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No. 4602
Total newbie. I don't write porn often. Can you tell I have a noise kink?

PS: This is for someone who will roleplay RED Sniper to my BLU Spy now. Right? RIGHT? (You know who you are.)



-----------------

Fucking Spies

-----------------



The tie around his wrists is starting to freakin' hurt.

Scout gives the knot another jerk and is rewarded only by another jolt of pain down his arms, the sound of the headboard rattling, and Spy's voice in his ear tutting gently about causing himself harm. Asshole, like he's not the reason Scout's here in the first place, biting down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood but not quite hard enough to muffle the sounds that are tearing from his throat.

And it's not helping that the homofag's taking that like a challenge, hands wandering places male hands were never meant to go, mouth hot and wet and discovering sweet spots Scout didn't even know he'd had. Like what Spy's doing now, trailing a warm streak with his tongue just beneath his jaw, tracing the edge of bone slowly up toward his ear -- and Scout twists away with a hiss and a whimper that only encourages him to do it again, even more agonizingly slowly this time.

"Freakin' -- fag -- " Scout spits between breaths which are definitely not getting harder and faster, not at all, and tries again to squirm out of Spy's reach. Pointless, since the man is sort of sitting on top of him, but he's got to make the effort, what else can he do? His arms are bound above his head. He can't even freakin' kick, with his legs pinned down. All he can do is twist and turn and try to throw Spy off, left, and right, and left, and oh, up right into him, the bare skin of his chest and stomach sliding against the rough material of Spy's suit and --

Oh, fuck. That isn't supposed to feel good.

"Ah. You wish to move faster, oui?"

"No, you fuckin' gay -- frog -- fag -- crab -- gay -- fag -- " Scout's flow of breathless insults cuts off into a despairing whine as Spy finally curls a few fingers around the head of his cock and begins to stroke it almost idly, sending a jolt of pleasure straight up his spine each time he does. Wordless and panting, Scout resumes his twisting and struggling until he realizes that he's only making it worse by thrusting himself up against Spy's hand and stops, snapping his teeth shut and squeezing his eyes closed.

Not fuckin' happening, not fuckin' happening, not fuckin' happening --

Scout doesn't realize he's saying it out loud until Spy interrupts, a soft, warm breath and a soft, warm voice in his ear that makes him shiver.

"Sshh, mon petit. Do you want zem to 'ear you?"

YES, is his immediate thought, and he tenses up to resume shouting and struggling, but then he hears it: the sound of combat boots marching down the hallway just outside. And suddenly, that yes is replaced by a resounding NO that kicks that yes's ass so hard it won't be sitting down for weeks. Because that marching step can only be Soldier, and if Soldier sees this, him tied like this with another man holding his fucking traitor cock -- if Soldier looks in here, his rep is fucking done for.

Scout freezes, staring at the door, and he can hear his heart hammering in his chest -- too loud, way too loud, why is he breathing so hard, why is it so fucking hard to breathe? -- and he's praying for it to stay closed, stay closed fucking forever if it wants, better than having Soldier finding out and shouting to all the others about how he knew Scout was a lady all along, and well Spy, he's French, they're like that over there, but Scout being a red-blooded American should be better than that, and oh god he can already see the looks on everyone else's faces --

And he turns back toward Spy, eyes wide and confused and bewildered -- and doesn't find him, because the man's moved down, re-settling himself between Scout's legs while he was distracted. Scout lifts his head just fast enough to catch the sight of a balaclava-covered head lowering itself over his cock before -- oh, fuck (oh fuck, oh, fuck), and every muscle in his body is instantly taut and humming with the effort to not cry out as he turns, desperately searching for something to muffle the harsh sound of his breathing.

Nothing in sight. Even the pillows are tucked well back and under his arms, out of reach. Spy was fucking prepared for this, wasn't he? Hell, he'd probably even convinced Soldier to patrol the base today just for kicks. Fucking Spies -- Scout bites down on the side of his own arm instead, able to feel the heat radiating from his face against his own skin, and attempts to will himself away again. Where? Anywhere that isn't here, that doesn't have a Spy doing things with his mouth (and tongue, and teeth, and oh god -- ) that Scout hadn't even imagined were possible and still going so excruciatingly fucking slow and -- a low whine tears from him as hands press his hips down to keep them still, though whether he'd meant oh god stop or oh god faster, even Scout doesn't know.

But then he feels something slick and cold slowly sliding somewhere that nothing should go, male, female, hands, or not, and his eyes are popping open and he's struggling again, as best he can with a Spy braced against his legs -- and more importantly, a Spy's teeth against his cock. "No," he hisses as loudly as he dares with the sound of those footsteps fading outside. "No! No, no no nonono -- "

Spy only smirks, shifts positions, and reaches up to trail a finger down Scout's cheek, leaving a smear of that cold slick stuff behind. "Do not tell me you have never done zis before."

