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Dog (51)

1 .

Otherwise known as "Jathis is a sick bitch and hey let's raep some Snoipahs!"

***

He was tired of being alone in this shithole Red called a base.

Red Medic woke up with a raging and almost painful erection and he knew that it was time to make himself a pet out of someone in the base. He had been waiting for a few years now to do it, knowing that if he acted too soon, Red would most likely be a bit…upset with him.

Sitting up, he rested his back on the headboard of his bed before pulling his boxers down and taking a firm hold of his cock, slowly starting to jerk himself off while trying to decide on who he would pick.

Scouts were useless; those skinny young Americans would most likely die during the breaking phase.

All of the Soldiers in his troop were crazy and the Engineers were too plain for his liking.

He let his thumb play over the head and slit rapidly, mewling softly, his body starting to tremble with pleasure.

Pyros were out of the question and Demomen were monkeys with the ability to speak.

Red Medic shuddered and let out a soft moan, his hand pumping his cock faster, his cock starting to leak precum all over his hand.

He stopped and started to use his other hand, licking the precum off of the other hungrily.

Heavies were too stupid to be turned into proper dogs and the idea of him ever attempting to make a Frenchman into a slave again almost made him lose his erection.

That left a Sniper.

His eyes rolled up into the back of his head at the very idea of thrusting his cock deep into an Australian’s mouth and he came with a loud cry, his cock angled so that his cum splattered onto his stomach in a single stream.

There were ten Snipers all together in the troop, most of them from Australia with a few New Zealanders thrown in to stop the damned kiwis from crying discrimination.

Red Medic smiled, idly using the tips of his fingers to spread the cum all over his stomach. Once the semen had dried, he licked his fingers clean and got up and got dressed, inspecting his boots to make sure they were properly polished before heading out into the hallway.

Snipers were such fascinating men. They had their own code of conduct separate from Red and Blu and woe to any man; Sniper or not, who dared to break that code.

The Snipers in his troop were like a pack of dogs; each one ready to claw and bite their way to the top, killing off anyone who was ahead of them and weaker.

There used to be twenty of them; half of them died from falling out of their nests, including the former Alpha of the group during a battle at 2Fort.

The new Alpha had been sharing his nest.

Medic took note of the slit throats on the dead after these “accidents” happened and he couldn’t help but feel some small amount of pride in his troop for culling the weak Reds for him.

He paused at the sight of a Scout running through the halls and he waited patiently for the young American to come near him, his hands resting behind his back.

Almost...there!

The Scout fell with a strangled gasp to his knees, wrapping his arms around his stomach tightly.

“How many times have I told you not to run in zhe halls?!” he demanded, glaring down at the wheezing American.

A swift kick with a well polished boot brought the Scout to attention and he stood and saluted smartly, swallowing down the urge to vomit in front of his troop leader.

“Herr Übermensch?” he wheezed.

“Tell zhe pack leader to meet me in my office.”

“Puh-Pack le-eader?”

Red Scout paled as his troop leader narrowed his eyes dangerously and he fought the urge to piss himself, squeezing his legs together tightly.

“Ja, zhe pack leader.” Medic sniffed, looking away from the stuttering American. “Zhe leader of my Snipers.”

“Ya me-mean Buh-Bruce?” Scout asked, wincing at Medic’s frown.

“Do you like being able to speak vith such a horrible stutter? I can alvays just tear zhose chords out of your neck if you don’t like stuttering so much…”

Scout was gone in a flash.
Rolling his eyes, Red Medic stepped into the medical bay of the Red base; reminding himself to put the boy’s arms where his legs were and vice-versa when he was finished with the Sniper.

Digging through his desk, the former member of the Schutzstaffel took out a few toys that he would need in order to restrain the Sniper properly; slipping of handcuffs up one of his sleeves for good measure.

