Awright, looks like I'll christen this one.
So this thing with Pyro carting me around ain't workin', I guess, 'cause he's got more important things to worry about, or whatever, so I'm gonna need someone to help me get around base until these fucking tentacles go away.

And I'm still looking for people to shoot me in the head repeatedly. Only way to get rid of these fucking things is to respawn over and over again.
Come on, guys! You're mercenaries! You love shooting stuff! This should be a no-brainer.

>>911
Oh, come on! I'm sorry, alright?

And I'm sure there's a... cleaner way to get you to respawn?

>>915
Nah man, it's fine. Whatever. Go hang with GRN Spy. I don't care. Really.
[a few tear stains dot the paper, smeared in a quite obvious attempt to wipe them off]


And I dunno about the stupid tentacle thing. GLD Doc said this is the only way, but maybe he's figgered somethin else out. I'd go and ask him, but it kinda takes me 3 hours just to get down the stairs now.

>>915

Pyro, it's okay.. Medic says I must stay in the infirmary anyway while I heal (and that if I leave my bed I'm gonna wish I'd never come back, our medic is quite strict you see) so all I can do is post notes. Go help out Scout.

>>917
Well.. alright...

>>916
We'll go see Goldy and see if he's got any ideas if you want. If not, as much as Id rather not be involved in any of your respawns, I can figure something out.
...you ever experienced smoke inhalation?

>>919
Smoke what?

Taking a visit to the doc sounds good to me. You wanna come pick me up? If not, I'll meet you there in like, 4 days.

Hehe. 'goldy'. I'm calling him Goldy-locks next time I see him.

... damn.

Okay everyone, don't call GLD Medic Goldilocks, he'll go apeshit and shove a grenade down your throat like he did to RED Scout! He was chatting with RED's Demoman when RED's Scout came and called him that and some other things. Then Doc just snaps right on the spot, snatches Demo's grenade and shoves it down RED Scout's throat screaming "WELL EAT THIS!" and BOOM! Tentacles and ink everywhere! ... eww there's ink still in my hair and I just showered too!

So what's up with GLD Medic gettin' all bent for being called goldilocks? He is like... super blonde for a medic... and he's German cuz Germans like blondes and.... Oh...

>>925
Worth it.

And hey, one Respawn down. Still got tentacles, but let's see how many other dicks I can piss off. You won't shoot me willingly, I'll make you angry enough to do it!

>>926

Just don't do anyzhing stupid Scout.. Und don't bother Goldilocks anymore either

>>925
At least you weren't holding him. I ended up having to sprint out of GLD base, covered in RED Scout and being chased by their Medic. With a grenade launcher.

>>927
No promises, doc.

>>928 Oh man, that sounds priceless! Wish I'd been there.
Well, I guess I kinda was there, but I mean, I wish I coulda seen it and ya know, not been a corpse. Probably was pretty funny.

>>929
I'll admit that it was maybe the funniest thing Ive seen happen in a long while, but Id rather you avoid exploding anymore.

Tried to get into our infirmary while you respawned and Medic turned me away, said I smelled like a gutted fish.

>>930
If you need treatment for your wounds, Herr Pyro, you may come to mein infirmary. I am used to the smell of fish by now, between the sewers and Scout's transformation. It will not bother me in the slightest.

>>931
Nah, Im fine, doc. I think your Scout took most of the grenade. I was just hoping to see how our Spy was holding up.

>>932

Pyro, you could borrow anozher spy's disguise kit. Become GRN Heavy, Medic will let you do ANYZHING (& heavy is a good friend of mine, he won't suspect anyzhing)

>>933
I actually have one from a YLW Spy, got it during one of our last fights and forgot about it.
Just need to talk with you about something.

>>934

Oh? What about? Come over soon please, as much as I enjoy the quietness of Medic's infirmary I'm getting.. Well... Perhaps just a tad lonely. Perhaps.

>>935
Im heading over. Just want to get some things straight. Been doing a lot of thinking since you disappeared, and I got something to say.

Well that was the most disappointing co-op team vacation eva.

Since GLD Doc sent both us GLDs and SLVRs off for safety sake, no one could decide on what we wanted to do with what members we had. The Heavies wanted to go skiing in Canada, there was talk of goin' to Ireland... go hang out at Mann Manor of some ghost hunting...

We ended up going to Disney World.

