OH LOOK ANOTHER TENTASPY FANFICTION FROM FEATHER This is a response to both the "Adult Fanfiction Request Time" thread, started by PerryJ, where someone requested a tentaspy/scout, and the "Request Thread", started by an anonymous writer, where someone requested hypnosis. It's a semi-sequel to my previous fanfic (What Lurks Beneath). Also, this thing has been lurking in the back of my mind and I've gotta get it out (lololol lurking, geddit, it's a pun...nevermind). Otherwise it will just keep bugging me until I get the courage to post it. Please critique! This is only my second post here, I'm still learning my way around. -------- The Scout woke up with a killer headache. Everything hurt-- the back of his neck, his eyes when the light hit them, and there seemed to be a band of pain around his head, throbbing in time with his pulse. He tried to sit up, only to have the world wobble around him and a spike of pain drive through his skull. What the flying fuuuuuuck? The Scout opened his eyes just the tiniest bit. That was better-- there wasn't much light down in the... ...sewer. His memories came flooding back through a haze of rugs and pain. Teasing the BLU team's Heavy, stealing his sandwich, the Sniper turning friendly fire on and the Scout falling down into the sewer, only to encounter an ungodly creature, clothed in all black and only partially human. And then he remembered what the creature had done to him, and that was enough to set off a flash of heat down there. And now he was waking up in the arms of that creature. Or, to be precise, not arms, but tenta-- "Ah, I see you are awake." A familiar face came into view, obscured by the black balaclava that covered all but his eyes and mouth. "How do you feel, ma petit?" I feel like shit, you stupid French bastard, how do you think I feel, I got pounded by a fuckin' demon or something-- "Uughhkkh." It hurt even to grunt that much. Why the hell did he feel this bad? Whatever...it had done to him had felt damn good, not in the least bit painful. So why did the Scout feel like he'd been run over with by a Fed-Ex truck? "The side effects of my venom, cherie. I am afraid it does give you the most terrible migraine when you wake up." The Spy gave a throaty chuckle. "It should begin to wear off soon, although since you are so very small it may take a little longer." A tentacle crept up the Scout's face and stroked his cheek. "My apologies." What the fuck am I doing, why am I letting him do this to me, am I gay, can you catch gay from someone, oh God don't let me have caught the gay-- "Put...me...down." Stop touching me stop touching me stop touching me The Spy raised an eyebrow. "As you wish." He gently deposited the Scout on the damp concrete. "My team...they'll come...they'll find me. They'll notice...that I'm gone. They'll fuckin' kick...your ass. If I don't do it first." The Spy smirked. "That is not likely, ma petit. You see, we are in the sewers. Nobody ever comes to the sewers. They are too scared of me, whether they know it or not." The Scout coughed slightly, attempting to clear his throat, and winced. The Spy noticed. "You are not better yet? This is lasting longer than I expected. Let me see if I can help." Wonderful. The last time he tried to help I got fuckin' raped. I can't wait to see what he has in store this time. The Scout leaned his head back against the wall and let his head loll to the side. Even that much movement caused another spike of pain to shoot through his head. And there's not a friggin' thing I can do about this. Fuck.
"Look at me, Scout." The Scout ignored him. "Look at me!" Later, the Scout would swear to himself that he only did it because the wall was getting uncomfortable, but at this point there was something in the Spy's voice that made the Scout obey. The Spy was standing in front of him, arms crossed and staring at the Scout. It was the first time the Scout had ever really seen the monstrosity and gotten a chance to really observe what he looked like. Tall, of course, clothed in a black balaclava, a black pinstriped coat, a white shirt and a black tie. His tentacles were black as well, looking slightly dry, as though they'd been out of the water for too long. They were undulating slightly, and as the Scout watched, the movements began to increase in intensity. Once, when the Scout was very young, his mother had taken him and his brothers to the zoo. He had gotten separated from them and wandered over to the reptile exhibit, where the zookeepers had just fed the venomous snakes. Some of the cobras had flared their hoods and dipped their heads back and forth to mesmerize their prey, and it occurred to the Scout that what the Spy was doing with his tentacles was remarkably similar to what the snakes did to the mice in their cage... ...but damn if it wasn't relaxing. He was finding it harder and hard to keep his eyes open as a wave of drowsiness washed over his body. They slipped lower and lower, although he struggled mightily to keep them open. Can't relax, can't let go, can't let him get me... And then they shut, and immediately the Spy was at his side, caressing him and murmuring in French. His dazed brain could only make out "petit chou-fleur, vous dormez, dormez, détendre..." and then the blackness enfolded him. But at least the pain was gone.
Bit of a shorter one this time, but I'm really gorram tired and have a headache (can you tell?). So review, I'ma go sleep now.
I love this. Truly I do. Please write more soon.
painfully short, sadly. I do enjoy me some good tentaspy stories,and this is definitely a good one. Are you going to expand on this? It seems like a bit of time has passed between the two 'parts' but that may just be an automatic thing i do when something i read is divided. Why do you have the french in italics? it stands out on its own, but reading it, his voice in my mind puts even more emphasis to the lines and it just sounds weird. Its a nitpick of mine, since i don't see him emphasizing the use of his(?) own language.
Oh, that reminds me. Your french is off. Spy keeps referring to Scout as 'ma petit'. In French, everything has to be either masculine or feminine, and possessive pronouns, adjectives, etc. have to be feminized or masculinized accordingly. 'ma' means 'my', but only when dealing with a female object. 'Mon' is for masculine. 'Petit' means small, but only for male objects. 'Petite' is for girls. So, I'm not sure if you're actually making a deliberate attempt at having Spy basically call Scout a girl, or if it's just a case of a french slip, but either way, at least one of the words should be changed. Just for future reference. And you've feminized Chéri, too. Should be missing the E on the end for boys. And I think Spy is telling Scout to relax at the end? In which case, you have the infinitive verb right, but it needs to be set to the imperative. As a command. 'Détendez- vous'. And I think 'Dormez-vous' should be inverted, to make it imperative as well. 'Cause right now it says 'You sleep', which sounds awkward.
CAN'T SLEEP, TENTASPY'LL EAT ME feather, bro, still alive to continue this?
can i have a link to part 1?
http://tf2chan.net/afanfic/res/1322.html