A devious Medic is a sexy medic... Very nice, do continue!

I will not rest until I have read a detailed medical report from every member of that team!

Now what? I have two more bits written and ready to go. Do you want to read ze gut Doktor examining Demoman and the Engineer, or do you want to read what he does to the Soldier?

>>4

I vote all of the above.

Post eeeeeverything

Well, what one do you want FIRST? I'll be posting Medic watching everyone fap eventually. Except Pyro. Pyro shakes him to his Nazi core.

>>7
engineer<3

>>7

Demoman next.

Because why the fuck not?

Hmm... Are you in dethklok fandom, by any chance?

Yes, I am. I'm TeratoMarty over there, too; I got Y!Gallery and Livejournal accounts fulla DethSmut. I seem to have a fetish for big manly meatheads.

I would prefer it if you went in order of the class selection. :P You know, Offensive Classes first, then definsive, then the support. (Extra points if you have the final chapter Medic fapping, possibly the other team watching him? :3< )

TheFool1026, what a beautifully OCD idea. Doin' it.
-------------------------------------------------------

Examination Part 2 (Medic/Soldier)

The Soldier marched into the Medic's office to be tested for exposure to gamma radiation (an utter fiction of the Medic's own invention). He crashed to parade-perfect attention in the middle of the room. He was about the same age as the Medic, and they had a tacit agreement never to discuss where they had been from 1940 to 1950, to name a decade.

"Well done spotting the nuclear threat, Medic."

"Zank you, Herr Soldat. Please, take off ze shirt."

The Soldier obeyed, then returned to rigid attention. The Medic realised that the American was afraid. Afraid of him? How delicious. He decided to test the theory, taking his time about peering into the man's eyes and ears.

"Open zer mouth, please..." He noticed that the Soldier relaxed fractionally when he put down his instrument and picked up a square of gauze. In the spirit of investigation, he picked up a pair of forceps and used them to seize the man's tongue in place of the gauze. The Soldier jerked, eyes wide under his helmet, as the chill metal warmed on his tongue. The Medic concealed his amusement, inspected the other man's tongue, then reluctantly let go. He shifted his attention to the other man's skin. The way that the soldier stiffened and sweated every time the Medic brought out a new tool was irresistible. The German took out a pair of callipers and measured some inconsequential birthmarks, delighting in teh way the tough man forced himself not to flinch as the sharp points touched his skin.

"How long haf you had zese marks? Do zey ever bleed or cause you pain? Haf you seen zem to grow or change in shape?" He peppered the Soldier with questions, then moved on to listening to the American's heart. It was hammering under the man's sturdy ribs. The Medic trailed his gloved hands over the Soldier's broad chest, under the guise of searching for sore areas under the skin, and wondered how much he could get away with. He decided to see about the Soldier's reaction to the Geiger counter.

Strangely, the American seemed almost pleased at how the radiation metre screamed when passed over him. "High reading?"

"Ja, I fear so." Of course the reading was high, the Medic had dusted the stethoscope with polonium to give that effect.

"It's because I'm always at the front! Like a Man! No offence."

The Medic hadn't been about to take offence, until the Soldier had said "no offence." Between the insult and the relaxation that the American expressed when offered a Geiger counter rather than medical implements, the doctor decided to push things.

"Ja, but zis is a serious problem. You vill reqvire immediate... treatment." That brought the spark of fear back to the Soldier's eyes. The Medic continued. "I must immediately make an injection of potassium iodide." The Soldier went rigid.

The Medic busied himself preparing to give the injection. First, he laid out his case of syringes, fanning them out for the Soldier to see. Then, he opened the smaller case of needles- reusable, not disposable, and let them glitter at the American, too. He observed that the military man was gritting his teeth- trying not to shudder. It struck the Medic as appropriate- he, too, was suppressing a need to tremble. As he readied the bottle of serum- a simple saline solution, no need to waste good drugs- he let his eyes linger on the Soldier's back. So much muscular flesh, exposed to him. The American was helpless in the peace and quiet of the surgery, in a way that he never had been in battle- it was intoxicating.

The Medic spun the moment out, putting off the ecstasy that would end it all. He wrapped a leather strap tightly around the Soldier's bicep, then caressed the crook of the man's elbow with disinfectant on gauze. It was a supreme effort of will not to bend down and lick the tender skin. The Soldier was making an effort of will, as well- his hands were clenched in white-knuckled fists.

"Very gut, Soldat, keep zer fist..." the Medic readied his needle near the swelling vein at the crook of the other man's elbow. "It vill be over soon..." he could not keep the disappointment out of his voice. He leaned close to the American, close enough to smell the other man's terrified sweat- any nearer and he could have felt the rasp of stubble against his own jaw. At the perfect moment, he thrust the needle in.

The Medic was familiar with Freud's theories, but in the timeless span of injecting the serum, he decided that they were nonsense. Possibly just backward. What he was doing now could be interpreted via crude sexual metaphor, a dirty joke, but it seemed to him that sex was a poor substitute for this. This intimacy, this penetration, this POWER... the Medic had to take a few calming breaths as he withdrew the needle.

The Soldier, too, seemed pushed to his limits. He staggered backward and sat heavily on the examination table, his fingers gripping the edge as if he would dent the steel.

"Medic..." he croaked.

"Ja, Soldat... ze drug can take people like zat..." in the afterglow of the injection, the Medic felt uncharacteristically tender toward his patient, willing to lie to salve the other man's ego. "Lie back, put ze feet on a rolled-up blanket..." he draped the American with another blanket. It was scratchy wool, military issue, but the Soldier cuddled into it as though it were the cosiest bed he'd ever had. The Medic felt that he could use a lie-down, too, and had to fight the urge to lie down beside the Soldier on the table.

Instead, the Medic cleaned his syringe and needles, tactfully keeping them out of the Soldier's sight. Eventually, the Soldier got up, folded the blankets precisely, and stood at attention in the centre of the room again. He cleared his throat to attract the Medic's attention.

"Permission to dismiss?"

"I zink zat you should go get some fresh air, but please come back in an hour. I still reqvuire a semen sample to determine ze effects of ze exposure to ze radiation." The Soldier blanched and hurried out. "NEXT!"

Oh ,yes. DO CONTINUE!

was suppressing a need to trembleSo much muscular flesh, exposed to him
TREMBLING ENTHUSIASM
EXPOSED FLESH

Yep, exactly. Well spotted.

This is really, /really/, good. I think you got Medic spot on and can't wait to see what he does with the rest of the team

> 13
This is, hands down, the hottest thing I have ever read on these boards. OMFG, everything, right from the start with the agreement between Solly and Medic about not discussing certain decades, to the slow, exquisite experimentation, the lovingly described tools, the damnation of Freud YES YES YES. Oh man. I found my new OTP and I'm hoping for any drip or drab more you'd give us. Hey hey! He's gotta come back in an hour, right??

13
You pushed my needle fetishist button spot-on. Hnngh

BUMP for Defensive classes! Schnell!

why are all of my fetishes outlined in both installments of this

Examination Part 3 (Medic/Demoman)
[Author's note: just a niblet this time. I'm out doing shit in the alleged "real world" that's really put a crimp in my smut-writing. However, Anons >>18 and >>20 were very encouraging, thank you.]
----------------------------------------------------------

The Demoman strode into the Medic's office, red shirt vibrant against his dark skin. "So where d'ye hear the BLUs have rayguns, eh?"

"I am afraid I heard nossing. I simply noticed zat my x-ray eqvipment vas strange after battles, and every plate not kept in a metal cabinet vas exposed," the Medic explained as he checked the explosives expert's eyes and ears.

"It just aboot kills me those RED tossers ha' a weepin tha' we dun't."

