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No. 5356
Since I've not seen it yet, I figured I had to attempt a Saxton Hale fic with someone. Not much sexystuff yet, but it shall come soon. Thanks to Hups for editing, and now the ball's in your court!

---
  “Ah, bloody ‘ell, where is it?” Sniper shuffled through the packages the Mail Truck had dropped off that day, searching for a long box with his name plastered to it. It had been eleven days since he’d ordered that razorback, and he remembered the advertisement explicitly stating shipping took 7-10 days. “Bloody liar!” He kicked a lumpy package at his feet. This was just terrific. The mail only came once a month, and without that razorback, he’d have a dozen knives in his back by the end of the week.    
 
“Somzhing ze problem, mon ami?” Spy asked as he took a shiny new case of cigarettes from its brown packaging    
 
“Well, unless ya count the half a dozen stabs in the back I’m gonna be takin’ from ya counterpart today, everything’s just peachy,” Sniper growled. Dawn was rising over the Badlands, and both teams, still snug and safe in their bases, were making the necessary preparations for the day. Scout was perched on an oil barrel, reading a letter he’d received from his mother, while Medic was unpacking and examining the fresh supplies that’d been delivered to him. Stealthy as a snake, Spy snuck up behind Scout and deftly swiped the letter from his hands to read it.    

 “Hey, gimme that back, ya French sonofabitch!” Scout shouted, reaching for the letter only to be coolly pushed back down by Spy.    

 “Ah, mon cheri,” Spy muttered, bringing the paper to his nose and sniffing lightly. “Your penmanship ‘as improved, I see…”    
 “My mom ain’t ya mon cherry, ya spook!” Scout protested, snatching the letter back violently and inadvertently ripping it. “Aw, now look what ya did.”    
 “What you did is of your own design, impudent boy,” Spy sneered as he tossed the torn piece of paper from his hand and sauntered off. Just as he was about to leave the room, he stopped and turned his head slightly, saying, “Oh, and, tell ta mere I say salut,” Scout, viscerally reminded of those unpleasant photos he’d some of his mother and Spy a month ago, turned red as a heated coal.    
 
“Yeah, I’ll tell her…oh, screw you, man!” Scout grumbled as he stuffed what remained of his letter into his pocket. Shooting a glare at Sniper, he left the room running. As Medic stood up, arms laden with boxes of syringes and medicine, he noticed Sniper sitting on the concrete floor, a sullen countenance on his face.    
 
“Was ist los, Herr Sniper?” Medic asked.    
 
“Ahh, it’s nothing,” Sniper said dismissively, waving an arm.

“Just pissed that my razorback didn’ come in, is all.”    
 
“Ah,” Medic said. “Did you order it from Saxton Hale?”    
 
“Yeah.” Inwardly, Sniper felt rather disappointed. This was the man, after all, that had taught him jarate, the man whose likeness he had posted on his wall—a shirtless, hirsute likeness that made the Australian swoon, albeit in secret.    
 
“Zhat is strange,” Medic said, struggling with the heavy and extremely fragile boxes in his hands.    
 
“Here, lemme help.” Sniper relieved Medic of two of the boxes and help him carry them out of the room. Together, they brought the packages up to his clinic, Sniper barely aware of where he was going.    
 
“Danke, danke,” Medic said as they came into the small, sterile room and gently put the boxes down on the ground. “I’ll need to sort through zhese now, so you can go.”    
 “Yeah. Thanks,” Sniper said as he stepped over the boxes and out the door, his back feeling conspicuously bare.    
 
“Don’t vorry about your razorback, by zhe vay!” Medic called out to him as he left.     
 “Why shouldn’ I?” Sniper asked with irritation. “Today’s the only mail day this month, right?”    

 “Ja, but if I know Herr Hale, you vill be getting zhat razorback,” Medic said, a sly, pensive smile on his lips. “He has a vay of getting zhings delivered.”     

Sniper had no idea what he was talking about, and just mumbled a barely audible “Yeah” before walking out. There was something hard and dull making a home in his stomach; the painful peach pit of disappointment. Well, there wasn’t nothing he could do about it now, he thought as he trudged into the dining hall besides just trying to get through the day. Despite being such an eclectic bunch, the team had managed to synchronize their eating habits so that they ate the same things at the same time, those things usually being stale bread, powdered milk, bland cereal, and beans. Demoman was talking amicably with Engineer, while Soldier and Heavy had already burst into their daily “Whose superpower is the superest,” argument.    
 “Spootnick,” Heavy said, pointing a spoon at the face of his adversary. “Vie haff spootnick. Vat do you haff?”    

