Time for some of my request fills. My only limitation is that I have 24 hours to complete from start to finish - including all editing. Untitled Maelgwyn Engineer X Spy Request Fill - >>92 Anonymous Shall I go all first person style here? Why not? Some of the French is from my French classes many years ago. And some, from good ole Google Translator. Cause I’m sure as heck that they didn’t teach me some of them words that I used. This is my response to the whole Engineer and Spanking thing that was on the request thread. If it was yours – enjoy. ~~ The battle raged on. The base was shrouded with the smell of gunpowder and smoke. The heavy calibre fire and racing footsteps made a cacophony of sound. I had the area cordoned off as best as I could. Behind me was the final blue firewall to the Intel room. Ahead of me was the seemingly endless corridor that any enemy would have to traverse. My sentry was whirring, barely audible, but scanning for threats. The dispenser behind made a rhythmic clanking, as the next chunk of ammunition would fall to the bottom tray. I crouched behind some crates that made for some makeshift cover, wrench at the ready. It may have been the lights above darkening ever so slightly. Or it could have been the subtle change in smell. But I knew someone was behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck started to prickle, sending an urgent signal to my brain. I then felt the warm, moist breath and saw the tiniest tendril of smoke from my peripheral vision. “Peek-a-boo, my illiterate friend†whispered the Spy in my ear. I could hear the contempt and the hostility. Hell, I could almost hear the fabric rub against itself as he hefted up the butterfly knife as he decloaked behind me. The next part was ridiculous to say the least. My mind whirled through the possibilities and probabilities. I could try and shoot the Spy but it would take too long. I could try to get a hit with the wrench, but it would be also too slow. I could not rely on the sentry, its cone of view was obscured by the cover I had used. So as they say, the ridiculousness of a solution may not discourage its use if it would work. And it certainly was ridiculous. I crouched a little lower, placing both hands on the dusty concrete. ‘Hee haw!’ I yelled, to both boost the strength of the move. I also knew it was vaguely humourous. I kicked backwards with both feet, like a rioting mule. There was a crack as my heavy boots collected the Spy’s shins. He yelped and I could feel him lose his footing, sliding forwards. I winced, ready for the steel of the blade to hit. Instead, I felt a sickening crack as the weight of the spy fell on top of me. The pain from his weight forcing me into the concrete was significant enough to wind myself. I rolled over to feel a trickle on the back of my neck. Wheezing from the fall, I put my hand on my neck and found, much to my relief, that it wasn’t my blood. The Spy, on the other hand, could not be considered so lucky. The blunt trauma had knocked him out, his red balaclava wet from a possible facial contusion. “Woo eeee†I said to no one in particular, “this old mule here still has a bit of kick in him†~~ I was putting together the final intricate internals for a level three sentry when I heard it. The groan of someone who had a partial concussion was familiar from my days out ranching and from high school football. I grinned and turned to my hostage. He was definitely still disoriented and his eyes were unfocussed. I had trussed him into the chair like a Thanksgiving turkey with copious amounts of duct tape. “Well, boy-o. What were you up to?†I said, the mirth from my recent capture would’ve still been evident. I started to walk over to him. “Merde… J’ai un mal de tête†the Spy slurred, his faculties were definitely impaired (Shit, I have a headache) “Hey partner, I don’t speak that fancy French all too well, but your headache is far low on my list of concerns.†My French was incredibly rusty from years of neglect, but it was fairly obvious what he was implying The spy’s eyes started to focus as he slowly gained use of more of his brain “Où diable suis-je?†(Where the hell am I) “I ‘unno what that means, but if it is something nasty, I will make sure you regret sayin’ it†I growled it to his face as he started to recognise who was talking to him. To emphasise it, I crouched down and pointed a gloved finger at his face “Where the hell am I?†the Spy said, his words clipped but legible. I was relieved that he had finally flipped over to English. “Dontcha know where you are?†I clicked my tongue disapprovingly, “you’re just hanging out with me, spah†The Spy looked puzzled. He wiggled his arms, and found them securely bound “Labourer, why are my arms bound? Are we not old friends†his English was slowly becoming more fluent I scoffed “Sorry, I don’t think our little tête-à -tête meetings are really anything but hostile, partner. But you know†I stood up and walked back to the other side of the room “I could really enjoy this.†I turned and rested against the desk and folded my arms. The Spy finally understood his predicament as he noticed my blue shirt. He struggled against the bonds, rocking the chair he was sitting on. I could see the exhaustion that the little struggle did to the lithe spy. He obviously had not fully recovered from the initial injury that he had sustained. I grinned some more, which caused the spy to avert his eyes from me to the floor in front of his feet. “What’s wrong with you, snail sucker?†I chuckled as I paced back over to him, “You think you’re better than us huh?†“Non, that is not it, monsieur. I just know for a fact that you will torture me to get what you want?†I snorted at the Spy. This seemed to frustrate him. “I won’t torture you. I’ve just been a little, tense?†“Tense? What do you mean?†I shrugged as I passed him. I could see him fidget more against the bindings. “Just so you know, partner, I have got that ridiculous disguise kit and your hateful knife in lockdown.†I could hear the Spy sigh. I cut him off “And I have that wee Beretta that was in your left sock. As well as that ghastly cloaking watch.