So how do I start this thing off, exactly? Fuck it.

{A picture of RED's baby is attached}

Don't yell at me, I haven't posted a picture yet!

[ A picture of RED'S squibaby peeking out of an oversized Pyro glove is attached ]

Just look at that little precious~

>>1514
I gotta say, I didn't think it could be as cute as you guys were saying... I was waaaaay wrong, That thing is the cutest thing I've ever seen!

As much as I appreciate the baby pictures... We have a small situation...

Baby's gone!

He must of slipped out of mah van while I was napping. Nipper's very curious. Can someone help me find him before he gets into trouble? He might be lookin' fer "Mommy".

>>1521

The tenta-spook said somethin' about a powerful sense of smell, why don't we get RED Scout's clothes and lure him in?

>>1522
Or we could grab some sardines or something. The kid likes fishy stuff, right?

Im looking around as we speak, though.

>>1522
You stay away from my clothes, man. I don't want nothin' to do with that fucking creepy thing, okay? Not a damn thing!

>>1523

That could work as well

>>1524

Dude, we're trying to lure your kid in. Plus, I know yer with SLVR Sniper and he would kill me if I did anythin' gross.

Why the fuck would I want to sniff yer clothes?

>>1524

... Yanno I kinda liked it better when you were a chick. Cuz at least you gave a damn about anything.

>>1526
Bitte, do not blame the Scout. He is suffering from a condition known as post-partum depression. Mothers will often feel despondent, and exhausted, and many times will feel absolutely nothing for their children. I have been treating this as best I can, but it will take time for Scout to actually care for his little one.

>>1527

Hey, RED likes baseball, doesn't he? What Scout doesn't? Why don't I gather all the scouts and whoever wants to play and we have one big inter-team game? That should cheer him up.

>>1534
Yeah, okay, whatever. I'll play, but no talkin' 'bout that dumb little parasite awright? I still don't like that thing.

>>1535

Great! I'll go and round everyone up! Meet you in the back field by 4!

>>1536

Not interested, I have a second job to work on while SLVR and GLD's bases are getting rebuilt plus... I don't want to be near Mr. "oh how wonderful havin' a kid is!" to Mr. "fuckgetitaway!" A-hole.

How can ya be just... cold man. Yer like... darn I don't even know where to start! At least my team's Snipes is going a cool job bein' Daddy and all even if we lost the kid once and found him sleeping in a nest of underwear and socks inside RED Soldier's dresser drawers.

>>1540
You know what? Shut it, pal. You don't know a damn thing. That thing was squirming around inside me, making me sick every damn day it was in there, and then the fucker decides to rip its way out my gut, and practically kill me.
I mean, when it was inside me, I had all these hormoney things going on that made me feel all happy and lovey-dovey and shit, but now they're gone, and I feel way worse than I ever thought a person could feel. I'm sick all the time, I'm always tired. Some days it feels like I wanna die because of how bad I feel.
And the LAST thing I want to deal with is the thing that made me feel this way!

>>1543

Look, I've been tryin' to be understandin' and everythin', but you need to toughen the fuck up. Chicks have been havin' kids for hundreds millions thousands of years and do you see them whining about feelin' like shit. I don't care whether the kid had more legs than other kids and yer a guy, it could of been worse, for fuck's sake. How would you feel if you had lost him? At least you have heaps of people that will help you. Have a cup of concrete.
Look, I have experience with kids, if you need help, you only have to ask.

>>1547
Fine, then you take him for like, an hour, or whatever. Snipes fuckin' left me here with it to go and check on his bar, and it's crying, and I'm crying, and I don't know what the fuck it wants!

Just....please. I need help. I'm fucking sick, and it feels like I'm gonna die, and like I wanna die, and nobody else seems to get it, or give a shit, and I just...

Take him. Please. Before I hurt it or something.

>>1548

Scout, if you vant, come see me in ze trailer zhat GLD is renting out to "stay in" until our bases are re built. I've taken up part time as a massage and mental therapist and I zhink a good full back, neck and shoulder massage vill help calm you down. It sounds like you have a great deal of stress on your shoulders and you have no idea vhat to do. So come down, I von't charge anyzhing and ve'll perform a two hour session, one hour of massages and one hour of mental therapy to help you relax and regain yourself.

