SO. Inspired by a post in the last thread about whether or not it's weird to be a virgin at 20 years old.

My question: what do and don't y'all consider 'losing your virginity'?
By the logic of most people I've asked irl, it's 'penis penetrates vagina' but by the logic lesbians and gay men could potentially be considered virgins forever. Is it the puncture of the hymen, 'popping' of the 'cherry'?
I know that some of my irl friends say certain things like anal and oral sex count towards that, but I think those two things are in catergories of their own.
What do you think, tf2chan?

>>12413
If I were lord of the Earth I would do away with the word 'sex' because it's so subjective. Traditionalist would believe that it involves penetration, but human sexuality is a little more complicated than that. There should be less emphasis on 'having sex' and more focus on having fun and being close with another person. Or multiple persons if you're into that.

Anyways, that's my two cents.

Hi, I was the virgin anon.

I'm gonna spill some major feelings cause I'd really like some discussion on this, and to see if anyone feels the same I guess.

I don't know, being a virgin really bothers me. It makes me feel like a kid. I guess it kind of stems from this need to rebel from my parents. My parents are kind of overprotective

I feel really uncomftorble (sp?) with it and I just want to have casual sex. I don't really need emotional intimacy at the moment, I just kind of want to fuck some people in a nice consensual friends with benefits way. Fuck they could be one night stands, as long as we're not raving dicks to each other.

But how the hell does someone go about that? Is it even wise too? I'm actually turning 21 in november, so is it just like on tv, do I go to a bar, and just be like "casual sex?" and someone responds? How the hell does this work?

I don't know, it's not like i've never gotten looks before. It's not like guys have ever hit on me. But thats my problem, I like ladies. I am a lady attracted to ladies of the female persuasion. But I'm super feminine so I run into the classic lesbian problem of "are you faking, your not butch enough to be a lesbian" so even though I tell people, it kind of feels like they don't believe me, or they have no idea. So ladies don't hit on me.

Out of all the guys who have ever hit on me, part of me wishes i would have just faked reciprocation to get fucked. I don't mean in the leading on sort of way, but in the sort of "lets both have meaningless sex" sort of way.

I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm more on the whole sliding scale of gay and straight. Like if maybe I mostly like girls, but I like guys too. I don't know, it's all really confusing.

>>12413

Sorry to throw everything off topic! oaky, ummm, I guess I'd say (for me personally) something involving the anus or vagina beyond fingering. I think of fingering as foreplay. I consider anal, vaginal sex, scissoring, eating out, and blow jobs on the same level I guess.

>>12413
To me, sex is genital-on-genital/mouth/anus interaction. Simple enough.

As for the ~20 year old virgin thing, I am 19 and more troubled by the fact that I have never been close enough to anyone else to seriously consider having sex with them. The idea of meaningless sex has no appeal to me. And people don't really like me much, so there's that too. People put too much importance on sex anyway, it's kind of annoying. I'm sure it's nice, but so are tacos, and you don't see those crammed into everything.

>>12413

I personally consider there to be different degrees of virginity. Oral virginity (giving oral sex), getting head (don't really have a word for it), fingering, vaginal penetration, anal, etc.
Hell, I consider there to be a cyber-sex virginity, too.

>>12415
I would honestly try using a casual dating site to get to know someone first, rather than just picking someone up at the bar. It can still be casual, but with a little more security.
My friend used plentyoffish to find a guy to take her virginity. Sketchy as hell site, but she managed to find someone decent, at least (In character. I don't know how he was in bed.)
She's a lesbian now, but that's beside the point.

>>12422

thats a good idea. Does anyone know a dating site thats private, I kind of don't want people at my college knowing about it. It's embarrassing.

>>12423

Plenty of Fish.com My siblings use that site, they like the people they met through there.

>>12415
Basically what Iz said. I need to say as a person who just lost her virginity (in these areas too) around 21 i think the following: Just because you had sex doesn´t let you feel less like a kid. I´m in a household where my family is overprotective too and in all honesty it didn´t change much as i had sex. I didn´t feel all of a sudden less than a kid. I didn´t feel suddendly like: I have my life under controll and this is my life so everyone who tries to talk into my life please go and fuck off. If you are looking for something like that than having sex is the wrong way.

But i also know that you want to experience it, because heck i wanted to experience it too and the frustration not to find a guy who i can trust enough to do so was hard. And to be honest it does kind of change you after you had a person that close to you.

Just some tips for you: Don´t expect too much. I mean in the direction orgasm like hurricans and all that jazz by the first time which are so popular in bad stories.
Sex isn´t about having orgasm, but about feeling good. If you had good sex which let´s you feel great but hadn´t a orgams. It is completly okay. So don´t press it there and relax.

