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No. 2541
I quickly found that I was a captive in my own personal space and in the back of my head I wonder how I got to this. Maybe it was because we were both misunderstood or we knew more about each other than our own team knew about us. Maybe it was the thrill of being on opposing teams, the idea of getting caught or discovering the other's true identity. Red's Spy was not that different from me physically, he even shared the same dialect. Not that we were talking much at this time. His weight was foreign to my body as I felt him press ever closer to me, squishing me into the mattress of my bed. I was much more accustomed to the feel of my little Scout then someone my size, and normally I was on top.

I tried not to think about my little lover as I looked up. I wanted something a little more rough tonight.

On top of me, tightly straddling my hips with his lithe thighs, Red's Spy leaned over me with a sinister grin on his lips that only reflected in his dark eyes. He seemed proud to have me in such a position, vulnerable and trapped under him. Gloved hands reached up and pulled my hands up, ensnaring them at the wrist with one of his own. The fingers of his free hand traced around the edges of my balaclava and I shot him a wide-eyed stare of dread as he pulled at the blue fabric. For a few moments he left me on edge wondering or not my identity would be shown. It made me nervous but at the same time I put up no resistance. The other Spy never pulled it off completely. Whether he got bored, thought it wasn't worth it, or there was some understanding between Spys, he stopped. I didn't have much time to appreciate his 'kindness' as I felt the tight leather grip of that hand around my throat. Again I wasn't putting up a fight, he wouldn't kill me, I didn't think he was into dead people. I could still get enough air to stay conscious. My head was tilted back any forth as though I was being inspected, my eyes never leaving his form. Suddenly the grip around my airway increased. I tried to move but I was at his disposal.

“I want you to understand one thing, I do not like you or care if you get anything out of this....rendezvous.” I could feel my heart beating in my brain, the pounding was making it hard to think or understand what my enemy was saying. My lungs were trying to intake air even though every attempt left them empty and more desperate. I struggled under him as my previous thoughts of him not killing me was being seriously questioned. As I bucked and strained to escape I could feel a hardness grow against my lower stomach. My captor let go right when I felt my body weakening and preparing to pass-out. I gagged out raspy breaths as my respiratory system burned as I lay in a daze. Before I could recover his fist connected into my jaw and my head thrashed to the side. I tasted copper and saw red. I shot my head back to glare at him, my mouth open to begin a sting of curses. They were all muffled as my mouth was covered by his. My jaws were forced open and his tongue invaded mine tasting, rubbing, and wrapping around my own. The other Spy had skill, I would not deny that. I melted under the feel of my enemy's lips roughly massaging against my own, his tongue tasting the blood he produced as we fought for dominance over the kiss. Between the dull sting of my body and this kiss I didn't mind letting him win.

We would break for air when needed, otherwise our mouths were locked on each other. It seemed that we were both starting to lose a little control as his body lowered closer to mine and I pressed up to feel his. We rubbed against each other, wrinkling our suits as we tried to feel as much as we could through the layers of material we were wearing. Red's Spy let go over my wrists but I didn't move them from above my head. He used his free hand to pull my tie loose as the other hand pushed off my blue outer jacket. All I could do was watch in my daze as he successfully opened up my chest for him to do what he pleased. My enemy started at my collar bone, running that excellent tongue alone the long bones and the indent that lay in the center. I purred and stretched upward in an attempt to feel more. When you live in your suit like we do feeling something over then your own clothing feels...superb. The other Spy took no notice of my aching want to have more then just his mouth and continued exploring my chest running over scars and along muscle. Every few moments he would bite, and bite hard. My pale skin was left with deep imprints of his teeth on my shoulders, neck, and chest. I would hiss out my pain as my skin was bitten but the sound of discomfort melded into a low groan as I felt my own member harden. Every touch felt like fire and I knew he was just teasing me, and we were both enjoying it, I could feel it. I wanted to reach down and push his head lower or at least get my pants off. Anything that would relieve the tightness in my pants. My breathing grew ragged as he trailed the tip of his warm tongue down the center of my chest and taught stomach, stopping right when he reached my belt. I pushed my hips up against his chin hoping that he would get the hint. In protest my hips were pushed down and held there roughly. There was that sinister grin on his face again as he chuckled but this time I could see the lust in his eyes.