 “We sent a man to the moon, you Roosky bastard!” Soldier said, slapping the spoon away from his face. “And we have the bomb.”    
 
“So do ve!” Heavy protested.    

 “But have you dropped any on China and destroyed the entire Great Wall?”  

Sniper took his bowl of stale cereal and powered milk and sat down next to Heavy as the Russian thought about this. “Would you two give it a bloody rest?” Sniper asked the two arguing men. “You’re both just the pawns of a multinational military organization that exercises clandestine sovereignty over the planet anyway.”  

Heavy and Soldier stared at him with some level of dumbfoundedness as Sniper spooned bran between his teeth. Enjoying the fact that he’d shut them off, the assassin finished his statement with “Besides, both yer countries are shite compared to Australia.” Suddenly united, Heavy and Soldier began hurling emphatic retorts at Sniper, eliciting only a smirk from him.  

Suddenly, the door to outside was kicked in with a huge BANG!, prompting the team members in the room to jump up and pull their weapons out. For a minute, a deadly silence fell over the room, until it was broken by a loud, jovial voice.    
 
“Oi! I hear someone’s been lookin’ for a razorback!” Sniper felt his heart come to a dead halt. It was him.    

Stepping forth from the torrents of dust blowing in from the badlands was Saxton Hale, a shiny new razorback in his hand and a wide smile below the brim of his windswept hat. Sniper thought he might die of excitement as he saw the man step forward, swinging the razorback to and fro slightly as he walked. He wore only his hat and a pair of small shorts, his tanned, hardened body on display for all the world to see. Sniper drank the man in, his dark, toned biceps and calves, that light smile beneath his wide, smooth mustache, that large, conspicuous bulge pressing against the tight fabric of his shorts. He stood there silently, awed by the raw virility before him, and his heartbeat accelerated to a fevered rate as Saxton began walking to him.  

“Sorry it couldn’t be delivered on time, mate,” Saxton Hale said, bringing a hand to Sniper’s shoulder that sent a shiver of delight through him. “Our delivery service couldn’t make it to these parts, so I delivered it myself, hatin’ to see a disappointed customer and all.” He handed the Razorback to Sniper, who took with a trembling hand.     
 
“Th-thanks,” Sniper said, afraid to make eye contact with Mr. Hale for fear of melting completely.    
 “I wish I could say you’re welcome, mate, but I’m still in your debt!” Saxton said with a chuckle, throwing an arm over Sniper’s shoulder. He would never know the fevered thrills this sent through the marksman.    
 
“Wh-what?” Sniper asked, suddenly very hot from having this shirtless, gorgeous man pressing on him. He bit his lip in an attempt to stifle a rising erection.    
 
“Eleven days,” Saxton replied. “It took me eleven days to get this to you, and my ad says it only takes 7-10. For that, mate, I owe you a favor.”    
 
“A favor?” Oh god. Was this for real?    
 
“Yep,” Saxton replied, pressing closer to Sniper. “Just name it, and I’ll do it. Anything you want.”     

Oh god above. It was real, and too good to be true. Sniper breathed in and out heavily, hoping to god he could contain himself. Here he was, with Saxton Hale, his arm over his shoulder, pressed up against his warm, naked chest, their calves brushing against each other…it was almost too much to bear. But Sniper had to say something. Anything. “Anything?”
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 5357
Sniper has a crush!
How adorable!
>> No. 5358
Yesssss
>> No. 5359
omg omg omg. I can't even-- Fanboy Sniper makes me grin so damn much. What Sniper feels for Saxton, I feel for your fic.
I... I love you guys.
>> No. 5360
after reading this i couldnt help but imagine Sniper screaming in a crowd of fans with Saxton walking on a a red carpet or something. I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP
>> No. 5362
I SENSE WACKINESS AHEAD.
>> No. 5366
SO THIS IS WHAT YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN UP TO.

