‘Loss’ (One Shot) Maelgwyn Soldier x Engineer Well, first thing I had finished in a decade. Wow. Bit weird and dark, but complete. I know, things I suck at are tense and sometimes I forget to write parts in that are in my head. So if it doesn’t make sense, please ensure you leave feedback! Plus I know, its bad. Warnings for content – don’t continue past here if you find the idea of rape to be questionable. Also, not condoning it at all. Also, noticed that I suck at writing… explicit content. Also good for a story that was not meant to be more than a page or two… got to 4. ~~ ‘Hey Engineer!’ The Soldier yelled as they walked out of the spawn point. ‘Yes Solly?’ ‘Did you not read the memo?’ ‘What memo? We just lost that’s all’ ‘Da. Loss is bad’ The heavy grumbled and shoved the soldier ‘it be your fault. If you follow plan and not run round like little idiot’ The Engineer grumbled ‘Hey doofus – thanks for not camping on the point’ the Scout snidely spat, smacking the shorter man harshly with his bat across his stomach. The Engineer groaned as the wind was knocked out of him. As he doubled down grabbing his stomach, his helmet clattered to the floor ‘Hold it. Hold it’ the Soldier called ‘he doesn’t deserve this’ He grabbed the Engineer’s helmet and dusted it off. He popped it back on his head with a friendly tap of his shovel and helped the short man up. The Soldier smiled. ‘Thanks partner’ the Engineer returned the smile. ~~ The Engineer tinkered with a problematic feed issue on a turret in his workshop. The lights were dimmed low and the door open since he was using tracer rounds. As the rattle of bullets again stopped the Engineer glared at the small device. Frustrated, he smacked the sentry with his wrench. The light got lower as a shape blocked the door. The Engineer growled at the person who flicked on the light switch. The Engineer blinked as the bright lights illuminated the room. ‘Jesus Christ! What in tarnations do you want Solly?’ The engineer breathed in and out, trying to stop his frustration from being projected. ‘Nothing, private, you need help?’ the Soldier asked, closing the door ‘Err’ the Engineer was disarmed by the sudden kindness ‘Can you pass me the lead from over there? I’m gonna amp up the juice on this here turret and see if it will clear the problem’ ‘This one?’ the Soldier held up a bright yellow cord that was normally looped around the Engineers belt ‘Yep! That’s the one! Bring it over here’ ‘Affirmative’ the Soldier said. In hindsight, the Engineer should have been worried with the tone, but at the time he didn’t notice. As the Soldier knelt down behind the Engineer, he clicked his tongue. The Engineer absentmindedly put his hand behind him to grab the cord. The next thing he heard and felt was a crack as his arm was moved in a direction that was not intended. The Engineer cried out as he was pushed down into the ground, barely missing the sentry as it whirred slowly. His other arm was roughly forced in the same direction. The Engineer felt the weight leave his back and concentrate on his buttocks as the larger man rocked back up. The Soldier dragged the Engineers arms back and tied his hands in a rough square knot. ‘What in the hell are you doing? You could break my shoulder!’ the Engineer yelled, as the shock wore off. ‘You are too soft maggot!’ the Soldier yelled ‘I don’t follow you’ the Engineers confused tone did little to slow the man as he stood and placed his boot into the small of the stocky mans’ back. ‘When you enter the battlefield, you must win. You are too soft hippie’ the soldier recited as he wrenched the cord back, lifting the Engineer off the ground. He bent down and whispered in the Engineers ear ‘and as such, you need training.’ ‘Training? What kind of training?’ ‘This will fix you’ the Engineer could hear the smirk on his face as the soldier licked the outside of his earlobe. The engineer shuddered in fear. Suddenly, he was dropped back onto the floor with a thud. ‘On your knees’ ‘No way! Untie me!’ The Soldier sneered as he took the boot from the Texan’s back. ‘Insubordination will not be tolerated’ the Soldier yelled as he swiftly kicked the Engineer in the ribs. The Engineer gasped for air as the boot sank into his ribs with a sickening crunch ‘you will do what you are told with a smile’ ‘Fuck off’ the Engineer growled with indignation ‘Up maggot’ the Soldier yelled as he kicked again, his boot sinking into the soft side this time ‘All right… all right… Ill do what you say. I need a hand up though partner’ ‘Negatory! You can do it yourself you chicken livered pansy’ his boot sank into his side again, this time with an audible crack as the steel cap broke a rib. The Engineer hissed in pain as he struggled upright. When he finally rested himself onto his knees, he looked up at the Soldier. His eyes radiated pure hate. The Engineer cowered slightly as he saw the larger man start to yell again. ‘When you address your superior, you always answer with Sir’ ‘Piss off’ the Texan spat. The Soldier punched the Engineer in the face. He felt his goggles push into his face and threaten to pop his eyes out of their sockets. He felt the warm blood flow from his nose. He stifled the tears that started to well in his eyes. ‘What was that private?’ ‘Nothing’ the Texan mumbled. The soldier then aimed at his stomach, punching the wind from his lungs ‘Again! What was that hippie?’ ‘Nothing Sir’ the Engineer felt the tears start to fall from his eyes. ‘Good maggot! Discipline is what you need to make you into a good soldier! Your actions today lacked the discipline that you should show’ ‘Yes sir’ the Engineer numbly mumbled. As he righted himself up, he was face to face with the Soldiers crotch. He could not miss the swelling that was building in the bigger man’s trousers. ‘Oh hell no’ the Engineer said as he worked out what was going to happen. The Soldier kneed the Engineer in the chest, toppling him backwards. As the Engineer squirmed like a toppled turtle, the Soldier loomed over his prey; the sinister smirk reappearing as he grabbed his package ‘More than one way to teach you manners’ the Soldier stepped to his side and nudged him with his boot, turning the Engineer over. The Soldier reached down and lifted the Texan by the arm, causing the stocky man to cry out. “Sissy hippie, shut up.’ The Soldier unceremoniously threw the engineer over a table, scattering random plans to the floor. As the Engineer tried to get his bearings, the soldier walked around the desk. The burly man then grabbed the bib of his overalls and slid him into his crotch. The Engineer could smell the musk of sweat and gunpowder that lingered on the rough fabric. ‘You gonna do what you are told maggot?’ The Engineer meekly nodded as the Soldier unzipped his pants, letting his burgeoning erection spring out. ‘Suck it.’ The Engineer squirmed at the request. He may have agreed but he still was in shock. ‘That was not an invitation to a tea party’ the Soldier said as he moved it closer to the Engineers face. The Engineer squirmed away as best as his battered body would allow. Unperturbed the Soldier grabbed the Engineer’s goggles and lifted up his head. With his other hand, he grabbed the Engineer’s jaw and forced the strong fingers between his teeth. ‘I told you’ the soldier growled, ‘I am not here to play. You do what you are told, maggot, or so help me I will snap your jaw with my bare hands’ The Engineer let out a weak cry as he slackened his mouth. ‘Better! You are learning!’ the Soldier sounded jubilant, as if they had taken a control point. He then plunged his cock into his mouth. The Engineer coughed and spluttered as the overwhelming taste of dirt and sweat filled his mouth. ‘Suck. Or you won’t breathe’ the Soldier briefly pinched the Engineer’s nose The Engineer started to suck the man’s shaft as he slowly plunged in and out of his virgin mouth. He started to cry again with the helplessness of his situation, whimpering. The Soldier then grabbed the back of his head and ripped it back as he thrust his hips. The Engineer felt him hit and pass his reflex point. ‘Oh yeah’ the soldier growled, ‘you be purdy as you southerners say. Keep this up and we might finish this soon cowboy’. The Engineer spluttered further as he slowly kept thrusting in and out, the Soldier’s rough pubic hair tickling his nose. The guttral noises were animalistic that the Soldier made sickened the Engineer. He knew he was no longer a person but a puppet, one that would be broken if he did not do what he was told. Before too long, the pace quickened as the Soldier neared climax. With military precision, the Soldier thrust twice, once with a grunt, the other with a moan as his silky load slicked straight down the Texan’s throat. ‘Good job private! If you can follow directions like this tomorrow, we have a chance at winning!’ the Soldier happily remarked as he withdrew, wiping his cock with a cloth that was on the table. The Soldier kneeled down and glared at the broken man. ‘But you screw up like that again, and I will have to just train you harder’ As he left, he slapped the Engineer on the arse, to ensure that there was no ambiguity in his remark. As he opened the door, he turned back to the Engineer ‘If not, we know you can do something right’ he taunted with the L to his helmet. He spun back around and switched the light off and shut the door. The only thing left was the quiet whirr of the sentry and the gentle sobs of a broken man.
Ahh, poor Engie. One thing that has me a little puzzled though; Soldier was the one being kind to Engie at the beginning when the rest of the team was much more abusive (verbally for Heavy and physically for Scout), which makes his sudden turn around in the workshop rather abrupt and unexplained. Had there been some sort of foreboding comment about his nice behavior earlier, then it may not have surprised me as much! Either way, can't turn down a Solly/Engie fic! I enjoyed the violence in it, even if the context seemed odd to me.
