boyfriend's been super supportive, and my parents have even been open with me moving into the spare room in his house with my two other friends. My parents have also been supportive of my decision to stay in San Francisco to try to find any kind of job, especially since most of the film jobs in the area aren't paid, so I would essentially getting a full-time job to pay rent and then freelance on my time off.

And then I woke up this morning and my parents told me that I'm moving back home in San Diego, and that it's for the best, especially since I'll be closer to Los Angeles where all the film jobs actually are.

What the fuck?

First off, I've expressed to my parents repeatedly that I'm not ready to move to LA, and that finding a paid film job there is not any easier than one in SF, especially since everyone else in LA is also a film person who is also vying for those jobs (and let's face it, those guys are 10x more qualified than I am). I told them that I wanted a year to spend in SF to get more experience and save up money so I can move down there. Worst of all, they started blaming my boyfriend for this "sudden change of attitude" I had, and that he needed to man up and take responsibility for himself and not be so dependent on his friends and family.

First off, my boyfriend is "dependent" on his friends and family because they just lost their fucking house in a fire not even a month ago and he needs a lot of fucking support from people to keep himself from falling apart in this difficult time. Second, I get it. My boyfriend is 27 and I am 22 and he needs to be the man. Whatever. Say that about my 27 year old brother, who refuses to move out of the house because he likes to be waited on and is willing to take whatever minimum wage job he can because he doesn't want to leave home despite knowing that moving to Washington D.C. would help him in his career path (he graduated with a double-major in history and political science). But instead my parents choose to baby him and let him live at home and miss out on amazing career opportunities because it's cheaper. So ultimately, it's super hypocritical of my parents to talk shit about my boyfriend behind his back and then treat my brother the way they do.

Third, I have the best, most supportive friends here in the Bay Area who will do anything to support me (and I would do the same for them). Even though the filmmaking community is small, it's definitely easier to get your foot in the door. I don't know anyone in LA, and the ones that are moving there soon literally don't know what they're doing with their lives either. Also, moving back home to San Diego means I won't have any hometown friends to help me out since most of them have either moved to the midwest (for medical jobs) or are my ex's friends who I'm sure want nothing to do with me at this point.

So not only have my parents decided that moving back home and being isolated from my friends and my boyfriend, but they decided that it's the right decision for me without consulting me first and assuming that they know what's right for me. The worst part is feeling like there's nothing I can do, because the more I protest, the more they pull support from me until I'm broke and they shrug and say "hey, we told you so." Even worse than that is the possibility of losing my boyfriend, and I can't think of what my future will be like without him by my side.

I just, I don't know what to do, because at this point my future is no longer in my hands and I don't know what to do about it.

Oh wow. After 6 years of being an agnostic I've found something that works for me.

Was deleting things on laptop in class today, deleted something I shouldn't have, had to reinstall OS. And now I have to redownload EVERYTHING because the only option that would've worked was to erase my entire computer. Lovely.

>>7589

Tell them no and tell them you've already told them what you want to do. If they pull your support, you mentioned you were ready to begin job-hunting for income.

Becoming independant from your parents is usually accompanied by a period of financial instability for most people. I was very lucky, I had a large bank account that I saved up as a buffer until I could get my life working (although watching $6K vanish was a bummer). Many people aren't lucky and end up constantly broke, eating only one meal a day or are even homeless for a while. If you're confident, have moral support when you need it and know roughly what you want to do there's no reason you can't make now the time to start living your independant life. I won't be easy, but then you've just graduated, you have skills, you have brains and more than that, you have an idea of where you want to go in life. I'm about to be 24 and I still don't know what I want to do with my life.

My friend's friend committed suicide a week ago. How do I tell her everything will be ok when I too feel suicidal and worry about my future? How do I tell her that what he did was wrong when all she can do is sing his praises and try to explain his suicide as acceptable? How do I tell her that the man she is making huge, life setting plans with is the wrong guy for her because he will barely listen to what she says when she needs him most, and it ends up being me that she confides in more than anyone else?

How do I tell my other friend she is going to marry a man who will never put her first when she is being so stupidly stubborn? All she does is talk about his faults to me, of which there are many. How do I convince her she is making the same mistake she made before when she refuses to see the similarities? How do I give her the slightest bit of advice without losing her as a friend when she gets angry at me when I give advice and calls it "giving a lecture"?

How do I tell my ex girlfriend how I really feel? That the man she picked over me clearly stepped in and acted nice just to get to her without sounding bitter and twisted? How do I explain to her that I care for her more than anyone else, that I was there for her when no one else was, and that when she says that she doesn't love me any more that I can tell that she is lying because I know her better than anyone else? How when she isn't focused on the here and now, she still tells me she loves me when I say something that reminds her of the past.

How do I tell my brother he reminds me of my uncle, in personality and in the fact that alcohol killed my uncle without sounding like a complete dick? That I really do care about him and it hurts me every day when he comes home drunk because I know its gonna kill him?

How do I tell my friends that I understand they are busy with their own lives and relationships, but I know that every time they make up some reason not too stay for longer its because of stupid little reasons like myself and their boyfriend are woopin their ass at a computer game, or that they really disappoint my little brother each time for selfish reasons without them flying off the handle like always? That I now know they only need me to solve all their problems with actual advice, but when I need help, they can only ever give me a pat on the back and the old "You'll be ok" line, and that pisses me off that they can't put any effort into helping me?

And through all this, through trying to help people, through getting them to understand that they are being foolish, or that they will be ok, that they are strong, weak, need help or that they need to let go and move on. I can't help myself, I can give them all he answers and confidence they need to move on and do better, but those words don't work on me. I can believe it for them, but not myself. I am so confused and have so many questions. What do I want to do? Now and for my future? How can I do those things when I just don't have the drive or the power because I constantly give what I have to everyone else. I am so drained, so tired. Every time I plan my life out, it falls apart because someone who was involved lets me down, steps out of the picture or disappears all together.

I don't know anything any more.

>>7603
Donny.

You are one of the loveliest people I've ever talked to. All of your kindness and effort for your friends is admirable.

But please. PLEASE.

Go see a psychologist.

You carry a fuckton of baggage, you load yourself with everyone's worries - Your friends', your own's, everything. I've done this before and let me tell you 100% seriously: It's gonna kill you psychically sooner or later. You CAN'T carry this alone. Don't try to.

Seek out help and find a psychologist, maybe even go to a clinic if you need more help than you can get ambulantly. But DO IT. I mean it. You don't deserve going down. You derserve all the great things in the world.

So I woke up to my friend tweeting about their gender identity issues and I really wish I could help but they live in bloody Canada, are asleep, and I can't really think of anything to say because all that happened to me was I woke up one morning and realised I was a they rather than he or a she.

Feel special TF2chan you're the first ones I've told.

I feel silly.
And just the slightest, tiniest, teeny-weeniest bit... sad.
Of course it's best to find out whether somebody's already taken before you start crushing on them. I'm just sort of glad I asked someone else and not them specifically.
Gosh.

Woke up today from a dream containing a dude I thought I got over years ago. Brain, fuck you. Now you get to write recursive data structures. Fuck you.

I woke up from a dream this morning in which I was dating someone who was a) not my boyfriend and b) someone I haven't particularly liked in the past. Brainmeats, wtf?
And in less than three hours I'm leaving on a ~4 hour drive so that I can watch my sister's high school graduation. I'm terrified. My baby sister is almost an adult.
The sky was exactly like this on the morning of my graduation. Oh god I'm already crying. I guess I'm packing the box of tissues, too.

>>7617
I just went to my new boyfriend's graduation yesterday. He graduated from the same alternative program as I did, and he graduated a semester early, like I did. I was teary eyed too! Afterwards we snuggled and kissed and made out for a good two hours. I'm glad I fought to keep this guy... even if he is a hassle.

I just had... don´t know what it was. A mental breakdown? I just got furious about... not something quite trivia, but some people won´t give a second though on this if i told it now. I even started to CRY a bit, because of this problem. I don´t know WHERE this came from. I was happy the last days, because the finals are over and i was somehow like in a Equilibrium. But now i just started to cry and was worried again about my future and looked at all these little selfnagging problems i have in the now, which i ignore most of the time. And everything came up. But than i wipped away the tears and sat for a while with my grandma and talked a bit casual stuff. I feel better now, even if i didn´t talked about this problems with her now.
She knows them anyway.

And the man which was my first love (i never told him) starts to post again his selfwritten lovepoems to me.

Because he just wants to show them to me.

And i was so happy at the morning...

So I started working out at a gym where my friend is working, so I could be with her after the training session. I need to get in shape, these exercises were really hard, like, I love trekking and cycling and stuff, but this was a really intense training, especially for someone who wasn't attending this sort of thing for two years. I felt every muscle, but it was good, I'm ready to try this out for at least a month, to get in better shape before B.A. defense (I mean, it shouldn't be hard to get rid of 5kgs, right?).

Captcha: pethin. It's trying to tell me something...

>>7610
Thank you Perry, I am still lookin into the psychologist idea, and perhaps I am merely brooding on reflection. The headache I've developed the past few days isn't helping matters however.

>Invite him to hang out four different times this week
>"Busy" each time
>And that's the end of Ginger's almost boyfriend

Gonna be camping with friends all weekend. It's been a long time since I've been on vacation, even briefly so, and I hope this will replenish my energy.

You guys take care while I'm gone, okay? I love you all! See you on Monday!

>>7631
You'll be fine, Donny. Get a shrink, talk it through, and then you'll be good.

I saw him without any clothes on today. It was everything I wanted it to be.

I just told my ex-girlfriend I miss her. She said she has fallen for another person. I am sad, but I understand, and I would have been damn surprised if she actually did want to getback together. Oh well, such is life.

