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No. 1684
Hi. I'm terrified of posting stuff. A bunch of people (myself included) were after a Scout/You fic. Nothing was reposted so here's my go... hope it's decent-ish.

---

For once, the base is quiet. The team you're working for aren't on a mission, but as the base needs a lot of upkeep, most of them tend to leave you to your work.

Most of them.

'Hey toots, think fast!'

You barely have time to react before the baseball smacks you in the face.

'Oh, sorry, I didn't mean ta hit ya,' Scout smirks, approaching to retrieve the ball he was toying with. He doesn't sound nearly sorry enough for you to let him off the hook that easily. Snapping out of the short daze induced by the hit, you scowl and bend to pick up his ball before he reaches you.

'Aw hey, thanks,' he grins. You snatch his ball behind your back, away from his outstretched hand.

'That hurt, you jerk.'

'I didn' mean it! Gimme my ball.'

'What ball?'

'C'mon, I need dat ball!' He lunges, trying to weave his hands behind your back, and you twist out of his reach. You start to hop backwards around the room, just one of the many small, overlooked equipment rooms they have here, so you're constantly dodging equipment while attempting to keep Scout at bay.

He's starting to look pretty pissed.

'Don' even try ta outrun me, toots, give it up.'

'Make me,' it's your turn to smirk, there's something so gratifying about being able to annoy him. You roll his precious ball between your palms in plain sight. You lose that smile as Scout jumps at you, tackling you to the floor, his arms around your waist.

You grunt in pain and gasp, but Scout's still intent on his prize, keeping your body pinned right next to his. Something about it stops you from trying to fight him off. He's still grabbing for the ball you're holding to your chest, and somehow manages to seize your breast through your shirt by mistake (or at least, you'll have to assume by mistake), and the game stops.

Scout snaps away from you and sits up as you turn onto your back, looking up at him straddling you. The two of you are panting and warm from your little keepaway dance. An inadvertent blush heats your face.

'Sorry, I- ... I didn't mean ta, it's jus' you... and... they're kinda the same, so-' he's trying to talk much too fast in some attempt at an excuse, the idea of getting off your legs not entering his head, 'I-I wouldn'ta on purpose, I mean, well, I would if ya wanted me to, but I guess ya don' 'cause that's... I'm not... not that I DON' want...'

An overly exasperated sigh from you cuts him off. 'Scout, do you ever stop talking?'

'...Make me,' he pouts.

You sit up, happy enough to comply this time by silencing his mouth with yours. The kiss clearly surprises him. His lips are surprisingly soft, but you know better than to tell him that. He tries to kiss back, hesitance revealing his inexperience. You slip your hands around his neck, and feel his stroke down your back to your hips. He holds you tight there, his deft, bandaged fingers clutching your shirt.

By the time the kiss breaks, you're smiling. He's blinked away the confusion now, grinning from ear to ear, so you nuzzle your nose against his, nipping frequent kisses at his cheek. The top of your head bumps against the brim of his cap.

Noticing this, he holds you off long enough to remove it, and tosses his hat aside. The clunky headset comes off too.

'Ain't nobody else need ta know what we're doin',' he remarks, and then he's on you so quick you have to wonder if he drank any Bonk! earlier. The boy keeps you pinned to the floor, unleashing ferociously quick kisses you can only try to keep up with, your fingers now tangled up in his haphazard mop of brown hair.

Your bodies get closer and the kisses get clumsier, until you're hardly aiming because nobody cares where they land. Eyes closed, all that matters is they keep coming. He stops just a half second, all he needs to throw off his shirt. You're happy to let his hands explore your chest, and to do it in return, stroking your fingers over his bare skin. He moans deeply into the kisses, one of his hands travelling up your leg to brush your thigh.

'So, uh.' He's so close to your face you can feel his warm, quick breathing. 'We gonna fuck or somethin'?'

You push him down and take over as an answer, slipping your hand between his legs and giving him a squeeze. It's only fair. You nuzzle his neck, leaving repeated kisses there, listening to his moans of increasing volume as you fondle his erection through his pants.

