Part two
----
The BLU Pyro awoke to another stereo typical lighting scenario, overhead spotlights glarring down at her face. Though the surgery had long been over, the Medic had not bothered to turn off his lights. She could awaken at any time, after all, and he did not have a broad array of lighting choices in his office. He prefered to keep things dark. His glasses gave their trademark gleam of menace from across the room, streams of light dancing across the lenses as he adjusted them. He had been watching the girl as she slept. Since he was not one for practical or conventional medical care, he did not really have machines to regulate vitals. He would just watch, and if they looked like they were starting to die, action would be taken. She did not seem to be in any sort of trouble to him as he witnessed those green jewels fluttering to a squint in the bright light, a smile creeping over his face. The short man stood at his full height of four feet, his boots clattering gracefully against the tile floor as he approached the table on which the woman lay. There were dull thuds as the small man had to take a stepping stool up to see her properly on the table. The Pyro was busy curling in pain as much as her restraints allowed, and he made note of her continued aggression silently... she was still the enemy, and she had not exactly been giving him thankful looks when she last awoke and had to be tranquilized for her surgery to continue. The Medic gave the belts a pat like they were his loyal dog, grinning. "I know it hurts zere, but if you continue to struggle, you vill only bring yourself more pain. Once ze zutchures are allowed to come togezer, I will be able to heal you properly, ya?" He beamed down at her, eyes hidden by the glare of his glasses. Lit from behind, he seemed like a demon emerging from the darkness outside their spotlight. "All zat thrashing around will only succzeed in opening your vounds furzer, and you will only be held here longer." He reached upwards to dim the light, bringing it to a lower light with less intense concentration. The small medical office was illuminated in a dim orange glow. It was much like a nurse's office in any given school, save for the trolley of more menacing emergency equipment, and of course the frankenstein table with a woman strapped to the surface.

The BLU pyro glarred at the man of medicine hovering over her. To her, he seemed like a vulture, despite the fact he had just saved her life from his team mate's own bullets. He could have done something else, though. Was there a bomb hibernating amongst the coils of her intestines, waiting to be detonated? Was there some kind of strange parasites that would eat her from the inside out now resting in her belly? Was some sort of weird control chip planted in her skull? She impulsively tried to launch herself forward, rattling the table and giving a roaring scream of hurt and frustration. Her sutures had torn. She panted against the firey blaze of pain radiating from her wounds through her entire body like a distressed horse bucking a cart, moving her shoulders in a futile attempt to escape without moving her stomach. The Medic immediatly descended on her, needle in hand. She yelled wordlessly at him in warning, teeth gritting near the breaking point. However, no torture came at the piercing of flesh with the needle. The midget was merely stitching what she had torn post haste, clipping what was now ruined with a pair of scissors from his pocket. As the man pulled away from her wounds once again, the Pyro starred at him with a more bewildered and pained look then anger. It was clear now that the medical care she had received was not only intentional, but free of further complication. They had saved someone on the other team. Her eyes narrowed, remembering the Sniper from before her black out. "Why'd you save me." she demanded, throat dry and voice wryly.

"Ve did not kno' you are a voman. No man on zis team could rightly kill a voman knowingly and still feel good about themselves in ze morning, especially since every day ve could face ze consequences in ze afterlife by zat afternoon." His small hands fumbled at the belts, undoing her restraints. "Ve have sent your veapons back to BLU base for our own safety ovcourse, but your mask and suit, zey are here. Ve assumed zey did not know you are a voman eizehr. You may go back as hidden as you arrived." The leather fell to the wayside, and immediatly the Pyro flung herself upwards, grabbing at the Medic's throat. However the searing pain in her gut left her hanging on to him to keep from falling backwards instead of strangling him. Abhoring the fact she had to hang on the man, she let herself fall, despite the trickle of blood it started.

"Now now, if you keep zat up I vill run out of thread before I can use ze heal gun. I do not often have to stich ze injuries you know, my comrades, they are usually dead before I can give zem such extensive care off ze battle field." The tone of his voice showed he was bored with the conventional beyond all means. Stitches are extensive care? "Many of ze burns you have inflicted are merciless. In my time as medic I have passed four team mates over zis table and in to ze morgue. You also killed my predecessor. You are very vicious for a voman, you know." He had already set to stitching the few torn ones she had ruined this time, and now she was still on her own.

"Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm not capable of terrible things." the pyro huffed, blowing hair from her face. It was crusted with salt.. she must have been sweating under the light when she was out. "If I had my weapons I would kill you now. Even if you were a woman. Even if you did save me." However, she knew this was a lie. She would have spared him on the basis of her own unhindered escape, but because she did not have to stand up to her threats, she knew she could make them safely. She would be as good as dead trying to sneak out of the RED base with a dead doctor in the room and an unnatural hole in her front. Her luc had been terrible this evening... best not to push it. The Medic sighed, shaking his head at her. Now that she was sitting up, he was beneath eye level with her on his steps.

"Ve vere very aware of that. Ve do not expect your thanks, eizer. We saved you purely on ze decision of protecting our own conciouses, not your life, BLU." He wiped his needle against his coat after tying the new stitches. "Now be more careful ya? I do not much like stitching ze same vounds three times in three minutes. It gets monotonous." He descended his stepping stool, heading for the closet. The Pyro watched him like a hawk from her perch atop the table, a delicate hand clutching at her side. "If you sit ze vay you are now, I vill be able to gun you." The Medic called from across the room, well shadowed in his darkness. He turned to her, clapping his heels together, healing gun in hand. As he yanked back on the trigger, the room was better illuminated by its red glow. The Pyro reeled back, as if expecting to be hit by something dihonest. But the pain in her side diminished, and soon she was only left with an uncomfortably taught scar above her right leg. She peeled her blood-soaked under-suit shirt up, eyeing the fresh skin. She then eyed the Medic like a piece of meat. He had his back turned to her. She swung her legs over the side of her resting place, one bare foot touching ground. Only now did she realize they had stripped her of all but her under shirt and underwear. Though that was all she wore under her damaged and bulky fire suit, she was still furious that she had been so revealed. Before she could even get completely off the table, however, the Medic turned to her with the rest of her fixings. "Your suit and your mask, madame Pyro. I vill you to put zese on, ze Scout has volunteered to escort you from ze premises. I vill be seeing you in ze morning when we are once again on opposite sides." He thrust the items in to her lap, before turning with military precision and marching towards the door.

Free from the pain and fatigue her injury had caused her now, the BLU Pyro leapt from her table and began throwing on her uniform as quickly as possible. She could hear male voices conversing from the other side of the door, watching shadows through the frosted glass window. As she latched her suspenders, the RED Scout came through the door, shutting it gently behind him with both hands at his back. He bit his bottom lip, starring at the pyro from across the room. She adjusted the strap over her shoulder and gave one foot a wiggle, trying to get her toes comfortable in their boot, starring blankly at the scrawny young man opposite her.

"Hey." he crackled out, looking at his feet. "I... I'm sorry I shot you earlier. If I had known you were a woman I never would have pulled the trigger. I have more respect for women then that, you know..." The Pyro only starred back at him wordlessly, face blank. Scout gulped, as if expecting a berating. "I mean, not that a woman can't fight, right? You can fight you're good I know! I just, I just don't want to kill a woman, you see? I don't want to take that to my grave." Again he received no response from her, neither verbal nor emotional. He frowned. "I mean not that I couldn't kill a woman! I so could, I'd have killed you if everyone didn't decide to save you instead! I just don't want to, that's my choice, all right?!" He had become overly animated in his frantic ramblings, trying to draw some change from the pyro. None had come. He briefly wondered if she had forgotten how to use her face, having hidden it under her mask for so long. The brushed the thought aside. His hands fell to his side and he slouched back, frowning in slightly annoyed defeat. "Right... I'm here to get you off the base and on your way back to your own." He flicked a finger as a request to follow him, then turned and walked slowly out the door. The BLU followed, pulling on her mask as she rounded the corner.

What she was not expecting was the entirety of the RED team, watching her exit like a parade. Even their own Pyro had shown up, and they were giggling merrily under their mask, amused by their opposite's defeat. The REDs had pressed themselves to either wall, as if she were fire herself, and even an accidental brush against her would result in painful burns. Soldier soluted her as she walked by. She nodded under her mask. The man fell at ease. He had seen this as a forgiving gesture. She had given it as a you're first, jackass nod. She hustled along, feeling strangely lightweight in her uniform with no weapons. Even during off time, she usually had her heafty ax and shot gun on her. As they turned in to a more private hallway, following eyes no longer able to see them, Scout turned to look at the woman over his shoulder. He was not so much concerned with watching his back as he was with solving the mystery of how there could possibly be a beautiful woman under that outfit. Subconciously he knew there was, but when that mask was over her face, he found it hard to understand with concious thought. The speed demon was worried he might forget in his usual rush, and he did not feel like riding the same emotional roller coaster he had been on in his room tonight again. The Pyro looked back at him. She noticed that most people seemed to beleive she couldn't see them paying attention to her when she had her mask on. Her own team mates displayed the same behavior, and people sneaking past her had lost their lives because of their assumptions. The Pyro class was a dangerous enigma, to be sure, but not a blind one. She glared back at him from under her mask. His eyes looked almost soft through their confusion as he looked back at her again, a childish frown on his face.