"I -- " haven't, Scout doesn't have the time to say before something is pushing inside him. He lets out a yelp before he can stop himself, then clamps his teeth over his bottom lip again as Spy's free hand goes back to slowly stroking Scout's cock. He can feel himself stretching as Spy works another finger inside, then works them both deeper and wider and oh god, this feels so fuckin' weird, so fuckin' weird but god fuckin' dammit is that other hand kind of nice and kind of distracting and kind of WHAT THE HELL IS THAT --

The dull sparks of pleasure Scout was just getting used to suddenly crest into a peak as Spy presses against something inside him, and Scout's entire body tenses in surprise as another hiss of pleasure tears from his throat. "Zere?" Spy asks, and he's got this knowing look on his face that Scout really wants to punch off of it, preferably with a bat. And Scout's about to tell him that, and also that he has no idea what the fuck Spy is talkin' about, when Spy's fingers pull out of him with another really fuckin' weird feeling and they're replaced with --

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, no --

And his words cut off as his vocal chords tighten against their will and he keens as Spy enters him and all that agonizing slowness is suddenly over. It's replaced with a flare of heat and pressure right against that spot from before and -- oh god, it's good, way better than before, electric pleasure shooting straight to his cock every time Spy moves. Scout's barely aware of being nearly bent over double, barely aware of Spy's mouth finding a place back on his neck (and not his mouth, the bastard, the bastard) but when Spy gently slides a thumb over the tip of his cock and swirls, he's suddenly glad his hands are bound because if they weren't, he'd be clawing for more, more, and he's not seeing any stars or anything like he's read about before but if he thinks if he keeps breathing this hard then he probably will --

And now he's talking -- more like babbling -- words erupting from his mouth as if they're pushed out by sheer sensation. He's doing himself proud, swearing and cursing and calling Spy names in all the colorful vocabulary he's got and even making some shit up on the fly, some of it absolutely brilliant shit he's going to regret forgetting later and some of it completely meaningless -- but Spy seems to enjoy it, increasing his pace as Scout keeps gasping out insult after insult in a cycle that soon has Scout's mind becoming a blur of profanity and pleasure and heat and please and more and oh god, he's gonna -- he's gonna --

"Fuck -- !" Scout's voice cracks as he comes, and his breath hisses through his teeth as he arches his hips up and rides it, striping his own chest with white. A scrape of teeth against his shoulder is all the warning he gets before Spy is releasing within him, too --

And then Spy's pushing himself to one side and settling down on the bed so that the two of lie there, limbs still tangled and Spy pressed against Scout's side. "You did well, mon petit," Spy tells him, nuzzling softly against his cheek. "Très bien." And Scout's eyes are widening as what he's just done sinks in, and he twists to turn himself away from Spy, rolling himself into as small a ball as possible and fighting the urge to hurl.

And they lie there, Scout dry-heaving and Spy contentedly curled around his back, until Spy smirks against the back of his neck.

"So. I zink ze point is mine, non?"

Scout's eyes widen and he turns back around, furious. "Whadda hell ya talkin' about, assbreath?"

Spy tuts a bit, then reaches up to Scout's wrists still bound by his tie and gently tugs at the knot to let it loose. "Mon petit cher. You kept very in character during the sex, but do you really think Scout would 'ave been content to remain bound for zis long afterward? 'E would be back to kicking and screaming for me to let 'im go by now."

Scout stares at him for a moment, struggling to process this through his fading afterglow haze. Then -- "Merde!" -- he scowls and sits up, rubbing his wrists and cursing. "You are right. Fils de pute -- zat little bastard is too 'yperactive for 'is own good!" With a final defeated sigh, Scout throws Spy's tie back at him, only somewhat mollified when it strikes him in the face. "Oui, oui. Ze point is yours."

Original Spy laughs dryly, and then there's a flash and a shimmer and suddenly he's facing a scowling mirror image of himself -- or is facing him for a split-second, at least, before the mirror image turns to start digging through their pile of discarded clothing to find his cigarette case.

"Now. It is my turn, non?" Original Spy reaches for his disguise kit on the table by the bed, already mentally flipping through his options. "I could use more practice with... ah, our friend ze Sniper and maintaining 'is 'orrible accent. You would not mind 'im, correct?"

When Remaining Spy turns back with a newly lit cigarette in his mouth, there's a RED Sniper lying in the bed with him, and Remaining Spy smiles slowly before reaching out with a slightly bruised wrist to trace his jaw. "Ooh, c'est vrai," he says, his words a low and smoky verbal caress, and he leans forward to nip at the lobe of Sniper's ear. "I do like you like zis, mon cher..."

The Sniper growls low in his throat and twists his head to capture Remaining Spy's mouth in a hard sandpaper kiss, something rough and needy and eschewing aesthetics for efficiency like none of the kisses Original Spy had been giving him before. Remaining Spy responds in kind, forcing Sniper back onto the pillows and glad to once more be able to show off the technique he'd had to hold back with as Scout. His hands trail across Sniper's jaw, tracing his neck and collarbones down to his chest, stomach, hips, further... and when Remaining Spy draws back, Sniper's already panting slightly, his glasses tilting off his nose enough to reveal his still dryly amused now-green eyes.

"You blokes are always wantin' to top, aren't cha?"

"You understand," Remaining Spy replies with dry amusement of his own, "maintaining control of oneself is part of our job, mon cher."