I...I did it.

This is the first time in my entire life that I've gotten straight A's. I feel so hopeful that I can do this, that I can actually make something of myself.

or maybe not and I'll go back to eating fast food while laughing at internet arguments

at least until accelerated molecular bio starts on Tuesday oh god what have I done

>>7646

Congratulations, fellow student of science! I'm furiously attempting to finish an assignment and report due next Friday...eep...

Kind of having a dilemma - it's my honours year, and I had planned to use the break before second semester to throw myself wholeheartedly into my project (i.e. make up for time lost to coursework). Now my dad wants to take the family to visit my grandma for two weeks, as she's suffering from very bad dementia and might not remember who we are much longer. I feel terrible for not wanting to go, but I will be putting my degree at a serious disadvantage if I do.

Anon's priorities are messed up

I hadn't seen my childhood pet (a long-haired chihuahua named Speedy) for two years. I had honestly expected him to keel over when I went to college - I'd actually hoped as much, so I wouldn't have to see him die.

I had to housesit for my parents over the last two weeks. I spent a lot of time caring for their three dogs, including Speedy, and was amazed at how energetic, playful, and happy he was despite his age, blindness, and deafness. He still loved being cuddled and would still start barking when I would sing (though I'd have to sing really loud before he could hear me).

My parents came back and I went home to my apartment. Speedy died the next morning. He was 17.

I'm gonna miss that smelly, twitchy fucker.

>>7659
It's like he was waiting to see you one last time.

>>7659
Oh my fuck.

After a week of broken Internet, I finally have it back!
Off to play TF2!

>>7658
Just how old are you?

What drives me to do most things is the desire to make someone else happy. Making other people smile is what makes me smile, but at the same time, I want them to smile for me.

I hope one day I'll realize that just because I made someone smile, they aren't necessarily smiling for me. There would be less heartache.

A great man... erm, awesome dude once said "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired"

>That awkward moment when you realize how incredibly boring your Skype group has become.

But hey, let's ignore everything remotely interesting and play League of Legends for about 10 hours.
And hey, once we're done, let's all bitch about League of Legends until we all fall asleep.

Ugh, whatever. Shit's boring, Firefly isn't.
I think I know what I'm going to be doing.

I made almost $150 selling stuff at Fanime so far. Money feels good.

Ouch. My feet.
Just got back from MCM Expo, had so much fun running around as a RED femSpy, even if I managed to dehydrate myself again. Here, have a photo of ALICE as Miss Pauling, a BLU Heavy and I playing Rockband.

>>7672
Firefly marathon ftw. I feel bad because I kinda forgot about Simon and Kaylee's thing.

i went over to his house and we snuggled for hours and watched some movies and then we got all emotional and started crying because his life sucks and i don't understand it and he's /still in love with his ex/ and feels like he's cheating on him with me, but also like he's cheating on me with him. it's conflicting and it hurts him and gaaaaaaaaaah i cant help

BACK FROM CAMPING

IT WAS AWESOME

That's all.

I recently had gall bladder surgery and my stomach area still hurts a little, but it's hard to find advice on what to do about it, because when people hear "stomachache" they always suggest Pepto-Bismol or something that I don't think would help.

>>7698
Why would you post that?

>>7701
Whoa, what's so upsetting about somebody posting about having had surgery? It's not like they posted pictures of their surgical wound or something.

>>7698
Did the doctors give you any pain meds for post-op? You could try asprin or ibuprofen.

Revising for important exams in a subject you're not very confident in?

Pfft, who needs that when you have TF2.

I feel like I need to ask my friends why no one is attracted to me, but I am embarrassed to.

>>7713
I asked one of them, and she made me feel much better.

Jesus christ the undergrad in my class is so fucking hot. Like seriously. Everything I've every found attractive all on one person. And I feel like such a goddamn creep but I have never seen someone so beautiful, I can't help but want to talk to him.

what the fuck self, you have a husband and ten years on this poor boy, LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE AND STOP BEING A GODDAMN CREEPER

and stop creeping on his facebook page jesus christ you have a problem

>>7701
I'm sorry. I didn't think it was explicit compared to, say, people who post about their periods/sex lives/talk about their genitalia in graphic detail. I only mentioned it because I was hoping someone could help.


>>7703
Thank you.

>>7704
I have pills, but I'm worried to take additional medication. I'm so worried about overdoing it, I rarely take Advil.

>>7718
If you're not already taking any NSAIDs, I'd recommend Aleve or naproxen. They work better than ibuprofen. I am speaking from experience.

So today was Kirchentag in my town and because there were all these NICE people who seemed to do GOOD things i spontanously told my mother that i want to give blood. Which i did. Now my arm slightly hurts, but i think this is worth it.

This is how I feel when trying to figure out if I need to apply for a seller's permit, even with the instructions sheet in front of me.
Also the tax forms for income generated by selling shit I've made are confusing as hell.

I'm in blue mood because
it seems that number of people who are in tf2 fandom is decreasing consistently since last year's explosion of tf2chan.

So I posted a thread on Ponychan with the TF2 ponies I've been drawing. Not even a day later, people are posting pictures they've drawn in my thread. The worst part is, they're all better than me. I know my stuff isn't exactly the Mona Lisa but this makes me surprisingly depressed when the only response I get that isn't someone else's art is 'pretty good'.

>>7731
The first mistake you made was watching a show made for girls ages 3 and up.

>>7736
Hey you can't help what you're attracted to. I still watch cartoons from when I was a kid at times.

>>7738
Spongebob 4 life

>>7736
>ages 3 and up
I assume Hybrid is 3 and/or up

>>7738
even grown men who watch cartoons think ponies are the lowest common denominator

My feelings: I'm tired of seeing this argument pop up every time that cartoon is mentioned more than the cartoon itself. Looks like there's a lot more folks here needing to grow up.

Throat is killing me, I hate being sick.

I miss my boyfriend, I'm so lonely by myself.

So I found a video on youtube about polygamy in Islam so I dropped my opinion:

Me:
Salaam! I'm a new convert/revert to Islam, and I've read the Qu'ran. Much of it is beautiful, but there are things I disagree with. To me that's not being a non-believer, it's following the Qu'ran when it says there is no compulsion in religion. As far as this subject goes, I don't agree with it, but then that's just my opinion.

tough guy:
you show you DONT HAVE A CLUE about islam

so youre a convert eh...whats with the REVERT nonsense LOL - surely you would know that every human being is born an innocent baby...NO ONE is ever born muslim like insecure islam teaches

you accepted islam giving you 'right to choose' to join,& now as muslim SUPPORT islam denying same right to MAJORITY born into ummah and MURDER for non belief/leaving

shame on you

Me:
Where did I say that? I don't believe the revert BS, but I know others do so I was being respectful. Where did I say I supported the wahabism and tribalism that leads to honour killings? You seem to assume that just because I'm Muslim I'm unable to either criticise my own faith or others who may practice it under a different sect or denomination. I say shame on you for making such vast assumptions of my person when you don't know me.

tough guy:
you claim using revert nonsense word is 'respectful' LOL - respect is NOT a right,must be earned...so WHY would you think using such is respectful

you obviously live in west....in muslim countries people are KILLED for daring to question or criticise - & as a muslim you MUST SUPPORT what islam is,does & causes

you clearly DONT KNOW islam
I
ts NOT an assumption that you 'accepted right to choose' but now as a muslim you SUPPORT denial of right inflicted on others....as its the basis of islam that there is hideous PENALTY for non belief/leaving - those people who dont believe the errors in koran/hoax ARE DENIED right to choose freely,openly,safely

you clearly DONT KNOW what leads to honour killing either...and in shariah there is NO PENALTY for killing offspring

but do you even CARE that girls are killed?

Me:
Because all Muslims are identical right? Once again where did I say I supported wahabism? I don't think you even know what that refers to, but then say I don't know about Islam. Can you tell me how many different sects there are and how their practices differ? I can tell you, but I know you don't care either way, when it's easier to pretend all Muslims are identical and all Mulsim women are oppressed and suffering. I wonder if you broad brush other groups of people?

Where did I say I support the way women in the middle east are treated? I guess by the same logic as an Australian you support the ethnic cleansing of the natives of Australia right? I mean that is the logic you are using. But thanks for not answering any of my questions and continuing to make assumptions that do nothing but show your ignorance. I hope you live a happy life knowing you have such hate in your heart.



Lol I'm obviously a horrible terrorist.

>>7742
Pretty much this. It has a huge fanbase for a reason.

Feelings! I'm feeling a bit dejected.
My mom's boyfriend pretty much announced that he doesn't care for me like a daughter and he doubts he ever will.
I mean, I don't care for the man as my father and I doubt I ever would, but it still hurts to actually hear him say that.
Luckily for me, expo stress is keeping me from dwelling to much on the subject, but still. Damn.

Yay, chan is back! That makes me a happy Perry.

... My move is still keeping me busy, though, so I can't post much at all. I HOPE I DON'T MISS DOUBLE DROP WEEK

>>7736
Hey, I still like Powerpuff Girls, Fairly Odd Parents, kids movies like Ponyo. Just because the age demographic is young doesn't stop us from watching it.
>>7740
Let me just check my birth certificate I'm not entirely sure.
>>7742
Me too, christ. Next time I'll just keep it to myself.

I'm gonna be rich someday
SOMEDAY
Someday I won't have to pay rent or shit and it'll be sweet.
;_;

>that awkward moment when you realize that one day, you will have to decide between maintaining a relationship and furthering your career.

>>7751
>Also, e-drama is never funny.

Oh you!