His cock twitched awake at the sight of the gag and heavy collar and he licked his lips, forcing himself to calm down as he waited for his prey to arrive.
Marked for deletion (old)

2 .

This...intrigues me. I demand moar.

3 .

MOAR

MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR

4 .

:O

5 .

Fuck, a Snoipah sounds like a kind of bird.

6 .

Oh god, more please.

7 .

I can't say I like it, but it isn't awful either. I think you should add in detail, and review how masturbation tends to go. Good idea, bad execution.

8 .

...This was normaly the reason I disliked Medic.

You have left my dislike all confused now. Pandalantern wants more! More I say! <3

9 .

stubs echoes the many cries for more!

10 .

Oh man... want? y/y?

...I think I might love you.

11 .

His name is Bruce, lol.

12 .

I'm so conflicted... Proceed.

13 .

Oh jeebus, and I just put on clean panties. Moar @_@

14 .

He had given the filthy kiwi too many warnings and given him too many chances to learn the proper order of things in the pack; it was time to get rid of the uppity nuisance once and for all.

The pack was in the cafeteria eating breakfast before the rest of the classes as usual, their table set up in one of the back corners of the room to allow for more privacy.

Reaching into his pocket, Bruce slowly pulled out a small envelope and he looked over at his second-in-command, a one-eyed blonde with a knack for hiding or “discovering” bodies.

He nodded ever so slightly, spearing a piece of sausage with his fork.

“Oy, Clyde! Cook just put out some o’ those walnut studded pancakes ya like!” Red said, pointing over the man’s shoulder back towards the line.

“Really?!”

The man was up and gone with his tray and Bruce set to work immediately, pouring the contents of the envelope; a fine powder, into the man’s coffee and stirring it up to make sure all of it dissolved properly.

Red smiled as he handed him a bottle of syrup and every Sniper poured some into their own cups of coffee, stirring it in before the envelope and bottle were quickly hidden.

“Cook didn’ even start makin’ those damned things!” Clyde muttered, shooting Red an angry glare as he sat back down. Red just shrugged and took a swig of his coffee.

“Sorry, mate.”

“Whatever…”

Bruce watched the cup being picked up and brought to the man’s lips and the corner of his mouth twitched in the faint hint of a smile.

Clyde frowned, sniffing at his coffee.

“Almonds?”

“New flavored coffee.” Red explained, taking another long sip of his own. “We’ve all got it.”

“Why almonds?”

“Do I look like I know? Just drink it an’ act like a man fer once ya bloody kiwi fucker!”

The New Zealander shot the Australian a glare but he soon relented and brought the cup to his lips once more.

“Buh-Bruce?”

The cup was lowered.

Bruce’s eye twitched and the look that he gave Red Scout made the young man take a step back.

“Yer only supposed to refer to people by their class, arse!” he snapped.

“H-How are you goin’ ta k-kn-know who I’m talkin’ ta?” Red Scout asked defensively. “You-you’re all here!”

“What do you want?”

“Da boss…he uh…wants yuh-you in his office.”

“Why?”

Red Scout could only shrug for an answer and Bruce rolled his eyes and growled, pushing his chair back and turning to Red as he stood up.

“Yer in charge until I’m back.” He told Red.

“These girls will be waiting with bated breath fer their daddy.” The blonde snickered, turning his attention back to Clyde and the issue of trying to make him drink the poisoned coffee.

Bruce made sure to shove the Scout to the floor as he went, smiling to himself at his indignant squawk.

Stupid wanker…he had missed his chance to watch that fucking kiwi die.

And what the fuck could their troop leader want from him now?! The crazy German seemed to be constantly on his case nowadays, whipping him out on the front grounds of the base whenever one his Snipers missed their target.

Bruce pursed his lips at the memory of the last beating he had been forced to endure just the week before. That stupid fucker Clyde had missed the perfect shot; a wounded Heavy standing out in the open and just begging to have his brains decorating the grass.