I am excite.
>> No. 5367
This Sniper is just ADORABLE!
>> No. 5368
I LOVE THIS FIC SO FAR, MOAR PLZ
>> No. 5369
I APPROVE ON SO MANY LEVELS OF THIS FIC! I AM A FAGGOT HUMP MY RUMP
>> No. 5370
BUT HOW DID MEDIC KNOW?!
>> No. 5372
Apparently we just missed each other on the chat thingy, so I'll have to tell you here how much I love this. Especially the swooning, and camp humour. Particularly the swooning.
>> No. 5375
Swooning fanboy Sniper.

SWOONING FANBOY SNIPER!
YES PLEASE!
>> No. 5377
That's just cute. Sniper being a fanboy and nearly dieying having his crush pressing up against him.

ah fanboy sniper.....what a site.
>> No. 5399
I love the image of the whole team looking on while a pining Sniper is pulled to the chest of this burly sweaty hairy magnificent man.
>> No. 5416
ahaha, omg, yessssss~
>> No. 5420
Saxton Hale = Hot anal sex ?
Please don't make us wait long.
>> No. 5422
Saxton Hale = Hot anal sex ? Oh
my
god.
>> No. 5423
This is hilarious, I eagerly await more.
>> No. 5427
Here you have me, grinning like an idiot. Fanboy Sniper is the best thing ever.
>> No. 5430
No, Sniper! It's yer dad, man! YER DAD!

But I agree with everyone on how adorable Snipes is as a fanboy.
>> No. 5432
>>22 I was hesitant at first to read cuz that's what went through my mind as well, but I am so glad i did
I can't wait for more C:
>> No. 5433
I-isn't Saxton hale Sniper's DAD?! D:
>> No. 5439
wincest!
>> No. 5440
>>21
>>23

Incest= Wincest :P

Loving this so far.....
>> No. 5454
>>23

That's a rumor, Valve never says it but some people assume it. Personally I think Sniper just idolizes the guy and has since he was a kid.
>> No. 5460
Can I ask which colour Sniper is? Because I'm totally drawing this.
>> No. 5463
>>27
hmm...personally, I'd prefer BLU, but that's just a color preference. You can decide, but the thought of someone drawing this makes me EVER SO HAPPY.
>> No. 5494
Fanboy... Sniper... HELL. FREAKING. YES.

And yes, Sniper... he MEANS anything... like /your wildest dreams/.

Small nitpick:
Well, there wasn’t nothing he could do about it now,Double negative confused me.
>> No. 5505
SHORT UPDATE BECAUSE I'M TIRED AND FREAKING OUT ABOUT OTHER SHIT


---


“That’s right,” Saxton said, teeth gleaming. Sniper didn’t realize he was against the wall until Saxton put his hand on it by Sniper’s ear, leaning on it to tower over the bushman. “When I say anything, I mean anything.”

The other men in the room seemed to sense what was going through Sniper’s head, because one by one they all muttered excuses—or garbled them, in Pyro’s case—and fled the room. Sniper was left alone with his idol.

“Tell me what you want from me,” Saxton said, and Sniper turned the color of tomatoes. Was Saxton Hale such an impressive specimen that he’d developed mind-reading skills? Could he look into Sniper’s head and see the imagery racing through it of the manliest man to ever be a man pinning him to the mattress of his bunk?

“I want,” Sniper began, and he found himself dry-mouthed. He licked his lips, swallowed, tried again. “Um, it’s in my… My bunk.”

Saxton seemed to regard the man against the wall for a moment, and then leaned in even closer. “What’s in your bunk?” His breath smelled of Altoids, which was the only mint a real man should ever have.

“I—um—I have to put my Razorback awa—”

“Tell me first what you want. I can’t leave until I’ve satisfied you.” Saxton Hale, the man, the legend, was so close so close—

“S-satisfied me?” The words came out in a squeak, and Sniper swore the next thing he said would be deeper, manlier. He repeated himself.

“Couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”

Sniper couldn’t help himself; his eyes flicked down at his too-tight pants, and Saxton looked to see what he was looking at. Realization dawned in Saxton’s face, and he nodded slowly. “I know what I can do to fulfill my promise, I think.”

Saxton moved to the counter, and in one mighty sweep he cleared the countertop, everything clattering to the linoleum. Then he pulled Sniper close one-handedly, and lifted him bodily onto the counter. “I made a promise in my ad, and I failed you,” Saxton said, unbuttoning Sniper’s shirt. “My company,” and he yanked the hem out of Sniper’s pants, “is founded upon good business practices,” and the vest slid off his shoulders, “and I’ll be damned if I don’t live up to that.”

