Cathy title, ey? Ey? Atramentum is supposedly to mean Ink. But I don't speak Latin so it could mean donkey butt for all I know. There will be weird stories in here, all different. I will also try to fill requests. English is not my native language, I'm actually Swedish so there might be some weird sentences and wording. You are more than welcome to correct any mistakes just remember I am very slow. Very, very slow! So I might do the same mistakes a hundred times before it sinks in.
First story is for Cas who requested a sniper/soldier. It will be continued. Hey, funfact! When I was done with this I fell asleep (I was writing it just after waking up, in bed)And the laptop fell from my knees and bumped me in the head, waking me up. Well I found that funny at least ... Thistle Weed (Part 1) By: Atramentumpen A rising sun over the horizon, warmth radiating from the hot desert sand and not a single sign of civilization as far as the eye could see. With a steady sunburned hand the bushman grabbed his nearby coffee mug and took a sip. This is heaven. “Ey, koala snuggler! It’s time for our daily chit-chat in the living room!†The rather unwanted calling from the RED teams young Scout woke the sniper from his daydreaming. He sighted and sat down his coffee mug on a nearby crate. His hideout was perhaps not close to the teams base, but not too far either, or at least if you ask the Sniper. Sure, he liked all his teammates in different ways but just being around them during battle was aging him, being around them after battle was murder. “Hey, hurry up! I am not going to wait just ‘cus you’re an old fart! Hurry!†The Scout called from under his nest. With much less grace than he would in his early years the Australian gunman climbed down the ladder. The inside of the RED base was the same as always and even if he had never seen the inner rooms, probably as the BLU base. “People, alri’t then. Let’s get to business! Soldier?†The friendly, chubby Texan gave the word to their big, compact, muscle package of a soldier. “LISTEN HERE YOU INBREED MAGGOTS FOR MEN!†Everyone jumped in their seats with the soldier continuing in an ear shattering tone. “WE HAVE A TWO WEEK LEAVE FROM BATTLE!†Spy and demoman exchanged relived looks as scout gave some cocky remark to the medic about being old and needing it. Their gleeful taunting and chatting was silenced by the burly Americans continued roaring. "DO NOT THINK YOU WILL BE ALLOWED TO GET SOFT ON MY WATCH! I DEMAND DAILY WORKOUTS FROM ALL OF YOU!†The pyro complained under his muffling mask but the soldier simply ignored him. “NO NEED TO OBJECT! MEDIC, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT PERSONAL ISSUES! I WILL MEET YOU IN YOUR OFFICE LATER!†Startled from being spoken to directly the medic weakly nodded. “SOLDIERS, YOU ARE DISMISSED!†The soldier roared and everyone scurried away from the living room. Playing poker and drinking cheap whisky was enough to calm the scot and the Frenchman. Sniper instantly returned to his hideout while the scout decided to take some laps around the base. Sitting still for too long wasn’t his style. Engineer and heavy went to the Texans workshop to work on Sasha with the pyro happily following. With cold, sterile walls and numerous cabinets filled with different bottles and tubes the infirmary sat almost silent. In one corner a newly made bed laid ready while in another the medic was carefully cleaning his equipment at his desk. The door suddenly slammed open. With a startled expression the medic greeted the soldier. Mud from the American’s boots fell on the newly cleaned floor. “MEDIC, SIR, MISTER!†The soldier barked. With a shaky smile medic waved at him. “I HAVE A PERSONAL ISSUE I NEED ADDRESSING!†The medic cleared his throat and said. “You don’t need to yell. T’is is not a roundup of the mercenaries.†“Yes, affirmative.†The soldier sat down across the desk and seemed to become much more nervous, though it was hard to tell from under the helmet. The medic sat down a cleaned pair of scissors and tried to look into the soldiers eyes, he looked away. “Soldier, ‘z there something you need to tell me?†He asked him. The soldier seemed to regain his confident. In one breath he blurted out in his normal voice. “I’VE GAINED FEELINGS FOR A INDIVIDUAL!†The medic simply blinked at the soldier and asked. “Well t’is can be a good thing. Why do you need my help?†With an awkward whisper the soldier, embarrassed, answered. “I … I do not know how to go from here…†Getting up to pacing back and forth medic pondered the soldier’s trouble. “Well, I’ve had my fair share of ladies in my life. What kind of woman h’z gotten your interest?