>>1549
Okay. But I ain't crazy. I just...been through a lotta shit. Don't make me crazy.

And don't try nothin' funny with that 'massage' thing, y'hear?

>>1550

I never said you vere insane, you're just mentally overloaded after ze... pregnancy. All ve'll be doing is talking about how you feel and vhat might help ease you such as memory recollection, game stimuli for ze mind, and anyzhing else zhat vill aid in giving yourself a more relaxed, calmer look towards life and your self-esteem.

As for ze massages I'm only massaging muscles you vish for me to massage. You can count on me never 'squeezing ass' as some team members place it, zhat's private between me and SLVR Medic alone. Zhis is a professional session, not a fritzy moment!

Come by vhen you feel comfortable about it.

>>1552
Okay, I talked to my doc, and he said this sounds legit, so I guess I'll be by around 8 or so. That cool?
And can someone babysit around then? Py? One of the Scouts? The father of this fucking thing, maybe, wherever the hell he may be?!

>>1553
I can watch the kid for you, things have been getting way too quiet on my side and I really need something to do that isn't destructive.

>>1554
Thanks, pal. Believe me, though, after five minutes with this kid, it'll become destructive.

I think he's teething. Watch out.

And there go my gloves...
And my boots...

I swear, Ive never seen anything chew through things like this kid can!

>>1559
I told ya.

And doc, I gotta say, that session really helped. I mean, it's weird talking about feelings and junk, but I don't feel half as sick as I did yesterday, so I think it's helping. Same time tomorrow?

>>1560

Ja, of course. You are velcomed over anytime you need some stress relief, but I vill varn you I am taking on civilian clients as vell so in case I'm booked up, I'll let you know ahead of time for a rescheduling.

Also, I recommend you get ze kinder some hard plastic teething toys to keep him occupied.

>>1561
I did. He ate them like cheerios.

Engie's got him chewing on an old tire or somethin' right now. He seems to like it. Dunno how long it'll last, though.

>>1562

What about an iron bar or somethin'? There should be plenty in the remains of GLD an' SLVR bases

>>1564
Tried that too. 's not good chewin', really. He likes stuff that'll give eventually.

Took your advice and wandered over there with him, though. Found a couple of old singed easy chairs. Had the time of his life.

G'day mates, what's goin' on?

>>1573

Uh... Um, why does the board smell like blood? And why the hell is your name Brutal Sniper?

>>1574
Oh god. Oh god he's back.

Run. FUCKING RUN.

...can somebody help me with this fucking diaper bag?

>>1575

What the fuck? Why are we in a rush? Just because the board... Smells like... Blood. Doesn't mean that we have to run off and panic. Do you know that guy?

I'll help with the kid and the bag, if it's that bad

>>1575
What? Looks like a normal old Sniper to me.
A creepy one, sure, b
[[the note cuts off abruptly]]

>>1576
DON'T ASK QUESTIONS. JUST FUCKING RUN!

AND DON'T FORGET THE TIRE. BABY NEEDS HIS CHEW TOY.

>>1573

Mate...

You touch one hair... ONE microscopic sheet of skin on RED Scout or my boy Nipper and I swear on whatever higher being works "upstairs" I will cut you up with your own damned Shiv so much and so small the morgue won't figure out what the hell ya are! You have no business bein' 'ere and causing trouble ya cannibal! If yer here on "friendly" terms then make yerself useful and kill off the bad tentaspy lurking in the sewers.

I'm the least violent of all the bases' snipers but when it's MAH family on the line.. you better not cross it.

>>1579
I'm scared... Can you come get us, Snipes?

>>1580

On my way, hop in mah van and we'll book it for the coast, consider it a vacation gift from me. I have people to watch over mah lounge and I have Doc to look after the rest of SLVR team.

Damn it, why can't we have nice things fer a change?

>>1581

Hey, I dun wanna to spoil the mood, but can I hitch a ride? I have friends on the coast that can shelter me for a few days/weeks. I'll just need you to pick me up later.

So, this psycho is a cannibal? Doesn't that mean he {in smaller letters} eats people? You still haven't told me how the fuck you people know this guy.