†I could hear the sigh catch in his throat. I then hit the large lockdown button for the lab. A small strobe light flashed on the wall “Labourer, what are you doing?†the Spy was slightly shrill “Puttin the lab into lockdown†I couldn’t control the excitement in my voice, “Nothing can get in or out without my express approval. And so you know, I have those gadgets keyed in my safe the same way. And so you know, they are finger print readers on the wall†I started to gloat, “They’re keyed to my fingerprint. But guess what? I need to also have a heart beat and say the magic word for it to work. And you can’t quite throw your voice like a good Texan, can you boy?†I stopped behind the spy and crouched back down. I thought it apt to lightly breath on the back of the neck of my hostage. I took my ungloved hand and ran it down the side of his face. I could feel the rough wool was damp, and this time I knew it wasn’t blood. “Oh mon cher,†my voice was mocking his usually eloquent French, “vous allez aimer ce†(You will love this) “Parlez vous français?†(Do you speak French?) “Oui†I could feel his face under the mask, it was sullen, “but I prefer to speak good ole American, ma jolie fleur (my pretty flower). I told ya Im a bit rusty.†I leaned closer to the assassin and conspicuously inhaled next to his ear. I could smell the musky scent of fear as well as the hint of not so cheap cologne. I groaned just a little, revelling in the drunk feeling of power that washed over me. I turned the chair a little, its wooden legs scraping over the floor. I whispered in the Spy’s ear “I will let you go. One proviso though†The Spy looked somewhat eager to gain his freedom, but still I could detect the wariness in his voice “What are the terms?†“Do what I tell you, when I tell you and how I tell you†I said, tipping my hardhat to indicate good faith. It seemed to lift his mood slightly. “However, if you don’t comply, I will think of more… creative options for you. Im sure Soldier down the hall will have questions. And also, I forgot to mention†I pointed to the sentry that I was working on before, “those guys are still live. If I end up in a respawn room, you will end up in yours. Sans your purdy little expensive gadgets†The seconds ticked by as the Spy thought over his options. I stood, knees cracking and walked back to my desk. I grabbed my trusty pen knife and flicked it open and closed. It was only a matter of time, I thought, before he either tries to kill me or would relinquish to my demands. Plus, I mused, a little power was nice to have once in a while. “Oui. I will do what you will†the Spy finally said, snapping me out of my reverie. I grinned some more, possibly looking like a sadist, but not caring at this point. I sauntered back to the Spy, his eyes looking more terrified with each step I took. I basked in the feelings some more. When I finally reached the spy, I bent down and looked him in the face. He was still flushed from struggling, but the rage had died down. He almost seemed to be liking it. “Now, spah, I need you to sit there as I cut this tape. Now, don’t try anything interesting or the knife could just slip†I moved the knife over his exposed throat to show how easy it would be, “and you know what kind of mess that would make, dontcha?†He nodded mutely as I sat on his lap. With my gloved hand, I petted him lightly on the top of his head as my ungloved hand cut through the tape. I peeled the sticky duct tape back, exposing the spy to his freedom. My resolve faltered as this would be the time that he could make his escape. I was lucky last time to take down the lanky assassin, but this time I was not nearly as certain. He could grab the small blade from my hand and be able to slash my throat before I could probably do anything else. True to his word, however, he sat motionless. I stood up and walked over to the corner and sat on my rickety cot. I motioned for the spy to come. He stood shakily and walked precariously to where I was sitting. I chuckled – the hand motions to make him move made me feel like I was guiding a crane. I put the flat of my hand out. The spy stopped. Overjoyed that the spy was going to comply, I then tapped the bed next to me. The spy faltered with his resolve. “Nothing weird, monsieur?†the Spy asked, slightly shakily. I got the impression, however, that he would like something weird. I smiled warmly at him. “Mister Spy, you have been rather naughty with sappin mah sentries and the like. So maybe you need†I paused for dramatic effect, “a good spanking.†I was certain that there was a glimmer in the Spy’s eyes. Something positively interesting. He wanted me to do this? “Oui, monsieur, I have been rather naughty yes†the Spy said as he unbuckled his belt and kicked off his expensive Italian leather shoes. He let his trousers hit the floor. I nodded at my lap. He pensively laid across it. I raised my gloved hand and let it down. THWACK. The first hit felt as if it echoed. The Spy gasped as the PVC hit his almost exposed bottom. I hit him again. The sound this time was quieter. On the third time, I noticed that the Spy bucked a little. After a few more, I then heard him groan, soft and low. The inner Engineer beast flew into action. I grabbed my belt and pulled it smoothly off my hips. Coiling it around to a decent sized loop, I let it come down with a sickeningly hard hit. The Spy groaned again. I could feel that he was certainly enjoying himself through his y fronts. I then started to make each hit on a rhythm. I started nice and slow, three seconds apart. I could feel his body react positively. I sped it up just a little. I felt as if I was getting my retribution for all the little sentries I had lost over the time. “My you’re the little masochist†I said between the hits, “you want some more?