She did not like being looked upon with near affection by the enemy. It was her mission to ambush and kill everyone on the RED team during the day, and to accomplish as much destruction to their base and resources as possible. For once, she had a list of who was going to go first. Soldier, with his damn shovel to her knees, Scout because he was a pussy woman ass kissing bitch, and Sniper. He had taken his hat off to her. He had made the decision to save her life. In that moment he had been the only strength to save her when she was weak. One thing BLU Pyro did not like was feeling weak and defenseless. She also did not appreciate feeling protected by the enemy like she was so worthless and pityable a sack of shit.

A door slid open before the traveling duo, causing the Scout to jump in slight surprise, arms up. All that greeted him was the cool night air and a bridge to the BLU base. He dropped to a more relaxed position, slightly embarrased by his over reaction. He extended an arm, nodding his head towards the bridge. "There you go Miss. I'll see you in the morning." The ex-captive stood for a moment, turning her head enough that her mask looked directly at the Scout. Now as he starred back, he did not have that softness. He was struggling to remain as casual as possible about this. She looked away from him and marched past. It was only a matter of time before the shed door clanked shut behind her, her boots scuffing their heels against the wooden bridge. She still felt eyes on her as she marched mechanically towards her own side's doors. Sniper must have been watching her. Or Spy.

As she reached her own entrance, she found the BLU Engineer waiting on the other side, wrench in hand. "SPY CHECK!" THUNK. The woman hit the ground, screaming muffled obscenities once again, flailing and kicking her legs while she held the bump on her forhead. The Engineer reached his hand down, yanking her off the ground. "Sorry partner. Can't be too careful." She obviously did not agree according to the jibberish that continued to pour forth, before she once more had to surrender to darkness. That man had a good swinging arm.

Lame part three
---------
It was so late it was early. Still too early for the men to begin fighting, but still too late for the sun to sleep in. It must have been creeping its way towards a sunrise, because the east was a pale lavendar, and the belly of the clouds was picking up a faint orange glow from somewhere. However, it was still too early for the stars to go home, and they clung to what darkness they had further up the skyline. The air waved around the outline of a body incognito, and soon, it was disturbed by two. The RED and BLU spies fluttered from the darkness, their cloaking devices switched off. They both checked behind themselves, and like a mirror image, pulled out a smoke and reached across to light the other's. "Good morning brother." Drawled the RED Spy, repocketing his box of marlboros.

"Morning." The BLU Spy returned, clapping his fancey cigarette case shut before slipping it in to a back pocket. The two stood close, enjoying each other's company. Neither of their teams knew that the two spies shared blood. Thus far, they had been doing a good job of neglecting their duties to protect one another and not get caught, but close calls were becoming more and more frequent. These early morning rendevous were the only time the two brothers ever had to share with each other now. Back home, when they were on opposite sides of everything, they had plenty of time to share together, even though they always chose not to. After the death of their mother, a death that they blamed on their rightful opposite, the two twins had been feuding, and making it a point to disagree as much as possibe. Of course, when one of the brothers lost their job and signed up for BLU since the real military would not take him, the other just had to sign up for RED.

Meeting each other face to face on the battle field had been a sobering experience. Although one could consider it too late, they knew that they had to stop their fighting. Otherwise, this time, they would literally kill each other. The two sucked down their cancer in silence. It was not until the halved remains were tossed aside that the talking began. "So RED caught our Pyro last night. It was curious that he came back alive... even healed. Engineer had been very certain he was you. What exactly did your team mates do to him?" His remaining exhale exuded the last of the smoke in BLU's lungs. Red plumed his last breath of smoke through his nostrils, shaking his head.

"We did not see right to do otherwise. Your Pyro is a woman, brother." He reached up and slid a finger under the back of his mask, scratching at his neck. BLU starred, mouth slightly agape. RED nodded, expecting such a reaction. "Our Scout and Soldier had thrown her in a broom closet half dead to interrogate her since we lost the BLU intelligence this afternoon. Zey forgot about her, of course. Zey are idiots." He shrugged gently, wiping some ash off of his sleeve. "Of course, when she was unmasked so we could understand what she was saying, you can imagine we were very surprised to find a beautiful woman underneath."