But Red Medic had insisted that Bruce’s training was to blame for the missed opportunity and he beat Bruce with a braided leather whip in front of the entire troop.

Gritting his teeth angrily, Bruce wished that he could somehow punish him one day; maybe finally he would be able to release his frustrations on someone who would probably like it.

He had heard some of the Scouts talking about what Medic did behind closed doors and the Australian was not the least bit surprised that fucking captured Blus up the ass while cutting them open was one of the things the sick German got off on.

All he needed was a few days with the doctor alone and he would have the man begging to suck his cock.

Making sure that he remembered to take off his hat, (Red Medic was adamant about being shown proper respect in his office), Bruce stepped inside.

He shut the door behind him immediately, unsure of what he was looking at.

The troop leader was…smiling?

Medic stood with his back pressed up against the operating table, giving Bruce a toothy smile.

“I knew you vould be avake by now.”

The German spread his legs slightly and Bruce hesitated, looking from the closed door back to the troop leader.

“What..?”

“Did you zhink I vould not finally notice zhose looks you vere giving me?” he asked. “I need glasses to see but I am not blind, Herr Sniper…”

“So what are ya gonna do now then?” Bruce asked, cocking an eyebrow at the still smiling German.

“Vell…vhat do you zhink?” he asked, idly shifting so that his concealed erection was more apparent.

Bruce snorted and turned to leave. If he was going to fuck Medic, he was going to do it when he wanted to.

“This is ridiculous! Fuckin’ Nazi poof…”

“Blöde Fotze!”

He turned around and slowly walked towards the still smiling Medic, his hands clenched tightly at his sides.

“What did you jus’ call me?”

“I called you a Blöde Fotze; a stupid cu…”

The punch came too quickly for him to get ready for it and his head snapped back sharply, blood flowing from both nostrils.

“You..!”

Bruce grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm behind his back, forcing him to face the table.

“All right so you were right; I do wanna fuck yer brains out!” Bruce growled, slamming Medic’s face down onto the table, grinding his cheek against the cold metal.

“Du verdammter Arschficker!” Medic snarled; glad that the Australian couldn’t see his smile.

“An’ what are you goin’ to do about it?” he teased, leaning down to smile in the man’s face. He gave the bloody man a teasing bump with his growing erection, growling as he licked his ear teasingly.

“I’m goin’ to…”

He forgot that Medic still had one arm free.

The elbow shot back and struck his solar plexus, forcing Bruce to let go as he gasped for breath.

Medic quickly turned around and returned the man’s earlier punch to the face, knocking him onto his back before kicking him as hard as possible in the head, making sure that he was out before finally taking a breath to calm his nerves.

“Too close.” he muttered, fixing his glasses before taking the handcuffs out from up his sleeve.

15 .

This is so intriguing.

16 .

oh god this is hot

17 .

C'MON SNIPES YOU CAN DO IT FUCK THAT MEDIC DO IIIIT

i'm countin' on ya bruce. :T

18 .

JESUS CHRIST STOP CALLING HIM SNIPES OR SNIPIE OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE WHY IS SNIPER THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS THE GIRLS GIVING HIM NICKNAMES LIKE THEY'RE THIRTEEN AND JUST GOT THEIR FIRST CRUSH

19 .

LOL; when Medic says “Blöde Fotze!” and “Du verdammter Arschficker!” I started clapping and laughed.
Hilarious~ (I'm German)

MOAR!

(Go Bruce, go!)

20 .

“For fuck’s sake, Davis! If you miss the bloody target again I’m goin’ to gouge out yer fuckin’ eyes!”

Medic smiled at the threat and he watched from the doorway as the Sniper known as Red continued to bark out orders at the rest of the pack.

“It seems zhat you are missing a Sniper, Herr Red.”

Red turned and snapped to attention, shooting the others a few glares until they followed suit.

“Our Alpha went to your office an hour ago, Herr Übermensch.” He pointed out.

