>>1358

Whoa! Whoa! No jumping boat yet! Dude, RED Medic managed to pull something outta of his ass in Science thingy and with the fresh new bonk sodas...

IT WORKS!

Sad I lose my wings and all, but I think we need to get back to the way things were and stuff. So I yanno crazy shit's going down bros, but trust me, it works! Everyone can get back to normal now!

>>1364

I never said I'm jumpin' the goddamn ship. I just need higher-ups to look into this and make sure it doesn't happen again. And I need a vacation, I swear to fuck that I'm getting greys.

Anyway, RED Medic said it best, go back to being what we were. Pawns of the companies. And hopefully I'll get a new team and the Spy will burn in hell.

>>1359

I'll be leaving in 2 hours, if your gunna bring anyone, tell me soon.

>>1365
I'll be there. I'll be alone.

Well. We're back. Look, I dun wanna to talk about it. BLK can explain, I'm going back to the base.

Come get me you Spy sonnovabitch! I dare ya!

>>1401
Why do I have to tell 'em?

>>1412
Damn it! That was me.

[Writing is shaky and uneven]

>1412

Because I'm tired, only had about an hour's sleep in six days and I can't my hands.

>>1412

>>1414

See?

>>1415
Ugh. Fine.
Okay, so as it turns out, there's no one at H.Q. no one. It's completely abandoned, and from the looks of things, it's been like that for a while now. So, um... we aren't being watched... at all... we probably won't be getting any more supplies on the trains anymore.
And on the way back, we ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere and we had to walk the rest of the way back. That didn't go very well, it took forever and we kind of ran into WHT spy about a mile or two from the bases. And we may or may not have pushed him into a ditch and ran away, it was raining pretty hard and he probably got some alot of mud on his suit. He most likely will try to kill me and WHT scout when he gets here. I also burned him, it was an accident

So long story short, no one is watching us or sending us any more... anything,there's a deranged spy coming to kill us both, and WHT scout and I are both really sick from spending three days in pouring rain.

And the bases may or may not be less than a mile away from a massive nuclear power plant. Just sayin'.

>>1417
This just had to happen right when my base ran dry on propane, too...

Try staying in a Pyro or Spy's place, those tend to be pretty secure against enemy Spies. We're a paranoid bunch.

>>1417
No supplies?! Fich. Und we needed prenatal vitamins for the Scout...

Und yes, the Scout IS pregnant, and nein, I have not been able to contact the alleged father. If anyone sees the GLD Spy, send him to mein infirmary.
Und if anyone has any items we could use for a baby, such as clothing, or a blender to make baby food, we will need them in about...a month.
The BONK has speeded this pregnancy up immensely. I fear what this baby will come out as, though, because of it.

>>1418 And Herr Pyro? The Scout has requested your presence yet again. And some pickles if your base happens to have them. He probably wants you to chase down that GLD Spy. The pickles are likely just a craving, though. Unrelated.

WHAT

I've got a jar of pickles in my personal snack stash, I'll bring 'em over. And don't worry about that Spy, I'll wring his scrawny neck and THEN drag his sorry, respawned ass back to you guys.
...speaking of which, if HQ isn't keeping tabs on us, does that mean respawn even works anymore? They always sent their own guys it over to fix it if ours got buggy. Engie couldn't even begin to figure it out.

I might not... I wouldn't kill anyone if I were you... not until we get this sorted out.

>>1428
Shit, I meant to say it might not. All this stress is makin' it hard for me to think straight.

>>1421

Um... I can run to the base if you need stuff like that. Doc was really into that herbal shit before... Dun worry, just tell me what you need.

Also, if ya need help with getting the kid out, I helped Ma with my lil' sis.

>>1434
Danke, Herr Scout. I will make up a list for you.

[attached is a list of various vitamins and other drugs]

Und danke, but based on the ultrasound, I think I will need someone...stronger, to aid in Scout's delivery. No offense, but...
Alright, I'll just come out and say it. The baby is a tentacled monster.

[attached is another note, covered in tearstains]
YOU SHUT UP ABOUT MY BABY! IT'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!
-RED SCOUT

>>1444
...would the delivery of that thing even be safe? For Scout, I mean.
I have no idea where to find that Spy, I've looked practically everywhere by now. He's probably bolted since HQ isn't paying us any attention.

And I'm still not clear on what Scout was asking me to do. He She mentioned something about finding that Spy and just started blubbering on over something else entirely through a mouthful of pickles.