Worse vacation ever!

Why? Because we all got stuck on one of the rides for two hours... inside... stuck listening to a bunch of creepy dolls singing and "dancing" about it's a small world. No it ain't mate and be lucky you all have yer wooden dollie heads on or elde we all would of brought out weapons and made it a contest on how many stupid dolls we can lob off... In the end we sucked it up and after wards went on that teacup ride. So worth it.. GLD Scout couldn't walk straight fer hours and both Sollys unleashed Niagara falls in the nearest trash cans.

... Care fer someone to explain to me why there's ink already on the cork board that appears to be new?

>>937
My bad, man. Some crazy shit went down while you guys were away. Wanna hang out? GRN Py's off doing...well, doing GRN Spy, probably. Ugh. Anyways, I'm bored.

>>939
Scout, why do you insist on believing that me and Pyro are together?

>>946
You're kidding me, right? I can read, motherfucker. I seen your notes on this thing. Might as well have used pink paper and dunked em in perfume, man. I got eyes. I know what's going on with you two.

>>949
Well, then why do you dislike me so much?

>>939

... Hang out? I think I'll pass. Already had to play babysitter to my own Scout, kinda need an adult time out if ya know what I mean. Just sit back and relaxing in mah limo van with the espresso machine going off listening to some nice music... maybe open the sunroof while kicking back on the leather seats... Yeah, kinda don't want it wet and uh... inky.

>>950
Cuz, well, GRN Py's kinda the only friend I got here. I mean, not the ONLY friend- just the only one I really like hangin out with, ya know?
And when he's hanging out with you, then he's not hanging out with me, and I'm all alone and junk, and I don't like it.

>>951 Oh screw you, roo fucker. It ain't like I'm all inky and shit on purpose. You're as bad as my own team.
You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna go hang out in the sewers. Maybe that tentaspy thing won't try to rape me if it sees I'm like it now...

>>952

Nein Scout, I vouldn't dare go down zhere in your state! Ze tentaspy may not see you as a prey item so much as... vell.. I don't vant to say it but uh... vhat's zhat American term? "Birds and ze Bees"?

If you need company, I'll be glad to allow you in mein infirmary so long as you don't touch anyzhing or I could ask someone from SLVR team to be of assistance to you, I know SLVR Sniper isn't busy like mein team mate.

>>952
Here, Scout, meet me at the cork-board in an hour. If you wish, I will take you. But, we will not be going to BLU's sewers, we will be traveling to RED's.

>>952
Scout, I cannot even begin to apologize enough. I didn't know it hurt you like that whenever I left, I just thought you were being over dramatic..

>>954
It it really wise for you to be going back there? I've only seen trouble from the sewers.

>>955
Well Pyro, I might as well explain now.. While I was in the sewers, I encountered the BLU Tentaspy. Now, I actually got to talk to him, if only for a bit. I was able to bring out the old Spy in him. But, it was just for a short while, before he tried to attack me again... My Dead Ringer had become submerged in the sewage and decided to fail on me, so I threw it as hard as I could at his head. It hit him in the eye, and in the short while that he was clutching his face in pain I started running. I made a wrong turn and ended up in RED's sewers, but I slipped on something and blacked out. I remember waking up, surrounded by red, my leg in serious pain. There were tentacles, and I started to squirm, trying to escape the maroon mess, before I was hushed into submission. He was a RED Tentaspy. He told me I had broken my leg, and that I would not be able to leave for a while. He had dressed my wounds as well as bringing me food. I had questioned him, "How??" He told me he had a working disguise kit, disguised himself as me, and had gone to the kitchen and the infirmary for me. All with the trouble of walking around with tentacles. That's why I was out for so long..

>>955 Yeah, well, ya did. Ya do. I ain't tryin' to be all dramatic and shit, I just...I get lonely real easy, ya know? Miss my brothers and shit, and you're like, the closest thing here I got to one.

>>954 Yeah, listen spook, the more I think about the sewers, as nice as that freak friend of yours sounds, I..
Don't tell anybody, but- [This part is covered in ink] I'm scared of the dark.

>>957
I promise I won't tell anybody, Scout. And we can take Pyro. Not to mention that RED Tentaspy had the place lighted.

>>959
Hey, rat- why's it everyone else is all 'No Scout, don't go in the sewers', and you're all 'hey...' well, not that. The opposite of what they want, ya know?
You tryin' to get rid a me or somethin?

