Hey! So um, this is my first time posting a story with actual parts. I'm sorry if it's not that fantastic. I'm kind of just a fan of blatant Scout abuse. Anyways! Here's part one. I always welcome constructive criticism and what not. Last time I posted a story the formatting got completely destroyed, so here's hoping for the best! Hope you like it! ------------------------ The Dustbowl valley rang out with gunshots and shouts. BLU had been attempting to capture RED's control points for most of the day. Blood, body parts and discarded weapons littered the ground. The RED Scout ran through the field, his scattergun blasting off and firing shrapnel into the enemies around him. He caught an enemy Pyro in the face and quickly got off another shot, catching the other Scout in the neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a soft flicker of someone fading into invisibility. He cocked his gun again, only to his horror; find out that he was out of ammo. The Scout dashed into a nearby shed and scrambled in a desperate attempt to find bullets. He felt the approaching presence of an unseen person, and lashed out with his bat. It made contact with a sickening crack. The BLU Spy clutched his side and let out a scream of pain. Scout ran by the briefly incapacitated enemy and moved as fast as he could towards some freshly fallen ammo. There was the blast of a gun, and Scout tumbled to the ground, trembling madly. His right leg had been rendered completely and utterly useless by a well-placed bullet to his knee. He scooted back on his ass, trying to get himself away from the quickly approaching BLU spy. The Frenchman was glaring at him, and if looks could kill, the young man would be dead. He clutched his side and moved dutifully, but with a slight limp. "Fuck fuck fuck! Yo someone help!" He was praying that his pleas would carry over his headset and reach ANY of his teammates. His screams were drowned out by the Old hag announcing RED's loss. The Spy was right in front of him now, raising the gun high. He closed his eyes, preparing himself for the bang that would send him into respawn. It didn't really scare him if he died, respawn would bring him back, what he hated was that no matter how many times he'd been shot, stabbed, burned, or blown up, it still hurt like hell. But the deathblow did not come. What he got instead was a heavy blow to his head, white flashed before his eyes, and he collapsed unconscious on the dusty floor. When the Scout awoke, his head was throbbing and his knee even more so. He forced himself to sit up and immediately regretted it. His stomach lurched and his head began to spin. It took him a moment to insure he wasn't going to heave and for his vision to clear. Once it did, he quickly took in his surroundings. He was on an old dingy mattress in a room that looked very similar to the supply shed near the edge of the base. At least he was back on base, but how had he got there? And why did his leg still hurt? He looked down to examine his knee, and found it was wrapped in bandages, but blood was slowly leaking through. Why hadn't Medic healed it? And why the hell was he in the supply shed? The last thing he remembered was.... why couldn't he remember the before. The young man pushed himself to his feet; once again he was hit with a wave of nausea and dizziness. It took him a few moments to collect himself before he could look more thoroughly around the room. Sniper was sitting in a chair in a corner, running his thumb along the edge of his kukri. Something seemed...off...but the Scout couldn't put his finger on it. He hobbled towards his teammate, his right leg trembling violently with every step. "Yo Snipes, what the hell is goin' on?" "What’s goin on is you're always in the bloody wrong place at the wrong time. You know how often I have to save your ass from gettin killed? We're all tired of pickin up the slack for your reckless behavior." Sniper stood up and moved towards him. Scout took a step back from his friend. "What the hell are you-aaah!" The Aussie roughly grabbed the American's arm and dragged him back to the mattress, hurling him onto the thin cushion. The boy landed with a loud oof and pressed himself up onto his elbows. "What is wrong with you?!" The older man kneeled down and pressed his hand against Scout's injured knee, increasing the pressure until the younger boy yelled out in pain and he could feel warm sticky blood leak through the covering and onto his hand. The Scout took a swing at his attacker, but Sniper caught his hand and twisted. The Scout screamed once more, louder than before as his wrist bone twisted unnaturally and cracked. "The teams decided to keep ya here until we decide what to do with ya. We don't know if we should just replace ya or keep you for some stress relief. And ya know what? I think I could use some of that right now. " The older man leaned towards the younger and grasped his jaw with bruising force. He pressed their lips together in a fierce rough kiss. Sniper bit down on the younger man's lip until blood was drawn, increasing the pressure on his jaw until he was forced to open his mouth. The boy tried to jerk away as the Aussie continued his attack on his mouth. Fear and panic continued to rise in his chest. He was in a situation that his legs couldn't get him out of. The more his brain tried to find a way out, the more wrong all of this felt. Something was off about the kiss, about this whole thing! Scout tried not to gag as Sniper shoved his tongue into his mouth. It tasted awful, like...cigarettes. And then it hit him. SPY! The last thing he remembered was the BLU Spy over him and a powerful blow. Fueled with a new fury, he bit down as hard as he could on the other's tongue. There was a muffled scream of pain, and a shimmer of blue. The Spy pulled away from the Bostonian, a gloved hand over his mouth. Scout glared up at him and spit their mixed blood onto the floor. "Ya French fag! Lemme go so I can kick your ass to next fuckin week!" The man chuckled darkly and shook his head. "No no mon petit.†He lowered his hand, a thin trail of blood leaking out from between his lips. "I 'ave always wanted to try something, I want to see what it is like to break someone completely. See if I can ruin your team for you. Make you fear their mere presence, and now zat I 'ave the chance I am not letting it go.†Seeing the Spy draw near him, a feral look in his eyes and a wicked grin upon his lips made Scout's blood run cold and sick panic fill his stomach. He could only prey he'd find a way out of this as quickly as possible.
