Oh dear, it appears to me that the cork-board has fallen! It has seemed that the massive amount of notes, pictures, some green stuff, and Spy's dirty underwear have caused the string on back to break and make it come crashing down! After investing a few dollars into a fancy metal border one, I have decided to put this one up. Ladies and Gentlemen, please lets keep thing civil and no dirty underwear or stuff on this... HEY! Speaking of which, it's technically Veterans Day.... dose that count for Mercenaries?... I'm not sure, but I'm making a cake and some food to those that are interested! And yes, Heavies and Soldiers... there will be lots of Sandviches and bacon!
Seeing as I am a veteran myself, I demand all my recruits to give me the proper respect. And ribs. Ribs ARE mandatory. A lack of ribs will result in cleaning duties for at least a month and a kick in your unamerican bottom. I will NOT tolerate a shortage of ribs!
I'll make ribs for you if you would like? Everyone's invited to BLK Pyro's feast!
I can only accept wellmade All American ribs. You better know how to make them or you WILL regret it!
Wus 'at? A feast ye say? I'll bring da hooch.
How's this? Got everything! Every utensil that touched them is made in America, the grill is made in America, the sauce is made from American products, the ribs are 100% USDA grade cattle... I took everything into account. Because then our Solly would refuse to eat it.
Damn those look might fine. I'm bringing the most American food there is.... Twinkies.
Speakin' of which, do ya think our Solly will like this here medal I made him fer today?
These are acceptable. You are honoring your veterans properly. Well done, private!
I don't think you should give this to that hippie excuse of a Soldier, maggot. He is a civilian and a draft dodger and should get a haircut. Don't let your American work get to waste. Give it to me instead.
Gods... I can't eat another bite from last night... I'm STILL full from it.
Well The cork board looks cleaner, but it's a mite weird without all the stuff on the wall.
I know, right? It was not pleasant finding Spy's underwear on it though....
May I ask what you did with said underwear?
I would like them back, if you don't mind.
Note that your undergarments do not belong onto the wall at any given time. Especially not if it's frilly and girly as in your case!
But alas, never as frilly and girly as your own dear Soldier.
Or should I say Jane?
They are back in your room. Had to move them with a five foot pole but they are in there.
...I'm really hoping you're just bluffing about his underwear. Really and truly.
Of course he is just bluffing about it, maggot. He is a filthy Frenchie, do I need to say more? I'm sure you as an All American man should know how much Frenchies love to lie and eat frogs.
D....dirty underwear? Bloody Spooks, no sense a' decency at all.
Interesting choice in colour monsieur Soldier.
Hah! That proves nothing, Frenchie scum! I can take pictures of Scout's frilly training bra with a note attached "THIS IS SPY'S UNDERWEAR", even that would have more meaning than your sad attempt at trying to fool righteous American men!
Now go back to eating frogs and having immoral relationships with Scout's mom(s) before your skull has a date with my shovel blade!
Don't ferget snails mate... don't ferget them. He eats snails too.
>>85 Yo! ahm glad i ain't BLU, no one... is touchin my ma!
I also enjoy Tripe.
I will let you find out on your own.
Is it like.... tradition ta always do a Scout's mom?
Look at that... that's beautiful
and im gonna get it stuck in your ass, spy...
Approved! We need more pictures of fine weaponry instead of girly loveletters on this board!
There you go. Appreciate it, pansies!
Not a tradition we are gonna keep up.
Honestly, where'd the Medics run off to? They usually help keep y'all from killing each other.
None too sure where our doc ran off to. Probably playing Sawbones somewhere, if I know him.
Ach, seriously. I am gone for a few minutes, zinking zat you all could be civil. Clearly I forget who I am talk about at times.
I think one of the Spy once said it was like a... right of passage or something if I am correct?
With this by my side, I don't need a needlecrazy nazi playing babysitter!
Something of the sort. They are a wonderful group of women, I must say. Beautiful, intelligent, witty..
God only knows how they produced such crétins for children.
See if your Medic heals you next battle, Herr Soldier...
get da fuck outta here, anonymous! you don't belong here, Asswipe!
fuckin anonymous was my name! now i'm gonna look sime kinda samefag, er some shit!
I sadly must agree vith you there, Herr Spy...
Just because those nice ladies are well-endowed does NOT mean we have t' jump on them like a bunch of sex-crazed teenagers.
Oh nien! Not like zat Herr Engineer! Vhat I meant vas I have to agree zat she is probably a nice voman.. zhe fact zat she spawned such a monstrosity is beyond me. Must I remind you, I'm married.
Ha! As if the meaning of marriage was any important to a sadistic nazi!
As for me, I shall forever be married to America as I joined the army to forever serve this proud nation.
Did you take your pills today, Herr Soldier? Your rambling again.
What's disturbing is you all write notes with your accents in check.
Maybe it's natural? Some people write how they talk! I tend to do that sometimes, which is kinda why I tend to ramble a bit...
That's completely different, mate. I mean, we're all used to hearing ourselves bitch and moan, so we wouldn't write it like that too. Folks don't hear their own accents.
Then I have no idea.. maybe someone rewrites them?
Could be. One of the Spies probably goes around and does it.
What does BLK stand for?
BLK? Banking and Legal Keepers. Our branch makes contracts for all the mercenaries, keeps the public unaware and ensures that we get proper workers rights (seeing as the unions wouldn't be too pleased with any of us being out here)
Oh those Unions...
Say, it's almost Thanksgiving... who's cooking?
I got my grandma's recipe for cranberry sauce and I know how to make a decent green bean casserole. Can someone (besides pyro) make the turkey?
No offense, but I'd prefer not to let any of you too close to fire where thanksgiving dinner's concerned.
Us in general or Pyros? I don't mind making a turkey.
I meant the Pyros. Go right ahead son, we still need mashed potatos, stuffing [a long list of grocery items follows] and peas.
I know what I'm going to be doing for the next few days.
Thanksgiving is a wonderful All American tradition.
.... What the hell is Thanksgiving?
I'm perfectly willing to help out with some of the cooking, if you need any extra hands in there. Seems there's a lot of people to feed now, huh?
To try and prevent an outburst from RED Soldier, let me offer a definition.
An event held on the fourth Thursday in November in the United States; commemorates a feast held in 1621 by the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag.
Traditional foods include turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, etc.
I would offer to help with the festivities, but
[The rest of the note has been torn off]
I'll take the mashed potatoes, stuffing and pies. Alrighty, y'all... what kinda of pies do you want this Thanksgiving? Already making my famous apple pie, so need to worry about that.
Doesn't matter. Just make sure no one spits in it, Truckie.
You think ahead. Very good, recruit. A Thanksgiving without apple pie is NOT tolerable!
I think maybe a blackberry pie might be the ticket.
We can use all the help we can get partner. I count at least four teams, each of nine people, so a minimum of 36 people...whoo this year is going to be a doozy.
Course not. I watch my food like a hawk. Especially since last year when Scout thought it was funny to spit in Spy's food... which accidentally went to Medic.... who didn't know it was Scout.... I'm just going to shut up now...
VHAT?! That vas HIM?! [Unintelligible scribbling in German followed. Only the words 'Death', 'Bonesaw' and 'Hounds' could be translated or read.]
Good job, you startled the nurse. Someone is gonna wake up with a needle sticking out of their arm again.
Thank god for sedatives? I don't know what to say to that partner, but maybe we should let bygones be bygones? After all, it's a new year fellers.
Bah... Sedatives don't work on doc. He's a bit... immune.. where's Heavy when you need him?
Hoo boy. Looks like we might have to do some Medic wrangling, mayhaps?
...any of you got some rope?
Who needs rope, we got extension cords don't we?
Good point! I reckon it's time to start this rodeo before he goes after that Scout and does something we'll have to clean up.
Who needs rope, I have a shovel!
We're not trying to kill him, you drongo.
Guess that's handled then.
Now c'mon Solly. If you ain't civil (At the very least during the dinner tonight) I'll tell your egualizer why you ain't been using her in battles lately.
Well, Doc's all patched up and calm. All my food is cooked. Got Apple pie, Blueberry pie,Blackberry pie, Pecan pie, Pumpkin pie, and my Gran's recipe of Shoo Fly pie.
Bird has been done and ready.
I of course don't know what you are talking about but you have a point. Thanksgiving is a tradition I can respect, All American as it is.
Also I have to say, you deserve a medal for that food of yours. Well done, private!
Damn I'm stuffed. Good job at the cookin' boys. My compliments to the chefs.
Glad you enjoyed it. Wasn't sure which one of you boys made the sweet potatoes but I appreciate it.
Seconding that. That whole thing pulled together real nice, and I'm glad we pulled it off! Whoever made that stuffing should get some extra points, because that was delicious.
All I can say is that the mission was a success. While I don't condone fraternizing with the enemy in any way I must admit that you all did this wonderful American day justice with your cooking. I'll spare you this time, maggots!
I think you're getting soft.
THAT THANKSGIVING FEAST WAS...TOLERABLE. IT NEEDED MORE APPLE PIE. AND FIREWORKS. BUT BESIDES THAT, OKAY.
Soft? SOFT?! COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY SHOVEL BLADE YOU FROGMUNCHING FAGGOT!! I'LL MAKE SURE YOU WON'T GET EVEN A LICK OF SLEEP ON AMERICAN SOIL UNTIL I GOT YOUR SKULL ON MY TROPHY WALL
ALSO I KNOW THIS WAS YOU YOU DAMN FRENCHIE I DID NOT WRITE THIS NOTE! STOP COPYING ME AT ONCE OR I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY BUTT SO HARD MY BOOT WILL SHOOT OUT OF YOUR LYING SNOUT
Oh monsieur! Why would I ever do such a thing? Copying you, how ridiculous.
If that were me, I would have done a better job. Anyone could be a better Soldier.
Stop it. Now. Go back to your room, Herr Spy und leave the man alone.
My apologies for his actions, Herr Soldier.
I think you just want the Soldier alone, Docteur.
Now hold on there Spy. This is no place for you to be bringing stuff like that up.
You also ain't got a leg to stand on, since you admitted to some mighty odd things after you drank yourself silly at the feast.
Your are trying my patience. Nien, I do not vant him alone. Go, now. I am keeping order in my team, und you are not helping.
Zat if fine, Herr Engineer. I just von't heal him next battle.
You are a poor Spy checker, laborer. Why ever would I spent any moment with any of you outside of battle, hm?
I was not aware the team belonged to you, Docteur.
Now you listen boy and listen good, I can spycheck damn well. I have bigger priorities than avoiding you crazy spies though, so I gotta rely on old mumbles to help me out.
Besides, if I recall I ain't the one who got set on fire twice in under five minutes.
Yep! That's why I hang around Engi and the Intel room!
Now, listen up you. One, it's not good to talk to your Doctor like that. He heals you. Number two, stop harassing Engi. Before I come over there to find you, light you on fire while your Medic is standing there laughing, and your begging him to help you and he refuses to help you.
YOU AND YOUR SNAILLOVING FRENCHIE FRIENDS CAN'T EVEN GET CLOSE TO MY PROUD AMERICAN WAYS BY A MILE AND YOU KNOW IT YOU ABOMINATION OF A FIGHTER
ALSO YOU KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU BOOTLICKING SCUM WHEN EVEN YOUR TEAM NAZI HAS BETTER MANNERS AND MORE RESPECT FOR GOOD AMERICAN MEN THAN YOU
Whoa, whoa, take it easy there, Solly. Don't need to go around yelling at everyone. Just 'cause we're paid to kill eachother doesn't mean we can't act civilized, right?