†He asked the soldier that nervously answered. “A …†He thought about his answer for a moment. “… uncut diamond.†The medic hummed in thought. “Never heard of … either way! I know a sure way to get your woman.†With less anguish the soldier lit up. “You do?†Medic continued. “All women love romance! Simple … but yet affective.†“Simple .. but effective …†The soldier repeated. “Give her a flower. That should do the trick. Simple, yet effective.†He strode over to the infirmary door and opened for the American who deeply in thought strutted out. “Remember.†He once again reminded. “Simple, but effective!†He shut the door behind the soldier and returned to cleaning his desk. Uncut diamond, baah, what kind of woman can be an uncut diamond. He muttered to himself. The warming light was beginning to disappear with the setting sun. A slight breeze rustled through the dry, desert plants and everything was deathly silent. With his feet up on a nearby crate and hot, fresh coffee in his cup the sniper looked out on all this. Paradise. Heavy knocking on the hideouts hatch disturbed the snipers tranquility. Oh for bloody fu- “Who is it!?†He barked. He was surprised when hearing the strange, yet all familiar voice of their soldier. He asked if he could come up. The sniper muttered. “Yeah, sur’ come on up!†Rather clumsily the soldier climbed up from the hatch into the rather austere hideout. The floorboards creaked from being worn and the only furniture in the room was the rickety chair the sniper sat on and a few old, dusty crates. With slight wonder the sniper flashed a pair of sharp, green eyes at the soldier who blushed in a rather unorthodox way. The soldier who usually was self-confident and probably half-mad had suddenly lost his voice which made the painful silence even more unbearable. “So …†The sniper thrummed his fingers across the coffee mug. “How ar’ things?†“I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU!†Soldier suddenly roared that made the gunman almost loose his balance. “Oh..ah, do you?†The sniper asked rather surprised while ogling the coffee he spilled on his vest. The soldier suddenly lost his confidence again and muttered something the sniper couldn’t make out. He suddenly stretched out a bundle of grass to the sniper who instinctively took it. On a close examination it seemed to be a thistle weed. “Um … thank you?†The sniper said, more confused than ever. With a murmured goodbye the soldier dashed out of the hideout leaving a befuddled sniper behind. As the American returned to the base he radiated from pride. He had fulfilled his mission with outmost success. He walked into his chambers to get ready for bed, where he shaved, put on his pajamas with the American flag and slid down into bed with his outmost manly teddybear, Rover. His trademark helmet stayed on even in bed as he drifted off into sleep with a satisfied smile on his lips. Medic’s advice worked, I should ask the other soldiers for advice … Was his last thought as he drifted off into a dream of bravery in warfare, epic explosion and sharp, green eyes.
Fuck yeah uncommon pairings! I eagerly await more.
To be honest, I feel a bit giddy that someone decided to even bother with my tiny request. This pairing is very uncommon, but I would love to read it anyway if anyone would bother and for that, I thank you for making this story. I love how awkward Soldier can be when faced with something other than war related. It perfectly describes what he could be, but possibly what we don't see either trying to get some emotion besides being the soldier he is. Sniper, I perceive, is like how you made him or anyone that would be in the same situation. But he seemed relax for the most part besides being annoyed out of his piece, and then he became confused which I'm pretty sure a lot of people would be if they got something as must as a weed for 'flowers'. This was very entertaining and I highly enjoyed it. I'm not expecting anything more, so I will leave the rest of my imagination of how the other team could help out, Sniper trying to figure out Soldier, and eventually the kiss and make up if any...maybe sexy times, but I'll leave that alone. Thank you so much for writing this!!!
peace* from a spelling error in my previous post. Sorry that was bothering me. Also, I re-read again because I liked it and noticed you ARE continuing the story, so I apologize for being a little thick. Another, do it at your own time! No rush here and there are other requests waiting in line next, so I will be waiting eagerly and reading while at it.
That’s cute. I like the pairing. I’d say to work on formatting the quotations. Every quotation give it a separate paragraph.