“You seem quite...excitable.” There was a pause where he waited for me to argue my self control, but why should I deny it. Something about being the submissive one made everything feel so much more incredible then normal. He lifted his chest up to look over me, my body covered in his marks, some of them already bruising a light purple. The other Spy rubbed his thumbs on my hip bones, pressing on the ridges. I could tell he was trying to get the same reaction out of me, he wanted to see me completely desperate. I tried to rub my crotch up against his to remind him he was just as hard as I was. He pulled off his gloves with those sharp teeth and tossed them aside before reaching down to unbutton his jacket and shirt, pushing them off. The Red's Spy made quick work of my belt and my blue slack were pulled down to my calf. I saw the lust in his eyes flare up as he looked over my body.

My arms were over my head as if tied with invisible rope, my skin painted with his teeth marks, my legs slightly spread, and my cock erect and trembling in front of him, drops of essence forming at the tip. The other Spy didn't take his eyes off of me as he unzipped his pants enough to pull out his equally hard penis. I felt a little wave of apprehension but at the same time I was excited. He stroked himself slowly and moved between my legs. I could feel the heat coming off of his cock and I bit my lip.
Marked for deletion (old)
>> No. 2547
I'm not so good at reading text blocks ,because it's hard for me to focus.

I like the details from what I could get. so far ,so good.
>> No. 2555
I really love this but like the Anon above I kept losing focus because of the big chunks. Other than that, aaaaaawesome. Do want moar.
>> No. 2560
-Thanks for reading this is my first FF and all comments are welcome.-


“So is ze Blu Spy a virgin?” Before I could answer I felt the head of his cock press ever so slightly against my ass, testing to see for himself if my body could take him or not. I didn't want to admit to him that I had never been under another man. All of this was new to me, not that I wasn't enjoying it. I could tell from the smug smirk on his face that I was untouched.

“Believe it or not, I do have quite an active sex life.” I tried to knock him down a peg and stall to prepare myself. Not answering the question was enough to give my enemy his answer. I knew that it was going to hurt. I remember when I took my Scout for the first time and I doubted that Red's Spy would look after me and take his time once he was inside of me. The increased nudging at my backside made my breath hitch and I lowered my head back to stare at the grains in the wood that made up my ceiling. It was as if he was pacing himself, getting to feel of me so he could take me fully and devour me whole.

My back snapped up suddenly and I let out a pained sound as the other Spy thrust into me without any warning. He was fully inside of me, my body ripping to oblige his. It was the worst instance in my life. My insides burnedand my body clamped around him in some futile way to get him to stop for a moment as tears formed in the corner of my tightly closed eyes. For that short moment I had stopped breathing, stopped moving, I didn't even seem to think of anything than the searing pain that ran up my spine from the base.

The pin-pricks of nails dug into my hips and the first thrust was followed by another that was just as painful and caused me to react just the same. I could feel his heartbeat inside of me as my loud gasps of pain met his ears and caused him to rock into me at a quickening pace. My mind dulled as his mouth claimed mine again in a wet kiss and he stole inside to take more from me. The other Spy was more than willing let out animalistic groans to accompany my own. My body put up no resistance as he took what he wanted from me. Red's Spy pulled my legs up over his shoulders and began again. Every time he pressed deeper and...well...it started to feel pretty amazing.

It didn't take very long for me to try and start moving my own body to help him. Our tongues tangled as we gripped at each other, my still gloved hands trying to hold onto him as his had a death grip on my hips. Even as we tried slid against each other, covered in a sheen of sweat as we climbed the hills to our climax.
>> No. 2563
Uhm, not too bad of start, but please, get this beta'd.
>> No. 2569
A very good start! Definitely want to hear moar.

And yes, please get a beta reader.
>> No. 2650
As other people mentioned before, a beta would help your work immensely.

Several of your sentences are awkwardly worded and others still are choppy and uninteresting. You have a lot of potential here and the descriptions, once past the strange wording, are nice. There's also a handful of typos or misused words I found (I think there was an along instead of alone up there somewhere).

While you do vary up the order of sentences a bit, there are still too many "He did..", "My ____", etc. sentences to keep me interested. The subject doesn't always have to go at the beginning of the sentence.

I'd also like to see a bit more speaking, but that might be because the other writing seems so dry that I'm just looking for some animation. Or maybe I'd like more breaks between everything that dialog can provide. If you choose not to include more spoken words, like other people mentioned - please try to break up your paragraphs a bit, they seem too long. Alternatively, if you combine some of the shorter sentences into longer ones, it should, believe it or not, shorten some of the paragraphs.


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