>>7782
GaiaOnline has become the best place to find e-drama : P

Friend's BF: I wanna get to know you better.
Me: If my friend trusts you, so do I.
[Months pass and conversations between us are mostly one-sided on my end, I can't get him to talk back to me]
Friend's BF: [being self-destructive and pissing the friend he's dating off]
Me: You have to think about how you're treating her. She was crying yesterday. I felt miserable.
Friend's BF: [essentially tells me because we're not close, I have no reason to care or worry about him, and that he doesn't care that I'm worried about him because I'm not his girlfriend and therefore don't matter]

So what, I can only care about you if we're dating? You can't have platonic friends? Between this and my brother and dad both making fun of everything I do/generally being beyond irritating and openly not giving a shit when I don't think it's funny (and then telling me I do think it's funny), I feel useless and run-down right now.

I´m a bit sad, that the TF2 Bugfortress RPG went down after a promising start. Well, maybe by all the others are IRL Problems now, too...

Aarrrgh, I feel like such a goddamn teenager. I'm head over heels for a guy, he's giving me mixed messages (he loves me too, but only when he's drunk...?), I think there may be something between him and a mutual friend but I'm too chickenshit to ask either of them what's going on, both because I'm scared it's true but also if it isn't that I might give them the idea to hook up.

Yes, I know. The smart thing to do would be to get the hell over it and move on, this sort of stupidity isn't meant to happen past the age of 15. But uuuuuugh.

Okay Saxxy Awards almost starting. And i hope something GREAT WILL HAPPEN (like TF2 Update?) if it´s finished. BTW Mr. Hale looks stunning in a smoking.

Alana- the lazy, depressed, good-for-nothing strain on good people's rescources, is dying.

Valorie will see to it that she meets her end.

Also I has a new tripcode.

Thanks Ashe :U

There's only so much crap I can take from my friends.
After a while, I start to get jaded and distance myself from them.

Being ditched, ignored, and flat-out pushed aside doesn't help in the least.
I still care about them, yeah, but right now I'm finding it really hard to find a single fuck to give about any of them.
I know this makes me a bad person, but I don't care anymore. I'm sick of this shit.

>>7815
Luckily, we've talked on Tumboner, so if you want, I can always message you more. It sucks that you've had to go through that. You're so nice and draw great fanart.

So nothing great happened yesterday at the Saxxy Awards. Except that a innocent Bear got hit by Saxton Hale. The poor thing never had a chance. I still hoped for something dramatic.

Anyway. Today i got my finalresults.
I´m... okay i should be happy because there stands fat i passed all of them and don´t even need to make one additional final.
Still it´s a bummer that i wrote a 3 in Computeranimation, where i got with a wonderfull 1 at first into it.

Maybe i need to process at first that it´s now over.

After the finalresults i made myself a present and bought Lewis Carrol Alice books in english and one Terry Prattchet Discworld Roman in german. Gotta be a good long weekend after tomorrow.

My cats brought in what I believe was a baby kestrel at one in the morning last night. :/

>>7815

Steve, you're beautiful and I love you. ♥

>>7816
>>7821
Oh gosh, guys. I am so undeserving of all this love. HNNNNG - I'm so bad at expressing how grateful I am, but really, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Also, on an unrelated note, I like how Anime Expo won't acknowledge how large the MSPA and MLP fandoms are and refuses to add them onto the gatherings list.
I also like how Alice in Wonderland is somehow on there and deserving of it's own meet-up.
I mean, I understand why they wouldn't allow both meet-ups, but I'm still a bit peeved and bitter about the whole thing.

Ah well. Both meet-ups are going to rock it regardless.

>>7815
Don't feel bad. You are a wonderful person and you know it. All of my Perrytastic hugs for you!

Why the hell do I have to clean out the trashcan in the bathroom? Just because I happen to be on my period? There are other women in this house who have also thrown their things in that trashcan, not just me you stupid cunt.

>Falling out of a relationship with an otherwise great guy because I'm not romantically attracted to him any more
>Deeply attracted to another guy who may or may not feel the same for me
>Friend has a crush on previously mentioned guy, and has told me (though now everyone knows)
>Want to make a move on this guy without hurting my friend or the guy I'm currently in a 'relationship' with
>Just today found out one of my best friends is anorexic and possibly bulemic



>I don't want to do anything because this situation just makes me want to smash everything and cry

Proud on myself for mastering my new profilicon on tegaki. Because if i look at it and my first and only entry there it seems like i improved... a bit. A tiny winy bit. Dear god i need to practice.

Fuck you Liefeld, this is where you get trumped by an industry noob.

>>7838
To be fair, though, he's gotten better since the 90's, and I find his art slightly easier to look at than traced porn faces.

>>7839
Better is not good. I personally know 4 artists who could do his job better and cheaper.

>>7838

On the subject of Liefeld, this never fails to make me laugh.

http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/robliefeld.html

Ever since my visitor left yesterday it feels pretty darn lonely here in my new appartment. It's not quite home for me yet and when you have nobody around you easing your mind, it gets hard for me to bear.

ITT: PERRY IS A BIG BABY

I'm in Wildwood this weekend for the NJ state convention of American Legion peeps. It's awesome to be surrounded by so many vets. Plus, I get to run the go kart circuit on the boardwalk tonight.

The only thing that could make this weekend better would be if Scoutpapa were here with me.

>>7840
Agreed. Heck, I could do a lot better than some professional artists I've seen. I'm just too shy to put my art out there.

>>7850
And I can't understand this. If you think you're good, your art will defend itself. You don't even have to use your real name, that is until you'll receive job offers, and I bet that at that point you'll stop being shy about it.

>>7852
I can't, though. I have such bad self-esteem that I think anything I draw (or do, but that's a different story) is terrible, even if there's improvement or a ton of people worse than me.

I haven't gotten many nasty comments as of late, but nothing I draw gets any attention.

>>7855
Ah, that's understandable; got a different vibe from your post, sorry about that.
I don't know which sites you're using, but there are various options for networking your art (but I bet that you know that already).
This stuff happens, though, it's really hard to get your stuff seen.

>get weighed by doctor
>realize I'm not only overweight but 15 pounds heavier than my father who's almost a foot taller than me.
>FFFFFUUUUUUUUU-
>start exercising for an hour ever morning
>mfw I loose eight pounds in two weeks.

Feels pretty great, man.

The opening number for the Tony awards was the best I've seen, and I've watched it for the past ten years.

I also had NO idea that Daniel Radcliffe could dance like that. It's so weird to see Harry Potter performing a dance number in a plaid blazer, though.

I'll have been dating my girlfriend four months on Tuesday, and we haven't even kissed yet. I never thought this would be a problem given she's really mature for her age, but this is not what I'm looking for in a relationship at all. It's not like I haven't made it evident that I want to kiss her, either. But every time she's pulled away and it just feels like we're friends who hold hands sometimes. She's great, but this isn't going to be anything I want it to be anytime soon.

And I want to ask... is it shallow of me to want a relationship with at least a little sex? I mean, not right away obviously. But if I can't get a kiss on the lips in four months, I'm gonna be stuck with this sexual tension for a long fucking time. And I sure as hell don't want to pressure her into anything, but I guess there comes a point where I need something to at least make this more than middle school level. I don't know. I feel really shallow for that. I'd never date someone just for sex, but I'm getting to a point in my life where it feels important and this is... frustrating.

>Had to put down uncle's dog yesterday
>None of my friends are talking to me
>Depressed, down, and a bit of a wreck
>Brother takes my car keys and heads out for a bit
>Comes back, tosses a bag onto my bed, and tells me to open it
>Confused but decide to open the bag anyway
>Cry like a baby for the next 20 minutes

I have the best brother, you guys.
I'm going to miss the hell out of that dog and it still kind of hurts that my friends are too busy to talk to me, but it still feels awesome to know how much my brother cares.

Welp, I turned 21 today. Can't wait to get wasted tonight.

>>7877

Now shallow at all. If sex something that's important to you in a relationship, and she's withholding it from you, or not interested in that type of thing, it's better to know now. Sex is like any other major issue in a relationship; if you both don't want the same thing you'll either have to come to some compromise or end it entirely. And if she doesn't even want to kiss you maybe it means she's not willing to compromise.

In the end, you should probably talk to her about this rather than keep it to yourself. Best of luck anon!

Many years ago, my father was nagging me about something. I told him, 'You wouldn't be so mad at me if I was a boy.'
And he said 'No! I'd be harder on you! I treat you like a princess!'
Knowing him, he still to this day wouldn't realize why that's no better. In fact, now I'm older, now I'm an adult, I wish I had been born a boy. Then my father wouldn't have begrudgingly babied me through my entire childhood, and I wouldn't have copped the relentless abuse I had through my teen years, after my mother fled (You're an adult now, get a job! Don't you know how to fucking do dishes? You do nothing but sit at that fucking computer...). Maybe if I had been born a boy, I would've grown up taller and heavier than him, and maybe I'd have the heart to punch a pathetic old man in the face.
Maybe I'd have the heart to kill a pathetic old man.

