Honestly, the pyro didn't know how she stood it. Day in and day out, the little bastards talked about how much they weren't getting. What the fuck about her needs? Only girl for miles, in veritable sea of a sausage party. Even if the heavy was a girl, she'd be on it like fly on a moldy piece of flesh. No, though. Not a single soul for as far as the eye could see, as far as she knew, was another female. The scout was her body type, but again, he was well... a he. The demo was crazy enough, but again... a male. The medic was sadistic enough, but a penis was attached to that too. Sweet merciful heaven mcbitchtits, fuck their needs. She hadn't gotten a lay in at least a few years. The sexually repressed ginger stomped in to the make-shift living, dining, meeting room, leaving a trail of floating dust in her wake. The old barn-turned-living space was a piece of shit topped with more shit in her opinion, but the other members seemed to like it. Hay bales, creaking wood floors, and warped wood walls were apparently good enough for the men, the little bitches. The bright, drafty room was empty, though her stomps had echoed through out the area and had probably alerted the rest to her furious mood. She viciously opened the door of the rebuilt fridge and let it slam against the wall, a bit of rust chipping off. “What'eva. Little bitches c'n stay awa', f'r all I care.” Fully suited in the standard pyro get-up, her whines and curses had sounded more like mumbles than any thing else. The RED team only knew she was female from a incident with a open door and the two scout's rudeness, but at all other times, to their knowledge, the suit was kept on. Even in ninety-five and sunny weather, such as now. Eyes scanned the inside of the cooling unit, but found nothing worth it's weight in gold. All 'sanviches', apples, and... jars of piss. “Fuckin' recluse, why th' fuck does he need t' chill 'em?!” Another set of heavy footsteps plodded across the floor, ending behind her. “I reckon you are in a rotten way, pyro?” The team's engineer was one of the few that could, possibly, understand the mumbles uttered from the mask. He was also the only one that had seemed to guess. Head snapped toward the voice with a growl and the girl slammed the door back. “Fuckin' right I'm pissed. You guys complain 'bout not getting' any, least you've got another option.” The older, grizzled man nodded. He figured the brat was whining about the same thing she did every day and put a hand on the pyrotechnition's shoulder. “Yeah, well. You've got to calm yourself down, Spy managed to intercept some intel, an' they'll be attackin' early next tomorrow.” The girl shrugged the hand and wise advice off, opting to ignore the man and head off to the roof instead. The texan watched the red suit stalk off and turned back to the refrigerator. Idiot had broken the hinges, once again. When the pyro was well out of earshot, the engineer gave a sigh and took out his wrench. “I can't believe I've got to fix this this thing all over again. What a bitch.” ----In all honesty, I am not happy with this at all. I'd like to continue it, but I'd like to have crit before I do. Hell, I'd even be pleased if you told me not to continue it at all. Yes, the pyro is a lesbian. Yes, she is a bitch. Yes, the pyro is a female.And yes, the pyro is a ginger.
FFFFFF- SHOULD JUST BE TOMMOROW.
as i think one of the few people here interested in women, i am curious as to where this is goingpotentially? i think? depends where you're going with this :BAs far as critiques go, I'd throw some line breaks in that main paragraph. I think it's some kind of rule that you switch paragraphs when a different character starts speaking- I could be wrong, but now my brain's kind of hard wired to that standard and anything else throws me off.
FFfffff would eat out ginger lesbian Pyro with enthusiasm.Oh, and she can always, er, use the handle of the ax or other condom-covered phallic foodstuff.
I like it so far.I'm not good at crits but what ibbarelov said about the paragraphs is the only thing that comes to mind.I wanna see where you're going with this, and I hope you write more.
I rather enjoy this take on Pyro, but if you're not feelin' it, don't try to force it.Really, my biggest trouble with this was the dialogue. What dialect was this ginger!Pyro speaking? I can't exactly tell from the way it's written - seems like some kind of weird combo of Demoman and Engineer. And Engineer's dialogue was equally a little off... as an exaggerated Southern gentleman, I just can't see him saying something like "What a bitch." Then again, this was so short that any crit I can offer isn't going to amount to much, as it could just be a fluke.
Well, she will be from Chicago. I also can't imagine the engie being nice all the time. He must sometimes swear and such. I am rather bad with accents...
Yeah, s'not so much the idea of the swearing as how it's phrased that bugged me, methinks.Thought: Maybe get a beta-reader, if you don't have one already? A particularly nice one could possibly help you out with the accents. There ought to be a thread starting up somewhere around here soon, if there isn't one already...
I certainly would like a beta reader! If any one is interested, my email is freeradicalbetta@aol.com!