>>1445
You get used to the food-filled mumbling after a while. I'm better at translating radish-and-ice-cream speak, but from what I could gather, it seems he wants you to talk to SLVR Sniper about all of this, but he doesn't want him to be angry at him. How you do that, I don't know. I'm busy preparing mein infirmary for the arrival of an ungodly little monster that will likely try to eat us all the moment it pops out.
Speaking of the delivery, no, it will not be safe, which is why I am performing a C-section. I never pass up an opportunity to cut up mein patients, after all.

>>1446

Okay, I got the stuff. I put the box just outside your office. And the kid is gonna be a tentacle monster? At least it doesn't have a bala-thingy. I still wanna help out. After all, he she is a Scout. And one of the important things of being a Scout is to watch out for each other.

Um.... why is there a big crater where GLD and SLVR's base use to be with a sign in front of it saying:

"SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH CAVIAR"

Did they just... abandon ship on us already?

>>1449

They blew themselves off the face of the planet. Nice.

>>1446

Hey, I just remembered, wasn't there a friendly Spy with tentacles in one of the sewers? Couldn't he help?

>>1450
Perhaps, but as far as I am aware, GRN Spy was the only one with any contact with him. I have no idea where to even seek this creature out, let alone how to go about asking for his assistance.
If someone wants to take up this mission, by all means, do so. I will be busy attending to the morning-sickness of an adolescent boy with a squid in his belly.

>>1449
SLVR Sniper's fancy limo-bus-camper thing wasn't even there anymore.
I swear to god, Im gonna wring that Spy's neck if I ever see him. And that Sniper. Not to death, but pretty damn close.

And, speaking of Spies, I haven't seen ours for a bit. Most of my team seems like they're missing or left, actually. It's kind of creepy how empty this place is.

>>1453
[this note is soaking wet with tears]
You mean, he...he left? Just like that? Without even saying goodbye?

>>1456
Now, now, Scout. I bet his team figured it would be best to leave, what with all this craziness happening. He might not have had a choice in the matter.

Hell, he might even be nearby still. There's a town an hour or two from here, yeah? I can go check that out.

>>1457
Yeah, okay. You do that. And don't you fucking leave me too!

[a bloody handprint]

Uh...anybody seen the doc? Think somethin' is goin' on with [this trails off into wild scribbling]

JESUS CHRIST. SOMEONE FUCKING HELP.

>>1458
FICH FICH FICH.

If there are any Medics available, I would be most grateful for their assistance! Labor and delivery is not one of my specialties! Especially when a tentacled little monster is involved!

>>1458
>>1459
OK CHANGE OF PLANS
I CHECK TOWN LATER, HELP SCOUT NOW

I used to help my mom with puppies waaaay back when I was a kid, maybe that's close enough? No idea where our doc is.

>>1460
[this note is covered in chocolate stains]

I am coming, relax. I am sure this little creature cannot be as bad as RED Medic is making it out to be.

[a blood-covered note is pinned to this one]
I am allowed to be wrong once, aren't I?!

I am going to bed, to escape this nightmare. Have fun babysitting.

>>1461
Ohmygodthatwastheworstthingever,Scoutyoucrushedmyhand.

I need a drink after that chaos.

>>1462
Ja. Who knew that's how male squids gave birth? Well, I suppose it is a good thing Scout changed back, or we would have all missed out on an interesting science lesson.

And I take everything about the ultrasound back. This little tentacled darling is just PRECIOUS! I never want to let him go!

>>1462

I zhink I found SLVR Sniper for RED Scout...

After the rich teams disappeared, a new high-end bar and lounge opened up named "The SLVR Bullet". Somezhing tells me SLVR Sniper owns zhat lounge... Someone should go down and fetch him.

>>1463

He/she/it will have venom, just you wait. But can I hold the little guy for a bit? I've been kinda lonely since BLK Scout fucked off doing god-knows-what.

>>1465
Not until my turn is done!
Then I gotta run out and drag SLVR Snipes back here so he can hold it.

>>1465
I've been in my base trying not to get killed! Remember, WHT spy... trying to kill us?

[the note appears as if it were slighty wet before, but has dried up since then]

Er.. It was a bit hard, getting up here, but I made it. I zhought I smelled anozher tenta somezhing, but I am not sure what exactly. I just zhought maybe I could help out, especially after reading zhe above notes & finding out it's a baby.. Scout somezhing? Anyway, I'll be staying in GRN Spy's bazhtub if you need me.

Also, beware of zhe other tentaspy. If I can smell zhe child, so can he.

