You know what? I was concerned it wasn't painful-sounding enough Well, context is important. We are talking about battle-hardened mercenaries who are used to get shot and stabbed and blown up everyday, their pain threshold has to be much higher than a normal person's. That still doesn't justify all those bad fics where the men fuck with no lube and no stretching and it somehow feels wonderful. But the way you described it seems like an accurate middle ground to me. And word about ff.net. Some writers there are gracious about constructive criticism; but many will react to any criticism, not matter how gentle and polite, as if you had run over their puppy while seducing their grandmother and laughing at their baby pictures.