>>2 Holy crap! Thank you for the quick reply. Thought I would check it just the once before I went to bed - didn't expect it! The whole theory (in my head) was that he was planning it at the beginning. I *did* have hinted that he was worried about why but... I went crazy instead and decided to edit it out or must of overwrote it with a copy paste action or something when I changed some things. Bah. But yeah, it was supposed to be rather sudden and inexplicable (just like Solly). Lesson learned - get the proof read by my partner so he can bloody well tell me Ive written crap poorly *laughs* Thank you again for the review!
It's not bad. Just rusty. Nothing a little practice can't solve. You sometimes forget your punctuation in speech, which takes away some of the tone. Mostly the exclamation points.
Hrmmm. I like the concept (now I have this mental image of Soldier running around and raping everybody when his team loses, which is both horrible and hilarious) and I think you did all right as far as general writing went, aside from the missing punctuation. I think writing the blow-job wasn't a problem. It makes sense if the Engineer isn't focused on that, outside the suffering and horror it leaves. Focusing on the pain a little and trying to describe it more, at least within the moment it happens, would have really sent the message home. After all, broken ribs hurt like hell and so does a broken nose (more so the ribs, from what I understand.) Since Engineer probably doesn't see a lot of melee fighting from anyone but Spy, or at least after Spy's arrival destroys his sentry and allows other classes to get in close, I would expect him to dwell on that a bit. Unless he's expecting the Soldier to kill him, he has to pull out a dispenser, a medical kit, or go see Medic to heal himself, so it's not as if it'll just go away. I know I've written things and glossed over them or even forgotten them when I should have paid more attention instead. (On the other hand, delving into something can sometimes lead to a derail so knowing what to really dive into and when is important. Note: I'm not the best at that.) I also know pain and pleasure are not easy things to describe. I simply wanted to point this out as a matter of future reference since, well, violence and sex is what this section is all about and the ability to really present them on an emotional level, to tie the emotions into the actions, is what makes them so wonderful to read. It's not easy when trying to simply avoid going the too simple route of "angrily kicked" or something but even that still has its place. Telling is actually sometimes preferable to showing but showing is often the way to making a real impression. That said, hitting Engie's gag reflex probably should have made him vomit right there, unless that was insinuated from the Soldier wiping off his penis? Also, I felt that "you be" and "be your" wasn't accurate to Soldier or Heavy's accent in either case. Heavy would have used is. His grammar is generally accurate even if a bit clipped (I don't consider the third-person he used in Bombinomicon canon but even there he had otherwise decent grammar.) If Soldier is mocking the Engineer, it'd be more likely for him to say "you're real purdy" or something like that. "You got a purdy mouth" came to mind also, of course... The burly man then grabbed the bib of his overalls and slid him into his crotch. This took me awhile to understand what that sentence was describing because I kept reading the second his as Engie. At first I thought Soldier had undone the straps and was shoving the bib into the crotch of Engie's overalls and then as I realized there was no reason for that, I reread it as Soldier had tried to double Engie over. Then again, that might just be because I still hadn't had coffee when I was reading this and is probably just a derp moment on my part. It would have been clearer to me instantly if it had specified into Soldier's crotch. The Soldier then grabbed the back of his head and ripped it back as he thrust his hips. I initially thought he'd torn his head off. For me, maybe whipped or yanked would have been better. Probably a matter of semantics but that's just how I feel about it. Now, here is what I think with regards to the beginning and the rest. That the Soldier's explanation was "doesn't deserve this" is ultimately contradictory to the supposed training implemented later where he does worse than Scout. It could be insanity but because we don't get to see inside Soldier's head or his justification for the differences between Scout's actions and his own, it simply seems inconsistent. I suppose Solly might even possibly view it as a legitimate actual teaching method but then it would have been clearer if, instead of saying the Engineer didn't deserve it, he had instead insinuated that the Scout's attack wasn't sufficient for the job in a manner that Engineer could have found odd but vague enough for him to not understand precisely what the Soldier had been implying. That's not to say that people don't say and do contradictory things but typically they have some means to justify themselves when called out or they simply didn't think everything through. For that matter, I'm not sure how I feel about the notion of Soldier trying to use rape as a training method. Here's my weird thoughts on rape. This isn't to say I didn't enjoy the story but for these reasons, it gave me mixed feelings. I know that most rape is done by someone the victim knows and trusts but the fact that it was a team mate still makes me uncomfortable in some