“Ja, but you are also missing one of zhe low rankers; someone by zhe name of Clyde perhaps?”

“Clyde got a bit of an upset stomach after breakfast.” Red explained, unable to hold back a wide smile.

“Oh?”

“Aye, the poor bugger threw up all over himself. Aint that right, Fitzroy?”

“Aye, I took him to his room so he could sleep it off!” the brunette nodded.

Medic smiled knowingly, giving Red a wink as he adjusted his glasses.

“Vell let’s hope zhat he feels better soon. Herr Red, come vith me please.” He said, walking back inside.

Red frowned but nodded, leaving a man named Kelly in charge while he was gone.

“What’s all this about?” he asked, walking beside Medic. “Where’s Bruce?”

“Do you know vhat I did during zhe var?”

“Well there’s rumors goin’ around but I don’t think…”

“Zhose rumors are all true.”

“…”

Medic ignored the look of surprise on the man’s face and continued, his hands behind his back as he walked in front of him, leading the way.

“Dogs are such loyal animals, don’t you agree?”

Red had no idea where the former Nazi was going with this but he nodded to stay on his good side.

“Aye, I suppose.”

“But unless you are a sexual deviant; you cannot do anyzhing sexual vith a dog, am I right.”

“No, that’s fuckin’ sick!”

“But…vhat if you can make a man into a dog so zhat you can have a loyal pet und a fuck buddy?” Medic mused aloud.

“What are you talking about?! Where’s Bruce?” Red demanded.

Medic finally stopped in front of a door that went into an unused room and he smiled and tapped it with the back of his hand.

“In here.” He said, pushing the door open.

The room was empty except for a long wooden table laden with various toys and devices and Bruce, a standing lamp bathing the man in light.

Bruce writhed on the stone floor, his teeth clenched tightly around the bit in his mouth.

The Australian was furious at his current predicament; naked except for the restraints on his body. His arms were bound tightly in front of him, black leather sleeves covering up his hands and preventing him from using his fingers. A spreader bar kept his legs firmly in check and was chained down to the floor to make sure that he stayed on his knees.

“Bloody hell…”

Bruce lifted his head up as far as he could, letting out a muffled plea for help while he pawed at his collar; a heavy band of iron connected by a short chain to a ring set in the ground.

“I have decided to make your Alpha my dog.” Medic explained, removing a blindfold from his pocket.

“Yer bloody crazy!”

“Ja, but if you put zhis on him und swear to keep quiet; you vill be zhe new Alpha of zhe pack.” Medic pointed out.

Bruce whimpered and shook his head, pulling harder on his chains.

Red was his second-in-command, his right hand man as well as the only man he could really call friend among the entire lot of Red men here…

“The new Alpha?” Red asked, cocking an eyebrow at the idea.

“Of course.”

Red smiled and Bruce’s eyes grew wide as he watched the blonde take the blindfold and walk towards him.

“It’s how packs work, mate.” Red snickered, making sure that he tied the blindfold as tightly as possible, ignoring the muffled roars of protest coming from the bound Australian.

“There’s always got to be a strong Alpha in charge an’ you jus’ weren’t strong enough.”

Bruce groaned helplessly, pawing at the blindfold while Red got up and tipped his hat to Medic.

“I suppose he went to Steamroll to go an’ wait fer the next supply truck.” He said, stepping out of the room. “Truck should be comin’ in a week or so.”

“Zhat should be enough time.” Medic nodded, smiling at the now blinded Sniper.

“Now if you vill excuse me…I have some training to do.”

The door was shut and locked and Medic smiled, rubbing his hands together.

"Are you ready for your first lesson?"

21 .

Ooo! Hot angry sex! Want! Want!

22 .

Why the fuck is he called Herr Uebermensch?

