My location was a small wooden cabin, inside RED's massive base. The walls that were once painted with red, are now bland and peeling. There was a hole in the roof, letting in a ray of soft yellow light, illuminating thousands of dust particles.

I just sat there, staring.

I honestly didn't know what I was looking at. It looked like a stereotypical machine gun, but it wasn't bolted down to the ground, like I had seen the war pictures. It was just sitting there on a cardboard box, staring back at me. I slowly reached my hand out and tapped it, half-expecting it to explode or some crazy shit like that. Then, foot steps were heard quickly approaching, so I drew my hand back to my camera.

I could practically feel the ground and my body shaking as the foot steps approached. As expected, the door burst open revealing Heavy. "Da, I am here!"

"<i>-And 15 minutes late.</i>"

"So anyways I was thinking, maybe you could come through the door with your weapon and introduce yourself." I recommended. He nodded and picked up his machine-gun and left the room, shutting the door behind him. I flipped my camera on and let it rest in my lap, "Alright you can come in now!"

Heavy waddled up to the camera and placed his gun on the cardboard box. "I am Heavy Weapons Guy....and <i>this</i> is my weapon. She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon... for <i>twelve seconds.</i>" He looked tensely into my camera.

Absolutely shocking, did he do all that math in his head?! "Who pays for all of this? You?"

Heavy began to burst with laughter, throwing his arms around and shaking the room. After a short awkward silence Heavy finally replied, "That is good joke. RED pay for everything of course." Heavy paused for a moment, and his eyes shifted down to his gun. His empty gaze suddenly was filled with rage.

"Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... <i>Who touched my gun!?</i>" He roared to the room. The only reply was my horrified stare. I stood up and backed away, raising my hands in the air.

"Okay, man. Just chill, you're just a little too protective."

He stood up too and yelled, "Who touched Sasha?!" He reached his massive bear-like paws at me and jerked me towards his weapon. My head hovered centimeters above the black metal; I noticed a finger-print. I gulped, expecting to be crushed to bits.

Instead, he grabbed my again by the shoulders and lifted me high above his head. A sudden burst of lightning crashed into my back. Oh god, I could <i>feel</i> my shoulder blades being cracked. The monstrous grip was getting tighter and tighter with each second. It was only a matter of time until he snapped my spine and-

He dropped me on the floor, with a loud thud. "Since you are new here. I don't keel you."

"Ugh, yes sir." I groaned, trying to move.

He ignored me, I was still whining on the floor, and plopped back down in his seat. He continued to talk to the camera, "Leetle man with camera is weak and tried to outsmart me."

So there I was, still on the ground, watching him start a conversation with an inanimate object.

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet." As he uttered those words, he plucked a large golden bullet out of his pockets and showed it to the camera.

"Oh god, Heavy please help me." I cried.

His eyes widened, "Oops, leetle man. I forgot you were down there." He stepped over to me and scooped me up like I was nothing, and I was to him. He strolled casually out and down a hallway, whistling a little tune. Oddly enough, to distract the pain, I centered my thoughts on my camera, still filming back in Heavy's room. We arrived in a small room, with Medic.

"Oh mein Heavy, vat did you do now?" Medic asked, rolling his eyes.

"I crush leetle man, was accident." He Answered, shrugging his shoulders. He dropped me onto a table a clean white table. It didn't take me long to notice the rubber straps hanging from the sides. I turned my head to Medic, he headed over to a big metal object. It looked similar to Heavy's gun but had a long tube coming out of the back. He plugged the tube into his backpack and pulled a lever at the top. I closed my eyes, bracing my self for what ever blasted from that gun.

"Uh... What's that?" I questioned suspiciously. Before he could answer, I felt a soft and cooling sensation rubbing it's way through my body. I opened my eyes, to see a bright ember-like beam shooting from medic's gun. That was probably the strangest sensation I had ever felt in my life.

I could feel the pain literally vanishing.
I could feel my bones coming back together, reconnecting.
I could feel my muscles repairing themselves.
I could feel my self standing up and stretching.
It felt <i>stupendous</i>.

"Ach, zis is your first heal. Yes?"
I paused for a moment, trying to register what medic just said. Had he really just cured me permanently? With that little red light? Why did he have this technology? All the questions running through my brain, but to afraid to ask.

"Doctor, I need to talk with new man." Heavy announced.
"Of course." he said, stepping out of the room.

We both sat back on the table, our feet hanging off the edge. There was a short awkward silence between us.

"Izvinite" The Russian spoke softly.
"Uh, what?"
"Oh, that was my language for.... How you apologize?"
"Nah it's cool we all get angry sometimes."