This is your first time and it is totally okay, that if it comes to the practical part to be nervous and unsure of some things. But don´t let this nervouseness let you make mute or overly shy. Say what you want! Having sex is really more satisfying if your partner cares than for you in that moment and if the partner knows what you like. As example: You know you like to get kissed on the neck tell your partner. You know this doesn´t feel quite good now: Tell your partner. I don´t mean like controlling every bit of the act now, but it is your first time and therefor if you feel something is good than go along, if it doesn´t feel good do something different. Don´t push it, enjoy it.

Also i would say don´t over experiment by the first time with what you ever wanted to do. If just one position/motion feels good in that moment than stick with it. Later if you get more used to the aspect sex you still can do the things you wanted to do.

Last words are, even if you don´t feel the storming boiling heat of love for your partner, you should make sure you feel comfortable enough with this person. Don´t go and pick someone at random for a one night stand as your first time, because as far as i heard nothing good comes out of it.

>>12425

That was super helpful. Thank you! It's nice to know someone was in the same boat I was in.

I'm in the same boat. I'm 21, have really overbearing, overprotective parents, and I've gotten as far as second base, but my ex and I broke it off because he's a very sexual person, and I'm really...not. I definitely liked him, and I had originally planned on having sex with him eventually, but something just felt off when we were fooling around, and I asked him to stop and hold on, perhaps we could try again in the future, but he told me no, this was a deal-breaker for him. I realized eventually that anyone who acted like that was someone I didn't need in my romantic/sexual life.

I do look at smut and think about sex frequently, but I very rarely get aroused or feel the need to shlick, and when I do, my clit throbs and hurts quite a bit, which makes me even less interested in touching myself. I think we all have sex at our own pace, and it's not indicative of being "grown up", per se. Just take your time with it.

>>12413

Now, the way I view it...
For a straight couple to lose their virginity, vaginal or anal penetration must occur.
For a gay couple to lose their virginity, anal penetration must occur.
For a lesbian couple to lose their virginity, I'd probably just keep it at oral.

Not so sure why but when asked, that's kind of the list I have in mind.
Regardless, why not just... have a scale level of experience or something instead? Even then, I think instead of 'are you a virgin' it should be 'are you experienced/do you have experience'.

I have been having an unusually strong desire to have sex lately, but I refuse to do it with anyone I do not know and trust, but everyone I know is either in a relationship or does not want to have sex before marriage. Even if they weren't, I doubt I would do anything with them anyway. It is really anoying and makes it difficult to concentrate. Sometimes I really hate the human body and all its chemicals.

ladies, lets talk about vibrators

and where can I get a relatively quiet one that doesn't cost an arm and a leg because my roommates do not need to know what I'm doing at 1:00 am.

Also, I'm rather fond of dildos, if anyone has any recommendations

>>12497
This right here has become my new best friend:
http://www.tootimid.com/moby-silicone-vibe.html

I actually asked for advice about in the previous thread (http://tf2chan.net/offtopic/res/10041.html#12224), and the thing is pretty damn big, but ohhh man having five different vibration modes is awesome and the motor is shockingly quiet. Quieter than my smaller (and more expensive IIRC) clit vibe, actually, especially underneath covers/pillows. With shipping it's only $20, so if you can handle the size, I say it's worth it.

>>12498

WHOA

UH

thats like 1 and a half freaking inchies wide.

Anybody have any recommendations for anything smaller? I'm really not ready for anything larger than an inch. Also, I'd like something relatively quiet please, as god vibrators seem to be kind of loud.

>>12501
I've heard good things about this site, simply for browsing products (no idea how they are on delivery or quality, or anything)- their rating system explains how loud the product is, how powerful, and even has a way to view their objects against a ruler.

I usually look for ones with key words like 'small' or 'virgin'. That's how you'll usually find the tiniest.

>>12505
Um, derp.

http://www.edenfantasys.com/

Would kinda help to add that, huh?

>>12506

Thaaaaank you thaaaaank you thaaaaaank you

There's been a couple times recently where I wasn't schlicking or really thinking about sex, but I suddenly came everywhere, and it hurt- both the entryway and my hips were sore. I can't explain it.

>>12556

Were you doing anything stimulating at the time?

>>12560
The closest I can think of was shaving my genitals, but none of the times involved me touching myself in a really stimulating manner. It was weird. I don't really get aroused often, but when I do, it's very sudden and all at once.

>>12562

Maybe you were doing something that stimulated you and you didn't realize it. I would try to recreate the events and see what they have in common.

Lets talk about personal kinks and erroneous zones okay? OKAY.

today, the girlfriend told me she likes to hold it in when she has to "go" because the pressure gets her off. She says she'll masturbate for at least an hour holding it in sometimes.

I've never heard of this before, thoughts?

>>12572
Not that uncommon, actually. Bladder's located pretty close to some sweet spots, so the pressure can feel rather nice.

