Not good. My cat's just been admitted to the vet's for blood tests. She's lost a kilo in three months. They think it could be kidney or thyroid problems but given her age they're not ruling out tumours.
I'm scared. I've had her for twelve years. I don't know how I'll cope without her.

>>9974
It's a good place to hold a cold can of pop on a hot day though!

>>9975
Aww *hugs* I hope your kitty doesn't have a serious problem. It's possible to treat many things like that though. Keep us updated!

Tomorrow is a big day which will decide if everything i planned the last months will go smoothly or not...

Kinda wished i got to talk to special person, before i have this day tomorrow.

>Make and eat dinner
>Sign on to Facebook
>Messages from Scoutpapa
"Oh, he probably misses me, he's usually cute like that."
>accuses me of being on facebook and ignoring him for ten minutes
>then accuses me of cheating on him because of a picture taken at Otakon

Um, no. I am schedule-oriented. You know that I leave my laptop in the living room at 6 to go make dinner. You know that I don't finish dinner and dishes until shortly after 7:30 when Jeopardy's over. You know I'm not near my laptop anywhere in that timeframe, why are you accusing me of being online and ignoring you?

And seriously? I'm marrying you. You know how my mind works, how I can't do something guilt-inducing and not feel it, much less tell you about it. You know that I can't physically be attracted to anyone but you. Why are you accusing me of cheating on you because of a picture in the middle of the Hellsing photoshoot at Otakon? I gave you the name of the chapter that the pose is taken from. It is not sexual in the slightest. Integra is hurt, she shields her shoulder and holds a gun in her other hand. I'm making a seductive face? Bullshit, and you know it. I was wearing glasses that were higher than my perscription most of the weekend, and you knew that I was either squinting or blinking the entire time to stave off headaches... not to mention that the picture you're claiming as evidence is too blurry for you to even see the expression on my face.

And then you tell me that you're too angry and sign off? How about me being angry over you accusing me of all of this nonsensical bullshit? I'm not your fat whore ex-girlfriend. Stop it with this shit.

>>9980
And suddenly everything was fixed. How the fuck did that happen?

>>9981

Love will find a way? [/cliché]

Mah feelings.
I've bitten off more than I can chew with this props dealie. SO MUCH FUCKING PRESSURE. AHHHHH.

Do not want to have to see a chiropractor. Hopefully the new pain meds (stronger than Naproxen, not as strong as Vicodin) will allow me to do all the PT stretches necessary to fix my back without. (My x-rays are fine, so, at least there's that...)

I just want to be able to do laundry again. I do the laundry for three people, and apparently nobody but me can do dishes in this house, so I need to be operational. (Okay, that's not fair, my bro sometimes does dishes, and he takes care of his own laundry all the time, but kitchen mess really piled up when my back was out this time and I had to deal with some mold)

The doctor who was in today was named 'Love'. I swear there is nothing quite like having your physician walk into the room and say 'I'm Doctor Love' with no irony/awareness...

>>9984
My mom works with a pathologist whose name is 'Doctor Doctor'.
It's never not funny.

(There is an MD in my captcha, no less.)

Fuck. Why is it that whenever I run across hot cosplayers on the internet, they live on different continents? I want to try talking to this guy, but I am sure I will just come off as a total creep. I feel like a creep even mentioning this.

Okay, still smiling about this, and I thought I would share.

I LOVE rehearsals, because funny things happen, even when the scene is not funny. Our Bob Cratchit last night started singing The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song, and we all thought it was funny.
But he messed up one of the lyrics. "My Mom got mad" instead of scared, and the Assistant Director and I noticed, and I remarked, "Is there even a place that rhymes with 'Bad'?"

Islamabad.

The Fresh Prince of Islamabad.

Sad thing is, I could almost see this as an actual show. The fuck is wrong with me?