"Part of mine too, but even I don't take it this far. It's a profession, not a lifestyle, mate."

"But you are a Sniper, n'est ce pas? I am not."

Sniper just rolls his eyes and leans back. "Fucking Spois."

Remaining Spy's mouth spreads into a slow smile as he reaches for Original Spy's discarded tie.

"Littéralement."
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 4609
GAME

ALSO LOL
>> No. 4610
This is FANTASTIC. Holy crap. I'd point out my favorite parts but I don't know how to do the fancy blacking-out-spoilers thing.
NEVER STOP WRITING.
>> No. 4614
Excuse me while I go pick my jaw and eyeballs off the floor.
THIS. This is sheer fucking GOOD. Crazy little twist there. WRITE MORE PORN, CK. :D
>> No. 4615
AWSOME TWIST. Did not see it coming for a second. But now I have this terrible boner... so what're you gonna do about it, huh? *expectant stare*
>> No. 4622
mindblown and hellooooo new kink~!
<3
>> No. 4626
You've done us a good thing, CK.

Be proud.
>> No. 4627
YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE FOREVER FOR SERIOUS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH


...siiigh now I need to go write that stupid application
>> No. 4629
It's official: we need more of your writing, so we can head to our bunk more often
So gooooood
>> No. 4630
HNNNNNNNNNNNGH YES THIS IS SO AMAZE.
Spy and Scout hit so many of my kinks... SO MANY. And then Scout being a Spy, therefore making it Spy/Spy? FUCKING AWESOME. And then the Spy that was fucking the Scout-Spy turning into a Sniper-Spy so he could get fucked by Spy? INSANE TWIST, AND ALSO HOT AS HELL.
IT'S LIKE YOU REACHED INTO MY BRAIN AND WROTE MY DREAMS, FFFFF.
>> No. 4636
HAIL THE HERO CK!

Whoever it is you're talking about getting in on that rp better answer stat! THEN POST!
>> No. 4640
That was fucking BRILLIANT. I really thoroughly enjoyed this fic and goddamn, please write more.
>> No. 4641
So, Spy became Sniper to be fucked by Spy, who was also fucking scout? Oh ho ho. CK, you clever, sexy thing.
>> No. 4642
Durrhurr, much fun to read indeed. Wasn't prepared for that.

Though I was prepared for dinner...
>> No. 4644
Fucking beautiful man! I'm loving the idea of this sort of training - although I do wonder if they're screwing Sniper and Scout respectively. I'll assume they are. Either way, please keep writing!
>> No. 4655
That was just AWESOME².

God, write more, please!
>> No. 4662
Is this truly what I think it is? A well-written scene of dubious consent and bondage? With willing participants?

Thank you so much! Most bondage fics focus on rape-enjoyed-by-the-victim or similar, so one almost never encounters a fic where dominance is agreed by both parties in a mutually-fulfilling way.

Please more? Spread the consensual love?
>> No. 4668
YOU HAVE BLOWN MY MIND AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT
>> No. 4671
Now, where have I seen this before...? *chortle*

PS: This is for someone who will roleplay RED Sniper to my BLU Spy now. Right? RIGHT? (You know who you are.)I do so hope you are who I think you are.
>> No. 4673
Haha, woah, thanks everybody, I wasn't expecting such a positive reaction.

>>19
Huh, who do you think I am?

Sage for nothing constructive.
>> No. 4716
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
>>1 THIS. THISTHISTHISTHIS.
Moar? <3333 Would love to see a Spy/MedicSpy 8D
>> No. 4718
Oh god CK, I need more now, damn you.
>> No. 4725
I have to echo the cries of moar, this is just too damn good.
>> No. 4729
Take me now, you magnificent bastard.
>> No. 4740
HOLY FUCK.
>> No. 4851
There is a distinct lack of nazi porn on this board.






-----------------

Fucking Spies Pt. Deux

-----------------



It begins with another tragic loss in a long chain of tragic losses.

Not that the rest of the team would have really minded or anything, other than about the vague humiliation. They've become rather resigned to losing all the time over the past few weeks -- even Scout doesn't look angry any more, just worn out. And things would have been fine and dandy (or as fine and dandy as it gets with a 17-day losing streak, anyway), with everyone sighing or swearing and dragging themselves to their respective rooms to go get ready for tomorrow -- if Medic and Soldier hadn't started their arguing back up as soon as they'd respawned.

But they had started up their arguing, as always -- the very argument that's become the main reason that they've been losing all this time in the first place. And so of course Soldier's dragged them all into the place he's dubbed their "War Room" (which smells vaguely of clorox and lemon-scented air freshener, still, and may have a mop or two in the corner) so that the entire team can hash out exactly whose fault their current tragic loss is. Which Soldier's apparently got a very good idea of, from the way he's screaming that Medic is a traitor, a nazi, a sympathizer for the other team and possibly homosexual, and loudly encouraging a vote to lynch him. FOR JUSTICE.