Soldier, we don't know nothing about what the medics did or didn't do. It ain't polite to go around calling people 'nazis' because they're German.
For all you know he was part of the French Foreign Legion, or a civilian.
Just do your job and give that Frenchie scum the scars of his lifetime! Burn that smug grin off!
Your lack of knowledge disappoints me and your nation! While I appreciate the fact that he seems to heal us without second thoughts he might as well still plan nazi things behind our back. You can NEVER be careful enough! He might try to stick a needle up your American backside in your sleep!
I assure you, Herr Soldier, I only focus on the well being of mien team. Thus, if I need to fight so be it.
Vhat? You thought YOU controlled this team?! HA! Nien!
Telling me to 'just do my job' isn't very nice, y'know. Good things don't usually happen to people who aren't nice.
You all bicker like kids.
And your jus' a sweet little angel..... This is sarcasm, jus' in case ya didn't know.
[this piece of paper is burnt at the edges and smells of gasoline]
Boys, someone has been messing with my gear. Namely the new incendiary modifications for my sentries. Now fess up- who was it?
Uh.. do I wanna know what happened? All I saw was a huge fireball coming from your base.. Thought your Pyro was cooking for a second.
So THAT'S why I was smelling roasted flesh all day? I already thought there was a barbeque and I was NOT invited!
I Ain't got no clue WHO it was because I respawned, got back to the wockshop and by then any hints I'd have found were burnt to a nice crisp. It'd have done any pyro proud.
Well, I guess you could rule our your own pyro.. unless your mumbles was tryin' to help ya.
My bad, Engineer. :(
Finally, here comes Christmas!
I've been so excited... and even our Sniper's being nice! That's a cause for celebration I think!
Christmas is a very important, sacred American holiday! I hope for your sorry bum that there will be cookies and a tree!
You do know Christmas is more of a German holiday...
Could whoever hung mistletoe over the corkboard remove it? It is . . . unsanitary, at the least, and encourages illicit behavior otherwise.
Negatory! You Deutsch scum just copied it to make yourself look less worthless!
I demand to know this as well! I had to wait to attach this message because I had to avoid questionable contact with several of my teammembers!
Uh.. well it wasn't me, but I did remove it...
Oh well, off to get some egg nog.. Anyone want some?
I approve of this plan! Forward!
...why am I getting the feeling that it's our Scout again.
I don't see why not--count me in.
Fair warning, blokes.
Eggnog's got Scrumpy in it.
Lightweights need not apply.
That includes you mate.
That vould not surprise me.
Zere is a very drunk Demoman on our roof. It iz not ourz. Could whoever can identify zem please remove zem from our roof?
THERE HAS BEEN NOTHING POSTED HERE FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS. I AM HERE TO CHANGE THAT.
*Attached in a crude drawing of the American flag and a plate of ribs.*
Ribs? Nooo! Vat ve needing is food fit for real men!
NOBODY NEEDS YOUR DAMNED SOVIET BRAINWASH FOOD, PINKO.
Dis explains why you are so ~tiny~! You do not eat properly! All zat fat and sauce, no real nutrition!
You be meeting me in mess hall laters, da? Maybe ve can give you real food you until you less baby and more MAN!
And BTW nobody expects the yellow team.
Nor does anyone expect the purple team.
no matter, your dead from an unnamed back injury anyways and have lost your cookies to the last person you saw. Goodbye!
YOU MOTHER-FUCKIN' JACKASS! IM'A MAKE YOU REGRET THE SECON I WALK OUTA DAT REPAWN!
P.S. you stand corrected nobody does expect the purple team, but Scout'll never admit that to himself.
Alright, whose been vandalizing the cork-board messages again? I AM PYRO AND I LOVE COCK! Im looking at you, Spies totally ze Snipers and not ze Spies.
Nobody expects the purple team 'cause it's a wussy colour. Pffft. S'like, RED and BLU combined. And that's jus wrong, pally. Sick.
Really, most of you need to grow up.
So, then maybe I shouldn't give you back your purple and pink underwear that your Spy hung on the cork-board?
Oh please. Everyone knows my underwear's just pink- I MEAN...uh, I don't know whose those are.
[the note is actually expensive gold thread linen with some of the finest ink written on the fabric]
Guten tag Herrs and Frauleins,
I am ze Medic of your new neighbors, ze Gentlemen of Leisure and Discrete, as vell as our rivals ze Suave Laborers of Virility and Respect. Ve vill be having a champagne drinking contest and any of your commoners are velcome to come and vatch us. Hors d'œuvre vill be provided. Contest is at eight o'clock PM, sharp. Until then, ta ta mein commoner neighbor friends!
What the hell are Horse Doovres? Some kinda NAZI snack?
Hors d'œuvre are French you Dummkopf! I'll dumb things down for you und say they are like appetizers or snacks at a party.
Ah Finally! A man worthy of my intellect! I thought I would go mad here without civilized people. Well, everyone except Heavy und Engineer. They are quite civilized. But my prayers have been answered! I would gladly be an ambassador for the BLU team along with Engineer und maybe Spy.
Contest? Tis a sign from high above!
Don't start without me!!
Ill be there!
[[a large red x has been drawn over this note and a small sticky-note has been attached]]
THE GREEN PYRO IS NOT TO ATTEND THIS EVENT, AS THE LAST TIME HE VAS NEAR ALCOHOL HALF OUR TEAM VAS SENT TO THE INFIRMARY FOR EXPLOSIVE BURNS.
Aw man! But that was so frickin' cool! Like fireworks or sumthin'.
Damn killjoy Medics.
[a very ornate sliver heart pin was used to stick this to the board]
Oh Hallo there, GLD Medic! Ve have not spoken in a vhile! How are you doing? Quite vell hm? I hope zhat you vill forgive me for my behaviour ze last time ve met at zhat little meet und greet party... Zhere vas lots of champagne involved.. But I had good intenzions in mind! Und you said you didn't even remember it all!
Mit friendly love,
Vell, zhat vas certainly a contest...
Honestly, mein equally fined rival, ze only zhing I remember now and I have yet to down enough medication for it vas vaguely as zhat commoner Scout said (vhom's team I don't recall) ve vere 'sexing it up' on each other. I can still taste your champagne on mein mouth and honestly I can't tell if I like it or disgusted by it. Let's hope zhere vere no photographs taken by any of ze spies, vhom all at least got a long vell vith ours. At least ze commoners have some 'gentlemen' among zheir ranks.
~ GLD Medic
[a smaller note has been pinned]
Alright you poor sucker excuses for Scouts! Which one of ya called me 'a rich bastard'!? Just because my Ma got smart and married off to SLVR's Spy doesn't mean nothing! I'm the better Scout because I'm freaking educated! You all call me some 'money-bags snob' again, I'm breaking over there and smack ya with my 22k gold plated baseball bat!
~ GLD Scout
Why the hell did ya gold plate a perfectly good bat anyway, ya tool? Can't be worth a damn for swingin' now.
Too bad money can't buy brains, ey rich kid?
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Come on now, Py--we shouldn't be starting anything with the other teams. Gotta have some modicum of decency, now.
...Doesn't mean we can't watch if they do launch off at it, though.
Can someone take this Demoman out of my living space? Poor bloke must of gotten drunk during the champagne contest and passed out in my bed. Just look for the silver colored limousine van. I think he's RED team.
Thanks fer letting us know mate.
And uh, sorry bout the rug, Demo usually has a strong stomach... and the fine crystal and the sheets...
We’ll send ‘im over later ta apologize.
Ya, if he can stand up!
Oh GLD Medic, I cannot zank you enough for ze understanding. Und also, zhere is somezhing else.. I believe your drink vas spiked. Not by me, of course. But it vas, I am certain of it. I had a small sip of your drink und it definitely had some sort of veird taste to it. I'm still trying to figure out ze guilty dog though. Perhaps you could come over one day und try some of my champagne vithout such substances in it, if you'd like.
Und calm down, both of you. If you really vant, I could get you your own silver plated bat to use. Ve fight every single day anyvay, no need for fighting in between, ja?
No, seriously pal. Who plates a bat? I mean, I get why you don't know- do they even HAVE Baseball in Germany? But rich kid Scout oughta know better.
Hey, that's my bat! Besides us SLVRs and GLDs don't fight like you commoner kids do everyday. Like... once a month we sorta 'have to' according to contract. Otherwise our conflicts consist of either some sort of contest on each other, fencing, or something I'm sure you lower class teams don't partake... I think.
Also, all our weapons are silver/gold plated, courtesy of Mann Co.'s 'Gentlemen' line.
AND A ANOTHER THING! Who made the ribs at the contest? Damn those were good, I would love more of those things whoever made them, because it certainly wasn't our teams that did.
Man, yeah, those ribs were fucking awesome.
But seriously- no fighting? What the hell do you guys do all day, jerk each other off?
Nein, Scout... But if two men vish to relieve zheir stress togezher, zhat is quite alright, und it's none of your business. Glad to see you two are getting along now by ze vay.
If they- wait, WHAT?!
...Man, this shit is fucking gay. I'm gonna go look at some naked chicks online. 'Cause that's what I'm into, ya creepy perv Medic. Naked CHICKS. Women. Boobies. Got that?
Freakin' sickos, man...
That's not what you told me on Foebook...
Now that you mention it Scout, I do believe a visit to your mother would be quite nice, hon hon hon..
I told you man, somehow hacked my fucking account, awright?
I swear to god, spook, you lay one finger (or anything else, perv) on my ma, and you'll be in fer a WORLD of hurt.
But those photos looked pretty damn convincing, broseph.
And dont be worrying about that Spy, he's just kidding.
He knows I got a dinner reservation at that nice Italian place on 39th with your ma.
You guys were gonna Italian without me? What the fuck?! You know I've been cravin' spagh-
Like I wasn't gonna get you something!
Check the microwave, the one in your room. I gotcha some kind of pasta with cheese. Name was weird so I have no idea how to write it.
Dont ask how I got in there.
Couldn't of told me sooner? I been wonderin' why in the hell my room smells like cheese. Thought that damn Spy'd been jerkin' off in there, or somethin'.
At least you found it before it went bad!
And I thought I saw somebody climbing in your window a while ago when I was out burning some things, couldn't tell who it was.
Oi, Scout, I could 'ave sworn I saw that frikkin PRPL spook walkin' outta your room one day, he looked kinda.. Shifty eyed.. Like a slinky fox er somethin'. Didn't bother to ask what he was doin' in there, thought you two were gettin' busy or wotevah, & I didn't wanna know
The fuck do you mean 'gettin busy'?! That's fucking sick man! Why the fuck would I be 'gettin' busy' with the fucking Spy?! First off- he's a dude, GROSS. Second- he smells like burnt garbage, and has a fruity accent. No thanks. Third- HE'S A FUCKING DUDE.
You'd better be kidding 'bout this, pal. I ain't gonna be able to sleep tonight now.
I can spycheck your closet or something if it makes you feel any better, but I swear to God I saw something!
I suggest we pay a certain Frenchman a visit if that Yellow Scout's got any truth to him.