I find sometimes it's pretty erotic to just push down around where my bladder is. And I've heard that some girls out there get really turned on by rubbing around their urethra.

My friend told me that she gets headaches whenever she looks at porn. I have never heard of anyone having a reaction like that before. I always assumed she avoided it because she thought it was immoral or something. Anyone have any ideas why this happens?

>>12593
Hmm. Does she have sinus issues at all? I do, and sometimes when I masturbate, or do any sort of activity that gets my heart racing, I just feel every throb right in my temples.
It might just that she's getting excited by it all, and it makes her head hurt.

Or it could be something deeper that happened to her and traumatized her or something. I don't know, since I don't know her, but it's a possibility, too.

>>12594
I don't know about the sinuses, and she's never said anything about anything traumatizing. I was just curious about what could cause such a reaction.

This is something I picked up recently, and it confuses me a little. See, certain fandoms cater to certain fetishes, intentionally or otherwise, but I see more fetish art catering to fandoms where they don't appear than when they do. For example, drawing certain characters who are very thin in canon as very chubby, but ignoring canonically chubby characters. Why is that?

>>12613

I've noticed alot of chubby scouts

They're kind of cute

>>12619
I like the chubby Scouts and chubby Spies.

But I also see people who like chubby characters but who aren't interested in, say, Heavy at all. Even though he's canon chubby.

Damn it there is one of my friends I would really like to have sex with, but they are in a relationship with one of my other friends. I would not mind a threesome, but I doubt they would share my willingness. The desire is really annoying.

>>12620

Heavy's more muscular than chubby though maybe they want completely chubby. Or maybe they want to see skinny to chubby. Or maybe it's because of the irony.

would it be completely insane if I tried to get a date on craigslist?

Can we talk about online dating for a bit?

I would like to talk about online dating and just how someone is supposed to do that.

Online dating can be done to varying degrees. My boyfriend and I have been online dating for 6 months now. We chat all the time, and we'll watch movies online together, and play video games, and that sort of thing. Other couples I know use skype to chat face-to-face, and often to do 'other things'. Some I know will engage in things like cybersex, or sending nude photos, but it's not like there's a rule you have to.

>>12627

How does one go about it safely? I feel like an individual would be putting themselves in danger in something as sketchy as craigslist and it seems like the not completely insane dating sites cost boatloads of money

>>12628

I should elaborate more

I mean like, I feel like the anon going on craigslist is going to get themselves killed or something.

hang out with people at school or work? I met my last boyfriend at school and it was fine. Maybe it's just harder for you to meet people in your area?

lets make sure anon doesn't die okay guys that would be weird

>>12628
Well, it depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking to meet someone online that you can meet in your area, then I'd recommend plentyoffish. It's sketchy, but not quite AS sketchy as craigslist.
My boyfriend and I just met playing TF2. One convo led to another, you know? Other people I know met on places like tumblr, or through common interests on facebook.
I think the ultimate way to safety is through anonymity, though. No pictures of yourself, no identifying information- that sort of thing. BF and I didn't start sharing names and pictures until we felt safe with each other. Hell, he knows how to get to my house, now. But he'd have to walk for...I think it was 82 days, according to google.

>>12631

Anon follow this advice.

don't die

don't die anon

why is craigslist automatically a place that's going to get you murdered?

ive met roommates, bandmates, friends, and weed dealers through craigslist, haven't been murdered yet

it's called being an adult who knows how to act like one and doesnt do stupid shit? like you know. talk to them before you meet them in person and make sure you meet them in a public place during busy hours ??? same as when you meet a stranger any other way ???

>>12637
True, but ever since the craigslist killer, people have been wary of it, and rightly so, as they should be of any meeting site on the internet.

Found out last night that sweetheart's got the same fetishes I do, including one that I'm not inclined to talk about.

Me-mother-fucking-gusta.

>>12640

Wow! Thats awesome, good for you two!

I noticed that everyone I've dated has either been uninterested in ever having sex, or wants to constantly have sex.

I can't see myself as either. I want to have sex someday, but I need to get over my issues with it first. I can't explain why, but it makes me uncomfortable (but so do a lot of things). When I do, I see myself maybe having it a couple times a week when I'm in a good mood. I'm not really focused on sex to begin with, it's just annoying when you do get the rare urge and can't.

I wonder if I'm somewhere between asexual and heterosexual. I like imagining sex, but I never actually want to do it.

>>12682
Sounds like me. I haven't met anyone yet who I've actually wanted to legit sleep with. I don't think that makes you asexual. Not EVERYONE has a pressing urge or desire to have sex, contrary to what the media likes to tell you, and not being a constant horndog is perfectly normal.

>>12687
I find the suggestion that I just haven't found the 'right one' yet a little patronising. It implies that my feelings aren't genuine. Sexuality has a very broad spectrum and asexuality is a part of it. I don't really think I fit the exact definition of asexuality, but I know that physical sex is not a very big desire in my life.