Wonderful! I enjoyed every minute! I envy you for being able to capture the characters so accurately and so amazingly (which is what I do worst)! Your writing is well described, there's action and emotion and mystery and romance in every corner, and there's a pretty terrifying cliff-hanger at the end, which will keep me coming back to read more! Please continue! Great job!
Hello there. I'm a fellow Scout Abuse lover, so i just need to read your piece of work. For now, i can say you got my attention. Nothing much more because this chapter is kinda short. Also i can say that the characterization is nice, indeed. I guess if you keep it like this, it'll be wonderful. But i would like to catch your attention to this: "The man chuckled darkly and shook his head. 'No no mon petit.' He lowered his hand, a thin trail of blood leaking out from between his lips. 'I 'ave always wanted to try something, I want to see what it is like to break someone completely. See if I can ruin your team for you. Make you fear their mere presence, and now zat I 'ave the chance I am not letting it go.' Seeing the Spy draw near him, a feral look in his eyes and a wicked grin upon his lips (...)" I suggest you avoid this type of style where you act too didactic with the readers and "explains" too much. I think one of the main beauties in fanfics of this type, where the noncon and the abuse are kinks, is the power of suggestion. It's important to show the desires and motivations of the characters, but not in a explanatory dialogue like that. I think you lose half of the fun, let's say, when you just throw Spy's intentions like this, when you could work it subtly during chapters and chapters more. And you could even do it by describing Spy's actions and interactions with his prey. I think your fanfic would be way more interesting, sexy and disturbing - in some level, Scout abuse have to be, hehe - if you avoid that didactcism and concentrate in the actions of the characters more. So, these are more or less the most important impressions i got with your work, at least until now. Good luck with this piece of yours (that i support). P.S.: english is not my first language, so, sorry about not being useful in point grammar mistakes. You probably will find grammar mistakes in my comments, hehe.
iamERROR - Thank you so much for the critique. You know, for the longest time I sat there debating on whether I should have added that description or just kept it my original short and sweet. Guess I made the wrong choice in the end, but I'll be sure to keep it less explainy as the story goes on. Again, thank you very much.
Sorry for bumping the thread. But I'm looking for anyone who'd be willing to beta the next few parts for me. Please let me know if you're interested. : )
I can't wait! This place needs more violence
Please please please please, need more of this! Can't contain myself!