A few months ago, before I finally moved out, I planned to erase his existence. I thought and thought and did nothing but think on it for weeks- well, actually, I'd been thinking about it many years before then, but it wasn't until then that I'd made the decision.
I did nothing but think until finally, one night, he started yelling.
I kept telling myself that next time he yelled it wouldn't hurt, it wouldn't affect me, because I'd be used to it. I'd hardened my heart and nothing could get in anymore. As I told myself this day, when he started yelling, and I started crying, which has always disgusted me. And then he went to work, or to bed, or maybe I left first. But I was out of the house soon after that. I didn't really know what to do; I had tried living with three other people and had failed (a point, if I remember correctly, that he had brought up when he'd raised his voice). Then it struck me; what I'd wanted to do, all along. I would do it tonight.
So I walked to the grocery store (it was about 5 in the arvo when I arrived, give or take) and bought a small travel-jar of coffee: the same brand that he likes, but decaf.
I arrived back home and rifled through the medicine cabinet, hoping I'd find what I was looking for, and I did: and almost full box of sleeping pills. He used to take them to help out with his changing shifts at work, but he no longer did because he always woke up groggy. I also found several painkillers and cold-and-flu capsules.
My plan was to crush up the tablets, squeeze the fluid out of the sleeping pills, and stir them into his coffee when I made it for him- his decaf coffee, to make absolutely sure the drugs did their work.
But then, it struck me; he'd taste these. The pills all had a foul taste to them, and no amount of coffee or sugar was going to hide the taste. I felt like an idiot. And, yet again, like a failure.
I broke down. I broke down and I started making that coffee. But not for him anymore- I crushed up the capsules and squeezed the pills into a large thermos mug, and poured in some hot water, and added three sugars and a dash of milk just the way I like it, and I sat down on the couch in the lounge room, and the house was empty.
And I was alone.
And I was free, if for just that night, to do as I pleased. And I looked down at the mug, and I could see flecks of un-crushed tablet, and I felt my heart race, and I didn't know why, but then I looked around, and I was alone, and I realized,
I was scared.
Immediately I was disgusted at myself for that, but I set the mug down on the coffee table, and I curled up into a tight ball next to the couch, and I cried. I don't know for how long; I cried until the tears crusted into my face, until my guts and throat hurt from sobbing, until my arms and legs were numb.
It was that monent- of all moments!- that I was a
very
very
very unstable person.




I had to get that out. I've moved out now; no job, no way to pay rent except to bug welfare about it. I've lost 15 kilos in two months, still losing more.
All I wanted all my life was to get away from my father, but now I am, I'm floundering, but I will die before I go back to him. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do.

>>7878

Oh my god. That's so sweet. ;_; And somehow made even more special by the fact that a guy his age willingly bought ponies in public. Remind me to hug him next time I see him.



Feerings: Last night was my third party in three days, and I'm fucking burnt out. I told some of my friends I'd come to the park today and watch some dramu unfold, but I just... don't have it in me. Especially considering I'm headed to Disneyland tomorrow.

And of course, my mom has to throw a fit about it ("You should still go! You don't get out enough! You'll feel better when you eat!") and it makes me wonder why she's wanted me out of the house so badly lately.

Overall in an okay mood; some ups and downs. I have some awesome friends, but lately I've been having some issues that I've been too afraid to talk to them about, mostly because it feels like if I talk about them, I really do have to own up to them as problems. But in the meantime I'll just focus on the good stuff until I get my head sorted out, I guess.

>>7881

Okay, i dunno if such things exist there by you. But it gives something like a hotline for depressions and suicidal risk for free. You should call there next time you have the urge to do so. The best thing i can come up now is that you should looking for help. Like a therapist.

To the thing with jobs... I don´t know if you live in a bigger city or a small town so i don´t know how it looks for you. Mostly it gives small jobs which brings a bit of money (e.g. Subway). I don´t say this are GOOD jobs or that they bring much of money. But it is money which counts at the end. You just need to go through your city and look out for it sometimes.

But this aside. Let me tell you i am happy you didn´t do it and ruined your life with it. I would hug you now if i could.

>>7880
I've been in a relationship like that, but I was willing to kiss the other person, lay in bed with him, and cuddle. I drew the line at taking our clothes off, though. I'm not sure why, but anything intimate scares me, even playing with myself or looking at porn, or something like that. I have no justification for it, I wasn't sexually abused, but for some reason I'm really uncomfortable with my body and with myself in general. It hurts because I really do like him.

It's... weird to feel so out of the loop on something I used to be completely on top of. I mean, it was expected I wouldn't be able to keep up with every little thing going on with one of my favorite games while in school. This place is so fast paced, of course what isn't strictly necessary is going to be set aside for later now and again.
But still.
I'd like to think I've kept up. Always checked the blog, come here and go through the Discussion threads. Then the Saxxy Awards come through and I feel like I'm left in the dust. Suddenly there's drawings of Medics killing doves everywhere, talk of exploding birds that just appeared in game, a possible ARG surrounding the number 21... and I'm just sitting here kind of, "Huh wha?" about the whole thing.
Damn do I miss being able to play and seeing this shit for myself. You only get so much out of reading what everyone else is experiencing...

Don't you love that feeling you get when you've been by yourself for too long and you start getting all "oh god my friends must not like me that much I bet they're all talking about how they don't like me RIGHT NOW." Grow up, brain.

Also I miss this place in all its hateful glory. The web has gotten way too OMFG SOCIAL JUSTICE and it's fucking annoying. Holy shit guys calm the fuck down, just because someone says "tardass" doesn't mean they're Hitler incarnate.

>>7891
I get like that too.

I'm not that easily offended, but I'm not a fan of being "offensive", either. I don't find Holocaust or dead baby or rape jokes funny because I don't see why they're supposed to be funny. Or trolling someone unless they're a real dickwad.

Friend calls today and says he's leaving for LA on Friday. This means I have only 3 more days to make some shit for AX. FUCK SUDDEN DEADLINE CRUNCHES.

I just don't care about anything anymore.

>>7891
Yep, now and then I have that worry in the back of my mind that my friends don't actually like me, and they're just putting up with me to stop me from getting upset. I think everyone feels that way sometimes...it hasn't been true so far.

>>7893
I, for one, wish the internet would stop making Pedobear jokes.

>>7893
Yeah, the whole "Oh hey let's be really offensive IT'LL BE FUNNY" is just incredibly immature (I'm looking at you, Duke Nukem Forever). I'm talking about the way some folks will jump down your throat should you let a "lame" or "dumb" slip. THAT IS NOT WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF HANDICAPPED/MUTE PEOPLE AASLDKFJSLKJDF." That's the shit that gets really old really fucking fast. Languages change, folks, the meaning of words change. Keeping a negative attachment to a word only serves to allow it to keep being offensive.

Blah whatever it's the INTERNET

I think I'm ready to leave this place. Not physically yet, but mentally. This situation has only served to bring me down for the last year and a half. Both my friends and family have noticed, and they're encouraging me and giving me support in my decision. I'm really scared, though. I don't handle change well, and moving is a big change. What if I'm just as much of a failure there as I am here? What if I can't provide for myself? I don't want to be a drain on my parents, who are letting me stay with them until I find my own feet. But what if it takes more than six months to find a job? A year? It's entirely likely.

I'm terrified of the decision, but I've recognized that this situation is unhealthy and mentally and emotionally taxing for me, and it's time to move on. And I think I'm actually ready to do so.

http://8tracks.com/eyeearmusic/apero-swing-playlist-amis-breuvages-et-bonne-humeur?play=1&prev_mix=278431 boy I like this site

Jesus christ I'm high right now

I'm graduating on Friday. I'm leaving for Pennsylvania soon, which is the location the main campus is for my online college. Unfortunately, school doesn't end until a day after I graduate, so even after I graduate, I have to continue working on homework. The moment I get home, I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day and possibly the night doing the rest of my assignments. I'm so not looking forward to that. Oh well...at least I'm graduating. I hope DreamWorks is gonna be at the portfolio presentation my parents signed me up for. I want to work there someday.

I sort of posted this earlier, on my hipstr, but right now, Chan. I wanted to give you guys a massive thank you.

It was about a year ago to this day that I had first watched the 'Meet the Team' videos and started to get curious about the fandom thanks to some friends of mine I'd be cosplaying with.

And now, I look back at this single year of being in the fandom and realize that I have met, interacted, and became friends with some incredible people.

You have helped my artwork to grow with unbiased but true crits. As well, the fandom has helped me dive into something, that has truly helped me get through my senior year of college with having something I could escape ((just a little bit)) too.

I toast to you chan and TF2 fandom, I love all of you, and I have the best wishes for each and every one of you.

This shot of vodka is for you.

~Cheers

>>7914
Also, my poor head. I can't speak clearly, because of how tired my current classes are making me, and I always feel like I'm in a dream or about to fall asleep. I'll be glad when this is over.

I got the feeling that the TF2Bug RP Group on TegakiE died before it got a chance. Which makes me slightly sad, because i liked every entry.

So, I have posted things about my awful boyfriend (now ex) on here before. Well, my parents let him stay at our house when I broke up with him for stealing a few hundred dollars from my parents.

Yesterday and today, I have learned not only did he do that, but he stole $200-300 from my brother, and over $500 from the local gas station when he worked there.

He also was doing a shit ton of cocaine in our house and was always broke because of it. And today I find out he was meeting some guy on craigslist to have sex in my mom's car in front of my house.

And today he tried to call the house from the jail. I pressed 2 so I wouldn't accept the collect call charges.

MFW I don't know whether to laugh at all of this or throw up.

I've been wondering lately whether or not mods/admins everywhere have just turned into massive, criticizing assholes or something. Is it something in the mod water?

  >click an unknown youtube link
>switch tabs and open my internet banking
>look at the state of my finances
>attached song has started playing

wow, thats spookily fitting

Feeling rather disspointed with my city right now, the riots last night not only ruined downtown, but our reputation as a city and the livlyhoods of hundreds of people. I'm releived anyone I knew that was down there left early and didn't participate, and glad that no one died, but overall just dissapointed.

I'm just ready for all this stress to melt away, all the drama to gtfo temporarily, take a beach day with Scoupapa and chill the fuck out.

Somehow in my chill time I'm also expected to plan my parents' 25th anniversary party and make my Lady Une costume for Otakon. When am I supposed to have time for all of this?

I just found out about this Hub channel. It's got all kinds of old shows. I love how silly tv used to be.