Sniper realized then that he was as topless as the CEO of Mann Co., and that the man was working on his pants. “Ohhh, Mr. Hale,” he breathed. Saxton Hale, Saxton Hale! was fondling him through his underwear, was stroking him firmly. Saxton goddamn Hale!


---


SONNEMELZEN IS WORKING ON THE NEXT PART, DON'T KVETCH
>> No. 5506
Oh God, this is going to be goddamned hilarious.
>> No. 5507
HAHAH, oh Mister Hale INDEED
oh man, this is just pure gold. now I can't wait for more
bravo!
>> No. 5509
I am crying with laughter. This is going to be so fantastic.
>> No. 5511
and in one mighty sweep he cleared the countertop

OHHH YESS
TAKE ME

I mean, uh, take him!
>> No. 5512
Hurr hurr. :D
>> No. 5513
Yes yes yes yes!

Take that Sniper like shit out of a bodice-ripper, unf.
>> No. 5514
His breath smelled of Altoids, which was the only mint a real man should ever have.
I absolutely lost it at that, this is brilliant. Although, now that I think about it, I'm not sure they have Altoids in Australia.
>> No. 5515
Happy fucking Friday.......

This is going to be good.....
>> No. 5516
>>37
Saxton Hale can move continent-to-continent by skipping. He can get his Altoids wharever he godamn wants to.
>> No. 5519
God Bless Saxton Hale and his commitment to better business. Yow.
>> No. 5527
I am torn between hysterical laughter and heading straight to my bunk. I might possible do both. You two are brilliant, never stop.
>> No. 5535
Oh dear Gods yes.
>> No. 5538
I second this notion that Altoids are a real man's mints. Also that Saxton Hale is manly and sexy as hell and I'm goddamned jealous of Sniper right now. Never stop writing please.
>> No. 5547
>“Tell me what you want from me,”
That phrase "take me now" from the story book thing Spy reads on Youtube passed through my head... -giggle-

>the manliest man to ever be a man
This... it makes me happy on the inside.

>I can’t leave until I’ve satisfied you
Oh gawd...

>and in one mighty sweep he cleared the countertop
Then he pulled Sniper close one-handedly, and lifted him bodily onto the counter
Because /this/ is how real men prepare to fuck. Damn straight.
>> No. 5548
Brb laughing forever.
>> No. 5561
We can all take a good lesson from this: Fanboy Sniper is the best Sniper.
>> No. 5566
This is great. I love romance novel send-ups. Rip his bodice, Mr Hale! Take the sweet jewel of his womanhood! Er, whatever.
>> No. 5570
my god this is fantastic, never stop writing ever
>> No. 5619
Holy hell I'm so delighted.
>> No. 5621
Short but sweet, I hope. I left it right where it is so I can leave the burden of writing THE MOST MANLY SEX SCENE IN EXISTENCE to hups.

----


Sniper felt himself breathing heavily, wantonly, as Saxton’s large, strong hands moved over his body, disrobing him, fondling him. “Oh, Mr. Hale…” he repeated, his cheeks flushed with pleasure, lust.

“Now,” Saxton said as he lifted Sniper’s legs, removing his underwear, “Do you want me to be rough and fast, or slow and gentle? Whatever you need, I’ll provide it.” He leaned down and starting kissing Sniper’s chest up and down, his tongue lingering with each touch and sending shivers of ecstasy through the smaller man’s body. With his left hand, Saxton continued stroking Sniper’s member firmly, stimulating him without trying actively to make him come.

“Nng…” Sniper shuddered and adjusted his body under Saxton’s grasp. “S-slow…” he managed through the waves of jouissance coming from each stroke of his cock. “B-but…” he couldn’t resist the opportunity. You could have gentle sex with anyone almost anytime, but how often did you get the chance to be taken by /the/ Saxton Hale?

“Mmm?” Hale lifted his face from Sniper’s chest and looked into his eyes. Mr. Hale such lovely blue eyes, but they were shrewd and deep-set, powerful like carved ice. He brought a hand to Sniper’s cheek, loving and assuaging. Sniper felt his apprehension fade, knowing that whatever happened, Saxton wouldn’t hurt him.

