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There are two types of people in this world: Those who aspire to be Coach and those who don't.
Despite being born with an incompatible flesh tone and not-being-completely-bald, these facts are not cruel realities, but instead mere trivia for a man with determination. It is not how a man is born that makes him Coach, it is how he became that way.
Go forth, brilliant cosplayer. May a helicopter of unmelting chocolate bear thee to the heavens, and a gallery of angels deliver all the cheeseburgers to you.