"Show me your tongue." How the Medic loved to grasp that tender, slippery muscle as he examined it. "Now take off ze shirt, please."

The Medic inspected the Demoman's glossy dark skin. It showed a constellation of tiny white scars, where shower after shower of sparks had hit. "Tell me, do any of zese scars hurt? Haf any of zem begun to spread, or to bleed?"

"Nae, I dinnae think soo..."

The Medic felt a chill at being so close to an other-race, but he had done much that was against the laws of Man and Nature, and the scars showed up so beautifully. He busied himself with the stethoscope so as not to be caught staring. The Medic hummed as he applied the polonium dust with the tainted stethoscope, then let the Geiger counter scream harmony as he scanned the Demoman. It was so very easy to get these handsome idiots naked and panting... the Medic sent the Scots Cyclops into the linen closet and took up his station at the peephole.

The Demoman looked around the little room, and wedged a folded cot under the door handle. Interesting. Apparently now secure, the Scot sat on a rolled-up cot mattress and kicked off his boots. He slid off his pants, too... revealing a pair of silky panties. Royal *blue* silky panties. He hugged himself with one arm, and gently stroked his cock through the thin material. He responded slowly, but eventually his erection rose and protruded from the waistband of the delicate undergarment. He slid two fingers into his mouth.

The man slid to his knees, and slipped the panties down under his balls for better access. With a look of rapturous concentration, he sucked his own fingers as he masturbated. He licked the length of them, pulled them out to tickle the tips with his tongue, then forced them deep into his own mouth as he came. He sighed, then bit his bottom lip and began to weep as he collected his semen in the beaker.

As he put his clothing back on, the Demoman wiped his eye with the back of his hand and blew his nose on a filthy red bandanna. By the time he handed his beaker back to the Medic, he looked almost normal. Or at least, he looked approximately how he usually did.

"Doc," he said miserably as he offered the semen sample, "I've, ah, goot something I'd like to talk ta ye aboot..."

"Very vell, Demoman, make vis me an appointment at anozzer time, I must finish zese examinations. NEXT!"

>"So where d'ye hear the BLUs have rayguns, eh?"
>"It just aboot kills me those RED tossers ha' a weepin tha' we dun't."
PICK A SIDE, DEMO, WE'RE AT WAR HERE.

Also, Demo wearing panties is HOT.

THAT DEMO'S A SPY!

>>23 GAAAHHH SHIT. There's a reason I don't play soccer anymore, either. Kept forgetting which end of the field is which. Thanks for the edit, will clean it up before embarrasing myself elsewhere.

For the record, all the speakers here are REDs. Yes, the Demoman is wearing blue panties. Yes, yes he does.

>>24
shit, i snort-laughed

Well, that was unexpected. WOW. This seriously just keeps getting better and better the further we go. I mean, after Soldier, it's kind of like 'turn the lights off, party's over, can't get much better than this shit right here' but then BAM. Panties. PANTIES, people! BLU SILK PANTIES ON A RED DEMOMAN.

I swear to God, TeratoMarty. You just keep bringing it.

HEAVY'S NEXT!

That Demo was amazingly adorable, thanks for taking the time out to write it!

>>22
Oh god I wanna see Demo drawn in tiny blue panties now.

I wanna know what Demo had to say. ._.

>>29

FUND IT.

Examination Part 4 (Medic/Heavy)
[Author's note: I'm at it again. I can't be serious for too long at a stretch, even when sex is involved. For grumpy personal reasons, this chapter contains some Soviet-bashing. I don't actually think the Heavy is as dumb as the Medic thinks he is, though.

Also, I am willing to trade fic for pictures of any of this. Especially the Demoman in royal blue panties. Extra points for period-accurate panties, kinda boyshorts.]
------------------------------------------------

Lumbering footsteps in the waiting room announced the approach of the Heavy Weapons Expert. "Hello, Doktor!" the Heavy thundered cheerfully.

"Hello, Heavy. Please take off ze shirt." The Russian obeyed, and even stooped so that the Medic could examine his eyes, ears and tongue. His heart beat loud and slow under his immense ribs.

"Doktor," the huge man said, his amplified voice rattling the Medic's skull through the stethoscope, "why worry about leetle radiation from BLU babies?"

"As I said, it works on your body, as a Spy's sapper works on a sentry."

"Comrade Stalin says radioactivity make us strong like bull."

"Comrade Stalin is a lying schweinhund."

"What, again?"

"I fear it is so."

The Heavy sagged slightly. The Medic ignored the further erosion of Soviet-bloc loyalties and got out his Geiger counter. The Heavy was barely any fun, too stupid to be frightened, and his huge body held no appeal for the Medic. After all, he had seen every inch of it, and healed wounds on most of them, during one battle or another. Frankly, the Medic was bored by his Soviet teammate. However, however... no point in wasting the opportunity that he had created. He swept the huge man with the Geiger counter, and was slightly gratified to see the Russian's eyes widen in alarm. Nothing like the Soldier's delicious terror, but momentarily entertaining.

"You haf been exposed. I vill need a semen sample to determine ze extent of ze damage."

Like the obedient idiot that he was, the Heavy took the proffered beaker without comment. The Medic directed the Russian into the linen closet- he was probably stupid enough to masturbate out in the open if so directed, but the Medic wasn't utterly sure that he wanted to watch. If the man made pig noises or monkey faces, the Medic wanted the option of putting his mail-order diploma back over the peep-hole and walking away.

The German supposed that he might as well watch at least the beginning. The Heavy had carried his shirt and bandolier in with him, and set them on the rolled-up mattress before undoing his fly. The Medic snorted slightly when the Heavy pulled out his equipment- it was only as big as one of the giant's fingers. That might be a respectable size on a normal man, but it looked pathetically undersized on the Russian's huge frame. Standing in the middle of the tiny room, the Heavy touched his limp cock, apparently disinterested. Impotent? The Medic was disgusted. This disappointment was boring and worse than boring.

Turning away from his peephole, the Medic was startled to see Heavy poke his head into the surgery.

"Ja? Vot is it?" He countered neatly by acting annoyed.

"Ah... you have some... greasy, thing?" The Heavy made an completely unnecessary illustrative gesture. Scarcely bothering to conceal his disgust, the Medic gave the Russian a large jar of Vaseline.

"T'anks, Doktor." The Heavy returned to the linen closet. His curiosity now more morbid than prurient, the Medic returned to his peephole. He watched as the giant Russian pulled his pants off and knelt on the floor.

To the Medic's surprise, the Heavy didn't immediately smear the Vaseline on his cock, or even plunge his dick directly into the jar, which was an outside chance. Instead. he selected a cartridge from his bandolier, and rubbed the grease on it, instead. Leaning forward and bracing himself on the floor with one hand, the Heavy took a series of deep breaths. Then, reaching around behind himself, he began to slide the massive shell up his ass.

The Medic bit his lip in horror and made a mental note to borrow the Demoman's flak jacket if the Heavy ever came to him with an embarrassing injury. Unable to look away, he watched as the Heavy violated himself with a live round. Now the big man's cock began to show some interest in the proceedings, lengthening and swelling. From its unimpressive limp state, it grew into a monster proportionate with its owner. The Heavy groaned, loud and low, as he slid the shell still deeper into his ass, then shifted to grip his cock instead.

The huge Russian treated himself with surprising finesse, stroking and tickling his massive erection. After every few caresses, he would pause, fuck himself some more, and pause again before resuming his rhythm.

Only when he was red and panting from exertion did the Heavy change the pattern. Facedown on the floor, the Russian used one hand to fuck himself and one hand to stroke his cock. He seemed to take himself by surprise- he grunted loudly and bit his tongue to hold back as he scrabbled to put the beaker in place under his twitching cock.