I just remembered adding this to my tumblr queue yesterday, too.

Thoughts?

>>12690
I like the idea of a "squish", although I know a couple of people that got really pissed off and confused when I tried to explain I had a strong aromantic/asexual crush on them. They kept trying to tell me I shouldn't like them that much unless I was in love with them/wanted to sleep with them, and they thought it was creepy and I felt terrible.

I do feel sexual and romantic attraction to other people, but it remains at a tactile level until I decide what and how I want to deal with sex. It may not be for years, but I definitely want at least a relationship.

How long is too long to be sore after having sex?

Someone on a forum I go to had a question that really worried me, and I didn't know how to answer it, so I'm wondering if anyone here could help. Spoilering it because it might make someone uncomfortable.

The OP mentioned he was cleaning out someone's computer for them, and came across porn, which isn't surprising-- but it didn't look like rough sex or even play-rape (which I really don't like either), but actual unprovoked rape. Could you alert a site to ask them to take it down if you found something like that?

>>12792
Seems like exactly what a report function would be for.

>>12796
The person who made the original forum thread said they had been saved to his grandfather's computer and he wasn't sure of the original source (or whether or not it was intentionally saved, could have been a virus)

>>12798
Wait, did they upload this stuff to the actual forum, or just say they found it?

>>12802
They found it on their grandfather's computer and then asked the forum what to do, the videos themselves were thankfully never posted.

>>12806
So why would youu need to contact the website to take anything down if there is nothing to take down?

>>12809
Just the fact that there's some porn site somewhere where instead of a consensual, staged sex scene, there's a video of someone being attacked and raped really bothers me.

I'm having a tough time explaining to my girlfriend why she climaxes and I roll in for a cuddle. She insists it's some fault of hers I don't orgasm and doesn't believe me when I say I honestly don't like to. Last night she gave me oral for a good hour while we watched porn and it was uncomfortable for me for at least 45 minutes of that.

I have a good sense of humour about the situation but good lord how do I get her to relax? Do any of y'all have a problem like this? Does *anybody*? The media and porn tell me orgasms are pretty important to a sexual relationship but I would honestly rather stop halfway through/after seeing her to the end. In fact as I said, I got uncomfortable and it turned from fun to urrrrrghplsstop so I'm not sure I *could* finish up if I tried.

I guess I could subject her to some kinda orgasm denial and just equate that to how I work but I'm not very smooth at being kinky. (Cripes I sound like such a boring lover.)

>>12831
It's just as you said: the media and porn tell you orgasms are important. They aren't. There's nothing saying that not having an orgasm is detrimental to the sex act or to your body. I don't orgasm whenever my boyfriend and I have sex and I don't want to. He used to think it was his lack of skill or some BS like that, and it took some time, but he eventually came around. I can't say that works for everyone, but sometimes all it takes is time.

>>12837
Well said. I had two exes who put such importance on orgasms that one convinced me (I was young and stupid at the time) that a man's penis was in pain until he orgasmed, and that it was imperative he do so or his partner was a selfish asshole. (He also tried to convince me that you don't need lubricant for anal sex because the anus is connected to the vagina somehow and therefore self-lubricates. It doesn't.) The other broke up with me because he wanted to have sex every time he had an erection, and I turned him down because I wasn't comfortable with it, and then insisted I "didn't love him". Eugh.

>>12831, you sound like you're very caring and courteous to what your partner wants, which is all that should really matter. And don't worry about being vanilla, there's nothing wrong with it.

>>12831

Sorry, but the people above me don't know what they're talking about. Not being able to orgasm from sex IS a problem that stems from something from your past most likely, like sexual abuse. It presents itself in mistrust in your partner, or results in you not being fully comfortable with your lover, which in turn results in you not being able to have an orgasm.

I think you should see a therapist to find out if you have any sort of repressed memories, and maybe a couples' therapist to see if there are any issues with the relationship (although that seems unlikely).

>>12847
That's not very nice. Why must not wanting an orgasm mean you have a problem, especially past sexual abuse? That's the same idea >>12831 and I and everyone else hears from people who do nothing but sell sex and people who find orgasming appealing.

Physiologically, the majority of women can't orgasm from sex for lack of clitoral stimulation and if a man doesn't want to orgasm from sex (not that he can't), why is that a problem? My boyfriend is the only person I trust 100% and I've never been sexually abused. I just don't care for orgasms. So what? Also, I think you should know that "repressed memories" is a difficult concept as it's been found in experiments over and over again that a 'memory' can be planted.

If everyone's going to be so accepting of the millions of kinks others have, why can't they be accepting of people who don't have them, don't want to orgasm from sex, and/or don't like sex? I sometimes feel that with all the sex-hype out there, being a person who doesn't care for sex, or even part of it, makes you a freak.