†“Non†the spy said. I was taken back a little. “Me faire l’amour ingénieur†(Make love to me Engineer) “Sure, partner, whatever you want†I said slightly dreamily as the Spy undid my fly. His soft hands fumbled over the waist band and expertly grasped my erection. I let in a soft hiss of air as he started working it. I lazily grabbed a tube of hi temp lube that I had discarded carelessly some days ago. I worked some onto my fingers and gently pushed them into the Spy’s anus. His hand stopped for a couple of heartbeats as he let out a guttural moan. “Oh you like that†I said, more focused on my needs than his, “Well, I suppose a good shag would not be too unhospitable†“Merci†was all the spy said as I took my fingers out of his lubricated hole. He then bent over the bed, slipping off his underwear as I stood up. I unclasped the bib and let the whole shebang fall onto the floor. I squeezed a little more lube onto my hand and worked it onto my shaft. As I pressed the head against his hungry hole, he bucked back a little. My hands instinctively grabbed his hips and started easing him onto my sword. “Oooh nelly†I said as the warm embrace of his sphincter worked its way down until I was all the way in, “You Frenchies know a thing or two.†I started to piston the spy. “You Texans are always hospitable†the Spy said, groaning and grunting between each cycle. “We do aim to please†I chuckled, the sweat beading on my forehead from the exertion. My pace quickened involuntarily as my body started its final push towards orgasm. I could feel that the Spy was racing like a freight train to the same tunnel. His rectum was clenching and unclenching rhythmically to try and milk the seed from my hard wrench. It reminded me of the farm at home, and of chores of my childhood. Suddenly, the Spy started to shudder like a tractor. Then, he gave out, his seed spilled all over the sheets. I did one final ram as I felt myself peak. I then lost the strength in my legs as I inseminated the Spy. I collapsed beside the Spy as I rolled onto my back. I grabbed the spare cloth I kept for such occasions as self pleasure mess and started to clean myself. Once I was done, I rolled onto my side and gently started to clean the exhausted Spy. “Shucks, that was good†I mumbled, “If you did that all the time, I would go work for the RED team.†The spy didn’t directly respond. He merely mumbled sweet French words, most of which I couldn’t understand. I threw my arm around him, tossing the rag off the bed when he was clean. The spy rolled back into my embrace. “Yer don’t have to go anywhere, mon cher.†“Thank you Engineer. I should get captured more often. You certainly know how to treat a man†the Spy finally said as he slowly drifted back to sleep “No, thank you†I replied. I had finally reaped my revenge on the sly Frenchman, and with it, the pent aggression to the man who is merely doing his job. ~~ A/N: Eh, I think I’ve become slightly more attached to this than I thought I would. I’m not submitting this for Beta because it’s somewhat standalone, and being treated as a speed write. If it was to become longer, however, I would be getting some opinions done. If you find a problem, holler it out – I’m being a mite more conscious of my work (and I think I have kept to first person view fairly successfully), and I really do love constructive feedback. Also, what do we think of slightly eviller Engineer? That was particularly fun to do I might add...
I suggest you add some more punctuation at the ends of your dialogue and start new paragraphs when you change speakers. For example, the last sentence of the 'fic starts "No, thank you" I IMHO it looks better as "No, thank you," I
I liked the use of ingenuity in fighting the Spy at the beginning. However, kicking back with both feet while balancing on his hands would be hard and not have the same strength or precision as kicking with only one leg or very rapidly alternating kicks with one leg at a time. Btw, I still insist that punctuation before the last quotation would be better and it doesn't take that much time to add in. Unfortunately, I don't care for the use of parentheses here. Obvious Pseudonym switches POV style when using them but doesn't switch characters. Here, using them to translate Spy's French at points when the Engineer claims he can't understand it abruptly changes from Engineer to Spy and then back again. I feel it would have been better if you had made footnotes for the translations instead. Actually, Engie commenting on things when he knew the meaning was really all that was needed and some weren't necessary. Even if we don't know what ma jolie fleur is (apparently mon is correct when referring to men, btw, unless he was trying to insult him, or it's the whole male/female diction of specific words, or it was from being rusty) we can guess it's meant to be flattery or an insult. Not to mention, the second time the Spy repeated himself could have been indicated with a simple "I said" at the beginning of it. Also, I must have learned something from watching all those episodes of Wakfu. I recognized which words went with what for some of the translations. Heh! I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. C: I’ve just been a little, tense?†If this was to indicate a brief pause, it would be better to use ... in place of the , IMHO. Another option, which I like for interruptions or extremely sharp pauses is the — but YMMV. “Puttin the lab into lockdown†Repetition could have been avoided by simply saying he hit a button and then the strobe light came out. I need to also have a heart beat and say the magic word for it to work. And you can’t quite throw your voice like a good Texan, can you boy?†Not sure how it can detect a pulse without needing some sort of medical equipment but I'm sure the Engineer could manage it. However, throwing his voice isn't really the case since the machine won't care where it thinks the sound is coming from. It's more reaching the correct pitch and getting the accent right. Really, trying to goad the password out of Engineer should be something Spy would be good at but it would take time and considerable effort. Honestly, simply locking everything down and having his effects under a separate set of locks would just buy time but that's all that's necessary. No lock is perfect. All Spy needs is to subdue the Engineer enough but keep him alive to gain his freedom. “Parlez vous français?