Flaming bags of a certain something could be employed.
Anybody seen Hardhat? I gotta get him to build a sentry beside my bed now...
Sorry, Crock. The fumes from this trash I've been burning are really screwing up my mask. Been a bit lightheaded...
The hell is my team throwing out?
.....is this even my team's trash?
Should I call a medic or something?
[[the writing trails off unintelligibly, the note itself is burned at the edges]]
Pyro, please report IMMEDIATELY to mein office as soon as you see this, your symptoms are vorrying me, I vill explain vhen I see you...
I found him, Doc, but you might need to bring your syringe gun. Mumbles is up on the roof, and he's either yelling over and over again 'YOUR MOTHER' or 'MORE BUTTER', or something like that. S'hard to tell with his mask.
Also, that thing is THICK. Hit him with at least half a dozens balls, tryin' to get him down. Freak didn't even wobble.
Dear GRN team und everyone else
Zhis is just a note to say zhat GRN Pyro is now in my care, und he's not to be visited for a couple days. He vas pretty bad vhen I found him, but he vill make a full recovery. Zhankfully, I have experience mit this... Thing.. That he has. I vill post any notes zhat he requests upon the board, as vell as an update every so often on his condition.
>>535 He ain't gonna come back with like, four extra arms and no kidney, is he Doc?
'Cause that'd be kinda cool, actually. Be killer for baseball practice.
Herr Scout, has zhe RED Medic ever told you zhat you have ADD?
Hey guys, letting you know I havent died or something. The SLVR team's base is pretty swanky, every glitters and stuff. You know they got a fountain of wine?
Im still seeing some freaky things, but Im mostly better.
Still not entirely sure what was going on, but somehow a bit of SLVR stuff got into the GRN team's trash and the fumes messed up my mask's filter enough to get through. He says Im already oxygen deprived enough on a regular basis that it made me crazy faster.
He still wont tell me exactly what I was burning.
Sorry about the half-dozen balls, Scout. I think I carried them off to that big rock by BLU base and buried 'em.
Eh, don't worry 'bout it, pally. Once you're out of the sick bay (and fuck? A fountain of wine? Jealous) we can steal Solly's shovel and dig 'em up.
>>537 Nah. Never was good at math.
Jesus, Py. You better start feelin' better soon, now--it's getting awful lonely around GRN base without you around. I'll drop by with some snacks or something, if that's alright with the Doc? Either way, I'm glad to hear it's not as bad as I thought.
Sounds good, man!
Thanks, Engie. You wouldnt happen to have any sort of strong mask filters around your workshop, would you? Im thinking I should use some better quality ones.
Oh nein Scout, you see.... A.D.D. is.... A deadly disease.. Right Medics? Sadly, Scouts are very often diagnosed vith ADD. Do you like to run around a lot for no reason? Do you get distracted easily? Are you often overly excited over little zhings? If you do, you most likely have ADD Scout, und.. I'm zorry. Herr RED Medic is a very nice man, letting you live wizhout vorrying. But.. I am not so nice.. I am afraid perhaps... You do not have very long to live. If you vould like Scout, I could tell you more about it, und perhaps a cure of some sort.. No promises zhough.....
Medics: Spielen entlang, bitte~
Und Herr GRN Engineer, das ist quite alright vith me, I believe he is good enough for visitors.
Still no word on what I was burning, doc?
It'd be nice to know for the future, so I can kick whatever it was out of the pile before I light any matches. You ought to know I gotta burn something, or is your team's Pyro a bit more in control of himself?
Oh my, I'm zorry Pyro, I forgot zhat you vere still under the effects of zhe fumes vhile I vas explaining it to you...
Vell our Pyro... She's an interesting one. She does have an intense desire to burn zhings, like you, but her desire is quality, not quantity. You see, she burns some pretty interesting chemicals, ones zhat produce zhe most vibrant of colours. Zhat, along mit my medical vastes... Und her mask is specially designed for such dangerous fumes, I suggest zhat until you aquire such a mask (vhich I vould be happy to obtain for you, if you so vish) you should keep avay from SLVR's trash. Sadly, in mein past, I've had to deal vith several burning related zhings like zhis. But zankfully, zhat has saved your life. Und zhe mask takes about a veek to make, so if you vant one, I'd have to send in your measurements sometime soon.
I could learn a thing or two from this girl! Hook me up with one of those masks, Doc, I got some experiments Id like to do now.
You see, whenever I get the urge to burn I just go with it before I do something somebody else might not appreciate. Engie can vouch for me there.
ADD stands for 'A Deadly Disease'? C'mon doc, how gullible do you think I am?
Now what sorta drugs do I take for this shit? Ain't no way I'm bein' sent home to ma in a pine box. Better not be any needles. Hate those fuckers.
Yep, that I can. I remember the time you got a hold of what was left of that exploding toothpaste our Demo brought in--whoo. Let's not do that again, 'specially not now.
I could probably find a few good filters until the Doc gets you that mask, if you want? Got a lot of stuff in the workshop, and it wouldn't surprise me if there were a few in there.
[the note is attached to the board with a silver syringe]
No Scout.. Ach...
Und the only pill out zhere besides lots und lots of sharp pointy needles is... A suppository. Und you have to take zhem once a day. Everyday. Unless you vant one of the most painful needles zhey have out zhere. Eheh...
The fuck is a suppository?
That was fun, I still go check for that stuff whenever I get the chance. The burns it made were so interesting, stained the concrete for good.
That's be great, Engie, if you could.
Y'know how you're supposed to put pills in your mouth? It's a pill, but it's the opposite of that and... yeah. Catch my drift?
Wait, you mean-
OH, SICK MAN! THAT IS FUCKING SICK.
Why the hell do Medics always wanna shove stuff up my butt? S'wrong with people around here? Seriously!
CRAP. I think I have that fuckin ADD thing!
I'm new here btw. Was gunna say more but that SLVR Medic's got me freaked out, I dunno what to do, our Medic's like at some rave again or whatever, craaaaaap
FUCK I GOT DIS SHIT TOO!!!!
And zhis is vhy Herr SLVR me and mein team do not partake in engaging vith ze commoner teams! It's nice and gentlemen-like to zhem once in a vhile but ve have our own 'confrontations' to vorry about. Last zhing ve vant is ze commoner teams to come over and treat us like a high price night club.
Also, I have taken two of your champagne bottles and I'm not giving zhem back! So HA!
P.S. Our Scout also demands your Scout come over, he missed ze fencing match apparently and our Scout is quite upset... to ze point of speaking commoner tongue calling ze SLVR Scout a and I quote "white pussy hangover." I zhink it's time ze other teams stay on zheir side of ze battles.
When you put it that way, it really does seem like a nightclub! They've got fine liquor everywhere.
Or maybe it's more like a fancy country club...
Im sad to be leaving, but Im very grateful to the SLVR Medic! I owe you big time, doc.
V-vhat?? Herr GLD, vhy vould you do such a zhing?? I know my champagne is irresistible, but.. You can come get some anytime you like!!
Vait.... Vhich bottles did you take...
Und it's no problem, GRN Pyro, come back anytime you like, und if you ever start seeing things again remember to get some fresh air und contact me as soon as possible.
Glad yer finally out, pally. Save me any a that booze? Heh.
Now come on. I swiped a shovel. Show me where my balls are. S' been days since I got to play with my bat, man. And it's not like there's anything else to do around heah.
I'll show you where your balls are Scout... Heh.....
Yeah, their Pyro gave me a bottle of wine as a parting gift sorta thing. One Pyro to another, aye
I'll meet you out there. I missed watching you doing your target practice on our Spy.
In other, more sarcastic news: Awww, RED Scout's got himself a secret admirer~
You're diagnosed vith mild OCD, you figure it out!
Or if you zhink you can handle it, come to mein office to get zhem back. All I can say is zhat zhey are ze "special" kind, Herr Doctor.
Not surprised. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?
[[a wallet-sized photo of Scout flexing is attached]]
Man, that's beautiful. Just fuckin' gorgeous.
Ooh my, Herr, but but... Zhat's so.... Naughty.........
I'll be by at 9~
Mmmmm, oh Scout, you're sooooo delicious, I could just eat you up <3
P.S. sorry I took your photo
Well damn. This is making me think I should call up the RED ma again, but I have this feeling she wont want to talk anymore after what I did to her collection of hairspray...
I was just with her for some tea, and she said she'll forgive you if you.. Perhaps.. Join us for anozher get togezher like we all did the other day? I certainly wouldn't mind if you joined us Monsieur Pyro, honhon..
(pretend I signed that as GRN Spy)
What the HELL? Why does everyone get to spend so much time with my ma? I miss her too, ya know... How come I never get leave?
Fuck this. I'm gonna go break something.
Fine by me, so long as I dont get another scar.
Well, Scout, I believe I have quite the surprise for you then.
If it's you, disguised as my ma again, then fuck off.
Still have nightmares. The stuff she- YOU said. Doc keeps telling me I got a damn Edible complex from it, or somethin'. Fuckin' spook.
No, Scout, of course not! (that was YLO Spy, I told you)
Buuut, I was feeling generous, & she says she really misses you, so I DID disguise as a few people and... I got you a week's vacation time. So you can go and visit your scrumptious mother~
[[This note is dotted with several small water stains.]]
Really? You're not shitting me? I get to go see my ma fer a whole week?
Wait. How the fuck am I gonna get there?
I can take ya, Scout. The least I can do for you trying to get me off the roof earlier.
And it means I get to show off my sweet Valient!
Or, I can get you a train ticket.
[[a photo is paperclipped to this note]]
Pretend this was signed by the GRN Pyro, eh.
Fuckin' sweet ride, man!
Scared the crap out of me at first, though. Didn't know who signed this piece of shit. Ain't havin' some random guy drive me anywhere.
I learn from my mistakes.
ATTENTION TEAM AND LESS THAN WORTHY OPPONENTS!
It has come to my RICH AMERICAN eyes and ears that something not worthy has come forth onto MY team! From now on, shall it be known to every healing Kraut if I catch you huffing your medicine guns like some low-life ghetto street rat, I WILL TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES! Now I'm going to have to purchase that $3000 dollar brand of soap to wash my eyes out after witnessing two docs in a drug-induced state performing rituals I'd rather not discuss on this clipboard! SLVR you have tainted our doc, now this means indulging in the Commoner barbaric ritual of blowing each other to bits!
TASTE MY GOLDEN ROCKETS OF JUSTICE!
No one gets our medic drugged up on Kritz-whatever and strips down to start some man on man action! MY EYES!
Isnt gold a soft metal? I really don't think solid-gold rockets are a good idea, sir.
>>591 Called it, man. Totally called it.
See, this is what happens when you give up skull-bashing. I say we just blow up both those fancy rich teams, start over, and hope that gayness thing don't spread to the rest of us.
Id agree with ya there, but I almost feel like I got some kinda life-debt going for that SLVR Medic.
...then again, that may just be proof that this thing's spreading!
>>599 JESUS NO! And I spent hours in a car with you, driving to my Ma's house! Fuck! Now I'll probably catch it.
Damnit. I really liked boobs too.
Herr Scout.... Being homosexual is not a disease... You can't catch it..... I'm very very VERY disappointed. Und Pyro, vell... I zhought you vould understand..