I am glad you liked it and no worries Cas, I'll try to update as fast as I go. I need to practice writing faster (as this took me three hours)I am very glad you like it! I tried formatting the quotations. I think I did it right, otherwise remind me again. (I am slow, slooow) Any advice, comments or opinions are always welcome! Thank you for reading! Thistle Weed (part 2) You would be surprised by how often it actually rained in the desert and when it rained it rained. The water turned the sand into a mucky mess and the lonesome sniper had to retreat to the base. Everyone seemed to naturally calm down from the bad weather and even if he wouldn’t admit it, it was nice to meet the teammates. Pyro and demoman were preparing dinner and from the looks of it, waffles. The heavy kept insisting on talking to the half-asleep German doctor who was leaning on the team’s scout that didn’t seem to mind. Waving vigorously the scout was busy discussing with the spy that politely listened with a freshly lit cigarette in his hand. In the soldier’s room, in front of an old dusty mirror with a white sink, almost turned yellow, the soldier stood. Shaving off the morning stubble the soldier seemed pepped for the new day. “Soldier, today is a new day! Today we shall undertake a mission of great importance!†He finished shaving and begun washing up. He dried his face with a rather worn cloth. “DISMISSED!†With a firm hand he put the helmet on his head and saluted Rover the teddy bear. The dining slash living room smelled like freshly made waffles. The sniper was setting the table while the demoman and pyro still made waffles. After glancing over the sleeping medic leaning on scout, the talking youngest and their spy, the soldier quickly decided to approach the cooking duo. “Go’d m’rning, solly!†The scot greeted with a smile followed by a happy muffle from the pyro. “H’w ar’ things?†Nervously fiddling with his fingers the soldier blurted out. “How do you approach a person of interest!?†The demo massaged his beard and answered with a self-confident smile. “E’sy of cours’ , y’u just appro’ch h’r head-on!†The pyro disagreed. With inaudible muffles the pyro tried to demonstrate by gently stroking the scots cheek. The demoman explained. “He tri’s to tell y’u to be gentle.†The pyro continued with some more muffled noises and the scot translated. “Try mak’ small gentle touch’s. A pat on th’ should’r, a strok’ on th’ cheek.†With a happy noise the pyro made a thumb up. The scot snorted and waved at him. “Ay still think y’u sho’d go head-on!†The soldier pondered their advice as the team sat down for breakfast. He was lodged by the end of the table with the scout hanging on his right shoulder. The runner was a rather physical person, he liked touching and grabbing onto people, probably not so weird when you grew up with eight brothers in a tiny house. He meant no harm so no one paid it any mind. The breakfast went down quickly and as the soldier left the dining room the demo called from the washing station. “Head-on!†As the pyro retorted with a muffled. “Gientool taowwchss!†which probably translated as ‘gentle touches.’ Muck and dust all over him from waking up in the nest. The sniper sighted. He usually didn’t sleep in the nest because of the cold at night. But last evening he accidently fell asleep in his chair and woke up by the rain. He had plenty of clothes to put on but he felt all mucky. Getting into the teams shower he undressed by the lockers and benches. Then he climbed into the white clinker washroom into the nearest washing boot. The water felt fresh on his skin. He inhaled softly and let the cool water rinse through his hair and down his soar body. With a gentle hand he massaged his gunning shoulder and drifted off into a mind of peace. The door to the shower room opened but he paid it no mind. Rattle from battle gear and clothing sounded from the lockers and a shower stall was opened and closed. The sniper still paid it no mind until he opened his eyes to stare directly into the soldier’s. He jumped five feet and instinctively covered his private parts. “Wh’t the bloody hell do you think you’re doing!?†The soldier had caught a glimpse of the sniper sliding into the washing room and found it as a perfect moment to engage contact. He quickly followed and could hear a washing boot running. With nervous eagerness the American quickly stripped himself of his gear and clothing, everything except the helmet, and entered the stall. With soft movements the sniper was caressing his muscular chest, running a hand through the bundle of thick, black hair there. His other hand was slightly massaging his neck and shoulder. He watched the sniper for a moment when he suddenly noticed him. In a startled rage the gunman yelled at him and covered himself. Soldier cleared his throat and took a step forward towards the sniper, who naturally took a step back and ended up with his rump against the tile wall. The soldier gently stroked the snipers arm who tensed up considerable from the touch. He murmured something to the bushman. The Australian stared at him and angrily asked. “Why ar’ you still her’!?†Rather roughly the soldier patted the gunman on the cheek and avoided looking into his unbelieving, intense stare. He then exited the stall and went to get dress. Demoman and pyro’s advice didn’t do as well as medic’s … I have to ask someone else. He murmured to himself. He left the chocked sniper in the washroom and left to the Texan, who he hadn’t seen at breakfast. Messing around with a dispenser he found the engineer at his workshop. All around him laid strange mechanics and blueprints. In one of the corners under a pile of rubble sat the engi’s bed. The Texan was wearing his goggles and carefully picking around in the machine, he nodded to the soldier. “I HAVE GAINED FEELINGS FOR AN IDIVIDUAL!†The Soldier blurted out in one breath to the Texan. Pausing his work, the engineer removed his goggles reveling a mask clean from dirt around his eyes. “Wel’ that is qui’e somethin’ that. What you ne’d me for?†He asked the soldier. The soldier leaned in like he was going to tell an earth threating secret. “I … don’t know how to go from here …†He whispered in the engi’s ear. With a firm grip the engineer scratched his chin and humbly said. “W’y don’t y’u try ta’king to him or h’r. Ask abo’t the’r int’rests.†The soldier lit up. He thanked the Texan and hurried away to look around the base for the sniper. Besides he wasn’t there. Eventfully the soldier gave up and returned to the kitchen, he was signed up for dinner duty. He looked at the menu for the day. ‘Beef stew’, one of the soldier’s specialties. He stopped thinking about the sniper, put on his most manly, pink apron and begun preparing for dinner when a sudden movement caught his eye. The sniper was also putting on a most manly, pink apron besides him. Surprised the American checked the menu and confirmed that yes, the bushman was indeed his partner for the day. A creepish smile moved onto his lips as this was the perfect opportunity to test the Texan’s advice. With the smile still clued on his lips he turned to the sniper who unwilling felt a shiver across his spine.