Cat update: it's her kidneys. Which at least isn't a tumour. But that's about the only up-side. We're taking her to a specialist tomorrow. They're a LONG way away, but hopefully they can do something. Except maybe not. She's not exactly young and the op has risks, and I feel like we're taking her to her death.
Tension is high in the house - mother is confined to bed after op to deal with arthritis in her feet, sister is absent as has left for uni already, so father and I are doing everything. Except it's mostly me. And I am the wettest wet blanket ever, especially under stress as my natural response to being told I am about as much use as a chocolate teapot is to apologise profusely and burst into tears, both of which I have been doing a lot of today.
I wish I could just curl up in a hole for a few weeks.

Okay, the enzyms aren't helping one bit. I took a bite of vegetable pizza and got such heavy cramps I cringed. Some stomach medicine helped, but still. Fuck man. I'm so scared.

I feel so down I don't even talk to Chi much at all. What the hell.

I'm sorry for venting like this, guys, but I just don't know anymore. I hope you don't feel forgotten or betrayed or annoyed or whatever. I still love you all. But in the state I'm in, I can't even gather the courage to go outside or interact with people. I'm sorry.

>>9990

Perry, you from all people i would think as the last one that you would forget us or just ignore us. Everyone has these days were he doesn´t really want to talk to certain people or people in generell.

But it´s good to know, that you are still alive and why we don´t see you much.

I hope you are getting soon better and all.

And don´t forget if you want to chat with someone or just talk about your problems (were someone just listens to you and can´t give really good advise), just drope me a message.

>>9991
Man, stop being the nicest thing ever, you are the best! Knowing that people like you exist and are willing to help me and others cheers me up a bit, really. It means a lot. Keep it up, okay?

And whatever it is that you are longing for, I hope that you achieve it.

PS: You and everyone else deserves another box full of hugs.

Trying not to rage online about silly bsns and general idiocy is hard sometimes.

See: http://tf2chan.net/dis/res/8849.html#9054

(When everything started going to shit.)

Decided to change up my server rotation today, because 24 hour 2fort is boring after the first week. Joined my first Arena game and watched as one guy proceeded to insult every race under the sun and then say something about Medics being a W+M1 class (and then called for Medic, look at me laugh). I lagged out of that one and joined another Arena match to a guy that called me a shitty Medic for healing Scouts. Despite them having next to no health. And me having the Quick Fix.

Just...what?

>>10000
I hate all the W+M1 hate. That is how you move forward, and that is how you fire your primary weapon. I don't see what's wrong with moving forward and firing your primary weapon.

As a Pyro, I get that hate A LOT. Had a guy on one server trolling me for it. Drove me crazy. So I spent the day running around like a crab (side to side), and airblasting him constantly, just to prove a point. Pissed him off to no end.

I'm pleased, my doctor officially decided to halt me menses. Not more blood, no more spending on tampons, no more avoiding sex for a forth of the month.

All and all it's good times.

Cat Update: Crisis over. Today we drove 150 miles and spent £1400 to be told she had a kidney stone. Operative word being "had", as she seems to have passed it some time in the last 24 hours. She is now fine, although she does have traces of kidney disease which can be controlled by diet, and which is not unexpected in a cat of her age. She's staying at the specialists' over the weekend so they can keep an eye on her.
These last three days have been quite possibly the most stressful days of my life. But the story has a happy ending. Phew.

>>10001
The most hilarious part being the guy was a Scout and he'd just sit in a corner and hide the whole match.

>>9986
Risking appearing as a creep has paid off handsomely. 8D

>>10005
I am so glad to hear you got good cat news.

Today is my birthday. I´m now 21 years old!
And it was even a nice day. It was sunny and warm and the sky was a wonderfull blue. My family came and celebrated with me. Everything was okay... until some events came up which spoiled it a bit.

But still it´s a nice birthday.

>>10017
Happy birthday!


Ugh, this is the calm before the storm on schoolwork. I'm just sitting here staring at my calendar in dread of how many exams and essays I have coming up. Unfortunately I don't have study guides or prompts yet (for some reason we only get our prompts the day before), so I can't even start. I have exams in three classes the same week, essays in two classes, I have to go see a mandatory play which I haven't even gotten my tickets for yet, and I need to buy materials for my sculpture class. One of the exams is at 4pm, while my last class gets out at 1:30, so I have to hang around campus for two and a half hours unless I want to lose my parking space that I have to get at 8:30am.