Just because someone prefers zhe company of men does not mean he is automatically attracted to all of zhe men around him. You are a great friend Herr Pyro, but I am not attracted to you at all (or zhat annoying Scout for zhat matter)
Jeez doc, you're not only queer, you're crazy. Either that or you're a liar. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?
[[yet another snapshot of Scout flexing is attached]]
Now that I think 'bout it, you gotta be lying. Ain't no way anyone, queer or whatever wouldn't want some a' this. Plus, you WERE the one who wanted to shove stuff up my butt earlier.
[a small envelope is attached written for RED Scout only. Inside is $700 and a SLVR's dogtag ]
Sorry for taking that photo, so here's a gift in return. Also... my Ma is flying in to pick me up for the weekend to a ball game and we have front roll seats with like 5-star quality free food. I was wondering if ya want to come along, we have an extra seat and extra shit so I thought we could... um... be friends? I'll reveal myself if ya say yes, I really don't want Solly finding out it's me. He'll flip tables.
Fuck man! Ball game? 'Course I'll go.
...why'd you take my pics, tho?
I understand, doc, and I'm sorry for sounding like a prick there. I was only trying to freak out that RED Scout.
And, between you and me, as much as I like Scout's Ma, that doesn't keep my eyes from wondering to other things.
See, this is how I know you ain't even seen my ma, man. She's hot. If you'd seen her, you wouldn't even think about...
Wait, what ARE you thinkin' about anyway? I'm confused. S'going on with you and Medic?
...Cuz mah Ma wanted to see who I was bringin' and you had a nice good profile picture up so I thought I'd use that...
But excellent! Hope you like flyin' in a small plane. I think we're having lobster and steak at the game, course you're welcome to eat whateva up there! Meet me on SLVR base out back, we have a small runway for deliveries mostly.
~ SLVR Scout
[a small note has been attached]
DAMNIT SCOUT! STOP MAKING FRIENDS WITH POOR PEOPLE! YOUR TABLE HAS NOW BEEN FLIPPED!
- SLVR EAGLE! *aka Soldier*
I can eat whatever, ya say? Good, 'cause, much as I like steak, it ain't a real game unless you got a big greasy hotdog in yer hand, know what I mean?
Cool, meet ya out there.
Aye man, you're ma's a real looker but I like her for her personality. Really.
And I'm not thinking of anything in particular! Nothing's going on with me and any of the Medics (or Scouts), I can assure you of that.
Let's just say most ladies are a bit put-off when I don't wanna take off this mask, and I need to keep my options open for folks with stronger constitutions.
Hey, pal, do you mind me asking, uh...
What the fuck is under that thing anyway? Like do you got no skin, or fish lips, or somethin' like that? I've always wondered...
Seeing as I've looked under zhere before, I can assure you Scout zhat no, zhere are no fish lips und he does indeed have skin. But I von't tell you vhat IS under zhere. Pyro can do zhat if he feels like sharing.
Awwww, did I miss ze Medic party? Darn it, sounds like zey had lots of fun, I vish I could have joined
I would tell ya', but I'm a bit reluctant around folks who aren't sworn to patient confidentiality like the Medics.
And I know how you are with secrets, what with all you told me on that road trip!
Really, I never would have expected your Sniper to be into that sorta thing...
[gold paper that has been crumbled up, opened up and contains ink blots. ]
Oh God I think I'm falling in love for you! Why did we have to have that one party?! It's all those Commoner teams fault for egging us on and after you coming over and.. Am I writing in full English? What's wrong with me!? It's all your fault and you know it! I can't stop thinking about you and that incident! The detail, oh the horror! If I see you again I swear I am ramming something down your throat just to clear my conscious, pills are for the weak! No more Gentleman like! This is beyond moral and correct, this is like a fun house and I'm not having fun with unable to sit down properly after thinking about you even just for a moment! *name is blotted with ink*, I swear next upper-class teams party is thrown, I am staying in my room the entire time! I rather have one of the commoner teammates crack my ribcage in than thinking about giving you *ink blotting out action*.
*ink blot*..was right. I have become ill so I shall take some time off from work.
And it's still all YOUR fault!
AFFIRMATIVE. It is not a party without Medic and his glowstick dances. I DEMAND another hardcore party like our last fourteen! All of you maggot scum on the other teams wouldn't last FIVE MINUTES at a party of UV's, although you are quite welcome to try. None of you will survive this challenge though, especially all you other UNPARTYING-NONAMERICAN SOLDIERS. I DARE you!!!
I know, man, but I guess a guy gets lonely sitting up in that freakin' nest all day. Figured those jars a piss weren't just for throwin'.
Eugh. Feel like I'm gonna ralph just thinkin' about it.
But come on- that's Snipefag. He didn't even know I knew, so no harm done, right? Come ON! Tell me! Tell me tell me tell me.
Alright, alright, if it gets you off my back!
Come by my place later and do that secret knock. Ill be spychecking, so no nosy folks better get any ideas.
Im only agreeing to this 'cause I see you like a brother or something, alright? I trust you not to tell anyone. Not unless you want a trial by fire.
Sweet dude! Promise I won't tell nobody, so long as you don't tell nobody what I gotta tell ya. That SLVR scout- man, total freak at the game. Don't wanna write anything here, but if I seem on-edge, he's why. I'll explain when I see ya.
Oh come on, that girly squeal or whatever you'd call it wasn't necessary.
And I dunno, man, just remember what I told ya about personal boundaries and talking to folks about 'em. You're little buddy sounds like a nice guy.
Da. SLVR Scout, he is.. Only Scout PNK Heavy likes. SLVR Scout is good kid. Always is nice to me. Plays chess well too.
I tried out for the Scouts once, they told me I was better off pursuing other careers. Something about being too out-of-shape and psychotic, whatever that means.
Old "Smaug" showed them a thing or two.
Smaug? Who is this Smaug? He sounds like swell guy.
[there are tiny clear drops of what looks like water dotting the paper all over, though it looks like someone took great care in writing the message]
G-GLD Medic? Vould you.. Please... Visit me as soon as you see zhis.... Bitte... I.. I must tell you somezhing und.. Vell... I'm zorry... Bitte, just.. Come to mein room und hear me out.. You don't even have to come in zhe door.... Just... Please....
Smaug's my best flamethrower, of coarse! You Heavies like to name your weapons like that, yeah?
Nice guy?! What part of 'fucker tried to kiss me' did you not understand?! That's not nice! That's like... The opposite of nice! It's ... Fuck man. I can't believe you. That medic fucked with your head something fierce.
Sorry Doc, but our Medic's locked himself in his room. Dunno what he was bawling over, I don't speak German. Anytime someone tries to ask for a patch up, he goes into a tantrum fit and tells everyone to use Engineer's dispensers. Man, wut did ya two do? I thought that incident at the champagne contest was just a gag laugh, or the fact ya'll were drunker off yer boots than Demoman was with his best whiskey. Maybe you should come over and try yer luck or at least get our Scout from acting like a low-life commoner rat every time we lose a round. I say we ban him from hanging out with the culprit: RED Scout.
YOU are getting on my nerves. If leetle RED Scout says one more bad thing to friends of mine, I will take Scout to RED respawn, so that I can keel him, and keel him, and keel him.
Everyone is so on edge today! We all just need to calm down, fellas.
He's young and confused! I mean, he's the same age as you and all, but more confused! I just feel bad for the guy is all. Imagine if you knew some really hot chick and you thought she was really diggin' on you and you go to make a move only to have her slap her or something. Only its between two guys and the slap was more like a punch.
Calm now, Heavy, my friend's a bit hot-blooded and flustered. And I ain't one to make serious threats or anything, but I'm not past defending my bros if it comes to that. Im big for a Pyro, y'know, remember that.
A centimeter does not count, Monsieur Pyro. You silly~
Oh nein, do not take anything my Heavy says to heart dear Pyro, he wouldn't hurt a fly, the only reason he ever hurts anyone is because we're required to battle. He's just very protective of his friends.. Please understand?
Next you'll be calling me fat! Whats the world come to?
I'll take your word for it, doc. I get that way at times as well, I appologize.
Wouldn't want to over exert my manly-physique fighting teams I'm not scheduled to, anyway.
>>634 Me?! What the fuck did I do?
>>636 What do you mean he's 'more confused than me'? That makes you sound like you think I'm confused at all, which I AIN'T! I like girls! Got that? I know what I like.
And this is TOTALLY different from putting the moves on some babe and havin' her slap ya. You take a girl out on a date, you're gonna expect a little action, amirite? This wasn't no date- it was a fucking Baseball game.
Did I miss a memo? Has the whole world gone queer or something?
>>635 You know what, Fatty McFatFat? (Or should I say, Faggy McFagFag?) I'd welcome that. Fucking welcome it. Come on. Kill me please. Kill me dead. At least then I can stop thinking about how I was basically mouth-raped by your queer little buddy there.
Scout there is a big difference in kissing someone passionately and the formal European style of greetings and good-bye gesture. Don't get ze two mixed up. Thanks to you, our Scout has been eizher hiding up in Medic's office or visiting ze PNK Team's Heavy, Medic, and Scout.
Do I have to discuss zhis with your mozzer? hon hon hon, for a commoner she has ze moves of royality. I may have to pay her a visit sometime...
>>644 If trying to stick your tongue down the other person's throat and grabbing their ass is how European guys say 'Hello', then remind me to never go to fucking Europe man.
I'm glad SLVR fag's hanging out with those PNK freaks. Further he is away from me the better.
[[the edges of this hastily written note are scorched, burnt holes littering it]]
Nah, I'm saying he's confused and you're not so much so that makes him more confused. Or something.
Ill hazard a guess and say he was basically thinking that scenario I put out there but with you as the lady, which is stupid because you're clearly not a lady, and he thought that game was a date.
Or, I'm completely over-analyzing this thing. He ought to apologize, though.
I got a letter from her, y'know. Said she wanted to see "other people." Gave me that same reason most broads do, too. Pisses me off.
I don't blame her, though, picking between a Spy and me isn't that hard.
Cant even bring myself to ask that other person I know to coffee or something.
I should just be done with love altogether, I ain't cut out for it. Wash my hands of the entire business and go back to burning garbage on my off-time.
Aww, non Pyro, do not give up quite yet. How about we meet up soon? I would very much so like to talk with you about something.
>>646 [this note is dotted with several water stains, and appears to be written with very shaky hands.
Damn right he should fucking apologize! I can't fucking fight like this, man! Scared he's gonna ass-rape me on the field, or something.
I just- Can we stop talking about this? I just wanna go fucking break something, or hit some balls around, you know? Smash a couple of windows. You game?
...sure, why not. I guess it's better than just brooding in my shack all day.
Why dont we go knock some baseballs off the BLU Demo's head? I saw him drunk as a monkey near the Yellow base.
Sounds good. But I warn ya- I'm pretty twitchy, and I need to get a lot of this emotional crap out, so if I don't see brain goo flyin' outta the Demo's head after the first three balls, I'm probly just gonna end up running over there and beatin' him to death with my bat.
Just don't let the BLU team shoot me, kay?
No problem with me, maybe it'll learn him about sitting around drunk all the time. And if I see anyone comin at ya' Ill give a yell and distract em for ya.
If Im late getting there at all just watch out for them, gotta see what Spy has to say before I head out.