"Pyro? Beautiful?" RED seemed flabbergasted. "I always imagined it would be a strange, horse-faced man covered in burns hiding under zat mask." BLU just sort of nodded, apparently still surprised himself with his wide-eyed agreement.

"She was not very lady like, however. She woke up when she was under ze knife, and our Medic ended up having to strap her down to keep her from strangling him." BLU's brows shot up at his brother's words. That was some impressive aggression. BLU Pyro had never been the most social of people in the base, so he had no idea what she was like. He really tried to avoid fire on all parts, friendly or not, considering his class.

"I will have to cross sleeping with her off of my list, zen." BLU joked, smiling heartilly. The two brothers enjoyed a good bit of dirty chuckling and back slapping, however as they wiped a tear from the corner of their eyes, they knew it was true. They had been out here for some time, and they were the usual spy stereotype: lady killers. The well of women was obviously a bit dry at war, and any piece of ass was a piece of ass, but not if it costs you limb or life. "Do you think your Pyro could be a woman as well?"

The RED spy tapped at his chin, before finally surrendering pensive thought to a shrug. "You know, I have never seen him with his mask off. He very well could be. If our pyro was a woman, he would still not be a very nice woman, either. He is an ass." BLU nodded in agreement. There were merciless fighters and there were plain assholes. RED Pyro fell in to the last category, always dancing around his injured victims, guitaring with his axe, making a huge fucking deal about it, and then not killing the poor bleeding slobs. Come to think of it, neither men could recall the last time RED Pyro had killed a man, but he was always prancing around like he'd destroyed an entire army himself. Their thoughts were broken by the tooting of horns at either base. Soldier was awake, and trumpeting his usual wake up alarm.

"I do beleive your Pyro has a tiny penis." BLU joked, wavering in to sudden invisibility once more.

"I am afraid I have to agree. He is obviously compensating." RED agreed, also disappearing. The two slunk silently off to their respective bases, hustling to stand at attention before their door. Might as well humor the crazy military dick, or else he'd be bitching all day.

As Red stood before his door, the only in the hallway this morning, he noticed a certain skip in the Soldier's step. If you could call it that. His walk was perhaps.. not as organized. He leaned against the wall, frowning as he watched the rapidly closing bucket head. He was being approached with intent. "Oui, Soldier?"

"Spy! You're a Spy, right?" The Soldier asked, grinning. The nick scar over the right corner of his mouth drew taught. Spy focused his attention there, trying to keep his face from contorting in to some kind of humored and otherwise non-military visage. "Of course you are! So I bet you know all sorts of Spy stuff!" The red suited man was suddenly very unhappily pressed cheek to cheek with a crazy man, an arm over his shoulder and one waving to the space around him. "I have a great opportunity for you cadet! I want you to tell me where I can find the BLU Pyro during cease fire! If you can tell me that I'll give you a MEDAL!" Spy furrowed his brows in exasperation. Soldier's smile only grew. "I know it sounds hard but you're the only one who can do it! This is super secret intelligence, its incredibly important and its something imperative that I obtain!" He released the Spy, standing straight. "That's an order, Spy! I have full confidence in you!" With a quick and merry salute, the Soldier was off, humming some stupid american war tune. Spy watched him as he went, once more leaning against the wall, this time with a hand to his head. What exactly did Soldier plan to do to BLU Pyro during cease fire? He never struck him as a man much interested in romance, or anything other then battle for that matter. Then again, part of war was foreign women. RED Spy had already decided BLU Pyro wouldn't count as a woman unless she presented herself naked and unarmed to him, but Soldier had a few screws loose, and probably did not buy in to the ass is ass unless it kills you beleif like the twins.

Enough screw's loose that he thought he owned the place, and if Spy didn't get the information he demanded, the crazy would fall on the rest of the team. Shit rolls downhill. That could mean pain for Spy. Fine, let the dumbass get himself set on fire. Down at the mess hall, the breakfast bell was rang, and suddenly everyone was awake, bright eyed and bushy tailed while they exited their rooms and shoved down the hallway. RED Spy fell in to the swarm of bodies. He could sneak out and about around dinner, after the cease fire. He failed to see how he could meet any consequence with a side project.