†(Do you speak French?) I think it would've made more sense if it was an exclamation of surprise or else had a description of the Spy visibly expressing doubt. I could feel the rough wool was damp, and this time I knew it wasn’t blood. Tears are one of those things that YMMV but I can't see Spy crying at this point. It's even a bit early for sweating with fear or uncertainty. He's been informed that he won't be tortured and the man is making an effort to speak to him in his native language, even if he is mocking him. I'd expect the Spy to tease Engie for not getting something right or else question why the Engineer is trying to be friendly because, for all the Engineer's scorn, he's actually making a connection between them just by talking with Spy at all. People who become friendly with hostages have a much harder time killing them or being unnecessarily harmful and the Spy should know that. It's more of a waiting game and hoping that the Engineer's demands aren't too disconcerting. And also, I forgot to mention†I pointed to the sentry that I was working on before, “those guys are still live. If I end up in a respawn room, you will end up in yours. Sans your purdy little expensive gadgets†Not really necessary; also I'd think a live sentry would have already killed the Spy if he was close enough. If Spy kills the Engineer without a sentry there, then he's simply trapped without his customary weapons and he knows the Engineer will probably bring the rest of the team to deal with him. Then he'll still die without getting his weapons back or end up recaptured with the entire team knowing he's there and possibly irritable that they had to get involved. He almost seemed to be liking it. If this was meant to be consensual, it would've been better to emphasize the way the Engineer was trying to relate to the Spy rather than how much he was threatening him. The Spy has plenty of reason to trust the Engineer, centering around my previous comments, and there are lots of ways to add to it. If Engie had healed him as well and been more up front about his desires, doing more to appeal to the Spy than to shake him up, then if the Spy is amicable to the idea he has more reason to feel as if he's playing along rather than being forced. But that's just my opinion. Admittedly, the Engineer may simply be misinterpreting the Spy's reactions but we have no reason to believe he's an unreliable narrator. I know it was meant to make him more dastardly but there's playful dastardly and then there's downright dastardly. Anything can be said with a difference in tone and have different meanings. I don't know, I just wasn't entirely sold on the "suddenly enjoying it" thing when the Engineer was initially acting like he wanted to be more fierce and Spy bought it, even though there was some groundwork behind the potential for a change towards consensual. I think it should have been Engineer's goal to reassure the Spy if he was hoping that the Spy would enjoy it, I guess. I peeled the sticky duct tape back Not at all necessary but I think it would've been funny if Spy had complained about the possibility of damaging his suit. It reminded me of the farm at home, and of chores of my childhood. I didn't understand what exactly that was referring to, considering he was in the middle of having sex. Maybe more elaboration was needed? inseminated Perfectly valid word but I laughed when I read that. All in all, it was hot but I again implore the consideration of trying to tie emotions in with the descriptions of what actions are being taken during the sex. Express why the Engineer has suddenly found the Spy desirable. “We do aim to please†I chuckled, the sweat beading on my forehead from the exertion. This was great but the rest of the paragraph read a little more like Ikea sex. Describing his body and what he's feeling with it and his mind is what really brings the whole thing together. There was some of that there, I know, but it can always use more. Next time I recommend writing the sex scene and finishing it, then going back over the sex and seeing how you can expand it. I'm not saying going overboard with purple prose or flowery euphemisms but simply see what you can add in to further describe the two characters during the act and how much they're enjoying it or simply what physiological actions are taking place, such a sweat or shared heat or breathing or anything. Then again, no one likes my porn scenes so what do I know? All I can explain is what I've done before when I wrote a sex scene that I felt was missing something and that's what I did to make it more awesome IMHO. D:
Honestly, I can't stand most of your word choices in this, both for narration and for dialogue. I know everyone has their own head-cannon, but these just don't feel like the TF2 characters that I know. They don't talk like themselves and they don't act like themselves.
I like dub-con and dominant Engineer as much as anyone, and you lay down a solid sentence, Maelgwyn. However, I have a couple of criticisms: First, the Spy's concussion at the beginning of this. It's kind of a cheap cheat to get two characters in bed, and it is unrealistic, even for porn. I've had kinky sex, and I've had cranial trauma, and I wouldn't want to combine the two. Given the nauseating splitting headache that comes with concussions, it'd be impossible for the Spy to get into sex. The only way to make this realistic would have been to have Spy dry-heaving as Engineer raped him. Just not my kink, and I don't think it's yours. Also, the entire line "His rectum was clenching and unclenching rhythmically to try and milk the seed from my hard wrench. It reminded me of the farm at home, and of chores of my childhood" made me wonder if I'd been suckered by a trollfic. Anatomical terms don't usually work in porn, and combining them with coy slang just makes it silly, not hot, and I don't even want to KNOW what kind of chores Engie was gettin' up to out on the farm. Step away from them sheep, boy. All that having been said, this isn't bad for a speedwrite, and we can always use more authors around here. If you want me to beta-read for you next time, I certainly will.