respects. It seems so sudden? Though that's probably realistic when it comes to a victim's perspective. It clearly hadn't happened before and presumably not to any other team mate (or at least not talked about/anything that Engie was aware of, especially considering Engie's nonchalant response about losing.) I guess basically from a literary standpoint it still needed more foreshadowing than was there? I suppose it would have also helped to know what exactly their relationship was like before the rape happens. Were they friends? Simply coworkers? Did they hardly interact at all? What is Engineer's general relationship with the team? Do they always deride him? Is he a scapegoat? My assumption would be yes, based on what we see, but there wasn't enough to be certain. Scout may have just had a bad day and been acting out. There's also the simple fact that making any character a rapist vilifies them. I like all of the classes so this is always one of those things I kind of struggle with, though when it is portrayed as the enemy class it's a little easier for me to soak in. Obviously most of the time the character will view the opposite team as their enemy, regardless of the fact they're just people like everyone else. Mind you, it's just sort of a knee-jerk reaction for me but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy reading it anyway. Or writing it... I did write an Engie rape myself although that felt simpler because I was trying to evoke "evil" Engie essentially trying to destroy his nicer rival Engie. Don't ask me why that somehow makes it better. Anyway, I apologized to Heavy and Pyro, I swear. DB Yet I still like rape fantasy. Go figure? So take all of my feelings regarding rape itself in literature with a lot of salt. Especially since they don't always make sense. (Particularly the fact that I love Engie as rape victim... well, I take it back. I guess it's really that I absolutely love hurt/comfort with Engineer in all forms, in all roles. No real clue why, I guess I just see him as the most mutable.) Incidentally, please don't take my ramblings as an "OH FUCK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE" because that's not it at all. I just wanted to share some suggestions and opinions with you because I always love it when people gave me their thoughts or recommendations. (: Captcha: Vidiese credibility Hah hah! Captcha, you sly flattering dog. Unless vidiese is some kind of insult... Damn now I'm uncertain. Sketchy, Captcha; real sketchy. |8
Thank you for the exhaustive review Dove! Hehe, I love your work, so its a pleasure to take a review from someone whom I enjoy. Yes, as I mentioned above, I did have a bit more to this, but somewhere along the lines it vanished (which is strangely not that abnormal for me - I have a very very bad habit of editing my work on the fly so I end up changing it quite frequently). Originally, there was a part (somewhere in the first bit) that was about frequent losses but I must have either edited it out or changed it entirely. Meanwhile, where ever that went is a mystery even to me - its in one of the saves but not another. So, after posting, and sleeping, I think it may get a few more paragraphs to try and polish off the end. Something Medic-y maybe? Or at least try and attempt some fall out from their actions. Im not sure. I will know though tonight because I think about these things at work (Im surprised people don't find strange notes around since I usually doodle when I think to sort things out) Strangely enough, a broken rib (or suspected) hurts like hell depending where the break is. However, this is from second hand experience, and he told me that it hurts only if the break is more frontal. Or if it punctures a lung or something. As long as you spread your weight and don't cough, its not so bad. Accents I am quite terrible at! I will admit a huge weakness for them as I generally have issues with actually hearing them, let alone being able to write them. And when I try writing em, I usually end up fixing them back to something rather more normalised because, well, I see them as frivolous. Plus, I usually decode that part in my head And the strange part is that this one was never supposed to be finished. It started life as an idea someone seeded in my head. So I never really thought as much about it as I probably should, or normally would. So it went from a vague idea to basic structure in a few hours to this in probably 3. It missed the balance check (my partner is now drafted to read this tripe). Now, I am thinking of maybe writing just a few more paragraphs to make it Meanwhile, the Engineer is my class on TF2. Strangely enough, I seem to empathise with him quite a lot. Which, in my mind (nowadays is quite a scary place) makes him the easiest to write for. Though, being an Aussie, you would think Sniper but he is faux aussie. Digressing... Anyway, time for my morning dribble to be over - I thank you excessively huge amounts for the review - I cannot improve if I don't know I need to, and to give me the information Completely off topic - why do all my captchas suck? sselecl Bm-1?
I reeeeally recommend you find a beta. The grammatical and formatting errors got in the way of me really following the storyline. There aren't even that many big problems, just ssssooo many little problems. Nothing that proofreading won't fix, though. The story itself is alright, PWP at its simplest. Neato diction, sexy imagery, all around pretty neat. No complaints about the story itself to be had. Just -- get yourself a beta so that it can be properly understood.