In short, if this 'problem' it bothered >>12831, that'd be one thing, but it didn't. They were posting for their girlfriend's sake.

Don't make judgements or suggestions without doing some research. Sex is not one-size-fits-all.

I've been abused, to be honest, but never sexually abused, but my exes tried to convince me to have sex when I wasn't comfortable and my saying "no, not yet" was what caused them to break up with me. I just have a low interest in sex for some reason, or I haven't met the person I'm that interested in yet. I agree that being vanilla is totally alright, as long as you're having consensual +18 sex with a human, everything should be alright.

>>12849
Where to start...?

Why must not wanting an orgasm mean you have a problem?
Well even if he doesn't feel that it's a problem, I'm sure his girflriend does. It's a problem because it makes his gf believe that she isn't 'cutting it' or that she isn't good enough to get him off, which will no doubt lead to fighting and a possible break up.

Majority of women can't orgasm...
Yes, this is true. However, a female orgasm isn't like a male orgasm. At all. The main reason this is a problem is because orgasms and ejaculation are a vital part to maintaining existance. To not want to go through with that means there is something wrong. I'm not saying he has a deep rooted desire to end humanity or anything, but it is instinctual.

You know what else is instinctual? Eating when you're hungry. That's also vital to maintaining existance. Are you saying that anorexic people have no issues and that it's all perfect with them? Because the situation is comparable to only a few points. Anorexia stems from poor self image which is caused by some sort of abuse, be it past or present, and leads people to being uncomfortable about themselves.

Anyway, I'm not trying to stir up drama. The user above me posted because obviously it was bothering his girlfriend enough that he wanted to find a solution. I suggested therapy, and I stick by that. They can assess the situation much better than anyone could over the internet, and will help you with a solution.

Whether that be rooting out the reason you don't feel fully comfortable in the most intimate moment with your lover, or helping your girlfriend understand that you just don't.

>>12857
Yes, his girlfriend clearly seems to be the one with a problem. Therefore, it's between them to settle with a therapist, not between this person and a therapist - unless this person thinks they have an issue, which they said they don't. This does not have to be a psychological thing. Again, why can't a person, male or female or other, just not want to orgasm?

I'm well aware orgasm/ejaculation are tied, but it is not a vital part of one's life. There is an instinct to have sex for most people, but a person does not "have to" have an orgasm. Their body will make them have one if they don't do it themselves in the form of nocturnal emissions, but, consciously, they don't "have to". There is no "instinct" to orgasm, it's all physiological. Also, I never said anything about anorexia. I feel that comparison is poor at best.

My boyfriend says this whole thing sounds like chocolate, which affects the brain much like an orgasm: Some people like it, some people don't. Are the ones who don't, and therefore don't try to achieve an orgasmic response, wrong?

I'm not trying to stir up drama either, I'm trying to point out that the people who say things like you have are often sex/orgasm-liking folks. People ought to learn to tolerate those who don't like it or care for it the way sex/orgasm-disliking folks have learned to tolerate them, and to stop saying they must have something wrong with them.

>>12861

I get the comparable points between this an anorexica. It's not okay to just not want to orgasm, for the same reason it's not okay to just not want to eat.

There are SOME people who are perfectly happy not being able to reach orgasm in sex. If they don't want to find out WHY they don't want that, that's on them, and on them to find someone who respects that decision.

But you don't just pop out of the womb thinking 'oh i don't like orgasms.'

Something happened to make this person not want to orgasm, and one possible solution would be figuring out what that is. The other, of course, ignoring it and trying to convince his girlfriend that it isn't a problem.

>>12871
That's because society says as much. No one thinks twice if someone has never like eating vegetables or heights or dogs, but god forbid they don't want to orgasm. There doesn't have to be a "reason" for it just like there doesn't have to be a reason to be gay or straight or anything. No one has ever died from not having an orgasm or sex. That anorexia comparison is just plain bad.

Once again, this attitude is coming from a sex-driven world - one that has a thousand and one problems with people who don't like sex. Orgasms are not instinctual or innate, eating is. The way I see it, many people who like sex are never going to understand that some people just don't like it or orgasming. It doesn't make that person a freak, or mentally ill, or anything, but some people say it does anyway because that's their opinion on sex - if you don't like it, you've got issues. I, for one, am perfectly happy and healthy, mentally and physically, without sex and my boyfriend doesn't give a shit. People can have strong, serious, romantic, non-sexual relationships, believe it or not.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with this person seeking therapy if they think something's wrong, but they don't. I don't know why I have to keep pointing that out. If their girlfriend thinks there's something wrong, and she does, then this person can talk with them as they apparently already have to no avail. If their girlfriend can't come to understand it, as many people apparently can't, then they should seek therapy together. Or she could seek it herself.