When he finally let himself come, the Heavy stifled an enormous roar and instead gave an incongruous little whimper. Semen splashed out of him, into the beaker and onto the surrounding floor. He lay still for a moment, panting with exhaustion, before pulling the cartridge out of his ass with a faint grunt. He conscientiously wiped it off and cleaned his hands with a washcloth from a handy stack of clean laundry, then began to put his clothes back on.

The Medic was barely able to pull himself away from his spyhole in time to look innocent. The Heavy returned the Vaseline and the overflowing beaker, and said bashfully, "I use leetle towel, where should I put?" The Medic tried to avoid staring at the Russian's bandolier as he indicated the laundry hamper.

you know, i just had a thought
what is medic going to do with all those samples?

....D:

>>33 BWAHAHAHAAAA!

>>33 Can't unsee!

>>32

his huge body held no appeal for the Medic.
Yeah, right, Medic, you know you love dat ass.

Also, Stalin died in 1953. Game takes place in 1968. Did a lot of Soviets still refer to Stalin like he was still alive in the 60's, or what?

>>36 There are two ways to answer that, Cat. The first is that Lenin and Stalin were referred to in a creepy present tense for quite some time after death, like Jesus. Both Lenin and Stalin's words were expected to be taken as gospel-fucking-truth for years after they died. The Communist Party might revise or expunge the great leaders' speeches, but if they SAID that Lenin or Stalin had said it, you better fucking well believe it. This probably would have stopped for Stalin during the Kruschev era in the 1960s, but who knows when the Heavies signed on with BLU and RED? Lenin, by the way, was meant to be watching over the Soviet Union like some zombie/secular saint from his taxidermied corpse in the Kremlin, and was referred to as a going concern until Glasnost.

The second answer is that, well, I did it for the lulz. Many more people recognise the name "Stalin" than would recognise "Leonid Brezhnev," the actual leader of the USSR in 1968, and I don't even KNOW what political flak was in charge of telling everyone that nuclear radiation was perfectly safe at that time. The Soviet party line was always that radiation was perfectly safe, even after we started getting glowing green mutant babies from Chernobyl, so I couldn't be buggered to find out who the specific liar was. Especially given that no-one would recognise his name. Stalin was easier and I enjoy blaming him for things.

While we're fact-checking, the bit about putting a giant live round up one's ass was inspired by an absolutely true and completely terrifying story, here: http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newpiles.html

>>37

Now I know.

And knowing is half the battle.

>>38
Especially when it comes to removing a seven-inch artillery shell from a man's behind.

>>32

I most say ,this is the most interesting so far. I like how you pointed out "mail ordered diploma".

I'm just interested on how he's gonna get Spy with a peephole. I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP Spy ,being who he is, might be expecting it.

I still wanna know what Demo wanted to say ,and if Soldier's coming back.

>>37

Wow... that's some DETAILED smart ,you got there! :D I LIKE VERY MUCH!

mm heavy's was surprisingly good even though i'm not too fond of him
spy or sniper next imo :3

>>41

Engineer has to be next. It's being done in order.

I see this story bumped up to the top and it's just like some sort of crazy Christmas where instead of presents you gets some bizarre sex act you hadn't expected. I really shouldn't have been surprised to see Heavy, being a OTP of sorts, boring Medic and yet utterly (and morbidly) fascinating him at the same time. Not only this, but I get fun facts about game setting, Communism and unusual items pulled from rectums and it's all true.

Truly, TeratoMarty, you are an artist. Please keep serving these up or I shall surely die.

>>40

Spy would probably put on one hell of a show for the good doctor, and then call him on his unprofessional habit. Likely threaten to expose him (HAR HAR) if Medic didn't pay him off somehow.


That said, I really love this. I look forward to Engineer's unique story!

>>44

If he LOOKS ,that is. Medic might be smarter then to fall for Spy's trap so easily. You'll just have to see ,tho.

(I don't remember typing "I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP " in that comment... but i probably did. I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP)

>>45
it does that when you type the 'eks dee' face

> 40> 44> 45
Do you realize where Spy is in the lineup? This fic grows slowly weirder as we go along. We're going to have to get through Bat Country to get to him...

>>44
dohohohoho
also I found the Heavy one really freakin hot for some reason

>>47

I'm waiting with bated breath on the edge of my seat for Sniper's. I can only imagine what creepy masturbatory habits the criminal loner indulges in.

I'll bet it'll be delicious either way...

>>47

Oh boy, Bat Country!

I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP

>>51

I'm starting to see a pattern...

I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP

I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP

I think making the X D face does that now. Very nice ,TF2chan. Very nice.

>>52

Do you think?

Do you really think it might be that face that does it? Do you think it might have been funnier if you hadn't told the lurkers?

i can't believe people still fall for that word filter and their inevitable incredibly surprised reaction makes me laugh EVERY TIME

that said, watching this thread, looking forward to basically every class 8)

>>47 AGHT PERFORMANCE ANXIETY! You made me impotent. I hope you're happy.

I don't want to disappoint anyone, but I'm just writing a bunch of stuff. I wasn't organizing it in order of weirdness. The Spy's bit isn't that exciting. The Soldier is coming back, the Shiper's bit is solid, and I'm kind of pleased with the finale. Moreover, I'm flattered to learn that you think I can take you to Bat Country. I may not achieve it in this storyline, but it will be the goal I strive for from now on.

>>42 excellent!

> 55
Impotent. You mean like Engie's going to be impotent, right? not that I'M NOT GETTING ANY MORE EXAMINATIONS. That would be soul crushing. I expect reports ON THE DOUBLE!!

>>49

SECONDING.
seriously, what is he do all day in that nest? i can imagine scout going up to check on him and being absolutely horrified before running off.

This is awesome. I want more right now.

Also, I am willing to trade fic for pictures of any of this. Especially the Demoman in royal blue panties. Extra points for period-accurate panties, kinda boyshorts.
FUCK YES I WILL DRAW THIS. *adds it to the to-do list*

> 60
Please make 'em frilly.

> 55
Soldier's coming back?

*glee*

I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP

Just testing.

Awesome. Anyway, please continue this story! I am very much looking forward to what happens when Soldier comes back. I also want to see poor Demoman return (in his panties).

-humps >>63's rump-

> 65
QUIT HUMPING RUMPS AND GET TO WRITIN'!

>>58
Medic could always check Engie with a prostate examination.

I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP

PROVIDE ME WITH 'UNWANTED' BUTTSEX NOW DAMMIT I TYPED THAT BY ACCIDENT >>

-humps Stubs' rump-

Examination Part 5 (Medic/Engineer)
[Another short one.]
--------------------------------------------

"NEXT!"

The Engineer walked into the surgery, or perhaps a better word would be 'moseyed.'

"Howdy, Doc. Jest how bad d'you figure the exposure is?"

"I am attempting to ascertain ze dosages even now. Please, take off your shirt and strip down ze overalls." The Medic had to force his gaze away from the stocky American. Such solid muscle over sturdy bone, he was a delight to behold. The German examined the Engineer's eyes, ears and tongue, then listened greedily to the powerful heart beneath the layers of muscle. He sincerely hoped to get a chance to see that heart some day. Preferably while it was still beating.

As the Medic swept the Engineer with the screaming Geiger counter, the American read the display upside-down. "Well shoot, Doc, them's jest li'l ole alpha particles. They wash right off. I musta got inta somethin' out in the shop. You had me spooked, but that thing ain't showin' no gamma radiation atall."

"Your American double-negatives are confusing to me. I shall reqvire a semen sample." The Medic pretended ignorance as he held out a beaker.

"Well, if'n ya say so, but yer makin' a mountain outta a mole hill."

"Go into ze linen closet."

