I can't honestly believe I'm doing this, but in a chat with huh, radio. we came up with the title and this horror kind of erupted from that.

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OK SO ONE TIME THERE WAS A BIG FUCKING BATTLE ON 2FORT BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS A FIGHT GOING ON IN 2FORT WHAT THE HELL. SO SOLDIER WAS DOING HIS THING BLOWING SHIT UP AND YELLING A LOT CAUSE THAT'S HOW SOLIDER ROLLS. YOU DON'T FUCK WITH HIM, YOU FUCKING MAGGOT. BUT ONE DIRTY LITTLE FUCK OF A MAGGOT GOES UP TO SOLDIER AND LIKE BLOWS HIM THE FUCK UP SO HE IS ALL BLEEDING AND SHIT AND IS LIKE "MEDIC!!!11ONE".

YOU THINK SOLDIER IS A BADASS? WELL YOU CLEARLY DON'T KNOW MEDIC. SO MEDIC IS LIKE OH FUCK YES A PATIENT TO TREAT CAUSE HE GETS OFF TO BLOOD AND SCREAMING LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. LIKE RIGHT NOW HE IS GETTING A FUCKING BONER BECAUSE HE SEES SOLDIER BLEEDING ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. SO HE GETS TO SOLDIER AND HE IS ALL LIKE "OH DEAH, VE AH GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ZIS INSIDE." SO HE TAKES SOLDIER INSIDE TO THE INFIRMARY AND LOCKS THE DOOR AND IT IS ONLY AT THIS POINT THAT SOLDIER REALIZES HE SHOULD BE LIKE OH FUCK THIS MIGHT BE BAD.

SO MEDIC TURNS THE SPOTLIGHT OVER THE OPERATING TABLE ON AND TURNS ALL THE LIGHTS OFF SO HE DOES THAT THING WHERE YOU CAN'T SEE HIS EYES BUT HIS GLASSES SHINE LIKE CREEPY MOTHERFUCKERS IN ANIMU. SO THEN MEDIC IS LIKE "TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES" AND SOLDIER IS LIKE "NO MAGGOT I GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST I'M KEEPING MY PANTS ON" AND MEDIC IS LIKE "NONONO, YOU ARE VERY SERIOUSLY INJURED AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED A FISTSCRIPTION."

NOW SOLDIER IS ALL LIKE AW HELL NAW, AND TRIES TO GET AWAY, BUT MEDIC IS TOO FAST FOR HIM AND STRAPS HIM FACE-DOWN TO THE OPERATING TABLE. HE GETS A SCALPEL AND STARTS CUTTING ALL OF SOLDIER'S CLOTHES OFF BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO MEDIC AND NOW HE'S GETTING TIRED OF SOLDIER'S BULLSHIT. SO MEDIC GOES INTO HIS SUPER SEKRIT DRAWER AND GETS A TUBE OF LUBE THAT HAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY BEEN USED BECAUSE HE FUCKS ALL HIS PATIENTS. SO MEDIC PUTS SOME ON HIS FINGERS AND STARTS STICKING THEM IN SOLDIER'S ASS AND MOVING THEM AROUND BECAUSE HE'S AN ASS-VIRGIN. HE CAN TELL BECAUSE SOLDIER'S SQUIRMING LIKE A PUSSY AND YELLING A LOT. MEDIC GETS LIKE 3 FINGERS IN THERE BEFORE HE DROPS HIS PANTS AND STICKS HIS COCK IN THERE AND FUCKS SOLDIER AS HARD AS HE CAN.

SO MEDIC IS FUCKING SOLDIER AND HE'S LIKE GETTING HIS HANDS ALL COVERED IN SOLDIER'S BLOOD CAUSE HE GETS OFF TO THAT WHILE SOLDIER'S ALL YELLING AND SCREAMING AND SAYING SHIT LIKE "YOU THINK THAT'S ALL IT TAKES, MAGGOT?! THIS IS NOTHING" AND MEDIC ISN'T SURE IF HE'S TALKING ABOUT GETTING HIM OFF OR WHAT, BUT HE DOESN'T CARE BECAUSE SOLDIER'S TOTALLY GETTING HARD AND HE'S ABOUT TO COME ANYWAY SO WHO THE FUCK CARES.

MEDIC COMES WITH THE FORCE OF A GODDAMN WATERFALL CAUSE NOW THEY'RE BOTH ALL COVERED IN BLOOD AND SOLDIER'S SCREAMING CAUSE MEDIC KEEPS DIGGING HIS FINGERS IN OPEN WOUNDS BUT MEDIC'S ALL LIKE DOHOHO YOU STILL NEED THAT FISTSCRIPTION. SO MEDIC GETS HIS KNUCKLES SOLDIER'S ASS AND THEN GETS HIS WHOLE GODDAMN FIST UP THERE AND STARTS MOVING IT BACK AND FORTH.

BACK AND FORTH.
BACK AND FORTH.
BACK AND FORTH.

AND SOLDIER'S MOANING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH AND HE'S TOTALLY GETTING OFF TO THIS CAUSE MEDIC KEEPS HITTING THE SWEET SPOT WITH HIS HUGE FUCKING KNUCKLES. SO MEDIC'S ALL LIKE "YOU LIKE ZIS DON'T YOU MEIN SOLDIER" AND SOLDIER JUST KEEPS SCREAMING "MAGGOT".

SO FINALLY MEDIC SHOVES HIS FIST UP SOLDIER EXTRA HARD AND SOLDIER COMES ALL OVER THE OPERATING TABLE AND PASSES OUT. MEDIC CHUCKLES AND CLEANS HIMSELF UP AND THEN ACTUALLY DOES THE JOB HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.

THE END.