>>960
What? No, no, of course not Scout.. Look, I just... I mean, I'm trying to be nice to you, I never wanted you to hate me, I'm just trying to help... RED Tentaspy knows a lot, he might be able to help you with something.

>>953
I'm not busy at all, really. With the whole cease-fire thing going on these past few weeks, it's really kind of boring at the base.

>>961 And do you guys mind if I tag along?

>>961
Yeah, or help you with gettin' rid a me, amirite? How do I know this thing ain't even worse than the other freak? Maybe instead of raping me, this one'll try ta eat me! And you get to sit there and watch and laugh, huh? And then go off and do shit with GRN Py and feed him some lies about how ya did all ya could to save me.
I ain't goin' nowhere with you, ya shapeshiftin rat.
>>963 Cool. Wanna hang out, pally? I need some friends that actually give a shit about my life for once.

>>965
None of this arguing isn't helping you get back to normal, Scout, and Im getting fed up with it all. I can only stand listening to so much.

Either you keep respawning, and hope you pop back up running again; or we try talking to that RED tentaspy thing. I could tag along if it makes you feel better, and Spy could walk ahead of us since he knows the way and is familiar with that thing. Or you don't, and you're stuck being toted around by whoever thinks they can tolerate you for a bit.

And dont think I dont give a shit about you just because I got other folks I wanna hang out with! I cant divide myself in two.
But it's not like you even give a damn whenever when we're hanging out, either, right? Always end up doing whatever it is you wanna do, and you hardly listen to a word I say if I try to talk you outta doing something retarded or say anything about my own problems.

>>966
Herr Pyro, could you please come to mein infirmary? I do not know what has happened, but the Scout is quite visibly upset, and nothing I say can console him. This state, coupled with the marks I found on his wrists...

I fear he may try to hurt himself, Pyro. I know that the Scout can be, for lack of a better term, an annoying little shit, at times, but I know you don't want him to do this sort of thing to himself. Please. Come quickly.

>>967
Oh fuck. Im coming, doc!

I really shouldnt've gone off on him like that... all I ever do is cause trouble for him. I've got no right to be mad.

>>968
False alarm, Herr Pyro, or half-false, at least. It turns out the the marks on Scout's wrist were nothing but red paint.
Still, he is quite upset, and this is clearly a cry for attention...
But that is the problem, isn't it? He keeps acting like a child, and every time you come back to coddle him. He has the power here, Herr Pyro, and you must take it away from him. Let him know that you will not stand for this abuse any longer!
Stay away from the infirmary, Herr Pyro. I think it will do Scout a world of good.

>>969
Alright, you're right. I baby him way too much, Im a big pushover. I'm just too paranoid about something happening to step back and let him feel the consequences of his actions. My friends are the only family I got, y'know?

I'll keep my distance until he wises up, or at least calms down.
And give him a smack upside the head for scaring the bajesus out of me, doing shit like that just isn't right.

>>970
Uhh....

See, this is why I am not a psychiatrist.

If anyone needs me, I will be sitting in the locker room, waiting for the Scout to respawn.

Mea culpa.

... boredom strikes.

While mah GLD counterpart's off doin' watever he's doin'... I ain't got anything to do but sit in mah limo van and listen to music all day. Anyone wanna tag along fer maybe a small fishin' trip? I'll bring a bottle of champagne with us since I have some new tackle I wanna try out.

>>972
I'm in!
Wait, what about RED scout? Where is he? He'd probably wanna come too.

>>973
At the moment, he is chained to his bed in the infirmary, lest he put another bullet in his brain.

Perhaps an excursion like this would do him some good, though. Of course, I will have to accompany him, and no weapons will be allowed on this trip, in case he tries something else. And he will have to be kept under constant supervision.

Kid gloves, everyone. The Scout is in a very volatile state right now. Do not say anything to set him off, jawohl?

>>974
The only weapon I'm carryin' on board is a harpoon n' hook used for bringin' the fish on board. I'm rentin' a yacht so it has indoor seatin' and cool air. We're gonna be goin' out in the middle of the ocean cuz I'm in the mood for some red snapper and maybe some mackerel. RED Scout's more than welcome to come along so long as he doesn't jump ship on us.