The others suffer all this with a collective groan. They've already voted down four other lynchings, as Medic always simply asks, "und den who vill heal you, dummkopfs?" which is a fairly excellent defense, according to the rest of the team. Medic himself stands at the other end of the table, all cold civility against Soldier's enraged raving, waiting impatiently for the other man to run out of steam. He realizes that this will probably never happen when Soldier moves on to accusing him of being French, a French Jew, and an illegal immigrant from Mexico on top of all that somehow, and decides that he has had

"Enough!" And SLAM goes one of his gloves onto the table with enough force to send Scout clinging for his life to Engineer and then immediately pretending he hadn't just done that. "It ist you, Herr Soldat, that ist responsible for the loss today! You, und dein idiotic orders to continue charging forward -- "

"WE HAD THEM," Soldier roars, and smashes his hands into the table too so as not to be outdone. "WE HAD THEM ALL TRAPPED LIKE ELEPHANTS IN A TRAP! ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS RUSH THEM AND DESTROY THEM ALL! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PIECE OF CAKE! BLOOD CAKE -- "

"Our blood! Did you not see how badly the team vas injured? Und I did not see their Sniper und Spy in dein "elephant trap" vit them! If ve vere to run in und get ambushed from behind -- "

"THEN WE STILL WOULD HAVE KILLED A LOT MORE OF THE ENEMY THAN WE DID TODAY! INSTEAD, WE RAN AROUND OUT THERE LIKE HORSES WITH THEIR HEADS CUT OFF -- "

"Only because you gave the order to charge after I told everyone to fall back -- "

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU GAVE THE ORDER TO FALL BACK WHEN WE CLEARLY NEEDED TO CHARGE!"

Medic just rolls his eyes and makes an exasperated hissing sound in the back of his throat, which apparently sounds to Heavy like "please stand up and threaten to violently tear off the Soldier's head in Russian," because that's exactly what he does. Then Demoman's chair is clanking to the floor as he stands up and starts waving his bottle of scrumpy at Heavy and yelling what might as well be Russian, as far as the rest of them can tell. The rest of the team is generally groaning again and reaching for their knives and guns -- because this is how these meetings always end (and least it's almost over), when

A large hand clamps down on Demoman's wrist and another clamps down on Heavy's -- one gloved, one not -- and everyone turns and looks at Engineer, who has quietly stood up, still smiling a little bit.

"Now, now," Engineer says, nodding toward no one in particular -- and his calm, even tone makes even Demoman stop drinking to listen. "Hold your horses, everybody. I've been thinking -- and I think we're all tired of losing, no offense to you, Doc -- " a tip of his hat toward Medic " -- or you, Soldier -- " a tip of his hat toward Soldier. "After all, we were all out there today.

"But I think," he continues, "if we get this little misunderstanding about leadership cleared up, our chances of winning will skyrocket, and all of us would certainly appreciate that -- "

"GET TO THE POINT, PRIVATE!" Soldier snaps, which gets Demoman all excited and jumping to his feet again, only to sit down in disappointment when Engineer goes on.

"Well, there's this little trick we used to use back home, when two of us had a seemingly unreconcilable disagreement. A simple little thing, but it worked wonders -- "

"Vell?" Medic prompts. "Vat is it?"

"Real easy." Engineer says with a smile. "The two of you lock yourselves in one room, and neither of you come out until you agree. That way, you can talk amongst yourselves without the rest of us getting in the way, and eventually, someone has got to give in, because you've got to leave sometime. Spares us the stress of listening in, too. So, what do you say?"

"A TEST OF ENDURANCE AND MANHOOD!" Soldier cries, missing the point entirely, and slams his hand onto the table. "STARVATION AND DEHYDRATION MEAN NOTHING TO A MAN WHO HAS BEEN THROUGH THE TRENCHES! I ACCEPT."

And once it's put like that, Medic can't exactly refuse. His eyes dart from Soldier to Soldier's shovel, then to Engineer and the rest of the team who stare back at him, waiting and watching -- but then Medic pauses in his sweep of the room, lifts his head, and nods once. "I accept as vell. You," he says, jabbing a glare and a still-bloodstained finger at Soldier, "vill meet me hier in thirty minutes. And then ve start. As for the rest of you, dismissed."

With that, Medic turns on his heel and heads for the door -- as Soldier seethes and rages behind him about dismissing a meeting that he didn't even call -- followed slowly by the other team members and a very worried looking Heavy.

"Do not like leave Doktor in room with crazy man," Heavy whispers, pulling the door open and nearly breaking it off its hinges. "I go with you, protect Doktor from smashing of shovel."

But Medic only shakes his head and heads into the hall. "Nein, mein Heavy. It must be the two of us alone."

"Is sure?"

The doctor smiles as the door closes behind him. "Do not vurry. I have a plan."
>> No. 4852
And sure enough, exactly thirty minutes later, it's with the same confident smile that Medic re-enters the room. A smile made all the more confident, perhaps, by the fact that Soldier immediately turns to shout at him, weapon in hand... then drops his precious shovel -- and his jaw -- when he sees what Medic is wearing. Medic adjusts his glasses and smooths his freshly-gelled hair back as if nothing is wrong and walks silently over to the table as Soldier stares him up and down, even pulling his helmet up to reveal his usually hidden blue eyes, now wide with shock.

