Hello channers! So I finally worked up the guts to post something. This is my first piece of fanfic, and crits are welcome. Other than that, enjoy! Chapter 1: the plan It was Soldier’s idea. It’s ALWAYS Soldier’s idea. After yet another depressing defeat on the battlefield, he told the team to meet him in the mess hall for a super-duper-secret-top-priority-emergency-meeting. They all grumbled, but everyone knew better than to argue with a man who worked with a bazooka for a living. The rest of the BLU team showered, changed, and filed into the hall to gather around a too-small table. Soldier had his back turned to them. As Heavy finally lumbered to the table (they were all quick to make him room) he quickly turned. “As you all know, we have faced a SERIES of DISGRACEFUL battle losses at the hands of those RED DEMONS. I had hoped that a mere LOSS would not DETER us from VICTORY, but not one of you MAGGOTS seems to be MAN ENOUGH to fight! If SUN TZU were alive, he would WEEP MANLY TEARS at the very SIGHT of you LADIES!†“Yo!†Scout piped up “you gonna tell us shit we already know man? Cuz’ if so, I’m outta here.†He stood up to prove his point “SIT DOWN PRIVATE I WAS NOT FINISHED WITH MY SPEECH!†Scout continued to stand defiantly as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. He finally plopped back down and crossed his arms. “Fine, man. Whateva. But this better be good.†“A wise decision private! Now what was I saying before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED? Oh yeah… WE NEED a CHANGE of TACTICS if we are to achieve VICTORY!†Soldier continued “After careful examination of your MISERABLE FAILURES I have concluded that what are team needs is a MORALE BOOST! DO YOU WORMS AGREE.†A murmur of consent ran around the table The Engineer was curious. “Now what kinda ‘morale boost’ are y’all talking about Solly?†he had tipped back his Stetson to get a better look at his teammate. Solly puffed out his chest, apparently proud someone was interested enough to ask. “simple Engie!†he began to address the whole table. “What is THE ONE THING that makes a man HAPPIEST?†He got several answers at once. “pleasurable company†“reckon ah’m pretty happy as is Sol†“a good scotch†“chicks, man.†“dakolas bar. And sandviches.†“Mhr fhhuhhur†“Ah, a pretty Shelia†“mine vork†“All EXCELENT CHOICES privates! And I have decided that the most SUPERIOR PLAN to SUCCESS is to GRANT YOU YOUR WISHES. We shall have a WEEKS VACATION starting tonight! You may do what you want at your leisure. But I expect to see EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU next week at SHARPLY 0600! And we will finally beat the BLU team or so help me I WILL BEAT YOU ALL TO A PULP WITH CAPTAIN SHOVEL! AM I UNDERSTOOD?†a chorus of enthusiastic cheers rose from the table. “GOOD! DI-SSMISED!†Everyone got up to leave the table, except for Engineer. “Now, I can appreciate as well as any other man what yer tryin’ to do Solly, but what about the Administrator? Ain’t no way she’s gonna let nine mercenaries just up and leave the base for a week.†“DO NOT WORRY PRIVATE! As it just so happens, she was the one who SUGGESTED the idea in the first place! Now are you going to ask me more questions BECAUSE I AM WILLING TO CHANGE MY MIND IF YOU ARE NOT GRATEFUL.†The rest of the team looked murderous at the thought, so Engie let it slide. Still he thought, I wonder what that woman is up to
oops, let me try that again Chapter 1: the plan It was Soldier’s idea. It’s ALWAYS Soldier’s idea. After yet another depressing defeat on the battlefield, he told the team to meet him in the mess hall for a super-duper-secret-top-priority-emergency-meeting. They all grumbled, but everyone knew better than to argue with a man who worked with a bazooka for a living. The rest of the RED team showered, changed, and filed into the hall to gather around a too-small table. Soldier had his back turned to them. As Heavy finally lumbered to the table (they were all quick to make him room) he quickly turned. “As you all know, we have faced a SERIES of DISGRACEFUL battle losses at the hands of those RED DEMONS. I had hoped that a mere LOSS would not DETER us from VICTORY, but not one of you MAGGOTS seems to be MAN ENOUGH to fight! If SUN TZU were alive, he would WEEP MANLY TEARS at the very SIGHT of you LADIES!†“Yo!†Scout piped up “you gonna tell us shit we already know man? Cuz’ if so, I’m outta here.†He stood up to prove his point. “SIT DOWN PRIVATE I WAS NOT FINISHED WITH MY SPEECH!†Scout continued to stand defiantly as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. He finally plopped back down and crossed his arms. “Fine, man. Whateva. But this better be good.†“A wise decision private! Now what was I saying before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED? Oh yeah… WE NEED a CHANGE of TACTICS if we are to achieve VICTORY!†Soldier continued “After careful examination of your MISERABLE FAILURES I have concluded that what are team needs is a MORALE BOOST! DO YOU WORMS AGREE.†A murmur of consent ran around the table. The Engineer was curious. “Now what kinda ‘morale boost’ are y’all talking about Solly?†he had tipped back his Stetson to get a better look at his teammate. Solly puffed out his chest, apparently proud someone was interested enough to ask. “simple Engie!†he began to address the whole table. “What is THE ONE THING that makes a man HAPPIEST?†He got several answers at once. “pleasurable company†“reckon ah’m pretty happy as is Sol†“a good scotch†“chicks, man.†“dakolas bar. And sandviches.†“Mhr fhhuhhur†“Ah, a pretty Shelia†“mine vork†“All EXCELLENT CHOICES privates! And I have decided that the most SUPERIOR PLAN to SUCCESS is to GRANT YOU YOUR WISHES. We shall have a WEEKS VACATION starting tonight! You may do what you want at your leisure. But I expect to see EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU next week at SHARPLY 0600! And we will finally beat the BLU team or so help me I WILL BEAT YOU ALL TO A PULP WITH CAPTAIN SHOVEL! AM I UNDERSTOOD?†a chorus of enthusiastic cheers rose from the table. “GOOD! DI-SSMISED!†Everyone got up to leave the table, except for Engineer. “Now, I can appreciate as well as any other man what yer tryin’ to do Solly, but what about the Administrator? Ain’t no way she’s gonna let nine mercenaries just up and leave the base for a week.†“DO NOT WORRY PRIVATE! As it just so happens, she was the one who SUGGESTED the idea in the first place! Now are you going to ask me more questions BECAUSE I AM WILLING TO CHANGE MY MIND IF YOU ARE NOT GRATEFUL.†The rest of the team looked murderous at the thought, so Engie let it slide. Still he thought, I wonder what that woman is up to
Can't tell if troll
>>3 They just started and not a lot happened yet so it's pretty early to say that. Let's see what happens next hm?
I know Soldier is in-your-face and all, but SHOUTING every THIRD WORD in a SENTENCE is irritating to READ and unnecessary to THE READER because we ALREADY know what KIND OF TONE his VOICE typically HAS.
we have faced a SERIES of DISGRACEFUL battle losses at the hands of those RED DEMONS And we will finally beat the BLU team or so help me I WILL BEAT YOU ALL TO A PULP WITH CAPTAIN SHOVEL! whoops
ooooh yeah I can see how that would be annoying. I'll try to keep it all speech or all shout next time. oops!I'm reading through it again and can't help but notice a whole host of mistakes. just to make sure: it's the RED team the story is following.
I wouldn't necessarily keep it to all speech or all shout. He can raise or drop his voice in the same sentence/paragraph (It's called a zoo. UNLESS IT'S A FARM.), just don't do the alternating word thing.
okay, thanks for the advice!
so this is the way to get italicization right?