Possibly less lame part four
---
Scout hustled more then his usual hustle. He had a briefcase full of what everyone assumed to be valuable information strapped to his back, and a very angry man with a rocket launcher on his tail. He zig zagged back and fourth, darting through connecting hallways, trying to step as lightly as he could so the slower man couldn't follow the sound of his footsteps. As he zipped out the exit, he put his back to the BLU base wall, eyeing the open space before him. Shots rattled from inside either building, but it seemed that all of the fighting was concentrated inside them and there wasn't another soul outside with him. When Soldier didn't emerge from the door within a few moments, the RED speed demon knew he'd lost him. He was a bumbling moron anyway, with all those weapons slowing him down. Grinning with a feeling of premature confidence, Scout ran for the bridge, crossing to reach home base.

Little did he know a demon lurked in the shadows behind the wooden railing where Scout couldn't see. BLU Pyro stuck out her foot. The RED Scout crossed ankles with her at such a velocity, he went flipping half way across the bridge, his precious catch of intelligence flying from his back and in to the water under the bridge. Startled, he flipped himself on to his back and crab-walked backwards, trying to see who he was against and still keep moving. However, when he saw it was the woman from the night before, he stopped. "Oh, it's just you..." he said with releif, grinning slightly. This was just BLU Pyro, a pretty woman with a big match. She wouldn't hurt him, not now. He stood slowly, dusting himself off. "I thought you were someone else. I could have been in big trouble there."

From a good distance away, RED Sniper watched the pair through his scope. His cross-hairs had been resting on the enemy Pyro for some time before Scout had made the scene, the man's finger shaking at the trigger. She had been so still, so open, and yet because he now knew her gender he could not force himself to pull the trigger. As Scout stood, smiling at the suited woman, Sniper struggled to make a decision... he could see the Pyro casually lining up for a strike. "Run, Scout..." he spoke gently, hands shaking. His scope wavered as his forearms jammed and quivered. Even when the BLU Pyro pulled her trigger on his team mate, Sniper did not pull his.

He watched in a mixture of frozen terror and shame as the Scout writhed on the wooden deck until the wood gave way to the heat, dropping him in to the water below. His cross hairs still rested unsteadilly between the mask's eyes as she casually stepped down from the halved bridge, kicking Scout's barely alive carcass aside so she could fish the suitcase out from underneath him. His aim followed her right to the BLU base entrance, and remained there long after she had disappeared from sight. His throat was dry. There was a knotting in his stomach unlike any other. The RED Sniper finally lowered his gun, peering out to see where Scout's body had floated to. As he watched Medic rush from the RED building and drag him ashore, his breath caught, and when the healing gun was fired he felt it safe to look away and hang his head. Scout could have died. He still could die. And if Sniper had the balls to shoot that bitch for the last fifteen minutes he was watching her just stand there and wait the poor kid never would have been hurt in the first place. Remembering he still had a job to do, he lifted his gun. As he waited, he had many things to think about. Why wouldn't he a shoot a woman? What was so unappealing about it? Was it because they seemed weaker? She was obviously not weaker. Did they make men weaker? Is that the BLU scout jumping the water with their intelligence? This time, the trigger wasn't a challenge to pull.

"Boom, headshot." Speaking the words made the man feel releived. He hadn't been entirely incapacitated. He tipped his hat in the direction of the corpse he'd made as RED Heavy busted from the BLU base, BLU intelligence in hand.

The large man collected the RED intelligence from the dead Scout as well, and was met half-way across the river by a groggy RED Scout and eager doctor. As the team of Medic and Heavy entered the building with the enemy intelligence, and Scout took an alternative route at as good a speed as he could handle. Not long after this, victory sounded from the RED base. Today was their day for victory. Sniper left his hiding spot, going down to celebrate with the other men. Today, everyone gathered 'round, all alive, most well. Save for Scout, who turned in early, feeling ill from having such a massive injury and massive healing in such a short span of time. He was exhausted.

Little did RED Sniper know that BLU Pyro had only come around the lip of the building, handing the intelligence off to BLU Soldier as he finally got to where he thought the RED Scout would be. She had hovered there in the dark, watching, and had seen the quick execution of her male team mate. Beneath her mask, she grinned. She knew he had to have been watching her when she was so still out in the open like that. He had probably been watching when she toasted his team mate. Yet there she stood, alive and well, without having a single shot fired at her all day. Though it was still more advantageous for her team mates to think she was a man, RED Team knowing she was a woman was just about the best thing to have happened this entire damn war. They were nothing but easy pickings if they weren't going to fight her back. She retreated fully in to the belly of the BLU base, surpassing her heart broken team's huddleing for some alone time in her room instead. She would go and see them when she picked up her dinner. Its not like any comforting words she ever said were ever understood, anyway.