But he won't let you tease him for long and gets back on top, holding you close and grinding his crotch against yours.

'O-oh... Scout, you got so damn hard,' you whimper, his stiff member bumping just the right spot between your legs. He's humping you slightly, gasping and grunting in desperation. Feeling his arousal makes you wet, but nowhere near as wet as when he snatches off your top, your bra, and licks at your hardened nipples.

'C'mon, c'mon please,' he whines inbetween the licks and kisses on your breasts. 'I jus' gotta do ya...' One of his hands slides between your legs now, and you squeal and shudder when his fingers brush against you. He applies pressure to your wettest spot, fingertips moving in the tiniest circular motion, and you can only gasp and moan his name until he quiets you with a kiss. He lowers a hand to unzip himself.

'ALERT! Mission begins in 60 seconds!'

You can feel a low growl growing in Scout's mouth. He breaks off and practically screams.

'FUCK.'

The two of you lie in silence for a few seconds, your heated, half-naked bodies still entwined on the floor, coming to terms with the fact that this can't be done.

'I gotta... you know,' Scout roughly pulls his shirt back on and replaces his hat while you fumble with your bra. 'W-we ain't done here, right?'

You just shake your head, trying not to seem too disappointed, it can't be helped. Then you pick up the entirely forgotten ball from the corner.

Scout fixes his headset back on and tries to hide his all too obvious arousal. 'I got like 30 seconds, aw man- they're gonna notice, what the freakin' hell do I do!'

You pat him on the shoulder to calm him down, and hand back the prized object you both fought over. 'Try thinking about baseball.'

Scout doesn't look the least bit amused, but he does bump a final quick kiss on your cheek before dashing off to the front lines.
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 1686
HARHAR poor scoot

this IS being continued, right?
>> No. 1690
Heh, 'toots', Scout would so use names like that on chicks, 'dollface', 'pidge', all that old term stuff. Looking great so far! Please continue! Cant let the kid have blueballs forever!
>> No. 1691
y....you`re going to finish.....right?

...right?

RIGHT!!!!!?
>> No. 1692
I actually can't say I like it. This seems too... well... bad fanfiction. It's not completely terrible, but it compares to a lot of fanfiction that's written by early-teen fangirls.
>> No. 1693
it's ok i guess
a bit too rushed (haha, rushed scout fic) and yea, a bit on the bad fanfic side
and if it's a scout & you story, would 'you' also be having to get ready for a battle?
>> No. 1694
He bonks you in the face, tackles you, then grabs your boobs? I'm a masochist, and I STILL don't find that appealing. OP, you might want to think about some more realistic motivations for your female character.
>> No. 1697
>>8
I'm a masochist, and I STILL don't find that appealing.haha, i couldn't help but giggle at this
>> No. 1698
There's something about the characterization that I don't like here.

I liked the idea that Scout would be flustered and show a lot of inexperience, but then when he says "You wanna fuck or somethin'?" and it threw me off. You could chalk it up to his arrogance, but when you mention he's inexperienced and fumbles with his words and then suddenly takes control is just, I don't know, almost felt like you wanted to rush into the sex too fast and completely threw out any chance for a proper build-up.
>> No. 1701
*headdesk* Fuck, I should've realised I wasn't ready to try something like this. Motivation did kinda throw me because you're not supposed to characterise in these 2nd-person fics. Just didn't want there to be NONE of this type, but oh well.

Sorry you guys :c
>> No. 1703
Hey Anon, don't despair. People aren't saying STFU DUN WRITE NO MOAR, just offering some critique. Put this piece away for awhile, then come back to it, think about what worked well, and what didn't. Writing is like anything else, you get better with practise.
>> No. 1704
>>12

Too true. Writing takes a while to get good at, especially with pieces like this.
>> No. 1705
>>12
ditto
just keep practicing anon :D
>> No. 1706
Well, I help someone finishes it.
>> No. 1707
>>15
If you write like that, I hope you DON'T help anyone in the fic boards
>> No. 1714
I for one liked it. Please continue.
>> No. 1717
>>16

I only write like that when i'm sleepy. you don't have to hope either way.