Try browsing AVEN sometime, it might give you a little insight into asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org

I'm done trying to get this point through to you. As I've been told several times, some people will never get it.

Peace.

>>12874

http://infohost.nmt.edu/~klathrop/7characterisitcs_of_life.htm

Maybe you're missing my point. Reproduction is a characteristic of life. Sex itself, sure, some people don't like it. But orgasm/ejaculate and reproduction are as important a characteristic of life as getting/using energy, or being made up of cells.

I'm not saying that it's a physical illness, or an illness at all. I'm not saying some people aren't okay with it. I'm saying that something happened to make you not want to like it. Just like I believe homosexuality is a result of your environment. Or that you liking rice and beans, or pepsi over coke, that's all a result of the way you were brought up, your experiences, and your parents.

>>12877
Nice picture, I think I saw something like it in my freshman year as a Biology student.

>Just like I believe homosexuality is a result of your environment.
And that right there makes me glad to be done trying to argue my point about asexuality. If you think a sexual identity of any sort is due to how a person is raised or a choice, you'll never understand anything but the hetero norm even though, by your belief, people can't be "born" heterosexual either - it's their environment. Unless heterosexual is the only "natural" sexuality and all other sexual identities are environmental... millions of different environments leading to non-heterosexuality, hurm...

>Orgasm/ejaculate and reproduction are as important a characteristic of life as getting/using energy, or being made up of cells.
The ability to reproduce is an important characteristic of what we classify as living things. Just because an organism doesn't reproduce or orgasm/ejaculate in its lifetime doesn't mean it's non-living.
Did you know that reproduction in the the New Mexico whiptail (Cnemidophorus neomexicanus) doesn't involve a male? Not much ejaculation or orgasm going on there.
Or that the males of many species of cephalopods, newts, and salamanders deliver sperm packets to the female? Techinically ejaculatory, as they have to push/pull them out, but not very orgasmic.
Still reproducing, but without ejaculation/orgasm. Neat.

And is this not-liking-to-orgasm thing only unnatural in males, or females too? I've been thinking that, if this were a girl posting about not liking orgasms, not that she couldn't have an orgasm (and this person never said they couldn't), there would never have been much of an argument because at least she cares so much about her partner's needs. That is, as long as she didn't have a history of abuse/bad sexual experiences/physical problems/etc. But, because it's been assumed this person is a guy, that somehow makes it different since a male ejaculates during orgasm (unless you believe in the whole tantric sex thing) and that ties into reproduction??? I feel double standards.

There are many "unnatural" things humans do, and no one says a thing or thinks twice. But oh those orgasms! You either like them or you need help. To me, it's a 'meh' sort of thing. I've had them, plenty, but they aren't my slice of pie and never have been. So what? Human society is not like any other animal society, it is not driven purely by nature or instinct. It is okay to not want to orgasm or reproduce or eat your veggies, male or female, gay, bi, straight, whatever. Live and let live and, at the very least, tolerate.

I don't think homosexuality is a choice at all, but it's a choice for you whether to accept and go along with who you really are or to lie and try to change what cannot be changed.

And it's sad that people still think it needs to be changed or that it's an issue at all.

>>12880
In defense of that 'homosexuality is a product of environment' argument, I do believe that it is PARTLY owing to that. Part genetic, part environment. It has to be, otherwise identical twins would always have matching sexualities, and that's not always the case.

Nature and Nurture are intertwined things. No concept or thought in your mind can be 100% said that it was solely implanted from birth, nor can we say anything you think or want was entirely because of how you were raised. Please stop arguing psychology in the Sex Talk thread, as I see this only leading to bad feelings all around if it continues, as well as that I've already had to delete one post for being wholly unconstructive.

I've become completely uninterested in thinking about sex because I've had several people, all who were rejected by several other people already, come to me with the belief that I was "easy" and "desperate" and get me to have sex with them. My self-esteem has tanked and it's gotten to the point where I worry I'll never lose my virginity because I'm convinced I'm everyone's last choice and I'm only being asked because they think I owe them a sympathy fuck.

My psychologist really wants me to start masturbating because she thinks it's the source of my stress and because she thinks a girl my age should have started years ago, let alone had sex at least once.

>>12892
I think you should have sex when you're ready, but don't let the thought that you'll never have sex get to you. The only reason to have sex is because you want to. And I don't really get the masturbation thing. That's something you should come to your own decision about. No one "ought to have" started to masturbate at any point in time. It's a personal choice.

>>12892
I'm 23 and still a virgin, and I have no problems with this. There's a key for every hole, and yours is out there somewhere, don't worry.

Have you tried masturbation, though? I'm not saying to do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you haven't, you don't really know what you're missing. You might like it after all, and it doesn't really hurt to give it a try. If you like it, fine, if you don't, that's fine, too.