The Engineer dutifully clumped off to the cupboard. The Medic stationed himself by his peephole again, and watched as the Engineer extracted something from his toolbelt. He put it down, irritatingly out of the Medic's line of sight, and stroked himself to erection. Then, he put on a condom.

The Medic watched with interest. He knew the Engineer to be logical and methodical; this was a much more sanitary method of sample collection than he had seen before. However, it was just the first phase of the Engineer's plan. The American picked up the device from his tool belt again. He popped it open into a cylindrical shape, made a few adjustments, and slid it onto his cock.

The Texan sighed and leaned back on a stack of towels as the device whirred. Clearly, it felt good. The big man flushed and panted as the device hummed away. His hips jerked, and he gasped. The Medic pressed close to the peephole to see the American's broad chest heave as his device pleasured him.

The little machine seemed to involve some rings that slid across each other, or else sections that telescoped and expanded to caress the organ inside. The Medic peered closer- the machine seemed to be twisting, expanding and collapsing all at the same time, moving all over the Texan's thick cock of its own accord. The Engineer himself was lying back on the towels, an expression of purest bliss on his broad face. The Medic swore he saw the other man's cock swell as he gave a subdued groan- the only outward evidence of his very efficient orgasm.

As the Engineer emptied the contents of the condom into the beaker, the Medic replaced the framed diploma over the peephole and attempted to appear busy. To his mind, the American's efforts had worked all too soon. He liked to see a man take his time... but surely, that little toy of his could have many applications. He couldn't very well ask about it now, but he made a mental note to "accidentally discover" it, somehow.

"Here ya go, Doc." The Engineer was blushing slightly.

"How efficient. NEXT!"

Only one bone to pick with this; Engineer is not big. He is shortest member of team.

BUT STILL THIS WAS P. SWEET.

He sincerely hoped to get a chance to see that heart some day. Preferably while it was still beating.
...oh my god :O
awesome, wonderfully done!

PERFECTION.

I like to think Engie would create a tool to do even that kind of "work" for him. I also love that he picked up on the alpha particles and being too large to penetrate his cells. He IS an Engineer, after all.

Just imagine. If he teamed up with Medic (who I'm quite certain could concoct some sort of potent sedative/aphrodisiac combo), the entire team would be their willing harem.

And even if not willing, everybody secretly loves sum MACHINE RAEP.

Bravo. Carry on!

Engie's part is just SO HIM! Wonderful!

Still Spy ,sniper and the return on Soldier (and maybe Demo) to look forward to. CAN'T WAIT!

Engie should run a side business in making sex toys. He'd become a millionare.

Oh yeah, sure. You could throw in some cross dressing or live ammunition-turned-butt-plugs but sometimes, it's the simplicity of the act that makes it so fucking hot. Just like with the collar-steamingly erotic needle/soldier OTP, it's everything we don't notice that makes my panties sweat. The Engineer is going to know this gig and do it quickly, efficiently and OH MY GOD HE HAS THAT THING ON HIM ALL THE TIME. That and condoms? He's thrifty like a boy scout. Yeah. Sure...

Memory serves that sniper should be next! Give it up, TeratoMarty!

Given a very loose interpretation of the Boy Scout Law,* the use of condoms is the Engineer being 'clean' rather than 'thrifty.' Thrift is about conserving resources. Clean is, well... Lord Baden-Powell was very keen that his lads didn't touch their naughty bits.** Clean means we're not meant to spank it. However, the Engineer is a practical adult, and if he's going to spank it, he's just going to make sure not to get spunk everywhere. Also, it would gum up the works of his elegant little machine.

I'm glad you like my little details, and yes, now that you mention it, the Engineer was probably in Scouts and almost certainly has a big fat sash full of badges.

* Yes, I can still recite the whole thing.
** He wanted to do it for his them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuality_of_Robert_Baden-Powell

>>70
Oh Medic... Awesome as always. I just wish I hadn't just seen this vid right before reading it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vo7tBpT7T0

>>78 fffff DO WANT

Forget about getting any more Soldier (then Spy, then Sniper), I'mma get that thing and be in my bunk.

> 78
THE FUTURE IS NOW!

>>77

another part of the boy scouts' promise is to be 'wise in the use of all resources' if i remember correctly. and damn was he wise there!

>>78

I don't even have a penis and yet for some reason I want to buy that.

The only thing missing that would seal the deal is if you somehow got undead Billy Mays to hawk it.

>>82

HI! BILLY MAYS HERE! ARE YOU TIRED OF WANKER'S WRIST!?

...sorry I'll be in my corner. I will eagerly slink out of my cave to view future updates on this masterpiece, though <3

>>83

GOT ME SOME FIERCE WANKER'S FIST YEAH. WHERE CAN I CALL IN? WHERE IS THE TOLL FREE NUMBER GADAMMIT I NEED THAT.

YOU FOLLOW ME CAMERA GUY?

Bump for love.
>>79

I believe that was 'more Soldier (then Spy, then Sniper)'???

>>70
Wow. That was seriously so Engineer. Does that make sense...?

>>85
Oh Jesus. That made me laugh harder than I ever have. This week.

Don't leeeeave me! MOAR!

Examination Part 4 (Medic/Soldier, again)
[A/N: Wooo! Ugh. This took forEVER. By popular request, the Medic gives it to Soldier up the ass. I was gonna have the Soldier give it to a horrifying antiquated Nazi sex mannequin, but no-one wanted to see that. Maybe a side story. For more on horrifying Nazi sex dolls, go here: http://www.borghild.de/indexe.htm ]
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Exactly an hour after he had left the medical bay, the Soldier returned. Medic was amused to see that the man had used the time to work himself into a true lather of terror- exactly as the German had hoped.

"Velcome, Herr Soldat..." the Medic was aware that his smile was slightly too broad. He couldn't help it. The American was sweating bullets, his eyes were bright with terror, he was shaking like a leaf... but he had still returned. Just because the Medic had ordered him to do so. Just because he never disobeyed orders. It was glorious. The Medic could not wait to observe how the fear would affect the lust, to see what depravity the Soldier would have to sink to in the little room as the American provided his semen sample. The Medic proffered a beaker, his eyes gleaming. "I reqvire a semen sample to determine ze exposure to ze gamma radiation."

"No can do!" the Soldier barked.

"Surely, just... remain calm, consider... somezing pleasant, an American go-go dancing Fraulein, perhaps?"

"Prostitutes... filth," the Soldier rasped. "That's just the point! Self-manipulation is immoral! A fighting man's should not sink to such degradation!" Ranting seemed to make him feel better.

"You Americans, so prudish about ze natural processes," the Medic mocked. "Do not zink about it, just do your duty."

"I said, no can do, Medic! A soldier's orgasms are for one purpose: women, impregnation of!"

"Zis is medically necessary. You cannot allow such scruples to stand in ze way of proper treatment." The Medic was desperate- he ached with denial.

"Masturbation is a filthy practise, predisposing one to filthy pleasures, and I will have no part of it!"

Suddenly, the Medic saw a solution, possibly even more appealing than watching through a peephole as the Soldier brought himself to fitful orgasm. Definitely more appealing. His hands clutched involuntarily inside his red latex gloves. "If zat is zer problem, I believe zat I can obtain ze specimen, vizout any disgusting pleasures on your part. Zere is a simple technique used in obtaining breeding stock from useful animals, no pleasure involved in any vay." The Soldier still looked doubtful. "Herr Soldat, you must allow me to determine ze extent of ze exposures, lest ze radiation poisoning becomes too great for you to fight. You vould not like to be sitting out battles."

"... understood. What do I have to do?"