Yeah this is still cute. For the teammates, I personally find the Engineer and Demoman hard to read, perhaps because of the apostrophes?
Hahahaha, oh jeez. I about facepalmed myself when Soldier decided to do awkward gentle touching in the bathroom while Sniper is taking a shower of all things. I kind of agree on IBrotato on what he/she said. The accent is there, but ease up on the apostrophes just a little. But overall everything is fantastic! And no worries about updating, if you're practicing writing faster, have at it!
Okay I might have overdone it on the apostrophes, heh. I will try to work on it! If I don't get any better keep reminding me. (me slow, me slow ...) There will be one more part and then the fic is finished. Hope you like it! As always, any comments, pointers or correction are more than welcome! Thistle Weed (part 3) Cleaning his hands under the running water the soldier watched over the sink on the sniper. What they called kitchen was mostly a wooden bench with a sink behind it. The sniper began grabbing after things from the cabinets making sure not to make eye contact with American. That, however, turned out hard to do. With surprise the sniper jolted when bending up straight digging under the sink and finding the soldiers face half an inch from his, wearing unpleasant smirk. The sniper tensed up and with a stiff smile he scurried around the soldier to his workstation of baking bread. The soldier slammed a piece of raw beef on the workbench and started preparing it for the pan. In a thick, painful silence they both stood there working on their tasks. Soldier took a deep breath. ‘Time to engage the target of interest in idle conversation!’ He spurred himself before turning to the sniper only to realize the Texan had not informed him of what to ask or talk about. Instead sniper was the one to begin the talking. “Look, we don’t need talking about what happ’nd in the shower. Let’s .. let’s just pretend it never happ’nd.†The soldier scratched his head in bewilderment. “Affirmative! Eh, that wasn’t what I was going to talk about though.†He said from under his helmet. The sniper silently nodded and begun molding his bread lumps. Once again they stood in silence, not daring to say a word. “So …†The soldier begun. “Do you like koalas?†The sniper blinked. “What?†He asked. “Koalas? The furry little mongrels that trademark Australia?†The soldier explained. The sniper massaged his eyebrows leaving a small trail of flour on his nose bridge. “I know what a bloody koala is! Why you asking?†“Well according to my Intel you are Australian and koalas … are … in .. Australia…†With a heavy sight the sniper answered. “Ah .. ai don’t dislike koalas. Sure, I like koalas…†The soldier lit up again. “They do Australia good then!†“Actually they ar’ a mayor nature hazard. They eat all the eucalyptus leaves, destroying the forests, starving other species and threatin’ to extinct them. It’s actually becoming a great deal of problems.†“Ohh …†Time passed in quietness… “They are cute though …†The soldier murmured just loud enough for the sniper to hear. With a slightly annoyed puff of air the Australian placed his finished bread dough in the small, rusty oven beside the sink. The beef was fried with butter in the pan, sliced in tiny squares and boiled together with vegetables and spices to make a delicious stew. In fact the soldier was just taking his first taste. He took a spoon worth of stew and put it into his mouth. With sudden force he smacked his hand into the desk, rattling the Chinaware and startling the docile bushman. “This is delicious!†He happily stated. The sniper simply yawned and checked on his bread. ‘Almost finished.’ Soon after the bread was done the table got set and everyone sat down for the delicious meal. Everyone except the sniper who took his meal and left the dining room. The soldier couldn’t help but to worry if he had done something wrong in the shower room, since the sniper mentioned it, but he couldn’t figure out what ... He was just following authorized directions ‘right?’ He sighed and finished his stew. He decided to take advice from the next team member. He found the heavy in their small library. Books were staked in a few ricked bookshelves and a pair of shares stood in the middle of the room. Heavy sat in one of them. The burly Russian did have a slight problem speaking the English language, but he had no problem understanding it. Nervously the soldier sat down across him. He was reading a book and wearing a small pair of reading glasses an he greeted the American without lifting his gaze from the book. “I’VE GAINED FEELINGS FOR AN INDIVIDUAL!†The soldier yelled all to load in the silent library to the other man. Heavy calmly removed his glasses and looked directly at him. “You need help from h’evy weapons guy?