[[This note is splattered with bloodstains]]
Where the fuck were you?
Shite, man! You ok?
Spy had... a lot to say. Took longer than I expected.
>>653 Herr Pyro, if you would be so kind as to explain why -when I went to place a notice regarding this week's checkups- I found a half-dead Scout under the bulletin board, then please come by my office. Our Scout is certainly in no condition to provide an explanation at the moment.
[Another notice is pinned to this one]
Gentlemen, this week I will be holding the annual checkups. Please drop by as soon as you are available. If I do not see everyone in this office by the end of the week, I will not hesitate to hunt you down.
This means you, Scout.
Well, shit. Ill explain everything I can when I get there. Just dont use that bonesaw on me, alright? I expect enough of a beating when your Scout's on his feet again.
From the looks of things, our Scout will not be on his feet for quite a while.
If at all...
WHO THE HELL IS ACCUSING ME OF BEING QUEER!?
Damn it RED, I never did that! Not once at the game! I just wanted to show you a good time, trying to be friends. Why are you accusing me of French kissing you and grabbing ass and...
... SPY! Who ever team's Spy followed us, you are dead meat man! I am not gay! Whoever pranked on RED Scout, you are officially going to pay!I may be upper class but I'm not afraid of getting blood on my hands!
Who the fuck did this? BLU Team?
I swear to god, if Scout doesn't make a full recovery Ill hunt them down, one by one if I have to!
Why'd I have to go and get distracted...
Exactly what were you doing with the GRN Spy, anyway, Herr Pyro? I was told some 'medical supplies' were stolen from the GRN infirmary earlier, and that is usually a euphemism for something. I am only curious. Did they have anything to do with you?
Ach, but where were we? Ja, the Scout. It is possible he may make a full recovery- Scouts can be quite resilient, after all, but my training has taught me to prepare for the worst, and hope for nothing. Then it is easier when they have to take your patients away in body bags.
As for who did this, I am afraid I do not know. I simply came upon the Scout, lying under the bulletin board, riddled with bullet holes, and suffering from severe blood loss. That is the extent of my knowledge at the moment.
Im sure it's nothing anyone would want or need to hear about, I don't think, right?
And I don't need to dust off my old Backburner?
I completely blame myself for this, and on second thought deserve any beat-downs RED team wants to dish out.
We (the Scout and me) had planned to cause some trouble to help him get over some emotional hurdles, and I was supposed to be the one to take those bullets in the event we got attacked.
>>661 Nein, Pyro, you must not blame yourself. If the evening had gone ahead as planned, likely the GRN Medic would be giving this same spiel to our Scout now, and you would not want him to feel like you getting shot was his fault, now would you?
I promise you this- I will do whatever is in my power to ensure the Scout makes a full recovery.
I am more concerned with the events surrounding his emotional distress, to be honest. Several times these past few days, I have approached him, wishing to discuss his upset and agitated manner as of late, only to be shoved away with an insult and comments inferring I am a homosexual. Typical behavior for our Scout, but something about it feels...off. Something has happened to him, and I feel until we get to the bottom of this, he will never truly be healed.
I guess you're right... isnt gonna stop me from blaming myself though. At least he wouldnt have forgotten about his bro like I did.
Ill tell you what I know, but I aint writing it all out here. From what I've heard recently, it may not even be what it seems.
And, ahh, about thse insults he's been throwing around... If he comes to and asks, you wont tell him what I was doing? Not that I was doing anything in particular, but if I was I wouldn't want the kid to get any wrong ideas or anything.
I will leave it to your discretion, Herr Pyro, what you tell the Scout regarding your personal life. All I will tell him is what I know based on first-hand accounts. I found him bleeding under the bulletin board, took him to the infirmary, and have no knowledge past this.
Ja, ja, come to mein office please, and tell me what you know regarding this. Do not come to the infirmary, though. I fear it would only upset you to see the Scout like this.
I'll be over as soon as I can, and I swear I'll do my best not to look in there.
I mean it, Herr Pyro. It is not a pretty sight. Even someone as battle-hardened as you would likely be made ill by the sight of the poor Scout's legs.
The more I examine him, the more I come to believe he ran into a sentry. Either that, or a Heavy. Few things can shred flesh and tendons like- well, I won't go into details. Just, for your own sake, avoid the infirmary.
I will await your arrival in mein office. We have much to discuss.
Well, that's my story.
Im still not sure what to do about it, poor Scout's been torn up about this for so long and during that same time I had all those issues of my own. Thank you for that package, by the way, you wont be hearing about any more stolen goods for a while now.
And... god, you told me not to but I had a peek on my way out and... well, I haven't eaten since I lost my last meal to that trash bin. Can't hardly sleep for the guilt.
You said a Heavy would be capable of that, but Ive seen Heavy gunshots and they're not nearly that... I dont even know....
As reluctant as I am to believe it, the PNK Heavy wasnt very happy with Scout bashing on the SLVR Scout. You dont suppose he's to blame?
I just.. I dont even know. I really wish I had been there.
You are welcome, Herr Pyro. Remember, use it sparingly. I do not wish to be interrogated after placing a replacement order. The RED Soldier can be quite... imaginative.
Und I told you not to look. It is quite hard to see the Scout in that state, I know, but once he is healed enough, und if you feel you have the stomach for it, I will not object to you coming to visit him. It may even speed the healing process, perhaps. Stranger things have happened.
I do have experience treating every sort of wound out here, Herr Pyro. Perhaps you have not seen what a Minigun wound looks like, underneath all the carnage, but I have. Given the extent of the damage, though, it is still difficult to tell whether it was a Heavy or merely a sentry that did this.
All we can do is simply wait und see if Scout wakes up, so he can tell us what occurred. In the meantime, you may question the PNK Heavy, if you wish, but please exercise caution. If you think it is possible that he did this to Scout, then he may be a very dangerous man to approach.
I couldnt help myself, that door was just so inviting and I was feeling so guilty. Just goes t show why we're taught to always take you Medics' orders.
Ive seen my share of wounds, sustained more than enough Minigun blasts myself whenever Ive got flamelust going on and get feeling too cocky and sure of myself, but Ill admit I try not to inspect the things too closely. I try to keep myself removed from that sort of critical thinking, y'know?
And as much as Id like to, after seeing Scout I dont think Im feeling too sure of going up against any Heavies for a long time.
Be sure to lemme know when he's healed up, do., Ill have to apologize and take a punch from him, Im sure.
Well, Heavy saw this und.. He got really upset.. He may not look it, but he's a very sensitive man underneath all those threats & bullets.
I'm upset as well.. But all I wanted to say was that Heavy was with me that entire time, so he couldn't have hurt RED's scout. He just gave him a slightly annoyed look when Scout decided to knock over the chess board we had set up. (I believe he was on his way to the BLU base at that time)
Ja, that does sound like our Scout. Did you happen to see him at all on his return from BLU base? With the way his legs are torn up, I find it almost impossible to believe that he simply walked back here. Someone must have helped him- but who?
Mayhaps it was a Spy? I know his mother is seeing one, though I'm not sure which or whether theyd really care whether he wwas injured or not. I dont think it was anyone on GRN, since I was with Spy at the time and the rest of my team tends to keep out of other folks' business.
Considering what I have heard from SLVR's Scout regarding the matter, it seems a Spy is likely involved in this to some degree. But which one, is the question. We can assume it is likely not the RED Spy, as he would have simply brought the Scout to our infirmary, without any blame pointed at him. GRN Spy was with you, as you said, so that leaves...Ach. Why the hell are there so many teams here?
If there is anyone out there who knows anything regarding what happened to the RED Scout, please, leave a message. It is unlikely he will be able to provide us with any information any time soon.
Oh uhm... I.. I may have.. Uhm.. H-helped him h-home.. I'm sorry, I'm v-very nervous & shy & I've never posted anything on here before and.... Uh... Yeah.. I c-couldn't just leave him, my conscience wouldn't allow it...
Now there's a CYN team? Mein gott. How have we not run out of colours yet?
Danke, Herr Spy, for helping our Scout. Would you be willing to come to my office? I have a few questions for you regarding this.
[the note seems to have been written with shaky hands]
You're not gonna stick n-n-needles in me, r-right?
Nein, Herr Spy. I only wish to understand what happened to our Scout.
He is showing some signs of responsiveness, but considering the amount of blood he lost, it is likely he will not wake up for several days, and many of the memories of what happened may be gone by then.
Oh, of c-course! Anything to help!!
I owe you a drink or something for doing that!
Oh I've n-never had an alcoholic drink in m-my life, but thanks P-pyro!
Gut. Come by mein office as soon as you can.
I seem to be having a lot more visitors lately. I should tidy up.
[note has been pinned with a gold plated syringe]
... So after a serious talk vith mein teammates... I'm calm down enough to step outside of mein medbay.
Herr SLVR, I know you're out zhere! If you vant to spill your guts to me, I razher it be here on zhis clipboard! I am not ze kind of Gentleman to keep somezhing bottled up forever.
Say vhat you have to say Herr doctor and I vill zhink it over.
Then I owe you a favor!
Hey, doc, hows your Scout doing? He's pulling through, I hope?
He will live, Herr Pyro, but he seems to have fallen into a coma - one that I believe is not caused by the lack of blood, or the injuries, but merely Herr Scout's mental state. I cannot heal the mind with the Medigun, unfortunately.
If you think you have the stomach for it, I believe it would do our Scout some good if you could come and spend time with him. Perhaps just sit and talk for a while. He won't be able to respond, but hearing the voice of a friend might snap him out of this.
I'll be by there after I watch that ball on the TV, doc. Gotta be sure I have something he'll care enough to listen to, eh?
Visiting will at least ease my guilt.
Danke, Herr Pyro. I'm sure your visit will do you both a world of good.
Whoa, really, doc? The guy's brain is THAT messed up?
That's... really depressing.
>>688 Poor guy.
Ja, I am afraid it is some sort of catatonic state. To save itself the horror of dealing with its situation, the mind will shut itself down, until it is ready to deal with it. I've seen this occur among many victims of traumatic events, unfortunately, especially those in the war.
There is some progress being made, though. The Scout's physical responsiveness is increasing. He is still, for all intents and purposes, however, unconscious.
Will you be coming by tonight as well, Herr Pyro? I know it did not seem like any progress was made, but I assure you, it is there, underneath the surface of the Scout's psyche.
>>698 Shit, man! that sounds bad! He's not gonna Die or anything is he? Cuz' that'd be pretty suckish.
He is stable for now. His physical problems are not what concern me, at present, however.
Doc, you gotta let me know what happens and when it happens, 'kay, man.
... Poor guy.
Would you like to me to post a status update for the Scout every day or something?
Days 1-4: He is unconscious. He flinches in response to painful stimuli, and makes some indecipherable sounds throughout the day. His eyes do not open, but the pupils are undilated, showing he is not suffering from brain damage. When Herr Pyro came to visit, he turned his head towards him, but in no other way acknowledged his presence, except when he tried to extract his hand from Herr Pyro's grasp.
Slowly, he is starting to come out of this state, but it will not be an easy journey.
Why the sudden interest, Herr Scout? Did you have something to do with this?
You think I did this, doc?
Why would I hurt the guy?
If anyone, I'd say a certain Frenchie had something to do with this.
Can you be more specific, bitte? There are many teams- all with spies. How are we to know which one is responsible?