I don't care how hard it can be to stick to your friends and support them. I will keep on doing it no matter how many kicks in my nonexistant balls I get for it. You are my friends and you matter to me. I mean it when I call you my family. I'm always there. And if I don't stick to that one day, you can shoot me and bury me alive.

Yes, I'm in an ignorant mood. I refuse to acknowledge that I will change and eventually leave my current friends behind, even the close and dearest ones. I simply refuse.

Blarg, let me just stop rambling and attach a cute picture to illustrate my point.

I know it's not his fault and mental illness sucks, but I just hope he understands how confusing it is when someone that you care about tells you they love you one day, and can't remember a damn thing the next.

I need to hire a ghostwriter for fight sequences

Yes I did just write you a family version of a break-up letter and no you can't talk me out of it because no your constant fight-picking and interrogations have not been helpful and no I do not care if you are my father or my father's girlfriend because you have done the opposite of let me live on my own, in my own house, in my own life and because of that I will be taking progressive steps to never see you again and if I have to eventually get the police involved I am very very very prepared to do that oh my god you have no fucking idea.

Good day sir.

In all honesty you cannot fathom how liberating this day has been there are tears running down my face jesus fuck
this is the man who threatened to go through my browser history
To think if I did that to HIM 2 years ago I would've found his affair and he would probably have tried to take me to court
FUCK OFF
I HAVE NO FUCKING FATHER

I'm sorry, I need to vent, because this whole thing is getting ridiculous, also it's nice to have a mental breakdown on a sunny Friday afternoon, just what I needed.


I've already spent around 600-700PLN on my thesis (printing and paintings, thankfully I won some painting materials in a contest, otherwise it'd cost me more than 1K. We've had good karma for one year, with good income, and now it's breaking down again. I've been considering suicide again, it might be selfish, but I seriously don't know what to expect from the future anymore again. My drawings aren't that great (some comments on 4chan didn't help - "mfw don't tell me you got accepted to art school with that", inb4 this is 4chan, but it still stings a bit, especially when I had to pay 800PLN/month for 4 years in private art school because I was too unstable and insecure to go to normal school, and the rest of the kids were spoiled brats, and our finances weren't the best, I felt really bad about it), I'm aware of that, but that's why I'm still learning. Yes, I've won some stuff, including 1,5K for them before, but that doesn't change anything.

I'm terribly insecure about them, but I don't want asspatting or white-knighting. There are too many talented artists out there, they know how to portray emotions in their work a lot better, their styles are amazing, they have better ideas. I don't know what to do with myself.

I just hope that I'll be able to pass this diploma, to close this chapter in my life, maybe study a bit more since there are some profits from that. All I want for my family is to have a nice life, in a house and not in this flat, and for me to be able to support myself and them. At least my sister is successful.

I'm dating a girl that's too young for me. We've been dating four months and haven't even kissed yet. My best friend slash hopeful future roommate is gay. And the other day, I met a girl with squiggly blue hair that looks exactly like Ramona Flowers in every way.

And everyone I've told so far, including my best girl friend slash sister figure, keeps yelling at me to break up with Knives.

My life is Scott Pilgrim.

>>7941
>picture related.

So, I have a super long drive ahead of me to pick up my friend from her boyfriend's place. She never plans these things ahead of time and always winds up texting me "PICK ME UP PLEASE" on the day she's supposed to leave.
I would be slightly more annoyed had it not been for the fact that she's buying me lunch afterwards.
Still, I hate the drive and asked her to call my best friend to see if she would be willing to sit in the car with me and keep me company. She doesn't pick up and doesn't bother to call back.

I go out of my way for one friend but can't even get a call back from my supposed best friend?
This sort of stuff happens often, but damn. On the same day? Jesus.

Going to sleep now.

CON IS TOMORROW HOLY SHIT I CAN'T WAIT

EXCITE

>>7943
So THATS why I didn't see ya tonight.

This is an incredible long-shot, but I was wondering: does anyone from the old days of the chan have a copy of "Scout's Exam"? It was from 2008, I think, and involved Medic giving Scout a rectal exam. I can't find it on my hard drive, but I miss it... I'm trying to track down my little porn children from across the internet. If you do happen to somehow have it, could you send it to my e-mail above?

So my 16 year old sister told me today she thinks she might be pregnant. She said she's gonna try drinking and smoking a lot and hope that kills anything before fertilization or implantation happen. She said her boyfriend would stay if that doesn't work. He'd fucking better or he wouldn't have to worry about having any more kids. I don't know what to do.

I hate posting twice on the same day but MY GOD.

I felt like total shit earlier. My best friend brushed me off and my other close friend left to be with her parents in Canada for the next six months. I was in the worst mood possible.

So then call it un-fucking-believable when one of my closest online friends tells me that she plans to come visit for Anime Expo.
OH. MY GOD. We've been spending the last couple of hours talking about the stuff we're gonna do and now I'm as giddy as a school girl. I know I shouldn't be this excited since her trip all depends on the deal with her job and in all likelihood the plans will fall through BUT STILL.
I AM SO HAPPY, GUYS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

>>7946
if the drinking and smoking doesn't kill the fetus then she's most likely going to end up giving birth to a kid with severe birth defects. is there a planned parenthood ANYWHERE near you? the ways in which your sister's "plan" is terrible unto the point of "i really hope you're trolling" cannot be enumerated

>>7948
I knew a girl who thought she was pregnant, and her plan if she was was to punch herself in the stomach to abort it. Some people are not bright.

>>7951
yeah I know
my uncle was born with severe fetal alcohol syndrome and bringing a kid into the world like that because you thought it was a good idea at the time is just
mind-bogglingly stupid
I can't even, I just can't
I know it's hard to find yourself in an unexpected pregnancy, especially when you're underage, and you can feel like you don't have any options, but for the love of your sister and of the world at large, person who posted that originally, do your best to help her and find resources for her and let her know that she's not alone, because she's making a ridiculously stupid decision

Okay, I don't know if you guys have seen the footage of the looters and rioters up here in Canada, but...

God. Just watching the footage of it makes me sick. People- innocent people got hurt, and property got destroyed because of a fucking hockey game. Goddamnit, you assholes. Way to make our country look like a bunch of idiots.
HOWEVER, there is one thing from the footage that I enjoy seeing- every day people putting themselves in harm's way to try and stop the looters. Not even to save their own property- just helping because they want to help.
That's the only thing that gives me hope for this world. For every rioting idiot out there, there's a rational good person out there to stop them from making the entire country look like it's made out of asshats.

>>7954

This anon is from Vancouver and can't help but agree.

I can't say I didn't expect it, though I hoped I was wrong, there were thousands of people downtown, many boozed up since the afternoon, some with the intention of rioting whether they won or lost, and tensions running very high.

But it doesn't excuse anything. The rioters were a disgrace, and have ruined not only our rep as a city, but several people's livelyhoods, injured dozens of people(I think I heard that people were even stabbed), and can't seem to take responsability for what they've done, even trying to profit from it(Hey, look at all those brand new Louis Vuiton handbags for sale on Craigslist!) It shames me to come from the same place as these people.

But there are some things that continue to give me hope, I am very proud of those who have stood up to take responsability for what they've done, as that takes a lot of courage, and all those people helping clean up, the spontaneous post-it noting of the police car, and all the signatures on the wall giving apolagies and condolances.

I sincerly hope that people won't judge our city based on just a miniscule portion of our population.

Usually when people yell and scream at me over the mic ingame, I laugh about it or quickly mute them. I don't know why today was different. I really regret that I didn't just leave the server or mute the guy as soon as he started insulting me.

An older man just would not leave me the hell alone while I was on the server. Didn't matter what I was doing, I was shit at it. He looked at my score and playtime and went on a long rant about how I had no life, no friends, no hobbies, no future, and should just kill myself. He then must have looked at my steam profile and insulted any of my interests he could discern from it. Some kids joined him in insulting me and I have no idea why.

We were on an idle server. I like to goof off on idle maps sometimes and leave the game running after typing +attack in the console as a Demoman. I must have dominated the guy by accident or something.

I dunno. I had a really awful day and had hoped to play on my favorite durpy server to relax and instead got a 25-30ish dude calmly explaining to me that if I use the 'plastic-bag-over-the-head' suffocation method of suicide I'll need to restrict my hands somehow or I'll end up ripping the bag instinctively. Doesn't help that I'm being treated for major depression and still struggle with suicidal urges. If I had listened to this guy insult me a few months ago, oh man...I don't know where I'd be right now.

>>7957
That shit ain't right. There's a difference between joking and what that dude was doing. Seriously, I'd report him to steam support.

Anyone else feel like their body is not theirs? It's just one you're borrowing until you find the one which is yours, but you don't know what that body looks like, you only know you're in the wrong one.

Visiting my parents for the first time in a long time. My mother is an alcoholic, and it's only gotten worse. I didn't realize this, given that I'm now pushing 30 and I live thousands of miles from them. But being here with my husband and watching my mother get completely shitfaced before sunset only to wander around the house in a drunken stupor saying "fuck fuck fuck!" over and over fills me with so much fucking SHAME I don't even know how to handle it. She's my mother and I'm supposed to love her but right now she is the most disgusting thing on the face of the fucking earth.

Hi chan. It's been a long time.

I feel like I have nowhere else to turn, and I always felt right at home here... Already I feel comfortable talking about my problems.