Hopefully this will be better than that stupid ride at the theme park. I had more fun in the hotel suite sleepin' in than thousands of screaming nippers runnin' around.

>>974
Chained to the bed?! How many times has he shot himself?!

>>976
Only once, but that's not for lack of trying. I still believe it's a cry for attention, but his persistence in trying to end his life is certainly alarming. Thank gott for respawn.

Got Bored...

Went to see RED Scout, shot him in the head.

Waited for him a respawn and shot him about six times before ran out of ammo. He seems calmed down now, thankin' me fer shootin' him a few times to change back.

Got bored again... HEY! Where's UV Medic!? I wanna see what's it like to be high off laser lights!

>>978
Next time anyone chooses to murder my patients multiple times, could they let me know beforehand? I spent hours trying to figure out how he got out of his restraints.

>>978
Ohoho~ Silly little Scout, you do not get high off of lasers, you get high off of
[the rest of the note is scratched out]

WE DO NOT NEED OUR SCOUTS KNOWING HOW TO GET HIGH
-GRN Medic

[the writing looks extremely sloppy]

Oooh man... Dude.. Dude! UV Medic is like... the best damn doc eva!

Still got da music in me and lasers burned into mah eyes... but the best part was when he let me try [writing scribbled at this point]to the music and.... want more...

I love yaaaa Doc!

>>981
Oh Scout, so suß, so suß! You little bratwurst~ Zhat vas soooo much fun, you're such a cute little dancer vhen you loosen up like zhat! We should do zhis again sometime, most def ja?

>>977
Und Herr RED, you should send your scout my way, I'm sure I could make him feel loads better, just ask GLD Scout!

>>982
You scare me, doc.
And like RED medic would give you scout, keep dreamin'.

>>983
Und vhy not, hm?

>>982
You're the one who did that?! Damn it, we couldn't get a senible sentence out of the boy for the longest time. He just sat there laughing and saying something about how there were demons in the intel room. He eventualy just passed out by a dispenser that I had been working on. Do you have any idea how hard it is to drag an uncoscious 23 year old up the stairs, to his room for the night? It's not a pleasant experiance.

>>985
Oh please, you carry around much heavier zhings all zhe time. I could pick up Scout just fine yesterday. Und besides, I only gave him a quarter of what I usually have, you're probably just over exaggerating.

>>982

[note is written with haste and is scratchy and clumped together]

OHGODINEEDMOREDOCICAN'TGOONYERSOFREAKINAMAZIn...
[rest isn't words, just chicken scratch]

>>987
Perhaps he wasn't exaggerating..
Ach, now now, calm down, no more fun for Scout if he can't handle it jawohl? Come ova und visit me again so we can.. Err, solve your little problem.

>>988
Any idea why I just got steamrolled by a gold blur?

>>989
Ugh, sorry about that. Scout, has been sort of... crazy latey. If he happened to damage anything mechanical, I'll be happy to repair it, free of charge.

>>988
And as for YOU, scout better not come back any more messed up than he was yesterday.

>>990
Vhat's got your panties in a knot? I vas just trying to show zhe boy a good time. I mean, I AM from team UV aren't I? Vhat else vould you expect? Und I'll just give him a quarter of vhat I gave him last time, I'm sure he won't become as loopy.

So I have some good news, odd news and bad news.

Ze Good news is zhat after 69 times zhrough respawn, RED Scout has regained his legs! Huzzah for science!

Ze Odd news is after doing a drug test on GLD Scout... I found no substances vhatever everyone is claiming UV Medic is giving Herr Scout so... vhat ARE you giving him Herr Doctor?

And ze bad news.... RED Scout must of pissed off Respawn upon dying a 70th time just to be sure of his regained legs and... had his manhood replaced vith zhat of a fraulein... I vould do more tests but he stormed off before I could perform a detailed search.

RED Scout you really... really... REALLY need to quit drinking zhose Bonk! drinks, I zhink that's ze problem vith zhese respawn errors...

P.S. I vould advise ze teams not to try to kill each ozher a little longer, I don't vant more detachable classes running around and turning zhis collection of bases into a she-male brothel.

>>992
Honestly, it was easier when he had tentacles.

Apparently someone told Scout that what he needed to fix this error was a 'good hard fuck'. Will whoever this is please come to the infirmary and tell him they were joking? The poor boy is terrified of being attacked. He won't leave mein infirmary.