And now, I shall answer you all >>2 There is new line, new speaker in this. Just some weird structure. Agreed, I need to work on the punctuation. >>3 Thank you Dove for the normal exhaustive list of things I will have to go back and check. That takes a lot of time. And are usually valid as hell. I don't want to know your WPM for typing out these. But as I had just woken up, I don't think I can do your text wall as much justice yet. So I will check this in an hour or two after coffee and I then will answer yours. >>4 Eh. To be honest with you, none of this fits into canon. There is no indication, implied or otherwise, of homosexuality. But we totally ship it. Or, without the comic works, to what actually is true canon as the game itself does not flesh them out very much. But if it doesn't sit in your head canon, I understand but... the whole premise is seriously unlikely. Also, please tell me which parts you don't like and do like - Im an adult and as such I think I can take it >>5 Thank you TeratoMarty! Yes, I agree it was... convenient to have what happened happen. I did try to milk out (no pun intended) something different. Whether that was 100% successful is a different story. Heh, though one thing would be true. If I had made it Soldier, then anyone would be in the mood for sexytimes with him... just to make him quiet. (And no, not my ideal kink on many many days). I read back over that line again, and yes, indeed I agree its cringe worthy. What was in my skull at 1am this morning obviously was weirder than even I had thought. So I devise that Rule 2 for me is not posting in the small numbers of the morning. Though, hilariously, if I had just done something a little different, could've used some good ole AI slang. Which, at that time, would have been nigh impossible without at least two textbooks open. That are in my bookshelf... And thank you for the offer. When I get into a writing mood, i.e. yesterday, I usually churn out pages of junk. So I will take your offer into consideration - you may end up with strange crap in your inbox.
>>3 I feel somewhat alive right now, so lets lookie this over The kick was intentionally ridiculous. I thought of a sweep kick or something, but it lacked the unpredictability of what this ended up with. Thats the beauty of it, it allowed me to have an exit if I wasn't enjoying the direction - if he missed it would have probably reversed the roles and changed the whole dynamic. Look at is as a hilarious fluke. This is probably my only favourite bit of this in the end, its comedic, it would make hilarious art, and you can imagine what the consequences would've been if he didn't pull it off. Originally, I did not include the translations at all. Strangely enough, for me, it was fun and as I had both written it and can poorly speak a little french, it was not as necessary for me. I toyed with a foot note, but then it would have been more disconnecting to scroll to the end to read the note then scroll back up. Mon, as far as I can remember, which is a long time ago, was the masculine possessive. I don't think that feminisation was required, though I could really change that and it would change the dynamics. Not entirely sure if for the better. The whole lock thing was to imply that he had multiple safeguards such as voice activation (which did exist back then as more of an oscilloscope style rather than the more advanced methods that can be employed today. Yes, I am a nerd. And yes, going into it would have been fun but I don't know if we want to read four or five pages about each of the specifics. Though... maybe wrong there... Also, the implications that the sentries are just more than move, iff, shoot was the idea there. More explanations, which would be exciting to the Engineer, myself, but not many others. I have been trying to avoid ellipses and hyphenation, because Im a scoundrel for their overuse. But, yes, it would have been far more appropriate in hindsight. From memory, it wasn't tears but it was more frustration. Take a proud character and have another mock him would certainly frustrate him to no end. Plus, the engie would have the heat cranked. He is a crazy Texan. Part of my thoughts in the beginning was to do a darker Engineer. I feel, in my head canon that he wouldn't be truly into this, although the spy probably would be. Power play, or the idea of it, is something that I have personal experience in, but its very very hard to convert over to paper. The whole premise of someone who is normally considered submissive to take a dominant role is quite difficult to achieve. And yes, my very very very poorly chosen line there. Heh, oh how I would love an edit function right now...