It is not a realistic name, it probably would be seen as semi-derogatory, and a whole bunch of other things. I understand you want to use something evocative for the English speaking crowd, but honestly why not pick up a history book and find a name of some other German with a sadistic streak and use that (and for god's sake not hitler or adolf).

23 .

Red Medic himself came up with the name because of the Nazi's adoption of Nietzsche's philosophy of the same name.

There's also the taunt Medic has in the game where he says "I AM THE UBERMENSCH!"

That's why he demands to be called Herr Ubermensch.

24 .

>>23
This betrays a serious lack of understanding of the historical and philosophical bullshit involved and you should die because i hate you

25 .

Sorry

26 .

If I have any recollection of Thus Spake Zarathustra, the principle of the Uebermensch is taking on some super human, but not quite divine element and lifting men (and humanity) from the mundane to the superior; Super Men (or Uebermenschen).

I mean, this is pretty simplified, but it has nothing to do with fucking men until they become broken husks and are useful for only one thing and one thing alone. That has none of the idea of a general betterment of humanity behind it.

27 .

If it's of any consolation, I think this is shaping up to be <i>fucking hot.</i>

28 .

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN ITALICS OHGOD.

29 .

>>24 Owl, I respect you, but the Nazis were all about "a serious lack of understanding of the historical and philosophical bullshit" (not unlike their contemporary equivalents, the skinheads).  They called themselves "Aryans," which is actually the name of a linguistic grouping of distinctly brownish peoples in Iran through India, and somehow perverted Kant's responsible, humanist philosophies to support wholesale murder. 

The Nazis did consider themselves Ubermenschen, and used the fact that they considered themselves semi-divine to justify killing off us mud-races.  They were intensely interested in the general betterment of humanity, and they were going to achieve this by killing off everyone who didn't measure up.  Josef Mengele did a lot of sadistically unneccessary surgery to try and see if he could transform members of the mud races into real people. He was pretty sure he couldn't, but he was just gonna inject blue dye into people's irises anyway.

Yes, for a charter member of the mud races, I'm unduly interested in what Mengele was on about.

30 .

TeratoMarty...I love you.

31 .

“A good dog alvays knows who zhe master in zhe relationship is. It vould not do to have a dog going around believing zhat he is zhe one in charge now vould it? Zhat is almost as laughable as our Demomen zhinking zhat zhey are men und not animals vith zhe ability to speak und valk on two legs!”

Medic laughed at the very idea, shaking his head.

“Mph…”

“Zhen you agree? Zhat is good because zhis rule goes along vith zhe one about hurting your master too!” Red Medic said and he immediately fell silent, smiling to himself as he stepped back and watched Sniper’s reaction.

Sniper bit down harder on his gag, a thin line of saliva escaping his parted lips, turning his head this way and that to try and figure out where the crazed German had gone. He snorted in frustration, pulling on his bonds harder.

He couldn’t tell where the bastard was!

Medic watched the Australian struggle to pinpoint his location and he smiled to himself, picking up a scalpel from the table and tossing it into the far corner of the room.

Bruce groaned and tried to twist his body away from the noise, his covered hands fumbling on the ground and his legs bending the wrong way because of the bar.

He stopped when he heard Medic laughing and he immediately stopped and struggled to right himself.

Fucker was toying with him…

He growled at this and Medic picked up a riding crop, giving the tool a few experimental swishes before walking towards him.

“Hopefully your sense of smell und hearing vill improve over time.” He said. “I vould love to see if zhe used senses truly sharpen vhen zhe others are neglected.

The first blow struck him in the side and Bruce flinched and yelped in surprise, fighting to try and curl up into himself as the blows started to come down harder and faster.

“Zhat is for punching me in zhe nose und zhat is for twisting my arm!” the German hissed, leaving angry red welts with every hit.

Bruce writhed and screamed on the floor, holding his arms out in an attempt to stop some of the swings hitting him in the face.

This annoyed Medic and he made a point of bringing the heel of his boot down on his hand when Bruce lowered it to the ground, grinding it in as the man wailed.