>>993
Please tell me this is temporary?
And you should be seeing the GLD Scout soon. He's still high off whatever it was UV Medic gave him and was laughing his ass off about scaring your Scout, I gave him a good arm twisting and sent him your way.

>>994
Danke, Herr Pyro, but it did not do very much good. GLD Scout apologized, but he did it while naked, and rather....ahem.

Needless to say, it did not help RED Scout's mental state. Could you come and calm him down, bitte? He specifically asked for you because he believes you to be, und I quote, "an ass-pirate, not a pussy-pirate."

Okay! Get this!

So I was snoopin' around the bases cuz I'm bored and shit then I snoop in UV's base cuz I've been hearing alot about my GLD rival gettin' drugged there by their doc so I'm all "DUDE! I gotta see this!" So I'm goin' in there all stealthy Scout like n' stuff kinda like a Spy cept I ain't no frog legs!

I take a peek in UV Doc's office and holy shit the music is loud, there's these lights going everywhere and smell of fog machines...

and there's GLD Scout on top of UV doc and... HOLY SHIT! Man... I'd never pin GLD Scout to be into that kind of stuff and... damn. Just..., wow. Can not unsee that shit!

>>995
On my way doc, I really ought to have gone with the GLD Scout but I honestly didn't know if yours would chew me out or something.

>>996
Pfffahaha! UV's robbing cradles now?

>>997
What reason would he have to be angry with you, Herr Pyro? I assure you, it's quite the opposite situation. He specifically asked for your company.

>>992
Vell if you really MUST know, I've modified mein medigun to not only heal, but also give interesting.. Eh, "side effects." But all zhe scouts seem to have all zhese problems, so I don't know vhat's up mit GLD Scout. Maybe he'll grow some a tail or turn invisible or somezhing.

>>996
And surely you must be mistaken! I am completely heterosexual!!

>>999
Suuuuuure you are, doc.

[sewer water scented and stained, written in something now a pen but similar to a fountain pen or quill..]

GuEsS wHo'S Baaaaack...

I'm cOmINg fOR yoU Sccccout! YOu'Re noW MOre EntiCinG ThaN BefOrE... I haVe a tenTAcle JusT fOr YOU!

>>1000
I s-swear!! I'm not homosexual! I'm not I'm not I'm not!!!

>>1001
Oh gott....

Will anyone who reads this please come to the sewers immediately, fully-armed?
RED Scout is missing, and there is dirty water everywhere.
We have to hurry.

>>1003
Coming! My flamethrower's still useless down there, but I got our Scout's scattergun and snuck out our doc's bonesaw.

I'm gonna saw that bastard's head off if I can get the chance.

>>1004
Ehh, GRN Pyro.. Do you really zhink it's a good idea to steal your doktor's bonesaw? I mean, he gave me a nasty slap on the hand just for trying to take a butterscotch out of his candy bowl...

>>1005
He's a hardass, but Im sure he'll understand.
If not, Im pretty sure I can run faster than him. I hope think.

>>1006
Da, you can. GRN Doktor is getting chubby from too many leetle kandies. Is funny. He waddles like leetle penguin.

>>1007
Silly Heavy, surely you are exaggerating, GRN Medic is one of zhe fittest medics I know. Although his teeth probably aren't zhe best...

>>1008
Nyet, is true! When bases go on locked down, doktor keeps himself in office, and eat kandies all day long.

Did not even share. Was not very nice of doktor.

Is very fat now. Not as big as Heavy, but still much bigger than tiny little old self.

>>1004
Wait, what about GRN spy? He said he was able to talk to one of them... Sholdn't he come, too?
But, I'm going with you guys, either way.

Good news everyone! Come to find out RED Scout has been hiding out vith SLVR Sniper in his limo-van vatching a ballgame via satellite.

Ze bad news is it's GLD Scout zhat's been taken and last I saw before his disappearance he had just came from UV base... again, high off his horse and only vearing a pair of high end boxers and... VHY VAS HE VEARING SPY SOCK GARTERS!?

Ugh, point is I may need some extra reinforcements like YOU UV MEDIC! He seems to attach to you like a medical leech so maybe if ve drag you done and he's not hurt in any vay zhen MAYBE I'll see about clearing you of zhese accusations of you and your preference in sexual appetites.