†He asked. The soldier, pouting his lip slightly, nodded. The heavy put his glasses in his chest pocket and leaned forward on his elbow. “Take person on date. Romantic one with music and good view.†Finding a good view was not an easy task from the base. Everything was either a big desert or cold cement walls. Though it wasn’t easy the American eventually got everything ready, with a little more help from the heavy. Now he only needed to get the bushman to come with him. The sniper was waiting outside the medic bay, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee from a mug. He barely lifted an eye as the soldier approached him in full gear. “LISTEN UPP MAGGOT!†That outburst got the man’s attention. He glared up at the soldier from under his aviators. “YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT A DISGRACE FOR THIS TEAM OF BRAVE MEN LATELY! HAVE YOU EVEN DONE YOUR DAILY WORKOUT SESSION!? MEET ME UP AT THE ROOF IN TEN MINUTES FOR EVALUATION!†He barked and quickly disappeared. The air was humid even if the rain had temporarily stopped for the day. The rare sight of the full moon lit up the night sky and stars glared brightly down onto the muttering sniper. With slow dragging steps the Australian rose towards the roof. He didn’t understand why the soldier had behaved so oddly lately, or at least he had until now. ‘I should be happy he is back to his ol’ crazed self, I guess.†He stopped dead in his track when he witnessed the sight before him. Everything was perfect. ‘Music.’ The soldier banged his hand on top of the old, dusty radio he’d salvaged from inside the engineer’s workshop until music sounded through it. A bare but stable looking table was set with an old bottle of champagne and two almost clean glasses. He nervously cleared his throat and offered a seat to the pale bushman. He though the other man would turn on his heels when he, to a slight surprise, accepted. With nervous, stiff hands the soldier poured up a glass of champagne for him. They then continued by sitting across each other in, once again, awkward silence. They sat so for a very long time, almost until midnight when the soldier finally broke the silence. “You know .. about the koalas …†He stated. “Mmh ..†The sniper answered as he took a sip from the champagne glass. “I think we should just shoot them all.†The sniper blew the champagne out of his mouth onto the table. Soldier was right about to rush up from the table when a strange noise reached his ears. Hiccups and laughter. The sniper was wiping his chin with the back of hand while clucking from laughter and hiccupping from the champagne ending up in his windpipes. Rest of the evening was filled with laughter and a couple of more glasses, this time ending up in the right throat while discussing different ways to stop the nature issues in Australia. Two hours after midnight they took cheerful goodbyes of another. With a happy smile on his face the soldier returned to his chambers, humming on ‘the amazing grace.’ “I tell you, Rover! Today’s mission was finished with absolute results! But even so …†He climbed down into bed with Rover in his big, hairy arms. “… we should not stop here. Tomorrow it’s time to ask the silent infiltrator for advice.†He continued his sentence half-asleep. “… even if he is a sissy frog ...†For the first nigh since the soldier begun his mission of outmost importance, both he AND the sniper slept a long peaceful night.
I really love this. Hands down funniest fic I've read in awhile. I have to ask though, whose Rover? Maybe I'm just not observant, but I don't believe he's been mentioned before. I'm assuming a dog? (Actually the idea of soldier having a dog is adorable I love that)
Now this pair is rare! I love it someone finally decided to write something about them. But I have noticed you write "Soldier" and "The sniper". I think you should write "Sniper" instead of how you do, because we already know he's not just a random sniper popping out in the game. 11: Rover is Soldier's Teddy bear.
I really like this story but I do realize there are quite a bit of mistakes in grammar and spelling here and there. maybe getting a beta reader to help with corrections would be a good idea. Also in some parts of the fiction, the story seems to move to quickly to the point it throws me off. Just food for thought. I like this though and I very much want to see this continued.
That is adorable, Soldier is really trying thanks to the Heavy's help. But getting help from Spy, that is really going to be interesting haha. At least Soldier made Sniper laugh. It does seems a little fast and to the point, but I think it is because you might feel rushed or the idea of typing faster might throw you off. No need to rush!