“Do not block your punishment, Hund!” he snapped, striking him upside the head sharply once he let his hand go.

The beating continued for another ten minutes, Medic finally stopping when his arm started to get tired.

“I zhink you have learned zhe first lesson, ja?”

Bruce panted heavily, his body covered in painful welts from his ass to his face. It hurt too move too much and he kept himself on his elbows, his hand feeling like it had been broken under the man’s polished boot.

“Answer me.”

He whimpered and Medic took that for an answer in the positive.

The German had the urge to fuck him right then and there; the sight of the man in such a helpless state arousing him but he restrained himself, putting his crop back on the table neatly, taking the time to make sure that it was perfectly straight.

“You have already eaten so zhat saves me a trip back here just to feed you lunch.” He said. “I vill however come back to try und give you dinner if you behave yourself.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment vith a stuttering Scout.”

32 .

On the subject of Nietzsche's philosophy, his sister basically twisted it to mean what she wanted since she was a big supporter of the Nazi's. The basic priniple was to raise above the temptations of man and to remember the values of traits which religion often frowns upon, such as pride. Nietzsche himself was a bit troubled by poor mental and physical health and had a hatred of women, so his philosophy ends up being really interesting to read.
Basically all this shows in connection to Medic is that he's a fan of philosophy or at least kept up with the latest developments.

33 .

Again, I'll ask that you at least get a BETA READER. This is amounting to a pile of absolute shit.

34 .

Fuck the betas! keep going, this is great!

35 .

>>33

That's a bit harsh.

Although, I am going to second getting a beta reader. This fic has some rather glaring problems, and reads more like this was written in an RP session rather than being written as a proper story.

Aside from the inaccuracies with the Nazi philosophy that have been mentioned, I think that your writing suffers a bit from basically being IKEA erotica. You write about what the characters are doing but we don't get any sense of what they're /feeling/, which is a part of what makes written porn so appealing. You can get into the characters heads, taste the anticipation, the lust, the /fear/ that I think you want to convey but simply isn't showing through. The prose is as dry as a cracked river bed and when you do try and work some metaphors in there, they don't work very well, like the one about Snipers falling out of their nests. It makes them sound more like baby birds, and it's mixing metaphors.

Also, seeing as you're doing a fic where there's multiple members of each class (something that I'm usually not fond of, but it's more of a personal preference), and you're trying to establish that there's a pecking order among those members, you take the metaphor of a wild wolf pack, which /could/ work, and you go much too far with it. I highly doubt that these men would refer to the Alpha male as "the alpha." The only men I've ever seen do that sort of thing at those misogynist motherfuckers that complain about how girls don't fuck them even though they're so nice to them and shit like that and then applaud rapists for taking initiative.

Also, the characterization is... lacking. Very lacking. None of the Snipers seem to have their own voice, and the Medic just seems like a cardboard cutout villain. Again, I know this is porn, but it's kind of a boner kill. Also, I know you have other threads around here that are tied into this little /thing/ you're doing (you should probably have it all in just one thread, just to make things easier for readers), but even the BLU Sniper and Medic don't really seem to have any real chemistry. The fact that you're updating so often isn't helping things either. The whole thing seems like a rush job and it's suffering a lot from that.

I think the worst part, for me, was seeing "..." get it's own paragraph. That's just... no. Don't do that. Ever. It doesn't even work that well in comics, let alone prose.

Just trying to help you out, here.

36 .

Cat Bountry

Yeah, I've been struggling with that actually and I've been trying to figure out how to avoid it without making it look too...weird.

I'm going to take more time with the next chapter to make it work better. The others were just rushed so that I wouldn't forget what I wanted to happen actually.

Thanks for the suggestions though; I'll definitely work harder to make the next chapter flow better.

Thanks for not cursing at me or wishing I was dead ^ ^

37 .