“Hard,” he managed, feeling vaguely like he was ordering something at a restaurant. Saxton grinned and said, “/That/, mate, I can oblige.” The CEO stepped back and undid his belt, smiling all the while. He wore no underwear, and as soon as he’d removed his belt and pants, Sniper could see that all his previous judgments about Saxton Hale being the most manly man to grace the race of men had been…right. With such tight shorts, he certainly hadn’t left much to the imagination, but Sniper couldn’t help but ogle when he saw Saxton’s most…/impressive/ penis. It was flaccid, but it must have been six inches, maybe more. “Like what you see?” Saxton said with a chuckle. Sniper managed a flushed nod. “Good. Now, let’s get this thing started.”

Saxton Hale tossed his shorts aside and engulfed Sniper in his powerful arms, his tongue sliding into the marksman mouth as he kissed him fiercely, passionately. He stroked his own cock into a hard on and pulled the marksman towards him, pressing their bodies together with scary, yet exhilarating strength. “D…do you have lubricant?” Sniper asked as their lips parted. Saxton Hale’s eyes widened in surprise for a moment, and he pulled back before it all clicked.

“Oh yeah!” He stepped back and bent over to retrieve his shorts. Sniper sat up and saw him bending over, blushing as he saw Saxton’s bare entrance before him. It was…well, what can one really say about a asshole? Even if it was Saxton Hale’s, they’re all about the same.

“I forgot for a second that when you’re with guys, y’need lube,” Saxton said as he rummaged through a pocket. “Luckily, though, I’ve got a tube of Mann Co.’s new Soft Entrance lubricant for men in my pocket. Y’see, with all the buggery that goes on around these places, we figured there was a sale to be made. If you’re an example, I think this new product will be quite a success…” Sniper blushed profusely, but turned obediently onto his stomach and let Saxton do what he needed to. He felt his anus spread and the jelly-like lubricant lathered around it, trembling as the cold sensation spread all around his entrance.

“Oh…ohh…” Sniper shuddered. Saxton’s finger lingered for a moment when he was done applying the lube, one brushing against his anus and sending a sudden tremor through him like a ripple on still water. He felt Saxton press up against him, press his hands down on the counter to flank the smaller Australian, his altoid-laden breath coming down on Sniper’s neck and wafting into his nostrils. Sniper stretched out and looked behind to see the magnificent Saxton in position behind him, poised to make the beast with two backs.

“And now,” Saxton said, bringing his erect cock to Sniper‘s entrance, “Time to repay my debt.”
>> No. 5624
HUPS! FOR THE LOVE ALL ALL THAT IS MANLY, UPDATE THIS SOON! I'M BEGGIN' YA!
>> No. 5625
Hm... I'm not sure if I should be surprised that:

A) Saxton Hale goes Commando

and

B) That he had lube with him

Either way, this is quite gold.
>> No. 5626
WHY IS THIS SO HOT.
Seriously, I thought that I would just continue to laugh at the manly suaveness throughout this while being totally in love with Sniper, but suddenly, it's gotten so amazingly hot. What is this. I don't even.
>> No. 5628
>>53

JUST AS PLANNED.
>> No. 5636
You manage to make things freakin' hilarious and smokin' hot at the same time. You have a gift, my friend.
>> No. 5638
OH GOD THIS IS SO HOT AND YET NRGGG

(Though reading this suddenly reminded me, sorry if this is offtopic, but... what on earth happened to the jarate fic with Saxton bursting through the wall and sexing sniper to bits? Am I just not finding it or is it gone?)
>> No. 5642
I never knew one could write something as hilarious as it is hot!
>> No. 5644
I laughed hard at Saxton's matter-of-fact explanation about the lubricant, but then I popped fifty boners when he started fingering Sniper, fuuuuck

This is amazing and you two are godly
>> No. 5656
Sniper stretched out and looked behind to see the magnificent Saxton in position behind him, poised to make the beast with two backs.
Somebody needs to draw this from Sniper's perspective. I could never do the imagery justice.
>> No. 5691
>>59

i lol'd so fucking hard at that quote you have no idea

Seriously Sonne you are my hero. NEVER STOP WRITING
>> No. 5705
> THE MOST MANLY SEX SCENE IN EXISTENCE
Manlier than this?
http://oglaf.com/honor.html

sage for unrelated.
>> No. 5714
>>61
CccHACHK! I choked on my drink...almost a spit take, even...
>> No. 5759
So good. I love you both.