So... things have been shaky with my ex. Really shaky. We've been on again and off again for a while not to be honest. Remember when I said we broke up a while back? Hah, yeah, that didn't last long. And a few weeks ago I seriously cut the ties. It just wasn't working, we'd argue, bad feelings everywhere, total mess. We still talk and hang out since we've always been chummy and on good terms with one another, when all of a sudden for the past month or so, ex has been feeling all depressed and stressed and what have you. Constantly. All the time. And it started to wear onto me, and so whenever she'd spill her guts to me (always when I'm in the greatest of moods mind you) it always makes me feel like complete and utter crap. At first, I was just upset because it felt like there was no way for me to make her feel better. No matter what I said or did, she'd fall right back into it a little later. Now, I'm outright pissed off because I'm sick and tired of her being mopey and stressed all the time. Nevermind that we work together so I'm always around to hear her complain.

So all of a sudden, she gets into contact with some old friends and starts ditching me to hang with them. Okay fine. Whatever. You need more friends anyway. We've only had eachother for ages.

Yeah except that makes me feel crappy because here she is hanging out and bro-ing it out, and I'm left alone at my goddamn house to stew and get all mopey. I'm a social creature. I need constant interaction. It doesn't even need to be like a barage of attention, just a little IM conversation would be totally cool. But nope. Ex just wants her space, ex doesn't come on steam anymore. And then she calls me at random times asking "Oh, are you okay? How was your day? I'm here now so it's okay". Okay, how do I feel? Lonely, abandoned, outright shitty, and so calling me up to talk to me about Persona 4 for two hours is going to make me feel better? Yeah. Sure.

This has been going on for a while now.

My birthday was on the 18th, and I ate lunch with my family then hung out with ex after since she wanted to spend time with me for my birthday. All was totally well. Got a t-shirt, got a book, nice gifts, all was well. Then we got into another tiff because we went to her house to play videogames. She gets her panties in a bunch when I'm bored out of my fucking mind while she plays Persona. Look. It's a RPG, they're not multi player games at all. Letting me make a decision or fight something isn't going to make me any less bored.

I leave, because that is just stupid.

I end the night on a good note, some online bros drew me birthday pictures and role played with me. Fun times. Ex calls me up to apologize, we make up, it's fine.

Now today, oh hah, that's what struck up the urge to post in the first place. I didn't talk to ex all day, I was with my family for Father's Day anyways. I got home in the afternoon and I'm just kicking it. She sends me a steam message at around 7 and we chat. Granted, she hasn't talked to me on steam in like, a couple weeks, so I'm surprised. It's totally normal, like it used to be, and then I decide to go to bed because I have work in the morning. We say out good byes, all is completely normal and good with the world.

Fuck me, if I thought it would end on a high note. She called me up at around 10:30, to tell me more about her problems, what's bothering her, whatever. Then OUT OF NOWHERE, she says she feels like she's growing out of videogames/anime/whatever, and that she thinks our entire goddamn lives revolve around it, and that I need to find more friends, and all this shit.

I. Am. Livid.

You're too mature for me now? You're too cool for role playing and cosplay and videogames and shit all of a sudden? I call her out on it and she just starts crying and bawls at me with "I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE WAAAAAAAHHH WAHHHHHHH".

Furious, I don't put up with it. Done. And I wasn't about to get yelled at by my aunt and uncle because at this point, I'm yelling at her rather than talking. I hang my goddamn phone up, and now I'm laying here in the middle of the night, crying like crazy, and I have no idea what to do or how to feel anymore.

I am essentially friendless. She was the only person I ever hung around with, the person I've been closest to, and all of a sudden our relationship became this toxic hell hole. I've never felt so crappy, so lonely, so goddamn terrible in all my life. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, because that's what she was. She was a part of my life, an important part of my life. We did everything together. And now I feel a vast emptiness.

And the fact that I'm going to wake up tomorrow completely alone is killing me inside.

I wish that at times like this, the great people I've come to meet on the internet lived close to me. I wish I could see them more often, not just at conventions. I wish I could be with these amazing people, because they're the ones I've become closest to. It just hurts because I want so badly to have more friends, but I'm just not quite there because they're all so far away.

And since ex was the only physical friend I've come to have, due to years of isolation for her sake... it's come to bite me harder than ever.

I feel like dying, chan. I feel like I just want to curl up into a ball, and disappear forever.

>>7973
This might not be my place to say anything since I've only gotten to talk and hang out with you a handful of times. Still, I don't like all the shit you've been dealt and I feel the need to speak up.

In all honesty, you're such a nice and charming person that I find it a real shame that you don't have a lot of friends. But, and pardon me if I'm wrong, it felt as though your ex might be the reason for this.

Each and every time my friends and I finally got some time to chill with you, your ex would intervene and take you away. I mean, we didn't take any offense to it (you two were still together at the time so it was understood) but we started to suspect that she might be doing this to you on a constant basis.

Again, it's not my place to say and for all I know it could be just us that she acted this way towards, but still.

Your relationship with her is wearing hard on you, it's toxic, and you should back away from her as much as possible.

I'm not really good with words and the like, but please know that I do care. I'm so sorry that it has come to this, you're really much too sweet to be dealing with any of it. For what it's worth, I'm here for you and I promise you we'll get to chill at AX and have an overall wonderful time.
>picture very much related

>>7973
I must say I agree with Steve. You only had each other for quite some time and by the sound of it, she's the reason.

So don't be afraid to step out and find contacts on your own. She's just sucking energy out of you - Energy that you could spend with your online friends or looking for other people in your area. Go to local conventions, gaming events, what have you. This person isn't good for you anymore and you should move on.

I wish you the best of luck, man. You can do it.

>>7973
>>7978
>>7979

All of this. I always wished we'd gotten to spend more time together, like how it was at my birthday party. You're a ton of fun to hang out with and I was so glad you came. ( That goat never leaves my bed, man. ;v; )

But agreeing with what Steve said... it felt like whenever we'd hang out with you, she'd drag you off. And I never blamed it on you, I don't think any of us did - it seemed like she would make a face, whisper in your ear, and then you would seem kind of sad to leave. I could be totally wrong about how that went, but that's just what I got from my perspective, so I'm sorry if that's totally skewed.

Just don't let her control you, man. How you feel or act or any of that. You deserve better. You're a total bro, and you're not alone. We got your back. <3

Okay, i´m now going on thin ice here i know. But why have all of a sudden have hundred of people, it seems to me and i can BE IGNORANT and STUPID, the need to post in the tf2 and the times that are nice thread, they unnice experiments just because i once wrote it up?
I just wrote it up to show how AWESOME it was that after this things happened, i got a HAT. Yeah, sorry i stirr up to much drama again about something. But i feel like this thought belongs here.

PS: The next day everyone who was a jerk in the game to my lovely femfriend there added her as friend and apologies to her. Even the ones WHO WEREN`T UNNICE and just sweet and supportive.

>>7983
it was two people
one of them was me and I wasn't even mad, nor was I responding to you - just to the person who came in to basically call bullshit on the idea that people get shit for their gender only if they make a big deal out of their gender. it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with a person who wasn't you, basically saying that if you get shit on for your gender, you deserve it because you were probably making a big deal out of how you are a GRRRRRRRRL GAMER.

I'm sorry you were offended or whatever but I'm not sorry I posted.

>>7984
Calm down, my supportive and nice friend. It warmed my very core that you responded to this person and made clear how hard sometimes the cold and ever after a new score gamer world can be. But if you happened to look at the threat NOW, you will notice that people suddendly started to share they experience with such kinds of things. I DON`T HAVE ANYTHING against that or YOU. But i think it is unappropriat to post UNNICE things in the threat about NICE TIMES. Maybe we should start a new threat to discuss this? Like:
Threat about serious things in games. Yeah, they HAPPEN!

tl;dr: I have nothing against you and if you were now offended by me with this post i´m sorry. I just wanted to write here how i feel about it. Because well, this is the feeling thread.

Last note: Tomorrow is the 21th. But no, no. I shouldn´t get my hopes up. To the end my heart will just be broken again.

>>7985
ffs it's 'bad' or 'not nice', not "UNNICE".

so...i was denied my BA degree because I chose to take a no-credit on an elective that, according to every official document I can find, literally does not affect my graduation outcome since I met all requirements for graduating.

Hello, Officially A Failure...

I love you guys so much, seriously... You guys always know what to say and how to say it and I always feel a thousand times better.

I think I'll do just that.
Steve, Hallo? Can we plan a super fun hang out?

>>7988
Aww, you have to hang out so much! I wish I could join in, but ya know, I live in goddamn Germany.

I'll be there in spirit, yes?

>>7988
YES. Yes yes yes yes yes yes always of course. <3 I think we all need it, and it'll be fantastic brotimes either way. c:


Speaking of needing it...
So these anons ( >>7877, >>7941 ) have been me. I finally did break up with her today. Sort of, anyway... I sent her a message (there's no real way for me to do this in person or even over the phone) and she hasn't responded yet. I was going to wait until she did to make a post, but I'm freaking out too much not to vent.

I basically told her we should just be friends, and... I don't know, it's probably stupid to think that would work. But I DO see her as a friend. Just nothing more than that. We had some weird, awkward conversation in which we agreed to stay friends if this didn't work out a while ago, but... I don't know.

Mostly I just feel... annoying. To this chan. I feel like I've been through way too many relationships and crushes and shit in the duration of my stay here, and posted about all of them. And it makes me feel like some kind of... failure at relationships or something. It's embarrassing to come here so much with relationship issues. But venting helps, I guess, and sometimes I feel worse hiding behind anon.

I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting. It's not like she's shown me any affection lately, so maybe she just feels like we're friends, too. Here's hoping it goes smoothly.

>>7986
Hey, she doesn't seem to be that eloquent in English. Cut her some slack and let her learn by posting and reading here and it will be fine! Learning from the internet is what polished my English.