>>1583
Long story, man. He was RED, and then he...like...ate RED, I guess, and then they shipped him off somewhere, and, well...fuck. I guess he ate everyone there too, or something.

Okay, RED Medic's said he's comin' too. He was here last time with this dude, and he don't wanna go through it again. Plus, he's real good with the brat.
So we just gotta wait for GRN Py to respawn, and see if he's comin, I guess.

You're too good to me, Snipes.

HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
I got curious and went to get a look at this guy, and he jumped me and he's way stronger than any sniper Ive ever seen and... well, to put it bluntly, he was EATING me ALIVE until I bled out.

Justgetmethefuckoutofhere.

My van can carry at least 20 people so I have some room to spare with two sets of bunk beds, the master suite queen size bed holds four at once and the couch tucks down into a bed plus floor space. Just don't play around with the stereo set. Taking in first come, first served, and to any one left behind, I hope ya can care for yerselves enough to get rid of this creep.

No worries, mates! Oi didn't mean ya any harm this toime around...GRN Pyro just startled me.

And SLVR Snoipah, oi won't hurt yer family, especially that cute little...baby? of yers.

Gahhhhh! Damn Gentlespoi tryin' to fix me up, it's fuckin' hell!

{flails in frustration and accidentally stabs the GRN Pyro again}

oh shit! {hyperventilates}

{appears}

Mon dieu, what eez going on 'ere? I zhought I'd find you skulking around ze base.

{pins Christian's arms behind his back}

Je suis désolé, mon amis...Zis eez partly my fault for letting 'im loose. I tried makeeng eet moi life mission to civilize zis murderous barbarian for ze sake of both teams.

{sighs heavily}

It seems I have my work cut out for me.

>>1592

>>1593

D-did they just WRITE DOWN their actions?

>>1586

Hey, can you hold up a bit, I can't find BLK Scout.

Seriously, they wrote down their actions, what the fuck?

Yeah... I say it'd be smart if I took mah counterpart SLVR's lead and haul ass out as well if CBS is back... Same as SLVR, I can take on others, but you'll have to excuse the mess... I may not look much like it but I DJ on weekends as a part job and there's like a pile of drinks and things in and about. Sorry mates.

>>1595
Yeah, this isn't a live rp board, it's suppose to be like leaving post-it notes. They must be new.

Ah...so zis eez how eet works.

My apologies, we 'aven't been down here on base for quite a while.

Allow me to introduce myself: I am the Gentlespy, a former RED Spy of class and culture...and caretaker of the resident murderer Christian Brutal Sniper. I just want to assure you all that under my watch, he behaves quite nicely, much like a well controlled wild tiger, and you can look upon me as some sort of animal trainer. Hon hon hon.

I come from Sept-Iles but I spent the majority of my life in Montreal.

Christian and I were on RED Team '80, the best year ever to be a member of RED...the Cold War was thawing out a bit, disco was dead, and Reagan was president...many pardons for my reminiscing, I shan't bother you with it that much.

{another note is attached}

I ran out of room on the last note, now where was I:

Christian started showing erratic behaviour early in the campaigns, but the team never thought anything of it...until the killings began.

I must stress that Christian has a disease, he is sick, and I took it upon myself to cure him to society's standards, these murders aren't methodic or serial in anyway. Part of my conditioning is have him interact with others and quell his blood lust. He doesn't trust people for he was hurt very badly during his childhood...Just try to give him a chance.

Remember:
-approach him slowly and in his line of sight. DO NOT STARE HIM DOWN.

-engage in light conversation

-If he shows signs of aggression, back off slowly and run like hell when you're out of his line of sight

-ABSOLUTELY NO LOUD NOISES

If you can all follow those simple rules, I'm sure Christian and all of you can live in relative harmony

Im gonna just.... hide in my room for a bit.
I like taking a few steps off base without having to respawn.

How can I convince you all that I'm not as bad as I'm made out to be?

Yes, I admit to killing anyone who happens across my path, but I've reached a point where murder is starting to get boring and I want to show you how nice I used to be.

>>1579

And where did ya get the notion that I'm a cannibal?