I shall haf to go retrieve some eqvipment. In ze meantime, take off ze pants und kneel on ze exam table." Victory, snatched from the jaws of defeat! The Medic hurried to his quarters.

When he returned, the Soldier was kneeling on the steel examination table, ass in the air. He had gone above and beyond the call of duty, and was completely naked. The Medic suppressed an evil grin into a wicked smirk. He put the black case he'd brought from his quarters onto the exam table, in front of the Soldier's face. As he got out the components, lovingly placing each one on the stainless steel, the Medic noted the interplay of fear and curiosity in the Soldier's body language. The American man faced rigidly front as the Medic clicked the components together. He sweated profusely as the device made an ascending whine while powering up. However, he only looked up in terror when the German used the implement to earth a loud spark in the metal table.

"What in Hell is that thing, Medic?"

The device was around twelve inches long, with a diameter of about an inch, and a larger knob on the end, gleaming steel and black Bakelite. "It is ze Elektroejakulator. Inserted rectally, it produces almost instantaneous ejaculation." The Medic set the device directly in front of the Soldier, so that he could see the thick, fabric-coated electrical cord that attached it to the black box.

"..." The Soldier went to say something, but his mouth had entirely dried.

"Zis vill only hurt for a moment." The Medic put a hand on the back of the Soldier's neck, forcing his face down to the table. He took a bottle of conductive lubricant from the device's storage case and spread the thick gel on the gloved fingers of his left hand. While the American shook with fear, the Medic slathered lubricant on his muscular ass and pressed one thick finger past his entrance. The Soldier shut his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth.

The Medic had to consciously control his breathing. It wouldn't do to let the Solider know exactly how much he was enjoying fingering him, especially when the American's thick cock began to swell in involuntary response to the stimulation. The Soldier groaned faintly in discomfort and humiliation, and the Medic could not prevent himself from breaking into an evil grin behind his patient's back.

"I believe zat you are ready..." the Medic wiped his hand on a towel and seized the device from in front of the Soldier's face. He pressed the knobbed end of the probe against the Soldier's ass, and relished the agonised grunt as he slid it into place.

"You von't feel a zing," the Medic said, enjoying the way the Soldier tightened up when he spoke. He deliberately flicked one of the dials on the black box up to a point that he knew would send a bolt of agony through the American's body. The Soldier howled. "Saw-ry," the Medic rasped. "Ze amplitude vas too high. How is zis?" He modulated the signal to a setting deliberately too low to produce instantaneous ejaculation. Instead, it sent waves of pleasure rushing through the patient's abdomen.

"Uh." The Soldier rolled his hips involuntarily, and his cock swelled to full erection.

"Hm, zat is not it, eizzer..." the Medic twisted the frequency dial, sending a brief bolt of incredibly intense sensation through the Soldier's body. The American howled, his face and chest brick-red.

"Ah, I see ze problem, it is not positioned properly." The Medic grabbed the probe's insulated Bakelite handle and fucked the Soldier as he manipulated the amplitude and frequency of the current with his other hand.

Below him, the Soldier was panting through his open mouth as he gripped the edge of the exam table with clawed fingers. He was undone with pleasure, pain and terror. Seeing how close he was, the wicked gleam in the Medic's eye grew to a manic blaze. At the last possible moment, he surreptitiously flicked the power switch. The Soldier was left gasping at the lack of sensation, all but writhing on the exam table. "What... what-" he breathed.

"Oh, dear, ve seem to haf a slight malfunction. Vun moment, bitte, I vill investigate." He left the probe in the Soldier's ass while he made a show of checking the equipment. "Tch, tch tch... I do not know vhat can be ze matter. Perhaps you should return some ozzer day." He looked slyly over at the Soldier.

The military man was still paying him no mind. He was panting and sweating, his eyes like those of a wild animal. He was clearly desperate for release, yet his hands stayed clamped onto the sides of the exam table. The Medic was impressed. However, the American's whimper of desperation broke the German's own self-control before the Soldier's crumbled.

"Aha, it vas just ze fuse!" The Medic flicked the machine back on and the electricity resumed full-force.

The Soldier came, roaring like a bull, his eyes rolling back in his head. His face was so red that the Medic's gaze flicked to his Medi-gun, in case he had to repair a heart attack. The Soldier's semen splashed on the steel table, and he collapsed on his side, groaning.

"Good, good, you did so vell," the Medic once again felt an unaccustomed tenderness as he removed the probe. The Soldier lay gasping as if he had run a marathon. Forcing himself to remain distant, the Medic used a small metal spatula to collect the semen. Nonetheless, he watched the Soldier tenderly as the American recovered his senses and got dressed. As the Soldier left, they both looked at each other. Each man felt that he should say something, but what? They parted without a word.

ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS

HOLY SHI-

I CAME

Educational, descriptive, lingering, torturous, erotic...
And we get more thanks to an OCD listing of classes. God is good, ladies and gentlemen, to have gifted us so with TeratoMarty.

Every moment, from Soldier's near-foaming fear of contamination, to the Medic's judicious use of tools and taunting... All that TeratoMarty quality that lets me know my smut is teaching me something. I get the feeling that Soldier caught on to just what was really going on by the time medic's fixed that last fuse. This is the start of some glorious treatments.

Sniper, Spy, perhaps Medic himself? STAY TUNED. You have me quite rapt.

So much love for you. There just isn't enough Soldier torture out there. I adore "Not in control of the situation Soldier"! <3

No need to ask why this is my favorite thread.

This was incredibly dirty/awsome/erotic, and made me come so hard I saw heaven. THANK YOU.

> 92, God has nothing to do with this. I AM THE DEVIL AND I WANT TO FUCK YOUR MOTHERRRR! </Billy Connolly>

But seriously, educational? Really? I'm so pleased, but what on Earth did you learn? And, yeah, the Soldier knows on some level what the Medic is playing at, but he'll NEVER admit it. No plans to write this at present, but I can see him becoming paranoid that his precious bodily fluids are tainted, and asking the Medic to take some more semen samples. Like, a LOT more semen samples. Unf. I fucking hate guys like Soldier IRL, so of course I'm boned for them getting boned in fiction.

Dammit comment on my smut you MAGGOTS! I'm so bored and lonely and I'll hold the rest of it hostage until you do, and then you'll NEVER see what it is that the Medic does with all that jizz!

OK, I'm done being five years old for the moment, but I really really like comments.

Ok, here's a comment.

FUUUUCK YEAR

I came the solar system.

Don't stop. Ever.

D8 Okay! Okay! Don't do anything rash now!

I was surprised how much I enjoyed Soldier's exams. Seems he's been getting put into a lot of compromising positions lately, and it tickles me in special places. Of course I liked them all, but I'm such a Solly fag. The thought of a tough guy like him being afraid of the doctor seems so endearing, and now it seems he has every reason to fear it.

This is my favorite thread

FUUUUUUUUUU

THAT GAVE ME SUCH A HUGE BONER I TURNED AROUND AND GAVE MY SISTER A CUNCUSSION

Ooooh man... I got this huge grin on my face when Medic made that spark for Soldier's benefit.. <3 So deviously delicious...

>>89

WHY HAD I NOT READ THIS SOONER?

WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE?

>>102
http://www.stockroom.com/Folsom-C336.aspx
Right here, darlin'.

>>103

Ha ha ha, oh man.

I wish I had money.

>>100

Oh, I lol'd.

HNNNG PLEASE GIVE US MORE

Unf.

Note to self: change boxers.

> But not yet. Gotta read it again, and really you can never be too careful.

How can you be bored and lonely with such an incredible bounty of possibilities at your talented fingertips? What sort of strange and erotic factoid will you inflict on the next class? It is we who must scour the back alleyways of the internet and click on links for BDSM or the finest in Japanese self-pleasure while knowing nothing will compare to the finest TeratoMarty installment.