From what I've read in the earlier notes, that SLVR spy could have done something to... upset your scout.
Ja, it is entirely possible, but what on earth would he have for a motive?
It wasn't me, good doctor. More than likely it was my golden counterpart as he is married to SLVR Scout's mother... I shall speak wiz him, as I had to sneak out to post this note, GLD and SLVR are in lock-down away from ozzer teams to aid in helping your Scout recover as we investigate on zhis end.
[Not only is the note messy, crumpled, & stained with dirty bloody water, there is more blood on the board as well as the floor below it. The handwriting looks shaky, desperate, & seriously pissed off. It's not signed by anyone, but it is stuck with a used silver syringe & is written in a strange mix of half German, half English. And everything smells of fish.]
I KNOW WHO DID IT THE SAME BASTARD THAT GOT RED SCOUT THAT "THING" IS WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE AT ALL IN OUR BASE BUT NOBODY SEEMED TO NOTICE WELL I HAVE GONE THROUGH HELL TRYING TO ESCAPE AND IT [The rest of the note is illegible except for a few words here and there] AND I FOUGHT.. BLOOD.. BONESAW.. TENTACLES.. TEAR.. KEPT AGAINST.. DAYS.. BLU.. PIPES.. SAVE SCOUT..
Gimmie one good reason why I should think you're tellin' the truth, Frenchy.
This is extremely unnerving, that does not sound like a sentry or a Heavy. Even if they do smell kinda like fish.
Exactly WHAT is going on over there?
I do not know, but I believe it would be in everyone's best interest if we followed the example of our metallic brothers and put every base on lockdown until this mystery is solved.
I don't know 'bout ev'ryone else, but I'm about to go insane bein' locked up in here an' all. I can't keep livin' like this, mates. We need to come off lockdown soon, or I don't know what I'll do.
We must be patient, Herr Sniper. We cannot risk something like this occurring again.
I feel I am closer to the truth, however. When I was changing Scout's dressings today, I noticed something odd about his wounds. Considering the state his legs were in originally- tendons and flesh shredded like sauerkraut- I assumed it was a barrage of bullets that came from a sentry, or a Heavy's minigun. However, upon further inspection, these wounds do not appear to be gunshot wounds at all. If anything, they look more like they were made by some sort of animal.
Have you happened to see a coyote, or a wolf, or something of the like roaming around the bases lately, Herr Sniper? Because as things get clearer, they also seem to get more confusing.
Well, come to think think of it, mate, I have been hearing some howling near the bases at night. I've also noticed some paw prints, definatley left by wolves. Early morning would be the only time they would be anywhere near here, considerin' all the noise durin' the day. Your scout would be the kind to go out early in the morning and run, would he?
Ja, he is, but the attack occurred sometime into the evening. I found him under this board several hours after sunset. Would they have been prowling around then, by any chance?
I apologize for this line of questioning- I know very little about wild animals, unfortunately.
Would you be able to identify if an injury came from a wolf, Herr Sniper?...
[the note is written in a rush with three tiny drops of blood in a bottom corner]
Don't bozzer speculating, I have found out vhat is going on after rushing head long into ze sewers near BLU Base after figuring out mein SLVR counterpart vas down in zhere. He is badly injured and I have taken it upon meinself to care for him. Vhat attacked RED Scout and SLVR Medic is still down zhere... As much as I can hardly believe meinself for saying zhis, but it appears to be a sewer dwelling monster taking residence between RED and BLU Bases. It appears to look like a Spy, yet zhat is ze hidden danger vhen all zhese... tendrils come after you! Because of zhis scenario, I regret to inform from our higher ups, zhat GLD and SLVR teams vill be transferred to anozher territory so is not to further get our team members involved vith ze dangerous affairs vith ze Commoner teams. It has been a pleasure vatching you all and hope you can solve zhis problem as it is not in our contracts to do so unless it's on our bases alone. I vill be sure to post on here upon our return.
Take care and good luck,
This sounds impossible. I expected some sort of animal to be responsible, but... a half-Spy, half-tendrilled creature? It borders on the absurd. Still, I have heard of stranger things...
Und you cannot just leave us here with this...thing! What are we supposed to do? Run? It didn't seem to work for our Scout!
I- I am sorry if I seem distraught. The Scout has been suffering from nightmares lately- he wakes up screaming, und hyperventilating, and I am the one who has to deal with it. I have not slept in a week. This is a very trying time for us all. Please, you must help.
Vell, unless every single team gets zheir pyros together for a mass inferno down zhere vhat has to be ze biggest spy check ever, vhat else can ve do? Plus I zhink it vill benefit you all if ze number of teams decreased dramatically, forcing zhis... abomination to force itself out into ze open for you all to attack. And I agree vith you, being a fellow man of science, ze idea is fairy tail like and implausible... and yet I saw it vith mein own eyes to ze point of firing mein entire ammo of syringes from mein blutsauger just to save SLVR. So ve shall be MIA for a few veeks, possibly more until ze issue is solves. Zhink of it as GLD and SLVR taking a stress relief vacation. Sort of. I managed to give one of ze Pyros our new base's phone number so he can post any sort of messages ve send in or if anyone else vishes to send a message back to us.
Herr GLD, I truly fear what will happen to mein team und the other teams if this creature is lured into the open. Perhaps we will be able to fight it off, perhaps we will all end up like poor Scout. We all stand a much better chance if we stick together.
I beg of you- remain here. Bring Herr SLVR to my infirmary. We can care for he und Scout side-by-side. I believe their rehabilitation will be much more effective if they are near someone who has undergone the same experience.
Und it will bring me some comfort...bitte, Herr Doktor. Ich kann nicht mehr tragen...
... If my Doc's stayin' behind for recovery, then I'm staying too! If anything RED Doc, I volunteer to be yer temporary RED Scout till the real RED Scout recovers! I have a feelin' this is partly my fault because I bet that slime monster followed us to the baseball game and tried to feel him up while I was away for a moment.
So count on me to help out! And you guys are lucky I'm a SLVR! Our bullets are silver so if Slime face comes after us, I can place some nice holes in that mug of his! No one violates my FRIEND and gets away with it!
Danke, Herr Scout. Your efforts are greatly appreciated.
Things are starting to make sense regarding the RED Scout- if this...thing was stalking him, und followed you to your game, it makes sense he would go after him here, as well.
But why attack the SLVR Medic? Und why was he in our sewers to begin with?
Im not against the idea, though its up to the other Pyros whether they'd be willing to give it a go. Though, it's awful damp down there. DO you think it's possible to drain the sewers?
GODDAMNIT, Im just about ready to go down there myself, what with this thing attacking my friends like that!! Fuck the danger, Id have been down there with it anyway if Id gone with Scout!
>>729 Don't you dare, Pyro! I refuse to give this monster any more victims! You, und everyone needs to stay clear of that sewer until we have a more cohesive plan of attack.
In other news, Scout is awake. He is still suffering from severe symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, and thus refuses to talk, but small steps are being made.
If you really want to help, Pyro, come to see him. He needs a friend right now, und I am running on fourteen minutes of sleep. I am no one's friend.
[the note has a few of SLVR Medic's notes as well as the notes of the medic(s) currently taking care of him & Scout. It says that SLVR Medic has not actually spoken a word since the accident]
//I've tried getting him to say ANYZHING but he refuses, I am not sure if it is a mental ailment or a physical one
//Zhe first zhing I asked & zhe first note he was able to write
I vas down zhere because I vanted to find vhat hurt Scout. I vas angry.
//He wrote zhis zhe next day of his own accord
I vas trapped. My flashlight vent out, und zhere vas a splash. I remained absolutely still for fünf minuten (//five minutes). I took out mein Spritze Pistole (//syringe gun) und started to backtrack slowly. He leaped upon me, all zhose tentacles, like a giant slimy net.. I shot at him, used all of my ammo, but he vouldn't stop, he vouldn't stop, vouldn't stop[angry scribbles & a tear in the paper follow this]
//he passed out afterwards & wrote zis later
He kept me zhere, stripped me of everyzhing but my lab coat und he used my medigun und he kept me bound mit his tentacles und he said so many zhings und I couldn't escape for days, no matter how much I struggled, he vas alvays threatening me mit zhis und zhat... I cannot believe vhy he vould say such zhings... Oder zhat he vould actually do zhem.. Vhy did he do zhat to me. Warum....
//zhe next note vas random.
Ich hasse Zigaretten (//I hate cigarettes)
//zhe last zhing he wrote
He von't stop until I'm his slave again, he von't leave me allein (//alone)
//he hasn't written anyzhing else except for small zhings und scientific pictures of zhe tentacles und how zhey have harmed him. Vhen I asked how he escaped he just drew a picture of his bonesaw. If any other friends of Herr SLVR could come talk to him & comfort him, I believe he vill feel viel besser. Bitte sehr, Herr SLVR's mental being is on zhe line
... Fine I'm staying behind. Ze others are already packed and ready to leave vhich of course are a tad upset I'm not departing vith zhem but zhey can live vithout a doktor for a vhile. In ze meantime, as much as I prefer being in mein own Medbay, being ze only GLD alone is going to be nerve racking so I'm going to ask any one of you Commoners care to... share a room vith me temporarily? I'm going to feel so dirty from those unclean bases after all zhis aren't I?
If anything else happens to anyone though Im heading down there.
You get some rest, doc, I can watch Scout for a bit.
Danke, Herr GLD. You can take the RED Scout's room for yourself, if you are willing to brave whatever horrible monsters live in there. You faced off against that thing in the sewers- I think you can handle a few dust bunnies and gym socks.
>>733 Oh, vielen herzlichen Dank, Herr Pyro. Thank you so very much. If there are any problems, come and get me immediately, jawohl?
[[A smaller note is pinned to this one]]
If anyone dares wake me and it is not a life-or-death situation, it will be.
Hope your rest went well, doc, you got yourself almost 20 hours!
Scout seemed alright when I was in there, I followed the directions you left me to a T. He didn't really look at me or make much of any sound, though. Dunno if that's due to him being mad or traumatized, Im gonna tell myself its the latter.
UV Medic's office...
Mein GOTT... So many colors... very loud music... I'm seeing double rainbows.
I'll take RED Scout's room... maybe do him a favor and clean it vith a high class flare as soon as mein eyes are adjusted again.
Ja, Herr Pyro, danke. I did get a very good night's sleep. But I must admit, not all of my time off was spent in my bed. Call me a hypocrite, but I snuck down to the sewers last night- not very far in. I merely stayed near the entrance. But I did catch a glimpse of movement, and I heard some sounds. They sounded almost...pained.
I believe that this creature is injured, likely from the GLD Medic's attack on it.
We may have the upper hand here, gentlemen. Und I would like to propose something:
Rather than killing this creature, why not capture it, for study? Something like this is not created in nature, so where did it come from? How did it get here? All are questions that will go unanswered if we simply destroy it. We must do this, for science!
Es tut mir leid Herr GLD! I vork best in mein natural habitat. Vhich happens to be full of techno und lasers! But I vill turn it off, nur für dich, if you decide to stay. (I have a secret love of classical, so if you vould like, I can change it)
I gotta say, doc, you're crazy.
But, any plan that at least get's that thing where I can see it is fine by me, though id rather see it dead. I have no idea how you'd propose we catch it, though. We dont have any nets big enough, to my knowledge, nor any cages.