In other news, I'm sick yet again. WHY.
I hope my supervisor calls really soon because I need him to help me go out and find a new doctor and a sport and something to help me cope with stress because this really REALLY can't go on like this AAAAAAH

Why is life so hard sometimes? I JUST WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND HAVE FUN AND ALL, GEEZ

>>7990
Bro, don't feel embarrassed, it's really just best to talk things about than just keeping your troubles to yourself. Because man, I know how you feel. Why do you think I kept my own issues to myself? I didn't want the chan to think I was some kind of moron who doesn't know how to end it with someone even though they've just been giving me grief.

And personally? I don't think any less of you for having relationship troubles. I wouldn't worry about it. It isn't easy trying to find that special someone. Relationships seem glamorous but really you should just worry about yourself right now and just chill out.

So let's just both set our relationship troubles asside and look to the future.

>>7993
Shit man, this made me smile a lot. ;_; Thank you so much. You're totally right. <3

Also, she responded - she was really really cool with the whole thing and told me not to apologize. We're back to chatting like bros and it's not even awkward so far. THANK GOD, MAN. I feel so much better.

>>7993
>>7995
Alright. A post-AX hangout is now a definite. This shit will happen.

In other words, my mind is a huge clusterfuck at the moment. All in the same day I get extremely awesome news, awful news, stress, relief, and then more stress due to all of these drastic events. Normally this sort of stuff is all spaced out throughout the month, or even the week, but it's all happening at once and it feels like my mind is going to explode.
I'd like to take a breather but I just don't have the time. There's so much shit that needs to get done and I don't seem to be any closer to getting any of it completed.
>picture very related

So I ran out of meds two weeks ago and have been too sick/lazy to get a refill. As a result, I have that 'excited child at Chuck E Cheese about to open a ton of birthday presents' feeling all day long and cannot focus at all.

On one hand, I feel FUCKING AWESOME, I have a ton of energy, and life is finally interesting to me again. On the other hand, I've let my living space completely go to shit, I'm ignoring all my responsibilities, and I'm very aware that this high could come crashing down to a very deep low at any moment. I've also been RIDICULOUSLY HORNY but I cannot decide whether that's a good or bad thing.

I really wish I could hire a behavioral therapist to pay me random visits to make sure I'm learning some self-discipline. My current therapist is great and has helped with all my other problems, but this simple shit - feeding myself, changing my clothes every day, washing the dishes, etc. - well, I can very easily lie about and do not need to demonstrate to her.

Got turned down for a job where I thought I was a shoo-in. All my baww.

Had to stay at home today AGAIN because even with my medicine my stomach wouldn't shut up. I hate this spiral with every inch of my existence - Get sick, stress out about it, get more sick as a result, rinse and repeat. There is nothing I can do about it, either, because I really don't know how. Where is my supervisor ... I hope he has time as soon as possible. I can't afford missing so much school. I simply can't.

>>7985
Sorry, you replied in that thread by quoting my post and going WHOA WHOA CALM DOWN so I thought you were mad at me.

IN OTHER NEWS
MY FEELINGS:
We have an infestation of jumping spiders who keep showing up in the bathroom and I'm really not okay with this 8|

Went to the beach yesterday with Scoutpapa and a bunch of friends, it was awesome. No sunburn, got a nice anklet and some fudge.

Slept over friend's house last night, had a kumbaya in their backyard, so many marshmallows and tossing sage on the fire and awesome. We all went to a thrift store this morning, and I picked up three vinyls I've been wanting for a while. Jesus Christ Superstar, The King and I, and West Side Story. I'm such a theatre nerd. Also, pancakes with crushed up cake in it is delicious.

Spending tomorrow with Scoutpapa, and it's gonna be awfully nice out.

Happy solstice, guys. It's officially summer and mine's off to a great start.

Meh. I became to the end the listener to a guy i know again about his lovelife. I´m not his drinking companion and i´m not lesbian, so it doesn´t really interest me if you could fall in love with the bottom of the girl he is after. (His dreamwoman. Just weird because before not even a halfyear i heard this dreamwoman talk about a other girl.)
Meeh.

Oh for GFS! Believe it boy. If she really wouldn´t want to go out with you she would have written, sorry but i don´t like you in this kind, so i need to say no. She wouldn´t have written OKAY! What do you expect me to do? Say: Oh yes, sde really isn´t interested in you. She just said ok to make fun of you. She gives you a chance. USE IT!

Giving up before the fight even starts. Peh.

How do you say in English? Putting your foot in your mouth?

I think I just did that. Irritated one of my best friends to the point where he went offline. A severly depressed friend, too.

Shitshitshitshit

WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT

I want to curl up and be invisible right now.

I know I shouldn't bitch about this, but I'm fucking melting. I live in one of mildest climates in the world (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redwood_City,_California#Motto). It's so nice around here 99% of the time that no one has air conditioning. We just went from 70F at noon one day to 85F at noon the next, to 90F at 11am the next (today). With no AC. Now, I can do heat. Where I grew up gets to the 100s during the summer, but it's always a gradual slide, 2-3 degrees a day. The jump is just killing me, and I think I'm going to melt. Or combust.

But since the heat is preventing me from turning on the PC, I can't waste all my time playing Champions online: Free for All, so I've actually been able to do some work around the house and I'm just about to finish this commission. So, slight benefit.

So I noticed this nasty tooth in my mouth, and now that I noticed it, it hurts. Guess who's going to the dentist next week?

My first post on TF2Chan is just to complain. /:
If I'd stop pushing people away for not being "good enough" I'd probably be okay. I feel torn in half, half wanting to not be lonely anymore, half wanting to shut myself away for the rest of my life. The latter wouldn't be such a bad idea actually, not like I'm contributing to society at all by drawing retarded dogs.
I wish I could help people instead, but who's going to listen to some kid who thinks cramming Hinduism down people's throats is going to make them happy?

Just call me Donny, professional bridge burner. Why does this happen? I tell my best friend somethin I only wanted to tell them, before I know it, people Ive never met before know. So with a hearty "Fuck you" its a strike of my friend's list. Am I over reacting? Yeah, probably, but at this point, I'm paranoid as fuck and I find it harder to care. I just don't want to go through all this shit again.

I'm acting like a spoiled imature stubborn child lately. sorry everyone, personal life stress is making me rage in the wrong place.

Counting down the days until AM2, a pool party a few days before that and a baseball game on July 4th. Things are starting to look up this summer, now if I can only find a job...

So I had to run some errands today, but since my cramps are so friggin painful to the point of fainting (happened before) for the first two days of period (even my trusted painkiller meds aren't helping anymore), I've decided to fuck it all, and hope that I'll be able to get the job done on Friday. FML

Just overcame a transportation issue that was threatening to keep me from seeing Scoutpapa today.

FUCK YEAH TIME TO GET SOME

I auditioned for a theatre festival in my city like, a month and a half ago, and assumed I didn't get a part. Open up my email. Tonight's the first rehearsal, and they look forward to meeting me.
Pretty sure I broke the floor from jumping up and down in excitement so much.

Oh, I dunno, death stuff, I guess. Feels bad man.

Bad enough I can only express it with internet memes.

Sorting out my love life. My god am I ever tired. Why does crying make you tired? Not going to get my hopes up but with any luck I may get a girlfriend!

So that tooth issue wasn't decay at all! It was just a funny little groove in the side of my tooth that got stained over time, which is why it looks so gross and scary. I'm going in to get a composite filling in a couple of weeks to make the tooth look normal.

I AM SO RELIEVED THAT IT WAS NOTHING SERIOUS.

Note: This isn't directed towards anyone on the chan. This is straight up venting.

I can't be part of your little group, huh? Well fuck you. Fuck your superiority complex, and fuck your private little circlejerk. Fuck your hypocrisy, misogyny and bigotry. You know the reason I generally stopped playing? It was you, asshole, and every time you belittled me, yelled at me, or ignored me because I treat it like the fucking game that it is, not the life or death situation you seem to think it to be. So fuck you. I'll join and ruin your games with my fun without being part of your private little group, anyway.

>>8031
I don't know your circumstances, but I feel the same way.

>>8031
>>8032

We can all have fun anyway! Don't worry. Assholes exist. Don't bother with them.

THINGS I CAN'T SAY IN PUBLIC BUT NEED TO GET OFF MY CHEST

So my grandmother's been in the nursing home for 10 years and she's had a hernia for 30 years and for those 30 years she's refused to have surgery for it and now that's biting her in the ass. She's also diabetic and never took care of herself for that either and would just eat a bunch of candy and then stick herself with the insulin and never do any of the dietary things nor the exercise her doctor ordered her to do and so they ended up having to cut her leg off and it was her own damn fault, so she has this history of this shit. Anyway now she has a major problem with her intestines because of that hernia to the point where she can't eat and the doctors were going to give her surgery but they only gave her a 30% chance of survival and then today decided they didn't want to risk it at all so no surgery for her and they're trying to figure out some other way to help her, which it's my understanding they won't be able to, so she'll be dead within a month one way or another anyway.

I JUST WANT HER TO DIE ALREADY AND GET IT OVER WITH.

She's mean and selfish and she's treated my mother like shit for decades and she has no friends because she has no redeeming features. My uncle was born with severe fetal alcohol syndrome and a cleft palate and other deformities in addition to mental retardation and she refused to get him any sort of treatment for it until she was put in the nursing home and my parents got power of attorney and thus the right to make sure he got treated - at the age of like 55, he finally got his first treatment for his problems. So as you can see her self-neglect isn't just self-neglect she also doesn't give a shit about taking care of anyone else. She's just a selfish old harpy and she always has been and I just want her to fucking die. She's my dad's mother and he's worried about her and he's always getting worried about her because she's always getting herself into bad health situations that she has so far managed to survive, through her own stubbornness and stupidity, and if she would just DIE AND GET IT OVER WITH my dad would grieve for her and then move on and he wouldn't have to worry about her ever again.

