1 . Name: TeratoMarty @ 2009-07-28 23:08

[Author's note: It's late and I'm sleep-deprived and the instructions on the silkscreen goop said it would take 3-5 minutes to harden BUT in small print you have to have a posh special lamp rather than one grow light and a pie tin SO I'm still awake and you all are going to SUFFER. I got the idea from one of the kink memes, but I don't even fucking know how to work those and I'm too fucking high off diazo fumes to figure it out.]
-----------------------------------------

The Spy had called the Scout to the briefing room. He didn't say why, just his usual mysterious douchery about confidential information for Scout's eyes only. Scout was pretty sure that was just Spy's way of making himself feel important. Last time the Spy had had a "secret" to share, it had just been the fact that the signs labelled "Intelligence" pointed toward the intel room in the enemy base. Duh.

However, as Scout loped toward the briefing room, he saw the Heavy coming the other way, a look of horror and defeat in his eyes. Had the Heavy just gotten a briefing? What could have rattled the plodding Russian so much?

"Ah, petit maladie vénérienne, so glad you could make it. I have here a surveillance tape from last week; it is vital that you watch."

"Yeah, yeah. Could you tell me what I'm supposed ta be lookin' at?"

"All will become clear, in due time.

"Awright, awright, roll 'em." The Scout watched at the grainy black-and-white footage... it was a Sniper stationed in some high place, like usual. It was hard to tell without colour cues, and the men looked very similar, but... "Hey, innat OUR Sniper?"

"Oui, well spotted."

"So why'm I watchin' this? For fuck's sake, why're you spying on our own Sniper? You think he's a traitor?"

"Nothing of the kind, mon godemiché. Watch on..."

The Scout watched as the Sniper did sniper sorts of things- sitting very still, drinking coffee, pissing in a nearly-full jar... Even in black-and-white, the Scout could see that the contents of the jar were dark and murky, suggesting that they had been aged in the heat of the Sniper's roost for several days. He knew from disgusting personal experience that the stuff in the jar would be a rich, cloudy amber colour and smell like a stairwell into the Boston subway system at high noon on a summer day.

Scout recoiled at having to watch the Sniper take out his unit and wizz. Why on God's green Earth did Spy want him to watch this? He started to ask, but the words died on his lips as he saw that the Sniper wasn't about to put the lid back on the jar. No, he seemed to be... holy shit, was he smelling it? For fuck's sake, it smelled like piss, what did he expect? He was totally huffing it, like a fine fucking wine.

About this point, the Scout began to sense a certain inevitability about what he was seeing. "Spy, you weird fuck, what am I seeing here? What-" oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the Sniper was raising the jar to his lips. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that he had his other hand on his crotch. He was spanking it through his pants as he, oh GOD, as he put out his tongue to lap the... oh God.

OK, the worst part WAS that the Sniper was drinking... it. He had a total shit-eating grin on his face, and he was guzzling, oh fuck, days-old piss out of a jar like it was cheap beer after a ballgame. That image momentarily held first place for the worst part, until the filthy Australian pervert let the... stuff... pour out the corners of his mouth and all down his clothes. The foul old bastard took out his cock and beat his meat openly while the piss ran down him. He upended the jar and ran his tongue around the rim to get the last drops as he jacked himself harder and faster. Then- aw man- he aimed his cock so that his own jizz hit him in his piss-covered face, and licked it up.

It was at this point that Scout realised two things. First, that he had been cursing and retching aloud for some time now; second, that Spy was laughing his bony French ass off.

"Oh, oui, mais oui, I got you good, mon petit suspensoir."

"You FUCKER. You... why..." The Scout had a sudden sinking feeling. "There's another surveillance camera in here, isn't there? You taped me watching that... that... you FUCKER!"

The Spy was laughing too hard to respond.

"You total SHIT. Give me one good reason not to take the Sandman to your skull right now!"

The Spy sighed with satisfaction, pulled himself together, and lit a cigarette. "Because, mon petit pissoir, if you do, as soon as I respawn, I shall show the entire fort the footage I captured of YOU, last Thursday night."

As the Scout slunk out of the briefing room, he saw the Medic going in. He knew now what the Heavy had seen before him, but somehow he could not even muster the strength to warn his German teammate.