>>61
Making me choose between Saxton Hale and screaming Mastodon references in the middle of fucking a Viking is just mean.
>> No. 5852
This is so manly, I'm now in need of a cold shower and a shave.

Good job.
>> No. 5877
what can one really say about a asshole? Even if it was Saxton Hale’s, they’re all about the same
LIES

LIGHT SHINES FROM IT
>> No. 5880
>>65

Think I lol'd hard enough to bruise something X)
>> No. 5925
http://www.tf2chan.net/fanart/res/13493.html#i15214

Just a sketch to show my love for this divine bodice-ripper.
>> No. 5932
^ beautiful awesome

also need moar writings plz
>> No. 5936
>>68

MORE WRITINGS COMING SOON, WITH ANY LUCK

GOD DAMMIT HUPS HURRY UP
>> No. 6048
My god this is awesome!


... I still wanna know hoe the fuck the Medic KNEW....
>> No. 6064
aaand we're done here, sorry guys i was bogged down with school bullshit


---


Heavy was in his bunk, trying not to sigh too much. He’d thought what he had with Sniper was special. He’d thought he was man enough, but he could see now no one could rival the fabled Saxton Hale in masculinity.
 
The man in question was currently pushing into his biggest fan, slowly, carefully. Sniper’s fingers flexed and his forehead rolled against the marble counter, moaning softly. It didn’t feel the best yet, but just the idea of Saxton Hale inside him, the length of him, the heat of him, was enough to make Sniper moan.
 
Saxton’s fingers wrapped around Sniper’s hips, their grip strong as the man—the legend—buried himself in Sniper’s ass to the hilt. “How’re you feelin’, mate?” Saxton asked, leaning down to murmur it in Sniper’s ear. “Alright there?”
 
“P-perfect,” Sniper uttered, shivering at the feel of Saxton’s broad chest pressing against the skin of his back.
 
“Not yet, it isn’t,” Saxton chuckled, standing straight again. He tightened his hold on Sniper’s hips, and he began to pump his own hips, out of Sniper and back into him, slowly at first. Sniper’s breath fogged the surface of the countertop, and beneath him the marble was starting to warm to his body temperature, hard against his pelvic bones. His erection brushed the cabinet, heavy and full.
 
“Ahh, that’s right,” Saxton said with a grunt, noticing said erection, and he reached down to stroke it. Sniper pushed into Saxton’s hand with a happy whine, delighting in the calluses on the pads of his fingertips—a sign of a man’s man, a man who worked with his hands! No one compared to Saxton Hale.
 
Sniper began to imagine things, lying there on the kitchen counter where his teammates took their meals, with several thick inches of Hale cock pounding into him. This moment encapsulated everything he’d ever hoped for, just as Saxton Hale encapsulated everything a man could ever hope to be. He shut his eyes blissfully, and there he saw himself making a life with the great inventor, somewhere outside the 2fort complex; somewhere that was green, with inexplicable plastic on the furniture.
 
Then Saxton’s strokes became more insistent, his thrusts faster and harder against the backs of his thighs, and Sniper's breath fogging the glassy surface below came in shorter bursts. Saxton Hale made grunting, animal noises behind him, and when Sniper dared to look back, the man's eyes were closed, his head thrown back, his hat fallen to the floor. The sight alone almost brought Sniper to completion. Saxton whispered mindless little things, like fuck yeah, that's good, ohh, getting louder with each thrust.

Saxton's face reddened completely, his brows meeting over his nose in deep furrows, and on his final few thrusts, he opened his mouth wide and shouted, "Nobody delivers like Saxton Hale!" He came grunting and bellowing, and the culmination of everything brought Sniper over the edge as well, coming into Saxton's thick fingers with a howl.

There was a moment where the energy fled both men completely, Sniper sagging on the counter with Saxton sagging on him. Sniper tried to say something about how good it was, but the breath to say it had left him. The feeling of Saxton draped over his back made him feel warm, even a little safe. Good, definitely.

Then Saxton straightened behind him and pulled out. He patted Sniper on the ass playfully, and then pulled his shorts back on. "Well, consider my debt repaid, sir," he said with a chuckle. "I've got to be off, then."