I do did enjoy hacking my victims apart limb from limb, but I never once devoured their flesh nor had the desire to.

...unless you count draining the bodies of their blood for my type of Jarate.

Um...oi don't know how ta say this guys and please don't get mad at me, but this mornin', oi found this...

[a picture of a sleeping baby sleeping on a pillow, tentacles wrapped tight around a stuffed crocodile is taped to the note]

Oi think he...she...it? followed me home aftah huntin' so oi don't want y'all ta worry.

The lil guy's quoite safe.

>>1607

GIVE. ME BACK. MY BABY. RIGHT NOW, YOU SICKO.

>>1607

Dude, that is just wrong.

... In all mein years I've never seen such raw parental force as seeing RED Scout and SLVR Sniper beat ze living shit out of CBS. No veapons vere involved, just fists and steam coming off ze pair.

If anyzhing I compare zhem like grizzly bears. And somehow I've been placed in charged vrapping ze... man back up in so much plaster, I may have to start buying some off SLVR's supply. Christian's like a harden mummy vith only his face (vhich is black and blue vith a split lip) and one foot zhat managed to escape ze brawl.

You know for someone as feared as CBS, I expected more out of his... usual demeanor. Ah vell! Zhat's vhat ze drugs are for!

>>1611
You- you drugged him?!

>>1612
Vith relaxants ja. Mild medication similar to tranquilizers to keep him mellow vhile he recovers in ze make-shift hospital I have vhile vaiting on zhis "GentleSpy" To come pick him up, he's eaten me of donuts, cookies, and von't share ze remote on ze tv!

I write this message in anger, for a total misunderstanding has come about, but I will keep my language civil and...gentlemanly.

Upon returning from Lady BLUScoutMother's tea party today~She makes excellent crumpets if yo are wondering~I happened upon my roommate Christian in a very...how shall I say it...poor condition. As in almost beaten within an inch of his life and drugged with some sort of sedative condition.

At first, I thought he might have engaged in a fight with some of the local wildlife...perhaps a bear or a Heavy, but then I found this:

{well-drawn picture of squidbaby}

It was sitting on the counter, eating my Lorna Doones with it's slimy little tentacles, looking up innocently at me. I slowly reached for a stick, as to fend it off and shoo it out the window, when I heard voices coming up the path.

The child creature screeched something along the lines of "Mama." And who should appear was RED Scout and that fancy gentleman from across the way. They mentioned something about 'him being at it again'...so I put two and two together.

I managed to grab them their child (I sent along the cookies as well for the box was quite slimy and he seemed to enjoy them) and give it to them, asking them to not attack Christian again and to keep that...thing on a leash.

Their reply: the little punk punches me in the stomach, calling me a faggot and Christian a pedophile.

I assure you, as deranged and bloodthirsty Christian is wont to be, he would never, EVER EVER touch that child in anyway that in inappropriate or harmful. Through his sedative laced ramblings, Christian told me the child followed him home after he made a fresh kill of a Demoman. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE, HE KILLED HIS STEPFATHER, WHO STRANGLED HIS SISTER...

...Ahem. My apologies, mon amis. I rarely get this enraged, but what has happened is unacceptable.

I bid you all a good day.

-Arsene d'Valence, RED Spy

>>1614

Look, considering the guy's history, you can't blame them for going ape-shit.

Anyway, you think HE has got it hard? My whole fucking team was murdered by our Spy, only me our Engie and Sniper got out. Engie died and turned into a fucking zombie and Sniper... I... He... Died.

Don't even fucking try to play the guilt card on me, Spook.

>>1615

I offer you my deepest sympathies, dear Scout, but it still doesn't fix what damage has been done.

I have to administer a cocktail of painkillers and sedatives for Christian while he heals, the night terrors are going to be the hardest.

Look what war has done to us, we've become the very monsters we were trying to fight.

Have we lost our humanity?

And don't be so quick to judge us Spies, too. Sure, I was and am still a sneaky, underhanded, devious, but I cared about my team mates and loved them like brothers...especially Christian.

I hope he pulls through.

any of you have msn?