But that's always been the intended effect of the uniform of the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, Medic thinks with pride -- an air of unmatched efficiency and authority in military black, fitted and formed and designed to accent the male figure: shoulders, chest, hips, waist, legs. It's been years, but his uniform has kept quite well, right down to the sleek black jackboots and the silver pips on his collar. And he, too, has kept well, it seems, from the way Soldier's staring at him with something like awe.

"Herr Soldat," Medic snaps, neatly folding his hands behind his back, and is quite pleased to note how Soldier actually has to tear his eyes away from the medals hanging above his jacket pocket. Back ramrod straight and boots crunching over the tiles that probably haven't been cleaned in weeks, he takes a step forward, then another, then another that brings him nearly chest-to-chest with Soldier, then another as Soldier blinks and stumbles backward, and another, and another, and another --

And when the backs of Soldier's knees finally hit the edge of a chair and he drops to an abrupt seat, Medic smiles down at him. "Ve vere," he says, unhooking a bonesaw from the leather belt across his waist, "discussing the matter of the leadership of this team, ja?"

It takes Soldier the time to stare and blink twice to remember what they were doing in this room in the first place, but when the braincells connect -- "NAZI SCUM!" -- he leaps out of the chair, reaching for his shovel -- only to find that he's left it half a room behind.

And that Medic's bonesaw is now at his neck.

"Sit, bitte, Herr Soldat. Und ve vill discuss this like civilized people."

"CIVILIZED PEOPLE? YOU NAZIS WERE THE LEAST CIVILIZED -- "

The bonesaw presses down just hard enough to draw blood, which reminds Soldier that he is in fact in danger and that Medic knows exactly where and how to cut -- and he sullenly sinks back into his chair and falls silent, hands balling into fists but remaining at his sides. Medic gives him a satisfied murmur of "sehr gut" and takes a seat in a chair opposite him, crossing his legs with a whisper of leather on leather, a tug on the sleeve of his uniform jacket, and a quiet "ah, it's been too long."

And Soldier's just about had enough of Medic looking down his nose at him (and looking so damned pleased about it, too) and is about to make a screaming dive for his shovel, bonesaw be damned, when said bonesaw gives him a warning tap on the shoulder and Medic asks a question that draws his interest like a brewery draws a Demoman.

"Shall ve get back to the point at hand?" is what Medic asks. "Vat, Herr Soldat, might be dein military rank?"

"MY MILITARY RANK?" Soldier frowns intensely and straightens up in his seat. "I WAS TOO LATE TO JOIN THE WAR BECAUSE YOU NAZI BASTARDS LOST SO FAST, BUT -- I'VE KILLED ENOUGH PEOPLE TO BE A SERGEANT!" When Medic doesn't look impressed enough (or impressed at all), Soldier sputters on, "AT LEAST! NO, A SERGEANT MAJOR!"

Medic reaches up with his free hand to touch his own collar. "I vas ein Obersturmführer."

"I DON'T SPEAK NAZI-ESE -- "

"Ein Lieutenant, mein Soldat. Ein Lieutenant."

That shuts Soldier up in a hurry, and he's staring at Medic's medals again, which he's just now understanding are real medals, not like the kind he makes out of Engineer's spare parts and awards to himself. And he's barely able to make the mental connection between Sergeant Major, Lieutenant, and superior officer before Medic is rising to his feet, pulling a manila folder from his jacket, and tossing it with a thwack on the table.

"Dein medical records," Medic says before Soldier can ask, and leans forward so that their noses are almost touching. "As dein medical officer hier, all I have to do ist report that you are mentally unfit for combat. Considering mein rank, BLU vill most certainly take mein vurd over deine. Und you," Medic finishes, punctuating this with several taps of his bonesaw, "vill never. See. Another battlefield. Again."

Silence fills the room for a few short seconds as Soldier reaches up with a trembling hand to pull his helmet back and stare Medic in the eyes. And in them, he sees an entire lifetime of living with the SOFT, SHELTERED CIVILIANS back home, an entire LIFETIME of nobody giving or getting orders, an entire LIFETIME OF NEVER VIOLENTLY MURDERING ANYONE ELSE WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE EVER AGAIN -- he's never even imagined it before, and it's just too big, too horrible, to wrap his mind around at once -- a soldier! He is a Soldier! Without an army, who would he be --

"No," Soldier whispers, his voice dropping out of its typical capslock range out of sheer terror. "You can't do that."

"Ich kann," Medic replies, pulling a pen from his pocket and flourishing it threateningly, "und ich vill, if dein problems with discipline continue -- "

"NO!" Soldier grabs for the pen and hurls it across the room, scrabbling at Medic's jacket for something to clutch at. His hands wind up clinging to Medic's belt, which Medic looks down at with distaste, as he starts to babble in a panic, trying to clutch and cling and salute all at once and failing at most of them. "NO! I JUST REMEMBERED YOU WERE RIGHT TODAY, YOU CLEARLY HAVE MORE MILITARY EXPERIENCE THAN I DO! I JUST DIDN'T KNOW! I WAS SADLY MISINFORMED! I BLAME THE ENEMY SPY, BECAUSE HE IS A CONVENIENT SCAPEGOAT AND IT IS THE AMERICAN WAY! BUT I AM THOROUGHLY INFORMED NOW! THERE WON'T BE ANY MORE PROBLEMS, YOU HAVE MY WORD!