"<i>But when I get frustrated, I don't try to SNAP PEOPLE'S SPINES!</i>"

"I can get pretty possessive with my Camera, in fact, I'm worried sick about it right now." I chuckled.
"Just like me and Sasha!"
"Yeah."
"You see, I am not good with your language. I am not genius, but I'm not... Stupid."

He took a deep breath, trying to muster up the words. "When I was a young boy, younger than you. I was thrown aside, because I was big and scary. They say, 'You are fat and worthless, you never be true Soviet.' That's why I join RED."

He chuckled, and patted me on the back, shaking me shitless.

"When I was sent invitation from RED, I thought it was to serve Motherland. You can image my surprise."

+++

The rest of the day went quite uneventful, so let's skip to the next day. Well... It was interesting to say the least. My first day on the actual battlefield.

The team was waiting by a large metal gate, with great anticipation. There was a great awkwardness floating in the air, like standing in a doctor's office, dead silence. "So why do we have to wait?" I asked.

"Rules of the war, boy."
"I say we should have to take turns killin' those maggots, they deserve it!"
"I just wanna bonk all those BLUs!"
"Calm down, mein team."

The silence returned but was soon interrupted by a load speaker, "Mission begins in 10 seconds!"

I jumped at the command, that voice was so familiar, "Who's that?" Everyone just shrugged their shoulders in response.

"5,4,3,2,1!"
"<i>This is gonna be some great B-roll.</i>"

The gates dropped, revealing our enemies, a wave of shock blasted through my brain. They were... my new teammates, but dressed in Blue. "<i>Twins? Clones?</i>" I stood there, and watched the RED team surge out and battle with their BLU counterparts. I was transfixed to the ground, gaping at the endless field of desert, with random wooden shacks spread about. I snapped out of my trance, and caught up with Heavy.

I turned my camera on, and crouched next to the Russian. I crawled next to him as he slowly lumbered, shooting his "Sasha." "Beeeeehhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! Wahahahahaha! Cry some more!" Heavy yelled. I guess the strangest part was, even though I had bullets whizzing past me everywhere, I didn&#146;t get shot once. It seemed like BLU didn&#146;t give a shit that I was there. My pondering over the subject was interrupted by the sudden feeling of wetness.
I dropped my camera, for the first time in my life. I looked at my hands, covered in a crimson goo. "<i>OH GOD!</i>"

I glared up at Heavy, he was drenched to the bone as well. He continued to move on, completely natural. Glancing back down at the dirt, I noticed something new.

There was a foot, laying on the ground, disembodied from its owner. It was wearing a black tennis shoe with two white stripes. What was remaining of the thin leg had a white tube sock around it. "<i>Poor BLU Scout. Wait, am I feeling sympathy for an enemy?</i>"

I continued to film Heavy, ripping through his enemies on by one with Sasha. We eventually came across a giant silver plate on the ground, placed in an old shack. Heavy stopped there, until a loud command cracked out. "The control point has been captured!"

I figured that was enough to call it a day.

"Cut."

+++

Working on chapter 3 right now.

OH I SEE WUT YOU DID THAR

This is a pretty neat take on the "Meet the Team" videos. I can't wait to see more.

>>3
Second this.

This is great! Please continue!

Please, sir, can I have some more?

Great concept, great execution. More would also be great!

I love this. Please do more!

This reminds me of when I first played TF2 and my take on the video game classes. Well done!

This is awesome!

"Follow me, son." Soldier commanded, waving a hand. I tagged behind him, my camera hoisted up on my shoulder. We passed around a couple corners, stopping at a small open area. There was a brown picket fence wrapped around a pit of hay. but what caught my eye was what was sitting atop the fence. All lined up in an orderly fashion, were the decapitated heads of our BLU enemies.

My jaw dropped, "Y-you killed them all?"
Soldier bowed forward, staring into the eyes of the former BLU Scout.
"Don't worry, boy. They'll come back, they always come back."
"What do you mean?-"

"ATTENNNNNNNTTTTION!" Soldier barked at the top of his lungs, suddenly straightening his posture and saluting me. "Your mission is to capture my line of duty on film! Let's begin."

"Yeah, okay."

"I believe you mean 'Yes Sir,' maggot!"

"Yes sir."

An idea struck though me brain like lightning. I hopped over the fence and placed the camera just barely above the heads. I flinched a bit as the crooked smell of decaying flesh hit my nostrils. "Just... act natural."

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!" Soldier spoke boldly, strolling along the line of heads. He raised his fist in the air and paused for a moment. "Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it!" He quickly swung around pounding a finger into the helmet of the Scout. "And then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor!"

I would be lying if I told you I wasn't disturbed by this. For God's sake, he was giving a degrading speech to the men he killed.