Chapter TwoThe team's scouts, in all honesty, were like a flock of seagulls. They never shut up, they never left each others sides, and when they wanted something, you better damn well hope there are more of you than of them. Unless of course, you were the medic, a heavy, or the pyro. Those few people the flock tended to stay away from, medic because of his... interesting tendencies, the heavies because of their size, and the solitary pyro because of her perchance of friendly fire. Mostly, they stayed away from the pyro. After the first few times of getting their collective asses burnt to hell, the scouts no longer wished for any thing to do with the nutjob. It was by pure accident that after the midnight shift change of patrol, the two youngest stumbled upon pyro changing in the middle of the night. It was also by this fateful accident that the two youngest members incurred the pyro's wrath from that day forward. In her defense, the older of the two had exclaimed, when he took notice of her chest, “Jesus, you are freakin' flat!”The beautiful ball of fire pounded the heat in to her skin, even through her suit. It was gloriously hot, and that made a damn fine day in Caroline's opinion. On the corrugated roof, the sun's ray bounced every where, making it only useful to the demoman and the engineer, neither of which would be out her during a cease-fire. After pushing a few of the heavier crates against the door to the loft to prevent interruption from the others, Caroline padded over to an open spot near a wall, and laid down to finally relax and get some much needed sleep in. “Think it's dead?” A shadow passed over the pyro's face, blocking her beloved sun. “No, you fuckin' idiot! Oh god, is she wakin' up? Book it, go go go!” Eyes snapped open, rage written all over the woman's face. The pounding of feet could be heard rapping on the metal as most of the scouts quickly jumped off the roof to safer territory. “Mffpph! Mffph mffph mfph mfffph!” A scream and a crash reverberated out from the roof as the pyro lunged at the nearest scout, missed, and rammed head first in to a pile of crates. Pained groans came from the mask as Caroline slowly got to her feet, much to the horror of the few remaining scouts. “Y' damn w'll better run, when I g't my han's on y'...” With a loud thud, the pyro dropped to the ground. Head pounded, vision had blurred. Something dripped down along her neck, and whatever it was, it was certainly pleasant. “Look at what you guys did!” God, whatever that noise was, it needed to quiet down. “Us? You fuckin' decided to come up here asshole, we told you she was up here!” The noise really needed to quit, now. It was like listening to country. “But fuckin' no, you gotta come up here any way! 'N look, she isn't even....”About two days later, give or take however long it took the group to convince the medic that there really was someone dead up on the roof, a pyro woke up in the infirmary with a splitting headache and the intent to kill... something, though not quite sure why. The medic couldn't take much more of the almost constant bickering of the two groups. It was like little children, each trying to bait the other in to hurting oneself. The doctor had enough wounds to deal with after a battle, he did not need to patch up knife wound incurred over a single pancake! “Ich hoffe, dass sie bald stirbt, ich möchte in der Lage sein, jene Lungen von ihrig zu benutzen. Möglicherweise sogar…” Movement in the medic's side vision alerted him to the fact that, unfortunately, he would not be getting those beautiful lungs of hers. “Gutenmorgen, Klassenletzter. Do not bosser talking, I vill not be listening.” A soft moan could be heard from one of the cots in the corner of the room and then a mumble, presumably something crass, as the doctor swiftly went through his cabinets and picked out various bottles. At the very least, he could drug up the stupid woman silly until he would have to listen to that infernal racket she called talking and take care of any infection that might come from the head wound. 'Two birds, one stone' as the Americans liked to say. A few pills in one hand and a syringe in the other, the medic strode over to the over dramatic, in his opinion, pyro and shoved the pills in front of her face. “Die Pillen schlucken und noch sein.”The fact her mask was off was one of the first things Caroline noticed. That her suit was off was another. The medic was in her space, she was without her suit, he could see her face. There was medicine being thrown at her, and she didn't have her suit. “... Go t' hell, you crazy bastard.”The medic smiled in glee, he might get those lungs after all! He was not surprised by the reaction, had been expecting it really, and quickly stabbed the syringe in to the annoying woman's arm. “Du solltest die Pillen, Frau genommen haben.”----Ich hoffe, dass sie bald stirbt, ich möchte in der Lage sein, jene Lungen von ihrig zu benutzen. Möglicherweise sogar… - "I hope she dies/passes soon, I would like to use those lungs of hers. Perhaps even..."Gutenmorgen, Klassenletzter- Good morning dunce/last of the classDie Pillen schlucken und noch sein.- Take the pills and be stillDu solltest die Pillen, Frau genommen haben- Should have just taken the pills, woman.Comments, complaints, and suggestions are loved! Porn soon, I promise. (Yes, she will stay a lesbian. c: )
Ugh:until he would !NOT! have to listen to
Nice, id like to see more, tough if I'm not mistaking it should be "Frau hat genommen"
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Well, yeah. I don't speak it. I'm using a translator. I don't have a beta, either.
I'm pretty sure we have a bunch of Deutschfags around who'd be happy to help out/beta/whatever. My German is first year-level and /atrocious/, or I'd offer myself up.
Goddamn HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER.Please? :V
Ah, sorry about the delay! My computer crashed, and I have had no time to work on the few chapters in the last month or so. Don't worry, I got this though, brah.
Die Pillen schlucken und noch sein.- Take the pills and be stillWrong 'still'. Noch means something like used in the sentence, 'is she still there?'. You should use 'still' or 'ruhig'.Sorry, that just kinda grated on my nerves. >:For the rest, awesome story. Lesbian!Pyro = <3
>>18No problem and thank you! I don't speak German, so I'm pretty much winging it. If any one wants to beta or help out with the German parts, I would be so gratful!
A lesbian Pyro? Just three letters: FTW.I will read this fic until the end. But i have little prediction about this fic.
It's been quite a while, no update?
Fuck youuuuu, 21, I was hoping there was a new chapter. D:
WELL I GANNA SAY THE SAME TO YOU 22 I THOUGHT IT WAS AN UPDATE! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Sage you guys, seriously.Anyway, lesbian pyro is something I would like to see more. Do write more.
it doesn't sound right because there's no comma after the 'Frau''Du solltest die Pillen, Frau, genommen haben' sounds much better.I think the German grammar is pretty sound though, surprising from an online translator. Those things usually rape everything that is beautiful out of the German tongue, haha.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FINISH THIS ALREADY CHRIST
derp