I...I am really not sure how I feel about this next part. I mean, I think its okay. But I'm constantly judging my work and think everything I do is horrible. More Scout abuse in this part, although I'm not just gonna outright throw it all at you in the beginning because what fun would that be. Still looking for a beta if anyone's interested. Anyways..part 2. Lemme know what you think. As always, constructive criticism is welcome. ----- The torture went on for days. Scout lost how many times his "team mates" came into that small dark room and did what they did to him. Heavy stretching him to breaking point, Medic dragging a scalpel across his ribs, Demo pouring scrumpy on the fresh wounds or forcing him to drink until he threw up, Pyro’s flames licking across his bruised skin. But worst of all...worst of all was Sniper. The man he trusted most would come in and violate him again and again and again, biting him, fucking him, and breaking down every mental wall he had. He'd hiss in his ear how useless he was, how the only thing he was good for was his leg, which was now as useless as the rest of him. Then the day came where Scout took his chance at escape. Spy was undoing his handcuffs, why he was doing it he had no idea, but he needed to try. With the little energy he had, he slammed his head into the BLUs. He stumbled back into a wrack of old supplies and it came crashing on top of the man. Fueled by fear, Scout jumped to his feet and bolted out the door. Pure adrenalin was pushing him as he raced through the desert. It was the only thing that kept his knee from giving out from under him. He pushed his body faster and faster. He was nowhere near BLU base. Spy must have been keeping him somewhere else. He ran and ran and ran, praying he was running towards his base. After what felt like hours, he saw a building shimmering in the distance, the sun rising behind it. At this point, he didn't care what it was. As long as it was shelter. But alas, his vision began to swim and his body began to tremble. He couldn't take it anymore. With an exhausted groan, he collapsed to the dusty floor. ----------------- After about 2 days with no sight of the youngest member, Sniper began to worry. He'd checked the boy's room, the track, the main room, the Medic's office and the kitchen. He was absolutely NO WHERE to be seen. Engineer told him not to worry; he said the boy was probably just a bit embarrassed to show his face after losing the intelligence. Said he was around, but had just found his own quiet corner to crawl into and not be disturbed. "Every man needs time to himself now and again, he ain't like you, don't have much time to hide away and think. Boy's usually in the heat o' things. He'll be around, don't you fret." It eased the Sniper's worries slightly to think that...Yeah, maybe the boy DID just need some time alone. The older man hadn't given him much of that since...well since their first little incident had happened. After 6 days he was practically climbing the walls with worry. All calls to his headset weren't being answered. There had been a cease-fire called, they were supposed to be resting, but Sniper couldn't rest. That little gremlin was his responsibility, or so he felt. He needed to go out and clear his head in the nest. The sight of the surrounding valley and getting away from his noisy teammates would certainly help him collect his thoughts. Once there, he felt his worries starting to melt away. The view of the Dust Bowl's valley was the closest thing he had to the Outback, to home, to stability and familiarity. But something stuck out against the stark browns and tans of the land. A shadowed mass lying near the facility, it wasn't moving. Had some poor animal crawled out of its hole to die? If it had, they'd be able to get some fresh meat into the mess hall, which would be a nice change from old jerky and watery soup. He snatched up his rifle and put his eye to the scope, zooming in on the creature. Within seconds he realized it was no creature, but his missing teammate. The color drained from his face and his heart stopped. He threw the rifle to the side and made a bolt for the hatch. He slid down the ladder, his body numb heat that began to radiate in his fingertips and the splinters imbedding themselves in his skin. The second his feet made contact with the hard desert floor, he was moving. He ran more quickly than he ever had, kicking up large puffs of dusts behind him as he made his way to the boy. He slid to his knees and pressed his hand on his chest...praying and waiting for any sign of life. A soft rhythm, barely there, but it was something. He lifted the smaller body into his arms and held him close. Sniper turned back to base and began to run as fast as his body would allow him to move. With a bang, the doors to the main room of the base flew open. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the interruption, there was a great commotion when they saw that it was Sniper, holding the Scout in his arms, and the boy looked much worse for ware. Within moments, the Medic was out of his chair and by the Sniper's side. The German snatched the boy from the Aussie's grip and made a mad rush to his office. The second the Medic was out of the room, the rest of the team was on their sharp shooter. Sniper's legs trembled and threatened to give out beneath him. He couldn't hear what was his team was saying, everything sounded like he was underwater; time seemed to move far too slowly around him. He was cold and clammy and felt like he had just thrown up, or gotten over a bad bout of flu. None of this felt real, it couldn't be. After what felt like hours, the doctor emerged from the Med-bay looking relieved and rather exhausted. He nodded at his team, answering the unspoken question. "He's stable." A few of his colleges sighed in relief, Sniper sank shaky legged into a chair and Engineer squeezed his shoulder. "He has a blood infection from ze vound on his leg, but I've bandaged it. Unfortunately I cannot heal it vis ze medigun until his infection is killed. Ze fever is under control and I have him on antibiotics." "Well what about his leg?!" Sniper snapped. "I told you I can't heal ze vound until ze infection is killed, but