Soldier suddenly recomposed himself and gripped onto his grenades. "Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat and then he beat the crap out of every single one." As he said that, he unhooked his grenades and waved them around like a game of charades.

Playing with weapons like they were a toy, this man definitely has lost his mind.

Soldier gave out a grim chuckle, rubbing his chin, probably reminiscing something horrible. "And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'!"

"Hold on a sec, let me get a shot from the front."
"Why would you should something that's already dead, cadet?"
"No, I mean film... And why would you talk to something that's already dead."
"Good point, son. You've been promoted."

I climbed over the fence again, placing the camera in front of the heads. I began filming again, just in time to watch the former BLU Medic's slip off the fence. Soldier squatted down in the dirt and yelled at the head, "UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"

At that moment I noticed a solo eyeball hanging in the crack of the fence.

+++

The next morning I was gracefully woken up by the greetings of Soldier. "WAKE UP YOU SCUM SUCKING MAGGOT!" I slowly climbed out of bed, feeling around in the darkness for my clock.

"What? It's five AM, are you nuts-?"
"Nuts?! I'm just KER-AY-ZAY about winning!"
"Well, I might as well go set up some cameras."

I spent the next hour finding the best spots around granary for my cameras.

+++

"5,4,3,2,1!"

As we ran out of the gates I couldn't help but notice how efficient Soldier was. He didn't just stand still and spray out bullets like Heavy. Soldier slowly, but carefully, aimed at his targets as he continued on. Blasting a BLU Pyro, Demoman, and Heavy, as they taunted him in an almost... comedic fashion. The helmeted hero charged further to the final point, shooting a poor Demoman with his shotgun.

"To the left!" Our RED Demoman shouted.
"MAGGOTS!" Soldier screeched, while destroying a BLU medic from behind.

You can imagine the difficulty of running with a camera while trying to wipe the blood off. Disgusting.

"Right up! Right up!"
"Go! Go! Go!"
"Sentry up there!"

What that damned warrior did blew me away, literally. He continued to surge towards an engineer with his mechanical death-machine by his side. Soldier then pointed his launcher at his own feet and pulled the trigger. The blast sent me back a few feet, watching the Engineer and his work explode.

Soldier's soaring through the air ended when he landed on the pipe above me. I proudly thanked myself for placing cameras up there as well. I met Soldier at the control point, after witnessing him murder a Heavy and a Pyro.

Our reunion was cut off by the sound of a strange sizzling. I shot a glare behind Soldier to see a man in a BLU suit materialize out of... nothing. "Spy behind you!" Soldier quickly whipped around and slapped the bastard across the face with a god damned shovel.

I saw a "NO SMOKING" sign out of the corner of my eye and chuckled. I then realized that I just laughed at the irony of a man dying. A terrible feeling stuck my gut, was I one of them now? A mercenary designed to kill? Of course not, I was a cameraman.

I stared at Soldier, watching him bend over and pick up the corpse of the Spy. He then plucked the Spy's head of like it was nothing and grinned.

"Look boys, new recruits!"

Fantastic :D I do love this angle on them all.

Could call it "Meet the spectator"

Amazing! I love your take on this.

This is awesome, moar plz.

Ok, so I haven't written chapter four yet, BECAUSE I'M REALLY LAZY, SORRY. But I was wondering, which character would you rather see next. Demoman or Engineer?

>>16
I'll vote Demoman because everyone else is going to say Engineer.

>>16

Demodemodemo.

Excellent idea! I'm liking where you're taking this. Moar soon plz.

Also, maybe go with the order that the videos were released for the order of the characters/chapters. Makes sense, doesn't it?

alright started writing Demo's chapter. I was gonna write them in order, but I lost track of what order they're written in.

The shack we sat in was filled with the scent of alcohol, gunpowder, and cigarette smoke. Resting on the table was beer, smokes, battle plans, and my camera. After focusing my camera on my next subject, Demoman, I asked him the following question.

"So why has RED chosen you to be their demolitions expert? I mean they are Reliable Excavation Demolition."

His face swiftly turned to a grim fashion, "What makes me a good Demoman?! If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you now would I?!" He waved his arms around, clearly showing his frustration with me.

"So how exactly do these bombs work? I-"
"Laddie, this ain't just yer average 'bomb.' One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch...and <i>kablooie!</i>" He continued his charade with his arms, as I just watched.

"Hey man, could you try looking at the camera when you talk?"
"Don't you dare tell me what t'do!"
"Sorry sir."
"Seems like Soldier's taught ya some respect!"
"Yes sir."