You're right, God may have nothing to do with the but the Devil's got no clue what you're up to next.

Terato, you have opened my eyes to Medic. And I like what I see. UNF.
I demand more of this. So much more.

>>96

To be perfectly honest with you, i don't i want to know what he does with the jizz.

His methods of obtaining it for STAR WINZ ,tho.

SOLDIER HAS TO HONOR HIS PURITY OF ESSENCE

i was thinking dr strangelove the whole time lol. also, MOAR

This is made of pure awesome.
I almost feel sorry for the soldier, almost.

After reading it though, I kind of wonder how they would all react if they ever found out.
Might be an interesting way to end the story or maybe I just want to see medic have a taste of his own evil medicine.

:D

Examination Part 7 (in which the Spy is a cock-blocker)

"NEXT!"

The Spy sauntered into the medical bay. "It is strange, Docteur, that you should know of a weapon that I do not. I know ze BLU base better zan ze BLUs zemselves."

"I do not doubt it, Herr Spy. I have no secret information, only ze empirical evidence zat all of mine x-ray plates vere developed to opacity after ze last battle, and zat all of our team save ze Pyro and myself haf been exposed to radiation. Please, take off ze shirt."

The Spy took off his coat, tie, vest and shirt, and laid them fastidiously on the examination table. His body was wiry and hirsute, muscles tight to the bone. Usually, the Medic would have wanted nothing more than to run his hands over that swarthy, scarred skin, but the Spy's permanent sneer was off-putting. Perhaps under anaesthesia, the French man would be delightful... but that was not the goal today. The Medic performed a cursory check of the Spy's eyes and tongue. He omitted the ears, not curious enough to fight with the man about taking off his balaclava.

"I see no damage to ze tongue, no lesions on ze slcera... perhaps you haf not been affected." The Medic reached over to his instrument tray and selected the stethoscope that had not been dusted with polonium. He listened to the Spy's heartbeat, heard the breath rushing in and out of his lungs. There was a slight rasp there, probably the fault of the cigarettes, but the Medic was not interested and neglected to mention it. The Spy was beautiful from behind, though, every rib visible under his skin. The Medic ran a gloved finger down the other man's spine, then regretfully turned to look at his face again as he picked up the Geiger counter.

"Ze Engineer tells me zat what you discovered was alpha, not gamma, radiation," the Spy mentioned, as though calling the Medic's bluff. The Geiger counter chirped, startling the German.

"Yesss... zat is vhat I am seeing here, also..." The Medic frowned. He shouldn't have been getting any reading- he must have contaminated the clean stethoscope, possibly by handling it after touching the tainted one. "Curious, curious, ze Engineer vas in our base ze whole time, vhile you spent ze entire battle inside ze enemy base; how do you both have alpha exposure?"

The Spy lit a cigarette thoughtfully. "Per'aps zere are two weapons about which we do not know?" The Medic could practically see the French man's mind racing. Distraction achieved! "Ze operation of ze sappair is top-secret, even I do not know what is inside; ze Engineer and I are exposed to frequent sappair discharges."

"Und you are usually well away by ze time ze sapper operates, but ze Engineer tends his constructs like ze ill children, perhaps explaining ze difference in dosages," the Medic said encouragingly. "After zese examinations, I vould like to scan your sapper. First und foremost, I must determine ze risk to your health. I vill need a semen sample to determine ze extent of ze genetic damage."

"Oui, I had surmised as much from ze Engineer's flushed and sweaty state when he left your office."

"Go into ze linen closet if you reqvire privacy." The Medic produced a beaker; he hadn't planned on including a sample from the French man, but... why not. He could simply collect it and decide later whether he wanted to use it or not. That being the case, he might as well watch.

The Medic pulled aside his diploma and pressed his eye to the peephole, just in time to see the Spy peering into the corners of the closet, looking for hidden cameras. He inspected a spare mirror, clearly expecting it to be a one-way window. He seemed surprised that it was simply resting against the wall. However, he did not look for an eye-height peephole disguised in the unpainted wall. He sat on the rolled-up mattress and took a long drag on his cigarette. The Medic watched him eagerly.

Then, to the Medic's utter frustration, the Spy activated his cloaking device. The room appeared to be empty, and in the dim light, the Medic could not see even the merest flicker of motion. After watching for several minutes, the Medic concluded that there would be nothing to see.

He was furious, mainly with himself. He hadn't even wanted to see the Spy pleasure himself in the first place, but now he realised that he had been anticipating it eagerly since the Spy had triggered the Geiger counter. He felt that he had been manipulated by the slimy French man, which he hated. He was meant to be the puppet-master here.

To kill time, the Medic crossly examined his instruments with the Geiger counter. His 'clean' stethoscope and indeed his gloves had been contaminated. He washed down his gloves and wiped the stethoscope. The Spy returned as he Medic scanned himself again. The German looked startled and guilty for a fraction of a second. He composed himself quickly, but knew that the Spy had seen.

"Everyt'ing all right, Docteur?"

"I vas vondering vezzer I might haf unvittingly transferred alpha particles from ze Engineer to you on ze stethoscope. Zey are qvite large, on a sub-atomic scale." The explanation was reasonable, but he could tell that the Spy was suspicious. "I suggest zat you shower, in case zat is vhat occurred."

"Sound advice, mon ami." The Spy set his sample on the lab bench. He did not look back suspiciously, but the Medic still felt watched. He groaned to himself. He had only wanted samples from the enemies of the fallen Reich; the seed of conquered nations didn't interest him at all.

He could simply collect it and decide later whether he wanted to use it or not.OH GOD, what is he gonna do with all of those samples. I'm torn between being scared and insanely curious

NEW PART, YES.

And I'm also curious what he want to with those samples.

>He had only wanted samples from the enemies of the fallen Reich; the seed of conquered nations didn't interest him at all.O HO HO. So that's what you're doing Medic! :D

Spy is French.

He should've fucked a cheese or wine bottle.

<3

Of course the Spy is suspicious of Medic. It's part of his occupation, isn't it~?

I cried an internal tear at the lack of Sniper, though. Le sigh...

There had beeter be some Sniper.

Or I will be a sad panda.

Examination Part 8 (Medic/Sniper)
[Author's note: I was gonna save this until tomorrow, but what Cat Bountry wants, Cat Bountry gets. Speaking of Hunterian Spoonerisms, I do believe this story is as close to bat country as I've managed to bring the 2Fort lads yet. I've been to bat country in the Metalocalypse fandom, but the Dethklok boys live there, anyway.]

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"NEXT!"

The final member of team RED, the Sniper, stalked into the medical bay. He gave the Medic a tight half-smile.

"'Allo, Doctor. How bad've we been zapped?"

"So far, only ze Pyro und I are not exposed. Ze Engineer und ze Spy haf been exposed to greater und lesser degrees of alpha radiation, ze Soldier und ze Heavy are heavily dosed vith gamma radiation, and Scout und ze Demoman are mildly contaminated by gamma rays. Ze pattern is confusing."

"I'll leave that to you, mate. What do you need me to do?"

"Take off ze shirt, please."

The Sniper unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it, along with his vest. His forearms were much more tanned than his chest, but all of his skin was weather-beaten and scarred. Faded craters high on his shoulders marked old bullet wounds, while long furrows showed the trails of vicious knives. The unmarked areas were muscular, sinewy, with sparse dark hair. The Medic examined the Australian's eyes, ears and long, pointed tongue. When he drew his tongue back into his mouth, the Sniper licked his teeth.

Trying to remain calm, the Medic turned his attention to the Sniper's scars. "Zese scars, haf any of zem begun to hurt or to bleed?"

"Nah, mate, same as ever."