That is what Engineers are for, my dear Pyro.
Maybe this creature is just.. Lonely....
And BLU team, when the previous BLU's occupying your base were being relocated, do you remember a spy being with them at all?..
Ne-Nein, you continue to enjoy vhat you like, (I prefer ragtime music meinself. I know.. a rich man like me listening to a poor man's music, but I just like it...), I'll just camp out somevhere so I'm not in your vay or RED's
As much as zhat beast tried to do me ze same vay it did to SLVR... FOR SCIENCE!
Нет, though I think nothing of it at time. Spies are sneaky, I assumed he vas doing his own thing.
I assumed so... And Engineer is always talking about how our bases are powered by nuclear energy.....
I do believe I'm starting to reach somewhat of a hypothesis. Perhaps something very bad happened to zhis BLU Spy, the same something zhat caused the evacuation of the previous BLU team. You do not know zhis, BLU team, but I found out that your base was quarantined before you arrived & after the others left. Something happened to zhere respawn, whatever powered it was shot maybe, I'm not sure. I think Spy may have been in the process of respawning when it happened. I'll try to find out more about this & I'll keep all of you posted.
You're not going near the reactors or whatever they are, are you?
I mean, I dont want to find out you've suddenly sprouted tentacles or something.
>>760 Ja, I agree with the Pyro- please be careful Herr Spy.
Although I must admit, coming back with tentacles you would make for an interesting subject...
[the piece of paper is soggy and writing starting to fade. It has an odor to that of the sewers]
... YoU NeVeR caTch mE...
I don't mean to alarm anyone, but...
Has anyone seen the RED Scout? He...I came back to Mein infirmary und he....
There is no way he could have simply left- his legs are nowhere near fully healed.
Someone has taken the Scout.
It must have been that mutant BLU!
This tears it, I'm going into the sewer once I pin this up!
If he's part human, then he should burn well enough. If not, Ive got a shotgun.
That's it. I am going down there too. I have the same abilities as he, except for the tentacles. I'll try to reason with him, and if all else fails I will just cloak and get out of there. I will not take this sitting down.
Before I go, I will tell you what I found out. According to death records, Spy died in the sewers exactly as respawn was destroyed. They did not bother going after him, as this should have completely erased his being from this world. But his molecules did start resembling, as soon as respawn was fixed. But they did not go together exactly as they should have. One of the engineers should be able to better explain this.
You two wait for me. No one kidnaps mein patient und gets away mit it!
[This note is littered with several small blood stains and appears to be written with shaky hands]
don't go near the water
Right behind you! Me and SLVR Scout are going in as back up for GRN's Pyro and Spy. I've tampered mein medigun to accept any team color, so if you need me, just shout. (How to tamper a medigun I can not disclose lest I lose mein job vith GLD.)
But ze sewers are dark and using flames vill vaste ammo....
UV TEAM WE NEED YOU! BITTE!
GLD Medic, can you take care of this, bitte? I have to rescue mein own Scout already, but I don't want this one to die too.
Don't worry bout RED Scout Doc! I managed to pull him out in time.. but BLK Scout... geez, what is up with that THING with Scouts and Doctors? Also, GLD Medic decided to go solo on us, ditched the others and ran in the dark, needle gun in hand and shouted something I think like "revenge for hurtin' SLVR Medic... He looked enraged. Someone needs to put a leash on him.
Speakin of which, Doc... is my medic alright? Haven't gone in to see him since the attack. I managed to use a health kit on RED Scout, and doing so... I guess I decided to apologize to him even though it wasn't my fault for what happened at that game. I figured just listening to me apologizing and clearing things up would help him back to normal. I still wanna be his friend, nothing deeper.
[[this note is written clumsily, a few drops of blood are on the right corner]]
Thank god, I had to retreat and was worried that Id let him down again. Something'd come out of the water and mangled my hand, it managed to get my shotgun and I couldn't properly use my flamethrower on whatever it was.
Would any docs be so kind as to take a look at this? It doesn't hurt so much as it doesn't... anything, really. I think it's broken, but I haven't peeled my glove off of it yet.
Everyone else came out alright, I hope?
I was wonderin' the same thing mate, we can't be without a medic.
>>779 Danke Herr Scout. I cannot thank you enough for saving mein patient. There actually seems to be some drastic improvements in his cognitive state; whether this is from facing this beast head on, or from your conversation with him, I am not sure. He still will not speak, but he can shake and nod his head in response to simple questions. He is still very distraught, but crying und reacting violently are better than catatonia, in my book.
I only regret I could not have been there to capture this...thing. I have no idea if Herr GLD is successful at this, or even if he is alive.
As to SLVR Medic, I am afraid I was not permitted to treat him- GLD Medic made sure of that- und he was also gone when the Scout was taken, but GLD Medic is forever wheeling him around the base, doing gott knows what, so I did not find this odd.
I hope that creature did not grab him too...
>>780 Ja, Herr Pyro, come right over to the infirmary, I will take a look at it. I am already playing nursemaid for two Scouts, so do not be surprised if I look like hell...again.
This war is turning me into an old man.
Ill be over there in a few doc. My team hasnt seen much action in a while now, why dont I just stick around and help you out with the Scouts? Its partially my fault you had to deal with your own in the first place.
Speaking of my team, have you seen the GRN Spy? I saw him when I was leaving, but he cloaked or something in the sewer before I left.
Danke, Herr Pyro. Some help would be greatly appreciated.
Und, nein, I am afraid I have not seen the GRN Spy around. Perhaps he is still skulking around in the sewers?
No problem, doc, I like helping out when I can.
Huh.. If he's not back in a few hours I might have to go looking for him. I dont want to risk letting that thing grab another of my friends.
[same sewer smelling paper as before]
YouR... golDeN DocTOr is MiNE NOw...
THeRe WILl bE No SavIng hiM NoW...
Well zhis zhing certainly has a taste for medics. No matter!! I'm going in after Herr GLD!! SLVR Medic would be so upset if he found out.. I'm willing to risk becoming anozher medic collectable to save GLD and possibly GRN Spy if he's in trouble (though I believe he's alright, I could have sworn I saw him a couple days ago leaving the sewer)
You do what you want- I am not leaving this damn infirmary. At least ONE Medic should be alive, don't you think?!
...Would anyone be willing to come to the infirmary? Preferably someone with a weapon? I'm all alone with two unarmed, very injured Scouts-one of them still comatose, and I SWEAR I have been hearing things in the pipes below mein office.
Damn it! That... that whatever it is has hurt too many people! I don't give a damn if it's lonley or just plain insane, I'm setting up the most powerful sentry I can make and sitting out with my shotgun tonight, I'm gonna kill this bastard.
I'm going either way, but if anyone wants to help, meet me by the bridge tonight at sundown.
This has gone way too far, I'm not afraid of death anymore.
No? Herr Spy, are you... Do you oppose the death of this creature? After what it has done?! How could you?!
Ill bring my flamethrower with me when I come by, doc.
What? You've seen what it did to those Scouts and the SLVR Medic! That thing took only seconds to smash my hand!
Did- were you actually able to talk to it?
What the heck are you doing back!? I thought GLD Medic stated.. no ORDERED, that GLD and SLVR teams were leaving to avoid any casualties while he, SLVR Medic, and I stayed behind to fight off this... thing!
Speaking of... Hope GLD Doc's okay. He's a gentlemen, but when he gets pissed, he's like... a angry German shaved wolf that hates everybody and everyone with a golden plated Amputator!
There are two.. You're going after the wrong one...
Mein gott... How do we know which is which? Und how do we know the one you consider safe is not just as dangerous?
Right... Next you'll tell us there's Sniper gator centaur things romping around gonna eat us as well. Only good Squidy Spy is a dead one in my books.
As much as I want to agree with you, I think we ought to hear Spy out and see what the hell is going on. There's no reason not to trust him on this.
Go on spy...
Yes Spy, go on...
BLU respawn is not messing up again, da?
This does not sound good...
Where tha' hell is he?
[the note smells of sewer water]
I... vant to kill... everyone...
No zhanks to anyone for helping me escape zhat.. zhat HELL! Mein Gott.. mein clothes are ruined, mein hair is beyond a mess, I have leech bites, a few cuts and bruises, I smell like garbage and on top of it all... Zhat.. zhing vas going to violate me in so many vays if it vasn't for mein gold pocket watch to keep it distracted vhile I fled for vho knows how long down zhere!
If anyone needs me, I vill be taking a uber long shower, gorge meinself of anything edible, zhen take ze best nap I should have in days!
p.s: Uh... SLVR Medic? If you're better by now, I'd... like to meet up sometime.. alone... avay from peeping eyes... Bitte.
Due to complaints, team WHT has been dispatched for assistance
Whoa, doc? You're alive?
Ugh! I'm not waiting anymore! If anyone wants to wants to come with me then, by all means, do! I'm going regardless! I'll know which one to shoot when it goes after me. Same plan as before. Though I'm definatley going to need a sniper or a heavy IF I'm going to survive this without ending up like our medic!
Is anyone going with me? Like I said, I'll go on my own if need be.
Ja... barely, and am not in ze mood for youthful antics at ze moment. I still have to vash off all zhis sewer scum off mein boots.. vhatever's left of zhem.
You're going to die down zhere Engineer... I escaped only because I vent vith desperate measures... Trust me.. it's better if Demomen and Pyros vent in zhere instead of ze rest of us.
How 'bout a Scout, doc? Managed to sneak out of the infirmary, and I wanna give that slimy sonofabitch some payback.
Shit man, if RED scout's goin',even after all he's been through, then I'm sure as hell goin' with him. And if we GLD engie goes with us, and maybe some medics an' pyros an' shit, then we'd out number the bastard! Hey RED, you think you could get that GRN pyro to go with us? You two seemed like you were pretty close.
I ain't seen him in a while, actually. Startin to get worried.
And you might need to help me out with like, walkin' and shit, man. My legs are still pretty fucked up.
Im still around, man. Just been searching like a mad-man for our Spy. You'd think Id be better at this, it's my job finding Spies...
And I'm glad as hell to see you awake Scout! Dunno if I like the idea of you going back down there, though. If you do, and I know you will anyway, I can help you walk.
Maybe GRN's Spy's in there, it's the only place I haven't looked.
Yea man, I am awake, and I am pissed off. No more of this crybaby-moping-around shit. I wanna find the fucker that did this and blow his freakin' head off.
About that Spy, though, man, I don't trust him, and you shouldn't neither. He's probably helpin' out this...whatever it is.
Sorry, I can't even say the enough man. I really shoulda been the one that thing grabbed in the first place.
And I dunno, he's pretty nice to me and all...
Nah, it's cool, pally. S'not your fault. I shouldn't a been fuckin' around in the sewers anyway.
But I still don't trust that GRN shapeshifter. Never had. Fucker's always rubbed me the wrong way. I mean, don't it seem pretty suspicious that he just all of a sudden came on to you? (And relax, I don't give a fuck that you're queer- just don't try to grab my ass or nothin.)
Maybe he lured you away so I'd be trapped alone with that thing. I dunno man. Wouldn't surprise me.
Like I would! you're like a brother or something! I ain't into that sorta thing!
And... I don't know, I've known him for years...