"SIR!" he adds as an afterthought, snapping into an at-attention pose and finally managing to get that salute going even though his hand still shakes a little. Medic smiles and pushes up his glasses, and Soldier breathes a sigh of relief and relaxes just a bit -- until Medic speaks again.

"Good effort, Herr Soldat, but that vill unfortunately not be enough."

"BUT -- "

"Today, you have once again attempted to undermine mein authority," Medic says, folding his hands behind his back again and slowly beginning to circle around Soldier. "In the past, I have overlooked such subversive actions, but today, you openly declared this challenge in front of the entire team. Now that ve have established a chain of command, I believe a punishment is in order. Vat do you have to say about that, Herr Soldat?"

"NOTHING, SIR," Soldier booms, regaining himself a little. "I CAN DO FIVE THOUSAND PUSH-UPS IN UNDER TWO HOURS, JUST TELL ME HOW MANY TO DO -- "

"Nein," the Medic chides, "it is nothing so simple. Out on the battlefield, you challenged a direct order. Push-ups vill not ensure that this doesn't happen again."

"BUT THEN -- "

Medic stops his circling, turns, and reaches out to catch Soldier's chin in one of his black-gloved hands, forcing the man to face him. When he speaks, his voice is low and dangerous, his breath brushing past Soldier's cheek. "Are you villing to take mein orders, Herr Soldat?"

"SIR!" Comes the immediate response. "YES, SIR!"

Medic's smile only grows wider as he lets Soldier go and casually waves a hand toward the table. "On der Tisch, then, bitte. On dein hands and knees." When Soldier only blinks and stares, Medic crosses his arms and arches an eyebrow. "Vill I have to include faulty hearing in dein medical reports as vell?"

"NO, SIR!"

The table creaks and rocks as Soldier clambers onto it in a panic again, pushing the folder of his medical reports carefully aside as he takes up his awkward position and glances back over his shoulder at Medic, searching the man's face for any other signs of disapproval. There aren't any -- Medic only draws closer with more quiet sehr gut, sehr guts and places a warm hand on his back. That hand begins to move in slow, soothing circles, tracing the taut muscles beneath Soldier's shirt, as Medic leans forward to murmur in his ear.

"This vill be a test of dein loyalty und discipline, Herr Soldat. Are you ready?"

"SIR, YES SIR," Soldier shouts louder than necessary at the far wall, and is relieved to find he sounds far more confident than he feels. "WHAT ARE YOUR ORDERS, SIR?"

"They are qvite simple. Do not move, under any circumstances, until I say the test is over. Verstehst du mich?"

"SIR," Soldier acknowledges, and squares his shoulders with a flood of relief. Just not move? Simple enough, he can stay in this room for hours! Days, if it means he can stay on the battlefield! He's been through far worse out there in the field right outside this base, been through things far more horrific than kneeling on a table! With a Medic... petting him oddly.

Not that Soldier minds. In fact, it's kind of nice. Medic's got surprisingly large, strong hands and they seem to know what they're doing, moving smoothly over his back and shoulders and working out the knots in formed through use in the battlefields earlier today. Soldier's just getting into it, arching as much as he can into the touch without actually moving and maybe starting to imagine that Medic's a pretty field nurse in one of those cute white uniforms doing this for him, when Medic jars him abruptly out of that fantasy.

Mostly by reaching down, curling his fingers over the bottom edge of Soldier's jacket, and stripping the whole thing over his head.

Soldier yelps a little as the cold air of the room hits his skin, and turns his head to stare over his shoulder at Medic with a questioning "SIR?" as his jacket pools around his arms on the table.

But Medic only snaps, "Have you forgotten dein orders already? Talking ist moving!" which shuts him up in a hurry and has him jerking his head back around to face front.

And a few seconds later, Medic slowly walks into his field of vision, trailing two gloved fingertips up along Soldier's side and down his arm as he does. And Medic stops in front of him, pushing Soldier's helmet back with one hand so that he can see his eyes and reaching into the collar of his own perfectly pressed black jacket and pulling out something silvery on a thin steel chain with the other. Soldier immediately recognizes it and has to suppress the reflexive urge to hiss.

"Do you know vat this is, Herr Soldat?" Medic asks, pulling the chain from around his neck. He delicately holds the object by two of its points and turns it in the light so that Soldier can see the swastika stamped into the center of the glittering black iron cross. "It is ein Eisernes Kreuz, first class. I am sure you have seen such before, ja?"