"Wait, what?" Sniper stood straight as well, turning to face the other man. "Aren't you going to stay?"

"What for? I've got to get back to my wife, mate," Saxton said, grinning. "She promised me a good dinner tonight, and maybe something else." He winked jovially. "Anyway, don't forget, choose Mann Co for all your sharpshooting and buggering needs!" He saluted Sniper with two fingers. "Goodbye!" And with that, Saxton Hale, the epitome of masculinity, the man to put all other men to shame, strolled out through the very doorway his manliness had destroyed.

"I... I..." Sniper was left speechless, too shocked to even put his clothes back on. Had that really just happened? A wife? A fucking wife? And a fucking ad for Mann Co to top it off!

"He is no man for you," Heavy's voice rumbled from the door that led to the rest of the fort, and within seconds a pair of strong, massive arms encircled his naked shoulders, a rough cheek pressing against his ear. "I am only man for you, Sniper. He is nothing but walking talking advértisement for stupid company."

"He was my bloody idol," Sniper sighed. "I dunno what to feel now. What to do."

"Forget stupid idol," Heavy growled, turning Sniper around to face him. "Forget stupid manly man. I! Heavy weapons guy! Am more man than that!" Heavy pounded his chest for emphasis. "You are only man I want, and I am only man you ever need!"

"Oh, Heavy," Sniper swooned. No, he would never forget this afternoon being fucked by his former hero, but Heavy was right. "You are the only man for me."
>> No. 6065
YOU TELL HIM HEAVY

Sniper's fanboy fantasyland is bananas.
>> No. 6066
haha, this was perfect. poor sniper. but at least in the end things turned out sweet
somewhere that was green, with inexplicable plastic on the furniture. feed me seymour! (sorry, i couldn't help it, it was the first thing to pop into mind)
>> No. 6067
>>73
HAHA YOU GOT IT
>> No. 6068
FUCK YEAH. SNIPER LOVES HIS MEN MANLY.

I think I've grown a beard reading this whole thing. The both of you are awesome, thank you.
>> No. 6069
*wipes away manly tears*
That was beautiful. ILU mang.
>> No. 6075
>>74
now all I can do is picture Sniper in a flowery dress and blonde wig....oh god, haha.
<3
>> No. 6081
"What for? I've got to get back to my wife, mate," OH HELL NAW. D< Uncool, Saxton... UNCOOL.

I like Heavy's posessiveness. It's adorable <3
>> No. 6084
>>77
I've been picturing that from the beginning, but in more of a 'that's the hairiest damn princess I ever seen' kind of capacity. I blame all the romance novelisms.
>> No. 6085
>>79
Mentioning princess makes me think of Saxton Hale running around to different bases kicking down doors and being told that Sniper (his princess) is in another base (castle).
>> No. 6086
>>78 spoiler, please.

Otherwise, awesome job!
>> No. 6088
>>81
Sorry, I always forget those things... urk.
>> No. 6091
>No one compared to Saxton HaleNO ONE COMPARES TO GASTON

Now we require a sequel where Heavy orders from Mann co. to extract revenge.
>> No. 6094
PROTIP: listen to I'll Make A Man Out Of You for lulz as you read this. I laughed ten times harder than I would have otherwise.
>> No. 6100
Again with the funny. Again with the hot.
Then suddenly, Heavy.
...I don't think I've ever seen that on here, by the way...
>> No. 6185
I still want to know why Medic knows how good Saxton Hale is at "delivering".
>> No. 6188
>>86
He's a doctor, he can probably tell that kind of thing with a glance.
>> No. 6189
Perhaps you'll find in the next...well, I don't want to coyly insinuate anything...
>> No. 6201
I just now realised the anagram joke behind his name...
Sage for me being some slow kind of slow thing that's all slow and stuff
>> No. 6213
>>89
There's an anagram joke? I never thought to look.
Texan's heal? Ah also next?
hupsoonheng = shogun phone, btw.
>> No. 6220
>>90 I hope you're kidding.
Saxton Hale = Hot Anal Sex.
>> No. 6223
>>91

Actually, this is my first time realize it as well. Valve, you silly kids, you.
>> No. 6250
>>89
...well that's just weird.
>> No. 7906
>>6189

YOU DIRTY TEASE!!!


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