Of course, if she hadn't made herself so scarce, it would have been a lot harder for RED Spy to follow her safely. If she'd gone in to the large gathering, inevitably one of the defeated men would have given him a bump sometime. But since she was staying away from them, he silently followed her as an invisible figure. For now he woar a second watch. This one's invisibility did not waver for any reason, but it required a large and impractical battery to be strapped to his back to make sure it kept running. For this reason, it had never seen combat, but it had seen lots of slightly more practical jokes. As the woman opened her door, he slipped in, greatful that she was the type to ragefully push it agape before even taking a step forward. He picked a corner he hoped was not a frequented one and waited. She would move from here eventually. Now that the fighting was over, their Engineer would surely be cooking up food by now, just like he was sure the Pyro at his base was now. He gentley grasped at his stomach, biting his lip. The last thing he needed was for his stomach to gurgle. No more thinking about food.

He put a finger to his lips as she pulled her mask off across the room, flinging it on to a worn wooden dresser as her bottom hit her mattress. She peeled off a single glove and rubbed at an eye with the palm of her hand, sighing. Spy watched, brows raised and half-lidded, as she slipped off the second glove and undid the front of her suit. She peeled it half way down, leaving the suit to rest at her midwaist like some tank-top wearing banana. He had to resist a grumble of diappointment as she stopped undressing there, ruffling her already messy hair with her fingertips. She flung her legs over the side of her bed, arms behind her back. The Spy was surprised to see clean, hairless pits. She had been pretending to be a man for so long, he had no idea why she would bother cleaning herself up like she was waiting for someone to jump her, or even to look ok in her summer clothing. However, this was not a curiosity worth hovering on. He kept himself nice and still, merely waiting for the girl to do something other then lay on her bed like a bump on a log.

---
AND THAT'S AS FAR AS I GOT.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF What do you mean that's as far as you got! Don't leave me hangin', bro!

OH MY GOD.

MORE!

DELICIOUS FEMININE SIDE OF TF2 FANFICTIONS!

This is the only good "Pyro's a woman" fic I've ever read.

Things like:
With only a single call, the pyro found themselves surrounded. Could be easily found by a beta. Try one out if you're going to write more.

Golly gee that's a short Medic.

Keep going!

OP here. I see a lot of requests for a beta on other fics as well. Is this a machine or a check reader, cuz if this is some human labor going on, I don't have subjectables :(

And yes. Short medic is short. I'm glad some of you like it! Before I can keep going I need to, uh.... decide what even happens next.

>>11
http://www.tf2chan.net/help/res/675.html

I like this pyro. I like her alot


... I was sad about scout though. D:

Oh, Jesus. Where to start with this one?

All the various typos aside, this is almost... surreal. It's bizarre. And not in a good way, either. Like, the way a poorly acted Z-grade horror movie where none of the characters act at all like normal human beings is surreal. You know, the kind where the film makers seem to be taking themselves too seriously the whole time they're doing it.

The Pyro's eyes being described as "green jewels" made me cringe. Medic being a midget confused me, since there is no logical reason for him to be a midget. The RED and BLU Spies being brothers, while it has the potential for being an interesting idea, is executed so poorly that I'm not even sure I care. And Jesus, the sexism... I understand it's the 1960's and all, but these men are INSANE. I do not think they would care if they killed a woman, especially if they're a bitch like BLU Pyro is.

And Jesus, BLU Pyro... I think I /hate/ BLU Pyro in this. She's a bitch, she's uninteresting, she screams "self-insert" and I wanted to see Sniper blow her brains out. Actually, I have yet to find a single likable character in this and usually I am a lot nicer and not this angry when I give this sort of in-depth feedback to a fan fiction but good God, this makes me /angry/.

Stop writing "little did they know." Don't describe eyes as "jewels." Show the reader things, and don't fucking spell out things for the audience because it insults our intelligence. Get a goddamned beta reader, for the love of God. And people don't talk like you have anybody here talking. None of this dialog sounds natural and the use of accents is just confusing.

To be honest, I cannot find anything redeeming in this fic right now that is worth salvaging, aside from the twin Spies idea. I am not against the idea of writing a fic where Pyro is a woman, but I've yet to find one written well. This one is so bad it's laughable. I am sorry. I don't think you can pull this off and I'm going to suggest you try and learn how to actually write before you attempt this again.

>>14

let's go make out

right here, right now

I have to say, I agree with the Bounty full of Cat on this. The BLU Pyro is a complete bitch that needs a good smack in the face.