>>7 Heh, thank you for your feedback. Things I have learnt is that I need to get someone to look at it or at least have a 24 hour rule - don't post until 24 hours later so I get a clearer head to check it. But in saying that, I am happy its done since now I don't have to think about it! Now, the thing I would like to know is more detail on my errors - so I don't make that same mistake again *laughs* Meanwhile, I once upon a time had a beta but these days I don't - where do we find them these days?
>>6 I'm surprised to see the word love in relation to my stuff but thank you! As for the edits, well, shit happens. Only downside to TF2chan is the inability to edit after posting. I don't think you actually need to add more (though I was curious how the Engineer would get free from his restraints or rather who would find and free him and if anyone else would find out and/or help regarding the Soldier's threat) but if you have an idea for continuing it, by all means do. I'd still enjoy seeing further story development. I didn't know that about broken ribs but it would make sense. It depends on what the bone is impacting on since the bone itself can't feel as much (or anything?) as the flesh around it. I honestly can't say I'm great with accents either. That's why I tend to go with very light accents. The few times I've tried to go heavier didn't work out too well. Not to mention, I tend to prefer making certain the words were understood more than I care about trying to make the words look how they were pronounced. But word choice is always important, IMHO. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner btw. I had to think awhile with regard to the Engineer. I think most people sympathize with him because he is generally depicted as the most sensible and the friendliest. Under this notion, he's what we all wish to be. He is capable, practical, extremely skilled, creates amazing things, and is very likable. He doesn't actually have to be likable (he is certainly as threatening as the rest of them and I think Loose Cannon is about the only time we really see his true affability, towards the beginning, though it's simple civility really) but I think that most of us, myself included, are drawn to his capacities and therefore we most often see him as such. Not to mention he is quite handsome and manly, visually and audibly (particularly depending on what art or what specific phrases are being heard) so he is generally attractive. That's why I think I've become more attached to him over time; that plus the shortness, the overalls, the Southern accent, the cowboy thing, and the teddy bear. I generally play Soldier when I play (which is rare) but I like Soldier for his silliness. I think I like all of them because they can be horrifying, hilarious, and dead sexy by turns or all at the same time. Soldier's abrasiveness, rambling craziness, obsession, ability to randomly breach and fumble into the unknown, and his military trappings appeal to me especially (plus I love strategy games.) The fact that he has trouble coming to terms with reality sometimes and simply substitutes his own, that he lives in his own little fantasy world, speaks to me on another level. But above all else, I like how many different directions the characters can be taken in, which applies to every class. I think you should try writing Sniper as a true Aussie sometime though. Just because you have an inside knowledge. It could be fun? As for Betas, I think the only way to get one is if someone offers. Or you have somewhere to ask (I'm not sure where to ask around here would be, other than the thread itself and to hope.) I wish you luck on finding one though. Captcha only gives me awesome every now and then.
I would be glad to beta for you, if you like! Contact me on tumbliess under drillbot, if you have one. If not, we can figure something else out.
>>10 I think I worked out the Hipstr thingy. Probably didn't however. Anyway, I would be glad for any assistance that is offered - because anything that makes me better and more understandable is something far better than just my retarded blathering. >>9 It *could* be fun. It could also end up reading like a script of The Flying Doctors or Skippy. Probably would, y'know! The funny thing is that Im waiting for him to use so many of our similes but he never does, which I find slightly depressing. 'Flat out like a lizard drinking' comes to mind. But hey, while my longer helmet party fluff fic goes plodding along (I think its getting ready for a first draft revision/beta for at least the beginning parts), its leaving me flexible to write some silly, wrong, or just plain weird shorter stuff Its his (the Engineer's) civility that I like and the fact that he does seem to have a code of ethics that is less aggressive than the other classes. Plus, when I get bored and decide that big words are totally what I want to write, he's all ready for em. Also, being intelligent to the level he is allows for him to be, well, crazy. And thats something I have been thinking of writing - make the man a little bit odder than what he currently is. Engie/Sniper perhaps? The thing that really sets this fandom apart is that, inside the game, is not very much to base them on. A few taunts is all good and dandy but each is still malleable. For instance, Ive thought of making Spy much more introverted and less psycho than the consensus because, frankly, you can and still fall within the canon of the game. Soldier is fun because you *can* let your inner commander out. He integrates so well into the pop culture ideal of a soldier, but since he isn't fully developed, you still have so much room to move with him. My biggest issue is that I may be inflecting from other sources too much rather than taking my gut feel about what they are like, background, yada. The best part is that there is such an easy synergy to them that making a pairing that may be considered a little strange quite possible. Blargh, I know this will make little sense, but I will admit, I am excited to be exercising the creative portions of my brain more rather than the factual parts.