I know I'm bitching about stuff every college kid goes through. But it's always just felt like such a pointless, screwed up system to me. I've started now, so I'm going to at least get my associate's degree, but I think I'm done after that.

Finally, after months of research and deciding, I'm finally getting a new computer, this time a desktop since my current laptop is having trouble playing newer games well and it's running out of room on my hard drive. Now I just have to wait a couple of weeks for them to make it.

I was feeling great until I was reminded of how disposable I am. In a metaphorical sense, this soldier does not like being expendable to everyone I come across.

>>10017
Happy birthday!

So. Did not get out to the new antique place my sister told me about (our plan was to go there, then take my mom to a restaurant built in/around an old train, since tomorrow is what would have been my parents' thirtieth anniversary. Not everyone was up to it, we didn't get out of town)

Since that place was off the table, we went to the local antique mall, but it was haggle day and their business anniversary, so things were crazy awesome. I resisted the temptation of an antique fireman's helmet, but...

I BOUGHT AN ANTIQUE MICROPHONE! It's, oh man, it is the most beautiful thing in the world. I mean, I'm totally into old radio and stuff, and just... Wow. It was going for sixty bucks and I was thinking there was no way I was going to be able to swing that, but I got it down to forty-four, and so I bought it for myself as an early birthday present to me, because when am I ever going to find another one?

It has its cord, but I don't think it still works. I might give it a test, though. It's gorgeous as just a piece to have around, so it's not like I need it to (also, I'm pretty loud). But now that I own it, I might have to put together an Announcer cosplay...

Super mega good news: Scoutpapa and I are officially engaged, I now have the ring to prove it! Words can't even right now.

Also, after quite some time of me telling him that he needs to start playing TF2, he's finally going to download it. And he's decided, from testing out each class under his friend's account. He's decided that Spy is his favorite. (irony?) I see a future cosplay on the horizon. Of course, right after I sent my Scoutmama dress to Goodwill.

>>10017
Happy birthday, dear Karnickel! Stay awesome.

>>10024
Congratulations! It warms my heart to see people happy. You two have a bright future, I hope!

My body clearly thinks that I haven't been in enough pain lately... I got a wisdom tooth pulled last monday (the last one thankfully, and of course the most painful...), then a few days later I get sick. Now I have to deal with period cramps on top of everything. I'm hoping that by going through all of this now it means I'll be in perfect health for November.

Fuck.
This.

On a completely unrelated note, Psychonauts now on the Mac!! There is a God!!

>>10024
Aw, hooray! Best (official) wishes.

I'm so stressed out about where I'm going to live. I can't stand cities, apartments or the suburbs, and I can't stand where I live now (still with my family even though I'm an adult now), so I want to move somewhere very remote. But I don't really have the money, and my only skill is freelance illustration, which I'm not even that good at and too nervous to take any job. I just really don't want to stay in this city because it's wearing me down, and I don't know what'll happen to me if I get as depressed as I once was.

I just ate a Hostess cupcake 100 cal. snack thingy that wound up leaving a chemical-y taste in my mouth and now I am afraid to go to sleep.

What the hell was wrong with those tiny cupcakes?

Do I feel sick because they've gone horribly off or do I feel sick because I'm the kind of person who gets psychosomatic symptoms?

I am severely freaked out right now. Over cupcakes. This is not how my life was supposed to go...

>>10024
Congratulations! Wish you all luck on the world.

>>10026
Thanks Perry, the same for you.

All my thanks for all the cool people which wished me a happy birthday. It´s ridiculous how happy i am about great wishings from complete strangers... Still you are all awesome and should feel hugged.

>>10039
I didn't know it was your birthday! Hope it's not too late to chip in my own belated birthday wishes!

>>10021
Aw, Kilo, I don't think you're disposable at all. I actually admire you quite a lot (mostly from afar because people tend to get freaked out when I go full-fledged stalker fan on them... Ask Marty.)

If I could draw you something, I would, but I can't. Didn't stop me from trying, though.

All done on Paint with my crappy laptop mouse. +4001 carpal tunnel.