>>16
More like a good slap on the ass AMIRITE

HURP DURP, SEXISM

Holy crap, guys, it wasn't that bad. In fact, I thought it was pretty good. It needs a beta, sure, but it wasn't horrible. Chill.

(I also liked that Pyro was a total bitch, it made her character interesting)

>>18

... You're kidding, right? That's a joke. It has to be. There is no way that any lick of this fic makes sense in the mind of normal, logical human beings. It's sexist, it's mind-boggling, it has lines like "It was so late it was early," and the author has no "subjectables." WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN I DON'T EVEN-

What's even /more/ depressing is reading comments like yours in which you don't think it's "that bad," or comments that say this is the only good "Pyro as a Woman" fic. That's just heartwrenching. Are your standards that fucking low that you think that /this/ is good? Really? A fic where Pyro is a beautiful woman with long hair DESPITE WEARING A FUCKING GASMASK ALL THE TIME WHICH WOULD HURT LIKE HELL TAKING THAT OFF WITH LONG HAIR, JESUS, BUT IT'S OKAY SHE HAS CRUSTY SALT IN HER HAIR TO PROTECT HER?

Anon, I am disappoint. By saying this fic is "not that bad," you prove that you have ridiculously low standards and it's a slap in the face to every writefag on here that can actually /write/.

Honestly, I see no logical explanation for these positive reviews other than the anons having never read actual literature before in their lives or they are the author's friends. I refuse to believe anything else.

I also liked that Pyro was a total bitch, it made her character interesting
Jesus christ, what the hell is wrong with you? Development and exploring facets of personality make a character interesting, not bitchiness or assholery. Pyro has none of the former and little fucking too much of the latter.

I can't read this! :D
The dialogue is unnatural, the descriptions try waaaay to hard, the characters are flat and you're telling instead of showing.
-- Cat,you're being a bit rash though. Some of this nonsense almost makes sense. The crust salt in her hair is supposed to be because she was sweating so much that the salt in her sweat crusted onto her hair and that is the most disgusting thing I've written recently.
"So late it's early" makes sense, but not in this context. Doesn't help that she immediately turns it upside down and it completely loses all meaning...
-- Hey, God Bless bad writers. They make me strive harder.

>>21

I probably am.

I am just a tiny ball of concentrated angry right now and I gotta lash out, man.

OP here. To clarify, her hair is not long. Long enough to fall around her eyes. Not down her back or even shoulder length. Something I should have hit more on, obviously. The salt is only from something I remember. If you sweat for long periods of time and don't really wipe it off, salt builds up over your skin like lime on a faucet. Hair can stick to it. That was the point there. Not a self insert, if I was going to put myself in a fic I would probably try to actually seem likeable.

Very little has gone in to this oldfic about her: she's not exactly supposed to be likeable. However complete bitch was not what I was aiming for. She's not nice to the enemy team: default. She's a Pyro, and pyros are supposed to be scary: default. I was going to mold through this with some anxiety over being constantly masked, hidden, and pretty much reduced to complete silence, which could bother a lot of people. Hence the title. Bother is probably too light a word to express what I'm getting at there but I'm at a loss for another.

General vote: do not continue. Mission accomplished, I tested the interest to see if it was worth finishing and got an answer. Back to lurking for now, I'll stick to drawing.

Goddamn. After reading what went on here, I'm never going to namefag again. I was planning on posting some of my own stuff, but damn, You got more chewed out than... fuk, I don't even.

I for one liked this. I read everything though. I agree that the dialouge was abit strange and that the men probley wouldn't give a fuck, if they killed a woman or not. Especially a woman who's known for lighting them on fire and killing their team. I don't think that the pyro was a self insert. Anytime anyone writes about the unmasked pyro, it will probley seem like a marysue character. Simply because most see the pyro as a man.

My vote would be to try again maybe? Start furthur back. Show the pyro with her team, how she gets captured. Hell, give her some faults too. Goddamn. People don't like reading about a pyro with beautiful eyes... unless her eyes are the only beautiful thing about her. The pyros' a fearless killer. Show it. Being in a war where you jump down from great heights to shoot FIRE at enemies with guns, who don't always die right away... One should have some scars. Burns. Something.

Morale of the comment. Don't give up because some namefags didn't like your story. Harsh as the critque was, maybe you can salvage something from it.

hey bro i herd you herd that your writing's both bad and good so i decided to take a look

http://docs.google.com/View?id=dgpng3tz_42fdwd5mgh

goddamn that's a lot of red text.

But this is to more directly point out what Cat Bountry has already said.