Gah, now you've got me thinking. Let's just hurry up and get with the others to find that monster.
No problem, dude.
Fuck yeah! Let's go! I know that the GLD engie's gonna be out there tonight so we'll just meet him on our way out there!
Whatever it is that's been doing this shit to everyone tried to get me too. So I'm lookin' for a little payback myself.
Damn straight I'm goin'. Our medic's been hel up in his room ever since he got back from his ordeal down there. He gets ticked as hell whenever anyone tries to talk to him, so we still don't know this thing we're goin' after is. This also means that we might not have any medics tonight, and that not good. If RED scout could convince his medic to go with us then that'd be good. I won't be able to go in with you guys, I'm have to stay with mah sentry.
Words cannot express how furious I am right now, Scout. You had me worried sick! When this ordeal is over, I am chaining you to your bed in the infirmary. Und if your legs do not heal properly, do not come crying to me!
I suppose you will need someone there to ensure the safety and well-being of you all. But I must insist that our Scout stay back with you, Herr Engineer. He is in no shape to run, and if that thing comes after us, this time he will not escape it- of this I am sure.
Alright, my friends. If I do not make it out of this, it was a pleasure working with you all.
Id offer to stay back, but I guess Im the only real "tank" right now. Speaking of which, I'll lead the group. If that thing's waiting on us, it'll have to get through me first. And if things get too dangerous, I expect you and the BLK Scout to be ready to bail while I hold it back. Our best bet is to lead it to the sentry.
You will make it out alive, even if it's over my dead body.
Keep a sharp eye out for sappers an' shit, hardhat. I got a feeling that GRN bastard'll try something.
>>842 Don't you fuckin dare die on me in there, man. I'll limp my way out there and drag you back if I gotta.
I'll try not to and I'll fight like hell, but I swear Ill not hesitate to toss you right back where you were if shit gets too bad in there.
Everyone ready to go? I'll meet you all there.
Yeah! Let's do this, motherfuckers!
Scout, you need to have your most powerful gun with you, just in case that thing shows up and tries to kill us while the others are gone.
Fuck yeah! Let's go! This bastard won't know what hit him!
Uh....about that. See, when I got attacked, my gun was kinda, well... crushed, by that.. thing. Squeezed it like a grape. So uh...
I got nothin'.
But gimme five minutes, I'm sure I can find a piece of wood or a rock, or somethin'.
No, need to worry boy, I'm sure I've got somethin' you can use. If that thing crused your gun that easily, then we gotta have you properly armed. Can't have you gettin' hurt again now can we? Speakin' of which, you gotta be ready to run or hide or something if thing get out of hand.
Yeah, uh, about that,too. You know what it did to my gun? It kinda did that to my legs, too, only like, way fucking worse.
I can walk and everything, but the damn Heavy could beat me in a footrace at this point.
...Your sentry's pretty solid anyway, right? I mean, it's gold, after all, ain't it?
Alright, ya' got me there. I'll have a dispenser set up, it won't heal your legs, but it should ease some of the pain.
Alright I think we're set to go! By this time tomorrow, that monster should be dead.
Thanks, hardhat. Ain't never been healed by a gold dispenser before. Should be cool.
And yeah, no fuckin' way this freak's making it out of this alive.
WOO! Let's go! Next time you hear from any of us, that bastard'll be dead!
.... Count me in zhen, if you all are going in like a mob of blind angry bees, I might as vell keep you all going, you all need at least ONE medic to keep your pony legs going.
RED Scout, if it makes you feel any better, I'm LOANING you mein prized gold Crusader's Crossbow. I vorked hard to earn zhat upgrade, so... can I trust you NOT to lose it? Do I have to show you how to aim, fire, and reload?
Sweet, man! Thanks!
....what's a crossbow?
You're... serious? Fine.. Take Herr Sniper's bow, hold it sidevays... and attach it to ze butt of a gun but shoots poison arrows and medicine darts to team mates. ZHAT'S vhat a crossbow is.
Pfft. Like Sniper's gonna let me take his bow. And how the hell do I attach it? Duck tape?
Dummkopf! I vas describing vhat a crossbow looks like and functions! It's like taking a bow and gun and putting zhem together! Not... ugh, nevermind, here use zhis turkey baster to fight vith. Just ask your Engineer to upgrade it to somezhing.
[A turkey baster has been taped to the board with this note]
Uh...thanks, Doc. I'll do that.
One question though. Tell me the white stuff in this baster ain't what I think it is. 'Cause we might need a new bulletin board if it is.
You two do know that I have an old shotgun the boy can use, don't you?
Bitchin'! Thanks, hardhat.
But seriously. I think we need a new board. That turkey baster the doc taped up tipped over and leaked over like, everything. I don't wanna even come near it.
I mean, MAYBE it's milk, but...
Uh... as interestin' as this is, I'm pretty sure we were supposed leave like two hours ago... can we please go now before this thing hurts anyone else?
I'm ready when you are, pally. Where the fuck is everyone else?
We've been waiting for like, two hours. I came back to make sure you were coming!
You might be right, I cant hardly read anything on here... why is everything covered in cream gravy, anyway?
......and why is there a turkey baster taped to the board?!
Can we please discuss this once we get back? Please?
Aright, aright, I'm coming. Come somebody help me down there, though? My leg's started bleeding again.
I got ya.
Thanks, hardhat. I owe you a beer after this.
Now let's waste this motherfucker!
We are sending our Pyro, Heavy, Demoman, Soldier, Engineer and Medic to assist. It is recommended that no further action is taken until the team arrives.
For the love of God, please let someone read this.
[This note is splattered with bloodstains]
Where were you fuckers like, an hour ago?
Jesus...is anyone even still ALIVE?! Fuck...
Sound off if you're not sewer bait, kay?
Ja, I still live, tending to GRN Pyro and BLK Scout's vounds. Zhat creature is stronger zhat ve zhought. I suppose ze only measure to take is gassing the sewers or sending in every team's Demoman in for a drunk bombfest.
I would have gotten the damned thing if it hadn't gone back in the water! I'll to learn to swim so I can go in there and strangle it myself, broken ribs or not.
I dont think gassing is necessary, doc! I found a GRN issued Dead Ringer in the sewer. Spy could still be there!
Wasn't our doc with you guys too? Where's he?
I mean, he's okay, right?
He better be.
I threw myself in front of a mass of tentacles to save his ass.
Its all sort of a blur after that. I remember getting grabbed and squeezed and seeing the BLK Scout get knocked across the sewer like a ragdoll. I have no idea if your Doc got out of there, I dont even remember how I managed to.
I lost sight of him ze second ve broke formation, ze dummkopf. I told him over and over again to stay together so it's a constant volley of needles.
And GRN Pyro, you are in no condition to be moving around! You have a bruised lung zhat still needs healing! Don't make me get out ze tranquilizers like I did on ze Scout! You vill not like vhere it must be aimed.
Guys, I'm serious! Where the fuck is medic?!
...what if he's dead?
That's it. Fuck it. You say you didn't see him come out of the sewers, then that's where he's gotta be. I'm goin' in after him, crippled or not.
Wait! It's dangerous to go alone! Here, take this!
You've heard me try talking/breathing, it's, not like my lungs aren't already damaged. What's a little more?
And.. you haven't seen that Medic?
I'll come with ya, but I want to avoid the monster if we can.
I'm grabbing some of your painkillers, doc. It's hard to move around with 8 broken ribs.
Thanks pally. Snag some of those pills for me too, kay? Can't hardly stand up anymore.
I'll wait for ya by RED base's entrance to the sewers. Don't leave me hangin' this time, aright?
Don't remind me of that, man. Walking out the door as I write, and there isn't anything to distract me, anyway...
I snagged a couple bottles, I think its 2 or 3 capsules for normal pain so like.... 4 or 6 for serious? I dunno.
I dont have any sort of weapons that dont shoot fire right now, but I have some napalm grenades for emergencies, so we might be safe so long as we're quiet. If we need to use these things, you'll have to duck behind me or a wall or something. My suit keeps this shit off pretty well, but it burns through skin and clothes and goes everywhere.
Shit, scout, I'm sorry I couldn't distract that thing any longer than I did. It didn't happen to hurt ya' anymore, did it? But I'm glad to hear you're alive, we got separated and I didn't see you afterwards.
>>884 Nah, it's cool, hardhat. Fucker didn't even get near me. I just tore my stitches out. The doc's gonna be pissed.
...if he's alive, I mean...
He's probably alive, he has to be.
Probably ran and got himself lost or something after I distracted the monster thing from going for him.
Holy shit. I've heard some weird stuff, but TENTACLES? Like, we're the fuckin' pros and we've dealed with EVERYTHING, but I have never heard of tentacles before...
Alright everyone, I have good news and bad news.
Ze good news is after going for anozher vave attempt against ze sewer spy, me, GRN Pyro, and ze Scouts active managed to injure it enough for us to follow a blood trail to it's lair...
Bad new is... RED Scout got a little too carried avay vith SLVR Scout's FaN vhile ze ozher vas using his Scattergun... some of ze monster's ink and blood got on him.. and zhen proceeded to snap him like a twig thus sending him to respawn and vell because of ze abnormality and ze improbability of having to explain it all vith how Respawn vorks and....
Okay, short answer: RED Scout's got tentacles too. Rest assure zhis IS temporary, it just depends on ze random number of times he needs to respawn to remove ze foreign... ligaments.
[This note is splattered with ink]
You'd better be fucking right about this bein' temporary, doc. I don't wanna have GRN Py have to carry me around like this for the rest of my fucking life (I like ya and all, pal, but I need my space sometimes).
So yeah, according to GLD and RED doc (yeah, we found him in the sewers too. He's cool. Just smells like shit.), I gotta respawn over and over till these fucking things disappear.
Line up, chuckleheads. Who wants to shoot me in the head first?
It's not like I enjoy having to carry you around! The damn things keep moving and tripping me and there's ink fucking everywhere. You're lucky I can tolerate you, or you'd still be stuck in that kiddie pool.
I'd shoot ya if it wasn't for the fact I can't stop laughing every time I see ya try to walk down the hall! HA Ha Ha! Oh I can barely write this, it's so fucking hilarious! You're now the team's bicycle!
Oh, you are so getting a kick in the head once I get my real feet back, SLVR fag. Now get your ass over here and kill me.
I'll be good, I promise. Don't put me back in the pool, please!
[the note isn't too wet, but reeks like the dickens anyway]
Oi... I made it.... If you need me, I'll be in our medic's office, so long as he refrains from killing me for zhis...
Oh my god
Where the hell have you been!? Are you alright?
If I put you in a wheelchair for a bit, do you think you could keep from getting caught in the wheels again?
Oh HELL no! I ain't no damn cripple! I do not need a wheelchair. Fuck you. And your gay-ass spy boyfriend.
Go ahead. Ditch me to...do whatever it is two dudes together. AGAIN. See if I care.
What? No! Its not like- he's not-
He's been missing for weeks! I just want to see if he's alright! Id bring you along, but I know you don't like him!
I can wait until he's well enough to say what's up, alright?
Shit, guys, how long was I out? I pass out in GLD team's infirmary, and wake up to RED scout having freakin' tentacles where his legs should be! Not to mention my whole team being shocked to find that I hadn't been snapped in two by that... tentacle... spy... thing...
Seriously guys, It wasn't all that long was it?