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No. 230
06:14 - Giggles: Sofa is warm. I like sofa.
06:15 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Like like, or /like/ like?
06:15 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Is it a warm sofa, or a hot sofa?
06:15 - Banimal: Hot about a sofa that is also a hot tub?
06:16 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: I bet Demo would have humped a sofa sometime in the past
06:16 - Giggles: Like like I'm going to plow this sofa for everything it's worth and stay with it 'til long past the sunrise
06:16 - Giggles: He's only done it a few times.
06:16 - Banimal: I think I'd like a water couch. Like a water bed, except a couch.
06:16 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: I see what you did there
06:16 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Jiggly.
06:17 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: And only once while other people looked on.
06:17 - Giggles: But once, Medic walked in, and shot him a look like it was the worst thing he'd ever seen.
06:17 - Giggles: The next day
06:17 - Giggles: the sofa was gone.
06:17 - Banimal: You'd have to turn the pillows over at the very least
06:17 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: And Demo refused to let people into his room after that incident.
06:17 - Giggles: And that's one of the many tales of the team's couch.
06:18 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: There were quite a few white stains on the pillows of that sofa that had been unexplainable up until that point.
06:18 - Novichok: one day i will do that cosplay
06:18 - Novichok: one day
06:18 - Novichok: .. :[
06:18 - Giggles: Suspiciously, there was a new couch, complimented by a horrible off-white cover, in the infirmary.
06:19 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: That poor couch's been through more than enough to traumatize even the hardiest tough guy.
06:19 - Giggles nods.
06:20 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: But Medic never let Demoman use that one, did he?
06:20 - Banimal: The couch does show up a lot in fanfiction
06:20 - Giggles: There's a couch that is just /there/ in the imaginary 2fort lounge
06:20 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: It does, yes.
06:21 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: I bet it's linked to the respawn system, too.
06:21 - Giggles: I see it being the team color, a faded fabric. Ugly piece of work
06:21 - Giggles: skin cells that accumulated on the couch are used for clone-based respawn tech.
06:21 - Banimal: It is denied the sweet oblivion of death
06:21 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: So every time it's destroyed by fire or explosives or good old-fashioned tearing-apart it comes back.
06:21 - Giggles: Or, the sofa that never dies.
06:22 - Giggles: And it can never forget
06:22 - Giggles: IT CAN NEVER FORGET THE THINGS IT HAS SEEN
06:22 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: And never forgive.
06:22 - Giggles: Felt?
06:22 - Giggles: What senses would a couch have?
06:22 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: touch, definitely.
06:22 - Banimal: It has a sense for butts I guess
06:23 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Think what hatred it would host of those heavy, sweaty asses it's been forced to support.
06:23 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Smell, too.
06:23 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Nothing like the stench of sweat and blood day after day to drive you crazy.
06:23 - Giggles: I'm sure it's put up with a fair amount of blood, bile and other bodily fluids over the years
06:24 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Probably every kind of bodily fluid there is.
06:24 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: So much vomit.
06:24 - Banimal: And the cretins who rest their smelly feet on the upholstery
06:25 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: There's a lot of moldy crumbs and popcorn hidden behind its pillows as well.
06:25 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: That would be about everyone.
06:25 - Rebbacus: what did i come back to
06:25 - Rebbacus: dirty couch humping
06:26 - Giggles: Meet the Team's Couch
06:26 - Banimal: If you want to play it safe, put a plastic cover on before the humping
06:27 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Oh, and that fucking Spy, who insists to butt his cigarettes on the arms.
06:27 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: You never know what you might catch from it.
06:27 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Meet the Team's STDs
06:27 - Giggles: They tried to clean it once, bringing the pillows outside and beating the dusk out of their stuffing, and though it was a torturous experience, the sofa was glad to be rid of many of the crumbs, mites, and fungi nestled between its fibers.
06:27 - CAK(E)MAKAN GAM(E)Z: heh
06:27 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: I bet every single one has humped it sometime in the past.
06:28 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Even Medic. And Engineer. And Heavy.
06:28 - Giggles: dust*
06:28 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: EVERYONE.
06:28 - Giggles: Even Pyro?
06:28 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: YES.
06:28 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: EVEN HIR.
06:28 - Banimal: It was never the same after Heavy had his way with it
06:28 - Giggles: Tore it a new buttonhole, he did.
06:28 - CAK(E)MAKAN GAM(E)Z: oh my
06:29 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: It was never the same after /anyone/ had their way with it.
06:29 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: ...Though to date he's been the only one to accomplish that.
06:29 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: So that is truly something out of the ordinary.
06:30 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Giggles: Was the cleaning primarlly a torturous experience for the team, for for the couch?
06:30 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Or rather, who suffered the most?
06:31 - Ashsflames: fuck yo couch
06:31 - Ashsflames: I'll bet it likes to crossdress as a sofa
06:31 - Giggles: I feel the couch suffered through the beating
06:31 - Giggles: but was well rewarded.
06:31 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Once it loved to crossdress as a loveseat.
06:31 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Once.
06:31 - Ashsflames: does the couch have any sisters
06:32 - Giggles: The cleaning left the team disappointed, as their favorite buttgrooves were lost.
06:32 - Banimal: I think it has a secret fetish for rocking chairs
06:32 - CAK(E)MAKAN GAM(E)Z: Why are we talking about couchfucking?
06:32 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: It learned to never do it again after the first humping.
06:32 - Ashsflames: Because Meet the Couch
06:34 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Who was the first to hump it after the cleaning? Who was the first to renew its sense of shame and dirtiness it had hoped to finally be cleansed of?
06:34 - Banimal: There's nothing like the allure of a fresh cotton scented couch
06:35 - Giggles: Unable to resist its soft cushions, the Sniper was teh first to defile it after its cleaning.
06:37 - Banimal: I'd love to lose my remote down that crack
06:37 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: His hoarse, desperate moans were enough to rouse the attention of Scout and the eternal scorn of the team.
06:38 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: They had made a silent pact to let the poor piece of furniture be after the cleansing, for cleansing was the right word.
06:40 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: It was not only the cleansing of filth accumulated over many months on a neglected couch, it was the cleansing of their sins. Of their shame.
06:41 - Giggles: But the Sniper - lost in his cushy, fabric-filled fantasy - forgot the trust of his teammates.
06:41 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: It represented a will to move on and improve, to leave behind their sinful, horrible pasts.
06:42 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: But through one sorry act Sniper doomed them all to fall back to their lifestyles of hedonism and debauchery.
Novichok left chat.
06:42 - LESBIAN â˜COMMUNIST☠ZOMBIE: Of.... couch-humping.
06:43 - Giggles claps.
06:43 - Giggles: Now all we need is some fanart
You fags know what to do.
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