1. I'm more of a drawing person.

2. i don't post ANY of my work here.
>> No. 1719
>>18
... OH, was the "help" a typo for "hope" in the first post you made, then? That's the only thing that makes it make sense to me.
>> No. 1726
>>19

I think I messed the whole comment up. I was just saying this is too good a fic to go to waste ,so it would be a good idea someone else finished it ,if the original writer isn't going to.

It won't be me, rest assured.
>> No. 1729
I think OP should just wait a few days and come back to it, personally there were a few bits that didn`t seem right but i can put all that to the sidelines for some hot "Scout and You!" Action.

So OP, i know i would appreciate reading more, the more you write and as long as people help you along with the parts that need some tuning then you`ll get a lot better at this.

TL;DR: Write more and have someone beta it.
>> No. 1733
I think this should be finished, it's a great try. Get it beta'd ect. and post it.
OP, you do have potential.
>> No. 1738
(OP here) Thanks for all that reassurance. I just got worried I messed up and wasted people's time, and there's a ton of great fic over here so I'd hate to bring the place down.

Somebody else posts a Scout/You right after mine, ha what timing. I hope my attempt doesn't put them off, because I wanted to read some like BURNING. I probably won't continue, I'll let the better writers do this stuff instead.
>> No. 1776
Yanno what
srsly.
Moar anyway.
You gave it your best, Anon and for god sake dont give up! It was still really good. Just keep in mind the critique (I like the arrogance you gave him through the 'gonna fuck' line, because he'd never let you know how many times he had or hadn't ROFL its scout afterall!) and you're gold!
I cannot WAIT for the next one.
Only wish you'd namefagged so I could keep tabs!
>> No. 1809
Do continue please, it already started so nicely.
>> No. 1837
>>23

Do i have to choke a bitch? >.>

Continue. Now!
>> No. 1858
Aww, please don't end it here, seriously. Way too short. Honestly I liked this better than the other Scout and You.
>> No. 1859
Well, I liked it. It isn't that bad, and I think Scout with blue balls bouncin'-n-jigglin' while he runs like a cat with its tail on fire makes me :3
>> No. 1860
>>28

Well, I liked it. It isn't that bad, and Scout with blue balls bouncin'-n-jigglin' while he runs like a cat with its tail on fire makes me :3
FIXED
>> No. 1993
Baseball to the face paired with concrete to the forehead = concussion. Also: Sexual assault =/= insta-horny for most people. Other than that, this is okay.
>> No. 2075
GOD, keep going please!! You have an element to Scout's personality that the other Scout&You fic is lacking. What with the...toots n all, it was great. :) It was just a little too fast for me personally, but by all means, you NEED to continue this!
>> No. 4619
I liked it. And I was kind of assuming the 'You' was me and I'd would be totally jazzed if Scout groped me in the middle of a tussle. I LIKED IT, OP. It was funny and pretty hot and I want more. ;^;

And 'toots' is awesome. 45thing that statement.
>> No. 4674
I'll admit- I'm not all too good (hell, never even tried) at writing adult fanfiction; but i think i can give you some pointers and advice on the characterization;

first of all, I want to know what 'you' are doing there at the base; are you just some cleaner, an actual class? you might want to go with the latter, because otherwise 'you' just sound like some do-nothing.

I like the characterization of Scout, but 'you' kinda needs some work.
>> No. 4761
To everyone who left me pointers: Thank you! Don't think they went unread, I've learned, and I appreciate everyone providing tips. I've gotta toughen up about getting feedback, sheesh. And leave writing porn to those who know what they're doing.

To everyone who found something they liked about it: Thanks EVER so much, those comments make me wonderfully happy.

tl;dr I didn't realise how complex 2nd person can be. Too much detail can alienate the reader who's supposed to be 'in' the story, too little and it's bland. I went the bland route out of fear of the 'You' turning into a female OC.

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- kusaba x 0.9 + Took 0.04s -