"I feel I should palpate zem." The Medic's mouth was dry.

"Suit yerself."

The Medic took off his gloves and trailed his fingers along the Sniper's scars. He caressed the marks, the ridges along the sides, the smooth tissue in the centre. The Sniper made a slight noise in his throat. "Does zis... hurt?"

"Nah, mate." The Australian's eyes were unreadable behind his tinted glasses.

Eventually, the Medic forced himself to put his gloves back on. It would not do to risk discovery by losing control, not when his plan was so nearly complete. He listened to the Sniper's chest with the tainted stethoscope, then acted dismayed to find the taint that he had just applied. The Sniper accepted the news stoically, and was equally unmoved when asked to provide a semen sample.

The Sniper strode into the linen closet still shirtless and sat on the rolled-up mattress. The Medic eagerly pressed his eye to the peephole and watched as the Australian ran his hands over his own skin. He caressed along the veins of his arms, stroked his own neck, arousing himself instead of just seizing his cock. He rubbed his palms over his nipples, then touched his scars. He took his time, exploring the pale, raised areas every bit as thoroughly as the Medic had wanted to. The Medic had to exert his willpower once again to avoid undoing his own fly and pleasuring himself. Soon, soon...

The Sniper slid his pants down his lean hips- as the Medic had suspected, the man wore no undergarments. His cock was erect, dark, thick, jutting up sharply as soon as it was freed. He stroked the wiry hair around the base, then fondled his balls as he rubbed his nipples again. The Medic was desperate by the time the Sniper circled his fingers around his cock and gave the first long, slow stroke. He teased himself, and the Medic got the sense that he was still holding something back.

The German was watching hungrily when the Sniper reached into his pants pocket to retrieve... something. At first, the Medic could not tell what it was; then, the Sniper opened it to reveal the glint of steel. It was a jack-knife, some small cousin to the kukri, and the Sniper tested it with his fingertip to be sure that it was sharp. He smiled when it drew a tiny drop of blood; on the other side of the wall, the Medic mirrored his expression.

Working with great delicacy, the Sniper slid the tip of the knife along his flesh. He traced his arms, his inner thighs, his chest, his shoulders. Stroking his erection gently with one hand, he used the other to trace the knife around his nipples, then over the tips. To the Medic's utter fascination, the Sniper then trailed his knife across his long, pale scars.

The faster the Sniper stroked himself, the more careful and deliberate his motions with the knife became. First it left pale lines, then livid ones, as he slowly tortured himself. The Medic's erection was rock-hard as he watched, his breathing rapid.

Watching the other man's chest hitch, the Medic could tell he was getting close. The German pressed his eye to the peephole so as not to miss a moment. The only way this could possibly be better would be if the Medic was holding the knife to the Sniper's flesh himself.

The Sniper braced his legs wide, grinding his boot heels against the floor as he gasped for breath. His face was ruddy, his thighs trembling as he trailed the knife down his throat to rest on his breastbone. Just loud enough for the Medic to hear, he rasped, "Now, Doctor, naowww..." as he pressed the knife down. On his own side of the wall, the Medic's hands curled into claws, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek in order to avoid moaning aloud.

Blood and semen flowed from the Sniper's body at the same time. The crimson trickled down the centre line of his body even as the white spurted up from below. His hips jerked in release, then he sat for a moment, perfectly relaxed and limp as a rag doll.

Flustered, the Medic stood back from the peephole and tried to compose himself. His face felt hot, his erection was straining against his trousers, and he knew that he was panting. The Sniper returned with his semen sample just as the Medic was taking some deep, calming breaths.

"Funny thing about bein' a snoipah," the rangy man mentioned. "Ya spend so much time lookin' at people without them knowin', ya get a very distinct sense as to when yer bein' watched, yerself." He set the semen sample on the counter.

"Don't forget to put yer paperwork back over yer peephole," he shot a half-smile over his shoulder as he walked away. To the Medic's further consternation, the Australian ran his tongue over his canine tooth as he shut the door. Only by holding perfectly still was the Medic able to avoid having an orgasm then and there.

> He had only wanted samples from the enemies of the fallen Reich; the seed of conquered nations didn't interest him at all.
METHOD TO THE MADNESS.

I...I was just kidding...you didn't have to do this so...so soon...Oh god...I fucking came...

I was gonna save this until tomorrow, but what Cat Bountry wants, Cat Bountry gets.
◕◡◕

AND SHE IS VERY PLEASED.

Ohoho so good.

today is an excellent day~! <3
...OH Sniper! by far my favorite!
oh medic, what will you do with those samples? simple trophies?

...wow.

I only lurk here, but... that was /awesome/

agfahl;asdj;fg *_*

IF I DIED NOW I WOULD DIE A HAPPY MAN.

FFFFFFFFF- that was hot, so VERY hot. Sniper you clever bastard. 8D

The Medic's mouth was dry.
MINE TOO.

Only by holding perfectly still was the Medic able to avoid having an orgasm then and there.
YES, ME TOO.

oh God....OOOOH GOD.
I love you, wanna have babies together?

YUM. <3

That. was. simply. amazing.

Oh God, Snoipah, you sexy, SEXY bastard!!! I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP This was so intensely hot I- I just don't even have words. Oh God. Just... so hot.

.... cleaver girl.

Jefferson Airplane, White Rabbit... I need a rising sound!

Anon wants more Sniper/Medic, thx!

*just died*

More sniper/ medic seconded!!

Wait...did Sniper just walk out of the closet shirtless and covered in bleeding cuts?

I just now read all of these, made for some very amusing reading, I must say. This line made me lol like crazy:
"Your American double-negatives are confusing to me. I shall reqvire a semen sample"

ie: Fuck you and your science, Engineer, whip it out.

I am anxious to see what heavy's exam will be like

>>133 Whut? No girls or cleavers involved anywhere in this story.

>>137 No, Medic just missed seeing Sniper pull himself together, scoop up his sample, zip his trousers et cetera while trying not to jizz in his pants. The Sniper was only cut in one place, anyway. He's letting it bleed under his shirt, FYI.

>>138 the Heavy's bit was all the way up at >>32. I'm winding this storyline down, only 1 more chapter to go.

>>139
That Anon's a Spy!

>>140

Derp, ja. >>139 was me. Excuse namefagfail. I have a fucking migraine.

OH FUCKING HOT.

Sounds like Sniper just earned himself sum delicious raep next time he gets sent to the dispensary.

>>137
"Fuck you and your science, Engineer, whip it out."

rolf

Sniper's chapter was possibly my favorite of the series thus far; its descriptive without being boring or urple purple prose, the "kink" described is interesting, and I'm a huge fan of Sniper/Medic anyways.

Are you considering doing more along the same lines? I would be very interested in that, and judging by reaction here in general, many others would be as well.

Wait, wait... omg.
ARE WE AT THE END? Is that it? No more? Have we gone through the classes and found ourselves bereft of this brilliance? So many spin-off, so many further ideas, but will we ever see them?
And will the medic finally get off?

I must say the Sniper part was my favorite part.

In case you don't know, you won the internet. CONGRATS!

Snipers part...sweet fancy moses.

*changes boxers*

Holy shit, bloodplay isn't normally my thing but that was fuckin hot as hell.

FFFFFFFFFF...I love you man...I agree with other anons. Best part so far.
Please sir/madame...may we have some more Sniper/Medic?

Examination Part 9, Finale (Medic solo)
[Author's note: yeah, that's all there is for this. If it's any consolation, I've got a spinoff Pyro/Medic thing in the works for some time after I finish raping puppets over at Y!Gallery]
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Once the Sniper left the medical bay, the Medic locked the door behind him. He took a few calming breaths, putting off the pleasure for another few moments. He teased and seduced himself by setting up his microscope as precisely as possible, then labelling each slide with his teammates' names in grease pencil. His erection was now a constant ache at the root of his being, and he savoured the luxury of ignoring it while knowing that he would tend to it exhaustively and very, very soon.