he will run again." "And ha-" "No, he hasn't vaken up yet." "This is low even for those BLU maggots!" "What DID they do exactly?" Engineer asked quietly. Medic shook his head. "I don't know ze full story, zat vill have to wait until he is avake. For now, ve need to let ze child rest." The wounds the boy had sustained told their own story, but the German man didn't feel the need to inflict those horrors upon his team, not when tempers were running this high and moods were already so low. Scout groaned and opened his eyes slowly. Everything was blurry, he heard soft beeping issuing somewhere and felt a dull pain his arm. As his vision began to clear he turned his head and saw an IV sticking out of his right forearm, he turned his head slowly upward and was greeted with the sight of the med-bay's ceiling. With a pang of terror, he sat bolt up, but quickly regretted it. His vision began to swim again and suddenly felt as if he were going to be sick. He let out another groan and clutched his head, his other hand covering his mouth. "Oh! You're avake." The cold terror returned as Scout saw the Medic moving towards him. "You must lie back, you must not strain yourself." The older moved forward and placed a gentle hand on the younger's shoulder in an attempt to push him back. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! DON'T FUCKIN TOUCH ME!" He threw a punch at the German and caught him square in the jaw. It wasn't a particularly strong punch, but the shock of it caused the Medic to stumble backwards. At that moment, he flung his legs over the side of the bed. His injured knee refused to support him and he crumpled to the floor. The boy let out a scream of pain and clutched his leg. Blood began to stain the fresh bandage. "You must calm down Herr Scout!" Medic ran to his side and put an arm around the Scout, attempting to lift him. He was rewarded with the boy attempting to claw at his face. -- Suddenly Scout was back in the cold dark room. He was cuffed to the broken radiator next to the mattress. The door creaked open and the Bostonian closed his eyes and turned his head in an attempt to shield his eyes from the sun pouring into the room. "Ah you are avake I see." When the door was closed and the room thrown into shadows once more, the Scout was able to make out the image of the Medic. He glared at the Spy disguised as his teammate, determined to hold firm. "Bite me ya frog. I know its you." “Zat can be arranged Herr Scout." The German shoved the younger's body back onto the mattress and bit down hard where his neck met his shoulder. The boy bit his lip, holding in scream of pain, he wouldn't give the enemy the pleasure of hearing him scream. The Medic removed his mouth from Scout's neck and sat back on his heels. "Now...I sink it is time I give you a check up, ja?" Placing one knee on the American's chest to hold him still, he produced a scalpel from his jacket. Scout's eyes widened in fear at the sight of the gleaming silver instrument, but he would remain strong. He'd have his pride. The Medic pressed the scalpel in between two of the youth's ribs, just harder enough for blood to be drawn. Scout couldn't hold in a gasp and a hiss of pain. Medic dragged the scalpel further across his unmarred flesh, leaving a thin line of fresh blood in its wake. He continued this torment over and over and over again, varying the pressure of the knife. He moved slowly and lightly over Scout's stomach, forcing the boy to hold in his breath and tense his muscles for fear of being cut. The Medic cut deeply into the skin above his hip bone, sending searing pain shooting through the boy’s leg and Scout finally screamed, truly screamed. He began to thrash about, trying to kick the doctor off with his good leg. "Now now Herr Scout! You must calm down." The older man reached up and grabbed the boy's throat, pressing down on his windpipe. Scout gasped for breath and continued to struggle as a look of pure sadistic delight began to etch its way onto the Medic's face. He struggled harder and harder, gasping and choking as the pressure of the man’s thumb on his throat increased. Black started to edge its way into Scout’s vision, and suddenly he could breath again. He coughed and gasped, his lungs filling thankfully with air before he was cut off once more. Over and over the Medic brought him to the point of unconsciousness before finally he reached it. -- The doors to the Med-Bay slammed open and half the team rushed in. At the sight of his teammates, Scout began scoot backwards as quickly as he could, until his back was pressed against the wall, his eyes occasionally darting about and looking for an exit. His visage had turned an odd mixture of pale fear and sickly green. "Scout needs to calm down, is safe now." Heavy bent down to pick up the smaller man but Scout lashed out with his good leg, catching the giant in the face. "No! Stay back ya fuckin freak!" He looked like an injured animal; backed into a corner and terrified, lashing out at those who got near him, even if they wanted to help. Sniper attempted to push past his teammates, but Engineer held him back. "Not so close there..." There was the sound of the syringe gun firing, and Scout fell forward with a soft fwump. Everyone turned to look at the Medic, who was placing the gun back on the table. "Don't fret, it is just a mild sedative. It vill be easier to help him zis vay. Herr Engineer, if you vould," The Texan nodded and picked up the boy's limp body and carried it back over to the bed. "And Herr Heavy, follow me, I'd like to stop zat nose bleed and make sure nothing is broken."
And again, here you are: keeping me on the rim of my chair, nose meeting the screen! Wonderful, wonderful writing. I loved every bit, and it was really enjoyable. You've allowed the whole torture to get through very nicely. One thing I'd suggest though: the part about Sniper finding Scout was slightly rushed. I'd add a bit more emotion, or at least linger on that part, before moving on. Try to sometimes focus on a certain scene before passing on (aka decide what you should linger on and what to write swiftly). Please keep writing!
Please update this fanfic! I would love to know how it ends and I am liking the writing so far.