He cleared his throat and paused for a moment, "Now, where were we? Ahhhh, scrumpy"

It was obvious Demoman had completely forgotten I was there, as he began to chug down his bottle of Red Shed moonshine. This alcoholic action continued for almost a minute. I think it took him a while to notice I was there again. He slammed down his bottle on the table, messing up the focus on my camera a bit.

"I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops. They've got more <i>fucken faggoty ass Nazi Cossack bitches</i> ...than they've got the likes of me." The brave fighter suddenly broke down into tears, placing his face in his palms. "I KILLED ME OWN PARENTS!"

Well, that was unexpected, to say the least. I stood up and sat next to him, leaving the camera rolling. "Don't worry... Sir. That's all in the past." I consoled him, patting him on the shoulder. Man, this guy was an emotional wreck, no wonder he drinks. Or did the drinking cause this?

"I was only 6 years old, 'bout your age."
"Sir, I'm not-"
"Don't interrupt me! I was jus' tryin' to kill the old Loch. What a fool."

He continued to sob for a few more minutes, I headed back to my camera. I couldn't believe I was filming a mercenary cry. He suddenly perked his head back up, "So... T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cock-sure." He then stood up boldly, waving his arms more like a maestro than a schizo for once.

"Prancin' aboot with yer heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable....with an unhappy bloody end!"

My jaw dropped, he was so dramatic and poetic with his words. Was he like this sober? Was he ever sober? Demoman bent over and bowed, letting out a chuckle. "How'd I do, lad?"

"Fantastic, sir."

+++

It was a bit early in the morning, the sun had finished rising as I had finished placing my cameras. I flashed Demoman a thumbs up and he began to run down the corridor. With each step an explosion followed behind him, I imaged a intense musical score to go along with it. To end the spectacle, demo jumped out the hall, leaving the largest boom behind.

"LET'SSSS DOOOO IIITTTT!" He roared, charging into battle along with his RED teammates. "Not one of ya's gonna' survive this!" I continued to trail Demo, trying to dodge the death traps surrounding us. I gotta admit, this crazy drunk puts on a nice show. Demos tirade of death was paused as a RED Scout was taken out by a BLU machine gun. I ran over to him and hoisted him up onto my shoulders with a grunt.

"Leave 'im be, boyo."
"But he's dying!"
"He'll be back."

Then it struck me, Soldier had said something very similar to that when I filmed him. What do they mean? I dropped the young boy's corpse and chased after demo as he eliminated the BLU machine gun. We ran down to the final control point, only to be greeted by the enemy BLU team. Demo's face quickly turned from shocked to smug as he turned around, back to where we came from.

"Slow down, sir!"
"Catch up, kiddo. I got a plan up me sleeves!"

As we exited the tunnel, Demo launched these round-with-spikes bombs onto the wall, but they didn't do anything.

"Waaaait forrr ittt."

The BLU team was still in hot pursuit, but their arrogant faces soon switched to surprise when they so the explosives waiting for them. Demoman took a big swig of his precious bottle, and pushed a trigger on his launcher. He waved a glorious salute as his artwork made it's explosive debut.

We were awarded with a storm of the enemies limbs. I laid down, trying not to puke. Demoman, being completely ignorant of the onslaught of blood, leaned down over my camera. "Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together....in hell!"

DANG I ALWAYS MESS UP THE ITALICS

i think this would be more effective if you weren't spending half or more of every update rewriting the dialogue from videos we've all seen before word-for-word

@Owl tiem
Thanks, for the constructive criticism. Any ideas how I could spice this up?

At least TRY to come up with your own original content if you're going to bother posting a fic, man.

well I think its a pretty neat idea. those meet the team vids had to be filmed by somebody, eh?

Look, we all know what the dialogue in the meet the team vids is. We've all seen them. We've probably all seen them at least six times apiece. We don't need to be given a word-for-word recap of the fucking things. "A guy is filming the meet the team vids, here is a paragraph about the guy and then I will describe the video for you word-for-word" is not a fucking piece of fan fiction.

Ouch, that was a bit harsh...more than a bit, actually. Nobody here has a gun to your head forcing you to read this if you don't care for it. There's no need to be vulgar.

I for one like the word-for word accounts. I think the stories would lose some of their charm without the vocal markers. I mean, the point of the fic is the creation and content of the character videos. As for the repeated dialogue; it's not so different than when other fanfics write in the calls and taunts. (I've heard "Cry some more!" a million times in game-play, but I don't flip out when I read the phrase in a fanfic.)

All in all, I find this to be a clever take on the released videos. Keep it up!

>>28

Definetly agree with this. Without the featured dialogue, we wouldn't know how the fic relates to the vids, making them a little more confused (if that makes sense). Perhaps the interviews could be expanded on a little, include parts 'cut' from the films, but overall this is an interesting and original fic. Hope it continues!