It probably makes me a bad person to wish death on my own ailing grandmother but for fuck's sake. I can't even really feel guilty about it because nothing of value would be lost from the world, especially at this point.

The last time I went to visit her she shat on herself to make me leave. The last Christmas present she gave me was skidmarked underpants fifteen years ago. Her behaviour has nothing to do with dementia and is just the way she has been her entire life. I have no pity for her and I just want my father to be able to move on with his life.

So i´m home now. I´m gonna stay awake until it´s out. I bought me some champagne and a classic Doppelkorn for my BlueChickenSprite to celebrate it. I believe if i put out my good glasses it will be a bit to overreacting.
My body is READY and WILLING. Just 5 more hours. Welp, gonna play TF2 now.

Lately it feels like the majority of one of my friend groups is royally pissed at me, for what reason I cannot fathom. They're not speaking to me, won't come to any events I plan, say they're not going with no explanation, etc. And I don't really care a whole lot, because I have other, better friends that I prefer to hang out with anyway... I just hate this group's bullshit middle school mentality of whispering behind peoples' backs and spreading rumors about dumb shit. It's always been this way, and they're all old enough to know better. I guess that's what I get for having a group of friends that are too young for me.

And then what gets me, is after all that, they still come to me with their cosplay questions. I'm apparently the ~cosplay guru~ in the group - which is weird because I'm not even THAT great of a cosplayer, I just know how to get/do things for cheap and make them look good - but the thing is that it's all stuff I've either, A. told them before B. self-explanatory shit or C. things they could easily look up themselves. I'm feeling kinda taken advantage of here. Or I was until I just started ignoring all of their questions.

But it's cool, I have a way better group of friends to hang out with. And I will be next week! Shit man, I can't believe Anime Expo is in a week. I'm severely flipping my shit. All of my cosplays are done, but I can't shake that feeling that I'm forgetting something. It's probably all of those pre-con nightmares about showing up really late with no cosplay on and none of my online friends recognize me. ~sobbu~

Overall I'm in a good mood though. The ex-girlfriend and I are still totally cool with no awkwardness, I'm getting shit done, and I get to be away from my mom for five days next week. Fuck yeahhh.

Well it's official. Meet the Medic has gotten me back into TF2 again.

Won't be able to play besides on some weekends though, due to being in college. Sucks.
I still don't really know what I want to do with me life. Maybe I wanna be a scientist? But I'm shit at math. Maybe I wanna do art and animation? But I can't get a decent job that way.
I was told to try psychology, but having to deal with people's problems every day, I just couldn't do it. It wouldn't make me happy.

I just don't know right now. I really don't. I mean, yeah, I wanna stick with art. I really want to draw and try animation and do that sorta stuff for the rest of my life. Drawing and making awesome stuff makes me happy. Sharing that with others to let them enjoy makes me happy as well. But to find work there is nearly impossible unless you're godlike or happen to be popular as fuck. And I'm neither. I try not to think about it much but fuck, it gets to me. I'm not good enough and I'm not well known enough to get a decent job even if I got a good education and raised my skills.

Well, off to University then. I hope I swim and don't sink, though. But with me, who fucking knows. I don't feel excited. I feel a little scared, and nothing else, really.
I suppose it's my own fault since I've been lying to my family and doctors about my medication. I've been off it a month. I stopped caring again. Maybe I'll take it again when I'm in college. I have classes monday. Least I get disability accommodations so I get extra time and other benefits.

It's gonna be lonely, I'll say that much. I hope I can start caring about things again so I'll actually do shit instead of just laying in bed doing nothing.

Meet the Medic does a good job at distracting me from being ill and worried, but it doesn't really make things better. I'm still not sure if I can go to school next week and I feel totally out of the loop. I'm just ... so worried. I can't stop thinking about it.

All I want is the best for the people I hold dear. Nothing else.

So yesterday as i waited eagerly for MTM i chatted with this guy in my friendslist. At first i didn´t like him and thought he was underage (Which he is not) and i found him just annoying. But than after a while i started to like him. Now i feel bad, that i was such a jerk to him. He was so sweet. He ever send me funny videos so that i don´t get to frustrated. Like Nyan Cat. And RoboUnicorn.

But what can i do to make up for all my bad behavior against him? Saying sorry is weird in this case, in my opinion.

OT but is anyone else having problems reporting people? It keeps giving me "Incorrect Password". Underage-sounding newfags are annoying so I guess it's sort of related.

Oh boy! Gonna get yelled at by my best friend today, I just know it!

I swear to God, if he does, I'm just gonna walk out. Not in the mood for his shit.

I come home from work feeling like shit, I check the chan and what do I see? Meet the Medic is apparently out? ... OH. FUCK. YES.

I now feel ten times better. I think I'm back into TF2 again, and now I'm extremely excited to be cosplaying as Medic to AX11.

Senator Diaz is the biggest ass I've ever had the dis-pleasure of listening too. He got cut off for going over a pre-set time limit and he'll probably complain about it tomorrow.

My entire Skype group acts like a bunch of catty sixteen year-olds and this is extremely annoying.
We all decide to get back as a team and get on TF2. Okay, awesome! This should be fun just like old times! Haha, NO.
One of them immediately starts bitching about the new weapons, the other one keeps going on about how he doesn't know anything anymore, and they all start complaining about the new comers. Yeah, our Medic was bad, but like you guys hassling him is going to make him any better.
Finally, after one whole round, they all get sick of the game and of each other and leave the game and the call.

"TF2 has changed for the worse." No. You guys did.
You used to be the funnest group of people to play with and used to treat every update like another chance to goof around and kill each other.
Now you all, save for two, complain about everything and act like a bunch of elitist assholes.

I was really looking forward to a few good rounds. Oh well, guess it's time to get back to joining random matches.

So recently our chicken's eggs kept getting stolen by something and it turned out to be the magpie that's been harassing the sparrows (which incidentally are an endangered species). Today my mother caught him with a string trap I'd thought of. I called him Oliver Archimedes after a magpie-hybrid birdboy character I have and of course, Medic's glorious dove.
My father put him down, no matter how much I wanted to keep him, it would have been cruel and if we'd released him he'd have found his way back here.
At least I got to dissect him.

>mfw the internet at my university blocks steam

well, shit

I feel bad posting my feelings about something so minor when there's so much serious drama going on up in here.

I think I forgot how to act. Like, literally. I haven't really acted in two years, and now I have this part in this play, and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing anymore. I mean, it doesn't help that I'm a 22-year-old girl playing a 30-year-old man, but still.

Also, my birthday is in four days, and it really doesn't feel like it. Normally I'd be excited, but now I'm just 'eh. One year older. whoop-de-fucking-do.' It's weird, and it makes my parents think something's wrong, because I'm an only child, so any time my birthday comes around, it's a huge deal, and this year it just isn't for me. I dunno.

And lastly, I was roleplaying as the spy earlier, and now I can't stop thinking in a fucking French accent. At least a dozen times, I had to go back and change 'ze' to 'the', because apparently I type without thinking. I will probably dream in French now, which will throw me off in the morning for my rehearsal. GREAT.

Eh well.

So, as a break to your regularly scheduled shitstorm (because the main thing I think that will resolve this is to just stop talking about it and perpetuating it where people like me are ignorant to the situation)...

Had a lovely day with Scoutpapa. Totally had an in-depth conversation about my pathological need for cosplay, how I talk to myself, and the love dynamic between Dragonball characters. I had a great day, and I hope you guys can have great days too.

>>8035 here
Grandma still clings to life
from what I hear from the family back home Dad's still worrying about her
GDI just die so Dad can move on ffffffff

At least they passed marriage equality back home though! So that's something.

Also I noticed Peter Falk died. I have come to the conclusion that my grandmother sucked out Columbo's life force like a psychic vampire. She may in fact be a vampire. She's only got the one leg so she'd have to hop around like those Chinese ones

>>8086
Sorry, anon, but that last bit made me smile. You should consider buying garlic for your grandma.

So I saw the Durarara premiere on Adult Swim. All I can think is how the weebs are going to jump on it and ruin a perfectly good anime for the rest of us. Fantastic.

That indescriable moment when you receive forgiveness and you are so overwhelmed you don't even know how to react.

My friend called me up today and asked me to try managing the art 'studio' currently comprised of me (crocheter), him (artist/animator), his fiancee(don't remember what she makes), and his brother(artist/animator). Reason being that I'm majoring in Management, even though I only picked that subject out of not knowing what to go for. This is pretty nerve-wracking, despite us all just making fan merch to sell at 'cons. He assured me that as the owner, he'll have no problem calling me out on shit or having the last word. I accept with the mindset of 'hey, this could be useful work experience' then tell him that I'll need to know profits, materials costs, targeted conventions, and methods of advertising. Hell, the 'studio' may not take off with huge success, but I have a good feeling that this is a chance to help me mature. Merely thinking about it makes me feel like being more prouctive in my projects.

On an unrelated tangent, just watched the entirety of Wakfu season one today, and I see why it has appeal. Not to mention my 'badass hot old guy' fetish got massively appealed to by Grougaloragran. Onto season two now.

I wasn't going to say this, but what the hell. If anyone wants to talk, because you're lonely (like me), or you want to dump problems on someone unbiased, you can email me. I just don't feel useful unless I'm helping someone.

Hey guys my skype is notebook99chan

Steam is blocked on my university's internet and I'm bored as hell. I go to irc but it's mostly quiet and I don't really see familiar faces on there.

Less of a feelings post then PLEASE COME TALK TO ME but eh

>>8063
>>8063
I would only assume you've talked to them about it?