This seems solid enough so far, though I'd like to see a lot more characterization on all fronts, not just between two people in a scene. For example, you had Heavy and Sniper stick around for offloading, and yet didn't utilize them for so much as an aside to the conversations already happening. Regardless, I'd like to read more and see where you're taking the story. I will gladly offer myself as a beta - my email is included, but you can also contact me on AIM under "australianisms".