>>12894
I can't get more than a couple seconds into it without imagining my parents walking in, or my partner laughing at me, and my stomach turns and I have to abandon it.

Hey tf2chan I need some assistance

So, I often find myself wondering if I might be asexual. I have no desire for sex and the idea of sex bothers me. Which, by straight definition would make sense right?

I enjoyed the two relationships I have had, but I never wanted to go very far with either of these people.

My dilemma then comes in with the fact that I enjoy sexUAL things, just not... sex? Like. Looking at porn, masturbating, it's all good fun to me. I even jacked off the boys I've been with. But anything past that has been bothersome.

So. Any ideas if I might be, or if I'm just plain straight and have issues with going very far? It's been legitimately bothering me for a while, so...

>>12901
Maybe you just have intimacy issues?

>>12901
Ace Here, thought I'd reply to this.
One can still have a sex "drive" and be asexual as well. This can be caused by hormones n' shit and can be unrelated to your sexual preference.Some aces will either wait until it passes, take care of it themselves,or if they are the "don't give a shit" asexual, may have sexual relations with their partner.
Asexual=lack of attraction to either gender. Some asexuals are repulsed/"prudish", and some just don't give a shit either way.
Think of sex like a type of dessert. non-aces will all love and crave this one dessert, and may prefer different flavors of it.
"repulsed" aces won't eat it under any circumstances, but may enjoy what it looks like.
Indifferent asexuals will eat it if it's the only thing in the house and they have a sweet tooth,but probably wouldn't otherwise. It's ok, not great, but whatever.It just doesn't really do anything for them.it'll kill a sweet tooth.
however, on the non-ace side of the coin, if there is a reason WHY you are disgusted with sex, then you should see a psychologist/therapist.I'm talkin' like as the anon above stated, possible intimacy issues resulting from abuse, and so on. if there really isn't a reason, then you could be Ace. It's one of those things you kinda have to figure out for yourself.

Was on another board discussing virginity, and I mentioned I'm almost 22 and still have mine, partially due to physical abuse as a kid resulting in me being nervous around people, especially in being touched, and not yet finding someone patient enough to help me relax. Was informed I will never have sex because I didn't lose it at 13, and that I'm a freak.

I know the guys on this other board are totally wrong, but I'm still really angry as a result.

>>12929
It's really quite sad how ridiculous society today seems to be about the "proper" age to lose a person's virginity. What happened to the days of abstinence until marriage, where people would wait almost until 18+ as a general rule, some waiting even longer? Nowadays it's just assumed that all the kids are fucking each other left and right, and it sickens me. I've still never had sex as well, and I don't give a fuck about it yet. There are far more important things in life than screwing, as well as far too many dangers involved with it to risk ruining yourself over some genitalia.

>>12929
>>12930

You're not wrong for not losing your virginity at 13, but neither are those who lose it before marriage wrong. I'm not thrilled with the prospect of middle school kids getting it on, but we shouldn't shame people for when they lose their virginity. I'm 23, and still have mine, by choice, but it doesn't mean I have to think less of my friends that lost theirs earlier.

>>12930
>>12931
I'm not shaming them, I was just angry that people were setting a "do it then or you never will" time limit for me. Heck, I probably would have lost it then myself had my boyfriend at the time lived in the same state. I'm glad I never ended up fucking him after all, though, he turned out to be a stalker and then cheated on me when I told him asking my parents to drive me several states away just to have sex was unrealistic.

It might be because of him that I've gotten so nervous about sex, I don't want to devote myself to someone only to get hurt again.

>>12929
I lose mine at 19, way after high school when all my friends lost theirs and I'm not ashamed or unhappy with myself. On the flip side of it, I know people who are older than me who haven't had sex yet and I don't think they're losers. Sounds to me like the peeps on that forum are sort of assholes :T To be honest with ya. Sex and the way people feel about having sex is so complex you can't really pass judgement on people just because they didn't do it the way you did it, if at all.
I remember a girl I used to work with was astonished that I had had anal sex before I'd had vaginal sex, and I remember asking myself why I was so fucking weird. When I thought about it I realized that I really didn't want lose my actual virginity, the one that really counts, to the guy I was dating at the time so I came up with alternatives.
Got a little rambly there but the point is like many have stated before me, it doesn't really matter when you lose your virginity (though like Izzy mentioned, middle schoolers having sex is weird to me, the age of consent is sorta there for a reason) and you're not a loser for still having it at whatever age you are, be it 16 or 26.

Hey, is it weird to be female and to not like penetration? I mean, I'm a virgin so maybe that has something to do with it (and maybe it's different when you're having actual sex?), but for me it either just does do anything for me or it hurts.

>>12938
*doesn't do anything for me

>>12938
It could be one of two things. Either you're just not into it, or you're not aroused enough to be comfortable with it yet. A friend of mine told me she needed several orgasms to ease into it.