>>24
She's being chewed out because as you can see, a beta could have stopped this madness before it began. This has potential for a good story; possibly pyro/sniper? idk it'd be neat actually but the execution is just :|.

25And my comments are in blue. I am considerably less nice than Engineer but I did have a lot of fun doing this.

The story has logical flaws as well as the aforementioned typos and grammar errors. It may seem rough but a beta reader will ask you a lot of questions like "why is he doing this?". The answer will always be there in your head. A beta will help to remind you that the idea isn't on paper yet and to go write it in.

The content itself I've got no problem with. People explore all kind of possibilities with TF2 all the time. It's an open-ended game with a lot of wiggle room.

That being said, write it as well as you can and have it checked before posting or your idea will look like shit in its execution.

>>25
Yeah, I'm okay with the 'maybe' presented in part 1 (have not read p2) of maybe Sniper taming a shrew as he /comforts her and subsequently has to protect her from his teammates AND deal with the whole you know RED/BLU thing. It could be sweet. :V

But you do need a lot of polish.

>>25
>>26
>>27

You guys are a lot more helpful than I was.

I was just angry with rage.

Oh christ, I just wrote a fic where pyro is a girl with long hair in Afanfic. PLZ DON'T CASTRATE ME CAT BOUNTRY I AM SORRY AND AM A MORONIC PIECE OF SHIT

>>29
Oh, wait, I don't think I wrote any references to long hair, come to reread my own writing. Sage because I'm a dumbass, and the preemptive pleas for clemency still hold valid.

>>25
uhhhm.
Engineer?
Sentence. SENTENCE. D:
There is no "a".
Sage because pet peeves. But you guys are pretty awesome for betaing this crap for anon, I have to say.

>>31
sentance
fuuuuuuuuuuuu- :V I do that a lot (because I say it more ance than ence? maybe?) i hates it i do

uh, this is really well written, but the only thing wrong is the pyro. seriously? "big beautiful green eyes"? no. a bit too marysue.

So A bunch of sex starved mercenaries on an all male team capture a woman who had murdered a bunch of their friends. How did this not result in gang rape?

>>34
|woman who had murdered a bunch of their friends.

You answered your own question thar.

>>35

She's badly wounded and tied up.

Not like she's going to put up much of a struggle.

>>36
That chick? She would so bite off her own tongue and drown in the blood rather than submit to being raped.

Besides, belly full of buckshot - remember? Odds are against the entire team being guru fans. And who knows how long it's been since she bathed.

>>37

Besides, belly full of buckshot - remember? Odds are against the entire team being guru fans. And who knows how long it's been since she bathed.
So? It's not like injury and dirt have historically been much of a deterrent. Besides, all things considered, I'd think her murdering a bunch of their friends would make it /more/ likely they'd rape her, not less

>>38
>>36

Now that I think about it, in my mind they can't/won't rape the pyro because this one is still sexless to me. I mean - sure female pronouns and body and such, but she's not a sexual being. Like she's an imitation hollowly acting out the role of a human.

Another pyro in her position? I guess I can see a gang rape. Her? Notsomuch.

>>39
are you the writer

if y: you should feel bad because i don't get any of that from the writing

if n: >:C

>>40
Not the writer, just debating.
I'll shut up now.

Best Femme!Pyro fic I have EVER read!!
Sure there were some typos, and the fact that the Pyro seems mysteriously unscathed by her choice of profession, but it's still FANTASTIC!!!!
TAKE THAT Y'WANKAHS!!! (referring to picky retards and illiterate fangirls)

>>42

You're calling us retards and fangirls? I hope you were deliberately being ironic.

http://www.tf2chan.net/read.php?b=fanfic&t=3156&p=43
That would be correct. Though I was specifically referring to people being overly picky about grammar and punctuation and not enjoying the story for what it is, and those who go on squealing fits at the mention of a certain character's name.
Not the general populace, I assure you.

(Didn't I just ban you?)

>>44
Also dude, grammar and punctuation makes a story READABLE. If I can't fucking read it, then it is a bad story.

End of story! :V

I agree what cat bountry. This feels like a self insert. And also sexist, I mean, I was reading this and kept thinking that their attitudes would collapse on themselves and someone would eventually kill the pyro or the other way around, not just scoot being set on fire bit.

I keep pretending that she's ugly to perhaps alleviate some of the mary-sue out of it. Sorry dude, it's just.... meh. I don't have very high standards for fanfiction since well.... it's fanfiction.

i
what

man i am all for self-insert fic, but not when it's written like this

i mean
suefic much
wtf :I