>>36

Trust me, you'd have to be /trying/ to make me curse over this sort of thing.

I would actually suggest trying to start this over from scratch. There's some ideas in here that could be salvaged, but I think a full-blown re-write would be best.

38 .

I agree about the rewrite. This is good stuff, just could be executed better.

39 .

>>18
personal pref, bro. i'm having fun here and you don't have to like it.

in regards to the story though... i really like the concept since i'm quite the sadist myself and well it's sort of silly because my bf and i have a relationship quite like this x3 but i'd agree with >>35 on this one. the characters all seem the same: more or less defiant. (except for scout of course, which i think is odd because he's the one i see as being more vocally defiant than the others.)
so that was my only major problem with this. it's a but awkward to read but i can get past that. all it needs is more character depth :D good luck.

40 .

>>39

I'm guessing it's a personal pref to completely ignore capitalization usage?

41 .

Cant we all just get along?

42 .

penis

43 .

>>35
You write about what the characters are doing but we don't get any sense of what they're /feeling/, which is a part of what makes written porn so appealing.
That's very much a matter of taste. Personally, I don't want to hear long-ass descriptions of what people are feeling. I think that showing always works better than telling. I want to see the characters act on their emotions, not philosophise for days about them.

I don't particularly like emotions, anyway; it may be a guy thing. I just wanna see the fucking. Also probably a guy thing.

44 .

I love where this story is going, but I agree with Cat Bountry's critique. I'd like to see a rewrite, personally, because I think there's some potential for chemistry between these characters, if you execute it properly. It'll only make the story better.

45 .

Although Bounty brings up some good points, I can't agree intirely with what s/he says. The story is lacking emotion, but Medic is so cold, and lacking in that feild himself, that it kinda suits the mood of the story.

I personally like it. The whole thing. You could try writting more deeply into the actions. What people are feeling. It's third person, but you could still write us a taste of what's going on in their heads.

What do I know though. I'm not a writter. I only draw this shit.

46 .

>>43

Who said anything about long-ass descriptions?

A good writer could convey exactly what a character is feeling with a few choice words, or even just by showing what they're feeling by a quick description of their reactions with the right words. It would only enhance the experience, I think, and make said fucking a lot more interesting.

I don't know. Maybe it;s a girl thing.

47 .

I don't think it's only 'insert description here' that's the problem. I'm not a writer so I can be speaking out of turn. Take this line for example:

“You have already eaten so zhat saves me a trip back here just to feed you lunch.” He said. “I vill however come back to try und give you dinner if you behave yourself.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment vith a stuttering Scout.”
Now we never had mention of any lunch before, I don't think, and so I was sort of wtf is he talking about and it could've been just summarized as "Excellent. Behave now, and I will return with your dinner." Then there's no reason for a whole new paragraph for the same character to speak to start up, unless you're pausing for dramatic effect. In which case a break seems to usually be filled with an action, like 'Medic's heels clacked against the floor as he strolled towards the exit "Now if you'll excuse me, I have. . . etc etc" not the best but you get the idea. I wish you wouldn't break up all your paragraphs so much. There is other stuff that I think you ought to chew over a bit too. argh, I guess what I'm saying is get ahold of a beta who can help you out?

48 .

>>47

This.

This is good advice and you should listen to it.

49 .

>>29

That being said, I some how sincerely doubt that sticking his dick into another man who he'd beaten into submission is in any way, shape, or form fulfilling even this twisted idea of the Uebermensch, especially considering that homosexuality was a NO-NO.

50 .

>>49 Good point, Doktor, but I don't want to live in a world where Medic doesn't stick his dick in guys. Can you disagree?

51 .

>>50

Oh of course I wouldn't, but the issue isn't really about him being gay, but more about the uebermensch angle. I just don't buy it.

52 .

>>40

right you are.

seconding >>47's idea. betabetabetabetabetaaaaa.
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