>>1618
(( dont ask that in the ic part, do it in the rp misc topic thing :< ))

>>1619
then cum to rp misc topic thing

>>1618

>>1619

>>1620

What the fuck? Are you guys high or somethin'?

>>1623
shhh...just cum

>>1623

Looks like someone doesn't know how to use a flippin' clipboard.

Okay, lame-man's (and yeah I spelled it that way) terms: Clipboard is used by us teams to leave notes to each other cuz we all have a life on and off battle. Occasionally we will post pictures and hang things to get points across and stuff. Anything not related to our clipboard (which I check the stock room at RED base, we have maybe six at the most left when this one overfills) needs to go elsewhere.

Yanno, one day, phones will be wireless and have screens on them with some ability to leave messages to people. It'll be epic when that happens! Oh, and TVs won't be this giant box things with only a few channels in EPIC color! They'll be flat! Like a pancake! Can't you imagine that guys!?

>>1625
I stopped at pancakes and remembered that Im kinda hungry. Engie's not been around, and he did a lot of the cooking out here.

>>1626
You can come over to our place, man. Snipes makes a mean plate of flapjacks.

I'm still in a lot of pain...well, everything is pretty much pain, but I forgive you RED Scout and SLVR Sniper, and I'm not saying it because of the loopy pills Spy's got me on.

Just the next time, understand that I think the little guy is becoming attached to me. It's probably because of the blood...does he like blood? But he always seems to find his way to our place, and it's scaring me a little.

Granted I love my animals, squidpeople, but I'd like to heal without the fear of you two storming in and breaking me apart again...and again...

>>1629
Yeah, he does like blood. No idea why.

But if he sneaks over to you again, so long as you ain't got one of those big-ass knives on you, I won't kick your ass again, alright?

And I think it goes without saying, but if you ever EVER hurt my baby, you will regret it.

>>1631

I'm writing this out for Chris, for he's having a bad day and is currently passed out. He wants me to tell you that he always makes me lock up his weapons whenever the little guy is around since he can't move much with the casts.

I can't say myself I enjoy the child's company, he's quite a messy little thing to be honest and I like keeping a clean home.

>>1632
Well that's good, then, cause he thinks you're a smelly mean Frenchman anyway.

He only likes visting you cause of those faggy French snacks you always got sitting around.

>>1633

How...thoughtful.

I never liked children anyway.

>>1633

I think Nipper's ready to be weaned off the bottle now. He ate my whole can of kippers and cheese while I was going to warm up his supper...

Fair warnin': keep an eye on yer food, he's sneaky.

>>1635
Now, when you say 'the whole can', do you mean just the food in the can, or the can too? Because I've had that happen.

Either way, yeah, kid's ready for something more than milk, I guess.

Um...what do baby Tenta-things eat, anyway? Besides kippers (whatever the fuck those are) and faggy French snacks, and tires, I mean.

>>1639
Well, he ate my pancakes before I could even get my mask up. Maybe the kid likes breakfast things?

He likes sweet things trust me...once when he came over, he drank a 24 pack of Cherry Dr. Pepper I had

...ow, my pancreas...

>>1640
Just like his mama, then, I guess.

>>1641
Be glad he left you the cans, at least. Kid eats like a billy goat now. But at least now I've got a starter diet.
Pancakes, cherry pop, and whatever the hell a kipper is.

>>1642

Kippers are canned smoked herring. Very popular as a pub snack in places like England and Australia I believe among ozher zhings.

But honestly starting ze kinder on junk food is no good. He needs a balanced diet and seeing he's semi aquatic, he may need more seafood in his diet.

>>1644
So...like, tuna and stuff?

Honestly doc, I got no idea what's 'sposed to be a 'balanced diet' for a baby. Little help?

>>1642

[paper covered in myriad of scribbles and doodles, a small corner is readable]

He ate all of it, soda, cans, box and all.
my hand is fluffy...

>>1645
CATFOOD!

>>1648

NEIN NOT CATFOOD!

Ze child is not a pet! Ugh... anyvays RED Scout trying taking a blender and mixing up sardines, anchovies, canned tuna, maybe add a tad of shrimp and some veggies just to get some fiber in.