ONLY ON DEAD MEN, Soldier doesn't reply, just staring straight ahead at the silvery buttons on Medic's jacket, and after a moment, Medic murmurs another "sehr gut" and presses his helmet firmly down over his eyes. Now entirely blind, Soldier hears him walk back over to the side, humming softly --

And then suddenly Medic's voice fades to a soft drone in the background and all his senses jolt toward a single point on his skin where there's suddenly ice cold metal sliding its way down his side, and he has to steel himself against twitching away, muscles going taut with the effort. It's that Nazi cross thing, Soldier knows, he can tell from the sharp, pointed feel of its edges tracing the edges of his hips and then trailing back up to scrape at the ridges of his collarbones. And Soldier finds that he has to repress a shiver as well as the urge to pull away. Not that it's a bad feeling, that thin, slicing, metallic coldness, but --

What the hell is Medic doing? it occurs to him to wonder, but then the cross is on the move again, over the back of his shoulder and down to his waist before coming back up and under. And Soldier's thoughts go with it, like his entire being's been reduced to the single point where steel meets skin and maybe the hypersensitized trail that moving point leaves behind. He finds himself clutching harder at the edge of the table, trying to predict where it'll go (left? right? up? down? just a little further, just a little -- ), getting small rushes of satisfaction when he's right and rushes of -- of something else, when he's wrong --

"Enjoying yourself, Herr Soldat?"

Medic's sudden voice in his ear makes him twitch and collect himself, straightening and locking all the joints that have somehow gone loose again. His heartbeat is louder than he remembers, he thinks, and he's breathing faster than he should be, for some reason. Just the weirdness, he tells himself, pay it no mind! It's paranoia from being blind and in a room with a superior officer and punishments and -- and --

And then Medic's fingers are tracing their way down the center of his chest, right down past his stomach, past his waist, and dipping slightly into the waistband of his pants -- and Medic's tongue is finding that cut he made before on the side of his neck, hot and wet and reopening the drying wound with a rough sear of pain, and Soldier can't help but buck his hips once and gasp out a "SIR!" as he realizes exactly what the reason is that his heart's now slamming in his chest like one of Demoman's grenades.

DON'T ASK DON'T TELL, scream alarm bells in his head, and he's about to turn and protest when he feels Medic make quick work of his belt and somewhat more importantly, feels one of Medic's hands curl around that reason, rough and still gloved but warm and firm and -- and Soldier decides that nobody is asking and nobody is telling much of anything, so this is entirely okay. Not that it would have made a difference, as his body goes ahead and strains forward for more contact anyway -- only to get a sharp, stinging blow to the leg for the effort.

"Vat did I say about not moving?"

"BUT -- BUT -- "

"Und vat did I say about talking?"

Soldier clamps his teeth together and squeezes his eyes shut beneath his helmet (he can't move, he can't talk, he has to listen to Medic because -- why? Some important reason that his mind's gone too foggy to really even remember any more, but it's important, damned important -- ) as Medic strokes him in long, slow, smooth movements that have him fighting to keep still and not follow them through when they end. His knuckles are turning white with how hard he's clutching the table, and when Medic licks a trail up the side of his leg, Soldier can't help but groan -- and when he doesn't get hit for it (apparently groaning doesn't count as either moving or talking), he does it again, as encouragingly as he can.

And Medic continues until Soldier is gasping for breath as silently as possible, chest heaving, his shoulders quivering from the effort of keeping himself motionless -- and then that iron cross is back again, its thin steel edges tracing over the now-wet skin of his cock this time. Soldier's breath catches in his throat as Medic murmurs in German in his ear (sehr gut, sehr gut, weiter so, you are doing so vell, mein Soldat) and those edges trace around his head, down the shaft, curving along his balls and back up the thick vein on the underside of his cock and now Soldier's whining at the back of his throat, the cords in his arms and neck standing out visibly, enough for Medic to smooth and caress and lick his way along them, and oh god, Soldier can't take it any more --

"SIR!" he whispers, voice gasping raw. "PLEASE, SIR -- "

And Medic hums to himself and obliges, switching hands and pumping at Soldier's cock as Soldier hisses and half-sobs and clutches at the table edge -- in a few seconds, Soldier's hips are moving along with him, thrusting blindly into Medic's hand as Medic places a hand on the table himself to keep it steady -- and a few seconds later, Soldier's arching his back, thrusting into Medic's hand a final few times before coming with a final, despairing, ragged noise onto the table beneath him --

And then collapsing flat upon it, desperately trying to catch his breath, as Medic calmly wipes his hands on his back and removes his soiled gloves. Soldier lies there for a few minutes, just trying to get himself back together, then rolls to one side.

"SIR," he starts between gasps, "SIR, THAT WAS -- "

"That vas you failing dein test, Herr Soldat," comes the whiplash answer, and it's all flooding back to Soldier now -- the battle, the meeting, the ranking, the test -- and he's pulling himself up on still-wobbly limbs, finally pushing his helmet back and turning panicked, begging eyes toward Medic, who doesn't appear to look even slightly winded by the whole ordeal.

"BUT -- "

"But," Medic says, and picks up the folder of medical records from where it's fallen onto the floor. "Dein effort vas qvite impressive. I have been convinced of dein dedication to this team and this var..."

"SIR!" Soldier cries in jubilation, sliding off the table and awkwardly buckling up his pants.

Medic smiles. "In fact, I vill even send back to BLU reqvesting that they make you mein official second in command. You may continue to give the orders on the battlefield, as long as they do not contradict those given by me. Vould you agree to this arrangement, Herr Soldat?"

