1 . Name: Stereo @ 2009-08-03 20:56

A/N: This was meant to be a serious fic. Somewhere along the way I lost focus, gave up, and wrote in the infamous "VIKING QUEST" style to organize my thoughts. It somehow ended up better than anything I could have written.

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OKAY SO BASICALLY HERE'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

OKAY SO IT'S THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING BATTLE AND IT'S LASTED A LONG-ASS TIME AND FUCK BOTH TEAMS WERE GOOD AND DAMN IF THEY WERE GONNA END IT IN A STALEMATE.

SO IT'S FUCKING OVERTIME, RIGHT? EVERYONE MANAGED TO FUCKING DIE EXCEPT ONE BLU SCOUT AND ONE RED SOLDIER AND FUCK THAT'S LIKE THE SHOWDOWN OF THE CENTURY OR SOME SHIT. IT'S LIKE THE BLUR OF BOSTON, MR. FORCE-A-NATURE, THE BLU SCOUT VERSUS THE MENACE OF THE MIDWEST, THE NAZI KILLER HIMSELF, THE RED SOLDIER. FUCK THAT'S A GOOD FIGHT BECAUSE IT'S LIKE NEW VERSUS OLD AND IT GOES ON BUT HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK WILL IT END?

THE SCOUT'S AN ARROGANT SHIT, YEAH? SO HE'S LIKE "OKAY FUCK YEAH I'M GONNA BASH THIS SOLDIER'S FUCKING SKULL IN SO FAST HE'S NOT GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT HIM" OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE SOLDIERS ARE FUCKING SLOW LIKE A FUCKING TURTLE OR MAYBE DRYING PAINT HOLY SHIT HE'S SO SLOW THAT HE CAN'T EVEN CATCH HIS OWN BREATH.

ANYWAY SO THE SCOUT THINKS HE'S WON THE FUCKING GAME SO HE'S LIKE "FUCK YOU" AND TRIES TO FUCKING KILL THAT SOLDIER BUT WHAT THE FUCK THE SOLDIER IS LIKE "I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO MAGGOT" AND HE FUCKING MOVES AT THE LAST MINUTE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AND THE SCOUT'S LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK MAN JUST DIE ALREADY" BUT THEN THE SOLDIER HITS THE SCOUT WITH THE BROADSIDE OF HIS FUCKING SHOVEL BECAUSE DAMN THAT SCOUT IS ONE MOUTHY BASTARD AND NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A FUCKING LESSON ABOUT RESPECTING HIS ELDERS AND OMG HE'S SO FUCKING WEAK I MEAN THEY LET THAT LITTLE SHIT FIGHT REAL MEN? FUCK THAT THE SCOUT'S JUST A DISGRACE AND EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING GENERATION WITH HIS FUCKING POTTY-MOUTH AND THAT FUCKING BAT AND SERIOUSLY YOU CALL THAT A MUSCLE IT'S MORE OR LESS LIKE STICKING A TENNIS BALL INSIDE A TUBE SOCK. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

SO THEN THE SCOUT FINALLY WAKES UP IN THIS FUCKING DARK ROOM AND HE'S LIKE "HOLY SHIT WHERE THE FUCK AM I THIS IS THE SICKEST FUCKING JOKE SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU" BUT HE WAS SOLDIER'S FUCKING PRISONER OF WAR AND LIKE HELL IF SOLDIER WAS GONNA LET HIM DIE EASY GOD DAMN.

SO BASICALLY SCOUT'S FUCKING NAKED RIGHT? AND SCOUT'S LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK I'M NAKED YOU'RE A FUCKING PERVERT" BUT SOLDIER JUST STICKS A MOTHERFUCKING GRENADE INTO HIS MOUTH TO SHUT HIM UP BECAUSE DAMN THAT SCOUT CAN'T FUCKING SHUT HIS WHORE MOUTH FOR A SECOND. SO SOLDIER IS LIKE "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU MAGGOT" OR SOME SHIT AND THEN POW WITHOUT ANY FUCKING LUBE BECAUSE HE'S A HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKER HE JUST STICKS HIS JUNK INTO SCOUT'S VIRGIN LITTLE ASSHOLE AND SCOUT'S WHINING AND SHOUTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. FUCK EVEN WITH A FUCKING GRENADE IN HIS MOUTH HE CAN'T FUCKING LEARN TO KEEP HIS PIEHOLE SHUT. JESUS CHRIST.

SO THE SOLDIER IS FUCKING HIM REAL GOOD AND SOLDIER'S JUST LOVING ALL THE BLOOD DRIPPING OUT OF SCOUT'S ASS NOW AND IT'S THE BEST FUCKING LUBE, NO FUCK THAT MEN DON'T USE LUBE BUT IF THEY DID IT WOULD BE BLOOD BECAUSE REAL MEN ARE FUCKING HARDCORE LIKE THAT. ANYWAY SO SOLDIER'S MEATY FUCKING COCK IS DESTROYING THE SHIT OUT OF SCOUT'S ASS LIKE SERIOUSLY SOLDIER'S PENIS IS LIKE A FUCKING CRIT ROCKET ON THAT ASS AND SCOUT IS JUST CRYING LIKE A LITTLE PUSSY BITCH AND HE'S LIKE "FUCK THIS HURTS LET ME GO YOU FUCKING PERVERT" OR SOME SHIT BUT YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING WORD BECAUSE HE HAS A MOTHERFUCKING GRENADE IN HIS MOUTH FUCK YEAH.

SO SOLDIER IS FUCKING SCOUT AND FUCK HE FEELS SO GOOD AND SCOUT'S STARTING TO GET SOME KIND OF USED TO IT BUT YOU KNOW HE'S STILL BEING FUCKED AND IT WON'T STOP HURTING OH GOD IT BURNS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER WHEN WILL THIS STOP THIS IS THE WORST SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU.

IN.

AND.

OUT.

MAGGOT.

IN.

AND.

OUT.

MOTHERFUCKER!

BUT THEN SOLDIER STARTS CLIMAXING AND THE FORCE OF HIS POUNDING NEARLY BREAKS SCOUT IN TWO AND HE'S LIKE "YOU BASTARD THAT FUCKING HURTS YOU FUCKING WHORE SLUT BITCH PERVERT" BUT YOU CAN'T HEAR HIM BECAUSE YOU GUESSED IT HE STILL HAS A MOTHERFUCKING 'NADE IN HIS MOUTH. SO SOLDIER COMES AND HIS CUM IS JUST DRIPPING OUT OF SCOUT AND SCOUT IS LIKE "FUCK YEAH IT'S OVER OH GOD" BUT THEN OH WHAT THE SHIT WHAT IS THIS FUCKING HUGE THING IN MY ASSHOLE OH YEAH IT'S ANOTHER FUCKING GRENADE. SOLDIER IS FUCKING HIM WITH A GRENADE FUCK YEAR THIS IS REAL MANLY SHIT RIGHT NOW. FUCK DILDOES IT'S ALL ABOUT GRENADES MOTHERFUCKER.

SOLDIER SALUTES THE SCOUT AND RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING JACKRABBIT AND SCOUT'S LIKE WHAT THE FU- BUT HE DOESN'T FINISH BECAUSE HE FUCKING EXPLODES. FUCK YEAH!

AND THAT'S HOW SOLDIER LIKES TO FUCK.

THE END.