Having a sad day for some reason. I really miss living alone sometimes. Think I'll take a nap and hope the baby mom is sitting doesn't wake up. I just want to be left alone. I know I should help but I get tired of being told to do things all the time. I want to feel independent again.

Today i was donating Bloodplasma. Just as i laid there and looked at the blood flooding out of me and how it got separated into plasma i had the weirdest thoughts like: How would bloodplasma taste? If i cut now this tube would my blood really splash far or just drip down to the floor? Do i need to pump that it splashes?
Heh, germans and their weird fascination with the human body.

But what did i do with the 12 € i got from it? The adult way: Saving it up and buying a new ticket for the streettrain from it. The fun way: Buying a new cup for coffe from the Nichtlustig collection. It´s so HUGE and looks so pretty. I love these cups, because they are ideal for drinking coffe like i like. Much milk, less coffe.

>>10055
One of my friends was getting blood taken and the needle or tube on the needle or something fell out. She said it spurted out quite a bit, and the nurse said she'd never seen that before.

>>10056
That's the worst fucking thing I've heard in my life.

Re: Blood

I can't give blood in a volunteer way because I pass out. In fact, if I'm getting tests done, I have to lie down when they do the draw, while people tell me 'Wow, you're really white. No, I mean whiter than normal. You're paper white. Don't get up for a while.'

My dad scared a nurse off once. She said she wasn't getting anything and asked if she should try the other arm, and he said 'Oh, sorry, hold on a second', then the vial filled up really easily, and then she freaked out.

Feelings: Got up during the day today instead of being sick in bed, so that's nice. Got a little done, if not a lot. My kitty's behaving pretty well, but of course when UPS came, he had to hide.

Just ordered my top hat, so yay. I spent way too much of my disposable income on the first of the month because my mom and sis took me to the antique mall, so with almost everything else set aside for important stuff I had to get a cheap felt costume top hat, but that means I can beat it up to make it look old, because when I get a real one, I will definitely be treating it nice.

Sister having fibromyalgia flareups, which is hard. It's difficult being around someone who's in a lot of pain, and not being able to do anything to help. It's really awful because there's an irrational little part of me that thinks 'I should be able to do something about this because I am the older sister'. Which is stupid because A) I don't have a miracle cure for pain, and B) she's been the functional firstborn since we were teenagers and I got stuck in arrested development while she became an extreme overachiever.

Which I also frequently feel guilty over. I feel like a crap older sibling, which I guess is better than being a whiner who plays the disability card at every opportunity, but I know it's not really healthy to try to measure myself up against neurotypical standards, either.

tl;dr: I wish I had been a more effective older sister to my younger siblings and feel guilty over the stupidest things even now that we're adults.

I tell my mom I don't know if I feel depressed because I'm getting sick, or if I feel sick because I'm depressed.

She tells me I'd feel better if I got some exercise. (Objectively, I know this is true, but when I'm depressed, I would much rather hear an 'I'm sorry'/'feel better'/'do you want a hug?'.

My sister tells my mother she doesn't feel well. My mom says 'I'm sorry honey, is there anything I can do?'.

I feel bad for feeling jealous over it, because I know my sister has a lot of physical problems she has to live with every day, but I feel like sometimes because my issues are less visible, they get glossed over. Then I feel guilty for thinking that, because my mom is the one person who wouldn't do that, she's a school psych/autism expert, it's not like she thinks depression isn't a problem and it's not like she doesn't understand that I'm living with issues, too.

Ugh. More infodumping, sorry. Long story short, I feel like crap, and I feel guilty for feeling like crap.

>>10066
Maybe she doesn't know what would help your sister but she does have an idea what would help you?

Ever chat with two people online, who know each other, and both are taking a long time to reply, and you feel like they're talking about you to each other behind your back?

...Wow. I really am a paranoid parrot, aren't I?

Also, you know how when you have to watch your back in TF2, in case there's a Spy? I've started doing it in real life. No idea why.

>>10067
Well, it is true that getting exercise in made me feel better, I just would like her first response to be the caring mom thing.

But I think it might be because when she works with adults, her job is to give solutions, and I am an adult, so maybe this just means that now that I'm paying rent and stuff, she sees me more as an adult and not as the baby bird in the nest... So yeah, trying to look at it from the positive angle and feeling better about the whole deal. I mean, it's kind of always been a little that way, but I'm assuming it's because I've always been the oldest...