"YES, SIR!" Soldier beams, snapping to a salute. "THANK YOU, SIR! I WON'T LET YOU DOWN -- "

"You had better not," Medic replies, stepping forward to place one boot precisely between Soldier's feet. "I vould not like to have to discipline you another time. Especially if you keep up this record of failing."

"N-NO, SIR," Soldier replies, hurriedly backing up a few steps. "I'LL NEVER DISOBEY AN ORDER AGAIN. THAT'S A PROMISE."

"Vell, then," Medic says with a cheerful snap of the manila folder in his hands. "I think we have worked out our differences, ja? According to our Freund Engineer, ve may now leave..."

"SIR. YES, SIR."

Medic waits for a few seconds and is pleased to see that Soldier makes no move to go anywhere until he says, "Dismissed." -- and then Soldier's diving for his shovel and running out of his own War Room as fast as his legs can take him, shouting down the hall about his new status in the base as SECOND-IN-COMMAND and how ALL YOU MAGGOTS BETTER LISTEN TO HIM -- AND MEDIC --

And Medic sits down in one of the chairs with a sigh, idly brushing specks of dirt from the side of one of his boots, only looking up when there's a quiet knock at the War Room door.

"Ja?"

Another BLU Medic makes his cautious way into the room, looking around in fascination at the chairs strewn across the floor. "I take it dein meeting ist over," he says, wrinkling his nose in distaste at what he sees on the table. "Did the plan go vell, Herr Doktor?"

"As vell as vun could hope," Nazi Medic replies, shaking his head with a tired air. "He failed the test, but I let him go..."

"I am sure you have done a finer job than I could have," Other Medic says, patting Nazi Medic warmly on the shoulder. "I heard him go yelling down the hallvay outside."

"As did most of the base," Nazi Medic snorts. "But danke nonetheless."

Other Medic just laughs quietly and reaches into his bag -- then holds out a small key, which Nazi Medic accepts graciously and slides into one of his jacket pockets. "Oh, I believe the health ban ist over, as far as I am concerned. Und on that note, I believe this belongs to you, ja?"

"Ah. The storage room key? Danke schön. I must have dropped this outside."

"So you must," Other Medic says, pressing his hands together in satisfaction. "Und if there is anything else I can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask."

Nazi Medic thinks about this for a few seconds.

"Nein," he says finally, "nein... or vell. There ist vun thing."

"Vat is it you vish, Herr Doktor?" Other Medic says with a smile.

And Nazi Medic's head melts away to reveal a familiar masked face.

Spy smiles back.

"May I keep ze uniform?"
>> No. 4856
Oh god this is amazing, Soldier is so amazingly written here. The capslock fits him perfeclty

and Nazi!Medic? HELL YES
>> No. 4857
hhhhholy shit, this is downright incendiary.
>> No. 4859
All I can hear is angels singing.
>> No. 4860
FFFFFFFFFYES!
C:
>> No. 4866
Holy fuck there go my forbidden uniform alarms. I love this so much it causes pain.
>> No. 4869
LOL FOREVER

you already know this, but your nazi!medic is the hottest thing since...er, sliced bread, or however the saying goes.
>> No. 4873
>>27
When I got to the part about the uniform, my brain melted right there. I actually started breathing heavily as I kept reading. Please write more, you wonderful person. :D
>> No. 4874
Your nazi!medic is the best medic!
>> No. 4875
I knew that Spy would be involved, and yet somehow was still pleasantly surprised at the end. Doesn't hurt that the fic was kind of incredibly hilarious, too. I TAKE MY HAT OFF TO YOU, SIR.
>> No. 4877
Hahah, I ended up feeling sorry for Soldier, I don't know why. The 'don't ask don't tell' bugged me a little as it was Clinton administration thing (assuming of course this is set prior to the '60's) but otherwise, great job on a rare pairing.
>> No. 4879
fucking spyyyyyyy
>> No. 4881
>>39
LOL quite literally.

By the way, Nazi!Medic is fucking hot. 8D
>> No. 4882
>>38

FFFF you're right, my bad. It's so easy to forget everything's not set in modern day. ):

Haha, thanks again to everybody, though. Glad to see people enjoying it!
>> No. 4891
>>37 Whole-heartedly agreeing with this.

Also:
I BLAME THE ENEMY SPY, BECAUSE HE IS A CONVENIENT SCAPEGOAT AND IT IS THE AMERICAN WAY!God bless America.
>> No. 4893
Being German myself and having a huge Nazi-Uniform crush is not a good combination D:

My teachers would start crying...however, I LOVED Nazi!Medic.

and btw, ein Obersturmführer = ein Oberleutnant.
His rank is even higher C:
>> No. 4894
how could i not have seen these before.

they are amazing.
>> No. 4895
Okay... right here, right now, I'm just going to go ahead and cop to my whole thing for uniforms. Uniforms are hot.

The uniform going on in this fic, however, is like the surface of the SUN.
>> No. 4917
fuckin spies
>> No. 4920
hhhhholy damn

i laughed, i cried, i boner'd. you get a fuckin gold star

(it's okay if DON'T ASK DON'T TELL is anachronistic, i cracked the fuck up)
>> No. 4962
Stupid sexy Nazi!Medic.


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