I vould also encourage you to keep him from eatting cans, tires, socks, and GRN Pyro's gloves. I know it vill be hard but disciplining him vill make Nipper (I zhink zhat's vhat SLVR Sniper calls him.. must be a nickname..) a better TentaScoper (Scout and Sniper classes respectfully)

>>1650
Thanks, doc! The kid fucking loves this stuff. Except we didn't have any shrimp or veggies, so I just threw in some beef jerky. Thinks it's delicious, just like his daddy.
But nah, Nipper's just what we call him, now. Never bothered to come up with a real name, so I just call him what Snipes calls him.

>>1651

Nipper's his nickname. His real name is Thomas *Last name marked over with black marker* But we started callin' Nipper after he tried going back to trying to feed off his 'momma'.

He also loves eating hard candy, ginger flavor.

>>1652 His name's Thomas? Since when?

And I told you not to tell anybody about that shit, man! Now RED Heavy's making fun of my chest in the shower again. Fucking scars.

>>1653
-crudely drawn smiley face-
Yes! Ees funny to me!

Why do not seemply eat leetul baby squid? Engineer say squid good raw or fried or steamed or pan-seared or

-runs out of room on stickynote-

>>1654
Cause it's half-human and has this adorable baby face? Humans stink when you burn em, anyway.

Im pretty sure he counts more as a human than a squid, though.

>>1654
YOU CAN NOT EAT MY BABY, LARDASS.

>>1654
Da! Baked is good also! And stewed and sauteed and stuffed and in leetle fancy salads and

-this sticky note has also run out of room-

>>1653

Well... technically Thomas, Jr. but I'll let ya work that one out. And I named him when you decided to let me have him during that stress moment you had... How's the sessions with GLD doc goin? Surprised he hasn't charged ya yet.


>>1654
>>1657

You touch one sucker on mah son I'll turn you both into colored rain! And it won't be chocolate! No one is eatin' MAH boy. If you gotta have something... "Squidy" go after TentaSpy in the sewers.. the bad one. He's got tentacles on him to last ya months worth of seafood sandwiches.

>>1658
It's going pretty good, actually. The massages were kind freaky at first (scented candles, and classical music and all that shit, plus, you know, another guy touchin me), but the therapy stuff's been helping a lot.

He uh, he actually suggested that...well, it might be good for me and the kid if we like...moved in with you. Like, officially. Not like 'I crash here when I'm too tired to go back, and stay in the morning because your pancakes are bitching' kind of move in.
So...what do you think?

>>1659

... Lemme think on it fer a few days, alright? Means gettin' rid of stuff in mah van, I'm gonna have to think hard on this for a few days. I'll let ya know when I feel things are solid with mahself.

>>1660
[the note is covered in baby tentacle slime and tears]
If you wanna fucking say no, then just say it! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! Who needs you anyway?!
You don't gotta pretend like you wanna see me or anything. I get it. I'm not stupid. Whenever I drop the kid off anymore, I won't stick around, since it INCONVENIENCES you so fucking much.

>>1661

Whoa, Whoa kiddo! I didn't mean it like that! Sheesh, don't jump the deep end mate! What I mean is that it's unexpected to have someone living with me that's not staying the night and such. I'm ill-prepared is what I meant earlier and I want to make sure what I get rid of won't be detrimental to me later.

Besides, I thought you didn't want much part in 'family rearing' after all that bloat and mess, ya didn't want any part of the aftermath so in turn I was gonna be happy raising alone.

But if ya really want to give this a try and not back out... then yes, mate. You can live with me.

No,... I'd love for ya to live with me.

>>1662
....Ya mean it?

I mean, if...if you don't want me around, and you just want the kid to yourself, I'd...be cool with that too.

Cause, ya know, it's not like I WANNA live with ya, or anythin gay like that, it's just easier, ya know, with dragging the kid back and forth.

But like...where do I...do we gotta...sleep together?

>>1664

Oh come on! Just admit it man, yer blindly gay! It's okay to come out of the closet, everyone's not gonna care.

>>1665
I'M NOT FUCKING GAY! CUT IT OUT!

>>1665
Aw, leave the guy alone. He's been throught a lot and junk.

Though I'm still sticking with my "technical gay" comment from a while back.