This was being discussed in the feels thread, but it's been mentioned before in other places, and now I'm really curious: what fetishes and depictions in porn should I avoid because they are bad and hateful to a certain group?

For example, are people who look at futanari porn transphobic? Can you get off on effeminate bottoms in gay porn and not be a homophobe? I don't want to offend anyone if I write/draw porn.

>>12962
I think, so long as you can make the disconnect between porn and real life, you should be okay.

Enjoy the shemales, and effeminate bottoms, but just keep in mind that, in real life, not all of the people of their particular sexual groups are like that. The people you are watching (assuming it's not a rape video) have filmed this piece of pornography because it's their choice to flaunt whatever it is that they have. They're already fetishizing themselves, so there's not really any harm to adding to it, so long as you realize that not everyone like them wants to be fetishized.

>>12964
It's all drawn stuff, I've always been too cowardly to look at much real person porn. Does that change anything?

I understand not everyone enjoys being fetishized, and I never look at rape videos. I get slightly ill thinking that that even exists.

>>12965
Ditto. Real rape is never okay to me. Not ever. I mean, if they want to roleplay something like that, hey, it's their choice, but it still kinda feels weird to me.

Anyway, my point still stands. So long as you understand that the way these people are portrayed in porn isn't how they necessarily are in real life, then you should be alright.

>>12967
i disagree. i think "dickgirl" and "pussyboy" art produced by cis people for cis people is inherently disrespectful of trans* individuals' bodies and identity because it literally reduces the struggle faced by real people with "THIS SHIT IS WEIRD BUT SEXY LOOK AT THIS SEXY SEXY WEIRDNESS"

and trans* people ALREADY FACE this overwhelming force of society assuming their entire identity is based around sex

(try being a gay trans person! "why didn't you just stay $ASSIGNED_GENDER if you wanted to sleep with $OPPOSITE_OF_ASSIGNED_GENDER" - cissexism AND heterosexism at the same time, what joyous glee)

therefore the production of that kind of thing is supporting an incredibly harmful preexisting societal expectation

>>12975
Like I said: If you can separate porn from reality, you're fine. Porn's detrimental to everyone, in terms of stereotyping. All women are sluts who want every hole filled, all men are impossibly well-endowed and skilled, and don't get me started on the ways that minorities are fetishized.

Yes, some people do watch it and think that it's realistic, and those people screw things up more. But not everyone is like that. I'm personally a big fan of futa porn, but I see it as completely separate from the real situation that trans people face.

Hell, half the futa shit I look at comes about because of a genie, or alien experimentation. You wanna talk disconnect from realism...

>>12977
I see it the same way. The protagonists in futa manga are generally not suffering from dysphoria, and the penis is usually temporary and magic-induced. I can understand it being problematic, because depending on the comic, the character can suddenly become interested in women where they weren't before. I don't see it as "it's gross or weird but I fetishize it," I like people regardless of what they identify as, and I don't think it's gross or weird. I have no problem abandoning it if people have an issue with that fetish, though.

I only look at porn on the basis I do because I have no way of being sexually active myself, even though a lot of porn is inaccurate and I can tell when something is fishy in it.

ftr i'm an actual real life trans person who thinks the futa shit is seriously problematic

this doesn't make me automatically correct but i thought my perspective was relevant to consider my point of view here

>>12982
Again, I have no problem not looking at it ever again because nothing bothers me more than potentially offending someone.

>>12982
>>12984

Also actual real life trans person here. I don't really have a problem with it, but I understand both sides of the argument.

On one hand, as >>12981 said, futa isn't usually actually supposed to be MtF women, whether it's magic-induced or what have you. Therefore, I don't have a problem with the porn itself, but what I DO have a problem with is the people who compare MtF transwomen to their futa porn. It really does end up hurting people, but it's not about the porn itself, it's about stupid people.

Basically, if you can differentiate between futa characters and actual trans people, and you don't fetishize people who actually suffer from gender dysphoria and such, you're fine.

>>12988
I understand. I know there's a definite difference. I have trans* friends, and I can't claim to be an expert on LGBTQ stuff yet, but I'm learning. I couldn't fetishize being trapped in the body of someone you're not, and I know futa and trans are two totally different things.

The characters in futa porn often have temporary penises that go away when they're not aroused, or two sets of working genitalia. And I know people who want to have a fully functional penis and vagina at the same time, or who want a lack of any genitals at all, but I don't know if that's possible. I know the thought of both goes through my head a lot, honestly. I don't know what the hell I think about my personal gender and sexuality yet. I'll figure it out someday tho.

Any advice for buying a first fleshlight, or maybe something similar? Preferably something that I would be likely to find somewhere without needing to order it. I don't exactly know what I'm doing when it comes to this.