The kick was intentionally ridiculous. I thought of a sweep kick or something, but it lacked the unpredictability of what this ended up with. Thats the beauty of it, it allowed me to have an exit if I wasn't enjoying the direction - if he missed it would have probably reversed the roles and changed the whole dynamic. Look at is as a hilarious fluke. This is probably my only favourite bit of this in the end, its comedic, it would make hilarious art, and you can imagine what the consequences would've been if he didn't pull it off. Well, if you want really ridiculous, you could've chosen break-dancing. (Bayonetta and the L X D series both come to mind) Still, the mule kick is fine. I'm simply pointing out the logistics because the story didn't. It would have been a good idea to mention in the story itself how lucky he was; it adds some impact to what he achieved. Originally, I did not include the translations at all. Strangely enough, for me, it was fun and as I had both written it and can poorly speak a little french, it was not as necessary for me. I toyed with a foot note, but then it would have been more disconnecting to scroll to the end to read the note then scroll back up. Mon, as far as I can remember, which is a long time ago, was the masculine possessive. I don't think that feminisation was required, though I could really change that and it would change the dynamics. Not entirely sure if for the better. Well, truth be told, I mentioned the footnotes first but as I explained over the rest of my initial paragraph, the Engineer's context clues could have easily tipped off the reader. Or it could have been incorporated more directly. Probably a combination of the two. Something like this, maybe. “Oh mon cher,†my voice was mocking his usually eloquent French, “Vous allez aimer ce.†Actually, I had no idea if he would love what I had in mind but right now he wasn't in the position of correcting me. I'd left it open-ended, nothing specific, in case I was wrong. I could feel him out first, get a test for where he stood on the matter, before committing to anything. I was enjoying myself but I wasn't out to hurt him anymore than I already had. “Parlez vous français?†Hah hah! Was he actually asking me that? Then again, I never have given him a reason to believe I understood his stuffy ol' French before. I'd show him a thing or two about who was the lesser of us when I puffed up with pride and answered him. “Oui,†I could feel his face under the mask, it was sullen, “But I prefer to speak good ole American, ma jolie fleur. I told ya I'm a bit rusty.†I leaned closer to the assassin and conspicuously inhaled next to his ear. He didn't smell anything like a pretty flower, just the musky scent of fear as well as the hint of not so cheap cologne. I groaned just a little, reveling in the drunk feeling of power that washed over me. I turned the chair a little, its wooden legs scraping over the floor. I whispered in the Spy’s ear, “I will let you go. One proviso though.†The whole lock thing was to imply that he had multiple safeguards such as voice activation (which did exist back then as more of an oscilloscope style rather than the more advanced methods that can be employed today. Yes, I am a nerd. And yes, going into it would have been fun but I don't know if we want to read four or five pages about each of the specifics. Though... maybe wrong there... Also, the implications that the sentries are just more than move, iff, shoot was the idea there. More explanations, which would be exciting to the Engineer, myself, but not many others. That's not what I was talking about. Throwing one's voice is ventriloquism. A voice recognition machine isn't going to care where the sound appears to be coming from, it's going to care if the voice matches what it has on file. I was pointing out that it was the wrong phrase. I wasn't suggesting the multiple safeguard measures were a bad idea. I was implying that the Spy could try finding out what the password was to either trick the Engineer into partially undoing the lock-down (since no specific distance for voice recognition was mentioned) and then if he got free, he could always try forcing the Engineer into doing the rest at gun-point or something else. I was saying the sentry wasn't necessary since Spy would still be trapped inside the enemy base, without his equipment available to him, even if he killed the Engineer. I saw it as overkill but it also didn't make much sense to me if they could be live while being partially taken apart. Also, the implications that the sentries are just more than move, iff, shoot was the idea there. I didn't understand that sentence in particular. If you're suggesting AI that's fine but what's the point of using it in a single throw-away line if it never comes up again in the story? Also, the Engineer was working on the sentry when the Spy came to but it wasn't mentioned that he finished the job before walking over to the Spy. Hence, it was still missing a few internal pieces that might have been crucial, though that was never mentioned. To reiterate my stance, I liked the lock-down and locking Spy's things away, with multiple lock formats. The sentry didn't need to be live. Anything that Spy did would take time. He might manage partial freedom but it would take a lot more effort than the nothing that he engaged in. Engineer's plan was great, effective, and would keep Engie from being killed but the Spy could have managed to 1) find out the password, 2) look for weapons, 3) tried to talk the Engineer into letting him go, and 4) not gotten anywhere but the point is that he had options available to attempt. Spy could have even tried flattery or threats or simply expressing the logical possibilities open to him and had the Engineer shut each option down, rather than ramble about them all. I'm basically wishing Spy had more witty banter before agreeing to do what the Engineer wanted. Admittedly, if he felt the way Marty suggested (which I actually didn't even think about as much as I probably should have but then I've also never had a concussion before) it might make sense for him to not feel like trying very hard but I still