Also... excuse me as I laugh mein tail off, but Ja, GRN Heavy is right, GRN Medic can barely button his lab coat on vithout it pops a button! Mein gott he looks like a vittle porker. Dohohohoh! Is it Oktoberfest yet already?

>>1011
Oh hush up Goldilocks! (you don't vant to piss him off) Und GRN Medic!! You were supposed to be on zhe front of our shirtless Medic calender!! Now Herr GLD vill have to do it (not zhat I mind at all ~) unless you can somehow get back to your chiseled godliness very fit old self.

>>1011
Spy's sock garters? Ze glowing ones? But last time he left zhem in mein office he came back und got zhem.. Ach! Spy, are you playing Medic twins vith me again!? I told you last time, you were supposed to tell me beforehand!!

I am innocent Herr GLD!!!! (it vas Spy it vas Spy it vas Spy!!) But but but I vill go get your scout back. I've become quite fond of him, he reminds me of my dear puppy TwinklevonSchmekerstein.. Oh, how I miss him....

>>1012
[This note is smeared all over with tear stains and chocolate]

Leave me alone!

>>1012

... I never volunteered for zhat! Besides, I'm not camera material. Not zhat I'm claiming to be chubby meinself but I have somezhing personal on mein lower back I'd razher not show off.. especially on a calendar in front of ze ozher bases' teams' gazes!

AND DON'T CALL ME GOLDILOCKS!

>>1016
YOU HAVE A TRAMP STAMP!?

>>1014
Aw, geez guys! Be nice to our medic! You alright there doc??? I'm on my way right now!!

>>1016
But you vould be facing zhe front!! No one vould see your zhing you have! (though you shouldn't be ashamed of it, it's incredibly delicious..) Und you love it vhen I call you Goldilocks! Like last veek, when you [the rest of this paragraph is scratched out with gold ink]

>>1017
It's none of your business! You may or may not be correct in your assumption

>>1018
[This note is barely legible past all the chocolate stains, and occasional sprinkle]

I just want to be left alone with mein candy! Go away!

>>1020
Doc, you need to take it easy on the candies. It cant be good for you!

If he asks, I totally didn't just take all of his candy while he was sewing Demo's arm back on. RED Scout needs it more anyway, he's been more moody than usual

>>1021
Oh fuck you, pally. Ain't my fault this new set of equipment comes with its own set of problems.

Holy FUCK I will NEVER complain about random boners in public, or getting kicked in the nuts again. HOW THE HELL DO CHICKS LIVE THROUGH THIS?!

OH GOD! WHERE IS IT? WHO THE HELL TOOK IT?


WHEN I FIND THE HURENSOHN WHO DID THIS, THEIR TEAM'S MEDIC WILL HAVE TO PERFORM A BONESAW-ECTOMY!

>>1023
Maybe you should ask the Demo? He was in your office

OhgodsomebodyhidemeIstillhavehisbonesawandhe'sfuckinscary

>>1025
You can come chill with me, pally. Just watchin' Titanic.

Man, I always thought this shit was really gay, but you know, it's really...I dunno. Not gay.
[a few teardrops dot the note]

....I really gotta get my dick back. This whole 'bleeding from between my legs and crying for no reason' thing is a load of crap.

>>1018

Fuck YAH GLD Medic does! I've seen it once on accident when he was out in the GLD/SLVR swimming pool! It's a gold and red medigun with black roses weaved around it with the barrel pointing right down between his crack with fancy lettering above saying in English... and this IS the real deal no lying: "Uber goes here"


[gold note is attached]

VHEN I VILL FIND YOU, I VILL KEEL YOU!

- GLD Medic

>>1026
I love that movie man, I got so many movies you gotta see!
And did SLVR Sniper ever get over you making him go in the supermarket and getting you those one things? He looked beet red.

>>1027
-a sloppy drawing of a laughing pyro-

>>1027
Ooooh!!! Sounds über sexy, I vant one!!

>>1028
Nope. Still won't come out of his limo. It'd probably be pretty funny, actually, if I weren't in the worst fucking pain of my life.
Anybody know something that can get rid of these damn cramps? Aspirin don't help anymore. I'm fucking desperate.

>>1031
My sister always had me go and get her a box of chocolates and a movie. And she would pass out on the coutch about ten minutes into Lady and The Tramp. She always woke up saying that her cramps were completely gone