Using separate droppers, the Medic put a droplet of each sample onto its designated slide. He would know everything about the other men on his team, including things that they did not know themselves.

The Scout's sample was first. It was relatively thin and watery, suggesting that the young man found enough privacy to release his frustrations on a regular basis. That, or one of the other men had been keeping his hairless little balls drained. By contrast, thge Soldier's load was thick with degraded sperm. This had to have been the American's first orgasm in ages, and the Medic had both witnessed and caused it. How... satisfying. Possibly he could concoct some findings that would mean the Soldier needed regular treatment with the Elektroejakulator. Oh, yes.

To the Medic's surprise, the Demoman's semen was perfectly normal. Neither his copious drinking, nor his lacy panties, nor his dark skin made any difference whatsoever. His vigorous spermatozoa raced back and forth across the slide, and the Medic felt his erection throb again.

The Engineer's ejaculate was as robust as that of healthy livestock. Fitting, as the Engineer always made the medic think of some bovine animal. The bucolic man had produced a large volume of enthusiastically motile sperm. The Medic licked his lips in anticipation.

When he examined the Heavy's sample, the Medic almost had to laugh. That huge semen sample, from that juggernaut of a man, and the sperm were pathetic. They were overlarge, with hardly any tails at all. Instead of rushing across the slide, the sperm sat placidly or spun in place. Russia's glorious son would not be producing any sons of his own.

The Spy's seed was vigorous, but sparse in its concentration, suggesting that the French man had found an outlet. The Medic knew that the Spy had a way with women, but recent BLU incursions had kept the RED team confined to the base. Possibly the consistency of the Spy's semen was related to evidence of the Scout's regular orgasms.

Finally, the Medic examined the Sniper's semen. His sperm were numerous and healthy, the fluid around them thick and slippery. Unable to stop himself, the Medic licked the droplet off of the glass slide, savouring the bitter salt.

He couldn't wait any longer. The Medic removed the semen samples from under the warming lamp that had kept them at body temperature, and combined them all in one beaker. He then decanted half into a larger beaker, and added a generous dollop of surgical lubricant, also warmed, to the mixture. Tearing his pants open, stripping off his gloves, the Medic lay back on the steel examination table and began to stroke himself desperately. Holding the second beaker in one hand, he slowly drizzled the semen lubricant onto himself. He had claimed the essence of his teammates, his racial enemies, for his own pleasure.

And what pleasure it was. He enjoyed the strange, proteinaceous slide of the other men's semen as it coated his member, relished the body-warmth that it still held, savoured the knowledge that none of them had any idea what he was doing. He almost wished that they did; he wanted to see their horror and arousal. He dipped his hand into the beaker to get it all, then slid his slippery fingers up under his shirt to rub his nipples. So good- he groaned slightly.

The Medic braced his feet wide, shaking the metal table with the force of his self-stimulation. He moaned, lifted his hips in the air, and abruptly stopped himself. He fell back to the table, panting.

Moving very deliberately, the Medic laid flat on the table and pressed his hands to the gleaming steel beside him. He took a few deep breaths, then slid his eyes open to look at his own erection. It was a perfect specimen, dark red and rock hard, pointing straight up from his body, glistening with the semen of his teammates. Ever so slowly, he slid his right hand back to his cock. He stroked it with painstaking delicacy, using only his fingertips to make himself shudder with pleasure. The Medic moved his left hand back in, but did not touch his cock. Instead, he stroked his hipbones and slid his short, sharp nails over his stomach.

The Medic gasped and moaned, undone by the intensity of his own touch after the lengthy foreplay of watching his teammates pleasure themselves. Just a little more, just a little longer... he moved his hand from his stomach to this throat, caressing the tendons that were standing out with the strain of pleasure. His breathing was ragged, rapid, before he permitted himself to enact the final phase of his plan.

While he continued to stoke himself, the Medic's left hand went wandering again. He seized the beaker of his teammates' still-warm semen and slowly, ever so slowly, brought it to his lips. An observer might have thought he was fighting with his own desire to drink it- until that observer noticed the unholy grin on the Medic's face. He wasn't fighting it, he was enjoying the last few seconds of his hours-long arousal.

Finally, he raised the beaker to his lips, swallowing the semen as if it were the Elixir of Life. His orgasm hit him violently, knocking him flat on the exam table like an external force as his own semen shot onto his pale stomach. Breathing raggedly, he tongued the rim of the beaker, licking up the last drops as the final shudders left him. When he was done, he lay on the table motionless as an autopsy.

On the other side of the wall adjoining the linen closet, the Sniper stepped back and mopped his forehead with a red bandanna. He considered reversing the fisheye lens back to its original position, looking into the little room rather than out, but decided against it. Give the Medic a surprise next time he went to spy. He smiled to himself as he left the cupboard, taking care to shut the door in absolute silence.

lol we all knew Medic was depraved. This shows us just how much. Good work. Would read again.

Russia's glorious son would not be producing any sons of his own.
Awwww... poor Heavy. :<

BUT OH JESUS THIS WAS HOT AND A GOOD WAY TO FINISH IT OFF.

HOLY JESUS...OH MEDIC!
MJDHNRLKDMRJ, CAPSLOCK DOES NOT FULLY EXPRESS MY FANGIRLY JOY

>>150

Ahhahahahah I was laughing and strangely aroused at the same time. Analyzing the samples was brilliant, simply brilliant.

I am in awe good sir. An excellent end to a great fic!

Everything medic does, he does for a reason. He is the epitome of self-efficiency. Also, I thnk that's what Sniper looks for in a man...

ah what a wonderful wrap up to this story! Very well done!
I've got a spinoff Pyro/Medic thing in the worksdefinitely looking forward to that. any chance of a sniper/medic? I'd love to see your take on it, especially after having read this

Oh jesus, this was so dirty. I LOVED IT.

>>150
This is the perfect finish to the hotness. So dirty, perverted, and WONDERFUL. Write more fics Terato, write more. :D

>>157
sniper/medic indeed! i think i'd cum myself to death at that.

>>157
thirded

I come home from a long day working to this... Ahh...it does a body good.

Oh sweet fucking jesus that was amazing. I'm disgusted but at the same time oh, so aroused. Sniper/ Medic makes such a pervy pair I can hardly contain myself! This is truely a masterpiece. If I had the ability, Good Sir, I would bear your children. But as it stands, I can only offer you a hole.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

Sniper/Medic spin off is NEEDED!

I don't know if i should jerk off ,or throw up. Considering the situation both would be slightly appropriate.

I've been here from the first ,and i am not disappointed in the least! Good show ,old boy!

UNGH PLEASE! must have sniper/medic...I would cum so many buckets! fuck you're awesome.

wow thats soo very sexy.

Everytime this gets bamped i think its an update :[

This is one of my favorite stories on the chan. I'm really looking forward to seeing more from you.

If you need a beta reader, at any point in time, catch me on aim. I'm in the chan chatroom too.

>>170 sorry, no more updates to this. It is complete and unitary. However, I'm working on some more stories based on the characters I've established here (if you can call a loose agglomeration of fetishes accreted to VALVe's classes "characters"). The Medic is a creeper and likes to watch, but is scared of the Pyro (for good reason). The Sniper is equally a creeper and likes to watch people watching him. The Soldier is going utterly batshit from sexual frustration, and will do ANYTHING to get off as long as he can deny it's his fault. The Demoman wears cute little panties and his damage will prove to line up rather neatly with Pyro's.