feel he was being an incredibly lack-luster Spy in the face of a situation that most spies should be trained to deal with. That's really the problem, I guess. I'm not saying I wanted him to succeed. I felt he was a non-entity, really. The Engineer could have been pretending one of those sheep, that Marty suggested, was a Spy and it wouldn't have changed much. Nothing that Spy said or did impacted anything, other than making it consensual. The Engineer spoke at him the entire time and yes, it was power play and there was submission, which I like but still... Perhaps I'm too demanding. Perhaps I don't know anything about it. All I know is that I felt Spy's reactions were missing something. He seemed like a relative non-entity IMHO. From memory, it wasn't tears but it was more frustration. Take a proud character and have another mock him would certainly frustrate him to no end. Plus, the engie would have the heat cranked. He is a crazy Texan. Heat would depend on which base they're at, what time of day it is, and whether the Engineer enjoys the heat or the cold more. I've known people who lived in the South who hated the heat and I've known people in the North who hated the cold. I also live in the South and frankly am more attuned to heat but even I keep the air conditioner running when it's hot out. He might be crazy but there are several factors at play and the human body can only withstand so much heat. Second, it would have been better to mention that in the story. Also, tears of frustration are still tears. I cry when frustrated sometimes so I can understand that but Spy is trained as a spy and plausibly an assassin. He had hardly been threatened at that point and he had hardly been mocked any more than he had previously mocked the Engineer. And I mentioned all the things that the Spy could do. It's plausible to crack under pressure, I simply didn't feel that would've been the point that Spy should have cracked, though mentioning he didn't want to deal with all that while being injured so horribly would have put it into perspective and probably given him more reason to break down. The whole premise of someone who is normally considered submissive to take a dominant role is quite difficult to achieve. Who, the Engineer? Shit. I would hardly say any of the characters naturally act submissive. Most of the in-game stuff is alpha male all the way. Even in Loose Cannon he wasn't submissive; he was merely polite but later on he actually threatened Blutarch. And that expression while looking at the Australium cache log was downright scary. Honestly, any character's degree of submission or dominance is completely up to the author's discretion and their personal perspective on the character. Not to mention, a character can be submissive and/or dominant in various ways or aspects of their life that differ depending on the situation, who they're with, and what they're doing. Not to mention there are such things as people who top from the bottom. I might be wrong but I feel that a number of sexual acts, in and of themselves, don't have a strict connotation; it's only the perspective that people and their culture apply to them. That's why so many authors can write the characters so many different ways in bed. Some traits end up more common than others but that doesn't mean much. There are very few hard facts on any of these characters, especially with regards to their sex lives. Btw, sorry if any of that sounded harsh. I just didn't feel my opinions had been understood. Heh, oh how I would love an edit function right now... I've been there myself. I think we all have. Ah well. I:
Now *there* was some misinterpretation on my behalf. Ugh, I think I was being stupid headed. Or not reading. Or even better yet, getting too wrapped up in something and forgetting that you, as a reader, are no where near as wrapped up. Except at 1am. I don't make sense to me then. As I said before, hindsight is a wonderful thing when you look back over it. I completely agree with the whole way the translations were done. Part of that you can defiantly scratch up to me being too tired and too inexperienced (I usually don't do translations - I treat them like accents and leave them up to people who can do them better) to integrate it better. And yes, again I miss the point when I do assumptions. Sometimes, I assume that I have put it in. And usually Im the one who would be doing the fact find to show where or why I did something. This time... hmm... not so much. And the funny part - I basically said that above my rambling in a previous comment *laughs* Im not sure why I chose the spy. This was a weird move for me. I can get my head around classes like the Soldier, the Engineer and the Scout easily; but I find it nigh impossible to get a better grasp of the Spy, the Pyro or even the Demo. I could have done it with the medic or the heavy possibly, but yeah, I chose the spy. Well, you know what that means - time to queue on some James Bond again. Oh how sometimes characterisations just mean more time to watch what I want... The whole point with the whole dom/sub would have come from the way they play in the game. The Engineer requires more offensive help, is less mobile than say the Scout or Soldier or even Sniper, and although essential to a win, is not the most aggressive play style (do not hold me to that, because I know quite a few aggressive engineers). The Spy, while also not as aggressive in play as the offensive classes is still more offensive, so to me (at that point) he would traditionally be an aggressor. This probably does still make no sense, if it doesn't, chalk it up to the stupid. To be honest, I care a lot about good criticism. And you, sir (or ma'am - lets not go to assumptions eh?), give a fantastic crit review. Not only do you elaborate how each is handled, you give the example on how you would have done it. And even if it is worded harshly, I can take it because its more comprehensive than just a 'This bit sucked and so did this' So, if it seemed that I was being insolent, I truly do apologise. I just probably wasn't using my interpreting side of my brain, or the coffee had definitely not kicked in.
