This is something that I wrote with the inspiration of two gorgeous femscout drawings I saw a couple of days ago! I actually really would like to expand upon it, but I am without beta, all of the people I would generally ask I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them for help with this sort of, erhm, fiction. SO, along with this little doodle of a story I'd like to ask if anyone would want to help me add to this lesbian!Scout fanfiction by beta'ing for me? Now onto the "goods"! -- “Hnnf,†the BLU Scout gasped, hips grinding down into her RED counterpart's hand. “God y-Ah.†Finally, she thought as she gasped, as the RED Scout quickened the pace of her hand, upping the pressure against her clit. “Fuckin- Uhg!†Just as the BLU scout was sure she was finally going to tip over the edge the RED's hand pulled away, leaving the her thrashing against the wall. Again. She would've finished the deed off herself if the damn sadist wasn't holding her wrists against the wall above her head, all the while looking whole heartedly pleased with her work. Fuck. “If you don't fuckin' finish this you god damned asshole.†The BLU Scout bit the words out harshly, the threat trailing into nothing. Her voice was weak as she rolled her hips, looking for some sort of friction. “Hey, hey,†the RED says, leaning casually over what could be described as her 'victim'. “Calm down, just tryin' to draw out the moment.†The BLU Scout lets out a groan of frustration which only caused the RED to widen her grin and actually let out a chuckle. “C'mon girlie, don't you want this to last?†And then she has the <i>audacity</i> to place her damp, sticky hand on the other Scout's stomach, rubbing light small circles. The sounds the Scout made were delicious for this light stimulation, heavy breathing with the ghost an insistent moan underneath. “I brought you off nice 'n quick earlier and this is what you give me, you- you slut,†she somehow manages to choke out. More god damned chuckling. “Well I might need another serving of that after this.†The BLU Scout arched her back, squirming in some sort of attempt to get the hand to move lower. “Like hell you'll be gettin' any,†was growled in response. No reply came from the grinning RED, just the slow slide of her hand returning to it's place in between the BLU's legs. A gasp as fingers massaged against the soft flesh; the RED attempted to start soft and slow but the BLU ground down hard the instant she began. She exhaled a loud, deep groan as the RED gave in and the hand's pace quickened. Breathy moans of 'yes, yes, yes' escaped the Scout as her hips bucked and rolled to their rhythm. Then, again, came the hot pressure in her core. It burned hotter as her voice rose, the movements of her hips erratic. The ridiculously self-satisfied smile on the RED Scout's face was impossibly wide as the BLU began to reach her climax. And there it was, that sudden break in the pressure. The BLU Scout let out a led gasp as she ground hard into the RED Scout's hand, who obliged with quick, rough movements from her hand. The BLU Scout's hands gripped tight on the RED's shoulder, she didn't have the mind capacity to wonder when they had been released from her partner's grip, as she climaxed. The other Scout beaming cockily at her strained, deep moans. “Jesus,†the BLU Scout groaned as her hips and breathing slowed down to a regular pace. Her head rest on the RED Scout's shoulder. An unnecessarily soft kiss was pressed against onto her head, and the RED began absentmindedly running her hands through her short hair. Fingers lightly massaging her scalp. “Gettin' all that stuff in my hair, huh?†The RED Scout laughs. “Don't like it?†she asks, hands continuing to comb her hair with her damp hands. “Mm, yeah. Looks like I might be needing to take a shower now.†The RED Scout leaned back, and gave her grinning counterpart a mirrored grin. “Lookin' pretty messy, I think you might need some help in there.†“Hoping I'll give you something in return,†the BLU said, and it wasn't even a question. The RED chuckled as the BLU herded her in the direction of the bath room. “Maybe, if you're lucky, I'll give you a little somethin'.â€
I have nothing against lesbian porn, but I think this story would have benefited from a little more exposition. There's no real ambiance established. I would have liked more description of their environment to get a sense of the situation. It sort of jumps into this awkward sex scene without any emotional standpoint for the reader to grasp. You don't have to explicitly state how you characters are feeling, but you can drop subtle hints by perhaps mentioning the attractive (or unattractive) aspects of the people involved. You didn't provide any descriptions of their physical features so I couldn't get a clear picture of them in my mind. That's never going to bode well for an erotic story. The action and the character's inner dialogue is muddled in the first paragraph as well as few other instances in the story. I had to go over it a few time to make sense of it, so be careful with that. Make a new paragraph every time you switch speakers. Otherwise keep working on it. By changing a few things you could really make it an involving story.
What >2 said. Other than that, I think it was pretty good. I like how you wrote both characters distinctly scout-like, even though they were gender swapped. definitely a good thing. I'd like to read more like this.
I definitely would have liked more description of the characters' setting, appearances, and their thoughts on what's happening. What motivates these random girl!Scouts? How did they end up together like this? Are they in an alternate universe where all the mercenaries are female? Like >>2 , I couldn't really visualize much of this, and it was hard to follow the action. Even if it's PWP, detail is still important!
Thanks, all! Yes, describing things is pretty hard for me, I'm always afraid of describing too much so I always end up doing it way too little! It's probably the main reason I need/want a beta haha. I definitely want to expand upon this into their motives and et cetera! Add a little backstory here and add more on in the future, but I'm really hesitant to go on without someone to look over it for holes in the details that I filled in in my head haha.
Aaaauuuuughgh'll beta for you. With my infinite knowledge of lesbians. No sage because email me.
Sorry what does this have to do with TF2 again
>>7 As much as sex does with TF2. Yes, it needs exposition, but the Scout accents are at least somewhat accurate.