>>1469

We pushed him in a ditch and set 'im on fire. I think he's gone. It was a pretty deep ditch.The only problem is that I burnt my base to the ground. Before ya ask, I'm hangin' out in RED Medic's lab

>>1470

So you're tellin' us, there is a hungry tentacled Spy monster that wants to eat the... Um... Tentascout? Can't we kill it with fire or somthin'?

>>1471
Not... Eat, exactly. Depending on how zhe baby smells, he could eizher zhink of him as competition & try to kill him, try to raise him as his own, or have... Ozher feelings for it. For my personal self, he smells like a child. So I can tolerate him. But no two tentaspies are alike, so I don't know how Monsieur BLU will act.

>>1472

So you're gonna like... Help out? And keep the other tentaspy away?

>>1471
You dont think I already tried that? Fire just doesn't want to stick to tentawhamatsits.

And I got hold of SLVR Sniper, but I dont know what his plan is. I let him in on what's just happened and he looked a little pretty shocked.

>>1471
I guess you're right, then. I worry too much.

>>1474

What about gettin' yer axe? After all, if it bleeds, it can die, right?

What about watchamacallit... Napalm?

>>1476

Yeah, I reckon we can stop runnin' and hidin' like pussies. But he may might be still alive so be on yer guard.

>>1477
Attacking the thing head-on could work, but it's a helluva lot stronger than me and I'd rather not go on a suicide mission if I can avoid it. At least not without knowing whether respawn's working.

Napalm should work fine, though. I still got a few nape' grenades left. Anyone else nearby would just need a suit to keep the stuff off themselves.

>>1479

But hey, we can kill it! That's a start!

So after bein' dragged from MAH Lounge I finally set the money aside to open, I get brought back here for some... news.

But first I'm sure everyone is wonderin' what happened to SLVR n' GLD's bases so let me give you the short story: Our Pyros had an argument, one sat the gasline on fire and everyone escaped just as it all went BOOM. So we contacted our second employers (seeing the first has mysteriously vanished like yours), and we're bulldozin' the site and rebuilding a even better base site but it's comin' out of everyone's bank accounts so everyone's split to gain money to replace those gaps and I opened up a fancy bar and lounge. You know.. like martinis and cocktails.

So when I came to see RED Scout.. see what's happened.. I'd never thought I'd say this but...

I'm proud to finally be somethin' else: a Dad.

So what if the tike's got extra limbs n' all? He's got mah eyes, can't be any more overjoyed. I feel horrible though... the fact that I thought I'd never have littl' nippers runnin' around being usually unable to 'get up' or aroused.

So Scout... I deeply apologized but it really was me that night, I couldn't take the guilt so I bribed GLD Spy to lie and say it was him in disguise. So sorry for that kind of pain n' all. Hope you can forgive me and if it goes without sayin'.. I don't mind if you want to forget me and never see me again.

Damn this is one long note, but at least I'm able to remove this weight off mah chest.

>>1481
It really was you?!

Oh, fuck man, you have no idea how fucking relieved I am.

But uh...thing is, after that thing clawed its way out of my tenta-crotch (and yes, that's like 3 million times more painful than it sounds), Doc used his medigun to heal me up, and...well, I'm kinda back to normal. Like, legs, and a dick and all that stuff.

I mean, I still like you as a friend and all that, and maybe... I dunno. This is weird for me, man. I'm not gay, but I still...I dunno. I really don't.

Can we like, meet somewhere or somethin? Talk this out, maybe. I'll bring the kid, too, so's you can see it. You seem to like it a lot more than I do, anyway. Thing's like a fucking parasite. Always clinging and cuddling and trying to breastfeed (which don't work anymore, obviously, so now I've got bite marks all over my nipples).

>>1483

Sure mate, I understand.

Mah van's parked out back behind RED base's garage. Can't miss it bein' three times longer than yer Sniper's van and silver with the fuzzy black and silver dice hanging off the rear mirror.

>>1486
Kay. I'll be there with the little parasite in like, half an hour. Would be sooner, but that fucking diaperbag weighs me down. Don't know why I even need it. This thing don't wear diapers.

>>1487

Soo... What happened? This corkboard's gettin' quieter and quieter. I think it's time to burn (again) and start a new corkboard... with lazers and rockets and a bacon dispenser and!... holy crap is that turkey baster from the last thread STILL here hanging off the corner? Eww.. whatever's inside it it's all moldy and green! I think something's alive in there!

>>1497

So that thing is a turkey baster? That's odd, at home we used this thing were- {the rest has been scribbled out}

Just curious, but can't we follow tha gas pipes to were they are fucked up? So then we can get an Engie and fix it!