As I said before, hindsight is a wonderful thing when you look back over it. I completely agree with the whole way the translations were done. Part of that you can defiantly scratch up to me being too tired and too inexperienced (I usually don't do translations - I treat them like accents and leave them up to people who can do them better) to integrate it better. Well, I sort of derailed myself. It was only the one instance where he didn't understand Spy that it was actually jarring because the parentheses were still Engie's POV through-out. For the rest of the translations it was all a matter of taste but I was trying to express what I meant and that section was what I ran with. But it does come across more naturally that way and gives a stronger sense of personality, perhaps? I suppose it isn't really an issue overall. Im not sure why I chose the spy. This was a weird move for me. I can get my head around classes like the Soldier, the Engineer and the Scout easily; but I find it nigh impossible to get a better grasp of the Spy, the Pyro or even the Demo. I could have done it with the medic or the heavy possibly, but yeah, I chose the spy. Well, you know what that means - time to queue on some James Bond again. Oh how sometimes characterisations just mean more time to watch what I want... Well, I think you probably ran with the Spy because he was part of the initial prompt (though you could have substituted him for someone else.) C; Officially, the Spy is meant to be something of a mystery. Pyro is even more of a mystery and is basically an OC in waiting, really. Demo is only a bit odd because he has his drunken self in the game and then his more sober comments there and general sobriety in the comics. I think it's good to try out characters we're not as comfortable with though it can lead to more awkward writing or a harder time writing in general. Here is my view on writing any character though. It's all just a matter of finding out how they justify their actions and reactions. After all, the perfect excuse for being frustrated and not at the top of his game was Spy's concussion. The only drawback was in not making that apparent to the reader. It isn't easy, given that it isn't that character's POV, but as long as the POV character can wrap their head around it and they point out their theory to the reader or the general narration can give context clues, then the reader will understand what is going on with a secondary character. That's really what I guess was missing. We notice a lot of things without really noticing them fully through-out our lives. There is a vast amount of information to be gathered about what is going on. The key is to keep the narrator observant. Even one who is pretty self-absorbed can notice things without fully understanding them. As long as they're described to the reader correctly, the reader should understand as much as they need to. The Engineer did recognize some of what the Spy was feeling but either didn't guess enough, didn't sympathize enough, or didn't notice enough. It's not always important to understand everything about a character who isn't the POV character since it isn't inside their head but it helps give the impression that the other characters have lives that go on beyond the POV character. Even the Engineer simply puzzling over the Spy's responses helps. Sometimes not understanding or misunderstanding can be important as well. This doesn't mean you have to know why a character does everything that they do. But it helps relate to the character if the reader understands when its important. It also helps the characters understand one another if they think they understand to begin with or if they're attempting to. Characterization is at least fifty percent about character interaction and at least fifty percent about character's decisions. That is how we come to know people in real life and also how we judge them. Honestly, everything else falls under those two categories. Favorite hobbies? Always a character's decision about how they spend their time but may also include character interaction (if it's a social hobby.) Best friends? A character's decision to befriend someone and also character interaction where they find that they relate to each other better than anyone else. Most hated weapon? A character's decision based on their fighting style and favored strategies or a character's interaction with an enemy whose weapon they have the worst time combating. Not to mention, life is nothing but decisions and interaction with other people. The same holds true for fictional people. Of course, for fictional people consistency is necessary even more than it exists in real life but even completely illogical or paradoxical viewpoints can be given so long as the character can explain it away. It doesn't even have to make sense as long as it's a reason and one that they would potentially follow based on what they've done before. Since there is so little official information about these characters, there is a lot more room to try out how we think they might be and there is plenty of room for variety. Definitely study what there is and try gaining ideas from that but don't fear stepping away from any perceived canon or fanon as long as you can figure out something that makes sense to you. The key after that is making certain everyone else knows where you're coming from. The whole point with the whole dom/sub would have come from the way they play in the game. The Engineer requires more offensive help, is less mobile than say the Scout or Soldier or even Sniper, and although essential to a win, is not the most aggressive play style (do not hold me to that, because I know quite a few aggressive engineers). The Spy, while also not as aggressive in play as the offensive classes is still more offensive, so to me (at that point) he would traditionally be an aggressor. This probably does still make no sense, if it doesn't, chalk it up to the stupid. No, no. I see what you mean. However, there are all sorts of other reasoning for and against other possibilities. Engie looks manlier but he's also shorter. Spy is less rugged but also taller than Engineer. Yet spying can be viewed as a more feminine act and being sneaky and underhanded could be too (typically the method of battle when a woman is depicted as considerably weaker.) Also Spy is French and Engie is American; any cultural perceptions of those nations as a whole could color that. Spy could be Pepe le Pew or Casanova. Yet America is generally seen as obstinate and aggressive. Engineer is often seen as more polite and friendlier yet he could also be more vicious and asocial. The same could be said for Spy, interestingly enough, but with the reverse most often seen! And that's not even taking into account that the bedroom could even be the reverse of how they are in day to day life. Or that, as a random example, Engineer might want to dominate Spy but submit to Soldier. Or vice versa! I think your impression is perfectly valid. I simply love how variable they can all be. Most people stick with a certain mold and I can't claim that I don't tend to follow a certain pattern depending on the class (and which team they're on) that I'm writing. I simply keep crowing about the possibilities because I personally enjoy trying out somewhat different ideas. I don't know how different I end up making them but I try. That said, maybe you should give writing the reverse a whirl if this didn't come as easily? Perhaps writing a short story where the Spy captures Engineer would help? Or if Spy really doesn't come easy, don't worry about it too much. Maybe it'd be best to focus on the ones you're most comfortable with for awhile. There's no sense in writing something unless you're going to enjoy it or you really feel inspired to tackle something different head on. And even if it is worded harshly, I can take it because its more comprehensive than just a 'This bit sucked and so did this' So, if it seemed that I was being insolent, I truly do apologise. Oh no, not at all insolent. I'm just very determined to get my point across. But yeah, I still try to be polite at least. Sometimes I lose track of my manners though.