Plus, she brought me home a cake pop, which made me happy. Cake pops are delicious. And while I equate the 'exercise' advice with 'you could stand to lose some weight!', getting a tiny spherical cake carries with it the message of 'I don't need to police your carb/sugar intake, have some cake!', which is nice.

> Getting New Heavy Hat yesterday -> beeing excited
> Checking mails, while chatting with person who got me the hat
> Having a SERIOUS jobinterview next wednesday with a job near MY HOMETOWN
> Beeing slightly confused and weirded out by it

Why can´t i react like normal people? Why can´t i burst out from joy? I mean it´s a good joboffer i would do things there i already did in my other practicas. I wouldn´t work alone and had finaly some colleges and...
okay this sounds to good. Something will go wrong.

You know, sometimes I wish I could feed the trolls. This is the first time someone's directly took a stab at me, and I'm more angry than anything in the world right now.

I reported a submission on dA (a digital drawing of a girl using one hand to gag a guy with a dirty sock, and the other hand to jack him off inside another dirty sock) because it contains all the sex-related things that are against submission rules, and commented on the thing that it was reported. Usually stuff like this is taken down within a couple of days, I reported it early last week.

So some guy (I don't even know if it was the artist) comments back and tells me that I don't know the meaning of effort in art. His argument is that a guy who draws porn (regardless of it being against site rules) is more artistic than "someone who dresses up in a Halloween costume and takes pictures with a dollar store gun."

How I wish I could go to town on this guy. Really, troll? Have you ever spent a month making a full outfit from scratch, spending a pretty penny on a realistic-looking airsoft gun, and done a photoshoot with a professional photographer? Ah, yes, because art that falls within the site's boundaries of what's acceptable isn't art. Because someone slaving over a sewing machine for eight hours a day, seven days a week is less effort than a few hours in Photoshop. Because understanding how to fit clothes is less artistic than an animu art style with absolutely no grasp on anatomy, perspective or shading.

tl;dr trolls are REALLY pissing me off this time.

Hey guys.
I've been on antidepressants for, maybe half a year now? It's really done me wonders. I've just realized something lately and I was wondering if anyone else has had any similar effects.

I'm noticing that I'm having the physical reactions to emotions but not the psychological reactions. I'll have panic attacks, but I'm not having "what ifs" cycle through my head. My head says things are fine, I am okay with this situation. My body, however, doesn't agree. My heart will beat like I'm being chased by wolves, my head will go light, I can't put together sentences, and I go weak at the knees.

It's odd. These reactions sound like they should come along with "ohshitohshitohshit's" racing through my mind... but they don't.
Can anyone relate?

I´m so tired of all this.
I know i´m not a nice person and not easy to handle, but i try ever not to let a friend down.
So why do i ever get the feeling my so called friends, don´t give a damn about me?

Constantly i get closed out, if they meet to party or hang around. If i say we should do something it mostly is okay sure, just to hear later: Naw, sorry we can´t, for no apparent reason.

It makes me sad, especially because it´s hard for me to make friends. I mean people i call really friends and not just: This one guy which i know and once in a while talk to.

Naturally i already told them so, but still...
if it wouldn´t bother me i would just shut my mouth up about it.

>>10077

I've had that-- I wound up going to a cardiologist thinking it was my heart. A bunch of tests later, he gave me an anti-anxiety pill that I could take in addition to my usual antidepressants when I was having an attack. It was the first time I'd had the physical side on its own, and I hadn't been having the attacks in so long that it really freaked me out.

Instead of taking an antidepressant, though, my brother takes a pill that only addresses the physical symptoms, because he didn't like the side effects he was getting, and he finds that without the physical panic attacks happening as often or as acutely, he has less emotional stress.

>>10077
It's a trigger reaction. Something waaay in the back of your mind is triggered by something and makes your body react that way. Kind of a Pavlov's Dog sorta thing.

>>10078
I don't know how to help, humans confuse me with their weird social rituals. So have a hug *hugs*